#it doesn't help that i'm hungry
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here's the epilogue ideas i dont know if i will actually turn into content
concept: either a series of snapchats a-la the homestuck ending, or a series of ctrl+alt+del format comic strips because i like those
Getting Jake new clothes
Dirk: Thank god I’ve learned literally every skill, including sewing/tailoring Jake: What are you talking about, why is this relevant. Dirk: Your clothes are torn and disgusting and not to mention ill-fitting. Come with me into the city, where I can dress you up into something more proper. Jake: Gross
A scene of them in Lotak just. Filled with dirks in various peasant costumes doing various peasant jobs
Dirk successfully gets Jake in a properly fitted suit.
Jake flexes and rips the sleeves off immediately. Dirk’s gay heart can’t take it.
Jake teaching Dirk things too
Maybe how to shoot a gun
About how politics have changed in the outside world
Jake just ranting to Dirk about his many adventures slaying other vampires; it cuts to “This one’s asleep?!” because. The dirk listening fell asleep.
Obligatory GangBang joke
Obligatory Jake gets banged by several dirks at once joke
ALSO Jake sparring with multiple dirks at once
COULD be combined into one, like those old plastic holo trading cards that would show one image and then the other; it’s a bunch of dirks with swords launching themselves at jake, but you rotate it 20 degrees and now they’re all naked and holding dildos.
#now that i've posted everything i've done for it i've lost my steam#it doesn't help that i'm hungry#i'm now gearing my motors into getting obsessed with vriska/terezi#im somewhere between wanting to write an emotional thinkpiece fic about vriska and terezi in a sgrubless au.#and doing a second vampire fic with vriska and terezi and kanaya and rose and a lot more emphasis on the blood sucking askpect.#djvau
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... Thinking about vampire!Killua
Don't ask why
#specifically I'm thinking about him telling Gon#and like#he hasn't had the opportunity to feed in a bit#so he's soooo hungry#but he doesn't wanna hurt his friends :(#but Gon is just like ''I'm not letting you starve!! c'mon!! I have more blood than I technically need anyway''#also thinking about post-feeding sillies where they realize neither of them know how to patch up the wounds#because Killua usually feeds on contract kills#so they have to get Leorio to help them lmao#killugon#hxh#hunter x hunter#killua zoldyck#gon freecss
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me when my disability disables me:
#heds#ehlers danlos syndrome#hypermobile eds#hypermobile ehlers danlos#today i'm feeling kvetchy about not being able to run (or even walk fast sometimes) because inflating my lungs takes so much effort#and the pulmonologist said i have vocal cord dysfunction which doesn't fit my symptoms and then didn't fix the insurance thing that#he said he'd fix#so i'm kinda just stuck until i can get another pulmonologist which is hard cuz there aren't a lot in my area and wait times are eons#and even then most don't know jack about hEDS bc why would they it's a rare disease but then they aren't helpful bc they don't know jack#about the rare disease that is probably the root cause of my symptoms#and being dizzy when i stand up or tilt my head back too far and not tolerating heat the way i used to also sucks thanks POTS#at least i don't faint all the time?#and i never can tell if i'm hungry or not because acid reflux makes me feel like i'm starving when i just ate and other times like i'm full#when i haven't eaten. so i can't trust my hunger cues which is really irritating. and Tums don't help my acid#i can't just keep doing prilosec courses. i need to see a GI doc maybe they could do something but there's no time#and none of this is gonna kill me and i can still function it's just so tiring always having something hurting or gross or hungry#espec. when to other people i look like i should be able to do it all just fine so they're shocked when a flight of stairs winds me#i'm young and should-be healthy and this is unfair and i hate it and i wish my body worked right but i have it better than plenty of ppl#so really i can't complain
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Imagine the twins giving Raph edibles or something (on purpose or not) and get him high without his knowledge, except he's so massive and drug-resistant that he can't even tell he's high.
Now imagine a Raph with the munchies.
#man clears out an entire bodega from top to bottom#doesn't even think about it too hard he's just like oh i'm kinda hungry and i'm craving this and also this-#he fully intends to leave money to cover what he ate but before he knows it he's snarfed down the entire snack aisle#i'm really not helping with the perception that i was a stoner am i
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i understand this is like. objectively a wild thing to bitch about when yr average woman wants to lose weight but it is really so fucking bizarre and disheartening to be asked "how are you so skinny how do you do it" by women who are really honestly beautiful and healthy and i am genuinely so jealous of their bodies' ability to maintain some semblance of body fat. i have to say "i wish i weighed more" and they look at me like i'm crazy and then i have to say "every time i manage to gain 5-10lbs i inexplicably get really sick and lose all the weight i gained and it's a vicious cycle of never really feeling healthy" and that's not the answer they want to hear and they still don't understand why i want to gain weight and like. hhhh. makes me sad. i love you you're so pretty and i am chronically ill
#eating disorder tw#just in casies#i was briefly at about 105 at some point in hs when i was really athletic and it was predominately muscle#i'm at around 87 rn? this is not a good thing? do u understand that ur body needs food and fat to survive?#do u know hooow exhausted i am on the daily because my body doesn't have any extra energy to burn#i'm just sick and this is how it presents dude. and ABSOLUTELY not to speak over how horrifically that fat people r treated by doctors but#for three years i told my doc i wasn't able to gain weight and am never hungry and she never stopped thinking im anorexic#took an ER visit a new doctor several more visits to find a med that helps with The Tummyaches and i'm still struggling#i was 97lbs and then i got just horrifically sick out of nowhere and im at 87 now. i dropped to 83 for a bit
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Just spent way too much money on delivery because I was finally hungry after feeling awful since I got here, and as soon as it was delivered the cramps and nausea came back full force 😭
#I feel hungry but simultaneously like I'm going to be sick if I eat#I keep telling Arnie he should be grateful he doesn't have a uterus lol#gonna take some gummies cause they helped last night
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I hate it when you're going back on a month(s) old WIP and you have NO IDEA what was the main point of it cause past you didn't write out a cheat sheet for future writing 😔
#im just goin over the points i did write but I'm scratching my head to see whete i was taking it#i have the sentence that inspired it down but idk what else was included with it#ugh....and it doesn't help that I'm hungry eithet#*either#trying to write while your hangry doesn't help SHIT
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I just realized that making two side aus back to back is not the most ideal thing to do because now I wanna draw stuff for both but don't know which au to draw stuff for atm
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Why am I like this
#I'm so frustrated with myself#I wanted to have dinner two hours ago but I just didn't#and now I've sat around for two hours really hungry doing nothing#so I've wasted two hours I could have been productive during#and now I'm barely even hungry anymore I just feel kinda sick and so angry with myself#and I really doubt I'll manage to get anything done once I've finally cooked and eaten dinner#because it's late and I already feel tired#and the fact that I'm so upset with myself certainly doesn't help either#I can't focus when I feel like this I just want to cry and scream and hurt myself#which sounds so dramatic over absolutely nothing I know it's stupid#but I just get like this sometimes#I was already feeling kinda on edge all day and it's just getting worse#everything is so loud and I'm stressed and overwhelmed#my head already really hurt but I just hit it so hard god I'm so stupid I wish I wasn't like this#as if giving myself more of a headache was gonna make anything better#god I can't do anything#and why does this man need to watch tv with the volume at max#I fucking hate it here#and now I don't want to eat the thing I was planning on making but there's nothing else and I'm hungry but also not#and I know I can't do anything else until I've eaten but I just don't wanna idk I'm too upset to eat#I wish I was normal#personal
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I should NOT have chosen this username. The urge to bite through my phone feeling the glass and electronics splinter and break apart is getting kind of hard to resist
#boiled electronics#No this is not a joke#I am completely serious when i say that i now want to bite through my phone#the fact I'm hungry doesn't help
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I wish I was given more morning or evening shifts. Midday shifts end up making me the most irritable and tired.
#Doesn't help when you see a bad take online when you're already kinda irritable#And it really doesn't help when our systems don't work 50% of the time bc the new update broke everything#I like my job but unfortunately it is retail and it thus means I interact with some of the stupidest people alive#....#Maybe after I'm done with a few Art Fight revenges I need to get done I'll take a short break to draw some tristrat fanart#Drawing Roland won't fix anything but maybe it'll restore some braincells#I'm not looking forward to Christmas. Love the holiday#hate literally everything else about it#Vent I guess#My stomach also hurts. And bc my body sucks I can never tell if it's bc sick hungry or stress. Or all three
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recently started experiencing the sensation of hunger again and i know it's good for me but also being hungry is so goddamn obnoxious
#dan.txt#me gritting my teeth while i struggle to finish a work thing bc i'm distracted by being hungry: this is a helpful and healthy tool#and it IS but my god is it easier to have a job that doesn't have breaks around meal times when you just. don't get hungry.
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Caffeine is magic really
#thinking about how yesterday I was able to get so much done#and today not so much#doesn't help that I'm really fucking hungry and my stomach's cranky#adhd#caffeine
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"And how is it having Gideon around?"
"You can have him back whenever you'd like."
#S1E11's Blood Hungry is giving#Gideon being a restless pest with his injury is relatable#but also Penny being Heck Annoyed at him is relatable#I bet he just doesn't want to be alone but also she's (begrudgingly) helping him#he could stand to be nicerel#nicer*#excited for Hotch flowers that I'm sure I remember from the end of this episode#I'm seeing it through Gotch coloured glasses 💕
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oh no. i feel like if i do not consume an entire load of bread in the very near future i will simply cease to exist.
#very uh. very worried about my finances right now#like. i'm fine. i have some savings. but i also just got to put something into my savings for the first time in a VERY long time and now#now i immediately have to take it out#and i'm getting stressed out about buying groceries#because if i dip into my savings here what about there? where is the line?#and i owe so much to taxes but i can't exactly afford getting less of my pay......#my last paycheck was $0.66 more than my rent#my insurance is refusing to reimburse the last of my electrolysis visits from last year and like#i'm SO over the fight but that's $120. that i really actually kinda need?#and i'm starting to get that funny in the head feeling about wondering how i'm going to feed myself#i still feel so much shame about that funeral i went to years ago and my only thought during the reception after was about#how there was just so much food and i could actually eat my fill#i have leftovers for dinner tonight and it's fine but.... making a lovely vegan dish wasn't the best choice tbh#i feel like if i don't have a large helping of bread and meat i'm going to go insane#and it really REALLY doesn't help that i've apparently lost the ability to eat in the mornings#so i'm at quite a significant fuel deficit and it's stacking#but no matter how hungry i am in the morning the concept of processing solid food is just repulsive and daunting#eating a clif bar at 9am would take literally all of my spoons for the day#i was looking at protein shakes since i can handles *drinking* breakfast#but the cheapest one that meets my dietary requirements is $35 for a 12pack#and i'm uh. i'm worrying over spending $10 on produce this week#personal#and nevermind that i don't have the spoons to even GO shopping (:#(on an aside i switched back to my regular melatonin gummies last night and i Actually Slept. so hopefully that will continue and help some)#i just want to curl up in a ball on the floor and have someone gently place a roll of bread and hunk of cheese next to me in my enclosure#also it's photophobia season and i still feel like i haven't recovered from saturday#got too much sunlight and was nauseaus for half the day#my body feels so bad
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Making dinner as soon as I get home from work is definitely The Move in terms of like.. effective scheduling and getting my ass in bed at a reasonable hour
But hooooooo boy
By the time i get gome from work and spend the time and energy cooking dinner it's like 6pm
And my lunch is at like... 11am
So i really start to Flag as i'm plating things up there Hoo boy
#monster noises#i'm sure my body will fall into the rythmn of it#it'll start Knowing when to Properly get hungry#but for now Oof#also doesn't help i've been off for over a week#thrown the whole routine out the damn window#but i'm back now and i'm gunna be keepin it Consistent
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