#it doesn’t matter if i keep dancing on a fucking stress fracture or torn muscle because it always fucking stops hurting no matter what i do
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(tw self destructive behavior)
#i have terrible shin splints and something is wrong with my foot but i can’t bring myself to care about me or my wellbeing enough#to do anything about it#so i just keep dancing even though im in pain#and the rare occasion that i’m not drowning in self hatred and ask a teacher if i can modify or put on leg warmers or some shit#my fucking lack of object permanence makes me think i’m just faking it#im so tired i’m so fucking tired of being like this#im constantly in pain and it feels like as soon as i do something i’m magically not in pain anymore and i’m really just faking#because i want attention but i’m not even getting attention everyone always forgets about me#i hate this i just want to either always be in pain or always not i can’t deal with this#i’m so unstable nothing ever stays the same it’s constantly changing and i hate it so much#something will hurt so bad in the morning when i get up that i can barely walk and all day it’ll hurt until the moment i say something#then it somehow immediately is better as though it never hurt in the first place and i fucking hate it#i never even know if i’m faking something anymore#because as soon as it doesn’t actively hurt i forget what it felt like or if it even hurt at all#my teachers keep telling me to go to the doctor about my injuries but i never even tell my parents about them at this point#because i know it’ll stop as though it never happened within a month or two#it doesn’t matter if i keep dancing on a fucking stress fracture or torn muscle because it always fucking stops hurting no matter what i do#i’m so fucking tired of this i don’t even know when i fake injuries#i don’t want to feel like i’m being lazy and not doing everything i possibly can to get better#because let’s be honest even though i did this level twice i’m the worst in my class#i feel like a terrible person everytime i modify or wear warmups because as soon as i even say something it won’t hurt#and then i forget it ever hurt because my stupid brain can’t hold a feeling for longer than five fucking minutes#i’ve given up at this point i’m not going to try to do anything for my multiple fucking injuries#it doesn’t matter if my ankles collapse from under me i’m going to fucking get back up as though nothing happened#tw self destructive behavior
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