#it does feel very gaslighty

[animefr0do]

admin at my job make me feel so insane. they make impossible, unrealistic, ridiculous, or otherwise impractical demands and i genuinely can not tell if

they're dumb

they think i'm dumb

do not care about the potentially harmful results of these demands

are lying or being generally dishonest about these situations

some kind of combination of the above

every time i question something, ask for clarification or demonstration, or any sort of explicit instruction i'm treated like i'm being unreasonable for calling bullshit

[beaniebaneenie]

This has nothing to do with you, and how dare you emotionally blackmail Loki like that?

Trying to force him to accept you as his mother, so you feel better and less guilty (and completely dismissing his emotional pain and distress over the last millennium) and you can Play Pretend like you're a happy family, when you know that he is desperate for a scrap of comfort? When that also means forcing him to accept Odin, his kidnapper, as his father?

Maybe it's an unpopular opinion, but I'm actually glad Loki denied her.

He didn't give in to the emotional blackmail.

THOR: THE DARK WORLD (2013) dir. Alan Taylor

[sammygender]

*shoving a pile of my writings and song lyrics from between 2019-current at anyone who dares talk to me about my ex* here so this is the required reading to have an opinion on this subject-

[nightcolorz]

Its weird to me when people read armand's submission in the "face down in the coffin" scene as a trauma response but say its a manipulation when hes visibly triggered in the "are you asking or making me" scene. What are your thoughts on this kind of pick and choose? D:

Thank u for the ask! Interesting question <3

I think it comes down to how a lot of ppl r understanding of Armand’s character enough to pick up on when his trauma is informing his behavior, but are also just hesitant to interpret most of his actions in good faith bcus they feel the dread of his betrayal coming and can’t trust him to be sincere. Which makes sense lol, especially for new fans or for fans who aren’t rlly into Armand. (It could also be part not relating or identifying with the type of trauma Armand has, so not being able to as easily understand where his reactions r coming from)

But what these fans r missing is that every thing Armand does is a trauma response 😭 his manipulations and his lies are also reactions to his trauma!!! So even if he is being manipulative, he is also always acting from a place of fear. the “are you asking or making me” bit is so obviously a trauma reaction that it boggles my mind that ppl r interpreting it as manipulative. I made a whole post about this lol: https://www.tumblr.com/nightcolorz/754366178230730752/asking-you-because-i-havent-seen-anyone-else?source=share , but tldr, Armand asks Louis this when he’s pushing Armand’s literally one singular clear boundary he will never ever break and by pushing that boundary Armand is internalizing that Louis is communicating that his boundaries mean nothing in this relationship bcus Louis is “his master”. So by asking him if he has a choice or if hes being made, Armand is asking if their weird little bdsm thing is just for fun or if hes seriously taking away his agency. Which, Armand is not mad at Louis for taking away his agency lol. He is upset but not upset that his lover would use him like a slave, in fact he is comfortable with and used to this. What he is upset about is having a distressing dynamic that is unclear in where the rules and the authority lie. Armand is ok with being demeaned, he is not ok with being left lost and confused and unsettled in where his use lies. What he looks for in a relationship is security, which Louis is not giving him. And honestly I find it kinda upsetting when ppl interpret that as manipulative 💀bcus Armand is literally just asking for clarification and perhaps asserting a boundary for the first time in his relationship, which like, is a normal thing to do 😭.

Armand is manipulative and gaslighty, but he’s not emotionally manipulative lol. I don’t think he understands his own emotions and the severity of his own trauma well enough to use it to gain sympathy from ppl that will give him an advantage. He is very lost and desperate 90% of the time and he’s looking for someone to tell him what he should be doing 😭. That’s kinda his deal

thank u for the ask once again!!! <3

[short-honey-badger]

Peppermint Tea 12

Hey guys! Sorry it's been a bit since the last post! I ended up with a bad case of strept throat and I'm just now feeling up to do my stuff. Anyway. I hope you enjoy!

Warnings! None I don't think? Some drinking. Mihawk gets a little dark. A little gaslighty. It's all for your own good tho! Next part? It's finally Smut time!

I forgot to say! The song that they dance to HERE

Begin Again is HERE

Masterlist

Breakfast is already done by the time Dracule finally decides that he is done, not hiding per se, but procrastinating. You greet him with a blinding smile, and his thoughts flash back to the portrait of a younger you. He shoves the image away and brings you in for a quick kiss before he sidesteps you and an excited Hank for the stove. He plies his plate and joins you at the table. 

“I brought you another gift, dear one,” Dracule begins and you roll your eyes at him. He huffs and sips his tea before continuing, “Don’t pout. I think you’ll enjoy this one.” 

“I enjoy all of your gifts, Mihawk,” You point out gently and toss Hank a piece of grilled fish, “But I’ll need to start getting rid of some stuff if you keep bringing me such nice things.” 

Dracule casts his eyes around your humble home. While there wasn’t anything wrong with the things you have drug up from the shore from shipwrecks, It was far less than what you deserved. Especially since he knew about your past.

“Not everything is meant to be kept forever, Darling,” Dracule says right back, and you sigh but nod. The older man does have a point. Out with the old and in with the new, and all that. You catch the smug twist of his lips at your concession and roll your eyes. He was such a priss. 

“Finish your breakfast, and then I’ll bring it in,” Mihawk orders gently after a moment and stands to place a kiss on your brow. He leaves with a lingering look your way that has your cheeks pinking up. 

Down at his ship, Mihawk hefts two large crates with ease and carries them back up the beach and to the cottage. One is filled with a variety of fruit and vegetables that you did not have, and Dracule hoped that the more exotic ones would take to the soil of your island. The other crate held the real gift to you, one that he was far more excited to share. 

The dishes have been cleared by the time he makes it back to your home. Mihawk leaves the crate of seeds and sprouts outside for you to investigate later. Hank is lounging in the sun, and Mihawk rolls his eyes at the big lug as he trudges back inside. You have made them fresh cups of tea, and Dracule gladly takes his with a quiet thanks after setting the crate aside. 

“You'll need a clear space for this one, Darling.” Mihawk points out, and you escape to the living room to clear off part of one of your many bookshelves that line the walls. He follows after you and sets the crate on the floor, then kneels to flip open the lid of the box. You peer inside, brow furrowing at whatever was inside. 

“This is a gramophone. It's an older model, so you'll have to crank it here for it to power itself.” Dracule lifts the record player and sets it on the spot you've cleared for him. He dusts it off and then dives back down to retrieve a large metal horn that he attaches to the back of the box. While he is screwing the horn in, you crouch and look through the crate, carefully pulling out several very thin square objects with art on the front. 

“What are these for?” You ask and hand them over to Mihawk when he reaches for them. He opens the square and pulls out a shiny black disk that he sits in the middle of the gramophone. You watch in growing fascination as the vinyl begins to spin and jump out of your skin when noise blurts out from the horn. 

The static mellows out, and soon your cottage is filled with the delicate notes of classic music and the sound of a man and a woman singing in beautiful harmony. It's in a language that you don't know, but it isn't any less beautiful. You step closer to the machine, awe on your face. You've never heard something so beautiful before, and you close your eyes to better lose yourself in the changing notes. 

Mihawk watches you, eyes softening as he takes you in. You sway side to side, your long hair dancing around your waist, completely entranced in the classical tune. He steps behind you, hands settling on your waist as he gently leads you away from the bookshelf and to the middle of the living room. He sways with you, keeping to the slow beat of the song. 

One of Dracule's hands finds your own, and he twines your fingers together with a hum, bringing it up and around to wrap around his neck. His other arm wraps around your waist, pulling you flush against his front, “This is one of my favorite pieces. It's a recount of a young man and his affection for his first love.” 

You shiver when he speaks, his tone sinful and dripping with intent. You wonder if he is trying to tell you something in his usual, difficult, roundabout way. Did he love you? You were pretty sure that you loved him. 

Mihawk holds you close, and as you close your eyes, it is him you hear, humming quietly in your ear. You cock your head up and bring his head down, kissing him as best you can in the odd angle. He twists you around not a second later, untangling his hand from yours so that Dracule can slip it into your hair and hold you just the way he wants as he kisses you senseless. The song comes to an end just as he is pulling you away, leaving you staring up at Mihawk like he was your everything. 

Dracule gently untangled his hand from your hair to smooth his knuckles across your cheek, then shifted down to rub his thumb along your bottom lip.

“Would you like to listen to more?” Mihawk asks softly and breaks whatever tension that had built around the two of you. 

You nod, an eager smile breaking across your lips, “Yes, please. I didn't understand what they said, but it was beautiful.” 

“Not many would, Latin is a dead language to many,” Dracule informs you helpfully and then crouches to investigate the rest of the records inside the crate, “I made sure to bring you a variety of genres.” 

You thank his kindness with a kiss on his cheek and giggle when the stoic man looks inordinately proud of himself. He flicks your forehead when you go in for another, “You've made your point.” 

You pout at him briefly before you become distracted by the records again. You choose one at random and hand it to Mihawk, and then rise so that you can watch how he changes the disks. 

For the next two days, the two of you went through the music that Dracule had brought for you. While you enjoyed the classical music that the warlord favored, you found that the more upbeat jazz genre was more your style. Dracule would smile to himself whenever he caught you humming one of your favorites and pat himself on the back for doing such a good job on his gift. 

On the third day, the weather turned for the worse, casting your usual tropical and nice weather under dark clouds and raging winds. Rain pelted the island while you and Mihawk took shelter inside, Hank lay in front of the fireplace, drying his wet fur from his run inside. You sat curled up in the corner of the couch, a small glass of wine held in your hand. Mihawk had assured you that just a small bit would not hurt and would help to warm you up. 

Dracule sat in the armchair across from you, feet kicked up as he sipped from his own glass and paged through one of your waterlogged books. Vera Keys crooned in the back, a song about starting all over to begin again. You hum along to the sad song, frowning a bit at the words.

 Could you ever do that? Let go of your life here? Begin again somewhere else? The thought sent fear shooting down your spine, a voice echoing in the back of your mind that you could never leave this island. 

Dracule glances over to see you frowning and can tell that you have delved into your thoughts. He wonders how much of your past that you recall, but he doesn't dare ask, would hate himself for bringing you any unnecessary pain. There was no need for you to know right now, not when it kept you safe. 

“Something wrong, Angel?” Dracule rumbles and sets his book away to focus on you. He stands and steps over Hank to sit beside you on the couch. 

Your lips screw up even more, and you debate on telling Dracule your thoughts. You'd already spilled enough on him the other morning about your dreams. 

“I just…wish that I could leave sometimes,” you admit quietly and sit your glass aside. Your hands pick at themselves, a nervous habit over the years, “But everything I think about it, there is this voice telling me how I shouldn't. How it isn't safe.” 

Dracule is silent beside you. Panic had shot through him for half a second when you mentioned wanting to leave. He could understand why. You've been trapped here all your life, but the thought of Big Mom somehow finding out about you? That was unacceptable. You needed to be kept safe, and Dracule would be the one to take up that role. 

“While I understand your desire to leave, to explore the world,” Mihawk begins softly and draws you close to him, manhandling you a little so that you sit on his lap, legs on either side of his own, “I would listen to that voice. The world is vast, and there are people out there that would destroy everything that makes you, you.” 

You find yourself nodding along. Dracule sounds so serious, and you wish he would tell you what had wronged him in the world for him to feel this way. For him to want you to stay here. 

“What kind of people?” You ask, and Dracule frowns harshly, looming far more frightening than you have seen him since the first time he stepped foot on your island. You aren't sure if his answer brings you comfort or not. 

“People like me, Darling. Pirates who take what they want when they want. I'm where I am for a reason, and I want to keep you away from anyone else who might wish you harm.” 

@writingmysanity @kenkenmaaa @foggyturtleknightangel @browneyedhufflepuff @djbumblebee @goth-mami-writer @myradiaz

[fierceawakening]

My activity is acting up. @ante--meridiem I was able to see something from you earlier and read it but now I’m not seeing it and hope I during somehow nuke it. Since I’m responding from memory I’m likely missing some bits.

First: I think people can have rights to things even if they have undeniably terrible character. I do not like that Harris conceded to Trump, as I think it gives him rein to exercise power in accordance with his character, which is craven, corrupt, and greedy. But the rule is there for a reason, recognizing and enforcing the will of the people, and that’s more important.

I do not think it should matters one whit whether someone has good character or bad in matters of:

Access to housing

Access to health care

Access to sufficient, nutritious food

Safety in your home

Freedom from intimate abuse

A fair trial if accused of crime

Probably some others. These get (or should get, ideally) a designation we call “rights” which mean they are universal and inviolable no matter how horrible someone is or how consistently.

Because I think people have rights, I don’t think it’s a contradiction to say “Susan is a white supremacist. I despise her. But I gave her the keys to apartment 5B yesterday and will bring her food tomorrow. Now if you’ll excuse me I have water to blast in my ear canals to clean out the memory of those words she uses.”

(I don’t think everyone else of my political persuasion sees it this way, but I personally see that as my commitment when I chose the left over the right. To me being a leftist just MEANS society owes support to its members and that duty does not go away no matter what. It’s difficult to live with sometimes but it’s what I strongly believe is required to make a fair world and I’ve chosen to invest in doing that.)

Because of that commitment, I feel very leery when people say what sounds to me like “you’re not supposed to judge someone’s character, only their individual actions.” Because to me, someone’s character just IS the sum of their past actions plus their likely future actions.

Can I be wrong about this math? Given that it involves predicting the future and I am not clairvoyant, yes. I would not have guessed ten years ago that I would think Liz Cheney has admirable character (despite still thinking she holds many alarming and terribly wrong views), because I would neither have predicted Trump nor that so many others would cower before him rather than risk their jobs to defy him, highlighting her bravery in comparison.

But I do think most of us do math like this, and pretty often, so it feels weird and gaslighty to me (whether it’s meant to or not, and I find your arguments that it’s not meant to and is mostly just a response to resurgent Calvinism convincing) to hear “if you conclude someone is more bad than good, you’re not only wrong but behaving badly yourself.”

[medusas-daughter]

Hey so question and this is just a theory and I haven't read the leak.

What if the "Agatha does sacrifice herself for Billy" theory is real but this lead to Rio and Agatha being together in a sort of afterlife thing, would you be more okay with that ?

Because Rio is Death and seems to want Agatha dead but she also very clearly is still in love with Agatha and doesn't want her mother to have her. she wouldn't be casual about the person she loves being dead if they could never see each other again after death, right ?

See I don't think Rio wants Agatha dead I think the fighting is like flirting for them but Rio can heal physical wounds that's why she was okay with a little physical maiming but against leaving Agatha with her mother. I think Rio takes bodies and decomposes them I don't think Rio spends any time with people in their afterlife which is why she hates ghosts cause they're not supposed to exist to her.

But even if the afterlife were real and Agatha and Rio got to be together I would still hate that ending ngl Agatha doesn't need to die for them to be together they were together before when she was alive they can find their way back to that if they both want to. And I would still hate that ending because Agatha would still be dead and I am sick of the sheer number of female characters I fall in love with just to watch die/self sacrifice/lose their power at the end of the story and I find it even more annoying/gaslighty when it's framed as a good thing.

If it happened less often I might be convinced that some stories demand it but it's soooo many it's starting to feel like propaganda

[shiplessoceans]

To all the Buddie shippers, I'm so sorry fam.

I watched up to season 4 and posted here last year sometime that I was sure buddie wasn't gonna happen (though I had my fingers crossed for you all anyway) and I am sorry that 911 has turned out like all the other queerbait shows. I've been there, we've all been queerbaited and ignored and made to feel like we're stupid and it sucks ass.

I promise you, you are not being silly or frivolous or deluded for seeing what was right in front of you. Your feelings are 100% valid. The creators used romantic tropes and applied them to two straight characters with no intention of addressing it to either confirm it OR deny it.

That lack of denial is very telling.

TV show creators, producers & showrunners will always say that the fans or the audience are "getting the wrong idea" about a queer pairing. It's incredibly reductive and feels like an attempt to 'shame' fans.

Yet they never try to put an end to the romantic tension they have created. A few lines of dialogue. That's all it would take. A quick denial. Tension resolved, on with the story. Get Maddie to say to Buck:

"You and Eddie have gotten close, hope I'm not overstepping but are you...more than friends?"

That's it. A question. Simple one. Would be in character, make sense and be judgement free.

Hell, they could have any character mistake them for a couple and have them clarify that they are just friends who enjoy hanging out but are straight.

But the writers will never do that. Because they want it both ways. They want fans to watch the show for some representation, without having to provide any.

Denying Buddie is a thing would mean losing the audience that watch the show hoping for it. It means they lose you. And you make them money. It's gaslighty. They treat their fans like idiots and I will never watch a show that does that ever again. (Supernatural was the wake up call).

So while you come to terms with all this buddie fam, do yourselves a favour and use this energy to create! Write fix-it fanfic, draw art, make playlists, crochet...steal the characters you love and just write or read or imagine your own stories....

You can close the door on canon and have fun with the characters on their own.

It is also totally valid to move on to other ships, shows and characters. There's a heap of newer media that consciously avoids queerbaiting and those are the shows that deserve your dedication.

Love and hugs to you all!

[iminaworldofpureimagination]

I hath misunderstood the point of the bingo I thought it was for a franchise‼️

In that case Mr. Peanutbutter

I relate to this quote so hard...distract yourself with meanliness task and evenutally you'll be dead maybe he is depressed its kinda unclear.

Anyway I remember when i first watched bojack in 2022 I didn't like him and it was mainly due to his treatment of Diane I read takes of bojack/diane bringing out the worse in eachother but i thought pb /diane brought out the worse even more and even now i have zero idea how they made it work for ten years. his constant ignoring of her wishes and her reaction to them is just unhealthy. this is no hate to pb the more i rewatched scenes he can be rather gaslighty about how she doesn't enjoy his grand gestures.. diane ithnk had a tendecy to also overract im not saying shes invalid for her feelings . diane yelling in after party would have me feeling like bojack.. getting the hell out of there. and their fight over fracking resulted in violence and broken objects. its just not good.. i think people forget he overpowered diane in that fight.. the whole relationship was a mess. angry isn't good.. i think this talk about pb/even diane gets lost with bojack is worse takes and .. that convo that convo bores me.. if we cant bring up a characters flaws without going so/so is worse we aren't apprecating them as they are.. and it leads to boring stale metas about how flaweless and perfect a character is and i hate that. this is something that i've seen in other fandoms. his life in the Lab Cult where nothing bad ever happens seems to have affected how he treats people who aren't happy. he seems to tune out negativity when bojack vents about being depresssed he has to go see ERICA and when diane talks about his brother not seeming okay he snaps at her.. i wonder if we got a s7 if we could have seen more of his acutal home life cause know nothing about his parents.. he's a bit of an enigma to me as i can't tell how much of him being obvilous is real or just an act . it looks out the outside he just doesn't care wayne is into diane but then just happens to buy her plane tickets. right in front of Wayne. He acts like bojacks harsh words dont bother him then in lets find out he tells his 'friend' how much it does bother him.. in a way he reminds me of myself.. in terms of tuning out things around me but also listening too.. .. while i have a lot in common with bojack.. both me and pb live in Everything is fine Dog meme.. Him saying this to bojack made me like more as bojack is my fav and i want someone to comfort this sad man

PB was at his worse with Diane and his best with Bojack and friends.. He saves bojack from drowning, he saves gina from bojack/chooses to stll be in his life cause he's just a simp forbojack.. despite knowing everything bad he's ever done.. He choose bojack as his favorite person..want to talk uncondional love for bojack its uncondional..

his relationship with todd in yesterland was also amusing he got very greedy in that episode and i love the pirates of the Carribean reference of that's good business.. I'm gonna just say.. todd/pb are knda crackship of mine and i dont care at all about the age gap of those gooberheads. and PB should be allowed to bite that naughty mailman

[otsukare-katsukare]

So I came across this blog and found it quite interesting. I also agree with a lot of it. I like hearing your opinions on things as well, especially these particular topics. So I was wondering - What do you think?

https://www.tumblr.com/wwerasliin-sideblog

hello to you! very glad you came to my blog and liked my opinions. thats all i can ask for as a tumblr user. your link doesnt go to a specific post but judging from the discussion on your blog im guessing youre asking my opinion on sami's potential involvement in the bloodline story and whether roman should apologise to him or not.

(sorry if this is not at all what you were asking. i ended up writing an essay here im afraid.)

i have my own general opinions on what my ideal face turn for roman would have looked like and it's already quite different in reality, but the general gist is yeah, an apology to sami would be, like, thing one. at this point, however, with kevin's heel turn, i just dont know. the way it's played out till this point my heart just doesnt want sami anywhere near roman, because unlike jey, sami really does not have any good reason to go back based on family ties. and roman should not want him back, either. from roman's POV sami was the first brick to fall in his family falling apart, and he betrayed him when he gave him so much. and as far as sami's concerned, the best friend/soulmate that he literally betrayed roman for is currently at his lowest emotional point because his two other closest friends have sided with a man who was his sworn enemy for three years and terrorised both him and his loved ones. for sami to go to roman now, no matter what the guy says, would just feel so cruelly thoughtless to kevin. but very on brand for wwe.

but there was a world where i was completely on board with the 'sami forgives roman' narrative, if roman had come back after losing the title completely alone and ostracised, for the first time in his life. his bloodline scattered, abandoned by his wiseman, justifiably hated by nearly everybody on the roster, and no gold to make him feel better about everything. if he spent some time as a desperate and pathetic heel, trying to win back his old family members using his old gaslighty tricks that don't work anymore, taking on opponents who he'd been mowing through before with the help of the numbers game, but who now smelled blood in the water and got their vengeance, only getting sparing wins. slowly learning what he'd put everyone else through and starting to feel genuine remorse - in that scenario, i would have actually loved to see sami be the first of roman's victims to see him as a genuinely changed man and accept the olive branch. not joining his bloodline (concept should just not exist at this point) but being his optimistic and forgiving self that sees the best in people. in this scenario, roman asking for sami's forgiveness in the first place would also make more sense, as he would realise that he's no longer entitled to his family just on the basis of blood, and that with sami, the wounds arent as deep, and maybe sami could help him be a better person.

(in this fantasy scenario seth is also involved, and the first person who actually reconnects with roman again. cause the shield bond is binding and what happened at wm40 finally buried the last of the resentment between them. but he cant make roman better the way sami can.)

unfortunately while i think this would be a good character arc and story, it is not a good wrestling story, formally. there's no way that people werent going to cheer vociferously for roman, and that's kind of all that matters at the end of the day with this medium. they just happened to make a story with the bloodline that's a bit too nuanced and genuninely fiction-esque for the wwe formula. ah well. but the way things are now if sami goes back to roman without roman apologising then i'll stand by kevin whatever he decides to do in reponse including but not limited to apron powerbombs.

thanks for asking me my wrestling opinions! if this is in fact what you wanted to hear, if not, then i hope it was of interest anyway.

[opinated-user]

The way lily deals with Rey's genderfluidity is just so bad on so many levels, I can't believe a fellow trans person would do this...

Like centering the whole thing on Aliana is already bad, but the fact that she is cis makes it so much worse. If Aliana was trans and it was more along the lines of one trans person helping another figure themselves out, that would be a different story (literally) although you'd think that a universe populated by all kind of sentients would have a general understanding that gender is a very cultural thing (but I digress)

The way she described the story in the post is so incredibly undermining of rey, as you said their agency is complete sidelined. But also (and I feel like this is very concerning with how depressed Rey is portrayed) all their worries, fears and thoughts are made out to be completely unfounded before they even get to work through them on their own. According to this Rey should not trust themselves and instead completely rely on Aliana (this is some weird near gaslighty bullshit).

Aliana just knowing all of this about her wife before they even get to think it through also feels weirdly like an invasion of privacy to me. You'd think that ESPECIALLY if you can read thoughts/emotions the way Aliana can, you'd be extra careful not to snoop, that's just basic decency. It's the equivalent of Aliana secretly reading Rey's diary just in case.

Again, can't believe I have to see this kind of trans portrayal from an actual trans person, maybe we should be thankful lily never writes trans people

it's an actual problem on stories about cis and trans people dating together that the cis person is the one to help the trans person discover themselves, with barely any input from the trans person. it happens on the Danish Girl and it's a example of a "cis saviour" narrative where the trans person is a secondary character, at best, on a story that is meant to be about them but it's actually about the cis one. this kind of stories comes from cis writers, so i understand how off it feels to see LO doing the same thing and trying to pass it off as so romantic. i know that the idea that alaina has been all across the universe and that is why she knows so much, but why she can't present rey to other transmasc people so they can compare experiences and talk things with someone who lives the same thing that rey does? why everything has to be through alaina all the time? in the end it's not about rey finding comfort on his own identity and body, it's about alaina taking care of her wife. all the insecurities of rey? because of alaina. the only thing to reassure her? alaina. her biggest fear? to not be liked by alaina. her only source of information? alaina. this is not romantic, it's unhealthy, codepedent and tragic.

[kyrodo]

There's one clear difference between Choskey and Shine. As far as crushes go I mean. Shine is always mindful for Snowy whenever he's visiting us. Always tries to make him feel included, always tries to ensure he doesn't feel isolated when he's being affectionate with me. At the same time, it's still somewhat obvious that he likes me a lot in particular. He'll be mindful of Choskey, he'll be mindful of Red, Lupy, Icy, BalloonToes, whoever is visiting us and ensure he's interacted with them all at least once. He's always making this effort to make everyone feel included, even though he kinda magnets to me for most of it. Which fits with his theme. Helping people, making people feel comfortable, making people not feel lonely, always being mindful of people's emotions perhaps to an extreme. The opposite of Choskey.

Choskey back in the day when I was jealous of him and CarboorCat, or Lightfostpaw, or even WolfangCerberus to a degree, I used to get hyper jealous. He'd always be inching closer to someone other than me, leaving me with the choices to either inch closer to remain included or in most cases sulk alone by myself or even hop worlds to see other people. He used to be completely oblivious of my feelings and always make me feel excluded. Which he does have difficulty with empathy or being mindful of what other think or feel and even admits it.

Shine is an overthinker like me, but an affectionate type. I'm more spiteful, sulky, jealous, selfish, just very good at hiding it at least in the moment. I'm always hoping for some degree of mind reading, hoping people will always be mindful of how I feel, or eventually notice enough to start wondering how I feel. Which is partly why it's beneficial for me to have a semi-private space to spill all that. Since other wise it would strain my friendships with the people I feel for or care about the most. But yeah... it's very clear Shine missed me a lot and was very happy to see me last night. I was getting nightly messages from him on the days we couldn't see each other on vrchat, to kind of make up for the fact we didn't see each other that night. Which I doubt Choskey or others have had that same kind of treatment.

The comfortable voice. The willing to share personal things. The warm paws for phantom sense. The highly compatible by his own words. Always purring and meowing to no end regardless of who's around or what they think of us. That is still me.

And not to toot my own horn but, the soothing voice, by multiple sources, multiple separate people have told me that, the warm paws for phantom sense also multiple separate people even someone I had just met day of at a khnfucat meetup told me the same exact thing Shine did the night before. And it is... I love having that identity. I love representing that. I love how consistent that is. I love how people feel that way about me without even pushing for it, that is objectively what people think of me. Lupyraster's said that too and even confirmed that with IcyCoyote who agreed. And that is the opposite of what people thought of me when I was all text on twitter.

People say all these positive things about me. Always positive. Unless it's some rando in a public lobby going "ew furries" people are generally accepting of me and enjoy my presence. And yet not some years ago some people I was hoping to be trusting with was doing the exact opposite.

And analyzing the past, analyzing the reaction I was observing when I was first being spied upon, that air I had in the irls was always there. It was just very much hidden by how negative I can be when I am spilling thoughts online. In vrchat, I can show my full potential without having to prove myself or fight for it. I literally just have to be my natural self.

That's the thing about manipulative or gaslighty people like Ronnie or his friends. No matter who you are or how good you can be, they will always make you out to be the worst person on the internet if you don't put an excessive amount of effort to quell every lie they make or imply about you because of the way they communicate, or the sheer level of injustice they put to what you're trying to communicate or who you actually are. You will always feel violated around people like that. Because the reality stops mattering, all that matters is who you could be which they'll maximize all the negative stuff as much as possible until just defending yourself is proof that whatever preassumptions have been made still feel likely to them. You will never feel comfortable. You will always feel hated.

Everything they say about you or whatever you have to say is so offputting that even the "positive" stuff they have to say about you feels like carefully veiled insults. This is the world I came from. And nobody sees it. Nobody sees the environment I survived. Nobody sees all the heartbreak, frustration, embarassment, sadness, pain or anger it took to make it here. Shine is one of the few people who truly understands the full extent of what I've experienced.

And once again I appreciate how socially and emotionally rich my life is in the present compared to back then. Both near and far. I still remember when Shine was shyly asking about discordant discourse wishing to be a part of it. Nearly everyone I've added to it has been active in it except Beastner. Though Choskey monopolized me enough that he stopped being interested in interacting with me much. That and he's overly self conscious about the french thing. He made a little too much noise in the voice calls when he was at work though so it's for the best but I wish I had a bit more time to include him more in our gaming at least. But he still got some value out of RGB up until he made his own server.

But other than him everyone I've added since vrchat became this little family I have, even carboorcat and lightfostpaw, who used to be my competition became friends to hang out with. We have this little hang out home, we're always seeing each other on vrchat when we can and that is the type of cohesion I wanted. I didn't get much value out of Omi's group chat and I didn't have anywhere else to go up until vrc. But when it's our own server it's a lot easier to be a part of things, it's a lot easier to be involved. And as long as I remain selective and slow about who I add to the server and how well personalities will fit with it, it will continue to be this lively tight nit community.

Vrchat added so much value to my life, identity wise, social wise, romantic wise, even got a job out of it, like I can't overstate how much vrchat turned my life around. Or how directly it eases my trauma wounds. So yeah, maybe I'm not for everyone, but most people seem to like me. You're just not most people. And that's okay.

It's clear that back when I was wondering if I would be a good fit for your group, I should have actually been thinking about if you would be good fit for mine. And a shitty manipulative personality like yours is never finding it's way inside my home. All this time and shit never seems to go in your favor does it? Not when it comes to me, not even when you're feeding me to the mob. The funny thing on my end of things is even though I would spout all these out into public places, which was and still is perhaps not okay, I didn't build a fucking army against you. I wasn't talking about you behind your back except to select people like my therapy friend or my bff. The only person who does that kinda shit is you. I don't mind if you spy on me now, kiss my fucking ass. Show all your friends how good I actually am, it sure fucking worked the first time around.

Maybe next time consider more finding out than fucking around. Maybe then you'll start looking less like a fucking asshole. Only you could take careful obvious diplomatic planning and turn it into a total disaster. You're just a beacon of amazing decision making skills. You ever change, or are you just the same old you?

Happy Halloween and all. I hate to admit that my sona kinda fits the part. But I clearly didn't have the right person to bring me into the horror scene. I don't care how well my sona goes with someone if they're a shitty person. Nothing makes up for having a trainwreck as a personality. So what am I supposed to say. Didn't have the right environment to be a great person? Yeah well you sure didn't give me the right environment either. When I'm emotionally fucked, I'm not looking for someone to be emotionally fucked with, I'm looking for a fucking cure. Distrust and gaslighting doesn't make for great treatment.

Who are you? What do you represent? If choices make you who you are than who are you? My point of reference is very limited I admit but I don't hold much hope for you at all. You don't exactly seem the learning type. You're the blame everyone for your mistakes type. You're the wounded ego type that doesn't give a shit if they're doing something wrong or not. That's the only side of you you've ever shown me. The Ghost in the Shell. You like doing everything the hard way especially when it comes to basic communication so who am I to fucking stop you.

In heavy contrast when I can be myself, when I get the soft and forthcoming environment I want, I fucking thrive. You're only great when you're the only choice.

[dejaroze]

Posting Katherines separately from the tag game, under the cut ^^

1. Katherine had a HUGE family, so she definitely had plenty of people her age to bond with. But generally, the only time they would all get together is for holidays, so Katherine really just stuck with her younger sister, Victoria ( 4 year age gap ) and then one of her older cousins, aria since she didn’t live as far away as the rest of her extended family.

2. Well, Katherine loved her bio mom. She was tough on her but just a really loving woman. When she died though and her stepmom took over, it wasn’t exactly a wicked stepmother thing BUT she was very overly protective of Katherine and generally tried to keep her away from the public eye. She would tell her lies to scare her away from the world, kinda like a whole Rapunzel thing.

3. Katherines dad actually had 2 twin boys before he married her mother and they had Katherine. Her father only married in for status with the family name, but once they had Victoria when katherine was 4, he decided he had enough, divorced the girls mom and ran back to his other family. Katherine does NOT have a good relationship with her dad, he’s VERY gaslighty and creepy towards her. However, she does have a better relationship with her half-brothers.

4. Definitely her mom’s hanging. She was probably having the best day before that happened, so happy to run amongst humans for the day just for her to meet up at their little tree to see her mom being hung. Everybody in her family knows about it, I mean, a notable family member executed, which further reenforced the need to protect Katherine being as I feel like they saw a lot of her mother in her.

5. Pouch of coins, handkerchief, pretty rocks/flowers she finds on her walks, extra hair ribbon.

6. Not really themes. I imagine she’d have some weird fucked up dreams before but in the silly way. BUT I feel like they would vary and she would have a lot of dreams regarding her future, romance and such because she’s a big hopeless romantic.

7. Probably her mother’s hanging, dreaming of it happening to her especially with what her stepmom planted in her head about humans being heartless and not caring who you are, how old you are.

8. She got her hands on Philips rifle and just shot a tree. No more gun privilege for her because her aim sucks ass.

9. Slightly? Being she honestly changed the course of her family’s history, so she definitely rose herself up by a lot.

[mayhemmies]

this!! this sucks to see because. yes the really strong want and need to help people knowing that "oh my god that could be a real person in trouble" is 100% understandable but . people are waayyyyy too trusting on the internet nowadays. it's so easy to just fake an identity and say "hey i'm from here my family is dying look at this sick child give me money" in a time like this and YES it's sickening but it HAPPENS. and it's VERY COMMON. and acknowledging this doesn't mean you think all like. gazans and whoever else requests for your help and money are evil scammers. it doesn't make you a zionist. you can support gaza in other, safer ways than that.

and i hear a lot of people making dedicated blogs to these. working hours and hours and risking their own health for this sort of stuff and. while that is admirable, people forget that YOUR HEALTH matters more above anyone else. it doesn't matter how selfish it sounds, you shouldn't be borderline killing yourself for people. let alone asks that are most likely scams on tumblr. like i said. not all are. and hey, desperate times call for desperate methods sometimes. but this is bordering dangerous. please just put your money towards like. other fundraisers and not on random GFM pages. i know you want to help and it's really distressing to see people coming to you with like. photos of dying families and horrific conditions begging for your assistance but you don't know who you're giving your money to. please just play it safe.

(also the whole "DONATE NOW OR WE WILL HAUNT YOU!! DONATE NOW OR YOU'RE A SICK PERSON!!" is also. concerning because imo it's really gaslighty and while it does work at times, it's definitely not a good way to raise awareness and it makes me feel worse about donating to these things.) tldr:

just because people come to you in your asks or posts and even if they're "vetted" (which usually doesn't help much. the vetting a lot of people are doing are NOT very useful /lh) doesn't mean it's real and you should give like. 1k dollars immediately

pointing out that scams DO exist should not get you flamed. it's a genuine thing to be worried about

still support Palestine!!! just do it in a safer manner than trusting every blog and repost you see. while it CAN be a real person it's also likely someone trying to profit off a literal genocide, as bad as it sounds.

not sure that getting mad at people for wanting to verify that something isn’t a scam on this hellsite which is full of scams is really the righteous take that some people are acting like it is

[slightlyrebelliouswriter23]

What's your opinion on Vivi? Cos I'm re reading the series and have just finished twk and while she does love her sisters I'm reminded of why I don't like her much there's always something that never struck me right about her mainly it's the whole situation with Heather and how Vivi glamoured her and everything else but also bc of how she deals with her sisters

DISCLAIMER: this post is about defending Vivi Duarte with what little information we are actually given about her, for those who are genuinely open to interpretations on her. if you've made up your mind and do not like Vivi, that's fine, but this is probably not the ask for you!

i love most of the characters in TFOTA. in fact, unless it's Balekin, Valerian, Asha, or Locke, you can be sure i will probably take the time to defend them.

Vivi is funny, outspoken, and (like most HB characters) complex. but i think people's dislike of Vivi is along the same vein as their dislike of Taryn.

both betrayed their sisters in one way or another–Taryn through more obvious modes of betrayal (the Locke situation in TCP and tricking Cardan in TWK), and Vivi through more covert modes (questionable sisterly neglect). but if we look at a person's actions as facts about their character, rather than the result of nuanced motivations, it's easy to dislike them.

i like them precisely because liking them is so much more difficult. not impossible, though—we just have to do a little digging.

I. Words and How They Bind

something very interesting about Vivi that i think is hard to remember for the duration of the series is that, in the prologue of TCP, she vowed to hate Madoc forever:

“'I hate you,' Vivi proclaimed to the tall man with a viciousness that Jude was glad of. 'I will always hate you. I vow it.'”

this isn't something to be taken lightly. it's not a rage-filled but mostly empty threat of a child that can be later assuaged with a few kind words or a handful of sweets. it's a proclamation.

it is explicitly a vow.

to the fae, vows and promises are absolute. just how the people of Elfhame are bound by their word when they pledge themselves to the High King/Queen, or how the fae bind themselves through vows in marriage, Vivi is literally bound to her word.

she will hate Madoc forever.

additionally, it's almost as if she pledged herself to a life of being the opposite of whatever Madoc wants her to be. he wants her to live in Elfhame? she will move to the mortal world when she's old enough. he wants her to attend classes? she will stop going. he wants her to go to the revels and socialise? she'll stay at home and read comic books.

"If it annoys Madoc, it pleases Vivi." (TCP, ch.2)

so it's interesting that Madoc, right after Vivi has made her vow to hate him, tells her not to shirk her responsibilities as the eldest child—and, consciously or not, she proceeds to do exactly that. and perhaps even more interesting is Madoc's constant emphasis on "family over everything", juxtaposed with Vivi's almost apathetic absence from it.

this isn't to excuse Vivi of everything she never noticed with Jude and Taryn by pinning it on some magical vow she made when she was nine. but i do wonder if, because of her vow, there's a little more at play than just carelessness here.

still, even if we are to believe in Vivi's free will, imagine growing up being forced to live with a biological father you viscerally hate, and having your younger sisters—whose parents (and yours) were literally murdered by him in front of your eyes—treat him as more father than murderer.

at that young of an age, i suspect it would be hard to understand why Jude and Taryn didn't hate Madoc viscerally, too. to Vivi, i think it might even feel a little gaslighty.

Jude hints at Vivi's feelings about this in TCP:

“When Vivi wasn't reminiscing about home, she was a terror. She broke things. She screamed and raged and pinched us when we were content. Eventually, she stopped all of it, but I believe there is a part of her that hates us for adapting. For making the best of things. For making this our home.” (TCP, ch.2)

if you're alone in hating someone, it is probably a very isolating experience.

II. Coping or Cop-Out?

Vivi is portrayed as this impulsive, rebel-child with her head in the clouds. her main focus is on escaping a life she never chose for herself. in fact, i think one of the ways Vivi tries to take control of her own life again, after Madoc upends it by murdering their parents, is through escapism.

we see this in her constant fixation on the mortal world, through her voracious consumption of the comics Heather draws, and how she only has one friend in all of Faerie: Rhiya.

“All our new memories are of here, and Vivi has only a passing interest in those.” (TCP, ch. 2)

suffice it to say, she has not bothered putting down roots.

one fascinating theme, which has become apparent to me recently, is that the Duarte sisters each have a very distinct way of handling the trauma they've endured.

Jude carves out a space for herself through strength, skill, and intellect- fight

Vivi seeks any methods of escape- flight

Taryn relies on relationships with others to ensure her security at court- fawn

each of these is a psychologically recognised trauma response. so if Vivi seems distant or detached from the happenings in Faerie, it's because of this coping mechanism.

however, the difference between Vivi's response and that of her sisters, is that hers is a coping mechanism for a memory of the past. Jude and Taryn's responses are survival mechanisms for current ongoing trauma.

i don't think Vivi, as one of the fae, recognises the privilege she has over her sisters.

if there's anything negative to be said about Vivi's character, it is this. that she either presumes that since Madoc claimed Jude and Taryn as his own, they would be just as accepted by the fae is she or Oak is, despite their being mortal; or worse, that she is as Jude suspects—altogether oblivious to the plight of mortals living in Elfhame.

either way, it's not as if any of them talk about it.

but if Vivi's words truly do bind her will, i wonder if existing in a space occupied by Madoc is difficult. i wonder if it weighs more on her than it does on her sisters. i wonder if noticing details of other people's lives is difficult when your mind is totally consumed by a hatred for one person.

i think Jude, of all people, might be able to understand that.

III. Age is Not But a Number

we sometimes forget that, although she is older than Jude and Taryn, Vivi is still a kid herself. i believe she is said to be around 19-20 in the books.

now, i know the "adult" age for humans is 18, but frankly that doesn't really mean anything in our world, much less Elfhame. even with my 25 years (which is still quite young btw), i look back at years 19 and 20 and think about how immature i was then.

i was barely able to care for myself sufficiently. i was in no way qualified to care for a whole other person (or two).

there's this weird theme in YA fantasy novels where the fate of the whole world often rests on the shoulders of kids. where the only adults they know are either obsessed with power or dismissive and impervious. and while i do think kids are capable of a lot, and it's certainly neat to imagine a world where they are given enough respect and credibility to affect positive change in their societies, i don't think it's good or fair to conflate capability with responsibility.

just because someone is ostensibly capable of doing something, it doesn't mean they should have to do it. especially not alone.

which brings me to my biggest point: it was never Vivi's responsibility to raise her sisters.

even when they lived in the mortal world, where the twins were relatively safe, it was presumably Eva and Justin who made sure all of their needs were met. it wasn't Vivi's responsibility then, and it isn't when they get to Elfhame, either.

so my question is, do you actually have a problem with the way Vivi specifically treated the twins? or are you frustrated with her lack of protecting them from the way they are treated by Elfhame in general?

because in my mind, that burden is entirely Madoc's to bear. he assumed the responsibility of protecting them when he murdered their parents. he even says so himself in the prologue of TCP:

“'They are the progeny of my wife and, thus, my responsibility. I may be cruel, a monster, and a murderer, but I do not shirk my responsibilities.'"

yet, how are we meant to believe he honoured his duties to them when they lived every day terrified?

we, as a fandom, seem to have many excuses at the ready for Madoc:

"he loved them in his own way"

"he did the best that he could in raising them"

"he didn't treat them any differently, he regarded them as his own, what an amazing complex relationship!"

and while i think these are commendable and true statements, i also think they should be able to coexist with:

"he didn't do enough to protect them, he should've done more"

"because he was obsessed with power, he was also a bit neglectful"

"he had his own interests in mind more than his children"

so if the twins ever felt unsafe or unwanted in Elfhame, we should only have Madoc (and potentially Oriana, whose guilt is by association) to blame.

IV: Heather the Harbinger of Clarity

to me, Vivi glamouring Heather at Taryn's wedding in TWK was the panicked action of a young person who felt guilty for letting something bad happen to someone she loved. much in the same way as the time Vivi whisked Jude and Taryn back to the mortal world for a few days because they missed home, Vivi just wanted to make the problem go away quickly.

and much in the same way as their escape to the mortal world when they were little didn't fix the girls being homesick, glamouring Heather didn't fix anything like Vivi thought it would. it only made everything worse.

so was it a good move to glamour Heather without her permission? no. it was a mistake.

i don't think she realised the gravity of what she was doing, and it showed the audience (as well as Heather) that maybe she wasn't quite ready for a relationship.

i do think Heather is an important piece of all of this, though. because Heather's problems in Elfhame will be the same or similar to Jude and Taryn's problems. the only difference is, Vivi is directly responsible for what happens to Heather, since Vivi is the one who brought her into the world of the fae.

i'm hopeful that their relationship will shed a light on the subject of mortals in Elfhame that Vivi had yet to see. and perhaps someday we will get to see her make amends with Jude and Taryn, too.

TLDR:

Vivi is bound to her vow of hatred for Madoc, and therefore, is isolated by being the only one who truly hates him.

the way she copes with that is by running away to the only place she's ever known love (the mortal world). this makes her appear detached and neglectful in protecting the twins, which rubs people the wrong way.

but that was never Vivi's job. it was Madoc's.

we see Vivi acting like a kid because she is one. and part of being a kid is acting impulsively and selfishly sometimes.

at the end of the day, Vivi is learning how to best care for herself at the same time as she is learning how to love others to the best of her abilities.

i don't fault her for making the mistakes she does. that's part of growing up.

—Em 🖤🗡

more on words & vows in the fae

more theories & analysis

[astralazuli]

If you get Covid, honestly, the best thing you can do is REST REST REST.

Even if you feel okay, prioritize rest.

Even if you're thinking, "oh I should be able to do this by now," rest instead of pushing yourself.

Even if your doctor says you should be able to do this by now & just need to work through the fatigue/dizziness/tachycardia/whathaveyou, ignore their uninformed opinion & rest.

There is a lot of overlap between long covid & ME/CFS (as mentioned in the article linked above). In fact, many cases of long covid are just ME/CFS with a fancy hat because you know where it came from (unlike very many pre-Covid ME/CFS patients).

& the best thing you can do early in ME/CFS is learn to pace & to rest before you think you need to.

Pacing means learning to live within your energy envelope rather than trying to escape it.

Think Spoon Theory. You've only got so many exertion Spoons each day & with pacing for ME/CFS, you always want to end up with at least one Spoon left at the end of the day. You never want zero or negative Spoons, because that's when PEM hits you like a ton of bricks & all your symptoms flare & you feel like actual death.

Worse yet, this can lead to permanent lowering of your energy baseline. Which, as it turns out, can get pretty dang low if you keep overexerting yourself. I am talking "can't get out of bed" low, "can't listen to music or have a conversation because you're too fatigued" low, "can barely breathe" low.

I don't say this to scare you or to convince you this is where long covid will always end up. But I do want folks who aren't ME/CFS informed to understand the stakes.

It's also important to understand that, most likely, your doctors don't know this. ME/CFS is chronically under researched & generally dismissed as a psychological problem or malingering because it doesn't yet have a definitive biological marker for diagnosis. (Jeeze, wonder if that has anything to do with the absolute dearth of funding for research, hm? Anyway.) This means a lot of doctors don't bother keeping up on what little research is getting done & still have very archaic opinions about it, including the idea that it is best treated by Graded Exercise Therapy (or GET) (basically incrementally increasing activity at a set pace, regardless of energy envelope) & CBT. Yep. A lot of doctors will think the best route is to just send you to psychotherapy to "learn to not be afraid of exertion."

There's a whole other post about why doctors think these things (I've literally written & deleted like three lengthy rants about the PACE Trial in an attempt to write this post & that's just the tip of the medical nonsense iceberg), but they do & we're stuck dealing with it, despite current research showing GET is contraindicated in ME/CFS & the CDC recommending pacing above all else in symptom management.

All this to say, please be gentle with your body when & after you have covid if you do end up getting it, & rest as much as possible & take re-entering life as slowly as you can. (I know that, especially in the US but also in many other countries, it is pretty much impossible to rest as much as you should in such situations due to the capitalistic hellscape we live in.)

& like. Be gentle with your brain as well. Having lowered capacity for exertion sucks, especially if you're used to being go go go. But take this time to reflect on how you're still a being with inherent value, no matter your productivity, just like everyone else, & unpack the ableism in the glorification of the grind, & give yourself grace in dealing with your feelings around these things. It'll be good for you & good for society at large.

(Also, while CBT does jack shit for ME/CFS, if you are struggling with decreased abilities/learning to relax & rest when needed, it might be worth looking into a chronic illness informed therapist. Chronic illness informed therapists are more likely to be helpful in a) not giving you shit medical advice & b) not (inadvertently or not) gaslighting you into thinking it's all psychological. I have tragically had waaaaaay too many psychotherapists in my time as a disabled person do both of those things & it really only hurt me in the immediate & the long run. Pretending you don't have a physical illness doesn't really help you not have that physical illness.)

The United States has always been a terrible place to be sick and disabled. Ableism is baked into our myths of bootstrapping and self-reliance, in which health is virtue and illness is degeneracy. It is long past time for a bedrock shift, for all of us.

Long covid has derailed my life. Make no mistake: It could yours, too.