#it does explain why danny was always the 'eh' option

[bubble-you]

#I feel a constant need to remind people that the first thing Danny asks after Clara explains who the Doctor is#is 'do you love him?'#it's that transparent#and he asks already knowing the answer and immediately calling bullshit when she denies it#and apparently accepts this as not a threat to him on the basis of the Doctor being an untouchable alien incapable of loving her back#like as if she had a crush on a dragon or the Great Wall of China#I can't tell if that speaks to his lack of self worth or if it's just really patronising#I appreciate In the Forests of the Night so much for the scene where he finally realises he should be jealous#but then he's just Extremely Reasonable about it again#he has total faith in his idea of who Clara is- utter conviction#and it's completely misplaced#I feel owed the psychological fallout from this is all I'm saying#calling this meta is being very generous bc did I even say anything#but whatever it's a bunch of words I'll put it in the box with the other words#I've realised 95% of my whouffaldi meta is in tags on gifsets so

Danny 'I don't do weird' Pink frustrates me as a character, because I'm honestly not sure whether he was supposed to have an arc or not.

His primary role is as a foil for Clara's arc and, in aid of that, as a mirror to the Doctor. A solider with survivor's guilt and a man of action who can't stand by when people need help etc., in some ways he and the Doctor have a lot in common, but he's also a very grounded and circumspect personality versus the Doctor's being fantastical and adventurous. Danny isn't curious and doesn't want to pursue new things or experiences, instead he wants to be fully present with and grateful for what he already has. The Doctor is incorrigibly curious and always interested in new things.

Danny is someone who desires nothing more than an ordinary life, and looks for beauty and satisfaction in the normal things and people around him. He wants his world to be small and quiet, he values the mundane things others might take for granted. He's normal, patient, dependable, simple, honest, etc. His reaction to trauma hasn't been to disavow the things which lead him to that event, or to seek out stimulation to avoid thinking about it, it's to be thoughtful and cautious and somewhat rigid so he can always apply the mindset and skills he retained from before he was traumatised.

He's very firm and unbending in his worldview and in his self-image. He doesn't seem to ever reassess people once he's decided what he thinks of them. He's not unreasonable or unwilling to compromise, he is in fact maybe too reasonable, but he is implastic. He's extremely even-tempered except for around his identity as a soldier, which he's prickly about, but still pretty quick to let it go as long as he's not being deliberately antagonised.

So anyway Danny represents this other path, and this opposite response to the horror of war and making a catastrophic mistake, but he never learns, he never grows and he and Clara are never much on the same wavelength about anything. He's supposed to be stability, the things she 'should' want, the 'person she's supposed to like', the safe choice, the presentable life which Clara feels like she has to have. He's orderly and ordinary and that's what she wants from him. She has to control her image, her future, and her options.

And their simple relationship, once it exists, functions well as the contrast to her complicated and tumultuous relationship with the Doctor while the companion power dynamic is being dismantled and rebuilt so they can be emotional equals. But like, the set up is confusingly executed.

Listen- they have zero chemistry, they have nothing to talk about and have to resort to talking about work, every conversation goes instantly off the rails, they rub each other the wrong way, there is never any reason for them to keep reconciling and trying again to connect. Like. You are not hitting it off! and keep offending each other bc you're not compatible! Quit!!

Clara is forcing it, that makes complete sense with what she's going through, she's trying to take control of her life and her emotions, trying to prove to herself she's not pining for the Doctor and at the mercy of his whims for her life to be full and complete. She doesn't want to need him or to be dependant on him. She doesn't want to be the heartbroken sadsack whom he abandoned at Christmas or who will take whatever scraps he'll throw her. She wants to control his position in her life and control how she feels about him. Hence her assigning him a specific day and confining their adventures on her own terms. She's trying to keep the Doctor compartmentalised. Having an Appropriate Human Relationship means she's successfully put the Doctor in his box (lol) and neutralised the chaotic power of her feelings for him. I mean, obviously not, but that's what she tells herself.

But what is Danny doing? Why does he keep pursuing this when it's so clearly not a good match?

Again in Listen, and much more so The Caretaker, Danny illustrates that he does not know who Clara is, he's wildly wrong about her and what she's like, and he's very high handed about it as well. He's convinced that the Doctor is taking advantage of her, that the Doctor is domineering in their relationship, that she is not a person who wants to be put into challenging or dangerous positions, that the Doctor is pushing her to takes risks and become a leader where that's not her nature. None of this is true. Clara was always a decisive, assertive, strongly driven person who seeks out new experiences and naturally assumes a leadership role any time that's necessary; she relishes being challenged and facing the unknown. Her blow up with the Doctor wasn't about him 'pushing her too far', it was about him failing to support her when she needed him and condescending to her as a human rather than treating her with the intimacy and equity their bond and history together demands. It's personal and it's about their emotional relationship. It's not about making hard choices, it's about having to make hard choices without her partner being honest with and emotionally available to her.

Clara was always an adventurous person, willing to be spontaneous as long as it's on her terms, and excited by the prospect of authority and responsibility. The danger and challenge isn't an unfortunate side effect or a risk she has to take to see amazing sights, it's part of the appeal. She lied to Danny by omission when she said she went off in the box to 'see wonders', not just because the real reason is that she's in love with Doctor, but also because she doesn't just want to be a tourist. She wants to get involved and save people, she wants things to sometimes go pear shaped. She enjoys and craves that part of it too.

Danny is also wildly wrong about the Doctor, but this is understandable and would be fine except that he's never corrected? He never learns better? What's the point?

In Death in Heaven Danny goes out still wrong about the Doctor, still condemning him cruelly and unfairly while knowing nothing about him. He had a point with his original rant, there was actual insight there, but it's buried in assumptions and bitterness and then Danny keeps tripling down on the assumption. The one which doesn't understand that the very thing he's shitting on the Doctor for (being willing to lead and make hard choices which must be made in order to save people) is something the Doctor has in common with Clara. And always has. The Doctor didn't change her or push her into that, that's who she's always been.

What is the point of Danny calling him a blood-soaked general and mocking him, calling him an officer as a pejorative again, and again because the Doctor is trying to save the planet. Like, memory check, that's what Danny is mad about. The Doctor doing everything in his power to save literal billions of lives. Doing it for no reason, out of altruism. Doing it while always trying very hard not to fight or kill anyone.

I don't understand how we're meant to find Danny sympathetic in that moment, because he comes off like a complete dickhead. And it's all the more frustrating because in the intervening episodes Danny has been eminently reasonable. As I've discussed before, we're exhaustively shown that Danny is 100% okay with what Clara claims is going on, that he doesn't want to get in the way of her friendship with the Doctor, that if it really were only the relationship she's pretending it is, there would be no conflict. He's the one who encourages her to make up with him after Kill the Moon! He tells her to go on travelling and it's fine!

Even when he discovers she's been lying to him and cavorting with the Doctor behind his back (again despite him telling her it was fine!), he's calm and repeats for the millionth time that all he wants from her is honesty. The truth. Which is the one thing she can't give him because Clara knows their relationship is built on the lie. The truth is, as Moffatt said, that Danny never stood a chance. There is a conflict between the two relationships and she's always going to choose the Doctor.

And that does come out, she gives the whole speech to Danny, not knowing it's him, finally being honest. And he seems unsurprised by it, which makes sense because on some level he definitely always knew ('do you love him?' 'no' 'really sick of the lies'), but then nothing comes of it. Clara just soldiers on and he allows her to pretend. He goes off on the Doctor, but not in a way he actually deserves at all, and just sweeps her confession under the carpet. Letting her get away with it again. True to form, I guess! he always did. But shouldn't we make progress?

And it's like... I hate that he dies on that note. It feels like he dies in denial. I guess you could argue it contributes to his decision to not come back, but that feels like a disservice to the character. Saving the kid is important to Danny, it allows him to atone but he didn't need to change or grow to accomplish that and it doesn't provide closure to his actual role in the narrative, which was as Clara's foil. Clara is off the hook, free to go on lying to herself about their relationship. It's not addressed in Last Christmas, either, it's only hinted at.

[bigskydreaming]

Thinking about Kings of the Sky and Jason's titans. Kid Devil, Beast Boy, and Danny Chase are shoo ins. Who else? Arisia Rrab would fit. Sprout? (Damn a lot of options are sexually controversial.)

LOL actually I do have the full, extended lineup of Jason's Titans in that AU all figured out: 

Here's the initial post explaining the background of my fave Jason ship, JasonTom, and possible choices for Jason's teammates and my reasons for each. 

And here's the post laying out the finalized list of Jason's lineup of Titans and who each one's respective mentor from Dick's lineup is.

Beast Boy is solidly a member of Dick's lineup because this AU only diverges from canon around the point where the Garzonas case happened, and despite being younger than a lot of the others, Gar was still well established as one of Dick's Titans by then. And tbh, Vic and Gar are one of my fave dynamics and I can't imagine not writing them as BFFs forever, which just works better with them in the same age range. One of my biggest RAGE, I RAGE, DC! changes to the New 52 was them aging down Gar and Raven, because I just love their friendships among the NTT so much and just look at that choice and get stuck on a loop of going yup, that was a choice that happened alright, but WHY was it a choice and does it HAVE to be a choice? Let's make it not a choice that happened. 

Danny Chase floats in a kinda in between state between Dick and Jason's lineups, due to his age and established dynamics with the characters present here. This goes AU well before Titans Hunt so Danny, Joey, Arella et al don't die as they did there, so he never becomes Phantasm, so he's kinda the slightly older, more experienced confidante to Jason's generation of Titans and is like lol yeah fuck the older Titans, I heavily endorse you doing anything and everything that will make them groan in exasperation, particularly Dick.

Kid Devil I didn't make part of the lineup because I most primarily associate him with being part of Tim's lineup of Titans during the year of Countdown/52, and okay that's also clearly a total cop out since I made Amy one of Jason's lineup and she was literally a traitor on that same lineup of Tim's so what is the truth, me, hmm?? 

Okay, lol lbr, the reason I didn't include Eddie was total pettiness/personal reasons. I just kinda have a.....grudge, I guess you could say, against his character for the way his 100% offscreen friendship with Jason is hyped by a lot of Jason's fans while they actively ignore the ON the page moments we got between Dick and Jason back then, where Dick actively tried to build a relationship with Jason, and they just default to being like "no. Dick hated Jason. Is canon. No shut up it totally is." 

And then two seconds later its like okay and now let's talk about Jason and Eddie's epic friendship which consists of two whole pages referencing them being pen pals and teaming up one time pre-Crisis (which again, was where Dick and Jason's brotherly relationship truly lived and we saw tons of at the exact same time, so its like okay so Eddie and Jason, still BFFs forever because of a couple pages, but Dick and Jason, mortal enemies because Dickhead was an asswipe to Jason all those times we didn't actually see because he wasn't actually an asswipe. Got it!)

LOL so the point is, that discrepancy, let's call it, just annoys me on principle. When its like, painfully obvious that almost an entire fandom's view of Dick and Jason's dynamic is contrived and literally just a choice Big Name Fans with a large influence over what new fans do and don't know, like, made a long time ago, and people just decided that oh okay, we can hype the hell out of two pages of bonding with a character most people don't even know exists while ignoring multiple repeated displays of genuine sibling affection between brothers just because we don't like that narrative and prefer Jason be misunderstood and resented by his brother for Reasons, I'm just like.....mmm, don't love that. 

As you can see, it gets me easily worked up into a tizzy, lmao, and while I don't MIND being in a tizzy while posting meta thoughts all tizzily, I prefer not to WRITE write while in a state of being tizzified, and so I just decided to swerve around making Eddie a Titan here and putting a lot of focus on his and Jason's friendship, since I don't trust myself to be objective and nonpetty about writing it. I'm just like...eh, I don't want to write them, and I know and understand why I'm making that choice, so I'm fine with it. *Shrugs* 

(Which is basically what I actually always argue for people to do more of so I try to take my own advice. Like, I truly don't think anyone should HAVE to write characters they aren't thrilled about, lol, like why would they, but I just believe its better to just be fucking honest about the why of it and own it, even if just to yourself, so that it doesn't leak into the actual writing in the form of like, resentment that you feel you HAVE to write someone you don't actually want to invest page time and effort into.)

So for the record, Eddie and Jason ARE still friends in this, they do still have that penpal relationship, just modernized, and I didn't do away with that or anything, I just keep it mostly just referenced and happening off the page while on page I focus on the lineup I outlined above and the friendships I develop there.

Arisia and Sprout just didn't come up when picking my lineup because I'm not as familiar with their characters and at this point there's already so many characters even peripherally in the mix that its unlikely I'll throw them in, but eh, you never know. Most of the people I did pick though are like, C and D list faves that I always thought had mega untapped potential DC remains committed to untapping, because I can delve the hell into characters like that, with all the gusto. 

So yeah. That's the What and the Why of all that story direction!

[twoidiotwriters1]

Written In The Stars LXXXIX (Harry Potter xF!Oc)

A/N: I’m sorry for the last chapter, I’m not tho 

P.S. I made a spotify playlist with all the songs I’ve put so far in the story, I’ll leave the link here :) -Danny

Words: 1,992

Series’ Masterlist

Previous Chapter // Next Chapter

Listen to: Catch Me -by Demi Lovato

Chapter Twenty-Four: Misconceptions.

She hated that she cared so much now, everything was relevant, every mistake felt like a missed opportunity. 

She'd almost kissed him merely a month ago, and she would've kissed him tonight if it weren't because he'd chosen to blame her for the attention some boys were paying to her.

For Harry, it made sense that Mel would rather spend time with a Quidditch celebrity or a popular Gryffindor than to spend it with him. He was jealous of the Slytherin that managed to change her mind about their least favourite house, and if that wasn't about enough, Erick also had a very attractive cousin, in case Mel needed more options.

She surely had the talent to befriend good-looking boys, she had to at least admit that.

Mel was always changing plans, giving him the best presents, defending his bloody honour! What else does she have to do to convince him that she will always choose him?!

"I saw it this morning, Severus!" An angry voice exclaimed over the bushes. "It looks almost fresh like they just tattooed it in my skin!"

"Really?" Snape's voice came out with disinterest. "Must've been a trick of the light..."

"You know it wasn't! It's an omen! A terrible omen!"

"Quite honestly, I don't see what there is to fuss about, Igor."

Mel realized she'd get in trouble if they were to find her eavesdropping on their conversation, so she tried to flee. However, she crashed against someone's front, Mel grunted and turned around quickly, "Sorry!"

Harry blinked in surprise, probably not expecting to see her.

"Severus, you cannot pretend this isn't happening!" The voice was getting closer. "It's been getting clearer and clearer for months. I am becoming seriously concerned, I can't deny it —"

"Then flee," Snape replied. "Flee — I will make your excuses. I, however, am remaining at Hogwarts."

Mel jumped out of Harry's grip, fearing that Snape could find a fitting reason to take points away since he seemed to be registering the bushes in search for rulebreakers.

"Ten points from Ravenclaw, Fawcett! And ten points from Hufflepuff too, Stebbins!– And what are you three doing?"

"We're walking," Ron told Snape. "Not against the law, is it?"

"Keep walking, then!" And with that, both men were gone.

"What's got Karkaroff all worried?" Ron muttered.

"Dunno, he was talking about some mark on his skin," Mel kept her eyes on them until they disappeared. "Said something about bad omens..."

"Since when have he and Snape been on first-name terms?" Harry asked in confusion.

"Is weird–" She shared a look with the boy, then remembered she was mad at him and turned hot on her heel without a second glance.

"Wait!" Harry called after her.

Unfortunately, she had to stop a second time when she heard Hagrid's voice coming from the bench ahead of them. Mel hushed him and indicated both boys to be quiet before pointing at the bench. Harry turned to see if they could go back and tapped Ron's shoulder to get his attention and tell him to go back. Ron strongly refused when he saw Fleur there with her date and pulled them closer to the shadows so no one could see them.

"You better hope Snape doesn't find us here, Ronald," Mel whispered angrily.

"Shh!"

"What did you know, 'Agrid?" Madame Maxime was saying.

'I hate this, I hate this, I hate this,' Mel echoed in her mind, eyes fixed on a beetle slowly crawling up the reindeer statue where they were currently hiding.

"I jus' knew... knew you were like me... Was it yer mother or yer father?"

"I — I don't know what you mean, 'Agrid..."

"It was my mother. She was one o' the las' ones in Britain. 'Course, I can' remember her too well... she left, see. When I was abou' three. She wasn' really the maternal sort. Well... it's not in their natures, is it? Dunno what happened to her... might be dead fer all I know..."

"Mel," Harry tried a second time. "Mel, I'm sorry about what I said before, I didn't mean–"

"Are you really trying to do this now?" She hissed. "Shut up!"

"Me dad was broken-hearted when she wen'. Tiny little bloke, my dad was. By the time I was six, I could lift him up an' put him on top o' the dresser if he annoyed me. Used ter make him laugh... Dad raised me... but he died, o' course, jus' after I started school. Sorta had ter make me own way after that. Dumbledore was a real help, mind. Very kind ter me, he was..." Hagrid blew his nose loudly.

Mel jumped and Harry pulled her back quickly, she noticed his hand lingered on her waist afterwards. She didn't try to push it away, for now.

"So... anyway... enough abou' me. What about you? Which side you got it on?"

"It is chilly," Madame Maxime stood up. "I think I will go in now."

"Eh? No, don' go! I've — I've never met another one before!"

"Anuzzer what, precisely?"

The hand on her waist tightened and her shoulders tensed, they were preparing for impact.

"Another half-giant, o' course!"

" 'Ow dare you!" Madame Maxime gasped. "I 'ave nevair been more insulted in my life! 'Alf-giant? Moi? I 'ave — I 'ave big bones!" She stormed off into the castle, after a minute of dense silence, Hagrid walked slowly in the direction of his cabin.

"C'mon," Harry's voice startled her again. "Let's go... What's up?"

"Did you know?" Ron asked. "About Hagrid being half-giant?"

"I didn't," Mel replied.

"No," Harry shrugged. "So what?"

Ron grimaced, he shook his head, pushing them forward. "I'll explain inside, c'mon..."

Mel didn't want to go back inside with them, but the curiosity was killing her and she needed to know, no one talked until they reached a table.

"So? What's the problem with giants?" Harry was the first to ask.

"Well, they're... they're... not very nice."

"Oh, I understand everything now," Mel said sarcastically.

"Who cares? There's nothing wrong with Hagrid!"

"I know there isn't, but... blimey, no wonder he keeps it quiet, I always thought he'd got in the way of a bad Engorgement Charm when he was a kid or something. Didn't like to mention it..."

"But what's it matter if his mother was a giantess?" Harry insisted.

"Well... no one who knows him will care, 'cos they'll know he's not dangerous... But they're just vicious, giants. It's like Hagrid said, it's in their natures, they're like trolls... they just like killing, everyone knows that. There aren't any left in Britain now, though."

"What happened to them?"

"Well, they were dying out anyway, and then loads got themselves killed by Aurors. There're supposed to be giants abroad, though... They hide out in mountains mostly..."

"I don't know who Maxime thinks she's kidding," Harry grumbled. "If Hagrid's half-giant, she definitely is. Big bones... the only thing that's got bigger bones than her is a dinosaur."

"Are we sure is not a misconception like several from around here?" Mel inquired. "Take muggle-borns, for example..."

"Oh no, not at all. Giants are awfully violent and let it very clear during the last war... wonder how Hagrid's dad got one interested..."

"Let's not talk about Hagrid behind his back, all right?" Mel looked around. "More so when there are so many people that could hear."

Five minutes later she was considering to go find the twins and join their table when Harry tried to apologize once more.

"Mel?" He inched just a bit closer. "I'm sorry, I really am– I didn't mean it."

"I know that," She scowled. "You said it anyway, and it hurt."

"That's why I'm sorry," He seemed truly repentant. "I didn't mean to make you cry–"

"I didn't cry."

"I saw your face when we found you," He turned his body, now he was fully facing her. "I felt awful, even before I saw you... I don't want to stop being friends."

"Me neither," She grumbled. "What d'you suggest, then?"

"I want to know if you'll forgive me first," He said with a hint of hope. "Will you?"

Of course she would, she wanted nothing more... She also wanted to yell at him that he had no reason to be so rude. Blimey, why did he have to be so stupid?

"Yes," She glared, "but don't ever talk to me like that again, I'm not the type to take advantage of nice boys and you know it. It's awfully rude, and I have enough of that."

"You won't hear a word of it again."

"Okay... What now?"

Harry smiled shyly. "I can offer you a dance before the ball ends? I know I messed up the last one..."

She could've refused and kept her chin up for the rest of the night, she could've even said she'd rather dance with Goyle than to give him the satisfaction of saying he got to dance a third time with her... but she really wanted to dance with him.

"All right," She stood up and walked without waiting. "Just one. I don't feel like holding hands with you for long periods of time."

"What about short periods of time?" Harry asked, happily following her like a puppy.

"If you find a way to get away with it," She replied with the tiniest smile. "You may certainly try."

By midnight the ball was coming to an end, it wasn't the perfect evening Mel had dreamed of, but it had been nice, even educational. She saw Hermione walked past them without a second glance. Ron had it coming, he and his need to be in a bad mood about everything all the time.

As they started their way upstairs, a voice called Harry. It was Cedric, he rushed over to meet them halfway, leaving Cho Chang at the foot of the stairs.

"Yeah?" Harry asked in confusion.

Cedric looked at Mel and Ron with mistrust, both kids gave him a weird look and kept walking, understanding the message.

"He sure acts like he's worth a lot, the idiot," Ron scoffed.

"Cedric didn't do anything to upset you."

"Cedric?" Ron replied as they got to the second floor. "I wasn't talking about Cedric."

"Then who?"

"Krum! Strutting around the castle, going to the library and talking to Hermione like he has the right to... to interrupt your study sessions."

"Are you jealous?"

He looked scandalized, "Why would I be?"

"I honestly don't know."

The rest of the walk was quiet until they entered the common room, Hermione was waiting for them, arms crossed and a stare that Mel knew all too well.

"Well?" She asked.

"Well, what?"

"Are you going to apologize?"

"Apologize?" Ron gaped. "I did nothing wrong!"

"Yes, you did!" Hermione stepped forward.

"Godric, have mercy..." Mel groaned, walking up to a chair and sitting down heavily.

The Gryffindors that were arriving paid no mind to their argument, most of them were too tired to even notice what was going on.

"I was only telling the truth!" Ron continued loudly. "This has to be another way to get more points on the next task, I don't like it and neither should you!"

"Well, if you don't like it, you know what the solution is, don't you?" Hermione was shaking in anger, her hair was slowly falling down from its bun and her face was getting redder.

"Oh yeah? What's that?" Ron yelled back.

Harry arrived then, giving her a puzzled look.

"Just let it happen," She mumbled.

"Next time there's a ball," Hermione continued, "ask me before someone else does, and not as a last resort!" The girl walked out of the place and straight to the dormitories.

"Well," Ron said, blinking a few times in confusion, "well — that just proves — completely missed the point —"

Mel stood up.

"Get over it," She patted his back and went upstairs.

Next Chapter —>

Taglist.

@dee123ksha​ @vampiregirl1797 @siriuslysirius1107 @stardusthigh @mikariell95 @vernon-dursley @thesuitelifeofafangirl @tomshollandz @kylosleftbuttcheek @reverse-hxlland @bloodorangemoonlight @omiwashere​ @t-rexs-world

[xenoshadel]

Small Victories

Series: Angels of Death

Summary:  Post-canon where after Zack and Rachel escaped, Zack wants to learn how to read. Granted it'll take some time on top of learning how to write, but it'll make a small victory of its own down the road. Warning for Zack being, well, Zack. Also on Ao3!

A small victory for Zack is finding a few snacks in the trash that still had the wrapping on. For Rachel, it’s gathering enough money to stay in the cheapest hotel they can find for a few nights. It was Rachel’s idea to beg on the streets for money, but after seeing how much more she made while people were quick to ignore Zack, the latter had more of an itch to kill someone and steal their wallet. He claimed it was easier that way, and it was a topic that didn’t have a moral victory if they could still scrounge up enough cash.

The apartment was as shabby as all the other ones they stayed at: a small living room with a tattered couch, a smaller kitchen down the hallway, a bedroom and a space with a table. Zack dropped the scythe he recently found—and grew to adore as much as his old one—on the couch while Rachel tucked the pieces of cardboard she carried with her by the bookcase in the living room.

“Hey,” Zack said. “I know you wrote things on the cardboard for people to read while you begged for a little while, but what does it actually say?”

“I wrote: ‘Homeless and cold, please spare any change you might have for food. God bless.’ Simple and to the point,” Rachel explained.

“You wrote that? And people can read it?”

“Well, yeah. Why?”

Zack narrowed his eyes in thought. “I did some thinking before you found the hotel and you offered to teach me to read. It would make things a hell of a lot easier if we split up and I knew what the store signs read or whatever papers in the alleys had to say. So I… might want to learn today.”

Now that was surprising of him to say. “You don’t sound like you want to though,” Rachel said.

“Well of course not, but like I said, it’ll be easier if I can read and I can’t exactly have people in the streets read to me while I mob them. So you down or what?”

Zack felt a little exasperated at the stare she gave him. Not of surprise or excitement, just the same dull look she always had on. He was ready to take back his words until she turned around to look through the apartment. Rachel found a stack of papers in the kitchen and the space with the table had a few pencils.

“If you insist, then yeah I can teach you.”

“Gee, no need to sound so excited now.” Sarcasm aside, Zack was a little curious when he walked over to sit on the chair across from Rachel. He picked a sheet of paper to place in front of him and had an awkward time positioning the pencil to stay comfortably in his hand. He decided against it and gave the pencil to Rachel instead. “So, what first?”

“We can do the alphabet for starters. I’ll write out each letter first and pronounce them for you.”

It seemed simple in the first few minutes until Zack started to count the letters after what seemed like a bit too many to him. “Hey, how many letters are there?”

“Twenty-six.”

“The hell? Why are there so many?”

Rachel gave him a blank look. “I don’t know. That’s just how the English alphabet was designed. Some languages have more or fewer letters.”

“More than twenty-six? Well shit. Alright, whatever.” Zack tried to follow along again, his eyes squinting at each shape of the letter. He sounded proud of himself when he looked over the easy ones like ‘l’ and ‘o’ while those that looked similar to each other gave him an annoying itch at his fingertips.

Rachel finished all the letters and started another row of shapes that looked different to Zack and he asked, “Wait, what are those supposed to be?”

“When it comes to writing, there are capital and lowercase letters. I wrote the capital letters first and those are for the first letter of a sentence or the first letter of important words, like a name. Lowercase letters then follow after it.” Rachel continued to write the letters until it seemed like the whole page was full of shapes, not noticing that Zack was already lost when she finished.

Well that made things more annoying. Zack pursed his lips. “The fuck? Why is it so complicated?”

“That’s just how the system works for reading and writing properly. Plus if you can read, you can also write.”

“Now why the fuck do I need to do that for?”

“To write notes for yourself, maybe as a reminder?” Rachel shrugged.

“I may not have a head like yours but I’m not stupid enough to forget things,” Zack scoffed. “What else, write a fuckin’ diary to talk about my feelings?”

Rachel watched him lean against the chair and kick his feet up on the table. “That’s one option.”

“Dear diary. I found a squirrel and told him my name, even spelled it out for ‘em. He ran away before I finished and the fucker hurt my feelings. Maybe writing them out will make me feel better but I still want to tear that bastard into shreds. Love, Zack.”

Rachel paused. “Some people write explicitly but most find that it helps make them feel better.”

“What does? Writing out their feelings like a sissy?”

“Well yeah. Even though it didn’t happen, imagine if you wrote it down. How do you think you’ll feel?”

“Eh? I’d feel the same? Like myself? The fuck kind of magic is writing supposed to do to me?” Zack put his feet down and leaned close to her. “Are you a fuckin’ therapist now?”

Rachel sighed, “Far from it, unless you want Doctor Danny to come back from the dead.”

“Fuck yeah I do! That way I can rip him apart for sure and the guy will be booted to hell,” Zack laughed. “Should’ve done it when I had the chance. Damn.”

“Do you want to continue or not?”

The thought of slashing the doctor’s head off was brushed away from her unfazed voice, and Zack sighed, “I didn’t say I’ll stop, did I?” He snatched the paper from her. “Lemme go through this then.”

Well, neither of them mentioned him stopping but if that meant giving him more motivation to practice then by all means. Rachel stepped around him while Zack pronounced each letter of the alphabet to himself and rewrote them on a new sheet of paper. There were a few times he almost broke the pencil from using the eraser too hard at the mistakes he made, and he kept grumbling to himself when he stopped to brush the eraser shavings away.

“Why the fuck does some of the letters look like that anyway? More scribbles but fancier, psh.”

Rachel ignored him, knowing that a response will make him more irritated with his progress. He didn’t seem too frustrated though, determined and annoyed were better ways to describe him, despite how much time he took with his handwriting.

“Ah fuck, why bother with all this if I can say words,” Zack muttered.

“Some letters are trickier to write than others, but at least try to write the whole alphabet down.”

“There you go with your orders. I was already doing that, eh?”

Zack could make the argument that the pen was mightier than the sword if he stabbed someone hard enough with it. He remembered hearing that phrase before, and he was sure the pencil will work just as fine if he was really pissed off. The sharpener was on the table and he took a few moments to use it when the lead was too dull to continue.

“You know, I found papers with writing in the place you stayed at when I went to your floor for the knife. Did you… try to write?” Rachel asked.

Zack paused. “Not like it mattered but yeah, guess I did. I knew that the alley papers with my picture were about me but it didn’t mean shit if I can’t read ‘em. Writing would’ve been pointless but I wanted to have a go to see what it felt like. Didn’t last long, didn’t fuckin’ matter.”

Rachel noticed how careful he was about making the pencil sharp and it was probably something he did back then, too. “But now it matters?”

“Because it’s important now, yeah. Sure.” He ruffled her hair, smirking when she tried to fix it. “I don’t have the greatest teacher in the world but I’m not complaining a whole lot, hm?”

He sounded a little satisfied with himself with the smile he wore, and Rachel returned a small smile of her own. He quipped at it remaining the same as ever but changed his focus onto the paper. Zack finished the alphabet and still had enough room on the bottom of the page to try a combination of words. He surprised her when she realized that he was trying to write her name, though with mild difficulty when he attempted her first name. After scratching it off to avoid wasting the eraser, he tried again with her nickname.

Zack handed the paper to her. “Well? I didn’t like how I made the rest of the letters for your name so I did that instead, Ray.”

“Not bad. It’s still legible enough to read,” Rachel said.

“I ain’t some fancy prick,” Zack snorted. “Don’t need to be one anyway.”

“Maybe I can teach you cursive writing too.”

“The fuck is that?”

Rachel smiled, turning the paper over to write her full name. To say that Zack was surprised would be an understatement when he watched her write out the letters and how they stayed connected. The loops and swirls looked more garbled than his own handwriting and he threw his hands up.

“There ain’t no fucking way that’s writing! Even I can do something like that!”

“It’s cursive writing. Something people back in the day used and some people to this day continue to write in cursive,” Rachel explained. “Think of it as writing meant to look fancy.”

“If that’s fancy then my writing is fucking beautiful.” Zack rolled his eyes. “But this isn’t necessary writing? I don’t need to know this, right?!”

“Well, it might be helpful if you came across cursive writing and knew what it read.”

“Aw c’mon! That’s more work to do and remember!” Zack glared at the writing, trying to make sense of the swirls that looked like witchcraft symbols to him. He could guess the first letter being ‘R’, but the rest that followed lost him. She was probably messing with him, though her eyes barely held any amusement for him to threaten her with, and he sighed heavily instead. “Save this lesson for much, much later, aight?”

“If you insist. I’m sure we’ll have enough paper to practice by then.”

“Shut it. I ain’t the fastest learner but damn it the pencils will be put to good use. What else do we have to write with?”

Blue eyes looked around them. “I did spot a few pens by the door, but ink and lead aren’t the only things you can use if you’re in a situation without a writing utensil. Blood can be written with as well.”

“Blood?” Zack gave her an odd look. “You got a sick mind now? Slicing yourself up to send a message to someone?”

“It sends a message in its own way.” Rachel shrugged. “If there’s no ink or lead and you still have something to write with, even your own hands, then it works.”

“And that’s batshit crazy,” Zack muttered. “So wait, when we went through all those floors and you saw some writing on the walls, you read all that?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you remember what you read?”

Rachel raised an eyebrow. The memories blurred together for her and even if she did remember, it wouldn’t be significant. “No. They weren’t important and were too vague to be helpful as clues.”

“Huh.” Zack sounded unconvinced but there wasn’t a point to ask more about it. He looked back at the stack of paper. “Well, I’ll try again on this.”

The fact he was committed to learning how to write when he was previously against it amused Rachel. She didn’t have it in her to laugh about it, let alone have her eyes do the talking, but a small smile was the most for either of them to understand the message. “Let me know if you need help with something.”

“Hey I can manage just fine,” Zack said. He was already in his mode of concentration, which frankly was something he wasn’t used to being in. He didn’t remember the last time he had to think that hard for any reason when things were simple back then, but he supposed it wasn’t as simple now.

He paused at the thought and turned to Rachel, who went to look through one of the books in the shelves of the living room. She picked a heavy one and brushed the dust off it while she made her way to the couch, and Zack caught gold writing on the cover when she opened it. A simple thing to notice, and if he was able to read the cover, it'll be a small victory of its own. And if Rachel can read the whole book without a problem, maybe there will be a day where it won’t be as… complicated for him, to put it.

He sat back at the table, his hand reaching for the pencil and he took a moment to inspect it. The point remained sharp and with a bit of movement, he can create something that was already so simple to everyone else, until one day he can be on the same page as them. Zack chuckled a little at his own joke, mainly to brush off the impending headache after using what felt like too much brainpower to him, and picked a clean sheet of paper to start off with.

“Guess it’s the alphabet again.”

Scritch scritch.

“Lowercase ‘b’ is that way… ‘D’ is that way… ‘M’ then ‘n.’ ‘P’ is… ah shit, the lead broke off.”

He picked up another pencil to resume his work. Most of the letters were written without his headache growing, and he decided to attempt something else.

“Z… nah that’s not straight enough. Or maybe that’s okay? For fuck’s sake, I don’t think it matters.”

Scritch scritch.

“Z... a…”

Zack felt silly for trying so hard, but if Rachel happened to be feeling smug about this, he will be sure to prove her wrong. Or did she ever smug? Nah, that’s too useless to think about, and he was nearly finished anyway.

“C… K. ‘Kay. Cool?” Zack looked at the paper, squinting at the letters. “Guess it does feel different to actually recognize it. Z.. a… ck. Huh.”

A touch of pride that blossomed when he read his name a few times over. That was his name he successfully wrote, his name. Granted it didn’t match the feeling he had after a sweet kill or cutting down someone that smiled too broadly, but it felt nice to do a good job at something that was still a part of him.

“Hey Ray! I got my name down!” he called out, a little too giddy at his own victory.

Soft footsteps when Rachel made her way to him and she looked at the paper. Her eyes didn’t match his excitement, but she nodded in approval. “I think it’s more legible this time, too.”

“Oh come on. Whatever, it’s good enough for the day!”

Rachel tilted her head. “You don’t plan on practicing more?”

“After learning the alphabet, reading that, and writing this?! I don’t have enough brains in me, squirt,” Zack scoffed. “Doing more would kill me, though I’m dying for a kill.”

He laughed at the subtle way her eyes narrowed at him. “I’m kidding. Maybe. I think writing in blood won’t be so fucked up after all if it’s someone else’s blood and me writing my name on them. How cool would that be?!”

“You will be identified sooner and breaking out of jail won’t be so easy after a few times,” Rachel simply said.

“Way to ruin the party.” Zack stuck his tongue out. “I’ll still do it, mark my words. Ha! Get it?”

No response from her but Zack still laughed anyway. He clapped his hands and announced the extra brainpower he used was enough to make him hungry, and he strolled towards the fridge. Rachel shook her head, gathering the papers to put away for the next day and she stopped at the paper Zack used.

He wrote his name and at the bottom of the page, he wrote her name as well. Zack and Ray, and he did seem more proud of himself when he walked away. Rachel glanced between the paper and him, who found a jug of soda to chug down, and made another little smile before she put the papers in a folder.

Life wasn’t as simple as before, but maybe it was getting better with the small victories.

[thalia-amongst-the-thorns]

Angsty Q & A

Oh boy kids, strap in because this is a loooong one since @all-made-of-stardust asked for all of my main characters with all of the odd numbers from this post.

Answers under the cut because this got a teeny bit away from me.

Mae Niwot

1. What’s one experience your character had that made them very afraid? Pretty much the majority of her life from age twelve to sixteen while her mom was stationed overseas. Mae put up a good front for her dad but every call at home scared the bejeezus out of her because she feared it’d be the one telling them her mom died in combat. That and a few instances with farm life (riding a horse that went out of her control, shooting a shotgun for the first time, etc.) that she got over relatively quickly.

3. Have they ever lost a loved one? What happened to them, and are they the same as they were before they lost them? Her grandfather on her father’s side from old age/heart issues; it helped bridge some of the issues her dad has with his family and by extension, Mae. She’s now closer with her father’s family and regrets that she didn’t know her grandfather that well before his passing but has learned a lot about him from the rest of her dad’s family.

5. Would they ever turn on someone they just met in order to save themselves? Nope, never. It goes against Mae’s core principle of defending those who can’t defend themselves and trying to solve conflict with non-violent solutions first.

7. If your character was allowed to murder one person without any consequences, who would it be and why? See answer to previous question.

9. Is the character a victim of abuse? No; Mae has a lot going on, especially with some emotional strain from her family and self-expectations, but not abuse.

11. What are your character’s coping mechanisms? After her mom came back home and showed signs of PTSD, Mae spent a lot of time reading up on the subject and talking with her school’s counselor, who thankfully had good insights that Mae was able to use to help her family, along with talking to people from the National Center for PTSD to help her mom. Now a days Mae applies some of these methods for her own mental well-being; mindfulness meditation, communicating her feelings clearly, along with physical stuff like kick boxing and gardening.

13. What does it take to make your character cry? Mae’s not afraid to show her emotions but doesn’t like making people uncomfortable with overemotional displays. If she feels comfortable, she’ll cry about anything that pulls at her heart strings; people suffering, injustice, sunrises, the goodness of people.

15. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared? Her family getting hurt, being unable to protect someone, hurting someone needlessly, her leadership leading to one of her friends getting hurt. In general Mae’s one of those people less scared of physical things which are easily punch-able or can be talked down as opposed to nebulous feelings like Failure and Disappointment which you just have to grit your teeth and suffer through. However, there’s a good reason Mae’s the leader; even scared she can compartmentalize and plan a path of action, only giving in to fear and tears when she has reassured herself that the danger has passed and it is now safe to do so.

17. Is your character afraid of death? Why/why not? Not afraid, but she certainly doesn’t want to. Given that she’s taken up superhero-ing she’s had to make peace with the fact that this is a very real possibility for her. She thinks the good she’s doing outweighs the risks though and would willingly lay her life down to save another’s. She’s one of those Self-Sacrifice Heroes.

19. What is your character insecure about? Mae’s pretty good emotionally, honestly; like all kids she went through phases of being insecure with her body but has come to terms with that and kicks ass with her thick arms. Again, worries about leading her rag-tag group of super friends, but their trust in her boosters her own confidence. She is a bit insecure about her self-identity sometimes; she’s biracial, mom’s white, dad’s Arapaho, and their marriage led to some…complications with his family. While trying to reconnect with her extended family Mae sometimes felt like an outsider on both sides, not fully included in either group, not white or Arapaho, just lost.

21. Does your character have anyone that they really care about, to the point that they would give their life for them? If so, who are they and what is your character’s relation to them? If not, do they wish they did? Is there anyone they wish they could build such a relationship with? Have I mentioned Mae would basically lay her life down to save anyone in her care? Literally anyone? If you made Mae do the Trolley Problem she’d pull an Option C and throw herself on the tracks so that everyone else lives. There is no hierarchy to Mae’s devotion for everyone’s wellbeing; she’d save a friend as likely as a stranger.

23. Is your character more physically or emotionally strong? Why is this? Mae is easily the most emotionally stable of the group and actively seeks passing on coping mechanisms/emotional balance to others. She’s also the Oklahoma State Girls’ Kickboxing and Boxing Championship winner five years running and bench presses 200lbs. She believes in nurturing both a strong body and mind, plus farm life favors the strong.

25. Do they find that they care what others think of them? Or do they not really mind how others view them? Eh, Mae cares a bit, especially when she hurts someone or if a friend is upset with her, but for the most part she’s fine leaving people to their opinions.

27.  What would be the worst way to die, in your character’s opinion? Seeing no way out besides killing yourself.

29. What is their weapon of choice, and what weapon do they dislike using the most? Mae’s very accomplished with her powers of plant and earth manipulation (lot of practice out on the farm) and with her fists from years of boxing and kickboxing, combining both in very effective use against villains. She’s also made a point of studying up and practicing basic weapons skills with various guns and knives to better combat foes using them, though she’s not very fond of any alien tech since it usually throws her off because she most definitely did not study up on laser beams.

Daniel Tarson

1. What’s one experience your character had that made them very afraid? There have been a few villains who have had the powers or technology to cut Daniel off from his own powers completely. Since Daniel’s been in constant communication with animals from birth and views his shapeshifting as an intrinsic part of himself as valuable as a sense of morality or sight, this is…very bad. Daniel’s sense of self and his powers are one and the same. Without them he is adrift. His head is unnerving quiet without the constant thoughts of his animal brethren. Senses dulled to a human’s pitiful capabilities. Without them Daniel is disoriented, lost, panicked, almost to the point of a mental breakdown, unsure of his own being and dissociative.  

3. Have they ever lost a loved one? What happened to them, and are they the same as they were before they lost them? A bit odd by human standards, but Daniel truly views all animals as his brothers and sisters and mourns any of there passing as deeply as a human friend. There have been multiple instances of this over his life considering he grew up on his aunt’s wildlife preservation which often took in injured animals with the hope of rehabilitation that didn’t always end happily; each was painful but helped Daniel gain a unique appreciation for the naturalness of death.

5. Would they ever turn on someone they just met in order to save themselves? Nah, Danny boy’s not big on leaving behind potential new members of his pack.

7. If your character was allowed to murder one person without any consequences, who would it be and why? There’re some poachers he would take particular pleasure in taking down The Most Dangerous Game style…

9. Is the character a victim of abuse? Abuse, no. Neglect? Maybe. His parents took on a bit of a hands-off approach, leaving a gap his aunt tried to fill.

11. What are your character’s coping mechanisms? Animal thoughts are less complex than humans. Less rules. Animals are more straight forward in their wants and needs, lacking the stupidly complex hang-ups that come with human like guilt, shame, avarice. When things get bad, when Daniel doesn’t want to feel human anymore with all the baggage that comes with it, he’ll slip into a different skin and let his humanity slide sideways in favor of the comforting simplicity of animal nature…

13. What does it take to make your character cry? Daniel is a pretty chill dude; it takes a lot to upset him and usually that just results in anger rather than sadness. That said, hurting him emotionally with no means for him to take it out physically brings on tears.

15. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared? Losing his connection to his (animal) family is up there, but losing any member of his (super friends) pack is unimaginable. When scared Daniel falls back on animalistic tendencies, puffing up, baring teeth, probably some minor shape shifting to get actual fangs and claws, trying to show the scary thing that he’s the most terrifying thing in the room.

17. Is your character afraid of death? Why/why not? Nah, death is a natural part of the animal kingdom and life in general, how you live is what’s important. Daniel is very much a “live in the moment” chill dude.

19. What is your character insecure about? Listen; Daniel has no shame. Shame is a human construct that confuses him since no one has been able to adequately explain it beyond “It’s just something you feel, you naked weirdo!”. Frankly, this whole thing sounds like an elaborate hoax and you should stop buying into it.

21. Does your character have anyone that they really care about, to the point that they would give their life for them? If so, who are they and what is your character’s relation to them? If not, do they wish they did? Is there anyone they wish they could build such a relationship with? His aunt who basically raised him and any member of his team, but especially Mae once they start dating though he recognizes that she can take care of herself.

23. Is your character more physically or emotionally strong? Why is this? Even if he’s a bit “off” by human standards, Daniel’s very confident, self-assure, and happy with his emotional state. That said, he’s one of the heavy hitters on the team for good reason, so we’ll go with physically strong.

25. Do they find that they care what others think of them? Or do they not really mind how others view them? Daniel is just super happy with himself and wants everyone to feel the same way about themselves. Jury’s still out if he’s intentionally ignoring complaints or just really dense or just really confidant.

27.  What would be the worst way to die, in your character’s opinion? After watching his friends die.

29. What is their weapon of choice, and what weapon do they dislike using the most? Good old fisticuffs combined with whatever creature he changes into, though Daniel’s particularly fond of grizzly bears and gray wolf as they give him power and finesse. He doesn’t have a lot of experience in armed combat, but the only weapon he “dislikes” is guns due to some unfortunate mix ups on the preservation that led to him getting hunted down and shot.

Sasha Hile

1. What’s one experience your character had that made them very afraid? She didn’t understand what was going on at the time, but when she was like four Sasha ate something that didn’t react well to her half-alien physiology and went into anaphylactic shock which was already horrifying enough, but what really got to her was seeing her dads panic over what to do. It was a rather abrupt moment to realize that her parents might not actually be all powerful.

3. Have they ever lost a loved one? What happened to them, and are they the same as they were before they lost them? …You know what, she hasn’t. Her Daddy’s a secret alien refugee whose extended family are light years away and her Pop’s got a loving and supportive extended family that she cherishes; Sasha’s only been to one funeral for one of her Daddy’s work colleagues she never met.

5. Would they ever turn on someone they just met in order to save themselves? No, all strangers are friends you haven’t met yet! And you don’t abandon friends!

7. If your character was allowed to murder one person without any consequences, who would it be and why? The villain that killed Ed.

9. Is the character a victim of abuse? Their dads have made sure to provide Sasha and Jacklyn with a loving and supportive household, and the two have had an excellent home and social life.

11. What are your character’s coping mechanisms? Compilation videos of cute animals in boxes, putting Ariana Grande on blast and dancing out negative emotions, ice cream even if it’ll kill her, baking shows, talking things out and expressing her emotions.

13. What does it take to make your character cry? Girl will cry about not being able to handle a kitten being too small and cute. All emotions are felt and expressed 110%.

15. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared? Rejection and that people secretly hate her, that her dads will be disappointed in her. Also, not very fond of enclosed spaces, but not to the point of phobia. Due to her alien physiology Sasha’s skin glows a different color based on her emotions, with a deep shale grey for fear making it quite obvious when she’s scared. She tends to curl in on herself, mind screaming, mouth mumbling, and latches on to the closest person for moral support/comfort, probably some tears.

17. Is your character afraid of death? Why/why not? No, but in that way were teenagers aren’t scared because death happens to other people, not them. She’s a bit careless and reckless when she starts off as a superhero, especially with her own safety, but quickly gets shaken out of that mindset for the most part.

19. What is your character insecure about? As a gymnast Sasha gets a lot of pressure about her body and appearance from all sides; she tries to ignore the noise, but it gets to her in terms of clothes and self-importance. She also can’t help comparing herself to her twin, Jacklyn, who applies herself to academics rigorously while Sasha’s not the greatest student. Sasha also struggles with her identity; being half alien’s hard enough without your dad refusing to tell you anything about it.

21. Does your character have anyone that they really care about, to the point that they would give their life for them? If so, who are they and what is your character’s relation to them? If not, do they wish they did? Is there anyone they wish they could build such a relationship with? Her family, obviously, and her friends, the lights of her life and super fight time friend buddies!

23. Is your character more physically or emotionally strong? Why is this? A good fighter, Sasha’s a lot more in touch with her emotions given her powers literally color code them for her and is naturally very empathetic and likes to talk with and listen to people’s problems and provide solutions.

25. Do they find that they care what others think of them? Or do they not really mind how others view them? She tries to be confident and self-assured and all smiles on the outside, but deep-down Sasha cares and wants people to like and need her.

27.  What would be the worst way to die, in your character’s opinion? Buried alive; slow, painful, sends shivers down her spine.

29. What is their weapon of choice, and what weapon do they dislike using the most? Sasha’s got a good handle on her powers, energy blasts that give her range and a lot of punch, with her acrobatic skills providing her support if someone fights her in close quarters. That said, she’s not fond of knives, bit messy and too personal for her tastes.

Ed Washio

1. What’s one experience your character had that made them very afraid? Two years of being kidnapped and experimented on for unknown purposes, unsure if his parents were still searching for him, shuttled between being strapped down on a table with tubes shoved in his throat and a stark cage, mind so addled by drugs he was only dimly aware of the other failed children subjects being wheeled past him in body bags. The fear that his parents didn’t want him. That this pain was his life now.

3. Have they ever lost a loved one? What happened to them, and are they the same as they were before they lost them? Ed’s lost both his grandparents on his father’s side, both to heart complications. He wasn’t especially close to them, and his parents weren’t very effected by it either, so it didn’t seem like a big deal.

5. Would they ever turn on someone they just met in order to save themselves? Oh, hell yeah, if you can’t handle it then sucks to be you buddy.

7. If your character was allowed to murder one person without any consequences, who would it be and why? One would be hard to pick, but Dr. Rajinder is high on the list…

9. Is the character a victim of abuse? Both physical and emotional. Even once he escaped captivity and returned home things weren’t great. One of the reasons why he’s so shut off from others, bit of a self-preservation thing.

11. What are your character’s coping mechanisms? Emotionally closed off from others, distances himself by belittling and acting indifferent to other’s needs, putting on a mask of over confidence to hide his deep running insecurities of inadequacy.

13. What does it take to make your character cry? Ed doesn’t do expressing emotions besides derision and self-loathing.

15. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared? Hospitals and doctors; unless he prepares himself for it, he’ll go into a full-on panic attack, yelling and unable to process anything but the burning desire to leave right now. More generally he’s got a bit of stage fright.

17. Is your character afraid of death? Why/why not? Not a bit; his power of invulnerability is so complete he’s a bit arrogant about his inability to get hurt, let alone die.

19. What is your character insecure about? …heheHAHAHAHAHA— His relationship with his parents, disappointing his family, that his brother’s right about him, that something’s broken inside him, he’s a failure and will never succeed at anything, he’d be better off dead from the experimentation--

21. Does your character have anyone that they really care about, to the point that they would give their life for them? If so, who are they and what is your character’s relation to them? If not, do they wish they did? Is there anyone they wish they could build such a relationship with? …his friends once he realizes that’s what they are. Especially Sasha when he accepts how he feels about her.

23. Is your character more physically or emotionally strong? Why is this? Boy is an emotional train wreck and actually not that great a fighter until his secondary mutation kicks in and he can bench press a bus, so physically. Eventually.

25. Do they find that they care what others think of them? Or do they not really mind how others view them? He likes to act like he doesn’t give a shit, but the boy gives many, many shits, especially about what his parents think.

27.  What would be the worst way to die, in your character’s opinion? He can’t so it doesn’t matter. On an operating table after waking up mid surgery

29. What is their weapon of choice, and what weapon do they dislike using the most? Being a stubborn prick sometimes, Ed didn’t put a lot of stock in actually learning how to fight since his powers meant he could never be hurt. Over time he’s learned that even if he’ll be okay, he needs to be able to defend other people and is pretty decent at hand to hand combat. Not great with guns, his aim’s pretty shitty and Marcus teases him mercilessly about it.

Marcos Powell

1. What’s one experience your character had that made them very afraid? The first time he was left in charge of looking after his sister and promptly lost her while at the mall; there were a lot of tears, yelling, and panicking about his looming death via chancla. Three hours and an amber alert later, he wasn’t even sure if he was happy to see her again after she was fished out of the kid center ball pit.

3. Have they ever lost a loved one? What happened to them, and are they the same as they were before they lost them? His dad when he was around fifteen from skin cancer. It was a slow process and rocked the family emotionally and financially. Since his passing Marcos has tried to step up as the “man of the house” as it were, treating his five siblings more like his kids than his brothers and sisters, picking up as many part time gigs as he can to help take pressure off his mom, and kind of letting his personal life go on the wayside.

5. Would they ever turn on someone they just met in order to save themselves? No way man, and he’s got a pretty good out for you with teleportation.

7. If your character was allowed to murder one person without any consequences, who would it be and why? He’d make some joke about going back in time to kill M. Night Shyamalan before he made The Happening, but this boy isn’t killing anyone.

9. Is the character a victim of abuse? Nope!

11. What are your character’s coping mechanisms? Jokes: if you’re laughing, you can’t cry!

13. What does it take to make your character cry? A good rom-com or the beauty of a Mike Mignola original sketch.

15. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared? Letting down the memory of his dad or failing his family, his mom dying. More generally he’s a bit squicked out by things with unnecessary multiple eyes or mouths. Marcos is the kind to nervous talk when scared, so a lot of rambling in an increasingly high voice.

17. Is your character afraid of death? Why/why not? Yeah; it was painful watching his dad waste away and he wouldn’t want to put his family through that emotional trauma again. It runs at odds with the whole superhero gig; originally it was about doing something fun that connected him with his dad, but the gravity of the whole things starts to weigh on him when Marcos realizes death is a very real possibility when fighting crime.

19. What is your character insecure about? Good healthy body image and financial insecurities.

21. Does your character have anyone that they really care about, to the point that they would give their life for them? If so, who are they and what is your character’s relation to them? If not, do they wish they did? Is there anyone they wish they could build such a relationship with? I’m a broken record here, but his family and friends.

23. Is your character more physically or emotionally strong? Why is this? Emotionally; jokes aside, Marcos is genuinely caring and nurturing and wants to make people feel better. Boy’s also about as strong as overcooked spaghetti.

25. Do they find that they care what others think of them? Or do they not really mind how others view them? Generally, Marcos doesn’t care and enjoys doing his own thing, but if you’re someone close to him (family and friends) he cares deeply what you think about him.

27.  What would be the worst way to die, in your character’s opinion? …Cancer.

29. What is their weapon of choice, and what weapon do they dislike using the most? His cutting wit and charm! Aka, annoying villains with taunts and teleporting away so other people can land blows. Hates swords because all films ever lied and they’re a bitch to use properly.

Raiqah Damji

1. What’s one experience your character had that made them very afraid? The first (and only) time she tried to take down a supervillain solo, led to a lot of tears, panicking, and ultimately failure. Fighting scares the bejeezus out of her and she feels tremendous pressure to make sure everyone gets out okay and that big guy with flaming fists is trying to hit her oh god oh god she could die--!

3. Have they ever lost a loved one? What happened to them, and are they the same as they were before they lost them? An aunt and cousin in a car accident; it was a sober moment that brought Raiqah closer to her uncle and strengthened her faith.

5. Would they ever turn on someone they just met in order to save themselves? No and I am insulted you would ask.

7. If your character was allowed to murder one person without any consequences, who would it be and why? How dare you.

9. Is the character a victim of abuse? Nope no no.

11. What are your character’s coping mechanisms? Getting quiet and internalizing everything, trying to make herself as small as possible, writing her thoughts out, playing the piano, panicking and doing whatever is asked of her.

13. What does it take to make your character cry? Raising your voice around her.

15. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared? Disappointing her parents, snakes, spiders, public speaking, fighting, almost everything to some degree. When scared Raiqah gets tongue tied and has trouble breathing, usually curls in on herself and covers her ears/eyes to block out the object of fear.

17. Is your character afraid of death? Why/why not? Yes; death is scary and full of unknown variables, but she takes comfort in the guidance of Allah when she eventually passes.

19. What is your character insecure about? Everything; expressing her opinions, talking, what people think about her, being overeager, not doing enough to help people, being selfish, not performing well in school, disappointing her parents—

21. Does your character have anyone that they really care about, to the point that they would give their life for them? If so, who are they and what is your character’s relation to them? If not, do they wish they did? Is there anyone they wish they could build such a relationship with? Raiqah doesn’t want to die, but she does her best to protect her friends in battle and would definitely sacrifice herself for her parents.

23. Is your character more physically or emotionally strong? Why is this? Oh, emotionally; she may be timid and worried, but Raiqah’s emotionally mature and wise beyond her years and provides excellent advice and insights when you ask for them.

25. Do they find that they care what others think of them? Or do they not really mind how others view them? She cares. So much.

27.  What would be the worst way to die, in your character’s opinion? Any way, why are you talking about this????

29. What is their weapon of choice, and what weapon do they dislike using the most? Raiqah doesn’t really do “fighting”; she’s more about defense, providing energy shields and using psychokinesis to disarm or restrain opponents and very much hates violence and using any weapon.

Angie Hua

1. What’s one experience your character had that made them very afraid? The first time Palivāńkum overcame her mind and nearly made her destroyed her father’s psyche.

3. Have they ever lost a loved one? What happened to them, and are they the same as they were before they lost them? No, but there have been a few close calls with older relatives, not to mention the whole “god taking over my mind and trying to destroy my father and brother” thing.

5. Would they ever turn on someone they just met in order to save themselves? Not intentionally, but sometimes it’s not up to her.

7. If your character was allowed to murder one person without any consequences, who would it be and why? Do gods count?

9. Is the character a victim of abuse? Emotional abuse and manipulation from Palivāńkum as they try to assert dominance over her mind and body, and later from her father. Only one of these relationships improves…

11. What are your character’s coping mechanisms? Internalize all issues for later. Loud music, coffee, and throwing herself into menial tasks. Since Palivāńkum knows everything that goes on inside her head, Angie has to be careful about getting to wrapped up in negative emotions that Pali can take advantage of to get a foothold in Angie’s mind, but when she has a quiet moment to herself Angie will give her emotions due consideration.

13. What does it take to make your character cry? Not exactly a “crier”, but Angie’ll cry from emotional stress and fear if pushed to her breaking point.

15. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared? Being over taken mind and soul by a forgotten god of revenge who will use her to twist and warp the psyche of those it deems deserving of punishment, which turns out to be basically everyone. Possessing someone and killing in their body. Not returning to her own body in time while possessing someone. Hurting her family. When scared Angie freezes up, deer in the headlights style, trying to grapple with whatever is scaring her.

17. Is your character afraid of death? Why/why not? Yes. Death is an unknown that could be worse than her current situation, something Palivāńkum takes advantage of.

19. What is your character insecure about? Over time Angie took it upon herself to cultivate a sense of self confidence to combat society bullshit and just, yah know, to feel better about herself. Thus, her metamorphosis into a rocking goth punk goddess with multicolored hair and blasts the Sex Pistols who wears what she likes. She’s up there with Daniel in terms of having no shame for insecurities to exploit. That said; there’s a god in her head that wants to fully take over her mind and fucking take vengeance upon all sinful humans who she has to constantly restrain and placate and if she slips up once then everyone’s doomed. Just that tiny little thing…

21. Does your character have anyone that they really care about, to the point that they would give their life for them? If so, who are they and what is your character’s relation to them? If not, do they wish they did? Is there anyone they wish they could build such a relationship with? In a way Angie views her relationship as Palivāńkum’s keeper a bit like giving up her life for the sake of her family and later on everyone else. Any chance of a normal life was forfeit when Palivāńkum marked her and for a time all Angie saw in her future was forever wrestling with a petulant god for humanity’s sake.

23. Is your character more physically or emotionally strong? Why is this? Angie relies on the vast mental powers Palivāńkum grants her instead of physical confrontation; at the same time, much as she tries not to intrude on people’s inner thoughts without permission, Angie also gets baseline telepathic link with anyone near her that she uses to provide emotional insights and help people work through whatever is troubling their minds. She’s also very sure of her own emotions and who she is, which provides stability amongst all the other craziness in her life.

25. Do they find that they care what others think of them? Or do they not really mind how others view them? Angie doesn’t give a shit about any aesthetic issues people take with her. Palivāńkum’s presence though makes her sensitive to people thinking she’s a monster, that she agrees with Palivāńkum and wants to carry out their wishes, that she enjoys the tremendous power granted to her and mentally torturing people…

27.  What would be the worst way to die, in your character’s opinion? Having your memories wiped away, so that your final moments are a wave of confusion and fear with no thoughts you can draw upon to comfort you as you’re killed.

29. What is their weapon of choice, and what weapon do they dislike using the most? When possessing someone Angie has full access to their memories and abilities, including their experience with weapons. Supervillain fighting means that she has experienced battle as a variety of skilled opponents wielding from machine guns to laser blasters, but she’s especially fond of possessing anyone with swordsmanship skills, rather taken with the grace and ferocity of the technique. She least likes having to use novelty weapons (think like batarangs or star bolts) which just seem so needlessly extra.

Nobody

1. What’s one experience your character had that made them very afraid? Her parents being killed in front of her, powerless to stop it and being snatched away by those same killers. Locked away for five years, her body cut open, studied, cut again, knowing that there was no one left alive to come for her and stop it.

3. Have they ever lost a loved one? What happened to them, and are they the same as they were before they lost them? Ever member of her family is dead; three of her grandparents died before she was born and the last around when she was a year old, so not a lot of emotional attachment. Her parents were beaten and shot in front of her. A bit of her was lost that day, a her that wasn’t consumed by revenge.

5. Would they ever turn on someone they just met in order to save themselves? Yes, routinely.

7. If your character was allowed to murder one person without any consequences, who would it be and why? Dr. Rajinder. Slowly, since it’s personal…

9. Is the character a victim of abuse? Both physical and mental due to Dr. H. Forsberg.

11. What are your character’s coping mechanisms? Shoving people away, not making personal attachments, hurting them before they can hurt her, putting her well-being and wants before others’, picking fights just to feel better about herself when she wins, never showing emotions beyond rage and annoyance.

13. What does it take to make your character cry? For the first few months of her imprisonment and experimentation Nobody cried constantly until she realized that her tears did nothing to stop her suffering and only made the doctors hurt her more. A quiet patient was treated with leniency, so she was silent. She hasn’t cried since. No one will hurt her again.  

15. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared? Hospitals, doctors, and enclosed spaces. Mind readers and anyone who can influence thoughts. Emotions and failing in her mission. Nobody doesn’t just get scared, she gets angry that she’s scared and tends to lash out, punching whatever the thing is to get it to stop.

17. Is your character afraid of death? Why/why not? Not really; death didn’t come to her when she wanted it and she made peace with it. Plus, she’s a lot harder to kill now.

19. What is your character insecure about? Nobody doesn’t give fuck what anybody thinks about her and will be sure to tell you about it with her fists. She is 100% confident in all her decisions, as they all verve her ultimate goal to kill the Doc.

21. Does your character have anyone that they really care about, to the point that they would give their life for them? If so, who are they and what is your character’s relation to them? If not, do they wish they did? Is there anyone they wish they could build such a relationship with? No. She’s made a point of keeping people away to avoid this scenario and thinks she’s stronger for it.

23. Is your character more physically or emotionally strong? Why is this? Girl is an emotional garbage bag but will fight anyone and usually wins; physically strong given her time living homeless on the streets and having to defend herself.

25. Do they find that they care what others think of them? Or do they not really mind how others view them? She really, really doesn’t care. One cannot fathom the depths her uncaring sinks.

27.  What would be the worst way to die, in your character’s opinion? With Dr. Rajinder smiling, alive and well, as he cut her open for the last time.

29. What is their weapon of choice, and what weapon do they dislike using the most? Fists primarily, but over time Nobody’s collected a goody bag of weapons for her disposal; a Jericho 941, an array of switchblades and knives, and a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire. She’s a good shot and her ability to regenerate make her an unpredictable and reckless fighter, willing to take a hit if it means she gets the chance to stab you in the back. She dislikes the impersonal nature of poisons; she’s very much about getting her hands dirty, otherwise where’s the fun.in the fight?

[peterkayscarshare]

Life in the Slow Lane Chapter 3 by OvertheRainbow

She hated arguments. Mainly because she was completely rubbish at them. She couldn’t do confrontation and inevitably ended up in tears within minutes. This time was no exception. It didn’t help that her journey back to Mandy’s had been to the soundtrack of Forever FM’s “Sunday Love Connection With DJ Danny Love”. The whole thing was cheesier than an extra large Margarita Pizza, with stuffed crust, cheese bites, cheesy garlic bread and maybe a fondue thrown in for good measure. She’d held it together through Van Halen’s “Why Can’t This Be Love?” but by the time the late great Whitney Houston had finished belting out the first chorus of “All The Man That I Need”, played with “All my love always” from Leanne in Oldham to Richie in Southport, she was a blubbing mess. That it triggered her memory of John, on their first official “date”, telling her about his dedication to her, that she’d missed by moments, really didn’t help her situation. Try as she might, she found it impossible to be angry with him. Frustrated yes but angry, no. Even if he could never bring himself to fully open up and give her any more than they currently had, even if he could never actually say the word “love”, preferring to make hints and coded references, even if this “thing” was never going to work out, even if he was destined to break her heart beyond any and all repair, it was his to break. It always would be and that was that. 

 As she finally parked up in front of the house that never really felt like home, Kayleigh took a moment to compose herself. Steve was in his usual location, doing exactly what he always did. Rain, hail or shine. Mandy was on the front step next to a large ladder, looking exasperated, gesticulating wildly and intermittently pointing up at the Christmas lights, which had been hanging precariously from the roof for the better part of a year. As Mandy’s tone varied from a “not in front of the neighbours” whisper, to a socially acceptable outdoor voice, to a full on bollocking, Kayleigh caught the general gist of the conversation, even from inside the car. It was best summed up by Mandy’s final, very audible declaration, “You’re a useless dickhead!” Mandy never had any qualms about venting a sense of anger in her relationship. Throughout the entire tirade, Steve had remained his usual sanguine self. Saying nothing and wiping a spanner on his oil stained shirt. She’d never fully understood the dynamic between her sister and Steve. Mandy had the Kitson feisty gene. Steve was utterly passive to the point of comatose. She wasn’t entirely sure how her sister hadn’t strangled him, or died of boredom by now and yet, somehow it just worked for them. She knew how this latest incident would play out. Steve would leave Mandy to “simmer down”, then eventually fix the lights, at his own pace and in his own time. He’d give Mandy a cuddle, whisper something doubtless filthy in her ear, she’d giggle and smack him on the backside and before long, they’d be disappearing up the stairs. Kayleigh would settle on the sofa with a brew, open her iPad, load up Netflix and put her headphones on. All while contemplating yet another night alone in that tiny box room with a cross trainer, 36 pairs of shoes, a set of Babyliss Crimpers and a plastic heart shaped lamp for company. At least now she could add in another pair of shoes, yippee. Steve tapped on the passenger side window, “You gettin’ out sometime today or what?” “You fixin’ those lights sometime this year, you lazy sod?” came her terse reply as she opened the drivers side door. “Don’t you start. I’ve already had it off your sister”. “I know. I heard. I‘m guessin’ they could probably hear it in Dundee!” “Yeah well, Mandy’s got no volume control.” “She’s got more bloody patience than I’d have, that’s for sure. You said you were takin’ them down the day after New Years! They’ve been hanging up there like an afterthought ever since. They almost came down entirely after that bad weather last month.” By now Kayleigh had retrieved her bags from the car and was heading up the driveway. Steve was still surveying their “festive light display”. “I don’t know. Maybe we should leave ‘em as they are. They look like...what do they call it?… shabby chic”. “They look like shabby shit. Mandy’s right. Get ‘em fixed”, with that Kayleigh went inside, leaving Steve to resume his avoidance of the inevitable.

 As she entered the hallway she could hear Mandy “negotiating” with Chloe and Alfie over the evening’s dinner options, “We’re having a roast!” “We want chicken dippers!” “I want a fortnight in St Lucia, all inclusive but it’s not gonna happen.” “It’s not fair!” “No you’re right. Unlike many others, you’re going to bed tonight with full stomachs and a roof over your heads. It really isn’t fair.” “Yeah but we won’t have chicken dippers!” “Your suffering is noted. I’ll call Simon Cowell, see if One Direction want to reform for a benefit gig.” “So, can we have them then?” “Eh...let me think about it...no.” “Muuummmm” “Chlooooeeeee. Both of you, zip it. We’re having a roast dinner. Any more complaints and it’ll be with extra veggies and no Yorkshire’s.” That appeared to do the trick and the pair retreated in defeat. Kayleigh smiled at her exasperated sister. “One of those days?” “Let’s just say it didn’t improve after you left. Sometimes it feels as though I’m tryin’ to manage three kids.” Looking at her bags Mandy asked, “D’ya get what you wanted?” Now there was a question. “I got some shoes and a couple of bits”. “Well then. Let’s see!” Kayleigh produced her purchases to much ooing and ahhing from her sister. “Those shoes will make your legs look incredible! You’ll knock John dead!” Kayleigh’s reaction, or rather lack of it, spoke volumes. “Oh no. Please tell me you haven’t gone and binned him off.” “No! Course not! We just had a difficult conversation earlier.” “Define “difficult””. “I sort of, off loaded on him. I was feeling frustrated and I did exactly what I always hate. I just let it all build up and then got stroppy with him. I don’t think he had a clue what was going on, I didn’t even give him a chance and it all just spiralled out of control. I’m ruining everything!” Suddenly Kayleigh burst into tears. Mandy immediately rushed over and embraced her sister, “Aw, sweetheart.” As she offered what comfort she could amid the loud sobs, Alfie wandered through the hall and declared, “See! Even Auntie Kayleigh wants chicken dippers.” Mandy’s response was swift, “She’s crying because I’ve just told her what’s going to happen if you mention them again!” Kayleigh found herself laughing despite herself. “Listen, I’ve got a roast on. Needless to say, our resident food critics approve. It’ll be an hour or so yet. Why don’t you have a lie down. I’ll give you a shout when it’s ready.” “Thanks Mand.” “You really do need to talk to him Kayleigh. This isn’t fair on either of you. You need to explain your feelings and try to get some answers and he needs a chance to understand you and give his side of things.” “I’ll give him a call after dinner.” “Good idea. It would be such a shame to throw it all away when the two of you just need to get on the same page.” “You’re right sis. I can’t lose him because of this. You know, talking’s always been so easy for us. We’ve never done awkward silences. Now we’ve found the one topic that’s guaranteed to be a conversation killer and it’s the one thing we actually need to talk about.” “Well, get some rest and then take on the unspeakable Wonder Woman.” “I’ll fetch me golden lasso and cuffs.” “Now that’ll definitely do the trick.” Mandy grinned and Kayleigh headed up the stairs in the hope that a quick snooze might help her formulate a plan.

 “Christ! Take it easy Lewis Hamilton!” John exclaimed, as he swayed precariously in the front passenger seat. “I thought you wanted to get there quickly, Miss Daisy!” “I do! I’d just rather it wasn’t in a bloody body bag.” “Can I assume we’re not heading to Bury for you to have a long overdue booty call.” “Not unless it involves her sticking her boot up me arse.” “Well, if that’s how you like it. I make no judgement. Each to their own.” John gave Jim some vicious side eye. “Where’s your sense of humour these days?” “I’m just finding it hard to laugh at the general fuck up that my life has become.” “I thought we sorted this back at Big Bob’s. You love her, you want her, you just need to get over feelin’ awkward and you can crack on.” “You make it sound so easy”. “It is John. You keep on makin’ it complicated and you may as well forget it. Have you ever actually told Kayleigh how you feel about her?” “She knows. She’s got to.” “How? She a mind reader on the sly?” “I wrote her a song for Christ’s sake! It was all about hearts and journeys and colours and shit and I meant every word of it too. What more does she want!?” “Hearts and journeys and colours?” “Yeah, you know, she walked away with me heart, made my journey through life lonely and turned my world to colour from black and white, that sort of thing.” “You’re no Gary Barlow mate.” “That’s not what she said.” “Yeah, well she’s your number one fan.” “You make her sound like a friggin stalker!” “Has it ever occurred to you that maybe she doesn’t want theatrics and riddles. Maybe she just wants to hear you say the word.” “What word?” “LOVE! You bloody idiot!” Why does that matter so much!” “Because it’s a small word that’s about as big as it gets. It doesn’t mean “Iike”, it doesn’t mean “fancy”, it doesn’t mean “You’ll do for now until something better shows up”. It means, you’re feeling it where it matters, where it counts and not just between your legs! It says you could hurt me...maybe even more than I could ever hurt you. That’s what’s freakin’ you out. Isn’t it?” John sighed, “Yeah. Yeah it is. I’d never cried over a woman until Kayleigh. I mean, I’ve been sad before, I’ve even gone off me food.” “Jesus! When were that!?” “Oy!” “Sorry”. “I know now that she can hurt me, more than I’ve ever been hurt before, because she did”. “Now there’s a lyric. Seriously though, do you really think that by just not sayin’ it, you can somehow not feel it. Do you think it’ll protect you? Cause if you think that’s the case, I’ve got one question for you mate...how’s that workin’ out for you?” John put his head back against the headrest and momentarily closed his eyes. It was a silent answer, which somehow spoke volumes. 

 The rest of their journey was spent in companionable silence, interspersed with occasional instructions on which direction to take, from John. Finally, they arrived on the familiar road that led to Mandy’s house, or as John always thought, to Kayleigh. His heart and his brain were currently competing in a race to the finish that neither seemed willing to concede. “It’s up here on the right. Number 25. It might have a green gazebo.” “A green gazebo!” “Yeah. Her sister’s fella Steve’s into fixin’ bikes.” “That still doesn’t explain the gazebo.” “Fuck the gazebo! It’s not even up!” “Alright John! Calm down.” “Sorry, it’s here with the shitty Christmas Lights. Right, this is it.” “D’ya want me to come with you or wait here?” “Christ! I hadn’t thought about that. I don’t know how long I’ll be. She might kick me out before I can get a word in edge ways. Either that or I’ll be here for ages. It’ll be a feast or a famine.” “Well, let’s take it as it comes shall we? You need me to make meself scarce for a bit, I’ll find a Maccie D’s. You can text me when you want me to come back.” “Cheers mate.” “Is that Steve?” “Yeah. He’s sound”. Steve was already waving at John. John and Jim both got out to greet him, “Alright Steve?” “Hey John mate. I wasn’t expecting to see you today!” Furtively looking back at an amused Jim, John attempted a casual reply, “Well, Yeah, we, eh, happened to be in the area and I just thought I’d stop by and say hello to Kayleigh. She about by any chance?” “Yeah, she’s just back from the shops. Front door’s on the snib. Go on in.” “Thanks pal. This is my mate Jim by the way. Jim, this is Steve.” “How do mate.” “How do. Nice bike. Ya can’t wack a Triumph. John’s Dad were into his bikes if I remember rightly. He had a Triumph at one point and...aw what were it called? John! What was the name of that bike your Dad had?” John was already heading for the front door as he replied, “A Land Devil. Steve knows. I gave him some bits from the garage”. Steve replied, “That were very decent of you by the way”. “No bother”. With that John disappeared inside as Steve and Jim stood awkwardly like two spare parts at a wedding. Suddenly Steve produced a flask, “Fancy a brew mate?” “Don’t mind if I do.” Steve poured the tea into the plastic cup at the top of the flask, then refilled his Robocop mug”. “Nice mug.” “Thanks”. Steve looked up to Kayleigh’s bedroom. Jim watched his gaze and followed it upwards in the direction of a window with a heart shaped lamp at its centre. “He in the dog house again?” “How did you guess?” “She gets in a right mood when she’s pissed off with him”. Jim sighed before ruminating, “I think they just need a good talk.” “You ask me they need a bloody good shag!” For a second nothing was said as the two men simply looked at each other, in silence, before they both simultaneously broke into laughter and toasted each other with their mugs. Steve reached down into an ancient biscuit tin and brandishing it in front of Jim enquired, “Hob Nob?” With that, the male bond was firmly created. 

 John announced his arrival by calling out, “Hello! It’s John”. Mandy was in the kitchen up to her neck in carrots. She was shocked to see him but couldn’t deny that she was also delighted for her sister, “John Redmond! As I live and breathe. What brings you to the bright lights of Bury? Could it be a certain red head by any chance”.  Offering her a kiss on the cheek John smiled, ‘Hey Mandy. You rumbled me. She accepting visitors?” “She’s having a lie down upstairs.” “Any chance I could....?” “I’m not sure if I want you to finish that sentence”. “I just want to talk to her Mandy. We need to sort a few things.” “Do me a favour. Try to sort them in a way that doesn’t disturb the neighbours or traumatise the kids.” John smiled and looked suitably sheepish. “Up the stairs, first on the right.” “Thanks Mandy”. “Oh and John, do ya want a bit of roast?” “I’d love to but me mate Jim’s here with me. He’s outside with Steve.” “He can join us too if he likes. I’ve got half a cow ‘ere.” “Thanks Mandy, you’re a good ‘um.” With that, she smiled and retreated to the kitchen as John took a deep breath, climbed the stairs and knocked on Kayleigh’s bedroom door. She’d been lying on the bed with her headphones on listening to an old eighties mix tape. She hadn’t heard the knock at the door, so when it opened and John’s face peaked in, she literally shrieked, “JOHN!” Misty immediately started barking from the back garden. Only Kayleigh could reach that octave. She pulled her headphones off and immediately jumped off the bed. John stood in the doorway, his eardrums struggling to recover. “What are you doing here?!” “Well. I remembered it’s Sunday and I thought you might like a cuddle and a Chinese....or a cuddle and Mandy’s roast...or maybe just a cuddle.” Kayleigh stood so still, that he began to be concerned about what was to come, then without warning, she threw her arms around him and promptly burst into tears. “Oh John. I’m sooo sorry. I was so horrible to you. I didn’t mean to be such a nasty cow.” “Hey, sweetheart. Don’t get upset. It’s ok. It’s ok. You weren’t a nasty cow. You don’t have a nasty bone in your lovely little body. Don’t cry love.” “I just love you so much John”. “Look at me.” With that Kayleigh pulled back and faced him, wiping the tears from her eyes. “I’ve never said this to anyone before and it’s because I’ve never meant it until now. I should have said it to you weeks ago. The truth is, I probably knew it months ago...but I’m absolutely bloody certain of it now...I love you too Kayleigh Kitson. I love you more than I ever thought it was possible to love anyone or anything in this world and I’m scared. I’m terrified because for the first time in my life I’ve realised that something was missing and that something was you. If I lose you, I go back to who I was before and now I know that who I was before wasn’t complete. I had a Kayleigh Kitson shaped hole in my heart and in my life and I don’t want to go back. Not now, not ever.”...and there it was. He’d finally said it.

[no-crap-fm]

Tell Me A Secret

Hiya! So I took some liberties (what else is new?) with a combination of scenes and moved around some recognizable lines. Here goes...

“Tell me a secret.” He rolled back to his spot on the grass. His breath had tickled her ear as he whispered. Her heart thrilled at having him so close. Maintaining her chilled demeanor, she scoffed. “Ya what?” Her raised eyebrow made him laugh. T-E-L-L-M-E-A-S-E-C-R-E-T He scrawled across her thigh. Huffing a breath, Rae was lost. Finn looked at her, biting his lip, with both eyebrows raised in hope. What does he expect me to tell him, she wondered. Rae certainly had secrets but what on bloody Earth was she prepared to share with Finn Nelson? Rae reconsidered her decision to rush to meet the gang at Rutland. The only one there when she arrived was Finn. As much as she loved being alone with him, this was too much. Their usual nod of a greeting took a turn. Finn jumped up at the sight of Rae and pulled her into a hug. Something was off with him, Rae thought. He was smiling far more than his typical grumpy sod demeanor would permit. She watched him for a moment as they laid back in the grass at their favorite meeting spot beneath the arches. She knew that Chop, Izzy, Archie and Chloe would arrive any minute. Finn had draped his legs over Rae’s after she had chosen her place to soak up the late afternoon sun. This was far more physical contact than they had shared before. Despite being pleased by Finn’s proximity, she wondered about his motives. Where the hell is everyone, eh? She asked herself. Just as she wiped her sweaty palms on the sides of her skirt, Finn knocked her side with his hip. “Come on, Rae. I’m wai-ting.” He punched the t for emphasis. Thinking a row would be preferable to actually telling Finn one of her secrets she said, “Fuck off, Finnley. I’m not telling you owt.” She closed her eyes for good measure and shifted back to rest. Rolling onto his side, Finn was not giving up. “Rae, puhleez?” Rae opened one eye to see him lying on his stomach even closer to her. He batted his eyelashes and held his clasped hands under his chin. She rolled her eyes, laughing. He was being silly. That was odd. Scooting even closer Finn said into her ear, “How about I tell you a secret, eh?” Leaning back, he watched for Rae’s reaction. Rae’s blood heated at the suggestion. Externally, she shrugged and pursed her lips dismissively. “Do what you like, Finn. It’s not going to influence me either way.” Her insides quivered in a mix of anticipation and anxiety. What could he possibly want to tell me? Oh shit, is it about a girl? If she wasn’t mistaken his giddiness could be due to a new romance. At least that was how the lovers in her novels occasionally behaved. Rae’s gears were grinding away as Finn cleared his throat. Biting his lip and looking shy Finn said quietly, “Em, I came here early on purpose.” Rae turned to him in apparent confusion. “Not much of a secret, Finnley.” Rae mocked. Finn leaned closer to her. “I wasn’t done, Rae.” With a crooked grin he continued, “I came here early because I hoped you would get here before the gang.” Feeling defensive Rae countered, “Why?” “Because I were hopin’ you and I would get to be alone for a little.” He lifted his gaze and half-smiled. Not letting up, Rae pressed, “Why?” Finn shook his head. “Nope. That’s my secret told.” He jerked his chin toward her. “Your turn.” “So you tell one, I tell one. Is that what you want?” Rae was skeptical. Finn nodded slowly. His face was still so close to hers. Rae debated internally. What would she tell him? Hospital? Tix? Hurting herself? Being in love with him? Finally she settled on something easy. “I never dated Danny. All of his stories that he told at the party were total bollocks.” She punctuated her statement with a nod of her chin. Finn looked like he wanted her to elaborate. When she didn’t he snickered. “I sort of guessed that, Rae.” “Did you, now? Well, that’s my secret.” Eyeing him she dared, “Your turn.” Rolling onto his back, Finn sighed. “Aw, you can do better than that, Rae. I trust the next one will be something good.” Rae grinned. “I’m not saying I’ll tell you another one, Finn.” He pouted. “Well, I’ll tell you another and hope you will, yeah?” He cocked his chin and turned to her. Rae shrugged. Turning his face skyward he said quietly, “I fancy someone. I think, em, I think she fancies me too.” Rae’s heart squeezed painfully. She knew it. Finn wanted to tell someone about his potential girlfriend. The thought occurred to her that it might be Chloe. Rae’s best mate had confided that she wanted to try it on with Finn. Swallowing back tears, she remained silent and shut her eyes. She felt itchy and longed to scratch her hands. Finn nudged her shoulder. “Rae? Your go.” The breeze picked up and Rae felt her hair move across her face. She lifted a hand to brush it away but Finn had been faster. His fingers lightly stroked the side of her cheek, pushing it back for her. She opened her eyes. Finn was so very close. He was almost hovering over her, leaning on his side. She watched as he tucked her hair into place. His index finger lightly traced the outside of her ear. His eyes followed his hand, a lopsided grin on his face. He repeated his movement, slowly touching her ear and letting his fingers run through her hair. She watched him curl the ends and lift it off her shoulder. Studying her hair, Finn whispered, “It’s still your go, Rae.” Rae longed to know what he was playing at. Staring at the freckles dotted across his nose and cheeks, she tried to breathe normally. He looked up from her hair, smirking. Just as her heart had calmed down, it started pounding anew. He blinked, not moving a muscle. Rae bit her lip in thought. He lightly poked a finger into her side. She giggled. “Rae, please say something.” He seemed apprehensive. His eyebrows lowered as he frowned. Taking a page from Finn’s book, Rae kept her mouth shut for once. She just barely managed to maintain eye contact with him at this point. The tingles rushing over her body were beyond distracting. Rae had been contemplating telling Finn the truth about her feelings. She wanted to tell him all about her past, actually. She felt like a phony with Finn and her new friends. Chloe’s many assurances that everyone had secrets was no help whatsoever. Now faced with the opportunity, Rae well and truly bottled it. “Rae, I see you looking right at me but I can tell you’re far away.” A worried expression took hold of Finn. Rae didn’t mean to upset him. Her lips pressed together as she looked out to the fields at her side. Considering her options, Rae wanted to have a go at being honest. Taking a chance, she stretched her hand up and placed it over the hand Finn rested in her hair. She couldn’t tell who instigated the movement but their fingers were suddenly entwined. Finn’s smile returned as their eyes met. Mirroring his smile she finally spoke. “Finn, I fancy someone too.” Finn’s face lit up at her words. “You do?” Rae nodded, a little sadly. “Yeah, but I think he fancies someone else.” Finn’s brow furrowed. “Why would you think that, Rae?” The game forgotten, Rae continued. “Because I know a girl who fancies him. Well, lots of girls do, actually.” Her eyes stung from the gathering tears. Looking up she tried to hold them back. “Anyway, this girl’s much better suited for him. She’s very pretty.” Now he was leaning over her. Rae felt him slip his hand from hers and bring it to the side of her face. The contact drew her attention. “Rae, you’re so much more than pretty. You’re amazin’.” Rae rolled her eyes. “I don’t care if you don’t believe me. But any lad would be well pleased to be with you.” Finn’s determined look threw her. She shook her head. She choked on her breath. Now she really might cry in front of him. Squinting at her he said, “Tell me about this girl. The one who is so much better suited for the lad you fancy.” He sat up. Holding his legs in his arms, studying his boots. Blowing out her lips, Rae sputtered, “Well, like him, she’s fit. They would make a handsome couple, I suppose. She’s also fairly experienced with men.” He scoffed. “What else?” Finn prodded ripping up grass as he listened. Rae scrunched up her face in thought. “I guess that's about it, really. I mean, they have nothing in common.” She continued on, lost in her thoughts. “She knows shit about music. She’s not funny. Or not very funny, I should say. She wrote him a stupid love letter that didn’t even come close to explaining why anyone would want him. That letter said nothing about how kind he is, how generous. He’s so much more than fit. ” Rae failed to see Finn’s head snap up at these words. “I have no idea what they’d talk about.” A crooked smile appeared at the thought of Finn and Chloe trying to talk about anything, really. “So why would he like this girl, then? Why would he like her and not you?” Finn’s words broke her out of her musings. Turning to him she watched as he forcefully pulled up more grass and threw it across the way. Rae sat up and took his hand as he was about to grab another fistful. “Finn? Are you all right?” Her words felt empty. Being in hospital had taught her a thing or two about identifying destructive behavior. She always caught it in others before herself. His eyes met hers. They were shining with tears. “You are kind too, Rae. You look after everyone. I just wish you looked after yourself as well. You deserve to have someone look after you for a change.” Rae was puzzled. Finn let out a ragged breath. “You were so good to me when my Nan…” He couldn’t go on. Rae pulled him into a hug and rubbed his back. She held him in silence letting the minutes pass by. “Rae, I have another secret to tell you. This isn’t how I thought our chat would go today.” He spoke into her neck. Rae huffed out a short laugh. Still holding him she asked, “How did you expect it to go, Finn?” His arms loosened and he pulled out of their embrace. He lifted his face to hers. Instinctively, Rae wiped the tears from his cheeks. His watery smile made her chest tighten. Biting his lip, Finn said, “I thought it would go something like this.” Without another word Finn’s lips were on hers. The kiss was sweet and slow. Rae was caught off guard but quickly followed Finn’s movements. She felt his smile against her mouth. They both laughed as they carried on. “Oi! What are you two up to, eh?” Chop’s voice carried across the field and echoed under the stone arches. Resting his forehead against Rae’s, Finn called out, “Perfect timing as ever, Chopper.” “Rae!” Archie called out as he ran up with Chloe and Izzy in tow. Rubbing her thumb over Finn’s cheek, she said, “Hiya, Archie.” Chloe and Izzy both made cooing noises at the sight of the pair. “What’s up with you two?” Chloe asked. “What do you mean?” Finn countered, his eyes not leaving Rae. “You look like a couple.” Chloe said. Taking both of her hands, Finn said, “That’s cuz we are!” He winked at Rae and she beamed back. “Isn’t that right, girl?” He popped his chin at her, waiting. Nodding Rae said, “That’s right, Finnley.” He grinned and pulled her in for another kiss. Izzy let out a long drawn out, “Aaawww.” “Finn, what time did you two get here anyway? You called and told us lot to meet,” Archie looked at his watch, “right about now.” Rae’s eyes grew wide in comprehension. Finn smiled sheepishly and said to her, “I guess I had another secret to tell you.”

The End