#it didn't rly work the last few times so not worth it but
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I don't miss him I fucking hate him but I miss the way he could make my brain shut down
#just. numb#it didn't rly work the last few times so not worth it but#i'm always sayin i hate him but rly i think i just hate who i become around him#not as in a switch but just. me. slipping right back into my old role.#i think there was a time when he'd be. at least sorta nice to me. occasionally. he doesn't do much of the love bombing when it's me#but a few times he did. probably so i'd keep chasing that high for the rest of my life#that i do miss. but it's not him really. just the person he pretended to be for a while or maybe just who i made up in my head#i know he never really existed (for me. it's for doll only) but i really fucking miss him#i miss feelin like i'm worth somethin. even if it's just the money i could make him or getting him off#still more than i'm now#spdrvent
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pictures of ANGELINA PETROVNA TARASOVA have been showing up all over my feed, and considering the last time they were #trending, it was due to a claim that a ghost had contacted her via ouija board — i'm not likely to unfollow anytime soon. with their silk , satin gown & high platform heels that bring her higher to the heavens, i'm not surprised to hear that they are considered part of the NOUVEAU RICHES. after twenty six years, they've managed to garner a reputation for being more sanguine than hedonistic, but their critics say that they're more loquacious than seraphic when they aren't too busy focusing on their pink tipped fingers laced up in secrecy ; leaving red kisses and confusion everywhere you go ; the battle between godhood and motherhood. when they aren't occupied with their work as a true crime host, they've been sighted chasing ghosts & trying to annoy demons , creating fun stories to tell her daughter . reputation.com has taken to calling them HELEN OF TROY in order to avoid a lawsuit ( again ).
QUICK STATS!
FULL NAME : angelina petrovna tarasova GENDER : cis woman ASTROLOGY : aries sun , pisces moon , sag rising PRONOUNS : she / her ORIENTATION : bisexual & biromantic
HISTORY !
there you are : a perfect little angel born with a silver spoon . you're a daughter so prayed for , so wished for , and the only child of two highly esteemed entrepreneurs . your whole life is already planned ahead of you : keep your head down , stay in the books , and take over daddy's company once you graduate from law school .
but ? you want more . to be able to run amongst the wolves , and dance under the moon . you're a rebel without a true cause ; something especially evident when you enter your emo phase in middle school . screamo even becomes a new staple , much to the disapproval of your father .
( tw : pregnancy ) tensions heighten even more after you find yourself pregnant ; the result of a spur - of - the - moment decision with your best friend to lose your virginity . remember in mean girls when they said : " don't have sex , you'll get pregnant " ? yeah , coach carr didn't lie . but , you're excited ! you ? bringing in a small life ? sign me tf up ! too bad your dad feels differently ; he's upset , and throws you out of the house , telling you to never talk to him again . it's a relationship that hasn't been repaired since , but it's all worth it when you see the smile on your little bub's face .
and motherhood absorbs you . . . it's a 24 hr job ! who doesn't love sleepless nights amirite ( wrong . they make her cry ) , but in the midst of delusions & chaos you begin to find more interest in true crime and ghost stories ? maybe it's the mama bear that comes out , a primal instinct to keep your daughter safe from any potential harm . or maybe ? it's just your hallucinations taking over , that make you feel like somewhere , there may be a ghost .
it takes you a few years to rly expand on your interest , but later is better than never . you start your own true crime show ; it begins as a small podcast , but grows into an actual show with a big audience ! and with heightened interest ? you become even more chaotic . going into haunted houses and trying to provoke ghosts becomes a hobby , and mascara , freckled skin , and pigtails become a strength ⸻ acquiring the art of storytelling become a reality , as a silver tongue grows so smooth you emerge as an orchestrator of ( fun ) chaos .
FUN FACTS !
a lil adrenaline junkie if u may ! spends the majority of her time catering to her lil broke bestie , but when she's not ? she has such a need for speed omfg . . . catch her outside just racing ? for no reason ? drifting and spinning , and all of the fast and furious stuff . lover of anything fast ! ! but only not around her daughter . if she's there ? catch her going the exact speed limit or under bc she loves her too much to ever put her in danger yup !
embodiment of the meme with the little girl smiling as the house is on fire fr . . . she's a lil chaos starter ? will walk in the room and just instigate bc she can . wants to see the world burn !! and why ? we do not know . . . she is my rebel without a cause for no reason i wanna bonk her so bad dfnfjn .
speaks with a thick russian accent & curses like a sailor fr . you can be like " hey what's up " and she will dog you out i'm so sorry . . she's nice tho ! ! just very aries coded i fear .
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Totally random, but I didn't understand a thing about this recent chapter. Could u give a tldr on it? Cause the vibes I was getting kinda made me feel like Haru was toying with legosi? But I do get that legosi is a bottom to herbivores 😅
ugh i’ve been mulling over this ask literally all day, i would’ve answered sooner but i had ~responsibilities~ to take care of. anyway,
i’ll admit chapter 195 was a bit difficult for me to completely wrap my head around as well, and I’m not very good at analysis, but I’ll give my own interpretation on the chapter. tho this’ll prolly be longer than a simple tldr lol
also a disclaimer: im typing this the night before ch196 releases in japan, so any musings or thoughts i write in this post may be different once that chapter releases, but i wanted to write my thoughts down about this chapter on its own.
so in my “review” of ch195 i thought “good for her” bc it seemed to me that haru was trying to like, idk, reclaim some power or st from legosi by “scaring him” with suggesting divorce. perhaps she is toying with legosi, and honestly i think he kinda deserves it for leaving my girl out of all the action lol. haru should be allowed to scare him!
i think looking back to some past chapters may help explain haru’s logic:
in ch173 she mentions how powerless she feels bc she can only express her love in small ways, and not in these big dramatic ways that legosi’s been doing bc she’s not a big strong carnivore.
and it’s also been established that haru has pretty low self esteem and is also kinda... passively suicidal. so i think her actions in 195 are tied to that. in ch166, she mentions that before meeting legosi, she lived as if she was just “one out of 500 million rabbits”. no one special or unique. no one worth fighting or risking your life for. easily replaced. no one who would be especially missed.
so i’m sure legosi coming in and saying she’s special and how much he loves her gives her hella whiplash. i think these feelings make a resurgence in 195.
haru notices legosi’s newfound confidence & gets irritated bc she feels like she just doesn’t compare. what could such a radiant wolf see in her, a one in 500 million rabbit?
i also think that, even tho haru also loves legosi, if she just goes along with him, it sorta enforces their roles as “predator” and “prey”. it’s a wolf pursuing a rabbit, though it’s romantically rather than out of a desire to eat.
so if haru simply agrees to a happy life with legosi, it’s as if he “won“. the wolf got the rabbit. the predator got his prey. and aren’t they trying to surpass those roles? so haru defies that. she finds her own way to “win“. to not just simply be “prey“. so that’s why i think she wanted to scare him. it’s one of the few ways she can hold power over him.
she wants their relationship to be as equals. not as a “herbivore” and an “carnivore” but as haru and legosi.
so i interpreted haru’s “proposal” not as “let’s get married Right Now” but more as like, a promise that they’ll keep working to make their relationship... healthier i guess.
perhaps this is wishful thinking on my part bc it’s obvious they’ve still got issues to work out w/ their relationship but this chapter made me hopeful that these issues would actually get addressed and solved. tho at the same time im also rather frustrated bc this is the 2nd to last chapter, and it feels like they’re Just Starting to work out their relationship issues. rly hoping the last chapter leaves things rather open ended & doesn’t try to pretend that everything’s all sunshine & roses for them now.
#beastars#beastars spoilers#legoharu#beastext#legosi#haru#i hope this makes even a little sense lol#gladiodaddyo#i typed and retyped this like 3 times my thoughts are so scattered sdjflskjdkfj
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