#it breaks what the writers were intending for the story in the first place

[kamiversee]

The F*ck List (semi-official) Breakdown.

The following was submitted by my lovely ☃️anon, & I needed to make this it’s own post given how long it is, my replies & clarifications are written in between this breakdown & theory (Ex: A/N > Etc.). 

Here, you’ll find majority of details you may have missed & maybe even more to think about. Enjoy :)

(wc; 5.7k) (content; spoilers ofc)

holy shit Kami. i literally had to take the entire day to process everything. before anything else, i need you to know that you've created an absolute masterpiece. TFL was the first fic i ever cared to keep up with and it has set the bar impossibly high for any other writer out there. please take your time with TFL 2, i'm so excited to read your other work!! also a break sounds like it would be so good for your mind considering how long you've dedicated yourself to this story 😭😭😭 you're seriously impressive. heads up, i didn't proofread this at all bc i finished typing this at 4 am LMFAO so forgive me if it's all scrambled and makes no sense.

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A/N > Thank you for taking the time to write this breakdown, I seriously appreciate it so I wanted to take my time in responding to it & engaging with you :)

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now, on to the yap. i deadass cracked my knuckles before typing all this out.

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A/N > You’re so real for tht ngl

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i reread the entirety of TFL from chapter 1 and my brain is so melted from analyzing that i'll prob find more details tomorrow after i sleep on some theories 😭 BUT HOLY FUCK YOU REALLY WEREN'T KIDDING WHEN YOU SAID YOU WERE HINTING AT GOJO'S OBSESSION SINCE LITERALLY THE FIRST CHAPTER??? the fucking hint being that "Gojo's desire for you is so strong it's almost frightening." GIRLLLLLL 🫵🫵🫵🫵🫵🫵

your foreshadowing and referencing is insane. idk if you intended a lot of it, but a lot of it caught my eye.

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A/N> I TOLD YOU GUYS IVE BEEN DOIN IT SINCE THE FIRST CHAPTER !! Okay not exactly but like there was a vibe I had from the first chapter & when I later came up with the twist & went back and saw that everything would connect perfectly ^.^

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chapter 7; the reader and Gojo have lighthearted banter about how the reader "started this" situation.

"I made a mistake." [reader] 

"A good one." 

"Bad one." You correct.

this was regarding a completely different situation but it baffled me how much it connects to the plot itself; the reader making the "mistake" of leaving her door open, and how it lead to months full of trauma and love. probably completely unintentional, but such a good detail.

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A/N > Very intentional btw, it’s supposed to be known that, in a sense, Gojo x reader is forbidden :)

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Choso's still staring at you intently, "What version of you would someone not like?" 

The way he words his question only furthers that little feeling in your chest. It's almost as though he were implying that any and all versions of you would be acceptable in his eyes. - Chapter 16

THE WAY WE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT CHOSO WOULD STICK BY US REGARDLESSSSSSSS AAAAAA WE'RE SO BLIND!!! i just hope this stays true to the sequel :')

"No, I wish you didn't have to hate me." He says, shutting his eyes again and sucking in a deep breath, "B-But... it's uh, It's okay. I can live with you hating me." - Chapter 21

AAAA WE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN!!!! WE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THIS WAS FORESHADOWING OUR FUTURE WITHOUT GOJO 😭😭😭 how he can live with the idea of the reader hating him so long as she's happy with Choso, especially considering his later revelations of how twisted his actions were and how if you stuck with him, he'd view you differently. fuck.

You despise the fact that he loves you. To you, it's almost entitled for him to feel like he has that right. How dare he hold such a strong emotion for you? If he felt this way, why is he forcing you to sleep with people for him? It makes no sense. 

Why would someone claim to love you and put you through so much? 

If he's been in love with you all this time, why start the list in the first place? Why couldn't he have just tried to win your heart from the beginning? Why the list? Why the blackmail? You don't understand him. - Chapter 23

i'm crushed. we didn't understand because we didn't know that Sukuna was involved. that could mean a million other things. i have some far-fetched theories about this but hear me out later!!!

the entirety of chapter 23 had me fucking floored while i was rereading. THE FORESHADOWING WAS EVERYWHERE!!! EVERY FUCKING WHERE

"No sweetheart, Sukuna's an asshole but..." His expression flickers and his smile fades away. He swallows and then clears his throat, "I'm pretty sure he'll satisfy you just fine." 

...

You narrow your eyes at him, "Are you sure?" 

...

 "Fuckin' positive," Gojo suddenly sounds pissed and you grow concerned. The arm around you gets a little tighter while he walks you through some crowds and you keep looking at the man confused. 

There's a vein popping out along his jawline because of how hard he's gritting his teeth.

of course he's aggravated because he knows that Sukuna is the one behind the list in the first place 😭😭😭 I'M SORRY WE DOUBTED YOU SATORU, FUCKKKK

——FIFTEEN MINUTES. That was the exact amount of time it took you to seduce Sukuna. The act was way too easy. Actually, it was suspiciously easy.

BECAUSE HE FUCKING KNEW 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

"What all did you plan on doing tonight aside from getting harassed by strangers?" Sukuna suddenly questions against your skin. 

You ignore how close he is and the way his lips make you tense, turning your head to face forward. Chuckling at his last comment, "Same thing as everyone else here." You reply, slightly confused by his question. 

"Bullshit," He utters, "Nobody dresses like this without the intent of gaining my attention," Sukuna claims while his hands slide back down along your body.

this 100% could be just him being cocky and Sukuna, but the recent reveal just makes this feel like an extra demeaning interaction. but of course, it's Sukuna.

chapter 24 is so fucking shady too with everything we know. i know you addressed some of these points already bc i brought them up in previous anon messages, but these things still had me paranoid;

the way Sukuna leaves us and tells the reader to go to his room after a certain amount of time (i know he could have just been tidying up real quick but everything about this man has me on edge)

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A/N> A lot of people are on edge about this but I’ll be honest, there’s nothing crazy that happens in between this time period. Not saying nothing happens but nothing crazy— it’ll be addressed later (in the next fic most likely)

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the way he's been consistently on the phone since the reader entered the room, which is shortly after she messaged Gojo saying that she'll be able to cross Sukuna off of this list by tonight which he wasn't happy with at all.

no seriously, he kept diverting his attention to something in the bathroom and then came out, still on his phone. maybe he's talking to literally anyone else but STILL I'M PARANOID

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A/N> This is to show the fact that Sukuna is a very socially active individual, & hints to the theory (I think you later state) that he has connections.

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this happens in chapter 25 but the way he keeps smiling while the reader kisses him is just so smug of him especially considering the original reason as to why the reader's even interacting with him

then the spicy chapters with Sukuna…

the foreshadowing that the lack of knowledge of Sukuna's reputation will come back to bite her in the ass; first with the knowledge that he is abusive, and then her finding out that he is the curator of the list, knowing the full details of her blackmail and even threatening her again.

WHO DID HE FUCKING FIGHT HELPPPPP MY MIND IS BOGGLING there's no way it's Gojo, right? they're both too unscathed in these next few chapters for there to have been a fight between the two of them.

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A/N > It’s not Gojo. 🙏

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THE FUCKING MOMENT WHERE HE CONTEMPLATED SOMETHING WITH THE PHONE IN HIS HAND??? I FUCKING KNEW IT. I FUCKING CALLED IT WAS SOMETHING SHADY AS HELL.

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A/N> The other Sukuna hint I was talking about is right before this moment btw, you’re welcome ;)

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then he has the audacity to hold his tongue right afterwards?? it's such a big hint towards the fact that he knew about the list from the beginning UGHHHHHHHH.

the way he tried to humor the reader about her "job" even though he was in on the whole thing. UGH. SUKUNA WHEN I GET YOU SUKUNA?? 👊👊👊👊 especially with that "whore" joke right afterwards. i can't stand him. i know that it's implied that he has a twisted view on women from having abusive women in his life (his mom and his ex who he punched) BUT STILL. he's so lucky he's fictional and hot.

the fact that we're able to pick up on the fact that it's a "crazy coincidence" that he continues the whore jokes UGHHHHH HE HAS BEEN PLAYING US FROM THE STAAAAAARTT

Gojo got upset at something from Sukuna's party, he didn't want you to call yourself a whore all of a sudden, Sukuna seems to have believed that was your actual job, and you remember how pissed Gojo seemed as he thought about you sleeping with Sukuna- 

Holy fuck. Are the two connected somehow? Is something going on? What does Gojo owe Sukuna? Does Sukuna know you only slept with him as payment to clear Gojo's debt? Is-

GIRL YOU WERE ALMOST THERE!!!! YOU ALMOST HAD IT!!!

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A/N > I love teasing in my narration by nearly spoiling things 😹

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seriously though, these chapters killed me. the official end obliterated my heart. it's so fucking bittersweet i want to scream at the top of a high building. the reader ends up happy and with someone she loves, which is fantastic for her. she deserves that after everything she went through. Choso treats her so, so well.

but Gojo. with the theories i have, i feel horrible. i was so harsh towards him as a die hard Choso girly but these endings changed me. i just hope i'm right.

the fact that his healing journey is harsher than ours makes this ending sting so much. he's healed, and you can see it with his demeanor from the call and the way he interacted with the reader.

we were always made aware of the way he looked at us such deep attachment. the initial gleam shows that he's happy to see us, but that he's not reliant on us for his happiness anymore. he's finding that on his own, and it's a grueling process for him. i wished the reader gave him a hug, but that would probably make me feel even worse.

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A/N> He gave her a lil side hug (with his arm over her shoulder) & was resting his head on hers at the end if that makes you feel any better 😅

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"Through my blackmailing, I fell for you but I also did it because I loved you from the start." i'm gonna throw up bro i'm so sad. i'm proud of his growth. his obsession was so, so strong but he always prioritized the reader's happiness over himself. i know that being self-sacrificial is so core to his personality but it doesn't make it suck any less. i'm devastated. i started blasting mitski in the car on my way to work after reading this.

i thought i was ready for the journal burning. i was so ready for this tie to be severed, for them to finally move on. but i failed to realize that it could ultimately mean a life without each other. it makes sense as to why, but it still sucks.

kami i need that poly ending before i cry my eyes out at 4 am rn. you know i can't handle angst, but bittersweet endings lowkey hurt me even more. i need all my babies to be happy. i desperately need it.

but that alt ending... fuck. in a horrible, sick, and twisted way, i'm relieved. i'm a Choso girly from the bottom of my heart but i can't let this Gojo go omfg. even if he shows up for one more chapter, i think i'll be alright. BUT IT BETTER NOT BE FOR DEATH KAMI!!!! I HAVE A FEW EXCERPTS THAT SUGGEST DEATH FLAGS BUT I AM SIMPLY NOT LOOKING AT THEM. DON'T DO THIS TO ME KAMIIIIIII. i need this boy to be frolicking in a field of flowers or something. my heart can't take this.

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A/N> I know I reference death a lot but that’s just to add a sense of how dramatic the characters are 🫶

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okay, time for my mind-fucky theory. pls bare with me. if it wasn't obvious by my last post, i'm 100% on board with the theory that Sukuna's blackmailing Gojo, which started this whole thing. but the thing that is getting me is how this all connects. i have some assumptions that could make sense, but there are a handful of gaps. here's my thought process;

Sukuna's blackmailing Gojo by using his obsession/love against him.

we are already familiar with the fact that Gojo has liked the reader for years. there was a chapter where Gojo mentioned that it started off as a "crush" but he was so oblivious to his own obsession up until the reader mentioned it to him. it's to the point that he didn't understand what was wrong with the idea of hurting people for the reader. who's to say that Sukuna didn't catch him in some sort of heinous act regarding the reader like stalking?

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A/N > You’re cooking with this one and I almost, almost had to go get the fire extinguisher :D

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Gojo didn't understand the difference between love and obsession until later on in the story. this would be consistent with the implication that Gojo just loved her so deeply that his morals were askew as we have yet to find out how far his love goes.

what if Sukuna caught him in the act of doing god knows what, and brought up the fact that if the reader found out about this, that she'd get super freaked out and would do everything she can to get away from him (considering probably barely knew each other, if at all, at this point). but why would Sukuna devise such a plan over a money bribe? well, Sukuna's already revealed to be wealthy, and maybe he was bored. the same line that Gojo kept repeating to the reader whenever she questioned him as to why he did it. what if Gojo asked Sukuna why he's blackmailing him, and he said the exact same thing; "I was bored." we see how much Sukuna mirrors Gojo's speech by calling the reader "sweetheart" often, what if Gojo did the same thing? 

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A/N > Gojo & Sukuna do have a few parallels in this story & they will be addressed more in the sequel.

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we wondered in chapter 23 how Gojo reaches out to these men to ensure their debt is "paid," but considering how oblivious everyone else on the list is to Gojo owing them anything, it would make sense that he only reports to Sukuna as he is ordered to do so. but two things stumped me on this theory overall.

the reader said that she used to party a lot and get involved with boys before Gojo. if he was stalking her for so long, why did he wait so long to approach her?

what specifically would be the blackmail that Sukuna has on Gojo?

regarding the first point, it's been mentioned that Gojo has been "scared of women" and was shy when it came to approaching the reader. he knew of her for so long, but was able to constantly slip under her radar. considering how much of a pervert he is, it wouldn't have been surprising for him to sneak around and watch in on the reader hooking up with other guys. after all, these guys were probably complete strangers to him and all he cared about was you. remember how Gojo was basically able to tune out his own best friend, Suguru, when the reader was hooking up with him in their living room? it wouldn't be wild to assume that he was able to do the same for your other hookups as he spied on you.

to connect this with second point, what if Sukuna caught Gojo being a peeping tom on the reader during a party hook-up? while being so distracted in the act of spying, Sukuna spots him. the reader wouldn't be alright with the fact that someone who's barely an acquaintance (if that, depending on the time this occurred) to her has been perving around and watching her have sex without her consent. she would do anything to get away from Gojo, and of course that would crush him. Gojo tried to buy Sukuna's silence by any means necessary. so, Sukuna generated a list of people that he and Gojo mutually knew for the reader to fuck. the reasoning for it would be the fact that Gojo has to sit through the process of having the girl he likes fuck a bunch of guys besides him, and the fact that Gojo knew all these men would make it sting more. plus, he has a reputation for hookups. (chapter 8)

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A/N > You’re like RIGHT there with it and yet not there at the same time omg 😟

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but why would Gojo agree to this deal with Sukuna, and why would he also go with the method of blackmailing the reader? it's basically a guarantee that the reader would be scared away regardless. but again, we could recall that Shoko mentioned that he was too "scared of women" to approach the reader at first. this was his chance to finally approach her. plus, "once that video is gone, there is no excuse he'll have to be around you." (chapter 8)

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but the more i thought of this reasoning for the two points, the more bizarre it felt. so what if instead of Gojo being a peeping tom, it was Sukuna. we get so many hints that Sukuna has eyes and intel everywhere. we get an indirect implication of this when he called us out for rolling our eyes during our phone call with him. yes, it could be completely by chance, but it's still a great hint that he "sees everything" and "knows everything." we get an even bigger hint towards this in the alt ending when he directly references The F*ck List.

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A/N > Others have taken note of how Sukuna knew she rolled her eyes but trust me, that’s just to show that Sukuna knows the reader’s body language more than he’s let on & paid attention to her a lot during the time they were together. 

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it wouldn't be too far fetched to assume that he has some shady videos taken of people without his consent, some possibly acquired through other people (like how Gojo was revealed to have sent Sukuna the video of the reader from the first chapter). what if Gojo caught Sukuna with the video, threatened him to delete it, and Sukuna counterthreatened to have it be sent and posted everywhere. it would be highly ironic, but consistent with the way that Gojo and Sukuna practically mirror each other at times. the reasoning for the list choices would still be the same for this theory, too.

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my citations for these theories ☝️🤓

“You once asked me if I love you because I blackmailed you or if I blackmailed you because I love you and my answer is both,” Gojo confesses as he turns to meet your gaze, “Through my blackmailing, I fell for you but I also did it because I loved you from the start.” - Chapter 56

loved you from the start; his obsession has been consistent from the start (supports Gojo being a peeping tom theory) or he has always had a deep concern for you (supports him wanting to stop Sukuna from spreading blackmail of you instead).

“I’ve sacrificed everything for you, y’know.” 

“How? What’s everything that you’ve sacrificed, hm?” 

“You. I sacrificed the woman I love to make her happy.” Gojo admits, and of all he’s said thus far, that feels like the truest statement. 

“I could’ve been happy with you.” You remind him. 

He laughs, “Yeah well, I’m an idiot.” 

You scoff, “That’s all you have to say?” 

“Yup.” - Chapter 56

is he an idiot for being a peeping pervert instead of just approaching you normally? maybe. how does this make her happy? she ends up finding love through Choso, through the list, through the blackmail.

But deleting the video means ... he has no more leverage over you and can't force you to help him with the hole he's dug for himself. -  Chapter 8

the hole being the blackmail set against him by Sukuna.

Gojo's behind you cursing at himself for being unable to tell you the truth. 

He's so scared that you'll never help him without the blackmail and, well, he has every right to be because you're pretty sure that if it weren't for those videos he has over your head, you wouldn't be doing any of this. - Chapter 9

the videos he's referencing is the original video from chapter 1 and the fake video he lied about with Suguru, but he can't tell the reader the truth because it's too twisted and risky (supports Gojo peeping tom theory).

He silences himself in thought. There are so many ways he could go about answering such a question but the possibilities of how you may react are endless. Plus, you're drunk and if he's going to admit or explain anything to you, it'll be while you're sober. 

"Because..." Gojo's voice gets so quiet that you almost don't catch what he says, "...I don't have any other choice." - Chapter 21

if he didn't go through with his list, Sukuna would have went through with Gojo's blackmail, thus resulting in either you getting as far away from Gojo as soon as possible or Sukuna's video being sent around.

He let something slip abruptly, "W-Wish I c-could tell you everything, sweets..." 

Your brows furrow at that. 

Are you missing something here? - Chapter 22

YES GIRL!!!! SUKUNA'S BEHIND THE WHOLE LIST, HE'S BEHIND THE BLACKMAIL GIRLYPOP

"Anything," Gojo says, meeting your gaze. He's so serious that it's almost dark the way he looks at you, "I'd do anything for you." - Chapter 29

"I meant it when I said I'd do anything for you." 

You follow his motions and then end up right back in his arms, "Right..." 

"I'd sacrifice the very thing I love just to see you happy." Gojo claims proudly. 

You scoff, "Thought' I was the thing you loved?" 

"You are." 

His words bewilder you, "Then that makes no sense." 

"It won't." Gojo shrugs. - Chapter 29

🧍‍♀️

anything. even if it means putting your body, heart, mind, and career on the line. directly supports the theory that Sukuna initially had blackmail on the reader.

"We're the same, y'know..." He suddenly says, his voice breaking again, "We both want someone so terribly bad but our situations prohibit us from getting that person." 

"You could've prevented all this though..." 

Gojo sniffles and you feel a drop of wetness slide down his cheek and slip against your palm. The man was crying? Why? - Chapter 30

this whole time we've been told that Gojo and the reader share more similarities than the reader realizes. what Gojo is to the reader, the reader is to Choso. while Choso now knows of the men that the reader slept with, he doesn't know why. he doesn't know about you being blackmailed. you know that you had to sleep with these men. you don't know why. you didn't know it was because of Gojo being blackmailed.

"For loving me, Satoru. It's not a crime," You say, mocking a comment he made to you earlier, "You're allowed to love me. So, for that, and that only, I forgive you." 

Those words healed so many more wounds in his heart than you realized. It was like that was all he ever needed to hear. If Gojo's mistake was loving you and that's what caused this, then you forgive him. 

If in some twisted way, his feelings started the list, you forgive him.

COME ON NOW.

There’s so much going unspoken but the two of you knew what either was saying, you understood each other more than either of you realized. - Chapter 35

“Well,” Gojo sighs heavily and then draws your hands off his face, leaning down to you a bit, “Sometimes, sacrifices need to be made in exchange for one’s happiness.” 

“Are you telling me that all this was for the greater good?” You quiz as you raise a curious brow. 

“Something like that, yeah,” He shrugs. - Chapter 45

You tell him, “If I had one wish, it’d be that you did that from the beginning.” 

Gojo opens his mouth to say something but then he swallows his words down. He nearly fucked up. 

“All you had to do was talk to me,” Your shoulders raise into a shrug as you move a hand to the doorknob, “Things could’ve been different if you did.” 

“Even if I’ve been obsessed with you since the beginning?” He questions and he’s stepping closer to you again. He can’t possibly wrap his head around that possibility- 

You laugh a bit, “Especially if you were obsessed from the beginning,” You didn’t know it but that statement right there made the man feel as though his world was falling apart, loads of regret tumbling over him as he stares at you with wide eyes, “Satoru I think you forgot but, before all this started, aside from Shoko… I was lonely.” 

Gojo’s throat goes dry and he fails to form a response to that, “I…” 

“If you had just talked to me one time, and more than a hey or how are you,” The way your eyes soften, a slim sheer gloss of tears coating your gaze as you speak to him, “I would’ve fallen for you.” 

He grits his teeth, “Don’t tell me that.” 

“But it’s true.” You say. 

And just like that, Gojo was crumbling all over again. If only you knew how much he regretted everything after hearing you say that. - Chapter 46

if he had just spoke to the reader before all of this, maybe she wouldn't have gone to those parties, hooked up with those people, and caused whatever kind of blackmail Sukuna had on Gojo (or on her).

He wishes he could take it all back, his feelings for you included. If only he could go back and stop himself from ever being curious about you. That’s what started it after all. Because, at the end of the day, Gojo knew who you were before you knew who he was— hell, even before Shoko knew who you were. - Chapter 53

then what is the timeline of his obsession starting? has it been before Gojo? could his blackmail have taken place even before Shoko introduced you two, adding to the weight of the threat that Sukuna held over Gojo's head (regarding the peeping tom theory).

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A/N > The timeline on Gojo’s interest, not obsession just yet, on the reader will be addressed in the sequel so this’ll be answered there <3

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but there were certain parts that stumped me and my theories so i have some weird reasonings around them;

It's selfish of him and seriously fucked up but, he's said it before and he'll say it over and over again-- you're all he has. He made promises to everyone on that list, promises of delivering a woman to them at some point, and of course, he couldn't convince anyone he knew to do such a thing. 

So again, the situation with you just happened to be a coincidence. 

The problem is that Gojo hates that it's you. He hates that you're the one he ended up doing this to. - Chapter 8

Gojo's known to be a silly guy so it could make sense that he actually did promise these guys hookups for reasons unrelated to his blackmail. after all, he does have a reputation for getting people hookups. the coincidence is that Sukuna now has dirt on Gojo and wants to toy with him. by making the reader sleep with them the guys he coincidentally owes hookups to, he fulfills his role/reputation and relieves his debt at the same time. two birds, one stone.

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A/N > As we later learn that some of the “debt” Satoru claimed to have isn’t real, we can also infer that his reputation & the promises he’s made to these men were done out of coincidence. Take Toji for example; tell me you can’t see an interaction between him & Gojo where Gojo gets a bad grade and wants to get it up so he taunts his professor with the idea of getting him a hookup & Toji would laugh it off considering Gojo’s reputation ;)

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another thing that stumped me is why Gojo got so worked up with the reader referring herself as a whore, and the connection to Sukuna. my delulu reasoning is that once Sukuna threatened Gojo with blackmail by either of the two theories/methods i mentioned, Sukuna casually referred to the reader as a whore. that caused a major fight between the two, possibly even getting physical (which can refer back to the implication that Gojo has hurt people for the reader).

the fight could have increased the tension and severity of the situation, so Sukuna decides to add Choso to the list knowing how easily attached Choso gets. in chapter 5, the reader and Gojo were discussing the list and Choso specifically. Gojo was even noted to be relieved when the reader had mentioned that they'll just have to hope that Choso doesn't get attached, as he obviously holds deep feelings for the reader. Sukuna knows that by going through with the blackmail with Choso involved, Gojo most likely will not end up with the reader if Choso get attached and the reader reciprocates those feelings.

also, the counterargument that Sukuna and Gojo are actually friends/allies in this situation just doesn't sit well with me. it would make for a crazy twist but it just feels too out of character for Gojo. but then again, how would Sukuna specifically know about The F*ck List? but idk, it just feels so wrong to me. maybe i have too much faith in Gojo lmfao. after all, he has consistently shown a great dislike towards the guy since chapter 23. but maybe it's my denial speaking. i really don't want to think of Satoru going through this whole arc only for it to reveal that he truly is a piece of shit. pls don't do this to my pookie my heart cannot handle it </3

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A/N > Remember, Gojo is a good actor & you go a long period of time in the book not realizing he’s not as much of a villain as he pretends to be 😉 

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there's that moment after the reader fucked Sukuna that still messes with my brain. with my theories, my brain's thinking that he contemplated on collecting even more blackmail on the reader. for what reason? idk, to be an ass? to torment Gojo further and add more to his blackmail? but maybe he decided not to because he already has plenty of blackmail on the reader (if the theory of Sukuna having a video of her from way back then is true) and fucking her knowingly made Gojo pissed considering all the dirt Sukuna has.

so why can't Gojo tell her the truth now? why does he want to wait years in advance? maybe he's hoping that by that time, not only will you forget and not care about the situation overall, but maybe Sukuna will forget all about it as well. the chances of Sukuna holding on to the reader's blackmail for that long is slim and the reader would most likely be in a situation where she is completely separated from Sukuna depending on her job and living situation with Choso. the stakes are lower than if he were to reveal everything to you now, at a moment where your life is still so uncertain. it would go against his wish for you to end up happy.

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A/N > Maybe Gojo doesn’t tell her the truth because he can’t, just as he said 🌚 Perhaps he’s not allowed to yet. After all, why would Sukuna even tell the reader he made the list in the end? ^.^ Just some food for thought!

┗━━━

---

regarding the future of TFL... fuck, bro. i have no fucking idea. i'm too caught up in the (presumed) past. i'm mourning fr. i love this fic sooooo fucking much. whenever you decide to pick up on the sequel, i will be there. if you choose to publish anything else in the meantime, i will be there. thanks for such a fun and memorable read, Kami. i'm excited to bookbind this soon 🤍🤍🤍 now, i need to watch blue lock to shove these feelings down.

yap fin (for now)

-☃️

A/N > I love you sosoosooooo much for this. These theories are like reading an entirely new fanfic sometimes except, I know all the answers & what’s going to happen next, which only makes me more excited ^.^ Thank you for taking the time to make this, thank you for reading, thank you for supporting, just, THANK YOU.

This right here is exactly what I write for; people like you :)

To the others reading this breakdown & theory, thank ☃️anon because she’s a damn godsend & ilhsm ^.^ (definitely showing favoritism rn, sorry not sorry, ily all I swear)

Edit; Since you’re watching Blue Lock, I can’t wait to bring my Shidou fanfic here because a lot of the drama in TFL has inspo from that fic, which I wrote first ^.^ & I could totally see you enjoying it because not only is it a childhood friends to lovers than enemies & back to lovers troupe BUT it also includes Itoshi Sae x reader which ofc, adds hella drama :))

P.S. It’s two am as I finally post this and omg sorry it took me a while, I wanted to answer other anons first before unpacking this badboy, again, tysm!!

[darklygophilia]

Questionable Things About ABC's "Once Upon a Time..."

Ok, firstly, this post disregards any and all ships. As I like to say, "Don't shit on other people's rainbows." We all have reasons why we ship a couple, no matter what TV show/book/movie they come from. However, since I was bored and decided to re-watch "Once Upon a Time" recently, there are just some things that I need to get off my chest and out of my head.

The Nit-Picky Things...

I'll get these out of the way first as they probably aren't the most important, but are still hard for me to just dismiss entirely.

The CGI in this show was TERRIBLE from the start. I don't know why they decided to do everything from Fairytale Land on green screen. Just build a handful of sets and re-use them as needed. I've always believed that CGI should be used to touch-up a scene, not be used for EVERYTHING! Ugh, I could forgive it for the pilot episode if they were unsure that they were going to be green lit for a full season, but the entirety of the show. "The Vampire Diaries" "Supernatural" hell, even shows from the 90s like "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" "Angel" and "Charmed" all had far better CGI and had a lot of magic/supernatural elements throughout the show. So, what is "Once Upon a Time's" excuse. I remember in the early seasons, when I used to watch it live, how almost everyone I knew that also watched, preferred the Storybrooke scenes over the Fairytale Land scenes. Because Storybrooke looks and feels real. The CGI in Fairytale Land breaks the reality for the viewer because its just THAT bad.

Costumes...I really wish they had calmed down the costumes in Fairytale Land. Like, if they'd gone more "Ever After" style where they were at least attempting to be realistic or 'historically accurate.' No, some would say, "it's fantasy, who cares how crazy the costumes or CGI are" but for me, it's about grounding even the most fantastical things in reality that help make a fantasy feel real. Look at the "Lord of the Rings" films!

Everything Else...

This might get serious, even dark.

First things first, if they intended to do redemption arcs for any villain characters, than they needed to not go so hardcore evil for Regina at the beginning of the show. I think it's around episode 5 or 6 that we really start to see a softer more grey side of Regina, but even then.

This is also why I feel like season one should have been the entire Fairytale Land storyline and than season 2 is Storybrooke storyline and trying to break the curse. All the flashbacks and moving around is utterly incoherent and messy. To the point that the entire timeline is off from the get go! TV show writers need to learn how to tell a cohesive story without going all over the place!

This leads me to my second main point and I know this has been discussed throughout the "ONCE" fandom, but pitting Regina and Emma against each other because one is Henry's adoptive mother and the other is his birth mother...well, I can see why the show was criticized for demonizing adoptive parents. This idea that family, real family can only be blood related is bullshit. If anything, other than the CGI, this is one of the things that really ages the show. I can't even begin to tell you how many TV shows/movies/books embrace the 'found family'. But, this pitting adoptive mother against birth mother is not just in the first season of the show, its throughout the entire show. And, I know, context...Regina is the Evil Queen...but if I were to explain this show to someone who'd never seen it using the bullet point system, it would seem like a really backwards show. They even expand on this element in the Ashley Boyd/Cinderella storyline, by having Ashley change her mind about giving the baby up for adoption. Yes, it's her choice, but the part of that episode that I hated most was how hard Emma was fighting for Ashley keeping her baby without really knowing what kind of person Ashley is. Like, that moment when Emma negotiates with Gold in the hospital, I kind of wanted Gold to tell Emma, "But you have to tell the adoptive parents why they won't being getting their baby." Have Emma see that there are consequences even to good actions. Maybe there should've been another couple waiting in the waiting room of the hospital waiting for the bay they were about to adopt. (But, than again, the show would've had to have been morally nuanced from the get go!)

Also, something that seems weird both in context and out of context. The Henry problem. Like, I get that we need Henry to bring Emma to Storybrooke in order to break the curse. But, the way this show approaches Henry's 'issues' with Regina from the beginning. It only makes Henry looks like an awful brat of a kid. We get no context for Henry's life with Regina other than "my life sucks" back in the pilot episode. (Even the episode on season 3 that shows Regina adopting Henry doesn't show her in that bad of a light. The adoption process is stressful, I don't put her anxiety as part of her being 'evil' and the fact that she erases her own memory so she can focus on being Henry's mother as opposed to living in fear of when the 'savior' might arrive in town. Again, not that bad.) For all intents and purposes, Regina seems strict. That's it! That's a pretty shallow reasoning for why Henry thinks she's the Evil Queen! And at the beginning of season 2, when Henry references that Regina made everyone in town think he was crazy for believing in the curse. Um, no kid, that was ALL you! Hell, if I lived in Storybrooke and some kid believed everyone was a story book character and that they'd been cursed...I'd think that kid was crazy, too. That's just human nature! Also, the fact that Regina puts him in therapy, from the town's perspective would make her look like a good parent for worry about her kids mental health. If anything, a lot of the attitude that Henry treats Regina with would make me think he was an ungrateful kid. Now, I know, she really is the Evil Queen and she really did curse everyone, and hell, she's probably just using basic human nature to her advantage. But, still, a lot of this does not reflect well on Henry. I think of the show had been more nuanced, it would've shown Henry growing up and realizing all the 'petty' things he held against his adoptive mother were just that, petty and shallow. He even admits mid-season three that he regretted bringing Emma to Storybrooke to break the curse because now he has to go to New York with Emma and forget all about Regina and he very clearly doesn't want to. Because, having a strict parent when you're younger can be hard, but than you grow up and realize they weren't as strict as you thought, they were just...you know...doing what parents are supposed to do...parenting.

This leads me to my next point. I think other shows like "Breaking Bad" "Game of Thrones" "House of the Dragon" "Rings of Power" etc. really have given a rise to viewers wanting complex thoughts on morality. "ONCE" completely lacks moral relativism or moral nuance! The Bad Guys are bad, even if they occasionally attempt to do some good. The Good Guys are ALWAYS good even if they do something truly evil, they're still ALWAYS good. It's really hard to watch especially as you get older as a viewer of the show. This show came out when I was a junior in High School. As a 32 year old woman attempting a re-watch, I can tell you that a lot of the simplistic black-and-white world view of the characters, and much of the fandom, is deeply concerning! Emma is the 'savior' she's always that 'savior' even when she's the Dark One she's still...the...SAVIOR. It's downright tiring to watch.

And if I'm being honest, I only made it to season 4 on this particular re-watch. I just can't find it in myself to keep going. I watched the show live, when it was airing. I've re-watched my favorite episodes countless times on Netflix over the years. But, since the show ended I've only done one full re-watch, which was when I was bored during COVID. Since then this is my second re-watch and I've only made it through season 4. "ONCE" in my personal opinion is one of those shows that just gets so much worse with re-watch. Rumpelstiltskin is the only really interesting character! Belle is ok, I feel like they deeply retconned her character as the show went on. Regina is 50/50 for me. I love her mostly because I adore Lana Parilla, but I also see why people can't stand her. Emma is someone I loved in seasons 1 and 2, but since she hooked up with Hook (lol) she just kept getting insufferable to watch. Hook...meh...I like him as his own individual character, but hate him with Emma. Mary Margaret/Snow White is awful. I only liked her in season 1, but beyond that she is a terrible friend to Ruby and Belle and an awful mother to Emma. I genuinely like David/Charming (we all need a himbo in our life and he's mine), but thought he should've divorced Snow (I know I'm being really controversial right now, but I'll explain in my next point).

There all some weird points/patterns that get dropped throughout the show that really just make me do a double take. The first being that moment in the pilot episode when Snow tells Charming "she [Evil Queen] once tried to poison me just because she thought I was prettier than she was..." Um, that is not why Regina and Snow have conflict. Like, has poor Charming been under the impression that Regina cursed EVERYONE because of vanity!? WTF!? As season 1 progresses, we, the viewer, obviously know this is NOT true. In the early episodes of season 2 when Daniel/Stable Boy gets revived, I can understand why David/Charming was so freaking confused in that episode! But, what I don't understand is why this was never addressed later. Like, maybe David needed to have a sit down with his wife and talk abought what else she might be keeping from him. Ugh! One of those threads in the show that go nowhere, but should've because that would've been really interesting!

Perhaps the most questionable pattern of the show is showing abusive/toxic relationships and never really addressing them. I know Regina taking Graham's heart and making him her 'kept boy' is something that gets brought up a lot. It lacks consent and is legitimately rape-y. But also, the fact that Regina is FORCED to marry King Leopold. Like Regina had now agency and no sense of consent for THAT. This is what makes Regina such a weird character. She has been horrifically abused by her mother, which as a viewer I have immense sympathy for her for that. However, she also contributes to that cycle of abuse by doing to others what was done to her. So, I have NEVER been ok with a lot of what she does, but I do understand where it all comes from. She was shown/taught from a very early age that this abuse of power was right and good and necessary. It does make it hard to judge her entirely on her own actions because those actions are based off of learned behavior. So, is she truly evil or is she just a means to and end for the story to get its own skewed ideals of power and concepts of good-and-evil across. Regina is basically reduced to n object, a blunt instrument for the writers to wield whenever they want. She's not a real character, she's a knife.

Next weird patter...so many of the villains are victims of abuse and come from impoverished backgrounds. Rumple, Cora, Zelena, Regina is only one generation removed from what we would call 'trailer trash', and even Killian comes from a lower class as a sailor before he became a pirate. These villains dare to strive above their station, they grasp at power because they know what it's like to have none, they are social climbers not because they want to rule the world, but because they want to have basic human respect. They want to be treated like people and not like gum on the bottom of one's shoe! The only villains I can think of that have power and wealth from the get go as villains are King George (but it's repeatedly stated in season 1 that he comes from a poor-er Kingdom compared to others) and the Snow Queen. There's Lady Tremaine, but considering which version, she's often credited for also being a social climber. And the only two characters I know that come from poverty/abuse that 'make it big' are Cinderella/Ashley Boyd (who is too dumb to live because she signs a contract with the most powerful man in all the realms without reading it! I never not be over this!) and Charming/David himself. But neither Cinderella nor Charming grasp for power. It is simply handed to them! They both conveniently marry into money/power! Coming from a working class background myself, it puts a bitter taste in my mouth when people use, for example, Rumple's background as further evidence that he's evil. Just because he dared to be more than what he was. One of my favorite quotes about systemic issues comes from "Ever After" (which got the concept from real-life author Thomas Moore), "If you suffer your people to be ill educated, and their manners corrupted from infancy, and those manners from which their first education disposed to them [education of life and society], than what is there to conclude that you first make the criminal and than punish them." And that is what it feels like for so many of the villains once this pattern is realized. Most especially for Rumple and Regina. Poverty, Abuse, and Social Circumstances created the villain and now, the very Fairytale Land society that created them, now gets to punish them. Over and over again.

That's it for now.

[skaruresonic]

Hey, I'm writing a book going over the history of Sonic SatAM (I'm SatAMHistorian on Twitter), and I was curious if you could give me the source on the coverage of Ben Hurst and Pat Allee's Unto These Hills? I feel it'd be a good source for my book, as it's good to acknowledge when I talk about that section that the reaction to their script was negative. Didn't know about that. Will say that I feel both you and the paper was a tad overly negative regarding the duo, as it's possible there were outside factors which led to their script being compromised (such as John Tissue's seemingly kinda shadiness indicating he may have requested certain elements be changed to be more marketable). Will say that Ben and Pat DID work previously on Native America related stuff, contrary to what the paper suggests. They previously worked on a virtual tour CD of the Museum of the Cherokee Indian in 1998, and worked on a paper regarding Duane H. King and his work with native american museums and such entitled "Trail of Tears". I don't doubt Pat and Ben were knowledgeable on Native Americans, and I think it's very possible those issues with the script may have been due to the direction they were given. Although the childishness and jokes being eh was probably on them tho.

Will say that I feel both you and the paper was a tad overly negative regarding the duo, as it's possible there were outside factors which led to their script being compromised (such as John Tissue's seemingly kinda shadiness indicating he may have requested certain elements be changed to be more marketable).

1.) No offense, but it kinda sounds like you're trying to excuse Pat and Ben here under the guise of executive meddling. I'm more inclined to believe a paper with sources than conjecture.

2.) Both me and the paper were overly negative? Both me and the paper. Not just me, but the paper specifically describing their rendition as whitewashing and their credentials as dubious.

Too negative. About cultural appropriation. In a paper literally entitled

...........I.

also how can you tell if the paper is being "a tad overly negative" when you haven't even read it.

Okay. Let's break this down, piece by piece.

First: intent doesn't matter when it comes to harm. Even if neither Pat nor Ben intended harm, the fact of the matter remains that they took a job opportunity away from an indigenous person who could have handled the source material with more cultural sensitivity and empathy, and instead used that opportunity to present an unfunny whitewashed version of history.

If they were really dialed-in to Cherokee culture as claimed, they could have recommended another indigenous writer to the CHA rather than take the position themselves. I'm fairly confident in asserting there probably wasn't a dearth of indigenous writers at the time.

Second: more accessible to who? White audiences? The play was originally white-directed; why would it need to be made even more accessible to white audiences? Would an indigenous perspective be considered too alien for general audiences to understand? What does "accessibility" mean in this context, and why do you assume accessibility to a culture that has suffered the appropriation of its history is something to strive for?

I. (rubs temple) I've been having one hell of a time trying to explain to people that not all cultures are up for grabs all the time. Just recently I had to tell a Sonic fan to knock it off with their w****goag AU because those spirits are sacred to the Anishinaabe and should not be treated like fictional playthings, and their defense was a flimsy "free cultural exchange is good."

No. Not always. Not to indigenous people, who have had their stories and beliefs violently ripped away from them and placed in the hands of outsiders who then profit off of them. Sometimes stories Are Not Meant To Be Told By You.

Indigenous people in particular have suffered a nasty history of being deprived of the right to tell their own stories by the dominant culture, and of having our stories regurgitated back to us in some whitewashed form. Unto These Hills was originally a white-directed morality play about Cherokee removal that the Cherokee then tried to make their own in order to generate revenue for the nation.

That is an act of survival. To take the narratives that hurt us and say "If we cannot stop this from happening, we might as well do it in a way that helps us."

With all due respect, I don't think I'm being "too negative" about cultural appropriation.

If this is what Pat and Ben did to Sequoyah, reducing him to a joke for The Lolz, I can't imagine what they did to the Cherokee museum.

And I'm sorry but frankly, I doubt Pat's credentials in this case when she, allegedly, was an "expert on Native Americans" and had her Wolf Pack do such quintessential Eastern Woodland tribe stuff as: wear togas and live in stone temples. ._.

The Wolf Pack are not based on any specific tribe. They're based on an ignorant view of Native people as a vague pan-Indian monolith.

Source: I'm a Haudenosaunee person and know we didn't wear togas and live in stone temples. Easterm Woodland tribes means our structures were made of wood. Longhouses, wiiigiwaam, etc., are made of wood.

We also do not mess around with fake curses because kačíkačiks (voodoo) isn't something you casually mess around with, even if the intent is to scare off outsiders.

Back to the main point... Sure, Ben could technically say he'd worked for the museum, but what did that actually entail when the CHA's standards were lax under John Tissue? You can't say "executive meddling was the reason they bastardized the play" in one breath and "Pat and Ben's work is legit because the same organization hired them to work on other stuff" in the next.

The problem here is twofold:

1.) Pat Allee and Ben Hurst were given a position that previously belonged to an indigenous man when their own credentials were dubious at best. The play's previous playwright was a Kiowa man, Hanay Geiogamah, who lost the position for petty reasons.

Furthermore, the man who vouched for Pat and Ben's credentials, John Tissue, could not specify why they were a good fit beyond a vague shrug. Especially brow-raising was the fact that they hadn't had a single writing credit to their name since 1999 when they got the job in 2006:

The CHA replaced Geiogamah the following year with Pat Allee and Ben Hurst, who made their living writing cartoons. They decided to replace Geiogamah because of his inability to fulfill the CHA‘s expectations. Though he did not inform the press of the reasons for deciding to fire Geiogamah, executive director John Tissue admitted to Scott Parker that Geiogamah "plagiarized text from the old drama and [had] no second act. "Hanay lifted the second act nearly verbatim from his American Indian Dance theatre shows and we didn‘t get that version until [two] days before opening!" The accusation of plagiarism did not focus on the script, but the series of dances and ―a Cherokee version of the American Indian Dance Theater DRUM CALL which served as the prelude to his removal scene. Because of Geiogamah‘s tardiness, the Association considered cancelling the first week of shows.

Choosing Allee and Hurst to write the new script showed that the CHA sacrificed its desire for a fully Cherokee story, to use 'veteran Hollywood writers.‘ Their credits, however, consisted of mainly children‘s cartoons such as ―Tiny Toon Adventures and two separate ―Sonic the Hedgehog series. Neither one had any writing credits to their name since 1999. Tissue, defending his choice, wrote to Parker that ―"Ben and Pat did write cartoons among many other things including the TV show Taxi but they also have [ten] years experience writing about Cherokee history. I needed that mix." Tissue did not divulge the details of their work on the Cherokee to Parker or strangely enough to newspapers.

I was not saying this to be a dick. You can read it in the paper yourself.

2.) Pat and Ben turned the play, which was originally about Cherokee removal, into glurgy, unfunny, "we're all one race" Christian feelgood schlock:

The main focus of removal here, however, does not occur in Cherokee, but in Nashville, Tennessee. White citizens line the streets to watch the Indians pass through their town. Upset by the occurrences, they bring out blankets, food, and clothing, and some begin crying. Kamama, a small Indian child mentions this to her grandmother, who responds "―never forget, Kamama, there are always good people, no matter what color they are." Throughout the scene, Cherokees sing the hymn Amazing Grace, and ―after a few stanzas, all the whites join in. The orchestrated score swells, filling the house and the song is sung in full harmony to a huge dramatic finish. This picture of harmony between the races took the focus off of the impact removal had on the Cherokee people, and showed how the playwrights imagined whites and Indians interacted. [emphasis mine]

Compare this to Geiogamah’s treatment:

Whereas Hunter [the play's original white author] saw this as the end of the action, Geiogamah chose to place removal as the center of the drama. [emphasis mine]

Even the construction of the scene created a different message then that of Hunter‘s script. The scene has few spoken words. It begins with Major Davis giving the order for the Indians to remove in two weeks, and ends with Kanati singing about removal.

According to the paper, Pat and Ben's rendition reflects a puerile view of history:

Their background in cartoons showed in the very childlike script that played for laughs. The play is more a series of vignettes than a cohesive story with a unifying thread running throughout. Though news reports claimed the second change in the script brought Tsali and Thomas back into the story, the playwrights relegated their part to the end of the play. Whereas Hunter denied the Indians any sense of humor, Allee and Hurst, made the Indians cartoonish, filling the script with bad jokes in English. Instead of using the Kanati and Selu as narrators, Allee and Hurst used a grandmother and grandfather telling bedtime stories to their grandson and granddaughter, an idea more accessible to white audiences.

Native people get opportunities ripped out from under them in favor of white people all the time, so it acts as a double kick in the face when our own stories aren't allowed to be told on our own terms, either.

As I've said earlier in this post, Unto These Hills was originally a white-directed morality play that the Cherokee people eventually tried to make their own.

Losing an indigenous playwright to two white cartoon writers for bullshit reasons is bad enough, but they then produced a cartoon mocking important figures, shelving other significant figures, and having everyone sing Kumbaya around the fire... as if dispossession was just an unfortunate tragedy instead of a calculated act of assimilation forced upon the Cherokee by the federal government.

Yeah.

No.

I didn't have a high opinion of Ben Hurst to begin with, considering his disdain of the Sonic series' core identity, the video games, led him to comment that Sega's vision for the series was "not very creative"; considering his comments on wanting to be "whatever species was compatible with Sally" were creepy (and yet this fanbase that hounds you over "impure" ships let it slid, maybe because they didn't know, but who knows?); and considering that his posts on SatAM seemed to heavily imply he couldn't let go of it decades later. Quite a claim to make that a hypothetical season 3 "wouldn't suck," and, just on a personal note, it's a little sad to think nothing else creatively fulfilled him quite like a cartoon he developed in his youth. Those are all the petty reasons I don't like Hurst.

...However, seeing two white authors take job opportunities from indigenous people and whitewash Native history actively pushed that dislike into upset.

Frankly, I was going to include a disclaimer, after a friend pointed it out, that just because Ben and Pat wrote something racially insensitive doesn't make them bad people. But, you know what, this is 2025 and it should go without saying. And centering their feelings/honor shouldn't be the focus of this post anyhow.

There's someone else here who is also dead, and can no longer defend himself, but that didn't prevent him from being made fun of. Sequoyah.

[uptoolateart]

The Miraculous Child

So, in 'Representation', Felix talks refers to ‘the miraculous boy’ a couple times. He also calls Adrien’s conception ‘a miracle’, meaning Adrien too is ‘miraculous’.

The second I heard this, it hit me that the title of the show has had this extra meaning from day one. If we look right back to the start of the series, it has been a story about children and adults, especially parents, some a little overbearing (like Tom) and some neglectful or downright abusive.

The message I take away is - life, bringing a child into the world, is a miracle. Science tells us how it works, but the fact that it works is almost like magic. Yet, there are people out there who fail to see this and don't value the gift they've been granted.

There will be people reading this and thinking, ‘Yeah? So what about Chloe?’

I hear you.

Audrey is a terrible person, and Andre is no better. When he hauls her off at the end of ‘Revolution’ and says he needs to correct his mistakes, he just sends her away with her mother. He’s washing his hands of ‘a problem’, just like he’s done with everything else, e.g. when he resigned as mayor. He walked away from responsibilities, after creating a mess for the people who voted him into office. Likewise, he walked away from his responsibilities as a father.

Does that excuse Chloe's behaviour towards others, especially Marinette? No. Does it explain it? Yes.

So, let's talk about choice, which has been mentioned several times in the series. Chloe has a choice to become just like one of her parents...or to become something better.

Because, if you think about it, at some point in time, Audrey and Andre and even Gabriel were all children. And children aren't just born nasty. They learn nastiness as they grow up. To become who they are today, they had to have started out in a similar position to Chloe, for example. They represent the potential future for their children.

If we saw them as kids, we'd probably see them being mistreated by the adults in their lives and we'd all sympathise with them and hope for their redemption. But we're seeing them as adults and our instinct is to say oh well, too late, they're just awful people. In fact, they could redeem themselves at any point, as demonstrated by Nathalie's turnaround in Season 5. It's just that, the more awful things you've done, the more you have to atone for. Gabriel would have to do a lot - maybe even have a brain change - to be redeemed. But you see my point.

So, at the end of 'Revolution', we see Chloe at a crossroads. She's on that plane, annihilated by her mother, and hiding by herself in a corner. She browses her contacts and hovers over Sabrina's entry...and her face crumples like her heart is breaking with regrets. Oh, it’s sad.

But she passes over Sabrina and moves onto Marinette. She makes one last attempt to bring her down. It’s an act of desperation – redirecting her own suffering onto another, trying to keep control over things when she’s completely out of control of her own life.

Marinette finally puts her in her place, and we see Chloe fall apart in a real way - for the first time ever. I don't know about you, but I found that very uncomfortable viewing. It was a relief to see Marinette stand up for herself, and it needed to happen...but Chloe's despair was also painful. I think all of those were emotions were intended.

Let’s set Thomas aside here. I don't want to get into debates about what was said on Twitter. He’s not the only writer for the show, anyway. I am just speaking about my personal perception of that scene. Chloe gained heaps of sympathy, after she’d been appalling all season, which was pretty powerful.

The fact is…Chloe needed to be put in her place. But that doesn’t mean she deserved everything she went through. Even so...sometimes these moments are necessary and revelatory. They can be the catalyst for great change.

What I mean is – if you're in denial about your position, redirecting your pain onto others, sometimes you need that wakeup call. You need to hit rock bottom in order to start climbing back up into the light. So, when Chloe fell apart, it was painful...but I also saw it as her potential turning point. As long as she maintained her delusions to escape into at school, it was impossible for her to transform - because she refused to see that there was any change needed. But when you have nothing left…that’s when you might begin rebuilding yourself.

Every episode in Season 5 has had multiple meanings. Looking at 'Revolution', when Chloe was akumatised, she trapped her victims in a maze, going round in endless circles (revolutions). Notably a lot of them were adults.

I think if this had happened early on in Season 4, Adrien would have been trapped morosely in that loop with the others. We saw this kind of thing in 'Guiltrip'. So, it spoke volumes about his growth as a character when he was the first one to seek a way out of Chloe's maze. He immediately used his cataclysm and broke a hole, escaping and letting everyone else out. Metaphorically, what he did was break the cycle. If we think about cycles of abuse, this is what the next generation always has the chance to do - to revolt against the past.

it's interesting, then, that when we got to 'Representation', we saw Cat Noir completely lose it with his father. He needed to let it all out...but he was in danger of going too far...and deep down, he knew it. His worst nightmare was of losing all control, to the point of letting his rage destroy everything he loved. Unconsciously, he's well aware that he runs the risk of becoming like his father. However, his complete breakdown, begging his father to take his miraculous to make it all stop, tells us he won't become like his father - because his conscience is too strong. He wants to break that cycle.

Felix has also done some bad things - but he's begun the journey of redeeming himself and changing. He too is trying to break out of that cycle so he doesn't become like his father.

Kagami is embracing her passionate side, rejecting the coldness and isolation her mother has attempted to breed into her, no doubt due to her own upbringing once upon a time.

And I think there’s definite potential for Chloe to do the same. There’s no reason for anyone to remain caught in these patterns. The trick is to recognise the pattern is there in the first place - because you can’t break free of something if you don’t know you’re imprisoned. At the end of Revolution, I think Chloe finally saw her prison, saw that she was already trapped in her own maze, going round in circles. Now it’s up to her to pull an Adrien and cataclysm the bars that hold her in.

Because like Felix said, over and over – each child is miraculous simply for existing. And miracles should be cherished.

PLEASE NO POST-REPRESENTATION SPOILERS IN COMMENTS :)

[presidentdisastraofgallifrey]

500-Year Diary Headcanons: Updated

I’m reposting this rather than just reblogging the other one because I changed the timeline

One: writes pretty regularly. Doesn’t record his adventures so much as grumble about people and the universe, interspersed with the occasional joke or amusing anecdote, but does include enough detail to read between the lines and guess at what he did and that he had fun doing it.

Two: writes almost not at all, instead doing watercolor landscape and urban sketches, labeled with the place and date but no other information.

Three: usually starts off intending to rant about humans or time lords or the universe at large but gets distracted and ends up either indodumping (about cars or other tech) or happily relating an anecdote about one of his companions.

Four: very, very bad about remembering to write ever. Does directly relate adventures, and a fairly good writer, but heavily editorializes them into being the way he wants to remember. Just as often as writing about what happened, he instead discusses his feelings or the sudden realization of what someone was trying to tell him several days ago.

Four addendum: Romana. Keeps her own diary for 80 years or so, but after regenerating discovers his and begins annotating and correcting the entries, and eventually just writing down their adventures for him. She is more consistent and accurate than he is, but not perfectly either, and includes quite a lot of side commentary.

Five: much less emotional about it all. Also (a little tiny bit) more consistent. Tends to write short, summary-like entries about adventures without much detail.

Six: oh Rassilon, the purple prose. Almost entirely poetry and legend-style tales starring him and based only vaguely on what actually happened. Any companions are barely an afterthought.

Seven: tbd, still not quite there yet.

Eight: the most normal diary of all of them. Records and processes thoughts and feelings, as well as fairly emotional and fairly accurate recounting of his adventures (though still not fairly consistent) in case he loses his memory again. Does stop writing the moment he gets involved in the Time War, though. Initially meant only to take a break because it felt too big to think about, but begins to dread having to record it until he just stops writing entirely.

War: nope. Actually tries to destroy his diaries but the tardis saves them and spits them back out into the library.

Nine: doesn’t start writing again until after the whole empty child thing, and when he does it’s only listed itinerary-style recordings of what happened with no detail or feeling at all.

Ten: wildly emotional without actually processing any of those feelings. Writes in glitter pen. Goes on for pages and pages about his feelings and forgets to include the actual events that happened. Can only really read between the lines to get the gist of it because he does gush about his companions and others he meets.

Eleven: the most adhd anyone has ever been. Will start recounting a story only to get distracted by any number of things: rants about pasta shapes, listing favorite planets, telling a completely unrelated story. The margins are filled with doodles of people and objects. The books themselves are heavily dented from all the times he throws them across the room after failing to understand what his past self meant when he wanted to look something up. Writes less often towards the end of his life but has too many thoughts in his head to ever stop entirely.

Eleven addendum: River. At some point she discovered his diary and read it. Maybe she thought at first it was like hers and meant to compare where they were. At any rate, it’s how she learned so much about his life and past and old companions. She starts using it to leave him notes, though he frequently doesn’t find them for years.

Twelve: approximately half infodumps about his newest hobby while trying to sound too cool to be that into it. The other half is ranting and raving at the universe right after a traumatic adventure or speaking fondly of a happy adventure years after the fact. Is written in plain pen and incredibly messy, full of crossed out and corrected rememberings.

Twelve addendum: Missy. Steals it at some point while she’s locked up and role plays as him for years, but eventually tells him when he completely fails to notice. He leaves angry annotations in the margins but doesn’t tear out her entries.

Thirteen: the second most adhd anyone has ever been. Writes in brightly colored marker, always very excited, with a ton of exclamation points. Almost no emotional depth. Often recounts adventures with a coherent beginning and end but no middle at all because she got distracted by her thoughts on a detail, a different story, or gushing about someone (75% of the time it’s Yaz). There is the occasional rage-filled sentence in a spiky bubble with 50 explanation points, but never any context.

Fourteen: actually uses it to process his feelings as well as get excited about all the little everyday things he is discovering, and within a few decades gets in the habit of writing most evenings before bed. Also does those complex scrapbook-style journal pages and sometimes detailed drawings.

Fifteen: keeps up the nearly-everyday routine of it for a bit, but as more things happen he gets out of the habit and goes back to just whenever he remembers. Writes excitedly, coherently, and in plenty of detail about his adventures, but does have a habit of focusing on little things that made him happy and glossing over or entirely skipping big things like nearly dying. Still, does occasionally process negative feelings with it. Often illustrates his stories with lovely pencil sketches.

[batchilla]

Most Married Divorced couple timeline and other fun stuff.

This post will be updated as it needs to be updated.

I recently received some feedback that the third chapter of The Most Married Divorced couple caused some minor confusion, and so! a timeline to help make it clear what happens when is now being created! I also included fun facts about the series and my writing quirks because I am desperate for people to talk to meeee.

I have the full version, but this post will reflect the currently released works, or works that I can fit in spoiler free, such as the flashbacks, which are of course all prior to the main fic and can be read as stand alone if you so choose to just ignore their doomed future haha.

Purple titles are linked - let me know if I forget to link any of them!

Five times Robin rescued you and one time he didn't. (no link as not yet out)

This was a confusing one to fit in, as I would say that technically complicated exists somewhere in the middle of the many rescues, but I settled on first as it includes you meeting Jason.

the five as of this stage of development are:

the first time

the creation of your desert arrangement

the first time he drops you off at home

Complicated would occur loosely here

followed by the remaining rescues which I am keeping close to my chest.

Complicated

This could be read as a stand alone, but it is intended as the first kiss of this particular reader and Jason. It takes place shortly before Jason's death, maybe a year or two prior. While I never set an age in stone for the reader, I would imagine them to be mid to early teens.

We then experience a time-skip of several years.

Chapter one of The most married divorced couple

Till death do us part.

This fic occurs with no set age in mind for the reader or Jason, but you are settled into a apartment, and your daughter Mary is three years old, so I had imagined her as mid to late twenties or so, but you do not have to of course!

Chapter two of The most married divorced couple

Four years later

We skip forward four years into your divorce. Those of you with your smartie pants on will know this puts Mary as around seven years of age. This, for the majority of the time, is considered the 'main' time period, with anything before being a flashback. While I tried to make this clear, I will say it more plainly here because I am talking as me and it is easier to communicate this more bluntly out of the story:

Jason had zero contact post divorce with the reader or Mary until the events of chapter three; two years of utter silence. After the events of chapter three, while officially no changes in the custody arrangement were made, during the two years between three and two, Jason has come over as we see him do in 'four years later', or been present at places he could plausibly ran into you.

Chapter three of The Most married divorced couple

Jason comes home.

Despite what I just said about the main timeline, chapter three is an immediate flashback to the first time Jason returned after two years of total silence. Simply put this is two years AFTER till death do us part and two years BEFORE four years later. Or, for those of us keeping track by Mary's age, when she is five.

Chapter four of The Most married divorced couple

Churros, Coffee, hard Conversations, and Custody. (no link at this time because it isn't out yet)

a sneak peak of the unreleased chapter? in this economy? more likely then you think.

Jason wakes up on your couch, the morning after the events of Four Years Later, and after spending the morning as close as your heart can take to as a proper family would, with Mary, (once again aged seven for those keeping up that way) off to school, a very important, very sad, rather heated discussion must be had.

FUN FACTS

I, when writing x readers, try to avoid having the reader described as walking or running anywhere as I am a wheelchair user irl, and it often breaks immersion for me. No hate to writers who don't, its not a failing on your part, but I hope my fellow wheelchair girlies feel seen! I don't have her explicitly in a wheelchair, because I feel that it wouldn't represent most of my readers, but I have made a conscious effort that it could be read that way.

Jason's hoodie in chapter two, while never canonically described and therefore whatever you imagine it to be, in my own heart, is the 'I am kenough' hoodie. I had it as that in a draft, but I felt it changed the vibe too much to make it canon.

works I am considering writing for this series in addition to the main timeline:

meeting the resurrected Jason as Red Hood

The proposal

A series of dabbles or at least short, short, segments on what it's like to be pregnant in a family of the worlds greatest detectives

a short story about how Damian was impacted by the divorce

A far into the future mainly crack fic with the many bat uncles and aunts, Jason, and Grandpa Bruce all trying to convince a teen Mary to come join THEIR super team / to be their sidekick.

Let me know in the replies if any of these particularly excite you! I make no promises of writing them but they are rattling around in my mind.

[cecilyv]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @screamlet

1. How many works do you have an AO3? 14 (and, full disclosure, all but some of the tumblr fics are with @liminalmemories21)

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 151,628

3. What fandoms do you write for? 9-1-1

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? In order: Awful quiet here since love fell asleep (9-1-1, the break up, make up fic), Atlas (bound) (9-1-1, the Buckley parents are trash fic), Baggage that goes with mine (9-1-1, Tommy begins), (I'm in love) but I do not speak the language (9-1-1, the relationship discovery one), and I'll cover you (9-1-1, part II after Baggage, when Buck and Tommy get a dog).

5. Do you respond to comments? I really try. @liminalmemories21 is much better at it than I am, but I do always intend to because each comment is my best beloved.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Erm, we don't really write angsty things? Awful quiet, Atlas and Inside, You've Got Heaven and Earth all start angsty, but don't end there?

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Oh, god, uh, probably What's with today, today? Mostly just because making them all librarians on Stuffie Day itself was an indulgent turducken of a dessert.

8. Do you get hate on fics? not so far, thankfully

9. Do you write smut? a hundred percent more than I ever imagined

10. Do you write crossovers? I drop them in Lim's chat all the time but one has never stuck. Like, the one from this week was Wolfram and Heart is based in LA and reopens and... I don't know, Lindsey sticks around with his evil hand? THNK OF BUCK AND FREAKING OUT WITH THE CURSES AND THE RESEARCH SPIRALS AND...

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? not that i know of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? nope

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Err, all of the recent ones because I am nothing (fandom-wise) without Lim

14. What's your all time favorite ship? I have no answer for this. I read like, a decade's worth of Stiles/Derek and literally never watched an episode of the show, but I watched SO MUCH Stargate because John/Rodney, my beloveds. I am still a sucker for a good Arthur/Eames. I would bow down if people brought back silver foxes Fraser/RayK. It's hard to have favorites after over 30 years in fandom.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Lim and I poke things to death, and definitely don't post a lot of them because we can't imagine things not being done before we put them out in the world -- see the Merlin fic of epicness that we started way over a decade ago and still sits in our google docs.

16. What are your writing strengths? I also think this is a thing best answered by others, like hi, Lim, how do I help? I honestly think I'm a better editor than writer? I'm not good about setting scenes, but I'm pretty good about taking drafts and massaging them?

17. What are your writing weaknesses? I always want things to feel more lived in than I feel I can accomplish on my own.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I speak english and bad english, so I am terrible about this, but I totally understand that sometimes its warranted.

19. First fandom you wrote for? Popslash and Smallville, and hi, yes, I disappeared for two decades.

20. Favorite fics you've written?

Awful quiet did exactly what I wanted that fic to when we set out to write it, and while maybe I wish some of the OCs were handled better/differently, I'm still happy with how we got from the beginning to end.

The What Binds series definitely put Tommy in a place and time, and there's a reason there's four stories worth of it (hi, I'm super proud of the detail about Tommy losing his virginity to Dave Matthew Band because, come on, people).

I know that Inside, You've Got Heaven and Earth didn't really hit with people, but it addressed something I wanted to fiddle with for Buck and Tommy, and Lim was a trooper for going there with me.

[lurkingshan]

Wedding Plan and the Evolution of MAME

I have a bit of a love/hate thing going on with MAME, one of the most notorious writers in the bl genre. Her shows have traditionally been a mixed bag of incredible chemistry, high heat, dubious consent, and pushy semes transgressing every boundary laid out for them, all of it built atop a foundation of heteronormativity and homophobic tropes. In the early years of bl, her shows were one of the only places you could go to see mature depictions of intimacy in relationships, but they also necessitated dodging through a landmine of problematic content. So my long standing policy has been to never watch her shows live and instead binge them when they’re done so that I can go in with some idea of what to expect. As someone who liked Love By Chance and TharnType for what they did well despite their problematic aspects, and actually kinda loved Love in the Air, I figured I would watch Wedding Plan at some point, but it wasn’t that high on my priority list. 

So imagine my surprise when people I trusted started telling me: hey wait, this is actually really good? Like, not good for MAME, but genuinely, legitimately a quality show. @bengiyo wrote a great post on the queer read of the story that was very intriguing indeed. @ginnymoonbeam wrote about seeing an authentic representation of her own experiences in the show. When I asked for others to weigh in, @negrowhat, @slayerkitty, @thegalwhorants, @nieves-de-sugui, @he-is-lightning-in-a-bottle, and @magpie24601 all said they were enjoying it to various degrees and that it felt different from MAME’s previous works. So this weekend, I sat down to watch it, and as soon as I finished, I pinged @waitmyturtles, who had previously said she did not intend to watch any additional MAME shows, to tell her she had to add it to her project tracking the evolution of Thai bl. 

Because y’all, this show! This show is stunning, in more ways than one. The people and settings are gorgeous (shoutout to that McDonald’s money), the characters are compelling and sympathetic even when they behave in frustrating ways, the romance is properly swoony, the friendships are deep and touching, the family relationships are complex, and the ending is triumphant. I enjoyed it immensely, and I was taken aback by how genuinely rooted in queer experience and celebratory of queer love it felt. It was kind of a revelation, and I felt compelled to get down some thoughts about it. I’m going to break this down by narrative themes and characters so that I can dig into some of the tropes at play and what makes their deployment feel different here than it has in MAME’s previous shows.

The Core Premise

When I say this story feels authentically queer, this premise is the foundation of that. A lavender marriage is something that can only occur between queer characters. Right away, we are kicking MAME’s typical use of heteronormative tropes right out the door, because Lom already has a wife. Yiwa is his stand-in for the female partner his parents and society expect him to have, so Nuea cannot and will not fulfill that role. Instead, Lom’s pursuit of Nuea is explicitly about his desire to break away from those constraints and pursue the authentic queer life he has never been allowed to live, even if he has to do it undercover of this facade. Lom is gay, and he is pursuing a relationship with a gay man, and there is no coding here to make a heterosexual audience feel like what he wants with Nuea is the same as what he’d have with a woman. The difference, and the way one fulfills Lom while the other doesn’t, is the point.

Nuea

At first glance, our POV character, Nuea, feels like a stock MAME uke character. He is cute, he is a romantic, he is emotionally reactive, and he has a massive crush on Lom pretty much from jump. But pretty quickly, we start to notice some important differences between Nuea and those who came before him, starting with his competence and confidence. Nuea is the ace at his company and excellent at his work, and he’s financially comfortable. He is an out and confident gay man with a strong community of coworkers, friends, and family who will support him through anything and close ranks to protect him when needed. He does not share the standard characteristic of typical MAME ukes: uncertainty about who he is and/or low self-esteem. There’s simply not a whiff of that anywhere on Nuea. He knows who he is, and he knows what he wants. And as the story unfolds and Nuea gets deeper entangled with Lom, we recognize another crucial aspect of him: he is experienced, both emotionally and sexually. Nuea has been in relationships before, he knows how to say no, he knows how to draw a boundary, and he knows when he is deciding to cross one. In short, Nuea has something crucial that a lot of MAME ukes are lacking: power and agency. 

We see this throughout his relationship with Lom, as Nuea begins their flirtation eyes wide open about his own feelings and the fire he’s playing with, and alternately pulls back and pushes forward as his conscience wars with his desires. Nuea wants Lom. Their attraction is extremely mutual. No one is wearing anyone down or inspiring a sexuality crisis in this dynamic. Instead, Nuea’s struggle is rooted in his own morality and desire to be a good person, because he thinks Lom is taken, and he wants him anyway. Which is why we see him waffling so much and sending Lom all kinds of mixed signals, pushing him away with one hand while grabbing him back with the other, drawing boundaries only to step right back over them at the next opportunity. And when he finally crosses a boundary that he can’t rationalize (sex with Lom), he retreats back home to try to get his head together. It’s not an accident that despite Lom being in the active pursuer role, we see Nuea make a conscious decision to move forward and even be the one to initiate a relationship progression at several crucial points in the story. Nuea is making his own decisions here, and he has his own power over Lom that he exercises consistently. He’s warring with himself, not with Lom.

Lom

Lom is also, on the surface, a fairly standard MAME seme character. He wants Nuea, and he’s comfortable being pushy about it. He pursues Nuea fairly relentlessly, showing up in front of him even when he’s told not to, and leverages his role as Nuea’s client to see him as often as possible. He obsessively pines for Nuea in a way that also feels familiar. But for me, there is something that makes Lom stand out and feel markedly different from his predecessors in his romantic pursuit: sincerity and frank honesty. 

From the start, Lom is genuine in his interest in Nuea and sincere about how much he likes and admires him. He tells him in a very straightforward manner that he likes him and wants to spend time with him. He tells him he knows he doesn’t have the right, but he wants to kiss him and be near him anyway. He tells him exactly what he intends to do to stay close to him, and then he does it. He tells him honestly that he loves Yiwa, but not in the way Nuea thinks, and that he is not marrying her because he’s being forced. “But Shan,” I hear you yelling, “he did not tell him the most important truth!” And you’re right, he didn’t, at least not until he was forced to do so. Which brings me to the other thing that makes Lom so compelling: the constraints of the closet and his loyalty to Yiwa. 

Lom, unlike Nuea, does not have a supportive family or the freedom to live as an out gay man. What he does have is a best friend whom he loves deeply and completely, to the extent that he would sacrifice his own life and chance at happiness to protect hers. He has no choice but to hold some things back, because to lay it all bare would expose not only him, but her. The decision to tell a boy he likes the truth about the nature of their relationship is not just about him; anyone knowing is also a risk to Yiwa and the life she is building with Marine. And he takes his duty to protect that very seriously. On top of that, Lom has been in the closet since he was a teenager. We know that Lom and Yiwa connected over their queerness and their mothers’ bigotry when they were only 15 and 13, respectively. They grew up Knowing. That self-protective mindset is not something you can easily shake off, and not something you risk for any given person you develop a crush on. He is trying to walk a line in his pursuit of Nuea to snatch whatever happiness he can without blowing up his entire life. 

And to Lom’s credit, the moment he realizes how serious he is about Nuea, he goes after him (with Yiwa and Marine’s support), dutifully pays his penance and earns the respect of Nuea’s family, and finally unburdens himself, looking at Nuea with complete and total honesty and saying to him “This is who I am, this is my situation, can you deal with it? Do you still want me?” And by the way he sobs when Nuea says “YES” and asks to be part of his arrangement with Yiwa and Marine, he never expected for someone like Nuea to accept him and all the complications of his life. He was absolutely overcome by gratitude and relief, and you could see the burdens he’s been living under start to lighten. 

Yiwa and Marine

I don’t have anyone to compare Yiwa and Marine to, because to my recollection, they are the first significant female characters in any MAME story. And significant is an understatement. Yiwa is the engine that drives this entire story. The lavender marriage is her idea, because it’s the only way she can think to give herself the freedom to be with Marine under her mother’s watchful eye. She is the one who goes to her best friend and begs him to do this for her, because she trusts him absolutely and the devotion between them is complete enough that she knows he will sacrifice in such a monumental way for her. She is the one who encourages Lom to pursue his own happiness with Nuea within the constraints of their arrangement, hoping that he will find his own Marine that can hang in for this half life they’ve constructed to meet the tenets of filial piety. She is the one who ultimately decides to come clean when she sees how the lie is hurting Nuea. And she is the one who makes the final decision to prioritize her love over her obligations to her parents, and in doing so frees them all. 

The fact that a character like Yiwa exists in the bl genre at all, let alone in a MAME show, is mind-blowing to me. A female character with this much depth and narrative importance, who is not just here to play a cheerleader to men but instead to be a fully realized character with her own narrative? A female character who matters? In my Thai bl?? 

And Marine gets to matter, too. Marine, whose experience of coming into this relationship and accepting the limitations of the life Yiwa can offer her is treated with the utmost seriousness. Marine, who we see in joy and in struggle, who is kind and compassionate with Lom, who offers solace and guidance to Nuea, and who ultimately crumbles under the weight of Yiwa’s mother’s cruelty and reaches her breaking point. As minor as her role is, she feels like a real person, not a generic side character. The relationship between her and Yiwa is developed enough to make us feel invested in their happiness, to understand the choices they make, and to ultimately feel joy at them breaking free and living a more authentic life, even if it comes at the expense of Yiwa’s family bonds.

The Ending

Which brings me to the way this show ended its story, and how glorious it was. Yiwa and Marine run away to live on their own, freeing Lom from their agreement in the process. Yiwa takes full blame for the broken engagement, a parting gift to Lom that saves face for his parents and gives him cover to publicly dodge any further expectations for marriage to a woman. Lom’s mother, who is just as bigoted but not quite as stubborn and short-sighted as Yiwa’s mother, understands exactly what has happened, and reaches out to her son to assure him that she will no longer try to force the issue, and to ask him plainly not to run away from his family like Yiwa did. It’s not the support and love of Nuea’s family, but a kind of resigned acceptance that she offers. She knows who Nuea is to her son and she knows if she tries to intervene any further she will lose him for good. It was reminiscent for me of the dynamics between Shiro and his parents in Kinou nani tabeta—it still hurts, but it's a detente everyone can live with.

And Lom and Nuea? Have the freedom to love each other more openly. To flirt in a restaurant and hold hands in public. To live together and call themselves partners to the people who matter. We end on a message from Nuea about the beauty and joy of queer love, the simple nature of two people deciding to marry regardless of their gender, and a promise that someday soon he and Lom will be the ones to make that commitment. Just, perfection, and an earned resolution so rooted in a genuine queer experience. It’s not something I could have imagined seeing in a Thai bl even a few short years ago, and I am stunned that MAME is the one who delivered it. Her storytelling is clearly evolving with the culture around her, and I will be going into her future works with an open mind.

[n0irrrr]

i've been trying to think why i stopped writing entirely, so this is just a vent/ramble post and doesn't mean anything beyond that? line break bc i dont think someone would want to read rambling tb: rant about aot, info about reiss mental asylum/empty/future

the first reasons i came out with were 1. work 2. a shitty situation that worsened my already shitty mental health and 3. void of creativity/writers block/no energy to think or to came out with something i liked bc i kept comparing myself to others creators (which is... very bad).

the other big reason....... (since i only wrote for aot):

i think i stopped writing anything attack on titan related because i really, really got so salty that my favorite peace of media (that i've followed for 11 years) ended they way it did? and i don't mean that 'oh just bc u didn't get a happy ending or u didn't understand the characters and the plot doesn't mean your opinion is valid bla bla'

but the way characters' developments were poorly handled and recessed, how they were just made dumber for the sake of the plot and how suddenly a romantic relationship that wasn't there in the first place became something bigger at the end and how eren was handled in the last moments just made me so salty lmao.

and it makes me more salty how people just shits on you if you don't like it and quickly go with their 'u didn't get it' like brother ive been here since 2013 tf you mean? now we can't criticize anything and still like something??? AAAGGGHHHH

im sorry LOL it's just that i can't see anything aot related bc it is so ruined for me. literally i see tiktoks and i get so sad and bitter bc i know what the comments will be lmao i hate it, literally just read the manga and stopped watching the anime until season 3 bc i just disliked how everything was handled so bad. like any news about it just doesn't make me feel anything 😭 i need a therapist

anyway :) im trying to find my love towards it again because i genuinely liked writing my shitty stories about it and the world building and characters were what i fell in love with.

(also, this doesn't mean im bashing ppl who liked the ending!! in my eyes, everything is subjective—some like it, some dont, and that's fine. how boring life would be if we all thought the same?)

but i AM bashing those who say 'you didn't get it'. come here and get this hands how about that

oh, and im rewriting reiss mental asylum (just the earlier chapters bc they are... bad y'all LOL), nothing too heavy, just trying to improve the writing and adding extra things. (such as the damn time period... i've had in mind to settle it around 1960-1980, but i just didn't pay attention to the world building enough to explicitly mention it. oh well, the more you know.)

i've already made a big chunk of info about how i want to develop the whole story, so i do have a clear structure to follow. also, i once begged for ideas in ao3, and many people came with great input, and a commentor was so spot on on what i was intending to do with the story! (like really spot on LOL they found my secret plot twist...)

it really makes me baffled how many people like the story, with its flaws and all. i was young and very inexperienced when writing it, so i hope i can refine it enough to make it a decent read for all of you.

also... people from russia 🫵 im speaking to you directly... thank you for your kind messages as well! (some of you have reached for me through email) it just baffles me how well liked that story is? and for the translator(Вероника_69) to still keeping an eye after years of no updating? aaaa. thank you.

i think i needed to write this vent, it helped me to get some good motivation!!

aaaaand i've watched jujutsu kaisen... you may see silly things coming up as well... err, someday. because college is around the corner again and that means suffering! and poor mental health! and no time! and no life!

been having these intrusive thoughts lately of... erasing all of my works LOL BUT i won't, don't worry. they'll be there as a reminder of how slightly ive improved (not much).

but yeah, if you see me experiment with small drabbles or just silly posts it doesn't mean im not paying attention to reiss mental asylum! i won't abandon it unless i die, even then i've told my friends to release my 30 unfinished drafts for you to get some closure LOL (fr though). but yeah, i will gravitate towards other fandoms if i feel like it (:

so, empty: hiatus... hiatus hiatus bc i hate to touch aot right now as its canon universe. indefinite hiatus, but i love that story to just abandon it. i was having much fun with it, tbh. which also im very grateful that it also got a russian translation by _Полуночник_! sorry that these news aren't very positive for the fans of empty, but i promise i'll get around it someday.

anyway, this turned out too long. thank you for still checking my stories, as bad as they are! i really, really appreciate you all reaching out to me. hopefully this year i can be more active, even if to write drabbles with meaning behind it. (i just love stories with lores thats why im so damn slow) although... i wrote more for myself in the beginning, so i was very surprised that people wanted more LOL

oh and im going to post masterlists to order my shit better. i want pretty visuals too, yk? headsup if u see me posting... also, feel free to ask anything about this vent lol i dont mind. (also i always got notifications to my email when someone asked something, and idk when they stopped? also, yeah, i check my email 😞)

hope you are having a good start of year. and, if not, well, we have 11 months anyways

and i never fucking realize i had 550 FOLLOWERS. i am not fit for social media y'all im sorry. i'll have to spoil you with something... THANK YOU FOR FOLLOWING A DAMN GRAVEYARD 😭 i will make it better i promise

also... dont use chat bots... my brain rotted... 😞 i had an unhealthy obsession (still do) but don't give in LMAO

[jesuis-melodrama]

Thoughts on Miraculous World: London – At The Edge of Time

Miraculous Specials generally have no bearing on the plot. Think about Miraculous New York and Miraculous Shanghai, they could've been never produced and the narrative would've been exactly the same for it. Even the well-written Miraculous Paris have no influence on the main narrative except, perhaps, giving the Adrien and Marinette some perspective which they might never show. I don't think either of them are going to discuss that time their alternate selves came into their world again.

But Miraculous London surprised me. I had a lot of people asking me what I thought of it, because the writing turns out to be quality, and I agree.

I think the writers wanted to start Season 6 off with a bang, they didn't want to deal with all the nitty-gritty and the 'closing up of loose ends' at what is meant to be a fresh beginning. So they created Miraculous London in order complete the first arc of Miraculous, the Gabriel Agreste Arc, even though the story was not set in London. London appeared briefly, as a guest location. The special would've been more suitable named as Miraculous World: Bunnyx's Burrow – Spying on the Timeline.

Firstly, it's pretty lame that Lila cannot change the rules of Akumatisation. Who made up this concrete rule that Akumas have to forget everything they did? I always assumed it was because the people were being taken advantage of without their consent so their memory is purged once the infection is lifted, but even for people who were Akumatised willingly?? Even for the Butterfly Miraculous Holder themselves?? I think this just comes down to plot convenience.

Marinette, who usually goes into hysterics when faced with failure or impossible situations (think the end of Season 4), is disturbingly calm as she goes to free Kagami and Adrien.

This change of attitude, change of reaction, symbolises a growth in her character, a development that is forced upon her. And Marinette demonstrates her ability to lead and compartmentalise by stoically accepting the brutal responsibility.

I will commend the writers for portraying Adrien's grief very well.

Also, I'm pretty sure this pose is meant to reference Evangelion, it's far too close. And we all know Monsieur Astruc is an anime nerd.

The breaking of the background and the colour scale going to black-and-white (left) to represent his numbness and landslide loneliness is quite revolutionary for Miraculous' animation, which, famously, has stuck to the same, increasingly uninventive models and sets.

Lying to Adrien, at this point, however, is also plot convenience.

Bug Noire rationalises it pretty well in the special, explaining to Nathalie coherently why no one should tell Adrien the truth. But it's not a logical thing to do. Do they plan to keep lying to Adrien forever? Never reveal the true identity of Papillon, till the day he dies? Nathalie plans on taking this information to the grave? Marinette intends to marry and have children with a man that she keeps the truth of his own father from?

Marinette thinking that this is the best thing to do – placing everything on her shoulders in a desperate attempt to shelter Adrien – makes sense. She's young, she's self-loathing, she tends to make rash decisions where she takes the brunt of the damage. Nathalie not telling the truth to the authorities so she can continue to act as Adrien's legal guardian, I personally would've advised for to make that decision. But Nathalie agreeing with Bug Noire's hare-brained scheme is implausible. She's a grown woman who should've learned, at this point, that keeping the truth from someone, especially a truth as crucial as this, is not going to work out.

Again, do they plan on lying to Adrien for the rest of his life? How is Marinette supposed to carry on when their children start asking her and Adrien about the late Grandfather Gabriel? The fandom enjoys bringing up Chat Blanc as an excuse for not telling Adrien anything, but I don't think we're all remembering that episode correctly. Adrien wasn't driven to madness by the weight of secrets, he was forced during that episode to act by Gabriel under duress. Given time, space, and understanding, he can absorb this new, hitting truth without world-ending dramatics.

Perhaps Nathalie is lying and reassuring Bug Noire's frayed mental state by pretending she's going to adhere to her plan but is secretly planning on telling Adrien after a few months when things die down. I sure hope so. Because everyone – Nathalie, Marinette, Félix, Kagami – in his life all banding together to lie to Adrien is overkill and plain ridiculous. I fully support Adrien becoming a supervillain when he finds out, because what the hell.

In brighter news, I love the design of 60 years old Alix. The glasses, the fur-lined waistcoat, the black bowtie – gorgeous. They're leaning more into the Alice in Wonderland theme the older Alix gets. I'm pretty sure Fluff is inspired by the White Rabbit. A bunny with time-travelling powers whose Miraculous is a waistwatch? Someone on the writing team reads Victorian literature.

Also, after repetitive seasons of unnecessary fillers, I love how Lila gets started on a plan straight away. Like I said, I'm surprised by how relevant Miraculous London is, it jumps right into the plot. Lila, of course, isn't like Gabriel. She's not going to waste time making grand plans, casting illusions. She knows what she wants and she's heading straight for it.

Chronobug getting a neat little gold finish after wearing Bunnyx's fluorescent vest was fun. I love how yellow she is, and all her spots are illuminated with a diamond glitter effect. It reminds me of the 22-spot ladybug and of the old power-up edits artists created for Marinette post-Season 2.

I do have to wonder – was that fluorescent vest a special material? I doubt it, because at the end of the special, when Marinette de-transforms and casts her healing magic, you like see the vest floating away like a discarded plastic bag. Interesting thing that fanfic writers might want to incorporate into their stories, apparently the colour of the parka your characters wear may determine the colour of their battle-suit.

I really, really liked this shot.

It's the small details that really let you know how much effort the writers put into their story. One of my biggest irks about the negligence of small details in Miraculous comes from this magazine cover in Season 4's Optigami:

Where the subtitles and headings are nonsense Latin. The writers couldn't be bothered to change it to the most generic statement: Adrien Agreste Shocks In Teal was the bare minimum they could've done. They could've described what he was wearing, and they chose to do nothing. This always bothered me, because for all that Miraculous started as a single man's passion project, I'm not seeing a whole lot of passion in it. I can't see soul. The fact that the writers are willing to skip out on small details like this tells me of the lack of focus they're putting into the visual media.

But that scene, where Chronobug slides under her desk – you know those video games where the set are completely untouchable? You're an avatar who always get prevented by a forcefield when you try to go near a desk? That's what the animation of Miraculous always seemed like to me, the characters can't interact with their surroundings, and that only cements the uncanny effect. Chronobug being able to go under her desk is such a small but relieving detail. It make her world feels more real.

Goofy-ahh pose.

Real talk: I love how well-thought out Ghost's power is, especially compared to her more combat-able alternate, Timestalker (? for this name, I had to find it out from the Miraculous Wiki. Really? Timestalker? That was the best they could come up with? To be fair, I was criticising Miraculous for not being literal just a paragraph ago...). Ghost's only ability is to phase through solid objects, and it's perfect for her mission to retrieve all the Miraculous. She can't fight, because she doesn't need to fight. It's her purpose and her defence against any pesky heroes that comes her way, and it highlights Lila's caution and her dedication to her task.

Unlike Gabriel, who's often so lost in his own emotions (think of the many times he insisted on going after Ladybug even though Chat Noir's Miraculous is right there, or in the episode Evolution when he could've saved Emilie but chose to pursue Ladybug in revenge instead), Lila is filled with rage, but she's capable of separating her feelings from her goal. It makes her much more calculating and dangerous than Gabriel.

That being said: what on Earth is Lila's goal? What did she Wish for? Did she already knew about the Miraculous, and that's why she went after? How did she come to uncover Gabriel's undercover identity as Monarque? Season 5 never explained it, Lila just finds out off-screen. Although the special does wrap up loose ends, it doesn't answer everything. I always thought that Lila was just an opportunistic girl who lies to get what she wants, but turns out she has three identities? The theory that she's a time traveller from the future who came back to defeat Ladybug before she reaches her prime still stands, but I can't decide whether or not I want the writers to head in that direction.

Watching the trailer, I thought Félix was Ghost, or that the special would be related to him in some way, seeing that he lives in London, but Félix wasn't even mentioned.

I hope we get to see a lot more of Félix in Season 6, I hope that his relationship with Adrien gets more development. I'm fascinated with sibling (or cousin) relationships, because it's been an integral part of my personal life, and it's a relationship I always zero in on in any media I consume.

This line from Ladybug is incorrect:

"There's nothing I can do [against Ghost]".

She can take all the Miraculous before Ghost gets to them, but the point stands that for the sake of the plot, she has to prevent Ghost from ever discovering her identity.

I can't believe they mentioned Troublemaker, as if Miraculous has a linear storyline. For so long, Miraculous' episodic format has haunted it, all development is wiped away at the start of the next episode and the characters never grow. Miraculous likes to pretend it's linear, but that aspiration is busted when you realise that means twelve days canonically passed between the Christmas Special of Season 1 and the celebration of King's Day in Dearest Family in Season 4. I hope this mention of the past means that there will be less focus on filler and more on telling a relevant story in Season 6.

I don't understand why Ladybug can't take the Butterfly Miraculous when she saw it dangling at the edge of the catwalk over the pool in Gabriel's underground tomb. What set future events is she disturbing? Lila making a Wish is a set future event, but it's okay to disturb that but not okay to prevent her from ever getting her mitts on the Butterfly Miraculous? The story picks and chooses what's allowed and what's not, I can't figure out the rules around it.

Also, Gabriel made his wish to save Nathalie? Wow. I did not expect that. So, Gabriel did wise up a little at the end. Emilie is not going to return for Season 6, she has completely passed away, and it is Amélie we saw at the end of Re-Creation. Season 6 really is going to be a clean slate, none of the major antagonistic figures of the old will have a role in it. I hope this means the writers have paved a well-thought way for Lila, and she truly is going to shine as a villain.

That being sad; how can Lila use the Butterfly Miraculous limitlessly? The special shows her acting two different Akumas on herself without exertion. While she is still proven to be a child? Her ability to utilise its power is also adroit, how is she managing that? How is she literally using the Butterfly Miraculous better in six hours than Gabriel has managed for a full year? This supports the theory that Lila is a future Butterfly Miraculous Holder who came back in time because how else is her familiarity and confidence supposed to be explained?

Tell Adrien the truth. I cannot emphasise this enough. Miscommuncation is a dull, dull plot point. I don't want to see characters fumbling around each other like blindfolded men. I want to see them try their best and still fail. It's more terrifying that way, it's more impactful.

This horror segment is done pretty well:

When Chronobug widens her eyes and the music reaches that low, horror movie-esque strings. The terror that hits her as she realises that the lights are supposed to be off by default. This is a clever way of demonstrating her deductive skills because it's a deduction the audience can make alongside her. We watched at the beginning of the special how Ladybug stepped into the stairway filled with light and we assumed that was the norm with it. It's only until the lights turned off after Ladybug's exit that you realised: hey, that's not right. It means someone entered just before we did!

Real clever. This is a bit of actual intelligence. Miraculous is usually filled with convolution schemes that had no realism, so it makes Marinette's intelligence seem a little far-fetched. How can anyone (adult viewers, especially) buy Ladybug's cleverness when her plans of trapping Akumas with a spoon and a towel is plain ridiculous? But this is real, this is possible. A Sherlock Holmes moment, which Bunnyx even explicitly referenced.

More evidence supporting that Lila is a Future Butterfly Miraculous Holder, her identity as Timestalker more than a fair physical for Ladybug.

Akumas usually fail to get the upper hand on Ladybug when they go melee one-on-one with her, but Timestalker managed to successfully repel Ladybug. The choreograph was really well done.

This shot, where Chronobug and Bunnyx are highlighted as two bright but tiny splotches on a pure white landscape, it really screams This isn't over. You are still puny, you have no idea what you're in for. Meaningful visual storytelling. It's them against the big, wide world.

Lila has such a cute set-out here. I like that she purchased all watches that she used as her Akumatised object, and they seem like pretty expensive watches too, if they came with their own gift boxes. Her brown leather shoulder bag is adorable, and I like that she has a stand for her notebook. This is a sophisticated girl who knows the importance of presentation.

I'm going to lose it. Remember what I said about the writers not caring about the small details? What is the writing at the top of the page supposed to be? Viking runes? They couldn't be bothered to spend ten minutes recounting the story in word form?

I love how angry Lila's voice gets, how it trembles as she says "Why did I write that? Did something go wrong with my PLAN?" We're starting to see elements of her real personality, her quick fury, her violent temper. She's a perfectionist, and despite her low exam scores, meticulous in planning and quite intelligent, enough to be a match for Ladybug, until she had to settle for a stalemate rather than a complete victory.

Neither of them won anything. Ladybug still doesn't have the Butterfly Miraculous and Lila doesn't have her identity.

Whenever we see Lila post-Confrontation, she's always dressed up in some disguise or the other, to fool people. This is the first time we've seen her where she has no need to camoflauge herself. So, is this what Lila actually looks like? She has pale blonde hair and lavender eyes? Her outfit is also super cute, serving private school in a V-neck woollen blouse, white shirt, and pleated skirt. It looks quite similar to the leaked Season 6 concept art of Lila where she looks like she's going to sell me Girl Scout cookies.

So, I think the resemblance in the outfit means that this leaked concept art is genuine, as the eye and hair colour and outfit match (they're even saving money by keeping Lila's tights and re-colouring her boots).

I wonder how Lila's voice actor feels. Did she always knew she was going to have a big role? Lila had one appearance in Season 1, vanished for the entirety of Season 2, and while enjoyed better representation in Season 4+5, it's nowhere close to Gabriel's once-in-a-episode cameo. If the same format plays out for Lila Butterfly, that means Lila will be appearing once in an episode. I look forward to that, I think Lisa Kay Jennings has a beautiful voice for Lila; soulful and sly.

Finally: why does Miraculous Holders have a ridiculous amount of power over the Kwami? It doesn't make sense. Canonically, Kwami are the physical form of abstract concepts. The Miraculous is nothing more than a vessel for their power to be channelled through, so that the Miraculous Holder can wield their abilities. It's not some sort of collar, and it certainly doesn't explain why Gabriel can mute Nooroo and how Lila can just freeze him in a single snap. Why does the narrative keep insisting that these forces older than Earth are childish and incapable and naïve? I feel like the Kwami shouldn't even care about humanity, not because they're evil, but because they don't understand and they don't want to understand. Human civilisation will, after all, pass in the blink of an eye for them. Instead, they're so concerned with little things like secret identities. Yes, I know the answer is because it's a cartoon. It's still not a well-written plausbility.

The London Special does a great job adding facets to Marinette. She cares, but she's short-sighted. She tries her best, but she's still not enough. She's so empathetic, she's selfish. She considers everyone, to the point that it goes back to what is most convenient for herself. I don't like Marinette – I think that anyone who follows me for a length and read my stories can tell – but I still respect her character and give her credit where it's due. And she is wonderfully five-dimensional.

The story goes over-the-top at proving her brilliance sometimes, however. Why does Marinette have the ability to re-make the Miraculous? It took Gabriel Agreste an unholy amount of research, money, privacy, and technology to melt the Miraculous down into his rings. You're telling me that Marinette can undo all that with spare equipment she found around her bedroom? What?

Just in general, the London Special was really good. All my mutuals were right, there are issue, but the writing is quality. This gives me hope for Season 6 (and expectations too, unfortunately), and I hope that the story will continue to move forward.

Also, regarding the animation, I found out from its Miraculous Wiki page that it was done by SAMG which, sadly, we may not be seeing them anymore, as Season 6 is supposed to be animated entirely by Dwarf Animation, a French company, who also produced the Miraculous film. I'm glad that Zag Toon is finally keeping it local. Out-sourcing their animation work to multiple different international companies not only means that the quality is inconsistent and that the episode order is whack, but it also spells some pretty ugly intentions for their corporation too. Mainly that they don't care about art, but keeping things cheap. Miraculous already looks pretty cheap. If I didn't know any better, I would say it seems to be a small indie series; with its uninspiring models, lack of extra characters (featuring a completely empty Paris), but Miraculous is one of the most popular animated shows, shows in general in the world. They're making bank on merchandising and streaming. So, why does none of that profit shows in their animation? What Dwarf did for the Miraculous movie was spectacular, and I can only hope they'll bring that level of quality to its main series.

[lollytea]

Does Philip still get kicked to death in the La La Land Machine AU?

Nah Philip doesn't get the punishment he should have in this AU. He definitely believes his life was ruined beyond repair but he actually got off so easy.

He did get fucking beaten to a bloody pulp by Eda after putting his hand on Luz's shoulder. Unfortunately he didn't die. But he's so whiny about it that you'd swear he did.

He considered Hunter disowning him to be a stab in the back that he never really recovered from.

He had a very fucked up relationship with Luz too. They were initially on friendly terms. She looked up to him while he saw a lot of Caleb in her. He actually intended to try to make her the next star in his brother's place if Hunter "didn't work out." So Luz also turning her back on him made him furious.

Rumors of Philip's crimes of child abuse began to circulate and there was definitely plenty of evidence to support it, which led to inevitable controversy and well deserved public admonishment.

However, because Philip was such an influential and inspiring figure, there was also a huge part of the public that chose to believe that he was being slandered.

What can even be said? A celebrity with a good publicist will never face punishment.

It's all a hate campaign devised to tarnish Philip Wittebane's good name! His brother would be rolling in his grave. Hunter Wittebane should be ashamed of himself for spreading these lies. After everything his Uncle has done for him. It's insulting how ungrateful he is.

During this time, Hunter is strongly advised to block all these comments out.

Philip Wittebane dies of heart complications 10 years after he lost custody of his nephew.

The news breaks late at night and Hunter can't put his phone down.

He doesn't really know how to feel.

But seeing his Uncle's name cropping up everywhere online, scrolling through comments about how the world lost a legend today, oh it has him seeing red.

He's well and truly spiraling.

That man should have died from Hunter's fingers squeezing his throat. Instead, he passed away peacefully in a world that blindly loved him.

It's nearly 3am and Willow rolls over in her sleep, arm instinctively reaching out for her boyfriend whose usually lightly snoring beside her.

She finds him in his office, scribbling away in his notebook, manic and agitated.

He's recalling dozens and dozens of stories and frantically jotting them down, all about the things that man put him through.

He doesn't know why he's doing this. To cope? To assure himself that these things truly happened? He just feels like he needs to articulate them for once just to emphasize how not okay this all was.

That's all it is at first. A way for Hunter to come to terms with Philip's death. But in time, it becomes so much more than that.

There was a lot of people that hurt him. And Hunter is telling the story of them all.

It's shaping up to be a legit autobiography.

And of course, if he's going to talk about his life as a teenage boy, he has to mention Willow. Falling in love with her changed everything, how could he not mention it?

But he'd have to provide some context as to how their relationship functioned. And it was impossible to do so without explaining a little more about how she was exploited too.

Hunter doesn't want to tell Willow's story for her. Even if he's still livid about it all these years later. But Willow shrugs and says "Tell my story, Mr Writer. I trust you to do it justice."

And then this project just gets bigger and bigger. And now, with their permission, the book includes the mistreatment of the likes of Gus, Amity etc.

Hunter does not hold back. There are names. There are details.

Two years later, after a lot of smug cryptic tweets from Willow, Hunter's book "The Golden Screen" is published.

By this point in time, people are a lot more willing to accept that famous people are garbage sometimes. Especially Philip Wittebane. Even though he had a controversy over a decade ago, peoples memories are very short when it comes to the moral alignment of celebrities. So yes, people are now conceding that it is very likely that Philip Wittebane was a vile depraved monster.

It's kinda bittersweet. He didn't face the consequences he should have while he was alive. But at least his legacy was burned to ashes.

[ruvastuon]

Writer Questionnaire Tag

Thanks for the tag @renasdoodles !

What is your absolute all-time favorite idea you’ve ever had?

I really don’t know honestly, there have been so many that I’ve been scared to touch for years at this point. I couldn't pin down a favorite though, my top favorites are all there for different reasons.

Is there a question you’ve been asked in the past that really stands out to you, and you still think about sometimes? 

‘Are you a cat person or a dog person?’ This one always gets me conflicted because by all accounts I would say a cat person because I am far closer with them, but I also really like dogs. It’s a bit of a stupid question to keep thinking on, but it keeps popping back in my head at the most random times. 

What is your favorite part of being a writer? What parts could you take or leave?

I love being able to write the stories that I want to read, sometimes I go back to a draft that I abandoned months ago and re-read it to find that I'm really interested in what happens next, and that's a really fun experience. 

What I don’t particularly enjoy is probably when I leave notes for myself to fill stuff in later and it really isn’t enough information to know what in the world I was intending to write. 

What is your greatest motivation to Write/create? 

When It comes down to it I really want to be able to reach a point where I can write the stories from my mind in a way that does them justice. I also want to be able to draw the things that are rattling around in my head.

What is the best piece of advice you’ve ever heard or been given as a writer? 

First drafts aren’t meant to be perfect, you are just getting the ideas down on the page and setting the ground work for your story to start solidifying your next steps. I particularly struggle with this one since I want to have everything perfectly in place but for my writing style that just isn’t realistic. 

What do you wish you knew when you were first starting out writing?

Don’t be scared to ruin your stories, just write them. If you get to scared to even try working on something it will die in your mind forever unspoken and for me that is worse than failing because I gain almost nothing from the wasted creativity.  

What is your favorite story you’ve written to completion? Link it if you’d like and can!

Honestly, I’ve disappointingly only been able to finish a couple of fan fictions since I developed a really bad habit of abandoning story ideas out of fear for the results. I’m trying to get myself back on track but it’s just a bit of a task to keep myself in line. ;-; Sometimes I wonder if the writer part of my brain got switched with that of a hyperactive child. Of the Fan Fictions I've managed to post on Ao3 'A Bit of Clean Water' Fandom: Vampyr (Video Game) is short little story that I'm pretty happy with.

Which of your characters would you say has the most controversial mindset? Why do you say so, and how do you particularly feel about their ideals? 

I won't mention the character but their mindset is that people are inherently weak short minded creatures that are incapable of governing themselves. No matter how great a thing they might make it can be devastated in the span of a generation because their will could not be inherited by their successor. The character believes that because of this people are inferior and do not deserve to stand at the top of the food chain.

I personally understand some of where he's coming from because it is pretty scary how easily something great can be destroyed by a bad successor no matter how great the founder might have been, but I feel like this character is a bit to critical of the race and extreme with his execution.

If you when you first started writing met you now, what would younger you think? 

Probably be a bit horrified at first, but the first story I wrote before I was ten ended with the main character dying in a car crash after someone cut her breaks for a petty reason, so I like to think that my younger self would at least somewhat understand where i'm coming from with my writing. As for my personality... That would probably be a much harder sell. (Younger me could barely play mobile games that had any community features, knowing that I put my writing out for people to see might give younger me a heart attack)

No pressure Tagging:

@kuebiko-writing @wyked-ao3 @creatrackers @davycoquette,

@somethingclevermahogony @laisley-writes @flurrysahin @zaynabameen,

+Open Tag

[thebroccolination]

Hello.

I'm the Anon that asked you the question about kudos/comments on fics. Thank you for the detailed explanation. It gave me a lot to think about and some things I never considered like the fic engagement dropping for everyone across all fandoms as time passes. I wasn't aware that fandom these days is very much consume and move on once the show is over which I think is a little sad. I'm not really neck deep in any fandom at all now because they are so toxic compared to what they used to be 15 years ago and now I just like to do my own thing.

I liked your high school analogy because it does feel that way now in fandom spaces and I thought it was just me imagining the whole thing for a while.

I remember the terms flames because I started writing on fanfic.net around 2009 and got so much hate with every fic I wrote because it wasn't canon but it never stopped me until the hate got too much and I deleted everything from that site and stopped writing. You did well to avoid all the mess because no one deserves any hate over a fanfic.

I moved to AO3 in 2015 which was a more pleasant experience and people were more engaging and nicer but eventually I burned out and took a break for 5 years before getting back into it in a different fandom. The lack of engagement was something I wasn't expecting and it doesn't help that I'm insecure about my writing and have a bad habit of comparing myself to other writers.

I'm glad you understand where I'm coming from because some interaction would be nice rather than feeling like I'm writing into the void wondering if anyone even read it. It would be nice to know what people think but at the same I don't want to force anyone to leave a comment. I think I've forgotten the reason I started writing in the place which was that I wanted to read the stories I wanted to read and no one was writing them so I wrote them for myself.

Thank you for answering my question and putting things in perspective for me. It helped a lot so I will just focus on the people who like what I write even if I do miss the communal part of it.

Ah, I’m glad you wrote back! I really shortchanged you with my sleepy reply yesterday, so I apologize. I reread what I wrote this morning and realized I forgot a huge chunk of what I intended to say. I just finished work, and I was going to make another post now, so your timing couldn’t be more perfect!

The reason I brought up the high school comparison is because I suspect a ton of people involved in fandom recently don’t know decades-old fandom etiquette. I used the term “Normies” slightly facetiously, but that’s what comes into my head when I see people saying things like, “It’s so cringe of me to leave comments on old fics!!!” Talk like that smacks of people wincing about leaving likes on a crush’s old Instagram photos in case they realize you’re going through their gallery, y’know? People deep in the fandom trenches usually understand how much fic writers love and cherish comments—especially on the older fics.

So I think that’s why fandom took a sharp turn into consumerist tendencies and a steep difference between hits/kudos, let alone hits/comments. A lot of newer people just don’t know this is a community first, and fic writers are feral beasts who feast on positive affirmation. Tell me you like the adjective I picked! Tell me which line made you smile? Feed me. If you leave a nice comment on a fic older than 2020, I will build you a house.

ALSO! @missionlameturtle left a great reblog mentioning fanwork events, and that’s actually what I wanted to bring up, too.

Even if it’s just with your friends, events are an incredible way to get feedback. Fic exchanges have been the best in my experience because you’re writing something tailor-made to someone’s direct requests, and a good mod (even if that’s you) will guarantee that everyone gets at least a comment from their recipient.

I started WinTeam Week in May 2020 on the heels of Studio Wabi Sabi announcing “Between Us.” I’d been writing WinTeam fic since February, and I was having a great time with it, but I knew fandom was going to wind down a lot with the lack of “Until We Meet Again” to hype people up. More importantly, I had no idea how long we’d have to wait for “Between Us,” so I was worried we’d lose all the enthusiastic fandom momentum we’d been building up together.

What better way to keep it alive than a fanwork event?

I’d never organized one before, only participated in things like holiday exchanges. I knew an exchange would be a little too intense, but a simple fanwork week would be easy to set up. Pick some prompts, come up with a hashtag, write out the rules, make some graphics, throw it all across Twitter, and—most importantly—write a fic for every day of the event to advertise the whole thing. That first WinTeam Week I ran, I posted a fic to AO3 every day and included a note at the bottom about WinTeam Week going on with a link to the Twitter.

So it may just be you need to be the organizer of your fandom. Build it, and they may flock. It takes work and consistency, but I believe in you. <3

If nothing else, just know that you’re not alone, that this is a community, and a lot of us are still trying to keep it warm and inclusive.

[being-of-rain]

I thought I'd continue my usual trend of writing my thoughts down on new Doctor Who episodes, by talking about The Star Beast. As usual, I set out to write something quick and concise, but the Wrarth Warriors busted down my door and told me that I legally couldn't.

Apparently I still have the impulse to describe Doctor Who episodes as 'fun', but by and large it's a fun show! And a fun episode! Even if I'm not as obsessed with him as a lot of fans, RTD has a charm which it's hard not to enjoy, especially with lots of little jokes and bits of physical comedy (I love little bits of physical comedy). And it's a funny episode, I was laughing from the moment the Doctor picked up a box, saw Donna, and put the box back again. Well that's not true, I was laughing from the moment I saw David Tennant just standing in green screen space like he was about to tell me the exciting new direction he intended to take the company. I'm glad everyone else seems to find that as funny as I did.

Another word I could use to describe the episode is a bit surreal. Having Beep the Meep and the Wrarth Warriors on screen was a little surreal, but strangely I found it even more so that the Doctor was walking around not knowing who Beep the Meep was. I mean obviously that was always going to be the case, but all Doctor Who mediums just live together inside my head and it was just weird to see him not recognise an iconic enemy. Maybe that was just me. Oh but Beep and the Warriors looked fantastic! It's hard to believe they're all physical effects! I really wasn't too interested in the UNIT gunfight that didn't really do much for the story, but if the new big budget lets aliens look that good then I'm fine with it. Other slightly surreal or strange things involved finally watching Doctor Who again after more than a year's break, watching it on Disney Plus rather than Australia's ABC channel, and seeing Ruth Madeley on-screen as UNIT's scientific advisor when she's also playing a companion of the Sixth Doctor in the audios at the moment.

Oh and, of course, having the Tenth Doctor and Donna back on-screen, and the TV show doing what fanfiction writers have been doing for 15 years. That was really surreal. I definitely like the two of them, but I don't have the same rampant nostalgia for their time on the show like lots of people do. I'm glad lots of people are enjoying the nostalgia aspect, but I'm also glad this is a mini-series rather than a full one. And already there's some aspects back of RTD's writing which I'm not super fond of- like conclusions that try to use technobabble and music-swelling emotional moments to smooth over the fact that some things are just happening without much cause or set-up. RTD's usually pretty good at that too- that's how the whole DoctorDonna thing started in the first place, after all- so Donna and Rose just 'letting go' of the metacrisis did feel like it fell unusually flat. Especially with it being paired with a 'women are better than men' moment which felt more like something from a Moffat script (I say this as a fan of both these writers).

Okay, that was just me trying to get all of my negatives out of the way! On the flip side, Rose inheriting the metacrisis and saving the day was a wonderful revelation, and I love that daughter/mother and loving family relationships were so important on the whole. Seeing Sylvia stumble with pronouns but still try was so lovely, as was Donna being so aggressively supportive of her daughter. And Shaun was a small role but so hilarious.

The chat outside the Tardis was great too, with Shaun dunking on the Doctor, and Donna being genre-savvy enough to stop her daughter getting into the Tardis but not enough to save herself. The new Tardis itself was a little empty to me (I'll always prefer more homely interiors) but was still extremely cool. All I want is for the show to come up with excuses for creative ways to use the mood lights. And I couldn't imagine a better ending to the episode than the console exploding because Donna spilt coffee on it, 10/10 no notes.

I know basically nothing about the next episode, and it seems that's the case for most people, so I'm terribly excited about it! It seems potentially scary spooky 👀 I'm so here for that

[rhineposting]

“My dear sisters, there’s someone I need to introduce to you!”

Doom was long since on their doorstep by the time those words reached Barbeloth Megistus’ ears : a dishonor of the worst kind to one who’d call herself the greatest astrologist of all who ever lived, a self delivered insult to her own skill and wisdom. How laughable. An all seeing eye that couldn’t see a serpent crawling up it’s leg, how worse could it get from there? Such questions were beyond her still - for whichever her eyes rested upon, it’s truth was known deeply and thoroughly to her. None were excerpt, not even her friend from beyond their sky.

Eternally youthful Alice, the omnipresent sorceress capable of traveling back and forth through the starry eggshell of Teyvat - a wise beast donning the excitement and cheer of a hatchling, approaching all and everything in equal joy and curiosity. Should one be fortunate enough to see her in person, they’d describe her as a hyperactive lagomorph forced to don the body of a somewhat masculine middle aged woman. A feature as annoying as it was endearing - though Heavens knew she’d rather die than admit that out loud. When they first met, a bond was established almost immediately : though Barbeloth thought of it more as Alice grabbing onto her with both arms and legs, refusing to let go.

(Yet it wasn’t as if Barbeloth ever intended on tearing Alice off her back, either.)

Since then, they had met many an intriguing women, much like themselves : Nicole, a Seelie fortunate enough to cling onto her natural form as opposed to deteriorating into a one eyed ghost - her cryptic messages as charming in their contents as they were jarring in the way they were delivered. Not that long after, there was Iovita Ivanonva, a witch specialising in medicine - her expertise granting her the ability to prolong her life for as much as she’d like. Alice simply could not resist the fragrance of roses that followed her everywhere. Then, Mathild Andersdotter - an ordinary writer from the land of winds, yet the first one to introduce the idea of studying stories within the Irminsul.

Each of them Barbeloth had foreseen arriving weeks, sometimes months in advance. None had escaped her gaze, reaching far into the future.

Except…Her.

“This is Rhine - she’s from Khaenri’ah!” Alice proudly presented the woman to them all - even standing behind her, as to all could witness her fully. “She’s an apprentice in the Royal Court despite being so young, isn’t that incredible?”

If there was anything to be called incredible, it had to be Nicole’s reflexes - the very moment Barbeloth reached under the table to grab her shoe, the Seelie grabbed her by the wrist. Not once breaking eye contact with Alice and the alchemist both, her expression as neutral as it always was. Peace was a river and she was it’s bottomless spring. Nothing close could be said about Barbeloth, who had been five seconds away from reaching for a plate to throw in place of the shoe. Three, after the star-eyed woman smiled and bowed.

“Good day,” she greeted them, her voice low and pleasant to the ear. “I’m honored to finally meet Alice’s friends. I’ve been looking forward to this meeting as I heard many great things about you.”

That greeting could not have been practiced and scripted any more, even if the serpent of a woman would have liked to : and yet Mathilde swallowed her venom. She put down her pen and manuscript to offer Rhine a seat by the table.“It’s a pleasure to meet you too, Ms. Rhine,” she smiled. “Take a seat and stay for a while, I’m certain you have many great stories to share.”

So she had - directly to Barbeloth’s left hand and next to Ivanovna.She too swallowed the venom without thinking twice - in turn, she poured the young woman some tea into a spare teacup. Still Barbeloth couldn’t believe what she was bearing witness to. It felt too absurd to be true - yet, here they were.

“How much sugar do you take?” she asked. “Cream, milk or none? Syrups? We have plenty, any flavor you could think of.”

She asked for lemon and ginger with just one small spoon of sugar - and ginger and lemon she received with but a single please. The seer watched as the bottle traveled across the table, it’s contents generously poured into the cup. Ivanovna even stirred the tea for her. The serpent couldn’t be any more pleased, even if she wanted to.

Her fading eyed turned to Nicole - believing that with her age and wisdom surpassing that of the other three, she’d see the woman for what she really was : a courtesan that pretended not to carry a den of snakes under her garments. Nicole however only spared her a glance with the side of her eye - and finally, her hand let go of Barbeloth’s wrist.

Only to cut Rhine and Alice a slice of cake each, passing it to them on decorated plates.

“Eat to your stomach’s delight,” she said. “May your thirst be quenched and your hunger satiated.”

And the serpent accepted each offering with barely held back glee.

“Thank you all so much, words cannot describe how much I appreciate your kindness.” ***

Barbeloth managed to catch Alice by a slim miracle - a second later and she would have been off, hopping and skipping across the continent yet again, the only thing holding her down being a hand : wrinkled and bony, contrasting starkly against her soft, full hands. With a curious eye Alice lifted the brim of her red hat - just enough to meet gazes with Barbeloth, who was gritting her teeth away into a fine dust, thinning eyebrows furrowed in a grimace.

“…Eris, dear, my friend. I know the truths we perceive may not always align in the same direction, I’ve known that would be from the moment I first saw you. I know asking you to look upon the stars from my point of standing is a fool’s errand. I know that better than anyone.”

Though her voice scalding in it’s tone, Barbeloth lifted the hand she held higher as one would lift a newborn babe and joined her long fingers around it. Her touch the furthest thing from firm, tender as a clover patch. Though bearing all the power in the world to pull away, there Alice stood frozen, her red eyes open wide in shock, glimmering like rubies in the faint moonlight from above. Her lips, just as red, ever so slightly agape - uttering not a word.

“Yet, this once and just this once, I need you to see through my eyes as such : " the astrologist frowned, lowering her head and in turn, allowing for the starry embroidered veil to conceal her face in ever so rare humility, “You nor any of us mustn’t speak to this woman ever again, for she’ll bring horrid misfortune.”

Silence hung in the cold, evening air for a while - the onky warm thing being their breaths and Alice’s palm held between Barbeloth’s - slowly pulled away as the sorceress chuckled.

“Do you truly think my judgment of character is that poor, dear friend?” she asked as she readjusted her hat and scarf alike, “If she wasn’t trustworthy, do you think I would bring her to meet all of you?’

“It’s not a matter of faith, Eris,” Barbeloth scoffed - almost exclaimed, her voice sharp against the dull sounds of the night around them. “It’s a matter of reason and common sense and I am pleading of you to use both. I may usually tolerate your lack of imagination, but just this once, I need you actually look at things like the wise woman you are.”

“What’s gotten into you, Barbs?”“I’m asking you the same question!”

Behind them rang out footsteps - faint clicking of heels against solid stone, accompanied by the even fainter sound of fabric swaying as it moved. To surprise of neither Barbeloth and Alice, the source was none other than Rhine - dressed up and ready to leave. One look alone at her face was enough to know that she was well aware of the topic of the conversation.

“Is everything alright?” the serpent asked with the innocence of a lamb, knowing full well the answer to her question, ”You both look rather upset. …Is this a bad time?”

The night lit up for the three of them as Alice smiled -it might have as well been morning right then and there.“No, no, all is well!” She shook her head, long ears ever so slightly swaying as she did. “So, ready to go?”

As she said that, Barbeloth took one look at Alice’s face and just like that, she had her answer of what had gotten into her : those starry, teal eyes with the slightest hint of green and gray, glimmering like the nebulas that hung above them like the most beautiful tapestries of them all.

The obviousness was almost too painful to endure - so much that she couldn’t utter a single word as she watched her best friend and the serpent fly away into nothingness. Only a single bark of humilated laughter left her, long after they were gone.

[cleo-fox]

The “When Are You Updating?” Ask

I should say up front that this isn’t in response to anything I received. This topic came up in a Discord server that I’m in and another friend of mine got a similar ask shortly after.

I’ve alluded to the fact that this Tumblr isn’t my first account and that I’ve written for other fandoms previously. What I haven’t talked about is why I’m taking an extended hiatus from that fandom or why the majority of my work in this one has been one shots.

Historically, I’ve been a long fic writer. On my other pen name, I posted a long fic that had a fairly decent following in that particular corner of fandom. I’m a slow writer under normal circumstances but when the pandemic hit, I started having more trouble writing and my updates slowed a lot. I worked in a public facing role and the stress I was experiencing was unlike anything I’d ever dealt with before. About a year into the pandemic, I got pregnant.

To sum it up: I was pregnant, which put me at a higher risk for developing complications from Covid. I was working in a public facing role, which increased my risk of catching Covid and had the added factor of people being aggressive about not complying with mask mandates. Because of my pregnancy, I was not able to take critical medications, which then negatively affected my focus and energy levels. I was dealing with other chronic illnesses that were exacerbated or changed by pregnancy, as well as the physical symptoms of pregnancy itself. Then there was also the delivery, which had complications, as well as adjusting to life with a newborn and then going back to work.

I was upfront about all of this. I said that my fics weren’t abandoned, but that I didn’t know when the next update would be because I was dealing with a lot.

I still got asks asking why hadn’t I updated yet.

I knew that these asks came from a good, well-intentioned place. I loved that people were so excited about my writing that they wanted to read more. I loved that they cared so deeply about my characters. I didn’t want to sound ungrateful for their enthusiasm or their support, nor did I want to initiate a pile on with a snarky reply or make someone feel bad for asking a genuine question. I often struggled with how to word my replies, to find a way to be grateful for their enthusiasm while also reiterating that I had a lot on my plate and that I would write more someday, but that I didn’t know when someday was.

It didn’t seem to matter, though. No matter how many times I said the same thing, the asks still kept coming. The worst ones were the ones that scolded me for taking so long because the sender didn’t know how long they would be in this fandom or the ones that included the phrase “I know you had a baby but…” Those hurt. Those made me feel like people saw me as a content creation machine and not like a person.

Eventually, this started to negatively impact my desire to interact with that community, as well as my desire to write that story. When you log in and you know that there’s a good chance your inbox is going to have one of those notes, it’s hard to feel enthusiastic about logging in at all.

So I decided that I needed to take a break. I still check that pen name every so often and I still intend to finish those other fics, but I need some time. This pen name was created out of a desire to give myself the space to write on my own terms, and I’m grateful for all the people here who have let me do that.

And honestly? If you want a writer to update, it is far, far more effective to talk about what you love about their fic. There are so many times when I’ve been pulled out of a writing slump by a comment or reblog where someone talked about what they enjoyed about my fic. That kind of engagement is more motivating than a request for an update could ever be.

There’s that one post going around with the compilation of crazy AO3 author’s notes—the ones that are like “sorry this chapter is a day late, I spent the night in federal prison lmao.” It’s a great post and I love that there are people like that. I admire people who can create art despite their circumstances. But for every writer like that, there’s someone like me who’s going through some shit and doesn’t have the time or energy to write the same way that she does when things are going okay. I wish people would remember that.

TLDR: be kind.