#it also sucks bc in the future when i want to read the books separately they won’t have the extra chapters booooo

[titsthedamnseason]

fuck it i want to reread the gillow books so fucking bad

[zhuhongs]

Since rewatching the guardian drama after reading the novel has made me mad about how bad and good both of them are I am Obligated to write out a list of what I think the perfect merger btw both versions of canon are. This will be in list format otherwise I’ll end up writing like 6k words again. 

TLDR: the genre stays as supernatural from the novel and not Sci fi, bc that was rlly not fleshed out well. Shen Wei is a ghost king, and all the dixingren are ghosts or demons like originally intended. The ghost race naturally exists and wasn't born from kunluns shoulder fire or anything. They just exist separate from humans. Not all ghosts are former humans, some people are just born as ghosts, like Shen Wei. Zhao Yunlan has the guardian whip and all the cool stuff that comes with the Guardian order.  Overall, i���d keep the novel’s plot and relationship progression and ending without the backstory. Instead the backstory is a merger of both canons. From the drama I’d keep the characterization and themes as well as like half the extra cases and omit the other half. 

I’ll be elaborating much further on my ideal backstory and other stuff under the cut bc the rest is 1.5k and I don’t wanna clog the dash 

Okay SO In my ideal backstory there are two timelines just like the drama but the mythology of the book. The god Kunlun is actually zyl that went back in time and became a god. But the one that went back isn’t the current Zhao Yunlan. There has to be an original timeline where the god Kunlun never existed. Thus the great seal nor the separation of the three realms don’t exist either. Zhao Yunlan must go back in time to become a god, meet Shen Wei in the past, and create the current timeline where the separation exists but isn’t perfect. The current timeline is the one that the majority of the series takes place in.

In the original timeline, Zhao Yunlan is just some dude living in a world where ghosts, fairies, and all other beings just live in a giant free for all and it's kinda just a mess. 

Like there’s government in modern context and all and all races live with each other but there's constant tension. ZYL works at some equivalent of the SID (same staff and side characters, but novel vers. Lin Jing is a monk, CSZ a zombie, etc) to protect people and all that and their job is rather hard. One day encounters the thousands year old ghost king Wei (who isnt shen wei yet bc zyl gave him that name in the future) who works alone as like a rouge cultivator of sorts. He lives on the surface undercover as a professor still bc he’s trying to not catch Yezun’s attention but does all the stuff he normally does as Heipaoshi. The two ally together for a case and bc they both have the same goals of getting all races to live in peace. At current, there are forces working together to decimate the human race, all lead by Yezun

As they work together they become closer and all that. Shen Wei tells him about how he was unable to prevent the great war 5 thousand years ago and neither could the gods so  he’s spent the past 5 thousand years trying to make up for it. As they search for ways to stop Yezun, they gather the 4 hallows and learn how to use them to manipulate time so ZYL can go into the past and stop the great war and separate the three realms (living, dead, ghost).  Shen Wei wants to go back with him but he can’t because he was alive all those years ago so if he goes back it will create a paradox. ZYL promises he’ll find Shen Wei in the past and create a timeline where they could be together in peace (that is the current timeline)

When goes back he becomes the god kunlun because there needed to be a new god born at the time to prevent the war.  Also this time traveller looked promising to Nuwa, Fuxi, and Shennong. And I know in the guardian universe gods are usually born and ppl don’t become gods. EXCEPT this can happen when a god passes on smth from their body onto them bc that did happen in the novel with Kunlun making shen wei a demigod. And since fu you and ma gui are supposed to be gods Nu Wa and Fuxi I think that when they die, they should make ZYL a god and that's how this stuff happens.

So like ZYL explains to the gods the time he came from and how he wants to save everything and they make him a god and he works to save everything just like he did in the drama but this time with the novel plotline. During this time he meets young Shen Wei (he’s still like a hundred or so years old) and they get close and all the stuff from the backstory happens. He gives him his name, all that good stuff. The entire time doesn’t let him know that he’s from the future or that his real name is ZYL. He just poses as kunlun. 

The two of them alongside the other gods (who still die at the times they do in the novel) work together to end the war and establish the great seal and set up the cycle of reincarnation, per the current timeline. Although the seal and cycle of reincarnation aren’t perfect. Gods can’t reincarnate, and ghosts still don’t have souls. And just like the novel, doing all of this kills ZYL bc it takes a lot of energy to create the seal even though it isn’t perfect.

Shen Wei of course doesn’t want ZYL to die and zyl says it's alright because he fixed the timeline so there must One day they will meet again and ZYL reveals the truth about the timeline to shen wei before he dies. This becomes the promise that Shen Wei mentions to meet again. Before he dies, ZYL gives him the shoulder fire as a memento ( i still like the candy wrapper necklace deal but i’ll take this too. Maybe both.. The pendant is still just rlly cool.. Gay ppl)

Shen Wei knows gods can’t enter the cycle of reincarnation and still makes the deal with Shennong to strip Kunlun of his godhood and let him reincarnate. This sets us into the novel timeline where isn’t allowed to meet any of zyl’s reincarnations before he becomes zyl otherwise he will die and also fuck up the timeline. The same 5 thousand years of pining still ensue bc Gay Ppl and i love making Shen Wei suffer but he doesn’t have the shrine room thing bc i think thats weird and yea.. Bad. 

In the meantime Shen Wei does a lot of things mostly just protecting the great seal and working for Hell to keep the peace but still does other stuff. He still watches out for ZYL’s reincarnations but doesn’t do much besides make sure they don’t die a premature death. They meet again finally at the beginning of the series and the timeline resumes like canon. And that's my master plan that merges both drama logic and novel logic while making a much better timeline. (I hope that makes some sense)

Da Qing is still Kunlun’s pet cat and important. Novel backstory applies to him. And I already mentioned him kinda but as for Yezun (Gui Mian in the novel) his deal is similar as in the drama but just a ghost. And he is a big player in the great war, he thought Shen Wei abandoned him as a kid but they were just separated. Shen Wei doesn’t know it's him till the end of the war and couldn’t stop him in the OG timeline and vows to bring him to justice and make amends. Shen Wei continuously tries to explain things to him but he just won’t listen and is imprisoned in hell bc yk… war criminal stuff and yeah he’s the main antagonist trying to break the great seal bc he’s still made about the past. Idk. Yezun wasn’t well written in the novel OR the drama so like… honestly he just needs to be completely rewritten and I don’t care enough about that. He can just be a weak villain idk

the drama characterization stays the same for everyone else bc found family go brr. However for Lao Chu i… hmm… i think he should still be a zombie but the reason he killed someone should be related to his brother. I like that addition and then shen wei realized his sentence was unjust and exempted him. i like that storyline merger. bc the brother thing and him admiring Heipaoshi was drama only. in the novel lao chu just murdered some kid for a rlly whatever reason.

uhhh in terms of the cases… id make adjustments to most of them. i think the li qian case should be like the drama bc the novel just had her as a murderer and it was boring. 

For the mountain river awl one was fine… novel version was funnier and more interesting action wise tbh… rip zyl and his exorbitant flirting. uhhh the whole reveal that shen wei was the soul reaper thing was kinda… ehh in the novel but i did love the comedy of afterwards Shen Wei pretending he went into cardiac arrest when he actually just… has no pulse bc he's a ghost. 

ID KEEP THE WORTH IT SCENE AND RAIN SCENE… THOSE FUCK SO HARD… I love the drama for adding those every damn day. the novel version of zyl losing his sight sucked and was sooo boring.  Keep the drama version on that.

also id keep dr. cheng. i'm very pro dr. cheng and her friendship with shen wei it adds so much to his character imo. keep the fruit seller man and his wife for the merit brush..omg it adds SO MUCH the way the drama did it.. like the drams build up with the novels pace of that arc.. mwah. it felt like it dragged a bit in the drama but if it went faster and without the hospital ep and with sha ya (sorry sha ya) that would've been so good. tho keep novel version of da qings memory loss and lao li. that was rlly impactful.

id say keep some of the cases like the mirror one, the eyes doctor one, etc. just to like.. yk have more to fill in general.. novel pacing but drama characterization without the bs that wasn't fully realized. and novel ending ofc. And that’s it!!

I hope most of this makes some amount of sense  but it probably doesn’t. In my head it all tracks but like ik most of u don’t know anything about the novel so this sounds like gibberish. Also I know this would literally never happen but this is MY ideal merger of the two canons that I feel compelled to expand on for some reason. Anyways, as io said,, we need to rebuild guardian. Like literally let me and the mutuals write Guardian and it will be 500 times better.

[sunshinejs]

The Last One

This one takes place during the Toronto show and supposedly is Connor’s last show (LISTEENNNNN my boy is coming to asia as well and i’m highkey mad bcs i’ll be back in uk for my studies by the time he comes to my country :( ) hope you enjoyed this one x

Word count: 3.2k -ish

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The day you were dreading for weeks was finally here.

 The morning of the big show in Toronto, and also the last concert of the North America tour, you quietly worked your way around the kitchen to get something to have for breakfast.

 Honestly when your best friend since childhood, Shawn, approached you last year asking if you wanted to join him and Brian on tour as his personal assistant, you didn’t think much was going to happen. Sure, you were blessed to be given the opportunity to travel around the world with your two best friends but you didn’t think you would get too attached to anyone on tour.

 Until you met Connor, of course.

 You met Connor late last year at a house party Shawn threw for his new tour family, in hoping to familiarize everyone with each other. So, yeah you met Connor briefly but you two didn’t talk much and you noticed he was the quite-shy type of person. That night after the party, you followed him on Instagram after seeing all the people Brian had tagged in his photos and he reciprocated it.

 You never saw Connor again until a few days before the tour started. He shyly approached you and introduced himself (like the gentleman he is) properly to you, and that was when you two started getting to know each other.

 It wasn’t even 3 weeks into the tour that everyone realized you two were very attached at hips. When there was Connor, there was you (for most of the time) and vice versa. You two did most of your work in pairs; he accompanied you on coffee runs and help you organize the tour schedules; you stayed up with him till the late morning while he edited footages and gave him your inputs on his montage ideas.

 And of course, it’s no surprise that the first one who catches on the little heart eyes you and Connor sneakily send to each other when the other one wasn’t looking, was Brian, who immediately told Shawn about it. The both of them could not stop teasing you and Connor separately about it until it completely annoyed you. Alessia and Liv caught on it not too long after the boys and the four of them basically made it their life mission to get you two together before the European leg of the tour ended. You didn’t know at what point their mischievous plans worked, but true enough you and Connor became a couple just like they knew you would

 The past few months have been absolutely crazy but you wouldn’t want to have it any other way. The late-night shenanigans with your friends, sneaking off with Connor for private date nights, crazy parties (4th of July and Shawn’s birthday to name a few) and the adrenaline rush from constantly waking up in different cities.

 As day passes by, you were getting more fearful for that one specific day where everything would end. The day where everything changes for the entire tour family because it was the last day where Connor, Alessia and Liv would still be around.

 “Morning baby” Connor snapped you out of your thoughts. You smiled softly to yourself as you lean back in his touch and let him press soft kisses to your neck “Whatcha thinking about, pretty lady?”

 “The past few months” You admitted; putting your hands over his and intertwining your fingers together “Thinking about how hectic it was”

 He chuckled lowly and you felt him nod against your neck “Yeah, it’s been the craziest times of my life”

 “Crazy in a good way?”

 “Crazy in the best way” Connor confirmed and slowly spun you around so you were facing him. He smiled softly and rest his hand on your cheek “Because I met you”

 You sighed and leaned forward so your cheek was pressed against his bare chest as you listen to the beating of his heart “I don’t know how I’m going to go on with the tour without you” You muttered softly, trying your best not to cry.

 “Hey,” He called and wrapped his arms around your body “We can worry about that when the time comes, baby. Tonight, we’re going to have the best night of our lives, you hear me? One last one for the road”

 Connor felt you nod against him and he pressed a kiss to your head “We’re going to be fine, babe”

 “There’s my favourite couple!” Another voice spoke up and totally ruining the moment you and Connor were having. Connor groaned at Brian’s voice as you let out a laugh and pushed yourself from Connor’s chest “Morning to you too, Bri”

 “What’re we having for breakfast?” Brian asked nonchalantly as he walked past you and Connor to drop his dirty mug in the sink.

 “Cereal” You answered, moving away from Connor and grabbed two extra bowls from the cabinet “There’s hot coffee waiting for you in the pot”

 “This is why we’re best friends, y/n” Brian sighs happily and went over to the coffee pot “Brashier, you’re lucky to have her ya know?”

 Your cheeks flushed when you noticed that adoring look Connor was sending your way “Yeah,” He agreed without hesitation “The luckiest”

xxx

“Your usual” You announced to Shawn as you handed him his coffee cup.

 Shawn looked at you gratefully as he sets his phone aside “Thanks, honey” He smiled, looking over your shoulder; expecting to find Connor not too far behind “Did you go alone?”

 “Yeah,” You shrugged and plopped down on the couch beside him “It was just a couple of blocks away”

“Connor didn’t go with you?” Shawn frowned after taking a sip of his drink “You two always go on coffee runs, no?”

 “Ah, that’s what you’re wondering” You chuckled, slipping your phone out of your pocket “But no, Andrew needed to talk to him about something. It’s fine, you know? Soon enough I’m going to be doing it on my own anyways”

 Shawn sensed that tone in your voice and he just knew you weren’t completely okay. He leaned forward and placed the cup on the table before turning his body to the side so he was facing you “Are you okay?”

 “Hm?” You looked up from your phone. When you saw the serious look he had on his face, your eyebrows furrowed “Yeah, I am. Why’re you asking?”

 “y/n” He warned “I know when you’re lying to me”

 You knew whatever poker face you had one was not working because Shawn could read you like a book; has been that way for as long as you could remember. You took a deep breath and exhale through your mouth, “It just hit me this morning that it’s the last day and it’s been bugging me”

 Shawn nodded understandingly, “Did you two talk about it?”

 You shook your head no “He said we’d worry about that when the time comes”

 Shawn knew you were going to continue so he kept quiet. “I don’t know how I’m going to do the tour without him” You told him shakily “We’ve been doing everything together, you know? How am I supposed to let go of that and fall back into a routine where it’s just me?”

 “Honey, you’re not alone” He confirmed, sliding an arm around your shoulder and let you rest against him. You started sniffling and he could tell you were silently crying “Hey,” Shawn called softly as he rubbed your arm “I know it sucks but Brian and I are still around, okay? You come to us anytime. I could go with you for coffee runs, Brian could help you out with the schedules, we’ll make it work”

 “And we’ll fly him out” Shawn promise, “Whenever you feel like you can’t handle it, we’ll get him to come out; doesn’t matter where we are. Everything’s going to be fine”

 “I can’t ask him to do that for me” You shook your head “He’s going back to UCLA, Shawn. I can’t be the selfish one to ruin his future just because I’m feeling clingy”

 “You are his future” He corrected, firmly “I’m telling you, y/n, Connor is so madly in love with you; that kid would walk to Antarctica if you asked him to”

 You let out a giggle as you wiped away your tears. Shawn pulled away from you so you two were facing each other “I bet you all think we’re one of those super cringey couples who can’t be away from each other for more than 5 seconds”

  “We definitely say that all the time,” Shawn shrugged “But we know how much you two complete each other. You two are good for each other” He added with a smile “Think about how shy he was to even hold your hand in the beginning, now he goes around yelling how everyone should be jealous he gets to kiss the most amazing girl in the world”

 You groaned, burying your face in your hands to hide the redness of your cheeks “He really didn’t have to embarrass me like that”

 “Come on, y/n, you know you love hearing it” He teased.

 “Shawn!” Tiffany pops her head into the green room “I need you next door to try on an outfit!” She ordered then smiled to you “Hi honey!”

 You smiled, waving to her “Hi Tiff”

 “Duty calls” Shawn said enthusiastically as he stood up and grabbed his cup “You’re going to be okay?” He asked you with concern.

 You nodded, standing up as well so you could give him a hug “Thank you,” You muttered against his shirt “Thank you for being my best friend, Shawn. I love you”

 He smiled softly and pressed a kiss to your head “We’re stuck for life, bug” He teased, knowing you hated the nickname he gave you when you two were seven “Love you too, dork”

 xxx

 It was a tour ritual to have everyone from Shawn and Alessia’s team form a big circle before Alessia’s set and they both would give words of encouragements. Tonight’s one was a little more emotionally then you thought it would be. With Connor’s arm wrapped around your waist and your hand gripping onto Liv’s hand, you were trying to keep that fake smile on your face.

 “… It’s been the best few months” Shawn smiled warmly to all the people present “I couldn’t ask for a better team and to have Alessia with us for the European and NA tour has been truly amazing”

 “It really has been great” Alessia agreed with a smile and tears in her eyes “Thank you for keeping everything so fun and exciting every day. For all the laughter and smiles. It has been a blessing to be with everyone one of you”

 “Hell yes!” Brian exclaimed “Ten years from now, we’re going to think back about this tour and we’re going to get all emotional about it, because we knew we had a pretty sick time as one family!”

 Everyone laughs, most of them with teary eyes having to be separated from the people they’ve called family.

 “On three,” Shawn put his hand in and everyone follow suit. They huddled for once last time and cheered loudly together.

  “You are not going to make me cry right now” Alessia shook her head when Shawn requested that they (him, her, Brian, Connor, Liv and you) moved to the corner of the hall for a group talk “No way in hell, Mendes”

 Shawn laughs in return and slipped his arms around her and you while the six of you gathered in a circle “It’s been a fucking crazy ride, hasn’t it?”

 “That’s thanks to you, man” Connor spoke up from your other side. When you looked over at him, you noticed the tears in his eyes as he continued to speak “I’m so grateful that you took me along with you on this tour. It’s been so great having to work with you and being around all of you 24/7. I’m really going to miss it”

 “Shut up!” Brian cried, trying not to tear up “Shut up! Stop trying to make me cry!”

 The rest of you let out a laugh and Liv teased him “Craigen’s gone soft, huh?”

 “The rest of the tour is going to be great” Alessia stated with confidence “You’re going to kill it, Shawn. And knowing that Brian and y/n are still going to be around with you tells me that it’s not going to be boring for either of you”

 “Nothing’s going to be the same without you three” You shook your head with a sad smile on your face, “Exploring the cities aren’t going to be as fun as it was when it was the six of us. Everything is going to be so different”

 “We’re one video call away,” Liv promised “Wherever you are, whatever time it is, we’re there”

 “And you’ll be back before you know it” Connor confirmed as his grip around your waist tightened “Then we’ll meet up and go back to being complete idiots doing stupid shits together just like we were on tour” He grinned.

 Shawn chuckled, “That’s the plan, man” He nodded.

 “I love you guys, for real” Brian stated. “Group hug?”

 “Group hug!” Alessia exclaims as the six of you squeezed yourself in for a big tight hug for one last time.

 “Do you guys want a picture together?” Josiah spoke up from behind after you all pulled away. He was smiling, proud that he caught the moment of the group hug he knew was very special for the six of you.

 The six of you posed for him a few times as he took many photos and then Alessia was off to perform her set.

 You, Connor, Brian and Liv were standing by the tech booth near the front barricade for Alessia’s set. For every show, you tried your best to come out in the crowd with the other three during her performances, and now that you were watching her for the last time; you just knew you were going to miss seeing her go crazy on stage.

 “Tonight’s a bit special and also emotional for all of us,” Alessia spoke into the mic after the song ended “Tonight is my last show as the opening act for the Shawn Mendes tour. I wouldn’t have been able to perform in so many different cities so to Shawn and the crew, thank you so much for letting me be a part of this amazing experience. And to the fans, thank you for all your support. I love you all from the bottom of my heart”

 “As you know, I just released an EP today…”

 “And one of the songs talks about my entire experience of being a part of this tour,” She continued to explain while grabbing her guitar from the side. The crowd cheered loudly for her “About the people I’ve been blessed to meet and work with for the past few months”

 “So, this one is dedicated to my tour family” She concluded as the drum starts playing while the big screen behind her starts a countdown from 3 to 1.

 It started with that old video of the six of you from Germany that Connor filmed; exploring the city late at night after a couple of drinks in the bar. The video continues to more random moments throughout the tour that were filmed by different people.

 Tears were forming in your eyes as all the memories came rushing in while looking at the short clips projected on the big screens. The ones of you, Alessia and Liv lip syncing to a song you couldn’t remember; Shawn and Brian pulling the whipped cream prank on Connor; dance sessions; playing tag around the arenas together; silly rehearsal sessions with the bands; water gun fights by the lake.

 You turned around from her, feeling all these emotions rushing into your body. When you met Connor’s gaze, you saw the tears in his eyes as well. He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into his chest. The crowd was singing along with her as you let the tears roll down your cheeks, burying your head in the crook of his neck.

 “Baby,” He muttered in your ear “I love you”

 He pushed you away just enough to look at your face. Connor wiped your tears away and you smiled at him softly, mouthing “I love you too” before tip-toeing and pressing your lips against his.

 The arena was so loud but at that moment, it felt like it was just you and Connor in the room. And to you, that was the only thing that mattered.

 xxx

 “’M tired” Connor muttered as he slips into bed behind you around 1am. He wraps his arms around your body and pulled you closer “Can we sleep through the morning tomorrow?”

 You laughed softly and turn your body to face him. The room was dark except for the table lamp illuminating low light from Connor’s side of the bed. You nodded, “Whatever you want, bub”

 Connor sleepily smiled at you and laced your fingers together “Shawn told me what happened” He admitted a minute later.

 You huffed in annoyance that your best friend ratted you out when you thought he would’ve kept quiet about it “Of course he did”

 “You know I’d go anywhere with you, right?” He asked “I’d walk to you if you asked me to”

 You snorted, thinking back to the exact thing Shawn said earlier in the day “Yeah, Shawn said the same thing”

 “I would love to continue the tour” Connor stated as he brought his hand up to your head and ran his fingers through your hair “I want nothing more to be with you, babe”

 “But UCLA” You answered for him when you noticed the pause in his sentence. He smiled sadly and nodded “I get it, bub, I do” You told him.

 “I promised my parents” He said softly “I promised them I’d put university on hold for 6 months max and it took me a lot of convincing to make them agree”

 “I’m not asking you to go against your parents, Con” You shook your head “But I can’t deny that tour is going to be hard without you”

 “I know, sweetheart” Connor said with sympathy “But it’s just 3 months, okay? I promise it’s gonna be quick and then we’ll see each other in December”

 You nodded “Yeah, I guess. And hey, what’d you think if I enrolled there next year?”

 “UCLA?” He asked surprisingly “Really? Wasn’t University of Toronto the plan?”

 You shrugged, “It was the plan because I wasn’t open to any other options but now… Maybe I can start looking around outside of Canada too. Shawn’s taking a break from performing next year so he doesn’t need his personal assistant”

 “You coming to UCLA would be the dream come true for me, love” Connor sighed happily “But what about your parents?”

 “My parents would say yes if I told them I wanted to study in the UK” You said in a teasing voice “So, I think they’d be fine with me studying in LA, babe”

 “Come to LA after Christmas and I’ll show you around the campus” He said before letting out a yawn “Make sure it’s really what you want, you know?”

 “Mhmm, sounds like a plan” You agreed “Now let’s sleep, pretty boy. Shawn has that party tomorrow night and that idiot is going to get all of us so wasted till we can’t walk”

 Connor chuckles lowly, before leaning forward and pressing a soft kiss to your lips “I love you, babe”

 “Love you too, bubs”

[thepringlesofblood]

thoughts on stranger things three  (spoilers. so many.)

this is just me yellin into the void as usual, but I like recording my opinions on things even if no one will read them 

good:

- every single scene w/ the robin, steve, erica, dustin gang, especially!!! the coming out scene. scoops?? iconic. steve and dustin’s secret handshake? transcendent. the drugged out back to the future scene? perfect. 

- eleven and max say fuck the patriarchy. love el’s new look 

- more competent women is always a win

- funhouse fight!!! carnival fight!!!FIREWORKS??!??!

- the destruction of the mall (sadly the only anticapitalist symbolism I could find)

- the scene after jonathan and nancy get fired where they’re angry about their separate marginalized identities making this loss worse. I really liked how it went into the ways it will impact both of them, and I especially liked when nancy got home and talked to her mom. 

- joyce going buckwild and getting shit done. 

- the portrayal of hypervigilance as a symptom of PTSD. All of these characters have seen some shit, and all of them pick up on the littlest things the second they present themselves because subconsciously, they’re always on edge, always aware of bad it could break. 

- most of will’s character arc. not all, but most of it. the queer experience of watching all your friends get dates and feeling like you’re missing out on something? trying to regain their interest because you feel lost and left behind? worrying that you’re not “growing up” because you don’t recognize romantic interest in yourself? not realizing you’re falling for your best friend until they get a romantic partner and suddenly you hate the partner even though they haven’t done anything wrong? a poignant, beautiful, very painful portrayal of queer teenhood. I really, really wish there was a moment that the audience realized will was in love with mike though. Like, it’s been building for a very long time. Also, a more thorough confirmation of will’s queerness would’ve been nice. I think they meant mike saying “you don’t understand bc you don’t like girls” to be that confirmation, but I want to hear it from will. Robin’s moment is so so so good though. 

- domestic fuckery 

- getting someone on the inside to help them/alexei as a character. not the symbolism or larger ramifications of his character arc, but how his knowledge and personality interacted. 

- mr clarke!!!!

- el going into someone’s memories again

- how prepared everyone is to fight because they’ve seen this shit before and robin and erica are just like ‘this might as well happen’ 

- keeping with the stranger things pattern of having a bunch of different groups of people all in different genres and then together they all meet up and go ?????

- I know every says billy didn’t get enough of a redemption arc but tbh I did not see his character development as redeeming in any way and I liked that. It didn’t excuse his abusive actions, it just explained them. There was no “oh he was secretly good all along”, no dramatic total character reversal on his death bed, just him deciding that he had enough of being controlled. Max didn’t get full closure with him, he didn’t say some big speech about being wrong or realizing the ramifications of his actions bc he hadn’t reached that point yet. he just said “I’m sorry” and died. that could mean “i’m sorry for how I’ve treated you”, “I’m sorry for how many people I’ve killed”, “I’m sorry for not being able to stop the monster”, anything. we don’t know what it means. we don’t get an explanation. It speaks to how survivors of abuse often don’t get to know why, don’t get closure, don’t get all the answers. 

- steve finally won a fight before getting the shit kicked out of him

- the whole no one knowing anything about each other bc no cell phones and/or wasnt there when It Happened. 

- Erica getting the DND set was poetic cinema 

- when joyce sees will on the firetruck and they run towards each other because finally, for once, will is completely unscathed, will isn’t the one who got hurt/possessed. I was already crying but this is the part where i had to get tissues bc I was sobbing. 

Bad:

- the red scare bullshit and glorification of capitalism. this show started out as “the US govt is doing shady shit” and now the big climatic “everything’s alright” is the army getting there?? what the fuck. There’s being accurate to the time period and then there’s sending a message. they could’ve subverted that trope in so many ways, but they just went for straight up “capitalism is great! fuck russia!” and I hated that. also, talk about one-note villainry. there weren’t even any dramatic monologues to make up for it, it just kinda sucked. 

- Hopper’s character in the beginning of the season. the scene where he gets wasted after getting stood up? shitty. not talking to el about his vaguely sexist overprotective actions? shitty. blowing up at joyce for no reason? shitty. he pulls it together in the end but it was OOC for a bit there. Plus I would kill for more “hopper and el work through their trauma together”, rather than “friend group splinters bc hopper did a yell” 

- I don’t know what to think about hopper’s death. It just hurts, and not in a satisfying, last harry potter book way. 

- why the fuck are the byers and el moving?????? did they ever give a reason???? WHY?????? WILL AND EL’S ENTIRE SUPPORT NETWORK, THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO KNOW WHAT THEY’VE BEEN THROUGH AND CAN HELP THEM, IS IN HAWKINS!!!!!

- the ads. omg the ads. lucas idc about your fucking coke. there’s so much goddamn product placement. christ on a goddamn bicycle. 

- previous seasons have had body horror, but it was all black goo so it was removed from reality and conveyed a psychological, otherworldly horror. and I liked that. WHY WAS THERE SO MUCH FUCJING MEAT IN THIS ONE??? THE MIND FLAYER LOOKED LIKE IT WAS MADE OF BBQ SAUCE AND I HATED IT!!! STOP!!!THE MEATS!!!!!

- can el not be injured......for oNCE?????

- also can people stop standing around staring at shit so much? theyve seen it before. it’s not like it’s a huge shock. people stand around for like 5 minutes before Doing Things and it annoys me. with the New Kids like erica and robin it makes sense but like....whenever theres a monster mike just sits there like :o cOME ON DUDE YOU’VE DONE THIS SO MANY TIMES GET A KNIFE OR SOMETHIN!!!

- WHAT. WAS. THE GREEN STUFF?????????????????? IS IT FUCKING PLUTONIUM OR SOMETHING???? WHAT THE FUCK!!! IF YOU NEED A MACGUFFIN BE LESS OBVIOUS ABOUT IT!!!

- idk about you but murray yelling at them about sex kinda rubbed me the wrong way. 

- speaking of, you caNNOT convince me that murray, 4 locks on the front door lives in a bunker murray, would take a goddamn enemy of the state to a carnival and leave him alone for any period of time. seriously????????

- look.....it was adorable.....i’ll give you that.....but.....the song dustin and suzy sang slapped me with secondhand embarrassment and genre disconnect so hard I found it impossible to enjoy. also...planck’s constant??? you could/......idk........call mr clarke????????? you’ve interrupted the man’s life for less!!!! I was also half expecting it to be joyce who remembered it from all the studying she did on the magnets. I did enjoy the whole “i met a girl at camp” story being unbelievable until it was but like I was expecting the thing she wanted him to say to be like a famous star wars love quote or something not an entire song jesus christ 

- if hopper turns out to be alive I will face god and walk backwards into hell. I suffered through supernatural, I will not be caught in a cycle of fake deaths again. 

- i get the whole “we’re growing up now” thing but aren’t they like 13? theyre still so young??? also like i dont rly care for the vague soap-opera-y vibes the core squad gave off. 

- the only people who got flayed were either a. already pretty shitty or b. completely unknown. like. it just made it less scary????

- hopper just fucking standing by the machine looking at joyce instead of running the 5 seconds up the steps into the room. seriously? was that supposed to be slow motion or was that real time??? 

- the whole thing with cerebro not working at the beginning sucked ass. 

- hey does mrs wheeler have eyes??? like??? there were exactly two (2) scenes she had with mike and nancy and both were Big Conversations like they live there right/????tbh i forgot she was their mom until those scenes bc of the whole billy thing, which i decidedly do not have an opinion on but like....do they eat breakfast there??? 

[dead-thorin]

whew a lot has happened in the past few days yall

first and foremost, @allangelsgobyangharad saw that i was sad AND SHE SENT ME A BOOK AND SHE IS SUCH A GOOD EGG I LOVE HER it really cheered me up

so a dude broke my heart over the weekend and it literally wasnt his fault, i just had hopes that we could do a long distance thing and he didnt want to bc he felt like he was in a bad place in life to do it; it be like that.

I dont really decorate my room bc im kinda just like ‘well ill be moving in a year, why bother?’ but at target i bought some stuff (including a new shelf!) and some decorations and my room looks more lively and lived in now. I have a white board im using, a letter board that im gonna write positive messages for myself on (rn it says ‘keep going’), i changed my curtains to something less dark (theyre white with flowers on the bottom), a fake plant that looks realistic, and a wax warmer to diffuse lavender scent into my room (it smells damn amazing). My therapist was really proud of me for doing all this and im proud i did it too. Like being in the room gave me anxiety and made me sad and switching it around really helped me separate us being together and him leaving and me sleeping here and shit

i got myself a book about anxiety and meditation thats p funny (by dan harris) and im gonna read it tomorrow during lunch and maybe take some notes. Ive also been thinking about going back on medication so i think im gonna schedule an appointment tomorrow with the psych here and see what she thinks. itll suck but i think for rn its best bc ive been anxious for a while and until i can get my coping mechanisms down, ill need some extra help. therapist was also proud i was pro active in this

The process for top surgery is slow, but moving. The doctor faxed my letter over to the wrong department (bc the number was wrong on the website) so Im heading down there tomorrow and getting a physical copy. I called yesterday and she hadnt responded and thats the MO with this fucking office so I have to physically go there for it. It be like that. Also one of the students I work with goes to the city I wanna get surgery in and he said he was down to give me a ride there so im covered. 

I had lunch with a friend and we talked about like my future plans and i mentioned how i was just like... done with library science. Its a lot of things but like a lot of people went into the field bc theyre like “oh i like reading!” when thats not what this field is about. Or they dont actually want to serve the public the way libraries are supposed to (like allowing individuals experiencing homelessness to be in that space). And like the job market is hard and public librarianship doesnt offer that great benefits so im like nervous (I always have a problem of looking too far ahead in life tbh). Michelle has always told me I would do great in public health bc i have a wide skill range, Im p sociable and a people person, i love educating, im passionate about the topics i talk about, etc so like i might do another masters in public health and theres one program i saw that looks good and the university also offers remitted tuition so in theory i could work there and get my degree too. I also probably wouldnt need gres since id already have a masters degree. My therapist slightly roasted me for this and was like “Jordan... too far ahead..” and i was like I KNOW!!! God I always do that but yeah at least i have a plan and if anything I could probably be an academic librarian for a public health department at a university; well see where life takes me

anyway yeah i feel a lot better about things and i know that life goes on and that im 23 and young and shit and that its just hormones but it just really sucks. And like Michelle said maybe one day we would get together, its just not the right time but im so impatient smh (which she also roasted me for; lunch with her is like being slowly cooked at 425F for an hour but its amazing). And if its not meant to be, then its not meant to be and thats ok too

[elsaclack]

Hi :) This might sound weird haha but I adore reading you talk about your writing, it's really inspiring and I feel like I learn a lot of things every time I read you talk about it (you know I'm a fan of your style haha). And anyways while I was reading your answer to your last anon, this struck me: "when i was outlining that chapter i think the only line i dedicated to the actual fight itself was “and then they have a crazy knife fight (good luck future me)”" and I wanted to ask you (1/2?)

(2/3?) do you have like any tips for writing a multichapters fic? I guess from what you wrote here you outline the whole thing before you start with it? Or it depends or the story and sometimes you just go with the flow and see where it goes haha? Do you mind sharing some of your writing process of multichapter fics? :3 Bc I tend to get "bored" really easily and if I don't finish something in one sitting I usually never ever finish it. But also I'd like to learn how to take my time sometimes

(3/3) and idk maybe learning how to properly "get ready" to write something long would help haha. I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense at all but yeah in any case just thank you for blessing my nights with your fics and killing me over and over with feels, I'm sure I said it before but you (and all of the amazing writers this fandom is blessed with) are a true inspiration!!!

you are SO sweet to me i die fhflkdsjf

i’m gonna go ahead and throw 100% of my answer under the cut because i haven’t even started yet and i know this is about to be. So Long. i am sorry in advance lmao

there are a couple of different aspects to this ask that i want to touch on so i will be as brief as possible but as i have proven twice over tonight alone, i am really not capable of that lmfao

i’d say first and foremost, the biggest thing you can do to help yourself in this arena is figure out how to best discipline yourself. which SUCKS it’s like the worst most mom answer ever but in all honesty, developing discipline in writing is what separates the “i could write a book” people from the people who actually do write books. everyone is capable of writing, but not everyone has the discipline or patience to do so. long-form narrative requires even MORE discipline than a one-shot (or even a long one-shot) because it’s like you said, it requires the author to come back over and over and over again to write new material and edit existing material and figure out a way to cohesively connect everything they’ve written into one consistent narrative, and some people have a much harder time with that than others do. there’s nothing wrong with that either way!! the world needs short stories just as much as it needs longer stories. but if you’re wanting to work on writing longer-form narratives, working out a way to best discipline yourself should probably be your number-one goal.

that kind of brings me to my next point (and also ties in part of what i was talking about in that other ask) - comparing your writing style, your progress, your everything to other writers will only lead to heartache for you. when i first started reading and writing for b99 i came across a specific author (who is now one of my dear friends) whose fics were just. next-level works of art. and while i read through just about everything she’d written for b99 and LOVED every single one of them, i found myself getting more and more down on my own writing, because i knew i’d never be able to write like her. but the more comfortable and confident i got in my own writing, the more i realized that it’s less about writing more like That Person and more about developing my own style (my favorite comparison to make between my writing and hers now is that hers are like beautiful and intricate fairy tales, and mine are more of a smokey back room at a bar where a guy is sitting alone at a table and he says “come here and listen to this story.” they’re both Very Different, and perhaps have varying audiences, but one is not inherently Better Or Worse than the other). all of this to say, if you’re working as hard as you can and being really disciplined but still find yourself struggling with writing a multichap, THAT’S OKAY!!! there’s NOTHING wrong with that!!! your writing, however short or long, serves an INCREDIBLY important purpose within the fandom as a whole and no matter what, there will ALWAYS be an audience for your writing.

so okay as for the actual Advice!!! i actually have a couple of steps that i usually follow prior to actually Writing the first chapter of any long fic i’ve written (or am in the process of writing...@king and lionheart yikes). i have yet to really find any consistency in how i think of ideas for multichaps - so far the idea every multichap i’ve written has come from a different source (which is actually kind of Frustrating for reasons i won’t get into). but basically once i actually have An Idea, i’ll take a day or two to kind of think it over and flesh it out as much as possible. if it really starts expanding in detail and an actual Story constructs itself around the idea, i’ll move on to the next step, which is to find a few trusted mutuals here on tungle.corn and say “heyyYYY CAN I YELL ABOUT AN IDEA I HAVE FOR A SECOND” and then spill everything i’ve thought of so far. usually i can tell if an idea will live or die based on these conversations - if the other person is Into It and we start sort of developing the world within the chat, i know it’s time to really sit down and make an effort to pursue the fic. in that case, i will go and copy&paste that part of our chat into a google doc and i’ll build an outline in a separate doc. i used to despise outlines and i would refuse to do them in high school, but once i got into writing as a hobby and i started pursuing longer narrative forms, i tried once or twice to write a multichap without an outline and i just forgot a lot of the details i originally wanted to include, which left me feeling really frustrated with myself and with my writing. i came to realize that outlines kind of a necessary evil, so in writing them i made them as fun for me as possible (i.e. the “good luck future me” line from the king and lionheart outline i mentioned lmao). now i love them and i have them open at all times while i’m working on writing a new chapter.

so i know that i started this off by saying that writing multichaps requires a special kind of discipline, and i stand by that, but also...writer’s block and real life responsibility and just plain exhaustion are all Very Real Things, and they take precedent over keeping up with a publishing schedule (if you’re so inclined to make one of those for yourself). when i started writing king and lionheart, i didn’t know at that point that i would be headed back to school in the spring, and thought that i would have all the time in the world to write. right around november, i realized that i would be going back to school - that’s about the time i took an unofficial hiatus from writing king and lionheart, because i knew trying to keep up with writing that fic the way that i want it to be written and all of the intensive and demanding coursework was going to kill me. taking a step back from posting and coming back to it later is okay. i know i talk a lot about feeling guilty for not having an update for king and lionheart (and the cancer au before it) but in all honesty i know that it’s okay for me to take some time and deal with my real life. and, you know, it’s also okay to lose inspiration for a while and to take a step back until that inspiration comes back. i think it’s that fear of not being able to take longer breaks between updates that scares a lot of people off from even trying to write a multichap - as the queen of procrastination, i am here to tell you that it is 100% okay to start a multichap and to take a break and come back to it when necessary!

writing a multichap is very much like running a marathon - it requires a different kind of energy than a 400 meter sprint or a 1k fluffy oneshot. it’s gonna hurt and it’s gonna suck and there are gonna be times when you’re ready to just quit writing altogether. but there will be parts that are really fun and really easy and you’re gonna get some really great views along the way - and at the end when you cross that finish line and you’re able to check that “complete” box on ao3 before you post the last chapter, you won’t remember the parts that sucked. trust me!! i wouldn’t write as many as i do if the actual shitty parts of the writing process negated the good things that come from writing it and sharing it with other people!

it’s also worth noting that just because you get bored with an idea doesn’t mean that you can’t pick it up again later!!! honestly the first 2 or 3 paragraphs of on your heart like a tattoo sat in my google docs for MONTHS before i randomly decided one day to open it and take a crack at finishing it, and to this DAY i’m still getting people regularly commenting on it. every idea has its purpose and its place, even if it doesn’t always immediately seem like it.

i really hope this helps and i’m sorry if it doesn’t!!! you are such a kind and wonderful person and i absolutely adore you

[notesofarichlycolorednight]

hot take

if you’re gonna write a story that takes place in china

maybe actually do the research abt china???

fair warning: if you like really like cinder and/or marissa meyer you may just wanna sit this one out

in these trying times of lost innocence of childhood and being more aware of social justice issues, i find myself being very critical of the entertainment media i consume

esp when it comes to representation, bc representation is important to me. and it’s becoming more and more important to me the older i get, as an asexual chinese-american woman. i’m still on the fence abt no rep v. bad rep, but this isn’t what this post is mainly abt

i’m currently reading cinder, by marissa meyer for my book club

and i just...i have a lot to say abt it. a lot that i really gotta get off my chest before i feel i can continue to read it

i’d preferably like to talk abt it with my friends (and maybe i will when the time comes), but i’d have to wait until june 1 and finish the book. as i said above, i really have to get this off my chest before i can finish it, so here i am, screaming into the void

so to begin, and i usually comment abt this when it comes to A LOT of east asian rep i see in entertainment media: my beef with the combination of east asian culture to mean one (1) asian/east asian culture

in this case, a combo of east asian cultureS (plural) into one (1), which would be china

honorifics

there are honorifics in china--like you definitely want to apply the correct honorific to your authority figures (i.e., parents, teachers, doctors, bosses, etc.)

and that part of china’s culture was taken, and then adapted into japanese culture today, HOWEVER, the way it’s used in japanese culture today is very different than how chinese ppl use them

okay so disclaimer real quick, chinese is my second language, and i have not taken up learning japanese, and am i’m going off information i’ve learned from my friends who took japanese as their second langauge; so the information i provide here may not be precisely accruate (hence, having trouble finding better words to explain this)

a lot of china’s honorifics aren’t as “““specific”””--for major lack of a better word--as japan’s

they have mr., miss, mrs., teacher/master, doctor, etc., and, in general, it’s custom to use them bc they are important--authority and hierarchy is v important to collectivistic cultures

japan has “““specific””” identifiers that are often, if not always, used to identify any of those older, younger, or equal to you

senpai, -chan, -san, -sama, etc., as well as other identifiers as placeholders for the person’s name to communicate who they are in relation to the person speaking (e.g., oniisan, oniichan, oniisama)

how honorifics are used in cinder is almost completely wrong, not just in culture, but also through translation

from meyer’s website:

-dàren: for a high-ranking official today is simply means adult, or grown up. it can be used as a respectful honorific toward superiors, but it mostly just means adult. archaically it did mean “your/his excellency.” but again, today, it’s mainly used to refer to an adult. and i imagine however far into the future this book takes places, they’d use it the same way??? but i mean i guess if they went back to imperialism

-shìfu: for an older male this is actually master (as an honorific, such as teacher is, or to specify a very qualified worker). sometimes it can be used to address strangers, specifically older men (not necessarily specifically, or often, used for an older male)

-jūn: for a younger male idk where she got “younger male” from bc it’s mostly used as a measure word. it can be used as an honorific, but translates to “your” not younger male. had she been going by the “honorifics” she uses below, it should be dì, which comes from dìdi (弟弟), which means younger brother (but not necessarily younger male)

-jiĕ: for an older female my best guess is this is derived from jiĕjie (姐姐), which means older sister (not necessarily older female)

-mèi: for a younger female once again, she probably derived this from mèimei (妹妹), which means younger sister (not necessarily younger female)

these specific pinyin (more specifically the last two/three) that she picked cannot be separated from the other pinyin that help to identify them. jiĕ and mèi don’t exist by themselves in the chinese language (compared to -chan, or -san do in japanese), and therefore do not translate as such in meyer’s book. not to mention, multiple characters can be applied to jiĕ and mèi depending on the context and other pinyin/character next to it that helps form the word, or helps distinguish the context

she perhaps simplified these honorifics a little too much. so much so in fact that they lost their meaning. quite literally

and, as i said before, these honorifics aren’t used like they are in japanese culture/language. you don’t tack on honorifics behind someone’s name (like a suffix) as they do in japan. the whole honorific (not just half of it, not like a suffix) comes after someone’s name, such as Lín lăoshī (林老师), which means Teacher Lin. or replaces their name entirely, such as tā shì wŏ de dìdi (他是我的弟弟), which means “this is my younger brother” (as opposed to, “this is bob, my younger brother” or variations of that same sentiment)

names

now, in this futuristic world, i can understand if there are names from other countries (esp. other east asian countries)

however, if your crown prince’s name of china has a japanese name...i’m probs gonna call you out on it. esp bc china and japan don’t have The Best history. now maybe they’ve worked thru it after all these yrs, but still

he’s the crown prince of china

he’s mostly just refered to as prince kai. which i would be okay with if it was just that bc kai is chinese

however, his full name? kaito. kaito is japanese

rikan? japanese. like wtf, if your the emperor of china, you should probs have a chinese name. i mean, you’d think hope?

iko? also japanese (i admit this is being a lil nit-picky, bc cinder or adri or whoever is free to name their android whatever-the-hell they want to, i’m just saying)

and i mean, i guess i can see names from other countries in the real world too, but you have to remember china has the largest population of ppl in the world, so the chances that there are ppl within a certain district who don’t have chinese names is v slim (esp bc you have to take the hsk to show you can contribute to society in china before they grant you a visa to live/work there).

compare that to cinder’s district, where we have cinder, adri, iko, peony, pearl, sacha, fateema, and dr. earland. oh and then the lab tech named li, who’s most definitely the only one i can assuredly say is chinese (and i would hope looks chinese)

now, again, bc it is the future, maybe more (like A LOT more) ppl have moved to china lbr tho, they’ve moved back to imperialism, why would you choose to live there? but i’d still be bitter abt it regardless, bc like china, in theory, should have chinese ppl? w/ chinese names??? i imagine it’s still a p big country in this future

optics

i really wish cinder looked chinese. this is more of a personal thing, and i get that genes aren’t so cut and dry, and if she’s a lunar, then yeah she probably won’t look completely chinese

but a girl can dream for representation other than just mulan ya know (not saying mulan sucks or anything, but it’s like, kinda the only thing i have so)

esp bc the book takes place in china. and she is said to be at least mixed “““““asian”””””

i also wish the fucking prince looked chinese--his skin is fair according to the wikia

bruh

why are you so afraid to make your main characters brown

on a more serious note, and this is getting really nit-picky (kinda) again, but i really wish meyer had put more thought into dr. earland’s character. okay, now, i haven’t finished the book so the good doctor may, in fact,,, be...a...good....................doctor..............?

but my point still stands in that dr. earland comes of as very sexist (with undertones of racism, wheeeeee) bc he hates fateen (who has dark skin, btw) bc she’s taller than him

and he’s also super creepy (as in, “where i’m from, that’s called pedophilia” kind of creepy) bc of his strange interest in young, teenage (cyborg) girls...

yeah

and okay, again, i haven’t finished the book, so maybe he’s supposed to come off that way

but an old, white dude showing too much interest in finding a young woc? not v good optics, regardless of dr. earland’s character yeah?

the fact the fateen points this out does absolutely nothing (aka lampshading).

if you point it out, but continue to fall into a harmful stereotype, you are still perpetuating the stereotype. full stop

misc

i say “misc” but most of this really falls under criticism of the author herself, misc is just shorter

i think it’s great that she’s taking this age-old fairy-tale and putting it into my place of birth, bc representation means the absolute world to me. also i really like this idea that the first telling of cinderella took place in china like fuck yeah, steal that white disney princess from the europeans

but i really wish you’d do it right

in her faq, she apologizes if she got anything wrong, but that’s like putting a band-aid over a bullet wound

how much research is research? did she just google a bunch of stuff, or did she sit down and actually talk to ppl from china? or chinese-americans who have kept their chinese culture?  participate in chinese culture to gain a better understanding?

going by the fact that she wrote cinder in a month, she probably stuck to google

which...i mean i guess i’m glad she made the effort, but it woulda been nice if she’d, after getting a book deal, consulted chinese ppl and edited what needed to be edited yeah? i know she did a little editing, but she said the whole process took 3 months from the time she found an agent to getting a book deal, so like...i’m willing to bet she didn’t sit down with some chinese folk and talk abt their culture (and so on)

and look, it’s really not that hard. and, sure it may delay when the book gets published, but at least it’d be more accurate. and better representation.

rather than falling into what most ppl do these days (i’m looking at you miraculous ladybug) and combining all the east asian cultures to make one (1) culture, and call it--not even east asian--but asian

as if that one (1) monster culture that’s mostly made of up east asian cultures could speak for the variety and diversity of a total of 48 countries, and their respective cultures, that are within the asian continent

now, this whole “calling it asian culture” isn’t meyer’s fault--it’s a side-effect of our society. like i get that, and i’m not trying to put the blame solely on her shoulders

but she still perpetuates it by choosing not to talk to chinese ppl abt a folk tale the may have originated in china, in order to ya know, make it more accurate to china. considering it takes place...IN CHINA

[galaxystony]

fortune’s fool: peter parker III

peter parker x reader

A/N: multi-part fic based off of a twitter post which I won’t link until the end so as not to spoil anything :-) Each part can be read individually or as a series! (ps i’m dedicating this chapter to @rileywrites-parker bc i appreciate her very much and i’m still shook that she likes my story aaaah!)

requested: nope

Words: 3200+

Warnings: cursing, mentions of panic attacks, mentions of death, angst

summary: Two Empire State University students fated to meet, but just out of reach

let me know if you’d like to be added to my tag list!

requests are open!

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | masterlist

3. Tragedy

23 year old Peter, 21 year old reader

When asked in the future, she’ll say that she can’t quite remember how it happened. She’ll say that everything occurred too fast, that every word, every breath, every second was a blur of color and sound, incoherent to her numb body. Perhaps, though, that was only an outcome of the slippery hands of time, that her own mind let her forget.

The truth was, when it actually happened, she was acutely aware of everything, every sense attuned to the sobs and heavy breathing on the other end of the phone.

“Dead on impact,” the crackly voice said. She’d heard it. Processed it. Internalized it. She understood from the moment that the words slipped out of that trembling, crying mouth. Gone. Forever. And then she hung up, booked a train ticket, and packed her bags. She didn’t cry.

6 Hours

The loud honking of a horn disrupted her from her reverie, causing her head to snap up from its buried position in her book. A smiling face greeted her through the open window of the car, beckoning her towards him.

“Hey, babe! What’re you doing out here?” Peter asked, leaning over the empty passenger seat.

“Studying,” she hummed, peeking through the window, her arms rested against the car door.

“In the rain? At eight in the evening?” he asked incredulously, eyeing her raincoat and dripping hair.

“I like the smell. It also means that nobody else is out here today. Plus, it’s not dark out yet,” she smiled, gesturing with a nod towards the indeed empty park where she’d just been sitting.

“You’re gonna catch a cold, crazy. Come on, get in. We can grab some coffee on the way home,” Peter offered, leaning forward even further to open the door for her.

“Fine,” she agreed, sliding into the heated car. “But make it a tea.”

“You got it, boss,” he grinned, pulling away from the curb and accelerating in the direction of their apartment.

Twenty minutes later, they were shaking their umbrellas out just outside their front door, making sure they were as dry as possible before they stepped inside.

She dropped her bag by the door, waiting for Peter to shut the heavy wood behind them before helping him out of his jacket, a routine they’d performed countless times since she’d moved in a year earlier.

Though she’d been adamant about living separately from Peter while still in school, she found herself accepting his offer to move in the moment she graduated.

“Only because I’d have nowhere else to go, though,” she clarified, and Peter laughed and pulled her into a tight hug.

Nothing had changed much from before she moved in. Now, though, she was expected to help with groceries and chores- beyond picking up after herself, of course- and most importantly, she had her own room.

It was the small back room that used to hold Peter’s punching bag but had since been transformed into a white-walled sanctuary with plants and candles lining her desk and windowsill.

At first, Peter protested that she didn’t need her own room. “You can just stay in my room like you always do,” was his reasoning.

“Peter, I’m not living in your room,” she frowned.

“But you always stay with me, anyway,” he argued, mimicking her crossed arms and defensive stance.

“Yeah, but that’s because I had my own room and my own apartment to go back to. Trust me, you don’t want me staying in your room for the foreseeable future.” And that was that. Two weeks later, she was moving into her own room, and suddenly, what once was Peter’s space was now hers, too.

There was an ease, she found, in living with her best friend. They knew each other better than the back of their hands, and so they were able to work together in harmony to keep their little home running.

She knew that Peter, as smart as he was, was completely inept when it came to anything that had to do with plumbing or heating or any sort of repairs their apartment needed, and he knew that she couldn’t cook something as simple as a grilled cheese to save her life, and so she took care of mending their home while he made sure they were both fed.

“We’ve got this whole ‘gender role’ thing all turned around,” he remarked once after she’d fixed a busted pipe underneath the kitchen sink.

“Hmm. I guess we do,” she agreed. Then she brushed a lock of hair out of her face and said, “Now go make me a sandwich” and he laughed, but complied.

Back in the front hall, she was shaking her wet hair out so that she could pull it up and out of her face when Peter called from the kitchen “What do you want for dinner?”

“Uh, do we still have that pasta from last night? ‘Cause I’ll just heat some of that up,” she replied, making her way to the small kitchen. She found Peter placing a bowl of cold noodles into the microwave before she was able to do it herself. “Oh, thanks,” she smiled, sitting heavily at the small round table.

Peter sat down in his usual seat across from her and she picked her socked feet up and rested them on his lap. “Long day?” he asked, watching her drooping eyes as she fought exhaustion.

“No, just tired. Med school sucks,” she groaned, propping her head on a clenched fist. “Why did I have to choose a medical major, again?”

“Because you want to help people? Especially people like your sister who need prosthetics to go about their daily lives? Stop me when I get any warmer,” Peter chuckled softly.

“Right,” she sighed. “I guess that’d make this all worth it.”

“Don’t sound so glum, smarty pants. In a few short years, you’ll be out there changing lives and you’ll hardly remember how much you hated all eight years of higher education,” he grinned.

She smiled, nudging his stomach softly with her foot. “Thanks, Peter.” Somehow he always knew what to say.

4 hours

“Y/N, are you going out tonight? I need to know whether or not to let Ned and MJ over.”

She was sitting at her desk, letting her eyes pore over the medical article she had pulled up on her laptop when Peter’s question pulled her focus away.

“Uh, no, I think I’m staying in,” she replied, clicking out of the website and shutting her laptop.

She heard his footsteps draw closer to her door then stop. Peter knocked then peeked his head through the doorway. “Studying again?”

“Yup,” she responded, pulling her legs underneath her and beckoning him inside. “Crazy Friday night, am I right?”

“Oh yeah, total rager. Everyone’s either gonna end up passed out or throwing up,” he said seriously, only breaking when she laughed at his expression. “Nah, Ned and MJ wanted to try out a new recipe, and they claim that we have the better oven, so I said they could come over. Sometimes I really regret buying them those best friend cooking lessons.”

“You’re right. I better study out there and make sure they don’t accidentally burn part of the apartment down. Again.” She got up, gathering her necessary books and her laptop, and she followed Peter into the living room.

“What about you? Any plans tonight?” she asked once she was seated comfortably on the sofa.

“Just the nightly rounds for me. Probably won’t stay out too late unless something big happens,” Peter shrugged, moving to the kitchen to grab the bowl of popcorn he’d set out.

“Okay. Be safe,” she reminded him, watching his reaction over the top of her computer to ensure that he was being sincere when he agreed, and not just saying so to appease her.

“Always am, babe,” he smiled, throwing a handful of popcorn into his mouth.

The sound of the front door unlocking caused them to look in its direction, watching the knob turn until it opened to reveal the other half of their rather motley crew.

“Hey MJ, Ned,” she waved at their smiling faces. Both were carrying full plastic bags which they immediately dropped in the kitchen before collapsing into their usual seats on the sofa next to Y/N. “What’re we testing tonight?”

“Pumpkin bread. Just in time for Halloween,” Ned beamed, stretching an arm over the top of the cushions and pulling her into his side.

“It’s halfway through September, Ned,” Peter frowned from across the room where he lounged on the creaky recliner.

“Exactly. I’m behind this year,” he groaned. Y/N and MJ laughed, knowing full well that any holiday at all may not have even been celebrated if it hadn’t been for Ned.

“Yeah, I just agreed to the recipe because he begged,” MJ shrugged, a smile still shining in her eyes. “Anyway, we’ll start now so we don’t keep you guys up too late.”

“Wait, let me get out of here first. I don’t want to have to bear witness to the destruction you’re about to cause in my kitchen.” Peter pushed himself out of his seat and retreated to his room only to emerge a minute later in his telltale red and blue suit. “See you guys soon.”

“Be careful, Spidey,” MJ called from inside the kitchen, hardly looking up from her mixing bowl.

“Yeah, what she said,” Ned agreed.

Peter smiled, feeling a familiar warmth in his chest. The support his friends gave him made the bad parts of the job much easier. He was struck, not for the first time, by how thankful he was to have them.

“Later, gator,” Y/N declared from her seat.

“In a while, crocodile,” he responded with a smile and a little salute before checking both ways out of their open window and shooting a web at the building across the street when he saw that all was clear, pulling himself up and out with a loud whoop.

“Honestly, I don’t know how nobody in this building knows his secret. That kid is the furthest thing from subtle,” MJ stated, mixing her batter vigorously while Y/N and Ned laughed in a silent agreement.

1 Hour

It was after one a.m. Peter still wasn’t home. She knew she shouldn’t be worried. He was Spider-Man, for God’s sake. He was perfectly capable of taking care of himself.

Still, no amount of reasoning could quell the raging storm in her mind as she watched the flickering lights of the city from the fire escape, hoping that she’d catch a glimpse of the familiar bright suit that would indicate his safety.

This had become a nightly routine for her since he’d come back several months ago at the crack of dawn with a broken arm and mild concussion.

“I’ll be fine,” he’d said. “I’ll be good as new by tomorrow morning, don’t worry about me.”

But that’s all she ever seemed to do now. Worry. Her mind took inklings of horrible thoughts and ran with them, which led to her thinking of every possible terrible thing that could be keeping him from coming home.

Most days, he’d come back a little after midnight without a scratch and a little spring in his step as he prided himself in his success. Sometimes, though, he’d come back later after a particularly bad fight, battered and bruised and looking for his best friend to patch him up.

She always did it without a second thought, not asking him for the details. She knew he’d open up if he wanted to, so she didn’t push.

Tonight, though, her heart constricted in her chest. She’d had a bad feeling all day, like a little whisper in her mind was saying “look out, look out, look out.” And so she sat on the fire escape and she looked out.

She watched as lights in the apartment building across the street blinked out one by one until every window was dark. Most people, she knew, were asleep without a worry in their mind. MJ and Ned certainly were after leaving about an hour ago.

It was these moments where she felt the most alone. Her best friend was out until ungodly hours of the morning saving the city, and her other two friends had their own separate lives from hers. All she had now were her thoughts which pounded relentlessly against her skull, like waves crashing and crashing against a sandy shore.

He better be okay, she thought sullenly, squinting at a slight movement on the street below. Nope, just an alley cat. She sighed, leaning her head back against the cold metal of the narrow steps.

She checked her watch. 1:45. She sighed again, closing her eyes tightly in an attempt to ignore the rising panic in her chest. Now was not the time for an anxiety attack. She hadn’t had one in quite a while, especially after meeting Peter who somehow always knew how to keep them at bay, but there were times when she knew that the dark little monster hiding in her shadows would win and she’d be out of commission for at least five minutes as she tried to calm herself down.

She checked her phone for the umpteenth time in the past few minutes. Still no text from Peter. With a groan, she shot him a message of her own in hopes that Karen would notify him of it and he’d respond.

Two minutes later, her phone chimed, and  she picked it up quickly, seeing the Incoming Call notification. She swiped her screen to answer, speaking worriedly into it.

“Peter, are you okay? Why haven’t you been answering me?” she demanded, an unprompted scowl gracing her features.

“Y/N, this isn’t Peter,” the voice on the other end spoke. She frowned, pulling it away from her ear to check the caller ID.

“Oh, sorry dad. I was expecting him to call. What’s going on? Why are you calling me at two in the morning?” she asked, digging a finger into a hole in the blanket she had draped over her shoulders in an effort to combat the biting wind.

“Y/N, something bad happened,” her father’s voice shook, and she knew he was fighting off tears.

“Dad, what happened? Are you okay? What’s going on?” she repeated, sitting up so she was no longer leaning against the cold metal.

“It’s your sister. She was in an accident. Someone hit her car when she was on her way home from work. The police said…” a sob cut his sentence off prematurely as her eyes widened in disbelief.

“What? What happened to her? Is she okay? Dad, you need to tell me what happened!” She was hysterical by now, pleading with her father to tell her whether or not her sister was alright.

“She’s dead,” he choked through another sob. “Died upon impact, they said.”

“No. There’s no way. She’s not. Dad, tell me you’re lying,” she ordered him, but she knew. She just knew. “Dad. I’m coming home. Tomorrow. I’ll be there, okay dad?”

She could hear his sound of approval, a tiny thing that cut through the sound of his crying. Her heart clenched when she thought about her poor younger sister who she’d left behind for the city, who always knew the right things to say and had a heart big enough to love everybody.

Why? she thought, clenching the wool blanket as she hung up the phone in a daze. Why her? She’d already gone through so much since the first accident. Why did she have to suffer even more? It didn’t make sense.

A clang from somewhere above her startled her out of her stupor and she looked up to find Peter in his tight suit climbing stealthily down the stairs until he was in front of her and pulling his mask off, allowing his too-long brown curls to fall in his face.

“Y/N? What’re you still doing up?” he asked, his eyebrows furrowing at her unfocused eyes.

“Peter,” was all she said until she collapsed in his arms, eyes still wide and unseeing and free of any tears. Cry, she thought. What’s wrong with you? Why won’t you just cry?

Peter pulled her closer without a word, arms clenching around her trembling figure. “What happened, Y/N? What’s wrong?” he asked the same questions she had just minutes earlier.

“My sister died, Peter,” she spoke into his chest, squeezing him tightly to ground herself, scared that if she let go, she’d float away into nonexistence.

“What! When? How? Are you serious?” He pulled back, holding her at arm’s length to stare into her empty gaze.

“Car accident. Dead upon impact. There was nothing they could do,” she replied, her voice sounding hollow to her own ears.

“Oh my God. Y/N, I’m so sorry, what can I do?” he asked, gripping her hands tightly in his own.

“I need to buy a train ticket. I need to go home, Peter,” she looked up at his face which was twisted into a frown, concern shining in his eyes.

“Of course, Y/N, but do you need anything right now? Do you want to talk about it? She’s- was- your best friend. I know this is so hard for you,” he said, pulling her back into his embrace.

“I can’t talk about it right now. It doesn’t feel real. It feels like she’s gonna be meeting me at the station with that huge smile once I get there. I don’t know what to do and I don’t know what to think. I mean, I can’t even cry, Peter. What is wrong with me? I loved her more than I could’ve loved anybody else, but I can’t even cry for her,” she whispered worriedly.

“Just because you’re not crying doesn’t make you a bad person, babe. You’re just in shock, I think. I know that my uncle’s death isn’t even near the same as this, but I was the same way. But once I got past the shock, I was able to grieve with May, and eventually it got better. Trust me, Y/N, I know it seems like the entire world is fighting you right now, and that nothing will ever go right again, but it will get better, I promise you that,” he assured her, rubbing a soothing hand over her back. “Now come on, I’m staying with you tonight, and then first thing tomorrow, we’re buying two train tickets home, okay?”

“Two?” she asked, peeking at him through her eyelashes.

“One for me and one for you. You’re not alone in this, Y/N. I’m here for you. Always,” he promised, pulling her until she was through the window and collapsed on her bed with his body wrapped tightly around hers.

She stared blankly into the darkness as Peter drifted off, soft snores escaping his upturned nose. He pulled her close, nestling his face into the crook of her neck, but she couldn’t sleep. She just stared and stared and didn’t- no, couldn’t-  think. She stared until the dark became light, and she started as Peter bought her their train tickets, and she stared through the window of the moving train, and she stared through her dad’s car window, completely unable to speak, no matter how much Peter prompted her to.

She couldn’t stand to admit to him that she was not his Y/N anymore. She was not even her own. As far as she was concerned, she died in that car accident too, and nobody, not even Peter, could bring her back.

tagged: @multi-parker @cutie1365 @cersei-lannister @oswald-1998 @kawaiianime03 @lionfart @mrsdoradominguez-barnes @nonewmessage @co0kies08 @dec-snowy @sunshine-little-miss @cubedtriangle @triggerfingerfunction​ @dailygubler​ @dianadawson @frickflop @sparkle-dinosaur @theholyholland 

[princess-of-embarrassment]

Some 3 am realizations about life, relationships and maybe more?? idk whatever have fun.

Ok before i start on this shit I am going to say it is 3 am and i am just dumping some thoughts like i usually do. Sorry for the shit grammar, disorganized thoughts and all that jazz... In a sense i feel like this is a letter to myself and what i have been trying so damn hard to understand so yeah i am talking to myself and to this website. I think. Idk. i will probably delete this in the morning when i am back on bad bitch mode and go back to posting memes pero por ahora vamos a ver como nos va. Mayb ei will leave it up bc i forget or because i dont care who sees it. sorry for the shitshow of a post you are about to read but you probably already kinda know me so yay! I debated posting this shit because the internet is a wildin place but oh well!!1!!11

ok tumblr it is 3 in the morning and i have 100% regressed into being a 15 years old on this damn website shitposting and reblogging some corny ass posts but it feels right, so here i am attempting to process it through the only form i know how to actually know how to cope with things. I mean memes are cool and all but lets be real, they don’t address the problems. this is the one place i can brain dump all of my thoughts and not really care about where they go because they will eventually disappear in the tumblr algorithm.

My old blog was often the only separation I had between my reality and the life i really wished i had, but now I have that life that I always wanted so why the hell am i back at square one? To be fair, the life that i have right now may not be envied by many but its a pretty darn good life to me. Im safe 99.9% of the time. The other .1% is a story for another day. I have been trying to figure out for months as to why i’m back to being so active on here and now that it’s 3:00am I realize it’s because of self isolation (thanks corona!). 

Let me start off by saying this; my reality is not something I am going to be able to escape. Ever. It has brought me to where i am today, allowed me to meet some really incredible people and i am so so grateful. I have learned so much in the past few years. i am grateful what happened happened. Wild, i know. I escaped it physically but i cannot escape it mentally, at least for now. School, work, writing, dealing with my freshmen’s problems was what kept my brain occupied and away from having to face the part of my life that I really just want to forget. To be fait my trauma response has taken pretty good care of fucking up my memory and all of those fun things but ironically the things i want to forget about so badly are the things i think about every single day without skipping a beat. brains are weird like that.

I am ok now but sometimes i forget and fall back into my new reality. That is ok. People that know my story ask me why i don’t write about it on a public platform because it’s inspiring?? or hopeful?? or whatever cliche people want to use when addressing a topic that makes them uncomfortable and they want to feel better about the life they live. 21 year old latina girl faces adversity and lives the american dream (barely)..i mean, i did run a whole ass magazine and wrote a piece for graduation including some details of my story but that was like the rated g version with only the little sad parts that people are able to handle without feeling like their comfort zone is being violated. MEdia is a wonderful place isnt it???  so i get where they are coming from, but what they dont understand is that an international platform is not where i can share any of these thoughts... Listen, I know this is cryptic and confusing and you are probably really curious about what the hell happened to me but i don’t feel safe to type it out on international platforms with public access. I don’t know if i ever will... Yeah i can talk to people i trust about it because i am in control of the space and the situation and who is obtaining that information but you never really know with the internet. 

maybe in the future i’ll write a book on it. even then i will probably use my alias make it a YA fiction with an added love story that ends in a happy ending. Maybe one day one of the school girl crushes I have will turn into that YA story and i dont have to make any of it up.

If i am honest...this blog is the only safe place i will probably ever have where he wont find me. He can find my school and my address and phone number and work and everything in between because that is just the way things work. Yeah yeah i get it stop posting shit on social media that is how he finds you whatever. What people dont understand is that I cant stop living my life again. I already started so i cant go back to giving him that power. It makes no sense. Also, his family is too confused by all of the ups and downs of the last year that they dont really know where i am going or what i am doing. So anyways, long story short - That’s why i am back on here, because it has become the same written safe haven I had when i was 15 and tried to escape my physical reality. Only difference is that i am trying to manage the mental reality of it all...

I also have so many questions about what to do next. Like i mentioned in another post, i didnt think i would make it to 21 but i did. I didnt think this far ahead so i guess i will just figure it out along the way but hear me out. How do i face a new reality that no one can relate to. At least not the people around me. How do i make friends and know when the “right time” is to tell them hey btw if this happens lmk lol. Even more importantly (because it relates to my future as world famous YA novelist.. lol sure grace...) How do I even date someone??? many questions are tied to that. like... I know theyre going to ask. “what happened?” “who is it?” “how can i help?” “Isnt there something we can do?”. i am more than willing to answer these questions because fuck, if im dating someone i would be curious too.. but do i even answer those questions. How do i know they are ready to handle that kind of information? how can i guarantee theyre not going to leave. How can i know that they arent going to be frightened by what has happened. how do i know they are not going to think differently of me. How do i explain to this person “yeah i have stress nightmares about what happened and when i wake up i think i am back in that situation and not where i live and i have to remind myself i am in a whole different area code but then its fine lol so if we share a bed at any point in time dont be alarmed if i wake up in a panic.” or how do i explain to them when something triggers me and all i can do is freeze because maybe it is him. Maybe he finally found me. but then i am back to reality and move on with my day because that is the only thing left to do. I cant throw myself a shitty pity party thats generic as fuck and i dont have time for it but whatever. moving on. next question. How do i know theyre not gonna walk away because they have the misconception so many people have?? Just because i went through some shit doesnt mean i am unstable or unloveable or whatever bs people think. This isnt going to go away. This shit is a aprt of me but it doesn not define me. it is not who i am.I dont have the option to make it go away but people have the option to pick up their things and go. seems unfair to me sometimes. It seems unfair to generalize people like that. I am always open to a new relationship but people expect me to be sitting at home scared to go out into the world and live my life. I have a life to live and i am so ready to explore it by myself or with someone by my side but quarantine has brought me back on here to deal with the fact that i am back to being stuck inside. Mentally and physically. One sucks less than the other. 

I have so many other questions but i am feeling tired again and its almost 4am so maybe i should go to bed. Y’all dont know how happy i am to have this trash site to vent to in the middle of the night. theres some relly judgy people on here but at least i know my feed wont judge me or try to fix what has happened. it will just listen.

Anyways, i doubt anyone will read this because this post got long as fuck but if you did i give you a high five and a virtual hug for getting through the clusterfuck of sentences. Thanks tumblr. If i ever go viral again on this shitshow of a website i may have to bring back my studyblr and go underground lmfao jk maybe. I cant wait to hug my friends and the people i have met that have become a part of my daily routine (yes even during social isolation, get off my ass I am still socially isolating). All i can do for now is wait for someone who cares about me for me and isn’t scared of my past or the pieces of it that linger in my present. I deserve nothing less. if they cant do that they are not worth my time and i hope they drop their keys every single time they go to open their front door. oh... they also better be ready for the hours i spend typing away my thoughts on my computer. Maybe one day they will be allowed to read them too... lol maybe not. whatever who knows. Peace out kiddos stay healthy xoxo.

[biancavz-blog1]

task #1

( &&. general information )

Full name: Bianca Beatrice VanZant

Pronunciation: Bianca [bee-ahn-kuh] VanZant [van-zant]

Nickname(s) or alias: B- but only for close friends, if you’re not close you’ll probably get an eye roll

Preferred name: Bianca

Current age: 21

Astrological sign: Cancer

Element: water      

Title: Miss

Label: The Fraud

Gender: Cis Female

Preferred pronouns: she/her(s)

Sexual preference: Homosexual

Romantic preference: Homoromantic  

Resides in: Princeton, NJ

Current occupation: student

Language(s) spoken: English, conversational Spanish

Native language: English

Current marital status: single

( &&. background )

Reason behind name: her middle name, Beatrice, was her paternal grandmother’s name; her parents just liked Bianca

Birth order: youngest, has one older sister

Ethnicity: English, Irish, and French

Nationality: American

Religion: Atheist now, but raised Catholic- family is not overtly religious  

Culture: n/a

Traditions/customs: grew up going to church on Christmas and Easter- her family was never super into religion  

Political views: Liberal

Financial status: formerly wealthy

IQ: 132

Hometown: Las Vegas, NV

( &&. physical appearance )

Looks like (or face     claim, if applicable): Carlson     Young

Height: 5’2”

Weight: 119 

Shoe size: 7

Figure/build: thin, toned

Hair colour, Dyed?: naturally blonde

Hair length: long

Eye colour: hazel

Glasses? Colour? / Contacts? Are they coloured?: used to wear glasses, now wears contacts almost always

Shape of face: diamond

Do they shave/wax? Where?: yes, both 

Skin tone: peach-ish

Tattoos: has a really small yellow rose on her ribs

Piercings: ears

Birthmarks/scars/distinguishing marks: thin scar that runs up half of her left calf

Dominant hand: right-handed

If painted, what color are their nails/toenails?: black or white

Usual style of clothing: comfortable but chic- has to keep up appearances

Frequently worn jewelry: rings- all kinds of rings, but always a sapphire ring that her mother gave her when she turned 13

Describe their voice: a little low and raspy

What is their speaking style (fast, monotone, loquacious)?: pretty monotone, not very fast

Describe their scent: used to wear expensive perfume, but doesn’t really have money for it anymore

Describe their posture: Great posture, but has gotten slightly more relaxed since going to college- had to have good posture growing up or else her older family members would berate her

( &&. legal information )

Any speeding tickets?: Yep, one, but has talked her way out of two others

Have they ever been arrested?: almost

Do they have a criminal record?: no

Have they committed any violent crimes?: no

Property crimes?: no

Traffic crimes?: yes

Other crimes?: underage drinking and drug use, I guess?? But was never arrested for it

( &&. medical information )

Blood type: A-    

Date/time of birth: June 24 at 7:21 am

Place of birth: Nevada  

Vaginal birth or cesauren section?: vaginal

Sex: Female

Diet: eats healthy, lots of fruits and vegetables- watches her figure pretty closely

Smoker? /Drinker? / Drug User?, Which?: drinks fairly often- mostly socially; smokes weed occasionally; used to do coke, but has since stopped

Addictions: none

Allergies: cats

Do they get occasional checkups?: yes

Ever broken a bone?: yes, broke her right wrist in 7th grade

Hospital visits, what for?: for the broken wrist and then once because she fainted at school in high school

Any physical ailments/illnesses/disabilities: struggles with mental health, but tries to ignore it and never wants anyone to know

( &&. career information )

Do they enjoy their current occupation?: sure, she’s a fast learner and knows it’s important for her future

Why do they do it?: to get somewhere, to separate herself from her father

How did they end up in their current occupation?: n/a

How long have they been in their current occupation?: since she was a kid

( &&. personality )

Direct quote from them: “Telling me to smile more will only make my scowl deepen.”

Positive traits: smart, passionate, caring, funny

Negative traits: secretive, cynical, guarded

Likes: hard-working and genuine people, feminism, politics, yellow roses

Dislikes: Trump, horses, red roses

Strengths: can read people really well and she’s a really good listener

Weaknesses: finds it hard to open up to people; is terrible at math

Insecurities: her body, her family’s situation

Fears/phobias: horses, everyone finding out about her family’s money problems, dying alone

Habits: cracks her knuckles too often

Quirks: can’t sleep without a fan on

Hobbies: running, writing- mostly poetry

Guilty pleasure: extremely cheesy lesbian romance novels

Desires: happiness, to have money again, true love (but only on the low)

Regrets: being a bitch in high school

Secrets: that her family is broke

Turn ons: tight pants/skirts- she’s an ass girl- attractive hands, sexy voices

Turn offs: stingy people, suck ups 

Superstitions: salt spilling thing

Lucky number: 11

Pet peeves: loud chewers, horse girls

Their motto: “adapt and overcome”

( &&. favourites )

Food: pie

Drink: vodka

Fast food restaurant: Chipotle

Flavour: green apple

Word: fuck

Colour: black

Clothing: Steve Madden high-heeled boots

Accessory: the ring her mom gave her

Candle scent: fresh cotton

Store: Victoria’s Secret

Instrument: drums

Game: ERS

Occupation: presidential Chief of Staff

Animal: lizard    

Holiday: New Year’s Eve

Weather: a little rainy

Season: fall

Book: Sister Outsider by Audre Lorde

Artist: Marina and the Diamonds

Band/group: The Smiths

Song: Forget by Marina and the Diamonds

Movie/film: Casablanca

TV show: House of Cards

Sport: tennis

Sports team: not a big sports watcher  

Quote: “Only by learning to live in harmony with your contradictions can you keep it all afloat.” – Audre Lorde

School subject: government

Teacher: her high school AP Gov teacher, Mrs. Broum

Possession: the ring her mother gave her

Name: Margaret    

Number: 11

Emoji: the black heart

Landmark: Grand Canyon 

Person: Frankie

( &&. skills )

Talents: can run a 5-minute mile

Special powers/abilities: n/a

Ability to drive a car? Operate any other vehicles?: she can drive a car; she can  also sail bc raised rich af

Can they ride a bike?: yes

Do they play any sports?: used to play tennis and soccer, but not anymore

Anything they’re bad at?: singing

Do they have any combat training? Why?: no

( &&. firsts )

Childhood memory: her older sister pushing her in a swing in their backyard when she was 3 and her sister was 8

Crush: Janie Ullman

Email address: hottiebbvz11@aol.com

Job: student

Phone: Motorola Razor- the pink one

Kiss: Trent Hardin in the 7th grade

Love: she’d rather not remember her

Sexual experience: Michael Kennedy sophomore year of high school- was still trying her hardest to convince herself that she was straight

( &&. childhood )

Best childhood memory?: summers spent with Frankie

Worst childhood memory?: walking in on her dad cheating on her mom

What were they like as a child?: precocious, confident, loud

Any crushes growing up?: plenty- mostly secret because they were all girls

Did they know/like their parents?: she loves her mom, her dad not so much

Worst  influence on them as a kid?: her dad

Did they have a lot of friends?: yes

Were they heavily punished?: not really, pretty much free reign- not that she was that misbehaved

Anything they wish they could cut out?: walking in on her dad cheating on her mom and also most of high school  

Were they more feminine or masculine?: feminine

Were they an early or late bloomer for puberty?: early

Do they still know any of their childhood friends?: yes 

Did they have any chores? What?: nope

Describe their childhood home: huge and opulent

( &&. this or that )

Expensive or inexpensive tastes?: expensive

Hygienic or Unhygienic?: hygienic

Open-minded or close-minded?: open-minded

Introvert or extrovert?: extrovert

Optimistic or pessimistic?: pessimistic

Daredevil or cautious?: depends on the situation- cautious in love, daredevil in most other things

Logical or emotional?: logical

Generous or stingy?: generous

Polite or rude?: generally polite- was raised to be

Book smart or street smart?: book smart

Dominant or submissive?: we talking in bed? bc surprisingly submissive

Popular or loner?: popular

Leader or  follower?: leader  

Day or night person?: night

Cat or dog person?: dog

Closet door open or closed while sleeping?: closed

( &&. family relationships )

Father: Jacob VanZant

Describe their relationship: horrible; her dad’s a huge dick, he ruined the family in her opinion, also, he doesn’t accept her sexuality

Mother: Margaret VanZant

Describe their relationship: very good, she loves her mom- they’re close  

Brothers: none    

Describe their relationship: n/a

Sisters: Evelyn Gregory nee VanZant

Describe their relationship: great, she trusts her sister and they spend a lot of time together- Evelyn and her husband are putting her through college

Other important relatives: her brother-in-law, Luke Gregory

Significant other: none currently

( &&. other relationships )

Best friend: Frankie Sullivan

Past romances: she’d rather not remember most of them

Pets: had a dog growing up, Humphrey, he was a bulldog

Heroes: Gloria Steinem

Roommate(s): lives in a single

( &&. social media )

Do they have a Facebook? Twitter? Instagram? Vine? Snapchat? Tinder/Grindr? Tumblr? YouTube?

If so; Name on Facebook: Bianca VanZant

Twitter handle: @biancabvz

Instagram user: @biancabvz

Vine user: n/a (rip vine)

Snapchat user: @bvanzant

Name on Tinder/Grindr: Bianca

Tumblr URL: @biancavz

YouTube channel: n/a

( &&. musical tastes )

Theme song: Forget by Marina and the Diamonds

Can relate to: Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now by The Smiths

Would like to be played at their wedding: Can’t Help Falling In Love by Elvis

Would like to play at their funeral: Highway to Hell by AC/DC

( &&. miscellaneous )

Do they have a fake I.D.?: used to

Are they a virgin?: nope

Describe their signature: small, neat

How long would they survive in a zombie apocalypse?: probably awhile tbh, she’s adaptable    

Do they travel?: used to

One place they would like to live: Washington, D.C.

One place they would like to visit: Brazil

Celebrity crush: Gina Rodriguez  

What can you find in their pockets/wallet/purse: chapstick, water bottle, a flask, gum- usually several packs

When does your character like to wake up?: 7 am

What’s your character’s morning routine?: go on a run, come home and shower, get ready for the day- no breakfast usually

What does your character eat for breakfast/lunch/dinner?: she doesn’t eat breakfast; for lunch she usually goes for a salad or something similar; dinner is usually chicken or fish with vegetables and fruit

How does your character spend their free days?: spending time with her friends, writing poetry, running

What’s your character’s bedtime routine?: takes a shower (yeah, she usually showers twice a day), goes through social media, writes sometimes

What does your character wear to bed?: big shirt and underwear

If your character can’t fall asleep, what are they thinking about?: her family’s issues or everything going wrong in her life

What has been their greatest achievement?: getting into Princeton

What is their idea of perfect happiness?: not needing to worry about money and being with a woman she loves

What or who is the greatest love of their life?: hell, she honestly has no ideas- she might have some wishful thinking on this, though

On what occasions do they lie?: she lies about her family literally all the time

Most marked characteristic: her voice

What is one thing they’d most like to change about themselves?: how much she worries about her body

How would they like to die?: peacefully, preferably

Do they snore?: occasionally- but she will deny it

Do they chew their pens/pencils?: nope

Can they curl their tongue?: no

Can they whistle?: yes

Do they believe in the supernatural?: not really

Have they ever cheated on anyone?: no

Have they ever been cheated on?: yes

Has anyone ever broken their heart?: yes

Have they ever broken anyone’s heart?: yes

Are they squeamish?: not particularly

Have they ever killed anyone? Why? How?: nope

Have they ever  seen anyone die? What happened?: she was in the hospital room when her grandpa died

Are they a lightweight?: no

[younggvns]

(Cant do the star thing cause mobile but the star thing ×100)

The Ultimate Relationship Tag

Send ‘✩’ for the following:

Disagreements:

Who is more likely to raise their voice? AndrewWho threatens to leave but never actually does? LeviWho actually keeps their word and leaves? Andrew prollyWho trashes the house? Levi B-)Do either of them get physical? maybe andrew but he would never actually hurt levi oh manHow often do they argue/disagree? not much, small things like cleaning stuff Who is the first to apologise? Levi

Sex:

Who is on top? AndrewWho is on the bottom? LeviWho has the strangest desires? don’t they both heheAny kinks? daddy kink ayeeee lmaoWho’s dominant in bed? andrewIs head ever in the equation? alwaysIf so, who is better at performing it? levi Ever had sex in public? plenty of timesWho moans the most? levi Who leaves the most marks? andrewWho screams the loudest? levi Who is the more experienced of the two? andrewDo they ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’? make love…. but fuck as well if they want to Rough or soft? soft… also very rough…. like rlly roughHow long do they usually last? prtty long. Is protection used? not alwaysDoes it ever get boring? never.Where is the strangest place they’d have sex? in the toilets during dinner or smthn. or in the changing rooms B—)))

Affection:

Who likes to cuddle? preTTy sure it’s leviWho is the little spoon? levi oh my god the cutest everWho gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places? levi Who struggles to keep their hands to themself? andrew i mean… with levi around…How long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable? for a while, like an hour or somethin.. then they just move aroundWho gives the most kisses? depends on how one is feeling.. but andrewWhat is their favourite non-sexual activity? cuddle, take baths, play with toys.Where is their favourite place to cuddle? bed!!! anywhere tbh but bed!!! or the couch.Who is more likely to playfully grope the other?  levi but andrew doesn’t like that ha ha hAHow often do they get time to themselves? enough!!

Sleeping:

Who snores? both bc its cuteIf both do, who snores the loudest? andrew its not cute.Do they share a bed or sleep separately? they share a bedIf they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart? they cozy up together!! cuddles!!Who talks in their sleep? levi and andrew enjoys listeningWhat do they wear to bed? an old shirt, panties, boxersAre either of your muses insomniacs? yeaCan sleeping pills be found by the bedside? yesDo they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side? i think levi clings onto andrew in the bed and andrew just does the same tbhWho wakes up with bed hair? they both do they messy boysWho wakes up first? levi and he is obliged to try to wake andrew upWho prepares breakfast in bed for the other? andrew What is their favourite sleeping position? spooning or having levi on having andrew’s chest.Who hogs the sheets? leviDo they set an alarm each night? mostly for work.Can a television be found in their bedroom? yesWho has nightmares? they both doWho has ridiculous dreams? andrew and he loves telling themWho sprawls out and takes up most of the bed?  levi Who makes the bed? andrewWhat time is bed time? andrew often takes levi to bed around 10ish or something. sometimes a lil later B)Any routines/rituals before bed? sing or just read a book. or talk.Who’s the grumpiest when they wake up? levi 

Work:

Who is the busiest? they both areWho rakes in the highest income? andrew?Are any of your muses unemployed? nopeWho takes the most sick days? andrew bc of leviWho is more likely to turn up late to work? andrew bc of levi. lolWho sucks up to their boss? What are their jobs? levi is a secretary, andrew is an instagram celeb but still works in an office as one of the head leaders in a team.Who stresses the most? sadly enough they both doDo your muses enjoy or despise their careers/occupations? enjoy sortaAre your muses financially stable? yea

Home:

Who does the washing? andrewWho takes out the trash? leviWho does the ironing? andrewWho does the cooking? andrewWho is more likely to burn the house down just trying? levi.. actually both of them lmaoWho is messier?  leviWho leaves the toilet roll empty? leviWho leaves their dirty clothes on the floor? andrewWho forgets to flush the toilet? andrew sighWho is the prankster around the house? leviWho loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere? they both doWho mows the lawn? they dont have a lawn. but if they had, andrewWho answers the telephone? andrewWho does the vacuuming? andrewWho does the groceries? they do it togetherWho takes the longest to shower? leviWho spends the most time in the bathroom? levi

Miscellaneous:

Is money a problem? nopeHow many cars do they own? 2Do they own their home or do they rent? they rentDo they live near the coast or deep in the countryside? countryside???Do they live in the city or in the country?  cityDo they enjoy their surroundings? yesWhat’s their song? i have no idea we should give them a songWhat do they do when they’re away from each other? text eachother or snapchat or skype Where did they first meet? bdaypartyHow did they first meet? trough mutual friendsWho spends the most money when out shopping? levi yikesWho’s more likely to flash their assets? levi??Who finds it amusing when the other trips over? they don’t that’s sadAny mental issues? a few 0_0Who’s terrified of bugs? andrewWho kills the spiders around the house? andrewTheir favourite place? homeWho pays the bills? andrewDo they have any fears for their future? ofcourseWho’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner? andrew ^^Who uses up all of the hot water? leviWho’s the tallest? andrewWho’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other? leviWho wanders around in their underwear? leviWho sings the loudest when singing along to the radio? levi thats cuteWhat do they tease each other about? the small things :-)Who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times? levi @ andrew plsDo they have mutual friends? yup!Who crushed first? andrew crushed on levi first. hard.Any alcohol or substance related problems? yes. his drinking issue. boy.Who is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am? andrewWho swears the most? andrew