#it also has a slight purpose in that I know I have mutuals that do not like kpop

[saetoru]

this blog is now archived !! find my MASTERLIST here !!

hi guys, and here’s a long overdue post that i wanted to take the time to make after collecting as many screenshots as i can for a lot of rumors that i think need to be addressed. before i do that, i wanted to apologize to all of my mutuals who ended up wrongfully harassed in their inboxes for simply knowing me—the irony of this issue being about bullying all the while people on this app have been simultaneously being genuinely awful to other writers who have zero involvement has been ridiculous.

i would’ve made this post sooner, but december was very busy—as you all know, i’ve been working with two separate companies for my capstone projects, and i had final presentations with boards to worry about. and then a cruise which was fun, but i was offline. now that i’ve finally had time to enjoy my break and collect my thoughts, i’d like to voice my own side to the discourse i’m sure you’ve all seen posted by @/garoujo, who is now @/gojoath.

first and foremost, i’ve been on tumblr for almost 4 years now, and while i may not have the brightest moments on here (no one will be spot-free in that amount of time), i’d like to think that if i actually went out of my way to vicious or bully people, this would’ve come to people’s attention a lot sooner. i’ve had a relatively large following across all 6 of my blogs in my time here, and while i don’t like to get into the metrics of my blogs, the reason i point this out is because i have willingly started my blog over 6 times. 3 of these were sfw blogs under my nickname tee, another 2 of which were my previous nsfw blogs under a different alias, and saetoru which is the current one, where i finally decided to combine my sfw and nsfw writing into one space. i just wanted to bring that up because i had quite a habit of leaving and restarting blogs before this one, and had i been obsessed with outperforming other writers in terms of follower counts, i would not have left the previous ones as often as i did. 

that being said, i’ll also go through a timeline of events and how they’ve snowballed into an issue that is not as one-sided as most of you might think. i’ve been mutuals with emmie since my first blog, and i’d been mutuals with her through most of her blogs as well. we’ve never really had issues until her last blog @/garoujo, which she’d started after deactivating @/atsymu due to discourse regarding racism accusations. the reason why we had a falling out was because i felt that there were a series of odd coincidences that felt slightly purposeful, but i was still questioning whether or not i was looking too deeply into it to actually point any of it out.

admittedly, when i saw her first set of banners, i felt our layouts were a slight bit similar, but i really didn’t mind too much because i had been planning to change my banners anyway because i was bored of them. so i took that as an opportunity to do so. it just so happened that within a day or two of every time i changed my banners, hers would be changed too—i never said i owned the color gray, and i even fully acknowledge that the last two sets of banners, at first glance, wouldn’t be a red flag. because, like i said, i was more uncomfortable with the pattern of coincidences than the actual layouts. then i switched to my instagram theme, and not long after, i noticed her add instagram story visuals to her navi. again, no one ever said instagram was my original idea, and that no one else could use it, but it was an unsettling feeling having the same moot continuously make changes around the same time as you, and changes that are different enough that you can’t exactly point out an issue, but slightly similar enough that you can’t exactly ignore the slight oddness.

coincidentally, the same day, another blog (who i will not name bc they’re not very active anymore and are also not very relevant to this story) made the same theme as me and i was a bit peeved because this same blog is someone who has copied a few other things from me and a handful of other moots, so i made a subpost on my moots-only personal blog at the time. keep in mind, i made this post fully aware that emmie was on this blog because i didn’t intend for that post to seem like it was about her. but she reached out to me, and i explained to her the situation, and i even provided the relevant screenshots to show my points. i still considered her a decently good friend at the time, and even with the slightly off feelings, i was still adamant about brushing them off and considering them coincidences that perhaps i was being a bit too critical of.

it wasn’t until i woke up a few hours later after changing my theme and going to bed that i noticed she’d then fully switched to the insta theme. again, instagram is an app used by millions and, at one point, was a very popular theme used amongst most people on this app. i’m not entitled enough to believe i was the first person to do it, but like i said. there are just off vibes most of us will not help but feel when a series of coincidences continue to happen back to back to back by the same person.

there were, amongst these things, a number of other small touches that made me feel off. most of them i don’t remember by now or have screenshots of, so i won’t bother to go into all of them, but for reference, one example i’d also like to point out that i’d had the phrase “you’ve reached the hanmas” in my inbox when she was still on @/atsymu, and sometime after, her sfw blog @/loveatsu had the phrase “you’ve reached the miyas.” small things like this are not things i make an issue over and am more than capable of brushing aside, but like i have said and will continue to push firmly is that i felt there were multiple instances of emmie, in particular, making small tweaks to her blog shortly after me that made me feel were not all coincidentally similar. the issue was never themes or thinking i am the first or only person to do something a certain way, the issue has always been me countless times feeling that one particular individual is exhibiting a behavior that is persistent and uncomfortable no matter how minuscule the instances may be. maybe they were really just unfortunate coincidences that happened with poor timing, or maybe they weren’t. but i stand by the fact that anyone in my shoes would be valid to question the timing of each of these events over and over again.

i would also like to bring up kinktober (though this happened a while after the rest of what i will get into) because this was the first public discourse that emmie and i got into due to an anon’s claims of similarities between our posts. i had received an anon who told me “i think someone copied your kinktober masterlist” which i answered to ask if they could let me know who. they had come back to say it was garoujo, and i did not reply to the ask, instead, i made a post to vaguely tell the anon that i appreciate them letting me know, but i will just leave it be and continue on with my kinktober regardless of emmie’s mlist. i do think there were some vague similarities, but honestly not enough to really question it, so i figured a confrontation or issue was not necessary. a while later, several moots had messaged me to let me know they had received anonymous asks saying to “block @/garoujo she copied @/sakusins and she’ll copy you too” (or something along those lines, i don’t remember exactly.) i myself was very confused (and upset) by the situation because i did not, and still would not, want to be publicly name-dropped in other people’s inboxes over issues that do not involve them. unfortunately, it led to some not-very-kind asks to both of us, and while i am sorry she had to deal with that, it is not an apology from a sense of culpability. that situation was, and still is, entirely out of my control. i would not have seen the masterlist unless the anon had mentioned it, and i did not take part in having people send asks about her to other writers. especially not in a manner that was pretty much social suicide for me as well. 

(this is a poorly made collage i know lol but i hit the picture limit bear with me here.)

i would also like to point out that i am not the only individual who has had issues with emmie and feels she had copied them. although i cannot disclose urls (they have been blocked out for privacy reasons) here are a few conversations i have had with my own mutuals, and i would wager there are more people whom i haven’t talked to who also feel this way. they might be small enough instances that sparking issues over them was not worth it to all of these people, therefore she has never heard from people herself about this issue, but the point does still stand that this claim about emmie is not one i alone make, and is one that i have heard countless times before. her never being approached by these individuals for the sake of peace doesn’t erase that they have been, and are, upset by these events, and it’s a habit that she seems to continually partake in. i would also like to link this post where she has been called out by another writer while she was still atsymu, which was posted while we were still friends. i’ve actually had a discussion with emmie about that post, and at the time, i had quickly skimmed the post and felt it was perhaps a reach, but after my own experiences, i went back to reread the post and considered perhaps there was validity to it, and that this might not be a one time occurrence. plagiarism in manners such as this will always have conflicting opinions, and it is hard to sometimes tell if something is a coincidence, a popular and overused idea, or something that has actually been copied. my point is that a number of people have all felt that perhaps there is a good chance this was not an accident, and please consider that so many instances of people feeling this way might suggest that there is a certain degree of validity to the claim.

at the beginning of all of this, when the masterlist banners had first started bothering me, i was upset, and i chose to vent to an ex-moot of mine who most of you would recognize as munsonsins. abby has deactivated a long while ago, but she’s relevant to this because i had chosen to vent to her at the time, and this is more or less what later caused this situation to escalate. at the time of venting to her, i knew she wasn’t mutuals with emmie because, as you can see, she’d told me as such. 

one thing i would like to point out is that there were a handful of people i had vented to about my frustrations with emmie, but one thing i had always been mindful of was ensuring these were a) individuals who i considered close friends and not just random individuals, and b) were not friends or moots with emmie in the event that i accidentally made people who she cared about think lesser of her. had abby been mutuals with emmie, i would not have shared my feelings, and once again, i was not loose-lipped enough to just tell anyone because they’d listen. i told abby in particular because i had felt we were sufficiently close individuals who talked one-on-one and were able to vent to each other. a bit after i vented to her, though, she befriended emmie, which i had no such issues with because abby was/is her own person and is an adult who can interact freely and befriend whoever she wanted/wants to. 

not long after that, on the night before eid (this detail is relevant in the future) an ex moot of mine @/kazuwhora reached out to me. if you guys remember, there was a discourse last year that was all over dash about how writers on this app should be open to criticism. a lot of people (including me and kc) were upset by that sentiment—which is still valid. please don’t give constructive criticism to writers without their explicit permission !! but regardless, kc sent me a screenshot of a mutual of mine who had posted their opinion on this discourse, and their point was clearly that while constructive criticism is important in some aspects, writers do not have to be subject to receiving it should they not want to. unfortunately, i felt as if kc misunderstood what this individual was trying to say, and i was trying to explain it to her, but we got into a small argument over how we interpreted the post. i felt some of the things she was saying about this individual were inappropriate, and i had made it clear that i was very fond of this person, and it made me uncomfortable to be having this discussion. regardless of whether she saw my interpretation of the post or not, i wanted to drop the discussion, especially because it was the night before eid. eid is the one holiday i celebrate, and there are traditions i quite enjoy the night before, and i didn’t want them to be spoiled with a poor mood over a silly argument. unfortunately, she wasn’t very willing to drop the topic, and it ended up making me upset. so i posted this screenshot to my moots only personal from the conversation that consisted of my messages only and said, “tonight i had to explain what a debate is.” it was petty, perhaps, but very harmless, seeing as there was no context given and no names/pfps to indicate who the person was.

truthfully, i had vented separately to cat, eris, and abby about this argument because i was friends with the three of them at the time, but needless to say, venting to your friends about arguments is a universal action, and i believe it is something all of us have partaken in. 

eventually, i decided to softblock emmie because i felt it would be more comfortable for me on my blog to do so. after a bit, i was informed of a subpost that seemed like it couldn’t be about anyone other than me—to make things clear, emmie subposting me was not my concern. i did not hold it against her because she is more than entitled to have her own feelings and vents on her own blog, but the thing that did concern me was that it seemed slightly evident that she was aware of my feelings when i had never explicitly had a conversation with her. it made me question who would tell her, and as you may have guessed, the only person with whom i had shared my concerns who could also be in contact with emmie was abby. 

at the time, eris had also voiced concerns that they had trusted abby with the ending of the plot for the diluc series they were planning, and coincidentally, one of abby’s friends had posted a fic idea eerily similar to their concept, to which abby had been commenting and reblogging more brainstormed ideas under. all of these ideas were very close to the plans eris had for their series plot, and understandably, they felt that it was not a mere coincidence that their entire plot was being brainstormed on dash by a person who was fully aware of their outline. i’d voiced my concerns with believing that abby may have also been sharing things i trusted her with, and as a result we both had made a few vague subposts that we liked from each other—a petty behavior, i will admit, but not something that i think is very out of the norm for a lot of people on this app. sometimes, we all just want to vent out our frustrations, and because we all more or less use tumblr as an outlet, these can sometimes be vaguely taken to dash. it’s not something that is ideally recommended (i’ve learned the hard way) but it’s also ?? not exactly something that only i’m guilty of, or is even a rare behavior. i think to shoot down one person for this behavior is quite frankly hypocritical. again, subposting isn’t a habit i would like to push as mature but it’s something i’d like to point out is very normal in this community, and is not something only i take part in. beyond that, i take to ensuring that whenever i do, i’m not explicitly exposing who i’m talking about in order to keep them out of unnecessary issues. 

after this conversation with eris, it kind of solidified in my mind that i did not want to trust abby with any more personal vents, or information, and i had ultimately decided to soft block her too. i had also decided to take the opportunity to softblock kc as well because i figured i might as well just remove individuals who i felt made me uncomfortable. this is, again, my right to do so to curate my own space. not long after, cat, eris, and i had been softblocked/hardblocked by a number of moots, and we were a bit confused, until cat ended up having a conversation with kc. many accusations were made about all three of us, more specifically, about me to kc by abby because the two of them had been discussing that they’d both been softblocked by me recently.

the list of accusations we were told of is as follows:

me, cat, and eris have a “burn book” where we “blacklist people.” it’s important to note that every time this discourse resurfaces (this is now the fourth time), the “burn book” has fundamentally changed in its composition—it has changed from a discord server “burn book”, to a google doc “burn book”, to the current rumor that it was an entire blog that was used as a “burn book.” it is consistently changed to fit whatever narrative is trying to be pushed, and regardless, the rumor itself is entirely untrue and has been addressed multiple times. cat has had a tumblr theme, a collab theme, and a server theme all dedicated to the film mean girls. she simply had a channel that was to share the urls of minors to block for interacting with nsfw works, or people who were anti-dark content—this is something that i have seen in all servers i’ve been in during my time on tumblr, and is not a new concept for many of you either. it’s simply a precaution a lot of servers take to warn writers about potential minors to block, and potential anti-dark content harassers. the name of this channel happened to be “the burn book” because it was a mean girls themed server, so the name just fit. nowhere in this channel were other writers in the community “blacklisted” or spoken negatively of, and here are the screenshots of the channel. this was simply something abby had twisted in order to paint us negatively. here is the link to cat’s post addressing it for proof and explanation (i run out of pictures or i would include them myself.)

abby also claimed that i was using this channel to talk poorly about kc and a handful of other moots. this is also false bc this server had several strangers (as it was cat’s server and i didn’t know all her moots), but it also had several of kc’s mutuals/friends in this server as well. i’m not so dense as to talk poorly about other writers publicly in a server, let alone a server i know has people who are friends with kc

now, this next part, emmie has conveniently painted out to be about me, as i apparently harassed and blacklisted people for liking itto from genshin impact, but i have been playing genshin for over a year on this app, and quite a large number of you are my own followers who see my rambles and my writing and i don’t have to explain that i have never written for itto, nor explicitly expressed an interest in him apart from perhaps one or two posts from back when i did his story quest. i never had, and still to this day, have no interest in the character itto. i’ve skipped his banner, i plan to skip his upcoming banners should they come, and i have never written for him, nor do i plan to write for him. this issue with itto is between eris and another individual, and i do not have the details to this, as i was new friends with eris at the time, and i’m no longer friends with eris as of current time. quite frankly, even if i knew the details, i wouldn’t go out of my way to share them because it has nothing to do with me. plain and simple.

as you can see, there were a number of rumors spread here to kc by abby, and as you can see, all of which led me to seem quite vicious in character. i’ve provided, to the best of my ability, screenshots and receipts of why each of these is quite drastically out of context and far from true to what abby has claimed. 

i did in fact, after these events confront abby because i was genuinely appalled by the way she knowingly and purposely twisted things conveniently to villainize me. she expressed that she was upset and paranoid by the subposts that she figured were about her once i’d soft blocked her, so i apologized for the posts. she had conversations with both me and cat about the rumors she’d started, and she also apologized for them to both me and cat.

the rumors that emmie has claimed about me in her post, which she conveniently provided no evidence of, are all rumors that are more or less a result of my differences with abby and kc. unfortunately, despite cat trying her best to explain to kc the falseness of most of these rumors, she didn’t really believe them—which is her business. to each their own. i’m sure if i had been in kc’s shoes and in one night, someone i had considered a friend had been painted to do a series of nasty things behind my back, i also would not know what’s true and untrue, and she is entitled to piecing together what she believes is her truth. what’s not fair, however, is for emmie to have no involvement/understanding of these events apart from a twisted narrative she heard from one person and dog pile them into her claims of my behavior to further paint me as a villain. emmie is more than entitled to have her beliefs on my character based on her own experiences, which she has provided her own evidence of, but simply slapping an “and i heard she also….” does not necessarily make claims true, and is very manipulatively thrown into the post to add a list of things that make my character questionable to further validate her point. 

not only this, but she has made a point to openly admit that she and her friends have collectively mocked me for my relationship with my ex-boyfriend, who they have apparently labeled as my “fake” boyfriend that i used to get attention on this app. quite plainly, i get enough attention on my blog that i don’t need a fake boyfriend to amp that up. but furthermore, i am a south asian, muslim individual. my parents are immigrants with very strict religious and cultural beliefs that i feel are very restricting at times, and though i love my family, i struggle with my identity quite a bit as i live in a very western culture that clashes quite a bit with my cultural norms. i do not get to freely explore my sexuality or even romantic life in general, unlike some of you. my parents have been kept in the dark about my relationship because them knowing about it is something that could quite literally create a rift between us, and i find it very insulting and almost suspicious that a white girl is making a mockery of my cultural struggles and my personal life. many of you are either desi or muslim or simply children of strict immigrant parents with quite stubborn traditional views. i’m sure plenty of you understand where i’m coming from when i say that i have to keep my relationship hidden from the majority of the people around me. tumblr is the one place i can anonymously share bits and pieces of my life without worrying about if it will literally cost me my relationship with my parents, so sometimes i may have overshared silly or pointless things, but that is because it’s my own way of being able to express myself and my relationship the way i have always wanted to. apart from that, dragging and making a joke out of someone’s personal life is quite unnecessary in this case. the issue is about tumblr discourse, and i find it very hypocritical that i am being labeled a bully when people, more specifically a white and privileged individual, is plain and simple mocking and poking fun at my personal life and situation that i have no control of. that is my piece on that. whether some of you believe i had a partner or not is not my business, nor do i have to go out of my way to show you evidence of my personal life. what i will say, however, is that there are a handful of close friends i have on this app who are involved in my personal life and have seen evidence of my love life through pictures and private stories on social media. quite frankly, these are the only individuals who i have to justify the validity of my personal life to, and it’s honestly quite violating for someone to stoop to dragging someone’s outside life into issues about tumblr. i extend a very genuine fuck you to every single one of you that have ridiculed my personal relationship and just know that you are extremely bold to consider yourselves above bullying when this is the type of behavior you admit to engaging in. individuals with complex familial relationships, and identity struggles between cultural norms, their ethnicities, and the western world are not your playground to make a joke out of. some of us have very real struggles, such as not being able to pursue careers in favor of arranged marriages, not being able to pursue actual relationships that mean something to us due to a lack of familial approval, being forced to bear children at young ages due to familial pressure, and so on. they are not laughing matters, and are a part of my reality. and before some of you get started—yes, it really is that serious. i have struggled my entire life with having white girls poke fun and tease at my cultural norms, and i refuse to allow another white and privileged individual who already has a record of racially related discourse walk away with once more poking fun at my personal struggles and not be called out for it. i hope you had a good, long, satisfying laugh emmie.

onto my next points based on claims @/anantaru has made about me. the main thing i’d like to really point out here is that anantaru and i have never, not even once, interacted to the extent of my knowledge. they claim that cat and i cannot stand it when people cross us in numbers and that we go through people’s likes in order to find minors and blank blogs to explain all the notes. a) i am very bad at checking for minors and blanks in my own notes, so this is not even a logical approach on my end, but b) this claim is made because cat made this post under the tags of a post going around last year that asked to hear unpopular ficblr opinions.

what cat means to articulate here is that sometimes, when she is scrolling on dash and interacting with moots and their shit/talk-posts, she peeks at profiles she sees in the notes and has happened to catch minors lurking. cat, firstly, has never followed anantaru, so they are not a “victim” to cat glancing at their likes, but secondly, this is not nearly as psychotic as it’s painted out to be. cat is not, and was not, jealous of other blog's notes. quite plainly, she’s not exactly a tiny blog either, and she’s only stumbled upon minors in the talks-posts of moots, including me. shit-posts/talks-posts are easy to notice minors lurking on, and while most people recognize that it’s quite impossible to catch every minor and ageless blog in writing posts with numerous notes, a simple shit-post on dash is more simple, and her unpopular opinion was simply that blogs that grow rapidly need to be better about catching those minors because they are susceptible to having more of them lurking. it’s a really harmless sentiment, and she’s gently reminded me as well on more than one occasion to be more responsible about my habit of being lazy when scouting for minors in my interactions. 

this is not out of jealousy, nor is it some sick and twisted habit she has to “explain” why people get more notes than she might get. it’s also out of a place of concern for her own content ?? i myself and plenty of other large blogs reblog from mutuals, and they are well within their right to be concerned that perhaps minors are lurking on our pages and interacting with works we reblog from our mutuals. cat has voiced this concern to me before, also out of goodwill and simple concern for my content, her content, and minors in general. there is simply no need to twist it into her viciously looking down upon large blogs and their notes counts and claiming they’re “only because they don’t block minors.” admittedly, though, i do need to be better about catching minors, and i have always appreciated her trying to keep me in the habit of being responsible about it. more importantly, it was a small passing comment under a post of unpopular opinions, a lot of them were hot takes, and this is hardly a serious one to get so heated over. 

i’d also like to point out that anantaru has claimed we blocked them for being a gatekeeper and because we’re jealous of their notes. 💀. a) i am very grateful and very happy with the level of interaction i get on my writing, as more people than i imagine leave me countless comments and reblogs. i have never had an issue with comparing my interaction with that of other writers because i have always been abundantly content with the interaction i get. i have no other comment on this other than cat and i blocked anantaru at the same time because we happened to see a post of theirs reblogged onto our dash that made a joke that we felt was a bit insensitive to/alluded to SA—i’m sure it wasn’t meant to be taken that way, but it made us uncomfortable regardless. while we are both dark content supporters, and i myself have read more than one fic that includes noncon in particular, it doesn’t mean we have to like/enjoy everything related to it and we simply decided to block them. i’m not going to bring this post up bc it’s simply not important. they are an adult who is more than entitled to make jokes on their blog and cat and i do not have to like them !! we simply did what we were well within our rights to do, and that’s blocking them.

there’s more they go on to say about receiving hate asks and that apparently it’s because of our “group of friends.” cat and i don’t have a group of friends. i don’t have any group chats with her besides the one with her boyfriend because i get along with him sometimes as well, and we used to play genshin together a lot when i was in low ar. not that i have to explain my friendships here, but i quite literally do not have a group of people to “send after” anantaru because people are well aware of my close friends, who i text with my personal phone number. i’ve posted silly screenshots of convos on my blog multiple times, and none of these friends overlap because i do not have a “group” of friends, just individual friends who i talk to one on one. cat is not friends with my other friends, and my other friends are not friends with her. there are no inner circles that conspire together to send anyone hate because i “tell them to.” and if there are screenshots of me explicitly encouraging someone to send hate on anon, i would love to see it. if i had sent my anons after anantaru, it would have to be a public post, and i’m sure if there were a post of such nature, it would have been brought to light by now. they have also claimed they were given multiple urls of mine to block. i only have ONE writing blog, @/saetoru, and the only other two that are still up are archived blogs @/hanmine and @/katsuphilia, which are side blogs attached to saetoru and have been inactive for several months. there are however, multiple individuals on this app who also go by the name “tee,” and perhaps we have unfortunately been mixed up as the same person, but the only blog i have is saetoru, so there is no other active blog they have blocked me from that belonged to me and was able to harass them.

not only that, but anantaru has claimed that one person off anon sent them hate with a kaeya url which they insinuate to be me. once again, you are all more than aware of my history of urls, and many of you have all been here to see them. i’ve never once had a kaeya url, nor have i ever been particularly interested in kaeya outside of a small number of posts on a rare occasion. my genshin favorites have always been characters from sumeru and, at one point diluc, and once again i don’t have to ?? explain my selfships to you all ?? but literally, i have nothing to do with a kaeya blog or kaeya account, and im unsure why it’s being thrown into my name. quite frankly, i’m not sure  what their moot has told them we have said about them, but the only conversations cat and i have ever had about anantaru was that one about the noncon joke, and that’s it. outside of that, there is literally no evidence of us speaking about this person because it simply doesn’t exist. 

i implore you all to, instead of starting public discourse over things you hear, confirm them first. had anantaru reached out to me or cat and expressed that they are upset that we are supposedly spreading false rumors about them gatekeeping, then whatever misunderstanding it might have been could have been cleared. i would like to also point out that it is not above bullying when you simply dump numerous accusations that you have heard through half whispers from moots and provide 0 evidence for them. i am perfectly aware of why emmie may consider herself to have issues with me, but i have never had an encounter with anantaru, and truthfully, i’ve never actually even read their writing before. my main (and pretty much only) experience with them is seeing the joke i saw reblogged onto my dash, and as i stated earlier, the only thing i did for that was block and move one.

and lastly, the other point i’d like to make is that numerous blogs who i have been objectively very kind to have come out to take the opportunity to stomp on my character and reputation. for example, tumblr user @/osaemu, who used to follow me and interact with me quite often. i have always been excited to interact with her because she was really supportive of my gojo writing, and at one point, i had a small area of concern with her using the same exact title as me for a gojo fic. below are screenshots of our conversation regarding the titles.

i am quite confident that this is a very polite interaction, and i was very clear that i didn’t think that her writing elements, including gojo’s parent dynamics and his dynamics with the reader, were copied or even something that i felt she needed to change. i pointed them out as a way of indicating that between these parallels and between the fact that i know she reads my rb! gojo series, i find it difficult to believe that our fic titles being exactly the same is a coincidence, and it made me uncomfortable—my concern was not how she wrote gojo’s parents or his dynamic with reader. i never accused her of stealing ideas that were mine alone to use, all i simply wanted to do was shed light on the fact that based on these parallels, i figured the names being the same was a touch difficult for me to brush aside as a chance similarity. i was very clear to outline that i know these dynamics and themes in writing are generic, and that people can pull inspo from them because i have done the same thing. my only concern was the title, which i politely asked her to change, and she agreed. case closed. i have been, again objectively, quite kind to osaemu, and i had no intentions of blocking her like a moot had suggested because i felt it was a very silly issue to block over since she was very lovely to me. 

i did, however, block her because she posted one-paragraph posts with multiple characters tagged. that’s not a crime on her end, and i’m certainly not here to police her posts in the tags, but as me and plenty of other people on this app have voiced multiple times, it is a bit irritating and feels like spam to see posts of these kinds in the tags so i blocked her. this is a very popular opinion and i refuse to be considered problematic for it. i am not here to police what constitutes an appropriate post to tag x reader tags on, and while i have made posts simply sharing my opinion on what i feel should and should not be tagged, osaemu is more than welcome to post whatever she feels she would like to into the tags. i do, however, block anyone who i come across who makes those kinds of posts because i simply don’t like them, and i don’t like seeing them. i don’t owe an explanation for why i block anyone, but seeing as i have been painted as some bitch for doing so, here is my reasoning. quite a lot of people agree on this sentiment, and to each their own, but i don’t enjoy seeing those posts. i did also unblock her at one point, as she mentioned. this is simply because a mutual of mine had voiced that they felt someone had copied the concept of their drabble, and i was helping them word a message to send, so i went back to this exact conversation to look back on what i said because it was a similar situation. as you know, blocking someone hides their dms from your dm list, so i had intended to temporarily unblock her just to see how i worded my message to help formulate a message for a mutual. there were no screenshots sent, i simply wanted to jog my memory of my points, that’s all. i did forget to block her again for a bit but eventually did, and that’s the extent of our interactions. i don’t recall posts telling people that i condone sending anons with death threats like she has claimed, and if she could point out the particular posts i have made where i encourage people to send anon death threats on my behalf, i would be more than happy to clear them up, or address them. 

i have admittedly, on a few occasions said in my responses to anon hate itself, the phrase “kys” out of frustration, and there are i’m sure conflicting opinions on that, but i do not regularly use this phrase in my vocabulary. i have been on the receiving end of graphic sexual and violent asks in my inbox regarding me, my teenage sister, and my mother, during my time on here, and sometimes out of frustration i have said less than dignified things, but this is not a constant behavior, and frankly, i think once people make graphic, violent, and inappropriate comments about my 16 year old sister, saying “kys” in response is not the greater of the two evils. it is a tad bit hypocritical to expect benevolence from me to an anonymous hate ask just because there is “another person” at the end of the screen when they have not extended the same sentiment to me.  

all of that being said, jumping on the trend to trample on someone while you have the opportunity to because you’re bitter they blocked you is also no better than bullying. apart from blocking osaemu, I have taken careful steps to always be respectful to her due to the very kind comments she’s left on my writing. leaving nice comments on my writing is deeply appreciated and welcome, but that doesn’t mean i have to subject myself to seeing posts i do not want to see on my dash on my phone. i pay for the phone bill, so i will cater my phone to show me what i want to see, and if that includes blocking a few people, i am allowed to do that !! i should not have to apologize for or be crucified for blocking someone and their feelings being hurt over it. 

not only this, but several of you have somehow started a rumor that i am 26 or even pushing 30. that’s nowhere close to the truth. i’m 21, soon to be 22, and i have stated multiple times i am an undergraduate college student. of course, there is no timeline to college, and people of all ages complete their undergrad degrees, but i have made it a point to vent about my concerns numerous times that i am very stressed about taking extra classes every semester to compensate for changing my major late because i want to graduate on time. my graduation year is 2024 (as would make sense seeing as i will be 22 years old), and if you don’t believe me, i have celebrated my bday on april 12th of every year this blog has been active. you’re more than welcome to check my archive to see if that’s true, and for further reference, here is a picture i have sent to mods of servers i am in to be accepted. (note that my url used to be hanmas before saetoru.)

although there is no shame in being 26 or pushing 30, the reason why i wanted to address this is that i wanted to point out that yet another rumor has been fiercely pushed on my name and has been believed to be the truth. no one has to walk away from reading this post assuming that i’m a saint and i have never done anything wrong or that i have been faultless in differences i’ve had with other people. but a lot, if not all, of these claims are exaggerated with 0 evidence, and people have just run with claiming them as true. i physically cannot deny a large majority of these rumors with evidence or screenshots because half of them are made by people i have never interacted with or talked to, and i cannot produce evidence for interactions that never happened. i have seen blank, burner blogs post stories of their experiences with me, one in particular that claims i dm’d them to tell them their hanma fic was breathtaking before i harassed them about their theme, boyfriend, and parents. a) i do not dm anyone to compliment their fics because i am simply too shy to do that. i would have only reblogged the fic with comments if i enjoyed it. b) again, there is no evidence on their part, and i cannot dispel this story with evidence of my own because evidence of conversations that never took place does not exist. and c) i would like to think i do not come across as dense enough to attack someone in their dm’s viciously about their boyfriend and parents openly with my account, where they could easily spread the proof around if it had actually happened. i am not responsible for people’s internet literacy, and if people believe every story that is shared with not even a small piece of proof that it took place, i cannot do anything besides simply urge you all to formulate your opinions based on what you see, not based on what you hear. 

i would also like to end things off with an apology to all of you—mainly because there was no reason for so many of you to be dragged into something that did not involve you and also because there are very disturbing and important issues going on right now in real-time in the world that are affecting a lot of people. i never want to be involved in something that takes attention off of important discussions such as genocide, and while many of you like to claim i am deflecting, i think it is quite telling that some people have posted nothing about something this important but have made multiple posts regarding discourse. i did not feel it was appropriate at that time to focus on discourse, and i still do not think so, but i wanted to leave off with my own statement.

i would also like to apologize if i have ever come across as unkind during an experience with me; it is never my intention to be that way purposely. i have a habit of being petty sometimes and can be a bit short-tempered, and it’s something i work on. with as large of a following as i have, sometimes it’s better not to say anything at all than say it—however vaguely it might be. i hope some of you who also have larger followings keep that in mind so that you can avoid discourse erupting into something grand scale. please vent to people you trust and be wary of having a habit to subpost. but mainly, please remember that people trusting you with their feelings and troubles is not something you should take pride in spreading. there is nothing to be proud of about sharing people's private socials, urls, and conversations. while i am not always able to keep my temper under wraps, and while i have had my fair share of petty moments, i, to the best of my ability, have always made sure that i don’t come across as intentionally cruel or mean, nor have i purposely broken someone’s trust. sometimes i have retaliated back a bit fiercely, but i stand by the fact that i never purposely chased or drove anyone off, mocked or belittled them, or sent people over to dislike/hate them. i have at times vented to those who i believe are people i can trust, sure—but this is something we as people are all guilty of. there’s no way any of us can hold one person more accountable than others for partaking in closeted conversations that are never meant to get back to people and hurt them. 

i genuinely loved, and still love, writing very much, and i have always appreciated every ask, every reblog, and every comment. writing is a hobby i am greatly passionate about, and it’s always a hobby i was very excited to share with people on here because i don’t get to share it with people irl. i don’t willingly tell people irl that i enjoy making elaborate plots about anime characters, and i have always been very excited to share that hobby with you all, whether you are a reader or writer. i’ve read fanfiction for a very long time before i ever decided to try my hand at writing it, and i would never want to knock other people down simply because they “surpassed” me. i enjoy finding writers to read from, especially those who write better than me, because they are where i draw the most inspiration and motivation from. the moots i look up to most are moots who are in my opinion, far stronger writers than me, and moots who i always firmly believe deserve much more reach than i do on their stories because they’re far more fleshed out and in-depth than anything i can produce. and i am proud of them !! and even those of you who feel you are stuck not getting as much reach as you would hope, i am proud also of all of you for picking up a google doc or pen and writing and trying, whether you choose to share it or not. i will always strongly encourage you all to try your hand at writing if you have ever considered it because i have genuinely built such a better sense of self-esteem when being able to incorporate pieces of myself in my stories and express parts of who i am—i think some of you might really enjoy the catharsis that writing brings, and if you ever debate on trying it out, please do !! you might become really passionate about it. 

anyway, this post is abysmally long. none of it is to clear my name in hopes that i will be “un-canceled” (LOL) because i have decided saetoru is long overdue to be put to rest. i hope you can all, at the very least, allow other writers some peace and stop harassing them in their inboxes for knowing me (because that is also bullying and very ironic of you), and i hope you all got some sort of understanding of where i am coming from. if you think poorly of me, that’s okay. i have an opinion of myself, and the close people who surround me, that i am confident in, and while i may not have always handled things in the brightest of manners, i am well aware of what my intentions have always been. 

i’m deeply grateful to all 41k of you, and thank you for reading my works and allowing me to write for you !! thank you for all the very, very kind asks that i never got a chance to fully answer each one of, and thank you especially for all the supportive comments and love on the writing i’ve posted. they might be silly fics you read once and moved on from, but they’re all pieces of me, my life, and things that are important to me, and as cringe and cheesy as it sounds, it means quite literally everything to me when people read them and take away something from them. 

also, as a parting gift, i will be posting the nerd gojo, ex-convict geto, and a marriage rb! gojo fic to my ao3 (also saetoru) for those of you who have been patiently awaiting those wips to enjoy. please (a little more patiently) keep your eyes peeled for those <3 i will no longer be posting or active on saetoru, and in the event that i keep writing, it will be posted on my ao3, so you all will know where to find me !!

so for the last time, i love you my little runts !! wishing you all the best, and goodbye to my lil saetoru bestees. 

mwah !!

— tee <3

ps. i also have turned off reblogs for this post and limited replies to people i follow only. a lot of you will jump to say that it’s simply because i am “hiding,” but it is solely because i have said my piece and i intend to move on. thank you and have a lovely day shawtee ✌🏽

[cepheustarot]

How does your crush see the relationship with you?

Attention! This reading is for entertainment purposes only. This tarot reading does not give a 100% guarantee that all the described situations will occur or being ultimate truth. You build your own life and destiny and only you know yourself best.

✧ Masterlist ✧ Paid readings

Pick a pile. Choose one or more pictures. Trust your intuition.

Pile 1: Your crush sees that you can behave distantly with him, cautiously, somewhat closed, do not show your feelings first, are not the initiator of actions and you are one of those who does not or very rarely takes the first steps. Perhaps this is because you have recently met each other and you need time to open up to a person and get used to him, it is also possible that you are closed people yourself who need a lot of time to trust. Your crush understands this and does not rush things between you, acts slowly and carefully, it is important not to alienate you and it is important that you feel comfortable first of all. In general I can say that your crush has plans for you, they are really sincere in their feelings and gradually their feelings only intensify, become stronger towards you. They see you next to them, they see you in their lives, they are already thinking about joint plans because they can be somewhat dreamy natures. They also understand that rushing into a relationship will not lead to anything good, so they take their time, carefully show their feelings so as not to alienate you away and hurt you and not to hurt themselves. They also believe that your relationship may have potential, you can make a good and harmonious couple.

Pile 2: Your crush sees that your relationship is filled with passion, a lot of strong feelings prevail and they have a feeling that you are attracted to each other, you are attracted like a magnet, they want to be with you as long as possible, see you as often as possible and for this they are looking for any opportunity to meet with you, write to you or talk. I can also say that they are the kind of people who give as much as they receive, that is, in a relationship they manifest themselves no less and no more than you, for them it is like an equivalent exchange. If you take the first step, they will meet you halfway and make the next one, if you don't show your fellings, then they will too. I can say that they do not hide their feelings but show them, they can very noticeably hint or speak directly about them, they can show their care and love through actions, touching you, talking about personal things. However, as I can see, an unpleasant situation has occurred between you, which has hurt this person and now they are in great sadness, offended, very worried about it. It is important to show them that you still value your relationship and you care about the person and his feelings and then everything between you will gradually get better.

Pile 3: As I see it your crush does not have strong romantic feelings for you yet, they are rather at the nascent stage, your crush may feel a slight sympathy but nothing more. They can also consciously keep their distance and not cross the line, not talk to romantic and deep themes, because it's too early for them or it's not a priority yet. But in general, they treat you well, they are comfortable and have fun with you, they like your company, they like to discuss and share their thoughts, they like to talk with you for a long time about some topics. I can also say that they are easy-going towards you, i mean if you say that you would like to visit a place or buy something, they will immediately offer you to go with them or buy what you so wanted. And although they keep their distance and try to keep romantic hints to a minimum, they also do not close themselves from this topic, that is, they still allow the opportunity to enter into a relationship with you, they look closely at you as their lover. And here there is a high probability that you will have mutual feelings for each other.

Thank you for reading! I will be glad of any feedback 🖤

[just-trying-to-fangirl-in-peace]

Further inspiration (Sauron x fem!Elf!reader)

❕but also Sauron x Celebrimbor + slight Celebrimbor x reader❕

-> in which you discover Annatar aiding Celebrimbor in his work with the same unconventional method he used with you, but that doesn’t mean he has discarded you

Warnings: smut, voyeurism kink, exhibitionism kink, tease and denial, handjob (Annatar x Celebrimbor, Annatar x Reader) oral (R + C receiving from A), mutual masturbation (C x R), p in v (A x R), manipulation cause you still don’t know he’s Sauron, Sauron will have more influence over the Rings if he soft doms their creators or something, I just wanted to write pure filth

Note: sequel to Inspiration. I wasn’t expecting to write something like this but the idea wouldn’t leave me alone so I experimented a little🤭

Mature content below the cut - minors DNI!!!

You are not proud of the disappointment you feel knowing Celebrimbor has returned to his work. You should be glad that he has recovered enough to carry on with forging the Rings—using the designs with which you provided him, no less—and you are happy. Truly. It’s only that part of you wishes you still had the forge room to yourself and Lord Annatar.

You had not been alone with him since he had... aided you to finish the designs, and you are driving yourself mad with thoughts of what might happen when or if you shall find yourselves in an intimate setting again. Will he be poised as ever, as though you had never known each other most intimately? Or will there be recognition between you? Connection.

Repetition.

The thought sends a pleasant shiver racing down your spine, right as you reach the forge room. You stop to breathe. Even if Annatar is inside, he is there assisting Celebrimbor with his work, and that is your purpose as well. Nothing more.

Before you can push the doors open, just as your fingers nearly reach the wood, one slides ever so slightly ajar, as if moved by the wind. Except there is no wind, and the doors are too heavy to be simply blown open, and so quietly no less. But you cease to ask yourself how such a thing has happened the moment you catch a glimpse of the sight revealed by the small opening.

From your angle, you can see Celebrimbor at his worktable, Annatar sitting beside him. There would be nothing unusual about that, if they were not sitting so much closer than you have seen them do on previous occasions. If Annatar’s arm were not wrapped around Celebrimbor’s shoulders, as if to cradle him close. And if that may yet pass for an exceedingly warm gesture of friendship, there is no mistaking the rhythmic movement of Annatar’s other hand in the area of Celebrimbor’s lap beneath the table, or the nature of the smith’s tortured groans as he struggles through the finishing touches of a Ring.

You cover your mouth to prevent an audible gasp. So, you had been right to assume you were not the only one for whom Lord Annatar performs such unconventional acts of... creative encouragement. Your first, panicked thought is that you need to leave before they sense your presence, pretend as though you never witnessed such a thing. But your legs simply refuse to move. Your eyes will not, cannot turn away from the sight. You watch, heat blooming within your belly, as Annatar’s fingers pinch and fondle the tip of the smith’s pointed ear, and Celebrimbor shudders almost violently.

“Please,” he begs, barely above a whisper, “I can bear it no longer.”

“You are capable of much greater feats than you know, my friend,” Annatar encourages, ever so trusting. But Celebrimbor shakes his head in utter defeat. His hands cease their trembling work and lower the utensils on the table as he turns to Annatar with an anguished gaze.

“I beg you,” he all but whimpers, “grant me release.”

Annatar smiles, a tinge of disappointment in his eyes, and releases Celebrimbor altogether, standing from his seat. The smith cannot help but whine, looking down at what is sure to be a most helpless state of arousal, but makes no attempt to touch himself, either. He must have understood by now, as you did before, that he is not to act without Annatar’s permission.

A trembling breath escapes you. Your hand is on your stomach, having come to rest there you know not when, and you stifle the growing urge to reach lower, between your legs, if only to ease the light throb that has begun there with a quick press of your fingers.

You shake your head, squeeze your eyes shut, and turn away to press your back to the wall by the door. It’s Lord Celebrimbor, you remind yourself. Your mentor. Your friend. If anything, you should be mortified that you have witnessed him in such a state of arousal, or envious that he is receiving the same attentions as you did from Annatar. And, to some extent, you are, but... seeing Annatar’s hands upon him only reminds you how they felt upon you, and Celebrimbor’s pleas for release remind you of the torturous stretch you had endured with Annatar keeping still inside of you, of the ache of helplessly unfulfilled pleasure and the beauty that had come from it.

Celebrimbor must have gathered his will, same as you did back then, and resumed his work, because his moans reach your ears again. You will your legs to carry you away, but all they do is take you back where you can peer through the crack in the door once more. Annatar is now hunched over Celebrimbor, mouth on his neck and hand back to stroking him beneath the table, and when the smith wavers anew in his feeble attempts to work, the cry he gives out at the loss of stimulation sends a bolt of pleasure to your clit. You press your thighs together, in vain. You cannot touch yourself in the hallway, where anyone might see you.

Just as you think you have gathered the resolve to flee to your chambers, where you may indulge in the pleasure of your own fingers without risking your dignity, Annatar says your name. It happens in an instnat—a flick of his wrist, and the door slides all the way open, leaving you exposed to their sight.

Every cell in your body freezes.

“I am glad you have joined us,” Annatar greets politely, standing to his full height at Celebrimbor’s side.  “You need not linger at the door.”

Celebrimbor, on the other hand, goes into a wide-eyed panic that matches the one no doubt written on your own face. His jaw drops, trembling, and he fumbles beneath the table to make himself decent again before he shoots to his feet.

“I-I assure you,” he stammers, awfully flushed in the face, “this is not at all what you might imagine—”

“Do not fret, Celebrimbor,” Annatar intercedes, mildly amused. “She is quite familiar with my methods.”

A small gasp leaves you as you avert your eyes, heat flooding your skin. It is one thing to catch Lord Celebrimbor in the act, quite another to admit to your own. His eyes dart between you and Annatar as he blinks, stunned at the revelation.

“Come... come inside,” he urges you. “Shut the door.”

You do so in haste, but remain standing in the doorway. You cannot tell whether Celebrimbor is more angry or ashamed. Though he hardly has the right to judge your behaviour, given that he has engaged in similarly improper acts himself, if he were to banish one of you, it will not be the emissary of the Valar.

“Is it true?” he asks, thankfully seeming more curious than scandalized. You glance at Annatar, unsure, and he gives you a small, encouraging nod of his head. It serves as a balm to your nerves.

“Lord Annatar...” you begin, willing your voice to be steady as you look at Celebrimbor. “He helped me to finish the designs, my lord.”

Celebrimbor’s brows shoot up. His mouth opens, then closes. Then he scrambles to pick up the sketches by which he had been guided as he worked—your sketches—from the table, and holds them up to you.

“You made these, while...?”

“Indeed,” Annatar says, the sole word imbued with such pride and admiration, your knees weaken.

“But they are excellent! Flawless!” Celebrimbor protests, his tone raised in disbelief. “It cannot be that... Under such torment...?”

It is plain to see, from the distress in his eyes, that he truly does not understand how such a thing might be possible. This must be the first time Annatar has tried this with him, catching him as off guard as you had been, and he has yet to learn how to accept the gift as you did. A gift which is too precious, you realize, to be kept only to yourself, especially with the fate of all Middle-Earth at stake. Sympathy for Celebrimbor fills your heart, and you meet his questioning look with a slight nod. Once again, your gaze briefly meets Annatar’s, and something in his eyes along with your own inner realization gives you the boldness to go on and confess, “It helps, Lord Celebrimbor. If you allow it. And... it does not go unrewarded.”

Celebrimbor releases a stunned huff, and puts the paper back on the table with a small thud of his fingers against the wood.

“She is right,” Annatar speaks when Celebrimbor seems at a loss for words. “But then again...” His brow knits, and he ponders something. “No two creative minds are alike,” he muses. “And yours, Celebrimbor, I’m afraid is in a rather fragile state. Perhaps a less... direct approach would suit you better.”

Celebrimbor eyes him warily, but his interest is visibly piqued, your words having eased his reluctance to believe such a method might prove fruitful. Slowly, he returns to his seat.

“And... what might that be?” he asks, cautiously.

Annatar gives him a rather cryptic smile before he turns his gaze to yours, extending a hand towards you in invitation.

“Would you come here?” he beckons.

For a moment, you hesitate, glancing to Celebrimbor to find him as puzzled as you, then looking back at Annatar in silent question. He gives no answer, only waits patiently. Waits for your trust, as you have given it before.

And as before, you give it. Holding his gaze, you go to him, and place your hand in his. Your skin tingles pleasantly as he takes it in his gentle hold, reminding you how you had longed to feel his touch again. He pulls you close to him and wraps his other arm around your waist with elegance, almost as if preparing for a waltz. You are transfixed by his eyes as he speaks in that wise voice of his, close enough that his breath touches your lips.

“There are more ways to open one’s mind to their most natural instincts than touch itself,” he says. “Sometimes, one needs only to be reminded... shown... how fulfilling it is to cease denying oneself.”

The last words are spoken just as he presses his lips to yours, and you sigh into the gentle kiss. His mouth’s caresses are so languid, so patient as you follow their lead. He takes his sweet time tracing your lips with his tongue, then sliding it against your own, allowing them to intertwine and dance together at leisure, savouring each and every sensation. But that is not all he means to do, you realize as a sudden intake of breath reaches your ears, one which belongs to neither you nor Annatar. This sensuous display is meant for Celebrimbor—who is still sitting right at your side, though the haze of desire had all but erased that knowledge from your mind.

When Annatar removes his lips from yours with a softly wet sound, you cannot help but glance a bit self-consciously to the smith. His eyes are clouded with an emotion you have never seen in them in all your years working together—yearning of the purely carnal sort. Though he flushes at being caught eyeing you so, the look he sends Annatar holds a glint of ruefulness.

“You can hardly expect my eyes to not stray from my work,” he warns, “whilst you engage in such... titillating behaviour a mere glance away.”

“And yet,” Annatar says, looking at him but leaning into you, “I expect you to not only finish your work,” you give a soft gasp as he presses his lips to your neck, “but to craft your greatest creations yet.”

“I do not think—”

The protest dies in Celebrimbor’s throat as Annatar engulfs you in his arms and swiftly lifts you onto the table, close enough to Celebrimbor that you could reach out with your leg and rest a foot in his lap if you so wished. You make no move to do anything but remain right where Annatar jas placed you, your breath quickening as he reaches to your ankles and begins to draw the skirts of your dress slowly up, up, over your knees, until they are gathered gracelessly around your waist and all that covers your modesty is your undergarments.

You can’t help but squirm lightly, adjusting to the most unusual exposure. It’s already more than you had ever imagined Celebrimbor would see of you, and now Annatar is running the palm of his hands gently along your thighs, coaxing you to part them and reveal the damp fabric between your legs. His piercing gaze won’t let you look away. He holds such power over you, willingly given yet ruinous in its might.

And he is no less in control as he lowers himself to his knees before you, in the space between your legs. The realization of what he means to do, and in what circumstances, punches a small mewl from your chest. But perhaps you should know better than to think you can anticipate his actions by now. You must only take what you are given, and at the moment he gives you feather-light caresses of your legs, from your ankles to the sensitive skin at the back of your knees, whilst his lips begin a trail of kisses upon the inside of your thighs. A few on the left, a few on the right. Langourous, attentive, drawing ever upward.

If you were aching before, you now crave him with devastating force. You want to moan, but some deeply rooted instinct within you still tries to clip the sounds in your throat, sharply aware of your audience. Unbidden, your eyes drift to Celebrimbor. His are glued to the spot where Annatar’s lips meet the soft flesh of your thigh, his lips slightly parted in silent desire, and his fingers digging into his own thigh as he no doubt withholds from seeking his own relief. You shudder with a sudden burst of bashfulness... but also the thrill of it. Of behaving yourself in such a scandalous manner, leaving all thoughts of propriety aside and wearing your pleasure on display.

Lifting his head from your leg, barely a few inches from where you need him most, Annatar gives Celebrimbor an encouraging look. “Go on, then,” he instructs, much like he had done when coaxing you into resuming your drawing whilst impaled on his length. Celebrimbor’s throat bobs with what looks to be a painful swallow, but he does as he is asked and picks the object of his labour back up.

Satisfied, Annatar aims a wolfish smile at you, then works to free you of the only fabric covering your wetness. Once he has pulled it down your legs and tucked it safely within his own robes, leaving you quivering in anticipation as the cool air meets your soaked center, he parts your legs once more and looks up at you.

“Would you be so kind,” he says, caressing your thighs, “as to share with Lord Celebrimbor exactly what transpired between us upon our past encounter? From beginning to end. In as much detail as your sensibility allows.”

He says it with as much ease as he would request that you bring Lord Celebrimbor some tea. You’d scoff at the absurdity, at the word ‘sensibility’, if not for his thumb, which begins to massage your clit with small, slow circles as he awaits your compliance. You are helpless to do anything but whimper as you nod, and will yourself to speak through stifled sounds of pleasure as your swollen bud sings beneath his touch.

“Lord Annatar... he touched me,” you begin, egged on by his approving gaze. You can hardly make the story sound as coherent or vivid as it felt at the time, but you do your best to at least remember the sequence of events. “First, he massaged my shoulders. Then, he traced his fingers along my cheek and... my hair... and then he... touched the tip of my ear. Tugged at it with his fingers. I-I was surprised, but... I let him, because it felt... so good.”

The word melts into a moan, for Annatar has replaced his finger with his lips, pressing them gently to your clit before giving it a firm lick. All inhibitions set aside, you lay your hand on Annatar’s head and hook your fingers into the bow at the back of it, marvelling at the softness of his tresses. He raises his eyes to yours as he continues to kiss you between your legs, and by the Valar, he is the most divine sight you have ever laid eyes upon.

“What then?” Celebrimbor asks, nearly as breathless as you feel. When you glance at him, his eyes are painstakingly glued to his work, obeying Annatar’s command. The Lord of Gifts gives your thigh a soft pinch, silently instructing you to do the same.

“Then, he kissed my neck,” you go on, in between mewls and little gasps of pleasure as Annatar makes a meal of your most intimate flesh. “And touched my breasts. He kneaded them and... pinched my nipples through my dress.” Almost absent-mindedly, your own hand which isn’t in Annatar’s hair does the very same now, overwhelmed by the combined elation his mouth offers at present and the memory you are recounting out loud. “Then... his hand went lower and... touched my— between my legs.” You avoid the word, and immediately find it laughable. Annatar’s face is buried in your cunt right now, so close to Celebrimbor that he can no doubt hear the wet sounds of his tongue lapping at your folds—why on Middle-Earth would you shy away from something as harmless as a mere word now?

As if to further emphasize that point, Annatar’s kisses turn more vigorous, and he slips a long finger past your entrance, adding to the squelch. You gasp and tighten your grip on his hair, writhing on the table.

“Then, he stopped,” you go on, and your voice might as well be one continuous, obscene whine. “Told me to stand, and sat in my chair instead. And then... I sat in his lap... with my back to him... with him inside of me.” You mewl as he slips in a second finger, and begins to curl them into your sweetest spots with ravaging precision. “And it felt so good... and I wanted to move so badly... but he said I was to finish the designs first... and I trusted him... so I obeyed. When I had him in me... I could finally let go and just... create.”

He groans into your cunt, and you quake with the overwhelming sensations. It’s too much, how he sucks your clit into the heat of his mouth, how his fingers put relentless and heavenly pressure to the parts within you where it most wrecks you to feel it. Your already breathy voice grows in pitch, littered with desperate mewls as you pant and writhe your way to your peak.

“Once I finished, he lifted me from the chair... and into his arms... and he took me against a wall... hard and deep... until, finally... finally... My lord!”

You grip his hair mercilessly as you clench around his fingers, lost to an onslaught of pleasure that leaves you gasping and panting without shame. Annatar laps at your folds all the way through it, until your hips begin to twitch with too much sensation to bear.

“Until, finally,” Annatar continues, calm and composed as he rises to his feet, “she found her well-earned release.” He cups your cheek, admiring your pleasure-dazed expression with a blend of pride and hunger as you lean into his touch. “And looked as splendid as her creations whilst she clenched around my cock.”

He kisses you, and you moan as you taste yourself on his tongue. You feel so light and so wonderfully tired, all you want is to fall into his arms, rest your head upon his shoulder and close your eyes. So you do, breaking away from his lips to melt into his embrace, where he welcomes you with utmost tenderness.

“She does,” Celebrimbor agrees. You open your eyes to find his gaze has strayed toward you after all, and is filled with a soft kind of awe. “You do. Together.”

Annatar coaxes you to part from him with care, and a pleased smile graces his lips as he looks down at Celebrimbor’s hand.

“As does the fruit of your labours.”

You notice then, too—Celebrimbor now holds a finished, most exquisite Ring.

“I suppose I have begun to understand what you meant by... surrendering,” he admits, contemplating the precious jewel before he sets it carefully into one of the nine ring holders on the table. He knits his brow, somewhat nervous as he turns to Annatar. “Am I to finish all the rest before...?”

“That would be rather cruel, would it not?” Annatar says indulgently. “To craft none rings is more time-consuming than to draw them, after all. Stand, Celebrimbor.”

Hope sparks in the smith’s eyes as he obeys. Annatar rearranges your dress, allowing it to fall over your legs once more, and leaves a tender caress on your cheek before he turns to Celebrimbor.

You are not sure what you’re meant to do, but you don’t feel strong enough to stand yet either way. It’s almost as though you’re peering through the crack in the door again as, without further teasing, Annatar parts Celebrimbor’s robes and unfastens his trousers, releasing the hard and swollen flesh beneath to the air as well as your sight. It’s strange to think you and the Lord of Eregion have now officially seen each other’s private parts not only bared, but also evident with arousal. Celebrimbor is already weeping at the tip as Annatar wraps his elegant fingers around his cock and gives it a tug.

“Oh, my friend,” he coos, cupping Celebrimbor’s cheek. The smith whines softly, leaning into his touch. “How you must be aching.”

Celebrimbor nods, beyond words as Annatar begins to stroke his cock. The Lord of Gifts claims his mouth, and the smith clings to his shoulders desperately. You remember how it felt, to have gone so long without release and finally have the promise of it within reach. Arousal stirs anew within you, as though it had not been thunderously relieved barely a minute before.

At the same time, however, you are beginning to feel quite out of place as the kiss unfolding before your eyes grows deeper, more intense, Annatar’s tongue dominating Celebrimbor’s. His movements are still teasingly slow, despite the promise that he would finally relieve Celebrimbor’s suffering, and the more self-conscious part of your mind is beginning to wonder whether you are not hindering Annatar’s plans, somehow.

“Should I...?” you say, hesitating to interrupt. “Would you prefer if I left you to...?”

“No, please,” Celebrimbor blurts out, breaking the kiss and flushing as he meets your eyes. Remembering himself and to whom he must submit, he turns to Annatar, and somewhat bashfully asks, “Would it be all right if she stayed?”

Annatar nods, pleased by his deference. “If that is her wish.”

They both look to you then, awaiting your response—Celebrimbor with hope, Annatar with patience, and perhaps a tinge of expectation. You nod, a welcome one for all three of you. Now that you have become a part of this creative process, you wish to see it through to the end, whenever Annatar deems that may be.

“Good,” Annatar smiles. “There are eight more Rings to be crafted, after all.”

The implication thrills you to the core. Only the first of the Nine is finished, and it had mostly been completed by the time you had joined Annatar and Celebrimbor in the forge. How many more sensuous games will the emissary of the Valar invent until all the Rings are finished? In how many ways will he have you unravel, mind and body? The creamy sensation between your legs grows ever more persistent as you realize Annatar is unlikely to let it recede any time soon.

Under your gaze, Annatar returns his attentions to Celebrimbor’s neck, nipping and sucking at his skin in rhythm with his still-languid strokes. Celebrimbor says your name, practically moans it, and he wears a deep frown as he looks at you, half from pleasure and half from guilt.

“I do not wish for you to think that...” he falters when Annatar’s teeth find his ear, “in all our time together, I was harbouring improper thoughts towards you...”

“It’s quite all right, my lord,” you reassure him, watching as Annatar’s thumb gathers the bead of arousal blooming at his tip before you give him a fond smile. “There were many things I did not understand about myself and the act of creation, until Lord Annatar helped me to discover them. There is no shame in sharing in such knowledge. I do not think so,” you add, a bit more quietly. If one of the other smiths were to go against Celebrimbor’s wishes for some reason and come inside the forge now, surely they would scorn the three of you for engaging in such apparent depravity together. But you are equally sure that Annatar would help them understand the importance of your endeavours, just as he had you and Celebrimbor.

Annatar pulls away from Celebrimbor’s neck, caressing his cheek as he wears an adoring smile with which he then graces you as well as he speaks. “It brings me such joy,” he says, “to see the greatest of Elven smiths working in such harmony. Learning from one another.”

“We learned from you, my friend,” Celebrimbor is quick to return the praise. “We have you to thank for everything.”

“Let us say that we should thank one another,” Annatar insists. And as if in his own gratitude, he kneels before Celebrimbor, though he does so in that same manner he did with you before, without losing an ounce of the authority he commands. If anything, having his gaze meet yours from below has a way of making you feel as though you are standing on a precipice, dangerously close to toppling into the abyss, and he is all that keeps you upright still. Celebrimbor certainly seems to share that sentiment, his fingers brushing Annatar’s smooth cheek with deep reverence, as if he barely dares to touch such beauty.

Annatar begins with small kisses peppered to Celebrimbor’s cock, tongue darting out ever so teasingly to flick against the straining length and sensitive tip. The pleading sound that escapes the smith’s throat combined with the sight has you crossing your legs where you are still sitting on the table, to better press your thighs together.

“Oh, by the Valar,” Celebrimbor rasps out as his length is all at once engulfed in Annatar’s mouth, not a trace of discomfort on his face as the smith’s cock sinks deep into his throat.

“Lord Annatar,” you breathe out, unable to contain yourself any longer, “may I touch myself?”

You expect—hope—to be given a hum of approval, the rumble of which in Annatar’s throat will surely prevent Celebrimbor from begrudging you this small interruption. But Annatar releases the smith’s cock abruptly, pulling a strained groan from him.

“You shall take your pleasure when I see fit,” he replies before returning to his task. His voice is soft, yet the command in it is clear. It only serves to highten your arousal. And really, you should not interfere with Celebrimbor’s long-awaited pleasure again, but you fear the wooden table might begin to splinter within your white-knuckled grip unless you do something.

“May I touch you, then?” you entreat.

This time, when Annatar frees his mouth, a mischievous smile is tugging at its corners. “So long as you do not interfere with my task,” he says, looking up at the trembling smith before him. “Our dear Celebrimbor might be quite upset if you do.”

Celebrimbor caresses Annatar’s hair, giving a slight shake of his head. “I shall gladly take whatever I am given.”

You, on the other hand, waste no time to take that which you have asked for and were generously granted. You leave your seat to go and kneel behind Annatar, humming with delight as your fingers caress the soft strands of his beautiful, long hair. You brush it to the side to reveal his neck, and begin to leave your own kisses there, laving the skin between his jaw and shoulder with affection as he bobs his head while sucking Celebrimbor.

How ironic that he should warn you about interfering with his task, for a change. But even now, you seem to be the one in more difficulty as you reach around his waist, seeking to gain access to the part of him you have been missing inside you for every second since your last joining had ended. It’s an awkward position, with him kneeling and you trying to work through the layers of his clothing from behind, and however you try, you cannot seem to figure out how to even part his robe enough to reach the fastening of the trousers beneath.

He groans impatiently, and you soon find out why—when, in a few swift movements and shuffles of fabric, he frees himself from their confines and takes your hand to wrap it around his cock. He is hard and eager, practically pulsing with need within your grip, and you are reminded that to offer you these gifts requires his own sacrifice, his own desire going unfulfilled.

His hands return to Celebrimbor whilst yours remains on his cock, and you marvel at the heat and firmness of him in your grip as you begin to stroke it. He is leaking generously at the tip, and you smear the wetness along his length as you hasten your pace, and you moan as though the ridges of him are catching on your inner walls instead of the palm of your hand as your cunt aches helplessly.

But you focus solely on him. Your lips travel up the curve of his neck, trying to adjust to the movements of his head as you lick a stripe up his ear, and catch the pointed tip between your teeth as you had been longing to for so long. He groans, a low, hoarse sound that must scrape against Celebrimbor’s cock oh so wonderfully. Or torturously, if the smith’s broken whimper is any indication. With Annatar, it tends to be a blend of both.

It isn’t a coincidence, you think, but rather Annatar’s perfectly controlled timing, when they both find their end at once. It’s plain to see, from the way Celebrimbor bucks forward with a sob of relief, that he is spilling inside Annatar’s mouth, who keeps it firmly closed around him, receiving every drop—whilst Annatar’s own hips give a tense jerk and he throbs in your hand, some of his spend landing on Celebrimbor’s pant leg and some dribbling down your fingers.

It’s nearly enough to have you coming yourself. Alas, you clench around the emptiness within you, gently stroking Annatar until he pulls away from both of you. Releasing Celebrimbor’s spent cock and removing your hand from his own length, he rises from the ground, poised as ever, leaving the smith stumbling back into his seat and you panting on your knees. It isn’t long, though, before Annatar’s hand is held out within the line of your sight, and you raise your eyes to find him looking down at you like a blessing sent to be your salvation—which he, in fact, is.

“Come, now,” he urges tenderly. “The floor is hardly the place for an Elf of your talents. And generosity.”

Touched by his compliments as always, you place your hand in his and let him pull you to your unsteady feet. Though he praises your generosity, the result of it hardly shows—his cock still appears to be as furiously rigid as ever, and you frown slightly as it catches your gaze.

“Have I not satisfied you well enough, my lord?” you ask, barely a whisper. He lifts your chin, having your gaze meet his.

“You have satisfied me wonderfully,” he reassures you. “However, I shall not be truly finished until I will it so. And we still have long hours of toil ahead of us. Do we not, Celebrimbor?”

The smith gives a small chuckle. He had tucked himself away, and is now leaning on the table, resting his chin on his fist as he looks at you and Annatar with a hazy gaze.

“I am afraid I do not possess your prowess, my godly friend. It shall be a little while before I am able to endure such wonderful torment again.”

“How fortunate, then,” Annatar says, “that our dear friend is willing to share in your burden.”

You think you would share in any burden he might ask you to, so long as he kisses you all through it the same as he does now. His tongue plunges past your lips, and your eyebrows raise slightly as you realize both that the musky taste you feel is Celebrimbor’s spend, and that he must have felt your taste as well when Annatar had kissed him after feasting on you.

You are tempted to reach for Annatar’s length again as you feel its inviting weight on your belly, but then his arms surround you and you are being swept in his embrace effortlessly. You wrap yourself around him as he carries you back to the chair right beside Celebrimbor’s, sitting down with you astride him. He makes quick work of lifting your dress to expose you to him once more. Nothing would have made you happier. The moment you are able to, you cant your hips so that your moist folds caress his cock, moaning softly as your clit catches on the tip of him.

Annatar murmurs your name, gaze trained on your mouth as he traces your slightly parted lips with his thumb, “So needy,” he muses. “You neglected to mention, when you told our little story, how you came undone with barely a few grazes of my fingers, right before I took you fully.” He leans into your ear, “Should we see if we can achieve that once more?”

He grips your hips, preventing you from seeking friction much like he did the last time you had been seated in his lap. But at least then, you were achingly full instead of empty.

“Please,” you whimper, pulling away so he may see the plea within your eyes as well. “I’ve missed you inside me. So much.”

Annatar regards you tenderly, as though genuinely touched by your sentiment.

“Very well, then,” he says, running his knuckles down your cheek. “When I next bring you to the height of your pleasure, it shall be whilst we are most intimately joined.”

Your eyelids flutter shut in relief, and you turn your head to press a kiss to the palm of his hand.

“Whether that is to be now, however…”

You open your eyes to find a now familiar glint of mischief in his.

“Celebrimbor.” He turns his gaze to the smith, who seems quite surprised to be addressed in the midst of your exchange. “If you were to choose,” Annatar begins, voice honeyed with promise, “would you like me to keep you full while you work... or to hear me fill her?”

Your heart all but stills in your chest. It was one thing to put yourself at Annatar’s mercy, but for him to have Cemebrimbor decide your fate is a turn you had not expected. Perhaps it is only the illusion of control which he offers, a choice he asks Celebrimbor to make only for him to do the opposite instead. Either way, it’s a new flavour of the same addictive torment you have known at his hands, and your heartbeat practically echoes between your legs as you await Celebrimbor’s answer.

For his part, the smith seems at an utter loss. He meets Annatar’s expectant gaze, then your pleading one. “Both,” he confesses in the end. “Only... might you see to her first? I am quite sated for the moment, and she…” His eyes drop to your glistening folds. “Oh my dearest, look how wet you are.”

He forgets himself for a moment, resting his hand on your thigh. It’s nice and warm upon your already heated skin, but tenses when Celebrimbor notices Annatar eyeing it with a slightly raised eyebrow. Realizing he had failed to ask for permission, the smith bows his head in apology and begins to retreat.

Annatar, however, lays a hand upon his, keeping it pressed to your skin. He must have deemed, in the end, that the touch was tentative enough to count as a plea for more rather than a claim to it. He meets your gaze with a searching look and, finding nothing but the heat of anticipation there, he slides Celebrimbor’s hand further up your thigh, guiding it to the aching flesh between your legs.

A breath escapes Celebrimbor as he feels you intimately. Annatar ensures the tips of the smith’s fingers find your bundle of nerves, and guides them into circling it with torturous slowness before leaving him to carry on with the touch on his own. Your eyes fall shut, relishing the stimulation even as it worsens the emptiness you feel within.

“Wet indeed, is she not?” Annatar murmurs. Celebrimbor nods, unable to look away from the sight of your flesh beneath his fingers. You’ve never had two pairs of eyes trained on your exposed sex, drinking it in at the same time, and the rush brought by that fact alone pulls a whimper from you. Celebrimbor’s pace increases slightly as your hips chase his touch, but Annatar puts a tempering hand to his. “Not too much,” he instructs. “Not yet.”

Looking down, the sight you find is most frustrating. Annatar’s cock is so close, lying rigid and eager right before your core, yet your cunt weeps helplessly under much too tame a touch. You feel like you might cry if you don’t get to come soon, but you remind yourself to breathe and leave yourself to Annatar’s care, knowing his ways will leave you more fulfilled in the end than what you think you need in the heat of passion.

To your partial relief, Annatar takes himself in hand, teasing the tip of his cock at your entrance, below Celebrimbor’s fingers. He leans closer, as though he means to kiss your cheek, but before his lips touch your skin, he gives Celebrimbor a meaningful look, tapping a suggestive finger to the side of your neck closest to him. Here.

Celebrimbor’s eyes brighten with understanding and eagerness. They both lean in, and then there are two sets of lips, two tongues, wet and warm and soft on the sensitive skin between your neck and both shoulders at once. All whilst Celebrimbor caresses your clit, and Annatar soaks his cockhead through your folds, and you moan as you tremble under their combined attentions.

Then, all at once and at long last, Annatar tightens his hold around your waist, and pulls you onto him. You gasp and mewl, your hand flying to grip Celebrimbor’s sleeve as you are finally filled to the brim. Celebrimbor pulls away from your neck to look down, a shuddering breath escaping him at the sight of Annatar’s flesh engulfed by yours. His fingers falter on your clit.

“Tell me,” Annatar murmurs in your ear, “is our friend still ‘quite sated’?”

You lock eyes with Celebrimbor, then lower them to his crotch. He opens his legs slightly as you reach out to return his intimate touch, and groans as you feel the renewed hardness between them.

“He is hard, my lord,” you reply, breathless, as Annatar retreats from you enough to watch you fondle Celebrimbor through his clothes for himself. You would like to relieve him, and you wish to begin riding the cock within you more than anything, but you know better than to do either before Annatar has allowed it. Your brow knits in apology as you remove your hand from Celebrimbor. He catches it in his, though he doesn’t return it to where he aches most.

“Please,” he breathes out, gaze shifting between you and Annatar. “Would you...? Could she...? If only for a while?”

Annatar smiles, wickedly. “We’ll see later if she feels inclined to return your generosity. For now, Celebrimbor,” he gently removes the smith’s hand from where it was still working slowly between your legs, “I believe the skills of your fingers are needed elsewhere.”

Celebrimbor deflates somewhat, releasing your hand. But he is no longer a stranger to this game, nor does he question Annatar’s judgment. “Yes,” he agrees, shifting in his chair to face the table. “Yes, of course.”

“Excellent,” Annatar praises, his voice coated in the sweetest honey. “As for you…” He takes hold of your chin, turning your head so you meet his gaze. “You may take your pleasure. Once. Then, you shall lend your talents to the making of the Rings, along with our friend. Under my instruction,” he adds with the kind of gentle firmness only he can manage. You nod at once.

“Yes, Lord Annatar,” you promise breathlessly, already beginning to fuck yourself onto him. “Oh, thank you.”

He takes on a most humble expression, though you are too busy seeking the right angle at which to ride his cock to notice his carefully crafted façade. “The pleasure is entirely mine.”

It truly is—for your pleasure, as well as Celebrimbor’s, belongs to him. The smith performs his craft with a faint smile as he listens to your pretty moans, his mind no longer muddled by the toils of the past weeks, both of you trusting blindly in your beloved emissary. And your sweet surrender to his will shall bleed into the Rings through the fingertips with which you bring them into being, and bind them to their Lord all the more closely.

He claims your mouth, your moans melting on his tongue as his cock throbs in pleasure with each eager roll of your hips—and creation has never tested sweeter, indeed.

[hauntedgrin]

An unnecessarily thorough analysis of the Tarot imagery in Merlin Season One by an amateur tarot reader

(who is also a hopeless romantic and is currently very affected by the disaster that is BBC Merlin)

I started watching Merlin around two months ago. I fell in love with the show instantly, even if I technically haven't finished it yet because of time reasons (though I did spoil myself everything right to the ending and I’m devastated. Still trying to find courage to start season 5. But that’s beside the point)

There was something in the first season that caught my eye and hasn't let me go since. In fact, I was thinking about it today, went on a search for discussions about it, fully under the assumption that this is something the fandom noticed long beforehand is a well-known fact. To my endless surprise, I’ve found no mention! Nada! Not a single one. That won’t do, I thought. I have to share with the people. It's something that fueled my conviction in Merlin the Show being a love story between Merlin and Arthur (whatever the nature of that love may be, I love both the platonic and romantic interpretation equally, though this specific instance could be leaning towards romance somewhat more, I'll explain it in a second) and here it is.

It's this scene.

It is Merlin and Arthur, facing each other with two cups in between them, trying to decide who is going to drink the poison, sacrifice himself and save the other. And I thought Oh my god, tarot symbolism.

That's the card, the Two of Cups. The similarities are obvious (and, in my opinion, very intentional. I’d like to kiss whoever came up with this specific creative decision)

Slight disclaimer: Tarot reading can be very subjective, meanings shift depending on the reader and their perception of the card. I’ll try to be objective with the main aspects of the cards, but there is a lot of subjective opinions too. It’s okay if you disagree)

The main meanings of this card are partnerships, loving relationships, mutual attraction, unity, harmony and, you guessed it!, soulmates. It’s not hard to see why that card would have been chosen to represent them. I think that’s the most outright the show’s ever been about calling them soulmates, without hiding behind labels such as ‘each other’s destiny’ and ���two sides of one coin’ as if those are any less gay. There is also themes of equality and becoming one, mutual respect and, in certain cases passion and sexual attraction (though it’s not a definition that is applicable in all cases, and can absolutely be ignored for platonic or asexual relationships, it’s still one of the main aspects, given that its represented by, you know, the big red head of a lion with wings right at the top of the card. Can’t exactly forget about it.)

Personally I've always preferred the Two of Cups to The Lovers tarot card (which looks very similar and has some intersections in themes, also concerning love, intimacy, passion). Plus, The Lovers is part of the Major Arcana, so technically it should be more impactful, ‘epic’, someone said, divine. While doing some research into that distinction I've found why exactly it makes me a bit queasy. The Lovers are not always a card about love, in fact, more often it isn’t. And The Lovers aren't made for each other. That is to say, they obviously are, considering the entirety transparent Adam and Eve imagery (and this also makes it a more conservative card, with clear molds for a ‘traditional relationship’). The Lovers are brought together by a higher power, made for a purpose. It serves something. It is a message. It is a lesson. It's a choice between what you want and what you need. It is a partnership, often intense, out of this world, but it’s also about all the factors in between, the things that unite them, the snake, the temptation, the apple, the garden. It can be also about soulmates, and happy relationships, of course, about fated lovers… and mortal enemies. It actually is more in line with Merlin’s and Morgana’s relationship. Out of this world fated connection? Absolutely, guaranteed. Do you want that kind of connection though, really?

How is this relevant, you might be thinking?

Well, there is no such divine power pushing the couple portrayed by the Two of Cups. In fact, they are choosing each other. It’s only them and their union. That’s why I like it so much. They are only the way they are, not the way they are meant to be, not specifically made for each other and yet they are right for each other anyway. And, somehow, just being them is enough. Is that not love?

In Merlin we are told that Merlin and Arthur are a part of each other’s destiny. The Once and Future King and Emrys, his protector, uniting Albion, prophesized by some unnamed seer(s). Does not seem very much like a choice, does it? I guess it depends on the way you view the prophecy and destiny in the show. Is it really all inevitable, and destiny is set in stone, unable to be changed, all leading to the same end, no matter what you do? Or is it the choices themselves that are the constants, fixed in place by the prophecy fulfilling itself? I think the answers to those questions are entirely up to each viewer, and that we can only speculate on it, and never know for sure which was it. Maybe there isn’t a right answer at all. But what I do know is there was a choice Merlin and Arthur made. Let’s return to the imagery on the card..

The couple is exchanging the cups. They are not just toasting – they are performing a ritual, a ceremony. Like exchanging rings, like giving vows. It’s a promise, it’s a connection, it’s a new step, it’s a commitment. And the parallels of the scene in 1x11 don’t end with just imagery. Merlin and Arthur complete the ritual! In the show!

In the episode 1x04, The Poisoned Chalice, Merlin starts the ritual by drinking from Arthur’s poisoned goblet, which he does to protect him. I would also like to add that this is the first time Two Cups appear that season (that's twice they used the imagery), notably, two ceremonial goblets that are supposed to symbolize peace and partnership between two kingdoms. Even if it doesn’t represent the actual state of the two kingdoms, it definitely shows King Bayard’s genuine desire for a peaceful alliance. And Merlin drinks from one of them!

Merlin drinks poison for Arthur and in Labyrinth of Gedref, Arthur drinks ‘poison’ for Merlin in turn. Very unconventional way to get married, I must say, but it’s remarkable that they do it in the same way (even if not at the same time).

So. What does all of that tell us about Merlin and Arthur?

We’ve established that the card signifies a very close, strong and significant relationship, chosen by both parties. Again, I like that it emphasizes the choice, that they didn’t just fall into the friendship because of destiny (even if it aided them). The Two of Cups is a part of the Minor Arcana, which deals with the every day matters, earthly lives. Is that not fitting? Merlin didn’t choose The Once and Future King, he chose Arthur, and Arthur didn’t choose Emrys, he chose Merlin.

Merlin’s who been promised a peaceful future. A land where magic is free. Merlin, who knows what’s supposed to happen: The Once and Future King brings that future. The King dies. Merlin, who has a choice to bring that future. To save Mordred. To remove the ban on magic. He doesn’t choose that, he chooses to essentially destroy that future entirely, just so he can have Arthur.

Arthur, who values Merlin’s opinion above everyone else’s, Arthur on his deathbed, finally seeing Merlin for who he is, says, “I don’t want you to change, I want you to always be you,” Arthur, who is dying, a few steps from the chance being saved, (still too far, not enough time), decides to stop because in his last moments he just wants to be held by Merlin.

They chose each other.

And that’s, dare I say it, love.

[lacontroller1991]

A Push in the Right Direction (Ernest Lawrence x GN!Reader)

Main Master List || MISC Master List

Requested by anon: friends to lovers love making with our mans Lawrence okay bye

Summary: Sick and tired of the mutual pining that you and Lawrence have for each other, Oppenheimer decides to take it into his on hands.

Author's Note 1: We really need actual gifs of Josh Hartnett's Lawrence, and when the movie comes out on DVD I intent to provide

Author's Note 2: SO I think this is my first smut written in GN, so if I make a mistake I apologize and I'll fix it

Author's Note 3: This is clearly, clearly, based on Josh Hartnett's Ernest Lawrence and NOT the IRL EOL. If you have a problem, please just scroll away and carry on with your day.

Warnings: 18+, Unprotected sex, penile penetration, friends to lovers, slight discomfort from penetration, language, drinking, orgasm

Word Count: 2.4k

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From the minute you met Ernest Lawrence you knew that he was a man who knew what he wanted. He has a reputation for being passionate in his work but it’s also his way or the highway and maybe that’s what drew you into him initially. Ever since you met him and talked to him, you couldn’t deny that there was a certain chemistry between the two of you, not like you’ve ever acted on it. How could you? He’s always so engrossed in his work that you’re pretty sure you haven’t even seen him go home every night.  Despite thinking that you’re not obvious with your affections towards the physicists, everyone inside and outside of the lab knows. Except him. 

“You know, you’re staring again.” Robert Oppenheimer comments from beside you, martini in his hand as he casually sips on it, his blue eyes staring right ahead to where Lawrence stands, talking to other scientists at the conference reception. 

“Am I really that obvious?” Robert snorts in amusement, turning to you. 

“You can’t be serious right?” 

“I am.” You turn towards Robert, leaning against the bar as he raises an eyebrow at you as if he was doubting your response. Setting his glass down, he quickly glances towards Lawrence, noticing that Lawrence is staring right back, an irritated look on his face. With a smirk, a thought forms in his head. Reaching into his pocket, he pulls out a keycard, setting it down on the bar and sliding it towards you before leaning in, brushing a strand of your hair out of your face, aware that Lawrence is probably livid at this point. 

“You know, I have those documents in my room if you want to go look at them. I know you were mentioning it earlier.” You roll your eyes at his advance and move to push the keycard away, but he places his hand on yours, keeping it in place.

“Robert. If you know I’m interested in Ernest, why are you trying to flirt with me?” He shakes his head in denial.

“No, no. No expectations. I just want to show you the documents. Do you want to see them?” 

“Yeah, sure.” You smile, taking the room key and start walking away, turning back when you notice that he’s not following you. “Are you coming?” 

He places his hands in his pockets, sneaking a glance at Lawrence who is red in the face, a scowl on his lips. “Give me a minute. I’ll be right up.” You nod in agreement, walking away. Once you’re out of sight, a hand is immediately on Robert’s shoulder, spinning him around to face Lawrence. A fuming Lawrence. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

Oppenheimer knows he can get Lawrence fired up, but he didn’t know Lawrence could get this fired up. Pulling out his pipe, he lights it and takes a few puffs. “I’m not sure what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t be dumb. You know I have feelings for them. Why on Earth are you purposely hitting on them?” Lawrence lets go of Robert, crossing his arm and tapping his shoe, irritated that Robert would do that to him, but then again, Robert hits on anyone who gives him the time of the day. 

“They’re in my room looking at documents. Why don’t you give me your room key, I can stay there for the night and you can go to my room and keep them company.” Robert winks, causing Lawrence to blush at the insinuation. 

“Why would I do that? They do not like me like that. We’re friends. Colleagues.” Robert snorts, rolling his eyes at Lawrence’s naiveness.

“Lawrence. They like you. Everyone knows that they like you. Go do something about it.” It takes a moment for Lawrence to hang his head in defeat, pulling out his own room key and handing it to Robert. He doesn’t know how long he’s waited for a chance to admit his feelings to you, but something would always prevent him from doing it. Now there’s nothing. 

“What room?”

“334.”

—————

5 minutes later a knock rapports against the door. Getting up from your seat at the table, you quickly move to the door, swinging it open expecting Robert but seeing Ernest. “Ernest? What are you doing here?” He gently pushes past you and into the room, looking everywhere except you. “Ernest?” 

“What were you going to do with Robert? In here?” 

“Nothing? He said he has the documents I’ve been wanting to look at so he invited me up to his room.” Ernest looks around and spots the table covered in papers, pencil markings all over them.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, he closes his eyes in embarrassment. This is definitely not how he wanted things to go. “Do you like him?” 

You can tell there's some jealousy just by the way he talks restrained. Normally, you would play dumb, ask him in what way, lead him on, but you’re done playing games. Especially when you can feel the sexual tension in the room. “No.”

His head whips up and turns to you, his eyes on fire with passion and lust. “Good.” He takes two long strides over to you before his hands are on your face, bringing his lips to yours in a heated kiss. Reaching up, you wrap your arms around his shoulders, holding him close as your lips meld together like the two of you were the last pieces of a missing puzzle. The kiss doesn’t last for much longer before he’s pulling away, looking down at you with a soft smile. “Oppie told me that you like me. Is that true?”

“Oppie told me that everyone knows that I like you. So yeah, yeah it’s true.” You pull him back in for another kiss, this time taking control as you guide him toward the bed, shoving him back and hiking up your pants, climbing on top as he watches in admiration. Dipping your head down, your lips capture his again, this time your hands are loosening his tie and undoing the buttons of his vest while his hands find a home on your hips, pulling you flush against him. 

After managing to get his vest and shirt unbuttoned, you pull away from his lips, pushing the fabric off of him as he helps, his cheeks flushed. Reaching for your own shirt, you untuck it from your pants and lift it up over your head, tossing it to the side, feeling his eyes on your chest. 

“I don’t know what to do from here,” he admits with a slight embarrassment, but if you’re bothered by it, you don’t let it show.

“Why don’t you walk me through it? Tell me what you want to do to me.”

“I’d rather just show you.” He flips you around so that you’re on your back, his body hovering over yours. “If that’s ok.” 

“Yeah, yeah, that’s totally fine.” He smiles softly, sitting back on his knees and working at the buttons of your pants. Raising your hips, you help him take the pants off and leave you completely naked underneath him except for your underwear. Looking down at you, Lawrence blushes at the sight. Sure he’s pictured you naked before, but now? It’s better than he imagined. “See something you like?” Your question interrupts his thoughts as he quickly nods, his hands shakily undo the belt of his pants. Sensing his nerves, you reach up and stop his hands. “We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to.”

“No, no, I want to. God knows that I really want to. I just don’t want to mess up.” Moving his hands to the side, your hands undo his belt and unzip his pants, causing him to let out a low groan as some of the pressure is released. 

“Just relax. There’s no pressure. Just allow yourself to feel,” you shimmy out from underneath him, getting on your own knees as you reach into the waistband of his briefs, your hand coming in contact with his hard on. His eyes flutter shut at the feeling of your hand wrapping around his member. Slowly, you move your hand up and down, thumb occasionally gliding over the head and smearing his precum down his length.

“I can’t wait any longer.” He removes your hand from his briefs before shoving his pants and briefs down and off his legs, pushing you back on the bed. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

Looking up at him, you offer a small smile before reaching up and placing your lips on his briefly. “It’s all I’ve dreamed about since I met you.” 

The admission catches him off guard and he lets out a huff of amusement. “I can say the same.” His hand caresses your face as his lips press against yours, tongue swiping across your bottom lip and asking for entrance. His other hand, however, reaches between your bodies and grabs ahold of his member, guiding it towards your entrance. At the feeling of the blunt head pressing against you, you let out a gasp, allowing him entrance to your mouth as he presses in. Pulling his lips away, he looks down at you and frowns upon seeing tears in your eyes. “What’s wrong? Did I do something wrong?” His thumb brushes the tears away as you shake your head.

“You did nothing wrong. We should’ve just probably used some lube. It just hurts a little.” You smile through the pain, reaching up and brushing his hair out of his forehead. “I just need a minute to get used to you.”

“Yeah, sure,” he leans back down to kiss your face, his hand gently petting your hair in comfort as you relax your body.

“You can move now.” Lawrence makes sure to go slow for the first couple of thrusts, groaning as he meets resistance. He won’t admit it, but it’s harder to keep his composure than he originally thought. 

Wrapping your legs around his waist, your hips match tempo with his, allowing him to go deeper, causing you to moan at the sensation. “Faster.”

Nodding his head, his hips start to pick up their pace. The feeling of his cock sliding in and out of you has your toes curling. “Don’t stop, don’t stop.”

“Don’t worry, I definitely don’t intend to.” He can’t deny how good you feel wrapped around him. For a brief second he remembers that he’s not in his own hotel room. He remembers that he’s in Oppenheimer’s hotel room, but with the way you’re moaning underneath him has him not caring about the area. He feels a slight beam of sweat across his forehead as he holds his body up above you, careful to not crush you under his weight. The room begins to steam up as your bodies move together, soft touches caressing the other’s skin. Everything in the world feels right. 

Leaning down, Lawrence’s lips find a home on your neck, lightly sucking at the area just under your ear. The feeling of his teeth lightly grazing against your skin causes your breath to hitch in your throat. “That feels so good,” you moan out, eyes fluttering closed as your hips continue to thrust against his while your hands lightly tug at the strands of his hair, earning a moan in response from him. Even from the first time you met Ernest Lawrence, his hair definitely caught your attention. You often fantasize about pulling it between your fingers. Gripping onto it as he goes down on you. Massaging his scalp if he needed some tension relief. Just playing with it while the two of you are alone. It’s one of the many things that drew you to him in the first place. That and his charming, friendly personality. Soaking in the moment, it doesn’t dawn on you that you feel a tension in your abdomen. “Fuck, I need to cum.” 

The sound of your moans and skin slapping against skin has Lawrence picking up his pace as the familiar knot in his abdomen forms. Propping himself up on his forearms, he looks down at you through crooked glasses, his hips snapping into you with rigor. “I need you. I need you so bad. You’re all I dream about at night. I want you to be mine. Completely mine.”

“Ernest!” It’s a broken moan from your lips as your eyes screw shut, your orgasm washing over you in waves as he tries to continue his pace, his hips slightly halting. 

“I love you.” He moans out before thrusting one more time, his spend shooting deep inside of you as he collapses on top, out of breath. After a minute of embracing each other, Lawrence pulls out and lays next to you, dragging you into his arms as your head rests against his chest.

Your hand finds a place on his torso, fingers twirling around the patch of hair right below his navel. “I love you too, you know?” His hand reaches up and cups your face, gently dragging your face to his as he places another kiss to your lips, a smile on both of your faces.

“(Y/N) (Y/L/N), can I take you on a proper date?” He asks with a hint of humor, thumb brushing along your cheek.

“I would love to.”

—-------

Downstairs in the lobby, Oppenheimer sips on a martini, enjoying the taste of the liquor as Rabi walks up to him with Alvarez on his tail. “I gotta ask Oppie. What on Earth did you say or do to Lawrence to make him that pissed off?” 

Polishing off the rest of the glass, he sets the glass down on the bar and claps Rabi on the back. “I just pushed him in the right direction is all. They were insufferable.”

Rabi motions to the bartender for a round of drinks and hands one to Oppie.“Well, you’re not wrong there. Thank you for ending all of our suffering.”

Looking towards the stairs, Oppie sees you and Lawrence walking down the stairs, hand in hand as a smirk finds a way onto his face. 

“It looks like it worked.” Rabi raises his glass and clinks it against Robert’s. 

“Cheers to that.” Robert smiles in response.

“Cheers.”

[mathlann]

Heinrix :3

How I feel about this character

Uhh....I will link [here] for a much longer answer on how I feel about that man and my answer later down the line, but he is a ragged chew toy to me. He's genuinely such a good microcosm of the role of "privileged" psykers in the Imperium and all the identity issues that come with that and also the inherent cross-purposes between the State Power of the Inquisition and the Frontier Authority of Rogue Traders. And I say this as an expression of love: I want him to fuck off and out of the airlock.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Heinrix x Cas but only in the way that is toxic, or in an AU where they have different jobs that aren't at each other's throats. I know I only ever seem to post mean about him but I genuinely was almost swayed by the allure of the No Jealousy mod.

Heinrix x My Mutuals' Rogue Traders 💕

Heinrix x Therapy (20 year minimum)

And ofc, I am a Heinrizhai hatefuck truther from day 1 so...its not romance but I ship it. I think they could defeat Slaanesh.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

If Heinrix and Marazhai can't fuck nasty I need them to at least kill each other.

Heinrix and Abelard are a fun duo. I'm a firm believer that Heinrix is only maybe behind Abelard by a few decades at most. They have the kind of energy that says they've both been found sleeping with their arms crossed in front of the Cogitators while watching the Space!Blood Bowl.

Heinrix and Jae can hang as well but only when he's chill and not being a cop about it. I honestly would love to hear them talk religion. He needs some of her "chill out about The Exalted One" energy.

My unpopular opinion about this character

Okay, I've spent too long on this answer so, linked post for more controversial thoughts but the current Bugbear chewing on my mind is that I feel like the fandom kind of treats him being in the Ordo Xenos as just like...a job that has no bearing on his character outside that he's a workaholic about it. And that does so much disservice to the analysis of his character as an institution man™.

Like we cannot discuss Heinrix's Mercy path and inner iconoclast core without acknowledging that his development there is intimately tied to his struggles as a psyker within the framework of the Imperium's Dogma. Which, if he was a member of the Ordo Hereticus or Malleus, would be smooth sailing. But he's Ordo Xenos, which notably has not much to do with his issues as a psyker. Plus, Aeldari are people too, and the narrative I feel is pretty intentional with showing how Heinrix's xenophobia is more often than not wrong. And not even to say "Aeldari are always right" but rather Heinrix follows a pattern emblematic of the Imperium's xenos policy that values short-sighted blanket mistrust and paranoia of slights real and imagined, that often agitates and makes situations worse especially when it comes to harms ultimately originating with other humans. And so you can't discuss the ways Heinrix shows or feels mercy towards someone like Emelina, without discussing the people he actively chooses to not to extend those feelings towards. And I feel like that gets swept under the rug because a lot of the notable incidents involve Marazhai the Instigator and Yrliet, the local Bitch Eating Crackers, and so for reasons fair and not, a lot of the fandom is predisposed to seeing them as unreliable or deserving of ill treatment for their behavior in ways that don't get applied to the humans.

And honestly, if I had the time to soapbox about it I'd argue that the issues of Heinrix's job-dependence, impotent anger at his circumstances, and self-loathing are all things that make him a perfect match for the Ordo Xenos because it allows him to channel those feelings onto creatures and populations* that Dogma has taught him are unambiguously good to harm! That's intrinsic to the character to me tbh.

*Creatures and populations here acknowledging that not all xenos are "people" in the way that can be reasoned with but Aeldari are and that's who the game deals with.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

On the silly side: DLC where if you follow Heinrix's advice on how to handle the Drukhari, the Ordo Malleus shows up to try to beat your/Heinrix's ass. Genuinely they are having such a bad couple of months/years on a Dogmatic Rogue Trader run lmao.

On the serious side: Okay I'm conflicted about this because Heinrix xenophobia is such a core part of his character but also I do wish, especially if you romance him, the game acknowledged how out of pocket he gets if you keep the xenos? Because he absolutely is overstepping both your rights as Rogue Trader and Calcazar's orders to let you be. Like, if you decide to keep Marazhai, as is your God-Emperor-given right, he will use words with you that cannot be found in the Lectitio Divinitatus, but outside telling him "no" in the moment you never really get to address his behavior. I've said it in the past in another post but the fact that romanced!Heinrix will apologize to you for having sex but not for repeatedly undermining your orders...in front of your retinue and crew....insane man. Owlcat let me shake him.

[onewmin]

snow on the beach | jaebeom | knj | 18+

Parings: Lim Jaebeom x fem!reader x Kim Namjoon

Summary: You reminisce on the memories about the most important men in your life after being caught in between them, your feelings put at stake.

Warnings: AU, SMUT (do not engage in my works if you’re a minor), non-graphic description of sex, mentions of oral (f receiving), friends to friends with benefits to friends to lovers (?), mentions of cheating, profanity, the reader doesn’t know what she feels (very elena gilbert of hers), a very cheesy thing in the end (pls I’m a sucker for such stupid clichés) and a cliffhanger of course; typos, a slight of angst

Author’s note: hope you enjoy this… whatever this is lmao. Let me know what you think!!

Pics are taken from Pinterest, if you know their owners, pls let me know!!

Disclaimer: My works are not for minors to read. All the appearances of real people are taken for inspiration purposes only. I do not own anything, except for my writing.

Masterlist

A summer breeze blew through your hair, hugging your shoulders with its warmth. There’s something about beaches, something that has always drawn you to this place. Is it the ocean, the small waves of which washed over your feet in the early hours of the days; is it the sand, that was always collected in your shoes after you walked around? You don’t really know, to be honest. You just know that you love being on the beach, whether it’s winter or summer, whether you’re alone of with someone else.

Five years ago, Jaebeom took you to the beach to teach you how to swim. Back then, you’d been friends for over a year, and shared the benefits for several months. The beach was secluded, isolated almost; so after his successful lessons, the two of you ended up making out on the sand. You remember sitting on his lap, arms wrapped around him, hands in his hair, tugging. You remember his grips on your waist, fingers putting hair behind your ears, slow kisses with sweet nothings whispered in between them. None of you had ever opened up to the other party of the mess, coming clear with the mutual feelings the two of you had developed. He never spoke of, and neither did you. You two just continued making love and acting like a couple until some months later you met Namjoon.

“Joon asked me to be his girlfriend”, you said to Jaebeom, when the two of you were smoking outside the bar.

“What did you answer?”

You shrugged your shoulders and threw the cigarette in the bin. “Figured I’d talk to you first”.

Jaebeom peered right through you, and then took the second cigarette from the pack. “No need to. He’s a great guy. You should go for it”.

Deep inside your head, you were hoping he’d snap, take your hand and pull you in his arms, whispering about you being his girl, like he did when you’d have sex. But he never did. And so the two of you were only friends again.

You grew to love Kim Namjoon quite quickly; he was always tender with you, gentle touches left on your cheeks whenever the two of you kissed. He fell for you first, having spent months dancing around you, trying to approach you the best way possible. He’d bring you flowers, take you on long bike rides and meet you after work. You’d go on simple dates, like movies or walks, but you were mesmerized by every little thing he did for you. However, Jaebeom wasn’t the bad guy in the story either: he was still you close friend. And prior to Namjoon, he had also done everything to make you fall for him.

But Jaebeom never acknowledged that. Namjoon did.

For your first anniversary the two of you rode your bikes to the beach to have a picnic, while watching the sunset. There were plenty of people there too, but you only saw Joon, and his ever glowing love reflected in him holding your hand and smiling brightly at everything you said.

And while the time was passing, Jaebeom had gotten in and out multiple relationships, you and Namjoon stood strong, facing every challenge together. Him and Jaebeom grew to be friends too, and you never touched upon you and him being an item before Joon. Because, no matter how friendly they’d been to each other, Kim Namjoon was overly possessive whenever he saw you and Jaebeom together.

Something seems off, he’d think to himself, judging you male best friend silently, but I can’t grasp what. You had to reassure him a thousand times that there was nothing between the two of you, — at least, not anymore — and he’d cool down, coming back to that sweet persona of his.

And the time has passed almost invisibly, marking your fifth anniversary as lovers and second one as an engaged couple. Things were going pretty great, horrendously sweet the two of you are, your friends would say.

Jaebeom, on the other hand, four months prior to your anniversary, had broken up with his long-term girlfriend — probably, the first one in years that he had very serious intentions about. He called you in the middle of the night, his speech slurring, for you to find him in the alley, drunkenly unconscious. Having carried him to your car, you heard him mumbling to himself, lying in the backseat, while you were driving him home.

“Jaebeom, you’re heavy son of a bitch”, you huffed, after putting him in his bed, and taking his clothes off. You didn’t feel the wave of embarrassment seeing him in his boxers only; you only felt a tsunami of irritation growing inside of you.

“Stay”, he grabbed your wrist when you had put the blanket over his body.

“Jaebeom, you know I can’t stay”, your annoyance turned into softness the moment you heard his weak voice.

“I can’t sleep without you”, he looked you right in the eyes, “I think… I think about you a-all the time”, he stuttered.

“Oh god, you’re too drunk”, you replied and released yourself from his grip. He was obviously imagining his ex-girlfriend brought him home. That’s what you kept on telling yourself even when you heard him murmur your name when leaving.

The two of you never spoke of that. Not until two months ago.

Your friends would tell you about the most bizarre experiences of them finding out their partners were cheating: catching them red-handed was the most outdated one. Nevertheless, no matter how ‘boring’ it was, that what happened to you. Namjoon and the girl from his work, in your bed, in the bed the two of you have shared for the past three years.

“It’s not what you think!” Followed you as you flew out of the apartment, only to jump in your car and drive, drive, drive until you couldn’t feel your hands, which were gripping the wheel tightly. You stopped near the beach.

Sitting on the sand, you shivered from the cold spring wind as a harbinger of the heavy rain that followed shortly after you arrived. The raindrops fell on the water, creating ripples on its surface; and you didn’t know what really soaked the sand — the rain or your tears.

Soaked to the core, you tried to warm yourself in the car, bone-shaking sobs ripping your heart apart with every breath you took. You stayed in the car, in the parking lot of the supermarket outside the city, and fell asleep in the driver’s seat, head resting on your hands on the steering wheel.

You drove to Jaebeom’s house in the morning, just to cry more, being safe in his arms. He made you stay in his house even for longer, as you felt sick the next day, your beach experience being the fault. Namjoon was banned from visiting.

“She doesn’t want to see you”, you woke up to hear the words coming from the hall of Jaebeom’s house.

“Is that what she said?” You knew Namjoon’s voice all too well not to recognize him. “Or this are your words?”

“Both”.

“She’s my fiancée, not yours, Jaebeom”.

“Is she still?” Jaebeom chuckled. “Don’t remember her being ecstatic about your wedding since she caught you fucking someone else”.

1:0, Jaebeom won that round. Namjoon left but kept on bombarding your phone, texting and calling all the time. What could he possibly tell you? That it was a mistake? That him sleeping with his colleague was… What? What possible excuse could he ever given to make you forgive what he had done?

The anger has turned into resentment; you could no longer think of Namjoon without feeling sick to your stomach. Your engagement ring was in your bag, a lingering memory of the moments you were the happiest.

“Have you ever thought about it?” You and Jaebeom were sitting on the couch, watching TV in his house. You’ve just gotten better, but he insisted you stayed a little bit longer. You didn’t mind.

“About what?”

“About…” He hummed. “About us”.

“Us?”

He took a deep breath. “Like, if we… If you and me… Shit”. He ran his hand through the hair. “If I, uh…”. Jaebeom stopped for a moment again. “If I asked you to be my girlfriend back then, would you be mine?”

Gawking at him, you opened and closed your mouth, being unable to produce a sound or a thought. Just like that? Five years have passed!

“What are you… What are you talking about?” Your words came out as a whisper.

He moved closer to you, having taken your hands in his. “I-I just… I just want to know”. His brown eyes scanned you, pupils dilating every time his gaze stopped at your lips.

“It’s been too long for me to even remember-“

“I couldn’t forget”. His words firm, unlike the soft caressing of your hands by his fingers. “Because no matter how much time passed, I find myself still… Still drawn to you”. Your chest suddenly was heavy and the heartbeat was the only sound you could hear. “Don’t you ever think of… us?”

Your verbal answer came out as silence, but you quickly found yourself pulling him in for a kiss. Starting slowly, it escalated into a heavy one, tongues sloppily meeting in between moans. You never dreamt to be in his arms ever again, nevertheless, you were.

The couch was no longer enough as the two of you crawled to his bed, entangled in the sheets. His touches were the same, same as you remembered them: simply perfect for you. His head buried between your thighs, exploring your most sensitive spot once again, even more skillfully and satisfyingly this time.

And as you were riding him, head thrown back, both of you lost in pleasure, your personal Edem inside his bedroom. The way he tugged on your hair, gently and tenderly, when talking you from behind, open-mouthed kisses left on your back and shoulders. Every year spent suppressing your desire for each other turned into an erupting volcano; and there was no possibility to stop the disaster from happening.

You regretted it in the morning. You regretted it until Jaebeom woke up and grinned at you, lips touching your forehead in a soothing kiss, as if he’d felt the pain you were feeling. The said pain was relieved by the kiss, and then by another, turned into making out, turned into him slowly thrusting into you. For several hours you couldn’t even remember Namjoon’s name — as if the mere touch of Jaebeom’s erased your fiancé from your head.

However, not from your heart. No matter how good it was, no matter the suppressed feelings for Jaebeom coming back, you still had feelings for Namjoon as well. Torn apart, you were unable to leave Jaebeom, ‘cause doing it felt like leaving him forever. It seemed if you stepped out of his house, you’d lose him forever. But if you stayed? If you stayed, wouldn’t you lose Namjoon?

Did he think about that when cheating on you?

So you drove to the beach instead. Summer is in its full bloom, people walking around, swimming, laughing. Not many of them, but enough for you not to feel lonely. And as the weather seems perfect, you close your eyes to trust your faith to the only place you ever felt safe at.

“If it snows today, now, on the beach”, you speak to the ocean through your thoughts, eyes squeezed, “I’ll drive home to the man I love”. As if you knew. As if you had a clear vision of your future. As if you one whom to love.

And as you stand there, eyes still closed, several minutes pass. When you hear people’s voices suddenly getting louder, you lift your head to look at the sky. Opal colored just five minutes ago, now it was grey, clouds covering the sun.

Could it really snow on the beach in the middle of the summer?

[ieatyourbeauty]

**Enemies With Benefits: Soap x OC part 1**

I used whyiseverygingerhot chat ai with this not all of it is going to be from the chat ai obviously I'm going to change alot of things but it did give me good building blocks to use. MDNI

slight NSFW no fucc just thinking about fucc.

I'm using a OC of mine called Josey call name Spider.

and if u see yellow text hi hello thats me

heres part 2

Spider and Soap DO NOT get along at the start of this thus the title so what happens when two drunk enemies meet in a hallway?

Soap was sitting in the chair writing in his journal waiting for mission briefing, Spider entered the room dreading when she saw the only seat available was next to soap she cant stand that man but she has no other choice in her eyes and sits next to him. Soap looked beside him giving spider a cold stare his tone irritated clearly showing his mutual distaste in her.

Soap: Spider...

Spider: Soap.

Spider gives him a glare and rolls her eyes already done with his tone of voice. Soap would simply huff in response focusing back on his journal he doesn't seem to have the energy or the interest to converse with her. Especially someone that doesn't seem to give him much respect he's the type of guy that demands respect and gives it as a rarity.

Spider focuses on the meeting she doesn't give men like him the time of day the type that disrespect her, she ignores his huffs and puffs. When the meeting dismisses soap leaves his notebook accidently on the chair. Soap not realizing this until he was halfway down the hallway runs back into the room seeing Spider with the journal in her hands. Soaps eyes would lock on spider and his journal she was holding it wasn't long before he walked over to her.

Soap: Give me that.

He was holding his hand out and ordering it not asking DEMANDING. Spider saw this as an opportunity to fuck with him her favorite pastime.

Spider: Oh is this yours? You know its irresponsible of a sergeant to leave his personal items around.

With that she gives the notebook back to him but also she has to have the last word which pissed him the fuck off.

Spider: next time keep better eyes on your things.

Soap eyes narrow on her as he goes to pocket his journal and gives a scoff. She's getting to him....he has to watch his temper here.

Soap: Thanks for the advice, Spider.

he'd reply sarcastically, with a sneer.

Soap: Don't touch my things.

He added after a few seconds, keeping eye contact to let her know his meaning. (fuck you dont touch my shit)

Spider: Don't leave your things in my reach then.

She bumps in him on purpose when she walks by him, Soap would let out a growl of annoyance as she walked past him. He would turn and watch her walk away not taking his eyes off her, thinking in his mind she is going to be a problem his petty mind thinking of ways to get back at her.

(lets jump at another scene shall we yikes at these two)

It was practice at the gun range Spider was shooting her targets out of the corner of her eye she sees Soap also practicing and instantly gets irritated. Soap would be a little ways down the range, taking careful aim at his target. Before sending round after round down range and sending them straight through the paper target, causing it to be shredded with each shot. Once he's finished he puts away his pistol, turning his head and giving Spider a cold stare. Spider returns his gaze with a vicious glare she shoots multiple round in the target mostly the head and heart its seems her irritation of him made Spider a better shot.

Soap watches, his eyes narrow as she manages a pretty tight grouping and sending multiple rounds at the paper target. He's not impressed after Spider is done she puts her pistol down and takes off her ear muffs she hears him clapping.

Soap: Nicely done, Spider.

He said this in a mocking tone, not to give her a compliment but to belittle her. Clearly this got to Spider cause she sucked her teeth she had to return the insult and clearly this was gonna do it.

Spider: I could challenge you to a sniping competition but why would I want to challenge second place to Gaz of all people.

Soap would roll his eyes before letting out a sarcastic laugh and shaking his head a bit.

Oh how little she knows.....

Soap: A sniping Challenge, eh? You really think you could outshoot me?

He's ask for letting out a chuckle, Soap pulled his sniper rifle out, give the barrel a once over and he's look down and over the scope, lining it up at a paper target, Spider doing the same focusing on her target taking a deep breath.

Spider: I know I can.

Soap: Ready?

Spider: Ready.

They both fired several rounds at different paper targets at different distances the other soldiers looked at them in shock and competition was so close it was undetermined.

Soap: hmm a tie then?

He would ask with a surprise tone in his voice. He'd look over at her, with a small smirk on his face, he was impressed even if he didn't want to admit it.

Spider: I guess so

She sighed she walked past him not acknowledging him. Soap looks at her as she walks away once more, and lets out a irritated groan as he crosses his arms. It was a tie so he really couldn't be all that mad with her for it, he would mutter some choice words under his breath to himself.

Soap: Bloody woman

Spider: I heard that! and by the way the 70's called they want their mohawk back!

Soap didnt even turn to look at her as she yelled, but a bit of red started to tint the tips of his ears, his jaw tightened and he huffed in frustration you could practically see the steam coming from his ears.

Soap: Oh really!? well, at least my hairstyle isnt....Spidery!

He'd yell back , making fun of her call name. He didnt really mean to yell, but his temper got out of hand. The insults wouldn't end here it was just the beginning of it for those two. Some of the other soldiers laughed Soap would give em a death stare shut them up real quick.

(its like watching a car crash so funny)

It was Sparring Practice Unfortunately Spider and Soap were partners that day (oh man I wonder who did that the writer did she did :p ) Spider said under her breath.

Spider: fucking dammit....

Soap eye twitched as she spoke under her breath. He was very good at hearing...a lil too good his eyes glanced at her.

Soap: What'd you say?

His voice stern he still pissed off over the previous events at his rate he was on his way from being annoyed from being full on enraged. Ignoring his question she put on her gloves giving him a snide look.

Spider: I hope you can fight better than u can insult. Really? spider hair? what does that even mean.

Soap would crack his knuckles, and look straight at her with that same cold look on his face. His fists were already balled up he looked mad enough to strike.

Soap: haha you're a real funny one.

He'd respond sarcastically, before getting right up in her face.

Soap: You've got a big mouth for a new kid Spider. you really think you can take me?

he's ask, his tone full of aggression, with no respect at all.

Spider: I'll lay you on your back faster than the blonde bimbos you like to fuck.

They enter the padded ring and put their fists up.

Soap's face darkened, It was clear that her insults were getting under his skin

Soap: oh is that so?

He'd ask his eyes locking with her's for a moment before he launched forward and sent a quick three punch combo, a right, a left and another right, all aimed towards her. Spider was able to block the first two punches but the third managed to hit her cheek, she staggered back and spit on the ground it was a mix of spit and blood (she gonna have a bruise tomorrow) . As far as strength is concerned Soap has her beat but technical skill no that's where she shines she runs at him giving a fake punch before she gives a hard kick to his ribs on his right side.

Soap eyes widen thinking she was gonna punch him but he wasnt fast enough to dodge the kick to his ribs, he let out a gasp as the air was knocked out of him. He staggered forward grabbing his side as he tries to catch a breath again...this fight was not going as he'd expected, and that was starting to get to him it seems he underestimated her.

Soap: you're better than I thought.

He'd say his eyes now his eyes full of poison, Spider goes to a more offensive stance.

Spider: Come on Soap, you wouldn't want your get your ass beat by someone shorter than you.

(this short 4'9 bitch is fighting this man with her shortstack ass lol.)

Soap's eyes narrowed on her as she spoke, and he let out a small chuckle. before giving her a dark glare and a smile that was more of a sneer than a genuine thing of kindness.

Soap: lil spider thinks she can take on a big one.

He'd say sarcastically as he rushed towards her throwing a full force jab to her face using all his body weight behind it. She would duck the jab roll on the ground and kick the back of his legs down before standing up. Her move would end up knocking him down and flat on his back. His eyes narrowed on her after he was on the ground, his fists balled up, and he was staring straight at her, so full of anger and rage..he rolls to his feet rushing at her tackling her down on the floor with him pinning her with his weight and pressure as he puts her in a chokehold he speaks....

Soap: you'd do well to show me some respect, spider...

Spider: fuck..you

Spider is pissed she manages to bite his arm hard drawing blood, Soap let out a loud shout of pain as she bit on his arm. He'd pull her by the hair to lift her up from the ground with one hand and grabbing her neck by the other he'd was breathing in her ear he was out of breath whispering in her ear. Spider seemed so cocky so arrogant and he had enough of it...

Soap: you want to see where this goes!?

His voice was full of fury he's never been this mad she's never seen him this mad... She elbows his chest HARD and he lets her go she staggered to the ground coughing from his choke. All this did was make him angrier.

Soap: Go On! Elbow Me again!

He shouted his voice dripping with venom, she looked at him with pure malice in her eyes when they both hear..

Ghost: ENOUGH!

(arianna what are you doing here ha ha ha ha!)

Ghost was leaning on the doorway the fight was over.

Spider groaned when she got up and gave Soap a look before throwing her gloves on the floor before leaving the room to the showers she was pissed. Soap's eyes followed her as she left, he turned to Ghost he was breathing hard an sweating like mad. Ghost noticed a certain amount of regret in his eyes this was Soap's temper getting the best of him again...Ghost could only imagine what he'd do if this continued.

Soap sat at one of the nearby benches....he looked exhausted. His nose had started bleeding he wiped it away and he had multiple bruises from the fight. He'd lean his head down and sighed.

Ghost: strange..you never let a soldier get to you before...why this one.

Soap: She's Arrogant, Cocky, with a big mouth!

He'd slam a hand against the bench lightly before sighing and leaning back

Ghost: ....looks like you two got more in common than you think....

Soap would give ghost a dumbfounded look his eyebrow raising a bit..

Soap: What?

He'd ask, his confusion on his face. He's obviously not catching on to the point that ghost is making..

Ghost: I remember when you were like spider, hotheaded and well...you still have the big mouth.

Soap gave him a "really?" look he would take a deep breath, and would shake his head at ghost. He laugh a bit ....

Soap: I wasn't that bad when I was new I had some respect ...I wasn't so arrogant.

Soap wasn't a humble guy, but even he had somewhat of a respect for the higher ranked officers so that must mean this girl is a whole new level of arrogance in his eyes.

Ghost: I think this a problem you can handle on your own Johnny.

(my guy really said not my monkeys not my circus LMAO)

Soap would grunt a bit was ghost really going to leave him to fix this problem alone? He didnt want to hurt the girl....but.....he needed to get through her thick skull somehow make her take him seriously.

Soap: that girl has got to learn..

He would say in a serious tone with a frown on his face. He was usually a chill kind of guy but she was getting to him....even thinking about her got him angry again.

Ghost: Dont worry you'll figure it out

(bye my baby daddy)

with that ghost leaves the room Soap is frustrated with Ghost's vague words words. he sighs sill pissed but he started to calm down a bit he took a deep breath.

Soap: well he's not going to be any help...

He grumbles before getting off the bench and standing up. he goes to exit the training area. he would mumble to himself.

Soap: If she messes with me again I won't take it lightly.

Meanwhile Spider is in the showers washing her body of the fight shes going to be sore tomorrow. She blushes thinking about Soap's eyes and muscles his voice, she felt hot in her pussy she thought about him just taking her in the middle of the ring with people watching. Reality hit her when the water from the shower turned cold.

Spider: God what the actual fuck is wrong with me.

She sighed to herself ending the shower and drying off putting casual clothes on she exits the showers.

okay this is part 1 Jesus I did not think my edits would make it this long lemme know what you think I haven't written since fucking forever. I am working on the second part so stay tuned.

[wannabegwenstacy]

Writing Ideas:

okay, so this is what's gonna happen. i'm feeling manic and i got some free time from work and school currently. sooo..i'm gonna throw out a few ideas/teasers for some stuff i have in my drafts. if you like please tell me so i have some motivation to finish or even keep working on these ideas. thank you! ;)

Enrapture;

wordcount: currently at 8k...will most likely be over 10k and this planned to be part 1

pairing: Jimin x Taehyung x Fem. Reader/OC

tags: smut, fluff, childhood friends to friends w/ benefits to lovers, established relationship (friendship!), flashbacks, talk of college mayhem,

warnings: 18+ NSFW Smut, Alcohol Consumption, Talk of the Pandemic and Quarantine (it's set during the pandemic and the characters are in quarantine for part of it), talk of poor mental health (abandonment issues and some other stuff), masurbation, nudism, oral (m & f), nipple piercing (reader has them, vmin suck them), hair pulling (m), cock riding of the reverse kind, Taehyung has got a big dick but that's a given, cum eating, lazy eiffel tower..kinda, slight voyeurism, jimin at one point gives himself a hand job.

summary: When you you ended up moving in with your two best friends of 9 years to quarantine together during the pandemic the last thing you expected was to discover more about them than you thought you already knew. You knew everything there was to know about these boys so why does it feel so weird when one night after your celebration of quarantine being lifted when you wake up in one their beds all three of you together? this should be fine but it was far from just fine like you told them. This could change everything.

notes: i have been writing this for like 2+ years off and on. it's the first thing in my drafts lol like I add on and change things constantly. i want to finish it but this is the reason of my writers block/not posting. so i would love to get it out but i struggle.

The Boyz as College AUs

wordcount: sangyeon's aint even finished and its already 1.6k of bullet points. i have 11 members to write ranging from 1k - 2k words each..

tags: suggestive, maybe smut idk yet, fluff, crack, college au, very trope-y, i fell first but they feel harder trope, right person wrong time trope, slow burn bullet point style for most, slice of life, enemies to lovers!, best friends to lovers, okay you know what just assume probably every trope will be covered

warnings: possible smut..mdni, okay umm actual smut i just reread jacob's when making this 👀, talks of heavy anxiety, very cheesy, most likely all written lowercase on purpose, wip so not 100% sure of every thing yet

summary: this is gonna be formatted like my Bangtan in Bed thing I did years ago but more fluffy not so smutty. Pretty self explanatory but The boyz as College AUs! meaning how I imagine each of the boyz if you met them in another life in college.

notes: this one is my newest one in my drafts so it might take the most time to finish. might be a series but might be a master post we will see!

Bangtan in Bed: Jeon Jungkook | NSFW

wordcount: i usually do around 1k for these

tags: smut..and more smut

warnings: (this is the warnings i had from where i left off writing this part over a year ago. subject to change.) baby boy kookie, massages, dry humping, strong senses, sensory play, mood setting, daredevil kookie, risky sex, stamina control, strength kink, wall sex, shower sex, standing up sex, thigh riding, overstimulation (receiving), forced orgasms (receiving), praise kink (receiving), phone sex, guided masturbation, mutual masturbation

summary: how jeon jungkook might be in bed based off my opinion!

notes: i haven't touched this in a LONG TIME! I probably need to go back and change a bunch i already written. i also honestly need to go back and edit the other members to kinda see if they still hold up. I did get a request to finish this series a while back and it's been eating at me so that's why this is on here.

[wyldblunt]

1, 4, 5 and 6 for the multiple commanders ask! (@where-is-caithe)

IM SO LATE OOPS i did actually answer all these previously so i'll copy-paste them here!

1. At what point during the story do they meet up?

they first meet in person early on in the personal story -- before the formation of the pact, but when trahearne is already thinking about it. we have a kind of slight canon divergence thing where when trahearne starts tentatively prodding the orders about his pact ideas, alan and glyn are the vigil and whispers representatives that he pulls in for early meetings.

but!!! at this point, it turns out, alan and glyn were already penpals! they had started some work-related correspondance about weaponry -- glyn was referred to alan by a mutual colleague -- and then they just kept exchanging letters even after alan had gotten the answers he needed. when they met, glyndwr was really surprised to find that the person with whom he'd been exchanging enthusiastic letters about the most efficient ways to explode the risen was in fact.... this extremely straight-laced, radiant, do-gooder vigil poster boy. he tried to wiggle out of the friendship at first bc alan's whole Aura Of Goodness made him extremely uncomfortable but alan did not allow it.

4. Did they have different responsibilities in the Pact?

yes! alan slots more into the "commander as the face of the pact," "hero of tyria" role -- something he's already perfectly geared towards due to being previously used as a recruitment poster boy for the vigil (something he eventually comes to resent). glyndwr, on the other hand, stays pretty firmly entrenched as a whispers lightbringer the whole time, does his best to stay out of the spotlight (something that falls apart pretty quickly after they take down zhaitan and only gets worse), and also is eventually heavily involved with the pale reavers, which alan isn't. basically, despite also being a commander and being heavily involved with the pact, glyn stays more in the overall role of a whispers consultant vs. alan is still very connected with the vigil but his actual activities end up leaning way more general/pact-focused.

5. Did all of them, only a few, or just one of them go through the dungeon storylines?

COUGHS. this is when i reveal i have done like. almost none of the dungeons and neither has my wife. so uh. i don't know, and we will get back to you on that.

i DO know that twilight arbor ends up cropping up in their stories at some point but we haven't hammered out the details at all. actually the only thing i know about twilight arbor and our canon has nothing much to do with alan and glyn at all -- callas manipulated the nightmare nobility involved in the explorable version to all show up there and get killed on purpose, specifically so she could steal their retinues.

6. Did they chase after Caithe together or was one/were some on the airship with Trahearne during the start of HoT?

neither of them chase after caithe! at least, not the way that it's written, because (in our shared opinion) the way it's written is absolutely fucking whack especially for a sylvari commander. (if the commander is so wildly hostile to caithe that it even strikes me as out of character and out of pocket for GLYNDWR, who literally does not like her and has never gotten along with her, it's even more bonkers for a more level-headed, generally grove-aligned sylvari commander like alan).

glyndwr actually has a full breakdown early on where, enraged by the way he and his troops are being treated by non-sylvari (with rytlock as the last straw), he basically just. says "fuck literally all of you" and bails, leaving his signature daggers buried in a tree by the central verdant brink camp so nobody will waste search parties looking for him. (they send search parties anyway bc he had not considered the fact that like, People Care About You?) at the end of this furious bender he coincidentally ends up in tarir anyway, which is where he regroups with the main cast. during all of this, alan IS trying to find caithe, but he absolutely believes it's a misunderstanding and that things will be cleared up when they have a chance to talk. [STARING DIRECTLY INTO THE CAMERA] WHICH IT FUCKING IS

glyndwr's disappearance, however brief it was, does MASSIVE damage to pretty much all of his relationships and is the beginning of the end of his romance with alan. he probably would've been really susceptible to the call if alan hadn't handled it with as much grace as he did, though -- alan is fucking PISSED, but he doesn't take it out on glyn in the moment, bc for him the most important thing is keeping everyone together and maintaining solidarity and morale. it's what he's best at.

[anonymousewrites]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I just love how you portray the relationships in Logos and Pathos. Not just Spock and Y/Ns mutual respect, admiration and security in each other and the development into love and the subtle shifts in their interactions that come with the knowledge that they are in love but the friendships with the crew!! Do many stories focus only on the romantic pairing and while it may be the purpose of the story it can be disappointing when it makes it seem as if people undervalue friendships in comparison. But your writing conveys such genuine love from each character FOR each character that I can't help but smile when reading it! The characters also seem to all have slight differences in their friendships with Y/N so I admire the effort and dedication put in to write it that way!

I also love/find it hilarious (in a non condescending way) how everyone thinks Y/N is attractive.

The stories seem so welcoming and comforting which I really love! I also appreciate how Y/N is useful and seen as an important part of the crew (and is) without being OP, they're allowed flaws and to not be always perfect or strong and it shows how fleshed out the character is. Speaking of, the fact that Y/Ns softness - though not always advantageous - is not seen as a weakness but rather a strength of a different kind is so awesome, no one would want them to change and no one discredits them or their kindness. In the same breath, they're not a push over. It's a well written and plausible balance of characteristics that don't come off as opposing or suddenly switching with the story.

(also love how Spock accepts how down bad he is, it doesn't unnecessarily draw out angst and drama, even tho he had his moment of disbelief at feeling things for someone he has fully accepted them and I feel it's really in tune with his character)

Love it!!

Thank you so much for the remarks! I absolutely loved reading your thoughts!

Yes, I really like slow burns, and I like to build up friendship to show how people have a bond before any romance. I also like to keep up friendships with other characters because I like having a side thing of found family. Uhura and MC are besties, Chekov is a young brother, Kirk is the sibling always getting in trouble, etc. I think it's fun.

And I'm glad that the MC is seen as useful. I try to balance their psychic abilities and prowess with normal human error and weaknesses. They're kind but in a strong way, and I'm glad that's clear. I work really hard to try to make my characters fairly balanced and interesting, so to know it's working is really good.

Finally, yes, Spock is completely head-over-heels in love with MC, and he knows it and accepts it. Spock is a big softie, and he is caring. That's one of the biggest things I noticed about TOS: Spock is actually really soft with his friends, even if he hides it behind logic. I really enjoy characterizing him as such. (Also, I always laugh in my head when I imagine other Vulcans seeing him and several being like "Oh my Surak. What a simp." I may or may not have one Vulcan immediately clue in).

[iceiclehorned]

There had been a small part of her that knew if he had said something about how wet she had become, her demeanour would falter. To be called out so openly, without a care in the world? There mere idea of it turned her on. Despite their careful approach to this physical exploration, she kept forgetting that they were outside, where they could easily be spotted by anybody, including Ayato and Thoma, who were likely due back within the next hour or so. Both were fast at getting their tasks done, but they did also enjoy splurging on occasion. Hopefully, today had been one of those days, because the more contact Ayaka made with Itto’s body, the less willing she felt to leave.

“Keep… touching me. Please.”

His touch had been so affectionate, encouraging her head to move back into the touch. Even if he had managed to catch his claw in her skin, she knew he would never do it purposely, and a slight wound could always be mended. He had an intricately decorated guilt complex, one that would take more than a few ‘it’s okay’s to fix. The expression on her face told him he had managed to take her by surprise when she no longer felt the support of his arm, paired with the movement to untangle her leg from around his body. Remaining relaxed, she let out a gentle hum.

“Don’t hold back on me, Itto. You can do as you please, just as you have given me permission to do the same to you.”

Those words held the utmost sincerity, her tongue dancing over her pink lips. It served as a minor distraction from what had been said before, which left her body yearning for him all over, though the confirmation of that claim would be felt primarily in her underwear. Part of her felt so perverse for it, never alluding to that feeling a bad thing necessarily. But how would he feel if he knew that she was reacting this way to him? To all of him? If an oni could truly smell arousal, then he was good at keeping his cards close to his chest — but what does one expect when he’s been through as much as he had?

Hearing his response made her release a sigh of relief. Knowing that he would be okay was more than enough for her to keep going at this rate, but she knew that she would have to be honest with him at some point. Constantly running away from her poor behaviour would never be an option, especially now that they were a couple. Rectifying the past would be done in a manner of ways, and being more honest with him, as well as with herself, would only be the beginning of that journey. For now, she would work toward seeing every facial expression that he has yet to make. Exploring him was her goal, even if it remained light while they were outside.

“You are mine,” the words were meant for a statement, but her tone was a little shaky, like being able to say those words had rattled her in some way. Being able to say it aloud was so strange, a fantasy that had lived within her mind and heart for years, now freed from the confines of that dream. He was with her, in this moment, and everything that was happening came from a mutual love. “And I vow to take care of you.” There was a firmness to her words, like there would be no room for him to argue against the notion that, instead of taking care of others, he would be the one cared for.

There would be nothing to take away her attention from him. In all the time she had known him, he had never taken anybody for granted. He was always so giving, a provider among all of his friends, willing to do anything for anybody. He meant the world to her and everybody around him. A gentle natured soul, with a heart made of gold, is what he was. The mistreatment he had endured would be replaced with wonderful memories. Perhaps she could treat him to a trip to another nation. After all, she knew that some nations were more accepting of yokai than others, and he deserved a break away from it all.

Their tongues caressing one another so openly felt so… naughty? Was that truly the right word to use? The way it made her feel had originally mixed her with shame for being so out there with it, but the lack of distaste from him left her wondering if he didn’t mind things being so dirty, out in the open and shameless. If that was the case, she would no longer hold back her intentions. She knew that she was going to mess up, embarrass herself and get certain things wrong, but she also knew that it would all be alright by doing things with him. After all, he had an energy that seemed to bring comfort to those around him. He was so alluring, her only worry seemed to be that she wouldn’t be able to prevent herself from slipping away, down that rabbit hole, leaving her to surrender to the motions.

“There is no need to keep apologising. We are both new to this, but right now, all I want to do is make you feel good.”

The words of praise were echoed against his skin, her lips teasing it, going far beyond a mere temptation of teasing. Instead of gentle nipping at the skin, she was now biting it, forming a shameless love bite, though she had yet to see it for herself. Her care about getting caught by this point had dwindled down to nothing, and his reactions only made her feel more confident about the way she was administering the pleasure. Under her, she could very well feel that large bump, and it had managed to provoke her beyond a point of mere restlessness. All she wanted to do was make him feel good, and that was it what she was going to do.

Pulling away from his body, she would give him a smile, her right hand resting against his cheek, the same way he had done with her previously. Such a small act of love could make a person fall ever deeper in the heavenly bubble that was love. These feelings were so human, yet could be so terrifying to experience. Part of her was worried about hurting him, but given the permission she had received from him directly, she decided she was going to give this next act a try.

“You’re doing such a good job, Itto…”

With that declaration, her left hand palms his erection carefully, her entire body burning at the mere feeling of how big he was. It was not like she had ever taken the time to think about it before, but she knew that most men did not have it this big. Her gaze had gone from scanning over the ministrations she had been doing, back to his face. “Does this make you uncomfortable?” The question came out softly, the hand that had been resting on his cheek moving to the back of his neck, gently caressing it. He felt intimidating to the touch, but it did not stop her from moving her entire hand over it. Back and forth in a slow motion, her grip loosening and tightening (not to a degree it would hurt him. Rather, enough to make him feel good.) in an attempt to test the waters.

The Oni could likely feel the growing moisture, but he said nothing, not even when the scent of what was happening to her body hit his nose. There was a time and place for such things, was there not? he certainly didn't think in the open, beneath a large tree was appropriate for such sensual teasing, right? That was what he felt, at least, knowing that he was having a similar effect on her body as she was on him was nice, at least.

And then she spoke, the way her voice sounded made the heat filling his body only grow. How could something sound so dirty when it wasn't... meant to be sexual?

"Ah... I can tease ya a bit more if ya really want me to, princess. I like... touchin' ya, your skin is so soft,"

To make a small point, the Yokai would move the hand he had resting against her cheek, and gently caress what skin he could with the tips of two claws. He was touching her as gently as he could his claws were very sharp and he most certainly did NOT want to accidentally cut her with them. Since she was holding onto him so tightly, he'd unwind his arm that had been wrapped around her to tease along one of her legs. He'd bite his lip briefly, his eyes never leaving her face because he wanted to know if it was okay. If it wasn't he'd stop immediately.

Even though he found that he wanted to keep touching her, to explore more of her body in a way only a lover could.

Of course, he knew nothing of her own little self-exploration events, or that she very well may need to do one such thing should he choose to go home when he grew later, but if she invited him to stay with her, it was doubtful he'd have the strength to leave. Not with how things had been going. He'd not expect anything, of course, not before they were both ready for that. With how his body was reacting to her touches, scent, and noises though, he wondered if he was. He would never try anything with her without her permission though. She'd given that earlier, while they were beneath the tree he could kiss her to his heart's content, and she'd asked him to tease her - so he was doing just that.

If she knew what kind of person he'd been in that farce of a relationship with, she'd likely feel worse about how she treated him throughout it. He didn't really think much of how she'd reacted to finding out he was 'dating' someone, though. He'd chalked it up to him having less time to spend with the three of them, and that she was upset because of that, he absolutely would never have fathomed that she'd liked him back then.

When she froze, he'd cant his head to the side and stop teasing her skin. He simply resumed holding her there after, before she posed her next question to him. At the mention of his ex - normally thinking about them left a bitter taste in his mouth, but he still tasted Ayaka, and that bitterness he often attributed to his ex couldn't overpower her flavor.

"No."

While he was no longer a virgin in the sense that most were, given what had transpired between he and his ex left him wishing he'd broken things off when they got pushy. They kept accusing him of not loving them, which eventually led to them having sex. He'd hated every moment of it with them, his body hadn't reacted to their teasing or touching in any manner that was 'normal'. Likely due to him instinctually knowing something was 'wrong' with how they treated him when they were alone. Among others, they treated him like they loved him, like he mattered to them. That was what Ayaka saw whenever she was out and he was with his ex.

As Ayaka rolled her hips into him, she'd certainly feel something in his loose fitting grey pants, something he was doing his hardest to not allow to awaken and make things awkward between them. He thought that if his body reacted so strongly to her she'd get scared and run off, possibly thinking the worst of him. Of course, that thought was disregarded, because he could feel more warmth coming off of her as she rolled her hips downward against him, too. Clearly their bodies were reacting to one another at roughly the same pace, in the same manner even.

"Then... don't stop, Ayaka, ya can touch me to your hearts content. After all I'm yours."

The answer to her question on if he knew how good he looked would be 'no' he had no idea, but he was also often told how hideous he was, how nobody could love him because he was a monster. An Oni who didn't deserve love or happiness. But with her? With Ayaka, beneath the tree? He found himself thinking less and less of those men, and their prejudice against him for being what he was. His focus was on HER, her voice, her scent, her noises. Just. Her. Only Ayaka.

As she leaned up and kissed his jaw, his arm would once more wrap around her, bringing her closer to his chest, but not so close that she couldn't touch him anymore. He wanted her to keep touching him, he loved how her hands felt against his exposed skin. Thoughts of letting her touch more of his body kept popping up, but he tried to beat them back. Not that he was being too successful there.

"Then do it, Ayaka, I already gave ya permission."

As she pressed her lips to his once more, and he felt her tongue brushing against his lips, he'd part them, his own tongue joining hers in that gentle dance once more. He'd let out another moan, and it was slightly louder because he'd yet to seal their lips together like the first time. He had no reason to disguise his noises with her, he knew that much, but he didn't want to make too much noise. She was teaching him things he didn't know about himself, the way her hands touched him, and how it felt to kiss someone who loved him. They were new sensations to him, and he was finding himself quickly growing addicted to everything she was showing him.

As the kiss was broken and she spoke, calling him pretty, his face would flush a few shades deeper. Something he'd discovered about himself a long time ago was that when someone he genuinely cared for complimented him? He'd grow flustered, the deeper his care for them went, the easier it was to get his face to turn almost the same shade of red as his horns.

"I... don't think I'm pretty, but if you're sayin' it, it's gotta be true."

The Oni would never think of her as ignorant, nor would he think she owed him anything, but he also didn't know the truth behind her distancing herself back then. He no longer cared about any of that though, the person who meant the most to him was currently seated upon his lap, all but grinding against him - and making it very hard to keep himself from reacting in a way that was most certainly NOT expected not that he was being successful there, either, truthfully. He was just lucky with how they were seated, otherwise his issue would most certainly be more obvious.

His reaction to her kissing the thin patch of skin accessible upon his neck with his tall necked shirt, and his spiked choker on had been full-bodied and immediate. When she bit and suckled on the area there after, he'd let out another sound, a deeper one than before and his face would flush ever deeper. He didn't think his reactions were bad or anything, but he couldn't help but wonder if how his body was reacting to her was normal. He'd certainly not reacted to his ex in this way.

"A-Ayaka."

The way her name spilled forth as she kept teasing his neck was more akin to a moan than anything else, and his ears were as red as his face due to it. His eyes were fairly wide, mostly because - he'd never had such a reaction to anyone before. Yet ever touch from her sent fire through his veins.

"S-sorry for... uh how I'm reactin' but - this,"

He'd gesture very briefly to himself, but she'd likely know just what he was referring to in that moment, as it was undoubtedly very obvious now, and much too late for him to try to adjust and disguise it again.

"has... uh never happened before."

[nahalism]

Yeah I am possessive and I’m don’t really care to admit it. If I want to love just one person and be committed to them why aren’t I entitled to the same treatment? If someone wouldn’t be ready to give me what I’m looking for I’d just leave I wouldn’t start making demands of them to change clearly that’s just not them.

I do see your point when you said that we have parents, children and friends that we can all love at the same time but even amongst all those people you will only form meaningful and close bonds with a few. I’m the kind of person who believes that you don’t need romantic love in life in order to be happy, society has just brainwashed us especially women go think that romance is the ultimate goal/purpose on earth and that without it life is meaningless, I don’t get attached to people I know that for most they won’t be staying in my life for long.

I do find the idea of staying with someone that has feelings for someone else strange because clearly they’re not all in with me, how come I managed to not get feelings for someone else? And yeah they’re them and I’m me but they’re not offering what I want anymore, isn’t it fair for me to live my truth and not settle for anything less? Also I wouldn’t want to hold them back, I would simply remove myself very fast. Maybe I stay with them now but then they catch feelings for someone else again what’s the point in that? Having to worry about my significant other falling for someone else? And yeah ok let’s say they genuinely love me too, here’s my favourite question: so what? Like falling in love with someone else isn’t something easy (at least to me) it’s the kind of thing that takes time and proximity so 9/10 the significant other was probably entertaining some shady shit, let’s not be naive here. Honestly romantic love is the most fickle kind of love, it’s truly overhyped, maybe I’m the one who’s unlucky in love but sometimes I truly do not see the point in it idk. I do have a transactional way of viewing most things so again I very aware of my own biases, maybe one day I’ll fall in love with two people and have to eat my own words that would be very funny, I’d laugh and remember this conversation lmao.

loool that would b funny. but equally your completely entitled to desire what you desire so if thats monogamy and mutual possessiveness go for it, and i know for a fact you'll find it and build something beautiful within it!! <3

cause ur on anon im empowered to give my unsolicited opinion lmao, — all ill say is i sense a slight avoidance thing going on here. you may genuinely want monogamy which is absolutely fine and reasonable to want, but i feel like someone (single or multiple) rly let u down & affected your faith in other people or willingness to trust/open up. & if that is the case i just wanna sayyy there are a lot of gooood people in this world. some of whom might disappoint you despite their best intentions, & some of whom may do things or feel a way about the world/people in it that diverges from what you feel and as such challenges your sense of security & safety in your relationship with them.

if you know in your heart that person loves you and didnt intend to cause you harm, it is still worth staying, repairing the relationship and loving/giving the best of yourself to them. not for them, but for you. because 1) conflict resolution is key 2 monogamy. & 2 but really 1) love and connection is human nature. denying love as a form of protection is a double loss. first loss: love & second loss: to the people who hurt u and jaded ur heart.

if im wrong ignore my opinion & just take my love instead and good wishes over you instead🌞. come back to msg me when u find ur love, & pass une bonne journeeeee 💋

[haruchiyos]

did u rly tw kpop?

It’s more of a personal joke with myself than a jab at kpop fans or artists. I spent three years on kpop stan twt lmfao I’ve done my time

[someplace-darker]

Kinktober Day 8: Voice Kink | Din Djarin

Pairing: Din Djarin x reader (no y/n)

Wordcount: 1.2k

Warnings: 18+, PWP, voice kink, mutual masturbation, voyeurism, reader is afab but no pronouns are used.

Summary: Din left a message for you before leaving, and you can't help but listen to it over and over and dwell on just how good he sounds.

A/N: and here is the late day 8! I did it, two in one night. We'll see if i can do 9 and 10 tomorrow. I hope you enjoy the second din fic on the kinktober list! There will be more of him.

You shouldn’t be doing this.

You shouldn’t be laying on Din’s cot, two fingers deep in yourself as you pinch your eyes shut and listen to the holo he left for you before leaving on repeat. Din has only been gone for a week now, and yet you can’t seem to get a grasp on your own sexual frustrations long enough for him to come home and take care of it for you. God, sometimes you truly do wonder if he purposely sounds like he’s two seconds away from fucking someone just to throw people off. Keep them on their toes. 

Though you know there’s a slight difference between when he’s normally speaking and how he speaks when he’s so deep inside of you that you’ll feel him for the next few days after. Usually you reserve those sessions for off days so you don’t have to chase a bounty with a wobble in your gait because Din fucked you within an inch of your life the night before. When he’s fucking you his voice is clearer, the helmet and thus the voice modulator taken off and cast to the side so he can whisper the filthiest things you can possibly imagine in your ear, so he can kiss you like he’s never kissed you a day in his life. Like it’s going to be the last time.

But it never is.

“Be good for me while I’m gone, cyare. I’ll be back soon enough.”

You curl your fingers within yourself against the spot you know will make you feel the most, chills prickling against every inch of your skin. You wait until the recording starts over before doing it again consistently, faster now.

“Be good for me-”

The angle at which your wrist is sat hurts now, you’ve been fucking yourself for the past hour, cumming a few times but it’s not enough. Even after all this time, you still keep going. You can’t get enough of it. Your head thrashes to the side, panting into the thin pillow beneath you as you lower your other hand to rub your middle finger around your clit. “I will,” you sigh out like the holo will speak back “I’ll be good.”

“-cyare-”

Your eyebrows pull tight as you speed up, heels digging into the thin mattress (if you could even call it that) to keep your legs from sliding. The deep timber of his voice echoes in your head, reaching each corner of your mind as the twinge in your stomach grows stronger. “Oh fuck,” you whine, rocking your hips down onto your hands “Din.”

“Oh, mesh’la,” his voice is louder, clearer than the recording and you yelp, closing your legs over your hands as your eyes open and glance out of the bunk. Din sits on a crate, leaned forward with his forearms resting on his knees, helmet inclined towards you. Your heart slows just a bit at the sight of him, still fast from the cut off orgasm and scare that he had given you. His visor is trained on you and you truly cannot tell if he’s looking back at your stare or if he’s looking at your clenched thighs. 

“You don’t have to stop,” he speaks, the sound of his voice having even more of an effect here now that he’s in front of you. 

“I didn’t hear you come in,” you respond, slightly embarrassed at being caught fucking yourself to the message he left. Also mortified that you didn’t know he was back until he was already sat down and speaking. How long had he been sitting there?

“You’re not very quiet, cyare,” he muses, a tinge of affection in his voice. God, you missed him. “I haven’t been here long. I’m sorry I scared you.”

Your limbs seem to relax themselves and you pull your hand away from your clit to reach over and turn the holo off. “Just missed you,” you whisper, still eyeing his form to see if he’ll make a move. He seems perfectly content to sit and watch, not making any move to join you on the cot. Din did make it perfectly clear that you could keep going, and you were so close before, you can start where you left off. 

Unclenching your thighs you allow your legs to part once more, baring yourself to the Mandalorian in front of you, a sharp inhale crackling through the vocoder. You return your hand back to where it was, circling your clit and pumping your fingers in and out of your cunt, biting your lip to hold back a moan when Din groans and palms himself through his pants. 

“Talk to me, please,” you plead with him, rocking down onto your fingers as you listen to his groans.

“You look so pretty like this, mesh’la,” Din responds immediately, knowing exactly what you need from him in this moment “did you touch yourself like this everyday I was gone? Listen to that and imagine that I was inside of you?” 

His words and the cool air inside the razor crest wash over you, nipples hardening almost painfully and you resist the urge to grope yourself, too invested in cumming. Din’s hand drags up and under the waistband of his dark pants, gripping his cock in his hand as he watches you get off just from his voice alone. He fists himself at the same pace at which your fingers plunge inside your cunt, imagining the way he’ll fill you after this. 

“Yes, Din,” you gasp, taking his sentence with stride, finding just the right angle that makes your back arch and focusing on it. All you need is a bit more from him.

“Come on, bid jate par ni,” the language slips off his tongue with ease, almost completely exhaled. He pumps his cock faster, growling when the waistband restricts his movement, giving up and pulling himself from the confines of his trousers. 

Din’s voice and sight of his dick hard and weeping at the tip is the final straw, your back arching up as you cum another time that night with a shout, rubbing yourself into overstimulation. He watches you, cock twitching in his hand as he follows after you, cum coating his chest armor in thick ropes until he can’t anymore. You both sit in silence for a few minutes, panting and staring at each other.

Eventually you start laughing, emotions mixed with pleasure coming to a head. Din chuckles with you, tucking himself back into his pants before standing and walking to the edge of the cot. He looks you up and down before reaching a gloved hand out for you to grab. You reach for him as well, allowing him to pull you up. It’s a bit odd to be completely naked in front of him as he’s completely clothed. 

Din leans forward to press his helmet to your forehead and you close your eyes, relishing the moment. You truly did miss him. He pulls away first, gesturing his head to the very small ‘fresher. “Let’s get cleaned up, mesh’la. Then we’ll head to the next planet.”

Grinning, you start helping him undo his armor, glad to have this moment.

[witchthewriter]

・𝐁𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐛𝐚𝐝𝐚𝐬𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐇𝐚𝐰𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐬 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞 ・

➤ gender neutral!

a/n: if anyone has any requests I would LOVE them!  p.s. i’ve been watching buffy the vampire slayer so this i am very influenced by buffy summers rn

→ you have this reputation throughout Hawkins as someone not to mess with

→    i mean people either love you or hate you because you’re very direct.

→ when there’s a risky situation or even a slight problem - you’re the go-to person.

    ➤ someone needs help with a bully? they go to you             ➤ if there’s a spider in the room - you’re the one to kill it

→   steve feels like you show him up a lot - which you kinda do, but not on purpose

→   i think a lot of people would have a crush on you, like you’re very inspiring but also relatable. and you just have a kickass vibe that many feel awed by

→   even if you aren’t the most coordinated, your reputation may not revolve around physicality but your attitude. you’re able to stand up for those who cannot stand up for themselves

→  maybe you weren’t so confident in your past and got a helping hand from another person, a book or character. than you were able to find yourself and in doing so, you found someone so badass and tough

→   just because you kickass doesn’t mean you aren’t kind, or caring or sensitive

→     have a lot of piercings and tattoos; which does help the image, but that’s not what you got them for. in being a baddass, that means expressing yourself how YOU want.

→  you always keep an eye out on the hawkin’s group bcs they have come to you for help on more than one occassion

→  very close to max, you have a certain past yourself, so you see her as a little sister

→  erica would never admit it but she thinks you’re the fcken coolest person in hawkins

→  dustin is in awe of you, and is usually asking the group to include you in random things:         ➤ “what if we ask y/n to come with us?”                              “dustin, dude, we’ve been in the woods a bajillion times! we don’t need them??” mike would respond, his eyebrows knitted together.

 “yeah no, i know ... i just mean ...i’ve heard some rumours and thought y/n could watch our backs!”

→  lucas would initially try to stay out of your way, but once he had a conversation with you, i think he would see that you’re down to earth. knowing this, he wouldn’t be so apprehensive about you

→ if you have a crush on eddie i think you guys would have the enemies to lovers arc. maybe you work at a record store, or a punky clothes shop and would come into contact with him. maybe there’s miscommunication, maybe dustin comes in and somehow eddie is jealous of his infatuation with you and malarky ensues.

→  if you like steve then ii think he would outwardly act as if he disliked you but inwardly he would be constantly screaming. and there’s a forced intimacy moment where you have to pretend to be together for a mission and have to kiss or something,..

→ if you like robin i reckon it would be a mutual pining situation. or you save her and she falls in love while you have no idea?? either way, the kids would push you guys together somehow or invite you over to someone’s house under the pretense that everyone would be there and vice versa with robin. however...it ends up being the two of you