#it also got changed so much (as both threats and swears are against kidzbop law) that it just sounds like a madlib

[butterflies-and-bumble-bees]

What the heck did you just freaking say about me, you little dude?

I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous surprise parties, and I have over 300 stuffed animals on my bed.

I am trained in monkeying around and I'm the top ice cream scooper in the entire school band.

You are everything to me but just another new friend.

I will make you an ice cream sundae with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my freaking words.

You think you can get away with saying that stuff to me over the Internet?

Think again, muffin. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the power of love, bucko.

The power of love that befriends lonely strangers through kindness.

We're gonna be besties, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can cheer you up in over seven hundred ways, and that's without the ice cream.

Not only am I extensively trained serving frozen treats, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Cheesecake Factory and I will use it to its full extent to put a smile on that face, you absolute delight.

If only you could have known what comradery your little clever comment would cause you to find yourself in, you would have died if joy.

But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're living to experience it, you goshdarn genius.

I will give you so much hotfudge that you will drown in it. You're so lucky, kiddo.

kidzbop cover of the navy seals copypasta