#it almost made me forgive the russo brothers

[anagentinwriting]

Lifeline - Part 18

Summary: (First Responders!AU) Moving to Los Angeles and living with your brother, Thor, was never part of your plan nor was being a 9-1-1 dispatcher, but plans change when you are faced with your own emergencies. In your case, it was leaving behind a relationship that wasn’t as perfect as it seemed. Will this be the fresh start you were hoping for or will your past find a way to catch up with you?

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Odinson!Sister Reader

Word Count: 3800+

Warnings: Angst, blood, violence

Lifeline Masterlist / Main Masterlist

After receiving information from dispatch about the location of Billy’s cell phone, Thor called in an anonymous tip to Fury’s team, but instead of waiting around, Nat and Thor pulled onto the interstate, following the cellphone south to San Diego. 

Thor stared out the window, resting his elbow on the window railing with his chin in his hand. “I’m sorry, Natasha, for acting like a jerk earlier. I know you were doing your job and following orders. I would’ve done the same.”

“We’ve good,” Nat replied, giving him a once over. “You doing okay?”

“I keep thinking everything will be okay, and everything will work out--” he rubbed his eyes “--but um, I don’t know… I don’t know what we are going to find when we get there? Is she gonna be mad at me, is she going to be hurt, is she gonna be…” Thor took in a sharp breath, clearing his throat. “Billy threatened to kill her once before, you know, and he almost killed Steve. I’m afraid of what we are going to find.”

“Don’t think like that,” Natasha reassured, patting him on the shoulder. “We’ll find her.” She bit her lip, nodding to herself for her own reassurance. “YN’s strong…and with everything she went through, she rebuilt her life and herself. Billy might have her, but I have a feeling he has no idea who he is dealing with now.” 

Thor nodded, “If Billy lays another one of his grimy hands on her, he will suffer a fate worse than death. He’ll be…”

“More dead?” Nat asked, trying to contain a chuckle in this highly stressed situation. 

“Yes, but I was thinking more like being stuck in rush hour traffic for the rest of his life,” Thor smirked, trying to keep the conversation light. 

“Oh yes, that sounds so much worse.”

_____________

“Where are we going?” You questioned, sneaking a peek at Billy, gripping the steering wheel. 

“We’re starting over. I’m saving us from this tricky situation you put us in.”

You leaned back into your seat, chewing on the inside of your cheek. “Right, because everything is my fault,” you grimaced, rolling your eyes. “Why don’t you get it over with and kill me? I mean, isn’t that your plan.”

“WHOA, WHOA, WHOA,” Billy retorted, widening his eyes. “I can’t imagine my life without you. Why would I want to kill you, YN; I love you. You’re all I have.”

“But, that’s it, you don’t have me,” you mumbled, wringing your hands together. “I just never got a say in the matter.”

He huffed out a breath, shaking his head. “What’s with this attitude?”

“Well…what more do I have to lose? I lost my friends and family…like yesterday, and now, you’re all I have,” you admitted with a shrug. “It’s what you wanted, right? Me and you, both ghosts, living in the shadows, or did this car come with new identities, too? Oh wait, is that what’s in the duffle bag in the backseat?”

“Why would you think that?” He narrowed his eyes, licking his lips.

“Well, a creepy guy with a scar and milky eye drops off a car at a gas station. Now, doesn't that sound like the start of a bad joke? I mean, he definitely didn’t look like a criminal or a bad guy in his dark suit, and his name sounded so original, Agent Orange. I think I know a few people by that name.” You pressed your lips together, tilting your head. “On the other hand, if he looked like a dad, wearing crispy white boys on his feet, jean shorts, and a polo shirt. It would have been an immediate red flag.”

Billy smirked, shaking his head. “Luckily for you, you don’t have to worry. I have our lives all planned out, but I did miss your snarky attitude. Whatever happened to it?”

“I will give you a hint,” you leaned over the center console, “if you look in a mirror, you could probably spot the reason.” 

“Touche,” He added, cracking a smile, making the corners of his dark eyes crinkle. He gently grabbed your hand in his, sending an unpleasant shiver through your body, and brought it to his lips, kissing the back of your hand. You tried not to make a face as he lowered your conjoined hands back onto the center console. 

“I want you to know it isn’t going to be like this forever. We’ll get past this like we always do. I will forgive you, you will forgive me, and we’ll start over in this new city, meet new people, and create a whole new life for ourselves.” He squeezed your hand. “You can forget about the life you created yourself because you're never going back to that. This is our chance to start over...together.” 

____________

Nat pulled up behind two other police cruisers and a Chrysler 300 Black Sedan. Thor jumped out before she could get it into park and jogged up to the Chrysler but was stopped by Fury's hand. 

“Thor, for what do I owe this pleasure?” Fury asked, his one eye-widening, looking him up and down.

“Is she here? Is my sister here?” Thor gulped, looking past Fury to try and get a better look, but the officers were retreating away from the vehicle. 

“No, she’s not.” Thor’s shoulder sank, letting out a breath. “But, I assume you were the one who called in the anonymous tip.”

“Me… anonymous tip…no, no, that doesn’t sound like something I would do.” He shook his head while Nick stared him down.

“Odinson, I listened to the tape, and it sounded just like you.”

“Did it? Huh?” Thor rubbed his chin, staring hard at the ground.

“Seeing it will be better if we just work together at this point. I want you to know that we were able to recover the video surveillance from your sister's home, and we can confirm it was her husband, Billy Russo.” 

“I told you this. I told you the night it happened.” Thor shook his head. “And it’s her ex. Ex-husband,” Thor corrected, placing his hands on his hips. “So what…we have nothing now?”

“Russo is smart and is playing his moves carefully. He knows what he is doing, making all the right moves, but he'll mess up, and when he does, we will find him.”

“Wouldn’t expect anything less from him given his background,” Nat stated, coming up to stand next to Thor. “Are we even sure this is the right vehicle?”

Fury narrowed his eyes at her, raising his voice. “Believe it or not Ms. Romanoff, but we do know how to track a phone and find a vehicle.” She smirked at his change in attitude. “And for your information, there was a 911 call placed earlier this morning from a gas station near San Diego. A mother and daughter found a note with YN’s name, Russo’s name, the vehicle description, and the license plate number. It said to give this information to the police. This would explain how Russo’s phone ended up in this car.” Nick pointed over his shoulder at the Chrysler. “YN made a smart move, but Russo must have pulled a fast one on her and switched cars at the last minute, so it doesn’t do us much good right now.”

“Did they see YN at all? Was she okay? Was she hurt...”

Fury held up his hand, and Thor shut his mouth. “Yes. The woman mentioned her looking a little beaten up but seemed hopeful.”

“When I find this bastard, I am going to…” Thor bit his tongue, clenching his fist and punching it into his palm. He mumbled to himself, shaking his head, stepping away from them.

“How’s your friend in the hospital? Any word yet?” Fury asked Nat, who narrowed her eyes at the scene behind him.

“He’s in recovery now. They're keeping a close eye on him.”

“Good.” Fury’s eye caught on to Thor’s unexplainable gestures while he paced back and forth. “What would you say about getting your friend a bulletproof vest; he looks like he could do something reckless.”

“I do have an extra one in the cab; I’ll give it to him for safe measure.”

“Excellent.”

“Since this is the correct car, who is the man behind the wheel? Any connection to Russo?” Nat questioned, staring at the black sedan. Thor returned, giving Nat a reassuring nod.

“We haven’t looked into much yet, but his name is William Rawlins. He is the COO of Cerberus and says it’s a company vehicle but doesn’t know who used it before him. He checked it out to run a quick errand over his lunch break, but we are headed back to his office now to look over the record logs.”

“What’s Cerberus?” Thor asked, looking between Nat and Nick for more information.

“It’s a security firm in San Diego, but I think they have different branches all over the country now. It protects public officials, and they also have a private investigating sector that started up a few years ago. I was on a case with one of their ‘agents’ as they call themselves, and he was an asshole.” Nat informed him, Nick nodded in agreement.

“Sounds a lot like Anvil,” Thor added, rubbing a hand over his scruff. “If this is a company vehicle, then someone must be helping Billy. For all we know it’s this Rawlins, and he’s playing us.”

“As much as we want to speculate at this point, it’s too early to tell.” Nat shrugged, and Fury nodded.

“Why would Cerberus remind you of Anvil? What is this Anvil?” Nick inquired, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Oh, it’s a security firm Billy works at in New York City. He’s in the private investigating sector there.”

“Is there any reason to believe that Anvil is a branch of Cerberus?” Nat raised a brow at him, and Thor narrowed his eyes, processing the information.

“If there is a connection between the two, this could be it,” Nick answered.

_____________

You sat back in the passenger seat, opening up the glove box, seeing a map of California, New Mexico, Nevada, and Arizona. “Where is this new home of ours going to be?”

“You’ll see,” Billy replied with his elbow resting on the door and his head in his hand.

“What are you going to expect me to do? Am I going to get a job, or are you going to make me stay at home and be your trophy wife?”

“Would that be a bad thing? It’s not like you liked being a 911 dispatcher.”

You swallowed, wringing your hands together. “But, I did.”

He scoffed, shaking his head.“You like being in the action, getting dirty in the line of duty, and seeing it first hand. You don’t like being behind a desk, waiting to answer a monitor every time a call comes in.”

“I might not be where the action is, but I am still helping people. I might not see them or get to meet them, but I’m here to help them with whatever they are going through. Using your voice to help is hard, but sometimes that’s all people need to hear to put them at ease and give them a sense of safety.”

“Hmmm, okay,” he snorted, smirking into his hand. 

“You have to give me something.”

“I don’t have to give you anything,” he grumbled, running his hand through his hair. 

“Well, how do you expect me to trust you again if you don’t tell me what’s going on?”

He licked his lips, a slight smirk tugging at his lips. “Trust me; You want to know how you can trust me? That’s rich because I could ask you the same question. Can I trust you?” 

“You don’t have to trust me, but don’t you think I should know what we are getting into. Shouldn’t we at least have a plan once we get to where we are going? People ask questions, Billy, and don’t you think it would be a good idea to figure it out before we get there?”

Billy remained silent, gripping the steering wheel tight. He licked his lips, scrunching up his face enough to form a crease on his forehead. “Do you think I’m an idiot? How do I know that if I tell you, you aren’t going to use the first phone you find to call someone.”

“You don’t,” you answered with a shrug. “But you’re gonna have to trust me a little eventually if you want to make us work again.”

He glanced between you and the road, fighting a battle in his head. He clenched his jaw, letting out a defeated breath. “You’re right; you’re always right.” He licked his lips, shaking his head. “I’m giving us the fresh start we both need, and everything we need is in the bag in the back.”

You turn in your seat, reaching for the bag, and put it on your lap. You unzip it, staring at the contents inside. A rubber band was wrapped around new Arizona IDs and new passports with new names on them. A container with an assortment of keys and enough cash that could get you through at least a few months. 

You reached into the bottom of the bag and pulled out three framed pictures of you and Billy. One of you posing and smiling at each other when you first started seeing each other, another one of you at the wedding altar saying I do, and the third, standing close to each other on your honeymoon with the ocean behind you. You swallowed, staring at each one. They were supposed to bring back happy memories, but it only brought back the nightmares this relationship turned into. 

“It’s not a home without a few personal touches, right?” Billy shot you a warm smile, and as much as you wished it was sincere, you knew it wasn’t.

“Right,” you breathed, putting everything back and tossing it in the backseat. “So we are moving to Phoenix, then what?”

Billy raised his eyebrows. “We’re going to lay low for a bit until this mess dies down, and I can trust you again.” He throws you a quick glance, rubbing his gauze-wrapped wrist where Cosmo bit him. “Then, once we are a happy couple again, I’ll be taking on a new position at the Cerberus Phoenix branch.”

“What do you expect me to do once we are a happy couple again?” You bit your lip, feeling a lump rise in your throat. 

“Let’s not get into specifics right now.” He reached over and grabbed your hand.  “I want you to focus on forgetting about your life in LA and everyone in it. They’re not important anymore. It’s you and me, together forever, like we always planned.” He nodded, squeezing your hand for reassurance. 

You gave him a quick nod, fighting the tears threatening to escape. You turned your head to look out the passenger side window. The world outside was becoming a blur, and you were stuck inside with Billy, and there was no way to get out. He had a solid plan that left little room for error. Once they arrived in Phoenix, you wouldn’t exist anymore; Billy wouldn’t exist anymore. You would disappear, and those you cared about would be left wondering. Wondering if you were okay; wondering if you were even still alive; wondering how they let this happen to you. You blinked, feeling a few tears escape down your cheeks as you swallowed back a sob. Your friends, family, and Steve were gone, and right now, you might as well be too. 

____________

The police unit pulled into Cerberus, following the Chrysler through the electric gate and up the short drive until they came across a facility beyond the gate. It was a modern building, heavily secured and well secluded from the main road. 

Fury and Nat walked behind Rawlins while Thor stayed towards the back, taking everything in. He readjusted his bullet-proof vest underneath his shirt and sweatshirt, trying to get used to the tight feeling around his upper body. He didn’t want to wear it, but Nat insisted.

Inside the building, everything had white and gray tones to it from the furniture to the walls. Everything looked pristine and clean, almost like they were hiding something. Thor smiled at the lady behind the front desk, causing her to blush. He continued following the rest of the group up the floating steps to the second floor to an office at the end of the hall.

Fury and Nat began questioning Rawlins, sitting behind his desk. Thor stood off towards the back of the room, half-listening and half scanning his surroundings. If something was connecting him to Russo, he wasn’t going to talk about it; instead, he would have to search for it. 

His office looked like every big wig’s office he’d seen in the movies.  Floor to ceiling windows, showcasing a beautiful view of the trees on the property. Another wall was lined with artwork and a few bookshelves, filled with books that were probably more for show than actual reading. Thor’s eyes traveled to the walls behind him, noticing a bunch of framed photos hanging on the wall in sort of a college way. He took a step closer, noticing how each frame had an engraved plate under it, stating what branch of Cerberus it was and its location.  

“Would anyone else have access to company vehicles?” Fury asked with his pad and pen in hand.

“No, only company employees.”

“Does that include employees from other branches of Cerberus or just current in-house employees, so to speak.”

“Nope, all employees from any branch are welcome to a vehicle as long as they have proper ID,” Rawlins answered, leaning back in his chair. “Who is the young lady that is missing? Maybe one of my teams can assist you. We don’t do many missing person cases, but we are more than happy to help.”

“Oh no, that won’t be necessary,” Fury replied, holding up his hand. “But, we do have reason to believe you know the captor.”

“I’m sorry.” Rawlins looked taken aback, and in some ways, offended. “But this is news to me. I have many employees, so you will have to be more specific.”

Thor read off the frames one by one and glanced at every single picture. He needed to find a connection so he could find you. He clenched his jaw, reading the plates: Vistacorp, Arizona; Vancorp, Texas, and his eyes stopped on the next photo. He didn’t even need to read the plate to know it said Anvil, New York City. He narrowed his eyes at the picture, seeing Rawlins shaking Billy’s hand, and he had that stupid smile on his face that could win everyone over. 

“His name is Billy Russo.”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t recall anyone by that name.”

Thor growled, tearing the picture off the wall, starling everyone, and marched across the room. “Don’t know him, then why are you shaking his hand in this picture,” Thor shouted, throwing the picture on the desk. 

“Oh, look at that he works at the New York branch.” Rawlins scanned the picture before placing it back on the table. “Why are you including me in this accusation? I don’t have anything to do with him or this abduction. I didn’t even know he was in town.” He sat up straighter in his chair, folding his hands together, and placed them on the desk in front of him.

An officer opening the door pulled everyone’s attention away from Rawlins and to the female officer. She handed Fury a piece of paper, whispering something in his ear. Fury nodded, dismissing her. He unfolded the paper, reading what it said before folding it backup and stuffing it in his pocket. “It’s a bit funny how this picture is saying one thing, and you’re saying something completely different. It’s like the picture is lying, and you are telling the truth. I don’t know what I am supposed to believe.”

“I am telling the truth. I have had no contact with--” he pulls the picture back to him “--this Russo since this picture.”

“Then, why was Russo the last person to check out the car, and according to this, he has yet to return the vehicle back to this facility. So how did you check the car out at noon if it wasn’t even on-site?”

Rawlins sat on the other side of the table, staring blankly at the three of them. He licked his lips and tilted his head at them. “Huh? How about that?” He let out a dark chuckle, shaking his head. “Well, I honestly thought it was going to take you longer to figure it out, Detective Fury, but you surprised me. All of you did.” He pointed to each of them, his sinister smile never faltering. 

“Where is she?” Thor growled, leaning over the table mere inches from Rawlins's face.

“That’s the thing about Billy,” he licked his lips, challenging Thor. “He is sneaky and quiet. He can hide in plain sight, is fast on his feet, and knows just the right time to strike. If you haven’t found them yet, you aren’t going to. They're both gone, and you’re going to have to live with the fact that you failed her.”

Without further hesitation, Thor punched him straight in the face and knocked him to the floor. Thor slid across the desk to find Rawlins, clutching his broken nose as it bled into his mouth. Thor grabbed him by the collar and punched him again when an officer rushed over and dragged Thor off of him. Thor grunted, pushing the officer into the wall with his nostrils flaring. He headed right back for Rawlins, but Nat stood in his path, pushing on his chest and forcing him to stop.  

“Forget about him. Don’t listen to him, Thor,” Nat commanded. “He’s not worth it; put this energy into finding YN and Russo, and then take it out on him.” Thor stopped in an instant, giving her a quick nod.  

The officer that held Thor back went over to Rawlins and put his face down on the hardwood floor. He started reading him his Miranda Rights and slipped the cuffs around his wrists.

“You’re lucky only your nose is broken, and both your eyes don’t match, asshole,” Thor threatened as Rawlins was escorted out of the office. 

“Feel better?” Fury asked, standing up from his seat.

“No,” Thor answered in a gruff voice, leaning against Rawlins desk and crossing his arms across his chest. “He’s right, you know…Billy is good at hiding. I mean, we didn’t even know he was following her.” He ran a hand down his face. “He does this for a living. Reads crime scenes, follows the evidence, finds suspects, and solves cases. He knows what we are looking for and makes sure to drive us in the opposite direction. He is good at what he does and probably even better at making someone disappear.”

______

 AN: Thanks for reading Part 18! Just when you think they have something to go on, they are one more step behind. Thor sure did sack Rawlins pretty good though, but he did deserve it. And it's a good thing Rawlins was slacking on his paperwork, or maybe he just didn't have time to change the name to who checked the car out! 🤷‍♀️ On the plus side, at least they were able to track Billy's cellphone (the wrong one, but it was something), they know about the note she left in the gas station, found 'the other guy' but still got nothing...or do they?! 🤔 Not sure if any of you understood the crispy white boys reference, but it's usually the white tennis shoes dads wear on their feet! It's an Instagram reference me and my friends use all the time now! 😂😂 I will say she is getting more confident and seems to be pushing all the right buttons to get information from him, but he isn't giving much away. And can she trust him enough to know that he is telling the truth? The plot thickens...as always thanks for reading! Comments are always welcome! 

[overheardatthecontinental]

Talk Chapter 6

AO3

I was so overwhelmed from the comments from the last few chapters, I managed to spit out another chapter :) 

Love you all

...

Waking up from sedation is becoming a bad habit although she isn’t unhappy about the haziness. In the moments before opening her eyes, she could almost believe that she was wrapped in blankets, floating on a cloud rather than the concrete floor.

She tries to open her eyes, but they’re drawn shut, her lids just a bit too heavy to be opening right now. That’s alright, she decides.

She could stay like this a little longer, in the fugue-state that offered more comfort than reality. Embrace the warmth of her dream-like state.

She’s hopes Nick and Frankie are back today. Playing cards with them would break up the monotony of waiting for John…

John.

John was coming.

The last thing she remembers is the phone call. The warning that John Wick was coming. She had tried to hold on, to keep them from moving her. But they were going to sedate her. She thinks she had tried to escape but she couldn’t remember anything else.

They’d sedated her again.

Fuck.

She forces her eyes open to take in her new surroundings, wondering if she’d get the chance to send John another message…

He’s there. John is sitting in a leather armchair, eyes closed, under a wash of orange light.

Is the sun rising or setting? She really isn’t sure. And she can’t bring herself to care, looking at John.

He looks exhausted, slumped back. His hair is a little wild and there’s blood on his face. She sees no injuries and is momentarily relieved that the blood does not appear to be his.

He was always so put together in her presence. It's unnerving to see his suit rumpled and a giggle escapes her unwittingly.

John’s eyes open and he inhales, blinking awake.

“Are you laughing?” He asks, voice rough from sleep. John pushes himself up in the chair so that he’s fully upright. He rubs a hand over his eyes and it occurs to her that she’s also never seen John actually tired before.

“Sorry.” She whispers, covering her mouth with her hand. “You look like shit.”

John stares at her incredulously and then a small smile forms on his face. “Yeah, well. Hell of a weekend.”

“Yeah? Can’t say I did too much.” Helen draws the blankets in a bit tighter.

“Cold?” John asks and reaches out to touch her forehead. The warm of his hand feels like a godsend and she finds herself leaning into his touch as she nods. “Do you need more blankets?”

She shakes her head, “Nah, don’t want to overheat.”

He nods. “How are you feeling?”

She hums thoughtfully before deciding on “Hungover.”

“Hungover?” He repeats.

“Oh, yeah. Definitely. Mouth is dry, a bit nauseous, head is pounding, and I woke up in somebody else’s bed with no memory of how I got there. All signs point to hungover.”

Only Helen, he thinks.

“I’ll get you some water. Dry mouth and nausea are common with sedation.” He removes his hand, reluctantly, from her face and stands up.

Helen nods, “Yeah, they sedated me a lot.”

John stops at the way she says it, turning before he can get her water. “What do you mean?”

“They sedated me whenever I was annoying. And I was very annoying.”

He feels his nails biting into his palm as he inhales sharply, “You know, provoking your kidnappers isn’t a great idea, right?”

“I didn’t provoke them. Just went all psycho-dynamic on their asses.”

John blinks. “Freud?”

“Mhmm. Most of his shit’s been disproven, but nobody likes being told their main problems in life come from their mommy issues. And DeLuca has a shit ton of mommy issues.”

John opens his mouth and closes it. There’s nothing to say to that right now so he turns on foot and heads back to the bathroom. He fills a cup with water while looking into the mirror.

She was right. He did look like shit. His hair hadn’t been combed, he had bags under his eyes. There’s blood on his face, in his hair, and on his clothes. His suit was rumpled.

He probably should have showered and changed while Helen slept off the sedation but he couldn’t bear to leave her side. No, instead he had collapsed into the chair and barely moved for nine hours, drifting in and out of sleep now that she was safe.

He tried not to give too much thought to the fact that Helen was in his bed.

Helen. Was in. His bed.

Sleeping in his bed.

Now awake in his bed.

John swallows. He can’t think about it. He has to focus on the matter at hand.

DeLuca is still out there and, until he is taken care of, Helen is still in danger.

Exhaling, he heads back to the bedroom and tries to ignore the way his heart races at seeing Helen propped amongst his pillows.

She smiles at him. She shouldn’t be, he thinks. He’s the one who got her into this mess but there she is, quiet and non-judgmental. Smiling at him the way she always does, accepting the water from he hands her.

She drinks it down with a soft moan that his body isn’t prepared for. Helen sets what is left of the water on the side table. She reaches up and pushes back her hair, her fingers getting stuck in the mess. So goes three days without a shower or a hairbrush.

“Thanks.” She says, looking up at him.

John nods, “I had the Doctor stop by last night when I got you home. He left meds in case your head hurts.”

Helen nods, “I didn’t feel that during the first few sedations but it’s throbbing now.”

“You don’t remember getting it?” John asks, grabbing the meds off his bureau. He pours one out into his hand and caps it as he walks over to her.

“Getting what?” She reaches to her face, her fingers trailing until they reach her bandage. She winces at the touch, “Oh. Yeah, forgot about that.”

“What happened?” John asked as he handed her the pills and the water from her table.

Helen tries to push up so she can fully sit. She winces at her own weakened state and John moves closer, moving an arm around her to help her sit up against the headboard. He tries not to focus too much on the way she feels with his arm around her.

When she’s upright, he hands her the meds.

She swallows the pill, chasing it with what was left of her water. “The guys who were watching me got a call that you were coming and they needed to move me. They were going to sedate me for the move, so I tried to run when they opened the cell. I made it to the stairs but one of them grabbed my foot and I fell.”

He regrets asking almost instantly, if only because the rage swelling inside him is incapacitating. The fact that he killed the men who tried to move her is suddenly not enough. He wants them to suffer, to hurt. He should have made them die screaming.

But, at the time, his only concern had been getting Helen to safety.

And now they were dead, and as much as he wished it, he couldn’t bring them back just to kill them all again.

But the others would pay.

Anyone else who took part in stalking them, kidnapping her, guarding her. DeLuca would suffer.

John feels a hand on his and she asks, “Do we need to do some meditations here, or are you good?”

Nothing like Helen’s no bullshit policy to pull him back into the presence.

“I’m here.” She says softly when he’s back with her, her hand squeezing his, “I’m here and I’m safe.”

He swallows at the feeling of her soft hand, wrapped around his in comfort.

She was just kidnapped, sedated multiple times, and subject to DeLuca firsthand. If anybody had the right to be losing grip of reality right now, it was her. Instead, she was doing what she always did and taking care of him.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. We all have our ways of coping. I insert humor into bizarre situations, you picture killing people with your bare hands. Whatever gets us through the day, right?”

He’s pretty sure that’s not a therapeutically appropriate response but he breathes a little easier for hearing it. She’s ridiculous and he loves her.

He loves her so much and he came so close to losing her.

“Thank you for coming after me.” She says and it breaks him all the more.

She shouldn’t be thanking him. It was his fault she had been taken. His obsession which had grown out of control, his lack of focus that stopped him from seeing that others were following her.

He should be on his knees begging for forgiveness and, for anyone else, he might have to. But there was no blame in her eyes. No judgement.

She wasn’t even looking at him any different than when they met each week.

And because he’s not sure how he can begin to apologize for something so unforgiveable, he asks, “Did you doubt I would?”

“Not for an second.” Comes her gentle reply.

Her faith in him is far more than he deserves.

“We kept coming up with dead ends.” He says softly, beseechingly. Like he hopes that she’ll understand that he’s so fucking sorry. “He didn’t give a name. Only a job. And I kept searching, but he was like a ghost. I didn’t know what to do and then I got this text from an unknown number--”

“From Nick.”

John blinks, “I’m sorry?”

“Nick. One of the guys guarding me. Won a bet with two of the guards and told them I’d ask you not to kill them if I could use their phone. So no killing Nick Russo or Frankie Morelli.”

"That was you?"

She inclines her head.

He’s not quite sure what to do with that new wealth of information. The fact that she was able to convince her guards to let her have a phone, that she made a bet with them, and she had bargained with said guards for their lives…

John knew Helen well enough to know she wasn’t going to fall apart easily but there was a difference between keeping it together when in a high-stress situation and gaining the upper hand when you have no control.

“You told the guards I wouldn’t kill them?”

“I told them I’d ask you not to kill them. I made no guarantees. But, while we’re on the subject, I’d rather you didn’t kill them. Frankie’s basically a baby trying to support his mom and little brothers, and Nick… Nick’s had it rough, but I think we made some real progress addressing his repressed homosexuality.”

John’s head hurts. It really does.

All this time, he had been worried about Helen handling being kidnapped. John knew a lot about psychological torture and, sometimes, being trapped in a cage is enough to make you feel like you’d be better off dead.

But no, Helen had been the one caged, but she had been playing the game as if she were a part of the world.

“You’re incredible, you know that?”

She looks up, over those long lashes and it’s almost too much for him to look at her. Baring her battle scars while still looking like an angel as she sits in his bed.

“I really didn’t do much.”

“I was losing my mind. Didn’t have a name or any indication of who had you, and you just figured your own way out.”

“I figured out how to get you a message. I didn’t manage to escape.”

“You did exactly what you needed to do.” His hand turns in hers, tentatively. Giving her the space to pull away.

She doesn’t, only pausing to readjust her grip.

John sits back down, on the edge of the bed. Her hand is in his.

He doesn’t think he’s ever held hands with someone before.

“What did he want?” Helen asks after a moment, “In exchange for me, what was DeLuca trying to get?”

John exhales, “Political advantage. There are very… complex laws associated with the Underworld.”

“That’s where the High Table comes in, right?”

He’s pleased that she remembers, “Yes. The High Table is our council, of sorts. There are twelve seats for the twelve largest factions of organized crime. The Russian Mafia, the Chinese Triad, Los Zetas, the Sicilian Mafia, the Camorra. A few other bigwigs, too. But under all these big factions, there are hundreds and thousands of smaller ones, each trying to become a contender. But it’s virtually impossible to uproot one of big ones. Especially the ones run by families. Now, DeLuca belongs to a smaller crime network.”

“The Syndicate.”

John nods once, “Yes. Based in Rome but with branches all across the world. Italy already has two very predominant mafias. No one is really looking for a third large contender. DeLuca has it in his head if he can destroy the Camorra, he can gain control of Rome.”

“Except he lacks the intelligence and commitment to actually run something of that caliber.”

His lips twitch, “Yes. But, to his credit, he was right. If the D’Antonio family collapsed, it might be impossible for the Camorra to stay afloat. They’d lose their credibility; secrets of the family would go to the grave. A new challenger could rise. Probably not to the level of the High Table, like DeLuca thinks, but enough.”

Helen nods, piecing it together for herself. “So, DeLuca tried to send you after the Camorra, protecting himself from any backlash.”

John nods, not quite ready to reveal just how close he had come to openly declaring war against the High Table in order to save her.

She huffs a small laugh, which leaves John taken aback.

“DeLuca didn’t come up with that plan.”

“Oh?” He asks, cocking his head to the side.

“For something so carefully thought out, that had to have come from his mother.”

Again, John feels his lips curl into a small smile, “Is this going back to the ‘mommy issues’ you mentioned?”

Helen nods, “Oh, definitely. That umbilical cord is stretching from Rome to New York. His mom killed his father in order to get him in charge of Syndicate.”

John blinks, rubbing at his head, willing the dull ache to go away. “Exactly how long did you spend with DeLuca?”

“He lasted about eight minutes in my charming presence before having me sedated.”

The I love you on the tip of his tongue goes unsaid.

“I should start having you run all my mission preps.”

“You really should.” Helen agrees, closing her eyes as she leans back against the headboard. “But then, who would counsel my rebellious teens, depressed businesspeople, and wayward assassins?”

“Who indeed.”

He’s worried about what he has to tell her next.

John had been so concentrated on finding her that he hadn’t had time to plan out his next steps. There were a few dozen people who had to die to ensure her safety, DeLuca being number one on his list.

She wasn’t safe so long as DeLuca was alive. And the mobster had gone underground shortly after he had recovered Helen. A smart move on his part, John acknowledges.

Without DeLuca having Helen, there was nothing to stop John from targeting him.

But that meant that John had to track him. Hunt him down. Kill him and any other associates who might know about Helen and who she is to John.

He knew she promised those two guards who helped her that she’d ask him not to kill them and he was… considering it. He didn’t like the possibility of loose ends but saying no to Helen was an impossible task. One he was certain he might never master.

All in all, there were a few hundred reasons why she couldn’t go back to work.

There was the injury card he intended to play hard and fast.

The trauma that she hadn’t processed yet.

The fact that DeLuca’s whereabouts were unknown.

And while John was more than willing to stand guard outside her office, it was impractical for both of them.

He needed time.

John exhales, bracing himself for the argument that will surely erupt from this. Preparing himself to be strong enough to actually say no to Helen. “You can’t go back to work yet.”

Without opening her eyes, she says, “Try that again, in the form of a question. I might be more receptive.”

John swallows, “I can’t—I can’t do what I need to do unless I know that you’re safe. Will you please stay home from work until I can resolve the situation?”

Her eyes crack open, “How long are we talking?”

“A few days.”

He’s certain he can find DeLuca in that amount of time. He already had the Technician running searches remotely, already had Winston with an ear to the ground.

She was awake now and the last of his worries had been abated. Which meant that John could do what he did best. He could go out to the city. He could take out DeLuca and his soldiers and send her back to her world, knowing she was safe.

And he’d keep an eye on her. As often as he could manage without putting her at risk again. And he’d let her go.

His heart already ached at the prospect but what else could he do?

Helen lets out a small sigh, “Alright. All things considered, I should probably take a few days off anyway.” She inclines her head, “Don’t suppose you happen to have my work phone?”

John feels his face involuntarily wince, “Um, yeah, about that…”

“What?”

“DeLuca had it. Pretty sure he dropped it somewhere so that it couldn’t be tracked back to him.”

She rubs at her head but takes it better than he would have. “At least tell me he left my laptop alone?”

John nods, “I took that just in case. It’s in my car.”

Her eyes flutter shut again and he can tell she’s fighting the exhaustion.

“I’ll have to call my clients for this week.”

“Later.” John says, giving her hand a soft squeeze. “You need to rest.”

“I’ve been sleeping for god knows how long.”

“You’ve been sedated.” He corrects gently, “You’ve slept but you haven’t given yourself space to rest. You’re body’s still reeling from what you’ve been through.”

Her eyes don’t open but the corner of her lips twitch into a smile, “Look at that. You’ve been doing your homework.”

“I have a bookshelf dedicated to you.”

She hums at that, “I’ll want to see that later. And the rest of your library.” She cracks open her eyes, “You’re going to regret letting me into your home, John Wick.”

He already does, he thinks to himself. It occurs to him that seeing her here, like this, might be something he’s unable to recover from. He doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to sleep in his bed when the image of her lying there, amongst his pillows and sheets, has been unwittingly branded into his head. He might never get over the feeling of holding her in his arms and carrying her up the stairs and down the hall.

And it might take him time to track down DeLuca.

Days in which she’ll eat in his kitchen and lose herself amongst his bookshelves. He can see it now and it tears him apart.

While he has ceased to believe that life is fair, it’s inordinately cruel to have her like this, in ways he’s only dreamed, only to be forced to cut off contact.

But what can he do?

She needs to be here for her own protection but once the threat is eliminated, she needs to be as far away from him as she can be.

“Get some rest.” He tells her, wondering if the dull ache in his heart would worsen or improve if he left her presence.

He starts to stand but she holds fast.

She peers up at him with those big, brown eyes and he’s ready to fall to his knees.

“Will you hold me? Just for a minute?”

He really wishes he had it in him to deny her. But he doesn’t.

He nods and John releases her hand, moving around to the other side of the bed. He crawls over and under the covers which she has lifted for him.

This isn’t romantic, he tells himself. It’s not sexual or any other perverted pleasure.

This is comfort, like she’s shown him a hundred thousand times before.

John tries, hard, to push any other thought from his head and not to concentrate on how small her body feels as he wraps an arm, gently, around her.

She reaches up and takes hold of his forearm, hugging it to her as she nestles under the covers.

He hates himself for reveling in delight when she has suffered so much because of him. It’s his fault she was hurt at all, his fault she’s drained from trauma. And he’s the one benefitting, touching her in ways he’s only dreamed about.

But then, he thinks, he’s been Hell-bound his entire life.

And, if he’s right about finding DeLuca and tying up loose ends, he’ll only have days left where he can even bask in her presence.

Maybe, he can have this.

A minute, an hour of pretending the world wasn’t waiting outside his door. Pretending that this was more than just comfort.

It might hurt more, in the long run, to know how holding her feels like. But John can’t bring himself to care.

……………………………

He’s not sure when he fell asleep but it’s the dull vibrating of his phone on wood that wakes him up.

For a moment, he had forgotten where he was, what he was doing. He forgot her soft request for him to hold her while she fell asleep, keeping her safe and comforted after the ordeal.

All he can smell is her. She’s warmer now and, while usually heat makes him uncomfortable while he sleeps, it was different with her.

Helen had turned, at some point, her face now buried in his chest, her body curled into his while both his arms hold her tight.

A part of him wishes to stay like that forever.

But the phone buzzes again.

Helen stirs in his arms and he’s simultaneously in awe that she’s real and pissed that somebody is calling, waking her.

He disentangles his limbs from hers and she whines softly as John rises from the bed, tiptoeing quickly. He snatches the phone and hurries from the room, closing the door behind him.

Marcus.

“Yeah?” John answers, walking down the hall to the nook that overlooks the rest of the house, just above the stairs. He rests a hand on the balcony edge and leans down.

“You know I prefer to mind my own business whenever I can.”

John finds himself blinking at the unusual greeting. “Yes. It’s one of the few reasons I put up with you.”

Marcus hums at that, “I hate to ask, John, but what the fuck is going on?”

He stands up a little straighter, eyes narrowing, “What are you talking about?”

“My phone hasn’t stopped ringing since the contract came out.”

John’s stomach drops.

Surely, he thinks, DeLuca isn’t that stupid…

“What contract?” He forces himself to ask.

“Some woman no one’s ever heard of. Helen Kingston.” John thinks he might throw up but Marcus continues, “As far as anybody can tell, she’s a civilian but under known allies, you're listed.”

John swears, pushing his hair back from his face. Any remnants of sleepiness are now gone as he takes the stairs two at a time until he reaches the basement.

“When did it go live?”

“Half an hour ago. I’ve already fielded half a dozen calls from people trying to get information on who she is.”

“What’d you tell them?” John asks, propping the phone between his cheek and shoulder as he grabs a case for his handguns and a duffle for ammo. He opens each and begins selecting from vast array that hung on his wall.

“I didn’t tell them anything. I just asked them all if they really wanted to take the chance of going after a target who could be related, in any way, to John Wick.”

“How much is the bounty?”

“Four million.”

A string of swears escape.

Four million was considered a high price for a life. A payout of that amount, in a single kill, was usually reserved for difficult cases. Government officials with bodyguards or military targets trained to kill.

A four-million-dollar bounty on a civilian would be impossible for most assassins in the greater New York area to pass up. Even with him listed as an ally.

“Who is she, John?”

“Honestly?” John checks, emptying a shelf of various size rounds into the duffle bag, “She’s my therapist.”

He’s met with silence and John can’t help but smirk at rendering Marcus speechless. Funny, considering it was only two days ago when telling Winston a fucking nightmare.

“You know, I was joking all those times I told you to seek professional help.”

John shorts, “Yeah, well. Too late.”

“So now half of New York City is out looking for your therapist?”

“Seems so.”

He can almost feel Marcus rolling his eyes despite the distance between them, “Why would anybody target your therapist? In fact, I’m inclined to call her up and offer her a raise if she can make you less fucked in the head.”

“It’s complicated.”

“Isn’t it always?” Marcus huffs a sigh, “Any idea where she is? The contract went live half an hour ago. I’m sure somebody’s already after her.”

“Upstairs.”

“She’s at your house?”

John zips the bag with the ammo shut. “Also complicated.”

John closes the lid on the gun case. He has a handful of Kevlar vests packed away in a trunk. He hoists out a few and drapes them over his shoulder as he grabs the case and the bag.

“Clearly. You know, I’m pretty sure fucking your therapist is an ethics violation of some kind.”

John ignores the comment. “Fancy earning a marker?” He asks, heading back up the stairs and crossing the large expansive living room to get to the front door.

“Depends. How much work am I going to have to do?”

“Minimal.” John lifts the trunk of his car and starts rearranging things. “Babysitting while I take care of the idiot who thought targeting her was a good idea.”

Marcus hums, thinking it over. “Is she going to be a pain in the ass?”

“Most definitely. She’ll have you mindfucked so fast you won’t know up from down.”

“Not doing a great job of selling it.”

John closes the trunk and walks quickly back into the house. He still has to pack clothes; food.

“I can almost guarantee no bodily harm and you won’t be bored. That’s a rare combination.”

Marcus grumbles for a moment but John didn’t doubt him. “Text me where I need to be.”

“Make sure you’re not followed.”

Marcus snorts in a way to signify no fucking shit and the call drops.

John lets out a breath as he hits the kitchen. While he’s bugged out in the army, bugged out from squatting, and run away more times than he could count, he’s never had to pack like this in his house. It’s almost unnerving to be choosing food from a fully stocked kitchen rather than grabbing the jar of peanut butter as he runs.

Fucking DeLuca.

What the hell was that bastard thinking?

John had already wanted him dead for daring to touch Helen and now this?

What could this possibly do for him? Four-million-dollars was a lot to spend on revenge and, while the smaller mobs did well for themselves, most didn’t just have that kind of money sitting around.

DeLuca’s reasoning, however, was the least of John’s concerns as he packed up his kitchen.

He had safehouses all over the globe, most listed under different names. A handful over the tristate area but he was reluctant to have Helen that close to the hub of assassins now gunning for her.

Fuck. He stops bagging up boxes of energy bars and pauses.

How the hell was he going to tell Helen there was a four-million-dollar bounty on her head?

Hey, remember that conversation we had earlier where I told you I would take care of DeLuca with a couple days? Well, now a couple hundred assassins are looking for you, so that plan is off the table. Sorry!

He doesn’t know how the fuck he’s going to explain this new round of bullshit and goes back to grabbing boxes of crackers and bags of rice.

“Are you… packing up your kitchen?” He doesn’t startle easy, but he hadn’t even heard her on the stairs.

John turns, in surprise, and his heart nearly jumps out of his chest.

Helen, hair wet from the shower, had traded in the nightgown for one of his white, cotton shirts and a pair of his sweatpants, drawstrings pulled tight, then folded several times over.

Her skin, still damp, forces the shirt to cling to her.

He looks away, “Yeah.”

“Is this some sort of weird coping ritual or did the shit hit the fan?”

John almost hates the way she can read him so easily.

“Shit hit the fan.” He says, glancing over his shoulder, gauging for reaction.

There isn’t one. Not really. She just nods, and honestly, he wishes that she would try to protest or argue or roll her eyes. Anything. Blame him, yell at him. Complain about the situation, whine and ask why they had to move but she doesn’t.

“When are we leaving?” She asks.

“Fifteen minutes.”

Again, she just nods, “Want to point me in the direction of your library? I’d like to raid it before we bug out.”

The casualness in her voice makes his head and heart hurt. She shouldn’t be this accepting.

He swallows back the urge to start an argument because that is the last thing they need when people are searching for her.

“Top of the stairs, just off of the little alcove.”

She spins on her heels, like nothing is wrong.

John forces himself back to packing. Time, it seems, is always against them.

[breanime]

Priorities (Part Two)

So this originally was a request from @castletrash for some Billy angst, and it became one of my favorite and most popular oneshots. I’ve had quite a few requests for Billy’s side of the story, particularly from @anabella-baby, so ya go!

You can read the original story, that focuses on the Reader’s side of things, here.

*gif not mine*

There had been many challenges Billy Russo had faced in his lifetime, but trying to juggle his work and his relationship with you was proving to be one of the biggest challenges in his life. Anvil was busier than ever; Frank had finally agreed to take his place at Billy’s side at work, and they were getting jobs and new contracts every other day. That would have been fine with Billy, except now his work was starting to impede on his relationship with you, and that just wouldn’t work for him.

“You love Anvil more than you love me!” You had cried, your beautiful eyes flooded with tears. Billy had disappointed you—again—by being over an hour late to a date—again—and he had hurt you. Again. He was afraid that you hated him, you were so angry—and had every right to be—and you were crying and yelling. But even if you hated him, he hated himself even more. Your words cut right through him—“you love Anvil more than me”—and he nearly fell to his knees from the force of it. You thought, you really thought, that you weren’t the absolute most important part of his life, and it was his fault you felt that way.

He was in front of you in seconds, eyes wide and heart pounding. A few minutes ago, you’d been a volcano; angry and fiery, throwing things and breaking plates, and he’d stood quietly and let you. You deserved your rage. You were entitled to it. But this, you saying that Anvil was more important to him than you—that was just wrong. “Don’t…” His voice broke. “Don’t ever say that again. I love you more than anything, Y/N, more than life itself.” He stared into your eyes, memorizing each and every tear that was trailing down your cheeks. “I love you so much.” Carefully, he wiped a tear from your cheek. “I know it doesn’t feel like that right now, and that’s my fault, but it’s true, I love you so much, Y/N. Please, don’t… Please don’t say that again.” He swallowed, watching you watch him and wishing he could take your pain away. He knew better than anyone what it felt like to be abandoned. You didn’t deserve that.

You sniffled, a soft, sad sound that tore his heart in two. “But that’s how it feels.”

He nodded, still holding your face in his hand. “I know. I’m sorry.” Slowly, he bent down, giving you time to move or push him away if you wanted to. You stayed where you were. “I’ll do better, baby, I promise, just please… I love you.” He looked into your eyes and knew that you were the most precious thing in his life. He’d worked almost all of his adult life to get to where he was now, to get Anvil to the respected, prominent business it was now, but none of that was worth losing you. He hadn’t planned to fall in love with you, you had been the best surprise in his life, and now that you were here and he had you, he would do anything to keep you. He needed you. He loved you, and he hoped you loved him too.

“I love you, too,” you whispered, and Billy closed his eyes for a second, happily overwhelmed with those four simple words. You leaned forward and pressed your lips to his, and Billy relaxed against you. This was where you belonged. This was where he belonged.

He picked you up, bridal-style, and carried you to the bedroom. “I love you,” he said again, mouth on your forehead, “I love you so much,” as he laid you down in the bed, “I’m so sorry, baby,” as he kissed you, long fingers undressing you, “Never again…” He kissed your cheeks, tasting tears and licking them away, holding you close to him and hoping you could feel how much he loved you, needed you.

You kissed him back, and Billy knew he was the luckiest man alive because he had you. He thanked his lucky stars for each touch, each caress, each sweet, sweet kiss that you allowed him, knowing he didn’t deserve you. He tried to put his feelings into his body, letting you know how much he needed you, how much he adored and loved you. How sorry he was. He kissed every inch of you, whispered into your mouth how much he loved you, touched and held you like the goddess you were. He wanted—needed to have you forgive him.

You forgave him.

The two of you came upon a routine after that, and Billy tried to follow it. It wasn’t easy sometimes, there were days that you two had plans that ended up getting cancelled because of complications from work, and he was still late to dates, but the lines of communication were open. He was actually starting to feel pretty good about things between the two of you. So much so, in fact, that whenever he got a second to himself, he’d close the door, get out his phone, and look up engagement rings. He knew, and he’d known for a while, that you were the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

He was down to two rings now, and he sat at his desk, looking between them as he waited for Frank. They had some business to handle, but once that was over, he’d have a lot more free time—time to spend with you. Time to get down on one knee. Frank came in a few minutes later, and Billy tucked his phone in his pocket and headed out the door. It was familiar, the work he had to do with Frank, and it was easy, nice even, to put himself on autopilot and go by instinct. They had some business that needed squaring away with the Albanian gang, and before he knew it, Billy found himself headed to Philly. The work was easy—and rewarding—and Billy was glad to see Frankie back in his element.

Billy stood back as Frank pounded some poor idiot’s face into the pavement, hands in his pockets. He was wearing his riot gear, dressed in all-black, watching Frank work with a mixture of pride and boredom. Satisfied that Frankie had everything under control (which he did), Billy dug into his pocket and took out his phone. He had several missed calls from you, and a few from his office. He looked over at Frank. “You good, brother? I need to call Y/N.”

Frank didn’t look up from his…project. “I’m fine,” he grunted, “tell her I said hi.”

Billy chuckled, clicking your name and putting the phone to his ear. He needed to hear your voice, and he was eager to see you. Your anniversary was coming up, and Billy had plans for you. He thought it’d be cliché to propose the day of your anniversary, but he wanted to start planting the seeds, get a feel for how you’d react. He was pretty sure you wanted to marry him almost as much as he wanted to marry you, but he thought it’d be a good idea to start putting the idea out there. He smiled when he heard your voice on the other end of the phone.

“Billy,” you gasped out, you sounded breathless, and not in the way he liked, “where are you? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” he answered easily, “me and Frankie made some headway with the Albanians and now we’re on our way to Philly to do some negotiations—”

“Philly?” You repeated. “I… what about tonight?”

“Tonight?” He paused. He’d assumed you were just worried because it was late, and you hadn’t heard from him, but you sounded… more than confused…hurt, even. His eyes widened, and his whole body froze. Even Frank could tell something was in the air, he stopped, fist still in the air, and turned to Billy, eyebrow raised. Your anniversary. It was today. He was supposed to be in New York, with you, at this very moment. “Shit… I forgot. Baby, I’m—” Billy heard a noise—something like a shout—before the call ended. “Shit,” he said again, staring down at his phone.

“Everything okay?” Frank asked.

Billy shook his head. “No,” he answered, voice low. He looked over at Frank, heart pounding in his chest. “I fucked up.”

They hopped back in the car and sped back to New York. Billy, knowing it was futile, called you multiple times, but it went straight to voicemail. If he was a betting man, he’d bet that you broke your phone. You were probably pissed. You probably thought. His hands tightened around the wheel. God, you probably thought he didn’t care about you at all. You love Anvil more than you love me. Frankie tried to be positive, saying that he’d tell her it was all his fault and that she’d forgive him (Billy) at some point, but Billy wasn’t so sure. After he dropped Frank back at Anvil, he got in his car and went straight to your place. The two of you had decided to have two apartments, yours and his, in case anything ever went south with Anvil. He opened the door, holding his breath, and walked into the living room.

It was a mess. Your phone—or what was left of it, rather—was smashed up on the floor. He imagined you throwing your phone against the wall. The side table by the couch was flipped over, and everything that had been on it was scattered on the floor. He went to your room and checked under your bed, the bed he’d slept in with you, and saw that your overnight bag was gone.

“Shit.” He said again.

He went by the garage underneath your building to check for your car. It was gone. He knew you wouldn’t go to his place, so he called Karen.

He didn’t bother with a hello. “Is Y/N there?” He asked, running a hand through his hair.

“No,” she said back, “Frank’s here. He said he made you miss your anniversary, and I called her, but she didn’t answer.”

“She broke her phone,” Billy told her, “Threw it against the wall. She… If you see her, will you give me a call?”

Karen paused. “If she wants,” she hedged.

Billy closed his eyes. “Please. I won’t come over; I just need to know she’s safe.” He pictured your face, could practically feel the warmth of your tears on his fingertips. “Please.”

“Okay,” she sighed, “I’ll text you if she comes by. But if she doesn’t want to see you, I need you to stay away.”

“Yeah,” he agreed, lying easily, “Thanks.” He hung up. Unsure of what to do, and unable to keep still, Billy went to his place, just to be sure you weren’t there.

You weren’t.

He ended up at Curtis’ place. He was trying to keep it together, but he was panicking. He knew you were mad at him, probably enraged, actually, but he’d hoped you were being safe. If you were out driving and upset, you could get into an accident, you could get hurt. Curtis had made him a pot of coffee, knowing that Billy wasn’t planning on getting any sleep until he talked to you and was sure you were okay. He was on his third cup. “I’m gonna lose her,” he said, staring down at the warm beverage. He wished he was holding you instead.

“No you’re not,” Curtis said back, “She’s pissed right now, but she’ll be alright. She probably just needs some time to cool down.”

Billy shook his head. “She’s gonna leave me,” he sighed out, “I fucked up. I promised her I’d be better, I promised I’d be there for her and I wasn’t.” He looked up, blinking back tears. “I don’t know what to do, Curt.”

Curtis got up and patted Billy’s shoulder. “You hurt her, man,” he said, “but she loves you. Just give her time.” Billy nodded. He wanted to believe that, wanted to think that this was just another fight, that you needed a day to clear your head, but he knew better. This was it. He’d broken his promise, he’d made you think you were an afterthought, made you think you meant anything less to him than everything, and now you were gone.

You weren’t coming back. Billy looked up at Curtis and nodded. “Thanks, brother.”

Curtis gave him a soft smile. “I’m gonna head to bed, you need anything, just let me know.” He patted Billy’s shoulder again before standing up. “If you hear from Y/N, give me a holler.”

“Yeah, alright.” Billy heard him walk away, his footsteps uneven, and sat back on the couch. He stared over at the TV across from him and saw his reflection.

He hated himself.

The next morning, Curtis found him in the same place he’d left him. “Y/N called last night,” he reported, phone in his hand, “She said she was fine, and she just needed some time alone.” He handed to phone to Billy. “Here.”

Billy played the voicemail; it was short, the message Curtis had recited had been nearly word for word. Your voice sounded strained, and he knew you’d been crying. You said you were fine, but he knew you weren’t. And he knew why.

He left Curtis’ place and went to his own. There was an empty glass on his kitchen table. He flipped the table over and watched the glass shatter on the floor. He picked up a chair and threw it across the room, stalking over to the living room and giving it the same treatment. He moved silently, so pissed that he was calm. Billy knew the reason you’d left was him, he knew he was the cause of your hurt, and there was nothing he could do to take that pain away. No less than ten minutes later, his entire penthouse was in ruins, glass and furniture thrown all over the place. He stood in the middle of the wreckage, chest heaving, and felt just as empty as he did before.

So he went to Anvil and did it all over again in his office.

He sat on the floor, surrounded by scattered papers and busted furniture, his hand in his lap. Billy, in his cold, self-inflicted rage, had punched the wall a couple of times. Now his hand was bleeding and raw, pulsating with pain. It had been hours since Curtis had heard from you, and Billy was coming undone with every second that passed without having heard from you. He kept calling you, hoping that maybe you’d gotten a replacement phone, but it went straight to voicemail.

He ended up back at your place. He didn’t break anything—though he wanted to—instead, he sat on your bed, the same bed he’d spent the night in, the same bed he’d made love to you in, holding you and kissing you as he moved inside of you, head in his hands. He didn’t even look up when he heard the door open. He knew it wasn’t you. From the sound of the footsteps, it was probably Frank.

“Bill?” Frank’s rough voice sounded louder than usual in the empty apartment.

“Back here,” Billy called back. He heard Frank come in but didn’t look up. He hadn’t slept, but his guilt, shame, and pain kept him wide awake. “Hey, Frankie.”

“Hey… I saw the office. Curt went by your place and said it was even worse.”

“Yeah,” Billy said, “thought it would help. It didn’t.”

“I could’ve told you that,” Frank’s foot shifted, and Billy finally looked up at him. He looked about as bad as Billy felt. “This is on me. I’m sorry, Bill.”

“Nah,” Billy shook his head, “It’s not. This is my fault. I thought I had this all in order, thought I could have my cake and eat it, too.” He ran his bruised hand through his hair. “I should have paid more attention,” he sighed, “What we were doing was important, but… I should have known it was our anniversary, should have been there for her… This is on me, and me alone, Frank. There’s no one else to blame.” Frank looked away, and Billy knew he had something else to say. “What’s up, Frank?”

“Y/N called Karen. Eighteen minutes ago,” he said, anticipating Billy’s next question, “She said she’d be back in a few days, didn’t say back from where. She said she was safe, and that she was okay, and…”

Billy titled his head. “And what?”

“And she wanted Karen to tell you that it was over between you two,” he reported, his tone apologetic. “I’m sorry.”

Billy stood up then and punched the wall. Everything in his mind was white: empty, loud, and painful. He’d come in with the intention to just be in your space, planned to leave it all the way he’d found it, but now. You love Anvil more than you love me. Now it was over. He’d hurt you beyond repair, he’d hurt you so much that you didn’t even want to be in the same city as him, let alone talk to him. He heard Frankie’s voice “Bill, Bill, stop”, and felt his hands on his shoulders. He pushed him away, turning and stalking to the living room. Frank didn’t follow him. Billy grabbed things at random, a lamp here, a bottle of lotion there, and threw them as far as they would go. He was careful not to break anything he knew you cared about. When he grabbed your favorite mug, he just growled and put it back on the table. Everything else was fair game; he’d clean it up later, of course, but right now, he just needed to rage. The more he moved, the more things he crushed and broke, the more he felt everything that ever mattered to him slip out his hands. He screamed, a long, wordless cry, and punched another hole in the wall, welcoming the sharp pain that came with the action. He imagined punching himself, wished he could match the pain in his heart with something external, something physical. He deserved it. You didn’t.

You deserved better. He knew that. But he also knew that nothing was over, nothing was really over, until he spoke to you.

He whipped his phone out and dialed your number, heart pounding. “You got 24 hours to call me,” he said, his voice just an octave above a growl, “before I come and get you.” He closed his eyes, picturing your face. God, he missed you. He needed to be with you, needed to hold you and kiss you. He’d been planning to get down on his knees, and now he was adjusting that plan. He’d get down on his knees and beg. Billy Russo, begging. But you were worth it. “I love you.”

Later, after he’d nearly yelled himself hoarse, Billy found himself back at Anvil. He addressed his staff, telling them not to call or bother him for the next few days, and then went to the store. He bought drywall, paint, hammer, nails, screws, and new furniture. He spent the night cleaning up your apartment, taking a moment to call your phone company and order a new phone for you. He fixed what he could and replaced what he couldn’t, taking great care to be sure that he didn’t leave any glass or debris in your apartment. Billy sat down at the table, eyes heavy but unable to sleep. He looked down at his phone. Curtis and Frank had called to check in on him, and he knew they had tried to reach you as well. He called you again, closing his eyes when he was greeted by your voicemail.

“Please,” he began, feeling like the walls were closing in on him, “baby, please… I am so, so sorry that I forgot our anniversary. I’m an asshole, I know. I messed everything up. But please, baby, just tell me you’re okay, tell me you’re safe, please, I need to know you’re safe.” He took a breath, trying to calm himself down. He tasted tears in the back of his throat. “I… I fucked it all up. I knew I would.” He shook his head, hand shaking as he held the phone to his ear. “I knew I’d do something to…” He inhaled sharply. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Better than war, better than money, better than Anvil, and I should have made you feel like that, because it’s true. You make me so happy, and I…” He dragged his bruised hand over his face. Too little, too late. “God,” he sighed, opening his eyes and letting the first tear fall, “I made you feel unloved and alone and abandoned.” Billy hated himself in that moment more than he’d ever hated himself before. He’d done a lot of terrible shit in his life, made a lot of mistakes, but this… Doing this to you, hurting you, making you feel the way you probably felt now… This was the worst thing he’d ever done. “I am so, so sorry baby, I love you so much. I’m sorry. I know I don’t deserve you, and that I fucked everything up and that I probably…I probably lost you forever, but please… Call me back—or Frank or Karen or Curtis. Please…I love you.”

He spent the rest of the night at the table, head in his hands, waiting to hear from you. He ate a little, tried to sleep, but couldn’t do it. He watched the sun rise and felt empty at the sight of the daily miracle. He wanted to see you, wanted to wipe the tears from your face and hold you to him, wanted to beg your forgiveness and feel your lips against his. He wanted to see your smile. He wanted to hear your voice.

His wish was granted. His phone rang, and he didn’t recognize the number, but he knew who it was.

“Y/N—”

“I’m in Connecticut,” you said, voice all business, “I’m fine, I’m safe, I’m gonna stay here for a few days, and I don’t want to see you when I get back.” Then you hung up.

Billy stood up, redialing the number, knowing you wouldn’t pick up. He ran the number through his system, memorizing the name of the hotel. He knew exactly who to call. “Hey, it’s Russo. I need a favor.” He gave a few details before hanging up, grabbing his keys. His next call was to Frank. “I’m going to Connecticut,” he informed him, “I got a ride from Morales, I should be there in two hours.”

“Good luck, brother,” Frank said, “and just… Give her time.”

“Yeah,” Billy nodded, even though Frank couldn’t see him, “Yeah, I will.”

Morales was an old friend from Afghanistan and a gifted pilot, and he could tell as soon as he picked Billy up that he was in a bad place. Neither of them spoke the entire way there. Billy gave him a quick nod as he got into the rental car that was waiting for him and drove to your hotel.

He called you as he stood in front of your room—as a security consultant, it was almost too easy to get your room number and information from the front desk—but you didn’t answer. He was about to knock on the door when it swung open, and he came face to face with the love of his life.

He put the phone into his pocket as he stared at you. You looked so sad, so broken. His hands twitched at his side, the urge to hold you strong. “You said you didn’t want to see me when you got back, so… I came to see you.” He said simply.

You blinked. “You—how did you get here so fast?”

“Made a few calls, chartered a chopper to bring me here,” he answered. “Can I come in?”

Wordlessly, you stepped back, letting Billy come into the room. He looked around. So this is where you’d run away to. Where he’d forced you to go with his neglect. His eyes landed back to you, looking you over briefly. “You okay?” He asked. “Are—are you hurt? Are you safe?”

You nodded. “I’m fine.” You looked him up and down. He was still wearing his riot gear, and he wished he’d had the foresight to change before he came here. “When was the last time you slept?” You asked, still concerned for him.

“I haven’t slept since you left me.” He answered honestly, giving a one-shouldered shrug. “I trashed my office, broke everything in my apartment, called in all kinds of favors to track you down…”

“Well, here I am,” you plopped onto the bed and sighed, “Billy, I… I don’t even know what to say to you,” you looked up at, tears in your eyes, “you promised you’d do better,” your voice broke, “You lied to me.”

Billy dropped to his knees in front of you, just like he knew he would. “I know,” his eyes were shining, “I broke my promise and I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry, you deserve better than this, better from me.” He blinked back tears. He wanted to hold you, wanted to touch you, but he kept his distance.

“I do,” you agreed, your words coming out in a whimper that broke his heart. You wrapped your arms around yourself, and Billy knew it should be his arms holding you.

Billy reached out and put his hands on your knees. He was careful with his touch, if you tensed up, he’d remove them. But you didn’t. If anything, you leaned into it. “I’m so sorry, baby. Frank needed my help, and I thought I had time to help him and make it to dinner, but…” He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. I made a promise to you and I broke it. And if,” he ducked his head down before bringing it back up, eyes swimming in unshed tears, “if you have to leave me, I get it… I fucked up. I fucked up so many times and you were so patient, and I took advantage of that. I don’t deserve you. I never deserved you.” He took a shuddering breath, trying to keep himself together. “I love you so much, Y/N, and I’ll always love you, but… if you tell me that you never want to see me again…” The next words he spoke were hard, but he had to say them. He had to let you know that he would do anything for you, even if it broke his heart. “I’ll honor it.”

“I don’t want that,” you said, putting your hands over Billy’s on your knees, “but I can’t just forget and forgive. I can’t trust you. I love you, Billy, I love you so much, but you…” You took a deep breath. “…You put work ahead of me every time and I can’t take it anymore. I can’t live like that anymore.”

“I know,” he nodded, eyes never leaving yours, “I know, sweetheart.”

“I love you,” you whispered. And those three words were enough to make Billy’s heart stop. You still loved him.

“I love you, too,” he said. You moved, wiping a tear from the corner of his eyes, and the soft, simple gesture made him want to cry. But he needed to be strong for you. This wasn’t about him—he’d fucked up, he deserved to feel this way. You didn’t. You needed to heal, and if he needed to break to make that happen, then he would.

You took another breath, staring down at Billy. He could see in your eyes that what you were about to say wasn’t easy for you, and it wouldn’t be easy for him to hear. “I don’t want to lose you, but I can’t do this with you anymore, I can’t keep being a footnote in your life.” You leaned forward and placed both hands on either side of Billy’s face, eyes boring into his. “If I ask you to do something, will you do it?”

“I’d do anything for you,” he said with no hesitation.

“I need another few days here,” you said, “and I need you to go. I want all of your stuff out of my apartment by the time I get back.” Billy’s physically flinched, but he didn’t interrupt. “I think… I think I’m gonna need some time before I can be with you again, but if you’ll wait—”

“—of course I’ll wait,” Billy promised, nodding. He’d sleep at your doorstep if he had to. Any sense of pride went out of the door when it came to you, that was how much he loved you.

“—then maybe we can get back to where we were,” you finished, “because I really do love you, Billy.”

“I love you, too,” he said back.

You moved, tears falling down your pretty face, and pulled him towards you in a hug. He was shaking, and you kissed the side of his face. Billy closed his eyes, taking in your scent and the feel of you against him. He wanted to memorize this moment, wanting to keep this in his heart in case he… In case of the worse. The two of you stayed huddled up like that; half of you on the bed and the other half crouched on the floor with Billy, for almost an hour, no words passing between you, but plenty of things being said nonetheless. Neither of you were still crying by the time you separated. He had hope. You loved him, and he would give you as much time as you needed to come back to him. He’d be waiting.

You smiled weakly at Billy, running your hands through his thick, dark hair. The gesture nearly made him faint, he was so happily overwhelmed by the affectionate gesture. “I’ll see you in New York,” you said.

He smiled back. “See you in New York.”

The first thing Billy did when he got back was get all of his shit out of your apartment. If you wanted space, if you needed time away from him, then he would give it to you. It was hard, once it was all said and done, and there was no trace left of him, but it had to be done. Your phone had arrived, and he left it on your kitchen table. He wasn’t surprised when he got back to his place to find Frank there.

“I think I need to take a step back from Anvil,” Billy said, voice hollow. He’d had a rough day.

Frank nodded. “How about you get some rest, and I’ll call Curt and let him know you’re taking a break.”

“I don’t want to leave it all on him,” he said.

“You won’t. I’m with him. And I’m with you, Bill. Come on,” Frank opened the door and led Billy into the penthouse, “Between me and Curt,” he went on, “We’ll handle Anvil. You just worry about you.”

For the next few weeks, Billy kept himself busy getting his shit in order. He still worked at Anvil, of course, but he’d cut his hours down considerably, wanting to be more available and accessible to you. The paper even ran a short story on him and Anvil, and he smiled when he saw it. He loved you so much, not a day went by that he didn’t have to convince himself not to go to your job or apartment. He missed you like crazy, but he kept his promise and kept his distance like he said he would. But you hadn’t said anything about sending him a letter. He wrote you a quick note, and signed it with what was on his mind and in his heart: I’ll always wait for you. I love you. I miss you.

The day you called him back, the day you got the note, had been one of the best days of his life. Miraculously, you had said you wanted to see him, and he’d practically broke his neck rushing to you.

You were smiling when you opened the door, and Billy smiled back, feeling lighter than he had in weeks. “Hey,” you said simply, moving to let him through the door.

“Hey,” he said back.

“You’re right on time,” you said, referring to your brief phone call.

He grinned. He’d hoped you’d been timing him. He wanted to prove to you that he was better, he’d learned his lesson, and he’d never make the mistake of hurting you like that again. He’d do anything for you. “And I always will be,” he promised, “from now on.”

And he kept that promise. You didn’t want things to go back the way they were, not right away, and Billy respected that. So he wooed you all over again. He sent flowers to your place, brought you lunch and dinner on days he knew you were too busy to cook, called and texted you as much as he could, asking about your day and checking up on you. There were still days when work got in the way; it was inevitable, but Billy made sure to always let you know if he was going to be working late or come late to a date. And he always made up for it. The first time you made love since breaking up had been incredible, Billy had lost himself in your touch, grateful that he had you in his life again. He was perfectly fine with taking it slow, he liked the chance to get to make you fall in love with him again, liked the build-up. Every day he felt more and more confident that he was going to get you back, and every day he tried to show you that he loved you.

The day you asked about moving in together had been what he was waiting for—the sign that showed you were ready to be with him, really be with him, again. He knew you loved him, but he also knew that you were being careful, keeping your guard up in case he hurt you again. He didn’t blame you, but he tried to make you see that—despite everything—you could trust him. So when you started asking about the penthouse and spending more time there, he thought it was just because you wanted to be around him more, but it was also because you were trying to decide if you wanted to stay there. Apparently, you did.

“Would you… Would you want to move in together?” You asked. You were in bed, drinking a cup of coffee, wearing one of his hoodies and nothing else. “I mean… It wouldn’t have to happen right away or anything, you know…”

“Let’s start moving you in this weekend,” he said, grinning.

After that, Billy felt more than secure in his relationship with you. Every night, he went to sleep with you in his arms, and he woke up to your beautiful smile and soft lips every morning. Anvil was doing fine—better than fine, actually, with Billy, Frank, and Curtis at the helm, and his workload had become more manageable than ever before. He had you, and you loved him.

You were asleep, head on his chest, while Billy scrolled through his phone. He looked down at you, his angel, and thought back on those dark times—nearly a year ago now—when you left him. He couldn’t go through that again. He wouldn’t. He loved you more than he loved anything else in his life, more than wealth, more than prestige, more than Anvil—you were all he wanted in life. Anything else was just a bonus. He grinned, his face illuminated by the light of his phone. He found the ring. He made the decision.

This time, when he got down on his knees, it would be to ask you to be his wife, to be by his side for the rest of his life. And this time, when he promised you he’d love, honor, hold, and respect you for the rest of his life, he’d keep it. He wouldn’t dare break it, not even once.

This time, he had his priorities straight.

*******************************************************************************************

I hope you liked this! Let me know what you think of it, please! 

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[ssironstrange]

endgame rant

SPOILERS AHEAD PLEASE AVOID IF YOU HAVENT SEEN IT YET

yeah i know i said i wouldn’t post spoiler shit but listen i gotta get this off my chest ok

i have some REAL BIG FUCKING ISSUES with the way the russos handled a lot of plotlines. don’t get me wrong, this movie was amazing and epic and fucking award worthy, but as a fan i’ve taken offense to a Lot of things.

clint

nothing about his ronin story makes a lick of fucking sense in the mcu. his family is dusted so he…… goes on a mass murdering spree??? decides that he should get a haircut and spend the next five years getting an edgy tattoo sleeve??? um. okay then. destroy the past like 10 years of his character having one of the best moral compasses of the entire team. why did he take up using a fucking SWORD in present day? do you know how long it takes to master swordsmanship at the level he was? with at least half of the world’s teachers gone? more than five fucking years thats for damn sure. and between him and natasha dying for the soul stone? it should have been him. i know he had a family and all but listen. nat went through physical and psychological torture. her body was modified against her will. she was brainwashed and used. and finally, FINALLY she gets free of it all, finds a family in the avengers, and continues to try and better herself to make up for things that weren’t even her fault to begin with. and clint? what did he suffer? oh thats right. nothing. he’s just damn good at his job and loves his family. the fact he has a family sucks for sacrifice, but they are well taken care of and every single one of his kids are old enough to understand AND nat would have stepped in immediately as a parental figure to help laura. they fucking fridged nat for clint and i will never forgive that.

thor

here we go. thor’s character legit made me uncomfortable. they went way overboard with the new thor personality. but… fatshaming and making fun of his very real depression and ptsd?? wtf russos. like, haha he let himself go so funny but its NOT. he wasn’t even like…. fat, for one. just a normal dadbod and beer belly. which by the way seems a lot more realistic according to most norse myths of the gods. they were warriors, yeah, but they drank a fucking lot and feasted a fucking lot so. anyway. thor has lost his entire family. not only that but he watched them all die. he saw his mother bleed out. he watched his father disperse into nothingness. he watched the brother he has loved and cherished no matter the amount of times of betrayal and misdeeds get his neck snapped and his lifeless body thrown to the ground. and then the sister he never knew he had killing almost all of your people and then being forced to find a way to kill her. can you imagine trying to cope with that??? and when you put his age into our perspective, he’s only in his 20s. so imagine seeing your whole family die before you’re even 25, then taking on the responsibility of ruling your people. said surviving people are then massacred in front of you with only a few dozen escaping. THEN living with the guilt of blowing your chance to kill the man responsible for that and unable to stop him from decimating half the universe. (and even when he does get revenge on him, it’s too late) tell me you wouldn’t have an atomic level meltdown. thor is suffering so much and all they can do is make fun of him for it and shame him for it. he deserved better.

steve

yall know i don’t like steve. i don’t hate him and i’m not anti-steve, i’ve just never enjoyed his rather inconsistent character and self-righteousness. it felt like we were FINALLY getting a steve i could get behind in this. a steve that swears like he should. a steve who still puts on a brave face for the public but behind closed doors with friends he’s miserable and broken like the rest of them and SHOWS it to them. a steve who realizes he is stuck in the past and just can’t seem to move forward. a steve who i can finally see the culmination of EVERYTHING he’s been through resting on his shoulders and eating him alive inside. finally we were getting a properly layered steve rogers. and then tony came back and that all fell apart. we didn’t get the apology steve owed him (and tbh tony owed him one too but we’ll get to that), we didn’t get a remorseful steve. he didn’t even address the goddamn issue. he went straight back to his bullshit. admittedly he was a better listener this time around and a far better team player overall. it wasn’t a total loss. but. BUT. his ending? no. hell fucking no. i’m happy he and peggy got their life, but it still shouldn’t have happened. how fucking selfish. how fucking backwards of his character. i get he didn’t have a choice in being brought back into the present and that is unfair and sucks for him, but what fucking right did he have to mess with a timeline like that? what right did he have to just decide without telling anyone he was done and giving up? why did he get the fucking happy ending???? steve rogers who looked tony in the eyes and said he wasn’t the kind of man to lay on the wire for someone copped out. steve rogers who knows of all the social progress we’ve made decides to go back to a time where he would be forced to accept segregation and extreme gender inequality and rampant, blatant, gross racism of all sorts oh and more war and alkjdalksdhkas NO plus they broke their own time travel rules so like whatever i guess right?? it’s okay if steeb gets his stupid happy ending right? god is it SO MUCH TO ASK FOR JUST ONCE TO HAVE A GOOD CHARACTERIZATION OFCAP???? it’s not your fault cevans honey you’re doing amazing your directors just have no fucking idea 

tony

frankly this has been amongst rdj’s best performances of tony. i’m still partial to a lot of his acting in the iron man movies BUT this was FANTASTIC. him finally being allowed to absolutely go off on steve was fucking delicious and everything i was waiting for. let it all out tony baby. buuuuut we should have also had something more. i know my fellow tony stans typically don’t believe it but tony was wrong in civil war too. surprise they both fucking were. ANYWAY. i was waiting for an honest apology between them both. after everything they just went through, NONE of the petty bullshit they went through before matters at all. and yet the closest thing we get is tony just being like “turns out i don’t like to hold grudges” or what the fuck ever. why is it so hard just to make one of them say i’m sorry, the other say i’m sorry, admit it was a bunch of BULLSHIT hug it out and then go forward???? ugh. their choice to make tony suddenly care about his dad and be happy to see him???? disgusting. they made it canon that howard was an abuser, neglectful, cold, and hateful. it’s been a BIG DEAL how tony has struggled with the relationship to his dad because of how shitty the man was to him. and then they do tHAT? fuuuuCK that!!!! i’m not saying tony isn’t allowed to forgive howard. thats fine and expected tbh. but they pushed it way too far. the tony stark we’ve known for the last decade would never get all giddy and happy to see him and hug him and fucking thank him??? what the fuckk?? god that was gross. you know what we should have gotten? what tony deserved more than howard fucking stark? MARIA STARK!! and then, of course, my main issue. they fucking killed him. which only tells us, the audience and fans that no matter what you suffer and sacrifice that your only way to redemption is death. jesus fucking christ i am SO angry over this. they killed the two who suffered the fucking most. the two who every single goddamn day worked on being a better person. nat and tony both deserved so much better than waht they got. how the fuck did it make sense to kill tony who now has a fucking CHILD, who still has a future, who FINALLY FOR ONCE IN HIS FUCKING LIFE FOUND A SHRED OF PEACE????? and then let steve just go selfishly galavant through time as he pleases to have the cute happy ending? FUCK that ending. fuck it right up the ass with a huge unlubed cock. steve should have been the one to use the gauntlet. period. he should have been the one to die like that. i would have still fucking cried but you know what?? that would be the most cap thing ever. i wanted a mirror of pre-serum steve jumping on that grenade, but this time grabbing the gauntlet and not hesitating for a split second to snap. but no. they killed tony who left behind a wife who DESERVED MORE THAN HAVING THE MAN SHES LOVED AND SUPPORTED AND MARRIED AND HAS A CHILD WITH RIPPED AWAY FROM HER!!! tony who left behind a daughter too young to really comprehend yet why her daddy isn’t going to be coming back. fuck you russos. the injustice of it is astounding. i’m never going to get over it. you know how they could have killed tony? if they really felt like they needed to? have him grow old and die naturally of old age with pepper in their cute little lakeside house after watching morgan grow into such a strong and brilliant person. but oh. they gave that to steve. right.

stephen

i’ll never complain about having more stephen content but uhhhh i’m gonna complain that we didn’t get more than what we got cause after sitting in the soulworld for five fucking years you canNOT tell me he didn’t get even stronger with time to practice and meditate and work through every iota of information of mystical shit in his head. and yet they sidelined him??? after we’ve SEEN what he’s capable of in IW? just gonna put him on flood control???? something that any of those goddamn sorcerers could have done while he helps wipe the floor with thanos or any of the thousands of enemies? fuuuuuuuuuck that. can you fucking imagine how quickly thanos would have been taken out if it were wanda, carol, and stephen all three against him? jesus. he’s literally amongst the most powerful people but nah, just have him stand over there.

the gay russo

FUCK you for that. i am LIVID about it. yall can’t fucking make valkyrie bi???? or carol????? yall can’t GET AN ACTUAL GAY ACTOR? “ We felt it was important that one of us play him, to ensure the integrity and show it is so important to the filmmakers that one of us is representing that. “ WHAT????????? are you fucking telling me a WOC WHO IS OUT AS BISEXUAL AND WANTS HER CHARACTER TO BE BISEXUAL COULDNT ENSURE THE INTEGRITY OF AN LGBT CHARACTER???????????????? “ It is a perfect time, because one of the things that is compelling about the Marvel Universe moving forward is its focus on diversity.”  SEE PREVIOUS COMMENT????? oh my god fuck them forever.

lets make rules for our time travel then break them immediately

idek whats going on in the timeline anymore. they utterly fucked up and BROKE the timeline of 2012 avengers after letting loki get away with the tesseract. which should have cascaded into their future but, well, it didn’t. so i GUESS now we’re just pretending that made a new timeline which makes no goddamn sense but whatever i guess. steve going back to completely fuck with his timeline, or a timeline at least, and having no consequences in the future besides being old. okay. sure??? we can do all that but we can’t fucking get natasha back. right. cool. okay.

anyway i’m sure theres more bugging me but these are the things bothering me most.

and frankly i don’t care if anyone disagrees i’m not arguing or debating any of this. 

[mschrisaholic]

Woman can really be the weakness of man!

!!!ENDGAME SPOILER!!!

Imagine:

You’re one of the casts of the Avengers: Endgame. You and other casts watched one of the fake scenes which Captain is killed by Thanos (RDJ’s ig post) on the set after you finished filming the big fight scene of the movie. What happened then???

P.S.~

English is not my first language, so please do forgive me if I make any mistakes, which I am so sure that there are some in my writing;)) Enjoy~

My Masterlist

Wanna be tagged whenever I make new posts?

— Your shared hotel suite with Chris in Atlanta —

“Babe, it’s almost the time, we need to be on set.” Chris was the first one to be waken up by the alarm, as he was sleeping next to you, he held you tighter in his arms and muttered while he was hiding his face in the crook of your neck.

“I don’t wanna film that scene, it’s too emotional for me. I don’t wanna say goodbye to Tony…” You turned around to face Chris and you did the same thing as Chris did.

“Trust me, nobody wants,” Chris stroked your hair and laid a kiss on it, “but still, we need to film that.”

“It’s the first time I hate my job that much…”

“Hey, it’s nice that you still got me with you, right?” Chris pulled you out of his arms so that he could stare in your eyes.

“Right! I’m gonna order room service. What do you want for breakfast, big boy?”

“You.” Chris said and he gave you a passionate kiss.

“Sorry, sir,” you pulled him away, “She’s not available right now because of her morning breath. She’s only available for dinner.”

Chris laughed and for sure, grabbed his left boob.

“Remind me to order it tonight then! I’m gonna have bacon and eggs now.”

“Then I’ll have pancakes so that we can share!”

After you had breakfast, Chris and you headed to the set to film the most emotional scene in the MCU history ever.

— On the set of Avenger: Endgame —

“Y/n!” RDJ saw you and he yelled your name immediately. Well, you’re one of his favorite casts on set cause you’re like the first one to support all his parties and the first one to laugh at his jokes. Sometimes, you don’t even laugh at Chris’s but RDJ’s and silly Chris will be slightly jealous of him.

“Robert!” You got rid of Chris’s hand and ran to give RDJ a big hug. Chris pouted a bit and followed your steps.

“Hey, it’s not my last day today. Are you gonna cry for me like hell that day then?” RDJ hugged you back and gave you a pat on your upper back.

“Trust me, she is! She is on the verge of crying this morning.” Chris stroked your hair and answered the question for you.

“Yeah, I am. Today is already too much for me.”

“It’s good that the sentimental Chris here got someone who is as emotional as him. You’re lucky, man. Maybe instead of holding a party tonight, I should hold a crying ceremony.”

“Oh thanks, Robert. But Chris and I can have one whenever we want, as we are too emotional all the time.” You said and faked crying, which made RDJ and Chris laughed.

After you three had chatted a while, the Russo’s brothers gathered every cast to get ready for the big fighting scene, the scene that everyone fighting against Thanos.

The stunts in the scene almost killed you to be honest, you needed to flip around and also did the wire-flying thing.

After filming the bug fighting scene, you went to find your boyfriend, tried to find some comfort after all the tough stunts that you did. When you went to Chris’s trailer, you couldn't see him and Mark called you from behind.

“Hey, y/n!”

“Mark! You're finding Chris too? He's not here.”

“He's filming. Do you wanna go watch? Many of us are there.”

“We can watch that? My script didn't have something like this...”

“Yes, we can watch that! Even me! Come with me!”

Well, even Mark could watch it, then why couldn't you? So you followed Mark.

When you’re on the set, you saw Josh was standing on the rock, in the middle of your boyfriend and Robert, Hemsworth was lying on the ground not far from them.

“Action!"

After the Russos’ brothers yelled action, the wire started hanging up Chris in the air when Josh the Thanos was holding Chris’s neck so tightly. You saw Chris the Captain America struggling from the grip. You knew what was going on and you couldn’t help but started crying. You gripped Mark’s arm. When you saw Chris failed to get rid of Thano’s grip and fell on the ground. You started to gave Mark’s arm a much tighter grip and sobbed.

The Russos’ brothers finally yelled “Cut”, but it was too late for you to stop crying already. Maybe there’s nothing to stop it already, knowing that Tony was dying already hurt you so much, and now even Captain America was killed by Thanos? You could feel your heart was already shattered in pieces.

You couldn't properly speak, all you could do was staring at Chris, the Captain America, who was now climbing up from the ground, patting off the dust on his suit while he was looking around the set.

Chris's smile got widened when he saw your figure, but it started fading once he realized that you're sobbing. Mark standing next to you gave Chris a puzzled look and shrugged at him. Chris ignored Hemsworth who was trying to talk to him about the scene and ran to you.

“Y/n, what's wrong?” Chris asked once he was facing you.

You couldn't say anything because of your crying, all you could do was holding Chris into your arms holding him so tight in your arms.

Chris tried to comfort you by patting your back and asked you what happened.

“Y/n, what happened? Hmm?”

“They can’t do that to you… Tony is gonna die and Captain America dies too… I don’t think I can take this…” You tried your best to say something with your shaking voice.

“Oh god...” Chris said as he stroked your hair gently, trying to soothe you.

RDJ, the Russo's brothers and the other Chris followed your boyfriend and then they were standing next to you two and the other casts.

“Tell her, Chris.” RDJ whispered to Chris, who was still holding your crying figure.

Chris got what RDJ meant but he was not so sure about it, everybody knows the “No spoiler” rule. So instead of directly telling you, he looked at the Russo's brothers and of course, he received nods from both Anthony and Joe.

Chris pulled you away from his hug and held your hands in his instead. Then, he led you to his trailer while you were still kinda sobbing and when you two were there, he let you sit on the couch.

“Hey, y/n.” Chris sat next to you on the couch and held one of your hands in his while his other one was wiping your tears away.

“I can’t see both of my favorite heroes die… Especially you… Although I’m not playing your love interest in the film, it still hurts so much.”

“I know. It’s because you love me so much. But what I’m trying to you is that it’s all fake. The scene that you’ve just watched is a fake one, it is used to fool all of you."

“Oh god, thanks god. But why are you telling me? Isn’t it forbidden to do so?” You were too happy and you throw your arms around his neck.

“Well, while you’re crying back then, I was approved by the directors. Thanks for being so trustworthy. What can I say, woman can really be the weakness of man!”

“Oh god! I’m so happy for you, for Cap. God, I must have acted so silly.” You chuckled while you're now wiping your now happy tears away.

“I'm glad that you're crying for me and for my character, but your tears do scare me a lot. I'm so worried.”

“I know. I'm sorry. But hey, what's the ending of Captain then? Did he go back in time and find Peggy?” You asked Chris the question that you've always wanted to ask him.

“Um... I didn't get approved to answer that one, y/n.” Chris pouted.

“Do you think my tears will work again this time?” You smiled mischievously.

“I don't think it will for them, but it definitely will for me. I don't wanna see you cry tho, so please don't cry. Whenever you cry, I don't know what I can do and I start getting panic.”

“Oh no. You don't, babe.” You held Chris in your arms and he put his arms around your torso. You two just stayed like this until RDJ came and called you two out.

—Tag List—

@samros95 @rororo06

[minaminokyoko]

Avengers Endgame: A (Late, Incredibly Long) Spoilertastic Review

Well, it’s done.

I did it. We did it. We all watched the original lineup of Avengers’ stories come to its end.

So what did I think?

It was phenomenal. A worthy ending to a more than worthy series of films and stories.

There are just so many things to go over and so many points to hit that I have to warn you this review is likely going to be just as long as Endgame’s running time, so strap in.

Overall Grade: A-

Naturally, spoilers below.

I’m taking a note from a friend of mine and have decided that due to the film’s epic length and its history, the best way to tackle my reactions is first per character, and then I can evaluate things like plot and story and action. Just a heads’ up. So here we go.

Tony

Christ. I…wow, where do I even start?

There’s just so much to talk about with this movie and the arc that Tony Stark has been fulfilling since his first film. I almost don’t know how I can even put into words what I feel for this character. Tony came to us as this swaggering, arrogant diva, and yet the first Iron Man breaks him down to his core character. Tony Stark is a man with everything and nothing. He has the looks, the intelligence, and the resources to have everything a person could want, and yet he has no family and no deep connections with others aside from Rhodey and Pepper when it all starts. The core of the MCU was very cleverly built around the theme of Tony’s heart, and that’s perhaps why so many of us are devastated to know his fate. We all saw it coming. There was sadly no other way Tony’s story would pan out if we wanted to stick to his full arc. Tony could not rest until he knew the universe would be safe, and he made sure it would be before he left us. His legacy is incredible. It’s so…hell, to use a bad pun, heartwarming.

I guess the best thing to do in order for me to not just recap every amazing thing he’s done since Iron Man is to recap moments in Endgame for Tony that leapt out at me as exceptional:

-The intro with Tony playing paper football with Nebula. Stab me in the heart. That was so cute. It’s so very like Tony to try and keep her strong and keep her spirits up when they were literally staring death in the face. It was unexpectedly adorable, and even without us having seen the days they spent together, you could tell that Tony treated her in a mature-ish fashion and that’s why Nebula appeared to be affectionate, or at the very least, respectful towards him when she is usually very distant. You could tell they totally depended on each other and it was an important partnership. I was very, very touched when she scooped him up and put him in the seat when they were approaching their final day together. It’s such a powerful thing to see how far Tony has come, through the lens of Nebula showing such compassion for him even in such a short amount of time. I love how the Russos are so good at conveying thoughts and emotions and story without saying it outright. It’s an amazing skill in filmmaking.

-Tony’s arrival back to earth, and his confrontation with the Avengers. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. My fucking feelings, y’all. Christ. I mean, the Russos already know how to gut-punch you and then kick you when you’re down, but Tony’s complete and utter break down still hurts like a mother. It’s just so raw and emotional, and it should be that way after a loss on this kind of scale. What really tipped me over into choking down frustrated tears was that Tony just looks at Cap desperately when he stumbles off that ship and says in this broken voice, “I lost the kid.” He can’t even bear to say Peter Parker’s name. The shame and loss and guilt is too much for him to say his little Spider Son’s name. Oh, fuck you, Russo brothers.

And then the team being in utter shambles over losing to Thanos, all of them just barely holding it together, and then Tony just shatters. He’s home and he’s with family, but he can’t get over this kind of failure. What really tears it is him going after Steve so viciously, and it’s so complex. He’s angry at himself, and he chooses to direct that anger at Cap because we all know Tony took it as a personal loss, as all of them did, that he couldn’t stop Thanos even though he literally gave it everything. He gave every last bit, every last drop, of effort, and he couldn’t stop Thanos. It just hurts. And the resentment that was already between Cap and Tony after Civil War is still clearly there, so the entire scene is just like being dragged naked over broken glass. RDJ and Evans’ acting here is some of the best of the entire series in this scene. It sets the stage and reminds us of the stakes amazingly well.

-Tony’s post Snap life, and his interactions with his family. All of us Tony stans called it that Tony would be a phenomenal father. He’s already shown us that he can be the right amount of strict and caring, and everything with Morgan is exactly what I dreamt it would be. I could rewatch the scenes with Tony and Morgan a thousand times. People can shit on Tony all they want and I will never listen to them, because it’s so apparent how much and how deeply he cares in scenes like this. Where he confronts Pepper after he figures out the time heist equation. Years ago, Tony may have lied to her or made a decision without consulting her, but Tony has grown as a person and he approaches his wife with one of the most important things he will ever do in his life and he asks for her opinion before he does anything. It’s such a good comparison to how he used to be. Tony’s heart is so huge in this whole sequence. It’s such a good representation of his internal battle between doing what is right for everyone and doing what is right for him.

-Tony and Cap’s reconciliation. Oh, my heart. I love how Tony approaches it in such a Tony sort of way, forgiving Cap and agreeing to move past their resentment for what happened in Civil War. I like that it was done in a brisk sort of way, and that a lot of the power in the scene comes from RDJ and Evans’ facial expressions. Really, these two act off of each other so well that part of why we’re all crying so hard about this movie is the horrible knowledge that we don’t get to see them act opposite each other in this context. I pray they stay friends in real life, and I would love to see them reunited on screen someday. It’s such a great relationship and it’s at the core of why this is such a great film series.

-The New York heist. Oh God. I can’t wait for them to tell us if the comment about Cap’s ass was in the script or if it was an improvised line by RDJ or Paul Rudd. It is by far one of the funniest things ever to happen in the MCU. Dear God, I was howling. The best part is that during the premiere we were all laughing so hard that I missed Cap’s initial reply, which was, “No one’s asking you to look, Tony.” Christ, I can’t deal. I know it’s straight up Stony pandering but I don’t give a fuck, it was hilarious. And it’s a very meta joke since Chris Evans’ gorgeous, flawless body is a meme thanks to his Dorito proportions (if you haven’t seen that yet, oh god, please look it up) and the fact that he has an absolutely phenomenal ass, especially for a white guy from Boston. Anyway, Tony and Scott’s whole interaction was perfect, and I loved how the scene went and how it led into the next one.

-The army base heist. Tony running into his father was such a good twist. I absolutely did not see that coming, but it was a really welcome conversation to give Tony closure. He’s felt so guilty for how he left things with them, and it was so touching to see him get a second chance at it, even if Howard was none the wiser. I really hadn’t expected anything like that, but it worked well with Tony’s arc and I thought it was very sweet.

-Tony’s reaction to seeing his baby boy, his little Spider Son, running up to him. My God. This was everything. I am a hardcore supporter of the Iron Dad and Spider Son dynamic, and this was the reunion I so sorely needed after the sick, demented, painful scene that was the final moments in Infinity War. Like the rest of you, the level of trauma that hit me when Peter Parker died is just…hell, infinite. The pain was just infinite. I both love and hate Tom Holland and RDJ for doing that shit to us. I did not know I could cry that hard about a fictional character, but I openly wept to the point of sobbing when Peter Parker died in IW, and to see him back in this scene was so wonderful. In my second viewing, the audience actually clapped when Peter swung through the portal, and that was quite sweet for me to experience. But back to the point: once again, I have to simply compliment RDJ’s acting. This is why we love him so much. It’s not even about the big, loud moments. His acting is so precise that the flurry of emotional expressions that Tony went through when his tiny son helped him up and started excitedly babbling to him about being dead, of all things, and then Tony just doesn’t even interrupt him, he just walks forward and pulls that little boy into his arms and holds him tightly in a hug and it’s just…wow. This is some spectacular acting on both their parts, and it heals a really wounded part of my heart, even though the next scene I talk about just breaks it all over again. Plus, at the time I wrote this review, the Spider-Man: Far From Home full trailer just dropped and (SPOILER ALERT) the opening scene is Peter Parker and Happy mourning Tony and I just feel like someone hammered a stake into my chest. This scene is so fantastic. It’s just another reminder of how damn much Tony Stark cares about the people around him and that he has an actual family now, and that’s why the next scene is possibly the saddest one of all.

-Tony’s death. Like Loki’s untimely demise, I knew this was coming from years and years of being a writer. Based on the track for his character arc and because RDJ announced this is his final official performance as the character, I knew Tony was going to die. There was no way around it. His determination to save everyone and correct the wrong done to the universe by Thanos would drive him past his limits and cause him to sacrifice it all. It’s just…man. I wish it had ended differently for him. Anyone who follows me on Tumblr knows that I tag all Iron Man posts with “we stan Tony Stark in this house” and that is how I feel. While Tony is not my favorite Avenger, I will stand up for him all day, err day. Tony Stark is the epitome of the human spirit, and in a different way than Cap, if you ask me. Tony is all of the dark and seedy parts, but also the defiance and the self-deprecation and the obsession and the power of the human spirit. He has so many vices and yet so many virtues. He cares to a fault. He blames himself to a fault. He has come so far after that brutal conversation in Avengers when Cap accuses him of not being the man to lay down on the razor wire and let the other guy crawl over you. He made the ultimate sacrifice play. As much as I reject the idea, we all knew it had to be him. It had to be. Because at the end of the day, Tony’s need to make his family safe was more precious to him than his own life. He gave up a future with his loved ones to make sure Thanos could never hurt them again. And all of it was capped off with a line that will probably haunt me forever, of Pepper’s soft, forgiving goodbye, “You can rest.”

-Tony’s farewell message to his family. Want to know something crazy? I cried so hard at the premiere. So hard. I was almost dry heaving with how hard I cried at Tony’s funeral. But then I had a week of time and I saw it again this past Sunday. I was choked up during his death but I didn’t shed actual tears this time until “I love you 3000.” Somehow, it didn’t hit me until the second time how they filmed Tony’s goodbye to us. They shot it in such a way that as he leans down to turn off the recording, he’s actually looking at us. Not directly into the camera, but so close to it that it finally hit me that this was RDJ’s goodbye and thank you to the fans. It was so touching and sincere that I finally broke down and actually cried again. What truly hurts is knowing that his loved ones have to be without him, and even though his sacrifice means everything, he is going to leave behind such a void. Even with his problems and his flaws, Tony was a damn good man and he was the right choice to begin this epic series. I can’t express how much I am going to miss him and how much I am going to miss RDJ in this shared universe. He’s so charismatic and wonderful and complex. It was not only a comeback for Tony Stark, but a comeback for a very troubled man, and it’s come full circle that Tony had a loving family just as RDJ has a loving family after his checkered past. To be honest, I’m likely going to do as I did for Loki and have a cutoff point in my brain for the MCU, where I don’t accept what happened because it’s too painful. I just pretend that nothing happened after that hug with Peter Parker and they all won the day and no one died. That’s just how it’s gotta be for me to survive a post Endgame world.

Thank you, Tony. You gave everything. I love you now and always.

Thor

-Thor executing Thanos. Standing. Fucking. Ovation. Right, so, I know that Thor probably should not have outright killed Thanos before they had more information, but at the same time, there was nothing more to get out of that son of a bitch and I clapped when Thor swung Stormbreaker and lopped that mo’fo’s head clean off, and I flipped off Thanos’ corpse with both fingers. Good boy. He told you he’d kill you, and he killed you, you sorry bastard. A+++

-Thor’s depression and weight gain. Alright. *rolls up sleeves* Time to make some enemies. I think Fat!Thor is a great idea, but the execution could have been done better. I recognize writing tricks when I see them, and Fat!Thor seems to be two ideas in one, and one of them is what is bothering the semi-reasonable part of the fandom. What I’ll do is explain my take on both parts of the overall idea.

(1) Thor’s depression at his failure (at the time) to reverse the Snap and save everyone is 100% accurate, in character, and is damn good writing. Thor has never actually full-on failed at anything in his life. The closest he has come is between being cast out in the first Thor movie for being irrational and cruel, and in Ragnarok where he had to let Surtur destroy Asgard in order to save his people. Even then, Thor lost battles, not the overall war. Therefore, Thor does not understand how to process failure. Yes, he also failed to save his mother, but at the same time, it’s not a failure on this level. He lost Frigga, Loki, the Warriors Three, and Heimdall, but this was literally trillions of lives that he feels were weighed on his shoulders, and his shoulders alone, even though as Rocket pointed out, losing the war was the fault of a LOT of people, not just Thor (and not Starlord either, you bunch of whiny hypocrites in the fandom, ugh). So becoming an alcoholic and giving up on his life as a hero is definitely how Thor would handle things. Think about it. He no longer has any guidance from his family, or his best friend, since they died. All he has is his Avengers family and Valkyrie. I’m sure the Avengers tried to talk him out of it to no avail, and that’s a really sad thing to know, that they couldn’t get him out of his depression spiral, so they let him wallow in it. As for Valkyrie, she’s still just barely recovered from her own trauma, and I am sure she probably tried to snap him out of it too, but he was too stubborn to listen. What I like about this point for his character is that Thor is right—he has always been expected to be “worthy” and to be the savior. Thor is the big gun on the team alongside the Hulk. He has always been the bravest, the noblest, and the most powerful person on the team, and he is expected as a king to win the day every time. But he lost. And he can’t reconcile it since he has always triumphed in the end. So it’s very understandable for him to lose control and just want to have nothing to do with the hero business, because if you fail once, you can fail again, and he couldn’t bear the thought of failing again, not after it cost him literally everything.

(2) Fat!Thor was an easy source of cheap laughs to keep the mood from getting too dark considering the subject matter handled in this movie. I am of two minds about this issue. On the one hand, I can see why certain people feel that this is fat shaming. It is. But the problem stems from the fact that the fat shaming is still a large part of American culture, and people have not broken the bad habit yet, and so it gets shifted into the easy laughs category. The easy laughs are for the Average Joe viewer. It’s for people who aren’t as conscious of how it sounds to mock him for his weight gain who are just used to “ha ha, fat person jokes.” Some fans felt uncomfortable that he was the butt of a few jokes because a lot of us who suffer from depression know that this is in fact a side effect. When you’re depressed, it’s easy to stress eat and overeat, and you lean heavily towards comfort foods that cause you to gain weight, and your depression makes you tired, so you also don’t exercise and that’s how you can end up overweight. On the other hand, while I agree with these folks about not liking the fat jokes, I also think it was necessary to show a character we all admire falling into the same pitfalls that we as mere Midgardians deal with on a daily basis. I don’t like the jokes, but I do like Fat!Thor’s inclusion in this story because people need to realize what depression does to a person. It shouldn’t have been handled this way, but from a strictly observer perspective, I understand why they went for the low hanging fruit. People needed to laugh since Endgame has very, very dark elements to it. I would have preferred they approach his weight gain in a more dignified fashion, but not every part of this movie was written for me and I sadly have to accept it. That’s my feelings on it.

-Thor’s encounter with Frigga on Asgard. I. FREAKING. LOVE. THIS. I did not see it coming, and I love it with every fiber of my being. This is such a heartwarming scene. I want to rewatch it a thousand times. I love Frigga immediately knowing what’s up (she’s not stupid and of course she noticed and it’s everything to me) and I love that she can clearly see how distraught her beautiful son has become. I love Thor having a panic attack, because that’s extremely realistic after he’s gone so long not having done any hero work, per se, and having to face his previous failed relationship with Jane, and with facing the day his mother died again. It’s really compelling writing. Frigga’s gentle reassurance is exactly what he needed, and it’s exactly what we needed to see him go through. He had to let go of the expectations piled upon him and accept himself for who he is, not who he needs to be as a warrior king and an Avenger. While I do wish they had gone on to show us a little more of who he considers himself to be instead of who he is supposed to be, I am really excited to hear Chris Hemsworth is one of the Avengers who has chosen to stay past the end of Phase Three. He’s young and funny and vibrant and I think Thor is his best role of his career anyhow (no offense meant, Hems, if you ever read this, you handsome golden retriever, you). I think exploring Thor’s personal goals and future will be very interesting.

-Thor’s reaction to Natasha’s death. This is a very small moment, but I actually like it a lot. I like that Thor’s optimism here is a form of denial. I like it because there are certain Avengers who despite the 11 year saga have not interacted with each other much, and Thor and Nat are probably my leading example. When it hit him that they couldn’t use the time stone to bring her back, the loss and devastation on his face almost made up for the fact that Thor and Nat have almost no lines with each other in the film series. I like it because it hurts and because it shows that she does matter to him, even though they don’t interact. It’s a nice detail to include since I was often a little sad I never got to see these two have dialogues. I personally have even written a bit of fanfiction about what their relationship could have been like, and I think it could have been sort of brother-sisterly. It’s a shame we won’t get to see it, but I like that it is given attention here at last.

-Thor wanting to undo the Snap. Yes. This is a very good character beat for him. Again, I agree it’s annoying he ends up getting another fat joke thrown at him (nice work, Rhodey, sheesh, it’s not like the poor guy was traumatized or anything), I like that Tony talks him down. I like that Tony doesn’t think he can’t do it, he’s worried that Thor is in so much pain that he shouldn’t try to make such a rash decision that could cost him his life. Tony seemed dismissive, but I think he was trying to protect his friend more than anything else. I think Tony also knew that it would be rough if Thor either died or became permanently crippled by undoing the Snap. Being able to fight is extremely important to Thor, even with his depression, because Thor is essentially a space Viking. It shows that Tony is aware that Thor’s not just bumbling around as a chubby drunk, but he’s legitimately in pain and he needs to take things slower.

-Thor giving Valkyrie the throne. First off, I need to sling salt at the freaking part of the Thorkyrie fandom that is somehow complaining about this scene. Are you kidding me? What movie did you watch? This is the ultimate freaking Thorkyrie scene, you bunch of whiny nincompoops! Thor literally gave Valkyrie the throne because she is so smart, powerful, and kind that he trusted her to take care of the people he loves with all his heart. The amount of trust and respect that is in this scene makes me want to just squeal for hours. I can’t handle how affectionate and reverent Thor is as he gives Valkyrie the throne. I love the long gaze they share. I love the handshake. I love that Val asks when she’ll see him again. I love that Thor has faith in her and how she will lead his people. Anyone bitching that this is an anti-Thorkyrie scene did not see the same movie we did, and you can all piss off. I love this scene to my core. I love seeing Valkyrie being assured to be a relevant part of Thor’s story and that it likely means Tessa Thompson is going to join us again for either Thor 4 or Guardians of the Galaxy 3. I am a giant freaking fan of her character and I can’t scream “SIGN ME THE FUCK UP” loud enough for her to be in future films with him, and with the MCU in general. I hope she signed a three movie deal or more. That would be amazing. But anyway, my point is, this scene is fantastic and I will be rewinding it a lot when this movie gets to DVD. Nothing makes me happier than Thor shooting heart-eyes at Val, and he was shooting them so hard in this scene that he even took his sunglasses off. God bless this scene.

-Asgardians of the Galaxy. I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN WITH THIS BUT I LOVE IT WITH MY ENTIRE FUCKING SOUL YOU GUYS. Everything about Thor hanging out with the Guardians makes me so incredibly happy. I can’t wait for shenanigans. I would assume the plot of the next one is finding Gamora and bringing her home and re-teaching her about her family and falling in love with Quill again, but who knows what wackiness awaits us? I can’t deal with Thor being a little shit to Quill. I could see his Hemsworth peeking through, and I am here for it. Half the reason we all love Thor as much as we do is that Taika was one of the first people to suggest letting Hems be more like himself, and Chris Hemsworth is basically a giant, hilarious puppy, and it really made Thor more fun and likable. Don’t get me wrong—I loved my noble prince, but he was still a big golden retriever even when he was more Shakespearean and all they truly did was dial it up to be a bigger part of his personality.

Really, I like what Thor went through in Endgame and how it connects with lots of elements in previous movies. While parts could have been done better, I thought it was fantastic and it shook things up in a way that should be quite intriguing for his future appearances. Of everyone, Thor is the character I am most excited to learn about continuing to be in the MCU.

Natasha

-Natasha taking a leadership role in the Post Snap years, and her conversation with Steve. Anyone who knows me knows that I am a die-hard Captasha shipper, but more than that, I think the friendship and love (platonic or otherwise) between Nat and Steve is by far one of the best relationships in the Avengers saga. I love how it began, how it developed, and where it is when we watch this scene of them together. I love how soft and gentle Steve is with her, and yet he teases her in this subtle way that’s almost like a verbal hug. Steve is just so compassionate and conscious of her emotional needs, the same as how she has been with him. I think this is such a precious relationship and it’s vital to both of them that they have someone to confide in when times are hard. It’s possibly even more beautiful because they aren’t canonically together as a couple; they’re just two friends who have bonded and been partners ever since The Winter Soldier, and they without a doubt love each other. (Side note: and I am not alone in this because Chris Evans even ships it, and that makes me so very pleased.) I gobble up all Captasha scenes, honestly, because it’s so well written and it’s come a long way from the first time they met in Avengers. But to get a little more in depth, Nat’s brief breakdown about Clint is really something else. Seeing her struggle with the idea that the man she loves (again, platonically) has become a monster, and struggling with the idea that she should move on but she can’t because she’s lost her family, is really damn hard to watch, but it’s necessary. It’s a really good reflection of the level of loss and trauma and pain our poor Avengers have had to deal with since the Snap. It’s an excellent scene.

-Nat going after Clint to bring him home once they figure out that the time heist is at least possible. Ow. This is another scene that is a big kick in the nuts. “Don’t. Don’t give me hope.” “I’m sorry I couldn’t give it to you sooner.” Bury me, this is such a good, quiet little scene for her. I really like their friendship and their bond. When Nat mentions family in the previous scene, this is what she’s talking about, and I love how Endgame might be the first film to openly acknowledge that the Avengers are family to each other. And what I like is that this series has earned that. Nothing makes me angrier than when people drop the F-bomb where it is NOT deserved. (*side eyes Suicide Squad and Deadpool 2*) The Avengers have fought and bled for each other, have supported each other, and have loved each other through hell and back, and they ARE a family. Bringing Clint home was a big deal to her, facing her fears of what he’s become, but seeing that he is still somewhat the man she knows and loves because he does return to the fold in the end.

-Natasha’s death. Hoo boy. Okay, so like Tony and Loki, I might just stick this in my Denial category. I was hit with a huge wave of “oh no, please no” when I found out Clint and Nat would be the ones going to retrieve the Soul Stone, because of course it had to be them. However, it was thematically the right choice for it to be Clint and Nat, since I personally think the only other combination it could have been was Steve and Tony or Steve and Nat in terms of “give up that which you love” that the Red Skull illuminated is the price for the stone. I think all the team members genuinely care for each other, but if I wanted to use the word love, yes, I’d say it comes down to members of the team who truly love one another, it’s Tony and Steve, Clint and Nat, and Nat and Steve. So I am in a very weird place about Nat’s death in this movie.

First off, I love how it was handled because it couldn’t have gone any other way. Of course both of them wanted to jump on this grenade for each other. Of course they both think they are the unworthy one who should die for the other person they love. Of course they fought over it.

Here's the thing, though: from a writing standpoint, it did need to be Natasha.

And before we go further, let’s address the elephant in the room fandom-wise: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, YOU MORONS, THIS IS NOT THE ‘STUFFED IN THE FRIDGE’ TROPE. God, I hate you sometimes, MCU fandom. I knew as soon as she sacrificed herself that all the fake feminists would run into the streets and climb onto their soapboxes and try to call the Fridge trope. Shut up. It’s not a Fridge.

For those not familiar with the trope, Stuffed in the Fridge is when a typically female character is unceremoniously killed off for usually one of two reasons (1) to cause a male character to angst (2) to further or advance a male agenda somehow.

Natasha’s sacrifice is neither of these things.

First off, it was her choice. Clint made it completely clear that he loves her and he did not want her to die for him. One of the primary problems with the Fridge trope is it robs the woman of her choice, and Nat is the one who decided that she would be the one to die for the Soul Stone. Calling this a Fridge is a blatant, insulting erasure of her motivation as a character.

Second off, Nat’s death is a sacrifice that wins a war. It’s not pointless, and it’s not just for angst, and it’s not just for a male character to get ahead in the story. She literally saves trillions of lives by trading her soul for the stone. Trillions. Yes, the team is devastated, but her death is not simply there to make you shed tears and nothing else. She saved them all. So don’t you dare try to pin this dumb trope on her, because it’s not accurate or correct.

Third off, this completes Natasha’s character arc. We’re introduced to the beginning of her arc in the iconic scene of The Avengers where she tricks Loki into revealing his scheme, but it turns out that while she does succeed, we find out what motivates her, and that Loki’s cruelty did affect her in the end. Clint was sent to kill her, but he shows compassion and instead recruits her. Clint gives her a second chance. And Nat, in sacrificing herself for the Soul Stone, gives Clint a second chance. It’s come full circle. One of my all-time favorite lines in this entire film series is hers, “I got red in my ledger; I’d like to wipe it out.” That. Is. A. Fucking. Great. Line. And this is the pay off and the completion of Nat’s character arc. She’s done horrible things and they have been chains on her soul and she felt that she needed to repay her debt in this way, and in a way that would save so many innocent lives. I will not have these people running around discounting that and acting like she is some victim. Natasha Romanov is not a fucking victim. Natasha Romanov died a hero. She is one of my favorite Avengers and I cried so hard at her loss, but I acknowledge that she did a brave, selfless thing for everyone she loved, and she will be remembered for that always.

Now. That being said…if you want to complain about a female character dying in a majority male story, yes, go right ahead. That is a legitimate complaint. It sucks that Nat died when most of the team is male. I will heartily concur with this criticism and offer no counterargument. It sucks. Period. I hate that she dies in the first act because I really love her fighting style and I wanted to see her kick more ass in the final battle because she’s amazing to watch. So yes, that’s a point I do take off from this movie.

In the end, I’m sort of straddling the fence for losing Nat, as I am with Tony, but I think a lot of people feel the same way. It is great writing, but the loss is so painful that I might not accept it totally.

Thank you for your bravery, Nat. Seriously, you’re one of my favorite female leads and you’ll be sorely missed. I can only hope the Black Widow movie helps me deal with the pain of losing you.

Steve

-Steve quietly taking all of Tony’s trauma-fueled ranting. This is so important. Chris Evans is so fantastic at acting in general, but all of his expressions as Tony lays into him are so underrated, man. He knows that Tony has reached a breaking point, and so he offers no vitriol in return. It’s a huge contrast to the scene in Civil War where the two of them argue. Steve is by no means a timid man. He recognizes that Tony is in such pain, as are all of them, and he just takes that rage because he knows it’s just how Tony chose to process everything because he can’t come to terms with it. We know he blames himself for being unable to stop Thanos, same as all of them do, and it’s such a testament to what a good man Steve is that he doesn’t fire back at Tony, and he is deeply concerned for him instead. Especially when Tony throws it back in his face that they’d lose together, and that’s what hurts the most during this scene. Tony was alone when he lost. Nebula was the only survivor, and she was a complete stranger to him until they repaired the Milano and tried to get back to civilization. I think Tony would still be angry and traumatized, but he’s always been able to look to his team members for ideas or comfort or just companionship in hard times. He nearly died, and that left a mark on him that ran so deep he just couldn’t stop spitting vitriol at possibly one of his closest friends, and it’s also important that they hadn’t spoken since the end of Civil War, so all of that anger and resentment is also tangled up inside them both. What a scene, man. What a scene.

-Steve mentoring people in the Post Snap years. This has a couple of really great things as a scene, honestly. First off, I love that even with Steve being heartbroken and refusing to move on, he still knows it is important to help others. Second off, I love that it’s almost implied that this is in honor of Sam Wilson, who did the same thing for soldiers who returned home from war struggling with PTSD. I really, really love Steve Rogers with all my heart for this scene. Even though he’s broken down and just as devastated as everyone else, he is still out there trying to help others. That is who he is at his core. Steve is the man who cannot stand by and let other people suffer. He won’t do it. It doesn’t matter what it costs him. He will defend and protect and nurture, always. By God, I love that about him.

-Steve’s quiet reconciliation with Tony. We discussed this above, but I love that Steve says so few words here and lets Tony do all the talking. There’s an almost silent “I’m sorry and I love you and I want you to be happy” in this scene together. Tony bringing back the shield just…my feelings…oh God, my feelings.

-Steve’s miniature speech before they head into the Quantum Realm. I love that even Rocket is impressed.

-Steve’s reaction to Nat’s death. Fuck. Me. Up. This hurt so badly. I can’t. I can’t with how Steve looks at Clint and Clint just looks back at him, and you can almost hear him telepathically saying, “Steve, we lost her.” Like I said before, Steve and Clint without a doubt love Natasha. Yes, Bruce does to some degree, but it’s not the same (sorry, y’all, I think BruceNat was trash and I will never accept it because it was forced and awkward and made no sense to me) as the deep vein of friendship and love she had with both men. It killed me when they were out on the dock and Steve was openly crying for her. We saw Steve crying in the trailer but we didn’t know this was the context. Oh, this hurts me. Steve loved her with all his heart. She was his best friend, same as Sam and Bucky were, and to lose her with no chance of ever getting her back is a terrible, terrible loss. Boy, this scene was rough to endure. I can only imagine how he must have felt having to let her go after he’s lost so many people he loved. Poor Steve.

-The entire New York heist. Oh God. I’m just in heaven over how Steve handled things, everything from the intentional recreation of the iconic elevator scene in The Winter Soldier to the insidious “Hail Hydra” (*makes strangulation hands in the direction of the Russo brothers because they KNOW most of the fandom hates Hydra Cap from the comics and so of course they put that in there just to screw with us*) to the smug smirk on Cap’s face as he walked away with scepter to Cap laying the beatdown on himself to Cap acknowledging his sweet, sweet, round, perfectly firm ass. (Seriously, Chris Evans, if you ever read this, marry me, we already met and hugged each other, we could make this work.) Yes. Special props to Cap vs. Cap’s interactions. It was just…everything.

-Steve wielding Mjolnir. Jesus. Fucking. Christ. So everyone’s already raved about this scene, but I don’t care, I have to rave about it too. Good gravy. Good God. This scene is everything. Honestly, it is easily one of the greatest things ever conceived not only by the MCU, but in action movies period. This can stand toe to toe with some of the best beatdowns in all of cinema. It’s just…where do you even start with how good this fucking scene is?! I mean, every second of it is just glorious. Whether it was the Russos or Evans or the script writers, whoever I need to thank, THANK YOU. Thank you for gift wrapping this total surprise. Every one of us was wounded that Cap didn’t easily lift Mjolnir in Age of Ultron, but at the same time, I loved the humor of that scene when Mjolnir did actually start to move and Thor totally panicked for a second. It was funny as hell. But for the Russos to fulfill our fantasy in a way that was not only a surprise, but just an absolute joy to watch, I can’t even express my fangirl tears. This scene is better than sex and chocolate and cocaine. It’s flawless. Everything about it is flawless, from Steve summoning the goddamn lightning to Thor’s gleeful “I KNEW IT!” I wish I could frame this scene on my wall in .gif form, and I apologize in advance to all my Tumblr followers, because the second this scene is giffed after the DVD release, I am going to reblog it three billion times. I will never stop reblogging it. This is the height of MCU perfection and it deserves to be known as such.

-Steve facing off with Thanos in his last stand, and actually holding his own. Dude. Steve Rogers is a human man, and he withstood Thanos. I just…I can’t with how awesome it is. He lost in the end, but he beat the shit out of Thanos for a good bit and I just have to give him all the props for that. He did the impossible and survived him. That’s amazing.

-Steve strapping on his broken shield and staring down Thanos and his army. This is peak Steve Rogers right here. “Yeah, you have thousands of soldiers. Yeah, you sheared my shield in half. Yeah, you beat me and my comrades. And I don’t give a single solitary fuck.” This is also an amazing echo to the moment in Infinity War where poor Wanda had to kill Vision, and Cap stood up to Thanos with his goddamn bare hands. Steve standing up after getting the shit kicked out of him is what he is all about. He doesn’t care that he is outnumbered. He doesn’t care that he is outgunned. He is Steve motherfucking Rogers and he is going to stand against evil period. This is top tier stuff, man.

-“Avengers Assemble.” Like everyone else, I jizzed in my pants. Full on. We all had a hunch that they would save it until the final Avengers film with the final appearances of the original team, and it was everything we dreamt it would be.

-Steve catching Stormbreaker as well and then trading it with Thor mid-battle. A tiny but hilariously awesome scene. I’m so glad they included it, and it was another little nod to Steve and Thor always having a small adorable friendship moment in each Avengers movie. Thanks for that, truly.

-Steve passing the mantle over to Sam Wilson. Holy shit. So a lot of us were relatively sure with Chris Evans confirming this as his last full appearance as Captain America that the mantle would go to either Bucky or Sam. My money was on Sam, simply for him still being new blood having entered at Phase 2 in the MCU, and because Sam is a lot more of a dynamic main lead that I think the MCU needs in the role. Anthony Mackie, as any hardcore MCU fans know, is a bundle of fun behind the scenes. He’s really hilarious and charismatic, and I think he’ll bring a lot to the role of the new Captain America. It’s such a touching scene as Steve hands him the shield. I really, really get choked up about how it was handled with such respect and trust and honest to God friendship. “How does it feel?” “Like it’s someone else’s.” “It isn’t.” Wow. What a beautiful scene. I’m a little misty as I type it out. And I do like that there was just this little nod from Bucky, who has been antagonistic to him pretty much all the time but here, he shows his support and it’s kind of just known that he will back Sam up no matter what. I cannot express how much I love this idea and its execution. It was perfect. (By the way, please look up the way Anthony Mackie found out about this before filming. It’s too cute.)

-Steve’s ending. Oh my God. Of possibly everyone on the team who I wanted to have a happy ending, I wanted Steve’s the hardest, even though I love Tony to death and beyond. Thank you, Russo brothers. Thank you for letting this man have his second chance at a life, and that he got to spend it with Peggy. I was already crying from the funeral, but the fact that they decided to end the saga with possibly the sweetest imagery in the MCU is just overwhelming. I loved their little slow dance. I love the tears of joy on Peggy’s cheeks. I love the softness in Steve’s expression as he dances with his lady love. I love the song choice. I love how he just looks down at her and she looks up at him and they kiss to close everything out and say goodbye to us all. What a scene. What an ending. I love it more than anything.

Thank you, Steve. Thank you for being our ray of light and sunshine and guidance all these years.

Nebula

I really did not expect to see an arc for Nebula, but I am delighted that we got it. This was very, very interesting considering what a sadistic murderess Nebula was in the previous films, so fueled by rage, and yet here we see that she is still powerful and effective and yet vulnerable. I enjoyed seeing her growth and getting some amount of closure with Thanos’ demise and saving Gamora as well as the rest of the universe.

Bruce

So here’s the thing: Bruce is probably my least favorite Avenger, next to Clint, but that’s not because anything is wrong with either character—I just find their personalities and abilities the least interesting. Therefore, I’ve heard complaints about Hulk not kicking ass in Infinity War and Endgame, and while they are valid points…I don’t care. I guess the thing is that Hulk has kicked ass in all his previous appearances, and I think it was nice of them to get back to the fact that Bruce is indeed a scientist and there is more to him than just crushing things. He is a very conscience driven character, and I was totally fine with him as a supporting member of the team, and of his brave decision to Un-Snap everyone back to life. I especially liked his sympathetic approach to bring Thor back home. “You helped me.” I fully admit that made my lip quiver, honestly, since Thor was obviously so traumatized and was in a lot of pain, and Bruce was gentle with him. That, to me, is just as important as all the bashing he could have done. Same with his impassioned plea with the Ancient One. Sorry that he didn’t kick ass in these last two movies, but honestly, I felt things were balanced and that it’s important to show he is more than the Hulk.

Clint

As mentioned above, Clint is my least favorite Avenger, but again, not because there is anything wrong with him or that he is written poorly—the others just outweigh him in what I like about them. I have to say opening the film with Clint losing his entire family with no knowledge of what was going on was almost as gut-stabbing as how Infinity War began and ended. It was somehow even more cruel since Clint would not have known what was going on until he called the Avengers. And yes, someone’s pointed out to me that it’s crazy he didn’t know about the war, but I have a headcanon that he just cut everyone off once he decided to retire, and he wouldn’t answer when they called so he wouldn’t be dragged into more shenanigans. I highly doubt the whole team just flat-out didn’t tell him what was going on. There’s a good chance Clint decided not to hear from the team again after Cap busted them out since he risked everything and almost got jailed for life after his decision.

All that being said, I did feel Clint’s loss very hard after Nat sacrificed herself. It was extremely well done on Jeremy Renner’s part and there was never a doubt that he loved her. Their bond has always been very cute and I never shipped them, so I wasn’t disappointed by the reveal of his secret family. I thought it was a nice touch and a surprising turn in the story. I’m glad he got to go home to his family in the end, and I especially liked the touching moment he shared with Wanda after Tony’s funeral.

Loki

Holy shit, y’all.

I did not expect this, and I love it more than anything in the world.

Right, so, I am sadly a fan of Loki’s ever since The Dark World, but at the very least, I am not a rabid fan of the character. He is an absolute fucking trashlord and I acknowledge it while still loving him anyway. I was positively giddy that they invited Tom Hiddleston back to shoot new scenes of Loki rather than simply using the old Avengers footage. And I definitely didn’t expect Tony, Cap, and Scott to screw up and Loki gets the Tesseract and vanishes. This is amazing. I can’t wait for the Loki mini-series on Disney Plus, and I assume this is what it’s going to be about. I’m really excited to see what kind of shit he gets himself into, and I loved the little bits we got of him mocking Cap even though they all just kicked his ass, and I loved him rolling his eyes in the background during the heist, and being the only one who knew something fishy was going on. Love, love, love it to pieces. Thank you for giving me more of my stupid trashlord, Endgame. You rock.

Scott

Oh, poor, poor Scott. Not only did he awaken to find his new family gone, but he lost five years of time with his daughter. Ouch. I really have to commend Paul Rudd for the reunion scene with his daughter. The shock and pain mixed in with the gratitude that she survived the Snap was so palpable. I’ve never really considered him much more than an easy going comedic actor, but he did a great job here. Kudos.

Gamora

I am really, really deeply hurt that this means our Gamora, the one we came to know and grow with, is truly gone. Like many fans, I had hoped she was somehow inside the Soul Stone and they could bust her out, but like Nat, it appears that we did truly lose her. I’m not okay. I feel so bad for Quill, who wooed her with so many great moments, and now he’s lost her again. He’ll have to try to make her fall in love with him again, and it hurts me because the sequence of events from the first two Guardians movies are how they fell in love, and it’ll be so much harder to make her understand what they meant to each other and what they had with one another as well as their little stitched together family. Damn it all. This might be one of the biggest underrated losses of all for me. Gamora is my favorite Guardian, period. I adore her, so I am both anticipating and dreading the third Guardians movie as a result.

Carol

Alright, I do have to admit one of my letdowns, even though it’s a total nitpick, is that the trailer gave us Thor and Carol, but the actual movie did not. Oh, why did you lift my hopes up this way?! I really wanted Thor and Carol to bond and have hilarious pissing contests about who is the strongest Avenger, and become battle buddies! However, this might be possible later since we know Hemsworth has agreed to at least one more film, if not more, so fingers crossed he and Carol share screentime. I adored that “I like this one” scene and Thor would play very well off of Carol if you ask me.

That being said, when Carol came back for the final fight…yassss bitch yassss fuck it up! When she came after Thanos, he was fuckin’ shook and I am here for it. I loved that failed headbutt. I want to frame that on a wall. Carol Danvers is not having any of your shit today, you purple Grape Ape punk ass bitch. She laid down the law, and it was glorious. 11/10 good shit of Carol whupping his ass and he had to suckerpunch her just to try to win.

And kudos for the utterly adorable interaction she had with my Spider Son, “H-Hi, I’m Peter Parker.” “Hey, Peter Parker. Got something for me?” *kisses fingertips* This could not have been cuter. Thank you so much, Carol.

Oh, and extra kudos for the Ladies of the MCU smackdown moment. My God. I loved every second of that assault. Please make that into a whole separate team someday and make a movie about it.

Wanda

Standing ovation for Wanda in every respect: her entrance, her powerful line (“I don’t even know who you are.” “You will.”), and the fact that she flat-out almost killed Thanos by her damn self. Wow, wow, wow, my girl. You brought the pain. I miss Vision too, honey, and I’m so sorry we can’t have him back. It’s so unfair that she’s lost her brother and her love within this story, but she still manages to keep going. Wanda is a testament to just how strong women truly are in spite of adversity.

Plot/Story

I know some fans didn’t want it to be as straight-forward as it appeared to be with them going back in time to grab the Stones and undo the Snap, but I was honestly fine with it. The story still managed to genuinely surprise me, especially with the development that the two Nebulas are what caused Thanos to find out what was going on. Holy shit, that was very creative and a great way to let her be a central character considering the trauma she has been through and overcome. I thought the pacing was excellent, and I will have to sit down and think it through but I don’t feel as if we had unnecessary scenes aside from the diner scene being a little longer than it needed to be. (You could have cut the photo op bit out and no one would miss it, for instance.) Like Infinity War, I felt that all the scenes had a use and showed us something, and the action was magnificent and creative. The Avengers pulling the entirety of the MCU together in the third act is some seriously iconic stuff that I really hope people will take into consideration as a legendary thing no one has ever really done before.

A friend of mine mentioned that you can neatly divide Endgame into three sections of story: build up, heist, and pay off. One of the best things about Endgame, to me, is the pay off. I love how many continuity nods we had and how many threads were tied off in a satisfying manner, from deeply emotional relationships to just sublime action sequences. We have so many films in this series that it’s hard to rank them, but I have to say I really would put Endgame in the top 10 for my preferences. It was a worthy ending to such an amazing set of films, and while I will miss the actors who won’t continue past Phase 3, I am incredibly grateful for their time and talents spent on this franchise. It is in its own category, honestly, with consistent quality in nearly every aspect it attempts. I think it was the perfect mix of solemn but affectionate goodbyes and bright, hopeful new beginnings. I am excited to see what is in store and what new ground we’re gonna break with the future stories.

So thanks for everything, Endgame. I’m glad to have had this era come to such a satisfying close.

See you in the funny papers.

Kyoko

[alittlebittersweet]

my thoughts on avengers: endgame

i finally stopped bursting into tears whenever i think about this movie so i guess it's a good time to write down my thoughts

i was UGLY CRYING when i was watching the movie, especially the last 30 minutes or so, i never cried that much in a cinema, thank god no one was sitting beside me and thank god my mascara is good cause i fully expected to look like a panda when i was heading to the toilets

i was crying that much that i don't even remember some things from the last battle (LIKE STEVE APPARENTLY SCREAMING AVENGERS ASSEMBLE - SERIOUSLY FUCK MY LIFE, I NEED TO WATCH IT AGAIN)

it's been almost a week and i'm still in denial about some things

there were some things i loved, some things i hated and two things that made me go 'wtf'

first of all, time travel. there are two ways you can do it - either a closed loop or alternate timelines

if it's a closed loop and a writer sets firm rules on how it works i'm down. i LOVE it. harry and hermione saving sirius in PoA? still one of my favourite moments in all 7 books, in all of fiction

alternate timelines... yeah i'm not a fan. because it's lazy. you can do whatever because it doesn't change anything in the main timeline, instead it creates many other alternate timelines, the stakes aren't as high and also what do i do knowing that somewhere out there is another steve who knows bucky is alive and hydra thinks he's a nazi????? and another steve who will wake up not knowing that his peggy is with steve from our timeline?????

i'm sure that the russo brothers, markus and mcfeely will be answering questions about the specifics of time travel in this movie for years to come, they will get sick of it soon i'm sure and THAT'S THEIR OWN DAMN FAULT I DON'T PITY THEM

okay so i was prepared for steve to die, and i was also prepared for tony to die, it was either one of them or both

so IMAGINE MY SHOCK AND DISBILIEF WHEN NATASHA SACRIFIED HERSELF

like we all thought she was the safest avenger because of her solo movie

I HAD LIKE 5 MINUTES TO ACCEPT WHAT WAS HAPPENING BETWEEN REALISING SHE AND CLINT ARE GOING AFTER THE SOUL STONE AND HER SACRIFICE

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'M STILL IN DENIAL

I STILL CRY WHEN I THINK ABOUT THAT SCENE, IT WAS BEAUTIFULLY SHOT AND THEIR ACTING WAS JUST ON POINT AND I KNOW IT WAS VERY MUCH IN CHARACTER

but it leaves such a bad taste in my mouth because she was the only female avenger in OG6 and we're finally getting her solo movie and not to mention gamora was also fridged the same way (the only female guardian, not now but at the beginning) and she didn't even get a funeral the fuck

from that moment i was in a dazed shock and i kept thinking 'no way she's gonna come back along with gamora'... and then she didn't

i don't know if i'll ever forgive them for this

when steve went back to return the stones and he didn't come back immediately i was certain he sacrificed his life for natasha and she would come back instead of him so i started sobbing even harder than i already was but i was mistaken lmao

tony, i knew tony was dying when doctor strange said he couldn't tell him about that one version when they win, I WAS SOBBING LIKE A BABY

I AM IRON MAN

HAHAHA GO ON WITHOUT ME

he started it and he ended it so it was fitting in that way but like HE FINALLY HAD SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

and also rdj seemed down for cameos so i'm really surprised they killed off tony instead of steve

and my dearest steve

he didn't die and i was SO prepared for this so i kinda felt disappointment that he didn't (i know it's weird i can't explain it)

even though he didn't die i was also crying for him because it was a goodbye and for me as a viewer it was the end, it was as if he died so maybe all this time i was preparing myself for a goodbye and not specifically for his possible death??? OH GOD I JUST REALISED THAT I DID OH GOD

AND ONCE AGAIN I FEEL LIKE CRYING, WRITING THIS ALL DOWN WASN'T SUCH A GOOD IDEA AFTER ALL

i am a steggy shipper so i should be over the moon and i was but the implications of alternate timelines kinda soured it for me

THEY GOT THEIR DANCE AND IT'S ALL THAT MATTERS THO

(i always thought they would get it in the afterlife and I WOULD SOB FOR MONTHS BECAUSE OF IT)

really bummed that steve and bucky got like two lines but i'm happy for sam !!!

CAROL WAS FABULOUS (even tho i hated her new hair, i know it's similar in the comics but i still HATE it)

she wasn't as much in the movie as i expected and some of her scenes were kinda weird, i think it's all because they shot endgame before captain marvel, it really shows so i'm not too mad about it but her introduction was really disappointing, like no hello thanks for saving tony and nebula but WHO ARE YOU??? the whole sequance at the beginning was really rushed because they wanted to get rid of thanos as quickly as possible to not waste more time on it but still it didn't feel like 3 hour movie they could've easily sneaked in another 15 minutes but that's me

NEBULA

I WANTED MORE NEBULA AND TONY BUT WHAT WE GOT WAS AMAZING

NEBULA WAS SO GREAT, I'M SO HAPPY FOR KAREN GILLAN

i loved everything about her arc, she even got to spend some time with another gamora, during the battle when she said 'it was either him or a tree' I LOST IT LMAO

speaking of the other gamora, is she going to be in gotg 3? because i didn't see her at the end so i'm not sure, it's not gonna be the same tho because she doesn't remember all they've been through together i hate when that happens :(((

professor hulk umm yeah

honestly i think i only enjoyed and understood bruce in the avengers, i didn't like what they did to him in infinity war (i'm not mentioning aou bc i try to forget it exists), he was a walking comic relief like no thanks and now professor hulk, i'm no longer trying to understand what the writers think they're doing, i'm like whatever at this point i just try not to think about bruce at all

and Thor

OH MY GOD THOR, WHAT DID THEY DO TO HIM

THE BIGGEST WTF, WHAT WERE THEY TRYING TO ACCOMPLISH HERE, COMIC RELIEF WHILE SHOWING SOME EFFECTS OF DEPRESSION AND PTSD WHILE ALSO MAKING A JOKE OUT OF IT???????????????????????? ALL THE THOR STANS ARE MAD AND I DON'T BLAME THEM

so he abandoned his people and peaced out with the guardians are you serious

i really liked his scene with frigga tho, that's great we got to see her again <333

and scott, the ultimate fangirl, was a delight

I REALLY LOVED ALL THE CALLBACKS TO THE OTHER MOVIES WHEN THEY WERE TRAVELING IN TIME

THE BATTLE OF NEW YORK

TONY COMMENTING ON AVENGERS POSING LMAO

AND STEVE IN THE ELEVATOR !!!!!! I ALMOST SAID OUT LOUD 'BEFORE WE GET STARTED DOES ANYONE WANTS TO GET OUT?'

HEIL HYDRA ASDFG;ASDFGH

STEVE FIGHTING HIMSELF, 'ARE YOU SHITTING ME'

TONY MEETING HIS FATHER AND STEVE SEEING PEGGY

SO MANY OTHER THINGS I'M NOW FORGETTING

AND THE FINAL BATTLE

WHEN SAM SAID 'ON YOUR LEFT' MY SOUL ALMOST LEFT MY BODY

STEVE WITH MJOLNIR !!!!!!!!! I ALMOST DIED !!!!!!!!!!!!!

(in your face whedon)

no but seriously so many things were like IN YOUR FACE WHEDON in this movie like steve cursing in front of steve from 2012 lmao

and every moment with peter/tony broke my heart, i was sceptical about their mentorship in civil war because of obvious reasons but man rdj and tom really sold it

THAT HUG AND LATER WHEN TONY WAS DYING AND PETER WAS SOBBING BESIDE HIM THIS IS TOO MUCH FOR MY WEAK HEART AND

OH MY GOD PEPPER ;_________;

okay this is no longer my reaction, it's just a stream of my consciousness so i'll stop

i'm still in denial

I LOVE THEM ALL 3000

[sophygurl]

WisCon 42 panel MCU’s Black Superheroes

The full title of this panel was Show Me My Respect: A Critical Look At The MCU’s Black Superheroes

The panel description:

Has the MCU done its black characters justice over the last 10 years? Did Disney allow Ryan Coogler to give Black Panther the respect and nuance it deserves? Did the Russo Brothers f*ck up everything in Avengers: Infinity War that the black and NBPOC writers and directors established in building complex characters and storylines? Let's explore this decade-long journey into Phase IV to see how the MCU has and will continue to treat us.

The moderator was Jennifer Cross, with panelists Aunterria Bollinger and K. Tempest Bradford.

Reminder that these panel notes are only my own recollections and the things I managed to write down - my notes are incomplete and likely faulty in places. Corrections and additions are always welcome. Especially please do correct me if I get names or pronouns wrong!

Also I name panelists as that’s publicly available information but not audience members unless requested by that person to have their named added.

[I came into the panel a little bit late, so missed intros and probably some other stuff.]

Tempest was talking about the black best friend trope and that DCTV does this a lot. Rhodey is very underused, and Civil War turned him into the disabled black best friend. 

Jennifer said Don Cheadle deserves better! Iron Man 2 gave complexity to Rhodey and Tony’s relationship and Civil War messed a lot of that up. It also made Rhodey disabled in a super questionable way [I missed some of this statement]. It was a literal cheap shot and felt like Joss Whedon saw him as an expendable character to use to elevate white man pain. Also the fact that Rhodey just automatically sides with Tony - what happened to the tension between them and Rhodey holding Tony accountable for his actions?

Jennifer made an aside to let the audience know that the panelists were going to be using a lot of code switching and AAVE references. She then went on to say “Fuck Infinity War - Russo brothers, take your white man pain to Ralph Lauren and buy some more polo shirts.” (lol)

Jennifer brought up that two black American men go to Wakanda for the first time and said nothing about it. Also they made Wakanda look “dank as shit.” 

Tempest said the amount of Cumberbatch she had to stare at in Infinity War was too much - she skipped a whole movie to avoid him! (me too) One problem with IW was that there were just too many people in it, so they couldn’t properly focus on anyone. 

Tempest added - why didn’t they just ask Shuri to fix things from the start? She was finally going to fix it, but she got interrupted by more man pain! Jennifer added that she loved the “you tried” moment with Shuri. 

Aunterria talked about IW’s short shifting of Wakanda as if they were saying “well we gave you a whole movie - what else do you want?” But also how much worse it might have been if that had been the first introduction to Wakanda instead of coming out after Black Panther. 

Jennifer brought up Winter Soldier and how Sam got to have a whole back story about his PTSD. In IW, we see him helping other people with their trauma but they never address how events are affecting him. She talked about how PTSD varies from person to person, and about how it can affect black people differently, especially.

Tempest brought up the gaybaiting of the series. Jennifer adds that she hates shipping, but she loves Sam and Bucky. 

Tempest said that Sam has more back story than Rhodey in terms of story that isn’t tied to a main white character. She will also never forgive Tony for shooting him in the face in Civil War. Marvel tries with regards to race, but their attempts are inadequate. 

She went on to talk about the character of M’Baku in Black Panther. She has a friend who was initially very upset about the inclusion of this character because in the comics the portrayal is very racist. Then he saw the movie and saw how great the character was. This is what happens when you give black people agency. Ryan Coogler had a lot of freedom in how he made BP.

Tempest added that white directors may try, but when trying to fix race in one area, they often make it racist in a whole other way. She brought up the Mandarin, for example. Why don’t you just ask an Asian person?

Jennifer said she wanted the panel to primarily focus on black people. The MCU fucks up all people of color, but the panel is specifically about black characters. 

She added that she loved watching Rhodey kick Tony’s ass. When he said “you don’t deserve to wear this suit” - it was a calling out of his privilege. She also found it suspect that Rhodey didn’t notice Tony’s PTSD in Iron Man 3. He’s a veteran and a general and would be trained to look for those signs. She said “we’re 10% of the population in LA - find one of us and pay us to fix this stuff.” Especially important to find a black veteran officer to inform Rhodey and Sam’s characters. She no longer trusts white people to write black people. 

Jennifer moved on to Valkyrie. She said she does love Thor because Chris Hemsworth. Also Taiki Watiti did surprisingly well. She loves Tessa Thompson. 

Aunterria talked about her love for Danai Gurira as both Michonne in The Walking Dead and Okoye in the MCU. However, she still falls under the trope of the exceptional black woman giving it all up for a man. 

Tempest countered that saying that Okoye fights for Wakanda over a man. She and T’Challa fight alongside one another and it’s clear that she would do the same for Shuri if she was queen. BP is not just about awesome black men, but black women too. There isn’t enough complexity in the other black characters in the MCU with the exceptions of Heimdall and Valkyrie. Asgard also had random Asian and black characters walking around that are never addressed or explained.

Jennifer loved Valkyrie drunkenly stepping off the ramp. Also the quietness of Heimdall’s character even when had more to do than just standing there. She talked about being a big Norse Scandanavian folklore nerd and said Asgard looks the way it’s supposed to look - it was actually diverse as shit. It took a man of color to finally make it look almost accurate representation-wise. She references the show The Almighty Johnsons as a show about Norse gods living in New Zealand. 

Jennifer wonders if it’s going to take only poc behind the scenes to give us proper treatment. Way down in her soul is an optimist that “no amount of beating with Lucille can shut up” that wants to know if it can happen any other way. 

Aunterria said she’s not optimistic about this. She can’t think of a poc character written by a white person that’s done anything meaningful or purposeful or accurate. 

There is much collective groaning about Iron Fist.

Aunterria talked about making Luke Cage bulletproof but not talking about police violence. Giving black characters powers without engaging in the social issues around them. 

Jennifer said she is mixed about Luke Cage. It’s the embodiment of respectability politics. But there is an effort to show Harlem and the gentrification of it. There’s this idea that poc don’t have any room to make mistakes. BP did so well that Kevin Feige is begging Coogler to come back. 

Jennifer said that she loves the women in LC - especially Misty. There are lots of women who are all different people, all unapologetically black but in different ways. She’s watching it for the women. Praises Alfre Woodard. 

Tempest uses headcanons to make movies better.

Jennifer addressed how Tessa Thompson was the one out of the women in the MCU cast to ask Kevin Feige about them wanting their own movie. Why did the black woman have to be the one to ask for what all these white women have been wanting? Why couldn’t ScarJo take her white appropriating ass up there and ask about it?

Tempest talked about the TV part of the MCU technically being in the same universe. TV shows have to include the big events of the movies but not the other way around. She said she stopped watching Shield when Daisy’s transformation killed the black male character (Trip) for one episode of white pain. Jennifer also stopped watching it in season one.

Aunterria is still watching Shield. She wondered if Trip had been killed because of the possibility of his entering into an interracial relationship. She said there is a new black male character (Mack), but his arc is all about suffering. Last season had a storyline about aliens enslaving white people, which was interesting. But the people of color come to save the white people. Jennifer interjects “Killmonger wasn’t wrong...”

Tempest adds “Joss is the most fuckassed fuckass to ever fuckass.” Jennifer asks what about Stephen Moffat? Tempest said - he’s second.

Aunterria said Shield did make the black man the team leader at the end of this season. Jennifer said - so he has to suffer for his reward now and his reward is to parent a group of white people? That’s even more fucked up!

Tempest said that BP gave her hope. Jennifer said - see, she’s not the only one with optimism. Tempest said that Coogler has some power right now - maybe he can bring in some friends and fix some more stuff.

Aunterria said that being a black writer right now is also hard because there is so much to fix. There is so much shit to work on before you can even focus on your craft - so it’s more work for them.

Tempest said her hopes are with the movies over the TV shows.

Jennifer said - “especially fuck babyvampJessica” (Karen from Daredevil). It’s like the paler you are, the more people will die for you. 

Tempest said - as far as cleaning up, BP didn’t have to do that work because they were starting from scratch. There must be other characters that can be brought into the MCU movies that can be written by black writers.

Aunterria said those do exist, but the funding isn’t there. Tempest - but Gods of Egypt somehow got funding!

An audience member asked about Heimdall and if he would come back. Jennifer said that Idris Elba has said no on that. 

Tempest talked about actors being semi-responsible to the narrative of their characters. RDJ even saying - maybe it’s time for me to go? Jennifer added - and then they throw more millions at him and I can’t be mad about that. Tempest said that we know all those people who were turned to dust are coming back. It was a bold decision to kill some of them - but we need to sunset one story in order to have a sunrise on another. Also - “fuck Thanos.” 

Tempest said that something that ruins a narrative almost as much as white supremacy is the irresponsible choices of actors going on and on - except for all of the cast of BP - they can stay as long as they want.

Jennifer said that with Disney owning Marvel, Deadpool is now officially a Disney Princess (lol).

Tempest said she sat through all of Wolverine Origins just to see Hugh Jackman naked and she is done with Deadpool now.

An audience member asked about the character Cottonmouth on LC. Jennifer talked about him as a complex character bridging socio-economic status’s. She added that if you put trauma in a black character’s history, you need to do it in a way that is not just for show. She said the opposite of the example would be Zoe Walsh.

A member of the audience asked about Lash’s purpose on Shield. Aunterria said he filled in May’s backstory and explains things to us about her that we weren’t getting just from her side. But he was mostly there for gratuitous pain and suffering of a black man and Asian woman. 

Jennifer said the MCU is allergic to black love. “Tweet that.” She wants to see a black male character saving a black female character - not just everyone else.

An audience member asked about Miles Morales. Jennifer said - we’ve had four Peter Parkers in fifteen years! Tempest said Tom Holland is at least finally a good one. Kevin Feige has said there is space for Miles, but she wonders who is going to write him? 

Jennifer closed the panel with a firm statement for the white members of the audience, especially. She said - you will take everything good from our culture and appropriate it, but not our pain. You’ve taken our stuff for fun value and for show, but you don’t address our pain. 

This panel was also livetweeted pretty extensively with #blackmcu if you want more/other perspectives from it. 

[For context, I’m white.]

[mirkwoodshewolf]

Chapter 26; Rebuilding trust

*Author’s note*

Okay guys this is the second to last full chapter before we get to the very end. And like I said before, I have decided to not do the 3rd book till the next Avengers movie comes out cause ever since IW.....well to not spoil anything I would leave u guys on a serious hiatus till the 4th movie came out. Anyways enjoy my lovelies :)

____________________________________________

It wasn’t until three days that I was able to get up and walk again.  Apparently I had used too much Mystical energy to bring Rauri’s mind back from the shadows that I over-exerted myself so much that I barely could even lift myself up without either Bucky’s or my mother’s help.  But with some soda and chocolate I was able to make a faster recovery and get my energy back up.

Once I could walk again, I then went to the lab and found myself standing before Rauri.  Shuri who was working on some new tech for Morowa and her brother took one look at me and I looked at her and she instantly knew what I wanted.  She dropped her projects and left the lab in silence leaving Rauri and I alone.  We both looked at each other in silence before Rauri began.

“Thank you for—”

“You don’t get to talk right now, I deserve the truth Rauri. The whole truth!” Rauri sighed solemnly and he said.

“Look what I told you was the truth. Connor and I grew up in Ireland and then Hydra found us and—”

“That’s not what I meant!” I snapped.  I kept my arms crossed as I glared at him then I said, “What you said to me before you went into the jet, before you—you killed yourself……Did you mean what you said? Was all that time we spent together, our first date, our first kiss, was it all a game to you?” Rauri wouldn’t look me in the eye but then he looked right up at me, got up and walked towards me and reached out for my face but I flinched back with a sharp breath as he said.

“It was Connor’s plan for me to get close to you since we’re both the Bad Wolves of Hydra, at first I was playing along but then…..something changed”.  

I looked at him in disbelief then turned and walked away.  Rauri called out my name and chased after me before grabbing a hold of my arm and begging to me.

“(Y/n) please you’ve got to believe me! When I asked you out on that date, and danced with you in my arms, it didn’t become a game, it became real. You opened up my heart, you’ve made me feel more alive than I could ever imagine”.

“You used me to get to Bad Wolf, you tried to expose her once again to the world, and you broke my heart by telling me you loved me then dying right before my eyes, how am I ever supposed to trust you Rauri?” I raised my eyebrows at him just dying to hear his reply and like I suspected, he said nothing and just stared at me with broken eyes.

“I don’t know……Please (y/n) will you give me another chance?”

“If I hadn’t called Tony Stark up by now telling him that I forgave him for shooting at me and nearly killing my brothers, hell to even let him know that I’m alive, do you see me instantly on my knees saying that I love and forgive you. All my life I have had…..everything taken from me since I was 8 years old. And I am tired of being clobbered with that pain, and seeing you here it’s just…..I can’t do this Rauri, not again” I turned and immediately ran off with tears falling down my face.

 A week later after I had gotten a training session done with the Chimeras, I went back to my room to find the same violet Wakandan lily lying right there on my pillow.  I picked it up and just shook my head.

“He wasn’t lying”.  I turned and there stood Connor and Rauri’s second in command Mitchell Russo who was a dog chimera.  His dog form that he could turn into was a big scruffy black Irish wolfhound even though Mitchell was raised in England.

“What are you on about Sirius?” I mocked using that nickname from my favorite book series because he almost looked like he could be Sirius Black due to his dog form as well as his appearance overall, or at least a younger version of Sirius Black.

“I mean, Rauri had all the chances he could have to turn you himself but he never took them. Even when you were with us, he’d always speak to me about how you weren’t the girl he fell in love with. That you weren’t his soulmate under Connor’s spell, he’d wished and prayed so hard that you would break free of his control and come back to him. He’d even talk about running away with you, taking you away from Connor and finding a way to free you from his spell”.

I sat on my bed and just tossed the flower aside and said to him.

“It still doesn’t forgive him for what he did. He can turn on the charm and the wit but I’ll still never forgive him for what he did to me”.

“That’s not what I see” he said. I glared at him and said.

“Excuse me?”

“I can see the conflict in your eyes, hell I can smell it off of you. You can deny all you want but you know deep down you still love him. When wolves find love, it’s eternal. They mate once in their entire life, and I have never seen two people more meant for each other than you and Rauri”.  Mitchell picked up the flower and took my hand and placed it back in my palm before closing it and saying, “He’s regretted everyday ever since you were turned to have betrayed you the way he did, at least drill that into your brain”. With that statement, he left my room. 

Later that night as I was getting ready for bed, I just lay there on my bed looking up at the stars and the full moon that was shining over the jungles of Wakanda.  I then turned to a picture of both me and Wanda that was taken just after my 17th birthday when I was still with the Avengers.

“Oh Mama Bear, I wish you were here. You’d know what to say in something like this”. I then shut my eyes and fell into an empty sleep.  For hours I had a dreamless sleep that was until my surroundings changed.

I was now standing in the middle of a dark forest and as I walked along, I saw someone passing through the trees.

‘Come out and show yourself!’ I snarled out as I phased into my wolf form baring my fangs and ready to strike down whoever it was that was there.  

It was then the person came up and I was shocked to see who it was.

‘Ma-Mama Bear?’ I said.  Wanda smiled at me happily as tears filled her eyes then I immediately ran up towards her in human form and glomped her into a hug and she hugged me back. “I’ve missed you so much!”

“And I’ve missed you, let me look at you”. She separated me from her and cupped my face and looked at me up and down.  “What happened to your arm?”

“It’s a long story, but—how are you here?”

“I’ve felt your spirit calling out to me, so for the first time in 2 years, I used my powers to connect with your mind so that I could see what you needed me for”. She stroked a strand of hair out of my face and she continued, “So who is this Rauri? Tell me everything”. We both sat down on the grass and I proceeded to tell her the whole story.

I don’t know whether dreams have time conception or what but if they do, I better not wake up from this because I deserve an answer, that and it’s been the first time in 2 years that I can actually hold and touch my sister.

“I see, zhat is a lot to take it” she stated solemnly.

“What should I do Wanda? Did you and Vision ever make it work out after the battle in Germany? Did you forgive each other even after hurting each other? Please tell me what I should do”. I begged to her.

“What Vision and I had during the Civil War is different from what you and Rauri are going through. Only you can decide what you want to do”.

“God I was really hoping for a different response” I stated bluntly.  Wanda softly chuckled and said as she stroked my cheek.

“I know but it’s true. Your heart is what governs what you want to do with Rauri from here on out. Whatever you decide is best, let it come from your heart, you’ll know what to do in the end”.  She then kissed my forehead and with that I woke up. 

“Wanda!” I exclaimed as I woke up and saw myself back in my own room.  I looked and saw that it was now morning and I looked at my picture and took it in my hands and said, “I hope I make the right call Mama Bear”.

‘You will’ Pietro’s voice ran inside my head. ‘Even through this decision don’t forget what I once told you. ‘Don’t deny yourself true happiness’ if you let this determine how you feel about love for the rest of your life. You’ll be no better than Ultron’. I sighed deeply and held the picture close to my heart.

*FF a month later*

Rauri was running down the corridor towards (y/n)’s room when he was stopped by none other than Bucky Barnes. 

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“Look Barnes you can beat my arse later but right now I’ve got to talk to (y/n)!” Rauri snapped.

“There’s no point…..”

“Look I know she’s not speaking to me nor will she even come near me but I……”

“She’s gone!” Bucky interrupted him.  Rauri stared at him and stammered.

“Wha-what do you mean she’s gone?”

“She left, she packed a bag and then left the sanctuary” Bucky said sadly.  Rauri ran his hand through his hair and said.

“Why?! Why would she leave?”

“She only said that this place held too many painful memories of you, and her losing her arm so she packed all of her stuff and just left”.

“Why didn’t anyone try to stop her? You’re her brother why didn’t you go after her!?”

“You don’t think I did!? I love that girl so much like she was my own sister! I gave her my blood to save her life when Stark nearly killed her. I tried to talk her out of it but she wouldn’t listen to me”. Rauri paced around for a brief moment before saying.

“Where did she go?”

“I don’t know, but Morowa’s missing too. I think they hitched a plane together and with Morowa’s skills, she could’ve taken (y/n) anywhere. And there’s no point in finding them either, they left three weeks ago”. Rauri choked out a sob and brushed his hands through his hair again as he groaned out and covered his face with his hands.

“I’ve fucked up, I’ve fucked it up big time. Oh God what have I done?” He slid down onto the floor right by (y/n)’s door and wept. Bucky knelt down in front of him and placed his hand on his shoulder and said.

“I’m sorry Rauri, I truly am. I would’ve thought she would’ve stayed and worked things out with you. She never once stopped saying that while she hated you, she also loved you just as much”.  Bucky helped Rauri stand up and the two of them entered (y/n)’s room and they were both greeted by a wonderful sight. 

Candles were lit up everywhere and the lights were dimmed by the night sky and there standing in the middle of the room wearing a very familiar red dress was none other than (y/n).

*1st Person POV*

I watched as both Rauri and Bucky came in and Rauri’s face turned into pure shock as he saw me standing before him with the candles surrounding us.

“Thanks for buying me more time Bucky-bear” I said. Rauri turned around to see Bucky who was still at the door holding it open bow his head to me before turning his eyes to Rauri for a brief moment before shutting the door behind him leaving the two of us alone.  Rauri walked up and stood in front of me and said.

“My God”. It was then I got down on one knee and looked up at him and said.

“Rauri Williams. In all of my life I thought my world was nothing but darkness and pain. And I never thought I would be so lucky…..” I bowed my head sniffling as I try to get out “As to……find my……find my…..There’s a reason why girls don’t do this!”

“Okay, okay, I’ll do it!” Rauri got down on his knees and took my hands in his as he looked into my eyes.  “I thought—” Rauri got emotional and exclaimed “hold on I can do this!” I sobbed out some laughs and squeezed his hands in mine as he then confessed deep within his heart, “I thought…..The world needed to bow and tremble before the wrath of a vengeful wolf. But then…..it took another wolf to show me that the world I truly needed, was with her. For she is the fairest and most beautiful person I have ever met. And if she lets me and finally forgives me….I will continue to my last dying breath to make sure I give her the love that she has given me”.

Waterfalls of tears were pouring down my face at Rauri’s words and they kept coming down as Rauri reached into his pocket and pulled out a small black box and opened it revealing a beautiful Vibranium diamond ring.

“(Y/n) (m/n) Maximoff…..will you marry me?” I smiled widely and choked out.

“Yes”. Rauri smiled and took my left hand and pressed the side of the ring which created a magnetic connection between my metal finger and the engagement ring as he put it on.  We both sobbed and immediately kissed each other passionately before hugging each other as I choked out my sobs while Rauri rubbed my back in soothing circles telling me he loved me in both Gaelic and English.

“CAN WE COME IN YET!?! WE’RE DYING OUT HERE!!!!” We both heard Bucky’s voice cry out from the other side of the door.

“Come in Bucky bear! Come in!” I cried out as both Rauri and I stood up and soon coming in was not only Bucky but the Chimeras and all of my Wakandan family and I finally proclaimed, “We’re engaged!” Everyone all cheered and we all gathered up in a group hug.

“My ship has finally sailed!” Shuri exclaimed making me laugh and hug her. 

That night it was all about celebration and congratulations for both Rauri and I and I knew in my heart, I had made the right choice.

[chelsfic]

Bob Hoffstetler (Dimitri Mosenkov)/OFC Shape of Water fic *Dangerous Friends* Pt 5/?

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four

A/N: This starts off with more NSFW sexy times and then shit gets real.

Gloria woke gradually the next morning, grinning madly at the weight of Robert--Dimitri’s arm around her waist. He held her snug against his body and she could feel the warmth of his breath along the back of her neck. She breathed in, enjoying the feeling of being wrapped in his scent. As her chest expanded she felt the brush of his fingers along the curve of her breast and shuddered involuntarily.

“Mmm?” he mumbled, burrowing even closer and tightening his arms around her. His arousal stirred against her thigh and she shifted her bottom deviously, rubbing against him and eliciting a more definitive moan.

They took their time this morning with none of the frenzied desperation of last night. They were both still half asleep and their bodies moved together naturally as if they were made for this. He moved slowly inside her, arms cradling her form against his and lips brushing along her neck in benediction. With hitched breath and soft cries they came at almost the same moment. Gloria’s thighs shook with the effort and she felt raw and vulnerable. Dimitri’s breathing was ragged but she saw his eyes sharpen at a sound from the living room. It was nothing, the floor settling, but he was on alert.

He pulled the quilt up and tucked it around her chin, “Stay here, please.”

He pulled on a t-shirt and slacks and closed the bedroom door tightly behind him. Gloria laid there holding her breath and straining her ears. She felt ice water engulf her heart at the sound of muffled voices from the living room.

***

The two brazen KGB handlers sat properly around the kitchen table as if waiting to be served in a restaurant. Dimitri emerged from the bedroom, dour-faced, perfectly aware that they’d been sitting here listening to him make love to Gloria. He could play their charade, though. He moved to the stove and started to make coffee.

“Comrade,” the grey-haired agent spoke. They knew his name but he did not know theirs. Grey-hair he referred to as Boris; ginger he referred to as Viktor. “Congratulations from Moscow station on your most recent report. Your efforts have materially improved the outlook for Russia’s space program.”

“I am glad,” Dimitri murmured, setting down mugs of steaming coffee and taking a seat himself. “This is unexpected and dangerous. Why didn’t you signal that you wanted a face-to-face?”

Dimitri felt a bead of sweat trickle through the hairs on the back of his neck. If they came here knowing that Gloria was in the apartment...then they knew or *assumed* that he’d brought her into the fold. The danger for her was significant. These men would stop at nothing to ensure mission security.

“We wanted to meet your new friend. The one who cries out your Russian name in the night for anyone to hear.”

Dimitri’s eyes swiveled from Boris’s face to scan the apartment. He’d have to sweep the whole place for bugs.

“Luckily,” Boris grunted, his voice heavy with arrogance, “it was just your friends listening last night. Next time maybe not so lucky.”

Dimitri schooled his features into a calm mask and responded, “We’ve been exceedingly discreet. I have recruited her successfully and she’s sympathetic to our cause. The relationship will serve as a useful layer to my operative legend. A single man with a steady girlfriend is less suspicious than a loner.”

He watched their eyes narrow with suspicion.

“Bring her out here, please,” Boris demanded.

Dimitri squared his shoulders, “That’s really unnecessary. She’s completely unaware--”

“Yes,” Boris interrupted, “she *is* completely unaware of protocol, of security and of the consequences of another major flap like the film reel. Bring. Here. Out. Here. Please.”

Dimitri stared the man down for a long moment before rising from his seat and walking back to the bedroom.

Gloria had dressed and was sitting on the edge of the bed bouncing her foot nervously and wringing her hands in the lap of her slightly wrinkled skirt.

“Dushka,” Dimitri said, kneeling in front of her and taking her shaking hands in his. He looked up into her eyes and saw fear. “There are some men here to meet with me...from my service. They’d like to meet you as well.”

“They’re...Russians?” she whispered the words with a tone of scandal as if she hadn’t just slept with a Russian.

He smiled and teased, “We’re not boogeymen, you know.”

She laughed at herself then and the mood was slightly lighter, “I know *you’re* not…”

Dimitri sighed, “We have to be careful with them, but it will be fine. I’ll be with you the whole time, okay?”

As they walked out of the bedroom Gloria wished she hadn’t discarded her shoes in the living room the night before. She felt ridiculous and vulnerable walking in her stocking feet toward these black-suited men with wolf eyes.

Dimitri pulled out a chair for her and handed her a cup of coffee which she held in her hands, grateful for the comforting heat. She took a shaky breath, locking eyes with Dimitri once for strength, and turned toward the two men. They leered at her and her cheeks flamed with the knowledge that they’d been sitting out here while she and Dimitri had...

“Miss Russo,” Boris began. “A pleasure to meet you. You can call me Boris and my colleague’s name is Viktor.”

“A pleasure,” she responded woodenly.  She was treating this like the interview with Army Intelligence, giving away as little as possible.

“Can you describe the nature of your relationship with...Bob?”

She took a deep breath, choosing to be brave, “I gather you’ve been sitting here for some time. I think you have a fairly good idea of the nature of our relationship.”

Dimitri suppressed a smirk at her snarky response but hurriedly added, “Gloria provided important assistance to me during the investigation following the tainted drop site. She helped me plant the camera on the unfortunate fellow who took the blame...”

Gloria flashed him a confused look but closed off her features again at a shake of his head. This lie would explain how he’d brought her into the fold without exposing his own carelessness.

“Since then we’ve begun a romantic relationship which only serves to deepen my cover and improve the security of the mission, not undermine it.”

He glanced between Boris and Viktor, holding each of their gazes steadily while avoiding Gloria’s. He saw something flash across her face at his words, but this was too important for him to lose focus. He was willing them to agree with him.

Viktor finally spoke up, “You may be right. It’s not normal for a man to live his life skulking to and from work and never enjoying himself. This could work, Boris…”

Boris still looked skeptical. He turned back to Gloria and spoke with a touch of venom, “And you? Do you know what happens if your American morals prick at you and you decide to report this to your government? I will tell you: you won’t be interviewed. You won’t be arrested. They will find you floating in the river--”

Gloria gasped and Dimitri slammed his fist down onto the table, “That’s enough! Gloria is loyal and dedicated and there is no cause to speak to her in that way.”

The two men stood up. Boris spoke placatingly, “Forgive me, brother. I haven’t known Gloria for as long as you have--I’m sure we’ll feel better once we know her *better.*”

A not so subtle hint that surveillance would now be watching her as well. Dimitri stood and walked the men out without further discussion. What sort of way was that to handle an important asset? These two buffoons were washed up and he bristled at being made accountable to *them.* He was the one making strides, he was the one gathering intelligence that would turn the tide of the space race. And they thought that threatening his lover would somehow aid in that mission? He was fuming when he reentered the kitchen, but he tried to tamp it down for Gloria’s sake.

He needn’t have worried--she was just as angry.

“How can they talk like that? Shouldn’t they be supporting you? Helping you?”

Dimitri moved forward and took her into his arms with a soft huff of ironic laughter, “One would hope.”

She stewed for some time, emitting little affronted noises. He just held her, rubbing his hands in slow circles over her back. After a while she cooled off and a shiver of fear replaced her anger, “What Boris said...about the river…”

“No,” Dimitri cut her off. “Don’t think of it. I would never let anything happen to you.”

[little-goose]

"You don't have to test everything to destruction just to see if you made it right.”

One of my favorite quotes from Good Omens, and the only thing I was thinking about while watching Infinity War. It's been a week for me to process and collect my thoughts and let's just talk about it a bit shall we? I'm not going into full on spoilers, but since this is my account, I don't think I need to follow the weird "Thanos Gag Order" that won't stop circulating the internet.

Oh Infinity War. The fault in our wars. Where do we even start with you?

Here's the thing, regardless of whatever else you might feel about this film, good or bad, it's overwhelming. It's exhausting. And after waiting for 10 years, and 18 movies, you just REALLY want it to be a tribute to good story telling. I know that my reactions to the film were aggressive and immediate, both during the film and the second I left it. And it went through waves of, "that was the worst film I've ever seen," to, "maybe I'm overreacting, I mean, it's only part one."

And I truly think that I wanted to make those excuses because this was part one of the penultimate storyline for the MCU so far. I wanted to believe that I was just so upset by the events and the deaths and resurrections in this film because they were shocking on an emotional level and not because they're clearly for shock value. It's really disheartening to be let down by a movie you were looking forward to but I was. And I can admit that. I really should've expected it because each movie the brothers Russo have directed has had that gritty comic borderline-DC movie feel. And in some ways that's fine, it makes the stakes feel more "real" for people. But if the recent films in the MCU prove anything (Black Panther, Ragnarok, Homecoming, Guardians 2) it's that you can still have an emotional pull without complete devastation. If anything, the deaths in those films are more emotional, and the villains' motivations are still compelling because there is moderation, because you have that sense of true finality. Dad isn't coming back, your friend is really gone, and your planet is definitely blown up. Keep moving forward.

The absolute biggest problem with Infinity War is the Infinity Gauntlet itself. It resides in that tricky space of TOO MUCH. I think it absolutely wouldn't have been with better treatment. But the problem is now that we've established how limitless the power of the stones are, the stakes become so high they push past any level of believability.

I felt nothing at the deaths in the second half, because the Russo's "cleverly" dangle the plot point of time travel in front of us, and then expect the audience to be too dumb to see it. How do you expect me to feel any loss if you've just proven that you could bring anyone back? We know these characters have to, in some cases, because they already have solo films announced. It's the Schrödinger's cat of character deaths, because you lacked any closure in this film, and I know that anyone can come back, so does it matter if anyone is really dead at the end of part 1?

In fact the only deaths that could be final, Pre-Snap, as I like to call it, are the ones that I'm most upset about. I'm sorry but your movie opens with a bunch of dead refugees that add up to maybe a fourth of the original asguardian population, and then say your goal is just to cut civilizations in half... so was all that necessary? Was it to get Thor and Loki to cooperate? Because if it was, we didn't see it, I don't want to have to reach that far to guess your character's motivations. And, since Loki has to die once a movie and he had such an obvious tactic switch do you really expect me to believe he's really dead this time? Forgive me for reserving my tears.

Not to mention the fact that you're faced with the issue of the Collector, who multiple times, has been killed then re-spawned 20 seconds later. What? Did you realize you couldn't kill another character so you conveniently left his ENTIRE interaction with Thanos and the stone off center stage? How did you get the gem then? Why is there no follow up? It feels like you're trying to say, "no this is just us limiting the perspective of the story to the heroes," even though multiple times I have to suffer through close-ups of Thanos' gross chin as we delve into the '""complicated depths"" of his narrative.

The other main issue that made me realize this movie was just a Bad Movie is how it's presented to us.

Infinity War doesn't feel like a movie. It feels like I'm watching a series of short films with seemingly random mismatched pairs, that are meant to hook me into watching Part 2 next year. And it's not because of the size of the cast. Plenty of fantasy epics and sci-fi franchises manage that balancing act just fine. I lost all concept of time in the theater, since the film jumps around so often, it feels hard to follow regardless. Then all of a sudden people are confessing their love on death's door and it feels SO cheap. It's rushed and undercooked.

The whole thing feels a lot like when I would power-write a final essay the night before it's due: it might have some great lines, but overall it's sloppy, disorganized, and there are a bunch of passages in there that were clearly added for the sake of hitting the target word count.

And while I personally have always loved the witty one liners that are almost too common in every marvel film, and I liked several specific scenes in Infinity War, the humor just felt clunky in comparison to the stakes. The universe might get blown up and no one makes a single nihilistic joke?? Let me make this film instead.

The only real relationship they develop is the one that I could give less than half a shit about. We've spent at least 3 movies specifically talking about Thanos as a mentally and physically abusive father figure that I LOVED to hate for the sake of hating him. But the Russo brothers looked at the recent trend of sympathetic villains and said, "that's what the kids are into! We can do that!!" Without stopping to look at the villain they already had to work with. Because if this movie does anything consistently, it's them cherry-picking their favorite character traits from other films and reducing everyone to a few manageable bite sized traits so we can give Thanos a weirdly compelling backstory.

I don't want to feel like I should be sympathizing with an abuser. Ever. I don't need that in a film, thanks. Gamora should not be crying when she thought she killed him. Full stop. It should not have been a thing. And the shoehorning in of "he really loved Gamora and it costs him everything to achieve his dream." Sure, Jan.

This has gone on so long, that I'll leave any feelings about specific characters out, and simply say: you had at least three people with PhDs, plenty of seasoned fighters who have at least half a brain and no one, NO ONE, thought of just... I don't know, cutting off the arm that held the glove?

So no, this movie didn't emotionally devastate me. This movie made me mad, because it felt like they had to take every cheap shot, and rip out every good character by the roots because poor story tellers through that was the only way to get enough of an emotional response out of viewers when everything could be reversed with a snap of your fingers.

[chicagoindiecritics]

New from Kevin Wozniak on Kevflix: The Top 25 Movies of the 2010s

We’re finally here.  The 2010s are officially over (and have been for almost two weeks now) and what a decade it was.  When the decade began, I was in my final semester of film school at DePaul University in Chicago.  Now, ten years later, I run my own website as a movie critic.  Did I see myself in this position when the decade started?  Absolutely not.  I still can’t believe this is something I get to do and something I will continue to do for the unforeseeable future.

When it came to making this list and what movies made the list, I looked at a number of factors.  I looked at the movies I’ve revisited the most over the years.  I looked at the movies that had the biggest emotional impact on me.  I looked at the movies that I felt were important to cinema and movies that were important to me.  I looked at movies that made me go, “wow”, and movies that I simply love.  Like all of the “Best of the Decade” lists, this was incredibly hard to make and this is a list that if you asked me rank these movies again in a month, it would probably change.  But for now, here are my picks for the best movies of 2010s.

        25. AVENGERS: ENDGAME (Anthony and Joe Russo, 2019)

After eleven years and over twenty movies, the Russo Brothers gave us a fitting conclusion that is as big and epic as movies get.

    24. WARRIOR (Gavin O’Connor, 2011)

A deeply emotional spots drama about family and forgiveness coupled with realistic, crushing MMA scenes.

    23. TOY STORY 3 (Lee Unkrich)

Even with a fourth installment, Toy Story 3 still manages to be a sweet and touching end to Andy’s journey with Woody, Buzz, and the gang.

    22. POPSTAR: NEVER STOP NEVER STOPPING (Akiva Schaffer & Jorma Taccone, 2016)

The funniest movie of the decade also features base-shattering, smartly written rap songs.

    21. MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE – FALLOUT (Christopher McQuarrie, 2018)

The best action movie of the decade and the peak of Tom Cruise’s insanity.

    20. BLACK SWAN (Darren Aronofsky, 2010)

Darren Aronofsky’s psychological horror film features career-best work from Natalie Portman.

    19. INSIDE LLEWYN DAVIS (Joel and Ethan Coen, 2013)

Another Coen classic, this time about a struggling folk singer who just can’t catch a break.

    18. THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL (Wes Anderson, 2014)

Wes Anderson’s masterpiece is one of the most gorgeous movies of the decade.

    17. A STAR IS BORN (Bradley Cooper, 2018)

Bradley Cooper was a one man wrecking crew as he produced, co-wrote, starred, and directed this remake of a Hollywood classic that he made his own.

    16. MAD MAX: FURY ROAD (George Miller, 2015)

An insane, non-stop thrill ride from the great visionary George Miller.

    15. SPOTLIGHT (Tom McCarthy, 2015)

A riveting, disturbing procedural.

    14. LA LA LAND (Damien Chazelle, 2016)

Chazelle won a well-deserved Oscar for his lovely L.A. musical.

    13. SPRING BREAKERS (Harmony Korine, 2013)

Harmony Korine’s spring break nightmare featuring a legendary performance by James Franco.

    12. THE IRISHMAN (Martin Scorsese, 2019)

Martin Scorsese’s three-and-a-half-hour crime epic is a somber look at loyalty and regret as we get old.

    11. INCEPTION (Christopher Nolan, 2010)

A mind-blowing crime thriller with the best final shot of the decade.

    And now, the top ten movies of the 2010s.

      10. THE AVENGERS (Joss Whedon, 2012)

The 2010s will forever be remembered for the Marvel Cinematic Universe and though Endgame ended it with a bang, it was 2012’s The Avengers that made this universe what it ended up being.  Five movies came together into one in a seamless fashion thanks to writer/director Joss Whedon, who effortlessly blends humor and action within the stellar cast.  The Avengers changed the game forever.

  9. HEREDITARY (Ari Aster, 2018)

No movie this decade haunted me more than Ari Aster’s debut, Hereditary.  The best horror film of the decade is more than just scares and is really a look at a grief-stricken family drama about dealing with a horrific tragedy.  Toni Collette is masterful as the mother of the family who slowly begins to crumble as she dives further into the life of her recently deceased mother, giving one of the best performances of her career and the decade.  Aster made a movie that will crush your heart and scare the hell out of you.

  8. LINCOLN (Steven Spielberg, 2012)

The 2010s were a great decade for Steve Spielberg.  This was a decade where Spielberg focused a lot on political stories, making a series of films I like to call his Amendment Trilogy.  This trilogy kicked off with 2012’s Lincoln and what a way to start it off.  This is stately look at Abraham Lincoln trying to emancipate slaves and end the Civil War is a gorgeous and captivating film.  Led by an Oscar-winning performance by Daniel Day-Lewis, who embodies the sixteenth president in a way no one else could, Lincoln is stunning work for Spielberg and ushered in a new stage in his career.

  7. GET OUT (Jordan Peele, 2017)

The best original screenplay of the decade belongs to Jordan Peele’s Get Out.  This darkly funny horror satire about black life in white America is a startling eye opener, as Peele looks at a black man (Daniel Kaluuya, giving an acting class in nuance) spends the weekend at his white girlfriend’s house until things go awry.  There are scenes that will have you laughing and scenes that will shock you and Peele balances the tones like a true pro.  This is the best debut film of the decade and film that only gets better the more I watch it.

  6. THE WOLF OF WALL STREET (Martin Scorsese, 2013)

The Wolf of Wall Street is balls-to-the-walls chaos.  A film of non-stop drugs, sex, money, and debauchery, and it all came from a 72-year-old Martin Scorsese.  Leonardo DiCaprio gives a career-best performance as Jordan Belfort, a stock-broker who rose to the top of the game, only to lose everything in a heap of drugs and crime.  Much like another Scorsese masterpiece, Goodfellas, Scorsese paints a portrait of the worst kind of people.  Mean people who are only in love with money, greed, and doing whatever the hell they want.  Yet we love every single one of them and want to join Belfort’s firm.  Scorsese had one hell of a decade, but The Wolf of Wall Street was his best.

  5. CREED (Ryan Coogler, 2015)

How do you reinvent a historic franchise?  That’s what Ryan Coogler did with Creed, a continuation of the Rocky franchise that also launched a new film series and made Michael B. Jordan a star.  What Coogler does best with Creed is find heart of the story and the heart of the Rocky franchise.  This has always been a franchise about friendship, family, never giving up, and finding yourself and that’s what he made here, as we watch Adonis Creed (Jordan) try to make a name for himself in the shadow of his father and Rocky (Sylvester Stallone, who hasn’t been this good since the original Rocky).  Coogler added a great visual style, a killer soundtrack, and tons of emotion to make Creed endlessly rewatchable and the biggest surprise of the decade.

  4. MONEYBALL (Bennett Miller, 2011)

Brad Pitt gives the best performance of his illustrious career in Bennett Miller’s Moneyball.  He plays Oakland A’s General Manager Billy Beane, a man who builds his team around the idea of buying runs not players, something completely different from every other baseball team.  But more than that, Moneyball is a movie about man who loves baseball with all his heart, yet anytime he gets close to a field, things go wrong for him.  This is a movie about taking chances and accepting your failures.  This is one of the best baseball movies ever made and there is barely any baseball action.  This is all about what happens inside the dugout and what goes on in the back office and thanks for stellar directing and a smart screenplay, it’s more exciting than any baseball action would be.

  3. DUNKIRK (Christopher Nolan, 2017)

If there was a director who owned the 2010s, that man was probably Christopher Nolan, who kept pushing the boundaries of cinema with every movie he made, whether it was how it was written or the scale of the film.  In under two hours, Nolan showed us how masterful he is at understanding space and scale while also making a film that transcends convention to make Dunkirk, one of the greatest war movies ever made.  This is a relentless movie about a group of soldiers trying to survive the attacks at Dunkirk during World War II.  Nolan does this by showing us happenings on land, the sea, and the air, all being shown in different time frames, while never showing us the enemy once.  My heart was racing the entire film and I was in complete awe of Nolan’s technical brilliance here, while also making us care for these soldiers and their survival.  Dunkirk is Nolan’s crowning achievement as a director.

  2. WHIPLASH (Damien Chazelle, 2014)

I remember the first time I saw Whiplash.  It was an early morning screening on the second day of the 2014 Sundance Film Festival.  From the opening shot of Andrew Neiman (Miles Teller, in a breakout performance) practicing on his drum-kit to the epic, earth-shattering finale, I knew Whiplash was a truly special movie.  Damien Chazelle’s sophomore effort is a war film is a music room.  A blistering, brutal look at what it takes to be perfect and asking the question of how far is too far?  JK Simmons gives the best supporting actor performance of the decade as Fletcher, the tyrant music teacher to Andrew who pushes him to his limit.  In an era of participation trophies and effort medals, Whiplash comes along and tells you to shove it.  To be the best, you myst be willing to push yourself to beyond what you can think.  You must give every ounce of blood, sweat, and tears to get what you want and failure is not an option.  This is a movie that will kick your ass and have your heart racing and palms sweating from minute one.  Chazelle made an exhilarating masterpiece on his second try.

  1. THE SOCIAL NETWORK (David Fincher, 2010)

The Social Network is not only the best movie of the decade, but it is the most important one as well.  David Fincher’s account of the invention of Facebook and the controversy that followed is a movie that has not only held up, but improved over the years, as our dependency on technology has increased throughout the decade  This is a movie that captures everything about today’s society. Aaron Sorkin’s rapid-fire, impeccable screenplay about one man’s rise to the top by losing everything around him, including his closest friends, is an all-timer. Sorkin’s words are a spark off the page and are more exciting than most action movies.  Fincher’s work behind the camera has never been better. This is the best work of Fincher’s career.  A culmination of everything he has done in his career, both visually and narratively, giving us striking images while utilizing the quick editing and Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross’ score (the best of the decade) perfectly in the film.  The cast, led by Jesse Eisenberg, Andrew Garfield, Armie Hammer, and Justin Timberlake, is perfect, giving life to Sorkin’s words in their own creative, genius way. There is no film that represents our current time in history like The Social Network. It is a film that years from now, even decades, people will look back and see what America was at this time.  It is the best film of the decade.

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