#it almost immediately kicked in and i started freaking cuz i didnt think it was gonna kick in at all

[90th1k1k0m0r1]

finally had my first bad trip! three tabs of acid is far too much!

[melkm0323-blog]

01-04-18

I saw him today. Not in a vision...not in a dream...not in some trance.

I saw him today.

He was talking to some girl. Not knowing who she was my initial instincts automatically made me jealous. When I noticed she was a salesperson I laughed at the ridiculousness of it all.

He continued walking so i ceased the opportunity to grab his hand. Immediately giving him a hug, I overwhelmed him.

He looked at me as if he's seen a ghost.

Being his goofy self, he tried to crack jokes and break the ice. Something about they way he spoke had me believing he felt oddly uncomfortable. So did I. I said my bag was heavy but he didnt help with it. May be I'm expecting too much but thats what a guy usually does.

There was no where to go, so we just drove and found a place to eat.

During the car ride I was quiet most of the way not truly myself. he noticed and try to see what was wrong but I wouldn't budge. Tbh if he had asked me I wouldn't have known what to say.. I didnt even know what I was feeling.

During the ride, he jammed to rap...not country. I was lost, almost trapped. Kinda like if I was kept from being myself. May be country was our thing and he just doesnt wanna relive it, but country is what makes me sing and dance and enjoy myself. He didnt catch that either but he remained a goofball, cracked jokes, and showed me his rap.

At one point my hand grazed his, it fluttered my stomach. Caught me off gaurd. His skin was soft and unexpected.

We went to Bahama Breeze. I sat aside him as he looked off blinded from the light. We spoke and conversation got better. His eyes and his black hair.. his long eyelashes and geometric face. His curly frizzy hair, his gestures. I was staring...I felt so amazed.

The fact that we went to Bahama Breeze -a place where we once wanted to go just to order desert- was pleasantly unexpected. The only thing was that instead of ordering just desert we just ordered food. Being with him in the table was awkward, he kept using his phone or trying to show me jokes I didn't understand. He was right next to me but I felt alone...a million miles away...like if he was part of some other world I wasn't apart of.

That left me...well sad. I didn't make much eye contact after that. I feel he tried to make me feel better as he cupped my leg attemption to make me smile but i just grabbed it. I grabbed it and I held it. I held it and thought of letting it go every second after. I wanted to be with him, but I knew I had to let him go. So I did. On the verge of tears, I let his hand go...He saw my expression and asked me if I was okay. I just didn't know what to say. He lowered the music and kept looking at me, with worry in his eyes...I just blamed it on my mom. But truth is, although I want to be normal, it wasn't the real reason why I was sad. I was sad because I loved him. I was sad because he loved me. I was sad because that is supposed to last forever. Love is. But it didn't for us, because although we care for one another, we constantly have to change ourselves in order to be "happy." That's not what love is. Love is compramise but it isn't change. You don't change who you are or who the person is to please you, because in reality. That won't last. At some point you'll find yourself lost and empty because you are not the person you are or need to be and you know it. You need someone who loves every piece of you and wants you exactly for you. You work together which is why it works.

I just played it cool, and asked him where we were going. He said somewhere. That somewhere ended up being a small hidden parking space.

There he freaked out a lil. He realized that he was with me. Realized that 3 1/2 years ago he had met me and I was sitting right there in the passengers seat.

His heart was racing so I told him to hit his juul. Well, he did it till he nicced out, dummy. He was still worried but I knew I had to be the one to do something. I felt my heart racing as it is now...I wanted to kiss him. I said do i do something. Nervously he replied, "do what you please, work your magic-" and thats where I did it.

I had kissed him.

The feeling was unreal. So I had to do it again. Unreal. I did it more and I felt it. His presence. His feelings. His aroma. His lips. His stubble.

I felt him.

It was not like any other kiss from any other guy. It was filled and fueled by feelings...by well, love.

I opened my eyes from time to time. Just to look at him. His eyes were closed. He kept waiting for my kiss. Waiting to feel it. As I stopped and as he open his eyes. I knew I wanted to keep going.

I asked him to go to the back where i can lay on top of him. I just wanted to kiss him but he had figured other wise. That was okay because that was probably where it was going to lead.

I kissed him over and over. But I always did it. I always do.

When undressing, he felt impeccably nervous. Like if he was getting naked in front of a crowd. I didn't expect that since well, Ive seen everything all before and just last night he showed me a pictureee. But it was okay I just looked at him and told him we don't have to if doesn't want to or feels uncomfortable doing it.

He told me to ease him into it. To take it slow. I was going down on him and damn it is always the biggest mouthful.

It was then time for me to undress. At that point I sprawled my legs open and asked him to go down on me.

There was that face again. The face of a man who just saw a ghost. He mumbled it was scary. He played with it for a lil. He saw it thrilled me. And sure enough, went down on me. There were moments...I couldn't comprehend the feeling. Him touching my pussy again. Oh my shit...he turned me on so much.

After that I got him hard again and well.. it was time. I gasped at the plentiful cock that was sliding right into me. His girth made a non virgins pussy tight. His length reached all the way back. I was in utter disbelief.

Fucking him was glorious. Even in a tight space, in the back seat of a car...it was glorious.

Kissing him with my hand on his penis and his fingers in my holes had me delusional.

There was a moment where I couldn't control my body, myself, my mind...

I stupidly whispered, "i love you..."

He didnt hear it... but i wanted to keep it that way.

I grabbed the strings from his hoody, then his hoody, then him. I wanted him on top of me. It was such a strong force.

This following information is my favorite of it all.

We fucked missionary with my left leg up high on his shoulder. He felt so good. He sounded so good. He was breathing heavy and he was kissing me while fucking me. He was so close to me. I knew this where I was going home.

I rubbed my pussy while his cock went in and out and in and out. I couldnt breathe. "Im gonna cum..." and in an airy whisper he said "cum baby." And i did. I moaned and I held him with me. I had never felt this feeling. It was powerful. So close. He grunted cuz he liked it. He liked it, so he came.

Cleaning up was cute. I got one end while he got the other and himself.

After that I was so happy.

I was dancing, I was myself, or a delusional self. I began to think... that really just f-ing happened. Im here with an hot ass 18 yr old that I met when he was a puny 15 yr old. He had a beard, he looked so old. He was here still. With me, still. Why are we still here if everything doesn't work and we know it. My defense mechanism kicked in and I started laughing. He kept looking at me like if i was some weirdo but we enjoyed it.

Going back and helping him with directions felt normal. I felt normal. I felt happy. But sadly, it was time to leave.

I kept looking at him. I just didnt wanna leave and i murmered that. I opened the door, made a gesture to get out but held myself back and turned to him for a kiss...

For a last kiss...

For a kiss that marked the ending. For a kiss that held hope of seeing each other again. For a kiss that held uncertainty.

It wasnt the kiss that I'll remember forever...but the smile he gave me after...

He was happy

So I was too...

He drove away slowly, I looked back, and I already missed him ❤️.