#it almost feels like legatos never met knives at all

[mrbluesummers-moved]

My pettiest Trigun Stampede gripe is the fact that we haven't gotten a single scene with Knives and Legato. What's up with that?

[weirdcat1213]

another day another week ANOTHER FUCKING VOLUME-

okok lets relax

vol 11 thoughts

chap 1:

you know i barely remember this so it should be fun :D

-CHAPEL IDC IF THIS A FLASHBACK BUT THE TF OUT OF MY HOUSE

-"all he did was to shoot you in the spine" lmao elendira calling legato a baby is my favorite thing

-you know what girlie youre so right- oh a joke? damn it

-ily zazie, youre so cool

-VASH SLEEPING IN THE CAR :D

-oh hey brad is here

-ah NO NOT THE AFTERMATH MOMENTS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

-brad, brad, honey....he knows

-why is my poor baby apologizing :c

-i mean brad's fears are valid and all but HE DOESNT KNOW AND WE KNOW AND VASH KNOWS AND ITS ALL JUST REALLY SAD

-GIVE MY MAN A BREAK LMAO XD

-also i can relate to livio here cuz rn my environment is too trusting and im so paranoid about security like yeah vash, i would never sleep in the back of a car of someone whom i just met you dumbass-

-shut up literally shut up

-fair

-Ion Blaster TM time :3

-final phase you say-

-oh....oh no. vash, this is gonna be one of those moments where you sigh and curse knives for being kinda right

-oh he angy xd

-OHH RIGHT YEAH

-yeap...they are fucked atm

-OMG ITS THEM THEYRE COMING YIPPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY :D

chap 2

-THEYRE ALMOST HEREEEEE

-catch me being that guy when the end comes (just a dude in a coat with a hat playing music, thats gonna be me)

-oh god no, the worst and most boring thing you could do is to label knives as a terrorist. the guy is so much more and that word just doesnt fit him

-yes thank you! no time for nonsense

-THERE SHE IS HEY GIRLLLLL ITS BEEN SO LONG, TOO LONG, YOU LOOK SO PRETTY :3

-MILLY MY BELOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED

-when was the last time we saw them? 2 volumes ago?

-"i would never would have imagined this. that the world could change so fast" and that goes on the list of "timeless trigun things" or TTT for short

-:c

-wait so...transphobe guy? get yeeted

-oh...oh i didnt remember...oh i will cry

-ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the reunioooooooooon

-look at their fucking faces, they missed each other so much

-tbh if i met the most jesus-allegory guy ever, then lost trail of where or how he was for 2 volumes of a manga ,to find him later in the middle of a silly fight i would also cry

-that scene with the pieces of earth announcement makes me kinda sad, no one will come for us

-geesus christ

-ohhh kinda pretty tho, looks like a phoenix

chap 3:

-"its all happening so fast" yeah sorry dude, its a trigun tradition

-HE LOOKS SO HAPPY, HIS DUTY (according to him) OF PROTECTING THE PEOPLE IS ALMOST DONE

-"do you want me to come along?" he would be the best person to go to public places when you are too anxious to talk to strangers

- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DONT ASK PLS NO

-livio honey what was the idea here "oh you guys seem like you liked him. i actually killed him. well not me but also me. im sorry"

-milly my girl is cursed to be the 1st and og wolfwood stan in any version. we feel your pain girl

-LMAO THE NOTE ABOUT ZAZIE XD

-AWWWWWWWWWWWWW :3 A BAG OF LITTLE THINGSSS

-NOT VASH CARRYING FIGURINES AROUND, HES LIKE ME FR FR WITH MY KEYCHAINS

-also ofc he has rare figurines, the man has had enough time to look for it lmao

-ok but imagine if vash actually had lost the coins xd

-the pressure and guilt livio must feel rn. his brother died trying to protect him and he has the official Vash Thinks Youre Cool stamp. he has to change cuz if he doesnt he would throw all of that away and really stop being human

-you did good brad

-"must be lonely" im eating my own arm

-oh im really crying over this, ok, fun

-i also dont know what to do vash the stampede but im begging you to ASK FOR HELP YOU MFFFFFFFFFF

-AH SHIT ZAZIE NO

-AH FUCK ITS HIM

chap 4:

-july 20th? ah great, july 20th-21st is cursed here too

-rad as hell as always

-huh, i expected knives to just yeet them on sight

-i would say him and humans are pretty much alike but ok, sure,hm

-i love her being suspicious of legato 1st xd

-i wonder how can this go wrong, seems like a solid plan

-oh right...him

-YEAH GO GET HIM >:3

-oh...oh thats so cool. like his body doesnt work...but he controls it...but not in the same way a human would...wow

-OH BEAUTIFUL EYE HOLY SHIT THATS BEAUTIFUL

-GATE CONSUMING STUFF YOU SAY.....HMMMMM I WONDER WHERE I SAW THE SAME TRIGUN CONCEPT-

(side note: "you still dont know how to control your gate" SO THATS HOW IT LOOKS WHEN YOU CONTROL IT? IT ONLY CONSUMES/CREATE WHAT YOU WANT?? ORANGEEE)

-MAGIC BULLETSSSSSS

-LMAO THE HOLE XD

-vash you cant say shit about silly haircuts im sorry

-also "new hair new outlook"...........i will curl myself into the moon

-they forgor

-who are you

-also ngl i never got the idea of what the coins did so lets find out

chap 5:

-SHES FUCKING HERE REJOICEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

-wait wdym neural blocking programs

-LMAO XD

-LIVIO IS SO SCARED AND WITH REASON

-just the two of us :3

-i love his game face and then its just "ugh i cant do this" xd

-"fight vash the stampede fight" me cheering vash on in stampede

-vash i love you but you cant call my wife a bitch, thats not polite

-oh livio, oh i didnt get to appreciate you too much on my 1st read but come here man, come here. youre doing great

-they have officially trauma bonded :3 (ik thats a terrible oversimplification but leave me alone)

-"is it possible for something created by humans to completely break away from their creators?" yes next question

-OH NO IS THIS THE VOLUME WITH *THAT SCENE*?

-"you really have become a crybaby" and im glad cuz she was always so serious with her job and all, now she can express her feelings more

-STOPPPP THIS ALWAYS GETS ME CUZ AHHHHHH STOP

-AH NAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH :C

-...........and thats story is technically stampede but anyway jajajajaja :D

-the prettiest eyes

-FUNNY ENOUGH HE DOES LOOK LIKE A BUG

-OH ITS TIME ITS FUCKING TIME HOLY SHIT

chap 6:

-the title :c

-liviooooooo :c

-HEY! my boi can still kick your ass >:[

-DONT YOU EVEN *DARE*

-just leave him out of this pls

-i love that he still considers himself human <3 i want to think wolfwood taught him that indirectly

-FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

-I MEAN YES YOURE RIGHT BUT CAN YOU NOT???

-huh, the silhouette kinda looks like wolfwo- *gunshot*

-i love knowing exacty what livio is thinking rn

-aww :3

-liviooooooooooo :c

-his cowboy era is about to start im so proud of him :')

[aceselfshippings]

🤝 with knives? (Also couldn't decide between 🤗 and/or 💉 which honestly make for a decent combo) ;3c -💛

How dare you force me to learn how to write him /j /aff

Training under Legato was rewarding, but brutal. Add in the weird experimentation shit from the creepy old doctor and Spades’s head was left with a nasty migraine. They’d chosen to wander the arc in search of a dark, quiet space away from all the buzzing fluorescents that had only become much more noticable thanks to enhanced senses. So far they’d had no luck, and were beginning to think it was a fruitless endeavor when something in the distance caught their attention. They perked up, listening intently and tuning out everything else as they tried to focus on what they'd heard; it was soft, distant, but somewhat familiar… a piano maybe? Migraine temporarily forgotten, Spades slowly followed the sound.

‘What kinda weirdo science lab has a piano?’ They thought to themself as they got closer and closer to the source. The song was unfamiliar for sure, but they’d never really had much chance to listen to music outside of July. Still, something about this song felt odd as goosebumps formed across their skin. It was almost otherworldly, and that feeling only increased when they found the source. They quietly peeked around the doorframe, surprised at the grandness of the room first then drawn to the frightful creature looming above the instrument. They must've gasped or made a sound, because the music cut off immediately, and it was pure unthinking instinct alone that they managed to dodge whatever was now lodged into the wall where their head just was. They didn't get time to process anything as something wrapped around their waist and yanked them out of their cover with a startled yelp, and Spades suddenly found themself face to face with the most handsome man they’d ever seen. Suddenly Legato’s talk of gods and angels made sense, because there was no way this guy was anything less than ethereal…

“What are you doing here?” The man sneered, and Spades felt a chill run up their spine that brought them out of their adoration spiral; they could practically hear Legato scolding them for being so distracted.

“I-, I was just looking for some place quiet and-” the thing wrapped around their waist, some kind of tendril covered in knives they now noticed, tightened around them and they hissed as some of the blades pressed harder into their skin.

“I heard music and got c-curious…” they continued, sending the other a somewhat sheepish smile, “didnt mean t’interrupt, ya play really well…” the man narrowed his eyes minutely and Spades mentally kicked themself.

‘Welp, this is how I die-’

“This area is off limits,” the man’s voice cut through their thoughts, and they couldn't help the look of surprise on their face at not being immediately skewered. They felt the blades-tendril around their waist go slack as they were unceremoniously dropped to the floor. The man now loomed over them much like the thing over the piano, but for some reason Spades didnt feel fear so much as awe once more as their stormy grey eyes met icy blue.

“Next time, I won't be so lenient.” It was a clear dismissal that was only added to by the man turning away. Spades recovered from the shock of being left alive and scrambled to their feet, then paused by door. Left embedded in the wall was the blade they’d dodged moments before, and their inner klepto could hardly resist such a unique prize. They quietly pried the knife out, glancing toward the man to make sure he wasn't looking, before continuing on their way.

They didnt stop until they were back within the relative safety of their room, and even then they anxiously waited an hour before pulling the knicked blade out of their pocket to admire. It was sharper than anything they had, and clearly not made of something found on this desert hell of a planet. The design was unique as well, resembling the same blades that had been close to poking holes in them not ten minutes before, which meant it’d be too dangerous to use in present company. They sighed and stowed the knife in the holster on their hip; maybe it would come in handy someday.

[bigboylivio]

| L/R |

Maybe heading first into the room wasn't the best idea, but he was playing this thing by ear. Having lived by following orders and under strict surveillance nearly all his life--this unstructured, aimlessness has been both refreshing and confusing to learn to navigate. At least there was some level of familiarity to try to find his footing on.

The big guy did take in the state of the room with a trained eye, but chose not to dwell too closely on what he saw just now. Focus on not getting yourself in trouble, Livio. Razlo was still quiet, but that made it easier to concentrate, so he'll take it.

He just stood and waited, not offering any help or comment. The ball was in Wolfwood's court, given he was the 'outsider' of this particular situation, he would let him control the situation. Ever the follower, still. He tried not to grin at the thought. The glare that was shot his way killed the almost-grin immediately. As did locking the door.

This was the moment, wasn't it? It wouldn't kill him, most likely, but if Wolfwood wanted to do damage to him, he wouldn't put up any kind of fight. Not with the guilt of his own past still heavy in his guts like lead weights. He'd let any Wolfwood beat him to a pulp again, if he thought it would ease that pain. Make him forget seeing that face, trenched in both of their blood, moments before--

The pistol snapped his mind away from the spiral he nearly let himself get swept into again. Its not fear of the gun that made him stiffen, but sadness that it was necessary to do so. Livio crosses his arms slowly, meaning his hands aren't near his Fangs, and they remain fully visible. He had no intention of brandishing them at Wolfwood. Never again.

How did he explain any of this? He barely understood any of it, himself. He only had the briefest brush with this shit once or twice before now. And he was left alone, without knowing if there were rules to follow, things he shouldn't say, things he should say, even.

"I met Vash only once before today," he started, carefully, with a head tilt toward the bed. "I was confused, too, because he was not.. The Vash I remember. The one I.. I've fought beside, against Knives, and Legato. Running into you was just lucky, I was trying to find someone he could be safe with after he collapsed..." Great good god, he sounded insane.

"This Vash is the one that explained it to me, I know this shit s-sounds crazy, but he seemed to get it right off. I assume you've had... other things to deal with, than talk about o-other worlds?" Livio gestured to the state of the bloody towels and sheets.

"I don't know what happened to the L-Livio of this world, other than what you just said." My brother is dead. I killed him. Livio swallowed hard, breathed in deeply. Don't cry again. Suck it up.

"I am Livio," he said, a touch of shyness straining the tone as he spoke his name. All of this was way too much. A sentiment of 'for fuck's sake' rumbled from the back of his mind. "B-But not the one you knew. By how Vash, here, described him, it was before my..."

/Say it. Just say it. Say it or I'll fucking say it!

"It was before my m-modifications," he got it out with a rush of breath. "I-I spent a lot of time bulking up before and the end result is--" With one massive hand, he patted his own bicep, and turned his head to show the metal disc that replaced his left ear, suddenly feeling too big and self-conscious. Not to mention the docking port on his back for the third arm he used to have, but that was not visible.

"The only thing I think I know for certain is, things are really different between our worlds. I-I don't know what else to say, what I should say, if there's things I shouldn't tell you. I just know that I'm here, and I can help. Or t-try, anyway."

With a reaction like that, Wolfwood is... slightly... more convinced that this is Livio. Somehow. He's not sure how, since Livio is worm chum in God-knows-where under iles and iles of sand, but... he seems to pass every check. Weird as hell.

After a turn and a click, Wolfwood opens the door to the room he and Vash had been sharing for a couple days now. It's in... questionable condition, if Livio looks too closely he'll find bloody towels and sheets soaking in the tub next to... other soiled linens (which Wolfwood has full intention of not letting him see). In general, the two seem to have left the place a mess. This Wolfwood has never been a fan of chores, and cleaning has never been his forte, unless it's his gun.

He allows Livio to enter first, perhaps against his better judgement—when else will he get the opportunity to be in close quarters with his 'brother' anyway? The only time he got to spend with Livio after getting taken away has been with Chapel or against one another. Sometimes both. This is ridiculous.

Wolfwood follows Livio in, then lies Vash onto the bed. He's not sure whether to give him a blanket or not, so for now he will just rest on top of them. The undertaker has a larger problem to deal with before things get ugly.

Stubbing out his cigarette in the ashtray on the nightstand, Wolfwood shoots another piercing glare through Livio—right over the rims of his glasses.

The confusion doesn't let up. It's not right.

He drifts to the door again, this time locking it and placing the Punisher in front of it like a blockade. His hand rests on one of its arms as he contemplates his next move with a heavy sigh.

"Okay. I'm going to try this one more time," Wolfwood heel-turns and pulls a grader pistol from beneath his blazer. He keeps it leisurely pointed at the larger man before him—still unsure whether to attack or not. Notably, his trigger finger rests on the guard.

"My brother is dead. I watched him die. So who, or what, are you? How did you find me, how do you know him? What do you know about Knives or Legato?"

His face scrunches in frustration while he attempts to find the right question to ask.

"How much do you remember?"

[severalspoons]

Liveblog: Rewatching Trigun, Episode 20

Surprise, this blog series continues! I have no intention of letting it end at episode 19. (I mean, that’s not even a nice round number!) While these aren’t liveblogs any more, they still give me an opportunity to discuss meta. 

Life lesson learned: once you start a series of anything, do not stop until it’s finished--no matter what other projects come up, no matter how shiny they are, and no matter how much you’re dreading watching episode 23. Since I do my best work when feeling inspired, I hate to wait and let my enthusiasm for the new project cool, but jumping ship only ends in two unfinished projects instead of one.

This is going to be arranged by theme, not so much chronologically. Also, it ended up being more about Wolfwood than originally intended.  Including a spoiler, so be careful.

Millie’s Transmitter

Millie reports that the Chief of Bernadelli gave her a transmitter/tracking device, which must be a rare, valuable piece of technology -- to prevent anyone from outwitting her. Meryl replies that this is nothing to brag about. I disagree.

First of all, the chief cares about her enough to entrust her with this bragworthy technology. She must have earned his trust and good opinion, also an achievement. He could easily punish or fire her, but instead gives her a tool to perform better. Countless people with learning disabilities dream of bosses like this. 

People tend to take a harmful all-or-nothing attitude towards disabilities. Either PWD are incapable of doing things and nothing can be done about it, or they are capable of doing things, and shouldn’t need help. Since people with disabilities themselves live in society, they end up indoctrinated and taking the same attitudes towards themselves. Shame and self-hatred often result. People strive for years, often with therapy, to get to the matter of fact acceptance Millie shows here.

***

Vash in Hell

Everything is red, from the beginning. The sand, himself and his clothes, the sky. Knives comes into view, blurry and mostly in shadow, only one eye visible.  What looks like meteors, probably chunks from the ships, fall through the sky like rain. We’re seeing from Vash’s point of view.

When waking Vash, Knives’ voice is normal, sounding like a real child. It doesn’t change to his growly evil voice until Vash accuses him of being a murderer. Then, his eye loses its pupil, and he suddenly appears to have fangs. He looks like he’s become some sort of monster. Not human, as Vash says.

Knives beats him up for even daring to compare him to a human. What hurts the most about this is you know it’ll be a long time, and probably many more such beatings, before Vash leaves.

Was it ever possible to take care of Knives? Was Rem’s last request reasonable?

Vash announces he’s finally ready to face Knives. What impresses me most: he’s finally making a significant decision for himself.

***

Meet the Folks

How is Vash more attractive in normal clothes than his signature coat, even in scenes showing only his face? Speaking of which, this episode is full of beautiful shots of Vash’s face. Wolfwood’s, too. 

How the hell did Wolfwood get here? He said he was concerned about Vash crying then jumping off a cliff, and followed him. However, he seems to have climbed up from below. How would he have found a floating platform? Certainly, none is visible below him. And since he seems to know nothing about the flying ship, he can’t have taken Vash’s strategy and jumped onto a platform at just the right time. 

“Come meet the folks!” Yes, they actually do have a summer cottage in the sky. Ever wonder why Vash’s head is always in the clouds? ;) 

Wolfwood actually says “I’m getting sick of your lies.” Hypocritical much?

Wolfwood is the first guest Vash has brought “home” in over 20 years (in other words, since he became The Stampede)! 

Does that mean that the whole time Vash has been on the run, he hasn’t visited the SEEDS ship (probably to prevent anyone tracking him from discovering it)? Vash could have simply hid out for the last 20 years in the SEEDS ship; it’s his home, after all. Instead, he chose to go out and protect people from Knives, and each other. (How many of us would have made the same choice?)

***

Inside Legato’s Lair

What does this informant know about Chapel’s duties? From the way Legato dismisses his concerns, it seems like Knives’ followers aren’t given much information about each other.

Wolfwood is now doomed. “You’re such a fool. Had you behaved, you might have lived to see Doomsday. But I’m pleased, for I now have the opportunity to carry out another of my master’s wishes.” 

A surprisingly restrained evil chuckle from Legato. Thank you for sparing us a full-on villain laugh.

How does Legato get shoulder padding that sticks out that far? Each shoulder is almost twice as big as his head.

***

A Series of Awkward Events

The ship has a whole observation team. No one should be able to get up here without the SEEDS leaders knowing, right? Right? ...

The old man tells Brad Vash has changed over the years. How? 

After all this buildup, Brad opens the door, letting in blinding light, and this is what he sees:

The legend acting like an idiot and getting his butt kicked. Very dignified. 

This is Brad’s reaction:

“Is that your great legend?! Huh?!” “What a relief! He hasn’t changed at all.” (A relief? What were they afraid would have happened to him?)

Brad is not amused by Wolfwood’s touchy-feely ways.

“Who’s he?” Vash, looking embarrassed: “I’m not sure.” Fair enough, but not very helpful, and Wolfwood doesn’t elaborate. We already know and love Vash’s embarrassed grin, but I can’t get over Wolfwood’s almost sinister smile in the mirror. 

A cute moment where Vash looks back like, “isn’t my place great?” and Wolfwood just gapes like an idiot. (Close your mouth, my dude. Flies are gonna get in). 

Vash last visited about 20 years ago, and Jessica was a small child then, so she should be about 23 or 24. However, she looks and acts like a teenager. Vash inadvertently becomes part of an unwanted love triangle.

To his credit, Vash tries to put her off, in a joking way (”I have a reputation for being easy but even I need a bit of advance warning”). Wolfwood makes the whole situation worse by teasing Vash about his “girlfriend” in front of a fuming Brad. It’s as if he were going out of his way to antagonize the people on the ship.

When Vash actually has a chance to look at Jessica’s face, he remembers her. Think about that. He may only have met her once, it’s been 20 years, and he still recognizes her and remembers her name. How many other people does he remember from the past ~130 years? This is how he uses his powerful plant brain--Knives would view it as a waste.

Jessica cooks a feast for Vash, which, tragically, he won’t get to enjoy. How did she cook all this food so fast? It’s enough to feed the whole ship.

***

Wolfwood is mistrusted for the wrong reasons

Wolfwood actually takes off his shades and armor of acting like a jerk while introducing himself to Jessica. This is unusually open and vulnerable of him. He actually is trying to behave. But Brad, worried about “a bunch of outsiders” bringing war to their flying paradise, hits him where it hurts.  

...Did I mention Wolfwood has beautiful eyes?

Anyway, everyone gathers around staring at Wolfwood from a distance, while he drops cigarettes on the ground. There’s an entire pile lying at his feet. The whole scene is the definition of passive aggressive. 

What seems to anger Wolfwood is not so much how they treat him personally, but their denial combined with moral superiority. Not to push a metaphor too far, but these folks are able to take the moral high horse because their literal high position keeps them safe. Yet, they use this immense privilege not to help the world below, or to prepare for the ship’s inevitable fall, but to hide in their castle in the sky. It clicks for me that Wolfwood probably feels about running away the way Vash does about suicide (think back to episode 11). 

The SEEDS dwellers do not seem to understand that Wolfwood is both trying to help them and a little resentful of what they have. To them, he is everything they’ve been taught to fear and hate, up here poisoning Paradise for them with his unpleasant ideas. Of course this sort of dynamic never happens in real life.

Also, keep in mind that none of them know anything about the people below directly, only from hearsay. They’re not wrong about Gunsmoke as a whole, but they treat Wolfwood like a monster rather than a person.  That also never happens in real life.

Then he gets to the scene of a crime too late--but just in time to look like the one responsible. Although the ship dwellers would love to see him dead, he leaps to defend them against his own colleague. Knowing, perhaps, that doing this would confirm he switched sides, and his own days might be numbered. He doesn’t even pause to think, he just goes, the same way he did when the child went missing in episode 9.

***

Vash Will Save The Day

“Like you care. Five years is probably like a blink of the eye to you anyway.” Vash denies it, but the second part is probably true. He looks so surprised to hear it’s been five years.

It can’t be easy for Vash to admit that he was responsible for the “Fifth Moon Incident,” and is probably more dangerous than Knives. Once again, his only argument is “please.” But there’s no buffoonery or melodrama here. He’s dead serious, and that’s more convincing. 

Wolfwood tries to stop Leonoff from saying his name. No one who would understand the significance or matters to him is present, just Brad and Jessica. Is he merely afraid others will hear? Does he still consider himself to be Chapel?

Even facing Leonoff, Wolfwood still hasn’t put his shades back on.

Now imagine if Vash managed to find ways out of no-win situations and save the day without all the whining and crying.

Wolfwood can pause and wait for once, having faith that Vash will show up. He knows there’s always a third option for Vash. He does not yet see any for himself. Still, progress nonetheless.

***

Unfortunately for me, Vash is back with his red coat in Vash the Stampede mode, yellow glasses hiding his face.

OK, I can see how Leonoff’s puppets get into the ship without being noticed, but how on Earth did the big guy even get here?

[angelictyphoon]

Silver bullets are in short supply, it would seem. He had not expected an easy solution, but to hear the sound of hope is reassuring even if he’s cautious about allowing it for himself. Perhaps he can make room for it as they have made room for him. Vash listens, rapt, the color of his own eyes nearly warmed to gray in the light of the fire. 

The short of it: carry those tender memories always, but allow love to grow around the grief. 

“Yeah, you would kick your own ass,” Vash laughs, genuine, even if the sound of it rises no higher than the occasional crackling snap of burning twigs. It feels good to laugh. It feels good to know he hasn't forgotten how.

The truth has tightened around his lungs like barbed wire the longer he tries to hold it in. His throat constricts and Vash shudders out a breath. The past is not forced through a sieve too small, but through a dam on the cusp of cracking open. He revisited these memories so often it could be considered self-flagellation.

“I almost lost him at Hopeland,” Vash confesses, and he is painfully aware of the chiseled tomb that contradicts his statement. It won't for long. “I was afraid that I would lose them all if I let them help. I wanted to believe I was enough by myself. It was between me and Knives. My brother, my problem.”

A mistake and a gross simplification. He doomed them, and he will always bear the guilt for that. Just as his debts continue to mount and his atonement never ends. 

“I faced Knives alone.” Alone by choice, not by circumstance. He is not alone here, and Vash has made no effort to ensure that Wolfwood is the only one who hears him now. The others deserve to know, if they are inclined to listen. 

“I was dying by the time he came, cursing me out and calling me all sorts of names.” Vash sounds fond as he tugs an errant strand of black hair that has fallen over his face. “We fought them, but it wasn't enough. Maybe if we’d done it together…”

Vash has spent years ruminating on what-ifs. 

“We lost.” 

And now, the words come slower. Each one cuts as deeply as the last, until he brings them to the final hour of Millions Knives's plan. 

“I begged and screamed and cried…but I had to choose in the end. Knives would allow Legato to torture to his heart’s content, or I could use the gun in my hand as an act of mercy. Any human within the vicinity would die regardless of what I chose. So I…” Vash shrinks into himself with anguish. “So I killed him, and it was over. I refused to go with Knives even knowing humanity would eventually die out. I was alone.”

Stopping there makes for a terrible ending to his story. He smiles a smile barely there, but it is there. 

“Then I met you guys.”

⩥ @angelictyphoon || forgive, don't forget [x]

Nick had been dancing around the inevitable collision between himself and the older Vash—still charming, still handsome. Their first encounter was, in a word, awkward, as the younger of the Wolfwoods had trouble keeping himself together during the gathering. Between the black hair and the visitation of a grave, he hadn't had much time to reflect on his thoughts and why he thought them.

Now, with a moment alone between the two, he finally had worked up the courage to say something. He's not sure whether it will comfort or make things worse, but if there's anything he can do...

He reflects a strong sepia against the fireside—his searching eyes flickering yellow to red to shadowy black. A lit cigarette hangs from his lips as he carefully considers Grace's words and what he should say in response to them.

"Heh, I don't think I ever did forgive myself. It still bothers me sometimes—a lot of things do. Been told I'm in my head too much, and they're right," the sharp chuckle is short-lived through gritted teeth as he forces himself to continue opening up, "I fucked up a lot of things. Got the reporter and her mentor killed—I killed them. Broke Shortstack's arm real bad. Got jailed for breaking her arm, had to have them pay bail with what was left of her and Blondie's cash. Failed them when it mattered most—and I was punished for it by nearly losing myself."

Wolfwood hates thinking about the long amount of time he spent jailed by the Eye back in the world Meryl found his older counterpart. The torture, the ruminating—it was horrible.

"Beat myself up every day about it. Couldn't bear myself to move from one spot on the floor after a while of it," he looks over to meet Grace's attention, "Y'can probably relate. I nearly took it with me—the, uh, cage. Yeah."

Reliving his experience, Nick scratches the back of his head, "I uh. Well it helped having another me beat my ass. Don't think Goldie will do that for ya though." It's a joke, mostly. Of course Vashes won't resort to violence unless necessary, but it's funny to think about.

"So, I never forgave myself, no. But I did think about how the people who, for whatever reason, cared about me, and I thought of how I needed to protect them with all I had left... Beating myself up about everything only made them feel worse. Eventually love took the place of self-loathing—but, as you saw, it's still there. Dormant."

With a smokey sigh, he finishes his extrapolation, "If you let them—us—whoever—in, maybe you can enter the next era of your long life. Put a big ol' marker on the day you left your chains behind," Nick clears his throat, "Your friends'll always be with you. You carry on their legacies and stuff. Do what'd make them happy, and the days get a little brighter."