#it all crumbles and after that point of fic he can't stop thinking about Fermin and using his name after depriving himself of it for so lon

[imeriayapping]

1 ; 2 ; 3 ; 4

Pedro is cautious, he's always cautious when it comes to his rivals. No matter where they started that's all they are in the end. Rivals, a target to beat, someone to overtake on every chance presented to him. Pedro always tries not to get anywhere close to becoming friends just so it won't be a problem afterwards when he crushes them on his way up. Because he knows how often it doesn't work out, how it will hurt when they get angry at him for pushing till the limit.

So what to do when you start as friends? Pedro never managed to find a good answer, at first he tried his best to maintain neutrality and not let racing get between them even if it was the thing that brought them together. But at one point it gets tiresome, the effort feels too big for a relationship that is dying it's slow death.

At least that's how it looks to him.

So it's easier to convince your brain that it was never there, that he was always just a rival, that there was never anything but want to beat him. That just fully ignoring him is the most logical option until he stops being same person that you once knew.

And it works well, only takes a few averted gazes when he feels eyes on his skin and a bit of strategic stepping out of the way not to touch. Race after race his face gets blurred in Pedro's memories to the point of person next him on the podium doesn't look familiar and all goes well.

And then he gets to motogp and he doesn't even need to think about any of that. He has new goals to achieve, new heights to discover.

He's not there to make friends but somehow he finds himself a few and it feels different, not because those are "motogp stars" but because now everyone around isn't emotional teenager and personal relationships don't get shaken by on track actions as much. At very least they can just talk it out.

It all holds well and works just like he needs this system to work, season goes around without any turbulence.

And then winter break passes past him leaving Pedro absolutely unprepared for when he's sitting next to him in press conference and they are doing some stupid questions again. It takes a lot in pedro to continue his usual avoidance of others eyes with how long it was since the last time he needed to do it.

And then he gets pulled out of his thoughts when someone's phone rings loudly enough to distract everyone in the room. It gives him opportunity to catch rest of the question.

"-was gifted that wasn't racing related?"

He hears bezzecchi on other end of the platform starting to talk about some robotics dinosaurs that his friend gave to him and it's enough of a clue to understand that it's once again some unrelated question about birthday gifts. Pedro scrambles for any answer in his head, somehow pulling out dusty memory of some shark related book he was given once and takes initiative when other rider finishes talking just to fulfill his duty and move on with this conference. It continues to move along pretty ok until he hears voice on his left, somehow closer than physically possible with their sitting arrangements.

"To be honest it's a bit silly but once my friend saved up for it and gifted me Minecraft game because we both really wanted to play. Maybe it doesn't sound like much but when you are that young that effort and saving feels like a whole world"

It feels like pedro was dunked into bath gool of ice, change inside him so sudden that his head spinns. Soft tone and light laughter in words make him look up. Make him look for the first time in probably years and see.

See fermin sitting right next to him and smiling with creases around his eyes, not that visible but same as always so he remembers them. See fingers that are beating out rhythm of a catchy song that they once were singing for a week straight because it would not get out of their heads.

See fermin who is same person who he called friend, not a stranger, not just a rival, he's Fermin.

It takes just a second, small reminder of memory that happened a lifetime ago to crack everything Pedro managed to convince himself of. To start wondering if race track they build in there right after he gifted the game is still there, if fermin still uses the app at all. To start seeing person in front of him again after months of training to stop noticing.

All this turmoil happens in mere seconds but leaves pedro unprepared for the next question. And just to secure whole revelation fermin is refocusing question on himself to give pedro a bit of space to breathe, saving him in a small way that also feels familiar.

But now while whole conference is ending pedro just sits in his chair thinking about what to do with these cracked bits of his worldview that he not sure if he wants to put back together.