#issue turning against hell as well. but aziraphale has been loyal to heaven for millennia. he has been loyal to heaven for his entire

[tvxcue]

i get that s2 wasn’t what people expected or wanted but it literally wasn’t ooc or badly written. y’all are just annoying.

[wanna-b-poet31]

A 4-Part Meta on Good Omens Part 2: Crowley’s Abuse and Trauma

This is 100% going to be a longer series on Goom Omens because I have ALLLL the thoughts on this, #Sorrynotsorry to my followers who didn’t sign up for my blog to turn into a 24/7 Good Omens one.

In Part 1 I wrote about how Aziraphale is constantly being emotionally, physically, and verbally abused by Heaven and the TLDR conclusion is that Crowley’s love for Aziraphale helps heal him from the abuses of Heaven.

Crowley, just like Aziraphale, is also dealing with the consequences of Heaven’s abuse, but it’s being compounded with the abuse, neglect, and trauma he suffers at the hands of Hell and >spoiler< presumed death of Aziraphale.  Neither have straight forward reactions to their abuse but ARE on the road to recovery.

In the beginning, there was a garden, a wily snake, an angel on apple tree duty, and a “parental” God. But, before then, before the beginning, there is a fall, a “purge” of angels who ask too many questions and cause too much trouble for Heaven to control through their intimidation and dogmatism. And here, we have the first abuse -- the fall.

Crowley is inquisitive by nature. Before Noah’s flood, we see him investigate the situation and interrogate Aziraphale with a barrage of questions. He knows right from wrong and craves answers for moral questions -- he needs to know what’s going on to protect others.  Although we don’t know what specific question caused his fall, we do know that asking questions threatens the authoritative nature of Heaven. No one is allowed to question the “great plan”, as evident by the hostile nature the angels respond to Crowley’s and Aziraphale’s attempts to save the Earth. Stringent, cold, and distant behavior punishes independent thought and, since Crowley needs answers, needs to know how to help, he’s a liability to their hierarchy.  

We also know that by the time we meet him, he’s already banished from grace and discarded like yesterday’s trash. He’s already fallen before tempting Eve into knowing the difference between right and wrong. He’s already fallen and already disowned by the almighty and her all her creations. He’s functionally alone, no unconditional love, no support, no reason for WHY what he’s done is bad or not. He’s neglected and isolated. 

We’re told several times that Crowley doesn’t really consider himself really fallen, or rather, that he’s sauntered vaguely downward. But, the truth of the matter is that he IS fallen, and we’re told explicitly it’s because he was asking questions, that “[asking questions] was all it took [to fall] before”.  And, we can see that 6000 years later, it’s still wreaking immeasurable damage to his emotional and mental health. 

Just look at his face when he’s begging to an unbending God who cast him out. He’s not spiteful (although given his treatment, he’s well within his rights to be) but desperate. He’s questioning why everything has to end, why he has to drop his home, his car, his best friend. He’s not mourning his fall (in this gif) but he’s not quite over the implications of being unloved. 

When Aziraphale says he hopes Crowley is forgiven, Azi still has faith that the angels are “good” and that forgiving Crowley would allow them to still be together, fighting for the greater good. Crowley’s immediate response though is that that’s his whole deal as a demon. He says he’s “unforgivable”.  The lack of self-esteem is symptomatic of the abandonment he’s experienced. It’s not just that he doesn’t want Heaven’s forgiveness (quite honestly he doesn’t need their forgiveness because it’s not his fault he’s been abandoned, it’s theirs), it that he doesn’t feel like he’s worthy of anyone’s forgiveness. This consequently adds to the importance of Aziraphale’s later forgiveness. It’s not that Aziraphale has been wronged, it’s cementing the idea that Crowley has worth in his eyes. That, with no strings attached, Crowley is loved and cared for, even if Aziraphale’s unwilling to run away with him.  

This is further cemented in how he responds to Aziraphale’s “nice” compliment. Unlike the genuine anger he shows the other demons, he ‘s careful with Aziraphale. Now, is it a “nice” thing to do? No. But, he’s not trying to be. Despite this, he’s careful not to hit Azi’s head against the wall, and as the gif below shows, Aziraphale’s got enough time to put a hand back behind him and brace himself against the wall. There are no defensive movements, no attempts to push back or talk his way out of the assault.  Although Azi does do that when the Angel’s confront him about working with Crowley, he knows that in this instance, Crowley is reacting to a traumatic trigger.  Crowley knows that being nice didn’t save him from falling or trauma after the fact. He’s yet to fully cope with his trauma. 

Shoutout to @greenbergsays for their excellent deep dive into this scene and being the first I can find pointing out Aziraphale’s lack of reaction.  

Hell is no better. After being cast out, there is no such thing as unity or support. Despite Crowley being great at his job, getting awards left and right, there is no trust. Hastur explicitly says as much because Crowley acts differently, and once again he’s punished for deviating from the limited acceptable behavior. Beyond the issue of trust, there is no respect and (in the series at least) Crowley’s actual work is not recognized (no, he can’t get a wahoo though he deserves one)

His “side” who he’s meant to be loyal to, meant to help win “the great war” ultimately does not care about him either. He is as disposable to them as he is/was to Heaven. 

Which is why he cares so damn much about Aziraphale. THIS is why he works so damn hard to be Aziraphale’s side. Crowley NEEDS a side that cares about him, and he knows that throughout the last 6 millennia, Aziraphale is the only one to see the world like he does; who is as strange and rebellious as he is; who has fallen in love with humanity like he has. Aziraphale loves hard, but also honestly. Unlike Heaven, Hell, or God, there are no strings attached to the love they share. Crowley isn’t secretly trying to manipulate Aziraphale into “falling”, Crowley knows just how important Azi’s identity as an angel is to him and Crowley goes out of his way to affirm and reaffirm Aziraphale’s identity.  

   The relationship he’s developed with Aziraphale makes walking in on his burning home the worse traumatization post-fall. Look at the pain and anger on his face when he realizes his best friend to be dead.  Crowley KNOWS running into that building that the only way for his Angel’s bookstore to be on fire is if Aziraphale is dead or dying.  Without Aziraphale, Crowley is alone. Unquestionably, undeniably, permanently alone.  Just like when he was in Heaven. Just like after the fall. Just like in heaven. 

You can call it what you like, romantic, platonic, best friend, lover, or queer, but the grief at this moment consumes him. His loss triggers the neglect and isolation given to him by God during his original trauma. Once he’s realized, fully realized, that he’s alone without anyone left on his side, he has nothing left to fight for. Look at the grief on his face, he’s mourning, and resigned to the end of the world, because there’s no world without his support system, without his family. He has no one left to help him cope.

 Although, one of the ways Crowley DOES try to come is through his alcoholism. Although both Aziraphale and Crowly drink often, Crowley is more prone to excess and is more frequently getting drunk as a way to deal with tragedy. Although alcoholism has a heavy genetic component, his first response is to any stress is to drink. And, there are several studies linking alcoholism to trauma.  

Also, Crowley is retraumatized the same day by the loss of his car, compounding all of the different struggles of the day (the “loss” of Azi, the rejection of Heaven and Hell, the end of the world, his apartment being invaded by murderous demons). Losing his car, his only other reliable companion, his comfort zone, leaves him at rock bottom. 

It is only Aziraphale who can help him cope with the losses and redirect on their impending doom. 

It is only Aziraphale who can help him focus through the panic of seeing his car burning before him, of ending Apocalypse before it starts,  and facing his worst fear -- Satan himself.  

It is only Aziraphale, who, despite Crowley’s overpowering resignment to death via Satan, Crowley trusts enough to refocus and come up with a plan to help Adam cause Armaggedon’t.  

Which brings me to the final trauma -- his torture. Crowley is aware of the abusive behavior in Heaven, and while he couldn’t have known he would have gotten a trial in Hell (albeit an unfair one), he does not witness it. Instead, he poses as Aziraphale and endures some of the specific psychological torture intended for his best friend. Although he knows he can survive Hellfire, there is trauma in KNOWING his best friend wouldn’t have. There is trauma in being told to shut his face and die. There is trauma in not receiving a trial.  (I’ll unpack this more in part 3)

The only thing that enables Crowley to survive, to work through this trauma, is his relationship with Aziraphale.  He goes out of his way to inspect the resurrect the book shop, to “tempt” Aziraphale to lunch, to indulge and maintain his best friend.  He does things that make the Angel comfortable and does not once lie or violate his trust. Always, he’s on their side. Although he storms out 3 times in the show, he always uses it as breathing room, before once again seeking Aziraphale out, willing to drop everything to run away together. 

Since Heaven and Hell have disregarded him, treated him as less than dirt, he approached Aziraphale AS EQUALS. Their dynamic (Which I’ll go into more later) is not on uneven footing, and both parties treat the other with a kindness neither of them is offered by their respective worlds.  

TLDR:  Aziraphale's love helps Crowley cope with his trauma and their no-strings-attached relationship enables him to begin healthier healing processes despite the abuses of Heaven and Hell.  

Thanks for coming to my Ted talk