#isiliar

[laireshi]

For the highly specific ship ranking meme, because I love to hear you talk about them: Caeden and any/all of the Venerate of your choosing. 😁

MY BLORBOS.

Well depending on the Venerate in question, and I'll get into that, we get any of those:

Squick / Just nope / A trainwreck you can’t look away from / Mehh but they are bloody everywhere / Not interested but no negative feelings / I need to see how I could make it work / BroTP / Cute / I love them / They rented a room in my mind and are here to stay

They're all way too tragic for the 'cute' option, and all hit the trainwreck part. And Caeden/anyone lives rent-free in my head. I love them all so much. They all love each other so much! I can't deal!!!

Obviously there's my biggest ship of Alaris/Caeden, but I'll save most of those feels for another ask I have yet to reply because I have too many feels and trying to write them down at once is too difficult XD But oh my god. Them. Their love. I. They were so important to each other. I think that, for a moment, Alaris really must've let himself hope, even knowing better, that an amnesiac!Tal could be talked around, and it kills me. He never stopped treating him like a friend. It's horrible. I love it.

...I'm very glad you just got to the Isiliar scenes because now I can talk about her! They're on the BroTP end of the scale though I'm sure they slept with each other back when everyone was happy and they were all friends. It's just, they were so fond of each other? Joking, working together, making good-natured bets. AND THEN TAL'KAMAR WENT AND IMPRISONED HER IN A TORTURE DEVICE FOR 2000 YEARS. Everything is fine I am doing so well. And then she hurt him so much after, but she had Licanius and she didn't stab him with it, and if that doesn't make you cry, I don't know what to say. So many people were ruined by loving him. So many.

I can't not mention Meldier now, and -- he'd been imprisoned in the Tributary too and he had all the chances to kill Caeden afterwards and didn't take any. (Still not over how he stops him from stepping out into the Plains of Decay). It kills me how close friends the Venerate had been before everything came crashing down. Freshly out of the Tributary, and a part of Meldier still cares! How! God. *cries more* (And then there's the part you haven't reached yet, so I won't talk about it, but just. Insert more crying.)

...yes yes I know Andrael got literally one scene in the whole trilogy outside of the many name-drops, but he called him 'Kein and I haven't and will not recover. Also that scene was insane. "Here's the only sword in existence that can kill one of us, and I forged it because of your actions, but I won't even try to threaten you with it because I love you". I want to know all about the time they worked on ilshara together and how they must've tried to reassure each other and all the kisses that tasted like salt. One day I'll do something with those feels and write them down. For now they keep living in my head.

I don't ship Asar with Caeden romantically because their scenes didn't give me those vibes, but they absolutely loved each other very very deeply. I keep thinking of how heart-breaking it must've been for Asar to see Caeden hate himself so much without even knowing his own history. The way he only called him Caeden once he was dying. The way he was killed right in front of Caeden -- trying to protect him from yet more emotional torment by Nethgalla -- and Caeden didn't even really know him. Didn't know who he lost. (I wonder when the grief really set in.)

...I think those are all that you've met so far and I hope you're crying about them too, @eirenical XD

[bitegore]

thought a little too hard about the venerate and now i'm going to explode and blow up and die i think

what if you were promised you could unshackle the chains of fate, that you could fix things, and that every terrible means you need to use for your ends would - eventually, once and for all, when it's done and over with - be erased, and the only thing that would be left would be the victory. that everything could be fixed in the end, no matter how badly you have to break it now. if you could come home, not just victor, but hero and savior and with every cruelty and sacrifice repaired so that no one knows you've even done them, because in this world you haven't

what if it was you and yours, together, people you've known for longer than anone else who understand and who want what you want - people who get it, when no one else can, after how long it's been and how much you've done and how much you've traded and sacrificed and become for the one goal, when no one else could possibly understand. And then one of your number lost their mind and gave up on the perfect shining goal, and in only a hundred years or so - the blink of an eye, to you, immortals, around for thousands of years at the minimum - kills several of your number before you finally band together and put an end to it. When before, you were somewhere between friends and family. When, in spite of everything, you still are.

and with roadblocks in the way and stresses and hardships for a thousand years, you work at it, you try to get the things moving again. it takes a thousand years. and at the very end you find out you've been betrayed from the inside again, that your most dedicated member has changed his mind, or lost it, or both. frankly, definitely both. tal does not have his fucking mind together, half the series he's amnesiac and the other half he's a zealot unwilling to even consider peace with the people who have known him longer than half these societies have existed.

And then one by one, within less than a decade, the rest of your number are dead, and so is he. When the only constant in your lives across the millenia has been that you cannot die. And the world will never be fixed, if it ever even could have been.

anyway i'm going to go cry for eight million hours now.

[editoress]

Rescue [or, A Beginning]

If I ever write more Licanius fic, which I hope to, it’ll have a more serious tone than this.  I couldn’t resist making a little light of this one, despite how deeply I feel about it.

The twisting stone tunnels threw back every sound within them, from the hollow drip of water to Asha’s labored breathing.  Somewhere in this labyrinth was a hysterical woman with incredible power, and Asha was determined to get away from her as quickly and quietly as possible.  Unfortunately that was a little difficult when she was so laden down.

She was tired already from using the veil for so many hours beforehand, and it turned out that waiting in silent terror did a number on one’s energy as well.  Her muscles strained to push herself through the tunnels without letting her steps fall too loudly.  One hand had an awkward grip on a sword.  The rest of her was occupied with the shadowy corpselike figure of a sha’teth.

Asha did not fully understand what she had overheard, but she did understand that Vhalire was suffering.  She couldn’t say whether or not he deserved it; but he hadn’t been the one to kill Jin, so she had no reason to let him die.  When Asha left to escape Isiliar’s wrath, she took him, too.  Fortunately Vhalire was even lighter than he looked, though every few meters he squirmed in agony.  She felt certain it was the right thing to do.  Unfortunately it was also like wrestling with a bag full of maggots that were all trying to escape.  Despite the bandaging and cauterization, thick black blood dribbled onto her fancy court uniform.

“Almost there,” she breathed.  An hour ago she had been completely lost; now she knew precisely where to stash her motley packages.  How she knew, she couldn’t say, but she had neither the free time nor the energy to examine it.  Sometimes you just didn’t look a gift map in the mouth.

Vhalire groaned softly, drawing both revulsion and pity from her.  Overshadowing both those emotions was the fact she was trying to be stealthy and that wasn’t helping.  “Hold on,” she whispered.  “You can make noise later.”

Vhalire stopped writhing long enough to shoot her a contorted scowl.  She took that as a good sign.

The earth shook.  In the distance behind them came a thin, echoing remnant of an enraged shriek.  Asha walked faster.  The sha’teth shuddered in her arms.  Suddenly every noise the stone walls channeled toward them had the terrible potential to be Isiliar, at least more than they had been doing before.

Asha collapsed ungracefully when they reached her chosen hiding place.  The sword clattered to the floor, and she let it go.  She showed more care to Vhalire, though it was an effort not to set him down right on the sword.  She braced her hands against the floor and sat there, breathing heavily, for some time.  Her tunic was disgracefully black and smelled like a banquet for vultures.  Her legs ached, and her head wasn’t too happy with her, either.

“She must not find me,” Vhalire gasped as soon as he had the breath for it.

Asha swallowed.  “I know.”  She propped the sword against the wall and sat back on her heels, thinking.

Vhalire let his head rest against the floor with a painful-sounding thunk.  “If you kill me…”

Asha met his eyes and wouldn’t do it.  It was true that he was likely an enemy; and it was also true he looked rather like he’d been cobbled together out of curdled dairy.  But his eyes and his voice were too human, too alive, for her to turn her back on him.  She bowed her head briefly.  This was going to take strength she wasn’t sure she had left.  Then she looked up again with steely determination.  “I have a better idea,” she said.

*

Guarding the Sanctuary more or less amounted to leaning against the stone frame of the entrance and staying awake on the off chance anyone came by.  It took two people to do it, mainly on account of the effort of staying awake.  Cammen shaded his eyes against the sun and squinted at the empty path in front of them.  No one ever seemed interested in getting any closer to the Sanctuary than they had to, which made sense considering the glowing death pillar that was housed inside.  Cammen could have sworn he felt the energy prickling at his back during these shifts, but so far he was still as alive as ever.

Something unpleasant prickled at his nose.  From there it bloomed into a full-on assault.

Cammen’s face scrunched up.  “Fates, Jas,” he managed.  “What have you been eating?”

Jaster looked over at him from the other side of the entrance, wounded.  “What?”  Cammen could see the moment it hit him.  “Oh.”

“Did something crawl up your ass and die?”

Jaster’s eyes were watering.  “It wasn’t me!”

So involved were the two guards in this debate that they missed the sound of passing footsteps.

*

For once, it was quiet, and not in life-or-death anticipation.

Asha had managed to hide Vhalire away, change, steal a Vessel, and come back without being sidetracked by Taeris, and she had done it while exhausted.  Now she knelt in the most hidden corner of her quarters beside the sha’teth.  Vhalire was still and listless, but he was at least still breathing.  Asha held her newly found ivory Vessel in one shaking hand and tried to steady herself.

“You may have to use this on me when I’m done,” she admitted.

Vhalire’s eyes widened in what could have been alarm.

Asha hoped she had something left in her Reserve and focused.  Working Vessels still felt strange after being able to effortlessly handle her own Essence, but she’d long ago learned the trick to it, which was mainly to not get frustrated.  The Vessel glowed dimly but then picked up light, almost as if it were sensing the urgency of the situation.  It threw sharp shadows over Vhalire’s form, catching every ragged edge of the wound.  And yet, when she moved the Vessel over him, the injury lessened, as if the gaping hole in his torso had only been a trick of the light.  In a few minutes it had closed over entirely.  More than that, Vhalire looked haler than before--less terrible, somehow, or maybe someone’s looks grew on you when you saved them from deadly betrayal.

Asha put the Vessel down and smiled wanly at him.  “Well?  All right?”

Vhalire raised himself to a sitting position.  One hand brushed over his stomach.  He turned to look at her, gaze clearer and more incredulous than ever.  “Why would you do this?” he rasped.

Asha would have answered, but she was busy passing out.

*

She woke to the sound of insistent knocking, as she so often did these days.  Asha sat up and found herself in her bed, which was a pleasant surprise.  She was still wearing the clothes from her reconnaissance-turned-rescue at the Sanctuary, boots included.  She rolled swiftly to her feet.  Her muscles still ached, but the bone-deep weariness was nowhere to be found.  She checked the room; it was empty.  Another knock sounded, so she ran a hand through her hair and answered the door.

“Fates,” Taeris Sarr said in lieu of good morning, “are you all right?”

“Yes,” Asha replied, glad to find it was true.

“Long night?” he asked with a touch of sympathy.

“I went out,” she said.  It was not precisely an answer; she was getting good at that.

“Hmph.”  His mouth twitched into a smirk.  “Sometimes I forget you’re that age.  Going into town and making friends.”

Asha started.

He nodded to her outfit.  “Get cleaned up and see me in the study.  There’s work to do.”

“Yes, sir,” she said.  As soon as he was gone, she searched her quarters for any trace of Vhalire, but there was none.  Probably he had melted into the shadows and vanished into the night.  Asha stared thoughtfully out the window for a time.  Then she smiled and said, “I suppose that’s one way to make friends.”

[laireshi]

do you ever just cry about how much the venerate loved each other

[laireshi]

...i want to see the road through five stages of grief for the venerate who went against shammaeloth/el.

because it’s not only that everything they used to believe in was a lie. not only that everything they’d done for centuries served the wrong purpose. not only that they’d done horrible things for the greater good which turned out to be for the greater evil instead. all of that would be hard enough, but it’s not the worst part.

but the fact that to actually do the right thing and save the world, they have to kill all of their friends? people they’ve known for thousands of years and love so much. friends, family, soulmates, it’s so hard to describe what they all were.

like. how do they arrive at the acceptance of it. how do they make this plan and go through with it. clearly all of them still had to believe in the greater good even though they’d gotten burnt on it once; even though they also all knew what that same belief had done to tal’kamar. and that doesn’t mean they don’t have regrets. and how much must they all hurt. we know it ruined caeden, but. how did andrael die. how did asar wait for a century, knowing that at the end of it he would have to kill everyone. what happened to cyr. four of them, and all separated (or dead...) and with no way to lean on each other in the final, worst stages of it.

[laireshi]

so, this scene from book two continues to ruin me:

Caeden hesitated, his gaze traveling involuntarily to the sword sitting beside the other man. Alaris saw where he was looking and sighed, rolling his eyes. “El take it, Tal. Really?” He grabbed the sword and before Caeden could react, tossed it irritably at Caeden’s feet. “Better?” Caeden stared at the blade for a few moments, suspecting a trap even though he couldn’t see how it could possibly be one. Eventually he stooped, picking up the sword. Licanius thrummed in his hands, and kan was suddenly everywhere. “Why trust me with this?” “Because I know that you know, deep down, that we’re friends,” said Alaris vehemently, an edge of affectionate exasperation to his tone. “Despite all that’s happened, despite everything, we’re friends. And I don’t care what memories you do or don’t have—you, Tal’kamar Deshrel, would never kill a friend.”

like, whatever else you want to say about their interactions during canon timeline, alaris is genuine here. he's not lying, he's not trying to manipulate caeden; he really does believe caeden won't kill him, or any of the venerate. (he still believed caeden wouldn't kill him when he knew he'd killed all the rest of their friends, and held licanius to his chest. this is the worst.) they're very firmly enemies at this point, and yet he does trust him with that.

i wonder how he felt after isiliar died.

[laireshi]

okay now i’m crying about how tal’s original plan...did not involve him killing the other venerate. yes, he put meldier and isiliar into the tributaries, yes, he made that plan (with asar and andrael and cyr, but it did seem like a lot of it was him?), but. he was supposed to get the sword and bind the lyth and put himself into the tributary (the way he built that dok’en to live out his final days haunts me). asar was supposed to be the one handling the rest of them. tal knew it was coming, but it was never supposed to be him stabbing that sword into his friends’ hearts.  and then nethgalla killed asar and caeden had no idea about his plan and by the time he realised he had to kill all the venerate, he :) also remembered how much he loved all of them, too :) even if he hadn’t been dying already by the time he killed alaris. even if he hadn’t promised the lyth to end himself too. even if he hadn’t wanted to save davian from himself. there was never any scenario in which he’d use that amulet to save himself instead. not a single possibility of him living after he killed everyone he’d ever loved.

(and shit, meldier says that andrael had never been shy about wanting to end it...? tal literally learnt he was immortal when he tried to kill himself. twice.)

[bitegore]

woah I just finished reading licanius and I'm feeling lightheaded. do you want to yell about licanius because I want to hear you yell about it. I'm prepared to be so so normal about nethgalla

GOD. AHAHAHAHAA. i always want to yell about licanius

okay first my personal hashtag licanius hashtag experience is worth adding because it explains a lot about which parts i am most insane about. So I first found the first book Shadow of What was Lost back in the ancient years of like 2015 or 2016 or whatever before Islington got his book deal while it was still self-published on Kindle Unlimited instead of being published by any kind of publisher. Back in these years it was just the first book and the others weren't out.

....and surelyt you remember that fucking epilogue thing that Islington loves to do where he puts the Big Reveal right at the end of the book, right? So i spent like a full three or four years going absolutely Bat Shit about just the whole "caeden is also aarkein devaed" bit and then . book 2 comes out and. AUGH. AUUUUUUUGHHHHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAAAAAA the fucking. MALSHASH is CAEDEN is AARKEIN DEVAED is TAL'KAMAR why does this man need to be every character. and THEN the fact that CAEDEN DOES NOT KILL DAVIAN. HE GETS HIM FUCKING SELF.

insane. this series makes me insane. literally foaming at the mouth insane.

nethgalla was just like. okay actually i cant lie i kind of love that she fucked up every romantic plotline caeden/tal could've been involved in because i am so glad he did not have any actual romance plot with karaliene or anyone else but how do you invent a character as cool as The Demon Shapeshifter From The Torture Dimension and then fuck it up by being like "and she's obsessed with this guy and exists mostly to be a femme fatale" like come ON. come ON you FLUBBED it. i wish she had more going on with her because even just the idea that she's tied to bhim because he summoned her by fucking up resurrecting his dead wife is like spicy as fuck but then the actual execution is so. like. mid at best? it truly saddens me especially because when Tal shows up she's lame about him but every other time she is SO badass. when she's pretending to be that one hunter she was so badass. when she was tormenting ashalia in the name of making her stronger that kicked ass. they should've kissed. i said what i said

also FUCK LMAO MELDIER AND ALARIC AND ISILIAR AND THE OTHER VENERATE i am SO not normal about them I am obsessed with them I want to put them in my mouth and EAT THEM. i wrote a crossover where Vortex gets recruited into their ranks for an exvent once. i love them so dearly. i spent multiple years bullying my girlfriends into reading the books exclusively so i could get them to write fanfiction about them for me. i love them i want them so dead i'm so glad the story went the way it did but also they deserved better and i wish it didn't happen in the first place. literally the best fucking tragedy ever. i wish we got to watch Wereth's death and Andrael's betrayal and i also wish everything were worse and there was more bad. i am so normal about them.they are so important to me

the fucking shape of this narrative also. this is so circles ever. it makes me lose my fucking mind. look at it it is a self-contained loop (derogatory) (aspirational) this thing is soooooooo the chicken and the egg. its so. its so! i am normal and not insane about it i promise come closer etc etc

[bitegore]

isiliar........

[laireshi]

@incorrect-licanius hi i’m sorry but i’m starved for talking to someone about it!!!

and like to add to your tags:

#the a venerate is a fucked up immortal polycule literally they’re all in love and yet they all hate each other but also#they can’t let go of the millenia of friendship and maybe more#also like you just can’t know someone for thousands of years and not be together#licanius trilogy#anyway caeden and alaris are maybe my fave because the way it ended is SO#but andrael calling him kein is just#and meldier…#the part where asha expects him and diara to fight but then they’re just soft…#i love angsty ships and the venerate’s full of em

- so with diara, also that part where asha told davian not to feel sorry for her and he said it wasn’t for her...and then she saw caeden was crying. because he did love diara!! he did!! she loved him too!

- just as isiliar did love him! because if she hadn’t, she’d have killed him the moment she saw him again, but NO. she was mad and wanted to hurt him (...like he hurt her) but never actually kill him

- another example of that: when meldier told caeden not to go outside the columns. that even he didn’t want him to do it. when he also had all the reasons to hate him. i?? how much insane ‘i hate you but i’ve known you for over 3000 years and i also love you and don’t want you to destroy yourself’ can you put in one book. (a lot, clearly. A LOT.)

- ...alaris though, oh my god, everything about them?? EVERYTHING?? don’t even get me started on that scene with alaris giving him licanius. i haven’t stopped screaming about it since i read it. like meldier did it bc of the lyth. alaris did it bc of TRUST. i can’t!!!!! and then later caeden’s whole plan on getting him out of the way hinged on alaris jumping after him? AND HE DID?? and at the end, like gassandrid KNEW he wouldn’t be the last that caeden killed. he KNEW he would put off going to alaris for as long as he could. AND THEN ONCE CAEDEN COULDN’T DELAY ANY MORE, HE WENT THERE AND OFFERED ALARIS A WAY OUT, A WAY TO SAVE HIM ONLY FOR ALARIS TO SAY NO, HE WON’T MAKE IT SO EASY FOR HIM. ...AND HOW ALARIS WAS STILL SURPRISED WHEN CAEDEN ACTUALLY DID STAB HIM?? HOW CAEDEN HELD HIM IN HIS ARMS UNTIL IT WAS OVER?? AND BROKE DOWN OVER HIS BODY??

the issue with the venerate is that tal’kamar is very shippable with like. every one of them (all of them are shippable with all of them, really, but i have my fave, so). that’s the price of having Intense Immortal Relationships. i want to study them under a microscope. (i mean yeah, yeah, i love his and alaris thing the most, obviously i do. that whole thing with ‘you’re my enemy but you won’t kill a friend’ to how it ended…… but also that one scene he got with andrael? ‘kein? really? please i Need to know more. that part with meldier talking about how broken he’d been in the plains too? i??)

[bitegore]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Transformers (IDW Generation One) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Characters: Overlord (Transformers), unnamed random decepticon Additional Tags: The Transformers: Last Stand of the Wreckers, Canon Compliant, Drabble, POV Second Person, Non-Graphic Violence Series: Part 5 of Transformers Drabbles Summary:

Drabble set right before slash during LSOTW, because I read it today and also wanted to write something.

Wrote this about ten seconds ago. Read, or don’t; but if you do read I’m taking prompts in the comments :3

[garden-ghoul]

okay great great now I am going to yell

the main reason I’m obsessed with nethgalla is because like. I think caeden is kind of wrong about her motivations. I think ISLINGTON is wrong about her motivations. she’s not fucking stupid, she doesn’t think tal is gonna fall in love with her if she just tricks him better this time or saves his life or whatever. this is a game and she is going to play it until she WINS even though it’s impossible for her to win and she knows it. she’s punishing herself. she’s punishing tal’kamar. she’s punishing everyone who happens to be nearby. I just don’t think it makes sense to see her as still being regular in love with him.

(but also islington DID flub it and her concept is so so cool and her manipulating everything is so cool and her turning out to be basically everyone suddenly and I NEVER expect it is so so cool and her death is COMPLETELY FUCKING MID. I also think she and ashalia should have kissed and she should have been weird about it.)

isiliar means SO much to me, the bit where we see tal’kamar about to put her in the tributary and it’s genuinely a little unclear whether they fought and she’s his prisoner or WHAT? like they are just chatting. they’re buddies. and she’s like just so you know this is JUST going to torture me and he’s like well you know how it is. I love her I love her she’s the most dangerous single thing in the world and I wish she didn’t have to die for the convenience of the narrative ::( she should get to kill caeden. she deserves this. in general I want to see more of the venerate interacting in the present because they’re deeply bizarre. every time they’re regular to each other bc they’ve been friends for 5000 years and then they just kill each other is so good. every time they have a stupid theological argument they’ve been having for 2000 years and it has never gone anywhere. mwah. it’s kind of insane how impactful and efficient that single flashback about them killing that king together was to explain their relationship and everything about them. that was good writing.

I DO HAVE BEEF ABOUT THE EPILOGUE THOUGH. I get what’s going on it seems like the author has some shit to work through about calvinism but it was infinitely cooler and more interesting when I thought NOBODY had gone back as davian to get beheaded?  that felt like they had ACTUALLY changed something. that we no longer needed to live by prophecy. it didn’t need to be explained it was awesome! you can’t change the past anyway so you don’t need to be bound to fulfill it! I’d rather not know the answers to all the mysteries anyway. it was so neat. I hate when things are neat.

fanfictions I’m thinking about... I really do want to do a nethgalla motivation study. I want to see cyr being bizarre. I genuinely never figured out exactly what happened to andrael or who killed him but I want to think about him too.

woah I just finished reading licanius and I'm feeling lightheaded. do you want to yell about licanius because I want to hear you yell about it. I'm prepared to be so so normal about nethgalla

GOD. AHAHAHAHAA. i always want to yell about licanius

okay first my personal hashtag licanius hashtag experience is worth adding because it explains a lot about which parts i am most insane about. So I first found the first book Shadow of What was Lost back in the ancient years of like 2015 or 2016 or whatever before Islington got his book deal while it was still self-published on Kindle Unlimited instead of being published by any kind of publisher. Back in these years it was just the first book and the others weren't out.

....and surelyt you remember that fucking epilogue thing that Islington loves to do where he puts the Big Reveal right at the end of the book, right? So i spent like a full three or four years going absolutely Bat Shit about just the whole "caeden is also aarkein devaed" bit and then . book 2 comes out and. AUGH. AUUUUUUUGHHHHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAAAAAA the fucking. MALSHASH is CAEDEN is AARKEIN DEVAED is TAL'KAMAR why does this man need to be every character. and THEN the fact that CAEDEN DOES NOT KILL DAVIAN. HE GETS HIM FUCKING SELF.

insane. this series makes me insane. literally foaming at the mouth insane.

nethgalla was just like. okay actually i cant lie i kind of love that she fucked up every romantic plotline caeden/tal could've been involved in because i am so glad he did not have any actual romance plot with karaliene or anyone else but how do you invent a character as cool as The Demon Shapeshifter From The Torture Dimension and then fuck it up by being like "and she's obsessed with this guy and exists mostly to be a femme fatale" like come ON. come ON you FLUBBED it. i wish she had more going on with her because even just the idea that she's tied to bhim because he summoned her by fucking up resurrecting his dead wife is like spicy as fuck but then the actual execution is so. like. mid at best? it truly saddens me especially because when Tal shows up she's lame about him but every other time she is SO badass. when she's pretending to be that one hunter she was so badass. when she was tormenting ashalia in the name of making her stronger that kicked ass. they should've kissed. i said what i said

also FUCK LMAO MELDIER AND ALARIC AND ISILIAR AND THE OTHER VENERATE i am SO not normal about them I am obsessed with them I want to put them in my mouth and EAT THEM. i wrote a crossover where Vortex gets recruited into their ranks for an exvent once. i love them so dearly. i spent multiple years bullying my girlfriends into reading the books exclusively so i could get them to write fanfiction about them for me. i love them i want them so dead i'm so glad the story went the way it did but also they deserved better and i wish it didn't happen in the first place. literally the best fucking tragedy ever. i wish we got to watch Wereth's death and Andrael's betrayal and i also wish everything were worse and there was more bad. i am so normal about them.they are so important to me

the fucking shape of this narrative also. this is so circles ever. it makes me lose my fucking mind. look at it it is a self-contained loop (derogatory) (aspirational) this thing is soooooooo the chicken and the egg. its so. its so! i am normal and not insane about it i promise come closer etc etc