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theincorrigiblemagpie · 7 years ago

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IPKKND 3 (Episode 1)- Tera Dhyan Kidhar Hai, Tera Hero Idhar Hai

Hello hello! It is I, veteran hater-and-lover of Gul Khan soap operas, returning to the fold to try out her latest offering. Full disclosure: the original IPKKND was my favouritest of her shows and while I’m going to consciously avoid comparisons, you may have a snide slip here or there. Which, honestly, is how 4Lions writes their love stories anyway, so we’re a match. No saying how soon I’ll flounce off in a huff after Advay does something unforgivable, but until then, I’m around.

July 3, 2017

So this episode begins with our guitar-toting hero, Advay Singh Raizada, who jumps into a pool fully clothed to save a puppy in the very first minute. Then he sternly informs the puppy that he doesn’t have time for innocence or love. And then he informs the audience, that his dad was stabbed and his mom burnt alive 16 years ago, and he’s been Suffering™ ever since. Like Advay, bro, this is a LOT for a first impressions meet. Nobody asked. We met you exactly 2 minutes ago (no exaggeration). You just know Advay is the kind of dude who launches into a rant against his exes in the first 5 minutes of your date. Advay continues his soliloquy with how he’s here to punish one Chandni Narayan Vashisht who was somehow responsible for his PAIN.

We finally meet this Chandni, who, as one of my extreme-kajal-wearing-friends said in awe, is a kajal ki dukaan. Ngl, she is, poor child. She’s pretty but also overwhelmed by the Kutchi blouse that is cut like a Gujarati kediyu but with bell sleeves. Aishwarya Rai’s character from Guru is giggling somewhere in the background. She’s directing the hanging up of a chandelier and remembers how her childhood friend Dev always said a chandelier must be hung 12 ft off the ground. Now, I don’t have a lot of experience with conversation topics for super rich kids living in ornate palatial homes, so maybe this is de rigueur. Chandni can also do that party trick of opening beer bottles with her teeth but as this is a sanskaari Star Plus show, she only opens 7 Up bottles. While she’s not particularly worse than the average desi tv heroine, I like the way she sounds. A lot of desi tv heroines have a real diction/delivery problem. Chandni is clear and has a really pleasant voice that is not overly breathy nor high pitched. Anyhoo, there is a maha-aarti of sorts coming up and Chandni must leave the house to perform it as the daughter of the mahaan(?) I don’t know if I caught that right.

Her dad who is the mahaan(?) suffers from some kind of memory loss and doesn’t remember jack about his daughter. Although he remembers likes and dislikes including a propensity for laddoos despite his diabetes. Yeh lo, another 4Lions man driven to illness, no doubt by his stressful family, we’ll discover. Interestingly, he doesn’t remember that people who call you ‘Baba’ are your offspring because he asks Chandni how she is related to him and she gives him the supremely confusing response that she is his daughter and his mother.

Trouble is, Chandni hasn’t left the house in a year. She’d been abducted and had been away from home for 3 nights and although she escaped unhurt, she’s lost her reputation because this show is set in Regency England, apparently. I don’t want to belittle Chandni’s trauma but not leaving the house for a year seems like my idea of heaven, tbh.

The combination of trauma and humiliation means she’s been hiding away but now she MUST go out to perform this special aarti that happens once in 16 years.

There are also Macbeth’s 3 witches, all equally overdressed women from Chandni’s family although it’s still unclear how she’s related to them. There is a rather sexy Badi Jeeji. There is the comic relief Jeeji whose given method of messing up English and drawing laughs is the Ishqwala Love technique (follow the link for lulz). And the youngest is the smart one who resents Badi Jeeji’s power. This makeup problem appears to be genetic and between these 3 women and Chandni, the show could alone keep Amrapali in business. We know the parental Raizadas were killed at this function because Head Witch clearly says that the mistake that happened 16 years ago must not be repeated, with flashbacks of the murders. Then they have a cryptic conversation about the temple doors that open every 16 years and finding treasure inside. I THINK this is leading to Advay’s parents being custodians of the temple whom members of Chandni’s family had murdered at the last ceremony to get to the treasure. Frankly, my main question is about how the doors magically stay sealed for 16 years that this ceremony is such a big deal.

Anyway, sundry sympathetic characters urge Chandni to leave the house and she tries but scary memories from her abduction won’t let her. Ngl, the flashbacks are pretty freaky and they’re obviously setting the scene for a Shyam-ish psychopath who is obsessed with Chandni. She runs to her room and picks up a stone with the names Chandu and Dev engraved and recalls how he’d said this would give her strength.

In the meantime, Advay ‘Dev’ Singh Raizada is again playing the hero, JUST in case you missed the memo about his hero-ness the first time. There is this MASSIVE (like Gommatesvara-Bahubali-at-Shravanabelagola-massive) statue of Mahadev that is being prepared for the function and the workers lose control of it and it starts tipping from the base. Our hero singlehandedly catches hold of one of the restraints and stops the world’s slowest falling statue from toppling while dozens of extras stand around and watch. Including sexy Badi Jeeji who will no doubt be very impressed by this display of masculine brute strength. Sobti definitely has had to up his game for this comeback. From only having to lift scrawny women, he’s gone straight to a building size statue.

Tomorrow: Chandni seems to have overcome her fear and left the house because she’s being prepared for the function while Advay stands at the sides vowing revenge yet again.

In the end, I suppose my most pressing question is, how old is Chandni?? The kidnapping flashbacks from last year have her in a uniform so the oldest she could have been was 20? That is, IF she went to a college with a uniform and that was her last year. 15 years before her last year of college, the OLDEST she could have been was 5??? Just how the fuck could a 5 year old have been responsible for ANYTHING beyond eating bugs and finding poop jokes funny? Not to mention, the voices from Chandni and Dev’s childhood are definitely not of toddlers. Desi TV has a history of disregarding consistency and timelines but this is literally the first episode ffs.

#ipkknd 3 #advay singh raizada #chandni narayan vashisht

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