#is this long enough tags so you won't see the spoiler tag? i hope so

[anundyingfidelity]

FOR ALL TIME, ALWAYS – Loki x female reader

Summary: Loki escapes the TVA for a moment. Desperate and brokenhearted, he looks for you, his wife, in the Sacred Timeline. Even if you saw him die ten years ago.

Word count: 3.9k.

Warnings: LOTS of angst, some fluff, spoilers of Loki series in general. Language. Maybe I'm not getting how the branches work oops. This is right after the end of 2x02 and before 2x03. My English is also a warning, just in case.

Notes: while looking on the tags I checked a post of someone asking for a TVA Loki fic where he finds the reader but her Loki died in IW (not canon in my head btw). So I wrote it because is such a great idea, but I can't find the original post... ;-; anyway hope you like this!

☕ if you like my writing, support me with a ko-fi !

GEN MASTERLIST!

It's harder to stay...

Wasn't this situation hard enough? Sylvie was right. She had a point. But Loki wanted to do the right thing. Maybe he would find a chance... Again, right? Probably he would make the proper decisions this time.

The TVA was already fucked up, and with it, the thousands of timelines and lives in danger within them. Sometimes, it looked like it didn't matter. In the end, they were trying to fix something that was already broken.

Loki let out a deep breath he didn't realise was holding and walked to talk directly to his partner, Mobius.

"I need a favor," Loki mumbled, so the grey-haired man would be the only person to hear his voice.

Mobius met his eyes. He knew that gaze, it meant he was up to something. "What kind of favor?"

The god motioned Mobius to step away from the newly acknowledged variants and far away from what B-15 was witnessing. The branches were pruned from the whole existence; thousands and millions of lifes lost to the void in just the blink of an eye. Loki knew he had to do something before it got worst. Something for himself.

"I need to go the Sacred Timeline," Loki announced.

"Are you nuts?" Mobius scolded, in the same low voice tone Loki had used.

"Is just- listen, it's something I have to do. I really need to go back there. Need to see someone, make sure everything is okay," Loki insisted.

During all the times Loki showed he was desperate, Mobius was sure this was the peak of all of them. He wasn't explaning more than necessary, he looked serious, and his voice was crisp. Loki knew what he wanted at that moment. Mobius sighed, his hands finding the pockets of his pants, unsure of Loki's request.

"So it's personal..."

"A little, yeah," Loki nodded.

"Promise it'll be quick," Mobius said, taking off the TemPad from his pocket and his hand stopped in the air before the object could lay in the god's grip. "Don't make me regret this."

"I won't."

2029, Sacred Timeline

When Loki arrived to his destination, the nerves got the best from him. New York looked no different from the last time he was there. Shifting his usual clothes he wore at the TVA, he chose a plain suit to go undercover, or at least decided he would try to, considering he was a criminal once in Midgard.

But as he walked through the halls of the familiar building he met decades ago, he didn't really care. He longed for something else. Better say, someone. And it was you.

You, who met him in the past right after Thor's banishment, and even helped him to find the Teseract, only to give up to SHIELD and those idiots that people called 'The Avengers'. Of course his heart hurted for a long time, but Loki tried to deny the feelings blooming inside and instead, he just decided to walk away from you, even if that meant hurting you. It was the best.

At least that was what he believed until he checked further his file; the file that Mobius had prepared for him. His life. Even after what he did to your people and planet, you still held no grudges. And Thor was good enough to seek for yours and the sorcerer's, Stephen Strange, help once Hela appeared in their lives.

Loki would never forget the loving look in your beautiful eyes when you saw him again, after years of parting ways. He really paid attention to you while watching his file, and he found there was only love, protection, and care in you. All for him. Someone who didn't deserve it, he thought.

He felt grateful at least he had the pleasure to enjoy happiness for a moment. Even if that meant Asgard was destroyed. Loki already lost his mother, his father, and he almost lost his brother. He couldn't stand losing you either. The simple idea of living without you - even if he didn't know you further than your Loki did - was unbearable pain.

So while in the ship on the way to Midgard with the asgardians and survivors of the Ragnarok, you held a cozy, small wedding when he asked you to marry him. This was one of the parts Loki would replay again and again from his file, with disbelief that he was actually happy and joyful, enjoying a good time with you, his brother, and all the asgardians who survived. Loki felt full of hope after your wedding, thinking fate had better things to come with you as an oficial part of his life.

Unfortunately, it didn't last long, thanks to the Mad Titan. As his steps got near your door, the memory of his brother and your figure mourning on his lifeless body appeared on his mind. It was an image he couldn't erase that easily. Probably, he would never forget that was his original destiny all the way. That was meant to be. And for now, he could not change it.

Loki stopped outside your apartment. He took a deep breath and raised his shaking hand to reach the doorbell. He waited for a moment, not knowing if seconds or minutes went by, it felt eternal. Until the door opened and he saw you.

The bright smile you had on your lips faded away. Your eyes flooded with tears, your forehead was furrowed, and still, Loki thought you were the most beautiful creature in all the Nine Realms.

"Hi..." Loki barely whispered, his eyes were glossy and a single tear also ran down his pale cheek.

You were clearly in shock. You wanted to get closer and finally touch him, to feel him physically. But even if you wanted to move to take his hand to confirm it wasn't a trick of your ruined mind, your body was stiff and your feet were glued to the ground.

"Is this an illusion?" you trembled.

All Loki could do was shaking his head, before muttering. "No..."

"Loki, I saw you die..."

Tears ran down your face, denying to yourself that this was real. That this was really happening to you. And your mind started to wonder all the possible scenarios and reasons on why him, the god of mischief, the only person you loved dearly with all your mind, body and soul, was standing right in front of your door even if he was gone for you... Long gone now. And that couldn't be undone.

"I know you did, my love."

You tried to smile, even a little bit, as he pronounced those words so dearly. Loki came closer to your figure, carefully placing a trembling hand on your cheek, feeling the tears flowing on your skin. You leaned into his touch, with a simpering smile. Such was the effect you had on him, that a silly smile he also had on his lips.

And you realized Loki was so real... His touch, his heat, his smile, his scent, the way he would hold you... Everything about him was exactly as you remembered. You felt his lips brushing softly against yours, gentle and hesitant, and instantly, you melted into a slow kiss, sure knowing that Loki would taste the salt of your tears running down your face. Leaning in closer as the space between would allow you, you savoured each second your breaths allowed, longing to remain right there for eternity. For all time. Always.

"But now I am here... and I can explain," he whispered once you separated your lips from his in the sweetest way.

You let out a soft chuckle. "Mind to enlighten me, oh, god of mischief?"

Finally you guided him inside your apartment. That old apartment Loki saw his other self visiting a couple of times before you were something. It still had your vibe around it and he loved it. He felt like he was at home after a very long time. Once you closed the door, his arms wrapped around your figure, and you let yourself cry, pressing against his chest and with a tight grip of your hands on his coat.

"You don't have any idea of how much I have missed you all these years," you sobbed and his heart shrank on his chest. "I kept wishing every night and every day to be me instead of you."

"My love," he said softly, separating a little and cupping your cheeks with his warm hands. His eyes were red now because of the tears he was holding back again. "Don't say that... It was supposed to happen."

"What?" you mumbled.

Your hands found his wrists and you pulled his palms away from your cheeks. However you kept the contact with him, you just needed to touch him, to feel he was in the flesh. He was alive right now, wasn't he?

"Look, I am not your Loki. I know what you did, what the Avengers did after Thanos-" his voice broke just a bit but he continued. "I know everything. I just couldn't resist knowing there was someone for me, out there in the Nine Realms, capable to love me for who I am," Loki explained as he watched your face. Was it disappointment? Confusion? He didn't know, but he had to tell you the truth.

Your voice came out as a barely audible whisper. "So... you are saying... you're another Loki? Another him?"

He nodded softly. "I am." Loki thought for a moment on how to explain everything, but he just went for what his heart felt it was right. "It's a little complicated. I did something that wasn't supposed to be, and perhaps will sound like I'm insane, but thanks to that I am kind of trapped in time. With an organization that is not what everyone thought it was, hence a multiverse was created. Sponsored by another me, by the way. You are in what is called the Sacred Timeline, where things flow as how they were supposed to since forever. And I just needed to see you after I found out you were the love of my life."

You took a moment to understand everything he said, wishing that his fate would have been different from what originally happened. Loki gave his best, even in the last worst moments, he was changing for good. For you. For Thor... It wasn't fair.

"Your death was supposed to be then?"

"Yes, it was."

"Oh, Loki," you cried. "You know what, I don't care what's happened. I'm just- I feel happy seeing you here... Please tell me everything you've been through. I want to hear your voice again, to know you're with me right now, to feel you near... I'm not crazy, am I?" you chuckled between tears and Loki curved his lips in a smile, wiping your tears from your face with his thumbs.

Loki granted your wish and explained everything, answering every question you had about the lies of the TVA; the files he found out were his whole life; about Sylvie, Mobius and his variants. He spilled all you wanted to hear, asking like a child, until you understood what was happening. You noticed he truly had changed, just like your Loki did when he reunited with Thor before the Ragnarok took over Asgard. It was a bittersweet feeling however, thinking how much they they seemed to each other. They were the same person after all, but this Loki didn't had the chance to continue his path as it was supposed to.

Taking his hand into yours, you leaned towards him and laid down your head on his shoulder while you both sat comfortable in the couch, just enjoying each others company. Your eyes were dry at this point after crying for what it felt were hours, but his voice helped to soothe you enough.

"I'm glad knowing you have someone like Mobius by your side," you said after a quiet moment. "He sounds like a very good friend," you looked at him, waiting for an answer. "Because that's what he is to you, right?"

"He is a great friend, I'm not alone if that is what is troubling you," Loki affirmed.

You let out a sigh. "That is totally a relief to me."

Loki chuckled softly, leaning to leave a kiss on your hair. "Now you've heard everything about me, would I hear something from you?"

"I'm just a mortal, Loki," you smiled. "Doing the normal shit, not the superhero stuff anymore. I am hating my pretty much normal office job every day; I feed the birds when I go outside at the park, also thinking about adopting a cat or a dog... Maybe a dog."

"Or you could do both."

"Yeah, I might. But my place isn't that big for pets. Sometimes I feel like I'm too alone, very much alone... I would love to have a big farm, or a cabin in the mountains with lots of plants, pets and animals to take care of." The idea did sound good for Loki. Hopefuly you could find peace that way. "Do you remember Pepper?" you said, straighting up on the couch to look at him. He nodded. "Well, after Tony died I still visit her and their daughter, Morgan. She is ten years old, could you believe it?" Loki noticed the sorrow and pain you still carried after all those years of losing your friends, your people... "And I've been missing you and mourning you for ten years as well."

"It's not your fault."

"I know, Loki."

"Do whatever is the best for you, my dear... I would have loved to be here with you now, as the Loki from the Sacred Timeline."

You smiled, but it was a sad smile. "Well, either way, you're here now. It's all that matters to me."

Once again, you shared a loving kiss and took his hand to walk to the kitchen, asking him to take a seat in your breakfast bar, glad he decided to search for you in one of your free days. Otherwise, you would have surely missed his visit. But he was looking for you. Probably Loki would have found you anywhere at this point.

You talked some more while you had some tea and ate some cookies that you saved for special days on the shelfs. The afternoon was pleasant, and this was your turn to speak. Loki, coat long gone, was catching up with you and he asked every single thing about your life now. He smiled more than ever, laughed more than you have ever seen, and it was certainly something you could get used to from now on. Knowing you never continued your life with another person made his heart ache though. However, Loki was no one to blame. He would have done the same thing. No other was like you, no one would have replaced you.

"It's my decision," you finally said, reading his face like an open book. "I have loved you, I love you now and I will love you forever."

He took your hand, lacing your fingers with his. "I know..."

"The day we married you gave me a ring. I always have it with me, today I'm not working, but I use this necklace with your ring," you searched for the necklace hiding inside your shirt and taking it off, you showed him the precious jewel hanging on a fine golden chain. The ring he recognized once was from his mother. "I want you to have it."

"No,I can't-"

"But this is what I want. I know I would have to forget, because you will make me forget about this. About you, coming here, risking everything just to see me. So please, take it."

Loki knew you had made a decision, but then if he left, taking your memories away about this day, what was left for you? He had nothing, and it was okay. He would still know he came to the Sacred Timeline; that he kissed you, that you shared a moment together, that you still loved him. But you will have none of that. And you, as human as you were, would die without the memories and without the ring. You would have nothing and he was sure couldn't bear it.

"Perhaps I can have something else to remember you, I want you to keep this ring as a promise," he closed your hand around the necklace. "My promise that I still love you and I will do it. Forever."

And you sighed, taking the necklace back with a smile. Always so stubborn. "Give me a moment."

Loki saw you leave the kitchen for some minutes. While he was alone, he noticed the sunset through the windows, as it was almost ending to welcome the dark sky around the city. He knew he had to go soon. As much as he didn't want to and the simple thought of runing away was starting to hurt him deep inside.

When you arrived, you stood by his seat on the breakfast bar, putting a small photograph, perfect for a passport, on the surface. It was all in black and white, and you looked what you thought it was nice. Loki took it between his hands, lovingly and with a proud smile on his face.

"I used that when I was taking my Master's degree. Looks pretty decent," you joked.

Loki laughed, tears right at the corner of his eyes. "It's more than that. It's perfect."

His smile faded, knowing this meant he had to leave you again. Loki wasn't supposed to have a happy ending, was he? How he wished to stay there by your side.

You kissed his cheek as a sort of goodbye and comfort at the same time, noticing the sudden change on his face and whispered softly. "So you don't search for me on those files."

"Thank you, love."

Loki got on his feet to put his coat on, like some sort of mental preparation before leaving your apartment and the Sacred Timeline. He saved your photograph on his pocket securely along with Mobius' TemPad, pretending to be strong and swallowing all the pain he was feeling right at that moment. You took his hand, lacing your fingers together one last time and walked until you stood there, in the middle of your living room. He looked at you with loving eyes, trying to save your face and your figure before returning to where he was supposed to be now. And it seemed like time had stopped, as everything Loki could see and feel was you and only you.

"I guess is time now," you began, interrupting his mind.

"I guess it is," Loki nodded, expecting an answer from you. Anything. But it never came. You were also trying to save the moment as much as you could.

So he cupped your cheeks, feeling for the last time your warm, soft skin against his palms. He didn't want to talk, because if he would have said something, it meant you were really saying goodbye forever. What Loki didn't know is that you felt the same thing.

Was there something good to say to your lover, whose destiny was just to bring the best from other people with his cruelty and chaos? To the man who had learn to make things better and, in the end, died trying to protect his people and his wife? Was there anything out there that would bring the god of mischief the happiness and love you always knew he deserved? With these branches and multiverse thing, you hoped deep in your heart there was a universe where he found what he longed for so long. This was just one of many of them. Probably he was happy and living in peace in some others.

"I love you, Loki," you mumbled. He caressed your skin with his thumbs and wiped the small tears that were running on your cheeks.

"I love you too."

Loki leaned to kiss you one last time. You welcomed the kiss with shut eyes, savouring his lips and the taste of your tears, mixing now with his own.

The pain started to bloom; every heartbeat felt like a sledgehammer pounding against his chest. He was not ready to let you go, so this was all he could do. The seidr flowed from his fingers, the green lights covering your body with the help of the spell he casted for you was made to protect you from anything that could get out of hand in the Sacred Timeline, particularly from his own hands, the hands of the TVA, or any other danger that could chase you. Because if something would happen to you due to his stubborn decision, Loki knew he wouldn't forgive himself. What he was sure about though, was that he would still look for you until the end of time.

So when the kiss ended, you fell asleep in seconds. He had to take your sleeping figure with his arms to your bedroom, where he carefully laid you down on the bed. Making sure you were comfortable in your sleep, fixing the pillows and the blankets, Loki remained there, just to take in the serenity emanating from you. It was something you had, the ease and calm your aura projected to everyone in the room. This was the last thing Loki wanted to save from you.

He kissed your forehead and dried the tears on your face before standing up. Once you were to wake up in some hours, you would not be able to know everything was real. Loki made sure you thought it was a dream. So that is what you would have in your head. Something you wished for so long that will only be nothing but thoughts, scenes and emotions that felt absolutely true. As real as life could be.

Loki took the TemPad and opened the timedoor to go back to the TVA, where he knew Mobius would be waiting already since he left for hours. Without looking back to your room, he stepped in and forced to compose himself just in case he would bump into someone else. He sighed, observing through the halls of the headquaters as he made his way back to the room that was assigned to him.

At his door, a worried Mobius was already waiting for him, walking in circles.

"God, Loki I thought you were gone for a second," the analyst breathed out. Loki just handed the TemPad and Mobius took it back. He noticed his weary demeanor and teary eyes. "Thank you. Sorry I doubted you for a second."

"It's fine," Loki shrugged it off, looking for something on his pocket. The photograph slipped from his fingers and fell down to the floor. Mobius was quick enough to pick it up for him, but as he gave it back to his owner he observed it thoroughly.

"So this was the personal thing you did," Mobius said, looking the photograph resting on Loki's hand. He remembered that face from his files.

"Yeah... I guess all set now," Loki sighed.

"Good, I hope you're ready for another trip to the Sacred Timeline." Mobius turned to walk away, deciding it was better to give him some time, but he turned back to Loki before doing so. "And if you're feeling like talking about this any day, only between us, just let me know."

And with that, he walked away. Loki smiled, standing alone outside his door.

You were right. Mobius was a good friend.

[iikisa]

heres more teacher rin au!!!!

ill have some more deets under the cut about this hehe

Welcome back aoex fandom… I’ve decided for this AU to be called “Tightrope”!!!! Haha,, yeah it’s definitely not what i was saying earlier in that ask..

But yeah!!! I’ll be tagging any post related to this AU under a tag from now on! ;)

(The rest of this will contain spoilers from the manga, but then again this whole AU has been spoilers..)

Alrighty, this time we’re going over the reason for Rin’s appearance… Just as in the manga, Rin becomes “unstable” through Yukio breaking his sword, except in this tightrope au, their relationship was much more rockier than it was in the manga. So much stuff that wasn’t cleared up, lots of avoidance, not so much emotional stability.. There’s a whole background to how Yukio and Rin’s upbringing would’ve happened in this AU because of their little aged-up situation— some events are interpreted differently to fit and others are just completely new, you can assume— so obviously things happened differently between them without Yukio being the cram school’s teacher and Rin actually attending said school to begin with…

So, now that Yukio left Rin for Illuminati, leaving him completely lonely and without a proper purpose to live for in life… Rin’s demonic nature is left in a “tightrope-like” situation.

See how the title relates? And boy does it apply for many other things too.

Where is Mephisto to help with all this you ask? Oh he tried to offer Rin help by going into the past, but even after learning of his origins (I don't think it helped his self-esteem much tbh) Rin still finds himself unable to "restabilize". Like in the manga, it's not until Rin truly accepts both sides to himself is he able to truly stabilize. This AU is obviously more heavy on the twins terrible communication and relationship, so obviously this will be harder for Rin.

For as long as he can remember, Rin's always thought of himself as a nuisance to his family. And with Fujimoto's death, everything seems to be Rin's fault and he's not stupid enough as to not notice the pattern. Unfortunately, this really eats away at Rin, especially with how distant Yukio was with him. So until Rin can learn to accept the uglier parts of himself, he won't be stable. And Yukio is the most important part for him to realize that.

Now… time for the appearance explanation.

When Rin first "unstabilizes" his hair, ears, and eyes change (other smaller details like his canines as well as the newest addition of little nubs on his forehead). The more "unstable" he is, the more prominent these features become—his hair is wholly whitish-blue, his ears and canines are pointier, his eyes are sharper and more vibrant, and his little horns get bigger.

After becoming a not-so-substitute-teacher for the cram school, these features start to become smaller or fade away!!!! Depending on Rin’s emotional state—negative emotions lead to instability and positive emotions leads to stability— his appearance changes. The happier and healthier he is, the more his black roots take place (his original hair color) and the duller his other features become!

Now as for his flames.. I think some logic may be off canon for this but it’ll be fine! He can freely use his flames like he does during the final war-against-satan arc, however, his state of stability changes how precisely he can use them. The more unstable he is, the broader and rougher the attacks. When he’s more stable, his attacks can be more precise and controlled, such as shaping his flames into weapons and other uses.

Anywho, I’ll have to start on making these differences more noticeable for the Rin’s I’m drawing out, because I do like to draw him at different times of his life (if you take note of his hair,,, its one of his best indicators ahah). But yes. Now that I’ve written this concept out (after I drew these sketches whoops) I’ll be showing off a little more of the story once some heavy inspiration hits me. I hope you guys enjoy hearing about this AU as much as I love writing and drawing it!!!!! I’d love to hear feedback or any fic recommendations..! They are my fuel.

Thank you for listening to the end, much love <3

[kurosstuff]

Lute x fallen angel! Reader: Fallen

Short fic- tell me what you think! Hope you all enjoy it-!

Summary" lute SHOULD hate you. But. How can she?

HEAVY SPOILERS MENTIONED LIKE AKL OVER(in this like one?) IDK PLEASE. ALL HAZBIN FICS I WRITE ARENT SPOILER FREE UNLESS I STATE THAT IT IS. YOUVE BEEN WARNED

Warning(s): blood/fights, love at first sight, maybe ooc lute? Idk yoy tell me I never wrote her, heartbreak, also from my knowledge? Wing movements(from birds please correct me on the info if I do it wrong I do not own birds) in denial, Adam and his vulgur language

Ngl I love lute-

Lute a cruel sadistic woman. Odd place for a woman in heaven. But given her status as the leader of the executioners. The one who leads the battles against those vile sinners. Who trains the angels picked to fight herself. The woman second in command to Adam himself.

It's a fitting role.

Never in a million years(and she HAS been around for that long. Or so she lost track of such a useless thing) would she? A ruthless exterminator encounter this thing other fully pure angels speak of.

Love

Why would she? Lute is a fighter. A warrior. The one who Adam HIMSELF entrusts his life too. Why would she fall for anyone? She doesn't even know if she CAN feel such a thing.

But as always- Life(or afterlife?) Is full of surprises. She was well aware of a new angel coming in. Recently passed in some horrific accident she doesn't care for the details just knows- need to pick them apart see if their ruthless enough to fight. But the second she went into the room her eyes widden- an odd feeling in her chest as If her heart- her cold heart was heating up.

"Hello~ are you uh Lute?" You asked shyly- which given the situation even the most outgoing would be just as shy. She blinked, glad for the mask to hide the flushed expression - the confusion on it.

Clearing her throat, she nods slowly, ensuring you saw "I am. Welcome to Heaven, " she greeted uncharacteristically polite- gentle. If you were to be mistaken, she ignored the odd look Adam gave her, looking at the name tag, even your name is pretty- she blinked.

What?

She did NOT just think that. She did NOT Find you pretty. Gorgeous. She does NOT notice how your eyes sparkle how friendly your smile is as you both talked. She most certainly doesn't notice how your wings are the single most gorgeous pair she's ever seen. How white it is- signaling how pure you are. How the gold etched into it- putting to shame her grey and black wings- smiling soft behind her mask. How how she wishes to touch the- she stops she will NOT think that

-

It became as clear as day to her and anyone else. Lute? Is inlove. And not just anyone. The new angel- the kind soul who? Adam states follows her around like a lost puppy or in Adam's kind words "Hey look. It's lutes bitch!" Oh how she wishes to punch him everytime- hit that smug look off. But she won't. Not yet.

A common tradition in heaven- like the birds in the human realm(maybe a odd similarity she presumed. She doesn't care for the human realm after all) finding a mate, a lover with the most gorgeous wings. It was no surprise you gained such attention

Much to her displeasure.

Grumbling watching as how you yet again were surrounded by angels around you- and ad always rejecting them before that smile she oh so adored. Yet would never state aloud was sent her way- making her scowl darkly(but on the inside? She was warm) quickly making your way to her she noticed how you fidgeted. How red you were "out with it. What is it?" She grumbled out no matter how warm and soft she was on the inside? Her words on the outside could never match. No matter how she wished it

White cleared her vision making her back up scrunching her nose before finally realizing what it was- a feather. Not just any old feather. Your feather "i.. i want you to have it.. I know the meaning bur when I was preening my wings u couldn't help it.. I want you to have my feather" they whispered watching as she gently took the feather.

Silently accepting them courting her with a soft smile. Maybe she can make it a necklace?

-

As great as it was up there. There were rules. Easy to forget. Easy to break. But rules nonetheless. Once Adam instructed her to strip a betrayers wings, Lute sighed. Grumbling loudly going to the room. Ignoring the odd almost somber pitiful look Adam gave her. Hiding the feather in her shirt tucked safe near her heart, she hummed, stepping inside fixing her helmet before freezing

"No-"

Her heart dropped paling more then she was already at the bloodied sight

"NO WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!"

She roared storming to your bloodied frame she couldn't help but break her never-ending composure for the first time, kneeling to your side "do you HAVE ANY FUCKING IDEA WHAT THIS MEANS?" She snarled ripping her mask off showing her teary face. Knowing her counter was now a sinner. Her angel was a traitor. A million emotions went through her head glaring down at you with every emotion but the one she should feel.

It wasn't hate.

She ignored her feelings, swallowing it down she ignored the reasoning of what you did. Of what you SAID. putting her mask on, she steeled herself. She was an executioner. A peacemaker. She takes care of the issue. So she pushed you down with her foot grabbing your once gorgeous wings now bloodied gold- in her one hand grabbing her spear she sliced. Ignoring how she was covered in your blood. The deafening screams of pain. Of agony. How you begged for her. She took a sigh taking her mask off giving you the chance to se her one last time. Without the mask. How she stared cold at you.

Before the ground opened up, "lute. Before I go- please I lo-" she cut you off, kicking you in. Closing her eyes as the ground closed. For the first time ever. She fell to her knees, holding the now broken wings sobbing out for a sinner. How was she not a sinner to for showing the regret. Showing the selfishness in this?

~~

It wasn't long before she saw you again. Traveling down with Adam to meet with Charlie and her girlfriend- to Lute it was a vile relationship. Not because of the sex- no- because of the liar Vaggie is. How that bitch betrayed her kind and then fell for the ruler of hells daughter. She could almost laugh.

Blinking, ignoring the yelling match of Adam and Charlie. Looking out the window, she froze mouth wide open- even though the demons back was turned. No wings but a tail and horns. She knew that laugh. She knew that smell. No matter how different you looked. Eyes soft watching you turn. Even as a demon. You truly are a beautiful creature. She softened her gaze behind her mask before looking away in disgust. Not with you.

But herself.

Lute a angel? Finds a demon attractive. Sure it's you but. Your a demon. A angel and demon together is vile. Disgusting in all sense of the worse.

But even now. She can't help but still long for you. Long for the almost relationship. Frowning, she looked back at Adam, who watched her with a frown. She knew they'd have a talk. Sighing, she followed after him with a deep sigh

She truly wished this outcome was different. How she longs to see you once more. Touching the feather on her chest she sighs

The only way she would be with you. Is if she was fallen as well. What a cruel irony.

[tin-wufborf]

Tin's Favorite Sterek Fics (Part 19)

Hello, and welcome to part fucking 19 of Tin's Favorite Sterek Fics. Good lord, how the hell have I gotten to 19 of these?? I cannot believe!!!

As always, thank you all so much for all of the love you continue to show this little series of mine. I never really expected any of these posts to get more than a passing notice from anyone, so to see that so many of you have liked and shared this series is honestly kind of mind boggling but also pretty cool. Because I just want everyone to read these stories, ya know? Like, I really love all of these fics that I'm recommending. I wasn't lying or exaggerating when I said that I re-read these fics all the time. I love these stories, and I want others to love them too.

I won't go on some of the crazy tangents that I do IRL, but I fucking love fan fiction. I truly believe that a good chunk of the world's more trivial issues could be solved by people simply getting into the right kind of fanfic for them. Because there's really something out there for everyone so long as you're willing to look for it, and I just think that is the coolest thing, you guys. It's just the bees knees. So to be able to share these lists of my favorite Sterek fics has been such a fun and fulfilling endeavor, and I am glad to have been able to share it with you all.

Okay, enough sap from me! I have admittedly imbibed a bit before writing this up, so I am a little bit in my head right now as well as in my feelings.

I hope you're all having as good a day as you can, if not a great one.

Smoochies and squeezies!

List and links to previous/next part(s) below the cut.

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DISCLAIMER: This is me warning you all that some of the fics I've included in this list may cover explicit, dark, and/or "taboo" subject matters. I cannot express enough how little I care what anyone thinks about any of that; all I want is for you to use caution when reading anything I've listed here and to please review and heed whatever tags the authors have provided in order to keep yourselves safe. Your experience from this point on is your own responsibility, not mine and not the authors'.

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Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19 | Part 20

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Family Day by klutzy_girl (T | 1/1 | 2,447)

Derek and Stiles spend the day with Stiles' (and Scott's) younger sister and come to a few realizations.

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You aren't broken by GreyHaven (G | 1/1 | 4,339)

Derek doesn’t understand sex. Well, no, that makes him sound innocent and sheltered and he isn’t either of those things.

But he doesn’t understand the appeal of sex.

The one in which Derek thinks he's broken and tries to break up with Stiles. Stiles doesn't let him and insists on an open conversation which leads to Derek realising he's not broken, he's asexual. But can Stiles accept that?

(Spoiler alert: of course he can.)

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and the wild things roared their terrible roar by hoars (E | 1/1 | 4,905)

Derek as Khal Drogo (but set in snow beyond the wall) and Stiles as Daenerys Stormborn (although he's a greenseer of the Children rather than a dragon).

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Show Me Your Igloo and I'll Show You Mine by DiscontentedWinter (E | 1/1 | 4,943)

Stiles is finally going to meet the online friend he's had for years.

Instead, the hottest guy in the world walks in.

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that boy is a monster series by hoars (3 works | NR-M | 6,840)

1. monsters steal me away (M | 1/1 | 1,720) There’s a monster in the forest that has taught Stiles to lie and to love. 2. no secret stays secret (NR | 1/1 | 2,558) John follows Stiles into the woods one night. 3. my ghosts approve (NR | 1/1 | 2,562) (optional) Derek loves all his past loves because they all taught him how to love Stiles best.

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Run Wild and Free by greenleaf (T | 1/1 | 6,991)

Derek is a police officer, just recently moved to Beacon Hills, and possibly nursing a crush on the really hot, really powerful doctor with the twin sons.

(Or a story that was almost titled, 'I'm Quite Fawn'd of You, My Deer' but I stopped myself and I don't know why.)

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Do It For The Vine by crossroadswrite (G | 1/1 | 7,108)

“Tammy,” he calls her to attention and his baby daughter turns her sweet hazel eyes to him. “Do you want to go to the skate park tomorrow?”

Autumn gasps and twists until her bony knees are digging into his thighs.

“Daddy,” she says very seriously, placing both hands on his cheeks and looking him in the eye. “Don’t play with my emotions, daddy.” . (OR: in which Derek's daughter gets a skateboard and a cute guy teaching her tricks and Derek just gets the cute guy.)

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The Jackass in the Camaro by isthatbloodonhisshirt (wasterella) (G | 1/1 | 7,237)

To the guy I splashed with water on First and Crown on Thursday, February 27th around seven at night: I am an a**hole. I’m sorry. I was being an impatient driver, and I just wanted to get home, and I cut off the bus to get there faster. I didn’t mean to soak you with rainwater, and I am truly sorry for doing so. That was a total d*ck move of me. With regrets, The Jackass in the Camaro.

Stiles had to re-read the notice four times before he honestly believed he was seeing it with his own two eyes. He’d gotten splashed by rainwater on First and Crown on Thursday around seven while waiting at a bus stop because of an impatient Camaro driver cutting off a bus.

Like, that was actually a thing that had happened. This was a real thing.

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The Plan for Healthy Eating in the Stilinski-Hale Household by inhystereks (G | 1/1 | 8,100)

Melanie burst into tears, screaming about how she didn’t want their daddy to die while Greg tried to comfort her, sending his own anxious glances Stiles’ way. Elena grilled Addie and Clary about whether they knew for sure. The twins started listing examples from their textbook. Ian turned to Derek asking if food could really hurt humans while Kevin turned to Stiles and begged him not to kill himself by eating too many curly fries.

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children of the bad revolution by hoars (NR | 1/1 | 9,506)

Far away and long ago, the only companion Derek has, the only friend and enemy he's known since he was young, is the chain.

Then Stiles happens.

Then the crows.

Then the end of the world.

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to build a home by elisela (T | 1/1 | 13,021)

“You realize you’re at least ten grand over budget on Stiles’ house, don’t you,” Allison says, and he’s not entirely sure if it’s a question or not. “You better hope this works out because we can’t afford to build an entire house for everyone you want to date.”

He doesn’t bother denying it. “I’m going to do a lot of the demo and installation myself,” he says, leaning over her to cross off some of the numbers she’d written down. “It’ll work out.”

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A Crooked Way to Fly by andavs (G | 1/1 | 14,980)

“We can’t just leave him here to die.”

“He’s an emissary, Scott.” Derek tried to make his tone empathetic, but Scott’s tendency to fight back on everything always grated on his nerves. “His pack is gone, he won’t survive more than a day or two either way.”

“Then we should stay with him.”

Derek sighed as he studied the man for a moment; he was too pale against the fur rim of his hood, almost grey from lying out in the snow, and his cloak was stained with dark dried blood around a protruding arrow shaft. It was unlikely he would even last the night. They would probably be able to carry on in the morning with little time lost, if any.

It wasn’t a horrible idea, Derek decided reluctantly. They hadn’t been able to set up a real camp for a few weeks in the open foothills, and they were all on edge from sleeping in exposed areas. A defensible place to sleep would be good for them, even if they were surrounded by death. They would be able to give the pack proper burials, at the very least.

“Fine. One night,” Derek relented, already moving away to check on Isaac. “He’s your responsibility.”

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This Kind of Luxe by sugarybowl, weathervaanes, wishingonalightningbolt (E | 1/1 | 15,113)

As they have for almost every US President since the 1910s, the Prime Minister and the royal head of their country pay a visit to the United States after inauguration. Which is why, when President Jonathan Stilinski is elected into office, Queen Talia Hale of Norland plans their trip.

-0-

Prince Derek and First Son Stiles. Gooey, ridiculous romance ensues.

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Good for you by lilysaid (E | 1/1 | 16,768)

Completely by chance, I saw a "human boyfriend for werewolf roleplay" ASMR video on YouTube and thought 1. Stiles would totally do something as reckless as making an ASMR channel for werewolves 2. He would be really good at it and 3. It would definitely blow up in his face.

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No Other Love by Idday (T | 1/1 | 18,745)

And maybe it’s irony, or the universe at work, or maybe it’s just Derek Hale’s shitty luck, but that’s when, at that exact moment (as Stiles will swear later), there’s a knock on the door. “Laura?” Derek breathes in disbelief, and Stiles feels his own face fall into confused slackness. Because the girl standing in the doorway? The last time Stiles had seen her—or, well, half of her—she’d been very naked, and very, very dead. “Hey, baby bro,” she says with a grin. ... OR: The one where Laura comes back from the dead, and it turns out to be bad for Stiles, because he’s suddenly spending a lot of quality time with one of the coolest people he’s ever met, and her brother. The guy that he might be just a little in love with. He's not okay.

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Nothing Short Of Perfect by GotTheSilver (E | 1/1 | 27,019)

In which Derek and Stiles are made aware of their potential and have to make a choice about what their relationship will be.

“Let me get this straight,” his dad says. “You’re telling me a witch told Derek and yourself that you could be destined to be together and now Derek will be going to college with you?”

Stiles shrugs, resting his hands on his legs to stop himself from fidgeting. “That’s about it, yep.”

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The Weight of an Enchanted Heart by PalenDrome (nerdherderette), 1jet2unknown (E | 1/1 | 31,590)

Marriage to the shape-shifting Alpha King of Lunansholt wasn't on Stiles' bingo card. His magic had other plans.

[excerpt]: Stiles entered Derek’s chambers, slamming the door behind him. “What did you do with my things?”

“These things?” Derek asked, waving his hand with an arched brow.

Stiles gaped when he saw his books lined neatly on Derek’s shelves. His trunk was in the corner, many of his clothes were visible in the partly open wardrobe, and the cloak he’d brought from home hung neatly on a hook.

“It would have been nice if you asked first.” A quick sweep around the room found only one bed. “Where am I supposed to sleep?” he asked, frowning.

“We are married now, Stiles,” Derek said after a moment. “We sleep together.”

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No Mercy by Gia279 (M | 24/24 | 24,743)

The story of the Boy King was this: when he was sixteen, the Stilinski kingdom was at war with the Novak kingdom. King John was on the front lines with his soldiers when his teenage heir came to check in with him. The king was struck down in a nighttime attack, in front of the boy. The boy took up the king’s dropped sword, mounted his war steed, and slaughtered the enemy forces.

When the remaining soldiers surrendered, he cut them down with his father’s sword and returned home a boy king with a bloodstained reputation.

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Salty Sweet by secondstar (E | 11/11 | 46,478)

Derek works at a porn store. One day, Stiles comes in asking all sorts of TMI questions about different toys. That's where it all starts.

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Call Me (Cliché) by orphan_account (M | 18/18 | 84,649)

When the sheriff's sister ends up in a wheelchair for the duration of summer, Stiles' dreams of three months full of pack bonding, late-night video games and bro-time with Scott come crashing down. He's temporarily relocated to Redford, a three hour drive away, and he can already tell he won't be getting many visitors.

Sure the pack will forget about him while he's gone, Stiles is determined to make the most of his summer of isolation, training his body and mind - and his magic - so he can come back with a bang, and maybe catch a certain Sourwolf's eye.

Then Derek shows up at his window one night with a flimsy excuse about needing research done. Suddenly, his summer away is looking a whole lot more interesting.

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[kangen-wanshi]

"Can you say it again?" ft Akira Kurusu, Yusuke Kitagawa, Goro Akechi

He said the words "I love you", and you're not sure whether you hear him right or not. So, he repeats it with his own way.

Tags: fluff, kisses in Yusuke's part, a bit of spoiler in Akechi's

Akira Kurusu, He repeats it with his words

If you ask, he will say it again,  and again, and again.

He loves you.

It makes you stop whatever you're doing, as you finally look up to his eyes.

Akira has always been blunt with his words. Though with his ability to change his persona, and his entire demeanor, sometimes it's difficult to see how much his words actually worth on first glance.

But with the amount of time he says it to you, with the repeated intensity, and with that glint of desperation and honesty in his gray orbs, you can't help but let yourself believe the three simple words that came out of his mouth.

If he manages to catch you off guard, he won't hesitate to proceed with his action. To prove it to you with more than just words past his lips.

He would approach you, intimately close. Lips barely ghosting your own, hands still tucked in his pockets, waiting for you to let him in.

If you reciprocate him with similar action, say, you close the gap between the two of you on your own accord, his hands would start wandering, and words just are not enough anymore to convey his feelings.

But if you stutter, lose your composure and express to him about how you need to proceed with his bluntness, he'll understand.

He is pretty bold. He knows he catches people off guard.

Still. While waiting, Akira will not hesitate to repeat those three words to you every now and then.

He would repeat it everyday if he could.

Don't keep him waiting though. There's nothing more that Akira wants but confirmation from you.

"I love you."

Yusuke Kitagawa, He repeats it with his kiss

Yusuke is a poet. He experiences life, and turns them into poetry. Whether it be through his words or his art.

But sometimes, he's willing to admit that no form of art but his own action can transpire the true desire in his heart.

And in this case, his affection for you.

Paintings, poetry, and many works of art have been a representation of his desire for your affection. A reflection of what he feels when he's by your side.

You're his muse. One that has your fingers wrapped tightly around his heart.

When he confessed, he's sure his feelings would transpire.

But you just stared at him, confused grin yet flustered face and furrowed brows, and dared to ask him to repeat himself.

Well if words are not enough for you he doesn't mind showing it with his action.

Yusuke is quick, and bold.

A hand behind your head, the other easily sneaked around your waist keeping you there close to him.

You're still given space to escape, of course. But when he senses not an inch of hesitation from you, he's gonna go all out.

"Do you hear the cries of love in which my heart longs for? It calls only for you, dear."

Goro Akechi, He repeats it with his eyes

Akechi, frankly, is good and bold with both his words and his actions.

He's loyal to you even after the reveal of his true self, he doesn't hesitate to lower his voice and make himself gentle around you just so you're not hurt by his thorns.

He's as protective as he is vocal about it.

Sometimes, he even confessed to you jokingly. Though with your flustered state that is real and honest, in comparison to his 'fake' persona, sometimes he's glad that you never see the true, deep longing he felt about you.

With how often he acts gentlemanly around you, and how often he treats you like a loyal person, it's difficult to find out whether the words "I love you" actually weigh something or not for someone like him.

That's why, when he whispered it to you quietly during a confession, you asked him to repeat himself with a grin on your face, hoping he would just brush his own words off like any other time.

But when you look at him, right in his eyes, you know that this one is different. 

The way he keeps holding your gaze. His hands slowly hold yours, tighter by the second.

Akechi can't be trusted with his words. Or his actions. So that's why he hoped, he begged, that you would see his genuine love through his eyes.

"Can you see.. The transparency, and the truth behind my words now?"

[manicrouge]

SIN CITY

[𝙺𝚎𝚎𝚐𝚊𝚗 𝚁𝚞𝚜𝚜 𝚡 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛]

[𝙳𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝙿𝚘𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚍]: 09/02/24

[𝙰𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝]: Rorke finds the Ghost's and you fear you're never going to see Keegan again.

[𝙲𝚠]: Major character death, violence, gore, graphic injury, hurt/ comfort, reader goes THROUGH IT, idk if there's anything else.

[𝚆𝚘𝚛𝚍 𝙲𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚝]: 7k (exactly btw)

[𝙰/𝙽]: This has literally been in my drafts since Decemeber and I wrote way too much of it to not do anything with it so = I hope this is enough to suffice. Also, this is entirely based off of the mission 'Sin City' in call of duty ghosts, so if you haven't seen or played the game and don't want spoilers then please skip this !! (I would be surprised if you've not seen this yet you're in the Keegan tag.)

Also, if people do enjoy this I am down to write a part two so please let me know :3

ENJOY !!

There may be typos, apologies!!

Please don't post my work anywhere else without my permission !!

‘If I ever went missing, would you go and look for me?'

It was silent for a moment, and after five seconds passed, you turned to look at the man lying beside you. As you observed his features, you realised that his eyes were closed and while you doubted someone’s ability to dose off so quickly, you sure as shit didn’t doubt Keegan’s. His hand on your waist gave him away as it tightened on you, pulling you closer to him.

Opening his eyes, he peered at you with a furrowed brow. ‘The fuck kinda question is that, princess?’ He asked, ‘of course I would. Besides, need you with me,’ he said, ‘who else would I have to watch my back? Didn’t spend all that time training you for you to disappear on me, did I?’

Smug bastard.

'You're full of yourself,' you bit back.

'Good reason to be,' he said, brushing a hand through his black hair, moving his fringe away from his eyebrows, 'I'll consider being humble when I lose you, princess. But that hasn't happened and it won't be happening on my watch, not at all,' he reassured, pulling you closer to him.

You slapped his chest, letting out a heavy sigh, resting your head against his chest. In the dead of the night and the silence in your room, you listen to the thud of his beating heart while held up on a tiny bed. You were practically on top of him, legs intertwined. 

There wasn't anywhere to go, however, and he didn't seem to care about you closeness at that moment. Rather, he settled with the heat of your body much better than he would have settled in a bed with more space.

'You think this'll ever be over?' you mumbled, closing your eyes, 'I'd like to sleep in a bigger bed with you; this ones a little cramped. Maybe even watch something on a TV too.’

'You're free to take the floor if you want to, I'm not stopping you,' he grunted, pinching your waist.

'I'm gonna blow your brains out,' you sleepily mumbled, placing your hand over his. His chest twitches as he lets out a short laugh, folding his arm behind your head so he can brush his fingers through your hair. 'I mean it,' you grumbled.'

'Of course you do, princess,' he said, 'of course you do.'

—

Throughout your training as a Ghost, you gained an understanding that things will never ever be as easy as you wish they were. But, it came with the job, you suppose, whether it was spoken or not. 

Feelings as such only ever drift in when you don’t have a distraction, and the absence of Keegan after Elias sent him to Colorado Springs proved to be bruising. 

Admittedly, you had been apprehensive with Elias’ request, although, in private, you digressed as you noted that Elias is your Captain, and you were to never question your captains judgement. Even when it came to someone that you loved. So, you bit your tongue, and for the first time in what felt like a long time, you allowed yourself to relax. 

But, you have some things you needed to do before you got any sleep, or before you thought about anything else other than Rorke and the Federation. 

‘JSOC’s going to want to move fast on this, so load up before you get any shut eye,’ he advises.

You follow behind him, standing beside Logan as he walked with Hesh and Merrick by his side. Fortunately, the brunt of the experience has been dealt with, you had survived Keegan’s absence overnight, and in a matter of hours, he would be back by your side. Inwardly, you’re embarrassed at your clinginess to him, but deep down you know he enjoys it. 

‘We’ve got six hours until Keegan gets back,’ Elias says. 

Upon the mention of his name, Riley brushes his head against your leg, and you look down at the German Shepherd, rolling your eyes. Leaning down slightly, you scratch his head. ‘Shut up,’ you grumble to the pup when he looks up at you, his tongue poking out from the corner of his mouth. When you pull your hand away, he licks it, staring back at you. With a huff, you fold to his attempt of cuteness, moving your hand to the his head again. 

‘Hold up,’ Merrick says abruptly. 

An arm grabs your forearm suddenly, and you let out a startled breath, though when you look in front of you, you realise you’d almost walked right into Hesh. Exhaling, you turn your head to Logan who gives you a short nod. 

‘Somethin’ feel off to you?’ Merrick asks, turning to Elias.

The man immediately turns to his right, observing a laptop left perched on a desk. He says little for a moment, and when you turn your head away from your Captain, you acknowledge Merrick’s watchful eye as he peers down the scope of his gun, observing the sights through the broad windows located to the left of you. 

‘Security’s working,’ says the man to the right of you. 

Merrick slowly backs away, keeping his eyes trained o the window. You feel your throat tighten as you keep your eyes on the man, his paranoia working well to leave a heavy feeling in your chest. Logan lets go of your arm as he glances at his brother, a look that you don’t miss, and Merrick looks at you. You open your mouth to speak, holding the gun in your hands close to your chest, snapping your head to Riley as the dog begins to bark, glaring directly through he window that Merrick had just kept his eyes trained on. 

While he may be a dog, he is surely not an idiot- in fact, you’re quite sure that Riley is much smarter than many of the people you had encountered when you had been a simple rookie, before Elias had taken you under his wing. He could certainly kill more people, that’s for sure. 

It all seems to happen in slow motion, and the night you had spent prior seems to dissipate in one moment. There’s this hissing, you hear it from below, and before you have time to contemplate what exactly it is, a black can is thrown over the balcony, a train of green smoke pouring from out of the top of it.

‘Fuck,’ you curse, ‘get out!’ you yell, watching as another two cans containing the same foul smelling gas are tossed over  the balcony, hitting the ground with a clink.

As you begin to sprint, you find the air around you is similar to the air you breathed whenever you were spending time with Keegan on his smoke break. All oxygen left your lungs as you broke into a sprint, your eyes water, and before you know it, you falling down to the ground, gasping for air as you feel your eyes grow heavy. 

In the midst of the panic and over the thumping of your heart in your chest, you hear Elias call out, ‘Riley, hide!’ before breaking out into a fit of coughs.

You wretch, clawing at the ground in some form of futile attempt to escape, but nothing works as you watch Logan collapse right before you, spewing out violent coughs. Never have you felt so defenceless, so weak as you succumb to the gas, the world around you growing blurry before fading into complete darkness. 

—

‘What are you doing up, kid?’ Keegan asks, seeing you appear beside him.

Letting out a small yawn, your boots crunch against a few stray rocks as you approach him, taking a seat against the rock he was leaning on, looking out at the remnants of No Mans Land. Logan and Hesh had regarded it as their home, as did their father, though, you couldn’t really picture the place without the addition of a crater which grew every day, claiming the lives of old rickety buildings and unsuspecting wildlife.

It was a sorry sight to see for sure, and inwardly, you were happy you never had the misfortune of seeing your own home falling to pieces.

‘You need sleep,’ he said, taking a drag from the cigarette between his lips. 

Your eyebrows raise as you look at him, crossing your arms over yourself. ‘I thought you said you didn’t smoke,’ you say, 'you're a liar.'

You didn’t miss the way he rolled his eyes at your comment, and when he pulls it from his lips, exhaling a cloud of grey smoke, he chuckles. ‘Thought I told you not to hang onto every little thing I tell you, princess,’ he stated, ‘seems like we’re both guilty of doing something we’re not supposed to, hm?’

Placing the cigarette between his lips again, he turns his attention to you, noting that you’d crinkled your nose as the smoke he’d exhaled blew back into your face. ‘You can handle the fuckin’ dust in the battlefield, but the moment you smell a cigarette you fold?’ he mocks, laughing.

Your brow furrows at his comment and you fought of the urge to rip the cigarette out of his mouth. Instead, you allowed him to have his silly little cancer stick knowing that, if you did so something so cruel, he was sure to be upset at you, no matter how close the pair of you were. Cigarettes were difficult to come by and you liked him enough to let him have one in peace. 

—

When the world fades in, you’re moving.

You don’t know how, and for a short second, you’re convinced you’ve died. But, when you take a sharp breath and feel your lungs burning, you’re crudely brought back to life. When you look ahead of you, you witness two soldiers trailing behind you. Keeping your head bowed, you wince at the dizziness wrecking your tired mind, attempting to hold your breath in fear of the due ache in your lungs.

Swallowing, your mouth is dry and you feel the urge to vomit as your head keeps swaying from side to side. Your limbs feel like jelly, fluid. You can hear them talking, although, everything seems miles away from you, and you feel your eyes water as the tightness in your chest grows. If they know you’re here, do they know where Keegan is? The thought sends a chill down your spine, and in your delirious state, you declare that you will kill anyone who even dared to touch even a hair on his head. Even if it meant your death too. 

‘That all you got you piece of shit?!’

It’s Merrick, you recognise his tone from anywhere, it nearly shatters your delirious state entirely, though, the grip on the back of your collar tightens as your pulled away from him.

There’s more shouting and a loud smack, Merrick, you imagine, is on the receiving end of such a hit. A Ghost in true fashion, that’s for sure. As you attempt to lift your head again, you find the world growing dark once more, and, while you feel as though you should fight against it just as you had seen him do, you allow yourself to fall back into the abyss as you feel your lung burning and throat swelling. 

—

There’s a screeching when you come back around, a vile ringing in your ears. ‘Well, I guess if you want something done right, do it yourself.’ 

Your blood runs cold.

As you slowly begins to lift your head, a hand grabs your face, forcing your head up. The light protruding from the window to the left of you is nearly bruising, and when the hand holding your face successfully tilts your head up, your eyes meet with Rorkes. He looks down at you with a wrinkled smirk, his hold tightening on your hair, yanking it harder. You wince at the pressure as he keeps his eyes on you.

‘You’re finally awake,’ he acknowledges, pushing your head down, letting go of your hair. ‘Good.’

He walks away from you, and as you look around, you note that Hesh is sitting directly across from you, Logan is to the right of you, and Elias is to your left.

As you continue to look around, your face pales at the disappearance of Merrick, and while you sit, you recall the faint memory in your banging head of the man being surrounded by Federation soldiers.

He’s smart, you think, you could leave that bastard in a forest with a knife and he’d have his own fuckin’ city in a month. He’s fine. 

‘Nice to have the family back together, isn’t it?’ Rorke asks, looking to Elias. The man shows no fear, looking the devil right in the eyes with a stoic expression on his face. ‘One thing, though,’ he says, ‘we’re just missin’ our quiet friend, aren’t we?’ he says.

Your heart calms at such a statement.

He doesn’t have him, he’s fine, he’s safe.

You expect him to keep his eyes trained on Elias, counting on the fact that he is the Captain, but, he turns his head over his shoulder and looks at you. Heaving a heavy sigh, he turns his back to Elias, placing his hands down on his knees, ‘where’s Keegan?’

Looking him in the eyes, you spite your dry throat as the muscles in your neck contort and you muster up a mouthful of phlegm. He keeps his eyes trained on you, and you lung forward, a spray of mucus and saliva coating his face. ‘Fuck you,’ you heave, ‘I’m not telling you a fuckin’ thing,’ you sharply state.

He looks at you with wide eyes, standing up and wiping his face with the palm of his hand. 

‘Damn bitch has got some fight in her, doesn't she?’ he laughs, turning to Elias, ‘not your daughter by blood, but by attitude… fuck me, Elias, you’ve got yourself a mini me!’ he exclaims. You bite your lip, taking a deep breath as you look at your Captain with bleary eyes. Grabbing the back of the man’s chair, he pulls it to him. Elias’ gaze doesn’t leave his. ‘Where is he?’ he slowly questions. 

There’s a moment of silence.

‘You know I’m not telling you a damn thing,’ he spits, baring his teeth in his direction.

Never have you seen the man so agitated, his bruised face flushed red, his split lip oozing with blood, a thin line of it trailing down his chin. He looks like a savage beast as the sunlight behind him renders his features darker than typical, and the curve of his lips when he addresses Rorke even sends a shiver up your spine.

Of course, a Ghost was loyal to his own until death, and even then, they were buried down to watch over them. Once a Ghost, always a Ghost. Elias proved his worth much more than Rorke ever could, and while you wondered what exactly they had done to break the man who Elias had described as ‘one hell of a Ghost,’ but one thing was for certain. A man who broke was not a Ghost. Never was, and never would be.

’Go fuck yourself,’ Elias hisses.

Rorke laughs, nodding his head, letting go of the back of his chair. It lands with a clatter, and you watch as the man continues to nod to himself.

‘Dangerous fuckin’ game you’re playing,’ he states, and you watch as his right hand moves from the front of him, trailing around to the side where his pistol sat in his holster.

He’s gonna shoot Elias. Your eyes grow wide as you watch the man retrieve his weapon. Your muscles tensing as he holds it out in front of him. It’s aimed right at his chest, overing above his heart. ‘Well, let's see if I can change your mind,’ he exhales. 

BANG.

In a moment, his hand whips around, and when the trigger is pulled, all the air in your lungs exudes like puss from a pimple.

The shot causes your ears to ring. It’s loud, and everything is fuzzy. For a moment, you look up in search of the wound, hoping that the bullet had not went through your Captains skull. Only, when you look in his direction, you see the smoking pistol pointed directly at you. Your eyes grow wide, and you let out a short breath.

You heard the gun go off, the bullet had to be somewhere. And then, you felt a wetness pooling against your thighs. Everything seemed to move slowly when you raised your head up, looking across to Hesh with wide eyes. 

I’m going to die, I’m going to die and Keegan isn’t here with me.

As you manage to get a short breath in, agony hits you like a truck and you lean over without a second thought.

I’m going to die.

All you training, everything, how to stop the bleeding, none of it matters; you’re truly at the disposal of the enemy and there’s nothing you can do. Not even you Captain can do anything. 

‘NO!’ Elias screams, dragging you back into the moment. 

Between the thudding beats of your heart, you hear Hesh screaming out bloody murder, thrashing against the ropes that keep him tied to the chair, ‘Son of a bitch!’ he screams, looking directly at Rorke, ‘I’m going to kill you! You hear me? I’m going to fucking kill you!'

A shaky breath leaves you as your eyes well with tears, and when you look down, you gulp hard at the sight of a wound oozing blood. Your throat tightens as you feel your entire body grow hot.

‘Easy junior,’ Rorke warns with a disapproving tone. You keep your head bowed as his shadow looms over you, ‘I ain’t even started with you yet,’ he chuckles.

Keegan, where’s Keegan- I’m going to die.

Your eyes sting as your trembling hands press against the rope, pulling against them. You need to get out of there otherwise you are going to die. 

Elias calls your name, you hear it, he shouts it, yet, it seems so quiet.

'Look at me!’ he demands, and while everything in you is telling you to keep your eyes trained on the wound, you force your head up, sniffing hard as you look your Captain in the eyes. At the very least, even if Keegan isn’t there with you, you have him.

Elias, you captain, your military father. There have been plenty of jokes made during particularly bleak moments in missions where Hesh and Logan have likened you to their sister. It's an honour, truly, to know that they were your brothers no matter relation, and Elias entertained the idea that you were the daughter he had never had. 

Rorke appears behind him and it’s then that you don’t realise how many seconds are passing. Every single second feels like an hour, and you’re more than aware that every second passing is yet another drop of wasted blood. You’re running on borrowed fucking time, and there’s Rorke, the big fucking man he is, parading around in front of you like he’s a jester. ‘That’s right,’ he chuckles, placing his hand on Elias shoulder, ‘that’s it,’ he sighs, ‘show him how much pain he’s causing you right now.’

‘Keegan will kill you,’ you rasp out, stifling a short whimper as you clench your teeth. ‘And if he doesn’t, then I will.’

You’re more than aware of the situation your in and your pessimism seems to waver with your consciousness as a sudden boost of adrenaline fills you with defiance. If you’re going to die, you might as well run your tongue; the worst thing that can happen in this moment is him simply putting you out of your misery. 

Rorke laughs at your threats, ‘you see,’ he begins, ‘funny think about your old Captain here,’ he stops himself for a moment, shoving Elias as he resumes his position, looking you in the eyes, ‘He lets his men die to save his own ass,’ he states, turning his attention away from you, turning his attention back to the Captain.

Exhaling shakily, you look over to Hesh and Logan who return a look equally as frightened. Never have you seen the pair of them appear so apprehensive, although, you definitely don’t miss the look of anger. No, even though the look isn’t intended for you, you feel a chill run up your spine. 

‘Dammit, Rorke,’ Elias yells, ‘this is between you and me!’

The world seems like its on a merry-go-round, twisting and turning leaving a delightful fuzziness in your head. Adrenaline is pupping through you, and you’re thankful for the emotion, for, if you didn’t have it, you very well would have been out like a light. Your hands continue to pull against the ties of your rope, and while your wrists are burning from the constant pulling and tugging, you breath a short sigh of relief when you feel them loosening. Whoever tied it clearly weren’t trained in the art of kidnapping. 

‘Leave my kids out of it!’ Elias demands.

You feel your heart warm at his sentiment, giving you all the more fight to get out of these damn binds. Works gun is right next to him, you can get it, you can reach for it, and you can blow that fuckers brains out. 

‘You’re talking to a superior Lieutenant,’ Rorke says, pacing back and forward, before finding his way right back to Elias. Looking down at the man, he calmly speaks, ‘show some discipline.’

You feel your face grow warm listening to their exchange. 

‘You were never one of us, you’re not a Ghost,’ Elias cruelly says, turning his face away from Rorke, looking down to the ground. Rorke hums, turning his attention back towards you.

The ties are growing looser, they’re getting there, you can almost get your hand out of them, yet, you maintain poker face as you look up at Rorke. 

‘Well,’ Rorke breathes, ‘that’s just cause I’m better than you!’ he exclaims, keeping his eyes trained on you. You watch as they narrow, it’s a subtle one, one that you had noted during parring matches with rookies.

As Keegan had taught you, when soldiers get lazy, they give themselves away and it’s always in the eyes.

Your eyes dart to his hands, seeing him clench his fists as he snaps his body around, driving his fist into Elias’ face. The man falls to the side with a grunt as Rorke takes a short breath before raising his other fist, ‘I’ve always been better than you!’ he seethes, punching that man again. Elias tilts his head back against the chair, and you watch as both Logan and Hesh begin to fight much harder against their restraints. Either way, someone was getting out and Rorke was going to pay. ‘But you… you call yourself a Ghost?!’ he barks, hating Elias again. 

As he looks down on Elias, you pull a hand free from the ties. Keeping your eyes trained on Rorke, you look down at his gun, gritting your teeth. ‘You’re nothing! You and your kids, you’re dead!’ he declares.

Wrong move.

With his proud declaration, you push yourself up from out of the chair, snatching his pistol from out of the holster on his thigh. Such, unfortunately, doesn’t go unnoticed by Rorke as he whips around, grabbing your arms, forcing the pistol up. You place your hands against his, using all the strength you can muster to pull the gun away from him. 

Nothing moves him, however. 

But he’s a monster, he likes to play with his food.

He’s not using all his strength, he’s taking it easy on you, and you’re still losing. As he does so, he laughs in your ear. ‘Oh,’ he gasps, ‘she’s still got a little life in her,’ he laughs aloud, positioning the gun so your pointing it directly at Elias. ‘Didn’t he ever tell you not to aim guns at people?’ You grunt, driving your foot against his boot, feeling his grip falter for a moment. You attempt to move the gun upwards, your finger pressed against the trigger. Everything burns. Everything hurts. But you’re not going to stop, you’re going to kill this bastard even if it kills you. 

Unfortunately he’s a scummy man, and as punishment for you stomping on his foot, he drives an elbow into your stomach, winding you.

Your hold falters- you almost fall to the floor- but he keeps you up on your feet, and through gritted teeth declares, ‘they could go off!’ His finger jams against your pressed against the trigger, a loud shot ringing in your ears. You watch a Elias throws his head to the side as a bullet drives through his chest. You fight against him harder, shaking your head. ‘That’s is!’ He grunts, ‘just a little more that way,’ he instructs you, forcing your hand further to the right. You actively pull away as the both of you fight against each other. Tears are running down your faces at that moment, every pull and tug driving the bullet in your stomach further and further. 

‘Dammit, Rorke, STOP!’ Hesh begs. 

 ‘Point it… at…’ another shot is fired, and Elias takes it with a grunt, 'your Captain.’

As though taking candy from a baby, he lets go of your hands, plucking it out of your sweaty grasp. Gunpowder invades your nostrils as he lets you go. Rookie mistake, you hear it in your head, but it isn't your voice. It's Keegan's.

You wobble on your feet, staggering backwards as your get your bearings. What you need to do is untie Logan who is right behind you, and then when he's distracted you can get to Hesh. Yet, as you step back and begin to move towards Logan, Rorke whips around to face you again driving the butt of the pistol into your face. It hits you with a crude thwack, a stoke of colour meeting your gaze as you fail to catch yourself, tumbling to the ground.

Logan screams out as you fall to the ground, and you tense as you brace for impact. You land with a thud, a broken cry escaping your lips when you feel the bullet lodge in your stomach dig further in.

The pain leaves you gasping an you clench your teeth as the room spins. Nausea spread through you as you lay there attempting to collect yourself, gulping back the urge to vomit.  Resting your palm against the ground, you begin to attempt to pick yourself up. If you can just make it to Logan, you can make everything right.

Keeping your eyes trained on Elias, you watch as Rorke circles him as a shark did its pray. Both Hesh and Logan are calling you for you, the rattle of their chair thumping causing your ears to ring. Licking your dry lips, you tense when Rorke turns back to you, pointing the pistol in his hand directly at your head.

‘You got fire in you, kid,’ he breathlessly confesses, ‘I like that… risking your life to protect your Captain,’ he chuckles, leaning into Elias, pressing his finger against his chest. ‘You could learn something from her, Elias.’

‘She’s my daughter,’ he croaks. 

‘Yeah,’ Rorke nods, glancing at you, ‘and she’s gonna get to watch you die. Her and your boys.'

Shot after shot is fired, every bang against you to witness as you grab your stomach, pressing down against the wound to keep yourself from losing more blood than necessary. You’re far too dazed to get up and fight against the man who saw the very life of your Captain as some sort of joke. So, you watch, helpless, as Rorke empties a clip into Elias.

‘No! No! Dad!’ Hesh cries. His face is red as he frashes against the ties keeping him from his father, the very sight making your headache. His tone is piercing as he carelessly spits out curses at the man before him. ‘I’ll kill you, you hear me?’ he screams, ‘I’ll kill you, you son of a bitch! I’m going to kill you! Motherfucker!’ 

The worlds a little blurry. 

Your eyelids grow heavy, and when you force the open upon hearing a thud right in front of you, you’re surprised to see Elias’ face meters away from yours. You fight against the urge to drift off. You’re not going to die, you’re getting out of this and you’re seeing Keegan again- you can't die.

‘You did well,’ Elias breathes, looking at you. Your blood runs cold at the sight of blood seeping onto the ground, ‘I’m proud of you, you and my boys,’ he utters, wheezing for a single breath of air. His lips are blue as he stares at you, your eyes welling with tears as you're forced to watch as the man struggles for his last breaths.

Rorke’s boot is planted firmly on top of his head, and you catch your Captain glancing up at the man.

For the very first time, you see fear in his eyes. It's a dastardly look, mixing with the loss of blood in an unappealing manner as his face grows sickeningly pale. Something tells you that Elias Walker is scared of dying.

No Ghost is to be scared of death, that's not who we are.

But, we're scared of losing each other.

Elias Walker is scared of losing his family, of leaving them behind.

Rorke sighs, pushing his boot further down, leaning down to press the muzzle of the pistol against his forehead.

Keegan, please.

‘Oh… you are right, Elias,’ breathes the man, ‘I’m not a Ghost,’ he grins. There's a pause in his words, and you find yourself searching for some form of sickly hope that just in the nick of time, there will be a bullet in Rorke's head rather than Elias'.

Rorke remains tall and as he licks his thin lips and eyes Elias, you find a dismal pit in your stomach that you know you're never going to recover from.

‘I’m the man that hunts them, and sends them back to the other side.’ 

With that, he pulls the trigger. 

You scrunch your eyes shut as you hear the rattle of the man's chest, a wet pray covering your face. Your lips form into a thin line as you choke out a broken sob, and when you bring your lips together again, the metallic taste of your Captains blood. Behind you, you can hear both Logan and Hesh sobbing, the anger the pair of the showed silently dissipated into grief.

The rustle of fabric in front of you unnerves you, and you attempt to turn away from Elias' corpse, letting out a startled breath when a shadow looms over you and you're grabbed.

'Leave her alone,' begs Logan, 'you got what you wanted. Leave her be... please.'

Rorke holds you in his arms like a child would a doll, and to your surprise, he guides you back into the chair you had jumped out from, forcing you back into it.

Standing back from the three of you, he rubs his mouth with his hand, his lips curling into a small grin as he hums to himself. 'Some talent is between you kids,' he says, 'real shame you're fighting the wrong side of this war, really, it is.'

—

Much to your pleasure, you find Merrick alive.

Despite your doubts prior, you knew well the man was capable of surviving. After the execution of Elias, Rorke left you with his soldiers and you, Hesh, Logan and Merrick were all forced onto your knees, kneeling on the balcony where the attack had first initially ensued. You’re unsure as to how much time had passed, but you were sure the wound was not getting any better as every time you shifted, you fell light headed. 

The soldiers that had been observing you receive something on the radio, although, your entire body is hot and your ears are ringing, the memory of Elias’ face stuck in your head as you were forced to witness his death close and personal. You’re quite sure there is residue on of the crime on your face, so, you keep your head bowed, out of the way of both Logan and Hesh who look completely broken. 

‘You alright?’ Logan whispers.

You’re shaking, but you nod your head. 

‘Just Peachy, L, don’t worry about it,’ you utter, keeping your head down. 

A shadow is cast over you and you catch sight of the boots of three soldiers.

‘The boss wants the girl alive,’ says one of them, causing you to snap your head upwards, looking at the three of them.

The one in the middle is pointing at you, marking you out of the crowd while the other two simply observe. 

You feel dirty. 

The man beside him nods his head, grabbing his pistol from his holster, aiming it at Hesh, while the other one approaches Logan, repeating the process.

It’s terribly calculated, killing both of the brothers, clearing the world of Elias once and for all at the same time. You keep your eyes trained on Hesh, eyes occasionally drifting to the window as you sit and wait. Planting the pistol firmly against Hesh’s head, you hear Logan grunt beside you. Hesh moves to the side, his forearms tensing, preparing for the shot. At the very last, they’re showing them mercy. They could have slit their throats, left them to drown in their own blood, yet, they’re making it easy.

One shot to the head. 

Then you see him. 

A small flicker of light in the distance. 

The light at the end of the tunnel.

The glass shatters, the man holding the gun to Hesh’s head stumbling down onto his knees, his hand firmly planted against his chest. It all happens so fast, the man beside him stands dazed, looking at his colleague. Another shot is fired, going right through the mans skull. A spray of brain, blood and skull covers you as the man fulls forward.

‘HESH, LOGAN! NOW!’ Merrick demands, the pair of them jumping to their feet. 

Logan shoves the guard to the ground, pulling him away from you while Hesh and Merrick rush two of two of the soldiers by the balcony. The awestruck soldier is left to you and you watch as he rushes forward, pulling the gun from the corpse of the dead soldier. Fortunately, Hesh manages to grab the rifle from off of the solider standing on the balcony, elbowing him in the stomach. Rushing up to you, he hits the back of the mans guns with the butt of the rifle, causing the man to fall to his knees. You watch with wide eyes as the solider attempts to rush up to him while Hesh fights with the other one. 

Another shot is fired. 

The soldier behind Hesh falls to the ground. 

‘I got you! Go!’ Merrick yells as more shots are fired.

The rest of the soldiers standing behind are dropped. To the right of you, you hear a gunshot as you stand up, watching Logan push himself up from off of the ground, the blood of a Federation soldier soaking into his t-shirt as he steps over the corpse. Grabbing the pistol discarded on the ground, Logan quickly fires a shot through the head of the solider Hesh is fighting with. A bullet whizzes past you, and without a second thought, you snap around, firing two shots directly into a soldier to the right of you. There are more shots from the right of you, and when the final body drops, you exhale. 

‘You okay, Merrick?’ Logan asks as Merrick unties the ropes around his wrists. ‘Rib’s broken, but I can move,’ he reassures, rushing up to Hesh. 

Logan pulls himself free, immediately approaching you, ripping off the edge of his t-shirt. You watched with a furrowed brow as he eyes you. 

‘Need to keep you from bleeding all over the place,’ he states, ‘c’mere,’ he instructs. You step forwards and he hands you the scrap from his t-shirt. Pressing it against the wound, you groan as he wraps the rope around you waist, trying it tightly around your waist. ‘Keegan’ll kill us if you lose a drop more blood… lost enough today too,’ he says, tying it tightly. ‘You still good to fight?’ 

‘Always,’ you say.

Holding his hand out, the pair of you bump fists and for the first time since this morning, you feel the dread swirling in your blood slowly coming to a stop. 

‘We got to get going,’ Merrick sharply states, marching ahead of the free of you. Hesh follows after him. ‘Keegan, we’re up and moving, get here as soon as you can,’ he instructs.

You look at his back in surprise, your own hand falling to your ear piece realising thatchy hadn’t taken them off of you.

‘Check… I’ll meet you in the kitchen,’ confirms the voice you have missed so terribly.

You clear your throat, wincing as you proceed forward, following after Merrick. Part of you wants him to say something to you, to tell you that everything is going to be okay, but you understand that doing such would absolutely be irresponsible, so, you busy yourself listening to Merrick. 

‘We need to make it to the west side of the building,’ he states, ‘it’s the best chance of getting out of here.’ You nod silently, taking a moment to take a breath. Everything was going to be fine, and in the end of this, you were going to have Rorke’s head in your hands. ‘You still good to fight, Eclipse?’ 

‘Always,’ you give a short nod, ‘bleedings calmed,’ you confirm, despite the burning causing you legs to wobble slightly. In due time it will be over, all of this ill be a distant memory. Just push on a little longer, that’s all you have to do. 

‘Shh.. noise behind the door,’ Hesh warns as he approaches it, ‘lets make this quick.’

—

As you push through the room, you exhale when a voice calls, 'I'm almost there,' Keegan confirms as your brow furrows, a particularly step sending a shot of pain through your stomach up your back.

You clamp your mouth shut as you whimper, your dry mouth longing for a drop of water. Eventually, this will be over, you just had to stick to it. He's almost here, you just have to keep pushing on. That's the only thing you can do.

Just keep fighting.

'You better find a place to hide, though, lotta guys headed right to you,' he warns.

You want to complain upon hearing such, why can it never just be easy? Everything has to be difficult, no matter what you're doing, you can never just catch a break.

‘Key,’ you exhale seeing the man standing before you.

His hardened haze softens upon catching sight of you, and you waste no time rushing up to him, throwing your arms around him. While unprofessional, you feel no shame in confessing that you were going to die without him, and if anything, you were deserving of this moment. The hug you share is brief as he grabs your forearms checking you over.

He stops when he sees your stomach. 

Merrick curses and falls to the ground, ‘shit,’ he hisses, attempting to push himself up off of the ground. As you look back to Keegan, the pair of you turn your attention towards the doors behind you, hearing voices edging closer and closer.

Grabbing you, he looks to Hesh and Logan, ‘get him up,’ he demands, gently guiding you into the room behind you. ‘We gotta hide, not gonna be able to take them,’ he states, pulling you to the side. ‘What the fuck happened?’ he whispers as Logan and Hesh quickly help Merrick inside the room.

You feel his hand against your stomach, wincing as he looks at you. The pressure on your stomach falters as he pulls his hand away, observing a wet patch in his gloves.  

‘Got shot talking back to Rorke,’ you confess, and while you’re sure it’s something you certainly should not be proud of, you speak with a glowing tone as you look at him. Besides, he trained you all those years ago, why should you be ashamed?

'Logan thought fast, used the rope he tied us up with to try and stop the bleeding,’ you mumble. His gaze hardens as he looks at you, and you swear you can see his Adams apple bobbing beneath his mask. Gently he pushes you behind him, helping you to the ground. Looking over his shoulder, he reaches his hand behind him, squeezing your knee. 

It’s so quiet, yet you feel as though your heart is going to burst. 

You place your bloody, shaking hand over his and offer him a wavering smile. He takes it in for a moment before snapping back into action. His hand is pulled from your knee and you’re left alone. 

'Turn that radio down,' Merrick hisses as Hesh helps him down

He hums as the doors burst open. Pushing you behind him, you all sit and watch as shadows pass you by.

And then the world begins to still. You're unable to describe just what it is you're feeling, although, despite the weight and severity of everything happening around you, you feel light as a feather. Your clothes are soaked at this point and in spite of your efforts, you find your breathing slowing as you lean against the wall.

Clumsily, you reach your had out to latch onto the floor as you feel an overwhelming drowsiness hit you. You've put in all the work and effort you can muster, yet, you've tried from it and as you wade through the mush of panicked voices and the thudding of your heartbeat in your ears, you succumb to your body's desperation and fully close your eyes, wading into the quiet of the stream.

[silenzahra]

Hello! I should've probably made this post earlier just so you all would know, but I've been sick and busy and couldn't find the right moment for the life of me 😅

I just wanted to let you all know that I'm not active on Tumblr on purpose. I'm trying as hard as I can to avoid spoilers from Brothership as I'm afraid I'm way too slow playing it simply because I don't have enough time, and I want to fully enjoy the experience of playing this game at my own pace and keeping the surprise. I know most of you tag your posts which I deeply appreciate, but unfortunately, I've run into some posts that weren't properly tagged and got spoiled... on the same day the game was released 😬

So this is a decision that I've made: I will only check my notifs and DMs until I can finish the game, as long as it takes me. So you'll probably still see me around, only that I won't interact with posts that have to do with the game yet. I obviously want to share my impressions but I'd rather do so once I'm done with it. THEN I'll un-filter the tags and check all your Brothership-related content! 🥰

But as for now... I'd rather not see anything. So please... don't tag me on stuff that has to do with the game as of right now 😅 I know you all mean well but I don't want to take the risk of being accidentally spoiled. I hope you'll understand 😅💖

As for other content, of course, feel free to tag me if you think I'll like it! I'll take my time to get to it but I'm trying to check Tumblr at least once a day. And same about DMs! Anyone can reach out anytime 🥰 Just, if you want to discuss the game with me, please make sure to ask first at what point of the story I am. And please keep in mind that I'm slow responding.

So this is it! I'm also busy in general so that's another reason why you won't see me around much lol. But I'm fine! I was sick but I'm fully recovered now 🥰 I hope you're all doing well and that you're enjoying the game to the fullest! I love you all so so much 💖💖💖

[fuckyeahdindjarin]

A little update

Ngl, I've enjoyed my break away... maybe a bit too much? 🤷🏻‍♀️ I'm finding it hard to go anywhere near writing right now. I don't even think it's because of everything that happened, I think I'm just burned out.

I did some quick math, I wrote 65k words this year, across two series and a couple of one/two-shots, not even counting the drabbles I wrote for my milestone celebrations. And somehow, I still feel like I can't keep up? That it's not enough?

Even though you guys are the absolute best and have never, ever rushed me for updates, I got to be honest - I feel the constant pressure to create because I think people will lose interest if I don't. There are so many writers in the fandom who write so much faster than me, I can't fight the sinking feeling that I won't be missed if I took too long, or if I stopped.

At the same time, I've been discovering new outlets for my creativity, and I've been having a lot of fun. I'm not saying that writing isn't fun for me anymore - but there is a lot of expectation, stress and hair-pulling involved, and it's felt good stepping away from that.

At the beginning of the break, I thought I'd come back with an announcement of my upcoming fics. But right now, I'm not so sure. I mean, I still want to write that Hallow'seams idea, and I want to finally write Butter, but I can say for sure I'm in no state to start a series, so Summer House is shelved. I don't have a timeline, I haven't even touched a Google doc since I finished Palomino, so... yeah, I don't know.

For now, I'm going to take it easy and see where inspiration takes me. In the meantime, I'm just planning on replying to your wonderful reblogs and comments. I will be tagging Palomino spoilers as such when answering asks if you haven't read it.

I am so eternally grateful for your love and support, I hope you'll stick with me while I figure things out ❤️

[kzuhasgf]

in between the lines

pairing — lily morrow x 7th member!reader

you and lily are THE chaotic besties. you can't be seen without each other and are like peas in a pod. what happens when there's a realization?

tags — f!reader (ethnicity friendly), idol!au genre — crack, fluff, ROMANCE (this is sickeningly sweet) word count — 4,840

notes — there's two curse words, reader is ’03 and knows how to cook, I had FUN with this one (I hope you enjoy it too), I WON'T SAY ANY SPOILERS!!

when you became a trainee at jyp, things were fun and exciting, meeting people like you, taking up new experiences, and working hard to fulfill your dream of becoming one of the most talented idols.

of course, that was all enjoyment at first.

trainee life is tiring and excruciating. for one, it takes a lot of time and effort. most of the time, years. it's your top priority to improve, so you must manage training, studying, eating, socializing, sleeping, and taking care of yourself all at once.

sometimes, it was too overwhelming for you.

that is because you had to do all of that, and there was always something to worry about. one second, you would rejoice about passing your monthly evaluation and then hear that your vocals aren't half as good as others who have been here.

when you ace that one challenging choreography your coach assigned to you, yet still compared to one of your seniors.

trainee life was tiring, demeaning, and excruciating.

not until you met lily.

you still remember the first time you saw her, walking into the wrong practice room.

realizing you were in the wrong room, you bowed and apologized profusely, her warmly saying that it was okay and there was nothing to worry about.

the second you made eye contact, something sparked, and that was something you could never describe.

you hadn't interacted with her that much, her being in the more skilled classes of the trainee groups. she was very well known and had been there before you by a long run, so finally seeing her in person made you curious.

"I'm sorry, excuse me,"

"but you're lily, right? I've heard a lot about you."

"oh!" she looked at you wide-eyed, "yes, I am lily. and only good things, I hope." she chuckled nervously, and you gave her a reassuring smile.

"of course. it's all good things,"

you checked your watch and frowned after seeing the minutes that passed. you had practice to get to and didn't want to get scolded by your teacher, so you couldn't stay for so long.

"I'm sorry to cut our conversation short, but I have to go. it's nice to meet you, I hope to see you again!"

"it's okay! see you wherever!" she smiled, and when you left, her eyes stayed on where your figure was far too long than she expected.

and guess what? "see you wherever," you did.

at least the second time you met.

this time, she stumbled upon you alone, in another practice room, at ten pm, on the floor.

you didn't hear her enter, so you lay there, unaware she was in the room. she recognized you by your appearance and by your previous interaction with her. by now, she had forgotten whatever she was planning and instead looked at you in concern.

"are you okay?" you opened your eyes, startled to see her doe ones stare at you from above.

you screamed, "aah!! oh. lily? hey, lily!"

"oh my god! don't scream like that again. it made me scream, too!" she put her hand on her chest.

"I'm sorry!" you said, getting up, your eyes widening as you saw her more clearly now and not be shadowed by herself.

"oh my god, lily."

"why? what's wrong?"

she looked gorgeous.

"wait, why are you even here? it's late, you shouldn't be practicing!" she asked and scolded you, her arms crossed and her eyebrows furrowed.

"oh, don't worry, I wasn't training. I was only lying on the floor, questioning things in my life," you answered her honestly, catching her off guard.

"oh. then, what were you thinking about?"

"hmm... well, I was thinking of important things to ones that weren't. like how my family is doing, if I'm good enough to be an idol, what song I should listen to before I sleep, or what I should eat tomorrow. all random stuff." you shrugged your shoulders, spacing out and looking at a wall.

"hey, what is this that I'm hearing?!"

you looked at her in surprise.

"you're good enough to be an idol. more than enough, actually. I even heard from other trainees that you're our new ace. that's not something you hear every day! I got interested in you."

your eyes lit up visibly.

"oh, wait, really? you got interested in me too?"

"too?" she questioned you.

"I, wait—"

"it's okay, y/n." she laughed, throwing her head back, smiling up to her eyes. your heart raced.

"you're so cute."

you can't stop yourself from staring.

"what you said a while ago about not knowing what song you wanted to listen to at night,"

she added, "I have a few songs in mind. do you want me to play it for you?" after nodding, she quickly walked to where the TV was, searching on youtube and playing an upbeat song.

she walked back to you with her brow raised, and she gave you a small smile, reaching her hand out to you.

you thought, if she looked this good with a messy bun and baggy clothes, how would she look when dressed up flawlessly?

"do you wanna sing for a bit? it's nothing intense, only a couple of songs."

your lips parted, eager to give her an answer—

"and, maybe after, I can show you some of the snacks I eat at the cafeteria."

your whole world stopped.

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you and lily couldn't ever seem to be apart.

after that night, you both became closer. in some way, it was inevitable. you two just seemed to match each other so well.

it was routine for both of you to eat meals together, practice together, hang out and go places, and be at each other's dorms.

you both were best friends.

the best of friends.

chaotic ones, at that.

she brightened up your days the same way you did with hers. when you needed a should to cry on, she was always there, and you did the same for her, too.

lily always managed to bring you up on your worst days.

you often didn't think when she was around. it was as if your mind went blank, and all you could think about was her. you didn't care what other people thought as long as you both had fun.

you both did what your hearts desired, regardless of who or what was there.

that explains why you were so chaotic together.

so when you two were announced to be part of the pre-debut lineup and upcoming group of jyp, you both screamed and jumped in happiness.

hearing the news along with the other girls of jypn, you turned to her and screamed, holding her hands in joy.

"OH MY GOD!! OH MY GOD, LILY, WE DID IT. WE MADE IT!!" screaming, you started hugging her, jumping.

still in shock, lily gave you the biggest smile she could muster and started screaming and jumping with you, holding your hands tighter.

"OH MY GOD, Y/N, YES, WE DID IT!"

the announcer looked at you both questioningly while the girls could only look away in embarrassment.

"don't mind them, please." haewon smiled at them apologetically.

"o...kay. alright then. that's all for today, thank you. and congratulations. you may celebrate." they said and quickly left.

you and lily were so occupied that it took you a minute before noticing the announcer was gone. you both started giggling and pointing at each other, leaving the others confused. bae couldn't handle your weirdness and called you two out.

"just to let you guys know, you're both freaks." haewon burst out in laughter, clutching her stomach. you poked your tongue out at her, and lily doubled up in laughter.

"it's okay, lily. they're just jealous of our super glue-bonded relationship."

"super glue-bonded?!" lily exclaimed and looked at you with wide eyes, and you laughed heartily, bringing her closer and patting her back.

"you guys are so entertaining." kyujin stared at you both in astonishment.

"okay now, don't even try looking at them." haewon covered kyujin's eyes, turning her away and making her whine.

"why, unnie?!"

"I'm doing this to protect you!"

you scoffed and crossed your arms as you looked at her, fake disgust. "what an asshole, honestly," you said quietly enough, only for lily to hear. you shook your head as your best friend snorted and covered her mouth, trying to hide her laughter.

you grinned widely, proud.

you loved adored seeing her this happy.

"trying to hide her laughter," but ultimately failing.

but you didn't mind. as long as you got to see your best friend like this.

"she... she called you an asshole!"

your jaw fell in surprise.

"LILY—?!"

okay, maybe you did mind.

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nmixx had been around for more than a year now, and you were all playing a folk tale mafia game, trying to find who the nine-tailed fox was.

the goal of this game was actually the least of your worries. you were trying to distract yourself from what close proximity you had with lily.

and you rather eat high-quality food than focus on what's happening (except for the girl you were beside).

everyone started telling their roles, and you lightly smiled when it was lily's turn.

"I'm... a subject.

"what?" you mumbled to her in surprise, your mouth full of food.

"hey, don't eat with your mouth full," she frowned and when you finished chewing, she took a tissue and wiped your mouth, leaning closer to you.

"I— thank you," you said quietly, looking down.

your heart ached. and you didn't know if it was in a good or bad way.

"yah, you're the only one who hasn't said anything about your role yet," haewon said.

"yeah, and she's being super quiet. that isn't normal!" jiwoo pointed at you in accusation.

"hey, what the fuck? I haven't even checked my bowl yet!" you threw your arms out in exasperation.

"language," haewon said and looked at you pointedly.

"sorry." you apologized quickly.

"oh my god, unnie, are you that hungry? your bowl's almost half finished!" jiwoo laughed, smacking jinni on the back, who groaned, and you huffed, pouting in response.

"or maybe the food's just that good," lily countered, crossing her arms and looking at jiwoo.

"oh, aren't you so cute?" lily cooed and squished your cheeks, your pout instantly fading away.

"thank you, lily," you said with a small smile, chuckling and holding her hand on your cheek.

she did nothing but look at you with wide eyes.

after your leader's nagging, you finally relented, moving the rice left in your bowl aside, eyebrows raising at the role given to you.

"I'm... a doctor."

"what?!" the maknae almost screamed in surprise.

"y/n!! you're not supposed to say that!" lily panickedly waved her arms at you.

"oh, huh?" you said dumbfoundedly, and the girls began laughing. you, scratching the back of your neck, decided to join along.

you lied. you weren't a doctor, just a regular citizen.

but, you thought, if you tricked them into killing you, you could watch the game as an observer (not to tell lily answers) and eat as much food as you wanted. the plan was good in your eyes!

adding to that, you were also... decent in acting.

and so, the plan commenced.

the nine-tailed fox was now going to choose who to kill.

everyone closed their eyes, and after waiting, it was revealed...

that you were chosen to be killed.

"I'M A CITIZEN!! GET TRICKED, IDIOTS," you yelled, clapping and laughing at everyone. the staff began laughing, finding it amusing.

the girls could only stare in disbelief as you grabbed your bowl and showed them you were a citizen.

"boo hoo, you killed an innocent!"

you smiled happily and got a spoon, taking food out of the pan.

"y/n... did you really just," lily looked at you expectantly, already knowing what you did.

"shh, lily, they don't need to know." you whispered and winked at her, putting your finger on her lips, her mouth dropping in shock.

she's blushing.

"you know, unnie, if you're killed, you can't eat the food." bae teased, poking your side.

"okay." you shrugged, continuing to eat.

you blinked.

"WAIT, WHAT?!"

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you and the girls were preparing for your "love me like this" comeback, filming different takes for your stage practice.

everything seemed to be in order. you all were singing perfectly and managed to perform flawlessly. it was the same with your dance moves and stage presence.

it only took three hours because haewon wanted you all to ace it.

when everyone decided to rest, you drank water and lay on the floor, eyes closing.

you were exhausted, but you had fun. you often made faces when you weren't seen on camera, making the girls enjoy, too. you sat up, and from where you were, you could see them talking to each other, off in their own worlds.

except for lily.

she sat alone, hugging herself and resting her chin on her knees. you were concerned as you watched her, wondering what was wrong.

lily has been upset since yesterday morning. when you asked her, she didn't explain why and refused to tell you, not looking you in the eye.

even hugging her or holding her hand didn't work, which shocked you.

after your futile attempts, you decided to leave her be, telling her you were there for her whenever she needed you.

you thought you could both hang out and do things together as usual, but you guess she thought otherwise.

cause every time you approached her, she just walked away.

and that puzzled you to no end.

you didn't mind her not telling you what upset her because you wanted her to share it when she was ready. but her not even looking at you and walking in the opposite direction of where you were?

it made you think something went terribly wrong.

you stood up and went to her, an anxious look on your face. you really hoped she wouldn't walk away this time.

but, unfortunately for you, she noticed you walking toward her, and she quickly excused herself to the bathroom, her head down, shadowing her face.

you didn't even get the chance to get a word out.

haewon, who was nearby, looked at her worriedly, gathering her stuff before running out.

you could only look at her walking away, disheartened.

your members also knew something was up. they noticed lily's behavior and tried investigating it themselves but ended up with nothing. being the closest person to her, they had to ask you what was going on.

"I don't know, jinsol, I really don't know. she isn't telling me anything, and I'm just as left in the dark as you are."

bae looked at you in surprise. "oh? you don't know why?"

she recomposed herself, "all right. it's okay, unnie. thank you for helping. we hope lily unnie feels better soon."

you agreed, and after she walked back to jiwoo and kyujin, you slumped in your seat, frowning and sighing, feeling more lost than ever.

her reaction didn't help either.

the last time you couldn't talk to her for this long was when she had to return to her family for an emergency.

you didn't know what to do. you felt weird, and strangely enough, it felt empty without lily.

you didn't want to assume, but it seemed like she was avoiding you.

you weighed out the possibilities, and she might need some space, but she seemed to get along with everyone else just fine.

she even tried helping with the laundry last night but settled for washing the dishes instead.

she even went to haewon's room last night.

wait, she... went to haewon's room last night?

you couldn't linger in your thoughts any longer since someone sat beside you unexpectedly.

"…yoona?"

"y/n, I need to ask you something."

you and yoona were particularly close, so you didn't mind when she didn't use formalities. but because you were always with Lily, you never got to be as close to her as you had hoped.

"sure, yoona, what is it?"

"are you sure that lily unnie hasn't told you anything? like seriously, anything?"

you looked at her curiously. "well, from what I can recall, no. but I told her I would be there for her no matter what."

"hmm, okay. did you know that haewon unnie knows why lily unnie's acting this way?"

"wait, what?"

"mhm. I asked her, but she said it wasn't her place to say. I just wanted to let you know."

your stomach dropped.

"oh… okay. that's alright. thanks, yoona."

she nodded and hugged you, before walking away.

you sat there for god knows how long.

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"unnie!"

when you noticed the youngest leaning over to you, interested in what you were boiling, you turned like a deer caught in headlights. you sighed in relief when you realized the knife wasn't close to your fingers.

"kyu, you almost made me cut my finger."

her smile faded, and she quickly apologized. she started pouting, feeling bad.

"it's okay, baby. nothing happened, see?"

"still, I'm sorry!"

the urge to baby her was powerful. she'd probably whine over it, though.

even if you wanted to, you couldn't. you were chopping vegetables because it was your turn to cook dinner tonight.

whenever you did, kyujin had a habit of watching you because you were the only one in the group who knew how to cook meals, unlike the others who only knew how to cook ramen and eggs.

"what are you making, unnie?" she tilted her head, looking up at you.

you chuckled, "ah, well, I'm making sundubu-jjigae."

"ooh, don't make it too spicy, please!"

"of course! how cute our maknae is~"

you ended up babying her, anyways.

since kyujin didn't know how to cook, like the rest of nmixx, she ended up sitting on the couch and playing games on her phone. you wiped your hands and leaned against the counter, checking the time on your watch. it was past seven pm.

dinner would take about an hour to be ready, so all you had to do was wait. you and the girls wanted to sleep before nine o'clock because you had a performance at music bank the next day.

you looked up when you heard someone clear their throat near you. you felt a pang of fear when you saw that it was lily.

"lily."

you tried to hide your nervousness by leaning even more against the counter. lily appeared to feel the same way as she averted her gaze and fidgeted with her fingers.

kyujin, seeing the situation firsthand, had her jaw dropped as she walked away from the couch, making sure you noticed before hiding in the hallway to listen in on your conversation.

the awkward silence was deafening. you eventually relaxed and stared directly at lily. her eyes were filled with conflict. it's not unusual to see her acting this way cause it's something you've seen a million times.

you were just nervous and scared because you believed she was acting this way because of something you did.

"lily... how are you doing? are you okay?"

you said softly, giving her a welcoming smile. you glanced down and noticed her palms were sweaty from how she was repeatedly wiping her hands on her pajamas.

you raised your brow and looked at her, seeing her biting her bottom lip.

"I— y/n. can I talk to you?"

"we're talking, aren't we?"

"please."

she closed her eyes and took deep breaths in and out, putting her hand on her chest. you showed visible concern. lily was rarely ever this serious. you approached her and gently took her hand in yours.

"lily, what's wrong? I'm here to listen, please."

she stared into your eyes, and you could feel her trembling. she turned her head and covered her face, her other hand still holding yours.

"lily..."

"y/n, you know you're my best friend, right?" you hummed in response. She slowly turned back to you with pink cheeks.

"I tell you almost everything. anything and everything,"

she broke eye contact again, preferring to stare at the fridge rather than look into your eyes, swirling with emotion.

"but that's exactly why I couldn't tell you this."

"I'm sorry for not hanging out or talking to you like we always do. I just needed time to... process how I was feeling."

you nodded, listening to her intently.

"go ahead, lily."

she breathed in once more before letting the truth come out.

"look, y/n, I always thought of you as a best friend and best friend only.

"that is until I rambled to haewon about you, and she thought I had a big big crush on you."

"and that made me feel weird for days."

so that's why she wasn't talking to me?

"...I only started showing it when I saw you hanging out with yoona."

oh.

"wait, what?" 

"let me explain!"

she stepped closer, awkwardly holding your arms in an attempt to be firm.

"you always stayed by my side, and me only. it's weird, y/n. no, not that! I mean, um, how I feel about it." she said and whispered, "and how I feel with the things you do."

you cocked your head like a confused puppy.

"awe shit, I didn't hear that."

"what are you doing?" haewon walked over to kyujin with her eyebrows furrowed, hands on her hips after hearing the maknae curse.

"has y/n really been teaching you how to curse? I'm so! going to scold her—" she said almost too loudly, making kyujin panic.

"quiet, unnie! look."

she peeked her head out of the doorway, eyes widening when she saw you and lily close together.

"okay, y/n, I know this is already a mess, but please hear me out."

"when you hold or hug me, I feel so— I don't know. like my whole body goes warm. I can never stop it."

"when you grab my hand or do that little thing where you caress it when I'm nervous, I—I feel like I'm gonna explode!"

"when I feel insecure, and you compliment me to make me feel better, I feel like the only girl you see in this world."

"and that terrifies me, y/n. because you're... my best friend. I shouldn't be feeling this way for you."

"but I can't help it. I really can't help it."

"especially when I saw you and yoona being so close together."

"I didn't take lily unnie to be the jealous type," bae said.

"when did you get here?!" haewon exclaimed, startled.

"it made my entire being feel like I was being soaked underwater, and I couldn't breathe. if, if that even makes sense..."

"it does, don't worry." you reassured her.

"but it also felt like it was... burning? Like I was burning."

"when I talked to haewon about you, I felt so conflicted. I thought, why would I ever have a crush on you? you're y/n."

ouch.

"but then, I realized you're also the y/n who's been there for me through thick and thin. the y/n who makes me smile effortlessly and wipes my tears away whenever I'm being extra emotional on a difficult day."

"the one who never judges me and has stuck by my side even though I'm probably annoying to you."

"you're the y/n who fits me perfectly, and no matter what happens, every memory I have with you has been sweet, heartwarming, and happy."

"looking back at the past and what we've been through together over the years has changed the way I look at you, and it makes me feel... I'm not sure how to describe it."

she pondered in thought, and her expression lit up.

"hey, remember when the netizens bashed me for being too honest on a live and how I should just keep my mouth shut?"

"you were so angry when the management team couldn't do anything about it that you wanted to personally go to the jyp building and confront them there."

"ugh, yes, I remember that," you groaned and covered your face with your hands in embarrassment while she chuckled and grabbed them away.

"I don't think anyone would have stopped you if haewon didn't drag you to your room." she whispered and teased, staring at you in amusement as you nodded her off, grumbling about the incident.

"I was even willing to riot online... bastards." you mumbled.

"what was that?"

"it's nothing!"

she giggled at your words, "oh, you're so silly."

"y/n, you made me realize you're not just my best friend. you're something else to me, something so much more, and something friends shouldn't ever feel for each other."

"and I resented myself for quite a while. until I realized it wasn't wrong, I was only scared of ruining our friendship."

"so, that's why I'm here to declare it. I'm going to say it, y/n. are you ready? tell me you're ready." her voice echoed throughout the kitchen and living room, and you laughed at her antics.

"lily..." you shook your head, heart beating faster. you gestured to her in encouragement. "I'm ready."

she held your hands and smiled at you wholeheartedly.

"I like you, y/n. I like you so much."

"oh my god!! she did it!"

"she actually said it?!"

"lily... I."

she leaned forward, eyes sparkling with hope.

"you...?"

"I—..."

"I..."

"..."

"...?"

"hey, wait, you're doing this on purpose!!"

when she saw you laughing again, her expression fell, making her pout and whine, looking at you disgruntled.

"I'm being serious here! do you like me, or do you not—"

you cut her off, "god, you're so cute,"

she blushed, her eyes widening, and her face fired up to different shades of red, quite flustered.

you moved closer, your gaze locked on hers. you placed your hands on lily's waist, causing her to freeze, unsure of what to do.

you smiled and grabbed her hands, putting them on your shoulders.

"there we go."

she stared up at you, looking at you with trustful eyes.

"lily, may I kiss you?"

"I—..." she stared at you in surprise. "yes. you may kiss me, y/n."

you tilted your head, glancing at her lips to her eyes. she tried shying away, but you laughed and stopped teasing, softly kissing her lips.

it was innocent and sweet. you could sense lily's nerves as she stood stiffly. you eased her by moving your mouth against hers.

she melted into the kiss, her hands clasped around your neck. you pulled her closer than before, your hands now grasping her lower back, and you completely surrendered yourself to her, the woman who had you from the start, lily.

you caressed her sides, making her squirm and squeal. you chuckled as you broke away from the kiss, seeing her amazed and stunned, standing there dumbfounded.

"oh, my god."

you both took deep breaths, your foreheads touching. lily took your breath away in many ways. she was so hypnotizing. everything about her managed to lure you in.

"y/n... that was... so... wow."

"wow. wow, indeed."

every. single. time.

whether it was this kiss, a sleepover in her room, or another run to the convenience store in the middle of the night,

she always drew you in. always.

she giggled, staring at you adoringly.

"y/n... does that mean we're dating now? am I your girlfriend?"

you blinked and stared at her dumbly.

"lily... yes, you are my girlfriend."

if you could do a replay in real-time, you'd want it to replay this moment over and over.

the way she crashed into your body, hugging you tightly and squeezing you with all her might.

"thank you, y/n." she whispered into your neck.

the way your members cheered and ran out of the hallway, not caring to hide anymore.

the way you felt when you held her.

"of course, lily." I might even love you.

the way you felt, at that moment, when your long-time best friend and the love of your life loved you the same.

your heart ached.

and, in between the lines, you knew it was in a good way.

"...y/n, am I a good kisser?"

"oh, come on, lily."

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bonus!

"Hey, so you and Lily unnie, huh?"

you stared at your phone in shock, not expecting a notification from jinni late at night.

"yunjin? how are you? how did you know,"

she typed her message, and when she sent it, you scoffed in disbelief. but not so much in surprise.

"Yoona." "I expected it, honestly. I could see you two get together from a mile away!"

"she's still updating you a lot, I see?"

"Who else would be doing it? ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ"

you chuckled, typing a response back.

"i hope you two last long."

"You too, unnie."

"I miss you. tell her I miss her, too."

she added, "I guess Lily unnie as well..."

"don't let her see that." you laughed, already missing your former member.

"ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ"

"See you whenever I see you, unnie. I love you."

"i love you too."

see you, jinni.

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ending notes — I have roller coaster on repeat (also idk if that bashing thing actually happened I just made it up) I lowkey feel like I trashed this, PLS tell me what you think

[tj-dragonblade]

[FIC] London Fog

Rated: M Word Count: 3504 Tags: Fluffbruary, Fluffbruary 2024, sort of failed at being fluff though, human AU, post-vacation blues, Dream of the Endless is a stubborn miserable bastard, Dream of the Endless is a sad wet cat, divorced Dream, hopeful ending don't worry, background Hob & Johanna, Hob and Johanna are besties, Jessamy for MVP, Jessamy and Dream are besties, no actual smut herein, but there IS one spicy recollection midway through

Sequel to Caribbean Sunset. This was supposed to be a quick fluffy scene of parting ways at the end of the cruise, of Hob communicating respect for Dream's boundaries along with the desire to see him again. But then 'what are Dream's reasons for hesitating' suddenly turned into backstory full of angst and depression and steered us into post-vacation blues and this is not the fluff I set out to write but I am happy enough with it all the same.

If anyone is sensitive to topics of marital fidelity and full disclosure, please click the read-more and scroll to the bottom for quick spoilers before proceeding.

Fluffbruary 2024 Prompts Day 13 choice snuggling furry Day 14 phone bubble bath doll Day 15 cord bakery honey

Summary: Dream does his best to ignore Possibilities while he copes with returning from holiday

On AO3

The ship's main atrium is crowded with passengers queuing up for debarkation, loud with the murmur of many voices, but there is only one voice that hold's Dream's attention at the moment.

"I mean. We both live in London; it's not unthinkable we might get together again? Have a drink, grab a bite, get to know each other better?"

Hob's tone is bright, hopeful; the light in his eyes is so very alluring, and Dream is almost tempted.

But circumstances do not permit him to indulge in such fantasies, not now that his cruise has come to an end—the divorce continues to drag on, courtesy of Alex's father, and Dream is uncertain beyond that whether he even wants any relationship ever again; each attempt has gone worse than the last and Hob…Hob is sweet, and kind, and an excellent lay, and Dream. Would not wish to drag him into the festering detritus of his own life.

He has not even left the ship, yet, and already the weight and gloom of reality are pressing heavy at his shoulders.

How he longs to stretch this holiday into infinity, to never have to go back.

He steels himself, forcibly pushes the gathering melancholy away, meets Hob's lovely gaze with a sad smile.

"Hob. I adore you; I hope that much is clear. But my life is. Convoluted, at present, and I am. Messy, at relationships, in general. I do not want to taint—" He blows out a breath, tries again. "This has been wonderful, amazing, so very easy; we fuck and we frolic and we have no cares, no responsibilities, and I would book both of us onto the turnaround cruise immediately if it were feasible, so that we might continue. I am not looking forward to returning to all that waits for me at home."

"All the more reason for a breath of something new, something you could carry over from holiday?" Hob's face is so open, so reasonable and guileless and hopeful.

Dream shakes his head, adamant. "As I said, I am messy. In the ordinary day-to-day, in the mundanity of work and circumstance I. I grow neglectful—cruel, I have been told, many times—and…you will grow weary, of my demands, my eccentricities, of my capricious moods and sullen temper."

"I won't, though," Hob says, smiling, as if it is truly that simple. They have been acquainted for a week, much of which was spent in vigorous activities other than deep conversation, and yet Hob speaks with firm conviction as if they have known one another for months. "But I get it. A fling on holiday is not a real relationship." He tugs on his ear, offers his sweet, warm smile. "All the same, I really like you, and I would love the chance to see if we could be something more. So." He holds out a hand. "Phone, love?"

Dream is responding to the easy endearment before he even realizes, unlocking his phone and handing it to Hob.

"Here's what we'll do," Hob says, fingers flying over the screen. "I'll give you my number. Just that. And if you ever want to call, you can. I don't have your info so I can't violate that boundary. It's entirely up to you." He hands the phone back to Dream and there he is, 'Hob' in his contacts, just a number, with a cartoon lemur from the default gallery as his pic. "If you delete it, if you never call, so be it. I'll always remember you fondly. But if you decide you'd like to see me again, please know I'd love to hear from you. Even if you don't want to date, if you just need to let off some steam no strings attached, I would be happy to be there for you." He smiles, soft and just a little self-depracating. "I'm shooting my shot, as they say, so you know where I stand. But the power's in your hands, dove; the choice is yours. And I'll respect it, whatever you decide."

Dream blinks, clutches his phone tightly, a little bit breathless at how astute Hob is. He's barely mentioned his life in any depth when they did talk; Hob was a holiday tryst in the midst of his interminable ongoing divorce and he hadn't intended on any deeper connection or true getting-to-know-one-another conversations. At most he may have mentioned a 'controlling ex' in passing and he genuinely cannot say for sure; Hob has kept him suitably occupied with other thoughts.

But here is Hob, either extrapolating from that comment or running entirely off intuition, handing him full autonomy over whether or not he wants to pursue any further acquaintance.

"Thank you," he says, eyes pricking with the threat of tears. Perhaps—perhaps—

But no. Best not to even think about 'perhaps'. There is too much to sort out at home still; he does not need to indulge in what-ifs and flights of fancy.

"Can I kiss you? One last time?" Hob asks, and Dream throws his arms about Hob's neck and kisses him first, heedless of the crowded atrium.

It is heaven, the soft slide of Hob's mouth fitting to his, the gentle teasing curl of his tongue, and Dream realizes with a sudden fierce ache that he is going to miss it terribly.

It is more difficult than he would like to end it.

"Goodbye, Hob Gadling," he murmurs, close to Hob's lips, and reluctantly steps back. "Thank you for making this cruise so wonderfully memorable." His hands find both of Hob's, squeeze them.

Hob smiles, soft and bright and the slightest bit sad. He leans in, presses a lingering kiss to the corner of Dream's mouth. "Bye, Dream," he says, gentle and quiet, and then he's sliding from Dream's grasp, turning, walking away.

Dream watches him go, watches as Johanna emerges from the crowd to corral him; he is still watching when Hob glances back over his shoulder with that same beatific melancholy in his smile. Dream gives him a small wave, tries his best to smile in return.

And then Hob is gone, swallowed up in the throng of passengers streaming into the gangway, and Dream deflates.

"This dream is over," he mutters to himself, and makes his way off the ship.

~ Hob and Johanna had boarded a bus for Disney World; there is no chance of encountering them at the airport. The thought gives Dream bitter resolve as he checks his luggage at the kiosk and makes his way through security, finds the first class lounge, settles in to wait for his 6pm departure time.

Two hours in to the transatlantic flight, long limbs comfortably folded into his first class aisle seat and beginning to protest the stillness, he sets his mind to wandering. How wonderful it might have been, to change his plans, to accompany Hob to 'the happiest place on earth'. Hob has been delightful company in and out of the bedroom and Johanna was agreeable enough; he had immensely enjoyed the time they spent together on St. Thomas. He has never been to any Disney park, on any continent, and while it has never seemed like something he would enjoy he now finds himself imagining such a visit in Hob's company, laughing at Hob's childlike delight as they queue for rides and attractions, shopping for souvenirs, sampling street foods and specialty offerings of every kind.

But no. It would be rude to invite himself on the next leg of Hob's holiday with Hob's friend; Dream had already monopolized Hob's time on the cruise and while Johanna had been very adaptable in that regard, Dream would not wish to impose further.

Besides which. There are meetings with solicitors to be attended, in hopes of finally moving the onerous divorce proceedings to a close; his company and accounts need his attention and it would be unfair of him to expect Jessamy to shoulder that load for longer simply because he is weary of his responsibilities and far too attached to his holiday fling.

With a sigh, he pushes all thoughts aside and closes his eyes, attempting sleep.

~ Jessamy meets him at Heathrow after he's cleared customs in the morning; he is tired, and grateful for her brisk efficiency in getting him to the waiting car and home to his sleek modern flat. Today is for dealing with jet lag; tomorrow he will return to the office and his responsibilities full time. All the same, there are things he can go over with Jessamy in the name of catching up and being prepared, once he's had a nap. Airline travel is not conducive to meaningful sleep.

"Good to have you home, Dream," Jessamy says, as she rolls the suitcase she brought in over to where he's dropped the rest of his luggage.

"Thank you, Jessamy." He hopes she understands that he means for everything, not just that single sentiment; she makes his life run smoothly in a way he can hardly imagine being without.

"Of course." She flashes a cheeky grin. "You must tell me about all the exciting and unmentionable shenanigans you got up to, after you've slept. I'll be back this afternoon so we can touch base properly."

Dream collapses in his bed after she's left, the sheets crisp and clean and the pillowcase cool against his face, and dreams of Hob's hands on his skin.

~ He settles back into his mundane routines easily, as if he's never left, the same way it always happens when he returns from holiday. He meets with investors, he addresses the shareholders, he facilitates talks between Finance and Marketing to adjust the budget for next fiscal year and allocate additional funding for the long-term studies requested by the latter. He meets with his solicitors, who assure him that each of the latest demands and stipulations brought by the Burgess camp have been refused and countered and the directive given once more to sign the final document that Dream had thought far too generous six months ago. They are optimistic that there will be no further objections.

Dream will not allow himself that hope until it actually comes to pass.

He thinks of Hob frequently.

It is mid-March, a full month since returning, when he finds himself gazing yet again at the innocuous entry in his contacts, the cartoon lemur staring back at him brightly.

He ought to delete it. He ought to cut the thread that holds him to the glimmer of impossibility and impracticality, of unrealistic expectations. It has been a month; surely Hob has realized by now that he will not call and has put the entire notion behind him. Dream is foolish, to keep the number in his phone, to entertain the occasional daydream of actually calling. He has not; he will not. There is no point in letting the contact remain.

He recalls, with aching clarity, their last night aboard ship when they had finally put the bed to carnal use, having exhausted all other options within the suite and private deck. Hob had put him facedown on his knees and lovingly opened him up on tongue and fingers until he spilled, helpless, then put him on his back and fucked him tenderly to another climax before finishing himself. Dream remembers the way Hob kissed him throughout, slow and thorough; he remembers with a shiver of longing Hob's fingers carding through his hair, cradling his thighs, stroking down his neck, his shoulders. He recalls Hob's voice, soft and fervent, murmuring endearments and appreciation against his mouth, his skin; he remembers how he fought to keep from crying, overwhelmed by the adoration that Hob poured into him.

He had felt…cherished. It was only a holiday indulgence, a fantasy of possibilities, but oh, how he had wanted. It was delightful to curl in sleep with Hob, to be held, to imagine that this kind and beautiful near-stranger truly cared for him beyond the pleasure they found in one another.

It was so easy to pretend that he was loved.

He closes his contacts without deleting Hob's entry.

~ "So this gentleman you met on your cruise," Jessamy starts one day in April, over breakfast. She has brought him a decadent blueberry danish from the bakery near her flat and is picking delicately at her own lemon poppyseed muffin. "He left you his number, you said?"

"Yes." Dream takes an enormous bite of the pastry, delighting in the sweet tang of the blueberry filling on his tongue, the sugary melt of the glaze and the flake of the crust. He does not like where this conversation seems to be headed, but it is Jessamy, and her offering is delicious, so he will endure it.

"Are you ever going to call him?" She plucks another small chunk of her muffin between two elegant glittery-black nails and pops it into her mouth, watching him with sharp, knowing eyes.

Dream chews slowly, allowing himself time to ponder the question until his mouth is empty. "I do not know," he says at last, honestly. "I should not; there is little point. Yet I cannot quite let go of the fantasy."

"There's little harm in a spot of fantasy, though, is there," she returns. "It's human nature to spin ourselves what-ifs and wouldn't-it-be-nices."

"Perhaps," Dream allows, and returns to his Danish.

It has been two months now since the cruise; the longer he goes without calling Hob, the more foolish he feels when he imagines how it might play out if he did. It is fanciful nonsense, all of it; Hob has certainly put Dream far from his mind by now.

Hob's number remains in his phone, the bright-eyed lemur inciting a small pang of fondness and regret any time he scrolls past it.

~ It is the last week in May that the divorce is at long last finalized, legitimized, and filed as complete.

Dream feels a celebration would be appropriate. He considers dressing down and dolling up, visiting the clubs that he had taken to frequenting after he and Alex officially separated more than two years ago. Sex would be a lovely way to celebrate, especially when it's been months since the last time he'd gotten laid—

The notion passes silently on before it can truly take hold. Sex would be nice, yes, but now he is thinking of that last time, and all he wants is Hob.

Jessamy brings champagne to his office as evening sets in. "I heard the good news," she says, waggling the pair of stemmed glasses in her hand. "Congratulations on finally being legally and officially rid of the twat."

"Thank you." Dream rises and takes the glassware; Jessamy pops the cork and pours for them both, then lifts her glass. "To freedom?"

Dream matches her. "To correcting mistakes which ought never have been made," he amends, and they drink.

~ Two glasses later, the conversation has turned to Dream's Future Prospects, a topic far more easily navigated when mellowed by the champagne in his bloodstream.

"I am better off alone, Jessamy."

Jessamy tilts her head at him, frowning.

"No, I don't think you are," she offers at last.

"Nonsense." Dream feels very strongly that his point is valid. "Every relationship I have had has been. Catastrophic."

"Well, yes. You did make magnificently bad choices in your last two marriages."

"And the others?"

"You and Nada were both far too young when you eloped." She shakes her head slightly. "And everyone in between were decent enough people, just…not right for you, ultimately. There were plenty of reasons for things not working out, but that doesn't mean you stop trying."

"The fact that I have seven failed marriages behind me when I am barely forty years old leads me to think otherwise." Dream tips another small measure of champagne into his glass. "I would be wise to seek out my casual dalliances when I wish for them and swear off the idea of romance. I would be far happier."

Jessamy is giving him that look, the one that says he's full of shit but she'll find a kinder way to point it out. "Would you, though?"

"Of course. You are happy, are you not?"

"Yes, but I'm aromantic. You very much are not, Dream. You thrive on the thrill of falling in love, of wooing and being wooed and grand gestures of devotion."

He swirls his glass, once, pouting. She is correct, of course; she knows him better than anyone, has been his friend for most of his life and his assistant for most of his career. He is very much in love with being in love, which makes the parade of failed marriages in his wake all the more painful.

"You are right, of course," he reiterates aloud, melancholy stealing over him. "The idea of finding someone for one night does not even hold the appeal it did before I went on holiday. I just keep thinking of Hob."

Jessamy cocks her head at him again, raises an eyebrow, gaze bright and astute. "The fantasy in your phone whom you've never called?"

"Yes."

"That good, was he?"

"He was not—he was, rather, but it was not just that." He can feel the emotion swelling in his chest and makes no effort to hide it; Jessamy will not judge him ill for it. "Hob is kind, and sweet, and so full of life; he is a brilliant soul, warm and chivalrous and—and—" He has run out of words.

"And hot?" Jessamy's grin is sly.

"And hot," Dream admits, mournfully, "and such a good kisser, and Jessamy, I miss him. He went to Disney World, after the cruise." He looks at her, everything laid bare in his eyes, tongue comfortably loose with champagne. "I wanted very much to go with him."

"Wow."

"Yes." Dream looks away, breathing past the ache in his chest; he cannot deny that the space Hob has occupied in his thoughts since February is far more than warranted by a simple holiday tryst.

Jessamy sighs gently. "Then. Perhaps—and hear me out here—perhaps you should call him."

Dream shakes his head, miserable. "I will ruin him, I will ruin whatever feeling lies between us. As I did with Calliope, and Will, and Nuala—"

"Every relationship is different, Dream. Every set of variables, every chance—maybe it won't work, but maybe it will. You don't know without trying."

"…Perhaps."

Jessamy sets her glass aside and rises to leave. She lays a hand on his shoulder and squeezes lightly in passing. "Life is too short, Dream. Reach for happiness, every now and again. You deserve it as much as anyone."

~ Dream stares at the little cartoon lemur on his phone screen long after Jessamy has left, stares at Hob's name beneath it.

Is he truly thinking of calling, after all this time?

It is pointless, hopeless; surely Hob has long since moved on. Besides which, it is late. He does not even know what Hob does for a living, whether he is likely to still be awake at 9pm on a Tuesday but even so, it does not matter. It is far too late in the evening for unsolicited non-emergency phone calls, particularly when he is morbidly tipsy from finishing off the bottle of champagne; he swipes out of his contacts, heart thudding in his chest as though he's just narrowly missed out on calamity.

Or opportunity.

~ He stares at the lemur again the next day, and the next, and the next, debating with himself, thumb hovering over the number while his pulse pounds sickly with nerves. He wants to call, more than he might have wanted anything in recent memory; he is terrified to try, to take the risk, to burn the gauze of fantasy to the ground in hopes that a beautiful reality will rise from the ashes.

The lemur's cartoon eyes stare brightly back, unhelpful.

~ At last, on the seventh of June, half past noon on a bright sunny day, Dream can dither no more over insecurities and cautionary woes.

He wants, and he is tired of pretending that he does not.

He steels himself, closes his eyes and lets his thumb touch down.

Trembling, breath held, he brings the phone to his ear.

There is ringing on the other end, three times, a fourth, and then the sound of the line connecting.

A voice, a voice wonderfully familiar despite how long it has been since last he heard it, speaks up. "Hello, Robert Gadling here…"

Dream opens his eyes and exhales, heart in his throat. "Hob?"

There is a sudden stillness over the line. "…Dream?" Dream can hear the bright smile breaking over Hob's face. "Is that you?!"

The tension bleeds out of him in a rush and he is smiling as well, tears pricking at the corner of his eyes as he cradles the phone in both hands, curling toward the warm glow of possibility it offers.

Perhaps, perhaps this time, if he only believes.

"Hello, Hob."

= Started: 2/13/24 Drafted: 2/15/24 Posted: 2/15/24

The Extra Warning note: We find out here that Dream is still in the middle of a years-long messy divorce from Alex Burgess while on the cruise; he has technically committed adultery with Hob. Hob does not know and will not find out at this juncture. If this makes you uncomfortable, I completely understand if you need to give this a pass.

[greetingfromthedead]

Pitter-Patter (Dad!Vash x F!Reader)

Plot: Vash feels like one more kid is a great idea and that's when the chaos begins, turning your whole life upside down once again.

Series: [prequel - Wedding Bells], [Part 1 - Little Feet], [Part 2 - Pitter-Patter]

Pairing: Vash x F!Reader

Rating: Everyone

Tags: no use of "y/n", post-Trimax (no major spoilers), domestic fluff, happy ending, pregnancy, children, babies, family fluff, cooking, parenting, happy marriage

Word count: 2.1k

Author's Note: Shows up at @jellys-compendium's house in a white van and another dad!Vash fic. It has been in the making for soooo long and it didn't quite work out like I wanted it to (caused me massive writer's block too cause I kept pushing it), but I hope all the readers get at least some joy from this.

"What about one more?" Vash nuzzles his face against your neck.

"You think we aren't outnumbered enough already?" you say with amusement as your fingers tangle into his messy black hair. He chuckles softly, his warm breath tickling your skin. "You really want to be in a 2 to 1 situation?"

"Our girls are so good! They are so big already, and our littlest sprout will start running around soon too!" His hands wrap tightly around you as he holds you close. "Wouldn't it be the perfect time? To have another baby?"

"Well," you hesitate, "you are great with all of them. You are the world's best dad and the greatest husband anyone could ever wish for. If anyone could handle it, then it is together with you."

"Really?" His eyes glimmer as he pulls back to look at you. The man who used to be alone, running from his shadow of death, now has a family and a home to call his own. And it makes him happier than he ever imagined himself to be.

"We better get started then," you smirk, and wrap your arms around his neck to pull him even closer.

You let out a deep sigh as your little boy wouldn't settle into his crib, no matter what tricks you pulled. The exhaustion is getting to you, and you simply give up, taking the sprout into your own bed to finally get some rest. Vash opens his eyes, still half asleep, to look at you putting down the child next to him before climbing into bed too. Vash's hand reaches out to gently stroke the baby's forehead, feeling the softness of their skin under his calloused touch.

"I don't know why he is so fussy today. Maybe it's the heat; it's getting to me too." You speak softly as you make sure everything looks safe. The baby's eyes droop, finally succumbing to sleep.

"You can leave the night shift to me. It's okay; you need your rest." Vash whispers.

"I'm fine. You need rest too; you're a lot more human now, and that means you need to sleep. You can't roughhouse with the kids all day and then be up half the night on top of that. We share the responsibility. We're a team. And don't forget: I have done this three times now already, so it's alright." You reach out your arm over the baby and stroke Vash's cheek softly with your fingers. He closes his eyes and leans into your touch, a small smile playing on his lips. He doesn't even look as his hand reaches for your swollen belly, gently stroking your skin.

You don't exactly know when you fell asleep, but Vash is woken up by the little creak of your bedroom door. He raises his head and sees your younger daughter at the door. She pouts and rubs her eye with her fist, a stuffed animal hanging from her free hand.

"What's wrong, sweety?" Vash whispers.

"I had a bad dream." She looks so defeated and sad. "Can I sleep here tonight?"

"Oh sweetheart. Come here, but be careful; your brother and mommy are asleep." Vash scoots a bit more towards the center of the bed, where the baby sleeps with his arms and legs sprawled out in every direction. Vash reaches out his arm to invite the little girl into his embrace. She climbs into bed and snuggles up against Vash, who keeps his arm around her protectively so she won't roll off the mattress. She smiles and drifts off to sleep, feeling safe and loved. Vash smiles at the girl in his embrace. He knows too well what it means to be haunted by nightmares, and if there is anything he can do to make her feel better, he will. His heart is so full of love for his family, his gorgeous wife, and his wonderful children. Tears prickle at his eyes as he thinks about the life he leads now and how grateful he is for it. With such thoughts, he falls back asleep, knowing that he is truly blessed.

You open your eyes in the morning. After a moment to get oriented again, you look over towards your baby and husband. The little boy lays in bed like a starfish, the pacifier barely hanging from the corner of his mouth. Behind him, Vash lays on his back in a similar manner, his left hand under his head, the right one supporting your daughter, who has climbed onto his chest and is sprawled out. They both sleep with their mouths open, and you are surprised they aren't snoring.

You stifle a little chuckle as you settle in better and look at them with half closed eyes, enjoying the moment and your family.

"Mom?" a quiet voice asks by your door, and you see your older daughter, "I was wondering where everyone had disappeared to."

"Morning, sweetheart!" You smile and reach out your hand as an invitation. She quietly walks over and sits on the bed, taking your hand. You shift a bit more to make room for her, and you pull her closer to put her head on your shoulder.

"Mom!" she protests quietly in a more whiny manner, but makes no attempt to move away.

You should have guessed that peace only lasts so long. Soon enough, the baby boy kicks Vash in the ribs, who jolts awake with a start and disturbs the girl on top of him too. This opens the floodgates to chatter that stirs the baby in the middle of the bed. To your surprise, he doesn't immediately start making a huge ruckus, seemingly distracted by the presence of his sisters.

You sit up on the bed and lean into some pillows to be more comfortable and take in the sweet moment of your family all together in your bed. The little girl plops down, off her dad, and settles next to her brother to press her ear on your baby bump.

"I can hear!" she exclaims without elaborating further, her eyes lighting up. The little boy decides to copy her, and you suddenly have two kids sticking to you.

"Dad always talked to mom's belly while she was expecting both of you," the older girl says, as she is old enough to remember your last pregnancies.

"And he did the same with you too." You ruffle your daughter's hair, and she too gently lays her head on your belly.

"HELLOOOO!!!" the younger girl suddenly shouts at your bump.

"Gently, gently." Vash says softly as you turn your face away to hide your giggle, even though your body betrays you by shaking.

Vash scoots closer too, his left arm reaching to pull you closer, sandwiching your youngest children between the two of you. The children squirm and giggle, their excitement palpable in the warm afternoon air.

"Let's have one more, he said. It will be fine, he said." You sigh heavily with your arms on your hips. "As I said before… I am blaming you for this."

"I'm sorry," Vash says quietly while looking like a soaked puppy.

"Well, I guess I am not blameless. I let my guard down," you say, looking up at the ceiling. "I should have known better and considered the risk, but here we are."

"It's going to work out," he says, sounding hopeful. "We're all home again, safe and sound."

"Your boundless optimism is truly inspiring," you say sarcastically. "This is only the beginning, or have you already forgotten?"

"I have not…" he says, sounding defeated.

"Then let's enjoy this while they sleep. Cause if one of them is up, everyone is up. One baby and a toddler would have been manageable, but four children in diapers? That's a different story altogether. We better go." You look down again at the newborn triplets in their cribs before taking Vash's hand and leading him out of the room.

The chaos in your house has only just started. Whatever you believed was "out of hand" before only got dwarfed by what awaited you now. Balancing the babies and the older children and making sure nobody feels left behind is no easy task, but Vash is just as determined to be a good dad as he has always been. You still make a great team, but now it's just chasing around children instead of bandits and reloading milk bottles instead of weapons. And it's a chaotic, messy, beautiful adventure that you wouldn't trade for anything in the world.

Vash often volunteers to be the designated storyteller, spinning tales of your daring escapades to both the more and less captivated members of his audience. He held all three of the triplets on his chest without complaint when they wouldn't settle for a nap in any other way. He always cradled the baby heap with a smile on his lips, and he looked like the happiest man in the world despite the countless sleepless nights.

Vash loves being a dad. He adores all his children. He likes running around with the girls, playing ball, or engaging in pretend games. He loves teaching them all he knows and watching them grow and learn. He loves the toddler, who constantly clings to his legs and blabbers the day away. He loves the noise and the chaos. He takes in every moment and cherishes it, even if it includes screaming, crying, and dirty diapers.

You can trust him fully and have full confidence in him. Often, he has already announced, "I've got it!" and run off to tend to the kids before you can even truly react to the noises of dissatisfaction. Neither of you could handle the chaos without the other, and Vash never misses an opportunity to tell you just how much he loves and appreciates you. He often brings you little gifts when he goes to the market or if he finds something you would like out and about. He brings little treats and nick-knacks to show you how much he cares. You have a whole collection of shiny rocks and little figurines and books he has brought for you on a high shelf, away from little grabby hands that want to put everything into their mouths. The shelf is a reminder of the love he expresses in small gestures.

The older kids like to flock to you as soon as you're in the kitchen for a taste of what you're cooking. You often have the girls helping you out while the little boy sits in his highchair, watching with wide eyes and a smile, ready to wreak havoc as soon as something gets within grabbing distance. He's the perfect blend of adorable and mischievous. He reminds you a lot of Vash, more and more each day. You really shouldn't be surprised by that, but each time that realization makes you smile.

Baking cookies has become a weekly tradition. The girls are always eager to help as you try out different recipes and experiment with new flavors. They shift the flour and mix the ingredients with purpose and grand focus while you take on any jobs requiring chopping or the use of an oven. Vash is looking over the littlest babies to make sure your small space doesn't get dangerously crowded. You've just put the tray in the oven to bake as you turn to the older boy, who dozed off on the highchair because the preparations ate into his nap time. You pick the child up and leave the girls in charge of watching the cookies as you go to put your son to bed.

From your bedroom, you start hearing babbling and a smirk appears at the sound. You have no issues with putting the kid in his crib, and you turn to peek in from the crack in your own room's door. Vash kneels by the bed, his elbows resting on the mattress. The left hand supports his cheek, and the right one dances across the tummies of the triplet boys who lay in a row in front of him. He makes little noises at the babies, and they blabber back in turn. They seem to be having an engaging conversation as the expressions on the children switch from furrowed brows to glee and back. The babies kick their legs excitedly in response to your husband's voice saying something incoherent but clearly amusing to them. None of the four chatterboxes notice your presence by the door, and you retreat with a wide smile on your face. You go back to your girls, but before you reach the kitchen, you start to hear soft singing coming from the bedroom. Something about skipping cats and hopping dogs.

Did you like this? Go check out my MASTERLIST and drop a follow for any and all future projects!

And if you feel like reading more of my dad!Vash, but want to get your heart steamrolled at the same time then I have the perfect thing for you: Stormy Night and Ghost of You.

[annabtg]

I thought your answer on jily and whether or not they were in love or if it was abusive super interesting!

Personally I’m not the biggest jily fan but that has more to do with the main tropes being used that I tend to find tiring and outdated. But Ive been trying to get more into it recently and it’s been hard finding fics I enjoy because they are either too snape bash-y or feel anachronistic in how they portray the relationship. When im reading jily I actually prefer the writer to lean into the outdated tropes instead of trying to make it fit the modern readers ideas of appropriate courtship behavior, because otherwise it doesn’t feel authentic to me. Specifically it bugs me when they make James a super feminist that would never ask Lily out more than once (I don’t think he’d recognize that as sexual harassment as a teenager boy in the 70s). I get that this is popular fanon right now but it’s been hard to find a fic that doesn’t have this.

So my question is do you have any jily fic recommendations that fit this description (minimal Snape bashing and time period accurate)?

Hi there!

By your wording, I'm not sure if by "time period accurate" you mean fics where he actually asks her out a lot. The beginning of your post seemed to imply that, even though I would argue that it's not the only time period accurate headcanon. Indeed, there are plenty of reasons someone in the 70s may not have repeatedly asked a girl out - from his ego being bruised by her first rejection, to he actually took no for an answer and that doesn't necessarily mean he's a super feminist icon. Not everyone who takes no for an answer is. :p

You may have more luck with old-time fic, tbh - the "ask her out a million times" trope was much more prevalent then, and people were not as feministically aware :p though Snape bashing was much more common. I actually feel that in most newer Jily canon fics Snape is portrayed as a well-rounded antagonist, rather than bashed.

So I'm going to start with some oldies:

I recently read Commentarius by @bcdaily and, while I wouldn't say I got the perfect 70s vibe from it (more like the 90s - it felt very accurate to the way I grew up), I enjoyed seeing in it a portrayal of James that I think most people wouldn't dare write today for fear, exactly, of him not being feminist/respectful enough to Lily. I won't get into details to avoid spoilers. (Very long and incomplete, but considered a classic.)

I also hear The Life And Times by Jewels5 features an immature James who grows up throughout the fic, but I haven't read it so I couldn't tell you myself. (Also very long and incomplete and considered a classic.)

If you enjoy the idea of James being an outrageous little shit for comedic effect, you might enjoy Procrastinator-starting2moro's fics. I haven't read Obsessive Lily Disorder since 2006 so I can't say I remember it very well but the title should give you an idea of how insistently he asks her out in it :p though there may be some Snape bashing in it.

For more recent works, I will gladly recommend everything by @nought-shall-go-ill, who creates the most atmospheric depictions of 70s/80s UK, and also likes Snape and enjoys nuanced portrayals of Jily.

Other writers whose portrayals of James I thoroughly enjoy and who do a great job of presenting James as the little shit that he is include @annasghosts and @ohmygodshesinsane.

And to finish with some self-recs, anything in my James Potter Is A Little Shit tag should be a good bet. I would give a shout-out to my older fics Birthday and Fascination, and my newer ones Written In History and Drunk With Power as the ones you may enjoy the most. And I'll gladly tout readers' favourites The Great James Potter and Mistletoe Mishaps as examples where James is respectful to Lily in ways that I feel are natural and reasonable for the era, all while he's still a little cocky shit.

Hope this helps! Happy reading!!

[zee-has-commitment-issues]

Epilogen Episode 5 theory below the cut. You don't have to read it if you don't want to lol it's long and rambled. Tagging it for spoilers because it contains info from the first four episodes.

I want to write this out and post it so that when I inevitably go "omg that was so unexpected how could they?" I can look back on this and remind myself that I'm a liar and I absolutely saw this coming:

I think we need to prepare ourselves for one of the mains dying, and I think we very much need to accept the possibility/probability that it will be Linus.

Unfortunately, I think it makes the most sense. He is the one showing he's the most reckless in his situation at the current moment. He's thrown himself into danger multiple times this season, and in the fourth episode he kept looking for the gold knowing damn well the probability of them getting caught.

He's also said straight up that shooting themselves in the head would be easier than whatever the hell they're doing now.

I also think it would be the most tragic. He's the youngest. We've literally seen him since he was a child and watched him grow through the seasons. I'm not going to say he's been through the most out of the siblings, but there is an argument to be made there. He watched his dad die, he was abandoned multiple times, he was kidnapped and tortured multiple times, he watched his fiancee die in front of him, and that's only scratching the surface.

I can see it happening in a couple ways. The first is that we find out Linus is the inside leak. It doesn't seem likely, as he clearly wants nothing to do with his family at this point, but it's definitely a possibility. He seems just about angry enough to do it, and I can definitely see Sonja taking him out to protect the others just like she did with Zac. (and it would be extra impactful that way since Linus is the one who found out and told everyone about Zac's death in the first place, in turn "betraying" and turning his back on Sonja)

The other way I can see it happening is through protecting Zoey. Whether he cares for her romantically or not, I can see a parallel with her and Tanja happening. He saves her in the way he couldn't save his fiancee. Full circle moment. We've already seen him throw himself into reckless danger for her, and she obviously trusts him a lot. I can absolutely see him sacrificing himself for her with that huge Savior Complex he fails miserably to hide.

There's also the obvious ways it could happen: a bad guy finally following through on the threat to kills Sonja's kids; a freak accident; injured and can't recover; police, etc. But I don't think those would do justice to the death of one of these insanely central characters.

No matter who dies, I think/hope it will be in a full circle moment. That their death won't be just for the sake of shock and awe.

But yeah, I'm absolutely team Linus is dying rn. Sonja is apparently a cockroach, so she won't die. I don't think it makes sense for Nina or Gustav to die. If anything, it's more tragic for both of them to live: neither of them have great lives, both of them have issues at home. Living forces them to face that unsteadiness and tragedy.

But Linus does have a relatively steady life right now. If he makes it through, his life will go on and he'll eventually be okay (probably). It's more tragic for him to die.

This was a ramble, but TLDR: I think Linus is going to die.

[neonscandal]

with gojo, geto and even kenjaku dead, do you think satosugu's story is completely over? because for me personally, if this is the end of their story, it feels kinda unsatisfactory and inconclusive. i hope we get more content and there are so many questions about their story that still need to be answered. i dont expect gojo's censored last words to geto to be revealed ever but i hope we get at least a somewhat conclusive ending.....

Just a heads up to anon(s), I try to keep things as spoiler free as possible by tagging so try to be mindful of that in your questions where possible, pleaseee

⚠️ Spoiler warning for chapter 236 of JJK.

First things first, I don't think we've seen the last of Gojo, jump down to that spoiler warning to see more info on why I think that. In summation, even if it's short lived, I think he's still in play and what we saw in 236 was a dying thought not quite committed one way or another. That or there is a battle to be won or a facet of Kenjaku's plan that will be explored in the purgatory we've seen.

I'm not sure if it's a proper conclusion to Gojo's character if we don't see a remediation of his hubris unless the intention is to see some sort of redemption through ItaFushi. All that to say, I think Gojo has a decision to make regarding getting on that plane or not.

I don't know that, stylistically, Gege is the type of mangaka that will give us something comprehensive enough to address the truth of Geto's parents or what he did in the 10 years of his separation from Gojo. Exposition wise, we tend to get information introduced to us very passively like how Megumi talked about Yuta long before he was introduced. A better of example of their exposition style is how they soft launched Choso's relation to Yuji, subtle enough to be missed, until we got the big reveal with Kenjaku!Kaori.

But I also absolutely do think we'll get Gojo's last words to Geto. This is the same person who penned the following devastating one liners:

There is no curse more twisted than love.

My Six Eyes tell me you're Suguru Geto. But my soul knows otherwise!

The sound of the Gion Shoja bells echoes the impermanence of all things; the color of the sala flowers reveals the truth that the prosperous must decline. However, only we are the exception.

When you die, you die alone. Dying to win and winning despite dying are two separate things. Be greedier.

You really think they won't turn the knife on SatoSugu one more time with that reveal? Even though they've already told us those final words were spoken already throughout JJK0. I still think it's that first one.

[yumeka-sxf]

A chronological analysis on Twilight and Yor - Season 1 Wrap-Up

*This is a wrap-up post for my Twiyor analysis series. If you missed the Introduction/Part 1, click here*

----------

As some of you may know, I'm fairly new to the SxF fandom, having only started watching the anime in October of last year. But it didn't take long for me to become hyperfixated enough to binge the manga, start my own blog, and develop ideas for analysis posts.

I've always enjoyed meta writing for my favorite fandoms, and SxF is definitely one of those! While I like many things about the story and characters, the Forgers overall, especially Twiyor, are my favorite thing about it, so I wanted to focus my first analysis posts on them. During my early months in the fandom, I found lots of good analyses and was impressed by the amount of talented fan writers out there. But rather than write random stand-alone posts, I wanted to express all my thoughts in chronological order. I eventually came up with the idea for this post series in December of last year, and after spending a solid month of writing during most of my free time, I finally felt I had enough to begin posting on a weekly basis.

Now that I've come to the end of the season 1 posts, I want to express my sincerest thanks to everyone who read them, especially those who left nice comments and reblogs. Even for those of you who only left likes, I appreciate it! I pay attention to the notes on my blog and it always makes my day to see the same people interacting with each new post every week. It's especially gratifying when I see a new person come along and leave a like on each post in order, one after another! In the many fandoms I've been in over the years, I always write for myself and my own enjoyment first, regardless of whether other people will enjoy my writing too. But it's nice to know that other people can also appreciate how I interpret things.

So here's what's going to happen with the post series going forward…

Since I want to continue keeping the posts as manga spoiler-free as possible, I won't start releasing the next batch of posts until season 2 airs (it's scheduled to air in October). I'll most likely release part 19 and onward towards the middle or end of season 2's run. I already have a good idea of what manga chapters will be adapted and will get them queued up beforehand.

On that note, I did end up having to tag a few of the season 1 posts for manga spoilers. I tried to avoid it as much as possible; I only discussed manga spoilers if I felt not doing so would be a disservice to my analysis. However, once season 2 airs, all but part 18 should be safe for anime-only fans! (I'll go back to those posts and remove the spoiler tags)

At some point during or slightly before season 2's airing, I plan to reblog all of my Twiyor analysis posts in order. If I can get the timing right, I hope to reblog part 18 (the last season 1 post) right before my start date for the first season 2 post. I'll probably do the reblogs just a few days apart before doing weekly releases again when I get to the new posts (for the reblogs, I'll be using the hashtag "#reblog for season 2 hype")

I don't have any other big analysis posts planned until then, with one exception…I do plan to write a post about Anya. I originally wanted to include her in the chronological series, but since her character arc is simpler and more straight-forward compared to Twilight's and Yor's, I didn't have nearly as much to say about her and figured it'd be best to talk about her in a separate post. Not sure when I'll release that post but should be sometime before season 2 as well.

Guess that's all for now! Thank you again to everyone who read this post series and I look forward to more compelling discussions in season 2!

[grollow]

PINNED POST

“No matter how many years are left to us, there will never be enough time to fill the void that has been borne inside each of us when we were made so brutally aware of how very little we mattered to the world.” -- Emilie Autumn

Hi, I'm Asher.

Or Rhysa, which is my writing alias; I used to go by Ashyr, too, and that's also okay!

And this is a multi-fandom blog where I sometimes share my own original content (usually writing). I am autistic, possess next to no ability to mask and don't intend to learn for anyone on the internet (sorry), queer, nonbinary (they/them or it/its only, please) and opinionated. I'm also an adult.

This blog is primarily SFW, but there may be some suggestive posts. If you are a minor, please consider that before following me (I won't take offense, promise). There won't be anything blatant, but I do reblog kink-positive things.

Primary Fandoms

Elden Ring

Final Fantasy XIV (there will be spoilers for all current patch content)

Ender Lilies

Hollow Knight

I sometimes share horror-adjacent things; you will find gore and scary imagery here.

I admin a creative-focused Hollow Knight discord server, found here. 18+ only, please.

Spare Me And You The Trouble

I am not here to get into shipping arguments with you or anyone else. If you REALLY want my opinions, you can send me asks off-anonymous and I'll answer you candidly in private. I am not interested in discourse of this nature (I am too old and tired please).

Also, if you are thinking about sending me some ask complaining that I ship Grollow, save us both the trouble and don't. I'm probably going to not answer.

But if you want to know why, I wrote a long answer here.

Writing Tags

My main tag for writing is #ashe writes. You can find my more popular fics under #w&g, #red sky, #do not go gently, #ld, and #butterfly effect.

I have an original project called The Starfire, which is the first work in a series called #burning roses. You can see inspiration tags for that periodically. It's a space-fantasy adventure-romance and I'm very proud of it! I'd be happy to answer questions if you're curious to learn more.

Other stuff is probably randomly tagged because I am very bad at remembering the tagging system. Sorry.

Find Me Elsewhere?

I’m on Ao3 as Rhysa, Shyra, and Shyr (18+). I sometimes use Twitter as ashyronfire.

My writing blog is @ashyronfire if you are only here for that. ❤

Other Stuff

Deepest apologies to the people who follow me hoping for regular FromSoft stuff but are just subjected to the constant bug train; it will continue to happen.

pfp by @silverybeast (THANK YOUUUUU)

banner by @amywolfhardt

Wanna help a starving writer? (PS: I’m not starving.)

I have a ko-fi if you’re feeling generous and would like to donate or you can donate to my cashapp $ashyronfire if you like. I also take commissions for writing. More info here. (Currently Closed)

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