#is that they had fun together and barton felt comfy around her to do something like that + not be judged haha

[mad-hunts]

feeling strangely... sort of fluffy, but in an almost sad way, right now and this is because i could just imagine barton setting up some of those synthetic ice-skating tiles whenever marcy was still around and doing so in their kitchen. and this way, he could help her practice it at home && IDK why, but them almost always skating to something fun like 'let's groove' just makes sense to me — because in essence, barton thought it'd help her relax a little more, and he just liked being a little silly around her sometimes 😭

[flowingwithwater]

Smile

A/N: One shot, kinda long, enjoy xx

Summary: Nat is R’s trainer, R is on love. They go on a mission, R gets hurt protecting Nat. Nat feels guilty but R tells her, she’d do it again - fluff follows.

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x fem!reader

Words: ~ 5k

“Again. Get up and throw a punch. C’mon y/n” it took everything in you to not roll your eyes at the antics of your trainer. You had been going at it for a couple of hours now and honestly you were beat. Laying on the mat you looked up at the beautiful women. She was looking down on you, a slight sheen of sweat covering her face and collarbones. For a second you zoned out just looking at her until you felt her kicking your feet.

“What’s wrong? Already in dream land? Get up. One more round and then we’ll have lunch.” At the mere thought of food your felt adrenaline rush through your body and you jumped up excitedly. A slight chuckle coming from the other woman, “if only the success of training had that effect on you.”

“Well, what can I say?” You started getting in position. “getting punched in the face by an assassin is just not really motivating.” A smirk grew on your opponents face and the feeling it caused in your gut made you blush a little. God, there was nothing she could do that wouldn’t be absolutely fucking hot.

“Show me what you got and maybe I’ll allow you to have dessert.” she winked. She winked at you. The flirting between the two of you had been going on for a while. Ever since your first mission together, in which you had gotten to know each other on a more personal level, there was always something in the air.

You couldn’t decipher whether she meant what she said or if it was simply fun to her. But what you did know, was that it had caused you to fall head over heels for the woman. Not that you would tell her. Or anyone for that matter.

Refocusing on the fight ahead of you, you lifted your fists to somehow cover your face. Jumping back and forth on the tip o your feet, you prepared to make the first move.

You had learned quickly that if you would wait for her to start, the result would be a lot more painful. So, to avoid any broken bones you went for her face. Of course, you hit the air, you don’t think you’ve ever actually gotten her. Not even close. But that didn’t bother you, she was still the freaking Black Widow and you were a simple Agent.

The two of you exchanged some punches with almost none of them landing, until suddenly Natasha stopped in her tracks.

“All right let’s have lunch” she moved her hand towards the exit of the gym, and you were confused. Looking at her skeptically, your fists slacked, and your posture slumped.

“Uh,” you started uncertainly, “okayyyy. Let’s go…then.” slowly, really slowly you moved your back towards her only breaking eye contact once it was physically impossible to keep it. She was planning something, you were sure. You don’t remember a single incident when she would stop a fight just like that. Without a winner. No, something was going on here.

And just when that thought left your mind you were pulled back while you tripped backwards over her legs. Landing with a harsh sound on the floor. Her face came into view and she was smirking.

“Remember, always be aware of your surroundings!”

This time you rolled your eyes. “That was totally unfair, and you know it. No real enemy would just stop in the middle of a fight and then pull some shit like that.” you huffed when she outstretched her hand and pulled you up.

“Life is not fair. You and I both know that.” With a smile she dropped your hand, and you immediately missed it. She turned away from you and picked up her water bottle.

While she was drinking you took her in. How her neck moved when she drank the water, how there was a little more sweat now and one or two drops rolled down her neck and disappeared in her shirt. Your eyes moved down her body, her shoulders her arms, her butt…

Quickly you averted your eyes. You’re not a creep. It’s not normal to stare at a friend like that and you needed to stop. It wasn’t going to get you anywhere. Shaking yourself out of your stupor you went to grab a towel and your bag.

“I’ll take a shower real quick and then I’ll meet you in the common room, yeah?” Sending her one last smile you left the room while taking a deep breath. Walking away, you missed her eyes wandering down your body until you were out of her sight.

------

After a quick (cold) shower, you got dressed in some comfy clothes and made your way downstairs. You were one of the few simple agents that lived in the facility. But since you had literally nothing and no one, your job was your life and therefore it only made sense to live there.

When you proposed that to the other Avengers, they were happy about it. You didn’t really work with them much, except maybe Clint and Natasha but over time you had become great friends with them, and Tony was more than willing to design a room just for you.

Walking in the kitchen you saw Natasha already sitting at the counter, her hair up in a loose bun with some strands falling in her face. You kind of wanted to move them behind her ear so they wouldn’t bother her while reading the file in her hands. The file. You almost didn’t see that. Making your way over to her you asked,

“What’s that? You got a mission?”

She looked up at you and smiled softly. “No, we got a mission. It’s an easy one, but we’ll have to stay at a safe house for three days. We’re leaving tonight” staying at a safe house with her made you nervous. It wouldn’t be the first time you would have to do that, but since your feelings have only gotten stronger you were unsure how this was going to play out.

Swallowing your nerves, you plastered a big smile on your face. “Sounds like fun. But on to more important matters, what’s for lunch.” Eliciting a laugh from the redhead you couldn’t help but smile at her.

You loved her laugh. She didn’t do it very often, but it made your heart melt every time. It felt special when you were the one causing it. Smiling to yourself you turned around and made your way to the kitchen with Natasha following you closely.

 -----

“Ugh, this is the worst.” huffing you threw your bag on one of the two beds in the safe house. “How can we have so much money and our safe houses look like this.” exasperated you flopped down on the bed and moved your arm to cover your face.

“Oh, c’mon. We’ve had worse, don’t you remember Louisiana last year?” she asked with a slight smirk on her face.

“Oh god, don’t remind me. You’re right, that was the worst one, but this right here is a close second.” you moved your arm away from your face and your eyes searched the room until they landed on Natasha. She was unpacking some of her stuff.

For a moment you got lost in her movements. It was always mesmerizing to watch her do anything. She was never unsure of a single move and everything looked so elegant yet so lethal.

You groaned internally, she was only putting away some of her clothes and that’s what you were thinking? How can someone be so obsessed with another person?

Trying to distract yourself, you got up and made your way to the kitchen. “Hopefully, they filled the fridge. I’ll make us dinner and then we can go over the plan for tonight.” Not waiting for an answer, you opened the fridge and saw an acceptable amount of food. You were sure you could make something nice and immediately your thoughts were completely enraptured by your cooking plans.

After a couple of minutes of cooking, you felt the presence of the other woman behind you. She was quiet, which wasn’t new to you. While you considered Natasha a good friend, talking about deeply personal things was never something you had done. Not that you weren’t both interested but knowing how much both of you had on their plate, it just didn’t seem to be an easy conversation.

That’s why her next question surprised you. “So, what exactly got you to move into the Avengers facility?” she sounded so nonchalant, it took you a minute to figure out what to say.

Sensing your hesitation, she quietly said “You don’t have to answer that. I’m sorry if I overstepped.”

You turned around, and when you saw her looking at you intently your lips quirked up a bit. She looked beautiful in this light and you couldn’t help but just stare at her. She didn’t seem to mind because she did the exact same thing to you.

In this atmosphere you felt extremely safe. You always did when she was around, so you wanted to tell her everything about yourself. You just wanted her to know you and your story.

“I don’t have anything but this job. My father was an asshole and my mom died when I was very young. I lived with an aunt, but we never really got along, so I moved out when I was 16 and took my chances. I applied for this weird program that would assure you a job and financial help, you just had to pass some test. I passed it and just like that I was in the middle of S.H.I.E.L.D. It took me a while to climb the levels because I struggled with my social skills. I basically failed every single test about undercover work.” a light laugh left your mouth and when you looked up you saw green eyes focused entirely on you and what you were saying.

“Anyway, a while later I was introduced to one Clint Barton. He was great and we got along very well, but he was in the special division and I was not. So, we didn’t have a lot of jobs together.  But we hung out and stuff. Until he was called on this highly secretive mission in Budapest. I think his job was to exterminate an enemy but instead he brought her into S.H.I.E.L.D and she became one of, if not the best Agent. I’m not sure if you know her, she can be quite annoying.”

A washcloth hit your face and you started laughing. “You’re an idiot.” shaking her head, Natasha moved around you to get the dishes for the table. When she was right next to you, she paused and lifted her head.

“Thanks for telling me that. I appreciate it.” it was barely a whisper. She was so close, and it wouldn’t have taken much for you to kiss her. Two, maybe three inches and your lips would have touched hers.

Instead, you cleared your throat and moved away. “Well, uh you’re welcome. Set the table, I’ll bring the food in a second.”

Natasha looked at you for a while longer and then decided to just do what you had said. It almost seemed like she was reluctant to move. When she left the kitchen, you leaned against the counter and let out a long sigh. Slowly, you moved to get the food and carried it to the table, where the redhead was patiently waiting for you.

 ----

After dinner it was time to get ready. Both of you put your suits on and attached all the necessary weapons to it. You had some guns, but your favorites were always the knives. It was easier to move with them and quite honestly, you were also fucking good at it.

When you were finished, the two of you left the house and made your way towards the building you’d have to infiltrate in order to get some intel on some rich dude selling alien weaponry.

“Okay listen, we’ll go in, get the intel and get the hell out of there. No unnecessary fighting and no casualties but also, no captures. Someone comes for you, end it. Try not to die and we’ll be fine.”

A dry chuckle left your lips and you looked over at the redhead, “Wow, Nat. Your pep talks are almost as good as Steve’s.” She didn’t look at you, but you could see that small smile you liked so much. It made you happy and you couldn’t help but smile as well.

If only you could see that more often. Yes, the two of you spend a lot of time together, but there always seems to be some kind of barrier. There were moments in the past, when you felt like you were getting even closer, but every time she would pull away and not talk to you for a couple of weeks, finding excuses as to why she couldn’t train you that day.

Right now, you were in a good space. It had been a couple of months since that last happened and you had to admit it was the worst one. She wouldn’t talk to you; she wouldn’t look at you. It was hell and that was the time you realized your feelings were a lot more than just a crush.

You had made a plan to not let her back in if she decided to come back with an apology, but when she knocked on your door in the middle of the night, nervous as you’d never seen her, you couldn’t help yourself but forgive her.

So now, here you were. On a mission with you constantly thinking about her, knowing you were in love with her and not being able to keep your eyes off of her.

----

“The hallway is clear.” you whispered into your comms. Getting into the building was surprisingly easy and both of you were a little suspicious. But the mission had to be completed, so you continued to be careful.

“All right. Come back here and cover me while I retrieve the data.” you could here her voice in you ear. Nodding your head, you quietly walked back to where she was. Locking eyes and nodding in confirmation that the two of you were fine, you entered a room that looked like a control room.

While Nat put her gun away and walked to one of the computers, you turned around and made sure no one was coming. It was quiet. Too quiet. You were beginning to get concerned, checking the hallway again your turned around to her “Something feels off, Nat. Maybe we should go.”

Just when you finished your sentence, you heard a loud bang coming from the other side of the hallway. You were about to say something else when you heard Nat moving. “All right, got it. Let’s get the hell out of here.”

Getting your guns out you made your way towards the exit. No one was in your way. There were no soldiers or agents or weapons. It was weird and that feeling in your stomach wasn’t dissipating.

“Nat, this is weird.” You turned your head to look back at her and that’s when you saw him. A lone Agent with a freaking sword in his hand, charging towards the two of you.

Without thinking you stepped in front of Natasha and were about to shoot when the sword lodged itself into your side. There was no pain and you barely registered the sword, until you pulled the trigger and it was removed by the body falling to the ground. All that happened within a single second.

“Y/n!” Nat was quick to catch you, before you fell on the ground. Her gun still raised she inspected your wound with a shaking hand. She was panicking.

“I’m fine Nat. I don’t think it hit anything vital. It just hurts like a bitch.” groaning, when she put pressure on your wound, you tried to reassure her.

She was frantic in her movements. You don’t even think she heard you or registered that you were talking. To calm her, you reached up to touch her cheek. “Nat, I am fine. Let’s just go, so nothing else happens.”

That helped and suddenly she stopped moving and looked down at you. Leaving was easier said than done. Just as you were about to move the sound of footsteps made you halt your movements. Locking eyes with Nat you both knew that there was a change of plans.

“Nat, we need to leave. Now.” Your hand was wrapped around her shoulders while she held on to you, trying not to touch your wound.

“They are probably blocking our point of entry. We can’t just go there with you hurt like that. Do you remember another exit?” she was nervous. You could feel her heartbeat from being so close and her hand on your waist kept squeezing in a rhythm almost as if she was trying to ground herself through your touch.

“There is no other exit, but I have an idea. If we get close enough, we can just blow them up and get out of here. I have three grenades on me.”

“You brought grenades? Are you fucking kidding me? You know those things are unpredictable, what if you get blown up while fighting hand to hand?” she whisper-screamed at you. Her face was set, and she was in full trainer mode. You rolled your eyes, wincing when you moved your body a little bit.

“Give me a break. Now is not the time. I have a fucking sword wound, I am losing blood and you want to lecture me about grenades? Just grab them and blow these assholes up so we can leave.” At the mention of your wound Nat’s face turned to a worried frown again.

“Okay, okay. Let’s got.”

With a groan, caused by the pulsating pain in you side, you walked towards the exit as fast as you could. Before you turned the corner, Nat guided you to the ground.

“Hey, hey what are you doing? Help me back up!” you couldn’t stop her from pushing you down, it was simply too much pain.

“You can’t fight, obviously. So, I’m going to throw the grenades and take care of possible survivors and then I’ll get you.” She was about to stand up, but you pulled her back down by her arm. Fear enveloped you heart. You didn’t know how many people were out there and there was no way you’d let her fight all of them alone.

“No! Nat, listen. We don’t know how many there are and what if it’s too many, what if the grenades don’t do shit. I can’t let you go alone.” At this point you were desperate for her to listen to you, but she was already reaching around you to get the three grenades.

Before she pulled away completely, she put her hand on your cheek and looked at you as if you were the most precious thing on this planet.

“You can’t help right now. I got this; I promise. So, you just sit here and be pretty and let me handle this, okay?” her eyes pierced yours and there was nothing but sincerity, love and a little bit of worry in them. Enraptured by her beautiful eyes you leaned into her touch and nodded slightly.

With one last look at you, she stormed off. All you could do was lean your head against the wall, put pressure on you wound and hope to the gods, that the woman you were in love with would come back to you.

After a couple of minutes of silence, you were almost happy when you heard the grenades go off. At least that meant she was still alive. Now you just had to wait a little while longer.

You listened closely, trying to make out any sounds; guns, fighting, anything. But it was completely silent except your own shallow breath.

‘This is taking too long. Something is wrong’ With a loud groan you moved to get up, just as you were about to try and stand up, a pair of warm hands landed on your shoulders. You looked up and there she was. Covered in debris but still beautiful as ever.

Seeing her made you realize how scared you really were. Tears started gathering in your eyes, you closed them and took a deep breath.

The two hands helped you up and one of her arms sneaked back around your waist. Leaning your head against hers you quietly whispered, “Thank God.”

The way back to the safe house took longer than expected, since you still couldn’t walk properly. But after what felt like hours, you were finally back in the warmth of the house and you couldn’t help but be glad to be back in this dump of a place.

“Come on, we need to clean the wound.”

Her voice seemed to be very far away and you realized you almost dozed of on the way here. She almost carried you at this point and you felt bad, so you quickly shifted your weight back on your legs.

In the bedroom, you sat down with a hiss. Her hands left your body and she quickly walked to the bathroom to get some stuff for you wound.

“Take your shirt off please and lay down.” You heard her voice a little clearer now and you did as you were told. Laying on the bed you mind drifted back to the moment you got stabbed. Even though it hurt like a bitch, a small smile grazed your lips at the thought of having saved her life. Honestly, you’d do it again in less than a heartbeat.

A dip on the side of the bed, made you open your eyes to look at Natasha. She was focused on cleaning you wound, as soon as the disinfectant touched your tender skin you couldn’t help but draw a sharp breath in.

“I’m sorry, but we have to clean it. I’m sorry.” Nat sounded terrible. Well, her voice was still beautiful, but it was laced with worry. You couldn’t help but scan her face.

Her brows were formed to a frown and her lips kept moving, apologizing repeatedly. Moving your arm without thinking, your fingers settled between her brown and smoothed the skin there.

“It’s okay. It just hurts.” You tried to reassure her, and it seemed like your touch was working. Her hands stilled and she moved into the touch of you hand. After two or three long breaths, her eyes moved to your face.

“I’m done. You should get some rest now and tomorrow we’ll clean it again.”

“What about you? Are you hurt?” you couldn’t see any wounds but you had to be sure. With a soft smile she answered.

“Just a little dirty from your grenades. I’ll take a shower and then go to bed as well. Rest, your tired, I can see that. Close your eyes, okay. Good Night.”

And with that she got up, gathered all the medical equipment, and moved away from the bed. Sighing you gave up the fight and finally closed your eyes to fall into a deep slumber.

 Opening your eyes, you looked around. It was still dark outside and you could see Natasha sleeping in the bed opposite from you. Realizing you woke up because you had to pee, you started moving into a sitting position.

A soft groan left your lips, but quietly so you wouldn’t wake up Natasha. Moving fucking hurt. After getting your left leg off the side of the bed, you slowly moved the rest of you body to follow. A couple of hisses later and you were standing, albeit shakily, but you were standing up.

“What are you doing, y/n?” Hearing sheets ruffle, it was only a couple of second later, that warm hands found their way to support you.

Guilty, you looked up “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you, but I uhm…I have to, you know, pee.” Your were thankful it was dark, the proximity of the woman was bad enough but her trying to help you use the toilet, which you were sure she would do, made you blush like an idiot.

“Alright let’s got.” She said matter-of-factly.  Without meeting her eyes you nodded and started walking towards the bathroom. You dreaded what was about to happen. You didn’t want this woman to see you pee, that was a 5-year relationship step.

To try and make this a little less awkward, you tried to crack some jokes. Honestly, you just wanted to hear her laugh. She was quiet, and not the “I am tired”-quiet but the “I feel guilty because you got hurt because of me and now I’ll help you however I can”-quiet.

But she didn’t even move her lips. There was no amusement, and she was definitely not in the mood to laugh. It made you a little sad but also you were worried. Natasha needed to know that you did not blame her in any way. It was not her fault.

The rest of the torture of using the toilet was spent in silence. Just when she helped you lay down, did you grab her hand before it moved too far away.

“Nat, this isn’t your fault. Stop beating yourself up, okay. I’ll be fine. And just so you know, getting sworded was on my list of ways to get injured anyways, so check.” Your thumb drew patterns on her hand but she still didn’t look at you. “Nat, please. Smile. I really need you to smile right now.”

There was no reaction. She didn’t look at you and she didn’t move either. You realized your words wouldn’t get through her thick scull so you did the only thing you could.

You shuffled towards the other side of the bed and pulled her with you at the same time. She was hesitant, but she slowly followed your lead and laid down beside you.

There was no touching except your hand on her lower arm, still drawing patterns. It was silent except for the sound of both of you breathing.

You felt at ease, there was no pain. All you could feel was her laying next to you. That was everything you have wanted for the past year. But this was not how you imagined it. You didn’t want her to feel guilty or sad. You wanted her to enjoy it, just like you did.

“Why did you do it? You could’ve let him just stab me. Why would you jump in the way?” her voice way quiet, hard to hear.

Now you were angry. Was she serious? It was not like you expected her to know about your feelings for her or the fact that you would literally die for her, no. But you did expect her to know that she means something to you and that you would protect however you could.

“Are you serious, Nat? I mean all these years of training and you can’t figure out why I took a fucking sword for you? I did it because I’d rather die, than see you get hurt. There is literally nothing on this fucking planet that I wouldn’t do to protect you. And if you haven’t figured that out by now, you are stupider than I thought possible.”

Okay, whew. That was maybe a little over the line. But you couldn’t help it. At this point, she should’ve known that you would do something like that.

Movement to your left startled you a little bit, especially when all of a sudden you were looking up into those beautiful eyes you regularly dream about.

“I know why you did it, because it’s the same reason why I’d do it for you. I can’t see you get hurt, okay. Especially for me. That is not an option, because if you think that you would die before something happened to me, I would murder every single human being on this planet to make sure you wouldn’t get hurt.”

You didn’t know what to say. Did she just say, she felt the same way? Wait, did she just say she would annihilate the human race to protect you?

“Wow Nat, every single human being? That is a lot of people, you know. Need some help with that?”

Finally, you saw her lips move up in a smile. Finally, she was responding and fucking finally you felt like this might be the beginning of something. But before you could say anything else, she took the word.

“You are an absolute idiot.” With a final smile, she moved to grab you face and softly pressed her lips to yours. It was a soft kiss; she didn’t want to hurt you. But you could not get enough. It was like a fire erupted in your core and you moved to pull her even closer.

Pushing up, the kiss got more forceful. It was like a year of pent-up emotions all pouring out into this one kiss. One of her arms moved down your side, careful to not touch your wound, as she slowly pulled away.

Keeping her as close as you could, you smiled brightly at her.

“This was awesome, can we do it again?” with a soft chuckle, Natasha pressed another soft peck to your lips, before moving away again.

“As soon as you’re all healed up, okay. For now, let’s just sleep.”

“okay” you whispered softly. Slowly Nat moved to lay her head on the same pillow you were laying on. Taking your hand and intertwining your fingers she pressed a soft kiss to your cheek.

“And don’t think just because this is going on, I’ll go less hard on you in training. This has no influence on any of that.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Content and happy, you closed your eyes with the feeling of the redhead cuddled in your side. Fucking finally this was happening. Fucking finally, you had someone, fucking finally you had her.

[itskateak]

Oceans and Stars - Chapter 8

Story Summary: A story of how Bucky Barnes falls in love with oceans, stars, and the woman who gave him the reasons to.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Velika Dante King (Fem!OC)

Chapter Summary: Bucky's life isn't easy without her, but he's getting by. And he's getting better. 

Words: 3.2K 

Warnings: Mentions of war, mild language, PTSD, Relapsing, Anxiety, canon typical violence, some fluff, harassment

A/N: I know the words of the song are the same as the last chapter, but that's because that section repeats. 

Masterlist

                       ⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽༓☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅ 

𝓛𝓲𝓿𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝔀𝓲𝓵𝓵 𝓵𝓲𝓿𝓮. {𝐿𝒾𝓋𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝓁𝒾𝓋𝑒}

Bucky glanced at his gloved hands, fingers laced as he rested his elbows on his knees. The waiting room was silent except for the receptionist taking calls from other patients. A diffuser puffed intermittently, spraying oils into the air. He recognized the smell of chamomile and lavender. It was meant to calm and relax people as they waited. Instead, it just made him more anxious.

He hated waiting in the open like this. He was lucky there wasn't anyone else in the waiting room with him and he was seriously considering leaving without even holding his appointment. The diffuser huffed out another dose of the anxious elixir. 

Steve had offered to come with him, but he didn't want his best friend to see how broken he actually was. In some ways, Steve glossed over the cracks and believed the front Bucky put on when he was having a rough day or week or even month. It had been especially worse now that Velika hadn't been around. 

"James Barnes?" A dark-skinned woman in a pair of jeans and a blue knit sweater called for his attention. She had a pair of thick-rimmed glasses pushed up onto her crown, holding her unnaturally colored box-braids back. Her eyes were a soft brown, which matched her soft and friendly smile.

Bucky stood slowly to not startle her and gave her the kind of smile people give when they hold doors open for others. 

"I'm Doctor Naomi Winters. It's nice to meet you, James." Naomi extended her hand to him in a manner that didn't pressure him to return it. He did, though, and shook her hand.

"Bucky, please." He kept his left arm at his side and still. 

"I'll make a note of that because I'm sure I'll forget in the next five minutes. It's been a long week. Come on back." Naomi rolled her eyes at herself and gestured with her head.

Bucky followed her down the hall. The walls were painted an awful beige color that reminded him of the sun-faded flour sacks he hauled down on the docks. Random paintings and pictures were hung between offices. Some were of plants and flowers, others were what he thought were meant to be inspirational quotes but really just sounded condescending.

Naomi opened a door to his right and invited him in, shutting it softly behind him. The room was a cool grey with paintings hung on one wall. A black bookshelf filled with various medical journals and alternative books was pushed into the corner. A plush rug in black was laid out across the floor, one edge of it hidden under a desk with a couple of computer monitors in sleep mode. A comfy looking grey couch was under the paintings and a chair by an end table sat opposite it. A deep red blanket was thrown over the back of the couch and a pair of decorative pillows sat against one of the arms. The room was dim, lit up by warm fairy lights in plastic jars. 

"If there's anything you need to make you more comfortable, please let me know," Naomi said, grabbing a file from her desk and sinking into the chair. 

Bucky nodded and sat cautiously on the couch, unsure of himself now that he was actually in the room with her. She picked up a pen and made a note at the top of the first page.

"Do you need a few minutes to get used to the room?" She asked, pulling her glasses down to rest low on her nose. She looked at him patiently over the top of them.

"I'm okay." He responded, voice much gruffer than he intended. He winced slightly and cleared his throat. "It's fine."

"Okay, Bucky. I glanced over your file and there's a lot to cover. We can start wherever you want and I won't push a subject if you tell me you don't want to talk about it in that session. I want this to be helpful to you and at your own pace," Naomi set her pen down and picked up a steaming mug on the table beside her. She wrapped her hands around it and took a sip.

Bucky nodded hesitantly. Where would he even begin? He furrowed his brow and dropped his gaze to the floor, eyes flickering over the threads of the carpet. There was a lot to cover over his life and finding a place to pull the thread without unraveling the carefully woven web he'd created was more difficult than he expected.

"Alright, I have an idea. I can see you're having a hard time trying to find a place to start. We can start with the intro survey you filled out and talk about each section. This will allow me to help diagnose you properly." Naomi spoke softly and with an evenness that was already loosening the tension in his shoulders.

"Okay." Bucky nodded again, lacing his hands together again. 

"You checked most of the boxes for the anxiety parameters. Let's talk about that first." Naomi set her cup aside and took her pen up again. 

Bucky took a deep breath. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad.

                       ⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽༓☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅ 

"You okay, Bucky?" Steve checked in with him, putting a hand on his shoulder. They were between meeting people as the groups were being switched out.

"Yeah, why?" Bucky glanced at him before smiling to a fan who had called his name. He waved in the direction of the shout. The sea of people in line didn't let him pinpoint exactly who had said his name.

"I'm just making sure. It's a big crowd and it's a lot of people," Steve said, taking a step away as the next group of people were brought in.

"I'm okay. Promise." Bucky gave him a reassuring smile and had his attention diverted by one of the convention's staff. He greeted the person in front of him, making casual conversation and giving them a hug when they asked. He smiled for a photo, a warm feeling in his chest. 

People had been wary to accept him at first. He hadn't attended public events like this often. He would sit on panels and do interviews, but other than that, he never did meet and greets. After attending therapy for a few months, he had felt stable enough to attend a short one.

A small boy, maybe ten, approached him with wide eyes and a smile. His mother stood behind him, a hand on his shoulder. 

Bucky opened his mouth to say something when he noticed a pin on the boy's shirt. Immediately, he kneeled to be on the boy's level and pulled his sleeves up to the middle of his forearms. 

"Hi!" Bucky signed.

The boy's eyes widened further in surprise. Even his mother seemed a little surprised. They had expected Clint Barton to know sign language since he was hard of hearing, but they really didn't expect Bucky Barnes, the ex-Winter Soldier, to know sign language.

"Hi!" The boy beamed.

"How are you?"

"Excited and happy to talk with you. How are you?"

"A little nervous. My sign is rusty. But happy to talk with you, too. What's your name?"

"My name is James."

"My first name is James, too. But everyone calls me Bucky." He tucked a piece of hair behind his ear. "What's been your favorite part about the con so far?"

"Meeting you." James ducked his head sheepishly. "Your arm is so cool! I really liked the-" James broke into a flurry of signs that Bucky couldn't keep up with. 

"Hold on! Slow down, please. I can't understand at that speed." Bucky chuckled at his enthusiasm. It made his heart swell.

"Sorry. I got excited. I talk fast when I'm excited. I really liked the red star on your silver arm, but I know it was tied to really bad things in your past so I'm happy for you now that it's gone. Your new arm looks really, really pretty! I love the gold designs." James' enthusiasm wasn't dulled even with the slower signing. He was nearly bouncing on his feet.

"Thank you. I didn't design the appearance but I really like it, too. Shuri was excited the whole time she was fitting it. It's not as glitchy as the silver one, which means less time I have to spend around the compound missing an arm." Bucky wrinkled his nose up in mock disgust before chuckling. "Did you see anything cool today or buy something from the vendors?"

"I got this replica of your .... and meeting all of you guys was really fun!" 

Bucky furrowed his brow and looked to his mother, repeating the sign he didn't understand and asking for its meaning. 

"Oh! Motorcycle. That's not a sign I've seen before. I usually fingerspelled it. Would you like to take a picture?"

"Yes, please!"

"Do you mind if I use my phone to also take a photo?" Bucky verbally asked James' mother but signed as well so James could understand him.

"Go ahead!" 

A staff member took Bucky's phone from him and he wrapped his right arm around the boy. He held his left hand up with the sign for I love you and smiled. 

James' mother counted down with sign and snapped a few photos. The staff member followed her lead. They handed Bucky's phone back to him and he nodded to them in thanks.

"Can I give you a hug?" James asked with a shy smile. Bucky opened his arms up and nodded. James threw his arms around his shoulders, squeezing tightly. Bucky squeezed him back, rocking from side to side slightly.

James' mother tapped James on the shoulder and signaled it was time for them to move on. James pulled back and waved, thanking Bucky. 

"I love you, James. You're a superhero."

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Bucky wandered through the bookshelves, head tilted inquisitively as he read the titles. His hands were sunk into his pockets. He'd discovered this small bookshop with Velika on accident. They had been wandering through New York's downtown areas when the rain had suddenly started to pour down. They found shelter in the family-owned bookshop tucked between a thrift store and a business office.

He pulled a book that had caught his attention from the shelf, reading the synopsis curiously. He'd been reading a lot more, finding it enjoyable again. Usually, his mind would wander while reading, and his thoughts would be completely unrestricted. Now, he could read for hours and be uninterrupted by his intrusive thoughts.

The synopsis wasn't as intriguing as he'd hoped so he put it back in its place and continued down the row.

A scoff behind him interrupted the quiet calm of the shop, but he paid it no mind. He did step closer to the shelf in case it was someone wanting to pass behind him. He took up a good amount of space in the small aisles and didn't want to be a bad person.

"I see you're letting anyone in here." The voice was muffled, and obviously feminine, but he heard it clearly. Blame his superhuman hearing.  

"What do you mean, Loraine?" The owner, a kindly old Jewish man, asked in a gentle voice.

"You let a criminal in here." She whispered. "He deserves to be in jail. Not browsing your shelves."

"He has done no harm and he is quite kind. You would know if you talked to him. He's a hero. He saved my mother from certain death when he was a Howling Commando. This bookshop wouldn't exist if not for him. If you are going to continue, then you will leave." The owner's voice was firm and the door slammed closed shortly after. "I'm sorry about her, Mr. Barnes."

"You don't need to be sorry, sir. It's completely alright. I'm used to it." Bucky rounded the end of the shelf with a soft smile.

"But you shouldn't be. You should not be judged on the actions you could not control but rather the actions you did. That is what makes you the man you are." The owner extended his hand to Bucky.

"I have never asked your name." Bucky shook his hand firmly and smiled.

"Mendel Belenky. It is a pleasure to truly meet you, Mr. Barnes." Mendel said in a wistful tone.

"Please, just call me Bucky. Would you like to talk sometime about your mother and the war?" He offered, shoving his hands back into his pockets.

"I would love to, Bucky. And know you are always welcome in my store." Mendel's warm eyes crinkled up as he smiled. 

"Thank you."

"Now, I haven't seen that lovely woman that is usually with you in awhile. Did you two break up?" Mendel asked.

"Ah, no. We weren't dating. We're just friends. Velika is currently fighting on the frontlines of a war between her homeland and her birthland." Bucky explained, face flushing lightly.

"I do hope she comes home. And you finally ask her out." Mendel winked and returned to the counter. 

                       ⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽༓☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅ 

𝓖𝓻𝓸𝔀 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝔀𝓲𝓵𝓵 𝓰𝓻𝓸𝔀. {𝒢𝓇𝑜𝓌 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝑔𝓇𝑜𝓌}

"So, how has the last week been?" Naomi asked, settling in her chair with a sigh. She flashed him a genuine smile as she picked her ever steaming mug of tea up.

"I didn't have any nightmares. At all." Bucky grinned, a feeling a pride spreading through his chest. 

"That's great! That's really good!" Naomi's smile grew and she wrote it down on the notepad. "How many times did you feel overwhelmed or anxious this week?"

"Twice. I went on a mission Monday to Wednesday, so I was nervous beforehand. The second time was after I got out of the shower. I was thinking too much and it just hit me." Bucky stretched his right hand against his left, gloves tucked away in his pocket. He'd stopped wearing them as much in public.

"Any progress made is good. You were overwhelmed and anxious five times at the time of our last visit and you had two nightmares. I say that you're definitely getting better with every week." Naomi made another note. "Let's talk about fears this time since you mentioned feeling like you have irrational fears last time we met. Can you tell me more about that?"

"It sounds ridiculous, but I'm terrified of falling. Heights don't bug me, but falling? It scares me." Bucky sighed, leaning back against the couch. "Ever since I fell off the train and into that ravine, I just...I dunno."

"It's perfectly rational, Bucky. You fell something like five hundred feet. Anyone would be scared to fall after something like that," Naomi said.

"Jeez, you sound like Velika. She nearly said something identical to that a couple of years ago." Bucky smiled fondly at the memory.

"Tell me about that, then. And tell me about her."

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"Bucky, there's two on your tail!" Nat shouted from across the room before swinging herself around a guy nearly twice her height.

"Copy that." Bucky turned and engaged with the two men who had followed him. They weren't anywhere close to being a match for him. He continued towards the main server room, hand on the top of the pistol strapped to his right thigh.

"You guys have five minutes to get back out here before the charges go off. Get a move on!" Tony ordered through the coms.

"Yeah, yeah. We're movin' as fast as we can." Bucky ducked into a hall, firing rounds off at the people coming at him. He heard someone approaching from behind him but he wasn't concerned. 

A round went off behind him and an exasperated sigh followed. "Barnes, you nearly just got your head blown clean off. What the hell was that?" Natasha asked.

"I...thought Velika was here again. Thought she had my six." Bucky admitted in a quiet voice. Nat's expression changed and she patted his arm sympathetically.

"I know, Bucky. We all miss her."

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"You son of a bitch!" Sam howled, nearly coming across the kitchen table in rage.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did you say something, Wilson? I couldn't hear you over the sound of all this money." Bucky dramatically fanned himself with millions of dollars worth of Monopoly money. He had a shit-eating grin as he watched Sam turn red in rage.

"He cheated. He had to have cheated." Tony threw his money onto the board in frustration.

"That's it. You're banned from playing Monopoly with us ever again." Nat threw a handful of popcorn at Bucky and he started laughing.

"Sleep with one eye open, Barnes. You're gonna pay for taking away my win." Sam fumed, crossing his arms.

"Whatever you say, Wilson. Whatever you say."

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𝓢𝓲𝓷𝓰, 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝔀𝓲𝓵𝓵 𝓼𝓲𝓷𝓰.

Bucky leaned his head back against the seat of the couch, emotionless gaze staring at the grey wall. He hadn't slept for the last two days and he was exhausted both physically and mentally. He'd been doing so well and suddenly it all fell apart. So here he was, sitting on the floor of his therapist's office.

Naomi settled next to him, reaching over his legs to set a mug of tea on the solid floor. She held her usual cup in her hand, sitting cross-legged and facing the wall with him. He wasn't ready to talk. He felt numb. Shattered. His arms laid limply in his lap and he stared blankly ahead.

"If you need anything, you just have to ask. When you're ready to talk, I'll be here. I've cleared the rest of my schedule so you can be here as long as you need." Naomi quietly broke the silence.

"You didn't have to do that," Bucky muttered, voice gravelly and hoarse. His gaze didn't waver from the grey wall.

"I didn't, but I felt it was the best option for you. I felt it was what you needed." Naomi took a sip of her tea. "I will be here whenever you're ready."

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Bucky felt his phone buzz in his pocket and he pulled it out to check the notification. Rain tapped against the window, breaking through the soft jazz music playing from an old record player. He unlocked his phone and navigated to Instagram. A memory had popped up from two years ago. He clicked on it and couldn't stop the smile that spread across his face.

The photo was of him and Velika on the fallen tree above the river. She had her braid pulled over her shoulder, a bright smile on her face as she leaned against his shoulder to be in frame. His left eye was squinted because they were facing the sun, but he was smiling as well. Today's adventure included nearly falling into a river because that one wanted to sit on a tree above the water.

"Let me see her," Mendel said, shifting his glasses further down the bridge of his nose. Bucky looked at him with mild confusion. "Oh, don't pretend it isn't her. I know that smile when I see it."

Bucky turned his phone around to show him the photo and Mendel smiled with a nod. "She is beautiful. An angel, yes?"

"You have no idea."

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Bucky laid on the roof with his left arm under his head, watching the stars. It wasn't the same without Velika, but it brought him comfort on the nights he couldn't sleep. He played with her dog tags as he stared, a slight smile on his lips.

"I love you, Velika," He whispered to the moon.

𝓨𝓸𝓾'𝓵𝓵 𝓼𝓲𝓷𝓰. 𝓨𝓸𝓾 𝔀𝓲𝓵𝓵 𝓯𝓵𝓸𝔀.

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