#is that Traumerei was the one who instigated some sort of messed up retaliation or whatever in some form

[waitingforsecretsouls]

Catching up on Tower of God, and all these theories about how obviously Zahard is the one who did something to Traumerei’s memories and that’s the only reason he could possibly be loyal to him, and as soon as Bam or Gustang or whatever gives him back his memories he’s immediately gonna turn on Zahard are reeeaally weird to me, and diminishing to both Zahard and Traumerei as characters. 

Everything we’be been shown about Traumerei so far paints him as a huge cunt, by choice, who gets off on the suffering of others (which is why he’s a favourite, of course <3 ). When he’s not napping or dead inside he’s short-tempered, capricious and cruel.  A feature not a bug, if you will. While it’s true that we haven’t been shown the origin of his memory-and-emotion-discarding habit we have been shown occasions where he proactively chooses that course of action by himself-in the Yasratcha flashback, where he returned from the Nest to feed some more to Leviathan before dealing with Nen Nen and Wang Wang, and sometime after the incident, if you go by his distorted recollection of the event to Yasratcha. We know from Leviathan that Traumerei is the one who created him and kept feeding ‘filthy’ memories and emotions to him, in quite the amount from what it sounds like. These memories, going by what we know so far, would contain Traumerei at his worst, such as his punishment of Wang Wang, Nen Nen and Yasratcha for example, and likely be coloured by resentment and hatred rather than regret and sorrow (something soldified by Leviathans demeanour, imo) (meaning the current Traumerei is the ‘sanitized’ version).

That aside, how exactly would Zahard have found a way to force Traumerei to cut unwanted memories and emotions out of himself in a way that seems distinctly Traumerei (involving the creation of a Shinheu)? This is not the Hidden Floor, where they were simple data to manipulate and erase (without ill effects to their real/outside selves)! Why would Traumerei have kept up that coping mechanism over the millenia, if it was something forced upon him by Zahard? Why exactly would Zahard himself inquire after Traumerei’s memories, if a key piece of Traumerei’s loyalty to him was their erasure? Zahard himself is the one who brings them up in the first place! What seems like a realtively recent problem to boot, and in a way that seems more eager that he remember and out of worry for an old friend and comrade (’By the way, what kind of nightmares have you been having lately? Do you still not remember?’), (at the end of their strategy meeting, after the ‘business talk’ is already finished) than as some sort of insidious check-up to make sure that he doesn’t remember something from tens of thousands of years ago. It honestly feels like people projecting their dislike of Zahard onto Traumerei, when everything we’ve ever heard about him and are ever shown about him shows him as an ‘enthusiastic’ follower of Zahard and having an absolutely insane treshold of what counts as genuine loyalty. Heck, going by everything about him, it’s more likely that even if he had harboured resentment against Zahard, he would erase it himself to uphold the standard of loyalty he preaches!

In fact, I’d go so far as to say, in view of the Yasratcha flashback and obvious mirroring between him and Traumerei, that it’s far likelier that Traumerei came up with some weird revenge scheme as punishment for ‘abandoning’ him rather than simply being yoinked along by Zahard in something, and that, if he erased his memories because he found them unpleasant to deal with, it was not due to guilt or sorrow but anger and resentment (as we eg. see him exhibit in the flashback upon returning from a trip to the Nest, where he clearly has some leftover frustration).

A lot of fanon seems to view Traumerei as former emotionally softie of the group, who was a poor little meow-meow before he experienced a deep betrayal that emotionally hardened him. While I’m ready to concurr with the latter (and the general fact that the Great Warriors devolved into worse personalities with time) I’d like to point to the examples of what Traumerei perceives as ’betrayals’ in the story, and whether they seem reasonable and justified to feel betrayed by in the first place, or deserving of ‘punishment’, and then reflect upon the likelihood of Traumereis formative betrayal (assuming there is one, definitive one, or that it even involves the Great Warriors) being a cut and dry affair.

As for painting Zahard as the instigator of his unpleasant personality, it reflects an unwillingness to let people other than him be fucked up even though we already know plenty of other family leaders who are, as well as lack of consideration that Zahard might care about some people, like his oldest comrades, and they care about him in turn. Zahard confiding in Traumerei with regards to his views and plans in the first place, Traumerei going above and beyond his assignment to try to turn Bam against Gustang if he proves useful, for example. ‘But the order concering the Poe Bideau family!’- Gustang is the one who stirs the pot in the first place, the one who stole an item whose sole purpose is to defeat Zahard, the one who basically declared if not war certainly conflict, and let it be known that it’s not like Zahard put out a hit on Gustang (which would arguable be pointless, but we do know people as powerful as Eurasia Enne Zahard are capable of getting imprisoned) but merely his family, Gustang’s major instrument for affecting the politics of the Tower.

As of now it seems far more plausible to me for whatever leftover memories that are haunting Traumerei as nightmares to be something done by him instead of to him.

I think that it’s been set up that Traumerei is gonna remember something at the least, and likely something big (maybe eventually prodded by Bam, whom Leviathan told of at least some memories fed to him), but when he does it’s not gonna lead to a sudden heel-turn and alliance, problem solved, but instead a Traumerei actually out for blood, instead of bored and dead inside (anyone remember Bam’s refusal to let Leviathan go free bc ‘if I let it out [...] I’d be committing a sin against the world’ (TOG #531)? That Shinheu formed out of all of Traumerei’s most negative memories and emotions he discarded? That would presumably bubble back up inside Traumerei himself when he remembers?)

To close with a Maschenny quote that summarizes my hopes for Traumerei:

“Has it really disappeared now? That rage of yours? [...] Even if you say that rage has hardened and sunk in your mind, I don’t understand how it could just fly away in the wind like that. It gets more intense and clings to you even more firmly as time passes and you recall those memories. That’s the kind of emotion that rage is. And as long as that rage lives-war can break out at any time.”

-Khun Maschenny Zahard, Tower of God #390