#is so out of touchhh

[butchlifeguard]

ive seen more posts bitching about people who say 'i hate men' than actually saying it. i mean this kindly bc im men but get over yrselves 💀💀

[frankenkyle19]

Cherry Medicine 🍒

Request

word count: 809

warnings: mentions of snot, spit and being sick

“Kyle please you have to take your medicine, it’ll make you feel better I promise!” You repeated for what had to be the tenth time in the span of only a few minutes. The zombie boy hid behind the kitchen table out of your reach, shaking his head. His eyes looked tired and his nose was red and running. He was sick. 

He didn’t quite understand what was going on with him, but he’d been bedridden for nearly two days now. He came down with something after he had gotten out one night to explore. He was miserable. Coughing and sniffling constantly. He cried because his throat hurt and he cried because he couldn’t breathe through his nose. Then he cried because his head hurt from him crying.

You had been by his side the whole time, risking getting sick yourself so you could take care of him. He loved you taking care of him but the one thing he didn’t like was medicine time. You’d tried to teach him how to take pills, thinking it would be easier since they were tasteless, but he couldn’t figure out how to swallow them.

So your only other choice was to give him liquid medicine. The cherry flavored medicine that smelled almost nostalgic in the worst way. 

He had drunk it down the first time no problem because he figured you’d never give him something he didn’t like. The second time, he tipped the cup of liquid into his mouth before quickly spitting it out, covering you with a spray of red sickly cherry liquid. You didn’t scold him for it though. You hated medicine just as much.

The third time you had to hold him down and force it down his throat. That upset him. He didn’t like to be forced to do things or be held down. 

The fourth time was right now, Kyle huffing and puffing, hiding behind the kitchen table, running around to the other side each time you took a step closer to him. 

“N-no-no! No m-medicineee!” He grunted, shaking his head, blonde curls covering his forehead and eyes. He coughed, wiping the snot forming on his upper lip onto his sweater sleeve. You’d need to get him new clothes soon.

“Kyle look, I know you don’t like it but once it’s done you don’t have to take any more the rest of the day. Okay?” You tried to offer, holding the cup of liquid out in offering. You really didn’t want to force him to take his medicine but he needed it. You hated seeing him suffer.

“C-cuddle t-touchhh” he spoke, wide curious eyes watching you, such innocence in the brown orbs. 

You furrowed your brows a bit, trying to decipher his words. Sometimes it was hard to understand him, but you tried your best.

“You want cuddles?” You asked, to which he nodded, carefully taking a step towards you, arms out in front of him a bit. 

A smile formed on your lips as you looked at him. Maybe this wouldn’t be too hard after all.

“Of course I’ll cuddle you, Kyle. Just take the medicine, okay?” You set the cup on the table’s wooden surface, watching to see what he would do.

He grimaced a bit, scrunching up his nose in distaste as he clumsily picked up the small cup, bringing it up to his lips. He glanced back at you before closing his eyes and tipping the liquid into his mouth. He gagged a bit as the viscous liquid coated his mouth and slid down his throat, senses being overwhelmed by the fake cherry taste. He swallowed hard, shuddering before tossing the cup back onto the table.

“Go-gooood Kyle?” He asked, looking at you hopefully. He always loved your approval. You nodded, which caused him to smile, lips parting and dimples forming on the apples of his cheeks. 

You gently took his hand and let him back to his room, tucking him into bed under the covers before joining him. He wrapped his arms around you, burying his head in the crook of your neck as he sighed sleepily. 

You gently rubbed his back, humming as he drifted off, clutching onto you. 

He fell deep into sleep soon after, body relaxing against yours, his breath coming out with a wheeze as his nose was stuffed up. 

When he woke up you’d feed him some soup and whatever else he wanted, and maybe give him a bath if he was up for it. He at the very least needed a change of clothes, the snot on the sleeve of his sweater now dried and crusted onto the fabric. If it was anyone else it would disgust you, but it was your Kyle. You couldn’t be disgusted by a single thing he did. 

Hopefully he’d be back to his normal healthy happy self soon. 

[missamyrisa2]

Hi Amy! I just adore your tickle teases. Reminds me of tickle games with a close friend. We'd tickle and blow raspberries to the each other's bellies lol. We lost touch sadly, but those moments were special.

One of the best tickles would be when my hands are tied back, standing against a wall. My shirt would be knotted up, and my belly would get tickle destroyed with lots of raspberries. I'd love relive that through your tickle reases. I once again thank you for your service lol

Awwwwe that's soo sweeet~!! I love tickle games~ I used to play one with a friend where we'd set two chairs facing and touching one another so that one of us could sit in the first chair and put their feet through the small opening of the other chair (the butt hole we called it lol) which had to be done by rotating your feet, sticking them through, and then sitting normally so they were sorta trapped. Then the other person would casually stroll to the opening and play it up like "oh my gosh. There's feet here! Hold on, this might tickle!" and then it was tickles until you managed to get your feet out. Which I never did because welllll~ ya knowww~

In that senseeee we're soooo playing a tie up game, you and meee bestieee~ I need to practice my knots anddd I promise I won't hurt youuuu just come onnn, there's this funny wall here with the holes. I think this is like a regulation puzzle solving thing. You put your arms back, see just like this and your wrists through the holes and then I go back hereee and nope nope~ stay right there. We'll just run this rope here and there and over there and voila~! Noww~ can you pull free? Nooo? You really can't? So here's the puzzle. You can't see the knot but you can feel it right? This is like serious, a serious test of the senses. This will help you build your uhmm~ touchhh and vision because you're not using your vision, you're using your touch right? So just try to unknot that and mmmh I'll busy myself up hereee~

What? Oh this? I'm uhhh practicing another knot while you work on that one. You know, theeee shirt knottt? This is like a sheeeeepshammparooo? Yeah, the sheepshamparoo. It's a new knot. They just invented it. It's like maximum shirt knottiness. See, so efficient! Now you have half a shirt! How's the other knot going? Did you get it yet? Noooo? Oh gosh. Oooh goodness meeee~ what are we gonna dooo. Oh, you're getting it? You think you've got it?

Bzzzzzzzz!!

How about now? Bzzzzz!! muuuah!

Level two baby, you're on level two now. We have to up the test. This is in the official test pamphlet I swear, I'm building your distraction skills by giving you belly blows. Now, in an official setting this would be done with like one of those stomach...pump things? It's like this big machine that comes down and it's like mmmmmhrrrr! and buzzes your belly for like, regulation distractions. But I'll just improvise and put my lips here and bzzzztt!! Ooh, it's kinda hard to focus now right? Man, you really suck at thissss~

That knot is holding strong. I think it's actually knotted further now! You must realllly blow at eating pretzels. Yeah? It tickles when I buzz your tum? How about this? Mmmmmuah! Does that tickle? Tickle tickle tickle? Check this one out. I call it the zazzmatazz! I build up a little steam, fly in and mmmmmhhhhzzzzz!!! See, right on your button! You're not free yet? Geez louise, what am I gonna do with you? Like what are we gonna do if you and I get captured and they're torturing us with belly blows like this? Bzzzztt! You'd give up all the secrets wouldn't you? I swear, if you tell them where the gold is buried I'm gonna strap you down and bzzzztttt mmmmphphhzzzz!!

Well I thought you were my partner! Giving up all these secrets, I swear. You know what we do to double agents round these parts? Tickle torture! I'm gonna tickle these sidessss and your waiiistt and poke your navel till the cows come home and you don't have cows so that's gonna be a longgg time ~ did you know cows chew the cud? What a funny word. Can you say cud without laughing? I definitely can't ~ I mean look at you, you're dying laughing! You can't not laugh! What, it's because I'm still tickling youu? The tickles got your cud? Stop saying cud? Nahhhh I'mma keep saying it and alsoooo I'm totally nibbling your sides.

Got that knot yet? Good lord, you are soooo terrible at this! Well. Luckily, I came prepared. Ah pooey. See, I brought my art kit to show you and I forgot the canvas. Ooooh~~ oooh cudsieee~ I have an ideaaaa! Sso while you keep working on that I'll keep myself entertained by using you as a canvas. I think I read about this once that it's like the most secure way to store a secret code, inside the navel. And I have this tiny brushhh~ sooo hold still, this miiiight tickle!

[needypupy]

ugshsgsg I really think this is starting to become me!! all i wanna do all day is watch porn im starting to not skip through anymore I watch start to finish fully naked and my tounge out drooling im such a dumb girl I just wanna be on my knees all the time bouncing my pretty tits up and down 😵‍💫 even when im at school or in public my cunt is always soaked and I never even touchhh

i need some smart men to dm me some misogynistic porn recommendations or links that i can watch!!! I never know what to watch so i usually just watch the first thing on my feed my brain is mush

(send me asks!!)

Edging

At first I thought that edging was just a silly game, but now I can see the effects that it has on me.

Thanks to Tumblr I started edging on my knees, on the floor with my tongue out, all naked, drooling and humiliating myself.

This is making me more and more depraved, and I’m starting to like kinks that I used to find disgusting.

It actually makes me feel dumber, my head feels all fuzzy and there is always a part of me that is thinking about edging. I’m constantly leaking and getting wet, so wet that I can feel my wetness ruining my panties.

I think Im getting dirtier and sluttier every day, and its so fucking hot

[marc-spectorr]

hi callie!

this heat is definitely not it :/ so im sending all my love (from my ice cold heart which you will need :). whats your favourite sweater?

yesss babe you got this <33. dont forget to eat and sleep and sTAY HYDRATED (to all your followers also)

-love 🦋

p.s. imagine this as steven ajfhkl *🦋.exe has stopped*. like the chokehold that boi on me-

hiyaaa 🦋✨

thanks for all the love sweetie :) im sending it back to you and some chill vibes to cool you down during this heatwave (get it? chill?? hehehhe) omg my fave sweater would be this cute burgundy one that i bought on sale 😭 it’s literally the comfiest thing i have worn and i wear it all the time !!!

uhmmjj also that link??? yeah you got me imagining steven alright 👁👄👁 that’s a bod that i will gladly have on top or under me it doesn’t matter just pls lemme touchhh i am on my knees begging here ahshjdkdksk

((but love you babe!!! stay cool out there!!!)))

[hyperbolicgrinch]

If you get this, answer with 3 random facts about yourself, and send it to the last 7 blogs in your notifications, anonymously or not! <333

(yes ur in the list. do it only if u feel like to, tho. no pressure :))

I'm touchhhhed. Love that I'm in your notifications,,,, Pffft gosh, my so sappy lmao ignore me

okay okay okay random facts, random facts hmm hmmm 🤔

1. I have a twin (I over use this but come on, it's a classic)

2. I live in a double decker bus

3. I have two horses (Rocket and Jamie), a miniature dachshund (Dougal), and a cat (Gremlin)

ahh I know those aren't very interesting but assdfssa I panic whenever I'm asked to talk about myself because I can never think of anythinggg 😂

but cheers again for the assskkk, I know I left this one a little long but that's just cause I was like 'oh no factssss about me I don't know any'. 😂 Now, look out, peeps in my notifications, I'm coming for youu 👀

[yourlittlelove]

💖 my rules 💖

mommy set out a list of rules i have to follow, which i’m gonna list now, with some comments because apparently i’m “cheeky” which i take to mean that i’m adorable and hilarious duh 😌

1. no lying or fibbing to Mommy

2. Mommy wants to know if you’re alright or not. Tell Mommy as soon as you’re upset or sad. Tell her as soon as she or someone else overstepped your boundaries. (she’s so sweet!!! she always looks out for me i’m 🥺💖)

3. When told off or given a punishment, you will obey. (this one is definitely a rule because i whine when i have to do one of the punishments that come up later. i do them, tho!! i’m very good!!)

4. No touching your princess parts without permission (>:((( this one is especially hard today especially since someone’s teasinG MEEEE)

5. No cumming without permission. (this one was more fun when i could still touchhh :((()

6. There will be no talking back to Mommy (but what if it’s in a cute and fun way!!!!!!)

7. Mommy makes decisions. babies don’t. Ask Mommy what to wear before you dress yourself, she will choose your clothes from from the options there are. (i’m gonna look SO CUTEEE)

8. you should ask to do big girl things, like watching scary movies, making a big decision, or something similar

9. Tell Mommy if other doms/dommes want to interact with you. We will check if they are trustworthy before you’ll get more involved.

10. Playtime with other Dom/mes is alright, as long as we checked rule 8 beforehand.

11. you will not curse (exception: playtime) (this is wayyyy trickier than it sounds!! i have to learn new words!!)

12. you have to send Mommy one picture of yourself every day without being asked (do videos count? ☺️💖)

13. There is no belittling yourself. Whenever Mommy catches you belittling yourself, you’ll tell her three things about yourself that you like. (i’ve already broken this one four times :((( that’s a lot of things to come up with!)

14. Everyday you will eat three meals. (trickier than it sounds!!)

15. you will drink ENOUGH water, everyday. (1.5-2.5 liter) (pshhhhh easy money!!)

16. If there is something you are interested in, tell Mommy. I want to know about your fantasies. We will try everything you want to explore (that’s part of what this blog is for!!)

17. If you don’t feel alright with anything, USE YOUR SAFEWORDS (colour coded system will be explained) (ehhehe “colour” with a uuuu)

18. All rules are to be followed even when Mommy is sleeping or away. (of course!! i’m very good!)

19. If you break a rule, you will tell Mommy and ask for a punishment to be better.

20. Create a submissive journal. (A blog, for example) In that journal, you can write down your rules, tasks, and responsibilities so that you don’t forget and explore fantasies. Mommy can help you. Like this, we could explore everything together. (that’s this!!! rule achieved!!)

21. Do not use your phone while driving. (new rule that i’m extreeeeemely guilty of breaaaakingggg)

22. You must get at least eight hours of sleep every night and stay up no later than 2 am (which means with timezones i miss mommy :((((()

[worldwidejoonie]

Bts as...

... their perfume scents

A visual representation of their perfume from the VTxBTS collaboration feat. headcanons. 

Check out my masterlist for more like this~

a/n: I’ve had this in my drafts for a very long time, and the writing style changes halfway lmao

Namjoon - Eau de Bois

Bois translates to wood in french (if I’m not completely wrong)

With Namjoon’s resent interest in George Nakashima’s designs it doesn’t surprise me

But it’s a scent that fits him: robust and natural.

I imagine that he has gone on walks in different woods (bamboo forest, pine forests etc.)

Not only literal woods but also concrete jungles. He’s almost always surrounded by the city (and that’s a kind of forest too)

I also imagine it could be the smell of books, because he’s the resident bookworm (sexy brain *wink*)

It’s hard to explain but I really believe this is scent is a true representation of Namjoon as a smell

Seokjin - Eau de Cotton

The first thing that comes to my mind when I think “cotton” is softness

Jin is worldwide handsome (you’ve seen him right???)

And what’s striking about him is that his looks are actually soft, yet so evidently striking

His features are effortlessly beautiful and so soft to look at (I wanna touchhh)

It’s not only his looks but also his personality

Humble, kind and caring, but can also be extra and versatile

Just like cotton can become everything from clothes to towels

Yoongi - Eau de Vert

Vert means green in french

It’s simple but at the same time not, just like Yoongi

You know what green looks like, but can you imagine what it smells like?

Such a straight forward thing, yet hard to explain

Just like Yoongi is the kind of guy who seems to prefer simplicity, but is a a complex person

Green is a fresh and lush scent and isn’t too loud (...and cats like catnip)

(I actually smelt this one at Sephora in Paris, unfortunately they were sold out for everything else. It was after I wrote this tho)

Hoseok - Eau de Citrus

Citrus is fresh and a classic for everything (candy, soap, clothing print etc.)

Fruits that soak up all that beautiful sunshine. What scent could represent our Hobi better?

It’s summery, fresh and easy to use for any occasion  

I imagine that the perfume smells like liquid sunshine 

A scent that instantly makes you feel better 

Citrus does have a kind of duality: it could be sweet or sour 

It just fits Hoseok really well (think of that airplane from hope world vibe)

Jimin - Eau de Poudre

When I see Jimin I think squish and soft

So this perfume feels like his personality in liquid scent form

I imagine that it’s a light and subtle smell

Not overpowering or very noticeable, but comforting and mild

He also have a soft beauty, but not at the same way as Jin

Jimin’s personality is mellow, and understanding 

So a scent that isn’t demanding or overpowering fits him well

I have no idea what this would smell like in person, but something vanilla-ish?

Taehyung - Eau de Musk

When I heard about Tae’s perfume scent for the first time I thought “so what all men smell like in fanfics?”

Musk sounds suave and gentleman-esque 

Like if Stigma and Singularity had a smell 

It fits Tae because it’s a subtile but striking scent (I can’t imagine him with a mellow perfume)

For some reason all I can think of visually is him in a suit (042419 Taehyung is still haunting me till this day)

Or that one picture with him on the sofa from the hitmakers brunch

Smooth and effortlessly elegant

Jungkook - Eau de Ocean

Kook has an energetic and joyful personality 

So the fresh and salty so this scent fits him perfectly 

I imagine it smells like ocean breeze, it feels like it clears your airways and skin 

The beach is also a very active place: swimming, diving, playing volleyball, build sandcastles (all activities jk excels at)

And that line in Euphoria “I hear the far-away ocean, Across the dream, over the horizon”

Since Jungkook is sensitive to smell I think it’s fitting that he chose a simple and not too extreme scent 

Also, crabs like the ocean 

[familiarplace]

i hate cats the musical i’ve had TOUCHHH MEEEE ITS SO EASY TO LEAVVEEEE MEEEEEE stuck in my head ever since that trailer came out

[unoo-doos-treez-blog]

~ h e l l o ~

hola to whoever is reading this. for just so you know, this is my third retry ((yes, because i’ve been trying and retrying a lot of times already, and i have created blogs on different blogging platforms, this is my third one hahaha)) on blogging. my first attempt was in compliance to my psychological results last g11. my counselor mentioned that a lot of things should be released whenever a person overthinks and she suggested that as a verbal person, i should release my own thoughts in a blog-type manner; the second attempt failed because a lot of task was assigned and passed on to me and as i reflect on ‘if i should really start blogging because i should vent out every unspoken thought’ i gazed and realised that there is still a person who i can open up to freely and what’s the sense of having her if i will not be opening things up to make me feel less stressed out during those times. comfort from that person pushed my overthinking and ‘fomo’ thinking away, but then she left, we both drifted apart, she chose to find comfort and love on another person, yea people are people, life is like this and all i have to do is to accept the fact that there will be seasons like this instance ((( woah, that escalated quickly ))) so here i am now finally on my third try, with the reason of ~ i have nobody to open it with but to throw it away thru blogging,,,,,,

if you know me, hola @ me & for just so you know again, im not here to destroy anybody nor open up my issues to all other people and make them take sides (( im not here for any of those reasons )) nor i am here to make myself famous, just as i have mentioned, i already have three blogging accounts on different blogging platformsSsS and this decision is solely for the purpose of psychological improvement and emotional satisfaction!!!

and for those who don’t personally know me yet, (( btw people call me Trez!!)) hello!! welcome to my open life and if you want to get in toucHHh, i am willing to make new friends!!

psa: most of the things i will be blogging are probably my fave songs from hs and bethel, and also most likely, will be posting my own theology and principles on some important stuff, so buckle up, be blessed ~

~ welcome to the the unspoken side of Trez ~

[porkbunjuice]

Its not even about her personally, its about the many who do exactly what she shows herself doing. Even if she supports the fight and has the right intentions, this is not helping. Goldilocks syndrome in these comments is insane and so out of touchhh!

And its not lmfao its lichrally NOT. You sound like someone who is native to nowhere.

Our islands are not a playground for your little "intrepid soul search". Pull up or fuck off

[thecrazyanimegirl]

Hello! I was wondering if you could write a scenario/oneshot for Tanmoku Ki x You Keika from Spiritpact? Maybe some romantic fluffy time that turns nsfw-ish? :) Thank you!

This was really interesting to write ;)

(also, sorry if it took a while, the week got kinda busy)

„No.“

„But I’m bored“, Keika grumbled intoTanmoku’s neck. His hands were around Tanmoku’s shoulders, half hugging, halfhanging from him.

„Still no.“ Tanmoku looked unfazed byKeika’s closeness, flipping though the papers in front of him.

The sound of papers rustling filled theroom. „Then at least let me help.“

„That’s even more out of the question“, hepaid no mind to Keika’s cries and continued reading though the files.

„But it’s such a beautiful day!“ In asecond, Keika was standing, arms wide and pointing to the sky. The sky shinedbrightly on the first spring flowers. The cherry blossoms were just about tobloom.

„And I’m still busy.“

„Tanmoku Ki“, he started, but got noreaction out of the completely focused Tanmoku. „You have to stop stayingcooped up inside and get some fresh air. Let’s go somewhere.“

„You can leave if you want“, Tanmoku sighedin resignation. He didn’t really mean what he said, but just the pressure tofinish the job in front of him made him seem even colder than usual. He didn’teven look up after the silence prolonged. His spirit shadow always hadsomething to say, so why is he quiet now?

„I’m definitely not leaving without you! You’recoming with me.“

„It would be just for the afternoon. I haveto finish this and I could use the silence.“

ButKeika didn’t back down, something else was on his mind. „Every time I leave youfor a moment, you go and get hurt.“

Now that made Tanmoku look up, but he stilldidn’t release the papers from his hands. Keika stood close by his side, handson hips and looking directly at him.

„Like I’d ever leave your side“, Keikapuffed, breaking the serious mood as sat on the edge of the desk, crossing hislegs. He picked up a couple of densely written pages from the desk.

„Oi, put them back“, Tanmoku quickly wentto grab the pages. He just arranged them.

„So, what’s this? Some very important,formal, head-of-the-family kind of stuff?“ Keika’s eyes scanned through thetext.

Tanmoku’s hand stopped in mid-air. The completelyhonest and interested spirit shadow on his desk made him sigh again and cup hisforehead with his palm. „Yes. And it would bore you even more if you had toread through that.“

Keika pouted. Realizing that he couldn’t beof much help, he lowered the pages down. But he still wanted to spend time withhim.

„Can I stay here then?“, he pulled up a chairto sit right next to Tanmoku, their shoulders touching.

„What? I just said it was boring“, he justcouldn’t understand Keika’s logic.

„I’ll wait patiently until you’re done andthen we’ll go out!“

With the huge purple eyes staring at himhopefully, he couldn’t flat out refuse. Instead, he released another sigh.

„That’s a yes, right?“ Keika’s lips twistedinto an ecstatic smile as he tried to grab more papers form the desk. In aflash, Tanmoku raised the closest book and smacked the spirit shadow right onthe head.

„Ow, what was that for?“ Keika scratchedthe back of his head.

If Keika started repositioning the pages,it would take forever to finish this. „No touching.“

And then there was peace. For about threeminutes.

„What areyou doing?“ Keika was poking his cheek.

„Touchhh…“

„Oh for—“, he grabbed Keika’s hand,moving it away, but still holding onto his wrist.

But Keika’s other hand was free. Next hepoked his forehead, smiling teasingly.

„Will. You. Stop. It?“ With a swiftmovement, he held both of Keika’s arms in a safe distance fo his face, holdinghis wrists to restrain him. When Keika’s smile slightly faded, he realized howclose they were, their faces inches apart. He could practically feel Keika’s breathon his face.

„Nope“, Keika grinned widely again. Tanmoku didn’tmove away in time to stop the kiss on the tip of his nose. A heavy silence fellon the room.

Is he mad? Keika got kinda worried. But when Tanmoku’s eyes met his, he felt ashiver run up his spine. He stared at him intently, those gorgeous eyes shining. „Don’t play with me.“ And ina second, he covered Keika’s lips with his. The almost rough kiss made thespirit shadow stiffen, Tanmoku’s smell and taste enveloping his senses.

When Tanmoku finally stopped the kiss, Keikagasped for air. „W-what?“ He was sure his cheeks were bright red.

„You obviously won’t allow me to workbecause you want my attention, huh? You have it now.“

„I-I didn’t mean this.“ Is it just him oris it really hot here suddenly?

Instead of an answer, Tanmoku just kissedhim again, releasing his wrists only to bring their bodies closer. He held hisneck and waist as he deepened the kiss, using his tongue to part Keika’s lipsslightly. When he felt Keika relax in his hands, he broke the kiss for amoment. „Do you want me to stop then?“ But he already knew the answer so hedidn’t really wait for one.

He pulled the spirit shadow closer, making himsit in his lap. A surprised sound escaped Keika’s lips when he felt their hipstouching. Not that he hated the feeling. On the contrary, he found himselfgrinding against Tanmoku, feeling how aroused he was. He almost froze when heheard Tanmoku’s moan, the most erotic sound he ever heard. Tanmoku didn’treally expect such an explicit reaction out of Keika, so he couldn’t hold themoan in when Keika’s hips met his.

Tanmoku’s hands grabbed Keika’s clotheshungrily and traveled to his thighs. Crazy from the friction, he wanted more, hewanted to feel him more. He wanted him to be completely his.

Keika yelped as Tanmoku placed him on thetable, pushing the papers away, but still pulling him into passionate kisses. Fiddlingwith his clothes, he managed to half rip it, but he didn’t really have thepatience to undress the spirit shadow properly.

„Tanmoku“, his name alongside a moan leftKeika’s lips as Tanmoku turned him around, pushing him down on the table. Hegrowled at the sound of his name, pulling Keika upwards, removing the now disheveledhair from his back so he could reach his neck. He kissed him roughly, makingmarks along his neck as he pressed his hips on his lovers behind, making himfeel how excited he was.

„You’re mine.“

[ivisitlondon]

iVisit... Barbican brings back Concerts On Demand and announces new films on Cinema On Demand alongside more digital content

With England currently in lockdown, the Barbican announces a new programme of music and films On Demand, alongside fresh and existing digital content, inspired by the Barbican’s international arts programme. A curated mix of streams, podcasts, playlists, films, videos, talks and articles enables audiences to continue to enjoy the Centre’s rich and varied programme from home or on the go during its temporary closure and beyond.

Digital content is available via the Barbican’s website through Read, Watch & Listen, Cinema On Demand, Concerts On Demand, Live from the Barbican and its social media channels (Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | YouTube | Spotify). In addition, podcasts can also be accessed by subscribing to the Nothing Concrete podcast via Acast, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.

Highlights of the Barbican’s current and upcoming digital content include:

Concerts as part of the acclaimed Live from the Barbican series in 2020 are available via Concerts On Demand from 9 Feb until 24 Mar 2021. Included are performances from celebrated artists who reflect the wide spectrum of the Barbican’s distinct music offer:

Nubya Garcia, The Divine Comedy, Emmy the Great, Richard Dawson, SEED Ensemble, Ian Bostridge and Dame Sarah Connolly, Shabaka Hutchings, Barbican’s Associate Orchestra and Ensembles BBC Symphony Orchestra, Academy of Ancient Music and Britten Sinfonia

Also available On Demand are two seminal performances by the Barbican’s Resident Orchestra, the London Symphony Orchestra recorded at the Barbican in 2015 and 2017

An excerpt from the Olivier-Award nominated work, Blak Whyte Gray, performed by Barbican Artistic Associate Boy Blue and filmed at the Barbican Theatre, will feature in a three-part boxset Dancing Nation, available on BBC iPlayer and Sadler’s Wells Digital Stage until Fri 26 Feb 2021

Inspired – the Barbican’s Theatre and Dance in-conversation podcast series – returns, with the latest episode just released. This sees some of the amazing artists who work with us paired with Barbican young artists, sharing their personal stories about the influences that impact their work creatively

A full programme of exclusive films and ScreenTalks on Cinema On Demand including Martine Deyres’s 2019 documentary Our Lucky Hours in anticipation of the Barbican Art Gallery’s exhibition Jean Dubuffet: Brutal Beauty

As part of the Barbican Guildhall Creative Learning’s programme Subject to Change: New Horizons, interdisciplinary artist Mandisa Apena and Tice Cin have released: "cos now im missing our touchhh", a new musical score and video exploring the loss of nightclubs and queer nightlife in the UK due to the Covid-19 pandemic

The annual literary festival New Suns returns entirely online from Fri 5 – Sun 7 Mar 2021 for a weekend of talks, workshops and a film centred around feminist storytelling

The Barbican believes in creating space for people and ideas to connect through its international arts programme, community events and learning activity. To keep its programme accessible to everyone, and to keep investing in the artists it works with, the Barbican needs to raise more than 60% of its income through ticket sales, commercial activities and fundraising every year. Donations can be made here: barbican.org.uk/support-us

Full details of digital content below.

MUSIC

Barbican Concerts On Demand available from Tue 9 Feb until Wed 24 Mar 2021

A range of concerts that have already taken place as part of the Barbican’s successful autumn 2020 concert series Live from the Barbican have just been made available to re-watch on Concerts On Demand until 24 Mar 2021.

Live from the Barbican was first devised during the summer of 2020 when it became apparent that, due to the pandemic, the Centre’s music season could not go ahead as planned in the autumn. A new series was born which, for the first time, made Barbican concerts accessible online for a global digital audience through a livestream and, also, for a reduced, socially distanced live audience in the Barbican Hall. This hybrid experience, developed and delivered entirely in-house, has enabled the Barbican to bring music to its audiences during a difficult year, and, to also support artists and partner organisations during the pandemic. The Barbican is now pleased to be able to bring back a range of these autumn performances as part of the On Demand offer at a time when it had to postpone its planned Spring 2021 series of concerts.

Tickets are £12.50 for new bookers and half price for those who booked tickets to watch the concerts originally. Discounted tickets at £5 are available to 14–25-year-olds through the Young Barbican scheme. Once tickets are bought, audiences have 48 hours to watch the concert.

Please find a list of Live from the Barbican – Concerts On Demand on offer in date order below

The Divine Comedy: Live from the Barbican

Original performance date: 14 Oct 2020, Barbican Hall, 8pm

On Demand Tickets £12.50

Produced by the Barbican

Emmy the Great: Live from the Barbican

Original performance date: 17 Oct 2020, Barbican Hall, 8pm

On Demand Tickets £12.50

Produced by the Barbican

Richard Dawson: Live from the Barbican

Original performance date: 25 Oct 2020, Barbican Hall, 8pm

On Demand Tickets £12.50

Produced by the Barbican

Nubya Garcia: Live from the Barbican

Original performance date: 29 Oct 2020, Barbican Hall, 8pm

On Demand Tickets £12.50

Produced by the Barbican

Ian Bostridge / Dame Sarah Connolly

Mezzo-soprano Dame Sarah Connolly, tenor Ian Bostridge, piano Julius Drake, Carducci Quartet

Original performance date: 1 Nov 2020, Barbican Hall, 8pm

On Demand Tickets £12.50

Produced by the Barbican

BBC SO/Oramo: Live from the Barbican

Soprano Anu Komsi, conductor Sakari Oramo, BBC Symphony Orchestra,

Original performance date: Fri 6 Nov 2020, Barbican Hall, 8pm

On Demand Tickets £12.50

Anna Clyne: Within Her Arms

Haydn: Symphony No 49 La Passione

Magnus Lindberg: Accused (world premiere of chamber orchestra version)

Co-produced by the Barbican and BBC SO

SEED Ensemble and Special Guests Celebrating the music of Pharoah Sanders: Live from the Barbican

Part of EFG London Jazz Festival 2020

Original performance date: 14 Nov 2020, Barbican Hall, 8pm

On Demand Tickets £12.50

Co-produced by the Barbican and Serious in association with EFG London Jazz Festival

Shabaka Hutchings with Britten Sinfonia: Live from the Barbican

Part of EFG London Jazz Festival 2020

Original performance date: 18 Nov 2020, Barbican Hall, 8pm

On Demand Tickets £12.50

Copland Clarinet Concerto

Stravinsky Three Pieces for Solo Clarinet

Copland Appalachian Spring

Co-produced by the Barbican and Britten Sinfonia

The Cosmos with Professor Brian Cox & BBC SO

presenter Professor Brian Cox, conductor Dalia Stasevska, BBC Symphony Orchestra

Original performance date: 13 Dec 2020, Barbican Hall, 8pm

On Demand Tickets £12.50

Sibelius arr. Iain Farrington: Symphony No. 5 Mov. 3

Ives: The Unanswered Question

Mahler arr. Michelle Castelletti: Symphony No.10 Mov. 1

Co-produced by the Barbican and BBC SO

Handel’s Messiah - Academy of Ancient Music / Egarr

Original performance date: 19 Dec 2020, Barbican Hall, 7pm

On Demand Tickets £12.50

Co-produced by the Barbican and the Academy of Ancient Music

London Symphony Orchestra

Barbican audiences get the chance to re-watch two great concerts by its Resident Orchestra, the London Symphony Orchestra, as part of its On Demand programme, which will be available till 24 March 2021.

Michael Tilson Thomas 70th Birthday Gala

pianist Yuja Wang, conductor Michael Tilson Thomas, London Symphony Orchestra,

Original performance date: Thu 12 Mar 2015, Barbican Hall, 7.30pm

On Demand Tickets £12.50

Colin Matthews: Hidden Variables

Gershwin: Concerto in F

Shostakovich: Symphony No 5

The LSO’s Conductor Laureate and former Principal Guest Conductor Michael Tilson Thomas celebrated his 70th birthday at the Barbican in 2015 with a pair of concerts focusing on British and Russian music, but with a nod to his native USA. In both concerts he was joined by the pianist Yuja Wang in Gershwin’s popular Concerto in F.

This is Rattle

conductor Sir Simon Rattle, London Symphony Orchestra

Original performance date: Thu 21 Sep 2017, Barbican Hall, 7.30pm

On Demand Tickets £12.50

Stravinsky: The Firebird (original ballet)

Stravinsky: Petrushka (1947 version)

Stravinsky: The Rite of Spring

An authority on Stravinsky, Sir Simon Rattle continued the 2017/18 season opening ‘This is Rattle’ celebrations with three of the composer’s revolutionary ballets. Stravinsky sent shockwaves through classical music in the 20th century. His first three ballets – The Firebird, Petrushka and The Rite of Spring, all composed between 1911 and 1913 – brought a new and frenzied sense of rhythm, so distressing to audiences that it caused uproar; The Rite of Spring even caused a riot.

From Barbican partners

British baritone James Newby’s song recital as part of the ECHO Rising Stars Festival is now available to watch again for free via Read, Watch & Listen on the Barbican’s website. James Newby is the Barbican’s ECHO (European Concert Halls Organisation) nominee. The recital took place at the Elbphilharmonie in Hamburg on 28 January 2021.

The Guildhall School alumnus, ECHO Rising Star, BBC New Generation Artist, Kathleen Ferrier Award winner and member of the Hanover State Opera’s ensemble presents a selection of atmospheric Lieder by Clara and Robert Schumann. He is accompanied by pianist Marcelo Amaral. James Newby’s debut album with pianist Joseph Middleton I wonder as I wander came out in 2020.

James’s London ECHO recital was due to take place at Milton Court Concert Hall in January this year but had to be postponed due to the current lockdown restrictions.

CINEMA

In February Cinema On Demand brings together an exclusive programme of worldwide, bold, independent films for audiences to enjoy at home, while the venues remain closed.

Preceding the Barbican Art Gallery’s exhibition Jean Dubuffet: Brutal Beauty, Barbican Cinema On Demand will host an exclusive presentation of Martine Deyres’s 2019 documentary Our Lucky Hours (19 Feb – 31 Mar), including a live ScreenTalk between art historian Sarah Lombardi, director of the Collection de l’Art Brut, Lausanne and Ben Platts-Mills, who works with artists with disabilities in London and has supported the development of Hackney-based inclusive art studio, Submit To Love. The live ScreenTalk will take place on Thu 11 Mar at 7pm.

In this thought provoking documentary, photos, archival footage and sound recordings tell the story of a pioneering psychiatric institution in 1930s France. The asylum was radically re-thought, with doctors, patients and nurses working side by side to run the facility, with the support of the local community. Patients were respected and integrated and individually supported. They took up roles in the hospital kitchen and on local farms, they published a newspaper, and many pursued flourishing visual art practices.

During the Second World War, the asylum also sheltered refugees and Resistance fighters, among them such figures from the Parisian avant-garde as Paul Éluard, Tristan Tzara, Georges Sadoul and Georges Canguilhem. At the end of the war, another visitor was Jean Dubuffet, whose discovery there of the sculptures by patient and artist Auguste Forestier supported his elaboration of the notion of ‘Art Brut’.

Other exclusive highlights on Cinema On Demand during February include:

Cat in the Wall (Dirs Mina Mileva & Vesela Kazakova), set on a South London council estate – in which a Bulgarian family gets into conflict with their neighbours due to an abandoned cat – it’s a striking and provocative drama about the aftermath of the Brexit vote. Screening as part of the New East cinema programme, the film is followed by a recorded ScreenTalk with directors Mina Mileva and Vesela Kazakova.

Screening as part of Forbidden Colours – a Barbican Cinema strand celebrating queer films from places where LGBTQ+ people continue to face oppression – is Several Conversations about a Very Tall Girl (Dir Bogdan Theodor Olteanu), a sensitive Romanian romance in which two young women – one out and proud, the other less confident – begin a tentative affair.

Following on from its sold out screening in Cinema 1 in December, as part of Barbican

Cinema’s Emerging Film Curators’ programme, Reframing the Fat Body (Dirs various) makes its online debut. In this programme of shorts, writer and curator Grace Barber-Plentie celebrates the bigger body; here fat bodies are freed from the constraints put upon them by modern society and allowed to be fluid, free, sexy and radical. This programme features a recorded ScreenTalk with film curator Tara Brown and co-founder of The Fat Zine, Chloe Sheppard, hosted by Grace Barber-Plentie.

Also available are The Capote Tapes (Dir Ebs Burnough) which explores the social rise and fall of Truman Capote, the infamous American writer; Song Without a Name (Dir Melina Léon), which follows a woman’s journey to get her stolen baby back, taken from her just after child birth; and Shahrbanoo Sadat’s tender film The Orphanage, about a young boy in 1980s Afghanistan, who is sent to a Soviet orphanage and finds himself in a complex social hierarchy.

For families and younger audiences there’s Creepy Crawly Films for Families (Dirs various), a compilation of fun shorts celebrating all that’s creepy and crawly in the ground.

Cinema On Demand is available to audiences across the UK with a rolling four-week programme of titles and events that reflect the Barbican’s international cinema programme.

Barbican Cinema has been supported by the Culture Recovery Fund for Independent Cinemas in England which is administered by the BFI, as part of the Department for Digital, Culture, Media and Sport’s £1.57bn Culture Recovery Fund supporting arts and cultural organisations in England affected by the impact of COVID-19. #HereForCulture

THEATRE AND DANCE

Inspired Series 2

Inspired is the Barbican’s Theatre and Dance in-conversation podcast series in which some of the amazing artists who work with us share their personal stories about the influences that impact their work creatively. Part of the Barbican’s Nothing Concrete podcast, the first Inspired series was released weekly in September 2020. This new Inspired series, released weekly from the beginning of February, pairs Barbican young artists with those that inspire them.

In episode 1 interdisciplinary artist Riwa Saab talks to writer and director Kirsty Housley about her extensive career in theatre, the craft of dramaturgy and directing, and the political nature of her work.

In episode 2 Barbican Young Poet Amani Saeed talks to storyteller Amrou Al-Kadhi about gender identity and drag performance.

In episode 3 sound artist and composer Rebekah Alero talks to vocalist, movement artist and composer Elaine Mitchener about improvisation, contemporary music theatre and performance art.

In episode 4 author Rogan Graham talks to actress and writer Susan Wokoma about acting and activism.

In episode 5 multidisciplinary practitioner Gabriel Akamo, and writer and performer Jeremiah Brown talk to actor Ṣọpẹ́ Dìrísù about his career, heritage and legacy.

Blak Whyte Gray

Co-commissioned and co-produced by the Barbican, Blak Whyte Gray by Barbican Artistic Associate Boy Blue premiered at the Barbican in 2017 and was restaged here in 2018 due to demand. Created by co-artistic directors Kenrick ‘H2O’ Sandy and Michael ‘Mikey J’ Asante, an extract from the piece, Whyte, is available on BBC iPlayer and Sadler’s Wells Digital Stage until Fri 26 Feb 2021. This fierce, bold and galvanising dance work, set to a multilayered electronic score, reflects themes of identity, oppression and transcendence. The time is once again right to ask questions, to break free from a system that isn’t working, to emerge on the other side to an awakening – a return to roots, a celebration of culture.

CREATIVE LEARNING

Subject to Change: January 2021 commission

As part of Barbican Guildhall Creative Learning’s programme Subject to Change: New Horizons, interdisciplinary artists Mandisa Apena and Tice Cin have released: "cos now im missing our touchhh", a new musical score and video exploring the loss of nightclubs and queer nightlife in the UK due to the Covid-19 pandemic.

The audio of Mandisa & Tice’s track uses ASMR sounds of their own breath and laughter to create the drumline, mixed together with a collage of video snippets of clubbing scenes and people dancing. The piece aims to illustrate how nightclubs can be a vital space for deep healing, the excitement of being openly queer and feeling united through digital spaces, mutual love and understanding. Through this work, Mandisa & Tice hope to show queer club culture during lockdown and chatroom bonding, celebrate togetherness through technology, as well as making note of the physical spaces that they miss so much, and the way lack of touch has affected them.

The Subject to Change: New Horizons programme commissions a different young creative, each month for a year, to produce new and powerful artistic work responding to the uncertain times in which we are living. Mandisa & Tice’s piece is the seventh in the series. New work will be shared every month on the Barbican’s website and social media channels until June 2021.

LEVEL G

Experience the 2021 programme of the New Suns Feminist Literature Festival from home

The annual literary festival New Suns returns for a weekend of talks, workshops and a film centred around feminist storytelling. The weekend will feature acclaimed writers, activists, artists, and academics including adrienne maree brown, Season Butler and Dorothea Lasky. This third edition of the festival, running from Friday 5 – Sunday 7 March 2021, will take place entirely online for the first time. New Suns is a co-production between the Barbican and independent publisher and curator Sarah Shin.

This year’s New Suns will look to the legacy of eminent science-fiction author Octavia Butler, to explore the power we have to both sustain and change the world around us, and how to commune with others. In particular, New Suns will reflect on Butler’s prophetic, unfinished Earthseed series, which imagines Earth in the 2020s ravaged by ecological disaster and violent divisions.

The festival will navigate the books’ central themes, such as the inevitability of change, community-building, examinations of race and gender, and humanity’s relationship to the cosmos. For the first time, there will be a limited edition New Suns anthology booklet to purchase which includes an extract from Octavia Butler’s book The Parable of the Sower; poetry by Dorothea Lasky and Daisy Lafarge; guides for self-reflection and meditation; as well as herbal recipes for strength and healing to enjoy this spring and beyond. The anthology is accompanied by thyme seeds and instructions on how to use the herb beyond the culinary.

[melindacoulson4]

Waking Up

and here we are again. When I should be writing other things, this pops out.

one-shot, post-framework au. philinda

Breathe.

Wake up!

His eyes pop open, wide and confused as he desperately sucks in gulps of air.

Metal walls, groaning and heavy breathing all he can make out around him. His sight is blurry, unfocused. Breathing takes tremendous effort. He can’t get enough air in! A heavy weight is constantly pressing against his chest. His limbs are being forced down. His fingers and toes tingly as he slowly processes everything.

It’s as if he had been drowning and had finally broken the surface of the water. His head had been thrust above the water and his brain is now forcing him to breathe. He couldn’t control his own damn body.

Every thought is clouded. He had been speaking to those…people and then he had ended up here.

Suddenly, he knows. He remembers everything. Melinda. Daisy. They were there. The whole team had been right there with him. In the framework, that’s what it was.

Melinda. She had been standing across from him. Sporting a HYDRA uniform, an exact replica of the SHIELD one that she so frequently wears. Aside from the HYDRA logo on the side, of course. But it hadn’t mattered because she was Melinda May. The same person as she’s always been. And he had been a high school history teacher. A frantic young girl with long hair and a familiar face had run into his classroom and forced him out. He knows now that it was Daisy. She had remembered and came to rescue all of them.

He had been so sure that all of that….all of the lies had been true. It felt so real. It felt like a lifetime. But now he knows the truth. He’s with SHIELD. And half of the team had been captured by Radcliffe and Aida. Melinda being the first.

Melinda.

She had to be here too. Where?

Turning his head to the side only results in more blurry vision. All fuzziness and static images. Blobs of color dance in front of him.

He tries calling out for help, but his mouth feels as though it’s filled to the brim with glue. The words stick in his throat.

Someone is touching him now. Talking to him. He doesn’t know who it is nor does he care what they are saying. He just needs to get to Melinda.

Finally, his vision returns relatively normal after several wasted minutes of blinking. That’s when he sees her. Melinda. She’s there, resting against the metal body-shaped contraption right next to his own.

Her eyes are closed.

“May!” he calls out, hoping to rouse her.

There’s no response from her. She doesn’t move at all.

He notices that everyone else in the room, Fitz, Mac, Jemma, Daisy, and Mace, they’re all awake and blinking rapidly. Most are coughing and taking in their surroundings, completely confused just as he had been a couple of minutes ago. But Melinda, she’s still unconscious.

He steps off of the platform at his feet and barely catches himself before collapsing due to wobbly knees. Most likely from disuse. His hands grip tightly on the sides of the machine that Melinda is in.

Once he steadies himself, he reaches his left hand up towards her shoulder intending on shaking her awake. Maybe she needs a little push. She’s been in there the longest after all.

“Wait. Don-’t. Don’t touchhh her,” Jemma says, from her position at Melinda’s other side. Jemma doesn’t appear to be in the greatest shape. She’s bent over at the waist as if she’s fighting the urge to throw up.

Slowly, Jemma makes her way over to his position, at Melinda’s left side. He moves out of her way, as she’s obviously trying to reach the lit up screen with a bunch of symbols and numbers displayed on it. It’s some kind of small computer and Jemma stares at it intently.

“No,” Jemma whispers along with a sharp intake of breath.

He watches as she reaches out and wraps her fingers around Melinda’s left wrist. She keeps her fingers there for a while, more than thirty seconds he knows. Jemma turns her head to the side, shielding herself from his view as she frantically runs her fingers around Melinda’s wrist some more. She’s searching for a pulse, he can tell.

The anticipation is killing him. “What?” he asks, needing to know what’s happening.

Jemma keeps her head pointedly away from him.

He can’t read her face.

He reaches out and grabs her forearm, pulling her attention towards him, letting her know he won’t be ignored. His grip is tight, but he can’t help it. This is Melinda. And Jemma hasn’t said a damn word about her status.

Finally, she glances at him by quickly meeting his eyes. There are tears there. Her head shakes almost as in a twitching motion while her lip begins quivering. “She doesn’t have a pulse,” Jemma whispers.

“What?” He couldn’t even process that. They need to help her! Start CPR or something.

“We can’t….I can’t...do anything. She stopped breathing hours ago,” she whimpers, defeated.

His eyes dart to Melinda, still lying against the metal contraption, unmoving.

His stomach clenches in response. No. That wasn’t true. She had just been right there with him. They were together in the framework. He saw her, not even five minutes ago. She was breathing and talking….standing on her own.

“May. May! I’m here. It’s me. It’s Phil,” he stammers. His palm makes contact with her face, cupping it gently. She’s cool to the touch. He moves both hands down in order to grasp her shoulders and begins lightly shaking her. “Melinda!” he calls out, desperate for her to respond.

This couldn’t be happening.

He had to help her.

Keeping his hands on her shoulders, he pulls her towards his own body. Her body moves quickly, limply hitting into his chest. Her whole weight falls against him and he struggles to hold her up, not completely back to his full strength.

His legs shake as he bends down; wrapping her safely in his arms, and slowly lowers a knee to the ground.

He has to help her. He could do this. He could call her back. She was simply stuck in the framework. He could pull her out of it.

He cradles her body in his arms and positions her so that she’s facing him. His left hand slides behind her head, supporting it. “Hey. Melinda. Just….open your eyes. Okay? Just wake up. Please. Please….wake up,” he begs.  

He stares at her face, silently pleading for her to just….do something.

“I know you can hear me, Melinda. It’s time to come back. Come on,” he cries, voice cracking. “Please,” he whimpers, one last time. His own eyes fall closed, trying to wash away the tears that had been building up. His nose burns with the effort not to break down completely.

He feels no response, nothing from her. He slowly lowers his forehead to hers, feeling the need to touch her. To connect with her. Skin to skin. “Don’t be gone,” he mumbles to her through trembling lips.

Wake up. Please. Wake up!

He can barely hold on to her anymore. All of his will to breathe or keep going is flushed out of him in that moment. Melinda is gone…..she’s dead. His fingers press against the skin of her arms. She’s still so cold. She’ll never warm up. She’ll never use the muscles that he knows are there.

His knee gives out and he collapses backwards onto the solid floor, bringing her with him. He presses her against him. He needs to hold her. He cradles her head against his neck, his hands twist in her long dark locks. Still somehow soft and vibrant, full of life.

He’ll never be able to kiss her like she deserves. Or tell her how he feels. Because he wasted the chance on a fucking android. He was so consumed by happiness. Finally….they were finally moving forward, he never once suspected that she wasn’t real. That the real Melinda May was being held against her will.

He was too late. He failed her. He left her all alone for too long. He still doesn’t even know how long she was gone for!

And now she’s gone….forever.

It’s all his fault.

//end//