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alliluyevas · 7 months ago

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Next thought: AG does a lot of storylines involving their historical characters befriending other little girls with different backgrounds. They've done interracial friendships (Cecile and Marie-Grace, Kirsten and Singing Bird, Julie and Ivy), cross-class friendships (Samantha and Nellie, also Cecile and Marie-Grace) and friendships between girls whose families have significant political differences (Felicity and Elizabeth). I think it would definitely fit into this narrative mold (and be very interesting in general) if our MC befriends another little girl whose family is not Mormon. As well as religious differences, Utah Mormon and "Gentile" communities were really politically polarized and there was a lot of distrust and prejudice from both communities towards each other. It would be interesting to explore that.

In terms of thinking out what this character and her family might look like, I've been thinking a lot about AG's portrayal of their characters' parents. In general, I think that the vast majority of Mormon polygamist fathers loved their wives and children and genuinely wanted to do what was best for them. I also think that a lot of these men (and, to some degree, their wives) made choices that negatively impacted their children. I think this is a pretty hard thing to navigate in a series written for young children, and generally I would say that American Girl historical parents tend to be portrayed as "in the right" in a way that might not always work in this particular context. There are a couple exceptions to this, such as Samantha's grandmother being pretty vocally classist in a way the narrative definitely doesn't condone. Also, Felicity's mother presents a standard of femininity and obedience that she chafes at, and I think we're supposed to read her chafing at that as laudable, but also read Felicity's mother's beliefs as a product of her time and coming out of love.

I think the closest parallel to a hypothetical friendship between a 19th century Mormon girl and a "Gentile" neighbor would be Felicity and Elizabeth's friendship. As far as I can remember, the adults in Felicity's story are portrayed as taking a sort of mature, nuanced agree-to-disagree approach and supporting their daughters' friendship. This might be a little implausible even in the Patriot/Loyalist context, but I don't think it would be the case at all in a Mormon context with a lot of deep-seated fears and resentments that have been brewing over decades. I definitely don't know how AG would approach writing about a situation where otherwise loving and well-meaning parents are, in some cases, very much "in the wrong", whether that's dealing with the ramifications of a polygamist marriage on home life or with how parental prejudice might affect a child's new friendship. (In some ways, I think this time period and setting might be more appropriate for a book targeting slightly older children than the AG age range, so it could be delved into with a bit more complexity and detail. The only thing remotely similar I can think of is the very good recent YA novel Beyond the Mapped Stars, which is definitely written for a high school audience. I think you could go more middle-grade here as well, but writing for 8-10 on this topic is hard.)

In the original AG novels, all the dolls have a second book called "XYZ Learns a Lesson" which is focused around them starting school and what school looked like in that era. I think this could be a really good route to introduce a new non-Mormon friend for the MC, especially if the stories are set in the 1880s. Changes in Utah schooling are definitely an area I want to research more, but there was a lot changing in this time period. There was more federal control over Utah's budding public school system, which previously had been associated with local LDS wards and often included overtly religious content. In the 1880s, you see more of a push to create a religiously integrated and more secular public school system that would also serve non-LDS students (and, for a lot of anti-Mormon politicians, de-radicalize LDS students.) There were also private schools, both those affiliated with mainline Protestant traditions that had catered to non-LDS parents who didn't want their children attending ward schools, and LDS-affiliated schools that catered to Mormon parents who didn't want their kids attending the now more secular public schools. Some children were also homeschooled, either by mothers or by hired teachers if the family had enough money and a critical mass of school-aged children. If our MC's parents do choose to keep her in ward/public schools, she might meet her new friend there. (Political polarization and homeschooling for religious reasons? The more things change, I guess.)

I'm going to include a couple photos because a) they're semi-related to the schooling question b) they show a little bit of what our doll's outfits might look like c) I think they're interesting.

These are (some of) the children of Apostle George Quayle Cannon, with their hired teacher. Interestingly, their home teacher was male, though by the 1880s the professional teaching workforce had definitely transitioned to being largely female. (And, again, in most cases of LDS home education the teachers were one or more of the children's mothers.)

This picture was also taken in 1884 and depicts the children of George Cannon's fellow apostle Joseph F. Smith. This isn't a school-related picture, but it is relevant because Joseph F. Smith was once quoted as saying he'd rather have his children learn at home than from a "Gentile" teacher. I actually don't know if this set of Smith kids were homeschooled or not, but by the early 1900s their younger siblings attended a Mormon private school.

In terms of what our MC's dresses might look like, these pictures can provide a rough approximation, though unfortunately most of the kids in these photos are either a little older than an AG character, a little younger, or boys. The two girls in the back row of the Cannon family portrait are around the right age, but unfortunately the lower halves of them aren't visible. (Side note: I think Rosannah Cannon looks like Wednesday Addams, lol).

While these girls are all older than an AG character would be, I think it's interesting that the twelve-year-old twins Hester and Amelia Cannon are still wearing skirts that are closer to knee length instead of their 16-year-old sister Mary Alice's more adult ankle-length style, but in the Smith family the two older girls sitting up front, 13-year-old Mary and 12-year-old Leonora, have already graduated to longer skirts. (Based on photos of their fathers standing together, Smith was a few inches taller than Cannon, so my best guess here is that his daughters were taller for their age and may have graduated to longer skirts earlier.)

(Also, I do want to point out that if our MC is from a two-wife family she likely would not have quite this many siblings. The children in the Smith family photo have three different mothers, and the Cannon children have four.)

hello American Girl and/or Mormon history aficionados!! After some of the questions you guys have been sending me/my own personal ruminations, I want to share some of the ideas I have for if AG was going to create a historical Mormon character. (Though, for reasons outlined when I responded to the previous ask about a hypothetical Mormon pioneer doll, I highly doubt AG would go that route and I think there are plenty of valid reasons why they possibly shouldn't.)

That being said, if they did, here are some ideas I think would be interesting or cool. First of all, time frame. I answered the previous anon's question with the assumption that "Mormon pioneer" meant an early Utah settler with a storyline set in the late 1840s or early 1850s. I would actually prefer a slightly later era, and I think that might avoid some of the concerns about two much overlap with Kirsten's era. It also would help fill the forty-year gap between Addy and Samantha's storylines. In terms of narrative gaps, I also think there's a bit of a gap with not having a character whose story is set "out west" in the 19th century. (Kirsten's storyline addresses some issues of westward expansion, but she's really Midwestern, and while Josefina is in a modern-day Southwestern state, in her era that region is not under US political control, which makes for a slightly different narrative.)

Part of the reason why I think not having anything between 1864 and 1904 is such a misstep is that there was so much rapid technological development, population growth, and political/social change during those decades and I feel like we get to see the very beginning of a process with Addy and then we pick up with Samantha when so much change has already happened. I'd like to see a bit of a mid-point, and I think a Western state would be a really interesting place to do that. (Side note: if I wasn't a Mormon history nerd, and if AG didn't already have TWO different 20th century historical characters who live in California, I would say California would be the best setting for an "Old West" character. Utah has a really fascinating history in its own right but is in many ways not particularly representative of the West as a region because the population that settled it was so unique.)

One time period that would be interesting for a Mormon Historical Doll would be the late 1860s. This is still pretty close to Addy's time, but the character would be very regionally and demographically different, of course. A really big element of the technological development in the late 19th century was the expansion of railroad networks, including the Transcontinental Railroad, which was completed in Utah in 1869. It might be really cool to do something with this! Utah Mormons approached the new railroad with both excitement about economic opportunity and some sense of threat to their way of life, which had been shaped by previous geographic isolation from mainstream (and non-Mormon) America. How would a child approach this?

I also think a doll set in the 1880s would be really interesting. This was a really fraught time in Utah history, and the most intense period of anti-polygamy legislation and prosecutions (you'll sometimes hear people call this the Mormon Underground era because so many prominent men went "on the underground" to avoid arrest). In terms of technological and social changes, the advent of the railroad did change Utah society a lot, in part because it enabled a lot more non-Mormons to move to Utah. While still a majority especially outside of Salt Lake City, Mormons were no longer an overwhelming majority and also no longer were able to completely control state politics (partially because the new residents were voting as well, but also because there was a long-term effort by the federal government to install appointed officials to try and break the political power of the church.) So you are looking at a more religiously diverse Utah, a shifting balance of power, and a lot of federal policies viewed by Mormons as oppressive, and corresponding political backlash.

(Note: I would find an 1880s era Mormon doll absolutely fascinating, but it would be likely way more controversial even than the earlier pioneer doll would be, because modern LDS people would be way less enthusiastic about it. The pioneer doll would be from a period of their history that is really culturally glorified whereas a doll from the 1880s would be addressing a period of their history that most everyday non-historian LDS folks often find deeply uncomfortable. The 1860s doll might sort of split the difference, because conflict with the federal government over polygamy would be a more central issue than for an earlier doll but less than for an 1880s doll).

I'm just going to post this for now, but I'll reblog with some further ideas about possible storyline/theme/character choices they could make. I'm trying to clean my apartment lol.

#american girl mormon character ideas

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docholligay · 4 years ago

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A Silent Voice--Koe no Kitachi

This movie has come up a couple times for Eight Days and various other things I’ve done, which was basically all I knew about it, until it was sponsored as a one-off by @iscahwynn. The first time I watched the movie, I felt a lot of ways about it at once. It was certainly one of the most interesting “anime movies” that had ever been recommended to me, and had a capacity and quality of humanity that I really didn’t expect going into it.

As always, non-spoilery review leads, spoilers under the cut.

A Silent Voice, (Which is called The Shape of Voice on my subs) if you read the blurb, is about a boy trying to make restitution for a deaf girl he bullied horrendously in elementary school. That’s a fair assessment, but I also don’t think it’s a complete one. The movie is really about the nature of alienation and friendship, and how a lot of lonely people have at least some culpability for that loneliness. I don’t know if I would go so far as to say I liked it. I had some issues with it that I’ll go into in the longer spoiler review, but being as its on Netflix right now, if you have any interest in seeing it, I don’t think it’s a waste of time at all.

I”m not going to go through a play by play of the film itself, I figure if you’re reading this you’re familiar with the general narrative of the film and I’m not super interested in padding this out for the mere word count.

Also, the main character’s names are really similar: Shoko and Shoyo, so I’m going to call Shoyo by his patronymic, Ishida, for clarity.

You feel, or at least this viewer felt, nothing but sadness and frustration for poor Shoko, who did nothing but have the audacity to show up at school. One thing I think this movie does an excellent job with is showing how resentment creeps in over the most minor of accommodations. We see at first, the kids be taken in by the novelty of writing in Shoko’s notebook in order to accommodate her and talk to her. Then we see it turn annoying, when she wants to be brought into conversations on a regular basis, and they don’t want to do that. It turns to hatred and resentment, as it gets easier and easier to simply ignore her or make fun of her. When a teacher comes in to teach them some sign language at ten minutes a day, for all but one student, this is too much effort for them to make.

It escalates with Ishida himself repeatedly yanking her hearing aids out of her ears and throwing them out of the window, into the trash, etc, at one point ripping them out with such force that her ear bleeds. His punishment for this cruelty is essentially that his mother has to pay back, or choose to pay back, all the money lost for the hearing aids to Shoko’s mother, but on a more personal level, his classmates, actually faced with consequences, turn on him and implicate him as the sole actor in all of the cruelty aimed toward Shoko.

And I’m fine with him reaping the whirlwind, let’s not mistake that, but I do have one compelling question:

There are 106 schools for the D/deaf in Japan, and you couldn’t put your child into one of them? I have no idea if Japan has any equivalent of the ADA whatsoever, and the internet seems to suggest that the rights and education of D/deaf people in Japan is pretty woeful, but this really annoyed the shit out of me. I mean, I’m supposed to feel for Shoko, so I suppose that didn’t detract from what the movie wanted to do in that right, but man did it make me irritated with every single adult involved.

I think some of the most interesting things that come out of the movie are the ways in which it deals with depersonalization and isolation.

After we see Ishida’s fall from grace, if you will, when in middle school, people are (rightly) told that he’s a bully. People don’t want to be around him, and while, again, I do not feel particularly sorry for him, there’s definitely something deeply human and deeply disturbing about the way they make him the pariah of it all, even though they were mostly all involved in treating Shoko cruelly, or at the very least, at a distance. It’s easier to believe that it was Ishida’s sin specifically, and that they bear no responsibility for their part in the cruelty toward her.

When this happens, by the time we meet up with him, we see that he sees the world of people with the letter X across their faces, as a sign that he no longer thinks of them as people, more like objects or happenings that are best to be avoided. He goes so far as to say that he never looks anyone in the face anymore. Its a very visually powerful way of showing how Ishida, when he is hurt, walls himself off in the world, while, even when we see Shoko later, there’s no indication that she has done such (Though admittedly, the vast majority of the movie is through the eyes of Ishida)

It isn’t until Ishida defends Nagatsuka, a fat kid with curly hair, from getting his bike stolen by giving his up as an option instead, that he begins to see people in any different way. And it isn’t even in the moment that he does something, but when Nagatsuka returns his bike, found in a rice field, that the x falls away from his face and he begins to see someone as a fully realized human. A cynical viewer, who might be me, would see this as an acknowledgement that Ishida’s problem is not seeing people outside of their relationship to and treatment of him. That it is only with returned kindness that he can see Nagatsuka as human, defending him only because he recalls the shame of having been so cruel to Shoko.

Which I actually don’t have a problem with! I think it would go fairly far to show that he’s learned something from the Shoko situation, for him to expect no inkling of humanity but still be so desirous to remove that shame that he acts anyway. I just don’t know if that’s the intention of the narrative, even having seen it several times now.

“Friendship lies somewhere beyond things like words and logic” is one of the best lines from the movie, and I think it does a fairly good job of doing that as it calls up a large group from the past. It’s complicated, because I actually thought the group aspect was very interesting, particularly the incident on the bridge where Ishida, every fairly, tells each of them how they failed, what their personal sin is, and he isn’t wrong! The first time I watched it, I found myself screaming at it, the reckoning of this responsibility finally shared.

But the downside of all of these characters is that the focus on Shoko and Ishida, as well as any real development of feelings and forgiveness between them, feels very rushed. We get to the end of the story, with Ishida having saved Shoko’s life and hurting himself in the process. SO much emotional and character development gets laid down in a five minute scene, and while the scene itself does lend a lot of strength to the characters for that, I found myself more frustrated that we couldn’t have seen this sooner, and come out over time. Unfortunately the time with the ancillary characters feels a bit wasted, given what ends up being sacrificed for it.

Some parts of the movie are tricky for me to fully allow myself to fall into, at best. It’s particularly difficult for me to see Ishida as a huge victim given the exceptional level of his cruelty to Shoko, and if he really only pays until he’s in high school, while that may play as “forever” to a younger audience, I don’t have a lot of sympathy for his plight. This isn’t following him to his damn job. Maybe I’m a jackass, and that’s why I can’t go with it in the way the film seems to want me to, or maybe it’s that I was also horrifically bullied to the point of tears as a child, and I do not feel any particular sadness for the ways in which some of my own bullies were socially punished in high school. I don’t want him to kill himself, I want him to be better, and honestly the movie could have really really worked for me if we just saw the developing of his friendship with Nagatsuka and his turning into a better, softer person. This kind of goes into what I was talking about earlier--in a two hour movie, there just isn’t the time for all the side characters as well as the full development of the mains. We would have been better off just having Ishida, Shoko, and Nagatsuka. I fell you could have told a quite complete story with that. I think if those three characters had been more carefully written, I could have ADORED this movie, instead of the middle place I end up with in it.

But instead we come to the question of Shoko. I kinda suck my teeth at Shoko’s treatment in the film. Her open hearted kindness was heart-breaking as a child, the way she just wanted to be friends and she still had that belief that it could all work if she just did as adults told her and was NICE, and it’s extremely effective. But when we get to the high school Shoko and we’re still meant to see her as being this very mild, very apologetic, very sad person with no friends...it stops being a tragedy of the character individually and starts being a way of writing a disabled character as someone for our protagonist to act upon. Shoko is never really given her own moment of anger for herself, her own rich life outside of Ishida and the friends he brings to her. We don’t see her thoughts except as they relate to Ishida. We’re meant to believe she has no one outside of her sister when Ishida decides to reconnect with her, a tragedy of convenience that allows Ishida’s “work” to be valuable to more than just him. Even her own sorrow and suicide attempt seem to have so much more to do with the further of Ishida’s character than the oppressive social forces that have conspired against Shoko.

And we ALMOST get there. The end conversation between the two of them, where he says he understood her in ways that were convenient for him, and that because of that he failed to see her own pain and isolation, is amazing. Great, and I wish it would have come sooner and that we could have had some real payoff from that conversation that showed their relationship deepening in a way that served both Shoko and Ishida. But it comes at the tail end, and the “solution” we get all has to do with Ishida and his embracing of humanity, which I want, but not at the expense of Shoko’s character, who I liked very much and longed for a richer treatment of.

The romantic element between them is frustrating. Not only because he was her very very overt bully, I might even go so far as to say abuser, but because it feels so tiresome when the movie clearly has bigger fish to fry, and in many ways, does fry them! It doesn’t help that it is like quite a few things, painfully rushed, and when she falls for him, it’s left to the viewer to supply your own reasons that don’t quite make sense. It adds a layer to the story that I personally felt it did not need, even as cute as I find Shoko’s little flappy legs on the bed when she has her head buried in a pillow after trying to confess to Ishida, but he can’t understand what she’s saying.

Basically, I think this movie watches better once. I know that sounds like a strange thing to say about anything, but the first time I saw this, I didn’t notice so keenly some of the things that niggled at me later. I think it’s pretty fucking enjoyable, in the one shot, to be honest! I think it’s an ambitious movie that is, at its best, trying to say something about the nature of bullying and that it not only harms the bullied but the bully themselves. And in some ways, I think it has absolutely brilliant moments with that, and reflections on the nature of friendship and what it takes. But I think some of that ambition falls through, and feels a bit flat, when taken on the whole.

Have you seen it? What did you think?

#Doc watches movies #Doc watches things

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kakosindustries · 6 years ago

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The Live Episode from February 10th, 2019 in Phoenix, Arizona. CW: References to Euthanasia/Suicide.

[[Kakos Bells]]

Intro: What you are about to hear is positive, honest, and uplifting entertainment.

[[Guitar Intro]]

Greetings. Welcome. Take your seats. Feel free to get a drink at any time because you’re going to need it. It’s really best that you stay lubricated for this.

Just so you know, we are now recording this show so that we may better market to you in the future and exploit your every weakness, so if you don’t want what you have to say to go on the Internet, then please keep your mouth shut. Laughter is fine. Screams of terror are fine. Coughing and sneezing are frowned upon. Talking to your buddy about something totally unrelated is a capital crime.

I have just received word that the outside world as we knew it ended moments ago. It is chaos, carnage, death, and destruction out there. The fortunate news is that we are all still alive. That will remain fortunate news right up until we have to start eating each other. In that case, then the people who died instantly above will be the lucky ones.

Tip your bartenders well because money is meaningless now. Everything from here on out is social currency and sexual favors.

My name is Corin Deeth III. I am CEO of Kakos Industries, the sponsor of tonight’s event. You see, even though the world as we know it has ended, Kakos Industries, the company that specializes in helping its clients to Do Evil Better, will continue on. We will continue to do Evil and to advance Evil, and to help everyone everywhere, at least everyone who’s left, to do Evil. Kakos Industries has its innumerable tendrils in everything. From technological advancements, to new techniques for economic exploitation, to the feeling you have when you’re fucking someone you like, but they like like you and you’re really not sure you can keep fucking them with the constant guilt of obviously caring less. We help the world to do Evil. Additionally, if you were going to ghost your date after tonight… whoops.

And that’s where you come in, guests. You see, we need you. Now that the vast majority of humanity is either exterminated or in the process of being exterminated, we need you. Without humanity, there can be no Evil. Nature sets itself apart from humanity in its total and complete neutrality. With humanity, good and Evil can exist. So we need some of you miserable bastards to stick around to stay miserable. It’s really an honor, if you think about it. And the price of admission? Just five dollars? Eight at the door? To be given the privilege of rebooting society? That’s pretty nice.

[[Heat Lightning]]

Quick FAQ:

What has caused the apocalypse? We do not know at this time. It currently seems as though it was a lot of things all at once. Or one thing many times. We’re looking into it and we will bring you details as we get them.

Who caused the apocalypse? Was it the guy we’re thinking of? No. It was us. We did it. We caused it. And as soon as we figure out how, we’ll brag about how we did it. No one has paid us to take blame. Not even with luxury apocalypse bunkers. We already have those. We did it. Just for fun. It was all us.

What does this mean for my loved ones? They are so fucking dead. So fucking dead. We hope that you brought the people you like the most here because everyone else is just fucking toast at this point. And if they’re not, then they are in danger of being crushed, impaled, dissolved, or eaten at this very moment, and I’m not an actuary, but they likely won’t survive long.

Can I leave to try to save my family and friends? No. We’ve locked the bunker, and we are all in here permanently. Take a look around you. Take in your surroundings. These are your new digs for the rest of your life. Take a look at the people in the room. These are your new best friends. These are your new enemies. These are the grandparents to your grandchildren. Assuming this apocalypse takes that long to work its way out. If there’s no radiation or renegade AI, we might be out of here in a year or two.

What about these people that keep filtering into the room? Aren’t they breaking the immersion? Well, those people have come here through the huge series of access tunnels that connect all basement spaces like this one. They escaped the apocalypse at the same time as you, but they just got here a little later. Nothing to worry about.

Was this whole thing planned? How did you know to bring us down here? Another thoughtful question. Yes. Probably. We’re still working out the details of exactly what we did, but I can assure you it was very intentional. Everything we do is very intentional. And well planned.

Is my student loan debt really gone? Can it be true? Have no fear. We will find a way to keep you in debtors’ hell forever.

Other important rules. You have to ride the electricity generating bike if you want a turn with the bluetooth speaker. Well that about covers it.

[[Unpointedness]]

Take a look under your seat. You will have a card under there outlining your new social class here in the apocalypse and your expectations. Some of us will have to work with our hands, others will work with our brains. Some will collect the muck slime, others will prepare the muck slime, but we will all eat the muck slime. Who’s a mage? Just kidding, that’s not a real class. Who is a soldier? You will need to do violence on our behalf, especially keeping the eventual tide of monsters at bay. We thank you in advance for your sacrifice. If I were you, I would tune out the rest of what I’m saying, and start eyeing up what you can use from around the room as a weapon.

The janitors will be responsible for cleaning all of the floors and rooms, and also the people who get so depressed that they can’t shower. Who is the scribe? Please begin writing down everything I say. In fact, if you could write down everything I’ve already said, that would be super.

After the show, we will have two of you fight for our entertainment. Please look at your new social class cards. Who’s a fighter? Oh, three of you? It’s thunderdome then.

Who is the golden child? You are now the luckiest, most talented, and most successful among us, and we will all love and resent you.

Who got bad joke recipient? You will now have to listen to all of the jokes that we as a subterranean society can come up with, and laugh at every single one of them. Even the bad ones. Even the ones that you personally disagree with.

Who is the werewolf? Just kidding. We’ll all close our eyes later for that part.

Also, there will be no elections. I am in charge. The end. Except for mine inspector. We will continue to elect mine inspector. It’s a critical position.

Now that we have the ground rules laid, it’s time to take part in the apocalypse pledge of allegiance. Hands over hearts. Repeat after me. We promise to Do Evil at all times, except when that Evil might mean the extinction of the species, without which Evil cannot continue. We hereby promise to walk that fine line and Do Evil Better. Amen, brother. Thank you for doing that. It is legally, as well as morally binding.

So how many of you were Shareholders in Kakos Industries before tonight? (some sort of response) Well, you are all shareholders now, which means that you can rest easily knowing that your contributions have helped to promote the spread of Evil everywhere in the world. Income inequality. Hunger. Political meddling of all kinds. And everyone’s favorite: Sex. Anyone planning on having sex today? (We’ve got some confident people in the audience today.) In the bunker. Wow. We haven’t even given you your room assignments yet.

[[Elusiveness]]

Before we get too far, we should probably check in on that apocalypse. Right now, we’ve got our field agent Titus Lachlan on the surface, risking life and limb so that we might be able to learn a bit more about the disaster on the surface.

Corin: Come in, Titus. Can you hear me?

Titus (ADAM): Yeah, Corin. I can hear you. I just found some cover.

Corin: What’s going on out there?

Titus: I am as of this time still uncertain. It’s quite dusty out and I am finding it difficult to see.

Corin: Dusty… everywhere?

Titus: Well, I stopped to have a beer under a tree, and it is very dusty right here in particular.

Corin: Well, can you move to another location to give us some useful details?

Titus: I would love to do that, Corin. Just as soon as I finish my bitter.

Corin: Titus, I don’t mean to dwell on the negative here, but you could die at any time. Isn’t there something useful you can tell us?

Titus: Well, that’s where you’re wrong, Corin. I am totally impervious to apocalypses. The worst thing that can happen to me is that I will be the only one left alive when this is all said and done, which, admittedly, is pretty bad now that I think of it.

Corin: How can you be impervious to apocalypses?

Titus: An experiment went wrong, and here I am.

Corin: But how could you know that you’re impervious? The only apocalypse to happen is the one that just happened.

Titus: The scientists used concentrated apocalypse beams in the lab and I withstood all of them. No matter if it’s the biblical end times or a sciencey one, I’ll be right as rain.

Corin: How much beer do you have left?

Titus: It’s a tall boy, Corin. I’ll be sipping for another few minutes at least.

Corin: Well, radio in when you have something.

Titus might not have anything of use, but we can still listen in on what’s going on at the nearest listening station.

([1] – some distorted screaming, explosions, gunshots, fire sounds, etc)

Well, that sounded pretty bad. Remember that all of that is out there waiting for you if you feel the need to go smoke. Might want to wait a little bit.

I have in front of me a list of all the possible causes of the apocalypse. First item is giant robot AI. That is interesting. I should double check that with our resident robot expert, Dirk Cornelius Sexplosion, CEO of Giant-Ass Robots to Kick In Your Face. I say resident expert because he made the mistake of coming to live in this bunker, making him a resident.

New shareholders and old shareholders alike, you will enjoy hearing from Dirk. He is a man of such tremendous Evil, such dastardly masculinity, such malicious ingenuity, that we are truly lucky to have him here. He makes enormous metal machines that cause unfathomable amounts of damage worldwide, but his strength of will is even stronger. He is the master of manliness, the zenith of zero compassion, and the pinnacle of penility. Let me introduce Dirk motherfucking Sexplosion.

[[Pythonidae]]

(Dirk sobs)

Corin: Oh, for fuck’s sake, it’s the apocalypse, man. Get yourself together!

Dirk (ANWAR): I’m trying! It’s… It’s not the apocalypse.

Corin: What’s the problem?

Dirk: It’s… my family, Corin. My wives. My husband. Our dogs and hedgehog.

Corin: They’re all here. We evacuated them before we definitely caused the apocalypse.

Dirk: It’s not that. They’re safe and sound and set up in our luxury apocalypse bunker away from all of these filthy normal people. But they’re just so angry at me, Corin.

Corin: Dirk, it’s not unusual for friends and family to not understand your relationship with or appreciation of Evil. We have support groups for that.

Dirk: It’s not that, Corin. It’s… They think I caused the apocalypse.

Corin: That’s ridiculous, Dirk. We caused the apocalypse. Possibly using your robots, but it was us, not you. I have lists here of everything you were working on and none of them could have ended the world individually.

Dirk: There’s more than just that, Corin.

Corin: Go on.

Dirk: Well, you see, you’re always pushing me to be more Evil. Harder. Toxically manlier.

Corin: Well, Dirk, you tend to bring me really wimpy shit. Like giant dog robots that humans pilot so they can feel like puppies.

Dirk: Well, I decided I had enough of being so sad about stuff like that and I was just going to push through it. I was going to make a giant robot that could destroy the world. I kept it off the books. No one was to know about it until it was done. The MegaDeFuckulatrix 9 Quadrillion.

Corin: I’m going to set aside my frustration at your dishonesty for a moment. Don’t tell me this robot could feel the desperation of aging or some bullshit like that.

Dirk: (through sobs) It had rocket launchers firing spent uranium.

Corin: That sound sick as shit.

Dirk: It had enormous blades to destroy entire forests!

Corin: Rad.

Dirk: It could set fires large enough to change the weather hundreds of miles away!

Corin: I’m really loving this robot.

Dirk: Its fuel source was people!

Corin: Fuck yeah.

Dirk: I mean, not just people, but people are its favorite.

Corin: Dirk, I’m not mad at you. I’m just amazed. I love the MegaDeFuckulatrix 9 Quadrillion. You did all of this on your own without our help?

Dirk: It took everything I had. And I went too far, Corin! I killed all people. Now there’s no one left. And my family is so mad at me.

Titus: Come in, Corin.

Corin: What is it Titus?

Titus: The dust where I’m sitting has started to subside and it looks like there’s a giant robot here.

Dirk: MegaDeFuckulatrix 9 Quadrillion!

Titus: Ah, yep. That’s what it says on it. Right on the shaft of its big robo dick.

Corin: Dirk, you gave the robot a dick?

Dirk: We’ve been over this, Corin. If the robot doesn’t have a dick, then none of the other parts fit together. You just have a pile of robot parts on the floor. And that’s not going to feast on any humans, is it?

Titus: Well, the robot is now rocking back and forth on it’s robo buttocks, and it appears to be sobbing. It is trying to eat the trees nearby, but it is not having a good go of it.

Dirk: But it eats people. For fuel. Not trees.

Titus: Well, it looks like it might have grown a conscience. It didn’t even do that much damage first. Looks like maybe one factory destroyed, no more than maybe seventy five people. I don’t think this big guy caused the apocalypse.

[Robot Crying]

Dirk: He sounds so sad! But that means… I’m in the clear?

Corin: It looks like it. Thank you, Titus. Please let me know if you discover anything else.

Titus: Right-o. Titus out.

Dirk: MegaDeFuckulatrix 9 Quadrillion is just like me. It tries so hard, but then, it’s just so sad.

Corin: Just like you.

Dirk: I’m so relieved, Corin. My family will be so happy to hear this.

Corin: So the next item on my list is AI robot swarms. Do you know anything about those, Dirk?

Dirk: Huh? No. We don’t use artificial intelligence. We only use artificial stupidity and artificial emotional instability.

Corin: I think I can see what happened here. Well, you can go back to your family, then.

Dirk: But… my son is out there, Corin.

Corin: MegaDeFuckulatrix 9 Quadrillion?

Dirk: He’s so sad and out there all alone. I should help him, Corin. I can teach him to eat plants if that will make him happy.

Corin: It’s the apocalypse out there, Dirk, and you’re not apocalypse proof. I think this will sort itself out. And you can’t leave.

Dirk: I just want my boy to be happy, Corin!

Corin: Go to your family, Dirk.

Dirk: Yes. You’re right, Corin. My boy will be fine out there.

Corin: That’s not what I said– I mean, yeah, he’ll be fine.

[[Bawdry]]

Talking to Dirk, I almost forgot about our impending doom for a minute there. Let’s check in on the horror outside.

([2] – Another really terrible sound)

That still sounds pretty bad. Maybe it’s mutants. That would be fun. To tell us more about mutants, we have Mitch Grody from the Division of Mutants and Freaks, author of What to Expect When You’re Expecting to Severely Mutate to tell us more.

Mitch (ADAM): It’s great to be here, Corin.

Corin: So what do you have to tell us today?

Mitch: Well, Corin, as you know, I’m a mutant. And I just want to tell everyone in here that there’s nothing to worry about. In the event that this apocalypse has been caused by radiation or some virulent mutagen that the shareholders were unable to avoid for any reason, I am here to tell them that it’s okay to be a mutant. I’m a mutant, and I live a full and happy life.

Corin: How did your mutation come to be?

Mitch: Well, I used to be a lab tech testing new and strange genetic modifications. One day, I noticed we forgot to put the right specimen in the chamber and I went to switch it out real quick when the gene laser hit me right in the family jewels. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but when I woke up the next day, I had two penises, Corin. I thought that was pretty neat. The next day, I had three penises, and I think we can all agree that’s too many. Right ladies? Clap if you think three penises is too many.

Corin: So what was the rest of the transformation like?

Mitch: Well, as you can see, the rest of my skin got kind of weird. Lumpy. Flaky. Weird. And I also have a few other organs that have split in three. My liver being one. Alcohol doesn’t affect me any longer. And then my life took a pretty steep decline. My girlfriend couldn’t keep up with my three dicks. They all have different personalities, you know. Different needs. And tastes. So my girlfriend left. Then my landlord kicked me out. I mean, all I had done was cover my apartment in moss. People don’t realize how nice it is to sleep on moss when your skin is so lumpy and flaky. This was in the days before the Mutant Non-Discrimination Act. Things are so much better now.

Corin: How did you learn to cope? It’s important for our shareholders who might be mutating at this moment to know there’s hope.

Mitch: Well, I found a new lover with three vaginas. And a penis. I didn’t think I’d like that, but it grew on me. Not literally. Still just the three penises here. Anyway, she and I are very much in love, even after she found out that I caused her mutation due to my own loneliness. I needed another mutant freak to be with, and I arranged for her to have an accident. It seems that no one else will love her now. I call that a victory, Corin.

Corin: You are a mutant, and a monster. Do you have any recommendations for people just beginning to mutate?

Mitch: Thank you, Corin, for pitching my book. I would tell anyone feeling the tug of the mutated fates that they should begin to study mutation. Know it inside and out. Learn everything you can from everyone you can. Begin experimenting as much as possible. And when the time comes, act as selfishly as possible and patch things up later. And by that, I mean find someone special, and dose them with just the right mutagens to get them to be your perfect missing piece. And if you happen to end up with four vaginas and three penises, my lover and I are currently looking for a swinging partner.

Corin: Well, I don’t know how anyone can be depressed about their progressing mutation with advice like that. Thank you, Mitch.

Titus: Come in, Corin.

Corin: I’m here.

Titus: I just tasted the dirt up here. It does not taste like radiation or mutagens. That is conclusive evidence.

Corin: Well… okay. I’ll take your word for it.

[[Aerator]]

So as shareholders in Kakos Industries, it is important to have pride in what you are now a part of. I would like to tell you about a few of our ongoing programs that will be contributing to Evil in the post-apocalyptic future.

The first program is The Better Mutants from our partner Better Mutations Inc. While we just learned that there will be no mutants in the post-apocalypse due to radiation or mutagens, we all have certain expectations for what should be out there when we finally surface. For this reason, The Better Mutants project was undertaken. As we speak, ordinary animals like crows, pigeons, lizards, and rabbits are all being modified to be larger and far more hazardous. Sharper teeth, a thirst for blood, and acidic secretions they shoot out of their eyeballs. It will really help to sell the post-apocalypse stylistically speaking in the future, which I think we can all appreciate. Or at least our great grandchildren will. They will think, “Thank Evil this wasteland is so dangerous. My immersion would have been broken otherwise!”

We also occasionally spend time working with fashion. While it’s great fun and great Evil designing clothes that no one can fit into, or clothes that make us look so sexually exciting that it’s difficult to think about anything other than sex, until the clothes come off and we realize just how deeply unappealing all of us humans are at the base level when undoctored by makeup and wardrobe. But for now, our Division of Adornments has taken a much more serious task. That is, to keep the wasteland sexy. I know for a fact that none of you in this room would be satisfied to see a wasteland where no one is hot. So they’ve been leaving stashes of ripped and torn clothing, but in like better ways than would happen at random, so our descendants will look amazing while still fitting into that scavenger aesthetic. This way, we can imagine an apocalypse the way we might like to imagine it, especially as we are quietly satisfying ourselves so as not to disturb our neighbor in the next bunk.

([Noise 1])

[[Melantha Keys]]

Melantha (BECCA): Corin. I’m interrupting you.

Corin: Ah, Melantha Murther, CEO of [Competitor – Corin Pronunciation], our largest competitor.

Melantha: You sound like you have a speech impediment. Or damage to the speech processing section of your brain. It’s pronounced [Competitor – Melantha Pronunciation].

Corin: Ah, I see. My mistake.

Melantha: It happens all the time. It’s a useful Shiboleth for finding out who around me is a complete idiot.

Corin: How is your apocalypse, Melantha?

Melantha: It’s fantastic. So hot! We finished the hole under our building just in time, and we just dropped the whole thing down underground to safety. Now, nothing can touch us, and we can keep doing Evil.

Corin: That’s comforting news. It seems that our rivalry will go on, then.

Melantha: Rivalry? Don’t be silly. It’s not like you caused the apocalypse.

Corin: What? Of course we caused the apocalypse.

Melantha: No. You didn’t. We did. Because we are far more Evil than you. No Evil Left Undone. That’s our motto, and the apocalypse was the obvious next step when we had finished all the other Evils.

Corin: Then how did the apocalypse happen?

Melantha: Well… it was… obviously an extremely infectious venereal disease from our lab. It makes people just do it a whole lot, all over the place, in all the positions. Doing it. And spreading the disease until everyone is doing it. But then your nose falls off. And then you die.

Titus: Come in, Corin.

Corin: Go ahead, Titus.

Melantha: Are you taking another call? Right now?

Titus: I just got lucky, Corin. Just rooted a woman here on the surface. She was looking to feel something other than fear for a few moments and pulled me aside to do the deed. I can safely confirm that venereal disease has not caused the apocalypse. I am detecting nothing abnormal about my loins at all. The woman ran off, so I couldn’t do any, uh, further testing. But, Definitely not VD.

Corin: Excellent news, Titus. Do you hear that, Melantha? You didn’t cause the apocalypse.

Melantha: Then what did?

Corin: Well, obviously, it was… drugs?

Titus: Corin, I have just snorted some of the dirt. No buzz at all. Not a thing. Not even a little bit. It wasn’t drugs either.

Melantha: Then you don’t know either! Ha! It seems this is a draw, Corin! I’ll just keep investigating until I figure out that I caused this and then I will rub your face in it. Hahahahaha!

[Noise 2]

Corin: Or maybe I caused it! I mean… I could have. We’ll get to the bottom of this, shareholders.

But first, let’s take a brief intermission. If you haven’t already, please tell us what is most Evil on the pad of paper here at the front, and throw your name into the Ruin-A-Life Drawing.

[[Stop Music]]

INTERMISSION

We will now need a volunteer from the audience. Who wants to read? (Don’t make me pick one of you at random)

[[Flathead]]

What’s your name? Thank you for coming to the stage. Ladies, gentlemen, and everyone else, this is X. Thank you so much for joining us today. Now, as I understand it, you have volunteered to seal the tunnels from the outside and brave whatever terrors might be waiting for you out there to save all of us. This is truly a dangerous and terrible task, and we thank you for that.

Guest: I have no idea what you are talking about.

Corin: Ah, yes, I did hear about the head injury you encountered earlier. It can play havoc with your memories.

Guest: I did not volunteer to do anything dangerous.

Corin: Don’t be ridiculous. It was very brave. We were all very impressed.

Guest: Just a moment ago, you asked for volunteers to come read a part.

Corin: That doesn’t sound right. I introduced you, you came to the stage and now you are telling me about the brave and dangerous feat ahead of you, and I am telling you just how brave and courageous we think you are. Thank you for your service.

Guest: You asked me to come read. Anyone in the audience will remember that.

Corin: The audience does not remember that. And if they do, then there’s a kind of thing called a collective hallucination. If anyone remembers me asking for you to come up here from the audience, they are just remembering wrong. You are a guest like any other on this show. We talked about it earlier. Your family did mention you might have some memory troubles, though.

Guest: I have no idea what’s happening.

Corin: None of us do. It’s the apocalypse. It is all very scary and we are all thankful that you are going to do this selfless thing and go battle with escaped monsters and terrible biological pathogens that are certain to be lining the tunnels now until you finally fall to one of their attacks, saving all of us.

Guest: This is crazy. I volunteered for none of that. I just came here to watch a show because you asked me to on Facebook.

Corin: Oh, bless your heart. We will never forget your sacrifice.

Guest: I simply will not do this thing.

Corin: That’s okay. We have several people standing by to escort you to your new task. Everyone please applaud as this brave soul goes to do something unimaginably brave and selfless for all of us. And die a terrible death. (You can go now)

It’s been a minute since we checked outside. Let’s have a listen.

[3] (More Terrible sounds)

At Kakos Industries, we are known for our parties. Of course, we’re Evil and we take the time to party whenever we can. I know that some of you long time shareholders might be concerned about how we might continue this critical part of our operations in these new, dramatically worsened circumstances. Obviously, we will all have to make some modifications, and that includes how we will celebrate. Right now, we should be having the Shareholders’ Ball, the most extravagant party of the year for us at Kakos Industries. It’s that time when we celebrate you, the shareholders. We spare no expense, and violate whatever morals we might have left, to bring you a feast and entertainment to truly remember. We’re still working out the kinks, but it’s likely the entertainment and the food offerings will be human suffering themed. Because we’ve got a lot of it right now. Those of you with chef on your new class cards should get to work so I don’t look like a fool when the time comes.

There’s also the Festival of Books. We do have a few books. They are all Dan Brown novels, though. Sorry about that. Not quite as exciting as we’re used to.

The CEO Festival is the festival where you all celebrate me. I did mention the thunderdome, right? It’ll probably be a thunderdome kind of thing. And the Festival of the Dance? Probably thunderdome. The Festival of Darkness will occur any time someone uses the bluetooth speaker without using the electric bike. It’ll trip the breaker and turn out the lights. Festival of Somnambulation? That’ll also be a thunderdome. The Thunderdome Festival will be a quiet game of cards, though.

I mentioned our low supply of books, but it would seem that the rest of our media is somewhat limited as well. The Internet has been completely destroyed. (pause) That’s what I thought. We’re not really that sad about it, are we? We’ve been kind of like, waiting for it to go for a while now, right? Before the apocalypse we tried to archive as much of the Internet as possible, so we could pretend like it still exists for some time, but the only things we managed to save were extreme right wing terrorist forums, so we deleted them. Also we saved the most recent meme to be posted to the Internet right before everything went to shit. It’s not a good one, but it is the last thing humanity did before the end of the world. It’s a kitten, on a blue background, and it says “This apocalypse shit is freaking meowt.” Congratulations, humanity.

[[Overdraught]]

To speak with us a bit more about the limited media we still have access to, we are now joined by Lisa Librera, the curator of what remains of our archives of entertainment. So, Lisa, what do we have to keep ourselves busy?

Lisa (KELSEY): Thank you, Corin. In addition to the books you mentioned and the lovely meme that will need to sustain us for the rest of time, we also have a small collection of VHS tapes, but they are all either commercial releases of Showgirls, the Ernest collection, or television taped in Super Long Play mode by someone’s grandmother. We know whose, we’re just not comfortable sharing that information right now. You will have to check them out and return them in one piece. Also, there is only one VCR, and it stays in the break room.

Corin: That seems difficult, but I assume we will adapt quickly.

Lisa: We also have a complete collection of Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass on Vinyl, and an extremely worn copy of Thriller. The stylus has broken on our turntable, however. For other auditory entertainment, we also have this kitschy digital remote control that just plays fart sounds. Please use this responsibly.

Corin: If anyone can be trusted with such a power, it is our shareholders.

Lisa: We also have many of the Earth’s greatest works of art that you can look at through a window on the far side of the break room. Please do not concern yourselves with the identities of the masked figures who move the art around and sort it, and do not concern yourself with how we got any of it either.

Corin: I can think of nothing concerning about any of that. At least not to my sensibilities.

Lisa: There are six decks of cards. You will need to show proof that you will be playing cards with at least one other person before you will be allowed to check one out. No solitaire. We don’t have the resources for solitaire. We also have some dice, but they are exclusively for gambling.

Corin: I was going to ask about gambling. I’m glad that particular aspect of humanity will continue into the apocalypse.

Lisa: There is one puzzle. We don’t know what it’s supposed to look like when completed, or if all of the pieces are there, or if all of the pieces are even from the same puzzle.

Corin: I’m sure we will find out quickly.

Lisa: There are also several copies of Monopoly that I expect none of you to play. We also have a Bop-It, and a Skip-It. We expect them to be completely broken by tomorrow.

Corin: I can see that.

Lisa: There is also just one remaining porno magazine. It will be kept under lock and key. You will have to make an appointment, look at it, memorize whatever you need, and then go about your way, leaving it in the case. I am told, however, that there is something for everyone in it.

Corin: What about people who need more physical activity to keep themselves sane?

Lisa: You’ve already mentioned the exercise bike and the blue tooth speaker, but we do have a complete weight room in case you feel like getting prison jacked while you’re down here, and why not. We also have the GED prep book for anyone who wants to better themselves. We cannot guarantee that the information in this book is going to be valuable in the post apocalypse, but it’s about time you got yourself back into school.

Corin: That makes sense. It’s never too late for self improvement.

Lisa: We also have a limited supply of a variety of colors of paint so that you may while away the hours watching them dry. There’s also this cup and ball thing that I think we’re all going to be experts at soon enough, and a single puzzle cube, but it’s missing two of the face stickers. We don’t have the right color markers to do anything about that.

Corin: Well it seems like we might be just about set for the rest of our lives down here. Is there anything else?

Lisa: We also have one of those floor mats that promises to teach you to do the Jitterbug, but we lost the instructions. And the music.

Corin: That’s too bad. Thank you for joining us.

[[Helena]]

Corin: Hey, Titus.

Titus: Yes, Corin?

Corin: Is there any chance the apocalypse was caused by boredom?

Titus: I certainly don’t think so, Corin. If anything, it is quite exciting out here. I am positively riveted. It reminds me of my youth, when I used to cliff dive into waters just infested with jellies to show them who was boss.

I have a note here saying that our next guest is Deborah Highlow, from the Division of Animal Husbandry. Well, okay.

Deborah (BECCA): I appreciate you asking me here, Corin.

Corin: I definitely didn’t do that.

Deborah: I have something very important to talk about today.

Corin: Okay. Go ahead.

Deborah: It’s about the animals we have here in the bunker. Our livestock.

Corin: Do you want to talk with us about how to handle the animals and make sure that they last for generations to come?

Deborah: No, all of that is automated. I have something more important to talk about. May I address the shareholders directly?

Corin: Uh, yeah. I guess.

Deborah: Hello shareholders. My name is Deborah. I work with animals every day. I love animals and all that they have to offer us, so I want to talk to you about the most pressing issue facing us now that we are locked in this basement with the livestock. And that is overcoming your lust for them.

Corin: I’m going to cut you off right there, Deborah.

Deborah: Corin, this is important. Let me finish.

Corin: No guarantees.

Deborah: We’ve all been there. You catch the eye of that beautiful, glistening pack animal, and you think, there is nothing I want inside of me more than that animal.

Corin: Like to eat?

Deborah: No, Corin. Not to eat.

Corin: Please let’s not do this.

Deborah: You start by stroking its mane.

Corin: No.

Deborah: and maybe you get a little bit experimental.

Corin: Please stop.

Deborah: But this is wrong. We cannot fuck the animals.

Corin: Didn’t even cross my mind.

Deborah: You say that now, Corin. But just wait three months, down here, with all of these people. You’ll fuck half of them by next month. But then what will excite you?

Corin: Three months sounds like a short amount of time for this kind of change.

Deborah: You’ll start looking to the cows. Or the chickens. Or the horses.

Corin: There aren’t any horses down here.

Deborah: Oh, what a relief then. Actually, it was primarily the horses I was worried about. Now I feel silly for even bringing this up.

Corin: Well, I feel… silly isn’t the right word.

Deborah: Goodbye, Corin.

So… we’re going to have to get someone to fuck Deborah. Like a human person. Fall on that sword, guys. Because there will be no animal fucking in here.

Now we recognize it can get kind of boring down here, especially if you don’t have a whole lot of friends in this group, which is why we’re starting up some extracurricular activities to stay busy. We will have a choir. We currently only have the sheet music for acapella Sweet Caroline, but I’m sure you resourceful people will figure out some other songs.

We’re also going to have some roleplaying groups, but each group will have that guy that tries to game the system in a super unfun way. We also have one amongst us who can teach everyone else to make pottery. I am told that there is also an inflatable hot tub, but the heater is broken, and it probably has a hole in it.

I am now joined by Dennis Leelio, Director of The Intergalactic Network For Otherworldly Industry Liaisons, or TINFOIL for short.

[[Automat 2]]

Corin: What do you have to talk about today, Dennis?

Dennis (ANWAR): Well, usually, COrin, I deal with outer space shit. Aliens. Making alliances. Maintaining trade. Getting the good Froobberries from Markalon 99, okay? But now, we’re underground. I could have been in space for the apocalypse, but you decided to bring me back to Earth so that I could join you guys in the fucking ground. Real, exciting, Corin. Just a great fucking time for me. And now what do they ask me to do, Corin? They ask me to keep an eye on the drug stash. They know that I get a little cranky when I have chardonnay. They know I’m not going to touch the blow, or the blizz, or the weed cigarettes. But now I have the unenviable task of keeping these fucking drug fiends out there away from the stash so it lasts a while. There are no more drugs, Corin. What we’ve got is what we’ve got. No pens, no powders, no leaves, no flowers. We’re not getting any more, okay? So we’ve got to let everyone down real easy. Did you see that, Corin? Half of your damn shareholders just stiffened up knowing that they can’t smoke their jazz herbs every day for the rest of the apocalypse. Their buttholes just got real tight, Corin. And look at that guy. He’s fucking itchy just at the thought of not having any nose sweets. This is real great for me, Corin. Just dealing with a bunch of drug addled people looking for their fix. People that you got addicted. And you know I can’t leave anyone else in charge of the stash. Not even Derek. He’ll do all the drugs, Corin. I left him at the stash for five minutes and I bet he’s done half of the stuff already. In fact, the longer I’m here talking to you, the less drugs we’re going to have because my idiot assistant has a serious meeblebock problem. That’s not even a drug we have here, Corin. He is so fucked when the sweats start, and you know who’s going to have to take care of him? You know who’s going to have to breastfeed him back to health? It sure as shit isn’t you, Corin. It’s me. I’m going to have to change his bedding when he soils himself, and what thanks do I get for any of this? None. No thanks. No thanks for Dennis. Maybe I should do the drugs, Corin. Maybe I should just stick my face in there and just snort, smoke and swallow, and inject until I’m a fucking vegetable. Then I won’t have to deal with this garbage. The apocalypse? Go fuck yourself, Corin. Go fuck yourself.

Corin: I’ll let you get back to the stash.

Dennis: Thank you.

Corin: Hey, Dennis.

Dennis: What?

Corin: Thank you.

Dennis: Oh, go fuck yourself, Corin. Go fuck yourself. I deserve better than this shit.

Titus: Come in, Corin.

Corin: Yep. Go ahead.

Titus: I have determined that the end is not due to lack of cheese. There’s still plenty of cheese up here.

Corin: That’s not even on my list of possibilities. Can you look into electromagnetic pulses or superstorms? Maybe global warming?

Titus: I’m on it, Corin. Just as soon as I sample some more cheese.

[[Landlike]]

Shareholders, I have just received a note from my grandfather. If you’re a new shareholder, then you should know that my grandfather wrote me a lot of letters before he died to cover a wide variety of contingencies. This one is titled “The Apocalypse”. He writes, “Well, Corin, it was bound to happen, wasn’t it. The end of the world. And you were bound to cause it. I didn’t, and my predecessors didn’t either, so we were due. Don’t feel too bad sport. Everything was always headed this direction. In this letter, I’ve included a key. It opens a lockbox in storage 38-99-A in the bunker. There’s a bottle of DarkMegaScotch in there. Toast the world for me, would you? Also, if the apocalypse is anything like those months I spent underground in the seventies researching our internal clocks and how Evil they are, then it’s important to put on pants every single day. Every day, Corin. You promise me. Every day. If you don’t, that’s when the problems start. Put your pants on. Even when you don’t want to. You have to. Every day. Every day. Love ya, kiddo.” Well, I’m wearing pants now. Advantageous start, I guess.

Let’s take a listen outside again.

([Not so terrible sound] Something silly, like a carnival or something. Geese. Laughter.)

That doesn’t sound right.

The Division of Incredibly Boring things is still at work, shareholders. This is one of my favorite divisions. They’re always doing such interesting things. Well, not interesting. The opposite, actually–

([Noise 1])

Corin: Who is it now?

Svetlana (MASHA): My name is Svetlana. I work for DarkMegaKGB.

Corin: Ah. New shareholders, the DarkMegaUSSR is one of our rivals. But their leader took almost everyone and started a colony on Mars.

Svetlana: It is the reddest of planets. Even if Vodya was a bit misguided in his desire to get there so soon. He has left some of us behind on Earth to continue bringing collectivized Evil to the world.

Corin: So why did you call? Are you going to take credit for the apocalypse?

Svetlana: This is just like you capitalists. You think that it is always competition and that person who goes biggest wins. And it is your short sightedness that brings us to this mess. This apocalypse. Communist Evil would last a hundred thousand generations. No History. No social unrest. Just Evil. But you, and your consumption, and your need to exploit every one of Earth’s resources in pursuit of shiny things, you have gone too far. Capitalism has done this, and now there is no one left to do Evil to. No one left in gulag. No one left in frozen wastes. All is wasted.

Corin: You think capitalism did this? I mean, sure. Why not. We’ll take the blame.

Svetlana: Short sighted as always.

Titus: Corin, I did some looking into the weather patterns.

Corin: Forget about that for a minute. Did capitalism cause the apocalypse?

Titus: Ah, Capitalism? Well… That’s a tricky one, Corin. I am not economist. Hold on.

(Titus makes nibbling sounds)

Titus: Well, Corin, I’ve just chewed some bark here. I can detect notes of runaway capitalism, notes of financial oligarchy, a hint of cronyism, and a lot of greed, but no, Corin. Capitalism may have helped, but it’s not the root of the problem.

Corin: Do you hear that Svetlana?

Svetlana: In that case, we will take credit for the apocalypse. Thank you for conceding, Mr. Deeth. It has made our job much easier.

([noise 2])

Corin: Oh, fuck.

Corin: Okay, Titus, tell me what you’ve discovered about the weather patterns.

[Wind]

Titus: Okay, here goes: It is windy.

(pause)

Corin: That’s it?

Titus: This wind did not cause the apocalypse.

Corin: Then find out what did!

Titus: Ah, yep. That’s the point, Corin. Working on it. Titus out.

[STOP Wind]

Corin: This is getting pretty frustrating.

[[Equivocacy]]

Now to try to perk us up, I am joined by Francine Drow to talk with us about Euthanasia options. Wait, that doesn’t sound pleasant at all.

Francine (JESSIE): It most certainly isn’t, Corin, but we have to have this conversation.

Corin: I suppose I agree. We have to make sure that we have mature conversations about things like this.

Francine: And we also don’t want anyone making a fucking mess all over the bunker for everyone else to see and clean up. We understand, you know. This is all terribly depressing and the desire to leave it all behind is not difficult to empathize with. Why, I’m thinking about it right now myself. And that’s why we’ve decided to set up safe, sanitary, and most importantly, tidy ways of ending it all. The last thing we need is brains all over the fucking walls, or gallons of blood staining the floor for the rest of eternity. We also don’t want your bowels releasing anywhere other than the designated areas for that. It’s really about morale.

Corin: Morale?

Francine: Obviously. If we have a bunch of corpses piling up everywhere, and leaving remnants in the most difficult to clean nooks and crannies, then it will have a seriously negative effect on morale. People cannot be content in those circumstances.

Corin: So what do you recommend?

Francine: Well, we have a variety of ways to take you out for good that are far more agreeable than leaving yourself hanging like a flag, waving for all to see. We have drugs and a variety of painless poisons. And best of all, the emotional impact you have on the rest of us is far less with these methods. We can’t stop you from doing it, but we can ask that you not make it a whole thing, you know?

Corin: Do you have anything hopeful to say after all of that?

Francine: No matter how you die, we will harvest your sperm or eggs if you have any and use those to make more people in the future. We just can’t lose the genetic diversity.

Corin: I’m not sure that’s all that hopeful.

Francine: Did I forget to smile?

Corin: Thank you for joining us, Francine.

Let’s check in with the sounds outside to see how things are progressing.

[4](More terrible sounds)

That’s about what I expected.

[[Overt Operation]]

[Fire]

Titus: I have another update.

Corin: Go ahead.

Titus: It’s regarding global warming. It is rather warm where I am, but I am inside a burning building.

Corin: Titus, get out of there!

Titus: Don’t you worry, Corin. I’m apocalypse proof, remember?

Corin: Fine. But this isn’t useful information.

Titus: I’m only one man, Corin. I’m doing the best I can.

Corin: Well, keep at it. It seems like we might not figure out the answer to this enormous question before the end of the show here. We’ll have to distribute literature later or something. Or maybe have another show.

Titus: Whatever you think is best, Corin. I’m going to have another beer in the meantime.

[Can]

[STOP Fire]

They say that Evil once ate one half of each of two babies and sewed them up into one baby. This is Things We’re Taking Credit for Now. New shareholders, this is the segment where we announce that we’re taking credit for Evil things around the world. We definitely did do these things, but it’s not always easy to prove how. Today, we are taking credit for ________, _________, and the apocalypse. I guess I said that one already. If you happen to disagree that we did any of these things, prepare to experience the apocalypse head on. Outside.

X has won the Ruin-A-Life Drawing. As a result, the life of X’s nemesis will be ruined. X has selected Y for this punishment. We spun the Wheel of Misery with an Evil amount of force and it sailed right past apocalypse to land on the space designated for Nonjudgmental. That’s right, from this day forward, Y will be 300% more nonjudgmental. This includes situations where being judgmental isn’t really helping anyone, but also situations where some judgment would actually be a pretty good idea. Like picking your friends and lovers. For Evil Measure, X will be 30% more judgmental. That may take a toll. Congratulations on the win and best of luck.

[[Tautologize]]

And that brings us to the end of the show. No more word from Titus. The apocalypse just happened and now we have to deal with it. Not the best outcome, but Evil perseveres.

[Laser]

Titus: Corin.

Corin: What is it, Titus?

Titus: Well, it’s the apocalypse.

Corin: It is the apocalypse. What about it?

Titus: Do you remember when I told you about that ray that they used to test my apocalypse-proofness?

Corin: I remember thinking that it made no sense.

Titus: Well, this is embarrassing, but it looks like one of the scientists in the lab left the ray on, and it looks like it slipped, so it’s no longer hitting the apocalypse-proof panel on the wall. Instead, it’s hitting a glass of water and being reflected out of the window, where it is hitting the Earth. I believe this apocalypse ray may be causing the apocalypse.

Corin: That is so incredibly stupid.

Titus: I agree, Corin, but you just can’t make this stuff up.

Corin: Well, turn it off.

[Laser Off]

Titus: It is off, Corin.

Corin: And the apocalypse light on my desk turned off. Titus, you ended the apocalypse.

Titus: Are you sure, Corin? I still feel like everything is terrible.

Corin: Oh, it is.

Titus: Nothing makes sense. Everyone is mad at everyone else.

Corin: Yep.

Titus: It feels like democracy is crumbling and no one cares about truth anymore.

Corin: uh-huh. But it’s not the apocalypse anymore. I’ll see you back at work, Titus. Corin out.

Well, shareholders, this is embarrassing. But on the other hand, at least it was us here at Kakos Industries that caused the apocalypse, and not any of our competitors. I suppose we can let you go now. Hopefully your loved ones survived the few hours of apocalypse.

Please tip your bartenders. We will have merch in the back. Have an amazing night. The numbers are next.

[[The Numbers]]

120

220

440

420

I suppose now that everything is back to normal we can take one more listen outside.

[5] (Another terrible sound)

Where the hell did we put that microphone?

[[Kakos Bells with Reverse Reverb]]

[[Potency]]

Kelsey: This special live presentation of Kakos Industries was written and produced by Conrad Miszuk, who is also the voice of Corin Deeth III. The introduction is read by Kitty McCauley, and the credits are read by Kelsey Kemmer, the current thunderdome champion after squashing a fly in there. Special appearance in this episode by Adam Miszuk, Anwar Newton, Rebecca Ryan, Jessie Marie, Masha Zapalova, and Kelsey Kemmer. Please visit KakosIndustries.com for news, extras, and more episodes. There are also transcriptions on the website if you’d like to read along with the Kakos Industries announcements. That’s K-A-K-O-S-I-N-D-U-S-T-R-I-E-S dot com. Please visit store.KakosIndustries.com for merchandise and special offers and get wonderful benefits by becoming a subscription donor at kakosindustries.com/patreon. You can also buy stuff in the lobby! Questions, comments, or a strong desire to collaborate? Drop us a line at [email protected]. If you like Kakos Industries, be sure to rate and review us on your favorite podcasting service, and connect with us on YouTube (YouTube.com/KakosIndustries), Facebook (facebook.com/kakosindustries), Tumblr (kakosindustries.tumblr.com), and Twitter (@KakosIndustries). We encourage fan art and listener participation on all our social media platforms. We’ve recently expanded our social media team, so please visit the website to view their credits and current projects.

Kelsey: Kakos Industries can be heavy sometimes. Try exercising to take your mind off of all of the darkness.

[[Stop Music]]

#IFTTT #Kakos Industries #Do Evil Better

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roxannepolice · 7 years ago

Text

Rocky path of a heroine in a galaxy far far away

Do you have those moments when you have some sort of sensation that you can’t really put your finger on and it keeps nagging at you with its unconceptuability until one day you discover a word that expresses exactly what you’ve been feeling? Like finally finding out the wonder of the word Weltschmerz which suddenly makes your world so much more understandable?

Well, today I had this experience regarding the sequel trilogy when I read this I won’t exactly say great but being definitely a good introduction to the heroine’s journey article and in it saw the word aridity. Oh, yes, isn’t that the word which suits best what it feels like to imagine epix consisting of Rey the maiden of light vanquishing evil Renperor with some straightforward bigger scale pewpewpew in the background. Arid. Infertile. Unproductive. Bringing nothing new into the overall saga. Actually sounding as if it was here only to let the creators shake off the Skywalkers once and for all. Waste of a good heroine.

And aridity is exactly the word used in the article to descibe what for so many is the only obvious way for epix to go. In it are presented following stages of a heroine’s journey, as based on Maureen Murdock’s Woman’s Quest for Wholeness (they are all better descibed in the article, here I give only the desciptions I find most important to the argument):

HEROINE SEPARATES FROM THE FEMININE

IDENTIFICATION WITH THE MASCULINE AND GATHERING OF ALLIES

ROAD OR TRIALS AND MEETING OGRES AND DRAGONS

EXPERIENCING THE BOON OF SUCCESS by overcoming the obstacles. This would typically be where the hero’s or “shero’s” (a female protagonist on a hero’s journey) tale ends

HEROINE AWAKENS TO FEELINGS OF SPIRITUAL ARIDITY / DEATH because the new way of life is too limited. Success in this new way of life is either temporary, illusory, shallow, or requires a betrayal of self over time

INITIATION AND DESCENT TO THE GODDESS. The heroine faces a crisis of some sort in which the new way is insufficient and falls into despair. All of her “masculine” strategies have failed her

HEROINE URGENTLY YEARNS TO RECONNECT WITH THE FEMININE

HEROINE HEALS THE MOTHER/ DAUGHTER SPLIT

HEROINE HEALS THE WOUNDED MASCULINE WITHIN

HEROINE INTEGRATES THE MASCULINE AND FEMININE to face the world or future with a new understanding of herself and the world/life. Heroine sees through binaries and can interact with a complex world that includes her but is larger than her personal lifetime or geographical/cultural milie

So, this peaked my interest, considering how only yesterday I was venting out about how I feel there’s something wrong about this trilogy’s doubtlessness, how it doesn’t fit in with the overall symphony. But the prequels were a tragedy, plain and simple, whereas the originals were a hero’s journey. I won’t put here all of Campbell’s hero’s journey stages but basically the hero has more doubts at the beginning (clue in Luke’s I’ll try and You ask the impossibe), then has an apex (facing Palpatine and leading to Anakin’s salvation), followed by overconfidence, “refusal to give up his divinity” (basically creeping up on your nephew at night, reading his mind and igniting a lightsaber because you’re Luke Skywalker) and only recovering peace and purpose when that has been defeated (with an outside help, no less). Tu juxtapose, a heroine has a moment of overconfidence coinciding with what would have been an apex in a hero’s journey, followed by realisation of aridity of her hitherto path and a crisis, leading to healing and reintegration.

What I think is the general belief of the audience - definitely ant*s, but I think also the vast majority who aren’t really against “anything” but just can’t see how “that” could be and a good deal of reylos who read Rey as patiently waiting for her prince to disenchant himself - but more importantly, of Rey herself, is that she has reached her apex, her inner journey is finished, she is now the goddess she was meant to be, saviour of the Resistance and the last Jedi.

And that would be true. If hers was a (s)hero’s journey.

Having the Beast on a leash

There are many great edits paralleling Ben at the end of TLJ with Beast after letting Belle leave the castle, which appears to be point 4 of heroine’s journey. While the separation is important here, the above notion that this stage parallels hero’s apex had me reconsider what is the must, the essence of what happens here. It may sound weird, but I think this is the point where the Beauty “defeats” the Beast, the moment where the power imbalance shifts, where he does what she asks - or is on his knees before her. I think this “defeating” element is the best visible in one of the simplest renditions of BatB, legend of st. Martha and dragon Tarasque that I have a personal sentiment for because I used to resent my first name until I saw a picture of my namesake with a freaking dragon on a leash. There it is heavily underlined that she manages to tame, place in her - or, at least, God’s through her, it is a christian legend - power the beast most valiant heroes couldn’t defeat.

Now, Rey has in fact been in position of power over Kylo Ben twice already in the story - first on Star Killer Base and the second time when she woke up first in the Throne Room - and on both occasions didn’t use that power to finish him. Which is exactly what heroes do in this story but I’ll elaborate on that below. But what is worth noting is that the resident Beast has - or at least hopefully has - a subjective power shift when on his knees on Crait. Whatever he splurted out minutes ago, he now realises he won’t be able to do. Even if he doesn’t understand, he remotely feels his disempowerment.

Journeys and trope subvertion or why serious reylo duel is actually possible

The fact that the crisis in the heroine’s journey comes after her heroic apex is conceptual expression of the shivers I get whenever I hear Kylo Ben say when the time comes, Rey’ll be the one to turn. Now, it’s tempting to assume he was overconfident and Rey overcame every obstacle but that’s turning a blind eye to the fact that heroine’s crisis is yet to come. As stated, Rey herself thinks she overcame every obstacle but how naive this assessment of facts was is probably best expressed in the smut hut, when she - beautiful as it was - tells Ben it’s not too late for him to turn. Just like Han, she underestimates years of manipulation he’s been through. She’s just been through what should be a sort of nadir for her so if she can go on, he’ll have no problem returning to the light, right? Note, this is something she just believes in, she says that before the force vision.

But again, did she have a nadir? Did she have a moment which challenged all of her previous beliefs the way Luke fidning out Vader is his father did? It’s extremely important Luke finds out in ESB something new whereas Rey is faced with a truth she has been denying. We don’t know how Luke dealt with his vision in the tree on Dagobah, but we know how he reacted to its realisation in action.

Of course, regardless of how hysterical this was, he still did the right thing and epically refused. But he’s shown to accept the fact that Vader is his father and it affects all of his future actions leading to his heroic climax I only later realised how this sounds but I won’t change it.

So, the cave scene. There are quite a few interpretations of what exactly this scene meant. Some intrerpret it as Rey finding out the dark side will give her no answers - which makes little sense as an element of her journey as juxtaposed with Luke on Dagobah. If, however, the cave did give her some answers, either telling her to stop giving f*cks about her parents, making a symbolical expression of their nobodiness or hinting at her future - again, she denies them. When Kylo Ben has her finally face the truth, she seems to take it pretty well - which is good but isn’t good in a heroine’s journey. A journey isn’t from point A to point A, there has to be a percepetion change, the new unerstanding of world/life/self. I bring back the heroine faces a crisis of some sort in which the new (post-apex) way is insufficient and falls into despair. All of her “masculine” strategies have failed her.

Now, I would prefer to detach Rey’s journey from masculine-feminine categories, mainly because it frustrates me that a woman’s journey should be considered in terms of relative gender ideas rather than more absolute ones. Call it a yin and yang and it definitely has a lot to do with light and dark side. Now, as far Rey’s separation from whatever is concerned, I’m a bit uncertain what to think. Can it be said that TFA and TLJ are about Rey separating herself from her scavenger personality and embracing the jedi knight/resistance saviour one? Which would mean that she’ll later have to reembrace while reinterpreting her tendency to “salvage broken renperors things”? Still, this interpretation is hardly expressed in the movies. Overall, it does make sense, as in TLJ her outward motivation is that of the newly taken title of resident force sensitive on a quest to get Luke Skywalker to save the galaxy the way Reistance knows it’s to be saved.

Heroines tend to be more dissonant than heroes, though I’d argue it’s mainly due to the fact that their stories tend to be more introspective, character driven, allowing more nuance in their attitudes than the latter, more action oriented (and when I say tend to, I mean tend to, not that it’s a rule). It’s not an inherent trope in heroine’s journey or female literature, though it is bound to the fact that a hero will have his doubts expressed and refuted in the earlier parts of his story. A heroine can feel one way but to the outer world and more importanty, her own consciousness, she’ll frame her motivations in a way more acceptable in the 2-4 stages of her path. So, Christine Daae isn’t fascinated by the mysterious man with a disturbingly sexy voice, she’s taking music lessons. Belle is in Beast’s castle so that her father can be free. Rey only hopes that Ben can be turned because that’s how Luke saved Darth Vader and the galaxy (notice - she aspires to acting like the resident hero, and Luke in the novel and comic repeatedly expresses his fear of how much Rey - a heroine - wants to be him - a hero not that he’s thinking in those latter terms, they’re just deeper implications of structures). Needless to say, Christine wouldn’t be enthusiastic about music lessons with anyone else, Belle starts enjoying her “captivity” without noticing when and Rey has very personal interests in Ben’s brightly illuminated pecs future.

The crucial mistake that’s so easy to commit while analysing a heroine’s journey is to assume she has all figured out by the stage 4. Again, she would have - if she was a hero. A hero let go from his captor’s castle has triumphed, he has nothing to look back to. A heroine will realise - though doesn’t really realise in the moment she’s leaving, usually due to the fact that she has more urgent matters like a sick father or trapped resistance to attend to - that she’s left her heart there. Matters become even more complicated if she appears to have overcome her ultimate trial before leaving that castle. But again - was that an ultimate trial for her? Was it an actual dilemma in which both choices are equally bad or equally good? No, it was a choice between selfishness and altruism, which is a no brainer for a selfless person, regardless of innocent manipulation used. This can suffice as an auspicious switch for a hitherto morally inferior character, but not the morally superior journeying hero/ine. For the latter, real challenge is a choice between altruism and altruism, marry me and then I’ll save your friends, kill your father and become the hero fanbase half thinks Luke is, slay one person to save thousands. Again, Rey has already faced this last dilemma twice - but never time with immediate pressure of highest stakes. But in the end, it appears the only thing that was challenged in TLJ, prior to the apex of her hero’s path, was her hope for Kylo Ben. Her apparent nadir followed by a climb up is her facing the results of her naive hope in the Throne Room and learning to never do that again, overcoming the flaw of overgenerosity.

Yet if a heroine is to progress, she has to stop being a hero. And Rey's symbolic nadir was the cave, only the actual crisis and climb are yet to come. And Rey hasn't been overgenerous towards Ben, her going to him wasn't out of selfless generosity alone.

So, the three matters to adress while thinking about Rey’s journey in epix are

will her crisis come?

how stubborn will she be about her “new path”?

will heroine’s journey be subverted?

As far as point 1 is concerned - well, if they are doing a heroine’s journey then yes, she’ll have some crisis of her beliefs. Lack thereof is basically the “aridness” viewers feel thinking of lack of some tension within the resistance. The question is, how deep will it be. It could simply be a sort of Amidalaesque “what if the republic has become the very evil we promised to fight?”. The problem is, Rey is quite capable of denial. She’s patient, she can clench her teeth and continue doing what’s right, which is a great quality, most of the time. But when a crisis does come, it will be one of lifelong proportions. The point is, she had no time to properly face her axis mundi having been overthrown and I’m not really sure she wants to face it. And in the end, I don’t think the audience wants her to face it. And yet face it she must for real progress to come.

How does a reylo duel fit into this whole rambling? Well, basically it’s the result of wondering how strong a factor will it take for Rey’s crisis of beliefs to come. Would a person who waited for 15 years for people she knew to have sold her avidly oppose the galactic heroes apparent because of their basic aridity? Or would it take a deeper denial of self over time? Again, I’m considering an actual dilemma situation, right choice vs. right choice, high stakes and immediate action. So... yeah. If right circumstances appear at the right point in Rey’s journey a serious reylo duel, at least on Rey’s part, is a very serious possibility.

Now, it should be argued that dragon slaying is a hero’s job and Rey’s a heroine. But there are two “buts”: first of all, if the duel should happen before the crisis, trigger it actually, then Rey would still be in her “hero stage”. Secondly, and that’s probably the most interesting part, the path has to be subverted. Don’t forget, this IS what happened with Luke, the resident journeying hero of originals. As so many viewers refuse to understand but has been true since the 80s, Luke’s heroic climax lies in throwing away the lightsaber, in refusing to slay the dragon or even dragon’s evil wizard overlord, against common sense, mentors’ advice and contrary to what he’s been doing for two episodes, one might add. If the hero’s journey is made peaceful, it appears symmetrical for the heroine’s to become aggressive, or at least have an aggressive moment. Because obviously, Luke’s peaceful action still led to hero’s finale where the dragon killed the overlord and then himself burned to release the hero’s boon princess daddy. In the same manner, heroine’s eventual healing and integrating could come despite - or even because of - an aggressive action.

What can poor Beast do ‘xcept to sing for rock’n’roll band?

There’s yet another point to be considered while discussing a heroine’s journey in the form of BatB theme - the Beast’s seperate progress. Now, the question of what will renperor be like is one of the most frequent in the fandom and I dare say JJ will manage to surprise most of us anyway. Personally, I sorta stan a not so bad renperor but that’s more of Henry Fonda in 12 angry men attitude: everyone is sure he’s guilty but I’m not so I’ll say he’s not guilty and wait to be persuaded.

However, there is an argument to be made against a really evil renperor based on BatB theme and heroine’s journey - the fact that her post-hero’s apex progress has to involve rejection of her chosen path’s aridity. On a psychological level it takes more complex forms, but in a space opera it’s likelier to be outward. I’m not exactly saying that it’s even most remotely probable that Rey would defect to FO though if that happens I will open a fortune telling business but her eventual life with Ben cannot be as or even more arid than as... ugh... next republic’s (talk about infertility?) jedi hero, vide in prison or exile. Nope, there’s healing and reintegration for her in store, not keeping her two paths separated.

I guess we all agree that if there’s happily ever after but for reylo, it will be because renperor will screw up, not because resistance will be mean. The most basic story would have Ben be depressed and locked up in his tower, but the simultaneously good and bad news is, it’s not an unalterable must. The Beast can f*ck up the story - to his own and Beauty’s detriment and there’s little the latter can do about it. Vide: Phantom of the Opera, focusing on the book. I’m not bringing this up to conjure any what ifs or legitimize and delegitimize ships, but to analyse a BatB version written to end in tragedy. The point is, Erik does in no way alter his behaviour because of Christine after the first time he lets her go. He continues to strangle opera employees and dropping chandeliers when they’re apart - I’m absolutely sure evil renperor would be force dropping chandeliers - and in the end becomes a completely arid option for Christine, even if she does feel compassion for him and has her sexual awakening because of him. It makes an unsatisfying story and leaves Christine an unfulfilled heroine, yet that’s because her “hero” path was still less arid than the continuation of heroine’s, and only on a meta level because of fin de siecle morals.

Now, the good news is that the above negative example shows passivity isn’t Beast’s obligatory narrative choice, where there’s down, there’s up. I’m far from some sort of dream galaxy saviour visions, but tbh I haven’t been bi*ching for three paragraphs about narrative logic saying epix is to bring moral challenges to pronounce that no morals will be challenged.

Morality that isn't challenged isn't a living messy inner process, only an externalized frozen set of rules called ethics - which can be auxillary in solving uncertain difficult moral dilemmas, but cannot substitute morality. Some change in the Star Wars morals is due and considering the frozen ethics is good rebels-evil empires-one redeemable character, some element has to go, qualitatively change or be added, considering the frozen ethics prequels gave originals was only good republic-evil empire.

So, end of the day, what is to be pronounced that will happen in epix? As always, it’s all speculation that’s a fun way to employ creative powers. TBH, I really think that JJ will surprise almost everyone.

#rey #rey of jakku #reylo #heroine's journey #star wars #episode ix speculation #i'm an angsty drama queeeeeen and that's the bottom line of all my elaborate speculation #ben solo #kylo ren #bendemtpion

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sheikah · 8 years ago

Note

What are your views regarding Melisandre, Val, Varys, Illyrio, and Littlefinger? And why?

Wow this is a lot in one ask anon haha. I will condense it to a few comments per person.

Melisandre–Honestly one of the most interesting characters to me. I believe she does what she thinks is right. It doesn’t excuse the awful things she’s done, particularly Shireen. But Melisandre actually has power.

There is a lot of religious discussion in GoT/ASOIAF, but we don’t get a lot of solid confirmation of the existence or power of the respective deities. We hear a lot about the Olds Gods and the Seven, but when it comes to the Lord of Light, we’ve actually seen Melisandre’s and Thoros’s power in action on more than one occasion.

So I try to put myself in her shoes. In real life there are radical religious fundamentalists who commit horrific atrocities in the name of their god(s). Yet there is not verifiable proof of a higher power in our world. So imagine living in this universe and being a priestess like Melisandre who has actually seen people resurrected from the dead by your god, who has actually given birth to a monster, who can somehow fabricate eternal youth. All of this leads her to believe that she is on the correct path, that she is doing what she is supposed to be doing and is being rewarded and validated by her god.

So in light of all of that I find it really hard to think negatively of Melisandre. I also think that season 6 showed us her humanity and confirmed that even if she does a lot of what she does out of blind faith with seemingly no remorse, she still harbors emotions and weakness. It made it easier to sympathize with her.

Val–I was so intrigued by Val in the books and thought for sure she was going to be Jon’s next big love story. She is one of the characters that remains a bit of an enigma to me.

I had an anon awhile back present a theory that Val was Dany and Jon’s child who somehow traveled through time in the Land of Always Winter haha. I don’t really subscribe to the theory but the anon brought up that part of why people believe it is that Val’s got the mannerisms of someone of higher birth and standing than one of the Free Folk. And that’s true. So, why? I don’t really have a good answer for it.

Anyway, I think she’s interesting, another badass woman to cross Jon Snow’s path, and I really resented how at The Wall Stannis and Selyse presumptuously kept trying to marry her off to various men as political collateral.

It’s interesting that you bring her up after Melisandre, because one of the moments I had distaste for Val was when she told Jon Shireen should be killed. Something those two women have in common I guess.

The “lonely and lovely and lethal” line is one of my favorites and one of the few effective uses of alliteration in my opinion haha. I am bummed she didn’t end up in the show but I understand why she was cut. When we met Karsi in 5.08 I half expected her to be a Val stand-in. I was sorely disappointed.

Varys–I looooove Varys! And if you had told me in 2010 when I started reading ASOIAF that I would love Varys, I would have laughed at you. At first I thought Varys was as slimy as LF and I did not like him. His descriptions in the books especially repulsed me, the powdered skin and simpering. Ew.

Show!Varys is pleasantly much funnier than I ever expected and his friendship with Tyrion is one of my favorite aspects of the series currently.

Just as a character, I hope I’m not wrong, but as of right now I trust him and believe his intentions are good. What’s so fascinating about Varys is that looking at him he seems very unassuming and he doesn’t present as a major player of the Game. But he’s (obviously) one of the most important players there is.

One of my favorite moments is the one when he says that LF is the second most dangerous man in the realm (implying he himself is the first.) I love that, and I 100% agree. At Con of Thrones there was a panel on Varys vs Littlefinger and it completely filled up, had people sitting in the aisles and standing outside the door trying to listen. Because people are fascinated by this character!

Anyway, I think that Varys is smart, wily, hilarious, and a survivor. I think he will live until the end and that whatever ending we get is one that he wanted, planned, and played some part in bringing about. And for better or for worse, one of the reasons I am sure of that is that Varys seems to be the only person in the series who isn’t tempted by anything that could throw him off course.

He is supposedly asexual and aromantic, saying that desire is dangerous. I haven’t seen anything to indicate that he cares much about money. And since he’s a realist I think he knows that he would never be accepted as king of the 7k, so I don’t believe he desires power.

He genuinely wants to make the realm better, which is so? Crazy to me? He almost seems too good to be true. But then we can remind ourselves that he will let seemingly anyone die on the path to bettering the realm, and that’s where he becomes a problematic fave.

Illyrio–The least interesting to me of all the characters on this list. Illyrio is transparent while the others seem (to me, anyway) to have layers of complexity. the scene where Arya overhears him plotting with Varys hints at Illyrio being a player on par with Varys and LF, but he just isn’t.

Illyrio doesn’t support the Targaryens out of loyality or principle, he does it out of greed. And while his behind-the-scenes work with Varys has been extremely influential and important to the plot (marrying Dany to Drogo, housing Tyrion in Pentos after is escape from KL, etc) I am not nearly as interested in his actions as I am in those of LF or Varys.

Because while Varys’s motives are still interesting to me and his actions are harder to predict, and while LF is a villain we all love/hate, Illyrio is just a typical greedy man. If I’m remembering right, he even tells Tyrion his ambition is to be Master of Coin to a Targaryen monarch. So bearing this in mind, Illyrio’s greed doesn’t even really make sense?

Because as Master of Coin, LF had (from what we could tell) a good life and a cozy living with immediate influence on the king in small council. But he wanted more. He wanted more because Master of Coin does not guarantee extravagant living. So to me it would make more sense for Illyrio to stay in Pentos in his mansion, where he clearly has a vast amount of resources and connections. Sure, accept the job of Master of Coin if it’s offered to you. But I don’t see why he’s going to so much trouble to establish a Targ monarch just to have that position as a reward. I just don’t understand it.

Littlefinger–I hate him. He’s creepy and treacherous. But he’s losing control of his schemes now. I think (hope?) that Sansa sees straight through him by now and so all his scheming has been in vain.

Look, I am impressed with what he has accomplished. I love the revelation of him being behind not only Joffrey’s death, but Jon Arryn’s as well. He truly has shaped the trajectory of almost every single character with his actions.

So I don’t underestimate his cunning or his capabilities. But he made all of these things happen and still doesn’t really have anything to show for it. The only person truly under his sway is Robin/Robert Arryn. And is that really such a big deal? The knights of the Vale are excellent fighters and being the de facto Lord of the Vale is great. But that’s not what LF was after from the beginning, and I honestly don’t think he is going up from here.

So what has it all been for? So many people died because of him who simply didn’t have to, and all of it so that he can take the Iron Throne. And let’s face it–he won’t.

Unlike Varys, LF’s motives are pretty clear and pretty predictable. He wants power and he wants a woman. One of the things I find interesting about LF, though, is that he is a reversal of the “nice guy” trope. Ordinarily in fiction and especially in romance, the LF’s of the world are the underdog we all root for. The weak guy who can’t fight the Brandon Stark but whose mind reigns supreme always has the audience on his side and the girl on his arm. But LF doesn’t. Because he is the weakling with the powerful brain who isn’t the nice guy.

In the panel I mentioned above the crowd booed about LF and cheered about Varys. The people running the panel hated LF too and pointed out how problematic he is, and one person compared him to Severus Snape. As much as I like Snape, as I’ve grown older I’ve come to realize how genuinely awful it is that this man bullied a child for years after holding onto love for his dead mother, love that was never reciprocated anyway. So it was super romantic in the moment when Snape died, that fateful tear rolling down his cheek and into Harry’s vial. But now I’m kind of freaked out about it. And LF is like Snape’s creep level times a thousand.

So not only are his motives predictable, they are also not respectable. And if LF’s attachment to Catelyn wasn’t bad enough, his attachment to Sansa is absolutely disgusting. Because in a way I think he sees Sansa is this daughter that could have been with Catelyn. But at the same time he has a sexual attraction to her. All the while, he’s been ruining her life to serve his own ends, especially in the show.

He needs to go. He needs to die. I can’t wait.

Anyway, I hope these answers are interesting to you anon because this took me a seriously long time to write haha. Thanks for the ask :)

#melisandre #val #varys #illyrio mopatis #littlefinger #answered

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mediaeval-muse · 8 years ago

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Book Review... Katherine Addison, “The Goblin Emperor”

Rating: 3.5/5 stars

Summary: The youngest, half-goblin son of the Emperor has lived his entire life in exile, distant from the Imperial Court and the deadly intrigue that suffuses it. But when his father and three sons in line for the throne are killed in an "accident," he has no choice but to take his place as the only surviving rightful heir. Entirely unschooled in the art of court politics, he has no friends, no advisors, and the sure knowledge that whoever assassinated his father and brothers could make an attempt on his life at any moment. Surrounded by sycophants eager to curry favor with the naïve new emperor, and overwhelmed by the burdens of his new life, he can trust nobody. Amid the swirl of plots to depose him, offers of arranged marriages, and the specter of the unknown conspirators who lurk in the shadows, he must quickly adjust to life as the Goblin Emperor. All the while, he is alone, and trying to find even a single friend... and hoping for the possibility of romance, yet also vigilant against the unseen enemies that threaten him, lest he lose his throne – or his life.

Reviewer Comments: I’ve been on a bit of a fantasy kick lately, and this book has been on my radar for a while, so I decided to scoop it up and delve in. When I started reading, I was quite hopeful, and there’s a lot in this novel to love. The worldbuilding is incredible, and the visual aesthetics are described in exquisite detail. Despite these reasons, part of the reason I didn’t rate this novel higher is due to my own frustrations with the use of patriarchal social structures in fantasy - so while I may have rated this book lower than the majority of reviewers, I would still recommend others try it out for themselves.

Things I Liked

Way of Conveying Information: Fantasy has the tendency to do a lot of info-dumping about the world it builds up, and personally, I find it awkward. This novel manages to place information in appropriate places, and I think the plot makes this possible - since the protagonist isn’t well-versed in court policy, he learns as the audience learns. It’s particularly effective and prevents long paragraphs of pure information.

Language Formality: I loved that formal speech was marked with the use of the first person plural (rather than singular) and “you” (where “thou” and “thee” are more informal). It helped underscore the facade Maia had to don when navigating the court, and slips between the formal and informal designated some important exchanges or relationships within the novel.

Mashup of Genres: I loved that this novel was steampunk high fantasy. There are elves and goblins traveling around in airships! A bridge that retracts and extends using steam power! Usually, when I see steampunk, it’s rather historical, but it was delightful to see it in a high fantasy world.

Ears: Minor point, but I loved how the elf and goblin ears were used to convey emotion, almost like a puppy. It was cute.

Things I Didn’t Like

Women: Surprisingly, this book does not feature a lot of named women. The world is fairly masculine, with the court structure mirroring pop culture ideas of a “medieval” patriarchy (women sold in marriage, dependence on husbands, women discouraged from being educated in order to be wives, male succession, etc.) and female elves competing against one another. Some of the most important women are either dead (Maia’s mother - who is referenced ALL THE TIME) or unlikable (some are shrew-like, others are unlikable for disliking Maia for no reason). But most often, they’re absent and the main characters are men. It was a tad annoying because it made the book appear to either be using women to give Maia man-pain or putting the task of gaining equality for women on Maia’s shoulders.

Missed Opportunity: Multiple times, the novel references deep inequality within the elf empire, and I wish some of those things were brought to the forefront and addressed head-on as opposed to obliquely. For example, Maia is dark-skinned because he’s a goblin/foreigner, whereas everyone else is light-skinned. I wish the racial politics were discussed more, since most of the court is said to resent Maia for this reason. There are references to homosexual relationships being considered perverted and obscene - yet Maia never directly says these views are wrong or should be changed. Also, the common-folk are said to be dissatisfied with inequality, and although Maia starts to change that by being kind to the people around him, I wish more had been done to explore how Maia plans to move forward in changing his empire.

Narrative: The vast majority of this book is spent following Maia as he learns to become emperor. This may be personal taste, but I was hoping more things would happen sooner. Meeting after meeting began to grow tedious for me after a while. Maybe that was the point - to experience the same emotions Maia was feeling - but without many personal friendships, it felt like reading a lot of history, business, etc.

Recommendations: I would recommend this book if you’re interested in:

fantasy, high fantasy, steampunk

fantasy races, elves, goblins

court politics, issues of succession