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oshynic-blog · 7 years ago

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Living with mental health

Hey guys, It’s Oshynic here, and I’m bringing you a more serious topic talking about me and my mental health. I’m writing this not to complain or moan about my conditions, but to spread awareness and hoping that this may be shared around to help those in need. Just a warning to those who are sensitive to this sort of information, there will be discussion about self-harm and suicide.

In Australia, our government supports those in need of professional mental heath help by providing them with a Mental Health Care Plan. A mental health care plan is based on a test and many observations and the results are written by a doctor for people to then get the support needed. An example of this test, called a K10 test, can be found at the beyondblue website found below in the description (https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/anxiety-and-depression-checklist-k10) but if you are having questions about your mental health, please see a doctor.

The Mental Health Care Plan identifies what type of health care you need, and spells out what you and your doctor have agreed you are aiming to achieve. It also refers you to local mental health services.

I recently got mine updated, to be able to continue to see my councillor for free. With this test, I am granted 10 free sessions with her and need to renew this every year.

Due to mine being updated, I would like to share my results so that my viewers can understand me just a little bit more, although there are some things that I would like to keep private.

The Plan covers any relevant medication that I am currently taking, states my hospitalised mental health records and my family history with mental health.

On the bottom of the page, it states any relevant Medical Conditions also, these being ADHD and PDD.

Let’s start off with explaining these two conditions. Please note that each illness is individual to the person and effects everyone differently. Also note that these illnesses have been approved by a professional paediatrician. Please do not self-diagnose yourself via the internet.

ADHD

ADHD, or Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder is a behavioural disorder, not an illness or a sign of low intelligence. People with ADHD have three main symptoms, being categorised as;

inattention – having difficulty concentrating, forgetting instructions, moving from one task to another without completing anything

impulsivity – talking over the top of others, having a ‘short fuse’, being accident prone

overactivity – constant restlessness and fidgeting

I have two of these symptoms, inattention and impulsivity, including one other that is not usually categorised; dreamer type, meaning that I am categorised as “non-hyperactive”

Having this symptom leads to being unable to tolerate a sensory overload, making it extremely hard for me to go to parties, be in classrooms, drive or work. I have to take everything very slowly and with lots of attention, which backfires because I always have my head in the clouds.

As a kid, I particularly enjoyed role-playing. I wrote scripts about being someone else, in numerous different situations. Writing was my passion, and still is today.

As a young adult, I struggle immensely with making and keeping friends. Always have and probably always will. People get put off by my poor people skills and not being aware of my surroundings.

Research shows that most little dreamers are female, and are therefore exposed to a different role expectation. Apparently, it is more acceptable for girls to be slightly scatterbrained, dreamy and slow. However, this becomes unacceptable once she starts school. Little dreamers are also rather clumsy when it comes to fine motor skills, so that no one realises how much effort has gone into the sloppily written homework. The biggest problem is remembering the homework assignments at all, and then starting them.

My biggest problem is told to go and do, but I forget half of it in the process. This happens so often at school and at work, and because I am so hypersensitive, unkind words or nasty looks hurt me to the core, to the point where I doubt myself so badly and become suicidal, flooded with self-loathing thoughts. The tears come far too quickly, and the I am powerless to stop them.

If you would like to read more about dreamers, here is an amazing e-book. http://www.medice.ch/indikationen-1/adhs/patienteninformationen/weiteres-adhs-infomaterial/traumerchen-engl..pdf

PDD-NOS

PDD-NOS stands for Pervasive Developmental Disorder – Not Otherwise Specified and means that I have a developmental delay. Having PDD-NOS also means that I have some signs of autism spectrum disorder (ASD), like difficulties with social communication and making friends as explained above, but they don’t meet the entire criteria for an ASD diagnosis.

This means that I find social interaction hard, or show repetitive behaviour with routines and rituals such as self-harming behaviour when I am sad.

Having PDD makes it incredibly difficult regulating behaviours and emotions, which may result in me having, anxiety attacks and experiencing mental breakdowns.

Onto the next page of the report is a examinations. This includes a variety of questions and observations made by my doctor:

Mental Status Examination

Apperancy: Normal

Mood: Depressed

Thinking: Good

Affect: Blunted (meaning my answers were blunt and straight to the point)

Attention: Decreased

Sleep: Nightmares, disturbed sleep

Appetite: Decreased

Energy: Low

Memory: Short-term

Judgement: fair

Orientation: Normal

Speech: normal

Some may look at that and take it as I was just “having a bad day”. But you would be incorrect. That is usually how I am all the time.

Risk Assessment:

Suicidal thoughts: Yes

Current suicide plan: No

Suicidal intent: No (Meaning did I “really” want to die)

Risk to others: No

On the next page was my K10 assessment, with my score being 39, the highest being 50 and on the next was my plan of what to do in a crisis and my mental health referral.

Mental illnesses were listed as Depression, Anxiety and Borderline Personality Disorder.

Depression:

I get it, everyone is sad right. But not everyone is depressed. Depression is a chemical imbalance in your brain making every thought and action worthless.

Some days it’s better, other days it’s worse. Some day’s I will wake up feeling incredibly depressed and other days are caused by something that has triggered me to be depressed, either chemically or emotionally.

My symptoms include;

The continuous feelings of sadness, emptiness or hopelessness.

Angry outbursts, irritability or frustration, even over small matters.

Loss of interest or pleasure in most or all normal activities.

Sleep disturbances.

Lack of energy, so even small tasks take extra effort.

When I am feeling depressed, everything seems worthless. It is the reason why I have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. When I drink, I drink to forget about my problems, hoping that they will go away.

Anxiety

We can all experience anxious feelings sometimes – it might be about exam results, a job interview or even who will win the final of a sports match. These feelings are a normal part of life and can help us avoid danger or perform at our best. For some people though, their anxious feelings can be much more extreme. This anxiety is more than feeling stressed – it's a serious condition that makes day-to-day life difficult.

My anxiety stops me from asking questions, from making appointments to answering calls at work. I get so scared that I am going to mess up somehow and doubt myself.

Borderline Personality Disorder

And finally, my newest addition, BPD. Being affected with BPD makes it difficult to manage my emotions and impulses and maintaining a stable self-image.

The symptoms that I experience include:

Feeling empty, low self-esteem

Paranoia or emotional detachment

Anxiety about relationships

//I’m really sorry, I got really distracted from writing this, so it’s probably best to end this essay here. Let me end on this note: These issues do not define who I am. They are traits and I choose them not to rule over me. Yes I have bad days, but I am hopeful for my future!

Please share this with any friends or family that you feel would benefit from this.

And please get help if you need it.

Love you all,

Oshynic xx

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brio-burton-blog · 7 years ago

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Get To Know Me Tag

So I attempted to make a YouTube video doing this but it turns out that, as I predicted, I am much more confident behind the camera. I don’t tend to enjoy showing my face all that much. I thought that a pretty cool alternative was to write instead. So here we go I guess.

1. What is your middle name?

I happen to be a deprived child as I do not have a middle name. But I do get what seems to be a pretty complicated first name but I’m not sure that that’s much of a luxury. It makes things difficult in Starbuck’s haha.

2. What is your favourite colour?

My favourite colour is like a dark emerald/forest green. If I have fellow nerds reading this, then you will probably understand me when I say the best way for me to describe the colour is to call it ‘Slytherin green’. (FYI, I’m not a Slytherin, I just love that sort of dark green.)

3. Who was your first best friend?

Her name was Rachel. We went to the same childminder and when we were very very young we used to argue a lot. We grew out of that stage and we were best friends for many years. Unfortunately, I’m not in contact with her anymore.

4. How tall are you?

I literally just went to measure myself for this question. I’m exactly 5′4″. To be honest, I’m pretty proud of that as my family are all either short or average height, so to fall under average is a privilege with my genetics.

5. Cats or dogs?

Cats. 100%. Don’t get me wrong, I love dogs. They are pretty energetic though and cats are pretty chill and therefore much more on my wavelength. Not as much as tortoises are though. Those guys are awesome.

6. Funniest moment throughout school?

Okay so I presume this excludes College which is a shame because I’ve got some really awesome moments from College. So if we are talking high school and primary school, I’m kind of at a loss. I didn’t have a particularly happy childhood, but that’s a whole other story. If I had to pick, I’d probably go with my maths lessons. I was in set 1 so people assumed that our classes were boring and hard work, but actually, in year 9, we had the most awesome teacher. We’d basically spend the entire lesson gossiping and the teacher would tell us some funny stories about herself. The one I remember best was about her irrational fear of rice. (I don’t even know aha.) Also, when I got diagnosed with severe depression, she was super supportive. Turns out that she struggled with it herself, so she completely understood. What a legend, I hope she’s doing well.

7. How many countries have you visited?

Okay so I’ll have to count. I live in England and I’ve visited Wales, Ireland, France, Spain, Ibiza, Minorca, Majorca, Lanzarote, Fuerteventura, Zante, Crete, Italy, Germany, Japan and Switzerland. I think that’s it, although I have visited some of these places multiple times. So I think that’s 15 altogether.

8. Are you in/have you been to College?

Well I’m using the English definition of College which is generally further education for 16-18 y/olds. But this can differ depending on your educational background. So I’m starting College in September. I’ve just finished school which is an odd and kind of sad thing. But I’m doing a course in TV and Film production which is very exciting!

9. What was your favourite/worst subject in high school?

This is a fun question. My favourite(s) were always Physics, Maths, Art, Music and Drama. I hated the acting part of drama but coming up with ideas for productions was always super fun and interesting for me. My worst subject(s) were always English and P.E. Thank the lord above that I don’t have to do those subjects anymore. I love writing and I love reading but I hate being told what to write/read. And I think if someone ever asks me to analyse text again I’ll run away to the north pole and live as an eskimo. We won’t even get on to the subject of P.E. I don’t want that pain to be brought to the surface.

10. What is your favourite drink?

Coffee. Yes! I love it more than I love myself. Soy lattes. Honestly so amazing. But I do like the odd smoothie, tea, and sparkling water.

11. What is your favourite animal?

Essentially all of them. But if I had to pick I’d probably go with Pigs. But I do love Cows, Goats, Degus, Bearded Dragons, Tortoises, and Cats. Ooh also Gorillas. I really want to hug a Gorilla. Probably one of my life goals. I clearly have high expectations of my life.

12. What is your favourite perfume?

I do love the Strawberry scented one from The Body Shop. And Si by Giorgio Armani smells lovely and reminds me of my mum which is nice. Also Eccentric from Victoria Secret smells heavenly.

13. Tea or Coffee?

Coffee would be my first choice most of the time but tea never fails to cheer me up when I’m down. So I want to say both. But I think I’d find it harder to live without coffee than tea.

14. What would you name your children?

I haven’t really thought about it. I’d maybe say Alistar, Belle, Luna, or Tom? I’m sure I’ll find more names that I like though in the future.

15. What sports do you/have you played?

I’m not a massive fan of sports to be honest but I enjoy swimming, diving, biking and badminton occasionally. I went through a very sporty stage where I was in the Basketball, Football, Netball and Badminton team. Ah the days when I had energy and was productive. How far ago they feel. I also LOVE dancing but I mainly do it when I’m home alone as I’m possibly the least coordinated person on Earth. I can’t even run without it looking like I’m on some form of recreational drug.

16. What is your favourite book?

Reasons To Stay Alive by Matt Haig. Matt is a brilliant writer and a lovely guy. I met him a few weeks back. It was a privilege. There are very few people that I feel comfortable around from the get go, but he was one of them. In this book he talks about mental heath. It’s incredibly moving and always makes me feel incredibly lucky to be alive, even though I don’t always feel that way. If you don’t know him, check his work out, follow him on twitter etc etc. (@matthaig1) He also writes novels and I’m currently reading his latest, ‘How to Stop Time’ It’s shaping up to be extraordinary. (Have I sold him enough yet?)

17. Who are some of your favourite YouTubers?

I have many, many, many of those. I shall reel off a list. Amy Ordman, The Bakeey, Chris Klemens, Alexis G. Zall, Rose Ellen Dix, TheRoxetera, WiseHufflepuff, Hannah Witton, emmablackery, BriaAndChrissy, Cammie Scott, LukeIsNotSexy, UnsolicitedProject, JaackMaate, Ash Hardell, Banana Warrior Princess, James Aspey, nowthisisliving, The Vegan Activist, doddleoddle, Stef Sanjati, TheRealAlexBertie, MissFenderr, MilesChronicles, Ally Hills, Kristina Schiano, Vegan Geezer, Evan Edinger, Tessa Netting, Rob Chapman, Mayin Bialik, MyHarto, Lucy Moon, Savannah Brown, Jake Edwards and Alien in a Box.

Note: I am also subscribed to various BuzzFeed channels, various band accounts, Watch Mojo, TheEllenShow, The Graham Norton Show, Pottermore and other YouTubers that I’m not a fan of as such, their channels and topics just interest me.

18. What is your favourite movie?

Ahh. How am I supposed to choose?! I am such a movie nerd. Okay. My top 5 are Girl Interrupted, Fight Club, Sweeny Todd (the one with Johnny Depp), Pitch Perfect 2 and the live action Beauty and The Beast. (I would feel mean picking one and not all of the Harry Potter Movies.) I’m going to have to choose the live action Beauty and The Beast simply because it’s fun, uplifting and so beautifully made. (Also the soundtrack is heaven.)

19. Are you single or taken?

Single.

20. What’s your idea of an ideal first date?

Maybe coffee and a posh night out in London. Like a jazz bar and maybe a theatre performance. Honestly, I doubt that would ever happen, but I suppose a girl can dream. If I get to choose who the date is with could I opt for Anna Kendrick? Kind regards.

21. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

Excluding my primary school boyfriend, 4. There was someone I met in hospital, someone I met at school, someone I met online through a mutual friend, someone that lives round the corner from me.

22. Favourite memory from childhood?

Erm... I’m sure there’s something... Well I do always miss being young and innocent and waking up early and walking to school with my parents. The birds would tweet and the sun would shine and I’d have lovely chats with the teachers and my childminder. And my dad would pick me up and we’d bike home and I would watch 64 Zoo Lane and eat Ice Cream. Ah the good old days. Ooh and Christmases and trips to Cornwall. Not gonna lie I still enjoy all of this stuff. I guess childhood wasn’t too bad. Well, for the first 7 years at least.

23. Do you speak any other languages and how well?

I don’t. I can do the odd phrase in Spanish, Italian, Greek, French, German and Japanese at a push. I won and award for my French around 5 years back. But I’ve slept a lot since then so I don’t remember all that much. Also I had a terrible French teacher a few years back who put me off the subject for life. Let’s just say she wasn’t my biggest fan.

24. Do you have any siblings?

I have a step sister. But that’s all. She’s pretty amazing though so. Also she’s currently living in Japan which means I get cool stuff because it turns out that Japan are way ahead the UK in creating top notch backpacks.

25. How would you describe your fashion sense?

Band merch/Harry Potter tees, jeans and hoodies, pretty much. I also own the odd flannel. Doc Martens, Converse and Vans are the footwear of choice. Beanies are pretty cool too. For colder days denim jackets and ‘leather’ jackets are my jam. So basically the casual lesbian look is my style. Way to fit the stereotype, Bri.

26. What is your favourite restaurant?

Okay, I have three. YoSushi, Handmade Burger Company and Bella Italia. All three have amazing vegan options. Also they all hold really happy memories for me.

27. What are some of your favourite TV shows?

Ooh, I like quite a few. My number one would have to be The Big Bang Theory. I also love Sherlock, Orange is The New Black, Miranda, 13 Reasons Why and Stranger Things.

28. PC or Mac?

Mac all the way. I have nothing against PC but I recently invested in a mac and it is my life. I find it easier to use and I much prefer the layout.

29. What phone do you have?

I have an Iphone 6S in rose gold. (With a really cute cat case, just saying.)

30. What is one of your bad habits?

Biting my nails. I’ve done it for my whole life and I can’t, nor do I have any intention to stop.

That’s all for today, thanks so much for reading! I’m definitely going to try and post much more often from now on.

Lots of love, Briony.

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