#is it shizun’s fault he’s so easy to trick?

[phoenixkaptain]

I really enjoyed Peerless Immortal Surrounded by Demonic Disciples, and the biggest reason is that Li Junye is jealous of everything.

He is jealous of himself (multiple times over). He is jealous of cats. He’s jealous of unnamed random disciples. He’s jealous of random humans. It’s never explicitly stated, but I’m pretty sure he’s also jealous of oxygen.

He’s adorable, is what I’m saying, and I really rooted for him.

I also really like Jiang Yinghe, who continuously gets tricked by his disciples. He finds out they’re evil and have been lying to him for literal centuries, and he’s only really miffed about the lying part. His disciple does many, many things to him, and he’s just kind of annoyed at the quantity. He spends a thousand years just hanging around, waiting for his chance to go home.

He mockingly says “What was this guy, a civics teacher?” then later offhandedly mentions that he himself was a civics teacher. This is more than the pot calling the kettle black this is the pot looking in a mirror and calling itself a pot in a mocking tone.

I love him.

I also read Who Dares Slander My Senior Brother and I enjoyed it immensely as well.

I just… really like Wen Jing’s romance with the python. He cuddles and spoils and babytalks a giant python. I love it, what a great character. Also, the fact that Wen Jing just casually carries around a tortoise that is stated multiple times to be massive, and he wraps it in blankets and feeds it food and pats its head and someone implies it’s lacking and he gets offended on its behalf. Wen Jing is so good.

[delicioussshame]

Another twitter-inspired oneshot. This one is explicit.

Sometimes, Luo Binghe is ashamed of his conduct.

It usually doesn't last long.

Really, it's Shizun's fault. If only he was a little bit more honest without himself, Luo Binghe wouldn't have to play these games with him.

Alas, even now that he has overcome the… difficulties that had plagued the beginning of their marriage, it takes nothing less than a miracle for Shizun to admit he wants Luo Binghe to touch him as a spouse would. He can count how often it happened on his fingers. Even getting him to agree to it can be a challenge, which still surprises him considering how quickly Shen Qingqiu usually bends to his will.

While he sometimes enjoys the chase, other times, Luo Binghe doesn't have the patience to cajole and seduce for hours. He wants to have his husband. Is that so much to ask?

Passing his frustration on this beast also allows for some well-deserved stress relief before the main event.

No matter how easy the fight was, he makes sure to look pitiful when he returns. Even if he's wise to this trick by now, his tender-hearted husband always breaks more quickly when he thinks Luo Binghe had a rough time.

Time to act. "Shizuuuuun."

Shen Qingqiu instantly reacts to the pained quality of his voice. "Binghe! Are you all right?"

His brow lowers and his expression turns annoyed as he takes in the purpling bite mark. "Binghe."

Luo Binghe pretends not to notice. "Shizun, it hurts."

"Then maybe you should be more careful not to get bitten. Again."

"This disciple has duties to fulfill. He cannot refuse to fight monsters just because his husband would prefer he stays safe."

"Binghe should leave monster hunting to Liu-shidi. He’s obviously not very good at it.”

Luo Binghe will let Liu Qingge fight those particular beasts over his dead body. “The beast is dead. Only I was hurt. I did well. Shishu’s help is not the one I need.”

“Your disciples will be worried.”

“They know better.”

“They shouldn’t! Binghe needs to be a better example for Qing Jing Peak.”

He’ll never be a better peak lord than his shizun was before his parentage was revealed, so he doesn’t try. “Then Shizun should visit more often. Everyone misses him.”

Shen Qingqiu sighs. “You know I can’t. My place isn’t at Cang Qiong anymore.”

Like Yue Qingyuan would let anyone stop Shen Qingqiu from coming back, if he wanted to. Not that Luo Binghe will tell him that. He likes having exclusive access to his husband.

Not to mention they have more pressing matters to attend to. “That’s why I came to see him instead of calling for him. Shizun, your Binghe needs you.” As he speaks, he unties his robes, letting the fabric slide off his shoulders.

Even if Shen Qingqiu's face remains stern, his eyes follow the silk as it travels along his skin.

Luo Binghe hides his smile behind an exaggerated wince. "Shizun, I think the poison is starting to take effect. Won't Shizun help me? He wouldn't let me suffer, would he?"

Shen Qingqiu sighs even as he reaches for Luo Binghe's arm. "Bingge wouldn't be suffering if he didn't waste his time on such foolishness. His conduct shames Qing Jing Peak."

Luo Binghe doesn't reply, preferring better uses for his mouth.

Shen Qingqiu's finds the bite mark. His expression softens a fraction as he licks the still-healing wound. "Really, so foolish."

How could anything bringing him closer to Shen Qingqiu be called foolish? "Shizun…"

"Shut up and let me do this, since you're so eager for it."

Luo Binghe will happily stay quiet if it means his husband will keep touching him.

"Promise me this is the last time."

Luo Binghe tilts his head. "The last what?"

Shen Qingqiu bites the side of his neck, tearing a whine out of his throat. "The last time you let yourself be hurt to force me into minding you."

Shen Qingqiu can ask all he wants; he's not getting that concession from Luo Binghe. He refuses to give this up. "I have no idea what Shizun is talking about."

Shen Qingqiu's nails dig trails on his arm. "Do you think me stupid? I know what you’ve been fighting wasn't strong enough to wound you if you didn't let it.”

"I'm delighted that my husband thinks so highly of me, but unlike him, I'm just a man. I make mistakes. I can only apologise for imposing on him so, but there is no one else I can turn to to heal incurable poisons."

Shen Qingqiu growls. "Even if there were others, if Binghe were to go to them for this, there would be none left after."

Luo Binghe thrills. His husband is so attractive when he loses control so and his eyes turn red just for Luo Binghe. "I would never. I want no one else."

"As you should." Shen Qingqiu's fingers have finished travelling down his chest and are now resting low on his belly, so close to where Luo Binghe wants them, but not quite.

Without being asked, Luo Binghe lies down on the bed he's been sitting on, spreading himself invitingly as he does, making sure to keep his thighs open. He still hasn't managed to get Shen Qingqiu to take him when it's not medically necessary, for some reason he cannot understand. Shen Qingqiu likes it, Luo Binghe loves it, why does he say no?

If his underlings knew Shen Qingqiu was such a prude, they might turn on him. It's probably why Luo Binghe is still his one and only spouse.

He'll always be his one and only spouse. Luo Binghe won't stand for anything else. “Shizun, please. Heal me.”

Shen Qingqiu shoves his tongue into his mouth as his fingers find their way into Luo Binghe. He can feel the push of them inside him, a bit too rough and only slightly oily, his husband’s way of punishing him.

Sadly for Shen Qingqiu, Luo Binghe loves the stretch and the burn. He wouldn’t have it any other way. “Husband, more. I need more. It’s not enough to neutralise the poison.”

“I know! Be patient!”

Like he can be patient in such conditions. “Shizun! Now! I need it now!” He twists and turns as if in pain, despite feeling nothing like it. His cultivation is too strong for the poison to affect him this soon. “Please!”

He sees Shen Qingqiu falters even as the pressure and the drag inside him increase. “Does it hurt?”

Luo Binghe nods vigorously. “It does! Only Shizun can take that pain away!”

Shen Qingqiu kisses the false tears away. “It won’t be long now. I just don’t want to hurt Binghe even more.”

“Husband could never! Everything he does bring me pleasure.”

Shen Qingqiu shakes his head. “How did things turn so wrong? Binghe shouldn’t be like this.”

Luo Binghe doesn’t overthink this. His husband has a tendency to babble to himself in such moments. “How should I be then? I’ll be everything Husband wants me to be. He only has to ask.”

“He can start by taking better care of himself and not get poisoned for fun!”

Luo Binghe has to take his husband’s mind away from this train of thought.

It shouldn’t be too hard.

Luo Binghe arches his hips up and pulls Shen Qingqiu’s body toward him. “Shizun, I’m ready. Do it!”

Shen Qingqiu sighs. “Binghe is so spoiled. Fine. He can’t complain if it’s painful.”

Luo Binghe could laugh. His husband’s annoyance is so performative. How can he pretend he doesn’t want this even as he’s finally filling him like Luo Binghe has been dreaming of for weeks? “It’s not. It’s perfect. Shizun is perfect. I can already feel the poison fading away. All I need is for him to remain inside me.” He’s not lying. He has everything he needs right here.

“Can Binghe… shut up for a moment?”

“Shizuuunn!”

“Of course he can’t. Binghe really is too spoiled. I’ll have to shut him up myself.”

Luo Binghe has nothing against Shen Qingqiu trying to shut him up with his mouth and his thrusts inside him. He can communicate everything he wants with only his body and his hands. Even Shen Qingqiu will understand the pull of his hands on his shoulders and the press of his thighs. He will comprehend the way Luo Binghe follows his rhythm, refusing to let them be apart for even a second. He will acknowledge Luo Binghe’s wordless pleas and won’t leave him unfulfilled and empty.

Luo Binghe was right, as he often is; Shen Qingqiu gives him everything he ever wanted and more, until Luo Binghe is sated and warm, all traces of the poison cured, courtesy of his husband’s peculiar nature.

He wouldn’t change said nature for the world. “Shizun, thank you for taking such good care of this disciple.”

Naked, tired and sullied, Shen Qingqiu has never looked better. “Binghe is lucky I’m willing to deal with his antics. Others wouldn’t be so forgiving.”

“And that’s one of the many reasons why Shizun is the one I chose. Does he want to hear the others?” Luo Binghe would certainly enjoy finishing the evening with some light teasing, signing his husband’s praises until he’s red and flustered. He’s so pretty like this.

“No! Binghe did enough tonight! He needs his rest to heal well.”

Meh. He was barely affected and they both know it. “If Shizun says so.”

Shen Qingqiu pulls him close, until Luo Binghe rests against his heart. “I do say so. Binghe was hurt. Now is time for him to sleep until he’s better.”

With his husband so close, sleep will come easily. “I will. Good night, Shizun.”

Shen Qingqiu presses a last kiss, much more chaste than anything else they shared tonight, to his forehead. “Good night, Binghe.”

[fweeble]

Mafia Romcom (1/?)

Title: None Fandom: SVSSS Pairing(s): LBHxSY, LQGxSY, LBHxLQG, YQYxSQQ Warnings: unrealistic mafia, badly written romcom, unbeta’d Summary: Cang Qiong’s Shen Yuan has been kidnapped. His brother, Shen Qingqiu is in a frenzy. Liu Qingge and Cang Qiong’s greatest enemy, Luo Binghe, are determined to rescue him.  A/N: Thank you @freykugel, my favorite cannibal oniisan, for being patient with me and even reading some of it despite knowing fuck all about SVSSS, xianxia, and everything else. You are the best hyung I could ever ask for. This is what happens when the world is batshit insane, I’m allowed to play Piofiore and read yakuza manga, and know fuck-all about the Chinese Triad.

Liu Qingge is welcomed into the building with the muffled sounds of Shen Qingqiu shouting. A harassed looking underling bows, offering strained apologies and offering to bring breakfast up to his office soon. It isn’t the first time that Shen Qingqiu has thrown a fit that has shaken the Cang Qiong mansion to its foundation and it likely won’t be the last. No matter how soundproof Yue Qingyuan tries to make every room in the mansion, Shen Qingqiu’s voice carries. For a moment, Liu Qingge entertains the idea of tendering his resignation. When he reaches his office, all that will be waiting for him are piles of paperwork and an endless revolving door of men making their reports for their day. No matter how loyal he is to Cang Qiong, he feels his grip on his sanity bleed out through his ears with every tick of the clock as he is stuck behind a desk. He has done enough that he should be able to retire, surely? Weathering the continued existence of Shen Qingqiu is far and beyond his job description. Trading in a desk for freelance work is a daydream that helps Liu Qingge pass the tedium of his current position more often than he’d like to admit. Enough of his men have looked terrified during their daily reports as he silently sharpened Cheng Luan for word to spread that Cang Qiong’s head enforcer likes to threaten his underperforming underlings with the sword. Liu Mingyan had burst into laughter when the rumor had finally reached her. It keeps his men on his toes, so he lets it be. (If he imagines throwing himself out the nearest window, Cheng Luan in hand, and making a break for freedom, far, far away from paperwork and the endless droning of reports, no one but Liu Mingyan needs to know this. Everyone is allowed to dream.) Yue Qingyuan, as ill-suited to the mafia life as any leader can be, would likely let him leave with minimal fuss and no demands for recompense. If anything, Liu Qingge suspects Yue Qingyuan may actually send him off with a farewell party. Everyone knows how often Liu Qingge’s the trigger of one of Shen Qingqiu’s infamous temper tantrums behind closed doors. As excellent as Liu Qingge is at his job, Yue Qingyuan would be relieved to have Shen Qingqiu’s Most Hated Enemy #2 out of the way. After all, even the boss’s husband would have a difficult time throwing out one of Cang Qiong’s inner circle without good reason. It may have been easy to get rid of Luo Binghe, who had no reputation, power, or influence to his name, but the Liu Clan has a long and illustrious history, influence, power, and more money than it knows what to do with. Getting on the clan’s bad side would cause Cang Qiong more headache than Shen Qingqiu in all his righteous fury can. Shen Qingqiu’s voice ratchets up another dozen decibels. Liu Qingge thinks he can make out a few of the words. He signs a few more documents, checks the clock, and considers taking a break before the first of his men reports. Tea with Shen Yuan in the garden sounds appealing. He straightens his hair, smooths any wrinkles out of his waistcoat and resists licking his lips nervously. Maybe he should drop by the bathroom before visiting Shen Yuan’s office, make sure he is presentable. Don’t be stupid, he tells himself, even as he feels himself flushing. Five years working with the man and he still has all the dignity of a three year old when it comes to Shen Yuan. Shen Qingqiu’s voice continues to get louder. He’s nearly at the door when it is thrown open by Shen Qingqiu who proceeds to brush him aside. Yue Qingyuan sweeps in after his husband, shooting Liu Qingge a pitying look as he politely shuts the door behind him. If only he hadn’t taken the half-second to fix his hair, he despairs. He could’ve been long gone before Shen Qingqiu decided to descend like a plague of locusts. “Find him!” Shen Qingiu roars as he paces back and forth in Liu Qingge’s office, hair in disarray and face surprisingly pale. “Who?” Liu Qingge grunts as he reluctantly returns to his seat. “Shen Yuan!” Shen Qingiu slams his hand down on Liu Qingge’s desk, sending papers flying. The monitor shakes ominously, threatening to fall. Liu Qingge eyes the splintered surface and feels his own rage building. Until the name sinks in. He can feel the blood drain from his face as well. He turns to Yue Qingyuan who looks uncharacteristically strained. “Explain,” he demands. ---- In between the shouting and Cheng Luan being threateningly brandished against an inconsolable and raging Shen Qingqiu, Liu Qingge has understood three things: 1. Shen Yuan has gone missing. He is not answering his phone. The app Shen Qingqiu had secretly installed on his phone isn’t working. He cannot be located. 2. Shen Yuan was last seen the night before, wishing his brother good night before retreating to his quarters. 3. Shen Qingqiu is convinced Luo Binghe has him. Liu Qingge hates agreeing with Shen Qingqiu about anything. They once got into an argument over the weather because he couldn’t bring himself to agree with the other man. But Liu Qingge can’t help but agree that if Shen Yuan has gone missing, the prime suspect is his ex-disciple Luo Binghe. It’s no secret how much Luo Binghe desires his old teacher. Which is why Liu Qingge wastes no time in delegating his duties to Yang Yixuan and marching over to Huan Hua’s estate and demanding a meeting with Luo Binghe. He had told Yue Qingyuan not to worry, had explained that it would just be an exploratory meeting. It had been clear Yue Qingyuan hadn’t believed him, but Liu Qingge doesn’t feel too guilty about breaking into Huan Hua and raiding the estate. If Luo Binghe has Shen Yuan, he’d keep him close. Shen Yuan will definitely be on the premises. If Shen Yuan isn’t there, then that’s one suspect off the list. It isn’t his job to play detective, anyways. If either Yue Qingyuan or Shen Qingqiu had expected subterfuge or delicacy in handling the situation, they shouldn’t have turned to him, the head of Cang Qiong’s hitmen. They could have turned to Qing Qi and her hand picked spies or even sent some of Shen Yuan’s own grifters to put out feelers and gather information. One does not take out a hammer when precision work is necessary. If anyone is at fault, it’s Shen Qingqiu’s fault for demanding Liu Qingge to find his brother. (Liu Qingge ignores the Liu Mingyan in his head that giggles at his flimsy excuses. He’s absolutely not as emotionally compromised as Shen Qingqiu is. He’s making perfectly sound decisions. What else had they expected a trained assassin to do? He can’t smile and make small talk, tricking a target into exposing sensitive information like Shen Yuan does. What he can do is kill a man in seventeen different ways with his bare hands while blindfolded and shoot moving target with pinpoint accuracy at over six hundred meters. His only skills are beating people for information and killing people for information. He’s just playing to his strengths.) He tosses one terrified looking Huan Hua thug out a window and points Cheng Luan at another before taking a deep breath and hollering. “LUO BINGHE. COME OUT!” He waits one second, then two. After the third, he angrily incapacitates the terrified flunky hiding behind a potted plant and takes the stairs up. Wading through the endless waves of Huan Hua trash that come crawling out like cockroaches, Liu Qingge does his best to avoid permanently injuring or killing any of them. There’s no reason to start a war if Shen Yuan isn’t here. (But he is; he definitely is.) After half an hour of crushing every person who even tries to stop him, Liu Qingge makes it to a heavy set of doors. Luo Binghe’s office. “Luo Binghe!” The man in question sits behind his gleaming rosewood desk, Sha Hualing perched on the end of it, twirling her hair. Luo Binghe smiles thinly at Liu Qingge. “To what do I owe this pleasure?” he asks lightly. “I never expected the great War God of Cang Qiong to visit Huan Hua.” Liu Qingge twitches. “Return Shen Yuan,” he commands, Cheng Luan still pointed at Luo Binghe. Luo Binghe’s smile gets sharper, “If Shizun has had enough of Cang Qiong and wishes to be with his dearest disciple, I see why I should send him back.” “No reason?” Liu Qingge resists stabbing the smug bastard immediately. “Is death not enough motivation?” “Death?” Luo Binghe laughs lowly, “I’m not the one courting it.” Sha Hualing rolls her eyes, rising from the desk with smooth grace. “I’ll go check on our...products,” she says as she leaves, shooting Luo Binghe a look that speaks thousands of words, all of them which make Liu Qingge turn crimson. “Shameless!” He bites out, head turning from Sha Hualing’s retreating back to Luo Binghe, before swiveling right back. “Shameless!” He repeats, face hotter than it should be. Luo Binghe retrieves Xin Mo from its place of honor on the wall even as he taunts Liu Qingge, “Cheng Luan, really? Is Cang Qiong so old fashioned that even its War God brings outdated weaponry to battle?” “As if the peashooters your men had were of any use,” Liu Qingge snorts. No gun, no matter how powerful it is, is dead weight in the hands of the incompetent. “You know as well as I do how useful good steel can be,” he continues as Luo Binghe draws Xin Mo. There’s a heartbeat as they both size each other up. Liu Qingge readjusts his stance, eyes Luo Binghe’s shifting his grip on Xin Mo. They’re about to strike, when the doors slam open. “BOSS! Shen Yuan has been kidnapped!” Liu Qingge’s murderous rage shifts. “SHANG QINGHUA!” Shang Qinghua stands in the doorway to Luo Binghe’s office, eyes wide. He trembles. “L-L-Liu Qingge?” He stammers. “BOSS?” Liu Qingge repeats, pointing Cheng Luan at the suddenly stiff Luo Binghe. “LUO BINGHE?” If it were possible, Shang Qinghua would probably melt through the floor. “Kidnapped?” Luo Binghe repeats, voice dangerously low. Shang Qinghua shivers more. He looks on the verge of tears. “Explain. Now.”