#is it real rational fear abt how im acting?
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god i love women so so so so so so much
#wanting to express how insane i was about them for like the 10 billion years i was in the pining stage#but not wanting to seem like weird or overly attached or whatnot bc we literally like just became a thing#i hate it ihate it i hate it#is it real rational fear abt how im acting?#is it just that i struggle to express myself and especially something like love as openly as i desperately need to?#is it me being me and overthinking the shit out of my passions that are way too strong to have that sort of rational throughline?#or is it secret answer D. infinitely nuanced combination of these and many other factors GRAHGSHAGHFHDFGDFHGHD#i hate social extrusion so much but especially when it comes to people i love#being forced through the sieves of anthrocentrism and existing as a queer person/jew and being deeply ill and language being imperfect and#man fuck i just want to be insane about her!!! i love her!!!
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jar of rebuke liveblog-ish
So I started listening to jar of rebuke and it’s very cool (and VERY gender)
I’ve been jotting down notes for each episode, some during, some after, bc I have a feeling this goes far, far deeper than Jared having movie nights after work. It’s... long, bc I binge, so it’s under the cut
spoilers up to ep 9
there’s none for ep 1 and 2 because I didn’t think to do this yet rip
Ep 3 • Pretty certain that Jared's backstory is Not Good, very dark • *martin imitating Jon voice* curse this flesh prison • Headaches are directly related to the memories arent they
Ep 4 • Gay • I refuse to be an oblivious aro this time. I ship it • Hell yeah immortality in action • But why is he immortal??? Is he a Spooky creature? • God I can't wait for the Dramatic Reveal to Darius that Jared is immortal
Ep 5 • Fuck todd • Yeah I fully ship jared with darius • Jared your job is evil (by this I mean the Enclosure, obviously not Jared. He’s too sweet to be evil)
Ep 6 • Good for him he needs a break and friends • Dog-inspired gender crisis hell yeah • Oof pls no more dog noises I hate it. Freaks me out. I have a semi-rational fear of dogs and dont like this
Ep 7 • Jared get a better therapist. I understand why you can't but. Pls. • Really jarring going from jared meaning flesh monster jock to mysterious spooky introvert who just wants friends • Once again, jared your job is evil • GET!! THIS!! LAD!! MORE!! FRIENDS!! • FUCK YEAH CANON NB PROTAG • Ngl all the Gender Talk is making me so happy it just hits so deep in my heart
Ep 8 • Wear a toque dude • He's so empathetic towards these creatures this is how he'll save the world • HEY NO BAD. Dont tell jared not to have empathy!!! • I dont trust this new doctor guy • RIP Jared you better get good at your natural scientist cover real quick • IM SORRY WHAT WAS THAT GLITCH?
Ep 9 • Jared's having a generally bad time isnt he • (Fun fact: my autocorrect wanted me to type "Jared's having a genderfluid" which uhh mood) • The fact that he's tied to the Enclosure through sheer isolation sounds uhhhh cultish • His therapists are OBVIOUSLY not acting with his best interests (making friends and being at peace with himself) in mind, I bet they're part of a larger plot • THE GLITCHING IS BACK • WHAT DOES IT MEAN
As of ep 9, I have 3 theories:
the amnesia thing is legit and jared got his abilities through the Incident
the amnesia thing is legit, but intentional, bc jared is a supernatural creature that the Enclosure is trying to control
jared was created by the Enclosure for some deeper nefarious purpose
I'm leaning towards number 2 rn, because :
it's cool
explains why no one from his past came after him, since the records are probably falsified
his therapists are sketch and arent helping him remember, which leads to
whatever they're hiding abt him is hella sketch, like, if his backstory was truly as normal as they say, they wouldn't go to such measures to hide it, which ties in with
they dont let him see his medical scans so there might be something physically up with him
he doesn't know what type of creature could make scenario 1 happen, and the only good reason they have for hiding that is bc they’re sketch af
the supernatural just REALLY likes him. maybe it senses something in him???
Anyways I'm really enjoying this, I only have 2 thoughts and they are "oooh cool mystery I can't wait to theorise" and "GET!! THIS!! LAD(?)!! MORE!! FRIENDS!!"
#jar of rebuke#jor#do ppl use this acronym??#i don't want to go in the tag until I'm caught up#I'm determined to go in blind#and stay blind#jared hel#god he's just so intriguing#what's his deal??#with the memories?? abilities?? uhhh general life???#and by god I'm a sucker for the good old#I must keep my abilities secret or I'll freak out the ones I love and they'll never see me the same again!#now that I think abt it that's a closted nb mood#so maybe that's why I'm drawn to it.......
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