#is it just me or is he giving casey neistat?

[racewinnerlandonorris]

[ericleo108]

My Favorites 2023

Last Years: 2020, 2022

This is a list of my favorites. This started off as my favorite YouTube channels, but I have since expanded the list. I watch a lot of media over the internet. I still watch youtube every day. I do not have cable. I tend to gravitate to informative and educational content. As a hip-hop artist I watch a lot of rap-related content to keep my hand on the pulse of the culture. I have broken down my lists into categories. I still watch the posted YouTube clips from the night before late shows in the morning.

My Top Favorite (Late Night) TV Shows I watch on Youtube

Amber Ruffin

The Problem with John Stewart 

Jimmy Kimmel

Stephen Colbert

Seth Meyers

Jimmy Fallon

The Daily Show

Last Week Tonight with John Oliver

Real Time with Bill Maher

It’s no longer hard to pick who my favorite late night tv show host is. If I had to pick between them I’d STILL pick Amber Ruffin. I’ve been missing John Stewart who does an excellent job of getting right to the heart of the problem. I like Kimmel’s dry sense of humor and Fallon’s antics. I’m really impressed with John Oliver’s program and Seth Meyers’s “A Closer Look” segment. 

I have broken down my favorite YouTube channels into two categories, general, and farm. I watch a lot of farm-related content.  Although I don’t think I want a farm even if I could afford one, I love watching the animals and farmers doing chores. I feel I get a different lived-experience when I watch these videos so I have the perspective of a farmer, which I’ve always wanted. 

Top Five YouTube Farm Channels

Gold Shaw Farm

Urban rescue ranch

Just A Few Acres Farm

Justin Rhodes

Nate Petroski 

Greg Judy Regenerative Rancher 

Top Favorite YouTube Channels

Philip DeFranco

Leeja Miller 

Adam Conover

HasanAbi 

Democracy Now!

Mark Rober

Casey Neistat

How Ridiculous 

Casual Geographic 

Robert Reich 

I don’t even watch Drama Alert anymore. Roman Atwood doesn’t hold my interest like it used to. I’d rather watch something with animals in it rather than explosions or rc cars. Mark Rober got knocked off his top spot. His videos are engaging and awesome but there is only one per month. I still watch Phil every day he posts a show. I don’t even watch the vlog squad anymore or Jason Nash. My interests are more sociological and news-oriented from the top. 

I still watch an ASMR video every night to fall asleep. The one thing I can’t stand is when ASMR artists touch or poke the screen or their lens. It’s a pet peeve that gives me that cringe you get when looking into bright lights for too long. Some artists do it all the time, like FrivolousFox ASMR, which really prevents me from liking them although I want too.

Top YouTube ASMR Artists:

Ephemeral Rift

Dr. T

ASMR Zeitgeist

Hypnotic dreams

asmr_divinity

Dong

Trigger Happy ASMR

Peaches

Sophie Michelle

ASMR Bakery

Honorable mentions on tiktok

Asmr kenobi

Luke ASMR

Depending on the time of day determines what type of asmr video I watch. If it’s at night it has to be a dark background and a long video. If it’s during the day it can be brighter and shorter. ASMR Zeitgeist is still one of my favorites. I still think they are the Cadillac of ASMR. I have logged the most hours on my tv with Ephemeral Rift. Dr. T has great videos for naps, same with Hypnotic dreams tapping videos. Divinity has been giving ephemeral rift a run for his money as I have been using her videos more and more to fall alseep. I added ASMR Kenobi and Luke as honorable mentions who entertain and put me to sleep from tiktok. 

Top 10 Hip-hop related content

Now we will get into the hip-hop-related favorites starting with dancing channels. 

Top 5 Dancing Channels on Tiktok/Instagram

The Pitman Sisters

Cost and mayor

Party with Carly

The Begin sisters 

The Song Twins

My current favorite rappers

LaRussell

Russ

Snoop Dogg

Connor Price

Gawne

Honorable mention:

Mike Posner

Top ten affiliated underground rappers

Headband Henny

Jay Matthews

Cmadd

Rich G

Zen Requium 

Duce

Kurupt the killa

Gibson 

Kharii

Mr. J

Honorable mentions:

Hundo music

Ardea 

Lumi funk

I put Mike Posner as an honorable mention because he is one of my favorite artists, is from Michigan, but isnt a rapper. The top ten affiliated underground hoonorable mentions are Michigan artists that I know or work with. Hundo is a guitar player with a couple albums. Ardea is my producer’s artist moniker from Kalalmazoo Michigan. And Lumi funk is a funkadelic band from the UP who I went to school with the bassist. 

Here are channels that are about hip-hop whether it be educational, entertainment or interviews. I did my top favorite commentary channels but Pat CC is the best, but he does documentary style commentary. 

Favorite Hip-hop related content channels

Kyle Beats

Pat cc

Ocean

Hiphop dx

Big boys neighborhood

Curtis king

Brand man Sean

CrackaLacktv

Adam Ivy

Wendy day

Top 5 hip-hop commentary/reaction channels:

Hiphop madness 

Anthony Fantano

Blacky speaks

Mattyballz

Louaista

Fantastic hiphop

Top 10 beat makers; I have a published song made to all of these

Tantu

Keyano 

Ryini

Anno domini

That Kid Goran

Feniko 

Destiny

Kylo

They Call Me Heat

Bb beats

Honorable mention:

RJ Pasin

I have made a song with all of the listed beat makers. RJ makes guitar samples, but I have a song from one of his samples that is currently doing well. Maybe next time I’ll have a list of sample makers. Like most independent artists, I only work with producers who I like their sound, so naturally they’re also my favorite. But if money was no object I left the list of unobtainable producers who are way outside my career and pay range. The last one is dead but arguably the most sought-after producer ever.

Top 10 Unobtainable Producers:

Dr. Dre

Pharrell

Timbaland

DJ Mustard

Swiss Beats

DJ Quik

Mike Will Make-it

Rick Rubin

The Alchemist 

Just Blaze 

No ID

J Dilla

[emrauta]

Panic! At The Yoga Studio

I spent the hour-long yoga class losing a fight to anxious and intrusive thoughts. I’m no yogi, but even I know that’s fairly counterintuitive to the whole mindful, meditative thing yoga preaches. Let me backtrack— 

I get to the gym 34 minutes before yoga starts, so that I can get a quick wam-up workout in. I have the entire timeline mapped out in my head— bench press and dumbbells until I break a sweat, cool down for an hour with yoga, and finally hit the sauna for 20 minutes (although perhaps stay a bit longer if my book gets exciting). At the risk of sounding like I’m gloating, I wholeheartedly believe I’ve crafted the perfect plan to reduce any wasted time during my two hours at the gym.

After a good-enough lift (for me, anyway), I rush up the stairs— two at a time— so that I can secure a prime mat spot in the back of the yoga studio. I approach the desk in the hallway to check in:

“Hi, I’m here for yoga. My name is—”

“It’s full.”

“Oh, but I reserved a spot online yesterday. I have a reservation.”

After a caricature of an eye-roll, the employee launches into a whole speech about how I clearly don’t read my e-mails, and if I did, I would know that I have to come to yoga 15 minutes before class starts, otherwise they reserve the right to give my spot to someone on the waitlist. She then turns to her friend and mutters something about how it’s annoying that she has to explain something so obvious. Her attitude was so egregious that a part of me thought I was being pranked, and I wondered if I turned around there would be someone secretly filming me.

My Midwest conditioning kicks in; I smile, apologize, and say, “No worries, I understand. Sorry again.” 

I head back to my cubby, but as I do I pass the yoga studio. I peek in. There’s room, and, surprising myself, I walk in with a fuck-it energy I seldom possess and close the door behind me. I place my mat down next to the door before anyone can stop me, doing my best to maintain some semblance of normality. 

“Alright class, let’s begin.”

And that’s when the wave of anxiety and guilt crashes down on my sandcastle of swagger. I start to worry about breaking the rules, and I have to incessantly remind myself that the workers don’t actually care about the rules— they don’t get paid enough to care.

I make eye contact with the yoga teacher. Yes, the one I have a crush on. A new wave builds in the ocean of doubt; I think she knows I’m not supposed to be here. I’m blocking the door. I’m intruding. Maybe she didn’t want me here in the first place. Maybe she told the desk workers to not allow me in, and to pretend that the class is full.

The wave crashes. I look around and realize I’m the only one not in chair pose.

A new wave crests in the abstract. If I was beloved— say, I was someone like Casey Neistat— and everyone knew who I was and liked me and desired my presence, I wouldn’t have this problem. I start to convince myself that all of this— the anxiety and guilt and self-loathing— it’s all a perception thing. If I’m popular, I can strut in late and everyone thinks, “Oh, I’m glad he made it, I was starting to worry something happened. Welcome! Thanks for still making time for us in your busy schedule.” 

But if I’m hated? Instant bias. “Of course he shows up late. Always inconveniencing everyone around him. God, I hate him. No, there’s no room for you. Get out.”

I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down, but instead find myself suddenly swept under the darkest wave of them all, tumbling into the abyss, the deep-down truth crushing me with its infinite weight:

I am not a figure. I am not an admired celebrity, nor a notorious character in the lives of others. Instead, I am a nobody. And even though I’ve just been drenched and beaten by a storm of anxiety about what everyone thinks of me— the whole time simultaneously fantasizing about what I desperately want them to think of me— the fear, which I fear is not actually a fear but a reality I’ve done my best to ignore, that hits hardest is that no one actually thinks about me at all.

[guaminator]

Inspirational Artist Links: Performance Art

electric stimulus to face by Daito Manabe

My immediate reaction to this piece was one of discomfort. The dissonant, swelling electronic pad that was ever present while the chirps and beeps were going off gave it an almost unsettling feeling. A very curious piece, that’s for sure. All I could really think about is how uncomfortable each person must have felt. The way each of their faces reacted in a similar way to each stimulus was actually quite interesting. Syncing the pulses up with the sounds was really clever. Alter Bahnhof by Janet Cardiff I felt that this piece was really intriguing. The video feed from the phone’s screen and the “live” feed behind it really gave it depth. The perspective of having the hand holding the screen up and the sensation that wearing headphones gave was extremely immersive. When the dog ran up and started barking at the dancer it startled me, making me react as if the dog was in the room with me. The monotone and calm voice narrating and giving instructions was relaxing. The verbal descriptions of what was on the screen paired with “walking through” where everything happened was very well done. Bike Lanes by Casey Neistat Very amusing and very effective at conveying the message regardless of the text on the screen. I feel the message he was getting across would have been heard loud and clear even if the text was removed from the video. I applaud the dedication to the falls that he took. The background music added a more humorous feel to the piece. The finale was brilliant as well. Legend + Queen by Candice Breitz The concept of these videos was really cool. I found the little ad libs that certain individuals added to each song really interesting. Having no actual music playing really stripped down each song and emphasized the little “mistakes” people would make now and again. Taking a moment to focus on a single individual was also fun to do, watching how they danced (or didn’t dance) kind of showed off their personality. It felt as if each individual was plucked from a concert and had their voices isolated. Really cool piece(s). Meat Joy by Carolee Schneemann This piece was incredibly strange to me. I couldn’t really understand what was going on. It felt like a sensory overload with everything happening. I did feel the movements of the people seemed very fluid as if they were all a single organism. The music felt really out of place as well.

Vanessa Beecroft Interview + VB40 by Vanessa Beecroft It felt as if the subjects in her pieces were basically living statues. I like how the instructions she provided made the piece dynamic. Since each individual got more and more fatigued at different times it really gave the performance motion even when there’s very little movement involved. Very thought provoking in regards to beauty and body image. The Quintet of the Astonished by Bill Viola I remember this piece from an earlier module. I feel this piece really displays the spectrum of human emotion and how wide it can really be. As time passes you can really see the nuances in their expressions even though they aren’t exactly changing how they’re emoting. There really is something about being able to slow real-time down and sort of admire or examine everything.

Staging by Maria Hassabi

Just as she said in the interview, since the movement of the performers is incredibly slow, one can focus more on the space that the performance is taking place. Unlike “The Quintet” the slow motion in this piece is acted out which I found to be very intriguing. Watching the visitors of the exhibit during the interview was particularly captivating. The visible curiosity while people walked nearby was a spectacle in itself. Talking Tongues by Lisa Steele

During this piece I was listening the entire time but something about the delivery was awkward for me. It seemed very scripted but the story still struck me. Even though the story was ultimately fictional, I felt empathy for her. The sense of dread and just being absolutely fed up with everything she had experienced was very apparent. 

Perimeter of Square by Bruce Nauman

I found myself almost zoning out while viewing this piece for a few minutes. I started to switch my focus between the audio of the metronome and the movements the performer was making. I couldn’t exactly discern a meaning from it, personally. The repetitive nature didn’t inspire much thought or curiosity from me but maybe that was the artist’s intention all along. Punk Prayer by Pussy Riot

Knowing about how protesters and other activists are treated in Russia really made this piece more intense. There was a very clear message to both the government as well as the church through the lyrics. The use of vibrant colors on their outfits really contrasted against the cathedral interior. Their balaclavas showed a sense of anarchy and made the necessity of anonymity when speaking out against the Russian Government. Cut Piece by Yoko Ono

I think the call to action of this piece was what intrigued me the most. I’m not sure I would want to participate in this performance if I was able to. The interview stated something I found pretty interesting. There isn’t always exactly a “point” persey necessary for pieces like this. The art of the piece would have also been present even if no one decided to take the scissors and cut, I find that to be pretty interesting. Interior Scroll by Carolee Schneemann Reading the description of the piece it definitely was intended to shock. The amount of symbolism in this piece is very pronounced. Where the scroll was located and how she read it back while she extracted it was a clear, “I don’t care about what you think about my art.” There is an intense amount of feminism displayed from this piece. Shocking yet powerful.

Bound Mouth + Foot by Kate Wingard

I was anticipating more of the words written in pudding to be stepped on when it cut to the wider shot. The audio in this piece served as another artistic element, it was very difficult to listen to, personally. I was curious as to why the artist chose pudding, honestly. Wholesome by Megan Carnrite

This was difficult to watch, which I feel was the goal of the creator of this piece. I thought of the gluttony that seems to be overly apparent in America. The way the performer was framed was also intriguing, no identity, just a mouth constantly being fed. Roll of a Woman by Javid Rezvani

I thought this was incredibly creative. Something natural that every human being does is described in such a way that attempts to make the audience assume it’s a euphemism. Clever play on words in the title as well. How to Earn a Glass of Water by Dallas Scott

It really made me think of how those of us with easy access to fresh drinking water take that amenity for granted. The amount of patience necessary to watch a full cup of ice melt is insane. The runtime of the piece was something that I had trouble with. Even with it being sped up it took quite a long time for the finale of him finally drinking the water. Can Knot by Alexandra Gutierrez

The frustration was immediate for me once I saw the mess of cords and cables she started to unwind. Something that almost everyone can relate to be it with headphones all the way to extension cords. It made me think about how much time someone might take untangling cords throughout one’s lifetime. Just as the frustration set in immediately, the relief was immediate after seeing them all untangled and separated. Clever idea.

[dlwritings]

Flicker | Tom Holland

masterlist found here

pairing - Tom x YouTuber!reader word count - 3,677 warnings - A/N - listen to Flicker by Niall Horan

summary - Lately, you felt like Tom was slipping through your fingers. After a fight, Tom showed just how afraid he was of losing you.

“And here we have YouTube star, (Y/N) (Y/L/N)!”

You were pulled aside by an interviewer as you walked the red carpet at the Streamys. You smiled as you answered the usual questions: “Who are you wearing?” “Are you excited for tonight?” “Is there anyone specifically you’re rooting for?” Then, the dreaded question.

“Where’s Tom tonight?” she asked. You expected someone to ask. Actually, you expected a lot of people to ask, so you weren’t mad at this interviewer. Instead, you just gave her a well-rehearsed smile.

“Got caught up on set,” you told her. “He hasn’t even landed in LA yet.”

“How long have you been dating the spider boy now?” she asked.

“A little over a year,” you replied.

“Quite long for a Hollywood couple, especially at your age,” she said. You knew none of this was meant to upset you, but the ache in your stomach was growing. You just smiled at the reporter and hoped she’d let you move on. Instead, she added, “Do you hear wedding bells anywhere in your future?” You knew how you needed to respond, so you let out a laugh.

“I love Tom very much,” you said, “but we’re both quite young. We’re just enjoying the moments as they come.” The reporter smiled.

“Well we’re happy to see that Hollywood’s perfect couple is still going strong,” she said.

You scoffed unintentionally, “Well, no couple is perfect.”

When you finally made it to your seat, you let out a heavy breath and rubbed your temples slightly. It was true. Tom had gotten caught up on set. He texted you and apologized, telling you he would probably be home by the time the Streamys were done. It was hard not to be mad. Lately it felt like Tom was absent from everything in your life. You understood that he was a big star and had a busy life, but important things happened to you too. Was it so selfish to want him to be there for them? It was times like these that you wanted to go back to Brighton and visit your friends. You grew up in Bath next door to now-YouTube-sensations Zoe and Joe Sugg. They were the ones who got you interested in YouTube in the first place. You moved to Brighton soon after Zoe did, and the friendship you had with the two siblings never faded. The amount of times you found yourself yearning to have a sleepover with Zoe had been increasing exponentially over the past few months.

Soon enough, the seat beside you was taken by Arden Rose, so you snapped yourself out of your thoughts to socialize with her. Once you got your mind off of Tom, you had a wonderful night. You and Arden chatted nonstop during the breaks, and it was loads of fun to see so many content creators you respected get awards they deserved. You were up for both the First Person award and Creator of the Year. You didn’t expect to get either, but it was fun to just be there and an honor just to be nominated.

Needless to say, you were speechless when you won the latter.

Arden gave you a huge hug before you walked up on stage shakily, praying to God you wouldn’t trip or stumble or say something stupid. You took the award from Casey Neistat who was presenting it and stepped up to the microphone to give your speech. “I don’t know what to say,” you said nervously. “I didn’t prepare a speech because I didn’t expect to win.” The audience laughed in between their continuous cheers. “It’s a huge honor to be in the same category as all of these creators. So many of you inspired me to join this platform, and I will forever be grateful for you.” You said a few more things, most of which you forgot as soon as you were done talking, before walking off stage and eventually finding your way back to your seat.

When the award show was done, you wanted nothing more than to go home. You were currently spending some time in LA and had rented an apartment for your stay. You were in month three of being there. Tom had been coming and going for filming. A part of you almost hoped he wasn’t there when you returned. You knew his presence would just ruin your mood. Arden invited you to go with her to an after party, but your heels were killing you, and your stomach was filled with anxiety at the thought of your upcoming conversation with Tom. You knew you just needed to go home and get it over with.

On your way home, you called Zoe. You wanted to talk to her about the award and about Tom. She answered cheerily which immediately made you smile. “Guess who won Creator of the Year?” you asked, a smile making its way to your face.

“No way!” she shrieked. “Alf!” you heard her call to her boyfriend. “Alfie! (Y/N) won Creator of the Year!” You could faintly hear Alfie’s cheers before Zoe laughed and told you he had congratulated you as well. “What did Tom say?” she asked. You quickly frowned and took a deep breath. “Oh no,” she sighed. You could feel her demeanor change, even over the phone. “What’s wrong?”

You didn’t hesitate to dive in. “I just feel like we’re drifting away from each other,” you told her. “He couldn’t make it to the show because of filming, and I get that, but he knows how much this night meant to me and how excited I was for him to be there. It’s like he didn’t even try to get an earlier flight. 90% of the time I feel like he doesn’t give a shit about my career.”

“Oh (Y/N),” she said sympathetically. “I’m sorry.”

“I just don’t know what to do,” you sighed. “I won’t make him choose between his career and me, but he’s also 22 years old. He should be able to balance his time without me giving him an ultimatum.” You weren’t even sure you were making any sense. All you wanted was to get to your flat. You ended your conversation with Zoe just as you got home. When you walked inside, you sighed at the sight of Tom’s shoes by the door. You should’ve been happy to see your boyfriend. Instead, you were filled with dread.

Tom wasn’t on the couch or in the kitchen, so you headed into the bedroom to find him lying in bed, flicking through channels on the TV. He looked up when you walked in and smiled. “You’re home,” he said happily, his voice sounding tired. He reached his arms out to you. “I wanna cuddle.” You clenched your jaw and set your award down on the dresser, ignoring Tom and heading into the bathroom.

Tom was confused. Why were you being so cold? He heard the shower start to run and decided to leave you be for a moment, certain you’d be excited to see him once you came back out. He had missed you dearly while he was away filming. Sometimes he hated his job, but he knew it was important and that he was lucky to have it. He had always been grateful that you understood and respected what he did.

When you came out of the bathroom, a towel around your waist, Tom immediately jumped up from the bed and walked over to you. You faced your dresser, pulling out a pair of panties and a t-shirt. Tom wrapped his arms around you and rested his head on your shoulder. “How was the show?” he asked, pressing light kisses to your skin. You pulled away from him, dropping your towel momentarily to get dressed. Tom, again, was confused. Why weren’t you talking to him?

“I won an award,” you told him, motioning to the trophy on the dresser. His eyes grew wide, his heart filling with pride.

“That’s great, darling!” he said, trying to reach out for you again. You just stepped away and got your hairbrush, brushing the knots out of your wet hair. “What’d you win?” You didn’t say anything. Tom was starting to get irritated. He had been gone for over a month, and this was the welcome he got? Finally, he seemed to snap.

He grabbed the TV remote, shut it off, and asked, “What’s going on?” You finished brushing your hair and turned to face him. It was only then that Tom noticed the tears in your eyes. What the hell?

“I wanted you to be there,” you said. He could tell you were trying not to cry.

“And I wanted to be there,” he told you. You shook your head and let out an angry laugh.

“Did you, Tom?” you asked. “Because you’ve known about this award show for months, and you still couldn’t manage to catch a flight on time.”

“Filming went longer than I planned,” he argued. “I told you that.”

“You could’ve taken a break,” you told him. “You could’ve explained to your director that I had something important and-”

“You think they’d put an entire film on hold for me?” he snapped. “For you?”

“Well they can’t very well film if you tell them you’re leaving.”

“Yeah, but they can replace me, and they’d do it in a heartbeat if I pulled something like that.”

You just rolled your eyes which made Tom’s blood boil. You walked over to the bed and sat down, starting to get under the covers. Tom, however, wasn’t done talking about this. “You know I would’ve been there if I could’ve,” he said. “But it’s not like it was the Grammys or the Oscars. They don’t care about that shit unless it’s an EGOT.”

“They don’t or you don’t?” you asked.

“That’s not fair,” Tom argued.

“Admit it,” you snapped. “You think my career is a joke.”

Tom laughed angrily. “You’re kidding, right?” You didn’t say anything. “Wow, you must not know me at all if you think for even a second that I’m not 100% supportive of you.”

“If I was a movie star up for an Oscar, you would’ve skipped a week of filming just to make sure I was mentally prepared,” you told him.

“Give me a break, (Y/N),” he said. “You’re being fucking ridiculous right now.”

“I’m being honest with you,” you said, “which is more than you can say.”

“What do you want from me?” he shouted. “What the fuck do you want?”

“I want you!” you shouted back. “I want all of you! I want you as committed to this relationship as I am! I want you to support me and, and to be here for me when I ask you to be! To be honest I didn’t realize I was asking for so much.”

“Can’t you see that I’m trying?” he said. “I’m here now, aren’t I?”

“Yeah, about seven hours too late.”

“Jesus Christ!” he yelled. “I can’t fucking do this. You’re acting like you didn’t know what my life was when we started dating. There was always a chance something like this would happen! I’m sorry I can’t be at your beck and call 24/7.”

“Stop twisting my words!” you cried.

“What have I been saying that you haven’t told me in the past ten minutes? You think I’m not here for you? You think I don’t care about you? If I didn’t care about you, I wouldn’t be standing here, screaming at you when all I wanted was to make love to my beautiful girlfriend the minute she walked in the door.” The two of you were silent for a moment until you sighed.

“Maybe we need a break.”

With a clenched jaw, Tom turned on his heel and stormed into the bathroom. He was furious but also so hurt. What had he ever done to make you think those horrible things? Yeah, he worked a lot, but never once did he ever try to make it seem like that meant he didn’t love or support you. He appeared in your YouTube videos almost every time you asked him to, and he told (and showed) you that he loved you practically every minute of every day.

Tom got in the shower, trying to calm his anger. Sleep. You both just needed sleep. Your relationship was not over. You did not need a break. He needed you, and he was certain you needed him.

When he got out of the shower and put on some boxers, Tom found you asleep in bed. He was sure the fight had worn you out. It had done the same to him. He hesitantly got into bed beside you. Even when the two of you fought, he hated to sleep away from you. It seemed that, subconsciously, you thought the same. Few moments passed before you laid your head on Tom’s chest, wrapping one arm over his stomach. A lump rose in Tom’s throat as he brushed his fingers through your hair. The two of you had been dating for about 15 months, and he couldn’t imagine his life without you. Sometimes it was hard for him to remember his life before you.

You had been given a crazy opportunity to film a video with Tom Holland. Your YouTube channel had been growing and, when you were approached to film with the movie star, you didn’t even hesitate to accept. You were nervous, obviously, but Tom immediately made you feel at ease.

Tom was smitten the minute he met you. You were quite obviously nervous to work with him, so he turned on his charm to try and calm you down. He thought you were beautiful as soon as you walked in the room. He could tell you were a novice interviewer, but he found it endearing. You didn’t film a traditional video, which Tom appreciated. After a long day of press junkets, it was refreshing to answer something other than “What’s it like to play Spider-Man?” and “How much training did you have to go through to get the part?” The two of you ended up filming a whisper challenge video. You and Tom were both doubled over laughing by the end of it, and Tom did not want the day to end. Neither did you, but that was pretty obvious.

As soon as the video was done, Tom had to go to the next interview. He hardly had time to thank you before he was ushered out. When his day was done, he approached his publicist and asked her for your name. Unfortunately, she didn’t know it, and Tom felt he had no way of contacting you. Disappointed, he opened up Instagram to distract himself. Getting bored on his timeline, he went to the pictures he was tagged in to see if there were any cool drawings or sweet fan pictures. He did this often, loving any opportunity he had to interact with the fans and show them how appreciative he was of the things they did for him. Amongst his tagged photos, he found a screen grab from the video you filmed with him. He clicked the picture immediately and found your profile. Instantly, he DM’d you. It was a simple and sweet message: Hey (Y/N)! I had a great time filming today. You’re wonderful at what you do xx

You responded back: Aww I’m glad! I honestly thought I sounded like a babbling idiot the whole time, so it’s good to know you had fun

He knew there was no going back.

The two of you ended up exchanging phone numbers and texted constantly. As soon as Tom found himself in your area, he visited you. Whenever you were near him, you did the same. It got to the point where Tom would make special trips just to see you.

The more time passed, the more Tom realized he wasn’t meant to be with anyone else, and hell would freeze over before he would let you go.

“Fuck,” Tom whispered to himself as the memories flashed through his head. He subconsciously held you tighter, his gaze fixed on the ceiling above him. “What the hell am I going to do?” You were sound asleep, your breathing steady and slow. Tom couldn’t help but continue talking to himself, almost practicing what he could say to you when you woke. “I love you,” he said gently, “and I love your job. If it wasn’t for your job, I would’ve never found you. I don’t even want to imagine a life without you. I’m proud of you and impressed with you and everyday you make me happier and happier.” Evidently, his voice had been too loud, because you soon stirred in your sleep.

“Hmm?” you mumbled, your eyelids fluttering open. Realizing you were cuddled up to Tom, you scooted away a bit and sat up, rubbing your eyes. “Did you say something?” you asked him, your voice monotone and still carrying audible sadness. Tom’s heart physically hurt. He brushed a piece of hair away from your face, and your cheeks turned a little red at the action.

“Yeah, I said something,” he said softly. “I said that I love you. I love you, and I’m proud of you and everything you do. I’m so sorry if I ever, even for a second, made you think otherwise.”

“Tom-”

“Please, please let me finish,” he whispered. You bit your lip and nodded. “Darling, you are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. I’m sorry that work is crazy, and I’m sorry if it seems like I’m not trying to be here for you, because I am. Most of the time Harrison has to drag me away from my phone to make it to set on time because I’m either calling you or texting you or reading through our old texts just to find a reason to smile. I know I can be a total dickhead sometimes, but I never meant for you to think I don’t care about you. This, this fight, I want it to pass.” His voice cracked at the end as he begged, “Please don’t leave.”

As soon as a tear rolled down Tom’s cheek, you pulled him close to you. He rested his head on your chest and wrapped his arms around your waist. You could feel him shaking, could feel his tears on your (his) shirt. His grip on you was so tight, it made your heart ache. “Hey, babe, take a breath,” you cooed softly. You ran your fingers through his hair, scraping your nails lightly against his scalp. “I’m right here,” you whispered. “Right here.”

Tom did everything he could to compose himself. He didn’t mean to break down. He had just been so stressed lately, and the mere idea of you leaving him sent him straight into a panic. He knew you hated it when he cried, so he did his best to suck it up. The feeling of your fingers in his hair soothed him so much, a chill went up his spine. “I’m so sorry (Y/N),” he whispered, knowing his words were muffled and hard to hear. You heard him though, clearly, because you pressed a soft kiss to the top of his head. “Work has been hard lately,” he admitted. He hated to say it aloud, wanted to pretend he was a lot stronger than he was, but he knew he owed you an explanation for why he seemed so distant so suddenly.

You pulled away from Tom and smoothed out some of the creases on his forehead. He visibly relaxed under your touch. “What?” you whispered.

Tom sighed, “I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want you to worry. I know I’ve been distant, and I know that can’t be easy for you. This director’s a hardass and I feel like no shoot I do is good enough. That’s why I couldn’t leave set to come see you tonight. I wanted to so badly, but I’m afraid one step out of line and he’ll find someone else. I swear we had to film a scene of me staring out the window thirty times. It’s a three second shot but it was never good enough. Like I’m not good enough. So then, when I come home and find out I haven’t even been good enough to you, it’s like a punch in the face. Like I’ve been fucking up in every area of my life.”

More tears fell from Tom’s eyes, but you were quick to brush them away. “I wish you had told me,” you whispered, pressing your forehead to his. “I’ve not been patient enough.”

“No,” Tom said quickly. “You’ve been wonderful. You’re always wonderful. I need to take care of my girl better than I do. That’s on me.”

“You don’t have to carry the weight of your stresses alone,” you pressed. “You’re not alone, Tommy. I’m right here.”

“I need you,” he whispered, his voice cracking a bit. “I can’t be without you.”

“I’m right here,” you repeated firmly. “Right here.” You sighed and gently kissed his forehead. “You’re wearing yourself too thin, my love.”

“Just want everything to be perfect,” he admitted. “The movie, our relationship, my life, your life.”

“You can’t control how the earth spins, Tommy,” you whispered. “Nothing is perfect. That’s just reality. You know what though? I’m happy. I’m still so happy.”

“You didn’t seem happy thirty minutes ago,” Tom mumbled. You ran your fingers through his hair again, hearing him sigh contently as he snuggled closer to you.

“I was frustrated and sad,” you told him, “but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you. Perfect or not, I’m happy with you.”

“You ever gonna leave me?” he whispered. You looked down at him to see him looking at you with his soft brown eyes. The sight made you melt.

“No Tom,” you cooed. “I’m never, ever gonna leave you.”

[poisxnyouth]

neighbors. chapter 1. (d.d)

A/N: There are 3 shows that inspire this: Sex and the City, Gossip Girl, and Mad Men. 3 of my favorite shows ever. I haven’t written anything in a really long time and this is (essentially) my first David fic! Enjoy! If you feel like something isn’t in character or notice any inconsistencies or just plain don’t like it, don’t be afraid to let me know! I appreciate all criticism. <3 Thank you to @alrightinbed-betterwithapen for getting me into writing again!! Endless love to her.

Warnings: Drinking, implied underage drinking, and cursing. Nothing too crazy!

You had lived your entire life in classic Manhattan wealth. You were never groomed with the trivial perfect grades, perfect outfits, and Ivy League expectations that the kids in your school had to deal with. Your parents put you in a private school with uniforms, allowing you to choose what you wanted in life. This nonchalant parenting pushed you to meet the expectations your peers had set. It had, luckily, worked out for you. You maintained a 5.0 GPA throughout high school and did anything you could to meet Ivy League alumni through Manhattan’s elite. You breezed your way through Yale Admissions, just as your parents had, and majored in Psychology in conjunction with a minor in French. Your parents were very proud of you, of course, and you quickly got a job in Los Angeles fresh off the graduation stage. You were an intern at an advertising firm on Madison Avenue in high school, allowing you to gain interest and experience in the copywriting world. With a full book of advertising copy, your knowledge of psychology aided you in producing better work. You were now the youngest creative director in the entirety of Los Angeles at a top-notch advertising firm. You made good money and it came in fast, so fast that you had managed to go from a studio apartment in Downtown LA to putting a down payment on a $2 million-dollar house in the Hills (with some help from your parents). Everything had worked out as you had planned. You had (mostly) worked for everything you got, and you were proud of it.

Your friends had followed a similar path with varying backgrounds. Francine, from a poor family in Brooklyn, had been put in your school so she could have a promising future. She used it to her advantage. Tessa had come from an even richer family than yours, her father a real estate mogul; mother, an immigration lawyer. Sienna moved to Manhattan freshman year of high school, from a middle-class family with ultimately no connections in the Big Apple. It was fine, she quickly adjusted and met many people through you and your friends’ parents. All 4 of you had worked hard throughout the 4 years you had spent together, rotating sleepovers in you and Tessa’s penthouses, Sienna’s apartment, and Francine’s loft. You had, way too often, fallen asleep together with your heads stuffed in AP textbooks. You had all earned an Ivy League admission: You, Yale; Francine, Dartmouth; Tessa, Harvard; and Sienna, Princeton. You stayed in touch all of university, meeting up in the heart of Manhattan every Saturday to go shopping on Fifth Avenue. You made the distance work.  Francine is now a graphic designer; Tessa is an intern at Vogue, hoping to soon be an editor; and Sienna is an archivist at the Met. You didn’t have time to keep up with social situations outside of those 3 women.

++

“We miss you in New York, Y/N! You need to visit! How’s that neighbor of yours coming along?” Your best friends are screaming into the tiny speaker on Francine’s phone. You can practically see the group of girls huddled together on a street in the Upper East Side, arms filled with shopping bags as they listen intently to your voice.  

“I don’t know, guys. He’s cute. Like, really cute. I just wish I knew who he was. He’s so young! Like, our age at the most. What could he possibly do for a living? There’s always something going on at his house. I swear, yesterday I saw at least 30 people over there holding a bunch of balloons and fireworks went off.”

“Maybe he’s one of those Youtuber people?” Tessa suggested.

“Hmm…,” you’re flipping through your mail, phone balanced between your shoulder and ear. “He could be. He always has a camera in his hand. God, he’s hot.”

“Oh my god, Y/N, how are you so smart but so stupid? He’s a Youtuber!” Tessa chimed in once more.

“Is that supposed to be a big deal? Like, do they make a lot of money?”

“Uh, yeah. If they’re really big, they make bank. There are a few in New York. I think Casey Neistat is the biggest one on the East Coast, but most of the Youtubers live in LA. So, if he lives in your neighborhood, he probably is pretty huge.”

“I mean I don’t really care who he is – fuck, you guys!” you groan exasperatedly.

“What happened?” they questioned in unison.

“I got his mail on accident! I have to go over there! Oh my gosh, his name is David.”

“Oooo, Daaaavviiiidd!” they mocked. You separate your mail from his and huff in response.

“Y/N, are you seriously neighbors with David Dobrik?”

“I don’t know who that is, Francine. It only says David Smith on all the labels. I’m not going to worry about it, guys. He’s just eye candy. He’s too annoying as a neighbor.” Francine immediately reprimands you for not knowing who he is.

“Yeah, okay, Y/N. You’re gonna go over there, give him his mail, and go home and write about your wet dream of him. Imagine this on the headlines: Y/N Writes Fanfiction About Famous Youtuber?!” Sienna is laughing into the shared speaker.

“You guys are bitches!” you giggled, “I have to go do this. Pray for me! I love you!” They respond with I love you’s and making kissy noises into the phone.

 ++

 You rang the doorbell nervously and smooth your hair down in the reflection of his glass door, fiddling with the corner of your neighbor’s envelopes in your hands. You can feel the corners going soft from your sweaty fingertips. You hear a throaty voice yell, “NATALIE! DOOR!” If that’s David, he already sounds like a dick. A pretty girl in her pajamas rounds the corner, smiling when she sees you. You’re slightly disappointed. This Natalie must be his girlfriend.

“Hey! What’s up?” she says as she opens the door.

“Um, I’m your neighbor, Y/N! I, um, I think I got your mail? But you don’t really look like a David Smith, so maybe not?”

“Oh, no! That’s us. It’s for my boss, David Dobrik. It’s his cover name.” “Boss?” you question, feeling a little nosy. She doesn’t seem bothered, it seems like she must explain this often. You hear his name and clock it, knowing full well you’ll most likely forget it.

“Yeah,” she admits sheepishly. “David’s my boss – I’m his assistant.”

“Oh! Cool,” you kind of want to keep the conversation going; she’s nice! “There’s always something going on here!” you laugh a little.

“Yeah, but you know David…”

“I actually don’t! What does he do?” She seems surprised.

“He’s a Youtuber! I’ve been his friend since we were little, so it’s really awesome to see him grow like this.”

“Oh, sweet! Is he single?” The question flies out before you can think twice. Your eyes widen a little bit, breaking eye contact.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry. That just came out-“

“It’s fine! Yes, he’s single. You wanna meet him? He’s a little busy right now, but-“

“Oh my gosh, no! I mean, I just see him sometimes and he’s really cute. I was just curious.”

As soon as you say this, the man comes from a side hallway in the house. He walks to the door as Natalie nods understandingly.

“Hey! Who’s this?” He recognizes you as his neighbor, but he doesn’t say it. He just wants to know your name.

“This is Y/N, she’s our neighbor,” Natalie says. His eyes widen a little bit as he’s shaking your hand.

“David. Nice to meet you,” he’s leaning into the door frame now; arms crossed, chapped lips, messy hair, sweatpants, and all. It’s nice to get a closer look at him. He watches your eyes as you scan him up and down, causing him to smirk and look away.

“You wanna come in?” he offers. Your heart almost stops.

“Oh, it’s okay – I don’t want to intrude, and I have to get back to work anyways,” you attempt to rattle off excuses. He cocks his head and looks at you again.

“What do you do?”

“I’m in advertising,” you say, playing with your hands nervously. His eyes catch it.

“How’d you get that gig?”

“Um, I grew up and went to school in Manhattan, got admitted into Yale and graduated with a degree in psychology. I interned with an agency in high school and I really loved it, so I used psychology to help me write better copy,” the words tumble out too quickly and you almost feel stupid to spill so much. You try to push it out of your mind; you worked for what you achieved, you’re allowed to brag. He almost seems impressed.

“You live alone?”

You nod, almost feeling like you’re being interrogated.

“David, just let her go home,” Natalie gives you an apologizing look. She wants to snicker at how flustered you became when he showed up.

“Yeah, yeah, of course. Have a nice day, Y/N. You can come over whenever you want!” He’s almost shutting the door before Natalie stops him.

“Hey, can I get your number? We should hang out sometime.” You say of course and David’s watching as you type your number into her phone.

“Thanks! I’ll see you later, Y/N.” The door closes as you bid them goodbye and you almost want to die from humiliation.  You facepalm as you walk out of their driveway.

++

You can’t stop yourself from speed dialing Francine’s number as soon as you walk through your front door. She picks up on the third ring.

“Hey, girl! How’d it go?”

“Are you still with the girls?”

“Yeah, I’ll put you on speaker,” she replies before you hear all the girls individually say their hello’s.

“You guys…I met him. Oh my god, he’s so hot, I think I’m going to cry. He’s a stunner.”

“What’s his name? Is he who I said he is? David Dobrik?” Francine asks, desperate to be correct.

“Um...His assistant said his name…I think that was it?”

“You’re going to gush about how hot he is, but you don’t even remember his name?” Sienna questions.

“I was too busy freaking out! When he introduced himself, all he said was David!”

“Wait, wait, wait, Y/N! Walk us through what happened,” Tessa says coolly.

I launch myself onto my couch with a big sigh before I begin explaining.

 ++

 “So, Y/N seemed to be into you…” Natalie blurts later that night as David edits. He shrugs.

“David! You need to date somebody! She’s pretty!”

“You know I don’t have time! I don’t even get the vlogs up when I should.”

“Okay, and? All you do since Liza broke up with you is work! You know you deserve better.”

“Natalie, she’s probably not even into me, like, pretty sure she just has anxiety. She was fidgeting the whole time.”

“What do you mean, ‘She’s probably not even into me?’ She asked me if you were single!”  Natalie mocks his voice, going deeper than she needs to. He rolls his eyes in response, wanting the conversation to be finished.

“Just think about it, Dave. She’s smart, she went to Yale for God’s sake! Obviously, she cares about her job, juuuust like you do! I think you should ask her on a date.”

“She has a different dude over like, every night,” he grumbles.

“Oh, so you pay attention? And so what? They could be coworkers. Don’t be stupid, Dave.”

“I’m not asking her out on a date,” he affirms.

“Fine, I’m inviting her over.”  He rolls his eyes again, making it a point to force his eyes to go as far back as possible while telling Natalie to go ahead.

 ++

 “Hey Y/N! It’s Natalie. You wanna come over and have a few drinks?” The text shows up on your phone as you’re about to go to bed. You can’t push yourself to decline the invitation. A few drinks sound nice, anyway. You had learned how to hold your liquor your sophomore year of college, going through a partying phase, spending nearly every possible free night at a frat house.

You get dressed (again) and make your way to David’s house, ringing the doorbell. You see David’s head on the couch as Natalie rises from her spot to come to the door.

“Hey! Come in!” you step in, recognizing it’s a shoe off house. You wordlessly oblige as Natalie makes small talk with you.

“So, how’d you end up in LA from New York?” She leads you to the kitchen, taking out a stout glass of the dark cabinets for the each of you.

“I kept copywriting through college, so as soon as I graduated, I sent my portfolio to as many advertising agencies as I could. The agency I work for now is actually an extension of the New York office I interned for in high school, so I guess someone in New York saw my book in the stack and pulled some strings.” Natalie has now worked her way over to the stocked bar of liquor, responding with multiple mmhmm’s.

“What do you drink?”

“Vodka.” She nods and nearly makes your glass overflow.

“You seem like you need it,” she says pathetically, handing you the cup.

“Oh, believe me, I do,” you admit, ingesting half the glass in one swallow. You wince a little bit at the taste.

Your eyes scan around the room for David, but it seems he must’ve left to go somewhere else in the house.

“So, you think David is cute!” She breaks the silence, knowing what you’re thinking, “I can hook you guys up. He needs somebody.” You blush and tap your fingers on the glass.

“Oh, I mean…Yeah, he’s cute. But I don’t really have time for anyone, I’m working a lot.” She leads you to the sectional couch, pulling a blanket over her lap. You sit a few cushions away from her.

“You sound like him!” It makes you laugh slightly. “I’m serious! That’s exactly what he would say.”

“What’s he doing?”

“He’s editing right now. It usually takes him all night.”

“Honestly, Natalie, I’ve never watched a YouTuber before or anything, so I don’t really know anything about this. Like, how big is he? And what is ‘big’ on YouTube?”

“He has 11 million subscribers, so that’s pretty big. I mean there are bigger people, of course, like Shane Dawson, but he’s good at what he does, and he works hard. He deserves everything he has.”

“Good for him,” you reply, finishing the rest of your drink. She nods her head, agreeing with you. You can’t help considering the similarities it seems like you two share. You’re both hard workers, earning (mostly) everything you have, and you’re both proud of what you do.

“Do you have any friends in LA?” Natalie questions. You shrug your shoulders, getting up to make yourself another drink and feel at home. You quickly pour yourself more vodka and return to your seat.

“Most of my friends I left back in New York. I miss them so much. I told them about David,” you admit in a whisper as she gasps, a smile spreading across her face.

“You did not! Oh my god, I really need to set you guys up now!” She’s laughing, smacking your arm jokingly.

“Shut uuuup!” You giggle, “I couldn’t help it! What would you do if you lived in another city, alone, and all of a sudden you got a cute, young, obviously successful neighbor? Whew! I couldn’t not spill it!” You’re starting to feel more comfortable in the conversation and as you continue chatting with her, the more you like her.

“What are their names?”

“Okay, so. I went to high school with all of them. There’s Francine, she went to Dartmouth and is a graphic designer. There’s Tessa, she went to Harvard and she’s an intern at Vogue. And then there’s Sienna, she went to Princeton and she’s an archivist at The Met.”

“Wow! All Ivy League.”

“We all did it together! I couldn’t have done it without them. I love them. Besides them, though, don’t really have any friends out here! I’ve never really needed more than those 3. I miss them so much.”

“Well, now you have me! I’m getting you a boyfriend, even if it’s the last thing I do,” she laughs.

“Are you and David from LA?”

She laughs into her drink, “God, no! Chicago. David and I were neighbors and went to school together since elementary school.”

“That’s so cute!”

“You haven’t known David Dobrik for almost 15 years! I swear, it’s like taking care of a baby,” she rolls her eyes.

“I HEARD THAT!” You hear a voice yell from a bedroom as you make a nervous face. What else had he heard?

“Fuck you, David!” He doesn’t respond as Natalie resumes your conversation.

“My friend, Francine, kept insisting that he was David Dobrik,” you whispered, “I don’t know how the hell she knew that. I swear, she has ESP or something. She’s just as busy as me, so it’s beyond me how she has time to watch YouTubers.”

“I mean, Y/N, he is pretty big. Like, are you sure you don’t just live under a rock?” You gasp mockingly.

“Yeah, probably. I’m a workaholic.”

“So, are you strictly a copywriter?” You shake your head no as you gulp down some of your drink.

“No, I’m a creative director. Basically, that means I give the creative presentations to the heads of businesses we represent. I also oversee all of the regular copywriters at the firm and approve everything.”

“Wait, who do you represent?”

“Um, I mean…Apple, Clearasil, Jaguar, Tesla, Maybelline, a few department stores, it really depends.”

“So, you’re the reason why David owns a Tesla?” You laugh at that.

“I mean, I could be. I don’t know. I’m just starting in the industry.”

“Holy shit. That’s so crazy!” You shrug your shoulders.

“It’s alright. I love what I do.”

“How does all of that work?”

“What? Like, the whole advertising thing?” She nods.

“So, basically,” you clear your throat, “if a firm drops an account, which is a company slash brand, or the account decides to leave a firm, then account men or women are trying their best to get a presentation for the company. Agencies are always trying to get bigger than others. The job of the account man is to have good relations with the account’s leaders, meaning they just go out on dinners or for drinks with them. They keep up appearances. It sounds easy, but I’ve seen account men cry when it doesn’t go well. While this is happening, copywriters are practically scrambling to come up with something to present. It’s chaos, but it’s so good. It’s the best feeling in the world, especially when you do win the account.”

“Don’t you get tired?”

“I mean, the hours can get pretty long, but it’s fine. I get paid well. I also get pretty much unlimited vacation and sick days, no one thinks twice about it as long as I’m not gone for weeks at a time. It’s great.”

“You’re so fucking lucky!”

You wave her off, “I don’t think so. I worked for it.” She nods again as David emerges from a bedroom.

“Hey,” he says, walking to the kitchen to grab a water bottle. Natalie looks at you, waggling her eyebrows with a giant smile on her face. You snicker a little bit and David notices.

“What’s up with the giggling? You guys talking about me?”

“No, David. Not everything is about you,” Natalie says as he throws his hands up in defense.

“I’m just saying, you guys went quiet as soon as I walked in.”

“Maybe it’s because you interrupted us,” you say, meeting his eyes. He stares blankly at you.

“I can go,” He says, smiling his stupid smile.

“We’re fucking with you, Dave. Sit down,” Natalie rolls her eyes.

“What are you guys talking about?” He plops himself down on the couch pretty far away from you and Natalie.

“Y/N’s job. She’s in advertising,” Natalie seems to be bragging for you.

“Uh, yeah, I know, Nat. She said that earlier.”

“Ugh, still, Dave! I’m impressed.” David doesn’t know what to say, he doesn’t know enough about you.

“So, you went to Yale?” he asks. You nod. It’s quiet for a few moments.

“Y/N, we should go to New York!” Your eyes widen at Natalie’s suggestion. You had only met this girl a few hours ago, and she’s suggesting going to New York with you? You’re surprisingly open to it, not allowing yourself to say no.

“I mean, do you want to? ‘Cause I can call in tomorrow morning and we can totally spend the weekend there! You can meet the girls!”

“Uh, Natalie, you forget I’m your boss-“

“I’m also your fucking friend! Just come with!” Natalie says exasperatedly.

“Okay,” David throws his hands in the air, “Fine. Get us some flights, Natalie.”

“I don’t have my debit card on me-“

“It’s fine, Y/N, I’ve got it,” David insists.

“What? No! I can afford it!”

“I didn’t ask if you could afford it! I’m paying,” he persists. It’s kind of hot. You reluctantly mutter an okay as Natalie grabs her computer.

You ended up going home, hurriedly packing a suitcase before returning to David’s 30 minutes later. While at home, you group Facetimed all of the girls.

“Girls, I’m coming to NYC! One small catch, though…David’s coming with.”

[ashtonrosek]

Inspirational Artist Links: Performance Art

Electric Stimulus to Face by Daito Manabe

This was a very strange but intriguing video. It definitely weirded me out a bit. I do love that the faces were synchronized as well as that they were twitching to the beat of the music. This piece was super odd, but very interesting to watch

Alter Bahnhof by Janet Cardiff

I really liked this piece. It was cool to see the separate realities. It was almost confusing but intriguing the way these two perspectives of the same place collided. I enjoyed the voice over as well, especially the fact that it was binaural audio. I enjoy the concept that the same place can be so different for different people, at different times. I also found it interesting what was captured during both the phone video and what was happening around the person holding the phone.

Bike Lanes by Casey Neistat

I had no idea what this video was really going to end up like, but I loved it. He took what he was told about the bike lanes being the only place he could ride, and then used video to show the obstructions that can occur in the bike lanes. It was very funny watching him crash into cones, signs, even a police car at the end. The overall meaning was great though. He showed that there are accurate reasons for riding in places other than the bike lanes and a lot of those reasons are safety and comfort related.

Legend + Queen by Candice Breitz

I really enjoyed watching these pieces. It was awesome seeing each individual jamming out to Bob Marley and Madonna. I think I went through and looked at every single person’s frame to see whether they were super into it or just calmly singing the words. It was also cool to see the way they changed their facial expressions and body language depending on the song that they were singing. 

Meat Joy by Carolee Schneemann

Honestly, this piece really weirded me out. I had no idea what was going on at first and then they brought out the meat and the title made sense. There was just a lot going on and I was trying to listen to the audio, but it was different to hear clearly. I was really just lost. I’ll have to research it a little more to understand what was truly happening. 

Vanessa Beecroft Interview + VB40 by Vanessa Beecroft

I thought this was an interesting piece. I can definitely see how beauty standards and pressures go into Beecroft’s pieces. I liked how she wanted her performers to act like they were alone and just stand and move how they normally would, and if they got tired just to sit down.

The Astonished by Bill Viola

It was interesting to see the variety of people and facial expressions. I liked that it was in slow motion so we could really see the slight changes happening on their faces and in the body language. Each person represented a different feeling or emotion to me. I liked examining each person’s face and guessing what they were thinking or feeling.

Staging by Maria Hassabi

I really enjoyed hearing about how Hassabi prefers to create her pieces. I think the idea of space and occupying it without changing it is intriguing. She talked about how slow her pieces are and how they give the audience time to really consider and examine the environment/space that the piece is in. 

Talking Tongues by Lisa Steele

I think this video’s concept is very important. It seems to me that it was a woman talking about her husband and how he abused her. She even talks about trying to find help from a priest and the priest telling her that maybe her husband is sincere when he says he won’t hurt her anymore. This is incredibly relevant in today’s society. Women are constantly scared to ask for help because they’ll be turned down, called crazy, called a liar, etc.

Perimeter of Square by Bruce Nauman

I just first need to say how extremely tired I would be like a quarter of the way into this performance. I liked this video; it was almost calming watching him move around the square to the metronome. It was consistent, and repetitive the whole way through.

Punk Prayer by Pussy Riot

I loved this. It was intense and exciting and the meaning behind it was powerful. I was a protest, but also somewhat of a music video. I thought it was awesome. Their lyrics addressed the issues they wanted to fix and the visuals showed the location they were in and even security trying to take them out. 

Cut Piece by Yoko Ono

I really enjoyed this piece. I applaud Ono because she must’ve felt very vulnerable while people were literally cutting off her dress - but maybe that was the point. It was an interesting idea and I think it turned out very cool. I liked that each person of the audience was able to actually interact with the performance piece itself. They got to go up and cut their very own piece of art, you could say. 

Interior Scroll by Carolee Schneemann

This artist is most definitely adventurous with her artwork. It is an interesting and strange concept, especially holding the scroll in her vagina. I do love that the scroll stated a response to criticism from a male artist accusing her of making messy, female work. I think it was bold and creative and exciting, not to mention a kick in the butt to whoever gave her that critique. 

Bound Mouth + Foot by Kate Wingard

I thought the person was going to fall in the very first section of the video. This piece is creative and interesting, but kind of stressed me out. Seeing the mess and the person slipping gave me a little bit of anxiety. I did see a large variety of words and will have to do some more research to understand the true meaning behind this piece. 

Wholesome by Megan Carnrite

I thought this was interesting. Despite the food falling out of her mouth, I really enjoyed watching this. It was intriguing and impressive. The lipstick at the end was a perfect finish for the performance. 

Roll of a Woman by Javid Rezvani

I loved this. I thought it was talking about something specific and then realized it was talking about something completely different. Also, the girl in the video was humorous and made the video light-hearted and fun.

How to Earn a Glass of Water by Dallas Scott

This was an interesting performance. After reading the concept behind it, it truly makes sense and is clever. This took a lot of dedication and time - I respect this student artist.

Can Knot by Alexandra Guiterrez

I loved this performance. It was so simple, but also stressful watching her unravel the cords. The concept behind the video was meaningful and connected well with the actual performance. I really enjoyed watching this. 

[nervoussheepinfluencer]

Inspirational Artist Links: Performance Art

electric stimulus to face by Daito Manabe: I found this piece to be extremely interesting, and kind of crazy in a sense. It almost reminds me of a music video from Aphex Twin, in the way the music enhances what is already going on in the video, and makes it seem even more far out.

Alter Bahnhof by Janet Cardiff (This was a surreal interactive experience!): This was definitely video that was unlike anything I’ve seen before. I loved the reference to philosohpy and how it affects us daily on how we live our lives, and how the video as a whole referenced the notion that anything we see is only a snapshot of that specific location at that specific time, and something we may never truly witness again.

Bike Lanes by Casey Neistat (activism): As a bicyclist myself, this video was awesome, and a great commentary on both how police give out tickets, (how did he get ticketed for doing something that wasn’t actually illegal?) and how we can focus on on the wrong part of a topic. (If something is blocking the bike path, but it is illegal to go off of it, how can you go anywhere, especially in a city?)

Legend + Queen by Candice Breitz (cultural studies): I found both of these videos to be a testament to both the influence an artist has and the culture behind them. They fact that Breitz put hundreds of people who claimed to be heavy-duty fans of said artist through tests to get to the biggest fans, means that all of them probably know the song they are singing by heart, and therefore, they represent who in what area the music most attunes with, and I found it beautiful.

Meat Joy by Carolee Schneemann (iconic performance art piece): I’m not sure if its the quality of the film, the narrating over it that seems to repeat, the visuals, or all them together, but this video made me feel slightly uncomfortable and a bit wierded out. The whole video seems to be almost surreal,  

Vanessa Beecroft Interview + VB40 by Vanessa Beecroft (suffering + beauty):  This art project was definitely unique, especially in its ambiguity. There are so many meanings that one could take from both of these videos, that I could probably fill up pages just on what one exhibit could mean. 

The Astonished by Bill Viola: This was pretty cool in the way that it shows the evolution of emotion in the short time period it takes to show. Other than that though I didn’t really find much meaning behind it, but that in itself could be the point.

Staging by Maria Hassabi: I found this piece to be very peculiar. It was really interesting to see the artist combine choreography, human form, and art itself into its own vision, and to make meaning from all that combined.

Talking Tongues by Lisa Steele (1982): This was a really emotional and sincere piece, and it really illustrates not only the effects of abuse in a family, but also the double meanings of actions and words. There were many times in the video that clearly showed how what someone says might really be alluding to something else.

Perimeter of Square by Bruce Nauman  (iconic performance art piece): Hypnotic is the word I would use to describe this video. I guess you could say the metronome itself is hypnotic, but by using its pacing, and modifying it to go around a square, it turns the video into something that was surreal, but I can’t really define why.

Punk Prayer by Pussy Riot: I found this video of rebellion to be hilarious. The way that they quite literally invade a holy place, and directly protest the churches control, using dirty language and accusation, is honestly amazing. They do almost everything they can to stand out, and basically take over the church with “the devil’s music.”

Cut Piece by Yoko Ono(iconic performance art piece): This piece, which was almost a social experiment, was really interesting, especially in the way that anyone could come up and cut whatever piece they wanted. It was also a great way to show the boundaries, and make us question them as a whole.

Interior Scroll by Carolee Schneemann (iconic performance art piece): I found these sets of pictures set as an art piece to be very strange and intriguing. After reading the summary of the work, and what she actually did, I found it awesome, because it almost seemed like this work was made tell those who disliked her art, to “f” off, pardon my French. On top of this, the themes of femininity and sexuality were very interesting.

Bound Mouth + Foot by Kate Wingard: I found this piece to be very uncomfortable, mostly due to the sounds. The sliding, squishing, and gasping come together to make a very distinctive experience, one that is both interesting and almost unnerving.

Wholesome by Megan Carnrite: I found this video to be really gross, but interesting at the same time, considering the name and its multiple meanings in relation to eating in general.

Roll of a Woman by Javid Rezvani: This video as an art piece honestly might be my favorite on the list. There were so many connation's, not only with the dialogue but with the title as well, that it really highlights the statement that the artist is trying to make. It was also very funny.

How to Earn a Glass of Water by Dallas Scott: This was a really moving piece for me. This art clearly showcases the struggle many go through to simply afford basic necessities, using patience and resolve, to just do whatever the task and wait to be able to afford what they need.

Can Knot by Alexandra Gutierrez: I found this to be a strange and honestly touching piece. The way the artist used an almost impossibly tangled amount of cords around them to illustrate problems that we all have was really cool. And it pointed out to me that these things can resolve, they just need time to unravel.

[sundarksposts]

Over part 2 (David Dobrik imagine)

everything took place and everybody is here. literally everybody. Jason and Trisha are distracting David while the rest of the vlog squad and David’s Vernon Hills friends are at his house wrapping his house with paper gifts and decorating it. even Casey Neistat is here!

Scotty went over to Y/N and both of them fist bumping about how cool the place looks.

Y/N look at her phone and it was Trisha saying that they were close by to his house.

‘okay guys! Trisha just texted and said that they will be here any minute’ Y/N screamed to everybody and they all took their places.

Y/N saw David from the inside of the house with blindfold on while being dragged by Scott. Jason run to the inside of the house and filming from inside. Y/N was standing behind while everybody got their phones and cameras up to see David’s reaction.

and then she heard a confetti being popped and they all screamed ‘CONGRATULATION!’

David released his blindfold and laughed. he never expect everybody to come and surprise him like this. he was filming everyone and by mean everyone, Y/N mean everyone.

she smiled and clapped on the back and decided to stay behind while everybody went to his backyard.

Casey Neistat bringing him the diamond play button with Zane and Heath dressed in Tutu skirt without their shirt on.

they all laughed and clapped while the boys panicked because the flamethrower was acting up.

after that was done, all of the boys throw David to their shoulders, holding his play button. it was indeed a happy moment for everybody.

‘wait wait wait’ Scotty suddenly said and everybody’s head turn to him including

Y/N’s.

‘we won’t be celebrating this if the one and only girl here who has a talent to plan a party this big. everybody let’s give it up for Y/N!’ scotty exclaimed and everybody cheered for Y/N too.

she blushed and mouthed ‘your welcome’ to Scotty. David was making a way to Y/N and hugged her while seeing Corinna wiggled her eyebrows and mouthed ‘you can do this’ to her and she only nodded.

——————— || ———————

some of them are in the house and some of them are outside, talking, laughing, taking pictures.

Y/N sit on the cloud couch with Natalie, Carly, Erin and Corinna talking about vacations, jobs, and boys.

Corinna would talk about her trip to Bali and Y/N would added some as she has gone to Bali for 6 times and her hometown is actually not very far from Bali.

then, they talked about boys. Y/N fiddling with her fingers not paying any attention to their conversation anymore.

‘earth to Y/N’ erin waved her hand to Y/N and she snapped from her thoughts.

‘so any boys that you’ve attracted to?’ erin continue asking Y/N and she only shrugged her shoulders.

‘i have a crush on a boy back home’ corinna rolled her eyes for her statement because she the only one who know the truth.

‘awh! that’s so cute!’ they exclaimed and went to their own conversation while corinna pulled your arm.

‘go tell him now. he’s in his room’ corinna whispered quietly and Y/N only nodded and went to his room.

Y/N knocked at his door and heard a voice saying come in from inside so she let herself in. Y/N shook her head for how messy his room is.

‘what’s up?’ David asked on his bed with his laptop on his lap. Y/N sighed, her heart was pounding really quickly. her palms are sweaty.

‘um i-i actually have something to tell you’ Y/N said with a nervous tone. David looked at Y/N and pat the other side of the bed. his attention were no longer on his laptop but to the girl who beside him.

Y/N inhaled some air. trying to get her mouth to speak. the silence is really killing her. she looks at David.

‘I like you David. no scratch that. i love you. for years back now. i actually want to tell you but i don’t have guts to tell you. i just want to confess this to you. i know that you’re my best friend but i can’t help it but i’m in love with you. this may sound cliche but i do’ she inhaled the air and change her gaze. she’s not ready to see David’s face. but due to no answer from him, Y/N bravely looked up, to his face. and all she can see in those big brown eyes are regret.

‘Y/N.. i actually already knew that. i knew that you like me’ david said to her while

Y/N widened her eyes. is she that obvious? i mean the only person knew is Corinna.

‘but i can’t. i can’t return the feelings you gave me. i don’t know why but i can’t. i wanted to. i really do. but i think i just not ready to the idea of falling in love again. that’s why i never make a move on you or try anything to be more than friends’

Y/N’s world just turn upside down. she knew this would happen. fuck. her heart felt so hurt and she felt sick. really sick.

‘but i really appreciate the things you did to me. but hey we still can be friends right?’ he continued and Y/N feels her eyes are watering. she feels sick. she feels like someone just stabbed her.

she shook her head and looked down not ready to face him. she tried to find her voice. trying to open her mouth.

‘n-no’ she whispered quietly. she needs to get out from here.

‘n-no?’

‘no David. i’m sorry. i should not say these things to you. but i’m sorry i can’t. i can’t be friends with someone who i fall in love with. i-i need to go’ Y/N scurried from his room and David tried to stop her but she ran very quickly.

Y/N went passed Corinna and she raised her eyebrows. she saw Y/N crying and she assumed everything must be not okay. Corinna then saw David who tried to chase after her but still trying to keep it casually. and they both went out. excusing herself from the person she was talking to, Corinna followed them from behind and saw the sight of Y/N standing and David behind her.

‘Y/N i’m sorry’

‘it’s okay David. i understand. it’s all on me. i have gave everything to a guys that i love but for what in return? heartbreak

‘but could you please do one thing for me?’

David looked at her back trying to figuring out what is she going to say.

‘please unfollow me from every social media. tell your friends about this’ she continued and David just stand there while Y/N ran. she ran. and ran. like she never ran before.

she was crying. her heart was heavy.

David stood there. alone. there’s nothing he could do. or say.

‘David what did you say to her?’ Corinna asked him trying to get information.

‘i-i just can’t love her’

Corinna gasped and she quickly ran to her car and chased after Y/N while David still confused with everything that happend.

Y/N sat in the nearest bus station. waiting for a bus. her phone died and she did not bring her charger. she cried. like she never cried before.

[lilacskyent-blog]

Breakfast with Chelsea

It seems crazy to think about in the age of social media, smartphones, and streaming services, but the internet is still new. Do you remember a time before Google? Do you remember dial up? Do you remember the first smartphone? All of these advancements have taken place very quickly, but there are entire generations who have never lived in a world without iPhones, while some, like myself, have the annoying noise dial-up internet made drilled into our memories forever. Now we live in a world of almost endless possibilities through technology. We’ve gone from growing up with our favorite sitcom actors to growing up with our favorite YouTubers. Nowadays most YouTubers are self-taught, but in the beginning, a lot of the big names on the platform were the underdogs of traditional media. Names like Casey Neistat, of course, come to mind, but also Benny and Rafi Fine, who went from filmmaking to YouTube juggernauts with their React series. Last week I got to sit with one of the first ever teen reactors Chelsea, who has threaded the needle between traditional and digital media entertainer for years. From voice acting commercials to web skits and react videos, Chelsea has left her mark in so many projects and in so many forms you may not have realized she was there. Now she streams on Twitch and has amassed a beautiful, supportive community she calls The Walker Horde, based off her love for The Walking Dead.

So how did your entry into traditional media happen?

I’ve been dancing since I was six. A friend of mine asked me to come with her to an audition for a singing role, and I could audition as a backup dancer. We both auditioned and we both ended up getting the part. So, since we’d be doing music videos we decided to take an acting class. Funny enough, my first acting teacher was Adrian R'Mante (Esteban from Suite Life of Zack & Cody.) I fell in love with it, I saw a chance to pursue a career in something I really love. So I got an agent and just started auditioning and going for whatever’s next.

3 Breakfast must haves?

Potatoes of some kind

Pancakes, French Toast, or Waffles

Coffee

What is the source of your obsession with The Walking Dead?

It’s the story. I’ve always loved horror, but TWD has this amazing story that is about the people, not the zombies but set in a horror scenario. There’s never been anything like it done this well. I was twelve when it came out and was transitioning out of dance so I wasn’t seeing many of my friends. It kept me happy and excited for each week with new episodes. Later when I found the fandom online, everyone is so loving and supportive, it gives a strong sense of community. It helped me through my teenage years.

Ok so I have to ask at least 2 questions about FBE, so first, I know you’re from the era when they used casting sites, so how did all that go down, what was on your mind when you first joined?

I’d just started getting into acting, seeing if I liked it, and there was a casting call. So, I originally auditioned for kids react but didn’t hear anything for a little bit. Later on I got an email inviting me to be on teens react. Before that, YouTube was barely on my radar. I was so into movies and tv that I never saw it as a creative platform.  

Second, which 2 reactors and 2 Walking Dead characters would you select to help you survive the zombie apocalypse?

Rick, cause he just doesn’t die. Carol is really loyal. Norah is super smart so she’d be helpful with medical and engineering needs, and then Dionte, cause he’d be a fun person to have to keep your morale up at the end of the world.

So, the zombie apocalypse is here and you only have 3 songs to keep you going. Which songs are they?

Never Let It Die- Watsky

Phoenix- Fall Out Boy

Cold Cold Cold- Cage The Elephant

How did you go from doing the voice of Barbie commercials to taking down villains on Twitch?

I’ve been doing voiceovers for a while, whenever they pop up. I have two sides to my personality cause I love horror but at the same time I like cute, happy girly stuff. There’s so much to look at and enjoy in everything. Crazy special effects gore, happy endings that warm your heart, I love it all.

What’s your goal? Or your dream?

It sounds cliche, but happiness. I keep my dreams big but my goals small. I like to focus on each step. I just want to make people happy and leave the world better than I found it.

As someone who's worked on both sides, what, for you, is the key difference between digital and traditional media?

Both are really different depending on the scale. In a major picture, everyone has a schedule and a place and you have to stay there. It’s a little more stressed and high pace. With digital, there’s nothing really set in stone cause you’re your own boss and you don’t know if it’s gonna take off or if you’re getting anything out of it. At the end of the day, regardless of platform, you’re creating content.

Your journey is absolutely mind-blowing, how do you process the roller coaster you’ve been on?

I’m still figuring that out. I wake up most of the time in awe. I never thought of Twitch as a job, but now I focus on it and do it multiple times a week. Sometimes I sit and start happy crying cause I don’t understand everyone’s love and generosity. I don’t know what I do that makes people happy, but I’m going to keep doing it. As an actor, you face rejection every day, so to come into this much love is amazing. I’m in awe of it.

Would you ever go full traditional or full digital? If something called to me in traditional I would definitely give it my all, but I’d never fully stop streaming or creating content in other ways. I love interacting with the community there, it makes me so happy. I could never just drop it like that.

Do you know how awesome you are?

No, that’s not a word I would use to describe myself.

Chelsea may not think of herself as awesome, but the multitude of people who tune into her streams and get excited when she pops up in YouTube videos definitely do. In a way, the societal shift from traditional to digital media is a huge piece of her story. Who knows, she could’ve been the next coming of age teen movie actress, or the single survivor in a b list horror film, instead, she’s our digital zombie loving hero, and so much more. She’s bringing joy to so many people every day. For most of us, she entered our lives six years ago through React, and now we watch her freak out when people donate in Twitch, we donate to charity streams, and we even make jokes about her gaming chair and it’s plans to take over the world. Chelsea is a genuine person and a genuine entertainer. I can’t wait to see what happens next.

[mainsneat]

Longboard tv pilot

Longboard tv pilot download#

Longboard tv pilot free#

Lance Carson is known for his incredibly relaxed noseriding style and powerful cutbacks. Good luck and Mahalo! THIS JACOBS SURFBOARDS LANCE CARSON MODEL Lance Carson As his logo art suggests.

Longboard tv pilot free#

Thank you for checking out this classic vintage board! If you have any questions please feel free to ask before bidding. THREE REDWOOD STRINGERS AND THE ORIGINAL 1966 YELLOW PINTAIL FIBERGLASS FIN THIS IS A VINTAGE NOSERIDER SPECIAL! ALOHA. Safe modes Limits Speeds & Gears if you want.THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL! ALL ORIGINAL 1966 FIRST GENERATION JACOBS SURFBOARDS LANCE CARSON MODEL PINTAIL LONGBOARD#6235 WITH THE DISTINCTIVE CARSON PINTAIL.Curved throttle response For smooth start-up.2 brushless motors, less moving parts so less maintenance.So a little bit about the specs of this board before you can see my not so standard unpacking video of this board from Exway. He took the board for a spin and he was absolutely surprised how it works. We had a talk about the board an I guess he is sold now as well. within seconds I overtook him and then we both stopped. Last week I went to the park and I was stepping from time to time just to see if I could override the board (yes this board also works without power if you want) and one really fast and experienced longboarder was boarding next to me and because he was faster than me I stepped up a notch, well I just put both feed on the board and gave power actually. So I’ve been driving around in Amsterdam and only real longboarders notice that I’m never stepping. So I mostly go with a maximum speed of 18km/h which is less than half of the speed this thing can do. It goes faster than bikes, or even scooters. I have been boarding a while now and this scares the crap out of me how fast it is. This means you have access to 100% of the board’s power. This board first let you drive 10km before HELLMODE is unlocked. But also the function of the brake can be changed to a reverse power.

Longboard tv pilot download#

If you download the APP, yes they even have an APP, you can change the settings of the board, speed curves etc. With the board you get a remote for controlling and its very easy to use forward scrolling is going forward and backward scrolling is braking. I’m living in Amsterdam where you have a lot of small but steep bridges and this board goes up without any problems. The board has 2 electro motors, one on each back wheel and are able to give so much power. They just want to have fun without compromising anywhere. You can see that the makers of this board are boarders themselves. The board has a small button on the bottom to switch it on and the upper deck is completely clean. From the outside, it just looks like a normal board instead. Because the electric motors are integrated into the wheels you don’t see anything that gives you the indication of an electric board. This machine is amazing, silent and looks great. The Exway X1, this is the first electric skateboard that I have seen that doesn’t really look like an electric skateboard, it is thin and has the battery integrated. They are not allowed in the Netherlands on public roads, so you need a board that doesn’t scream for attention or makes to much sound. To start most of them didn’t have a brake. I’ve got an electric longboard!!! Have you ever seen any of the video’s on youtube from Casey Neistat? He was one of the first who had such a board on youtube and I was in love with it from that moment but there are some disadvantages on electric skateboards/longboards at the beginning.

[stindleswords-blog]

Ep 1

“Um, hello.” The mic began ringing through the room as he adjusted it. “My name is—”

“No names!” the host yelled from the bar.

“What?”

“Do you not understand the concept of a blind reading?”

“Oh, I thought it meant you just had do the reading blind! … Cause the lights are so bright. Haha.” No one else laughed. “They’re so bright and in your eyes, you can’t even… you might as well be blind, right? Ha... ha…”

He started wishing he was blind, that way he wouldn’t have had to look down at all the unamused scowls staring up at him. It was his fault really. He should have recognized this stage was a death trap from the moment he entered the building. As sweat began trickling down his skull, his mind began retracing every nervous step he took to get here, and suddenly he began drowning in a flash flood of regret

As soon as he swung that vandalized door open his lungs became poisoned by the pollution of coffee and hookah in the air. The small café/bar hybrid was dimly lit to create an illusion of poetic ambiance, but this was just a mask to the truth. The choice of lighting was actually there to aid in cloaking the piercing judgement of the local consumers. They would sit there, shaded in the dark, drinking their Kombucha’s and taking petite bites out of their gluten free scones, as they shot penetrating stabs of disapproval with their culturally charged laser-beam eyes. Navigating his way to the stage of that café was like walking through a minefield. With every step he could feel his millennial authenticity leaking out of the bullet holes of his soul. Was the catchphrase on his shirt politically correct yet still ironic enough for their taste? Should he have ordered an espresso from the café bar instead of bringing a frap from Starbucks? And there was no way his piercing free face was earning him any street cred. Soon they would discover he was a fraud, and all his deepest fears would come to life.

“Um, I’m going to read for you today, my short story. It’s called The Light Under, uh.” He held his notebook up to his nose and tried squinting hoping his eye lids would block out the bright light beaming down on him. “Under Hilda’s Nose.”

“What?” someone in the audience asked.

“Rose. The Light under Hilda’s Rose!” He looked up, proud of his creative yet classy title and smiled into the abyss of the crowd.

“Are you going to read or what? Ole gap-toothed-ass motha fucka.”

“Oh.” His smile shrunk and he looked down as if he were trying to observe his own mouth. He shut his lips and even considered covering it with his hand while he read, but realized that would only make him look dumber. “Um. She, she was soft like Austin—ah! Soft like autumn. And I was the, the breeze of wient-winter. I spring to meet h—no, crap, I mean. In spring I met-bleh. Shit, lost my place. I’ll just start…”

“Oh my gosh, did he even rehearse before coming?” “What an amateur.”

“Found it!” He shouted after fumbling through the page with his finger. “There. Her rash hid the, uh… her rosh—ross—roseee, hid the-the light of my soiled pants. No. No. I meant, spoiled passion.”

“Ugh, stop trying to be so pretentious.” “Why is he even here?” “Do you even know what real art is?”

“I’m sorry, I can do this. Just give me a second.” He began scrolling through the lines on his notebook in a hurry.

“Boo!” “Go home.” “Boy, that gap spreading wider than Kim Kardashian’s thighs at the BET awards”

“Ok, well that’s just rude,” he spoke back up. Unfortunately, he had lost all control of the crowd.

“Get a real artist up there!” “You suck.” “Ole goofy-ass-looking motha fucka” “I’m vegan!”

“That’s not even relevant ma’am. Can I just finish my—” He looked over to see the manager waving him off the stage. “If you just let me finish, I swear I got it now.”

The manager was all out of patience, he looked over at a burly lumberjack of a man and signaled him over to the stage. The man had a thick dark beard with a luscious man bun to match, he had on a cotton flannel with nothing under it but his curling chest hair, and a pair of DIY Casey Neistat sunglasses. The buffed out trender barreled his way up to the stage.

“Jesus Christ, where did you find 21st century Paul Bunyan?” The bouncer remained unfazed by the joke and continued marching forward. “Www.lumberbros.com? Or do they have a page on twitter? Ok-ok! I’m leaving.”

The crowd snapped their fingers and starting cheering as the boy fled the stage and made his exit from the café. The manager rushed on stage to try to soothe the crowd.

“I think we’re going to cut the blind readings short today and skip right to meditative documentary hour. Tonight we have a student film called Society’s Shackle on the Areola of my Soul. Jeff, you got the projector?” 

-----------------------------------Scene 1 cuts-----------------------------------------------------

                                           Working Title

                                  Ep1: Let’s Just call it the pilot

“No Mom, it just didn’t go well. I wasn’t drunk this time Mom. I’ve never even heard of that drug Mom. Yeah, no, I’m still searching but you know how it is; companies are just really selective these days. Don’t worry I’m still sending out resumes. Ma, I gotta go now. Yeah I’ll keep you updated. Love you. Bye.”

He pulled into the parking spot and took the keys out of the ignition. He laid his head back on the seat and looked up into the reflection of his eyes in the mirror. There wasn’t much inspiration in the image, but inspiration wasn’t exactly something Aaron was glowing with these days. He mustered what motivation he could then grabbed his backpack and exited the car.

Outside, in the parking spot next to his, sat an old Buick blasting aggressively loud rock music. The blue time capsule of a car had rusted door handles and two of the windows were either made out of tape or cardboard, the other two were completely rolled down—or completely missing. The inside of the car was filled with clothes, blankets, trash, and bags of untouched hamburger buns. Nobody appeared to be inside though, but as Aaron began walking by, a naked banshee came shooting up from the backseat like a horrifying popup book.

“Ahhhhyiii!!!” The dreadlocked rock star screamed as he rocked out on his invisible guitar. Aaron almost shit his pants when the bum appeared out of nowhere. But the man paid no attention to Aaron, he was in the middle of an intense jam session and channeling the ghost of mosh-pit’s past. Nothing could break this rockbum out of his intense trance. For Aaron, it was just horrifying to see that much exposed skin making the much motion. The homeless guitarist kept jamming on, screaming and squirming like he was in the middle of an ACDC exorcism. Aaron made sure to triple lock his car as he continued along his way.

The shady nature of the parking lot only continued as he traveled further through it. He passed by two more cars that seemed to be doubling as homes for the residents. In one car, a man laid passed out on the steering wheel with about twelve different brands of empty beer cans on the dash. His tire still had a tire clamp on it that belonged to the city, and his front door had a bike lock on the handle. The other car had an entire bon fire burning inside it with about five other glaring homeless men huddled around it.

“What the hell… does this parking lot double as a trailer park?” he asked himself.

He felt calmer as he reached the safety of his destination. Nothing bad ever happens in the public library right?

“Sir, we’re going to need you to take the other entrance.” Immediately upon pushing through the glass doors, Aaron was met by a stubby police officer blocking the metal detectors that led into the thick of the library.

“What?” Aaron peaked around the officer to notice a section of the library blocked off by rolls of caution tape. Behind the tape were blood stains and broken needles with books and torn up papers scattered everywhere.

“We’re in the middle of an investigation here kid.”

“Jesus, did this happen last night?” he asked.

“No, of course not. This happened a week ago, can’t you smell the feces beginning to ferment?”

“Where is there feces?” Aaron’s curiosity was turning into concern.

“Just take in a whiff,” the officer began scooping the air under his nose with his hands, “C’mon kid, do it with me.”

“Can’t I just go around the tape, I really don’t want to have to walk to the back.”

“No kid! We can’t have no one messing up the crime scene, alright??”  

“But there’s a homeless guy taking a piss on the copier machine right now?”

The cop turned around and there it was, a hairy man covered in dirty sweaters and blankets whistling to the tune of Rihanna’s Bitch Better Have my Money, as he took a wiz on the copier machine placed in the corner of the crime scene.

“Oh shit,” the cop gasped and ran into the crime scene reaching for his weapon, “Jim! another one came back to life.”

“He wasn’t even breathing a couple of minutes ago!” Jim yelled in response.

“He’s got a weapon!” the chubby officer screamed.

Aaron stood there and watched for a moment. The weapon the officer was referring to was the homeless man’s exposed pecker just flopped out of his open fly. He thought about speaking up, but then the fermenting feces finally hit his nostrils, and was doing so with a flaming rage. So he decided the fresh air of the backway would be healthy for him. A flurry of gunshots and screams sounded off as he returned to the parking lot.

After trekking back through the deadlands of the parking lot, only having been offered drugs twice, he was finally in the library again, crime-scene free--or at least caution tape free. The surrounding settings were still just as grisly as before. All of the books looked like they were donated by pyromaniacs after losing their house to a mysteriously caused wildfire. Aaron took his finger and ran it down the lines of books, watching as ashes and debris scraped off of them. He tried picking up a few, mostly because he just wanted to know what section he was in. In one aisle he saw Fear in Loathing in Las Vegas, by Hunter S. Thompson, pressed against a 19th century edition of the Bible, authored by “Cheesus H. Chrisp.” The Bible was the one book still in decent condition so he decided to pick it up. A bag of weed fell out. When it hit the ground a crusty old hand reached out from under the shelf and pulled the bag of weed back with it. Perhaps exploring the bookshelves wasn’t the best idea.

“Excuse me, could you direct me to a section with open outlets?”

“Sir, you can’t come into the library to charge your phone.” He could have been charging his phone right on her desk, she wouldn’t have known. Her eyes didn’t even consider looking up at him, they remained planted on her cosmopolitan magazine as she took two seconds to scroll through all the pictures before flipping to the next page.

“Oh no, it’s just my laptop needs to be charging while I’m using it so…”

“We have computers in the children’s section.” Without shifting her gaze, she took her index finger and pointed behind him. In the children’s section were two raccoons chewing on stuffed animals and one bug eyed man sitting in the computer section, aggressively playing a game of whacking-the-mole-off in his pants.

“I think that guy’s masturbating?”

“If you have a complaint, put it in the complaint box.”

At first he assumed she was joking, but her unbreakable case of bitch-face told him otherwise. He decided writing a complaint was the right thing to do, thinking he should try to be a part of the solution and be a facilitator of justice, as many Yelp users might also describe themselves. But upon further observation he realized the complaint box didn’t exist anywhere close by, and though he was scared to probe onward, he kept on reaching his foot into the mouth of the dragon.

“Well… where’s the complaint box?”

“It was stolen like a month ago, someone thought it was the tip jar.”

“Right, of course. Well you’ve been a great help thank you.”

“The soup kitchen opens at 9 on Thursday’s sir.” She would remain lost in the wonders of her literature as Aaron walked away.

Somewhere in a flickering corner of the library, Aaron was able to find his beloved open outlet—the sweet nectar of any library setting. But he quickly became disappointed in himself for actually thinking that something would go right in this desolate junk yard posing as a library. The outlet was dangling about six inches out of the wall, wires exposed and ripped, with sparks shooting out every now and then to the cadence of the flickering lights. Sitting on the desk above, or more so laid out on the desk above, was an inebriated man planted face first into a book titled 7 Weeks to Safe Social Drinking (by Donna J. Cornett (and available for 1.99 at Barnes & Noble). Sprawled out along the desk next to him were about 6 half-empty beers pouring out down the edge of the desk and dripping onto the exposed wires of the outlet. An optimists might have looked at this scene and said “Looks, like we’re about 3 beers into a good time.” A pessimists would have said “Grab a fork and let’s play ‘Shank-the-Power-Outlet.” Aaron just wanted to get some work done, and was forced to make the best out of his situation.

It was hard to focus on the work in front of him. Perhaps it was his lack of motivation; or maybe it was the notion that nothing he wrote seemed to be as magnificent as it sounded in his head; it could have been due to his persistent hobby of shredding apart any and all ounces of self-confidence; or it could have just been his laptop repeatedly dying every time the power flickered off. After taking five minutes to get his laptop up and running again he would only be able to get in but just a few words before it died out—and that’s if he really focused. Maybe it was a sign, or a metaphor telling him that no matter how hard he tried, his dreams would always die out in the end. Or maybe he should have just let Geek Squad take his computer for a week to figure out the issue with the charger port.

But in all that dark hopeless struggle to get his life together, something peculiar happened, something that suddenly breathed life into the room.

It was a series of sounds that all came one after the other in a rapid furry. Just three quick claps of air. A drum solo of fumes. An orchestra of asscoustics. A pattering parade of poots. The not so silent, but deadly chemical warfare fired out of a machine gun of a sphincter. And there were no questions about where the rumpus originated from. At the very next table, across from Aaron, sat the only other (conscious) resident in this section of the library. Slowly, Aaron turned his head in disgust, almost in disbelief, at what he had just heard--and was now beginning to smell. When he had finished turning his head his eyes met with the petrified gaze of the assailant. This man appeared as if he knew nothing about the world other than fear, and with the two sets of eyes locked, the mortified gas leaker stoop up--

“And just walked away.”

“You’re joking…”

“I shit you not.”

“What lovely phrasing.”

“He let it out like a bomb and just got up, looked me in my eyes, and walked away. As if we had just made a silent oath to secrecy of the horrific event that had just taken place.”

“But like, why?” She laughed.

“I was too busy cherishing the remaining moments I had left with non-polluted air to get up and ask him.”

“Uhg!” She groaned in sarcasm.

“Sorry, I forgot you’re writing that novella on why people fart in public places.”

“How could you?”

“I’m sorry, I know I failed you.”

A sneaky smile slowly slurred onto their faces and neither of the two could continue their serious fronts. They backed down and returned to their laughter.

“I seriously can’t believe that happened” she added.

“Really? After telling you ALLL of that, the one thing you can’t believe is some dude farting like he had pop rocks stuck up his ass?”

“Well yeah,” she chuckled as she continued reading through her textbook. “I don’t know what you expected, that’s why you don’t go to public libraries in south city.”

“I just wanted somewhere quiet to write.”

“I don’t know why you’re so against this library all of a sudden. It’s like the second nicest library in the whole city. And its homeless person free,” she paused for a moment, “well… except for that Moroccan lady who comes in here with those five kids at midnight. I don’t know what her deal is. And why are the kids always different?”

“I’m just tired of this place. It’s been four months since I graduated, I’m tired of having to look at this school and fight some freshmen for a parking spot, just to come back and find my car window bashed in.”

“Actually the window bashing has died down since you graduated. Hmm, wonder if that’s a coincidence?”

“With the way my life’s going, window bashing would be a step up.”

“Maybe you just need to get out of your own head and stop whining like a little bitch all the time.”

“Maybe the problem is my most supportive friend calls me a whiney bitch all the time.”

“Not all the time, just on Monday’s, and Tuesdays after 1:30, and occasionally Thursday through Sunday… oh. And anytime you start whining like a little bitch.”

“Such a great support system…”

“Well if you don’t like it, why don’t you go make some other friends?”

“I think you’re supposed to make all your friends while you’re in college. I kind of missed that deadline.”

“Well I’m so sorry for your loss, but some of us still have time to try get the best out of our college experience. So I’m going to finish studying somewhere that I can actually focus, that way I can go to that Frat party tonight, ok?”

“Oh, like the Frat with all the guys in it?” She laughed at his response, but it felt more like she was laughing at him.

“You’re cute when you get jealous. But only Sometimes… I’ll talk to you later.” She scooted out of her seat and began to get up but not before Aaron puckered his lips and tried pressing them on her’s. Evie responded with the classic face of disgust fully equipped with a one-way ticket back to the Friend Zone. “Ew! What are you doing?”

“It’s just a kiss? We’ve done more than that?”

“Not in public. Ugh.”

“Sorry I just thought…”

“Come pick me up at like 2am ok? And bring a condom, I forgot to take the pill like all weekend.”

“Ok, yeah, sure.”

“And look,” suddenly her voice evolved into a rare tone of concern, “don’t be so down on yourself. You’re just in one of those identity slumps right now, but that’s all it is: a slump. Ok? You just need a hobby or something to do. You should go check that student bulletin board in the basement.”

“Student bulletin board?”

“Yeah, didn’t you go here for like four years? You should know about the bulletin board.”

“I never went in the basement, there was always too much studying going on to focus.”

“Well it’s just a place for students to place fliers for their clubs and other social events. And I really think you need some socializing.”

“I mean I guess we can talk about me like I’m some rescue dog with a shady past.” She giggled at him again.

“Don’t take things so personally, just go check it out. You never know what opportunity may present itself, right? I’ll text you. Byiiiiii.”

“Byiii” he mocked her squeaky voice. She threw her middle finger in the air as she walked away.

---------------------------------------Scene 2 cuts-------------------------------------------------

His migration down to the basement felt like the walk of shame. With every flight of stairs he descended upon he could hear Evelyn calling him a whining bitch, although there was a chance he was mistaking the voice for that of his 7th grade gym teacher—who also taught arts & crafts to the 1st graders. F***ing Ms. Heinbaugh. His mind continued playing tricks on him and preying on his doubts. He thought that actually going over to the bulletin board would be an admittance of defeat, like he was conceding to the fact that he needed to socialize more. It felt as if she was just going to be waiting there with a big sign that read: WHAT A LOSER. He wouldn’t put it past her.

“Socialize…” his thoughts began groaning, “I don’t need to socialize. Everyone else just needs to stop being so damn annoying. ... Dammit. I do sound like a whiny bitch.”

But at the end of the dimly lit hallway would be no humiliating ‘gotcha’ poster or moment of ridicule. At the very end of the hall, one light shined brighter than all the rest, and right beneath it, hung the infamous bulletin board. He walked up to it for further examination where he was instantly overwhelmed by a burst of colorful papers. It was like a fireworks show made from dead trees.

Each flier pertained to some kind of club that sounded just as colorful as the paper it was on.

GFSTAA: Gender Fluid Sex Toy Advocates of America—important, but not up Aaron’s alley. Vegan Baking Club—Aaron wasn’t aware they allowed torture tactics to be practiced on campus. Sonic the Hedgehog Fanfiction Book Club—not quite Aaron’s taste of literature. How to Draw Sonic the Hedgehog Fanfiction—not quite Aaron’s taste of hentai either.

But, buried beneath all the madness, was one flier barely reaching out beyond the layers of tabloids, like a hand reaching out from its grave. All he could see was the corner of a white paper with the image of a feathered pen on it. He plucked the paper from its flamboyant grave and began reading.

“Calling all creatives! Do you consider yourself a creative person? Do you feel like your vision and voice have more to offer the world? Then why not put your talents to use and come join a small startup digital media company that can help you fulfill your truest potential! We need people at every position, we need fellow filmmakers, editors, actors, crew members, and we’re always on the lookout for brilliant wordsmiths!”

The flier had images of camera lenses, quills, and stars sprinkled all over it. It was like Aaron was staring into the eye of an oracle. He had never considered himself a filmmaker, but he didn’t mind the sound of it. The meet date posted on the flier hadn’t passed yet either, so he still had time to get in on the action. Aaron had heard the call, and he was ready to answer.

“Yes!” he began to himself. “I’m ready to fulfill my truest po—” Someone came marching down the hall and Aaron went dead silent like a possum. The student walked straight up to the bulletin board so he tried playing it cool like he was still analyzing all the fliers. The student pulled out a flier of their own and aggressively stapled it to the board, and then they stomped away in frustration. The flier read:

“PETITION TO END ALL SPIDERMAN REBOOTS!”

Aaron signed his name under the first slot and walked away.

----------------------------------------------FIN--------------------------------------------------------

[canadahomeowners]

Maker Interview: Mike Montgomery of Modern Builds

Hey guys, I’m Jenn from House One, and I’m here with Mike from Modern Builds. Can you tell us a little about you channel? Mike: Modern Builds is DIY and woodworking projects geared towards people in their first, I would say, 15 projects—or at least that’s what I’ve designed for people to get introduced to my channel. I started my channel when I’d been building for maybe a year-and-a-half, so I wasn’t going to pretend that I’m this huge wealth of knowledge, and that I should be teaching everybody, because I didn’t know better. That’s the whole thing, people get to learn along with me. Hopefully as my projects increase in difficulty, people will be more comfortable tackling that for themselves too—And working with different materials too. What are you best known for? Mike: A lot of furniture pieces. The things that everybody has in their home are what I like to focus on. Those are usually the better-performing videos as well—maybe beds, coffee tables, dining tables. The unique things also have the opportunity to do really well, but they also have the opportunity to really flop. I like to stick to the basics and the essentials because I think the majority of times someone is interested in woodworking, their wanting to maybe go to West Elm and buy a coffee table, but then they realize they’re going to spend a hundred and fifty bucks. And it’s like, “I could buy a circular saw for $150 and build this myself over the weekend.” That’s how I think most people kind of start out. So I’m hopefully there for them to maybe help them build their first coffee table, or at least the first or second one. How did you get started? Mike: My grandpa was kind of a home-builder/carpenter. My parents, when I was young, maybe about 12-years-old, built their house with my grandpa as well. So I got that growing up—the whole do-it-yourself mentality— just grab life by the horns and dig it. And so I always saw people building things, and I always had accessibility to miter saws and table saws. When I wanted to build my mom a planter for Christmas, when I was 12, I was able to go to the shop, and do that. And so I was able get a little bit of confidence from seeing them do it, and then be able to try it from a young age. I’m 22 now, and I was 19 when I started the channel. I was in a pretty unique situation to be kind of, I hate to say the word “millennial”, but to be in that age group, when everyone else in the space, the Jimmy Diresta and the Bob Clagett’s of the world—who I took a lot of inspiration from—were coming at it from a 20-years-older perspective. I had different interests and different style that I liked, and I was able to incorporate that pretty well. Jenn: And I think that’s something that sets you apart, your style. It’s something that you seem like you have really good vision for what you want to build, and that it follows a certain aesthetic. Mike: One hundred percent. And I attribute that a lot to how I was able to get the channel moving from the start. I always had a big interest in mid-century modern things. I was looking for a way to separate my content from the 99% of other woodworking stuff to try and be successful, and I noticed that there was a lot of search traffic, and a lot of interest in mid-century modern projects, but it just wasn’t really being fulfilled. I was looking for an underserved part of the market, and tried to build-up audience around that. What is your favorite project? Mike: It’s funny, I never had that “banger”—That video that was just like; two weeks, million-and-a-half views, I just jumped a hundred thousand subscribers. It was a grind. I was going to college for music production, and realize that I didn’t necessarily want to work with musicians at a professional capacity for the next 45 years of my life. I was seeing, once again, people like Bob, and Ben Uyeda, and Jimmy, finding success on YouTube. Thinking, yeah their special, and they’re smart, but ya know I’m smart too, and I can figure out how to make this work. And they’re doing something different than I am, or at least I’ll be doing something different than they are. Or at least I can contribute something new. I had basically four or five videos that were all really feeding each other a lot. One person would watch my mid-century coffee table, and then the next suggested video would be a mid-century console table that I built. So I was able to provide a interesting feedback loop that focused on, instead of getting traffic from other related videos, I was trying to, once somebody got to one of my videos, they would stick around and kind of binge for a little while until I could finally convince them to subscribe. What is your best advice for new DIY’ers? Mike: One, is just, be safe. Be safe. Jenn: These are quotes to live by Mike: But no, find something that you’re going to use everyday. Nothing is worse than building something that you bring out every Christmas. Eleven and a half months go by, and you don’t even think about what you just built. But if do your first project—I’m just going to go back to a coffee table or dining table—If you’re looking at it, using it, and gaining value from what you built, if it’s your first few projects, than it’s going to really reinforce that this is cool and rewarding and I get to show it off too. It’s in my house all the time. Jenn: You get hooked. Mike: Exactly, you get hooked. So build what’s useful. Where do you find inspiration? I’d definitely say Ben Uyeda, which has been really awesome, and kind of becoming a mentor to me. We do a podcast together now, and we’ve really been able to mesh minds pretty well. Jenn: What is your podcast called? Mike: Modern Maker Podcast. It’s all centered around the same thing. There’s obviously the YouTube talk because that’s what we do for 60 hours a week—it’s hard to avoid it. But it’s all about budding designers and trying to get them confident, and sharing what’s worked for us, and what hasn’t worked for us. I feel like that’s almost as valuable as sharing what does work, is explaining your failures and how you could have avoided it. But Ben had a really great format. He, unlike most project videos where it was either a style of: watch me work, no voiceover, just you’re in the shop with me basically, listening to the shop noise. Me being young, knowing that I have a short attention span, I want to make things snappy, I want people to learn things quick and get value quick. I saw Ben doing that—that was his thing. And talking to him, he always says, “If I can’s explain a step in 10 seconds, then I need to refigure how I’m building something, or I need to figure out how I’m trying to explain it better.” So I took that approach, but trying to add a little bit of the Casey Neistat, Vlog, interesting shots, just a little bit, to break-up the time-lapse and the voice over a little bit—to give somebody the entertainment value to come back for more videos rather than just watching something they’re interested in building. Jenn: I like that. It add personality to your work. I think people like to get to know you—the person behind these projects. Mike: Being able to inject my personality, being able to be on a camera and say, “Hey, why don’t you go ahead and Like, Comment and Subscribe.” I’m able to remind that to people. And not to mention, I think they can connect to me almost. My videos fit a format of, design inception, start the project, then inevitably I’m going to mess up in the process. That’s a big part of my channel—people are learning with me. I’m always trying to push myself into a new joinery method, a new material, or a bigger project than I should probably be taking on at this point. If I’m able to share a downfall and help someone else avoid it, I think people get a lot of value from that. Any way you can add value in the online space is really important. Jenn: Thank you so much for being here. We really appreciate it. And if you want to see more from Mike, you can check out Modern Builds. We appreciate you being here. Read the full article

[surveysonfleek]

697.

5000 Question Survey Pt. 44 4201. Has your life lacked a miracle? i mean... not really. it’s my fault for not having the greatest motivation. 4202. Would you shoot a terrorist? if i had a gun and they were attacking people, then yes. otherwise i’d call the cops first. 4203. Were you an unlovely child? probably the opposite, i was very loud and talkative as a kid. 4204. In the recent Michael Jackson documentary was he treated fairly? haven’t seen any mj docs in years tbh. 4205. New York City and other places along the East Coast have recently been said to be the next terrorist targets. What do you think about this? this is a really old survey, so i’m taking this with a grain of salt.

4206. What should the last question in this survey be? not sure lol. 4207. Are you more likely to think so deeply about things that you forget to take out the garbage OR be wrapped up in your life and forget to think deeply about things? the first one. 4208. In what ways are you destructive? that i’m not thinking about the future enough. 4209. If you're not with the one you love can you love the one you're with? for me, no. 4210. Why is it that when you hang upside down the blood rushes to your head but when you stand up the blood doesn't rush to your feet? i actually have no idea. 4211. Do you demand a better future? sure. 4212. Does it make you uncomfortable to meet a person with a handicap or deformity (retarded, deaf, lacking a limb, etc.)? no? why would it. 4213. What did you think of the movie Vanilla Sky? never seen it. 4214. What is your favorite thing to dip into fondue? depends on what kind of fondue.  4215. Are you moe like Wayne or Garth? neither. 4216. SNL or Mad TV? neither. 4217. Best three REM songs: i can only name two tbh. 4218. Name something you do that might be considered eccentric: i’ve been into this paint by sticker thing lately. time consuming but fun lol. 4219. Are you hard or easy to love? pretty easy i’d like to think. 4220. Could you be the next american idol? no because 1. i cant sing and 2. i’m not american. 4221. If you were going on american idol what would you: wear? n/a sing? 4222. Is Simon Cowell sexy or does he suck? he is definitely not sexy to me lol. 4223. What was the last thing you used a credit card for? a christmas present lol. 4224. Do you like back or foot massages more? back. 4225. If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow why oh why can't I? ok. 4226. Why do teachers always want blue or black ink? well tbh i’d hate it if i had to read papers written in red or something light. 4227. What do you keep your change in? my wallet. 4228. Do you read playgirl or playboy for the articles? no. 4229. Are you old fashioned? In what ways? not at all. 4230. If you were going to get a mentor who would your top three choices be (out of everyone alive)? casey neistat, rihanna and oprah. 4231. Would you rather visit France or Thailand? i’ve been to france so probably thailand. 4232. You love your partner but they are a slob. They aren't likly to change. Your thoughts: i honestly cannot bear to live with a slob, so i’d have to talk to them about my concerns and get them to change their ways or i’ll probably just snap and leave them. 4233. Is anything brainwashing people? probably. How/in what ways? the media in general, being picky with what and how they portray world issues. 4234. If you were a sex psitols song which one would you be (some choices in case you aren't familiar with them: Holiday in the Sun, Bodies, No Feelings, Liar, Problems, Seventeen, Pretty Vacant, New York, E.M.I.)? i don’t know any of their songs. 4235. Are you more likely to drink moderately and often or drink within an inch of your life but only once in a while? i only really ever drink to get drunk. so not often at all. 4236. What scares you most about war? how it’ll affect my family and friends around the world. 4237. You find a man with wings (an angel?) half dead in your back yard. the first thing you do is: if someone’s home with me i’d get them asap. or i’d at least take a pic/video from afar then probably call the cops lol. i’d be too scared to check up on them myself. 4238. Why do people go to faith healers when there is so much proof that they are fake? some people just need a little hope sometimes. it’s just unfortunate that these fakes take advantage of them and take their money. 4239. When someone you care about is really angry with you how do you feel and how do you deal with that feeling? i feel pretty shitty. if it’s my fault i’ll do my best to make it up to them. 4240. There's a guy who sometimes get violent with his wife. He will scream 'I LOVE you!' While he hurts her. Do you think there could be any love there? hell no, i don’t think anyone should hurt someone they love... 4241. Name at least three things that make you want to cry. idk. 4242. Is John Malkovitch sexy? Is Billy Corgan? no to all. Is Michael Stipe? Is Moby? Is Sinead O'Connor? 4243. Imagine there's a lepper and he wants to be cured but instead of going away his sores sprout sunflowers? Would that be a miracle? Would that tell you anything about anything? i’d be freaked out. 4244. Do you watch people? sometimes. 4245. Do you have anything that doesn't belong to you? yes. 4246. what is normal? whatever you think it is. 4247. You are given your own private island. What would you name it, and who is allowed to live there with you? i’d name it after me and only my family, boyfriend and friends are allowed to live there lol. 4248. How can you prevent war? i don’t think i can tbh. How can we all prevent it? write to the government. 4249. If something is wrong in society and you don't like it butr you do nothing about it, i a way aren't you supporting it? no, i feel like supporting it is more about agreeing and spreading the word about it. 4250. Do you like Leslie Nielson? idk them. 4251. If you could make a new toothpaste flavor what would it be? apple. 4252, Have you ever called the police or the fire department? yes. Why and what happened? called the cops once coz there was a huge fight in broad daylight, called the fire department because i was driving home from work one night and a random tree was ablaze. 4253. What's more important, freedom or security and why? for me, security. i don’t really like facing the unknown without security. 4254. Who pays most of the taxes, rich people, or average people or poor people? everyone is basically paying the same cut. Who should pay the most? politicians lol. 4255. You are on the weakest link with these contestants: a monkey, Simon Coswell, Hayden Christensen, Cher, a guy in a teenage mutant ninja turtle costume and GW Bush. Who do you vote off as the weakest link and why? the monkey because it’s not human. 4256. Do you like: mint skittles? never tried. mint ice cream? sometimes. junior mints? never tried. 4257. Does protesting/demonstrating really have any effect? yes. it spreads the word and gives people a platform to protest something they are passionate about. 4258. After the world demonstrated against war with Iraq, Saddam was quoted as saying america was 'weak and isolated'. Do you believe this is so? i don’t know... i don’t know enough to comment. 4259. Have you ever wanted to be with someone who was off limits? no. 4260. Have you ever wanted someone so badly that you would kiss your hand imagining it was them? haha no. 4261. Are there any situations when cheating on someone is okay? only if you had some sort of agreement with your partner to be in an open relationship but then again it wouldn’t be classified as ‘cheating’. so idk. 4262. When you feel empty inside what do you fill yourself up with? Where does it come from? sleep. 4263. Would you rather be loved or desired? loved. 4264. When you remember something do you remember yourself to be more or less graceful/positive/smooth than you actually were? none? 4265. How can you tell the days of the week apart without using a calander? Are your days really different or all the same? just by comparing it with the dates and days of this week. 4266. Who started punk rock? idk. Who started goth? Who started hip hop? 4267. What 3 things about you have shaped your life the most? my family and upbringing, my boyfriend and my education. 4268. Is your mind awake? yes. Is your soul? yes. Were they always? i guess so. If not, can you remember a moment or a few moments that helped you wake up? 4269. Have you ever misperceived what was going on only to discover it when it was too late? not that i can think of. 4270. Do you understand the human heart? no. 4271. How important is your weight? How important is your partner's weight? important. and not super important for my partner, as long as they’re healthy. 4272. What color is the wind? nothing. 4273. Do you believe children or adults know more? adults for the most part. 4274. Do you believe you are crazy? no. 4275. Did you predict the ending to Joe Millionaire? Is there something you care about less than you care about Joe Millionaire? don’t remember. 4276. Snow blower or shovel? neither because it doesn’t snow here. 4277. List everything you ate in the last 24 hours? tuna, crackers, nutella sandwich, chicken, broccoli and rice. 4278. Have you ever plagerized? no. If yes, what and why? did you get caught? **** No one could act in that daredevil movie. The script sucked as well. This is not a question. **** 4279. Who specifically annoys you? my boyfriend. 4280. What is your favorite blanket like? i don’t really have a favourite. 4281. How do you feel about teachers coming on to their students? Students coming on to their teachers? both wrong. 4282. In what ways do you keep yourself entertained? youtube, netflix, surveys, reading. 4283. Entertainers (musicians, sports players) are the highest paid people in america. Why are we so obsessed with being entertained? it’s just part of society. 4284. Do you want a perfect body? i wish. 4285. Do you want a perfect soul? no. 4286. Which do you want more? body. 4287. Do you want people to notice when you're not around? huh? 4288. Are you more of a creep, a wierdo or special? none. 4289. Who wrote the bible? the disciples. 4290. Who wrote the book of love? what is the book of love? 4291. Who put the bomp in the bomp ba bomp ba bomp? idk. 4292. Who rocks the party that rocks the party? idk. 4293. If you could pick 5 things to study with no limits what 5 things would you pick? space, i.t., history, geography and science. 4294. Do you study any of them on your own? no. 4295. What's more important, learning or getting the hell out? learning. 4296. What is your favorite highlighter color? purple. 4297. Give everyone some advice: be the best version of yourself. 4298. Are you practically perfect in every way? no. 4299. Are you nasty and tricksy? no. 4300. Where is the precious? idk.

[acontrarianmind]

The Man in the Mirror

It’s been a long time since I wrote anything. Every time I write, it’s been a long time since I’ve written. It’s a reflection of my attitude in life, to give it all or give it nothing. To one minute be passionate, determined, confident, and the next minute hopeless, insecure, and lost.

I don’t know why it happens, but I’m starting to tell when, at least. It’s like a mood swing, but more pronounced: Like a gigantic lead pendulum that’s hanging from a steel chain a mile away. From the distance it looks like it moves slowly, but it amasses great momentum. When it swings by, like a freighter ship, it brings with it a massive, delayed wake. This pendulum holds my feelings, my ambitions, my outlook on life.

Right now, I’m depressed. And I say it like if I were a schizophrenic: “At this moment, it’s the depressed me talking.” It really does feel like it isn’t me controlling this person, it’s more like a parasite that’s been digging into my brain for a few years, and now its found its nest. Like a demagorgon! It’s incredible to realize that I’ve actually always felt this way, since I was a few years old. But it used to just be called sadness, feeling down. It would go away on its own, and when it came it was never paralyzing. I never thought I’d write about it, honestly.

When it prevents you from moving on in life, from starting a new project, or applying for jobs, you begin to feel handicapped. How come everyone else gets interviews, scholarships, they do a million things at a time? You begin to compare, and the anxiety of competing against everyone in the fucking world presses onto your chest like an anvil.

What is my portfolio lacking, did I say something wrong in my résumé? Why don’t I wake up and sketch, or do one of those 100 day challenges like every asshole on instagram? Fuck, I hate those people. Daily vloggers, wake up at 5 am, record your entire awesome day, sponspored by Louis Vuitton, fly in a jet, run 3 companies, go do a ted talk, fly back home, take care of your kids, edit the vlog, post, sleep 3 hours and repeat. How? Just fucking how?

I can’t find that consistency, to wake up every day with a routine. Even if its setting a goal to start an app, or to design something new today. I can’t dedicate even my day, sometimes even an hour to it. Once the idea has passed through my head, I’ve designed it manufactured it packaged it and sent it away. I no longer care. If an Idea cannot last a minute in my head, I can’t even put it on paper. How the hell am I supposed to start a company? With years worth of effort, a 365 day challenge for a few years. The idea alone eats my mind up, my breathing gets shorter, my heart starts pounding, and all of a sudden I feel weak, small, powerless.

I go through the whole checklist of things to do. Try to meditate, fail. Put on a Tony Robbins TED Talk, hate him immediately; read an Eckhart Tolle quote, new age crap; listen to Alan Watts, remember when it used to help; read some Tim Ferriss, he’s just showing off now; watch a Casey Neistat video, feel useless. I just can’t get inspired. I can’t say “Ah! That’s my thing”, what I’m going to pick at for the foreseeable future. It’s too much of a weight on my shoulders to decide what I’ll be doing for the next month. So how can I decide what I’ll be doing in a year? A lot of these power-motivators just tell you to think of doing something for tomorrow. And then tomorrow a little bit more: Make the goal accessible, and daily. Small steps. But every step is huge, slow, like I have an iron vest on and a copper helmet scuba diving in the 20’s, where every breathe counts.

One of the things I read from Tim Ferriss is to start writing. I guess he was where I am today once, and he started writing shit down. Maybe it helps. I’ve always enjoyed writing to an unknown audience. At least it puts my thoughts somewhere the fuck out of my head. It clears the cache. I just wish I could say today I’m starting a daily blog post where I’ll raise awareness on depression, start a foundation, yada yada yada, and I’m making millions out of motivational talks.

It’s probably not gonna be the case. But maybe today I’ll go for a run, blow off some steam. The other day I ran like 10 miles and felt like a champion, showed it off on Instagram trying to be one fo those assholes who you hate. The next day I had a depressive episode where I was catatonic and hopeless, for no apparent reason. Today, I’m depressed, but I’m ok. I can move around at least, try to enjoy the sound of the ocean which I have close by for a few more days. Sometimes its difficult to enjoy just that. Even the simple things weigh you down. It’s a piece of shit. It’s a parasite, and it’s not me, it’s not who I am. I’m not going to let it win, and I’m not going to let it control my life. As Michael says, I’m starting with the man in the mirror.

[mendezmatt]

Daily Blog Entry #1

So i like to reflect after my day is done and the house is quiet. I usually do it before i go to bed, i heard that is a great way to end the day and soak up everything that you learn. So, since i am typing about it, i assume i would definitely remember everything. I took a lot of awesome pictures today when i took the kids to the lakes outside the house. I had to get them out of the house because the wife is sick and all that. This brings me to my main point of this daily entry, Nature...is...good.

I don’t care what anybody says, nature heals things. It heals emotions, it heals thoughts. Usually, music heals all but nature...nature has its own music, its own way of doing things. Couple that with taking photographs of that beauty, and it is 100% therapeutic. I took a time lapse video of my kiddos and i walking down the dirt road by the lake and having fun. The coolest part of those videos is the clouds. I don’t know if you have ever seen Casey Neistat’s vlogs on youtube but he does a lot of those for his transitions and they are awesome because he has boats and people and what not within them, it gives it more body in my opinion, than just clouds.

The point of this post, is to remind everyone to really enjoy all the things! Yes, i said it. ALL THE THINGS! Whatever your interpretation of that saying is, go with it. Go outside, enjoy what is going on around you. Take photos, but don’t live every moment through a lens. My wife said that once, during Easter one year. She was so busy trying to get the perfect shot of our daughter, that she didn’t even enjoy Easter with her or our son. 

Sorry if this was a pointless read for whomever reads this. I swear they will get better and more interesting!