#is it gay to have your lifeline be tangled up with another man?

[arch-angel-o]

Finally catching up on the life series and im eating up all of the drama

[envydeanwrites]

Never In Fact Homeless

SUPERNATURAL PROMPT CHALLENGE | envydean Prompt: Disgust Pairing: Dean/Cas Word Count: 2,339 Tags/Warnings: AU, kinda wiawsnb verse ish, Mary is alive, homophobia, hurt/comfort, caring!Dean, hurt!Cas, angst, with a happy ending, fluff, secret relationship

[AO3]

“Is there anyone you’d like to bring to the family dinner next week, Castiel?” Castiel’s mother asked.

Castiel leant against the kitchen counter, a glass of water in his hand. He eyed her warily, waiting for her to ask about a girlfriend. Castiel shrugged. If he got his way he’d bring Dean with him, at least he wouldn’t have to suffer another family meal alone and being taunted for not having a girlfriend. His older brothers called him a freak, told him there was something wrong with him because he was eighteen and had never had a girlfriend.

In some respects it was true, he’d never had a girlfriend but that was a different kettle of fish that he was never telling his family about, not willingly. He’d be ridiculed further and no doubt be thrown out.

He had, however, been in a relationship and was still in one. How he’d managed to keep it secret for the past year, he’d never know.

“Can I bring Dean?” Castiel ventured. It wasn’t the first time he’d asked to bring his ‘friend’ to a dinner and it sure as hell wouldn’t be the last. It was dangerous to ask continuously, there was no doubt his mother would eventually work out their relationship with one another.

“How many times have I told you this, Castiel? You cannot bring that boy over here. He’s a bad influence as it is. I will not have him tainting this household.” A bad influence meant he lived downtown and had a small house with a single mother who wasn’t all that well off, oh and that she blatantly disproved of Dean’s lifestyle choice.

God, if only his mother knew about his own lifestyle choice.

“You should bring that Amelia girl back here, you’re always round her house. She seems very nice.” Castiel blinked at her. Amelia was his lie. Amelia existed of course, she’d even asked him out once until he explained he was gay. They’d remained good friends and he studied at her house when he wasn’t with Dean. When Cas told her about Dean and about his parents, she’d instantly jumped at the chance to help him keep the secret.

“She’s away this weekend. Dean’s around though.” Castiel explained.

“Hmm, that’s odd, I was talking to her father yesterday. They didn’t mention they were going away.” Naomi gave him a pointed look and Castiel blanched before gripping his glass tightly, trying not to drop it. “Is there something you need to tell me?”

Castiel shook his head. He fumbled as he put the glass on the counter, missing entirely. It dropped to the floor with a resonating smash and glass scattered everywhere.

“Shit!” Castiel hissed. Mistake.

“Watch your language, young man. Is there something you need to tell me?” Naomi’s voice was stern as she advanced towards him with a dark look in her eyes.

Castiel had nowhere to go. It was obvious that she knew about him.

“You and Dean... you’re...” his mother turned her nose up at him. “together! You disgust me.”

Castiel felt a lump form in his throat, a sting behind his eyes trying to force tears.

“No… it not like that.” Castiel tried. He knew it wouldn’t be of any use, his mother knew and that would be it.

“It’s not like that? Oh, then how is it like?” She asked spitefully.

“I – we’re…” Castiel’s voice gave up on him and that was the end of it.

“Get out of this house!” She hissed. Castiel didn’t move – couldn’t move. “Get out!” his mother repeated. It’d be a hard pass if he could even call her that anymore.

Suddenly, like he’d been catapulted from a slingshot, he could move again and he ran upstairs and dumped some favoured possessions into a falling apart rucksack. Slipping on his shoes without socks, Castiel dashed out the door. No time to think, just pack and go.

Where to was an entirely different question. He breathed hard as he got to the end of his driveway. Looking back up at the house he’d grown up in tore something within him and made his stomach ache and tears drip down his cheeks.

Where were his brothers been when Naomi had turned her back on him? Why hadn’t they defended him? Gabriel would have. How could his own mother be so cold and shunning? It wasn’t supposed to be like that. He wondered how long she'd known, whether she had been waiting for Castiel to fuck up. Castiel sniffed and wiped his eyes and began to walk towards town.

Passing shops that weren’t even open on the frosty Sunday morning, he shot off a text to his boyfriend asking if he could come over. He doubted Dean would even be up at this hour but decided a knock on the door would be a good idea anyway.

Dean didn’t live far away from the high street and he was there before he knew it. Just thinking about Dean made tears come to his eyes – his mother had thought so little of Dean and she barely knew him.

Castiel lightly knocked on their door and was eventually greeted by a sleepy-eyed Mary. She was still wearing a dressing gown and held a cup of coffee in her hands.

“Cas? What are you doing here?”

Castiel breathed in and out mechanically, trying to calm himself. How could he even explain to her what had happened? The last thing he wanted right now was to cry in front of his boyfriend’s mother.

“Mrs. Winchester, I…” the lump was back in his throat and he forced it away as best he could. “My mom… she found out. I… she -” Mary engulfed him in a hug after setting her mug down on the table beside the door.

Tears were set free then and he sobbed silently into Mary’s fluffy dressing gown. He felt as Mary’s hand soothed through his hair and she whispered kind words to him.

Eventually, Cas pulled back and looked up at Mary who had a small smile on her face, gentle, kind and warming – the polar opposite to his own mother. She took him into the kitchen and poured him a generous mug and topped it off with sugar and cream to Cas’ quiet request.  

She sat opposite him, her own mug refilled. “What happened Cas?”

“She threw me out.” Castiel told her blandly. He cupped his cold hands around the flowery mug, warming them slowly.

“She didn’t know about you and Dean, did she?” Mary said sadly.

Castiel shook his head and sighed into his coffee. He drained the last of his coffee and scrubbed his face with his hand. Upon doing so he realised it was a peculiar habit he’d picked up from Dean. He’d seen him doing it repeatedly during their high school exams and must have picked it up. He chuckled a little and Mary patted him on the shoulder.

“You think it’s a good thing that she knows now?” Castiel wondered, head tilting in question. Mary’s eyes softened.

“I can’t say, Cas. I’m sorry. What I do know that Dean’s probably still sleeping upstairs, but you’re more than welcome to go up and see him. Tell him I’m making bacon and pancakes for breakfast.”

Castiel gave Mary one last hug before picking up his backpack and heading up the stairs to see Dean. He treaded quietly and opened up Dean’s door without knocking.

Dropping his backpack on the floor, he shed his hoodie in Dean’s sun warmed room. Dean was tangled in his bed sheets, sprawled out on his stomach and face smushed ungracefully into his pillow. He was beautiful and if Castiel could stay in this moment forever, he was sure that all his problems would disappear.

“Hey, Dean.” Cas said quietly as he knelt on the end of Dean’s bed. Awkwardly, he laid down next to Dean in the single bed and draped his arm over Dean’s back.

Dean shifted slightly at the presence of someone else in the room before shuffling closer towards Cas.

“Cas?” Dean grumbled. Cas doubted that Dean was actually awake and was only aware of him being there by instinct. It wasn’t the first time they’d shared a bed.  

“Yeah?”

“Go back t’ sleep, ‘stoo early...” He told him, voice sleep slurred.

Castiel kicked off his jeans as gently as possible and tucked himself into the covers beside Dean. They’d was gloriously warm and Castiel breathed steadily until he felt his eyes drooping, exhaustion from the morning taking him over.

“Fuck, Cas, why’re you so cold.” Dean pulled him closer, back to chest, looping an arm over him and under Cas’ t-shirt. Dean’s hand was warm and comforting and he relaxed his tense muscles.

“It doesn’t matter; I’ll warm up soon.” Cas told him, he felt the tears again. He hated this – he knew his mother would hate him for being himself, he knew and yet he was still upset, it was stupid. Castiel sniffed and let out a shuddering breath.

“Cas?” Dean’s voice was soft and more awake. The arm around him pulled tighter, squeezing him against Dean like a lifeline. For a few moments, nothing happened, Castiel quietened himself down and Dean kept holding on tight. Cas hoped that Dean never let go, feared that Dean letting him go would let all his emotions out as well.

And then Dean let go.

Castiel didn’t move, but gripped onto Dean’s hand like it was all he had, screwing his eyes up and hoping the tears would stay at bay.

He heard as Dean sat up behind him, felt as the covers dropped away and left him cool. Dean’s hand soothing the hand he was holding onto and the other through his hair.

“What happened, Cas?” Dean asked close to Cas’ ear, keeping his voice low as he let Cas hang on to him. Whatever it was that was hurting him, was hurting him badly and all Dean wanted was to comfort him.

There was a devastated sob and Dean pulled Cas into his arms with a desperate ease. Cas’ face was red from crying. Dean held him close, pressing tiny kisses to Cas’ neck.

“It’s okay, Cas… It’s okay… I’m right here, alright.” Dean soothed. Without knowing the problem, it was hard to help him and Dean felt helpless.

“S’not alright. Not okay.” Castiel said, voice muffled by Dean’s arm. Castiel was disgusting and it wasn’t okay. He scrambled from Dean’s arms and sat up, knees drawn to his chest as far away from Dean as he could get without moving off the bed. “I’m... I’m...”

“Whatever negative thing you’re about to say, stop. You’re awesome, Cas, and handsome and smart. You’re the best boyfriend ever, okay?” Dean interjected. He crowded Castiel and rubbed his cold arms, anything to comfort him. “Cas... look at me, Cas.” Dean asked.

Dean waited patiently and it took a lot of effort on Castiel’s part to look at Dean, to look at the sad smile on his face and the eyes that were greener than anything he’d painted. He recalled the forgotten black and white sketches he kept under his mattress – Dean’s eyes, his face, his body both clothed and not – he hated that his mother would find them, probably burn them to condemn them to Hell too.

“There we go, now I can see your beautiful blue eyes.” He whispered. Dean drew his thumbs across Castiel’s cheeks, wiping away the tears. He pressed a kiss to Cas’ forehead, warm and gentle.

Castiel shuddered with new tears but they stopped as so quick as they started as Dean tucked a finger under his chin. Castiel really was beautiful and he didn’t tell him enough. “I love you so much, Cas.” Dean’s voice was quiet still.

“I love you, too, Dean.” Castiel’s voice was thick. “Your mom said she was making pancakes this morning.”

“Well then, sounds like we need to get downstairs then.” Dean grinned and Castiel gave him a small smile. Mary’s pancakes were the fluffiest and the sweetest pancakes Castiel had ever tasted and he was looking forward to eating them.

He was suddenly exhausted from the onslaught of emotion but he followed Dean off the bed and to the bathroom down the hall. Dean sat him on the side of the bathtub and wet one of his old flannels that had a kid’s design on before gently wiping over Castiel’s face.

“I’m not a child...” Castiel grumbled lightheartedly.

Dean chuckled, rinsing the cloth under the warm water once more. He dabbed the cloth over Castiel’s face, the redness from tears being replaced with the warmth of the cloth. “I know that. I’m just helping. Did mom say anything about bacon?” Dean asked, changing the subject.

“She may have done,” Castiel saw as Dean’s eyes lit up.

“Yes!” Dean cheered. He cupped his hands round Castiel’s cheeks and kissed him on the lips. Castiel smiled and ducked his head, amused. “C’mon, Cas!”

They headed hand in hand downstairs, Castiel being pulled along excitedly by Dean who obviously couldn’t wait for the beloved pancakes. Mary was at the frying pan when they got down, obviously having heard them heading downstairs.

Dean poured himself a cup of coffee and one for Cas too. Mary set a stack of three pancakes in front of Cas topped with three slices of bacon.

“Thank you,” Cas said. A carafe of maple syrup was on the table and Cas almost drowned his pancakes in it. He never got this at home so he always indulged himself before... before he had to go back. Except he wouldn’t go back. He didn’t have a home or a family anymore.

A wave of grief washed over him and his hand loosened on his fork, nearly dropping it.

“Thanks mom,” Cas heard Dean say and then there was a firm, but looking hand on his shoulder. He looked up to Mary’s kind face and he knew he wasn’t homeless.  He’d always have a home with Dean.

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