#is her having to deal with things still being awfulterrible even after leaving everything about the ninth behind

[theclosetskeletons]

Something so compelling about Kiriona to me is that Gideon gets more than everything she ever dreamed of. She gets that long-lost powerful parent, all the riches and accolades the empire has to offer, a title in the cohort, if admittedly only an honorary one, and perhaps most significantly, a position in which she can prove herself useful. But the thing is, it doesn't feel good. She made it out of the nightmare that was Drearburh, she got a place on top of the world. But it's all wrong, it all feels bad and empty.

I'm really excited to see where this is going for her in Alecto. I think this part of her journey, awful as it is, is going to force her to confront how she sees the world and herself, particularly in how she only considers herself loveable as far as she is useful, something I'm sure John is exploiting to the extreme. I think we're not too far off from her having to totally reconsider how she views things, largely her father and his empire, and hopefully coming out the other side better for it

It's not missing Harrowhark that makes Kiriona the saddest girl in the world. Or at least, it's not just the lack of Harrow.

She fought all her life to escape the Ninth, fueled by the conviction that there was a better world waiting for her if she could just get out. As a kid, that was the fantasy of a super cool and important parent who could rescue her and punish the people who hurt her. Later, it was believing that as soon as she rescued herself, she would prove to everyone how awesome she was. She would make herself a hero, and she would be so valued and useful even Harrow would have to admit it.

Now she has every status symbol she ever yearned for, and none of it means anything. None of it feels good. She's escaped, and it turns out there was no better world waiting for her. Kindness is rare, and the people who show it die meaningless violent deaths. The rest of the universe has proved itself to be almost as cold and dark and isolating as the Ninth, filled with horrors she'd never imagined.

Kiriona Gaia is the saddest girl in the world because she's lost hope. She has everything she ever wanted, and it all sucks. So what is there left to want? What is there left to fight for? What is there left to live for?