#is he ugly or does he have normal facial features. is she stupid or is she making an interesting point and you're an anti-intellectual. etc

[folkdances]

god everyone is so mean all the time stop saying people look ugly stop being dicks for no reason before you engage in any "discourse" online you should have to read the before you speak THINK chart and also fill in one of those "i am mad because" sheets they make you fill out in elementary school everyone is so fucking mean to each other all. the. time.

[saiilorstars]

Ch.4: The Mind Intruder

Chapter summary: The mind is a very tricky thing but Mamoru seems to have the right abilities to get in.

Fandom: Sailor Moon (Crystal)  – – [Rewrite of season 2, AU-ish in that there’s new OCs and the fusion of plots from the manga, crystal and the og series]

Pairings: Eventual OFC x OMC, Usagi x Mamoru

Taglist: @ocfairygodmother @anotherunreadblog @maaaaarveeeeel @stareyedplanet @perfectlystiles

{If you’d like to be added to this OC’s taglist, let me know!}

// Story Masterlist //

~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 

"Miss Keena?"

"Hm?" Azula looked up to find her teacher, Miss Nano, standing impatiently in front of her desk.

Azula sheepishly hid her notes with an arm and watched as her teacher put down her last math exam. She nearly fell out of her seat when she saw the ugly red '30' at the top of the paper. "WHAT!?" she picked up the paper and nearly crushed it against her face from how close she looked at it.

Miss Nano went on to continue handing out the class exams back. Azula kept blinking as if the grade would go away in one of those. This had to be a mistake!

"Miss Nano, please!" she trailed after the tall blonde teacher around the classroom after school, begging for a second review of the exam. "I don't know what happened…" Well, actually she did know. She had been focusing on Sailor Hemera, Senka and the Shadow Crystal mystery…but Miss Nano didn't need to know about that. "I know I can do better!" Azula followed the teacher towards the door and quickly scurried outside first to block Miss Nano's way.

"Well you really should have," Miss Nano said like she really lamented having to grade the exam. She knew Azula to be a well studied student and couldn't understand what happened. "I expected better than this. I thought you understood the material-"

"-but I did!" Azula exclaimed, though she stuttered to give a reason on her poor work. "I-I just h-had a, um, a th-thing that I had to do that, um-" she gasped when the teacher returned to her classroom and shut the door. Azula blinked and stared down at her exam that really seemed to be burning her fingers the more she held it. "I don't get 30s!" she said just a tad loud for the passing students to hear.

"You got a 30? In Nano's class?"

This was truly the last thing she needed right now. She turned to Mamoru and violently pointed a finger at him, forgetting for a moment that he wasn't used to her usual behavior when she was upset."I don't need this right now from you!" she went up to the closed class door and continued to call for the teacher. "Miss Nano, please. The only way I'd get a 30 in my life is I was...dead!"

"Then I suppose you're the walking dead," Mamoru remarked smugly.

"Oh my God!" the red haired girl whirled around in his direction. "You're still here!?" Azula was very used to their old sibling-like relationship that the words and sarcasm just tumbled out of her mouth. It most certainly did not help that she was possibly at her worst moment right now.

"I was on my way out," Mamoru, surprisingly, remained calm and merely pointed at the doors at the end of the hallway. "But then I saw you shouting and I figured I'd like to see how this plays out. Heard Miss Nano can be difficult."

"You're not funny, and I'm not laughing," Azula stood with a straight face.

With such a straight face it would be impossible to feel anything. But then again not everyone was a reincarnated Earth prince.

"Usagi, c'mon, this is simple math!" Azula rubbed her face in frustration. The blonde in question had let her head fall to the table, over her math book to be precise. "Get up, c'mon!" Azula gently hit Usagi's foot with her own under the table.

Usagi slowly raised her head off the book. "Why do I need to know this again?" She was startled when Mamoru lowered himself beside her, having just entered the cafe. He put an affectionate hand on Usagi's back.

"So that business people like her-" he shot Azula a look, "-don't take advantage of you."

A sarcastic smile spread across Azula's face. They always joked Azula would end up taking over her family's business, except she didn't find it amusing. "You're not funny, and I'm not laughing."

Azula recognized that remembering face on Mamoru's face and was tempted to slip away before he came back to the present. Besides, Miss Nano would have to see her tomorrow anyways. But just as she turned away, he called out to her.

Crap! she thought with eyes shut before she turned back. "Yes?"

"Th-the blonde girl who was...who was with you the other day…?" Azula was sure that not even he knew what he wanted to say. It looked like he was still trying to process whatever he saw.

He probably means Usagi. She's the only blonde I know. And Azula severely doubted he meant Minako. Though that would make it easier...

"What was her name?" his question pulled her back to the present.

Azula cleared her throat and whispered the answer so low it almost seemed as if she didn't want to answer. "Usagi…"

"Have you ever tutored her at the Fruits Parlor Crown?" Mamoru seemed afraid to even ask the question.

"W-well, yeah…" Azula wasn't sure what the hell was going on but she knew he was starting to remember things. She had tutored Usagi on several occasions on her math in that cafe and many times Mamoru had come in to see how things were doing. Azula thought it was more to distract than to help. Usagi was all for distractions.

"Okay, I-I…" Mamoru rubbed his face, frustrated with himself. What the hell was he doing? Was he really asking a random girl about another random girl?

"Are you okay?" Azula felt the need to go check up on him. Whatever was happening to him she was sure wasn't meant to be happening. She walked up to him and reached to touch his arm. As soon as she did they both saw something.

"Here," Azula set a pink milkshake in front of Usagi and sat down right across from her. "It's exactly what Mamoru would order for you right?"

Usagi whimpered and buried her face in her hands. Azula sighed when she heard the small sniffles.

"If it's not right then I can ask Unazuki for something else, or…" but Azula trailed off knowing this wasn't the problem. She rubbed her forehead and stared at Usagi for a moment in silence before speaking up. "Look, Beryl might have taken Mamoru but he will come back, alright?"

"How do you know?" Usagi lowered her hands for a second, her sparkly blue eyes now red and glossy. "I couldn't save him…"

"Give yourself a break, Usagi, you just realized who you were in a previous life. You're not God. But you are a fighter and even though you spend half your days crying over something as petty as a broken cup, when the going gets tough...I have confidence you get tougher."

"You think I can be strong?" Usagi's lip quivered, doubt etched all over her face.

"Mamoru does," Azula said softly. "And though I like to purposely disagree with him just to annoy him, in this case he's actually right. You are a strong girl and I know you will get through this."

 Azula gasped deeply and pulled her hand off Mamoru's arm, the latter quite stunned by what they saw.

"How did I…?" but he didn't get to finish the question because Azula began to back away, and fast.

"I-I have to g-go!"

"Wait!" Mamoru called in vain. Azula was gone in a flash and all he was left with were strange feelings and new images in his mind.

~ 0 ~

"No you don't understand - he was in my mind!" Azula flopped on a park bench. Luna and Artemis hopped the bench and each rested on one side of the girl. "I-I felt him actually in my mind! I didn't even know he could do that!"

"Well, Mamoru isn't a Sailor Scout but he was the guardian of Earth and thus given powers he might not have developed yet," Luna said, rather reasonably and calm too. It was nothing to how Azula was reacting.

"He's remembering," she said, truly destroyed just by the thought. "You two said they wouldn't remember anything."

"Minako and the girls remain the same…" Artemis said thoughtfully, "...but none of them have the psychometric abilities that Mamoru does. Rei does, in a sense, but she's another story-"

"Not helping, Artemis," Azula cut him off. "So you think because of Mamoru's powers he'll be more likely to remember?"

"He's connected to the Earth because of who he was in the past and so by extension he's connected to everyone on the planet. This memory wipe works best on humans, specifically…" Luna trailed off, leaving Azula to make her own conclusion.

"Sailor Scouts," Azula finished with a small sigh. "So, basically, because Mamoru was the prince of Earth back then he's more likely to figure things out. That's just...great," she gritted her teeth together.

Luna affectionately pawed at Azula's uniform coat. "Don't fret, Azula, please. You are taking this far too serious-"

"Luna you don't understand," Azula calmed somewhat. A despondence slowly took over her facial features. "Back when Sailor Moon and the Scouts were active my only job was to look at the perimeters, stay on the computers...I couldn't help them out there. When they went off to fight Beryl and Metaria I had to stay here and just...wait. My job was to literally wait and see if they would come back alive."

"That wasn't your fault. You would have put yourself in grave danger if you accompanied Sailor Moon and the others…"

"It doesn't make me feel any better," Azula said glumly. "I was useless to them. I thought - I thought that now since everyone lost their memories and Usagi wanted to be normal...that this could be my job now. I would make sure they were all normal and safe. It's stupid, I know, but...it was my job this time to protect them." Azula paused for a full minute, her sadness overflowing. "But now Mamoru is beginning to remember and...now there's a Sailor Hemera and a stupid shadow hellbent on getting a crystal no one knows about."

"Azula," Artemis hopped off the bench and turned to look up at the girl, "Luna and I can keep an eye on the girls and certainly on Mamoru, but you can start to live your normal life as well. You shouldn't burden yourself with problems that we can solve. You just live a normal life..."

Azula snorted at the idea. "Normal? I'm at the park talking to cats - yeah, that's normal."

"Azula-" Luna began but Azula had gotten overwhelmed and rushed away.

"I'm going to go check on Minako," Artemis said after a couple of seconds. "And maybe we should patrol the other girls tonight just to see if any of them are remembering anything too."

Luna acknowledged his idea but preferred to stay back a little while longer. It was crazy to think that even now things still hadn't gone back to normal. Usagi was living her life as she wanted but outside of her blissful bubble things were beginning to get worse again. This time there were no Sailor Scouts to defend the planet from the evil trying to find the Shadow Crystal. Sure there was a Sailor Hemera but they still didn't know who she was and what her intentions were. Luna didn't know whether to feel grateful that Mamoru was remembering little by little because then that would mean he would be able to help a little...or should she be further concerned because now a second person had managed to avoid the memory wipe - it was still a grand mystery how Azula did it first.

Luna thought about this as she hopped off the bench and started her way back to Usagi's home. Usagi had been questioning lately where her dear old cat kept wandering off to and Luna didn't want to jeopardize her close position with Usagi. It was simply a challenge having to act like a true Earth cat all the time. It was why she often found Azula to keep conversation and her personal mind stimulated besides Artemis.

As Luna went off, a tall girl with long, brown and straight hair walked up to the bench where Azula and Luna had been. Her dark brown eyes glimmered golden for a second. "So you know where the Prince is…?" a smirk tugged at her pink lips.

~0~

Azula shivered as cold wind drew into her room from the open window. She went over and closed it then turned back. There were various newspaper clippings on the grounds with her own notes attached to it. Sailor Hemera and Senka needed to be stopped at all costs. Azula felt like she didn't have the luxury to get emotional. She took a seat on the floor, in the middle of the papers, and began sifting through them to reread what she already knew.

One hour later, her step-sister Keiko opened the door. "Hey, Azula, dinner's read - woah," her green eyes landed over the mess of papers around Azula. "What are you doing?"

"Homework," Azula supplied the excuse quick as she reached for another clipping.

Keiko caught site of some of the headlines and made a small whistler. "About that weird cloud thing and the Scout? What class is this for?"

"Communication - uh, intro to communications," Azula glanced at her sister with a small smile. "Journalism might be fun."

"Though you always wanted to work in something related to space, or something...?" Keiko left the door open so Azula could follow her out. "Sorry, you talk a lot sometimes and I tune it out so-"

"-Dad?" Azula blinked at the sight of her father already sitting at the kitchen table. "What are you doing here?" he was usually tied up with the business that he was rarely home for family meals. Kaito Keena was a man of business, and since he owned the Game Center Crown which was very popular in the neighborhood...he had a lot to do.

"I live here, remember?" came the black haired man's answer. His sarcasm made her playfully roll her eyes. "I'm also the one who pays the rent, so..."

"Okay, okay, I get it," Azula took her usual seat at the other end of the table. "I just didn't hear you come in, that's all."

"You never hear anything when you get into your work," Keiko pointed out.

"Oh, a lot of homework tonight?" Kaito asked.

Before Azula could answer, Keiko cut in with what she'd seen. "She was looking into that creature and the mysterious Sailor Scout who've been making appearances around the city."

Kaito's eyebrows shot upwards, making Azula dread what he would say about it. "Really? Well, makes sense since you always talk about the galaxies and whatnot. You think they're aliens, then?"

"Um..." Azula cleared her throat and put both her hands on the table. "I mean, the Scout looks humanoid. But that shadow thing probably is."

"Oh, but you know what I learned today?" Keiko excitedly asked. "It's actually funny what they name themselves. Hemera is a Goddess of day and light while Senka means 'shadow'. Can you believe that?"

"No, I...I hadn't considered the etymology of the names," Azula blinked rapidly.

"I just wonder where these aliens come from," Keiko went on, "And I'd definitely would love to know what a Shadow Crystal was."

"Yeah, that would be nice," Kaito agreed. "It would certainly help get the two out of the city before anyone gets killed."

"I should have asked that cute little fortune teller at the shrine…" Keiko said wistfully.

Azula raised an eyebrow. "What fortune teller?"

"Oh from the local shrine," Keiko leaned away from the door. "What was her name? Hino Rei? I went in to ask whether or not I'd get the school secretary job I applied to a couple days ago."

Azula blinked. Rei. How could she forget about Rei and her mind abilities? Mamoru wasn't the only one with mind tricks - Rei could sense danger! Sure Rei's mind was cleared of anything Scout-wise but her ability had come way before she awoke as Sailor Mars.

It was a stretch, but Azula would take it.

[chickensarentcheap]

Best Part of Me -Chapter 28

Warnings: none

Tagging: @innerpaperexpertcloud​, @alievans007​, @c-a-v-a-l-r-y​

After lunch they pay a visit to Port Douglas beach. The town is popular among tourists and the area is packed; every inch crammed with families in swimsuits and pop up shelters, young adults playing football and frisbee, children building sandcastles and running in and out of the water. There’s no rush to get home. Kyle and Ovi have the boys under control and there are still a lot of hours left in the day. It’s been a long one already; the panic attack in the middle of the road, the disastrous ending to what had started as a relatively positive and pleasant visit with Tyler’s father.

Neither of them speak about it; Millie is young and impressionable and over the moon about having a grandfather in her life and neither want to ruin that for her. She’s done nothing but talk about her time there; the kisses and the cuddles and the silver dollar and getting a chipmunk to eat out of her hand. And it made them both smile as they listened to her; that joyful rambling and those musical giggles and the exuberance over her upcoming birthday party. Neither have the heart ro rain on her parade; not wanting to break her heart with the cold hard fact that her grandfather probably won’t even show up that day. It’s who he is. Who he’s always been. And while she’d be initially crushed, having all of her friends at the house -and the appearance of her new puppy- would help her recover quickly, telling her too soon would cause her to dwell. Which would only work her up into an emotional frenzy that would be almost impossible to control.

While she plays in the surf -princess dress and all- they lounge in the sand; spreading out a tattered and well loved blanket that Tyler had brought along from the truck. It’s seen a lot of years; the same one they’d sit on when they’d take Millie to the beach when she was Addie’s age. Or on trips to the park or out for picnics or on camping trips when they’d live in Colorado. And had been around since before then; the edges frayed, holes patched together with messy stitching, the colors faded. Sometimes she wonders just what that blanket has seen; the history and the memories that those fibres hold. If it had ever been taken on excursions like this with his first family. If his ex wife had sat on the very spot where she sits now nursing their baby, if Austin had ever laid on it when he was Addie’s age or if he had ever been wrapped around his wet and shivering body when there’d been no towel to be had.

She knows it sounds stupid; even thinking about things like that and allowing them to get under her skin. And in the past six and half years the only part of his previous life  she’d ever thought about or they’d ever really discussed was Austin’s illness and eventual death. Even after Sarah had shown up at the hospital following Dhaka, she’d never sat back and thought of the fact he’d been someone else’s husband first. So caught up in spending every waking moment at his bedside and then finding out she was pregnant that everything seemed irrelevant. And normally it doesn’t bother her; the thought of him being with someone else. Hell, he’s been with lots of women by his own admission and she’d never thought twice about it or even cared what or who’d been done prior to her. Aside from Nik.  His past is just that. In the same way hers is.  But when your father in law –sick or not- constantly refers to you by the ex-wife's name despite the fact it’s been sixteen years and the two of you look nothing alike, it tends to weigh you down.

She tries to put it out of her mind, concentrating on the baby pressed to her chest as she feeds, and Millie twenty yards away already making friends.

“I don’t know how she does it,” she comments. “Everywhere we go it’s like this.”

Tyler lies on his stomach beside her, a cheek resting on the forearm he’d been using as a pillow. And he raises his head and glances over his shoulder to where his daughter is sitting in the wet sand, playing and animatedly conversing with other kids.  

“Give it a few minutes,” he says. “She’ll punch one of them in the face and that’ll be the end of it.”

Esme frowns.

“She’s like you,” he says with a yawn, and rests his back down on his arm, face turned towards her.

“I don’t punch people in the face five minutes after I meet them.”

“I don’t mean that. I mean she’s social. She makes friends easily. People are drawn to her. It’s the same way with you.”

“I was paid to be that way.”

“You can’t fake shit like that. People either like you or they don’t. It was just a plus that it made it easier to sweet talk and manipulate them afterwards.”

“I’m not sure if that’s a compliment or...”

“I mean it worked on me didn’t it,” he chides.

“You’re such an ass sometimes,” she complains, but there’s a smile on her face as she leans down to place a chaste on his lips.

“You think you’d be used to that after almost seven years.”

“I obviously am. I’m still here, aren’t I.”

“Yeah...”  he grins and reaches out to lay a hand on her thigh. “You are. For some goddamn reason you’re still around. And I’m still putting up with it.”

“You’d be miserable if I suddenly wasn’t around anymore. Well, more miserable than you already are,” she teases, and then gives a small yelp and directs a kick in his direction when he pinches the inside of her thigh.  

Rolling over onto his back, he groans at the stiffness in his shoulders and neck as he props himself up on his elbows, knee audibly cracking when he stretches out his legs.

“Baby, every day your body is making more and more noise.” she comments, and while it’s meant to be playful, he can hear the concern that tinges the words.

“You think the noises are bad, you should feel what it’s like to be in this body.”

He’s been pushing himself too hard in the gym; extending hour and a half work out to nearly three. More work than he’d put into getting into the shape he’s in now. He’s already thirty pounds heavier than he’d been in Dhaka; shoulders and chest wider, arms bigger, calves and thighs more powerful.  He’s the most confident he’s been in years; physically he knows he’s up to any challenge that he could face IF he has to go get back into the game. The skills never leave you; they’ll come back quicker and sharper than ever once he trains Ovi.  His worry is his mental state; if his brain will be able to handle the strain and the pace and the things he’ll have to resort to in order to stay alive.

“She’s more like you than you realize,” Tyler says, as he watches Millie with her new friends; smiling at the sound of her laugh and the sight of her smile.

“Oh please,” Esme laughs. “Where do you see this? Because she is all you. Head to toe. You even have the same ears and the same feet. Never mind the facial expressions and the attitude.”

“There’s a lot of you in here. I see it more every day. How easy she trusts people and makes new friends. And never mind how fucking smart she is. She’s scary almost. That she’s THAT smart.”

“She’s the perfect mix of both of us, I guess. Everything that’s amazing in you and everything that’s amazing in me. Although I think we both know where she got all her bad stuff from.”

He stares at her pointedly.

“As if Tyler. She totally got her asshole side from you. You can’t convince me otherwise. Where do you think she got her temper and her mouth from?”

“And luckily for her, she got the looks from me too.”

“You’re such a fucker,” Esme laughs, and flicks her thumb and forefinger against his earlobe. “Are you calling me ugly?”

“Never. Look how beautiful Addie is and she looks just like you.”

She smirks. “That was an extremely good save on your part.”

“You know you’re the most beautiful woman in the world to me, baby. There’s no one that can come close to you and you know that.”

She does. It’s one of the things he’s always been good at ; making her feel like she’s the most incredible woman on the face of the earth. Always finding ways to let her know how beautiful she is in his eyes. It could be in his eyes when he simply looks at her; whether she’s dressed up with makeup on or it’s five thirty in the morning and her hair is a half assed ponytail and yesterday’s eyeliner is smudges and she already has baby puke on her pajamas. Or the little compliments he tosses if when she’s least expecting it, or how he kisses and touches her when their love making is slow and tender and he spends his time worshipping every inch of her body.  There’s never a time where she hasn’t felt unattractive in his eyes. Even when she’s constantly bringing attention to all her faults and blemishes.

“And I would be miserable,” he says. “If you weren’t around anymore.”

He hates thinking about it; what it would be like if -for some unknown and horrible reason- he found himself as a single father to give kids. And it’s been weighing heavier on his mind since Michael McMann had revealed all of the sick and twisted things he would have done to her before killing her. It has only added insult to injury; for years he’s been carrying around the secret of the real details behind Gaspar’s five million dollar offer and what Asif had had in store for her. Some of things are just better left unsaid, and it’s a burden he’s willing to carry for the rest of his life.

“You’re that used to me, are you?” She chides, attempting to inject a little humour into a suddenly tense situation. She knows how his brain works; the wheels that start turning when he begins to dwell on the ‘what if’s’.  And she hates the way his smile disappears and his features harden and eyes darken.  “You’ve gotten that spoiled? Having someone do your laundry, clean up after you, put out whenever you want.”

That manages to get a grin out of him, and he rolls over onto his side, pressing a kiss to her thigh before resting on his elbow, side of head in his palm.

“That’s your bad shoulder,” she points out.

“It’s fine. Hardly bothering me today.”

“And by hardly bothering you, you mean on a pain scale of one to ten, you’re at a twelve instead of...I don’t know...a hundred.”

“You worry too much.”

“Oh I’m sorry. I’m sorry I care about you and want you to be okay. I’m sorry that I’d you to live past fifty. That I’d like us to grow old and gray together and constantly drive one another instead until I take my last breath.”

“A bad shouldn’t isn’t going to kill me.”

“You said yourself it’s getting worse.”

“Doesn’t mean it’s going to put me in an early grave. So stop…” he reaches across his body with his free hand and rubs her knee, kissing her thigh once more. “I’m fine. I’ll get it looked at as soon as this shit with Ovi is done. I promise.”

“You’re so goddamn stubborn,” she huffs.

“So you tell me. Every single day. For the past almost seven years. I’m fine...honest…” his hand rests on her legal fingers brushing against the smooth, sensitive skin at the back of her knee. “If there was something really wrong, I’d tell you.”

“You would?”

His eyes fix on hers.

“Don’t give me that look,” Esme scolds. “Don’t use those eyes against me. You know they’re my weakness.”

“I thought your weakness was my back and shoulders.”

“The eyes are what get me the most. And the easiest. How do you think you managed to seduce me as easily as you did?”

He gives a sly grin. “I thought it had something to do with the hand I had around your throat.”

“You’re dirty.”

“You like it.”

She just grins.

“You don’t have to admit it. You’ve made it pretty obvious. I mean, we don’t have five kids for nothing.”

“We could have made them all through boring old vanilla sex,” she points.

“Only we know we didn’t, so…” her rolls onto his stomach once more, attempting to relieve some of the discomfort in his joints. And he drapes an arm over her thighs, side of his head once again resting on a forearm.

And he closes his eyes; the calmest he’s been all day with the sun beating down on his tired and aching body, relaxed by the sound of the ocean and the feel of her skin against his.

***

“Are we going to talk about it?” Esme inquires.

“About what?” Tyler mumbles sleepily.

“About what happened today. On the way to your dad’s.”

“It was a panic attack,” he states matter-of-factly.

“I know that.”

“I’ve had them before. You’ve been with me for most of them.”

“And I know that too.”

“I thought we got past it. It was only a few minutes and…”

“Forty five.”

His eyes flicker open. “What?”

“It was forty five minutes.”

Tyler frowns. Had it really been that long? Time hadn’t seemed to drag that slow. He would have swore it was ten minutes, tops. Not closer to sixty.  “Are you sure?”

“I timed it. From the time you got out of the truck and when you got back in. It was forty five minutes.”

“That has to be some kind of record,” he dryly remarks.

“This isn’t a joke, Tyler. They’re getting worse. They’re getting more intense and they’re lasting longer and…”

“I’m taking the meds if that’s what you’re going to ask next. I haven’t skipped any days.”

“Maybe you need to be on different meds,” Esme suggests, as she peeks under the edge of the receiving blanket that protects Addie from the sun. She’s fallen asleep mid feed and her mother runs a finger tip along the bottom of both feet to tickle her awake. And the baby gives a small start and then returns to eating. “Stronger meds.”

“I don’t want to be on any meds.”

“Well that’s not an option, is it. What is going on with you, Tyler? Ever since this whole Ovi thing. You’ve just been...I don’t know...off.”

“Do we have to talk about this now? Here? Can’t we wait until we get home?”

“There’s people at our house.”

“There’s people here too,” he points out.

“Strangers. Who aren’t even listening.”

“I already told you. The shit with Ovi’s brought a lot up to the surface. Things I haven’t thought about since we left Colorado. About the job.”

“And the fact you miss it.”

“Are we going to fight? If we’re going to fight, let’s just stop now, yeah? Because I do not want to fight with you. Especially about this.”

“I don’t want to fight with you either. But that hurt. Hearing that. Hearing you say you miss it and you’d rather be out there than home with your family.”

“First of all…” he pushes himself up onto his elbows. “...that is not what I said. I did not say I’d rather be doing the job than be with you and the kids. I’d never fucking say that. I said I miss it sometimes. Not that I want to go back to it. That’s the last fucking thing I want.”

“How can you miss it and not want to go back? That makes no sense.”

“It’s not the actual job I miss. It’s the pace of things. Constantly moving from one thing to the next. No time to think too much and dwell on shit. Now I have too much time to think and it’s doing my fucking head in and I feel like I’m going insane. I went from that to this…” he nods in Addie’s direction. “...and it’s two entirely different things and I’m having a harder time dealing with it than I thought I would.”

“Do you regret it? Going from that to this?”

“Of course I don’t. All that matters to me is you and the kids. You know that. But sometimes I miss the way things were. Not the beating the shit out of people, not the blood, not the killing, not the crazy shit. Just the pace. That’s it.”

“The escape of it.”

“Yeah. I don’t know. I guess. I can’t explain it. I just know how it feels. Do I want to go back to it? Fuck no. I have way too much to lose.”

“Would you go back if there was no me?”

“Esme, I never would have stopped doing it. And if there was no you, I’d be dead. So that question doesn’t even make sense. If there was no you, I would have died in Dhaka. That’s not a maybe. That’s a sure thing.”

“And if I was to say that I’d be okay with it if…”

“But you wouldn’t be,” Tyler doesn’t give her the chance to finish. “So why even ask that?”

“Because if it’s the only thing that’s going to keep you happy and sane…”

“You’re not listening to a word I’m saying. I am happy. With you and the kids. I’m happy with my life. I’m just having a hard time letting go of who I was before.  Just because I miss it sometimes doesn’t mean I want to go back. The job was an escape, like you said. From my shitty fucking life. If I hadn’t had the job, I would have killed myself a long time ago. But now I have you and I have my kids and that’s all I want. I just need time; to let this go. And I need you to stop taking it personally. This isn’t about you and I, this isn’t about the kids. It’s all about me.”

She nods slowly, considering his words. And neither speak for several minutes; her eyes fixated on Millie and her new friends as they laugh and splash in the water, his eyes intently watching her.  Chewing nervously on her bottom lip and fidgeting with a loose thread on the edge of the receiving blanket; eyes hidden behind the sunglasses she’d stolen off him earlier.

“If going back is what you need to do, then…” she shrugs. “...you need to do it, I guess.”

“I already said I’m not going back. I don’t want to go back. Why…?”

“If the job is what’s going to keep you sane, you need to do it. Because I don’t want you staying home and then finding out six months later or a year later or two years later than you were unhappy the entire time. Because that will turn into a lot of regret and a lot of animosity and I don’t want that. Because that will destroy us. A lot quicker than the job will.”

“Fuck me…” he groans, and rakes a hand through his hair. “Are you even listening to me? I don’t want to go back. You’re assuming I do because I said I missed it. I gave it up. To be with you. To be with my kids. I walked away. For you. For us. And now you’re telling me it's okay I go back and abandon my family like all the times I did before. That makes no fucking sense.”

“I just want you to be happy,” she explains. “And if that’s what makes you happy.”

“For fuck sakes,” Tyler snarls. “That’s not what makes me happy. You make me happy. Our kids make me happy. Not the job. Fuck the job. All I said was that sometimes I miss it. The pace. The not having time to sit and overthink shit and dwell on everything. That’s all I said.”

“I don’t know what more to do,” she confesses, sounding dangerously close to tears. “I don’t know how else to help you. And it just seems easier if I just give up and you back. Because I’d rather you do that and things go back to somewhat normal than see you going through what you’re going through now. Mauve that was our ‘normal’.  The job. You being gone so much and me just dealing with it.”

“None of that is normal,” Tyler argues. “That’s a fucked up version of normal.”

“But it worked.”

“Until it didn’t. Until things really started to go to shit in New Zealand. Or are we just going to pretend that never happened?”

She sighs heavily.

“It was my decision to leave. I gave it up. Willingly. Because I couldn’t do it anymore. Because I was sick all the bullshit that came with it. I was tired of leaving you and the kids and constantly worrying about whether I was going to make it home or not. And I know you don’t want to think about that every time I walk out the door; whether or not I’m coming back.”

“That’s the last thing I want. But…”

“How can there be a ‘but’? How is this making any sense to you? The job would only make things worse.”

“I could learn to deal with,” Esme insists. “And I did deal with it.”

“Until you couldn’t anymore and you kicked my ass out. Or did you forget about that? Six months, remember? We were apart six months and I was a fucking mess. All I did was work and drink and fuck things up with you and my kids. I’m not going through that again. And you shouldn’t want to either.”

“It wouldn’t get that bad this time. We wouldn’t let it. There were other things going on then, too. Not just the job. You went back to drinking and the meds, and it all mixed together and it was a complete and utter shit show. But this time…”

“It’s a stupid fucking idea and you know it and I can’t believe you’d even bring it up. Like what the fuck, Esme?”

“So what do we do? Because I am all out of ideas, Tyler. I don’t know what more I can do to help you deal with whatever you’re dealing with. I get you miss it. I do. And I knew it would be hard for you  to walk away; it was a huge change in your life. But there’s many things going on and you’re keeping them inside and I don’t know how to get through to you.”

“So you just want to give up? Just say ‘fuck it, go back to the job and get yourself killed’? Because that’s what it sounds like. That you’re giving up. On me. On us.”

“I am not giving up,” she argues. “If the job is the one thing that can actually keep everything together…”

“Esme…” he sighs heavily, then closes his eyes briefly, hand splayed across his forehead; thumb rubbing at one temple, fingers working at the other. “...it’s what nearly destroyed us before. What makes you think this time would be any different?”

“Because this time I’m telling you I’m okay with it. If you feel it’s what you need to do, I’m fine with it. I’m giving you my permission. It’s not like you’re just going ahead and making the decision on your own like last time.”

“No. You’re making the decision for me. You’re deciding it’s the only way to fix things and I’m telling you it’s not the answer.”

“So what is?”

“I don’t fucking know,” he snaps, voice louder and much harsher than he’d intended it to be. And he sits up turning his body to face the water, their shoulders pressed together. “The job is not the answer,” he insists. “I don’t know what is, but it’s not that. I won’t survive if I go back. I already know that. Not with everything else that’s going on.”

An eyebrow lifts. “Everything else? What…?”

“There’s something I need to tell you. And I should have told you soon as it started. But we just had Addie and you were going through your own shit and I didn’t want to add to it and make things worse for you.”

“Oh God,” she grumbles. “How bad is it?”

“It’s pretty bad.”

“Are you having an affair?”

“What?” He gives an incredulous laugh. “No. Fuck no. That is the last thing I’d ever do. I’m not a cheater. You know that.”

“So it’s worse than that?”

“Yeah...I guess...in its own way.”

“Tyler, what have you done?”

“It’s pretty fucked up and you’re going to be pissed or disgusted or both. I don’t know.”

“Tyler…”

“I started about a week ago. When Ovi brought all this job shit up. I didn’t think much of it at first. Because I’ve had weak moments before. You know that. That there’s times I’ve felt like I was slipping.”

“With alcohol.”

He nods. “That day we went out for lunch. That place he picked was a sports bar.”

“Please tell me you didn’t…”

“Drink? No. I didn’t. But I could smell it. I could even taste it. So I just got away from it the best I could and I never thought about it again the entire time I was there.”

“Okay, so you had a weak moment. That’s not unusual. Even the doctor said…”

“I thought that’s all it was. I’ve had them before. Where I thought I wanted to drink; something to just take the edge off. But then it started getting worse and worse and started thinking about it all the time. Especially when the nightmares started. And suddenly I couldn’t control it. The need for it. Especially after last night.”

“Tyler…” she inhales deeply and exhales slowly, attempting to keep her composure.  “...what did you do?”

“Nothing. I wanted to, but I didn’t. But I was so close, Esme. I was so fucking close. To actually leaving the house and finding a way to get it. And not just the booze. The meds too. The Oxy. I was so fucking close,” his voice falters; a mixture of shame and defeat. It’s the first time he’s actually let the addiction beat him. For months he’s been battling it. Confidently. And although there’d been times he felt as if he were slipping, he’d always been able to shake it. Now he feels as if he’s drowning; addiction pulling him down and refusing to let him go unless he surrenders.  

And that’s the last thing he wants.

“Even the Oxy?”

He can hear it in her voice; the emotion that weighs down every word. And he closes his eyes in a vain attempt to hold back the flood of tears that threaten to escape. “Yeah…” he admits. “...even those.”

“Why? Why all of a sudden? Why…?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never thought of them before. It’s always been just the booze. And then nightmares about Austin and Millie started and then last night about my mum and my dad when I was just a kid and the pain…” he shakes his head. “...I’m in so much fucking pain. All the time. And I don’t know if it’s physical or mental or what the fuck it is. I just know I need something...anything...to just take it away.”

She places Addie in the middle of the blanket and moves closer to him; on her knees as she wraps an arm around his shoulders and then places her free hand on the side of his head, drawing it down towards her.

“Don’t..” he objects. “...people are fucking staring.”

“So? Fucking let them. Who cares?” Her fingers are in his hair; tips massaging his scalp. And he circles her waist with both arms and rests his forehead against her shoulder. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I wanted to. I just couldn’t. Not when you’ve already got so much else going on. Not when you’ve got your own issues and your own shit to deal with. I didn’t want to make things worse.”

“It would have made it worse...so much worse...had you gone ahead and started back up again. That would have been the worst possible thing that could have happened. You should have told me.”

“I thought I could just deal with it on my own. I’ve done it before.”

“But you shouldn’t have to deal with it alone. And you don’t have to. Jesus Christ, Tyler. You have to stop doing this.  Keeping everything inside of you. This doesn’t just affect you. You’re an addict. You’ll always be an addict. You’re always going to have to fight. You can’t just go back on that shit and then come off it and over and over again.  It doesn’t work like that.”

“I know. I know it doesn’t.”

“You need to tell someone. The therapist. The doctor. Someone.”

“I’m telling you.”

“Someone can actually help you. I can only do so much. I can help you and talk you down and get you away from it, but eventually that’s not going to work anymore. You need help. Professional help.”  

“So they can send me back to rehab? Weeks away from my family?”

“You haven’t actually relapsed. They wouldn’t send you there unless you did. But they can stop you from needing to go back. That’s what you want, right? You don’t actually want to be that way again, do you?”

“Of course I don’t. But that’s all I know. That’s how I coped. The meds and the booze. I don’t know anything else.”

“And that’s what they’ll help you with. Finding ways to cope. You’re not the first person that’s come to them with this, trust me.”

“I feel like a huge fucking failure. Like I’m just one big fuck up after another.”

“First of all, you’re not a failure. People relapse. It happens. You’re not the first and you won’t be the last. And second, you’re not a fuck up. You’re strong and you’re brave and…”

“Stop...just stop...stop saying that shit…”

You’re strong and you’re brave,” she adamantly continues. “And you’ve been through so much in the past seven years alone. Things that would have easily killed a weaker person. You’ve been through hell and back and you still don’t give up. So you stop. You stop shit talking yourself all the time. You are not a failure and you’re not weak and you’re definitely not a quitter.”

“I swear to God if you tell me not to let anyone dull my sparkle…”

She laughs at that. “Well, your beard does still have glitter in it.  I meant to tell you earlier and I never got around to it and you’ve been walking around looking a little sparkly today.”

“What the fuck…” he pulls away, running a palm over his beard and then frowning at the glitter that sparkles against his skin. “...are you fucking kidding me?”

“I told you that shit gets everywhere. And it takes forever to get it out. I mean, it’s not a bad color on you at least.”

“I’m going to have to shave the whole thing off.”

“Like hell you are. It will come out. Eventually.”

He frowns. “How long is eventually?”

“Two or three…”

“Days?”

“Weeks? Months? I don’t know.”

“Jesus Christ..”

“It’s not that bad,” Esme assures him. “Honest. It’s only a little bit here and there. And someone will only notice it if they get really close to your face. Or when the sun hits it just right.”

“It’s coming off,” he decides. “As soon as we get home.”

“Does it help if I tell you it looks cute?”

“That makes it fucking worse!”

“Don’t shave your beard off. Not all the way. Trim it if you have to. But don’t get rid of it entirely. I’ll cry. Ugly cry. And you don’t when I ugly cry, so…”

“I hate when you ugly cry.”

“Exactly. And I’ll ugly cry times ten if you shave your beard right off. And I’ll ever have sex with you again. Ever. You’ll have tons of calluses on your palms in one month alone.”

“I already have calluses,” he reminds her.

“You’ll have more. A lot more. Tons. Because I will cut you off and I will not give in and I know you won’t go and get it somewhere else so...yeah...callouses.”

“First you were upset about the hair. Now it’s the beard.”

“I caved in with the hair. And I still miss that hair. But I’m not giving in when it comes to this. I don’t care if you trim it. Just don’t get rid of it. It’s how I know you. How I’ve always known you. It’s like a security blanket for me. So don’t…” she pecks his lips. “...please?”

“You are so fucking lucky I love you.”

“I am,” she agrees. “And we’re going to get through this. Everything that you’re going through. We’ve gotten through a lot worse. IF we can survive that first year after Dhaka, I’m pretty sure we get through anything.”

“I still have to do this shit for Ovi. And if he fucks up…”

“Anything,” she insists, and kisses him again. Longer this time; holding his face in her hands. “You’re not in this alone, Thyler. You need to remember that.”

“I know.”

“And Millie’s on her way over here…”  she removes the sunglasses from her face and slips them over his eyes, preventing their daughter from seeing him close to tears.

She knows daddy cries; that a lot of daddies cry. And that it doesn’t make them weak or ‘girly’. But she’s fiercely protective of him and when he shows emotion, she can’t hold back her own water works.

“You are soaked, little miss.” Esme frowns. “I hope daddy remembered to pack that change of clothes I asked him to put in the car before we left.”

“I’ve got my shit together,” Tyler confirms. “Do you have to…” he begins, then groans when Millie not only tackles him onto his back, but plops down heavily on his lower stomach. “...jump on me.”

“Now daddy’s all wet,” Esme sighs. “And I know he doesn’t have a change of clothes.”

“It’s not that,” he speaks through gritted teeth. “Do you know where she just landed? And how hard she landed on it?”

“I think your voice just went up five  octaves,” his wife teases. “Are you okay?”

“No. No I’m not. Remember that frozen bag of peas?  I think I’m going to need another one when we get home.”

“Listen buddy, I’ve pushed five kids out my you know where, I don’t want to hear it.”

“I’m suddenly feeling really bad about kicking Saju in the nuts in Dhaka. Millie, you know how you said you didn’t want another brother?”

“Yep,” she responds.

“I’m pretty certain you just made sure that’s not even remotely possible anymore.”

“Mommy will have to kiss it better later,” Esme says, tousling his hair and then tending to buckling Addie into her carrier.

“You’re damn right you will. It’s your daughter that did this.”

“Oh so now she’s just my daughter. That’s not how it works. We went fifty-fifty on her. You put in ten minutes of work, I put in nine months.”

“Ten minutes my ass. It’s never been only ten minutes. Especially during those five days.”

“Are you going to be okay? Do I need to call an ambulance?”

Tyler flips her the middle finger. “You should give it mouth to mouth.”

“You’re a pig.”

“You’re the one who offered to kiss it better. Millie…” he grabs her by the hips and moves her off of him. “...you used to be my favorite. Why you do me like this?”

“Ice cream would make you feel better,” she concludes.

“What am I going to do? Put it down my pants?”

“Stop it,” Esme scolds. “Little ears! And you, Amelia, are right. Ice cream would make daddy feel better. And so would buying ice cream. For us.”

“Millie’s walking home, just so you know,” Tyler grumbles, as he struggles to his feet; hobbled more by the pain in his knee than the damage his daughter had inflicted.

“No I’m not!” she argues, and then shrieks when he grabs her by the hips and holds her over his head, settling her on his shoulder. “I’m not walking.”

“You can jog beside the truck. I’ll drive slow.”

“I don’t think so daddy,” she wraps her legs around his neck and rests her chin on top of his head. “Mommy would never let you make me jog.”

“Mommy can jog with you.”

“Like hell she can,” Esme scoffs. “Only time I’m running or jogging is if zombies are chasing me.”

“Zombies aren’t real,” Millie informs her.

“I don’t know,” Tyler says. “Have you ever seen your mother at five thirty in the morning? Ow! Shit!” He grimaces when his wife grabs a hold of the top of his left hip and pinches as hard as she can. “That actually hurt.”

“I could take you,” she informs him.

“Yeah? Let’s go right now. Me and you. One on one,” he playfully challenges, and grabbing a hold of her ponytail, gives it a firm tug.

“You shit!” she retorts, and retaliates by kicking him in the ass.

“You’re so lucky you didn’t go for the front like the savage I know you are,” Tyler grins, then snags her by the wrist and pulls her tight into his side. Hand settling on her hip, lips finding her temple. And her own hand briefly rests on the small of his back, then slips its way into the pocket of his jeans.

For that moment, everything seems right in the world. And he feels optimistic. About fighting his demons.

About the future.

[pinnedandneedled]

I’m Sick of My Face and Yours Most Definitely Isn’t Helping- Part One

This is my first story, and part one of my submission for @sebbbystaaan ‘​s 500 follower challenge.

Bucky x Reader 

Warnings: Swearing. Warnings change for each part. Except for swearing. Swearing will always be there.

My prompt was, “It’s the first time I’ve seen you look ugly. And that makes me happy.” from Bridesmaids. It will be in bold when I use it.

“Tony,” Steve starts uncomfortably.

“This is a terrible idea.” He says, looking at the stubborn man.

“Yup. But it’s our only option. Good luck telling him.”

He pats Steve on the shoulder and all but runs from the room. Steve groans, rubbing his forehead. This was not going to go over well.

“Bucky, we need to talk.”

“Holy shit, are you pregnant?”

A look of alarm overtakes Bucky’s features. He’s not ready to be-

“S- wait, what?! No! What gave you that crazy idea?”

“Well,” Bucky starts, a newfound calmness and studious look on his face, “in fanfiction that’s what female readers generally start with when telling their love interest that they’re pregnant.”

Steve blanches, his original objective forgotten and replaced with concern for his friend’s interests and mental state.

“Okay, we’ll address how you know that later. But before we continue- I’m a man! There’s no way I could be pregnant!”

“You never know, Stevie. Who knows what your serum did to you.”

As if having an epiphany, Bucky begins looking around wildly. 

“This is starting to sound like a Stucky fic- it’s not, I promise you!”

Steve’s concern intensifies.

“What the hell are you talking about, Buck, and to who? Also, what the hell is Stucky and what does it have to do with this situation?”

Bucky turns to look at his blond friend, a gentle smile on his face.

“Oh, Stevie. You innocent child.”

After that... interesting exchange, Steve goes into “Captain Mode,” as it is often called. Bucky takes note of this immediately and straightens up.

“Now, the reason I called you in here is because Tony found someone who he believes is tied to HYDRA.”

After that word leaves Steve’s mouth a grimace forms on Bucky’s face. HYDRA has always elicited this reaction from the brunet, and Steve knew he was about to make things even worse- albeit in a different way.

“The man’s name is Liam Smith. He’s a director and producer for no popular films. Now, upon hearing his name you’d think, ‘wow, that guy has the most common first name for a male and most common last name in America. He must be a boring character.’ And you’d be right. His file is squeaky clean. Too clean.”

“What got him on Tony’s radar in the first place is his obsession with your look-alike, Sebastian Stan. He’s an actor. You two look and sound exactly the same- if you were to cut your hair, or he grew out his, no one would be able to tell the difference- save the metal arm, of course. Now, normally this would be okay, but Smith has notably talked positively about HYDRA to various media outlets. This could be nothing, but we should treat it as something.”

Bucky understood where the captain was coming from. They can’t take chance with HYDRA. Now all that mattered was figuring out what Steve wants him to do. Upon voicing this question, Steve paled noticeably. 

“Well, Stan is going to be in a new movie he’s filming.”

No.

“So we figured, seeing as you two look alike..”

NO.

“You can take his place and get information that way.”

N-

“You don't have a choice. I’m sorry, Buck, but you really don’t. We can’t chances, and this is the best way to way to get information, and take him down if he is HYDRA.”

Steve gives Bucky his best sympathetic smile, and this sends shivers down Bucky’s spine. There’s more.

“Alright, what’s this movie about?”

“Looks like we’re partners, Barney.”

(Y/n) wears a smirk as she strolls up to the brooding brunet. Bucky glances down, eyeing her with a glower on his face.

“Don’t call me that. And Steve didn't mention anything about partners.”

(Y/n)’s smirk grows.

“I know, Boinky. I decided it for myself. I can’t let you do this alone. If I did, I wouldn’t be able to see it firsthand and laugh at you.”

Bucky lets out a low growl. She’s enjoying this way too much.

“I fucking hate you, you know that? ‘cause I do.”

(Y/n) rolls her eyes, letting out a sigh at his dramatics.

“If you hate me, then why are we dating?”

“That’s a very good ques- ow! Why the hell did you hit me?!”

Shaking her hand after punching her boyfriend in the gut, (Y/n) plainly states, “Because you swore at me. Well, technically not at me, but in reference to me.”

“It’s not my fault I swear this much,” Bucky frowns, “I get it from being around you and your potty mouth.”

(Y/n)’s face twists up at this.

“Did you really just say potty mouth?”

Shaking her head, she puts her hands on her hips and continues.

“Besides, I haven’t swore once. The readers can confirm this.”

Bucky froze stock-still at her words, shuffling nervously.

“...the what?”

Another smirk forms on (Y/n)’s lips.

“You’re too much of a bucket head to understand the intricacies of the multiverse.”

As the last word rolls off her tongue, Bucky stiffens even more.

“..yeah.. I have so many questions..” 

There is a slight tremor in his voice as he says this, making (Y/n)’s (e/c) orbs narrow in suspicion.

“Further proving my point. Anyway, do you remember your role?”

“My role in the mission or my role in the movie? Because I don’t remember shit about “my” character, but I do remember my role in the mission.”

A small sigh leaves (Y/n)’s lips, before curling back into her familiar smirk.

“Well, fun fact- we need to do something about your little look-alike.”

“Wait, why?”

“’Cause we can’t have you both showing up at rehearsals, and we need to get his script. Stark couldn’t get a copy.”

Bucky whips around to look at (Y/n), looking at her like she’d been injected with the G-Virus and grew an eye on her arm.

“Do you know how tightly kept those scripts are?! How do you expect us to get it?”

(Y/n) looks at him with a deadpan stare, her eyes screaming how stupid he is for not figuring it out.

“Were going to find Sebastian, follow him, break into his hotel room, knock him out and then drag his unconscious body into the woods nearby.”

“And leave him there?!”

“No, you dumbass. There should be a safe house there.. should.”

(Y/n) whispered the last part quietly so Bucky wouldn’t hear it. He didn’t.

Bucky nods to himself at her words.

“..so, what are we actually going to do?”

“Exactly what I said.”

“You’re kidding,” Bucky eyes (Y/n), taking note of her stoic expression, “you’re not kidding.”

Turning away from the (h/t), he clenches his fist and looks at the ground in defeat.

“I’m in love with a psychopath.”

Ignoring her boyfriend and his existential crisis, (Y/n) asks FRIDAY for Sebastian’s location.

“Mr. Stan is currently at the Starbucks on [REDACTED] street.”

Nodding to herself, (Y/n) takes on her most common facial expression.

“He has taste. Good. Let’s get moving, babe.”

Resigning to his fate, Bucky nods and begins following behind (Y/n).

“Alright..”

[seb-owns-these-tatas]

“Winter’s Gem” (Sneakpeak) (Bucky Barnes AU SERIES)

Summary: Bucky Barnes has been scouted by your boss in Felicity Night, you were just a mere young, cleaner in Felicity night and have been living in the basement of the club for all your life. He's the most wanted Gigolo in the city, and taking him away from eager, thirsty women seemed to be impossible especially if he chose to be a Gigolo as his way of living.

Warning: There are NSFW parts in this AU, Kinda angsty, Parent to child type of physical abuse, 10-15 years of age gap but not entirely the type of age gaps that can be considered creepy, kinda slow burn. As of the moment, this chapter has curse words and mentions of sex.

Words: 2,681

A/N: This plot wasn't really exactly for Bucky to be honest. This has been in my drafts in Wattpad and I decided to just make it a Bucky Barnes AU instead. Let me know what y'all think, Tater tots! THIS IS A SERIES.

Disclaimer: PNG's used in edits aren't mine. Only the edits and the entire AU of course. 😊

Dedicated to: @anxiousamandapanda​ - Yo, buddy! I dedicate this to ya’ because you have been my first friend in here! Love ya! 

It was evening where the sun finally sets whereas criminality most likely happens every time it reaches dawn. In a positive addition to that was the beautiful time of the day where sexy, ripped men began swaying their glorious and perfectly built topless, sweaty and greasy bodies accompanied with the slow music echoing around the area that comes with their performance.

Groups of aging women were sitting at a wooden round table, eyeing different gorgeous races of strippers like they were their preys while throwing a bunch of cash on stage. They were having at least some fun before their adulterated single-nights end. Their spouses were probably sleeping like a dead man at home or maybe even doing the same thing behind their backs.

The scene where older, depressed, needy, hungry ladies..and even men who were women at heart were pinning their dollars down on a man's underwear. It looked excruciating to some person who isn't used to seeing that. Hungry women were even using their paper bills as a towel, wiping their bills off the stripper's rock hard muscles before slipping it in the waistbands of their underwear. You've been immune to cringing, Not because the stripper named Drax was teasing the ladies that he was about to take his black underwear off, accompanied with his gray waterproof body paint sticking on his skin. The scene in front of you was normal in your daily life and you were totally used to it. You were used to Drax's set anyways.

The sexy bald headed Drax appeared to be enticing a 40 year old dark haired woman who slipped stacks of bills on his waistband. He gave her a slow body wave, taking her hand as he gave her the permission to touch, directing her hand on his very prominent pectorals before gradually sliding them down.

Woman with a dark hair couldn't control the felicity she felt, her facial features telling her group of friends how she was lucky enough to get a touch of his sweaty torso...Once her hand was close to his lower abdomen, Drax still holding on to his indescribable, cold features..He quickly backed away from the woman and continued stripping his way towards the pole.

Every woman squealed when Drax took his underwear off. You thought it would only be a tease, turns out he went all the way tonight.

You sighed, ignoring the women disrespectfully walking from where you were just mopping, you continued cleaning the tiled floor. Dipped your mop in the dirty yellow bucket of floating germs. Everybody's footwear were squeaking as they passed by your wet floor that hasn't been dried up yet. These women don't bother reading the warning sign that was blocking their way and you tutted to yourself before you continued to work.

"Oi! You dirty scum! Mop this barf, Will ya'?!" A middle aged woman wearing a displeasing floral and sparkly dress pointed at the splattered barf that was disgustingly laying in front of her foot. She hollered, rudely demanding you to clean the mess that her friend did. The woman even whistled for you to come over like you were a dog that she owned.

You hid a scorn beneath the scowl of your lips. Deliberately walking towards her and rigidly mopping the vomit off the floor. Some barf residues accidentally flew towards her expensive and newly designed looking sandals. 'Oh no.' Before you could even apologize to the woman, her veiny and calloused hand struck your face with a hard, rough slap.

The slap was quite similar to your mother's hand, even though it wasn't actually your mother's.

Your left ribs stung painfully as it suddenly hit an empty table from the strong impact, but you were used to this. You should be. You were used to all the violence that every human can take and give.

"You idiot! You had only one job but what the hell happened?! My Chanel shoes is now ruined! You stupid bitch! You're a worthless cunt!"

You stood up like nothing happened, ignoring the stingy slap that was now lingering your right cheek. You still sent her an apology, but you didn't bother cleaning her shoes. She could get that cleaned up on her own or if she's really a Germophobe then she could just buy another new one.

Rich, arrogant people could have every thing in the world in just a snap of their fingers. You weren't an idiot who would beg on your knees just for her to forgive you. She wasn't worth an apology, a wholehearted apology. It was just an accident, and by the looks of her face? She was far more intoxicated from swaying around like a drunkard and you didn't want to earn another hit even though you were used to the pain of being beaten.

You were quick to carry the pail of dirty water and your mop before going to the bathroom with a stingy red hand print on your face. You didn't mind it at all as you passed by a mirror, completely blocking out those continuous moaning from one of the women's cubicle. Play it cool, Y/N. Play it cool.

The thought of calling Bucky was distracting your mind while you were pouring the pail of gross vomit and dirt in one of the sinks. If you call him, Will he stop whatever he's doing for you? Or who ever he's doing? He told you to call him whenever you needed him or whenever you're lonely, depressed or hurt. You're physically hurt right now. Does it count?

You both only have each other. There's a reason why you were being dependent towards him. Your mother didn't have an ounce of care towards you plus your father was probably dead anyways. You found the warmth that you wanted and needed from him. Only him, only from Bucky.

You brought the mop back to its proper place, at the farthest end of the bathroom before dialing your speed call. He told you to do it, so you could call him urgently when you're in danger and you quickly did since you always do listen to what he says.

"Oh my God!" You heard a voice of a woman who was moaning in pleasure. Your face contorted in discomfort, resulting to a cringe that probably looked hilarious on another person's point of view. The moans you've heard that was coming from that certain woman in one of the cubicles finally came to halt, was she pleasuring herself? you couldn't hear any moans besides hers.

You were planning on barging in and singing 'Gorilla' on her face since she was being too noisy for her own good. Oh, The man that she's with got himself an old screamer, if there was even a man with her, you were lost in your train of thoughts.

She was loudly pounding the locked up door while she was being fucked, and you were fighting off a loud laugh as to how this woman was reacting to sex. It was like she had the greatest 'fondue' for her entire life..or it's maybe because the sex was too good for her to handle?

You quietly chuckled it off, shaking your head in disbelief as you brought your phone to your ear, the phone rang and you were eager and excited to hear his voice. You're tapping your finger on the marbled sink, your reflection distracting you from your reverie. Your lips turned into a frown, loud insults of yourself kept on barging inside of your head. All you can see was a flawed, hideous ugly woman dressed in plain blue jeans with a plain black shirt that wasn't fitted for you. Obviously, It wasn't your size and the shirt was definitely not yours because it was from Bucky.

Those scars that were evident on your face were the proofs from your tough battles. Those are the memories from your horrible past that you overcame, and you were proud to have it since Bucky told you that it simply shows how strong of a woman you are in life. Every scar was a downfall. But, Those downfalls were brought to the top by him. Only him. To make it short, he was simply the strength to your weaknesses.

It rang for the fifth time and you were cringing at the thought that maybe he's 'busy' with his latest customer. You were about to end the call, until the man that you were dying to hear from finally answered.

"You okay, Doll?" He rasped quietly, voice laced with worry and care.

Bucky was always quick to ask that question every time he answers the phone. Your heart flattered as you could hear how worried he is, and you couldn't help but truthfully answer him back with a smile on your face.

"No. I miss you..Can you be with me right now?"

"Of course. I'll be there in a jiffy, Doll. Just give me a second,"

A grin formed on your face and it couldn't help but make your heart flutter in the most extreme. Your index finger traveled up the mirror as you touched it, noting how dirty it already was. You reminded yourself that you needed to clean the bathroom when the club closes.

You smiled alone, daydreaming about Bucky..Whenever you needed someone, he has always been there to save you. Always.

"Do you even know where I am, Bucky?"

"That's why I was asking you, Y/N. Tell me where you are and I'll be there quick--you're going? That fast? That was just a quickie!"

You heard the love of your life spoke as a woman's voice piped in from the other line of the call before it ended in a echo, you couldn't help but feel the familiar pain inside your heart as you knew that you were sharing him with other married, divorced, horny, and needy women that were obviously older and richer than you.

Your mind does always question your heart if you could still handle the pain? Can you? Are you strong enough to handle the pain when you're still fragile enough to break in just one touch?

He's your everything. He's the reason you stay alive.

You're wholly his, His heart is yours. But, his body..his body wasn't only for yourself.

Mind, Heart, Body and Soul. Those four constituents were partners in crime with love. You have his mind and heart, yet his body isn't yours. You share it with other hungry hunters that ought to have a taste. Now, you understood how lions and tigers were fast in hunting their preys since it would be unsatisfying if their prey was to be snatched by another.

And his soul? His soul was signed by the devil.

But, you didn't care. You always tell yourself that you didn't care. Bucky was still yours to love.

You heard the creak of a cubicle door as your eyes lit up from staring at the sink. Seeing a woman in her 40's came out with a disheveled hair, an obvious tight Botox that outdid her face and a tight, red dress that was up to her thighs as it was hung a little. The woman didn't look like she was in her 40's. She looked ten years younger. You were too good at realizing her age in just one look of her tight pretty, rich face.

She was grinning and smiling, looking like she was in her own precious little bubble. The smile was showing how she loved every bit of what happened and you couldn't help but shake your head in disappointment. You remembered that this woman had a husband since you saw her in a mall the other day, walking arm in arm together with her bald, big belly of a husband that looked rich as hell.

Her smile faded into a frown as a sudden realization hit her.

"I payed for you! For a night! The whole night! Not just for a quick fuck in the bathroom!"

"Well, Ma'am.. Your payment is not enough to have my whole night. You know I cost higher than any other gigolos out here! Why don't you just come back some other time,"

The woman's eyes sparkled in joy and you finally turned your back to see her face to face. You were a noticeable eavesdropper at the moment. Your eyebrows were furrowed, you knew that voice. The man she was having some intense and intimate moment had his broad, ripped back at you. You had a feeling it was Steve or Sam But, deep inside..you knew you're trying to act oblivious and stupid as a painful sight before you was beginning to unfold.

"Will you be here tomorrow?"

"No. Find another available fucker. I don't spend the night on another woman's bed.." He shook his head in disdain, appearing to fumble with the zipper of his slacks. "Not anymore,"

"But, I only want you!"

"I don't care who you want, need, or anything your lust says, Mrs. Williams. I'm not available, nor will you have the chance to have me again. Do I make myself clear?" The man in a black crisp suit snapped and surly sneered. He spun around, deciding to leave the aging, absent-minded woman alone. But he stopped and stared. The dazzling blue eyes that you've manage to love waking up to every morning lost its hostility, quickly changing to a loving but stupefied look.

"Sugar?"

You were lying to yourself. You knew it wasn't Steve nor Sam or any other gigolo. That man's voice only belonged to the man you gave your heart, mind, body and soul.

It was your Bucky.

The man who owns you. But, sold his body to women who wanted him.

You wanted to be selfish, but you can't. You couldn't. It was his way of living and you have no choice but to accept that.

You didn't even know if you could still handle the love of your life in being the most requested Gigolo in this club that both you and your mother works in. You were no sugar mama, so you couldn't help him pay what he needed and wanted in life. You were only a mere janitor living in the basements of the club you were in.

What you've tasted, these hungry pussies have already tasted it too. What you touch, hug, kiss and adore..

Well, you bet they already did everything with him too.

Nevertheless, you weren't one who won't be putting up a fight to let them know who he rightfully belongs to because you would and you will.

He was yours and yours alone. You already had that scribbled upon your grave.

This is just a sneakpeak or like an introduction to the series. IF YA WANNA BE INCLUDED IN THE TAGLIST, SEND ME AN ASK. Or just turn on the notification button for my blog so y’all will see every update I post. This can be quite a rollercoaster ride, alright? Hehehe!

XOXO, TATA

[thedyingmoon]

💚 See Me Now 💚

***

XXV. Truth

***

For three days, Levi was still watching over the unconscious form of the girl who saved him.

Sometimes, he would go out of the room either to get something to eat and drink or to train. His body, since his second awakening, went back to its original state. And by that, it meant that his reflexes and senses went back to being sharper. His eating habits went back to normal, and his healing ability became fast once more. All of the wounds he suffered during his tribulation healed, not instantly, though, but quick enough. The bruises that were evident all over his body a few days ago almost miraculously vanished, like the torture never happened, at all.

And yet, despite all that, (F/N)'s state remained the same.

Unmoving, battered,...

Almost lifeless.

For three days, some of (F/N)'s friends visited her. Nifa provided fresh, white roses for the little white vase that Mikasa placed on the bed - side table. Eren would sometimes touch her cheeks, arms and forehead, wanting so much to pass on some of his boundless energy to her limp frame to give her vivacity. Armin would read her some of his favorite books in hopes that she'll wake up and respond to his soothing voice. Mike and Nanaba also visited her, looking exactly like some parents who were very upset on the pitiful condition of a daughter. Hange talked to her, a lot. She spoke (F/N)'s name lots of times while holding her hand, hoping that the girl would flutter her eyelids open and tell her that she's fine. Erwin never visited (F/N), at all.

And while all of these occurred, Levi observed them quietly from the other side of the room. He couldn't help but be totally ashamed of his presence there whenever someone asked him what he was doing there, being the Captain who openly disliked her in the past. His eyes gradually became even more tired watching over (F/N) and making sure that her visitors were well - mannered. His conscience continuously scratched guilty pleas at him whenever someone cried in front of her.

Why? Levi thought to himself. Why is she lying there on that cold bed instead of me?

On the second day, the clueless nurses and the frightened doctor ( who was still traumatized after hearing Levi scream that night and begging him to bring her back ) removed the bandage on her head, revealing eight ugly stitches on one side of her forehead where he smashed his teacup three nights ago. They also noted the remnants of the once large bruise that was caused by a strong palm that connected to that delicate and young skin a month ago. He couldn't help but wince, seeing her facial features deformed like that.

And it was all because of him.

When he wasn't eating or training, he would drag the chair close to the bed. He would sit down and quietly observe her features. At one time, he had the courage to touch the side of her cheek where her large bruise once was. As he glided his calloused hand on the surface of her smooth skin, he couldn't help but remember the things that the people from the Scouting Legion said regarding the injury. Sometimes, the words were just silly, like clumsiness and stupidity. Sometimes, they were downright dead - on, correctly saying that violence and abuse were both involved.

But, they didn't really know who committed the abuse in the first place.

And if they did, what will they say?

If they find out the reason, what would they think of him?

Levi's eyes snapped rapidly away from her cheek because of that sudden realization that hit his stomach like bricks, making his sight land on her closed eyes.

Right then and there, he wondered: were those things that Hange said about her features true?

Does she really have those kind - looking (E/C) eyes that melts when she smiles?

I don't know, I never looked directly at her eyes.

Does she always have a radiant skin?

Right now, no. She looks so pale.

Does she really curl her lips when she's thinking?

The only time I saw her curl her lip was when I said awful things to her.

Does her (H/L), (H/S) (H/C) hair smell nice?

There is only one thing I smell on her hair, which is both blood and medicine.

Is she really beautiful?

I don't know. I never admitted it, because the only person I considered beautiful was Petra.

The hell with Petra. She may be beautiful, but her heart's as ugly as her broken personality.

Does she really have a kind heart?

Yes.

So beautiful.

Enough to save someone like me.

Enough to love someone like me.

And, I don't deserve her.

Is she weak?

No, she's not.

Is she timid?

Yes, in a way, because her feelings were suppressed because of me.

Is she very shy and lacking in self - confidence?

No, because I personally think that she was very confident and lively.

If things were different, will we get to know each other more? Will she smile when I tell her the things about me? Will she frown if I tell her the things about me? Will she like it if I ask her out? What will she think of Isabel and Farlan? Of Kenny or Kuchel? What will she say if I made her lunch or dinner? Will she laugh at me when she finds out that I can imitate the mannerisms of many of the Scouting Legion members?

Will she look at me the way I look at her now?

Will she take my eyes off me?

Will she love me and only me?

I do.

I can't take my eyes off her.

I couldn't get my heart off her.

These things played in Levi's mind that whole day.

On the next day, he was surprised when he opened the door to the infirmary.

Right there, standing beside her bed, was none other than Keith Shadis, himself. He was looking gloomily down at her.

He closed the door, careful not to disturb him.

However, as he heard the door closed, he looked away from her and glanced at him like he was expecting him there.

"Levi." Keith uttered.

"You came. What brings you here?" Levi whispered back at him.

"I have come to visit my best student. It seems that,... she has fulfilled her purpose for joining the Legion."

Levi's eyebrows slightly shut upwards. He went closer to him and looked at him, wanting him to verify what he just heard from him.

"What did you say?"

"From the looks of it, you don't know anything about her."

"No. Erwin never told me anything."

"Erwin, huh?"

Keith sat on a chair, looking at the unmoving form on the bed. He ran his hand on top of his head and sighed deeply.

"There's no use hiding it from you now. After all, I think (F/N) won't last very long. I might as well tell you, myself."

Levi remained silent, waiting for the man to finally reveal to him the reason why (F/N) joined the Legion.

"Weak, timid, and not aggressive enough. That was the official evaluation I gave her before she graduated. It was written in the documents I gave Erwin. That was just for formality's sake."

Keith took his eyes off (F/N) for a while and stared into Levi's dull, blue ones.

"She is, in fact, far from weak or timid. If I were to write her evaluation form right now, I'd say, She prioritized others over her own safety. Her skills on the 3dmg are not half bad, and could be improved with proper guidance. Her stamina and endurance outlast those around her, which would be perfect for long campaigns and expeditions outside the walls. She had a sharp mind, and could possibly bring down several Titans should she focus on the task. She had far greater insight, judgment, and mental skills compared to others who only use them to get to the Military Police as a requirement. With proper guidance of a worthy mentor, she could be qualified as the next Commander of the Scouting Legion."

Levi's eyes were wide open in disbelief. "Commander? Of the Scouting Legion?" he stuttered.

"You heard it." Keith's eyes went back to (F/N). "Erwin is planning on retiring. He is planning to pass it onto you, Hange or Mike, but, should things go differently to what he initially predicted, the unfortunate position would go directly to (F/N). No questions asked. The documents are already signed."

"You're lying,..."

For a while, Levi was speechless.

But, then again, why would Shadis lie about something like this?

"Yes. It is the truth."

"She was bullied when she was still a Trainee, right? How could she prioritize those people over her own safety?"

"That's just how she was. She saves them first. She thinks of others' well - being before her. That trait of hers matched the qualities needed to be a Commander."

Levi almost whined. Almost. Shadis was right. (F/N) puts others' safety before hers.

"You said, with proper guidance of a worthy mentor. What exactly do you mean by that?"

"I meant, not you."

"Pardon?"

"You heard me." Keith looked at Levi once more. "You are not worthy to be her mentor. I was thinking of Mike or Nanaba. They would easily find out her greatest attributes without me telling them firsthand. You, on the other hand, thought only about yourself or those who are only important or useful to you."

"I'm sorry? Why do you judge me like that? I'am nothing like what you said!"

"Is that so? You only believed that because you wanted to, when in fact, you don't give a damn on anyone who is not beneficial to you or any of your causes. You even threaten any person to get what you want or to just have your point clear and taken seriously. I dare you to tell me that I'm wrong, Soldier."

Levi couldn't say anything. Shadis read him like he was an open book, verbatim. He knew him all too well.

"The first time I met you, Levi, I saw arrogance. Although the things that you went through as both Soldier and leader of the Scouting Legion changed a bit of your personality, the things about you that led those two poor souls to their demise are still present in you, am I correct?"

"What poor souls?"

"You know exactly who I meant."

Isabel and Farlan,...

It was his fault that they died six years ago.

On that particularly rainy day.

"I see you understand what I meant. I decided you are not worthy to be (F/N)'s mentor. You would only see the things that are negative in her, like those bullies and cowards who enlisted in the Garrison Regiment. Because of your preoccupation with other things, you would never see the good in her. Even your personal feelings would prevent you from realizing her true purpose for joining the Legion. Those things would not be very beneficial to her improvement and would, instead, drag her down and destroy her. But, damn happens. Erwin chose you over her. And we, instead, sacrificed her to get you back as the people's savior. I couldn't do anything about it."

"I'm not their savior!"

"But, they think you are."

"You said something about her purpose for joining the Legion. Wasn't it because she wanted to be the next Commander?"

"No. We never told her anything about that. She wasn't even the one who signed her promotion documents. That was just me, Erwin Smith and Darius Zackly."

"What is her reason, then?"

"Levi, I bet you already know that she has feelings for you. Other than that, she wanted to repay you for saving her all those years ago. And finally, she wanted to be with her sister once more."

"Petra's not her sister. She betrayed her. She was the cause of all her sufferings when she was still a Trainee."

"It's true. But, we'll never know why Ms. Ral did it to her." Keith stood up and went towards the door. "We'll never get to see her as the next Commander. Erwin will have to wait longer for the next candidate. You will never see her again."

And with that, Shadis closed the door, leaving Levi behind.

Later that evening after curfew hours, Hange saw Levi sitting at the far corner of the mess hall, drinking liquor all by himself. The light of a single candle illuminated his tired form.

"Why didn't you invite me, Shorty?"

Levi just looked at her with a blank expression on his face instead of lashing back at her with an insult of his own.

"Hange." he simply said.

The bespectacled woman took this is an invitation and sat in front of him. She threw today's newspaper in front of Levi and took a bottle, opening it quickly and drinking from it like it was water.

Levi noticed the papers and took it. With glassy eyes he read the headlines regarding the annual migration and the latest bits on the cult.

"They finally granted us our long awaited expedition. And you and Erwin were, once again, the stars of that issue. Berg really loves your name. Isn't that great?"

Levi just shrugged. He examined the article and noticed some names that Berg revealed. They were the ones who infiltrated the Legion to spy on him and Erwin. He read the names.

Adam Bright, Lucian Featherweights, Nicolai Pendergast, Harrold Summers,...

Rodrick Pauls

For a space of a few seconds, he stared at the name. He was thinking very hard. Where did I hear that name before?

That's when it struck him.

Rodrick Pauls

"That's him."

"Sorry?" Hange choked a bit on her liquor and stared at Levi, surprised at what he just said.

Levi looked at her and gave her a very creepy smile, the one he rarely displayed in front of anyone. And it honestly unnerved her.

"He got close to Petra to spy on me. He was ordered to infiltrate the Legion to kill me. The Female Titan killed him on the 57th Expedition, so that perverted, old coot had to inject me with that serum as a last resort. Petra loved him so much that she failed to see through his true actions. What a stupid bitch!"

"What,... are you talking about, Levi?" Hange nervously asked him, as his facial expressions turned quickly from creepy to downright maniacal.

Then, something happened that made Hange consider hitting Levi with a metal bar on the head. He started laughing. So creepily, that she thought that she'd have nightmares.

"S-stupid, fucking,... bitch!" he stuttered through his uncontrolled laughter.

"Err, Levi, are you okay?" Hange asked him, while inching bit by bit away from him.

"Fine, fine. Good, as I'll ever be." Levi said, a creepy smile still evident on his face.

"Whatever you say." Hange said and suddenly remembered something. "Hey, Levi?"

"What is it, four - eyes?" he answered while opening another bottle and downing it like an expert.

"You said that (F/N) accidentally made you drink poison that day. Do you still remember that?"

"Hmm." Levi just hummed.

"Well, how could you be just fine? You might be dead by now!"

"Not really. Lately, I'm just feeling a bit constipated. Black tea helps. No worries."

"O-okay,..."

"You know what else I'm feeling right now?"

"What?"

Levi looked at her straight in the eye.

"I could no longer get drunk." he whispered to her, making the feeling of uneasiness go back to Hange's stressed senses. "That's a good thing. The last time I did, I gave (F/N) a hickey."

***

~ @levi4mikasa , @yepps , @clovemcpandas , @shewolfofficial , @unhappysap , @super-peace-fangirl , @fangurl-ontgeside , @shortbty14 , and @emilyackerman78 . 💚

***

💚💚💚

***

[pandabearisaunicorn]

You Are My Weakness (SPN fanfic)

You Are My Weakness Chapter 5 Swedish Creatures

Previously parts: Introduction Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4

Warnings: killing, mention of sexual content Words: 2186 ENJOY!

…Sam’s P.O.V…

 Dean thought it would be a great idea to bring both Louise and Castiel on this hunt trip, not knowing why exactly. I mean Castiel is just a pain in the ass. I laughed as I looked down in dad’s old journal in front of me. Still confused over what we exactly were looking for. There had been killings around Greenville, South Carolina but all of them was unfinished cases. It was weird, all of the victims were marked with a weird burn mark, almost shaped like a tree. That doesn’t really ring among normal killings, now does it? I have been searching everywhere for some similar killings on the internet, in books and in dad’s journal but nothing. There had been similar cases in Scandinavia, but why does that kind of creature kill here?

 “You’ve found anything yet?” Louise’s sweet voice said, so calm and happy. “Well there has been similar cases in Scandinavia, I’m not sure why it kills all over the way here” I said, still trying to wrap my head around it. “It sure sounds weird” Castiel said, his face confused as he tried to wrap his angel mind around it. “So those victims had the same marks?” Dean asked, his hand wrapped hard around the steering wheel. “Yeah, it’s weird. I really have no idea what we’re looking for” I said and looked out from the window.

I went quiet, Dean blasting his music through the speakers making Louise smile. It seems like they’ve worked things out which make all of us happy. I looked at her through the rear-view mirror at the side of the car, her beautiful smile wide as she looked at him. I just wanted her to look at me that way, but I guess she never will. But that’s what I want, more than anything. I was jealous of him, he could have her all to himself, yet he chose not to. I couldn’t understand why he just let her go like that. Everyone could see how they felt for each other, except them. It was ridiculous to me.

The trees flew by as Dean drove, I just wanted to get out of this car as fast as I could. I was tired of Castiel’s stupid comments, Dean’s singing and Louise’s giggles. I was tired and I felt alone. Even if the car was filled with people.

 Finally we were nearing the small town Greenville, we drove through it. Seeing all the families playing with their kids in their yards, all enjoying the sun and free time. Soon we were out on the countryside, following the tracks of the creature we were looking for. Dean stopped the car near a farm, the place looked like it was still running. One of the sides of the barn only half painted. We all stepped out of the car, walking up to the front door. It was open, I only now noticed the other car parked outside, it did not look like it belonged here. It was a nice shiny black pickup car, looking brand new. I got a weird feeling about this. Suddenly I heard a scream from the inside, the scream was filled with panic. A kind of scream that echoes through you, that make you feel the pain. I ran inside, Dean, Cas and Louise close behind. Inside there was a woman, probably around her 40’s dead on the floor, another woman around her late 20’s fighting something. Her fighting skills were ridiculously good, like she had done that a million times. I was extremely impressed. The creature she was fighting was one hell of an ugly thing. A fat small creature with almost green skin, and moss in his hair. It almost looked like a human yet not. I could barely describe it.

My thoughts were cut short when a gun went off, making the creature explode, all of us ducked down before the intestines blew on us. I looked up, the girl already looking at us weirdly. She sure as hell was beautiful, even with supernatural intestines all over her, she had covered her face just like us, so I could get a good look on her facial features. They were soft, her blue eyes looking confused at me.

 “Who are you?” She asked and I could tell she wasn’t completely American, her accent sound Scandinavian. “We’re hunters just like you” Louise said and stepped out from behind me. Louise’s action making the girl take a few steps closer. “Well then, I would be happy to hear your names. I’m Theresa” She said and waved, the tension in the room evident. “I’m Louise, this is Sam, Dean and Castiel” Louise said as she pointed at all of us. “Alright, I guess this was an awkward start now was it” I said and a small laugh escaped her mouth. “I do have style, haven’t I” She said cockily and sent a wink my way. “You want to grab a drink and tell us about this creature you’ve been hunting?” Louise said, a warm smile on her lips. “Why not, could be fun” Theresa said as she started to walk towards the door. “You coming?”

 …Dean’s P.O.V…

 We were seated in a bar along the road back home, Theresa telling her stories about the creature we all were hunting. A troll, a Scandinavian folklore that actually turned out to be real just way more murderous and evil. They could change shapes, just like a shapeshifter and could lure you in. It was a killer machine and it sure as hell was creepy. I looked over at Louise, her eyes pinned to Theresa who was telling a story of god knows what. I stopped listening after a while, only focusing on the beer and her. God, she was the only thing I could focus on right now. I looked over at her again, her smile big. You know when her eyes crinkle and sparks. I couldn’t help but to smile too. She looked over at me, her smile grew bigger as her cheeks turned crimson and her eyes feel to her lap. I took a sip of the beer in front of me and actually tried to focus on what Theresa said.

 “So you guys, what got you to start hunting?” Theresa said, her voice serious and Sam’s eyes were glued onto her. “Um, our mom was killed by the yellow eyed demon, one hell of a bitch” I said and she looked over at me. “By what now?” She asked and I looked at her in disbelief. “You don’t know who the yellow eyed demon is? And you call yourself a hunter” I said with a chuckle, feeling Louise’s eyes burn me. “Well enlighten me, I mean it’s my first time in America and that famous demon isn’t really famous in Sweden” She said, her voice sharp. “He was one of the most evil demons out there, he had evil plans for people who has psychic abilities, he wanted to build an army. We got to him first”  Sam said and I rolled my eyes. “Yeah only to let hell lose” Louise said with a smile, making me laugh along with her. Theresa started to warm up, maybe realising we weren’t too bad. “Wow, seems like all of you have had a tough life” She said laughing. “Who of you siblings is the oldest, You?” She asked and looked at Cas. I only let out a huge laugh, she looked at me confused. “No, no. Sam and Dean are brothers, Cas and I are just their friends tagging along” Louise said and I sure as hell didn’t like the friend part Louise was saying, she was mine. “Oh I’m sorry, you all just seem so close. I guess you all have been through much” She said and shook her head. “I’m happy they found me you know, I don’t know what I would do without these idiots” Louise said, a small laugh escaped her lips and her eyes glued on me. I felt a warm sensation run though my body. “So where did you find these idiots then?” She said, humour evident in her voice. “They saved me, they took care of me when my parents died. I mean it was nothing they could do to save them. But um, I’m happy it was them who took care of the demons that was possessing my parents bodies and explaining everything for me. I’m so thankful” Louise said, her eyes teary. I looked over at Theresa, also teary-eyed.

 ……

 And that’s how we met her, Theresa or as we now, after 2 weeks, call her Tess. None of us knew how much she would grow on us, how much she could teach us and wise versa. She was just like Louise, bad ass. Sam and her have been connecting weirdly quickly and she’s been hanging around the bunker, we asked her to work with us to figure out what these troll creatures really did all the way over in America. She wasn’t the one to open up on why she hated these creatures so much, yet telling much about her personal life. At least not to me, I guess she had a thing against me.

 Louise and I were seated in the library, her nose stuck in a book about mythical creatures. She looked adorable, with her blonde hair messy and her face bare from makeup. She looked so beautiful. I placed my book down before walking over to her, leaning against the table right next to her. She looked up at me, that sweet look on her face. She shook her head before continuing to read.

 “You know what would be more fun than reading?” I said and she looked up at me again, a bit of annoyance on her face. “No, what could be way more fun than reading” She said teasingly and looked back down in her book. “I can always show yah” I said as I walked up behind her, pushing her hair to the side and leaning down to reach her ear. “You know, I have an idea”

 I could hear her swallowing hard, seeing goosebumps rising on her skin. My lips touched her skin, her soft and flower smelled skin. It was intoxicating, she made me go crazy. She continued to read, signalling me she played hard to get. I gripped the chair and turning her around, pinning her between the chair and me. Her eyes looking up at me in chock, I smiled at her and I slowly leaned in close to her. Our lips almost touching.

 “Do you have an idea, baby?” I asked her as she almost trembled in my grip. “I might have a few” She said, her voice lower than usual and the sexual tension could be cut by a knife.

 We were quickly interrupted as Tess cleared her throat, I quickly pulled away and stood up straight. Her eyes scanning our every move and I could see her lips almost curling up in a smile. Soon Sam stood beside her, a huge pile of books in hand and that huge grin on his lips.

 “I’ve found more to read guys, we might get a lead now!” He exclaimed as he walked around the table to sit down opposite Louise. “Oh, I guess there will be more reading then” Louise said as she looked up at me before turning her chair around again. “I guess there is” I said as I sat down next to her, Tess taking a seat opposite me.

 I guess I will have to wait even more to be that close to Louise, it’s weird how we always get interrupted. If it isn’t  phone call, it’s Tess walking in or it’s Cas painfully tease us about it. All I want is to get alone with her and to be able to show her how much I love her, but I guess it will wait. Again. I huffed as I started to read in one of the books Sam had brought. Soon I could feel Louise’s foot touching me leg, making me turn my chair a little so she could rest them in my lap. A satisfied smile on her lips as she got comfortable. We sat there for hours, reading and teasing. Tess and Sam talking over what they had found, smiling, laughing and flirting. Like I wouldn’t notice, she liked my brother. Too bad he only had eyes for my girl. I glared at him for not realising that another perfect girl was sitting right next to him, basically drooling over him. It was almost humoristic. I was soon feeling done with all the reading, feeling my butt starting to get numb. I raised to my feet and started walking up to my room, not wanting to spend another five minutes in that room with them, well I was sure hoping Louise would take my hint and come up to me later. I just wanted her, I wanted her bad. Her.  

[twiddlebirdlet]

The blind item is ridiculous, but lmao at the comment mentioning his "ugly girlfriend, who looked like Anthony Wiener in a dress"!

More Anons:

“The only thing I think looks ‘different’ about his face is when he has a beard I always think his face looks a bit more fuller. Definitely doesn’t look like he’s had work done. I remember years ago he’d been to a dermatologist and the gossip rags screamed Botox, but once again his face didn’t look any different - I think it was around the time he started to laser the Chinese symbol off his arm so that may have been the real reason for the visit.”

“That blind is pure garbage!!!!!!”

“If Jenny submitted it there would be fantastical sex den with her being the little innocent kitten he’s ready to pounce.  Omg. Barf.  But anyway it would be all about how perfect she is. And how bad he is.  Recall she 100% of the time tried to steal his thunder and rain on his parade. Get out your troll spray and pray everyone.”

“That blind? I'm sorry but no. Nope. No. Wtf?!?   If you're going to come up with a blind then at least make it somewhat believable.... And less lame.  J*nny, you must try harder! 😄  In all seriousness that's just sloppy writing.  Have to you saying this did make me laugh with this:  "His face has everything in the same place where he left it."  It made me think of Chris as Mr Potato Head (no insult he'd be a cute one!) and leaving his facial features lying around.”

“You can tell this people don't follow him, because we know his face has being changing lately. If he had any botox he'll probably look younger, he looks amazing, but not younger. I think that if he ever did anything to himself it would be to get some hairline fillers instead of botox 🤷‍♀️ i I don't feel it's a big deal anyway. As long as he's respectful with those around him I  don't really  care what he does. IMO his a big boy”

“If the botox thing was true, he'd have those forehead wrinkles filled.”

“If he did get Botox I’d hope he got his money back 😂 He has the same lines he’s had (which is fine because he’s in his late 30’s and that’s normal!) And the Scott thing is so disrespectful! He apparently went to rehab and got better (looks healthy as a horse!) I don’t get the point of that blind item at all!”

“I think what looks different in his face is that his hairline is slightly more noticeable, he’s more pale than normal, and he looks more well rested for once (those eye bags aren’t as bad). The guy looks good for his age. Idk why that blind was made lol”

“Right when we were celebrating no longer having blinds.. LOL at Chris getting botox while still having full range of motion of his face.. if so he got bamboozled out of a couple hundred bucks you better ask for your money back Chris 😂 “

********************

I think we’re all in agreement here: the blind is stupid, wrong, and garbage.

[daysswithyou]

I. Young K - Promise

Characters: Young K x OC

Genre: fluff, slice of life

Words: 2.3k

Description: enemies to lovers! young k

A/N: Part I of the enemies to lovers series - featuring our reliable bassist! 

---

All he could see ahead was miles and miles of cars, their blinding red rear lights distorting his vision. The exhaust from other cars made it hard to breathe and in his mind, he was cursing and swearing at those with cigarettes hanging from the tip of their fingers outside of their car windows; he didn't need the second hand smoke to accelerate his death.

 His meeting was in 15 minutes and the cars in front of him were crawling forward at a snail's pace. Frustrated, he raved the engine of his motorcycle and tried to manoeuvre in the tight space between your vehicle and the car beside you. He moved forward at great speed but by the time he realised what was happening, it was too late. The front of his motorbike collided with the side of your car, the impact sending his bike sideways before he got thrown off his bike.

 Lying on the sidewalk, the pain in his hand and leg began to set it. Using his left hand to clutch onto his injured right hand, he hissed in pain as he shot you a glare but the sight of you left him in absolute disbelief. Instead of showing care and concern for someone that you injured (like he expected you too), he found you inspecting the dent in the side of your car. He was sure the furrow in your brows was due to the pain of having to pay the high price for the car repairs, and not out of worry for him.

"Hey! You right there!"

"What!"

You finally turned around only to snap at him, and his jaw dropped open further, letting out a scoff at your attitude.

"Lady, you've just injured someone and you're more concerned about your car than a living human being? You're amazing."

"Hey, it's not my fault that you came hurtling at my car out of nowhere so stop using that tone at me."

"Have you no sympathy in your heart for an injured man?"

"I have none for rude and irresponsible people like you."

Nonetheless, despite your sharp tongue, he could see you whip out your phone to dial for the ambulance before you came over to secure his bleeding arm for him.

--

When the ambulance came, two men rushed to him. Between their moving figures that blocked you from his view, he could make out your busy figure in the back of the ambulance as you set up the equipment to test his vitals.

"She's a nurse?"

"Who are you referring to?"

The young male with sharp angular features that was tending to his arm caught onto his question and was now staring at Young K with bright doe eyes, his hands working on the procedure that he's done repeatedly for years.

"I’m referring to that girl in the back of the van. She's a nurse too?"

"Y/N? Yea she's one of us, but she’s a doctor, what about it?"

"How did she even get to become a doctor?"

The young male (whom he now knew as Wonpil - courtesy of his nametag) was now staring at Brian as if he's grown an extra head.

"What has she ever done to you?"

"She? She's the reason that you're here right now! She knocked me down and she cared more about her car than me!"

"Well, I guess that means you're a pretty shitty person."

Wonpil then carried on with his work nonchalantly and all Brian could do was roll his eyes in response, both his arms immobilised.

Amidst the drawl of the traffic around them, your clear voice cut through the din to reach the trio.

“Wonpil-ah!”

“Yes?”

“Is he done?”

“I haven’t taken a look at his leg yet!”

“It’s ok. Load him into the van first. We got to clear the tunnel. I’ll deal with his leg, you drive. Dowoon, take my car please.”

Both boys nodded in understanding before Wonpil grabbed Brain by the arms and loaded him onto the stretcher and the van.

When the door slammed shut and you turned to face him with daggers shooting out of your eyes, Brian felt like a piece of meat ready to be devoured by the female tigress.

--

“I need you to sit back and relax.”

“Lady, you really expect me to when you’re looking at me like you want to murder me?”

“My job to save lives Mr Bigshot, not snuff them out, in case you haven’t realised.”

Again, you fixed him with your signature stare.

Still, he refused to and instead, crossed his arms as he fixed you with an equally hard stare.

This time round, you gritted your teeth and made sure to slam the bottle of saline solution hard to prove your point.

Seeing that you meant business, Brian slowly unfolded his arms and leaned back as he was told to before you proceeded to roll up his pants to inspect his leg.

He watched in silence as you went about cleaning his superficial wounds, occasionally letting out a hiss when you hit a fresh wound. He noticed how he pursed your lips tight whenever you got to a particularly nasty wound, and how your breath immediately slowed, almost as though you didn’t want to disturb the patient. He continued watching as your eyebrows furrowed before you stood to give him his diagnosis.

“Your calf and ankle are swelling rather badly, especially your ankle. We’ll need to get an X-ray on that.”

“How bad is it?”

“I can’t say for sure but it’s got at least be a hairline fracture.”

The van then skidded to a stop before the doors flew open and Brian was transferred into Wonpil’s reliable hands again.

“Get him into an X-ray room, I’ll be there once I’m dressed.”

And so Brian lay there waiting on the hard metallic table for 10 minutes before you finally showed up.

--

“Finally you’ve arrived Good Doctor, thy patient has died from excessive bleeding.”

“Oh stop being so dramatic you wimp, I was only gone for 10.”

Even through the thick black glass separating you and him, Brian could spot the scowl that was clearly drawn across your face as you aggressively punched buttons on the panel to get the machine working.

“Excuse me, I don’t think a patient should be left alone at any point in time?”

Before he could even fully crane his neck to look at you, you screeched at him through the speakers.

“Would you stop moving around? I can’t get a good scan of your leg!”

For the second time that day, Brian laid back and shut his mouth on your orders and from the corner of his eye, he could see Wonpil stifling his laughter behind his fingers.

--

As Wonpil was putting the cast around his leg, Brian decided to interrogate him again.

“Is she always like that? Crazily snapping at people?”

“No. She’s pretty ok on normal days.”

“But she snaps at me all the time?”

“See, this is why she snaps at you all the time. You ask too many stupid questions.”

Curse this redhead and the Lady. I got to make them pay.

Looking out of the window, he spotted your scratched up car and he knew just the thing to do.

--

Within the next hour, you were back in his room to check on his vitals and that’s when Brian breached the topic.

“Hey Lady… about your car…”

“I haven’t gotten a quote on how much insurance you need to pay me, we’ll talk about this another time.”

“I never said I was going to pay.”

“WHAT?”

Your pen slid past the entire page, leaving a thick, ugly line across the paper.

“You heard me. I never said I was going to pay.”

He then popped a grape into his mouth and sunk back into his pillow, his arms comfortably placed behind his back as he watched your livid facial expression with glee from beneath hooded eyelids.

“You can’t do that.”

“Well, if I don’t want to pay, what can you do about it?”

And he has a point. I can’t win this fight with brute force.

You did the mental math in your head and you decided that you needed him to pay. Buying that car had drained you of your savings and you couldn’t afford another thousand dollar repair. Besides, it was partly your fault too. You should have looked before swerving out.

“How about we strike a deal?”

“Excellent! That was exactly what I had in mind.”

“So what is your proposition?”

“Be at my beck and call for my 3 day stay in the hospital. I promise I’ll pay for the insurance after that.”

After 10 minutes of unsuccessful bargaining, you left the room with a newly printed chart and a verbal promise by Brian to pay for your car repairs.

--

True to his word, Brian kept you busy for the next 3 days.

Unless he was sleeping, you had to be the runner for all his errands.

By the end of the first day, you had already gotten him sashimi for lunch, and picked up his books from his friend, Jae, just so that he can read them all.

On the second day, he texted you for an Iced Americano for his morning breakfast and apart from accidently spilling it all over your white satin blouse, you had also sprained your ankles as you stumbled over the curb by the parking spot. So, apart from ruining your outfit, you had to spend money on 2 Iced Americanos.

“That took you long enough Lady.”

“Yea, yea I know. Here’s what you asked for.”

“Thank you. Eh? What’s with that brown stain on your coat?”

“Nothing. Does your leg still hurt?”

“No but-”

“Good. Can’t talk, I got other patients to attend to.”

Were his eyes playing tricks on him, or did he notice a hobble in your step and some redness around your ankles?

--

“Could you pass me a cookie Wonpil?”

“We ran out but you can have mine.”

“Thanks.” You took his Subway cookie and took a bite out of it before exhaling.

“Why are you so busy these past 2 days?”

“Got to…do…stuff…”

“Stuff like?”

“I’ve been running errands for Brian.”

“Is that why you have a stain on your favourite satin blouse and a swollen ankle?”

“Yes.”

“The heck Y/N. Why are you still doing it for him then?”

“We had a deal and I feel bad for injuring him.”

“Well, that’s his problem! He swerved into your lane.”

“Ah it’s ok Wonpil. He’s only going to be here till tomorrow anyways. I can last another 24 hours. Thanks for the cookie! By the way, aren’t you supposed to be at the children’s ward by now?”

“Oh yes. Catch you later! I’ll patch up that ankle of yours.”

“Thanks Wonpil.”

Just as Wonpil moved into his sight, Brian moved into the shadows and immediately dialled for his friend.

“Hey Jae. Do you think you can get me a new female blouse and a pair of slippers for me? And no, don’t ask me why, just do it, please.”

--

When you came hurtling into his room with a few strands of your hair astray, Brian had to stifle his laughter.

“Oh God, Brain, are you ok?”

“I’m fine!”

“What? Then why did you press the button for?”

When he smiled knowingly at you, you marched up to him as he put up his arm in defence.

“Woah Lady-”

“Kang. Young. Hyun. This button is not for you to play around with! It says “For Emergency Use Only” This isn’t an emergency!”

You snatched the red button out of his hands and slammed it down beside his bed before you proceeded to tuck a few strands of hair behind your ears.

“What do you want?”

“I just wanted to talk.”

“Just wanted to talk – pfft. I’m leaving.”

“No I’m serious, wait.”

Before you could take another step away from him, he caught onto the ends of your sleeve and you decided to grace him with just 5 minutes of your attention.

“You have 5 minutes. Shoot.”

“I heard your conversation with Wonpil today-”

“You mean you eavesdropped on us.”

“It was unintentional! I just happened to be wheeling myself along the corridors-”

“It’s fine, just carry on.” You had said as you waved him on with a flick of your wrist.

“That means I heard about your morning misadventures and I got you these as an apology. I’m sorry.”

“What are these?” You questioned as you peered into the bag.

“Just open it. You’ll see.”

You reached in and felt the smooth satin material against your fingers before you pulled out the blouse.

“I don’t think it’s the exact same one as the one you are wearing now but I hope it suffices. I also got you a pair of flats – thought it would be better for your ankle.”

“Thank…you. Anything else that I should know?”

“No – wait, actually yes.”

You raised your eyebrows, waiting for him to continue.

“If I ever asked you out, would you say yes?”

“I’ll… consider.”

Watching your retreating back, he smiled softly as he thought to himself: At least she didn’t flatly reject me.

--

The next day, when you came back with his form of approval for discharge signed, Brian was already sitting by the edge of the bed, waiting for you.

Placing the form in front of him, you said, “Here you go Mr Bigshot. Hopefully I’ll never have to see you again.”

“Aww come on, don’t be so mean. Give me your hand.”

You opened your palm without hesitation and he placed a pink slip of paper in it.

“Do I read it now?”

“Go ahead.”

The front was a simple IOU of the car repairs but the essence of his message was written at the back, in which it said:

“Next Friday after you end work? I’ll pick you up here. Dinner’s on me; I promise I’ll pay!”

When you looked up, Brian was holding out his pinky figure towards you and you hooked onto it with your own tightly, an eyesmile forming on his face as you did so.

“Promise.”

[haxorus-imp]

Alien Affections - Villainous/Reader - Chapter 5

Black Hat was currently sitting at the desk within the silent solitude of his office and growled out in frustration. He could still hear Dementia clawing at the entrance to his office, even behind the closed doors. In which constantly disturbed the tranquility of his office. Stupid girl just can't take a hint that he's not interested in her pathetic self. And he never will be interested. Ever. She always does this. 'Pay attention to me! Give me a kiss! I take pictures of you when you're not looking! I l-l-lo-...' Black Hat gagged. He couldn't even think of that filthy word. Besides. What she feels isn't -that particular word-. It's an obsession with himself. Black Hat sighed and turned around to face outside the rose-tinted window of his office. Silently pondering to himself. He still can't explain why he hasn't killed the foolish woman yet. Her unneeded 'romantic' advancements have been a bother ever since she joined Black Hat Inc. His pride won't let him say it, ever, but a little voice always says that it's because his group of employees is currently small. They're all he has at the moment, like it or not. Well, at least the newbie didn't have the same bothersome promiscuous tendencies as Dementia. Then, something clicked within the memory bank of Black Hats' mind. Ah. He nearly completely forgot about the new employee living under his roof. Their name was (Name), wasn't it? Not a common name given to humans around here. From what Flug relaid, the newbie wasn't from this planet. They're an alien, in short terms. Not a very impressive one in Black Hats' book. He knew that explosion he heard from the roof was bad news and he waited for Flug to come and announce his failure. As soon as the door to his office creaked open, Black Hat was ready to dish out a rage-filled tongue lashing. But, he was shocked silent when Flug creeped into his office with another human being following close behind and looking at all of the things in his office with interest. Him, being as sharp and as intelligent as he is, caught the unusual differences of the new individual as soon as they walked in with Flug. They weren't a normal human at all. Big ugly eyes, squishy features that could bruise easily, and that fucking annoying relaxed posture and smile. He had to grind his teeth when he saw that lazy grin to prevent him from snapping violently at the fool. Everyone needs to be at attention when he's in the room. He IS the major authority over this manor. Apparently, the disrespectful newcomer didn't seem to know that. Well. Not yet, at least. He made sure that Flug saw his displeasure. The coward obviously tried to explain the events to his fullest non-stuttering abilities, without much success. As Black Hat expected. When questioned, you answered with some interesting information. Apparently, you're an engineer and computer tech from a foreign place. It was interesting indeed. Black Hat grinned with his own personal malice as he chuckled at the memory of them taking the 'handshake' and shocking themselves. Oh, he longs for the moment they fuck up. It will be an absolute pleasure to rip apart his new one-of-a-kind toy. Speaking of which, where are his underlings? Black Hat turned his chair around and faced back towards the inside of his manor. He transformed his visible eye into a ruby red color and changed the pupil into a snake-like iris. It shimmered with ominous magic as he began to scan over the mansion. It was only now that Black Hat noticed the scratching on his door had fallen silent. Scanning over the halls with careful slowness. Finally detecting his minions. "There you idiots are." Black Hat grumbled, watching them as the light signatures flickered about and floated with their respective bodies. He mentally counted them. Pink, Dementia, Blue, the disappointing mutant bear, Orange, Flug, and...? The color of the last one, which he presumed to be yourself, was flickering in and out of existence more than the others. While the others shared a luminosity to a lit light bulb, the new signature looked like it was muddled in a fog. Hazy and unclear. Black Hat simply brushed it off as his magic not settling well on your body. Then, he noticed the energy signatures of his underlings sitting around in a circular formation in the kitchen. Allowing the eye to return to normal, Black Hat looked at the clock and noticed that it was noon. His minions must'ave gone in there for lunch. He might as well go get something himself.

--

Black Hat walked in the halls towards the kitchen from his office. Upon approaching the kitchen, he could hear you, Flug, Dementia, and 5.0.5 having a very involved conversation. Apparently, the newcomer was telling stories of their own planet. How utterly boring. He only caught the end of a conversation topic when he silently walked into the kitchen. "-so, even if we stop car accidents, we won't have to rely solely on donors to save people's lives. We can simply 3D print a compatible organ!" You finished. "Wow! That's-...that's amazing!" Flug exclaimed, intrigued by the information. "Your people's medicine may not be as advanced as some of our own technologies, but you seem to be a lot more adamant about saving lives and improving the medical social structure of your own-" "Ahem." Black Hat snarled, cutting off Flug. Upon entering the room and finding himself getting ignored, Black Hats' mood dampened considerably. It appears that not only have they forgotten the rule, it seems that the damn alien appears to be enforcing it. Or, they're just so idiotic to ignore him and his presence. Either way, it pissed him off. Flug and 5.0.5 were startled at the sudden appearance of their boss in the doorway. Dementia was too busy stuffing her face with a sandwich to speak up, but she at least acknowledged him by sticking her arm in the air and waving rapidly in his direction. And the newbie, you, were just sitting there lazily laying back in the chair at the end of the granite table on Flug's side. Leaving a large empty black chair sitting at the tip of the table. At least they knew which chair was his. They looked over in his direction and smiled. Eck! He hates that smile so much...he'll enjoy every second of his claws shredding and tearing into their soft flesh. "Oh. S'up, boss?" They greeted, lightly waving over at him. "Ah! Y-yes! Greetings!" Flug stuttered, his anxiety resurfacing, obviously. "Mmmmppphrprmrmrrbbbt!" Dementia attempted to say, her mouth full of garble. Black Hat just squinted at her crudeness in disgust. The bear merely whined a squeaky sounding 'hello'. Black Hat merely grunted in response. "What are we having for lunch?" He questioned, walking by all of his quiet minions towards the lengthy granite counter that currently had a few plates and sandwiches on it. "We are having some BLT's and Swiss Cheese with Turkey and Ham sandwiches. Well...most of us. Flug refused to eat his share. So, grab whichever one you want, I guess." You said, taking a bite out of your choice sandwich. Much to the queasiness of Flug. Black Hat merely picked up whichever one was the closest and carried it back to the table with him. Sitting in his large black chair, then he began to eat. It was mediocre at best. Definitely not something worth being devoured by him, but it'll do. For today. "Flug, is the machine ready yet?" Black Hat broke the awkward silence that took over the room when he stated his presence. Flug jumped at the mention of his name. "Ah...n-no sir. Not yet." Flug murmured. "B-but it'll be done by tonight, just in time for tomorrow! I can assure you!" Flug quickly said, catching the glare he received from Black Hat. "And what of you, (Name)? Are you still working on those spybots I wanted?" Black Hat asked, taking a bite of his lunch and chewing. "Ah, no. I finished." You brushed him off, munching on your sandwich. You completely ignore the slight choking sound that came from Black Hat at the answer. "Finished?!" Black Hat coughs and swallows. "How many did you make?!!" He raised his voice. Startling most of the crew at the table. All except you. "About 10." You replied calmly, while wiping your face clear of a condiment smear with a napkin. "10? That's not nearly enough!" Black Hat scolded. 'Oh shit. He's one of those slave-driver, hardass, prankster type of bosses.' You mentally groaned, keeping your face relaxed and posture lax. "We're gonna need more than a simple 10 spybots." Black Hat calculated for a brief minute. "We're going to need about 55 of those spybots by the end of the day." Now it was YOUR turn to choke on your sandwich. "I'm sorry, what?" You bluntly replied, the relaxed posture was still there, but the facial expression had changed to a more confused and stunned emotional state. "You heard me. We need 55 of those by the end of the day." Black Hat confirmed, resuming to eat his meal.

. . .

"I'm not doing that." Suddenly, everything was quiet. So silent, you could hear a pin drop. All of the others, Flug, 5.0.5, and Dementia were all stunned silent at that response. Black Hat on the other hand, had paused and raised his head up to gaze at you directly with a burning leer. "What did you say?" Black Hat growled in warning. "I said, I'm not making 55 Spybots." You repeated. Everyone heard Black Hat inhale and the atmosphere grow immensely heavier in the room. "I don't think you know who you're dealing with, (Name)." Black Hat rumbled, voice raspy and eyes slowly turning a menacing red. The tension was rising high in the room putting everyone on edge. Until. "Cool your jets before you fire them up, boss. I just want you to go look at the ones I made first before I continue the project." You explained, cracking the negative atmosphere like a fragile mirror. Black Hat, however, was still staring at you with an accusatory glance. "Me? Go see your Spybots? For what?!" Black Hat growled. "Well, duh. I'm not going to make 55 spybots, only for you to say you hate them and make all of that hard work meaningless. Don't get me wrong boss, making Spybots is easy stuff. But, if you don't like the way they look, then all we do is waste resources and time. So, I want your input before I make any more." You explained, a chilled out and carefree expression on your face. Black Hat stayed silent and pondered the explanation in his head. It was over in a few seconds, as he stood up and deposited his plate into the sink, and walked by you. Turning his head slightly and leering down at you. "Mind your tongue next time if you want to keep it in your head." He warned. "I'll be down in the lab in 10 minutes, (Name). DON'T. Keep me waiting." He announced, then he turned and left the kitchen. It took a few silent moments for the atmosphere to clear up again. "Wow. What an angry dude." You muttered. "Oh, hey Flug! I -...Flug?" You asked, looking over to the other side of the table, seeing Flug, 5.0.5, and even Dementia hugging each other and shaking violently. "Why are you guys trying to share body heat? Is it because you're shaking? Funny...it's not that cold in here." You asked, oblivious to the faces of fear on your peers. Flug then spoke up. "D-Don't ever d-do that again, please." He shuddered.

--

Black Hat was patiently waiting in the lab. Keeping a watch on the clock as time ticked by. It was only about 8 minutes until he heard the door to the lab open. Revealing yourself as you walked in. "About time you showed up." Black Hat deadpanned. You furrowed an eyebrow at him. "I arrived in time, did I not?" You shrugged. Black Hat merely waved you off. "Yes, yes. Where are the spybots? I must see them for myself." He demanded. "Alright, alright. I'll get them." You submitted. You walked over to the hiding place that Flug suggested to you earlier. Opening the safe, with Black Hat breathing down your neck, and pulled out the tray. Walking them over to the workbench, you laid the tray down, stepped back, and leaned on Flug's own personal desk. Offering Black Hat all the room he needed to judge the spybots. He picked one up, a dragonfly model, and rolled it around in his hand. He made a few humming noises of thought and sat it back down onto the tray. It was a few minutes of him examining the spybots with a careful eye and and a few quiet mutterings to himself. He turned around to face you again, to which you were leaning back against Flugs' respective table, patiently waiting for him to finish. "I find these...acceptable. Not the greatest spybots I've seen, I have seen better, but you produced both quality and quantity. With a certain uniqueness to them." He stated. "I expect 55 of these tomorrow at noon. As we are having another catalog photo shoot for our wares. I need them by then for showcase. Make sure they work before you finish." He warned. "Also, write down all of the information on how to turn these things on. The last thing my company needs is a customer that's confused about a product with no description or documented information." He finished. "Got it, boss!" You gave a thumbs up and grinned lazily at him. Black Hat squinted at you, in a possible 'I mean it ' way, and walked out. Leaving you alone in the lab. Welp. Might as well get a head-start right? It's still late noon and you made 10 spybots in about 5 to 6 hours. Why not try to get ahead for tomorrow? You sat down at your station and began to work again. Thinking of different insects for different climates and writing the information down as you go. It was hard work, but this is a cake walk compared to the stress of college!

--

Black Hat made it back to his office, closing the door and walking across the dimly lit room. Taking a seat at his desk and looking over papers. He must admit, some things have gotten easier. Now with a pair of two intelligent minions under his powerful thumb, he can dish out twice the products. If it's worth while, he might even make some real dough. However, you have an attitude that he finds absolutely irritating. The lazy grin, the calm undertone, and their BLASTED passive aggressiveness. He knows what you're up to! Trying to get underneath his skin! Oh, Black Hat was absolutely ready to shred you to ribbons at the moment you disagreed with him at the kitchen table. You were pretty much saved by, what he expects, was your pathetic attempts at flattery. But, yes. He thinks you just thought quick on your feet to escape his wrath, let alone impressed him with some of your Spybots, which you didn't impress him much. Barely at all really. A couple of pretty looking robotic insects and reptiles can barely hold a candle to some of the Spybots he has seen. He's seen Spybots that could turn invisible and some that can't be detected by radars nor metal detectors. But, of course, villains will willingly cannibalize each other in the business world. Most of those places where he saw top-grade Spybots were constantly raided by rival companies. Now, most of the expensive and worthwhile technology is hidden in secluded clubs and groups. Which means, if you want great technology, you need a lot of money and be chummy with an insider. Which, of course, was ridiculous to him. Too much work! It's a villain conquer villain world out there! Only the best survive! Hiding from your rivals is stating that you're a coward. No wonder they get targeted! Black Hat spat venomously at nothing in particular. His company would never crumble nor cower at rivals! He is the INFAMOUS BLACK HAT! The very being of nightmares and fear itself! Black Hat cackled as he chuckled to himself, his ego thoroughly stoked. Ah, he loves preening himself. Both physically and mentally. He turned around from his papers to look outside his rose-tinted window again. The day was growing older, and soon night will be coming around. With that, he gives the outside city a nice blue-green, sharp-toothed smile. This is just the beginning. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Next> <Previous ~First~

[ultraspideysense-blog]

Just One Dance Pt. 1 (Peter Parker Imagine)

request: “Can you do an imagine with Peter and Reader where they are just messing around until te reader says "I will give you 50 bucks if I can take you to Christmas dinner and tell my family we're together.They always ask if I'm dating and I can't have that conversation again." Peter says yes they go they do a great job but Peter ends up liking her she does to and they end up a relationship. Sorry it us so long thanks you ! Love your writing!!!” (requested by anon)

short summary: after you find yourself making a hasty bet with flash about getting a date for homecoming, you need Peter to help keep your end of the bargain. (this will be a multipart series partly bc i’m tired and partly bc i wanna develop this more)

length: 2k words 

warnings: some swearing & it’s so teen angsty i’m sorry i truly am aaaa sorry 

A/N: i kinda loosely followed the request bc like it really gave off a “im in my mid-20s and my old fashioned ass fam thinks ppl need to be married by now” so i kinda edited a bit to be more realistic amongst teens hope it worked soz it’s short but it’s gonna be a series

You were always stubborn. A lot of people called you a bitch for it, but you just called it taking no shit from anyone, and never backing down from a challenge.

So when Flash started running his big mouth during homeroom at your expense, it took everything in you not to smack him in the face. You tried to ignore it at first, as you worked on your calculus homework, you truly did. But Flash always liked to get a rise out of you because he knew he could get under your skin.

“And here we are, a mere 48 hours before homecoming, and a true tragedy lays in our midst. The resident ice queen, Y/N, is the only one in the school without a date,” Flash said dramatically to his group of friends.

Rolling your eyes and immersing yourself in the world of integrals, you gritted your teeth and tried to tune him out like you usually do. But he wasn’t finished.

“I mean, it’s a miracle that she hasn’t frozen the entire student body with her gaze like Elsa or some shit,” he joked. His group of friends laughed at his lame joke as you dropped your pencil on your homework.

“Why don’t you just shut it Flash?” you said, a death glare making its way onto your face.

“If that’s your special, twisted way of asking me out I’m gonna have to say no, babe,” Flash said with a smirk on his face. You glared at him with disgust.

“As if I’d want to take your ratty ass to homecoming. I think I would actually rather be run over by a bus. It really does sound like a more pleasant time,” you fired back.

“I doubt you could even get anyone to go to homecoming with you even if you tried. Everyone’s too scared to come within 10 feet of you anyway aside from Michelle, you’re worse than the plague,” he said with a mock shudder.

“Way to use an outdated joke from the 1400s,” you muttered with a dismissive wave.

"Still doesn’t change the fact that nobody would dare to go to homecoming with you,” he sneered. You scoffed.

“Please, it’d be much easier for me to get a date than you. At least I wouldn’t have to beg and plead someone like you did.” Flash’s confident demeanor slightly wavered for a moment before he quickly regained his cocky attitude.

“Alright then, Y/L/N, if you can somehow get some actual creature that goes to our school to go to homecoming with you, this $100 bill in my wallet is yours. And if you fail, you owe me $100,” Flash said with a wicked grin, his hand outstretched to shake in order to seal the deal. “And Michelle doesn’t count.”

You ignored it and merely nodded, determination in your eyes. “You’re on, Thompson.”

The bell rang signaling the end of homeroom, and you shoved your abandoned calculus homework into your backpack. Shooting one last glare at Flash, you exited the room and moved through the masses in the hallway to make it to your next class.

When you got to PE at the end of the day, Coach Wilson had everyone pair off to do sit ups. You naturally gravitated towards Michelle, one of your few friends and one of the few people that wasn’t immediately put off by your less than sunny exterior.

The two of you had a silent agreement to always stick to the far right corner of the gym, where Coach Wilson never seemed to look, so you could just sit and do nothing in peace. Some days the two of you would talk, other days you’d leave Michelle to her book and you’d do some homework. Today was a day for talking.

“Did you finish the calculus homework for tomorrow?” you asked Michelle. She nodded.

“Barely,” Michelle replied with a roll of her eyes. “This homework’s getting more and more ridiculous.” she said with a shake of her head.

The small talk continued for a few more minutes before you felt the need to bring up your small, somewhat expensive dilemma.

“So I need a date to homecoming,” you sighed. Michelle raised one of her eyebrows in curiosity.

“I made a stupid bet with Flash and to make a long story short I need a date for Friday or I’m about to be $100 poorer than usual,” you said with a grimace.

“You never do back down from a challenge do you?” Michelle asked with a grimace. “I’ll go as your date, problem solved.”

You shook your head. “Terms of the bet, I can’t take you. Has to be somebody else.” Michelle looked at you pensively, then took a brief scan of the students in the gym.

You layed down on your back, fiddling with a loose thread on your shorts as Michelle continued her search. You’d been thinking of available, decent people and drawing up a mental list, but kept running into a wall. Brandon from Chemistry had the flu. Paula from English already had a date. And so on with differing excuses for each person.

“What about Peter?” Michelle suggested after a period of silence. You raised yourself up into a sitting position.

“Parker?” you asked slowly. Michelle nodded at you, gesturing her head in his general direction. He was partnered up with his friend Ned, doing a set of sit ups with ease. You cocked your head to the side wondering when the shy nerd had bulked up as the rest of the class struggled.

“Really?” you asked, considering it for a moment. He was alright if your memory served well, but you’ve never actually had a conversation with him, or seen him outside of any of the classes you had together.

“Yes, really,” Michelle replied. “He doesn’t have a date, and Ned does, so he’d be awkwardly third wheeling the whole time. And everyone knows he’s been pining after Liz, but she’s already got a date. So that sort of leaves him at a stalemate,” she explained.

You bit the inside of your cheek as you considered your other options. You sure as hell weren’t asking any upperclassmen or any freshmen for that matter, and out of the sophomores your options were very limited. And out of those options, Michelle was right. Peter did seem to be the most desirable candidate, if you could even call him that.

“I guess I’ll ask him,” you said, slightly defeated. It wasn’t as if you had a real problem with Peter, but he wasn’t exactly the type of person you saw yourself hanging out with. In fact, you couldn’t remember if the two of you had even held a conversation before. But by the end of gym class you strengthened your resolve, and told Michelle you’d meet her at her locker afterwards so the two of you could catch the train together.

Peter was huddled closely by Ned, the two of them deep in conversation as they made their way out of the gym. You jogged a bit to catch up to them, doing a miniature prayer to the gods that Peter would say yes to your request.

“Hey, Parker,” you called out confidently. Inside you were quaking a bit, but you ignored it as you saw both his and Ned’s heads turn around in confusion.

“Y/N?” Peter asked carefully, his best friend standing silently next to him. He looked around as if there was some possibility that you were talking to somebody else.

“Yeah, I’m talking to you,” you said with a slight laugh as he finally made eye contact with you. Now that you had his attention, the words seemed to be stuck on your tongue. You’d never actually asked anyone out before and it was proving to be harder than you anticipated.

Peter saw your worried facial expression. “Is everything alright? You don’t look too well,” he started. His eyes widened for a moment. “Not that you look ugly or anything, honestly on the contrary you’re very pretty.” His eyes widened again as Ned hit him softly on the arm, a signal to tell him to stop talking. 

You didn’t even register his stumbled, scattered response as you tried to get the words out of your mouth. You were normally confident in anything and everything you set your mind to, but right now it felt like there was word vomit in your mouth itching to break free but couldn’t. Another awkward pause ensued until the words came barreling out of your mouth at a rapid pace.

“This is probably going to sound really stupid and you’ll probably say no or something but would you possibly maybe kind of, sort of want to go to homecoming with me?” you said quickly, all in one breath. Your face turned beet red as you awaited a response from him.

He cocked his head quizzically as did Ned, who was still standing next to him. 

“W-what?” he asked, not quite hearing everything that you said. He made out the word “homecoming,” but he wanted to make sure that you were actually asking him out.

“Did you want to go to homecoming with me? If you don’t have a date already,” you inquired, a bit slower this time. His mouth opened and closed a few times, an adorable smile making its way onto his features before he could formulate a proper response in English.

“I, uh,” he started slowly. You were hanging on to his every word, it felt like an out of body experience to be this nervous. Your tough exterior was whittling in the face of adversity, something that rarely happened, especially where feelings were concerned. 

“He would love to,” Ned finished for him. Peter nodded quickly and gave you a thumbs up as he shot a grateful look at his best friend. Relief flooded your features.

“Okay,” you said softly. He nodded again and gave you a grin. Ned looked like he was ready to burst with excitement.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then?” He nodded at you again as Ned started to lead him away towards the boys locker room to change.

You gave him a small nervous smile as he shyly waved at you while walking away. As soon as Ned thought they were out of earshot, he let out a triumphant yelp and started shaking Peter by the shoulders.

“Dude, you actually have a date for homecoming!” he all but squealed. You heard every word of it, but decided not to call either of them out on it as you exited on the opposite end of the gym. Peter muttered something in response, but you couldn’t make out what exactly he said. Even though it was an impromptu proposal, you were still kind of...excited at the prospect of going with him? 

As you opened the double doors to walk the path to your locker, Michelle was waiting for you on the other side instead of at her locker.

“You saw and heard everything didn’t you?” you asked her. She nodded. You rolled your eyes, not surprised that your ever observant best friend had stuck around to see you make a fool of yourself firsthand. She’d never judge you or call you out on it though.

“Why didn’t you tell him it was a bet?” she asked you, a slight frown gracing her face. You stopped walking as you realized what you had just done. 

“It didn’t...come up?” you offered. You truly hadn’t meant to keep that a secret from Peter, but in the midst of your nerves that was exactly what happened. Your heart started to drop a bit as you thought about how excited Ned looked, and how flustered Peter was when he accepted.

“I didn’t mean to not tell him,” you trailed awkwardly. “I’ll tell him next time I see him,” you finished with certainty. Michelle gave you a look.

“You know it’ll be a lot harder to tell him later rather than doing so when you asked him?” she explained. You gave her a pointed look.

“Of course I know that, like I said it wasn’t intentional to leave out the fact that I was asking him because of a bet,” you said defensively. Michelle put up her hands in a mock surrender as the two of you made your way down the empty hallways.

“I’ll tell him tomorrow,” you promised out loud, more so to yourself than to your best friend.

permanent tag list: @searvhing @curly-haired-crisp @werido-fangirl @dreaming-of-the-lost @nightviolet @sunshine-raee @bitsyb21 @naybeirao @thespidersman @themusicorthemisery @call-me-tears @ephemereal @spooder-tom @buckysbumpkin @pvnksy

sorry the beginning kinda sucked and also so did all of this but anyway lmk what u think & pls feel free to berate me LOL if u wanna be on my permanent tag list lmk and i’ll post part 2 when i get the time to write it love u guys

[beastgal]

i know how it sounds and it sounds obsessive but there’s just so many things. I can’t stop thinking about what my life could have been like if i hadn’t been stricken by my illnesses, if i hadn’t been raised in a dysfunctional family, if i had had a real chance. People don’t seem to understand me when  I am in public. Sometimes people make fun of me. Sometimes men especially like to make comments or laugh at me. I hear boys my own age make ratings of me which are always low and it’s always some kind of joke to them how worthless i am. I just can’t stop thinking what my life could have been like. How much power I could have had just by being mediocre. I see such mediocre people and they are so powerful. I wish I could just have that. I wish I could just have that mediocrity. I don’t want to be a freak. I never asked for this. I never did anything to deserve this. My skin is prematurely aging and I don’t understand why. People think I am old, or a drug addict or disabled or some kind of person that’s bad. I mean I guess they are entitled to their personal opinions but I feel like I don’t even have a chance. I can’t go back to university. I tried so hard to do all the right things. I tried so hard to be myself and be genuine and be friendly but not desperate and not worry too much about making friends but just to be polite. I tried to stay out of the way. I tried to work the best i could. I tried to show up on time. I did try. i guess I just can’t do it. I can’t be both sick and ugly. I don’t have the energy to be smiling all the time and putting on a song and dance so that people don’t hate me and ignore me when i feel so tired i can barely get out of bed. I always feel like I have to prove my existence is worthy. I mean, if i look like this i have to pull my weight sort of thing. I wish i didn’t have to do anything. I wish I could just be myself and not have to do anything and that people would like me and accept me. I don’t even mean socially but just as a fellow human being.The thing is, and i know it’s really difficult to explain, but my skin is really bizarrely abnormally sensitive... to the light, to stress, to movement whatever. I don’t know why exactly and no doctor has been able to give me an explanation. So i get marks on my body all the time very noticeably and painfully from even slight movement or whatever. My face also looks older than it should for this reason. I get these red lines on my face when i pull an expression and i get absolute redness all over my face when i am triggered by stress or uv light. I’ve also had very bad acne over the years (as well as PCOS esque symptoms) leaving my face really ruined. It looks old. My skin has lines on my forehead, around my mouth that kind of thing. I look honestly like i am about 40 years old. But the thing is i also have really childlike facial features and an underdeveloped body (like a lack of breast development etc). So if I’m in softer lighting you can’t really see the wrinkles on my face and body as much. So in softer lighting people seem to perceive me as young and ‘cute’ thinking i’m 14 or something when i’m not. But when i’m in harsher lighting people can see how aged my face looks they tend to assume i’m a lot older like middle aged and they tend to be a lot less friendly to me. I mean i’ve had people like me...even fall in love with me because they like how I look in certain lightings but these people can’t handle how i look in the harshr light. I can see them physically turn away in disgust when they see me in that light. I have had a few friends who seem consistent but they are rare. Either people are being unusually sweet to me (in which case i’m thinking wait til you see in me in the other light) or they are being unusually hostile to me (which i prefer since at least they’re seeing the ‘real’ me but it hurts so bad). The thing is it’s usually the same people acting like this too. The same people that put me on a pedestal one moment are throwing me in the garbage the next minute. I know talking about the lighting sounds very dysmorphic but i genuinely believe my experiences with this are real. My whole sense of self is fractured. I don’t know which ‘self’ i should believe in. Like I can tell how much power i could have had just by doing nothing and just being pretty and looking healthy and maintaining my physical integrity. I understand what it’s like because people treat me like i’m pretty if i’m looking pretty in the moment. but they are still afraid of other people seeing me with them. If i’m in the worng light or the wrong angle or whatever i can just see the disgust in their faces. it has hurt me so many times. People laugh at the idea of me being in a relationship. Occasionally someone will be nice to me with their ‘special’ voice on because obviously if i look like this i must be stupid but mostly i’m unsalvageable. I mean I am sick with several autoimmune conditions but none of them which i have been diagnosed with particularly affect the skin as far as i’m aware. Like as i said...i don’t even want to be particularly ‘beautiful’ or anything i just want to look normal and be normal and have a normal chance at life. I don’t care to be excessively feminine or anything... i have never particularly worn make up or anything but when i have tried i have found it doesn’t make much of a difference in the way i’m perceived. make up can’t hide it. i don’t even mind the idea of getting older and being a wise mature woman or anything... i am totally fine with that. it’s just i don’t want that yet. I don’t have a context. People think i’m old and ugly and dirty and diseased and experienced and coming for them sexually or something like.. i have never had sex i couldn’t even if i tried i really don’t want to. it just hurts idk. idk even what im talking about this is very fragmented but i guess i just wanna keep talking about it because i guess the stuff i’m talking about isn’t just some kind of beauty standards thing it’s something else some other kind of experience... it’s not quite a disability thing since celiac is the worst illness i have and it’s generally not even considered a ‘disability’ lol it’s just i look like shit and celiac’s symptoms are not necessarily tied to the apprearance related changes i’ve had even if they’ve been caused by celiac/autoimmunity. like i get psoriasis on my scalp when i’m stressed and my hair is falling out like in a male pattern baldness type thing and i have this bald spot i was at the hairdressers i washed my hair before and i was trying so hard to be polite and the hairdresser was talking about how oily and dry and gross my hair was and that she had to wash it and idk then she was washing it and her hand were on my scalp and i felt so disgusting i felt bad she was touching my scalp i felt like i was contaminating her because i am contamination i just wanted it to end and she was making fun of me about my thinning hair (which is especially noticeable when it’s wet) to the other hairdresser and i wanted to cry and she was combing my hair back and you could see how thin it was and the hairdressers were talking to my mum and asking ‘how old is she?’ as if i was too dumb to answer a question like that and i mean i’m 19 i’m an adult. and one of the hairdressers made this unrelated comment about someone being 12 going on 34 or something and i can’t help but feel like i ‘inspired’ that comment i mean i just wanted to leave i just wanted to go home i was about to burst into tears right there i am tired of being a freak parading myself around for people to gawk at and theorise about. i was at spotlight this craft shop with my mum and i was getting this book for christmas which i wanted which was full of all these different knitted creatures which you can make and idk if i even have the patience or the skill to knit these creatures i just thought the book was pretty and that’s all i wanted and these people this couple they were making comments about me and jeering about oh is that her christmas present and the guy says to the girl just wait til you see her face and they were looking at me and i felt so sick it’s like everywhere i go everything i do produces some incident like this and i can’t handle it anymore. not at university not in public nowhere i am staying at home from now on. other than a few approved and ‘safe’ feeling places like the shopping centre. also i am living at my mum’s house now because my dad like does not interact with me anymore or feed me or anything except sometimes when he’s angry or something and i kept having these outbursts like screaming and crying on the floor and he just ignored it every time and at my mum’s house  i am a lot calmer except i am anxious about the hygiene of the house because she doesn’t clean it very well and there are stains and dead moths in the food cupboards so i have been cleaning and cooking myself the gluten free food but i don’t have that much energy and i’m sick and im a monster and my mum loves me but she just thinks i’m some kind of weird dollpetthing which is cute to keep around but which has no real use idk i am a monster though