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gendercensus · 4 years ago

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On fae/faer pronouns and cultural appropriation

HOW IT STARTED

I had a handful, a very small handful but more than two, responses in the Gender Census feedback box telling me that fae/faer pronouns are appropriative. The reasons didn’t always agree, and the culture that was being appropriated wasn’t always the same, but here’s a selection of quotes:

“Fae pronouns are cultural appropriation and are harmful to use“ - UK, age 11-15

“I’m not a person who practices pagan holidays but, my understanding is that pronouns like fae/faeself are harmful because the fae are real to pagans and is like using Jesus/jesuself as pronouns“ - UK, age 11-15

“I know you've probably heard this a million times, so has everyone on the internet, but the ''mere existence''of the fae pronoun feels really uncomfortable for some of us. I'm personally not against neopronouns like xe/xim, er/em and the like, I am a pagan but apart from the, imo most important, reasoning of that pronoun being immensely disrespectful, I worry as an nb about people who banalize the usage of pronouns ''for fun'', and I'm quoting what some people have told me.“ - Spain, 16-20

“I don't agree with fae/deity pronouns just from a pagan perspective it's very disrespectful to the cultures they come from. Like Fae are a legit thing in many cultures and they hate with a fiery passion mortal humans calling themselves Fae to the point of harming/cursing the people who do it“ - USA, age 16-20

“only celtic people can use far/ faers otherwise it’s cultural appropriation, many celts have said this and told me this“ - USA, age 16-20

So that’s:

❓ Someone who doesn’t say whether they’re pagan or Celtic.

❌ Someone who definitely isn’t pagan.

✅ Someone who is pagan.

❓ Someone who doesn’t say whether they’re pagan or Celtic.

So, just to disclose some bias up-front, I am English so I’m not Celtic, but I do live in Wales so I am surrounded by Celts. The bit of Wales that I live in is so beautiful in such a way that when my French friend came to visit me she described it as féerique - like an enchanting, magical land, literally “fairylike�� or thereabouts. Coincidentally I have also considered myself mostly pagan for over half of my life, and I can’t definitively claim whether or not the Fae are “part of paganism” because paganism is so diverse and pick’n’mix that it just doesn’t work that way.

To me the idea that fae/faer pronouns would be offensive or culturally appropriative sounds absurd. But also, I am powered by curiosity, and have been wrong enough times in my life that I wanted to approach this in a neutral way with an open mind. Perhaps what I find out can be helpful to some people.

So since we only have information from one person who is definitely directly affected by any cultural appropriation that may be happening, the first thing I wanted to do was get some information from ideally a large number of people who are in the cultures being appropriated, and see what they think.

WHAT I DID

First of all I put some polls up on Twitter and Mastodon. [Edit: Note that this post has been updated with results from closed polls.]

I specified that I wanted to hear from nonbinary Celts and pagans, just so that the voters would be familiar with fae/faer pronouns. I asked the questions in a neutral way, i.e. “How do you feel about...” with “good/neutral/bad” answer options, instead of something more leading like “Is this a load of rubbish?” or “are you super offended?” with “yes/no” options. I provided a “see results” option, so that the poll results wouldn’t be skewed as much by random people clicking any old answer to see the results. And I invited voters to express their opinions in replies.

Question #1: Nonbinary people of Celtic descent (Ireland, Scotland, Wales, Cornwall, the Isle of Man, and Brittany), how do you feel about non-Celtic people using the neopronoun set fae/faer? [ It's good / No strong feelings/other / It's bad ]

Question #2: Nonbinary pagans, how do you feel about non-pagans using the neopronoun set fae/faer? [ It's good / No strong feelings/other / It's bad ]

The Twitter polls got over 1,100 responses each, and the Mastodon polls got over 140 responses each. With a little bit of spreadsheetery I removed the “N/A” responses to reverse engineer the number of people voting for each option, combined those numbers, and recalculated percentages.

Obviously this approach is not in the least scientific, but thankfully the results were unambiguous enough and the samples were big enough that I feel comfortable drawing conclusions.

Celts on fae/faer pronouns being used by non-Celts (561 voters):

It's good - 42.5%

No strong feelings/other - 44.0%

It's bad - 13.5%

Pagans on fae/faer pronouns being used by non-pagans (468 voters):

It's good - 47.2%

No strong feelings/other - 39.5%

It's bad - 13.3%

Here’s how that looks as a graph:

The limitations of polls on these platforms means that we have no way to distinguish between people who have more complicated views (”other”) and people who have “no strong feelings”, so we can’t really draw conclusions there. If we stick to just the pure positive and pure negative:

Celts were over three times as likely to feel positive about non-Celts using fae/faer pronouns than they were to feel negative.

Pagans were over three and a half times as likely to feel positive about non-pagans using fae/faer pronouns than they were to feel negative.

So Celts and pagans are way more likely to feel actively good about someone’s fae/faer pronouns, even when that person is not a Celt/pagan. That’s some strong evidence against the idea that fae/faer pronouns are appropriative, right there.

CORRECTIONS

To be clear, I haven’t done any research about the roots of fae/faer or the origins of the Fae and related beings, but my goal here was to get a sense of what Celts and pagans think and feel, rather than what an historian or anthropologist would say.

On the anti side, here were the replies that suggested fae/faer either is or might be inappropriate:

“I only worry that not everyone understands the origin of the word outside of modernized ideas of fairies.“ - pagan

“As a vaguely spiritual Whatever (Ireland), I think a mortal using "fae" as a pronoun/to refer to themselves is asking for a malicious and inventive fairy curse (on them, their families and possibly anyone in their vicinity, going by the traditions). I have not heard of this term before, so this is an immediate reaction from no background bar my cultural knowledge of sidhe/fae/term as culturally appropriate. My general approach is people can identify themselves as they want.“ - Celtic

So we’ve got a pagan who’s wary that people who use fae/faer (and people in general) might not have a fully fleshed out idea of the Fae. And we’ve got a Celt who doesn’t mind people using fae/faer personally, but based on what they know of the Fae they wouldn’t be surprised if the Fae got mad about it. No outright opposition, but a little concern.

There were not a lot of replies on the pro side, but not because people weren’t into it, judging by the votes. There were a lot of “it’s more complicated than that” replies, many of which repeated others, so quotes won’t really work. Here’s a summary of the Celtic bits:

“Fae” is not a Celtic word, and Celts don’t use it. It is French, or Anglo-French.

“Fae” can refer to any number of stories/legends from a wide variety of cultures in Europe, not one cohesive concept.

There are many legends about fairy-like beings in Celtic mythologies, and there are many, many different names for them.

The Celts are not a monolith, they’re a broad selection of cultures with various languages and various mythologies.

And the pagan bits:

Paganism is not closed or exclusive in any way. It might actually be more open than anything else, as “pagan” is a sort of umbrella term for non-mainstream religions in some contexts. A closed culture would be a prerequisite for something to be considered “appropriated” from paganism.

From my own experience, pagans may or may not believe in the Fae, and within that group believers may or may not consider the Fae to be sacred and/or worthy of great respect. (I’ve certainly never met a pagan who worshipped the Fae, though I don’t doubt that some do.)

And then we get into the accusations. 🍿

“this issue wasn’t started by Celtic groups or by people who know much about Celtic fae. It was started primarily by anti-neopronoun exclusionist pagans on TikTok.“

“[I’m] literally Scottish [...] and it’s not appropriative in the least and honestly to suggest as such is massively invalidating towards actual acts of cultural appropriation and is therefore racist. Feel like if this was actually brought up it was either by some people who seriously got their wires crossed or people who are just concern trolling and trying to make fun of both neo-pronouns and of the concept of cultural appropriation and stir the pot in the process.“

“It wouldn't be the first time bigots falsly claim “it's appropriative from X marginalized group" to harass people they don't like, like they did with aspec people when they claimed "aspec" was stolen from autistic language (which was false, as many autistics said)“

“It's been a discussion in pagan circles recently ... People were very quick to use the discussion as an excuse to shit on nonbinary people.“

“I think it would be apropos to note that the word "faerie/fairy" has been a synonym for various queer identities for decades, too. The Radical Faeries are a good example.“ (So if anyone has the right to [re]claim it...)

A little healthy skepticism is often wise in online LGBTQ+ “discourse”, and some of these people are making some very strong claims, for which I’d love to see some evidence/sources/context. Some of it certainly sounds plausible.

HOW DID IT START?

I had a look on Twitter and the earliest claim I can find that fae/faer pronouns are cultural appropriation is from 18th February 2020, almost exactly one year ago today. Again, tweets are not the best medium for this, there was very little in the way of nuance or context. If anyone can find an older claim from Twitter or Tumblr or anywhere else online, please do send it my way.

I have no idea how to navigate TikTok because I’m a nonbinosaur. (I’m 34.) I did find some videos of teens and young adults apparently earnestly asserting that they were Celtic or pagan and the use of fae/faer pronouns was offensive, but the videos were very brief and provided nothing in the way of nuance or context. For example:

This one from October 2020 with 29k ❤️s, by someone who I assume is USian based on the word “mom”?

This one from December 2020, that says “I am pagan and i find it rather disrespectful. It’s like using god/godr or jesus/jesusr.” That’s probably what inspired the feedback box comment above that refers to hypothetical jesus/jesusr pronouns.

If anyone is able to find a particularly old or influential TikTok video about fae/faer pronouns being appropriative I’d really appreciate it, especially if it’s from a different age group or from not-the-USA, to give us a feel for how universal this is.

For context, fae pronouns were mentioned in the very first Gender Census back in May 2013, though you’ll have to take my word for it as the individual responses are not currently public. The word “fae” was mentioned in the pronoun question’s “other” textbox, and no other forms in the set were entered so we have no way of knowing for sure what that person’s full pronoun set actually is. This means the set may have been around for longer. The Nonbinary Wiki says that the pronoun set was created in October 2013, as “fae/vaer”, later than the first entry in the Gender Census, so I’ll be editing that wiki page later! If anyone has any examples of fae/faer pronouns in use before 2013 I would also be very interested to see that.

IN SUMMARY

Obviously I can’t speak for everyone, as the Twitter polls are not super scientific and they only surveyed a selection of Celts and pagans within a few degrees of separation of the Gender Census Twitter and Mastodon accounts, but I can certainly report on what I found.

For a more conclusive result, we’d need to take into account various demographics such as age, culture, location, religion, race/heritage, etc.

As far as I can tell based on fairly small samples of over 400 people per group, a minority of about 13% of Celtic and/or pagan people felt that use of fae/faer pronouns is appropriative.

A much higher number of people per group felt positive about people who are not Celts or pagans using fae/faer pronouns. The predominant view was:

It can’t be cultural appropriation from Celtic cultures because fairy-like beings are not unique to Celtic cultures and Celtic cultures don’t call them Fae.

It can’t be cultural appropriation from pagan cultures because paganism is not “closed” or exclusive in any way, it’s too broad and open.

If your experience of your gender(s) or lack thereof isn’t described or encompassed by the gender binary of “male OR female”, please do click here to take the Gender Census 2021 - it’s international and it closes no earlier than 10th March 2021!

#fae/faer #pronouns #neopronouns #cultural appropriation

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hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger · 4 years ago

Video

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Oh yeah.

I’m going here.

This is the infamous deleted scene from Captain Marvel 2019, wherein a man named The Don (played by an old EastEnders actor actually) harasses Carol Danvers and she hurts him and forces him to give her some of his clothes and motorcycle.

There is a lot to be said about this scene and people have already dissected it to death. But what apalled me the most was seeing people defend and even champion it as a female power fantasy.

And they are right. It is a female power fantasy.

It is a TOXIC female power fantasy.*

Want the proof?

Let’s consider a little movie by the name of Spider-Man.

Peter Parker is a quintessential early 2000s beta male nerd stereotype, complete with being the victim of strapping jock bully Flash Thompson.

Flash both physically intimidates Peter and along with his buddies makes physical contact with Peter.

After Peter develops his super spider powers he inadvertantly antagonizes Flash. Flash tries to physically assault Peter but Peter’s powers make him more than a match for the bully. Not fully aware of his own strength he sends Flash flying with one punch.

youtube

Peter is clearly shocked but also delighted with his victory and newfound power.

This is surely one of the ultimate early 2000s beta male nerd power fantasies isn’t it?

A clear cut case of wish fulfillment...or is it?

The girl Peter likes (Mary Jane) and some of the other students are shocked and afraid of what they just saw. Flash’s friend sums it up best:

Jesus Parker. You are a freak.

This wipes Peter’s delight of his face.

Huh? It’s almost like this is a subversion of the early 2000s beta male nerd wish fulfillment power fantasy.

It’s almost as though the film is conveying Peter’s display of raw over the top power as freakish and a bad thing. And has Peter himself taken aback by the idea.

Naaaaaaaaah, I’m probably just reading too much into it.

Anyway, that evening Peter encounters Mary Jane and they discuss the fight.

Mary Jane says:

You really freaked us out.

Peter then apologises and asks if Flash is okay.

youtube

Hmmmm, the person Peter wants to hook up with explicitly telling him his display of power scared her and others. The early 2000s beta male nerd handed incredible power expressing concern for the jock bully who victimized him?

Again, smacks of a subversion of the wish fulfillment power fantasy to me. Almost like the movie is once more trying to float the idea that what Peter did was wrong or something.

BAH! Curse my over analyzing for reading far too much into this moment.

Later, in perhaps the most crucial scene of the film, Peter’s father figure Uncle Ben also discusses the fight.

Bear in mind Ben up until now has been characterized as a paragon of virtue and wisdom. The viewers aware he represents absolute good within the context of the movie.

So what does the symbol of absolute good tell our early 2000s beta male nerd protagonist? Well, he says:

This guy, Flash Thompson, he probably deserved what happened to him. But just because you can beat him up doesn't give you the right to.

youtube

Imma repeat some of that.

...just because you can beat him up doesn't give you the right to.

...JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN BEAT HIM UP DOESN’T GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO...

Do I even need to say more?

The movie is explicitly telling us that the early 2000s beta male nerd wish fulfillment power fantasy of using your power for payback or dominating those weaker than yourself IS WRONG!

Or if you are like toxic.

And just in case you still didn’t get that the movie uses this as a way to deliver the most famous line of the movie. The line that was used in the promotion of the film and of the character in general. The line that is again explicitly conveyed as the fundamental ideology and message of both the film and character as a whole.

Remember, with great power, comes great responsibility.

Carol Danvers in this scene is not a hero.

She has great power. She used it irresponsibly. She used it to hurt someone she could beat up as though that gave her the right to.

She was toxic.

This deleted scene so many people are championing displays a less sophisticated or considered idea of what heroism is and should be than a movie made 17 years earlier!

*Which is probably why they deleted it.

#Carol Danvers #Spider-Man #Spider-Man 2002 #Spider-Man Trilogy #Captain Marvel 2019 #MCU #marvel cinematic universe #Peter Parker #Uncle Ben #Ben Parker #The Don #Politics

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olderthannetfic · 4 years ago

Note

I wanted to ask you about radical feminism (TERF-ism & TIRF-ism). Radical feminism never seemed to be *necessarily* some of the really bad things that people on this blog say it is. For instance, everything roach-works says it is in an earlier post. There are at least some people I've read who are part of the movement of radical feminism (whether or not they would self-identify as that) and who really don't espouse any of the views in roach-works comments. (1/2) Thinking of the list of points

From nothorses - the people I’ve read (e.g. Iris Marion Young) *do* espouse many of these, but not so in a way that has to lead to these more extreme views that roach-works mentioned. One may not agree with them but they don’t seem so bad to me? Are they? Am I a terrible person? It disturbs me to hear something with the word 'feminism' in it denigrated so harshly, and it always seems to me like the views get mixed up with the worst half of the people who believe in them. (2/2)

(Appendix...) I feel there's a lot of truth in SOME of the views that nothorses correctly ascribes (i. m. o.) to radical feminists, in particular: "Women are all miserable with their bodies, cursed with the pressure to reproduce and have sex with men. ... miserable with their genders, forced as they are to ensure the overwhelming and constant suffering that is patriarchy." Is it just that the "all" makes the views too strong? Or is there, for critics, a more fundamental problem I'm missing?

I've seen some much nicer, saner people self-describe as radical feminists and object strenuously to how I see radfems... However, all of them still kept talking about porn in terms that only make sense if you're talking about the evils of the mainstream industry, and moreso the mainstream industry of the 1970s (which is when a lot of this rhetoric comes from). And yet this attitude gets over-applied to porn in general, regardless of medium, working conditions, or level of economic necessity involved in its creation.

The attitudes I think are pretty much universal in this ideology, and universally shitty, come out when they're confronted with fsub content by and for women.

Yeah, yeah, "mommy porn". I'm not saying Fifty Shades of Grey is well written or not kind of embarrassing, but when people start bleating about how confused womenfolk will get bad ideas from it, you should be suspicious, whether they're radfems or fundies.

"The hot billionaire falls in love with me for no reason and does all the work to make sex hot while I lie there like a dead fish" is a common fantasy. It really doesn't say anything about the woman in question, nor does it make the patriarchy stronger.

The big one to look for from nothorses list is #5:

Sex, in particular, is more often exploitative than not. Only some kinds of sex are not exploitative. Many kinds of sex that we think are consensual, or that people say are consensual, are either rape or proto-rape.

This is saying "BDSM is rape", which is something that most radfems do think once you scratch the surface. Rape roleplay is also rape and furthering the patriarchy.

Even if they make some small allowance for informed adults doing BDSM in some strict environment with specific rules, show them 50SoG and women's right to choose goes out the window. Sure, the relationship in the book looks pretty unhealthy, at least at the beginning, but the thing being criticized is readers' right to choose.

Even the radfems who support butchness and don't think butch women are gender traitors will usually be assholes over trashy wank material like 50SoG.

And once you open the door to "your libido is political", you've started down a very dark road that leads to a bunch of naturally kinky tumblr teens sitting in their bedrooms, staring at their computer screens, and wondering if they're a future rapist because they like a/b/o or sex pollen or something.

I get where you're coming from. Maybe you're in a context where most women are pretty miserable. But I'm not. I was raised by a mother who thought diets were stupid and telling your daughter what you think of her body is active child abuse.

Being a victim of abuse, including "you're too fat" type abuse, is neither inherent nor unique to women. Sure, women tend to be under the microscope, but so are lots of people.

As an upper middle class anglo white woman in the US and moreover as a woman who looks fairly conventionally femme even with my very hairy legs (much to my annoyance), I honestly don't experience that much policing. I already, through no fault and certainly no merit of my own, conform reasonably well to the "neutral" standard of white womanhood. My male equivalent would be the most unmarked in the US, but I'm only a little marked.

What this gender-obsessed analysis misses is that it's not about womanhood: it's about failing to be the "neutral" default. Poor people fail. Black people fail. Asian people fail. Disabled people fail. At least in the US. In Japan, third generation Korean-Japanese fail. Burakumin fail despite being ethnically Japanese due to having been a separate caste for centuries.

"Intersectionality" on social media tends to get used as miserypoker: the speaker with the most listed oppressions wins the argument and you should signal boost them or you're a bad person.

In actuality, what intersectionality means is recognizing that gender and sex may sometimes just not be very important in a given person's life if they experience enough privilege or if, conversely, they have such a profound lack of privilege elsewhere that this other identity overshadows gender in terms of their lived experience.

Radfem ideology says I must prioritize Woman out of my many identities. But, in reality, I feel more kinship with bisexual men than with lesbian women. I feel more kinship with kinky straight people than with bisexuals who want AO3 and pride parades to be nothing but g-rated hand holding.

I get that it's upsetting for people to be railing against something called "feminism", but that's like saying that disliking the Jews for Jesus makes you antisemitic. The whole point is that a lot of people feel that radical feminism is pretty anti-woman in many of its core values.

I don't think you're a bad person. I do think that some of the underpinnings of radfem ideology lead directly to sensitive people who are concerned about such things wondering if they are.

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not-reagan · 3 years ago

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milf: man i love forests

pairing: deforester boo seungkwan x frat boy mirror demon han jisung (side pairing reagan x rainbow)

genre: crack, strangers to friends to lovers, non-idol au

warnings: cursing, brief supernatural elements, i don’t know if this applies but all lcase, and i listened to christmas music and abba while writing this

word count: 2.7k

authors note: happy birthday @miyuuraiura !! i am so sorry about this monstrosity being your birthday gift but you asked for it so it's your fault entirely. i was gonna include some context on this story for those who are not rainbow and i but actually i don't think i will.

seungkwan did what he could to get by. he loved nature, he really did, but sometimes you have to make moral sacrifices to survive. he was a college kid strapped for cash, and when he saw a sign reading “GET RICH QUICK, INVEST IN DEFORESTATION” in the summer going into his freshmen year, he jumped at the opportunity. sure, he would have rather been a freelance singer, hired for bar-mitzvahs and children's parties, but that job market was flooded at the moment.

jisung, on the other hand, had no care for nature. actually, he didn't care for any human things, apart from “banging parties, booze, the boys™, and bitches”. he hated quite a bit about earth, the worst of all to him being college. as a demon, he had no reason to attend university, but after he was summoned in the bathroom of a frat house by the school’s power couple; rainbow and reagan, he felt obliged to follow the two around and keep them company.

for seungkwan, his main job rarely required in person work. he usually just chose plots of land to demolish, and sent plans to local managers. the only time he actually had to knock down any trees himself was during his summer break. he has a part time job of course, but it didn't provide him enough cash to survive. for someone with a job as a deforester, he truly did do what he could to save the environment. he joined his schools environmental club, becoming vice president his sophomore year because of his work with them. he kept his job a secret, not even telling his parents where the influx of cash was coming from. he kept a low profile and went through the motions of life. he didn't have much of a social life, with his small amount of friends being from the environmental club.

han jisung found joy in witnessing his professors and fellow students lose their minds over his lack of effort in class. he did the bare minimum and still passed with flying colors. most of all, it angered his seatmate in earth science, who happened to be none other than boo seungkwan. seungkwan was a hard worker in everything he did, particularly in school. he didn't get the best grades, but by no means was he the worst. averaging a steady B+, seungkwan spent most of his nights studying or working, rarely going to parties and enjoying himself only through one person karaoke rooms.

this fact upset jisung. he didn't know why, but seeing seungkwan so tired every day made him feel sad(? jisung wasn't sure what it made him feel. it was an emotion he had never experienced before. rainbow told him it meant he had a crush. to this he threw an empty soda can at them). not to mention seungkwan’s upsetting karaoke addiction, which he knew all about the danger of because of reagan, who spent most of her weekends drunk and singing. jisung didn’t know why he took such a liking to seungkwan. what he did know was that he was ecstatic to find that they would be paired together for a project. a project that required quite a bit of teamwork, and a lot of after school work sessions.

seungkwan liked to think that he didn’t hate anyone. he hated evil people, like hitler and stalin and jyp, but he didn’t really hate anyone besides the worst of the worst. that was until he experienced jisung. he wasn’t sure why jisung always talked to him when he was trying to take notes in class. he especially wasn’t sure why he was so excited to be partnered up together for the project that was worth 25% of their grade. seungkwan was less than happy to have to cooperate with jisung for an extended period of time, and he was not looking forward to letting him into his dorm room, or going anywhere near jisung’s frat house. seungkwan had no idea what he was pushed into.

they planned to meet at the cafe on campus at 5:00 pm after class. seungkwan was less than happy. jisung was thrilled. when jisung arrived seungkwan was sitting at a table drinking an americano and working on an english essay. he wasn't sure how to approach him, slowly walked closer before tapping on his shoulder. seungkwan jolted in his seat.

“jesus fuck jisung. you scared the crap out of me,” seungkwan gasped. jisung’s ears flushed as he brought his hand to the back if his neck.

“sorry,” he started, pausing for a second before starting again, “why don't we get started?”. he swung his bag down to the ground as he took a seat. seungkwan offered a small, non genuine smile before pulling out the project’s guidelines.

“let's try to finish this as quickly as possible. im pretty busy and don't have much time to fool around.” seungkwan said. jisung felt his heart drop. did seungkwan really think that little of him? granted, he always dozed off in class but he got his work done on time and in an orderly fashion. he felt his mind begin to wander. if seungkwan felt this way about him now, how would he feel when he found out that jisung was a demon. would seungkwan start to like him if he knew him better? jisung couldn't figure out why he cared so much about how seungkwan perceived him. he had never had an issue with others opinions of him before, so what made seungkwan so different? for some reason, jisung felt the need to connect with seungkwan. if not for himself, then at least to help him let loose.

after working silently on each of their portions of the projects for 3 hours, jisung finally spoke up. “do you want to maybe come to my party next month? well, it's not my party, it's for rainbow’s birthday. i know you're not one for social interaction but it would be cool to see you there. i’ll give you the details if-”

“i’d love to go,” seungkwan cut off jisung’s rambling. to be honest, he wasn't exactly sure what he was agreeing to, but he knew it would shut jisung up, and seungkwan valued his peace and quiet. part of him also just felt downright bad for the other. he seemed to be trying awfully hard to become friends with seungkwan, and he wouldn’t admit it, seungkwan had started to warm up to the boy. he really wasn’t as much of an issue as he had thought before, and was actually really respectful of seungkwan’s wishes. maybe i’ll give him a chance, seungkwan thought before going back to his work.

over the next month, jisung and seungkwan continued meeting to work on their project. seungkwan was less short with the other, and jisung was still red faced every time seungkwan decided to talk to him, which became quite frequently over the next few weeks. jisung was starting to realize that the feelings he had for seungkwan were not simply platonic, and that he didn’t just want to be friends with him. with the help of rainbow and reagan, he had come to the conclusion that he really, really liked seungkwan, and that he was going to do something about it. remembering that he had invited seungkwan to the party, he devised a plan to not only tell seungkwan about his whole “i’m actually a demon” thing, but also about his true feelings. it wouldn't be easy, but it was what he had to do.

a month later, seungkwan still wasn’t exactly sure why he had agreed to go to jisungs frat house at 9:00 pm on a saturday night. yet there he was, standing on the front porch of a large house, wondering if he should bite the bullet and walk in, or spare himself and leave right then. he didn't get a choice, however, as rainbow and reagan stepped out of the house giggling while clutching onto each other. both stopped in their tracks when they saw seungkwan. the couple and seungkwan stared at each other for a good minute before seungkwan shook himself from his trance.

“hey rainbow!” seungkwan started, “and reagan too. i know we aren’t super close, but jisung invited me and i thought i’d just drop by and wish you a happy birthday.” he passed her a birthday card filled with $50 bucks and then turned to leave. “i’ll leave you guys now. have a great birthday!” before seungkwan could get very far, however, rainbow grabbed him by the arm.

“hey, i’d love if you’d stay! at least go say hi to jisung. i’m sure he’d like to see you,” she said, silently making note to have jisung pay her back for being a great wingwoman.

“he’s probably hiding in the second floor bathroom. if you don't see him in there, just say his name three times in front of the mirror. he’ll appear.” reagan explained. seungkwan thought she was joking. how wrong he was.

following his entrance to the house, he had to refuse not one, not two, but three different people who were looking to give him bottles or cups of something which seungkwan presumed to be various types of alcohol. navigating through the house was difficult, reaching the stairs to the second floor only after running into numerous people borderline fucking on two large couches in the living room, a smoke circle taking place in what seungkwan assumed to be a dining room, and a very aggressive makeout session against a wall. once he finally reached the second floor, he had some difficulty finding the bathroom, accidentally walking in on reagan and rainbow, who had miraculously made it upstairs faster than he had.

“if you don’t stop shitting constantly i am going to break up with you! also, stop taking feet pics! it’s weird!” he heard rainbow shout.

“at least i can eat seafood! how does it make your head hurt? you’re the weakest link! that fucking seafood platter was delicious. and you know what, i’m glad i didn’t have to share it with you!” reagan responded. seungkwan quickly shut the door, not wanting to get involved in whatever drunken argument was going on there. after a bit more searching, he finally stumbled across the right room. knocking first to see if anyone was in there, he entered, and to his surprise, nobody was there. jisung was nowhere to be seen. seungkwan reviewed his options. he could a) leave the party, or b) continue to look around the packed house. but there was another option. he thought about it for a second.

“what's the harm in trying,” seungkwan thought out loud, before staring directly into the mirror.

“han jisung, han jisung, han jisung.”

nothing happened. that's what seungkwan thought, until a minute later the lights in the bathroom flickered off and the mirror began to glow. “what. the. fuck,” seungkwan managed to squeak out before falling backwards into the tub. first a leg emerged, then two arms, and finally the rest of jisung’s body.

“i feel like the genie in aladin every time i have to get into a fucking mirror,” jisung complained before seeing seungkwan toppled over. to that view, he jumped down off the counter and moved to help him up. seungkwan, aside from falling, seemed to be reacting well to the whole situation, at least in the sense that instead of freaking out he seemed to be in a state of shock. jisung took this as a good sign, and lifted the motionless body up onto the toilet seat.

“hey seungkwan, you there?” jisung waved his hand in front of seungkwan's face as he slowly came to his senses.

“what kind of twisted party trick was that?” seungkwan asked, pretty seriously. jisung just laughed.

“you summoned me from the mirror. i’m like a funny version of michael jackson except i'm a demon and not a man in the mirror.” jisung explained. seungkwan just stared. “are you ok kwan? do you want me to get you some water?”

“it was… kind of sick.” seungkwan stated. he didn't know why he wasn't scared. under any other circumstance like this one, he probably would have shit his pants. for some reason he felt comfortable around jisung. he felt warm. he felt seen. it was something he hadn't felt before. that's when he realized. he wondered why it took himself to long to figure it out. he never hated jisung. he just didn't know what to do with the fact that he made him feel special, and that he felt as though he belonged when they were together. it had hit him why he was so nervous the whole night, why he had wanted to make such a good impression, and why he was willing to embarrass himself by calling out jisungs name as opposed to just choosing to go home. it was because he loved him.

“can i tell you something?” both of the boys said at the same time. jisung giggled and seungkwan flushed red. **authors note! bonus starts here**

“you first,” seungkwan offered. he wasn't exactly sure he would be able to make it through a sentence without getting any redder than he already was.

jisung took this opportunity to finally get his true feelings out into the air, “i like you… uhh like, i like like you. i have since we first became seatmates. well, i think that's when i've liked you since. i knew whe-”

“you're rambling again,” seungkwan told him. jisung flushed a dark shade of pink. “it's a habit of yours. i think it's cute actually.” seungkwan wasn't sure where his sudden surge of confidence came from, but he was glad it came. he was standing up now, holding jisungs hands in his. jisungs heart was racing a mile a minute as he looked down at their intertwined hands and them back up, catching seungkwan looking directly at his lips. “can… can i kiss you?” seungkwan stuttered out. jisung couldn't find his words, so he opted to just nod.

when their lips connected, seungkwan could have sworn he heard fireworks. he did later find out that someone was setting off a firework in the back yard, but it was the thought that counted. their lips melted together perfectly, and seungkwan wondered why it took him so long to admit his feelings to himself. he could have been kissing jisung for a month before this.

once they finally parted, seungkwan spoke softly, “i like you too. i think that's pretty obvious now but just in case you didn't know.” jisung had the dumbest, most confused face on, and seungkwan had the brightest smile he'd ever had. seungkwan had rendered jisung speechless, for once in his life. not long after, they started kissing again, content with their emotions and their new relationship.

seungkwan was never one to believe that good things were permanent. he was overdramatic, stubborn, and hated interacting with people outside his small social circle. that was until han jisung came along. he was starting to think that maybe, just maybe, he could let someone else into his life.

jisung was a simple man. well, not a man, but he was simple nonetheless. he liked banging parties, booze, the boys™, and bitches. well maybe there was one more thing he liked. he knew for sure he liked boo seungkwan. maybe he loved him. maybe seungkwan even felt the same way.

-fin

**BONUS**

reagan and rainbow leaned up against the door to eavesdrop on their matchmaking work.

“holy shit!” reagan gasped.

“what is it?? tell me what happened. you're hogging up the door!” rainbow hissed.

“our boy is so grown up,” reagan pretended to cry. “put your goddamn ear up here.” rainbow felt her ear connect with the cold door just as jisung confessed his feelings.

“i like you… uhh like, i like like you. i have since we first became seatmates. well, i think that's when i've liked you since. i knew whe-” his next words were cut off on the girls side of the door as reagan squealed.

“shut your mouth! seungkwans saying something!!” rainbow said, obviously annoyed that reagan was obstructing her ability to hear the exchange.

“can… can i kiss you?” they heard seungkwan say. both looked at each other in shock.

“oh. my. god.” was all rainbow could say.

“i think we should give them some alone time,” reagan suggested as she tugged rainbow down the hall.

“i think we need some alone time for ourselves,” rainbow said as reagan pushed her into a random room and locked the door behind them.

#kpop #seventeen #stray kids #svt #skz #fanfic #guys i am so sorry #seungkwan #jisung #boo seungkwan #han #han jisung #a birthday gift #miyuuraiura #for you 💕#han jisung x boo seungkwan #jisung x seungkwan #han x seungkwan

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one-boring-person · 4 years ago

Text

You Gonna Tell Me What Happened?

Ray Breslin x reader

Warnings: some bad language

Context: after escaping the Tomb, the reader finds herself in need of a friend.

A/N: Not entirely sure where this came from, but to anyone who reads this, enjoy!

Masterlist

My hopes are slowly starting to fade as I stand there in the pouring rain, my body freezing and drenched, my clothes soaked through from the last couple of hours of running back to find this place, hoping to find shelter here. I can feel myself becoming more and more worried, afraid now that I got the wrong place, trying to recall exactly what the address was when I'd looked it up, back in the office. Checking the number and road again, I confirm what I think and go to knock again, pleading under my breath that the inhabitant will answer soon. If not, well, then I'm not sure what I'll do.

When another few minutes pass with no answer, I curse to myself, trying to fight back the tears of frustration and helplessness that start to prick at my eyes. Stepping away from the door, I go to head back into the darkness, annoyed at the ungodly hour I chose to call in at, glancing up the street to make sure there are no idling vehicles waiting for me. The rain overhead starts to increase in volume, dowsing me in a fresh volley of icy water, leaving me shivering and pulling at my soaked coat to try and keep warm.

It's at that point that I hear the door behind me open, a familiar, gruff voice calling out grumpily, clearly annoyed at having been woken at this time. Whirling on my heel, I look up at the man standing in the doorway, his dark eyes widening as he realises who it is.

"(Y/n)?!" He exclaims, looking me over in shock.

"Ray! You answered!" I respond, some relief flooding me as I hesitantly walk back to the doorstep.

"Yeah, well you were pretty insistent." He remarks, frowning in confusion at me, "What're you doing here? I thought you were in New York?"

"Change of plans. Things went a bit wrong on that end." I give him a weak smile, my body shaking badly now, "I need shelter, is there any chance I can stay with you for a night?"

"Shelter? From what?"

"Well, the rain, for one, but the other reason has a long backstory attached, which I'll tell you somewhere more private than your front step." I quip back, rubbing my arms now to generate some heat.

"Right." Ray looks slightly sceptical, but stands to the side, "You can stay as long as you need."

"Thank you, thank you so much!" I rush out, relief flooding me now as I stumble inside, standing back to let him close the door behind me, waiting for him to walk me further into his home.

"Jesus, you're dripping!" Ray comments, looking concerned as he reaches out to take my coat from me, "You'll catch a cold staying like that, I'll get you a change of clothes."

Blushing slightly at his protective nature, I nod and follow him inside, feeling a sense of happiness at being back in his presence, having felt in the past months after breaking out of the Tomb a need to be back with the two men I spent so long with. No one else around me could understand the loneliness and dread that plagued me from my incarceration, and the reception I received back at work had made it even more apparent how I'd probably never find any company to replace Rottmayer and Breslin's. When things had gone awry back in New York, I'd immediately sought out the location of the two men I considered close friends: naturally, Rottmayer, or Manheim as I should really call him, was off-radar, though I had known this as soon as I tried to search for him. Having found Ray's address, I made my way here, avoiding the people sent after me, staying off-grid to remain hidden. Now that I'm here, I feel even less inclined to leave again, wishing I could stay with the dark-haired man for the remainder of my life.

"I'm sorry, I haven't really got any...female clothes," Ray interrupts my thoughts as he quickly emerges from what I'm assuming is his bedroom, having previously signalled for me to wait outside, a pile of neatly folded clothes in hand.

"No, that's fine, thank you! I'm just grateful you're letting me stay, honestly." I say to him, taking the clothes with a thankful smile.

"Like I would let you stay out there in the rain." He grins at me, gesturing to a door just across the corridor, "The bathroom is in there if you want to freshen up. I'll be in the living room."

"Thank you." I smile, heading into the bathroom and closing the door behind me.

Swiftly, I strip off, leaving my soaked clothing in a pile, quickly going under the shower to warm up slightly, before climbing out and using a nearby towel (neatly folded as I reckoned it would be) to dry myself off. Taking up the clothes he got out for me, I easily pull them on, replacing my lower underwear after a moment's hesitation, feeling them dry enough to be comfortable. The clothes swamp me, the shirt easily reaching my mid-thighs, the trousers dragging on the floor as I go to take a step. Grinning to myself, I roll up the legs and tuck in the shirt, before picking up my old clothes and leaving the bathroom.

Carefully, I locate the living room, entering the spacious room hesitantly, surprised to see Ray sitting on one of the large sofas with a tray of tea and biscuits laid out before him. As I enter, his eyes instantly snap to me, taking in my appearance quickly, gaze lingering slightly too long, making me blush under the intensity.

"Where should I put these?" I ask him, gesturing to the clothes in my hand.

"Err, just leave 'em by the foot of the stairs. I'll move 'em later." He says, pointing back the way I came.

Doing as he says, I quickly drop them in a pile at the bottom step, before returning to the living room, hovering awkwardly by the door.

"You just gonna stand there? Or are you gonna sit down?" The muscular man grins at me, patting the seat beside him.

Smiling shyly, I go over and sit down beside him, feeling a little awkward, though I really shouldn't.

"Hey, relax. I'm not gonna bite." He chuckles, placing a hand on my shoulder as he leans over to take up a teacup, pouring some tea into it and handing it to me.

"Yeah, sorry. Thank you." I blush, cursing myself for being so timid around him.

"No problem." He smiles, leaning back in his seat, watching me do the same.

Drinking the tea, I feel myself slowly get more comfortable, my muscles loosening, the aches in my muscles starting to fade slightly.

"So, you gonna tell me why you're here?" Ray finally asks the question I knew was coming.

Sighing, I place down the cup and sit back, looking down at my hands.

"Well, you remember how I said someone framed me? To get me into the Tomb?" I begin, waiting for his response before continuing, "Yeah, well it turned out that it wasn't one person, it was the whole department I work for. They wanted to get rid of me, so they sent me somewhere where they thought I'd stay for the rest of my life."

Ray is quiet for a moment, seemingly shocked.

'Your colleagues framed you? For what?" He finally asks, leaning forwards, concern etched into the lines of his face.

"I'm not sure. I never knew I was disliked, though I knew some people had a little jealousy because I am pretty good at my job. All I know is now I'm being hunted down by a squad of my old friends." I inform him, looking away as I feel tears start to push at my eyes again, still hung up over the loss of some close friends.

"Damn, (Y/n), I'm sorry. If I'd known, I would've helped you out sooner." The concerned man says, placing a hand on my shoulder, which makes me unconsciously lean into his touch.

"It's not your fault, you couldn't have known." I reassure him, rubbing at my eyes.

He hums slightly, watching me, before he suddenly leans in and wraps his arms around me, pulling me tightly into his body. Surprised, I freeze for a split second, quickly relaxing into his hold as his scent makes its way into my nostrils, his grip around me comforting. Sighing in contentment, I sink into his embrace, wrapping my arms around him as he manages to manoeuvre us so that he's lying on his back, my body nestled into his. His hands rub my back, eyes gentle as they stare at me, a smile on his face.

"Thank you, Ray." I whisper to him, burying my face into his chest, feeling much more relaxed now.

"Anytime, (Y/n)." He replies, leaning down to kiss my forehead gently, before tightening his grip around me and lying back, the two of us falling into a relaxed sleep together.

#escape plan 2013 #escape plan #Ray Breslin #Ray Breslin x reader #sylvester stallone

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scenes-in-between · 4 years ago

Text

Trust No 1 (Part Four)

For the hundredth time in the last 18 hours, Gibson wonders why he agreed to this.

The train is busy and loud in a way he hasn’t had to deal with for a long time. Living for months crammed in a tiny trailer with Mulder’s noisy mind was nothing compared to this. Dozens of people in close proximity, only a handful of them asleep, all drowning each other out and making it nearly impossible to listen for threats. He finds himself trembling with the effort.

Jesus, poor kid, Mulder practically screams beside him.

“I’m fine,” he says through clenched teeth. “Just got used to the quiet.”

“Only a few more hours,” Mulder murmurs aloud, and Gibson nods.

A picture flares to life in Mulder’s mind, something Gibson has seen there before but Mulder’s never spoken about. Gibson doesn’t know if he’s remembering a nightmare or something that actually happened; it feels like the latter, but that’s impossible.

Mulder catches Gibson frowning at him and shrugs, sighing. “Sorry. I know it’s not the same, and I’m not suggesting I know exactly what you’re going through. I just can’t help remembering how it felt.”

“How what felt?”

Now Mulder’s the one to frown, confused. “You don’t know? I mean… You couldn’t see that memory just now?”

“People usually remember things in a kind of shorthand. There’s not always context. This memory of yours… I’ve seen it before, but I don’t know what it means or if it’s even real.”

“What did you see?”

“You’re in a hospital, I think. And you can hear people like I can. But it’s too much. It hurts, and you can’t… you’re not…”

“Yeah,” Mulder says quietly. “Yeah, that was real.”

“But how?”

There was an artifact, Mulder thinks. A piece of a ship, a spacecraft. I don’t know how or why it affected me like that, but it did. I could hear thoughts, but not like you do, not really. My mind couldn’t handle the input. It burned me up, shut me down. I almost died. Only reason I didn’t is that someone cut open my head and took whatever it was out of me.

Gibson can see images again as Mulder remembers waking up in that room, remembers Scully rescuing him. Mulder’s thoughts slide away from the narrative of the memory and latch on to Scully, and how he can’t wait to see her, and William, and there is this swell of affection that is unlike anything Gibson ever felt from his own parents. It makes him a little sad, even though he’s long since come to terms with the fact that his parents were always more afraid of him than anything else.

“They just cut it out of you?” Gibson prompts, hoping to steer Mulder back on course.

Mulder blinks. “Uh, yeah. I mean, I assume so. I used to have, well it was never a big scar, but…” He brushes his fingers over his forehead, almost like it’s a reflex. “Then later, after I came back from the dead, everything just… healed. Way faster and way more completely than should have even been possible. Can’t even feel the scar at all anymore. But yeah, that’s where they cut me open, and then when I woke up afterward, that was that. Only thoughts in my head were my own.”

Gibson wonders what it would be like to never hear anyone else’s thoughts, ever. The only way that ever truly happens for him is if he’s physically isolated, though when he’s not so out of practice, he can choose to turn the volume down by picking one thing or person to focus on. He realizes that as Mulder’s been talking (both in his head and out loud), that’s exactly what has happened; the rest of the mental chatter in the train car has faded into the background, nothing more than a dull murmur at the edge of his mind. He’s grateful for the respite, but it also means he might miss something, if there’s someone or something on this train that wants to hurt them. He really should go back to listening.

But also he’s just so, so tired.

“How much longer until the next station?” he asks, wondering if maybe, since he hasn’t picked up on the presence of any threats on the journey so far, he can afford to let his guard down a little, at least until they stop again and more new people get on board.

Mulder shifts and digs into his pocket for the brochure they picked up at the station the last time they transferred, which has a timetable with all the stops on this rail line. “Hmm, forty-five minutes, give or take? Why?”

“Can you do me a favor and just think about something really boring for a little while? Like, I don’t know, FBI protocols or something?”

Mulder chuckles. “Can’t say I’ve ever really been much of an expert on those. But sure. You gonna try to nap?”

Gibson doubts actually falling asleep is possible, but he nods anyway. Even if he can just rest for a while, that will be good. Just in case, though…

“Make sure I’m awake when we get to the next station, okay? So I can listen to the new people getting on. Just in case.”

Mulder nods, and a jumble of emotion spills out of him: pity, guilt, gratitude, regret, and something else Gibson can’t immediately identify. There’s this sense of he’s way too young to have to have to carry all this and I should be the one protecting him, which makes Gibson want to roll his eyes. Mulder still seems to think of him as the 12 year-old kid he was when they met, but he’s 16 now, and he’s been living on his own for a good long while. He can more than take care of himself. But there it is again, that flash of something else, and then it’s like Mulder makes the conscious decision to stop and focus on that one feeling because it completely takes over. It’s warm and something like affection but not quite, and Gibson puzzles over it some more before realizing, finally, that it’s pride.

Mulder is proud of him.

It’s not something Gibson has felt directed toward him many times in his life, and it makes him squirm a little bit. But it’s also nice.

“Thanks,” he says quietly, and Mulder nods again.

“You got it, kid.”

All right, let’s see. Now, unfortunately for me, I’ve had to sit through more than a few training seminars on the application of Chapter 119 of Title 18 of the US Penal Code. Fortunately for you, this is just about the most boring subject on the face of the Earth, and as I happen to be cursed with an eidetic memory, I can recite the stupid thing chapter and verse. Consider this your first class ticket on an express train to Snoozeville.

Gibson can’t help but smile a little as he leans back in his seat and closes his eyes.

Chapter 119: Wire and Electronic Communications Interception and Interception of Oral Communications. Section 2510: Definitions. As used in this chapter-- (1) “wire communication” means any aural transfer made in whole or in part through the use of facilities for the transmission of communications by the aid of wire, cable, or other like connection between the point of origin and the point of reception…

The gentle rhythm of Mulder’s bland recitation melds perfectly with the steady rocking and the click-clack of the train, and in spite of his apprehensions, Gibson is asleep in minutes.

***

From the relative comfort of his office, the Shadow Man watches the grainy feed from the station platform’s surveillance camera. It’s not exactly riveting viewing; Agent Scully paces back and forth, having arrived at the station more than an hour before the train is due. But, this is what he does. He watches. All day long, day after day, he watches and he listens.

It’s a form of omniscience, being able to drop into the daily life of virtually anyone he may choose, whenever he needs to, observing unseen from the shadows. (Not the most imaginative moniker, this one these FBI agents have given him, but he supposes it does fit.) Tonight, all he needs is confirmation that Mulder really is going to get off that train.

Scully’s posture belies not only anticipation but also fear. Her guard is fully up, but she need not worry. Not tonight, anyway. Let them have their reunion. He will call tomorrow to arrange a meeting, and then he’ll eliminate Mulder once and for all. He has waited months for this opportunity; one more night is nothing.

That is, until something happens that tosses every one of his carefully-laid plans out the window: someone blacks out the camera lens.

Ah. So. His little employee has finally started to put the pieces together, has he? He supposes it was just a matter of time, but this is particularly inconvenient. Without eyes on the platform, he loses his advantage. Despite his claims to the contrary, it would absolutely be possible for Mulder and Scully to vanish into the wind, away from his view. He cannot let that happen.

He glances at the clock and scowls. It will be a close-run thing, getting to Alexandria from Bethesda before the train arrives, but the late hour and empty roads are on his side. He’s out the door and on the road in minutes, speeding southward.

Looks like Mulder and Scully won’t be getting their little reunion after all. But they’re the ones who decided not to play along. Now the plan has to change, and that’s fine by him. A predatory grin lurks at the corners of his mouth as he presses harder on the accelerator.

This ends tonight.

***

As the train begins to slow on approach to the station, Mulder’s leg bounces with both nerves and excitement. Beside him, Gibson is still and silent, all of his attention focused on the thoughts of the people outside.

Suddenly he gasps and grabs Mulder’s arm. “You can’t go out there.”

No, please, I’m so close...

“You can hear someone out there?” Mulder asks tightly.

“Yes! There’s a man, and he’s one of them. He wants to kill you.”

“Damnit…”

Scully said we’d be safe. Oh no, Scully…

“Is Scully in danger?”

Gibson’s eyes are wide. “I don’t know. He’s… he’s got a gun, and he’s not aiming for her, but he doesn’t care that she’s in the way.”

Mulder leaps to his feet.

“Wait! You can’t!”

The three pops of gunfire are muted from inside the train car, but Mulder hears them anyway. He hurtles forward to lean over Gibson and peer out the window. There’s movement on the platform, bodies on the ground, but it’s too dark and they’re too far away for him to make out any detail.

The train picks up speed again, and a ripple of confused chatter fills the car and drowns out the conductor’s words coming over the loudspeaker. Mulder’s insides give a desperate lurch as he catches just a glimpse of Scully’s stricken face through the window. She’s on her feet, thank god. She wasn’t shot.

For the span of a heartbeat, there she is in front of him, real and solid, not just a presence in his mind. But then she’s gone again as the train whisks him past, and he wants to cry out at the injustice of it. It’s not fair. I was so close. The months of separation feel like an iron band around his ribs.

But it’s clearly still not safe to go home. He knows she wouldn’t have brought him out of hiding unless she truly believed it would be okay, but apparently whoever led her to that belief was either wrong or lying. Will it ever be completely safe? Is this what the rest of his life is going to be, this hiding and running and always looking over his shoulder? Feeling like he’s in this limbo, merely existing while the rest of his life carries on thousands of miles away without him?

It’s not until Gibson grabs him by the arm and shakes him that he realizes the boy has been speaking. He blinks.

“What?”

“He’s on the train! The man who was on the platform. He knows you’re here, and he’s coming after you!”

Mulder snaps to attention. “Can you tell where he is?”

Gibson squeezes his eyes shut, visibly shaking from concentration or fear or both. “He’s… he’s three cars ahead, but under… hanging on to the underside. I think he was on the tracks and then grabbed on to the train as it went over him.” He opens his eyes again, wide. “We have to get out of here!”

Mulder’s stomach tightens as he does a quick mental calculation. While he didn’t plan for this exact scenario, he did look up several potential places he could try to go, in case it turned out that it wasn’t safe in D.C. after all. One of them is a quarry with significant iron deposits, just south of Alexandria. The tracks run near enough that he just might make it, might be able to lead the man there, if he can manage to avoid getting caught first.

Quickly, nonverbally, he rushes to convey his plan to Gibson. He’s got about two or three minutes to jump off the train and hope to god the man follows him. He jerks open the zipper on his backpack and pulls out one of the burner phones he bought, as well as a couple of hundred dollar bills, shoving both into his pocket.

“I hoped we wouldn’t have to use these,” he says aloud, “but this is exactly why I bought them. Stay on the train for two more stops, then find somewhere to lay low. Let me know where you are, and I’ll come find you. The number for this phone is on the paper in the backpack. Got it?”

“What if something happens to you?”

Call Scully, Mulder tells him telepathically. “But I’m hoping it won’t come to that,” he adds.

Gibson nods, and Mulder gives his shoulder a squeeze before hurrying down the aisle to the door. He moves quickly between cars, into and through the one in front of where they were sitting, and then the next. If Gibson’s right, the man should be there just ahead of him, underneath the very next car.

Mulder’s heart pounds as he turns the latch to open the exterior door. He certainly doesn’t want to get caught, but he also needs to make sure the man follows him into the quarry and doesn’t get on the train and go after Gibson. Outside the ground rushes past, and he steels himself for how much this next part is going to suck.

I am getting way too old for this shit.

He grips the handrail beside the door and leans forward as much as he dares.

“Hey asshole!” he shouts into the wind. “Looking for me?!”

Taking one last deep breath, he jumps.

***

Only when she is absolutely certain that the Shadow Man super-soldier isn’t coming after her does Scully stop running. She looks around wildly. Mulder has to still be here, somewhere.

“Mulder!”

It’s Arizona all over again, with her shouting his name into the night, hoping against hope for some answering call.

“Mulder!”

But as was the case in Arizona, she receives no response.

***

The roller coaster of emotion is too much for Gibson. His own feelings are magnified by what he hears in Mulder’s thoughts, a sort of resonating loop that spirals him toward despair and exhaustion.

So he sleeps. It is, mercifully, a dreamless slumber, and it cradles him all the way back to New Mexico. Mulder gently shakes him awake, and they wordlessly disembark, waiting amid the other passengers while Mulder’s motorcycle is unloaded. Once they retrieve it, it’s a quiet ride back to the trailer neither of them had hoped to see again, though once they crest the hill and finally come within sight of it, Gibson lets out a sigh of relief.

#x-files fanfic #TXF: Trust No 1 #mulderfic #scullyfic #gibson praise #msr #mulder on the run #a/n: lol at myself for thinking (way back in october) that i would get this finished and posted soon #ah well #here it is at long last :)#will 2021 be the year i finally finish this scenes-in-between project?#who knows! but that would be cool!#;)#hi friends #hope you are all doing well

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thatsamericano · 4 years ago

Text

Palm to Palm is Holy Palmers’ Kiss

Pairing/Characters: America/Romano. Hungary, Ancient Greece, and Canada are mentioned.

Genre: Fluffy high school human AU. No warnings. Teen-rated for minor cursing and mildly suggestive making out.

Word Count: 2154

Notes: Written for the Day 2 prompt “hand kiss” on @hetaliancupid-hetaliaevent. The title is taken from a scene in Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, which is also quoted in the fic.

Summary: Alfred needs help rehearsing his lines for the school production of Romeo and Juliet, and his best friend Savino agrees to help him. But the fact that Alfred is playing Romeo and Savino is reading Juliet’s lines makes things complicated, especially since they’re rehearsing the first kiss scene.

“Hey, Vinny, do you mind helping me rehearse my lines a little? I’m supposed to start rehearsals with Erzsébet tomorrow, and I want to make sure I have them memorized by then.”

Savino glanced up from the math homework he’d barely started and saw his best friend Alfred standing there with a hopeful grin, sky blue eyes twinkling behind his glasses, and an opened script book held in his hands. For his own well-being, Savino should have refused and told Alfred he was too busy to help him read lines. Alfred was starring in the upcoming school play as the male lead in Romeo and Juliet, and Erzsébet was playing his love interest. The last thing Savino needed was to torture himself by reading romantic lines to his best friend and secret crush when he would never have the guts to say anything romantic to him in any other context. But, unfortunately for him, Savino had never been good at refusing Alfred, especially when he pulled out the puppy dog eyes.

Savino frowned as he shoved his math book, his pencil, and the sheet of notebook paper he’d been using into his messenger bag. “I’ve got a lot of other shit to do, so I’ll help, but not if it’s gonna take too long.”

Alfred bounced over and plopped down on the couch next to him. “Don’t worry, dude. I just need you to help me with this one scene.” Alfred passed the script over to him. “My lines start at the top of page 15.”

Savino gulped when he saw that Alfred wanted him to rehearse the fucking kissing scene from Act 1. Jesus Christ. That was worse than the goddamned balcony scene.

He quickly glanced over Alfred’s shoulder just to make sure they were alone in the student lounge. Rehearsing this scene with Alfred would be embarrassing even without witnesses, but Savino couldn’t stand for them to have an audience.

Alfred abruptly grabbed his left hand, and Savino quickly glanced down at the page to make sure Alfred was reading his lines correctly. “If I profane with my unworthiest hand this holy shrine, the gentle sin is this: my lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand to smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss,” Alfred said. He read the lines perfectly, with a sincere, lovestruck tone that was appropriate to the scene. No wonder he had been cast as the lead in the school play.

Alfred bent his head down to brush a feathery kiss over Savino’s knuckles, and Savino trembled. Alfred wasn’t the best at picking up on the subtleties of body language, but Savino wasn’t being subtle, so Alfred noticed right away. He gave Savino a worried look. “Are you okay? I’m sorry if this is weirding you out. I wouldn’t normally kiss your hand, but I’m supposed to kiss Juliet’s hand according to all the movie versions of this I’ve seen. And I think it will be easier for me to remember my lines if I stay in character.”

“It’s fine. I just wasn’t expecting it, that was all.” It wasn’t fine, but not for the reasons Alfred believed. Savino knew he wouldn’t be able to stop daydreaming about that simple hand kiss for weeks.

He cleared his throat and read Juliet’s responding lines out loud. “Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much, which mannerly devotion shows in this, for saints have hands that pilgrims’ hands do touch, and palm to palm is holy palmers’ kiss.” His delivery was much more awkward than Alfred’s had been, but Savino wasn’t an actor and had never claimed to be.

Alfred shifted his hand a little so that their palms were touching. “If touching our palms together is kissing, what’s lacing our fingers together? Making out on the couch?”

Savino narrowed his eyes and tried to push the thought of them ignoring the script and making out on the same couch they were sitting on to the back of his mind. “Idiota, you know that isn’t the line.”

Alfred shrugged one shoulder nonchalantly. “I know. I was just wondering. The metaphor doesn’t really hold up, in my opinion.”

Savino rolled his eyes, and Alfred got back into character. He gave him a coy look, like he was trying to flirt. “Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?”

Savino quickly glanced down at the script book to read his next line. “Ay pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer.”

“O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do. They pray; grant thou, lest faith turn to despair.” Alfred inched closer to him on the couch, like he was preparing to kiss him, and Savino couldn’t help stammering a little as he read his reply.

“S-saints do not move, though grant for prayers’ sake.”

Alfred let go of his hand to cup his cheek, which had heated up, no thanks to all the blushing he was doing. “Then move not, while my prayer’s effect I take.”

Alfred started to lean in, and Savino leapt off the couch, dropping the script book in the process. “What the fuck is wrong with you?! I agreed to help you read lines, not kiss you, you stupid stronzo!” Under different circumstances, he would be thrilled to kiss Alfred. But he was not going to help Alfred rehearse how he planned to kiss another person. Savino may have had a problem going along with Alfred’s whims even when he shouldn’t, but he wasn’t an emotional masochist. Kissing Alfred when it wouldn’t mean anything was more pain than he was willing to put himself through.

Alfred pouted up at him. “Dude, Mrs. Karpusi told me and Erzsi we don’t actually have to kiss. We just have to make it look like we’re kissing. That’s why I covered your cheek. So that when I leaned in and stayed about an inch away from your lips, it would look like we were kissing if we had been onstage.”

“Oh. That makes a lot of sense, actually.” Savino crossed his arms over his chest in an automatic attempt to shield himself since he was embarrassed by his own overreaction. Of course Alfred wouldn’t try to kiss him. He’d never even want to kiss him.

Alfred sighed. “I’m sorry I freaked you out. I wouldn’t try to kiss you just because I’m rehearsing a play. I know you don’t see me like that.” His body had slumped as he talked, and he was glancing over at the vending machine instead of making eye contact. His entire demeanor seemed despondent, and his mood seemed to be caused by something bigger than the fact that his best friend had just accused him of doing something he’d never even think of doing.

No, Savino thought to himself. That wasn’t possible. Unless…

“Do… do you want me to see you that way?” As soon as he asked the question, Savino wished he hadn’t. He immediately expected Alfred to laugh and tell him he was being ridiculous, but instead, Alfred sniffled and rubbed at his eyes.

“I wasn’t gonna tell you,” Alfred confessed quietly. “I figured, what was the point? It’s not like I have any clue what I’m doing when it comes to this stuff. I never even liked anybody before you, much less kissed anyone or gone on a date. You could have anyone at this school, except for the lesbians and straight guys. Why the hell would you want a dumbass like me?”

Savino sat back down on the couch. “You’re not a dumbass. At least not because you’re inexperienced and feel like you don’t know what you’re doing. Everyone feels like that sometimes. But you are a dumbass for thinking that you not having a relationship before would make me not want to be with you.”

Alfred smiled weakly. “You don’t have to be nice to make me feel better. I wasn’t expecting you to feel the same way.”

“I’m not being nice! I’m not a fucking nice person! I’m trying to tell you that I like you too! I jumped away when I thought you were gonna kiss me only because I couldn’t take you kissing me when it wouldn’t have meant anything!” It probably wasn’t fair for him to explode on Alfred like that, but, God, Savino was so frustrated.

“Oh.” Alfred grinned for real this time, completely unfazed by the fact his friend had just been yelling at him. “Really?”

Savino nodded. “Yes.”

“Wow, I wasn’t expecting this to happen.” Alfred blushed and fidgeted with his hands, uncharacteristically shy. “If I had kissed you, it would’ve meant something to me. Not just because it would’ve been my first, but because it’s you. You’re really special to me, Vinny.”

“You—you’re really special to me too, caro.” Savino was nowhere near as suave as he would normally be in this kind of situation. He had more romantic experience than Alfred, but when he was around his best friend, he felt like a little kid experiencing a crush for the first time.

“Would it be okay if I kissed you now? I mean, we don’t have to, but I really want to.”

“I want that too.”

“Awesome.” Alfred started to lean down towards him, and Savino’s eyes fell shut in anticipation.

Alfred obviously wasn’t an experienced kisser. He started very hesitantly, at least until Savino began to reciprocate. Then, he pressed his lips into Savino’s in a clumsy, overeager way that made Savino’s heart soar. When Savino attempted to deepen the kiss, Alfred tried to do the same thing, and their teeth knocked together.

Savino pulled away with a pained grimace. “Ow.”

Alfred winced. “Sorry. But uh, before I hurt your teeth, was I any good?”

“You were amazing,” Savino answered honestly. “You shouldn’t doubt yourself so much.”

“You were amazing too. I mean, I knew it would probably feel good, but I didn’t know it would feel like that. My mouth felt super tingly, and my heart was beating so fast I thought I was gonna pass out. Getting to kiss you is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Savino was flattered by Alfred’s effusive, unprompted praise. “Grazie. Um, if I kiss you again, do you think you can stay relatively still?”

“I can try.” That was a good enough answer for Savino, and he leaned up to initiate a second kiss.

This time, Alfred kept his head still enough to prevent any more teeth-related accidents. But the way he moaned into the kiss wasn’t remotely saint-like, and neither was the way he buried his hand in Savino’s curls. Savino certainly wasn’t a saint himself.

When he needed to breathe, Savino reluctantly ended the kiss and laid a gentle peck on Alfred’s lips before shifting back on the couch. Alfred blinked at him dazedly, and his kiss-swollen lips stretched into a goofy grin.

“Damn, Savi. I was really excited about holding your hand earlier, but kissing you was way more intense than the holy palmer’s kiss thing Juliet talked about. Way, way more intense.”

Savino snorted. “Speaking of the play, do you still need to rehearse your lines?”

“Nah, I think I’m good. But if we go back to my dorm room, maybe we can rehearse the kissing thing some more.” Alfred winked in a cheesy, incredibly ridiculous manner. Part of Savino felt amused, but mostly he felt warm all over.

“What about your brother?” It would be incredibly awkward if Matthew was there when they got to Alfred’s dorm room.

“Mattie’s got hockey practice today, so he won’t be back for hours. We should get plenty of time alone.”

Savino helped Alfred find the script book he had dropped earlier, and he took the hand Alfred extended towards him as they left the student lounge. Alfred hummed to himself with a content expression on his face as they left the building and started heading back towards the student dorms.

“You look really happy,” Savino remarked softly.

“Why wouldn’t I be happy? I’m with you. Wait, I am with you, right?”

Savino squeezed Alfred’s hand before he could start to doubt how Savino felt about him. “Don’t worry, you are.” They might not have defined what their relationship was yet, but Savino was willing to be with Alfred in whatever way he wanted.

“Then I’m happy that I’m with the hottest guy in the world. I bet all the people around me are super jealous right now.”

Savino wasn’t paying much attention to the other students walking around in the quad, but he doubted they were all jealous of Alfred. Many were probably confused or curious, and others were certainly jealous of Savino right now.

Savino smirked smugly at a girl who looked irritated when she spotted them together and leaned into Alfred’s side. “I think they’re jealous of both of us, tesoro. They have good reason to be. And for the record, I’m happy too.”

#hetaliancupid #hetalia #romerica #hws america #hws romano #hws south italy #aph america #aph romano #aph south italy #hetalia fanfiction #hetalia fanfic #hetalia high school au #hws fanfic #hws fanfiction #aph fanfic #aph fanfiction #original post #my writing

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thiswasinevitableid · 4 years ago

Note

winter prompt fill 5, indruck, nsfw?

5: your car slid into a snowbank and i’m the mechanic that comes to tow you

Two hours.

Two fucking hours, that’s how far this guy is from town. But because he’s three hours from the one to the west, it’s Duck’s company that got the call from AAA for a tow. On night three of what's forecasted as a week-long snowstorm. And because it’s that kind of job, the call came in at 4:45 pm. At least he’ll get overtime for this.

Being out of Kepler means the radio has real stations, half of them playing blocks of pop hits and the other half blaring Christmas carols. Duck doesn’t mind either, settles on listening to crooning about sleigh bells and winter wonderlands as he tries to keep the truck from sliding into snow piles.

He’s all prepared to be aggravated at whoever was clueless enough to get themselves stranded and stick him with the four hour round-trip, but the closer he gets to his destination the more he sympathizes. Because this is a rural two-lane highway and not a major through-road, the maintenance is spotty at best. Couple that with the still-falling snow and he’s just glad the guy was in the kind of accident where he could still make a call after it.

The last half-hour he’s down to thirty miles an hour, lets out a groan of relief when the dead taillights of a car reflect back at him. Once he positions the truck and hops out, he rolls his eyes; the sedan doesn’t have snow tires or chains on, something even a person with a Nevada license plate should have known to carry north.

Duck wonders if being unprepared is a habit when the driver steps out in far too light a coat for the weather, shuddering and stuttering out an “Th-thank g-goodness.”

“Guessin you’re Mr. Wilde?”

Pale hair falls over red glasses as the man nods. With his hood up, he looks owlish, guarded. He’s all limbs and edges, and Duck can’t help but think of a stray cat that needs a warm bed and some food.

“Go ahead and get up into the passenger seat. Heat ain’t runnin, but it’s sure as heck warmer than out here. I’ll get her hitched up and we can get going.”

Another nod, the man hunching forward as he scurries into the truck. This is the easy part, getting the damaged car hooked to the truck and freeing it from the snow. The hard part comes when they turn towards town, two hours of darkness and icy roads ahead of them.

“I’m so sorry you had to come all this way. I, ah, did not intend to crash, nor to do so this far from help.”

“Hey, it’s what we’re here for. Gonna be slow goin on the way back, since it’ll be real fuckin embarassin to call a tow truck for a tow truck.”

A snicker, “I picture them as growing exponentially larger, like nesting dolls. A tow truck towing a tow truck towing a tow truck towing a car would be the size of a semi.”

Duck chuckles, “Yeah, it’d be a sight. And a fuckin nightmare for anyone who got behind it.”

The cab is warming nicely, so his passenger pulls back his hood. In the darkness he can tell the pale hair is metallic silver, and there’s a hell of a bruise blooming on his forehead. Duck’s never seen anyone quite like him, and if their survival didn’t depend on his concentration, he’d spend the next hour studying him.

“Damn, got banged up in the crash huh.”

“Yes.” The man gingerly touches the bruise, sighs, “It’s my own fault for being careless.”

“Don’t be too hard on yourself, nearly spun out on the way to get you from the damn black ice.”

“I wish I could say that was the sole cause, but I was also asleep.”

Duck bites back the urge to scold him; he wants him to be comfortable around him and besides, even if Duck is having a crappy night, this guy is having an even worse one.

“Wouldn’t be the first person who thought they could make it one more town before stoppin for the night and was wrong.”

“True. It’s just that, ah, I’ve been driving three days straight without sleep.”

“Jesus Christ, you on the lamb or somethin?”

In his periphery, he swears the taller man flinches.

“No. Just having bad luck with a chaser of poor choices.”

“Gotcha.” Duck drums on the wheel, “so, uh, Mr. Wilde, what do you do when you ain’t stuck in the snow?”

“I draw. And Indrid is fine…” he peers awkwardly at Duck’s name tag, “Duck.”

“It’s a nickname.”

“Ah. Are you a mechanic as well as a driver?”

“Yep. Do it part-time when I’m not workin at the national forest. Friend of mine, Ned, runs the garage attached to the Cryptonomica.”

“I recall seeing that when I drove through. Quite the Jacks of all trades, you two,”

“Most of Kepler’s got more’n one job. It’s the kind of place that’s always losin fundin or people, just barely stayin afloat.”

“One sympathizes. Do you like your jobs?”

“Trained in forestry, so it’s always what I’ve wanted to do. The mechanic stuff,” Duck shrugs, “nice workin with my hands and beein able to help folks out. And I ain’t half bad at it.”

“I certainly appreciate your efforts. I--wait, hold on, I’m sorry but I need to…” he turns up the radio, playing what Duck assumed was Santa Baby from the melody.

“He is saying ‘buddy.’ What in the world? Why would you change it?”

“Can’t have the fella in the red velvet suit thinkin you’re gay.” Duck jokes.

“Heaven forbid.” Indrid smiles, and Duck likes the expression so much he decides to see if he can get him to do it again.

“You wanna hear a slightly inappropriate joke?”

“Absolutely.”

“How come Santa don’t have any kids?”

“How come?”

“Because he only comes once a year and it’s down a chimney.”

There’s a beat and then Indrid guffaws, covering his face with his hands as his whole body shakes with amusement, “that was horrible, do you have any more?”

Thank god he’s got a wealth of bad jokes tucked in his brain. When he exhausts those he and Indrid trade brainteasers, stopping now and then to talk about their lives. The taller man asks Duck about his jobs, about the woods, and the town, and offers a few anecdotes in exchange. Duck senses they’re about they’re set in a time in his life that’s further away than Indrid would like.

Indrid also readily shares the snacks from his small backpack. Duck eats what he can while still safely piloting the car. Then nearly takes them across the yellow line when Indrid unwraps a Starburst with his tongue, and prays the man will stay in Kepler long enough for Duck to take him to dinner.

-------------------------------------

Given he was expecting a painfully awkward trip at best, Duck’s friendliness is a welcome surprise. Now that they’ve been stuck in the car together for close to two hours, Indrid is confident saying this is most fun he’s had talking to someone in a long time, even before things went all to hell.

It helps that Duck is the picture you’d get if you googled “Indrid Cold’s type”; sturdy, handsome in an unassuming way, undoubtedly pleasant to cuddle, with muscles that Indrid is positive could hold him up against a wall for at least a few minutes. In another life, one that’s so far away he fears he imagined it, he’d wait until they were done with the business portion of this evening, then slip Duck a card with his name in silver letters and his hotel room number on the back. The man is so genuine in his kindness too, Indrid feeling safer in the dark with him than he’s felt in years.

Which makes him feel even worse about what he’s going to do.

“Not too far now.” Duck turns the windshield wipers up a notch, “thank fuck for that.”

Indrid curls forward, holding his stomach, “I, ah, I really hate to say this, but I’m afraid my gas station lunch is coming back up.”

“Shit, okay, lemme pull over.” Duck guides the truck onto the side of the road, “do what you gotta do.”

His hands are on his lap, keys still dangling from the ignition. Indrid lunges over, grabbing them and trying to shove Duck into the door in one go. The mechanic is too fast, yanking the keys to his chest.

“What the fuck man!?”

“I’m so sorry about this!”

“Then fuckin stop!” Duck kicks, misses, and Indrid knees him in the stomach as gently as he can.

“I can’t, I need the truck.”

“Are you fuckin car-jackin me right now?”

“It’s not personal.” He gets the keys away, only for the world to flip ninety degrees as Duck tackles him backwards.

“It sure feels like it is!”

Indrid hoped that his survival instincts would kick in hard enough to make up for the exhaustion and that coupled with the element of surprise would bring him success. Instead, his limbs have no power behind them, and all he can do is curse when the driver flips him onto his stomach, trapping his hands behind his back and pinning him with his body weight.

“Fuck.” It’s a pathetic noise for a pathetic man.

“Explain. Now.” Duck growls.

“I, I, you were right when asked if I was on the lamb.”

“....fuckin what?”

“It was a set up, and I finally, finally got free, and, and I will not go back, I can’t, but if I’m out a car I need a replacement and-”

“And you almost stole a truck that’s got a goddamn tracker in it.”

“Oh.” He presses his face to the seat in shame.

“Somethin tells me you ain’t a seasoned crook.”

“I’m not a criminal at all! I have no idea what I’m doing. I was just going to drive and drive until I hit the coast, I hadn’t even decided what to do after. I, I’m sorry, I waited until we got close to town so you wouldn’t be too far away to walk home safely. I, ah, I wasn’t prepared for having to do this to someone I like.”

Duck shifts above him, mutters, “what the fuck do I do now” to himself, and tightens his hold on Indrid’s wrists.

Indrid whimpers, realizing with horror that his body responded to the mechanics of the fight but not it’s context.

Duck freezes at the noise, and when Indrid hazards a peek the mechanic is staring down in disbelief.

“Are you fuckin hard from this?”

There’s no use in lying, he’s faced worse humiliation than this, “Some. Not on purpose. I, ah, I enjoy rough treatment.”

Duck’s face fills with bitter amusement, “And I like givin it. But not to fellas who nearly steal my truck. Fuckin figures the first guy to flirt with me is doin it for some other reason.”

“That’s not true, my plan involved no flirting.” Indrid huffs, “I was flirting because I think you’re handsome.”

More pressure on his back as Duck leans down to whisper in his ear, grinding against his ass, “Yeah? Were you hopin I’d fuck you in here? Or over the hood when we got back?”

“Maybe.” He manages a smirk.

“Hopin I’ll fuck you now?”

Indrid nods, but Duck doesn’t notice. The mechanic sits all the way back, releasing his hands, “too damn bad, because unlike you, I only take things with permission.”

“C-consider it granted.”

The hand finds his back again, but instead of shoving or grabbing it strokes up and down, “Indrid, I’m serious. I ain’t doin anythin if the only reason you’re offerin is because you think I’ll hurt you if you don’t.”

“I’m not. I want this, Duck, I want to be with you.” He’s going back to jail one way or another after this, unwilling to consider the thought of hurting Duck to get the keys. He’d rather go back with one happy memory and a few minutes of fun freshly stored in his mind.

There’s silence, Duck’s hand still as he thinks. Then it comes down hard on Indrid’s ass, “Okay sugar, happy to oblige you. Besides, seems to me you owe me an apology for that sorry excuse for a car theft.”

Indrid moans loudly when Duck hauls onto his elbows and knees, though it’s the pet name that hits deeper than any of the much-welcome pain. The waistband of his dollar store sweatpants hits his thighs, there’s a pop of something plastic, and then a slick finger is teasing between his asscheeks.

“Vaseline. Great for keepin your skin from cracking in the cold.”

The finger disappears and he whines, pushing his ass back and getting it slapped so hard he yelps.

“Nice try. But this ain’t for you, it’s for me. Don’t got a condom and only got a tiny bit of this left and it ain’t enough to fuck you full on.”

“It’s alright, I like the pain, you could use spit or-”

“Nope” another slap, “that turns into the bad kinda pain real quick. Now open your fuckin legs.”

Indrid does so, gasps happily when Duck slides his lubed-up cock between his thighs.

“Close ‘em and keep ‘em closed. Good, ohfuckyeah that’s good.” The thrusts are already fast, Ducks hands holding his hips in place, “fuck, tell you what sugar, you may be a shitty crook but you’re a damn good lay.”

“Yes.” Indrid moans, scrabbling for a hold on the upholstery.

“Shit, you do like it rough. Like it when I talk like that?” One hand comes down, petting Indrid’s head and brushing his hair away from where it’s stuck over his eyes.

“So much, Duck, please, please, more, I want more AHgod!” Tears slip past his glasses as Duck hits the right side of his ass over and over again. He’s been treated like a criminal mastermind, made miserable because of it, so being nothing more than an eager piece of ass is a welcome change.

“Then I oughta tell you this is what you get for tryin to get one over on me. Think you can throw my ass out in the cold? Gonna turn yours so red you won’t be able to sit for a week.”

He’s so hard it isn’t even funny, and beneath the wonderful cycle of pain-relief-pain-relief his mind chants safesafesafesafe.

“Fuck, Indrid, I’m so fuckin lucky you tried that stunt on me, can’t wait to cum all over that cute little ass, ohyeah, fuck, fuckyeah.” He pulls out, cum spurting onto Indrid’s ass and legs and Indrid hears his own voice saying “thank you” as he does.

As he’s contemplating what form of begging will earn him an orgasm, he’s flipped onto his back, one calloused hand pressing him down by the shoulder while the other jerks him off. He squeaks and squirms, one palm thwacking into the door as his right leg catches the steering wheel.

“Sensitive, sugar?”

“Yes.”

“Shoulda thought of that before you bent over for me.”

“TechnicallyAH, you, you’re the one who bent me over.”

Duck jerks him extra hard in reply, grinning. The sight of him is just the right balance of menacing and protective that Indrid only needs two more bucks of his hips before he’s cumming. The mechanic works him through it, squeezing him roughly just to hear him whimper (Indrid’s certain of it).

He sits back and starts putting his clothes in order as Indrid lays there, panting from exertion and the weight of reality on his chest.

“I don’t suppose you have something I can, ah, wipe off with before you take me to the station?” He asks softly.

“I’m not taking you to the police, Indrid.”

“What? Why?” He bolts up, his mind screaming that he shouldn’t ask too many questions lest it make Duck change his mind.

“I’m not sure what kinda guy fucks someone and then hands them over to the cops, but I’m damn sure I don’t wanna be one.”

“You’d do that without even knowing the full truth?”

“Wouldn’t mind if you told me.” Duck starts the car, adds “seatbelt” as he pulls back onto the road.

Indrid gets his pants up and buckles in, huddling in on himself, “As you probably guessed, my name isn’t Wilde. It’s Indrid Cold. Wilde was the man I stole that car from, who also had a very nice AAA plan it seems. I am, or was, an architect. Quite talented, if I do say so myself. And many other people said so, once upon a time. My firm got a contract with a certain large city to design and help build a bridge. I was head of design, and I was certain this would be the project that made my name. It did. Just not how I hoped.”

Duck slows down as they reach the edge of Kepler.

“Have you ever heard of the Silverlake Bridge?”

“Ain’t that the one that collapsed a few years agooh, oh shit was that your bridge?”

“Yes. Halfway through the project, I became concerned that certain elements of the design would not be as stable as they needed to be and might collapse without warning. The higher ups said it would require a larger budget to do the new, far safer design, but gave me the go ahead to finish my proposal of the securer model. They accepted that design, and I thought that was the end of it. Turns out, they funneled the money needed for the better bridge into their own pockets, both my bosses and the representatives from the city. Unbeknownst to me, they built the weaker bridge. When it collapsed I” he takes a deep breath, the memories surfacing in a tidal wave, “I was shocked, and prepared to accept responsibility, as I could not understand how the design failed. It was only when the investigation revealed how it failed that I understood my warnings had been ignored and I was being set up as a fall guy. Not only for the collapse, but for the missing funds, my bosses swearing up one side and down the other that they’d given the money to me to manage. They’d had this planned for months, and so had built our communication in such a way that I had no proof the money hadn’t come to me. Thus I was blamed, tried, and convicted, and in the minds of many I am responsible for the death of 67 people.”

The engine shuts off and he looks up to see them in an auto garage. Duck is turned to him, face so sad and sympathetic that Indrid could almost believe..

“You think I’m telling the truth.”

“I know you are. Not sure how, but even though I ain’t much of a liar myself, I can usually tell when someone is bullshittin me.”

“I don’t want to go back to prison.”

“You won’t.”

“Duck I, I can’t ask you to hide me, that could put you in danger of arrest.”

“There’s all of four cops in Kepler, and I’d bet my life no one here could pick you out of a line-up as a ‘disgraced architect Indrid Cold.’ And if we need a cover story, Ned’s got a knack for ‘em.”

“We?”

Duck cups his cheek and Indrid leans into it, “You and me. Indrid, I think fate is a load of bullshit, but I can’t shake the feelin me pickin you up tonight was meant to be. Lemme help you, please.”

Indrid sets his hand on Duck’s own, “Okay. Ah, where do I stay? I have fifty dollars left.”

“Could stay with me if you want. No strings attached.”

“Is that your way of letting me down gently?”

“My way of saying you don’t gotta fuck me to have a place to live. If you wanna fuck me just because, say the word and I’ll rail you into next week.”

“I’d like both those things so very much. Though right now all I want is to sleep.”

Duck leans forward, kissing him so chastely that the following lovebite is all the more thrilling.

“In that case, sugar, let’s get you home.”

#Indruck #indrid cold/duck newton #winter fills #mechanic au #on the run

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godlydolans · 4 years ago

Note

maybe you could concept the reader finding out about Grays feelings and what comes with that? I think your writing is stellar and don’t want you to feel like you have to- but this could be a different continuation than the Anya confrontation if you’re not feeling inspired for that?

Part 1

It was a beautiful night. Not one cloud could be seen in the sky, it was cristal clear. No moon, but filled with stars. Grayson didn’t remember when he had seen the stars look as clear and shining like diamonds of all colours and sizes, as they did tonight. It was truly magnificent.

She was sitting with her feet in the pool, leaning back on her hands as she watched the sky, smiling softly to herself.

And he watched her. He watched how her eyes, as dark as night, twinkled as she watched the stars above. He noticed how her long hair was flowing gently in the breeze, jet black and wavy, parted slightly to the right but not exactly. It always looked like a centre part, but it was just the tiniest bit to the right. You almost wouldn’t notice it if you weren’t paying attention.

Grayson did. He didn’t even know when exactly he paid so much attention to notice it. It feels like he always knew.

“You know what that is?” She suddenly spoke, her eyes still trained on the sky. Grayson just then realised that, sometime while he was busy looking at her, he had stopped backstroking. Standing in the pool, he looked at the star she was pointing at and frowned.

“Star?” He guessed, knowing his answer was pretty dumb and got his reward when she chuckled, shaking her head as she gazed down at him.

“Yeah, a star.” She was smiling with her teeth now and Grayson felt the thumping of his heart get louder. God, when she trained those midnight eyes on him, he lost the ability to think. “Vega.”

Sporting the golden grin that was notorious for leaving women and some men spellbound, Grayson swam to her. She leaned forward. Placing her elbows on her knees, she rested her chin on her intertwined hands. Grayson folded his own arms on the warm floor beside her.

“Vega?”

“Yes! It’s one of the stars that form the Summer Triangle, see?” Grayson turned and looked up, easily finding the triangle the three stars formed as she traced them with her pointer finger. “Vega is the brightest,” her finger moved down, down, down to the second star of the triangle, “Altair, the second brightest, and the last one, Deneb.”

She gave a sad little smile at the last name and Grayson looked back at the stars to understand why. Where Vega was the brightest, having a blue-ish glimmer to it, Altair was not too bad either with its gleaming white sheen. Deneb, though, not only was it dull in comparison to the other two, it also was smaller and overall, appeared lacklustre in front of Altair and Vega.

“Altair and Vega, those would be really cool baby names, huh?”

She laughed, causing him to smile. “I was just waiting for you to say that!”

Grayson grinned, “I’m too predictable for my own good.”

“I just know you, so I know babies are never far from your thoughts.” She fleshed him an amused grin, “but yeah, they are really cool names. There’s a story about Altair and Vega.”

“What is it.” Grayson pushed himself out of the pool and situated himself beside her, so close, their thighs were touching as his feet dangled in the water like hers did.

“Vega was a celestial princess, goddess of the sky. Because she was immortal, she feared she would whole life alone.” She stopped and gave Grayson a knowing smile. Like you, the words didn’t escape her lips, but he knew she was thinking them. Grayson blushed, looking away with a shy smile on his own lips. He usually didn’t get to spend anytime alone with her, and he didn’t know how to act around her when she smiled at him like that, spoke to his in that soft, intimate voice, sitting right next to him with nothing more than an oversized tee over her bikini. “Altair was a human. He had a great talent for playing the flute. Sure enough, one evening, he was practising an old love melody on his flute and Vega was listening from the sky. The melody was so beautiful that Vega couldn’t stop herself from coming down to Earth and know who was playing it. That is how she met Altair. From that day onwards, he used to play the flute every night and she used to come down for him every night. They would sit together, talk and he would teach her how to play the instrument. Slowly but surely, they fell in love.”

Grayson watched as she started to play with the water under her fingertips. She would gently sway her fingers from left to right, so softly, like the water was too fragile to take her touch. Then she would create tiny ripples in the water with the pads of her fingers before gliding her fingers on the surface of it. Grayson was getting breathless watching the simplest things she did. Her fingers, long and slender, looked so beautiful gleaming under the water, he wanted to take them and kiss every inch.

Jesus, he was so in love, it hurt.

“Vega’s father got wind of the affair and he was furious. He didn’t like the fact that his divine daughter was mingling with a mere mortal. He sent the Lady of the sky, his wife to bring Vega back. She went down to Earth and dragged a screaming and crying Vega back to the sky, away from Altair. Altair couldn’t handle this and he tried to search for a way through which he could see Vega. He had an old bull that used to belong to his late father. The bull had magical abilities and it told Altair to climb on its back and that it would take him to the sky. The lady of the sky noticed Altair coming and before he could reach Vega, she used her magic and created a river of stars in his path to separate them. We call that river of stars the Milky Way Galaxy.”

“Whoa!” Grayson, usually one of the loudest people in the room, murmured slowly, not wanting to disturb the serenity of the magical moment, “I wasn’t expecting that twist. What a fucking bitch? She destroyed her own daughter’s happiness.”

“Well, she didn’t know how serious Vega was about Altair. She just thought it was a fleeting attraction that would go away. But she understood that clearly wasn’t the case when months passed and Vega still didn’t get over Altair. Still heartbroken over being separated from the only man she could and would ever love. Finally, her father took pity on the two lovers and created a wide bridge of magpies across the river, hoping for them to fulfil their love.

“So each year, on the seventh night of the seventh moon, a bridge of magpies forms across the river and Altair dares to travel to his beloved. They wait for that one day out of the whole year where they can be together again, just to be torn apart again for another long and lonely year.”

The story ended and there was a beat of silence between the two. She gathered her hair and put it over one shoulder, looking at the ends like she was looking for damage. She did this often, when she was deep in thought. Grayson wondered how those glossy strands would feel between his fingers, how they would look against his pillow. Black silk shining against the stark white of his pillowcase. The image brought blood rushing to his face, and another area below his waist that he didn’t even want to think about at the moment.

If he got arroused, he’d just jump back into the pool, he decided.

“Why are the most beautiful love stories usually the tragic ones?” Grayson asked the question with no hope of getting an answer. It was a genuine thought, but he also voiced it to divert his mind from images of her in his bed. How could he expect her to give him an answer to that when the man she loved was married to someone else? To her own sister, no less. She didn’t know love, she only knew tragedy.

“I don’t know.” She shrugged, giving him a half hearted chuckle that he easily saw past.

“Maybe true love is one that never ends in happiness.” Grayson mused, feeling his heart sink into the pit of his stomach at his own idea.

“Um, that’s a very negative way of looking at it.”

“Reality is usually always harsh.”

This brought a genuine laugh out of her, a head thrown back and eyes closed kind of laugh. Man, it was always a treat to see her laugh, especially when he was the reason behind it.

“Gray, you always sound like a spurned lover! Believe me, you won’t be alone forever.” Hadn’t he heard that a thousand times before? Coming from her mouth, the words did the opposite of making him feel better. The idea of being with anyone other than her brought a sour taste in his mouth. He hated it. She apparently took his less than happy expression for his disbelief at her words. “You don’t believe me now, but you’ll see that I’m right, one day. I mean, look at you! You’re every girl’s dream guy! You’re young, talented, hardworking, wealthy, gorgeous beyond words and one of the purest human beings I know.” Grayson’s heart skipped a few beats as he watched her say such sweet things about him, things that he always wanted her to say to him. But not in the context that she did.

You’re every girl’s dream guy.

Yeah, every girl but one. One that I truly want. One that is my dream girl.

“Look at me,” She lifted his chin to bring his eyes back to her hauntingly beautiful ones and his heart squeezed in his chest. Why couldn’t she have fallen for him instead of his brother? Why couldn’t it be him? Grayson loved his brother more than life itself, but he was cursing him in his mind for being the only man she could and would ever love. “You should have the universe, the sky and every star in it. And you will. One day, you will. You’ll see.”

He saw. He saw her and she was all he saw.

Only she didn’t see that she was the whole universe, the sky and all the stars for him.

Because she was too busy looking at the Summer Triangle and seeing Ethan in Altair and her sister, Anya in Vega. She was too busy seeing herself in Deneb. The star that nobody noticed in front of the other two’s beauty and shine.

The thing is, she had always thought she was the Vega to Ethan’s Altair, and her sister was just in the middle. Now, as she sat there gazing up at the stars while they were probably somewhere in Greece for their honeymoon, it was quite clear that for them, there was no triangle. They only ever saw each other. It was she would had created this triangle in her own mind.

Deneb can never compare to Vega.

It didn’t matter that she’d seen Ethan first, because her sister had seen him next.

#asks #i dont know what this is

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zwritestuff · 4 years ago

Text

Some Things Are Bound To Be (Chapter Four) - Kyara

A/N: HELLO I AM ALIVE AND WELL. This chapter was such a bitch to write, I swear I have more deleted scenes that actual scenes. A million thanks to Emerald ( @fromthenorthernskies ) for putting up with be while writing this and beta-ing, and to Ella ( @dawningofdrag ) for correcting the Tagalog bit. I love you both very much.

Read On AO3.

***

“Kyne, if you pinch me again, I swear to god—” Kiara’s threat is interrupted by a yelp, and a giggle from Kyne’s end as she secures the pin on the fabric.

“If only you would stay still, I wouldn’t pinch you while trying to make some adjustments,” Kyne says simply, standing up and briefly inspecting the waist area. “Does that feel tight enough?” She asks, walking around Kiara, who just nods, absent-mindedly running her hands around her torso.

She’s not sure what time it is, only knows that the night has arrived hours ago and there’s been a soft rain falling for half of that time. It’s hard to notice the passing of time when she’s with Kyne, talking and laughing and being closer than she ever imagined, when she puts her hands firmly on her body to make arrangements or to keep her still - it’s hard to notice reality altogether.

Kiara goes to the bathroom to take off the dress, and as she’s slipping back into her own clothes, she hears how the rain starts pouring harder and harder. She sees a streak of light in the sky from the tiny window, followed by thunder. She jumps slightly, mumbling a curse as she leaves the bathroom and re-joins Kyne in the living room, who’s quickly closing the windows.

“And the weatherman said we’d have a week without rain,” Kiara says, leaving the dress on the couch. “What time is it, anyway?” She asks, looking around for her phone.

“Like 2 a.m.,” Kyne quickly replies, taking the dress and placing it over the coffee table, flopping onto the couch right away. “How did it get so late? Jesus. I didn’t even notice.” She rubs her face with the back of her palms, stifling a yawn. “You wanna eat something? I have leftover lasagna from yesterday, or I have enough cheese to make pizza if you want—”

“I think I should leave before it gets worse,” she interrupts Kyne, fetching her jacket from the rack. She turns to see her, finding her with a frown on her face as she fidgets with her hands.

“Y’know, it really is late, the storm is getting pretty bad by the second, but you live half across the city. I really wouldn’t mind if you stayed the night, y’know.”

Kiara blinks repeatedly, before she realizes what Kyne just said. She feels her face heat up, and it takes her a moment to manage a sentence without stuttering. The offer had taken her completely by surprise.

“I don’t wanna bother you, it’s fine,” she says, dismissing it with a wave of her hand.

“You’re not a bother,” Kyne is quick to reply, shifting on the couch and staring at Kiara with a gentle smile. “I mean it, you can stay here.”

There’s silence for a moment, in which Kiara thinks of a hundred and one excuses to give Kyne to not stay the night. She’s no stranger to running away after a hookup, but this is different in all ways possible, and the way Kyne’s looking at her, silently hoping she’ll accept with that small smile on her face - it’s hard to say no.

Kiara sighs, rubbing her temples as she hangs up her jacket on the rack again and tells Kyne she’ll take the couch. Kyne gives her a toothy smile, saying she would never let her sleep in her room, anyway - she wants to have some dignity left after this, thank you very much.

“My parents would probably scold me and tell me to give you my room, but it’s a hot mess in every way possible,” she tells her over their dinner: heated lasagna and coca cola. “‘Sides, I have a very complex system for finding things, and I would prefer to keep it a secret.” Kiara cocks an amused brow, sipping on her drink.

“I didn’t have you as the type to be messy,” she comments, resting her chin on her palm. Kyne rolls her eyes slightly, stuffing her mouth with the last bit of the lasagna.

“There are many things you don’t know about me.” She winks at her cheekily, proceeding to leave the dishes in the sink, telling Kiara to just leave it like that, she’ll clean up tomorrow. Right now, all she wants to do is get a good night of sleep. But her words are running through Kiara’s mind: she’s not exactly wrong - there are a lot of things she doesn’t know about Kyne, and there are a lot of things she’s discovered in such a short time. She’s curious about what else there’s to unravel regarding Kyne’s personality and life, and she’s never been particularly patient, but for her, she guesses she can make an exception.

Kyne brings her pillows and a blanket, trying to make the couch as comfortable as she can, and she assures her that everything is good, until they realize something. Kiara’s clothes aren’t precisely comfortable to sleep in.

They stare for a moment, before Kyne sighs, mumbling something Kiara can’t quite catch and leaves for a moment, only to come back with a pair of sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt, saying she can wear them if she wants. Kiara bites back a smile when she notices the rosy tone of her cheeks as she hands her the clothes.

“I’m gonna go sleep now, you can change in the bathroom, or here, I don’t know, that’s up to you, and, uh, if you need a charger I have a spare one in this drawer,” she rambles a little, pointing at the drawer. Kiara just thanks her with a polite smile, amused at the rare sight of a flustered Kyne. “Good night, Kiki.”

Kiara’s a little thrown off when she hears the nickname come out of Kyne’s lips for the first time, but smiles nonetheless, “Good night, Kyne.” They smile at each other for a moment before Kyne leaves to her room, and Kiara is left standing alone in the living room.

She takes a deep breath and gets changed, immediately being hit with the smell of vanilla emanating from the clothes. She smiles a little, breathing in the scent as she lies on the couch.

The sleeping part doesn’t come easy, mostly, she supposes, because she’s at Kyne’s place, on her couch, and all the photos of Kyne hanging from the walls that are looking down on her, somehow reminding her that this wasn’t part of the plan and it will only make things more awkward once it’s time to call their scheme off. So she does the only logical thing she can think of: texting Rita and Tynomi.

They have a group chat that’s mostly for talking shit about other co-workers, sending files and, in Tynomi’s case, to use it as a replacement for the notes app. Neither of the three uses it much outside work hours, but now, it really comes in-handy.

So, you guys won’t believe this, she prefaces, hitting send way too quickly; she doesn’t think either of them are up, anyway.

That’s where she’s wrong.

Tynomi answers after some moments, while Kiara is still typing, and Rita follows suit. Kiara deletes what she had just typed to ask them what they are doing up at these hours.

Kiara snorts, re-typing her whole message with odd excitement.

Rita and Tynomi answer almost immediately to Kiara’s surprise, apparently she’s caught their attention. She takes a deep breath before replying; she knows they’ll freak out and take things out of context before she has an option of explaining, it’s their thing. Especially considering they’ve taken every opportunity they have to pester her about Kyne.

She bites back a giggle as she hits send on a meme, completely flustered at the conversation going on - Tynomi’s “you don’t usually stay the night” hits too close home, but, she reminds herself, this is different. She’ll probably forget this happened in a couple months, once they’ve broken up and this turns into a funny story they can confide to their friends.

Kiara talks to them until she’s running out of battery, and has to inevitably go to sleep, not without fetching Kyne’s charger and setting it aside.

Rita and Tynomi’s words linger on her mind before she finally falls asleep, and Kiara wonders for a split second what it’d be like if she were actually dating Kyne. She supposess not much would change, not really.

***

Kiara isn’t woken up by the sun, the birds chirping, or any of that - rather, it’s the noise coming from the kitchen that makes her reluctantly wake up. For a moment she forgets where she is, until she hears Kyne’s voice and remembers she had been persuaded to stay the night. She rubs her eyelids, trying to shake off the sleepiness, and unwillingly gets up to meet Kyne at the kitchen.

It’s tiny, and she easily finds her perched against the counter, wearing a worn out tank top and shorts, glancing at the coffee machine with annoyance, muttering things under her breath as she fidgets with her hair. Kiara can't believe she has the audacity to look good just woken up.

“Hey, mornin’,” she greets, and Kyne jumps a little, before lazily smiling at her, rubbing her eyelids.

“Gandang umaga,” she says, dragging the last A. “If you want coffee, may tasas diyan sa cabinet, though you should take a seat, this coffee machine is shit, kainis eh, tagal bago makagawa ng kape,” Kyne mutters with a growl, not realizing the inquisitive look Kiara is giving her.

They stare at each other for a moment, Kiara cocks an amused brow, perching herself against the doorframe, before Kyne realizes she clearly doesn't know Tagalog.

“Sorry, I do that a lot, mixing Tagalog and English I mean. I can't properly function without my morning coffee,” she explains, stifling a yawn. She stands on her tiptoes to reach a cupboard, and Kiara quickly approaches her from behind, fetching two mugs with ease, setting it on the counter. Kyne turns to see her with a slight frown. “I could reach for it without help,” Kyne says, with an annoyed tone that just causes Kiara to giggle. She mumbles something else under her breath that Kiara can’t quite catch, both because the noise coffee machine makes and because she can’t understand Tagalog.

“Whatever you say.” She puts her palms up in surrender and watches as Kyne pours the coffee in the mugs, telling her to grab them and set them on the table while she makes toasts.

They move with ease around the kitchen, despite the lack of space making them bump into the other more than once, mostly because they’re sleep deprived, but Kiara can clearly see how Kyne evades her gaze, how she keeps herself busy to not have to make small talk. Kiara tries not to think much about it, maybe having her there threw her off a little from her morning routine - either way, it’s too early to overthink.

Well, she’s not exactly sure what time it is, but it’s not like it matters, anyway; not when she’s with Kyne.

They make breakfast together, anticipating the other’s movements with ease and silently enjoying each other’s company. It’s homey, and peaceful, and surely it’ll be the last moment of peace they have together before all hell breaks loose at 8 p.m., once they arrive to the Starzy Ball and Kiara has to put up her cutthroat business woman facade while Kyne clings from her arm, until they inevitably have to meet Kiara’s parents - she’s been, simultaneously, dreading this day and anticipating it with excitement bubbling up in her stomach.

Maybe it’s just the spending time with Kyne part that she doesn’t mind at all, the part where they gossip and snicker about the rest of the people at the ball while they eat various fancy snacks - the part where fancy balls are tolerable for once, not because they’re more bearable, but because she has Kyne to make them better.

Once they’re done with breakfast, having cleaned the mugs and last night’s dirty dishes while they listened to one of Kiara’s random playlists, Kyne asks her if she wants to join her in with her skincare routine, though really, it’s just a facemask she bought per one of her friends’ recommendation and she has used ever since. Kiara accepts happily, but in hindsight, she probably shouldn’t have; Kyne delicately but firmly takes her face in one of her hands, and with the other, she applies the creamy mask with an old brush.

They’re sitting in Kyne’s living room, and their faces aren’t even that close, but Kiara feels as if there’s not enough air in the room, as her heart plummets against her ears and all she can do is try to keep her cool as Kyne gently traces the pattern of her face.

Yet Kiara can’t quite put two and two together, though.

She leaves Kyne’s apartment two hours after, with a dress that fits her like a glove and a weird feeling that’s settled in her chest. Kyne tried to persuade her to stay for lunch, since it was almost time for it anyway, but she’s spent too much time at her place already, and she doesn’t want to bother her anymore.

Despite Kyne saying that she likes her company, Kiara can’t help but feel weirdly uneased, especially when she spots Kyne stealing glances at her out of the corner of her eye, with an indecipherable look.

She can only hope things go smoothly tonight.

***

The hours pass too slowly for Kiara’s liking, and she finds herself wandering around her own apartment, bored out of her mind, more than once throughout the afternoon.

She eats lunch alone, ordering takeout from a nearby restaurant and planting herself in front of her TV, flickering through Netflix’s catalogue, searching for something that can set her mind off Kyne, but most movies bore her even more if that’s possible, and the shows she usually re watches with a smile on her face aren’t cutting it either.

She texts Rita and Tynomi throughout the day, not mentioning at all what she’s feeling, because the last thing she needs now is those two on her case. Instead, she just fills them in on what happened in the last hours.

Tynomi says it wouldn’t surprise her if they end up dating for real, Rita agrees, and Kiara only sends them eye rolling emojis.

Kiara is many things, but she’s not delusional enough to believe they’ll end up in a real relationship - she thought that once, way before Kyne appeared in her life, and things didn’t end up well. It doesn’t matter how well it looks like they get along, Kiara won’t take that risk again.

She rubs her eyelids, deciding that taking a shower and a nap wouldn’t hurt.

***

Before Kiara can even stop to realize what’s happening, to overthink everything one last time, she’s holding the door open for Kyne as she slides in the passenger seat, ready to head to the ball and meet her parents. Admittedly, focusing just on the road is simply too difficult for Kiara, who can’t help but to steal glances at Kyne every other second.

She looks mesmerizing, even more than normal - her suits of every color of the rainbow, high ponytail and sharp eyeliner she always wears to the office are something Kiara’s become used to, but that doesn’t mean she’s any less radiant. Though this isn’t the first time she sees her wearing this dress, it sure is the first time she sees Kyne in a full face of makeup, with her hair down in soft waves and killer heels.

She’s stunning, and just looking at her knocks the air out of Kiara’s lungs. Kiara hopes and prays that helps for acting like a couple in love.

They make small talk while Kiara drives, soothing each other’s nerves with encouraging words disguised as playful banter, and though Kiara was scared for a second to give Kyne the aux cord, she forgets about it as soon as Donna Summer starts playing.

Kyne loudly sings the lyrics to Bad Girls, making Kiara laugh as loud as her, and it makes the drive go by in the blink of an eye - almost as if on cue, once the playlist ends, Kiara pulls up one block away from where the venue is, saying unprompted that’s because she knows it must be packed and it’d be a nightmare to get out of by the end of the night.

Her hands tremble as she turns off the engine, her nerves and self doubt suddenly kicking in. Would she be able to pull this off without making it too obvious it was false, thus embarrassing both of them? She feels Kyne give her shoulder a squeeze, interrupting her train of thought, looking at her with a feeling she can’t quite put a finger on.

“Listen, I’m as scared as you are, but I’m never going to have any other occasion to wear this dress, so.” She shrugs, leaving the sentence in the air, smiling slightly. “We better get walking, ‘cause I was promised food, and I’m getting hungry,” she jokes to lighten up the mood, and Kiara smiles back.

They walk in silence, and at some point Kyne intertwines their hands, giving Kiara’s hand a little squeeze. It’s a little gesture, but it makes her breath hitch in her throat, her heart beating faster and faster with every step they take.

Once they’re in the queue to enter, Kiara pulls out her phone from the pockets in her dress to shoot her parents a message, telling them that they’re waiting outside. She feels Kyne tug at her arm while her stare is glued to her phone, so she hums noncommittally.

“I thought this would be more… Fancy, y’know. I feel as if I’m on my senior prom all over again,” she mutters, close to her ear so she’s the only one that hears. Kiara involuntarily snorts, putting her phone away and turning to see Kyne, who’s shamelessly looking around the queue, judging everyone’s clothes.

“Not everyone can have great taste like you,” she playfully replies, earning a chuckle and an eye roll from her.

Once they reach the front, Kiara pulls out their invitation envelopes and they’re quickly let in, and she can’t help but to smile when Kyne looks around the venue, taking everything in and squeezing her hand. She squeezes right back as she guides them through the sea of people, stopping every so often to greet people that she knows because of her parents.

When Kiara finally spots her mother among the crowd, her stomach flips, stopping in her tracks to look back at Kyne, who looks as anxious as her, practically wanting to go anywhere but near Kiara’s parents - she can’t blame her, really; at the end of the day, they’re still her bosses.

“It’ll be alright,” Kiara manages to say, trying to convince herself more than anything. “They’re nice people, they’ll like you, like I do,” she assures her. Kyne cocks a brow, a cheeky smile blooming in her face as Kiara’s cheeks heat up when she realizes what she just said. “No, I mean— you know what I meant.”

Kyne giggles, swinging their hands. “Yeah, I know,” she replies simply, “Let’s go, I’m eager to get fired.” Her faux sweet delivery makes Kiara laugh, easing the nerves as they walk up to her parents.

Her mother spots them before her dad, quickly making her way towards them with a huge smile on her face, stare fixated on Kyne and their intertwined hands. Sweat prickles the back on Kiara’s head, but it’s too late to back down or run away, so she just gulps and allows her to hug her tight before wrapping Kyne in another hug.

“Hi, darling! Kyne, right? I’m Rebecca, and it’s great to finally meet you!” She chirps excitedly, the smile never leaving her face. Kyne briefly glances at Kiara before returning the smile and the pleasantries. “Honey, let’s go find your dad, shall we? I know he’s dying to meet you too.” She motions at them to follow her and they follow suit, their hands finding each other again.

Though Kyne didn’t exactly know Kiara’s mom before, she sure as hell has seen Kiara’s dad around the company, but never actually met him. Once they find him, the squeeze she gives her almost makes Kiara yelp, but she reminds herself that she dragged them here, so really, she can’t complain.

“Papa, this is my girlfriend, Kyne,” Kiara says, her stomach flips again when she addresses Kyne as her girlfriend for the first time. She knows it’s fake, but she can’t help the fuzzy feeling that spreads in her chest.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, sir,” Kyne greets with a smile, awkwardly sticking her hand out to shake. Kiara’s dad smiles gently, accepting the handshake.

“It’s good to meet you too, my daughter has told me lots of great things about you,” he says, and Kyne immediately turns to look at Kiara with a sneaky smile, probably wondering what she’s said about her.

It doesn’t take long before they’re asking Kyne about her job at the company, about herself, her family; Rebecca does most of the questioning, eager to know more about her supposed new daughter-in-law, while her husband just nods, talking every so often.

So far, things are going well, and it seems like they’ll be able to pull this off successfully - they have the right amount of chemistry, and Kiara finds it easy to naturally place an arm around Kyne’s waist at some point during the night. Though Kyne jumps at the contact, she quickly relaxes into it, and Kiara figures that’s just her going along with it to not seem suspicious.

The only part that’s proving difficult is not getting bored out of her mind while talking to the other guests, most of which her parents know one way or another, and thus she’s forced to interact with them. Some look at her hand wrapped around Kyne’s waist with an eyebrow cocked, curiosity in their gaze as they bite their tongue to avoid asking a stupid question.

Some do ask questions, wonder if she’s Kiara’s girlfriend with faux politeness she’s all too familiar with, inquiring afterwards how they met. The looks on their faces always change when Kyne replies that she works for her company before Kiara can say anything, a fake smile plastered on her face as she watches how they probably wonder if she’s a golddigger.

“At least one of us is having fun,” Kiara says ironically, while they’re getting snacks from one of the tables near the walls. Kyne hums, her mouth full of appetizers.

“I mean, if you think about it, I’m never going to see these people again, so what’s the matter?” She shrugs, reaching for more appetizers. Though it’s technically true, that statement makes Kiara feel weirdly uneasy, but she pushes those feelings away.

Truth be told, the only reason the night is bearable is because Kyne runs her mouth a lot more than Kiara thought, with her deadpan humor that no one but Kiara seems to understand. She only gets chattier and chattier as she drowns glass after glass of champagne, saying she’s drinking in Kiara’s name since she can’t drink tonight.

At some point, Kiara’s arm finds her way around Kyne’s waist again, when she comments that she’s starting to feel a little lightheaded. It was almost instant, and this time around, Kyne didn’t even flinch at the contact. Kiara, again, thought nothing of it.

Aside from meeting Anastarzia and her kooky, weird secretary that wore a suit with mismatched colors - Jimbo, if they heard correctly - nothing really exciting happened. Sure, the food and the drinks were nice, and Kyne was having the time of her life sending photos after photos to her friends’ group chat with a shit-eating grin. She takes a lot of dorky selfies with unflattering angles, usually pulling Kiara into the frame, and it takes a lot of her willpower to not laugh loudly at Kyne’s faces.

More than a couple hours have probably passed, though they’re nowhere near the end of the event, when Kiara feels Kyne tug at her arm while they’re pretending to be interested in a conversation they were dragged into.

“I don’t know how to tell you this nicely,” Kyne begins, settling her chin on Kiara’s shoulder, speaking softly enough so only she can hear. “But I’m bored out of my mind,” her faux sweet delivery, along with the flutter of her eyelashes, makes Kiara chuckle.

“Well, what do you want me to do?” She asks softly, as Kyne looks up at her with a blank expression.

“Let’s go to McDonalds, I’m hungry,” she suggests, her expression lightning up almost immediately. Kiara laughs wholeheartedly this time - she spent the whole night devouring those appetizers! Almost as if she can read her mind, she continues, “Listen, it’s not my fault those appetizers can’t satisfy me. Rich people's food is lame, and I know you’re hungry too,” Kyne states, matter-of-factly.

Well, she can’t really argue with that - she does feel a little hungry, despite all the snacks she ate. And, if she’s being honest, she appreciates the excuse to leave, so she finds her parents to quickly bid them goodbye, saying Kyne has a headache and wants to leave. Her mother makes Kiara promise she’ll bring Kyne to the family dinners soon, and he echoes the sentiment. She forces a smile and falsely promises she will, turning around as Kyne tells them again it was really nice to meet them.

“I think they liked me,” she comments, latching onto Kiara’s arm to not stumble with her own feet. “Who would’ve thought Antoine Schatzi would even know my name!” She giggles, resting her head against Kiara’s shoulder again. And Kiara knows she’s more than tipsy, that this is all pretend, but the warm feeling that spreads through her chest at the contact is everything but fake.

***

Though it’s fairly late, there’s still people inside the nearest McDonald's Kiara could find on Google Maps, so they resolve to just order through the drive through - even if she had no problem eating in a fancy gown and a full-face of makeup, the decision was more due to Kyne’s inability to walk straight. Crowded places weren’t exactly good if she wanted to keep Kyne from falling flat on her face.

Even though Kyne was the one that suggested they go to McDonald’s, her brain short-circuited for a moment while ordering, asking a tad too loud if she could have one of those paper crowns with her order, before remembering that’s a Burger King thing. Kiara just ordered a cheeseburger and a Big Mac through hiccups of laughter and dead silence on the employee’s end.

“Did you really drink that much?” Kiara inquires as they’re waiting for their order. Kyne rolls her eyes, pinching her on the arm.

“That’s none of your business,” she replies, childishly sticking her tongue out as Kiara looks at her in amusement.

Just a week ago she would’ve never imagined she’d get to see this side of Kyne, satisfied with their short encounters during office hours and polite enough friendship, but now, she wants this Kyne as a friend too - the messy drinker, quick-witted, caring Kyne that makes her laugh with every other word she says.

They’re sitting on the hood of Kiara’s car, eating their hamburgers and stealing each other’s fries as they talk about anything and everything - mostly about Kyne’s impressions of everyone she had met at the ball, not holding back on her opinions now that they were alone.

As she’s mimicking the voice of one of the women they met, Kiara notices a stain of what looks like mayonnaise in the corner of Kyne’s mouth, so she takes a napkin and brings her hand to her face to clean it up, making Kyne stop in the middle of a sentence. Kiara instructs her to be still and she complies, her gaze never leaving Kiara, even when she withdraws her hand, tossing the napkin into the food bag.

There’s a moment of silence, though not an uncomfortable one, before Kyne speaks again.

“Y’know, if I forget to tell you when you drop me home, I really like spending time with you. I enjoyed being your fake girlfriend,” she says earnestly, and the softness of her voice and tone makes Kiara’s heart race.

“I really liked having you as my fake girlfriend,” she echoes, though she doesn’t actually mean it - not because she didn’t enjoy the night, or because she regrets asking this to Kyne, not at all. She doesn’t regret anything.

It’s just that, as she stares at Kyne, listening to her chaotic train of thought while she tries to steal her fries, it hits her that she likes her. Actually likes her. Has probably liked her since the moment they met, when she made her giggle within minutes of meeting each other, when she let her hide in her office without much of an explanation, when she listened to her problems and offered solutions in her own Kyne way - she’s not sure when it started, but now that she knows it, the whole fake dating arrangement doesn't sit well with her.

#my fanfiction #rpdr fanfiction #kiara schatzi #kyne #online kyne #kyara #fake dating au #some things are bound to be fic

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harleenqzel · 5 years ago

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LANA DEL REY LYRIC MASTERLIST

Below the cut is a masterlist of lyrics from Lana Del Rey’s Various songs & albums from 2012 to 2019 ( Norman Fucking Rockwell, Lust for Life, honeymoon, Ultraviolence, Paradise, & Born to Die ). These can be used as Verse Titles, Memes, and overall Quotes/Lyrics. There are a total of ~843 different lines.

As to be expected some lyrics are explicit and contain references to drugs, alcohol, and sex among other adult themes.

NORMAN FUCKING ROCKWELL (2019)

norman fucking rockwell

You fucked me so good that I almost said, "I love you"

Cause you're just a man, It's just what you do

You talk to the walls when the party gets bored of you

Why wait for the best when I could have you?

You make me blue

mariners apartment complex

You took my sadness out of context

I ain't no candle in the wind

I'm the board, the lightning, the thunder

[i’m the] Kind of girl who's gonna make you wonder who you are and who you've been

Maybe I could save you from your sins

Kiss the sky and whisper to Jesus

You lose your way, just take my hand /You're lost at sea, then I'll command your boat to me again / Don't look too far, right where you are, that's where I am

They mistook my kindness for weakness

Catch a wave and take in the sweetness / Think about it, the darkness, the deepness

Even in the dark I feel your resistance

venice bitch

The summer fades away / Nothing gold can stay

Paint me happy and blue

If you weren't mine, I'd be jealous of your love

fuck it i love you

I like to see everything in neon

Maybe the way that I'm living is killing me

I moved to California, but it's just a state of mind / It turns out everywhere you go, you take yourself

Dream a little dream of me, make me into something sweet

Fuck it, I love you / I really do

Wish that you would hold me or just say that you were mine

If I wasn't so fucked up, I think I'd fuck you all the time

California dreamin', I got my money on my mind

Drugs is in my veins, running out of time

doin’ time

Summertime, and the livin's easy

I love her so bad, but she treats me like shit

Take this veil from off my eyes

My burning sun will, some day, rise

Ornery, scandalous and evil, most definitely

I'd like to hold her head underwater

love song

We go so fast, we don't move

I'm a star and I'm burnin' through you

Be my once in a lifetime

[I] would like to think that you would stick around

You know that I'd just die to make you proud

Touch me anywhere 'cause I'm your baby

I believe that you see me for who I am

Is it safe to just be who we are?

cinnamon girl

You try to push me out but I just find my way back in

There's things I wanna say to you / But I'll just let you live

If you hold me without hurting me, you'll be the first who ever did

Kerosene in my hands, you make me mad, I'm fire again

how to disappear

The waves came in over my head

All of the guys tell me lies, but you don't

This is how to disappear

Cuts on his face 'cause he fought too hard

He's in over his head

He moves mountains and pounds them to ground again

I think about those years

I'm always going to be right here / No one's going anywhere

california

You don't ever have to be stronger than you really are

I wanted to reach out, but I never said a thing / I wanted to call you, but I didn't say a thing

This is crazy love, I'll catch you on the flip side

We'll do whatever you want, travel wherever how far

You're scared to win, scared to lose

Changing like the weather, oh, that's so like you

the next best american record

My baby used to dance underneath my architecture

We gave all we had

'Cause we were just that good / It was just that good

Whatever's on tonight, I just wanna party with you

You made me feel like there's something that I never knew I wanted

We lost track of space / We lost track of time

It's you, all the roads lead to you

I see you for who you really are

the greatest

I miss dancin' with you

Those nights were on fire / We couldn't get higher

We didn't know that we had it all

But nobody warns you before the fall

Don't leave, I just need a wake up call

I guess I'm signin' off after all

I want shit to feel just like it used to

I guess that I'm burned out after all

"Life on Mars" ain't just a song

bartender

Sometimes girls just want to have fun

The poetry inside of me is warm like a gun

I'm just tryna keep my love alive

Hold me all night

Our love's alive

Baby remember, I'm not drinking wine

Our love's sweet enough on the vine

Wearing white for their tea parties

Meditating in the garden

I love the little games that we play

When at last the day is done / I grab my keys

They don't yet know where I reside

60 miles from the last place I hide

happiness is a butterfly

Do you want me or do you not?

I heard one thing, now I'm hearing another

Happiness is a butterfly / Try to catch it like every night

It escapes from my hands into moonlight

Every day is a lullaby

If he's a serial killer, then / what's the worst that could happen to a girl who's already hurt

I'm already hurt

I guess I'm cursed

Looking into his eyes, I think he's already hurt

Don't be a jerk, don't call me a taxi

Sitting in your sweatshirt, crying in the backseat

I was one thing, now I'm being another

I lose myself in the music

hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have - but i have it

Smiling for miles in pink dresses and high heels on white yachts

I've been tearing around in my fucking nightgown

Writing in blood on my walls

The ink in my pen don't work in my notepad

Don't ask if I'm happy / You know that I'm not

At best, I can say I'm not sad

Hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have

Church basement romances

Calling from beyond the grave

Like a goddamn near sociopath

She couldn't care less, and I never cared more

There's no more to say about that

There's a new revolution / A loud evolution

Born of confusion and quiet collusion

A modern day woman with a weak constitution

I've got monsters still under my bed that I could never fight off

LUST FOR LIFE (2017)

love

Look at you kids with your vintage music

You're part of the past, but now you're the future

Signals crossing can get confusing

You get all dressed up to go nowhere in particular

Doesn't matter 'cause it's enough to be young and in love

The world is yours and you can't refuse it

Seen so much, you could get the blues but that don't mean that you should abuse it

It doesn't matter if I'm not enough / For the future or the things to come

lust for life

In these stolen moments, the world is mine

Keepin' me hot like July

We're the masters of our own fate

A lust for life keeps us alive

My boyfriend's back and he's cooler than ever

There's no more night, blue skies forever

They say only the good die young

There's no stopping now, green lights forever

13 beaches

I don't belong in the world / But that's what it is

Something separates me from other people

Everywhere I turn / There's something blocking my escape

It took thirteen beaches to find one empty

I'm camera ready almost all the time

But I still get lonely

Let your memory dance in the ballroom of my mind

It hurts to love you / But I still love you

I still love you, it's just the way I feel

I've been dying for something real

Finally I'm fine

In the white sunshine

You can still find me if you ask nicely

Underneath the pines with the daisies, feeling hazy

cherry

Real love, it's like feeling no fear / When you're standing in the face of danger

It's like heaven taking the place of something evil

I fall to pieces when I'm with you

And all of my peaches are ruined

It's like smiling when the firing squad's against you / And you just stay lined up

My rose garden dreams, set on fire by fiends

And all my black beaches are ruined

white mustang

Packing all my things for the summer

Lying on my bed it's a bummer / 'Cause I didn't call when I got your number

But I liked you a lot

Slippin' on my dress in soft filters

Everybody said you're a killer, but I couldn't stop the way I was feeling

Caught up in my dreams and forgetting

I've been acting like armageddon ['cause you] Held me in your arms just a little too tight

Summer's meant for loving and leaving

I was such a fool for believing / that you could change all the ways you've been living

You're gonna hit me like lightening

summer bummer

It's never too late to be who you wanna be

Leave if you wanna leave / Stay if you wanna stay

I got a feeling in my bones / Can't get you out of my veins

You can't escape my affection

Wrap you up in my daisy chains

Let's skip the games, let's quit the playin'

Between you and me I'm usually single

White lies and black beaches

Miles in between us

We traveled for weeks, just to escape your demons

groupie love

You're in the bar, playing guitar / You're in the club, living it up

It's so sweet, swingin' to the beat

I know that you're doing it all for me

Every time you look up I know what you're thinking of

Time after time, writing my lines

This is my life, you by my side

Key lime and perfume and festivals

Taking our dreams, turning them to things

It's like magic, babe, isn't life wonderful?

in my feelings

I'm smoking while I'm runnin' on my treadmill

I'm cutting up roses, could it be that I fell for another loser

I'm crying while I'm cummin' / Sobbin' in my cup of coffee

Get that cigarette smoke out of my face

You've been wasting my time

Talk that talk, well now they all know your name

There's no coming back from the place that you came

You got me in my feelings

Talking in my sleep again

Who's tougher than this bitch

I'm feeling all my fucking feelings

I'm laughing as I'm taking my prisoners

In the smoke they can hear me coming

If you were me, and I was you / I'd get out of my way

Got me feeling so blue make a mess of the love

coachella - woodstock in my mind

For a minute it was Woodstock in my mind

They put out the warning tensions were rising over country lines

I turned off the music tried to sit and use it

All of the love that I saw that night

What about all these children and what about all their parents

What about about all their crowns they wear

Wrapped up like garland roses 'round their little heads

I'd trade it all for a stairway to heaven

I'd trade the fame and the fortune and the legend

Critics can be so mean sometimes

Doesn't take a genius to know what you've got going and to

Got a million things I wanna say

What is it all for? Will it be okay

god bless america - and all the beautiful women in it

Take me as I am

Only you can save me tonight

There's nowhere to run, nowhere to hide

You let me in, don't leave me out or leave me dry

Even when I'm alone i’m not lonely

I hear the sweetest melodies on the fire escapes of the city

God bless America, and all the beautiful women in it

Take me as I am don't see me for what I'm not

With you I've got nothing to lose

when you talk that talk with those lips I'm most certain in hell

when the world was at war we kept dancing

Don't forget your pearls and all of your horses

As you make your way across the pond, don't forget your curls

Memorize them in a little song

Shake it up, throw your hands up and get loose

Is it the end of an era?

It's only the beginning

If we hold on to hope we'll have a happy ending

If you find you're in a foreign land don't make too much noise

Don't try to be funny / Other people may not understand

beautiful people beautiful problems

Blue is the color of the planet from the view above

Long live our reign, long live our love

Green is the planet from the eyes of a turtle dove / 'Til it runs red, runs red with blood

We get so tired and we complain 'bout how it's hard to live

But we're just beautiful people with beautiful problems

Warm is the body of the girl from the land he loves

My heart is soft, my past is rough

Something close to like a sugar rush

But is it wasted love? / It's not wasted love

But we gotta try every day and night

tomorrow never came

Hey, what you doing?

Baby don't ask me why

On that side of paradise

If I had my way you'd would always stay

I'll be your tiny dancer, honey

I waited for you / In the spot you said to wait

In the city, on a park bench in the middle of the pouring rain

I just wanted things to be the same / You said to meet me out there tomorrow but tomorrow never came

I wish we had stayed home

I could put on the radio to our favourite song

heroin

The rumbling from distant shores sends me to sleep

The facts of life can sometimes make it hard to dream

Grab me by the ribbons in my hair

Life rocked me, ultra-softly like the heavy metal that you wear

Flying to the moon again / Dreaming about heroin

Probably gave you everything And took your life away

I put you on an aeroplane destined for a foreign land

My hopes that you come back again / And tell me everything's Okay

I want to leave, I'll probably stay another year / It's hard to live when absolutely nothing's clear

Something 'bout this weather made these kids go crazy / Something 'bout this sun has made these kids get scary

I'll be lying if I said I wasn't sick of it

Taking all my medicine to take my thoughts away

I hope that I'd come back one day

Don't know what it is that makes my head get crazy

change

There's something in the wind I can feel it blowing in

Lately I've been thinking it's just someone else's job to care

Who am I to sympathize when no one gave a damn?

Change is a powerful thing people are powerful beings

Maybe by the time this song is done I'll be able to be honest, capable

Holding you in my arms without letting you fall / When I don't feel beautiful

Maybe it's enough to just be where we are because

Everytime that we run we don't know what it's from

There's something in the water I can taste it turning sour / It's bitter, I'm coughing but now it's in my blood

get free

Finally, I'm crossing the threshold / From the ordinary world to the reveal of my heart

Take the dead out of the sea and the darkness from the arts

I'm doing it for all of us

All my birds of paradise who never got to fly at night

It feels like I've got a war in my mind, I want to get off but I keep riding the ride

I never really notice that I had to decide to play someone's game or to live my own life and now I do

Out of the black, Into to the blue

Gone is the burden of the crawling way of being

We're not in your right mind

There's no more chasing rainbows / Their arches are illusions

You try to touch them, there's nothing to hold on to

HONEYMOON (2015)

honeymoon

Don't go 'cause truly there's nobody for you but me

We could cruise to the blues

The history of violence that surrounds you

There's nothing to lose now that I've found you

There are violets in your eyes / There are guns that blaze around you / There are roses in between my thighs

music to watch boys to

Singing soft grunge just to soak up the noise

I've been sent to destroy

I know what only the girls know

Lies can buy you eternity

terrence loves you

I don't matter to anyone

I lost myself when I lost you

I won't change you for anything

Isn't strange that you're not here with me

I know the light's on in the television

god knows i tried

Sometimes I wake up in the morning, To red, blue, and yellow skies / It's so crazy I could drink it like tequila sunrise

Dance around like I'm insane

I feel free when I see no one, and nobody knows my name

God knows I live / God knows I died / God knows I begged, borrowed and cried /God knows I loved / God know I lied /God knows I lost / God gave me life / And God knows I tried

Sometimes I wake up in the morning, to red, blue and yellow lights

On Monday they destroyed me, but by Friday I'm revived

I've got nothing much to live for

Light up my life

high by the beach

Look at you looking at me

I know you know how I feel

Loving you is hard, being here is harder

I don't wanna do this anymore, it's so surreal

I can't survive if this is all that's real

All I wanna do is get high by the beach

The truth is I never bought into your bullshit

You could be a bad motherfucker / But that don't make you a man

Now you're just another one of my problems / Because you got out of hand

We won't survive we're sinking into the sand

Don't need your money to get me what I want, i’ll do it on my own

Everyone can start again

Not through love but through revenge

Through the fire, we're born again

Peace by vengeance brings the end

freak

Flames so hot that they turn blue

Palms reflecting in your eyes, like an endless summer

That's the way I feel for you

If time stood still I'd take this moment, make it last forever

Screw your anonymity

Loving me is all you need to feel

Talk till we both turn blue

Life makes sense when I'm with you

Looking back, my past, it all seems stranger than a stranger

It's like I told you, If you stay, I'll stay

art deco

You're not mean, you just want to be seen

Want to be wild

A little party never hurt no one

You want in but you just can't win

Shining like gun metal, cold and unsure

When they all say hello you try to ignore them

You put your life out on the line

religion

Everything is fine now

Let's sleep in the dark's day

All our minds made up now, all our beds are made

No one's out of time, no chips fall wherever they may

Leave it all behind, let the ocean wash it away

It never was about the money or the drugs / It never was about the party or the clubs

'Cause you're my religion, you're how I'm living

When I'm down on my knees, you're how I pray

Hallelujah, I need your love

Everything is bright now no more cloudy days

Even when the storms come, in the eye we'll stay

No need to survive now, all we do is play

salvatore

Everything looks better from above my king

Like aqua marine, ocean's blue

All the lights are sparkling for you it seems

I adore you, can't you see, you're meant for me?

Summer's hot but I've been cold without you

the blackest day

I don't really wanna break up

It's not easy for me to talk about a half-life in lost dreams

And not simple, it's trigonometry

It's hard to express I can't explain

Ever since my baby went away it's been the blackest day

Because I'm going deeper and deeper, getting darker and darker

don't wanna talk about the things to come

Looking for love in all the wrong places

I got you where I want you

I'm falling for forever

I'm playing head games with you

There's only 24 hours in a day, and half as many ways for you to lie to me

Half of those, you lay awake with thoughts of murder and carnage

If you lie down with dogs, then you'll get fleas

Be careful of the company you keep

Lie like you lie

Love like you love

There's only 24 hours in a day and half of those you lay between the sheets with me

Give me your heat

Give me your diamonds

And my crooked lust

You count to three while they're all dying

You're hard to reach

You're cold to touch

swan song

Why work so hard when you could just be free?

You got your moment now, you got your legacy

Let's leave the world for the ones who change everything

Nothing could stop the two of us

Let's just get lost, that's what we want

With just one wave it goes away

Dive in, dive deep in dark blue suede

Rushing up from the water where the ice meets

And you've been gone so long, you missed everything

Say good night to the life in the world we live

don’t let me be misunderstood

Don't you know no one alive can always be an angel?

When everything goes wrong, you see some bad

But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good

Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood

Sometimes again it seems that all I have is worry

I want you to know I never meant to take it out on you

Life has its problems and I get more than my share

Baby, I'm just human

Don't you know I have faults like anyone?

ULTRAVIOLENCE (2014)

cruel world

Share my body and my mind with you

There's not anymore I can do

And I like my candy and your women

I'm finally happy now that you're gone

Because you're young, you're wild, you're free

You're dancing circles around me

You're fucking crazy

I love your women and all of your heroin

Everybody knows that I'm a mess

ultraviolence

I was filled with poison but blessed with beauty and rage

He hit me and it felt like a kiss

This is ultraviolence

I can hear sirens

He used to call me poison, like I was poison ivy

I could've died right then

He hurt me but it felt like true love

[Jim] taught me that loving him was never enough

Crying tears of gold, like lemonade

shades of cool

My baby lives in shades of blue

And when he calls he calls for me, not for you

I can't fix him, can't make him better

I can't do nothing about his strange weather

I can't break through your world

Your heart is unbreakable

He prays for love, he prays for peace

brooklyn baby

They say I'm too young to love you

I don't know what I need

They think I don't understand

I think I'm too cool to know ya

You say I'm like the ice I freeze

You say I'm too dumb to see

They judge me like a picture book, by the colors, like they forgot to read

I think we're like fire and water / I think we're like the wind and sea

If you don't like it you can beat it

You never liked the way I said it

If you don't get it, then forget it so I don't have to fucking explain it

I get high on hydroponic weed

Yeah my boyfriend's pretty cool but he's not as cool as me

west coast

That's why I'm leaving you for the music

I push it hard you pull away

I'm feeling hotter than fire

There's no one else that brings me higher than higher

You say you miss me and I wanna say I miss you so much but something keeps me really quiet

sad girl

It might not appeal to fools like you

He's got the fire and he walks with fame

Being a bad bitch on the side

We've been around when he gets high

pretty when you cry

All the pretty stars shine for you

Am I the girl that you dream of?

You make me feel like your whole world

I'll wait for you, babe, that's all I do

I'm pretty when I cry

All those special times I spent with you, my love, they don't mean shit compared to all your drugs

Like my memories, I don't need that

Don't say you need me when you're leaving

money power glory

How are we supposed to get there

That's not what this bitch wants

I want money, power and glory

I wanna take you for all that you got

The sun also rises on those who fail to call

My life, it comprises of losses and wins and fails and falls

fucked my way up to the top

Lay me down tonight in my linen and curls

I fucked my way up to the top

This is my show

I'm a dragon, you're a whore

Mimicking me is a fucking bore to me

Lay me down tonight in my diamonds and pearls

Tell me songs at night about your favorite girl

Need you baby, like I breathe you

old money

Where have you been? Where did you go?

Those summer nights seem long ago

But if you send for me, you know I'll come / And if you call for me, you know I'll run

Sunsets, small town, I'm out of time

Will you still love me when I shine from words but not from beauty

My father's love was always strong / My mother's glamour lives on and on

Yet still inside, I felt alone for reasons unknown to me

black beauty

I paint my nails black / I dye my hair a darker shade of brown

I paint the sky black

It suits the mood of your soul

Nothing, my sparrow blue

Life is beautiful but you don't have a clue It don't make sense to you

Paint the house black

My wedding dress black leather, too

You have no room for light

Love is lost on you

I keep my lips red, they seem like cherries in the spring

Darling, you can't let everything seem so dark blue

guns and roses

Heavy metal love of mine

I should have learned to let you stay

You didn't want me all the time but you were worth it anyway

You were so much better than the rest of them

Out of all the others you were the honest man

I should have learned to let you play

I wasn't the marrying kind I should have done it anyway

Back to the promised land

I can feel it coming in the air tonight

I can see you bathing in the summer light

You got game boy

florida kilos

They're special, just for you

Loving you is free

I like it down way low

Prison isn't nothing to me, if you'll be by my side

Sun in my mouth and gold hoops

We could get high in Miami

PARADISE (2012)

ride

I've been out on that open road

Singing blues has been getting old

You can be my full time, baby, Hot or cold

Don't break me down

I've been travelin' too long, I've been trying too hard

I hear the birds on the summer breeze, I drive fast / I am alone in the night

Been tryin' hard not to get into trouble, but I've got a war in my mind

So, I just ride

Dying young and I'm playing hard

Drink all day and we talk 'til dark / That's the way the road doves do it, ride 'til dark

I'm tired of feeling like I'm fucking crazy / I'm tired of driving 'till I see stars in my eyes

I look up to hear myself saying, baby

american

Play house, put my favorite record on

Flirting with the girls like you're so pretty

You make me crazy, you make me wild

Be young, be dope be proud

Drive fast, I can almost taste it now

I don't even have to fake it now

You're way ahead of the trend

Honey put on that party dress

I don't really want the rest, only you can take me there

I don't even know what I'm saying but I'm praying for you

cola

My pussy tastes like Pepsi Cola / My eyes are wide like cherry pies

I got sweet taste for men who're older /It's always been so it's no surprise

We can escape to the great sunshine

I know your wife and she wouldn't mind

I wear my diamonds on skid row

I pledge allegiance to my dad, for teaching me everything he knows

Don't treat me rough, treat me really nice

body electric

Jesus is my bestest friend

We don't need nobody, 'cause we got each other / Or at least I pretend

We get down every Friday night

Mary prays the rosary for my broken mind

I sing the body electric / I’m on fire

My clothes still smell like you and all the photographs say you're still young

I pretend I'm not hurt and go about the world like I'm havin' fun

blue velvet

She wore blue velvet / Bluer than velvet was the night

Softer than satin was the light From the stars

Warmer than may her tender sighs

Ours a love I held tightly

Feeling the rapture grow like a flame burning brightly

But when she left, gone was the glow

I still can see blue velvet through my tears

gods & monsters

In the land of gods and monsters

I was an angel living in the garden of evil

Screwed up, scared, doing anything that I needed

Shining like a fiery beacon

You got that medicine I need / Fame, liquor, love, give it to me slowly

Put your hands on my waist, do it softly

Me and God, we don't get along

No one's gonna take my soul away

Headed towards a fucked up holiday

Fuck yeah give it to me, this is heaven, what I truly want

It's innocence lost

I was an angel, lookin' to get fucked hard

Life imitates art

Dope, shoot it up straight to the heart please

I don't really wanna know what's good for me

God's dead, I said 'baby that's alright with me'

When you talk it's like a movie and you're making me crazy

If I get a little prettier, can I be your baby?

You tell me life isn't that hard

yayo

I like the snake on your tattoo

I like the Ivy and the Ink blue

You have to take me right now / From this dark trailer park

Put me onto your black motorcycle

Fifties baby doll dress for my 'I do"

It only takes two hours to Nevada

I wear your sparkle

You call me your mama, Let me put on a show for you daddy

Let me put on a show

Need you like a drug

Hello Heaven / You are a tunnel lined with yellow lights

bel air

Gargoyles standing at the front of your gate

Trying to tell me to wait, but I can't wait to see you

So I run, like I'm mad, to heaven's door / I don't wanna be bad

I won't cheat you no more

I've been waiting to meet you / Darling I'm waiting to greet you

The violentest kind of love anywhere out there

Mon amour, sweet child of mine, You're divine

Didn't anyone ever tell you / It's okay to shine?

Don't be ashamed / Walk in the way of my soft resurrection

I know your name

Lead me to war with your brilliant direction

Grenadine sunshine, and it fades sublime

BORN TO DIE (2012)

born to die

Feet don't fail me now, take me to your finish line

My heart it breaks every step that I take

I'm hoping that the gates, they'll tell me that you're mine

Walking through the city streets / Is it by mistake or design?

I feel so alone on a Friday night /Can you make it feel like home if I tell you you're mine?

Don't make me sad, don't make me cry

Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough, I don't know why

Keep making me laugh / Let's go get high

The road is long, we carry on / Try to have fun in the meantime

Come take a walk on the wild side

Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain

You like your girls insane

Choose your last words, this is the last time

Lost but now I am found / I can see but once I was blind

I was so confused as a little child

Tried to take what I could get / Scared that I couldn't find All the answers

off to the races

I can't deny the way he holds my hand and he grabs me / He has me by my heart

He loves me with every beat of his cocaine heart

Swimming pool Glimmering darling / White bikini off with my red nail polish

Watch me in the swimming pool bright blue ripples

Light of my life, fire in my loins / Be a good baby, do what I want

Gimme them gold coins, gimme them coins

Facing time again at Riker's Island and I won't get out / Because I'm crazy, baby

I need you to come here and save me

I'm your little scarlet, starlet, singing in the garden / Kiss me on my open mouth, ready for you

But he got a soul as sweet as blood red jam

And he shows me, he knows me, every inch of my tar black soul

He doesn't mind I have a flat broke down life / In fact he says he thinks it's what he might like about me

Slipping on my red dress, putting on my make up / Glass film, perfume, cognac, lilac fumes

Says it feels like heaven to him

I'm gonna stay and pray with him till the end

I trust in the decision of the law, to watch over us

I'm not afraid to say that I'd die without him / Who else is gonna put up with me this way?

I need you, I breathe you, I'll never leave you

They would rue the day, I was alone without you

You're lying with your gold chain on, cigar hanging from your lips

blue jeans

Walked into the room you know you made my eyes burn

But you fit me better than my favorite sweater

That love is mean, and love hurts

I still remember that day we met in December

I will love you 'til the end of time / I would wait a million years

Promise you'll remember that you're mine

Baby can you see through the tears?

When you walked out that door, a piece of me died

I just want it like before

video games

Pull up in your fast car whistling my name

It's you, it's you, it's all for you

I heard that you like the bad girls honey, is that true?

Swinging with the old stars, living for the fame

Kissing in the blue dark

He holds me in his big arms / Drunk and I am seeing stars

diet mountain dew

You're no good for me but baby, I want you

Do you think we'll be in love forever?

Baby, put on heart shaped sunglasses, 'Cause we gonna take a ride

I'm not gonna listen to what the past says

I've been waiting up all night

Take another drag, turn me to ashes

Maybe I like this roller coaster, maybe it keeps me high

Can we hit it now low down and gritty

national anthem

Money is the anthem of success/Money is the reason we exist

He says to "be cool" but, I don't know how yet

Tell me I'm your National Anthem

Summer's in the air and baby, heaven's in your eyes

I'm standing over your body, hold you like a python

You said to "be cool" but, I'm already coolest

Do you think you'll buy me lots of diamonds?

Overdose and dyin' on our drugs and our love and our dreams

God can only, I need somebody to hold me

Boy you have landed in the land of sweetness and danger

dark paradise

All my friends tell me I should move on

I'm lying in the ocean, singing your song

Loving you forever, can't be wrong

Even though you're not here, won't move on

there's no remedy for memory your face is like a melody, it won't leave my head

Your soul is hunting me and telling me that everything is fine / But I wish I was dead

Every time I close my eyes it's like a dark paradise

No one compares to you

I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side

When you find true love it lives on

There's no you, except in my dreams tonight

There's no relief, I see you in my sleep

Everybody's rushing me, but I can feel you touching me

radio

Not even they can stop me now

Their heavy words can't bring me down

Boy I've been raised from the dead

No one even knows how hard life was

I don't even think about it now because i've finally found you

Now my life is sweet like cinnamon / Like a fucking dream I'm living in

Baby love me cause I'm playing on the radio

Pick me up and take me like a vitamin

'Cause my body's sweet like sugar venom

I heard the streets were paved with gold

How do you like me now?

carmen

It's alarming, honestly how charming she can be

You don't want to be like me, don't wanna see all the things I've seen

The boys, the girls, they all like [Carmen]

She gives them butterflies, bats her cartoon eyes /She laughs like God, her mind's like a diamond

Only seventeen, but she walks the streets so mean

It's alarming, truly, how disarming you can be

Relying on the kindness of strangers

Tyin' cherry knots, smilin', doin' party favors

Put your red dress on, put your lipstick on

million dollar man

You said I was the most exotic flower

Holding me tight in our final hour

I don't know what you do, it's unbelievable

Someone as dangerous, tainted and flawed as you

I love you honey, I'm ready, I'm ready to go

How did you get that way, I don't know

You're screwed up and brilliant, and look like a million dollar man

So why is my heart broke?

You got the world but baby at what price

It isn't that hard [boy] to like you or love you

If you're going crazy just grab me and take me, i’d follow you down

summertime sadness

Dancin' in the dark in the pale moonlight

High heels off, I'm feelin' alive

Cruisin' down the coast, goin' about 99

Got my bad baby by my heavenly side

I know if I go, I'll die happy tonight

Oh my God, I feel it in the air

Telephone wires above are sizzlin' like a snare

Honey I'm on fire, I feel it everywhere

Nothin' scares me anymore

Think I'll miss you forever, like the stars miss the sun in the mornin' sky

Kiss me hard before you go

I'm feelin' electric tonight

I got that summertime sadness

this is what makes us girls

Remember how we used to party up all night?

Sneaking out and looking for a taste of real life

Drinking in the small town firelight

Teachers said we'd never make it out alive

She starts to cry, mascara running down her little Bambi eyes

We all look for heaven and we put love first

Don't cry about him

That's where the beginning of the end begun

Everybody knew that we had too much fun

We were skipping school and drinking on the job with the boss

Baby's table dancing at the local dive

Drinking cherry schnapps in the velvet night

Screaming, "Get us while we're hot, get us while we're hot"

A freshmen generation of degenerate beauty queens

Crying 'cause I know I'm never coming back

without you

Everything I want I have

I even think I found God in the flashbulbs of the pretty cameras

Hello, hello ca-can you hear me?

You're so good, your love is deadly

Tell me life is beautiful

They all think I have it all

I'm nothing, without you

All my dreams, and all the lights mean nothing without you

My life is sweet like vanilla is

Gold and silver line my heart

Can you picture it babe the life we could've lived?

Boy, you're so dope

We were two kids, just tryin' to get out

Live on the dark side of the American dream

We would dance all night, play our music loud

When we grew up, nothing was what it seemed

lolita

Would you be mine / Would you be my baby tonight

Could be kissing my fruit punch lips in the bright sunshine

'Cause I like you quite a lot, everything you got don't you know

It's you that I adore,[though] / I make the boys fall like dominoes

Kiss me in thedark tonight

I know what the boys want, I'm not gonna play

Never was in love, skipping heart beats with the boys downtown

Topple you down from your sky forty stories high

Shining like a god, can't believe I got you inside

I want to have fun and be in love with you

I know that I'm a mess with my long hair and my suntan, short dress, bare

I don't care what they say about me, what they say about me

You make me happy

lucky ones

Let's get out of this town, baby we're on fire

Everyone around here wants to be going down

If you stick with me, I can take you higher, and higher

It feels like all of our friends are lost / Nobody's found, found,

I got so scared, I thought no one could save me

Every now and then, the stars align / Boy and girl meet by the great design

Could it be that you and me are the lucky ones?

Everybody told me love was blind / Then I saw your face and you blew my mind

Boy get into my car, got a bad desire

You know that we'll never leave if we don't get out now

You're a careless con and you're a crazy liar

But baby, nobody can compare to the way you get down

Tried so hard to act nice like a lady / You taught me that it was good to be crazy

Feels like Falling in love for the first time

SINGLES

burning desire

Every Saturday night I get dressed up to ride for you, baby

I drive fast, wind in my hair, push it to the limits 'cause I just don't care

You ask me where I've been? I been everywhere

I don't wanna be no where but here

I've got a burning desire for you

Every Saturday night I seem to come alive for you

Your hands were on my hips, your name is on my lips

Over over again, like my only prayer

dont’ call me angel

Boy, don't call me angel, you ain't got me right

I appreciate the way you watch me, I can't lie

I fell from Heaven, now I'm living like a devil

You can't get me off your mind, I appreciate the way you want me

god save our young blood

Damn, look at the sunrise / Glowing finish line

Made it in record time, hey, baby, we made it

My head's faded, headlights dilated

Baptized in blue skies

Roll the window down, reach out, feel around for new life

Damn, you and those green eyes

We can never stop movin', we see nothin' but the green lights

God save our young blood

Climbed up the tree of life, kicked out of paradise

Living good, doing evil is the toss of the dice

She's an angel and a devil of her own device

Baby save me one last sip while you strip on the beach

I'll save you in the waves if you swim too deep

looking for america

Took a trip to San Francisco, didn't work, so I left for Fresno

Pulled over to watch the children in the park / We used to only worry about them after dark

No bombs in the sky, only fireworks when you and I collide

It's just a dream I had in mind

That's another place and time

So many things that I think twice about before I do now

once upon a time

I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream

I know you, that look in your eyes is so familiar a gleam

I know it's true that visions are seldom all they seem

But if I know you, I know what you'll do

You'll love me at once, the way you did once upon a dream

season of the witch

When I look out my window, many sights to see

So many different people to be

When I look over my shoulder what do you think I see?

Oh no, must be the season of the witch

shades of cool

My baby lives in shades of blue / Blue eyes and jazz and attitude

When he calls, he calls for me, not for you

He lives for love / He loves his drugs, he loves his baby too

But I can't fix him, can't make him better

And I can't do nothing about his strange weather

You are unfixable, I can't break through your world

He prays for love, he prays for peace

Your heart is unbreakable

you must love me

This isn't where we intended to be

We had it all, you believed in me, I believed in you

Certainties disappear

What do we do for our dreams to survive? /How do we keep all our passions alive

Deep in my heart, I'm concealing things that I'm longing to say

Scared to confess, what I'm feeling frightened you'll slip away

How can I be, any use to you now?

Give me a chance, and I'll let you see how / Nothing has changed

young and beautiful

I've seen the world, done it all

Hot summer nights, mid July when you and I were forever wild

Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful? / Will you still love me when I've got nothing but my aching soul?

I've seen the world, lit it up as my stage now

Hot summer days, rock and roll the way you play for me at your show

And all the ways, I got to know your pretty face and electric soul

Dear lord, when I get to heaven, please let me bring my man

All that grace, all that body, all that face, makes me wanna party

He's my sun, he makes me shine like diamonds

#ask meme #ask memes #lyrics masterlist #verse masterlist #verse titles #masterlist #quotes

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03/15/2021 DAB Transcript

Numbers 22:21-23:30, Luke 1:57-80, Psalms 58:1-11, Proverbs 11:12-13

Today is the 15th day of March welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I am Brian it's great to be here with you today. This is as close as we can get to the center of the month, right? Halfway through today is I think the dead center of the month. So, welcome to the middle of March. A couple weeks from now we will complete the first quarter of the year if you can believe it. A couple weeks from now it's gonna be just about Easter if you can believe it. But we’re here. We’re here in the season that we know as Lent, a season that is leading us toward Easter, a season that allows us to just spend 40 days of…of deep introspection and contemplation on the sacrifice of Jesus and all of His work on our behalf, but also, the ways we reject that to our own peril and doom and we invite God, we invite the Holy Spirit to rearrange us, to remove from us the things that don't belong in our lives, even if they were good things and they just have no purpose anymore, to remove the things that don't belong in our lives and to introduce the things that do belong into our lives and to rearrange the things that belong that are in our lives as we aim toward resurrection day. So, I guess…I guess that’s the lay of the land. That's where we are in our year, but we've come for one thing and that is to take the next step forward in the Scriptures today. And, so, let's get to it. We’re reading from the God's Word translation this week. We are in the book of Numbers. The children of Israel are wandering around the wilderness. Just their very presence is causing anxiety among the leaders of different nations around them. The Moabites have sent for a person to come and curse the Israelites in the desert. His name is Balaam and we’re…we’re in the middle of his story. That's where we'll pick up today. Numbers chapter 22 verse 21 through 23 verse 30.

Commentary:

Okay. So, there is plenty we could talk about from the book of Numbers and this story of Balak the king of Moab and Balaam. I don't know what we would call him, the hired curse assassin or something like that, like the person who’s hired to come and put a curse upon people. It's a really weird story isn't it? Like talking donkeys, the whole nine. It's very strange, but we need to get a little bit further into it and so we’ll wait until tomorrow so that we can see the full complexion of the story because, man it’s like so many the other points in the Bible, it’s a mirror. So, we’ll get to that probably tomorrow. Let’s just pay attention to what's going on in this story.

In the book of Luke, we’re…we’re still in chapter 1 of the book of Luke so we’re just getting going, but the book of Luke begins with the narrative telling us of the birth of Jesus. And I point that out because this is the last time this year where we will encounter that narrative, the story that we know as…as the Christmas story. Only two of the four Gospels have anything to say about the birth of Jesus and that would be Matthew and Luke whereas Mark and John don't…don’t refer to the birth of Jesus or tell that story. So, I'm pointing that out so that again we don't just assume, “well we’ll hear that story again, I’ve heard it a million times” so that we actually press into the narrative of the coming of Jesus into the world and the development of His ministry. So, we have already, you know, Gabriel's already come to Mary and she's…she's given her permission, she surrendered herself to God's will. She's already seen her cousin Elizabeth, who is also pregnant in her old age. So, a bit of a miraculous turn of events. And Zechariah the priest, the husband of Elizabeth how he was struck dumb as he was serving in the temple because he couldn't get his head around how he was gonna have this child in his old age. So, he wasn’t allowed to talk. He wasn’t able to speak until the child was born, which is what we witnessed today. John, the cousin of Jesus was born and he will grow up and will be known as John the Baptist or John the baptizer because that's what his ministry will look like and we’ll see that soon enough as we get a little bit further into the book of Luke. What I want to point out today is how easy it is for us to read the narratives of the Gospels and just kind of…it's…it's like Jesus and John, they just show up one day. We…we hear of their births and then they just show up one day. John just wanders in out of the desert and starts calling the people to repentance or Jesus just seems to show up at the Jordan and gets baptized. And it's like they grew up in a vacuum somewhere and then just appeared magically when that's not really what happened, and we’ll see this with Jesus as well as we go forward. But with John today. Well, what happened? Elizabeth and Zechariah a priest of God, so somebody who would be known by the community, they were righteous according to the New Testament and they were also elderly, and they were also childless. The people around them would've known all of these things and then when the priest Zechariah receives his commission to go and burn incense before the Lord and goes into the temple and he's in there too long and then he comes out and can't talk then everybody who was waiting outside knew that…that he had seen a vision according to the New Testament and he couldn't talk. So, obviously something’s up, something supernatural is up. People are going to be talking about these things. And then finally John is born to Elizabeth and Zechariah in their old age. Zechariah still can't talk to name the child. And, so, Elizabeth says his name is gonna be John, which is another thing that confuses the people because that’s not usually how you name people in your family. Like this son should be named after his father and nobody else in the family is named John. So, it’s odd. And, so, they appealed to Zechariah and Zechariah confirms his name is John and that opens his mouth and he’s able to talk again and the Spirit falls upon him and he prophesies. So, John didn't just appear out of nowhere in a vacuum. All of these events happened that are noteworthy and would've had the people talking, right? So, if you had followed that story and were around Jerusalem or in the outskirts of Jerusalem around Zechariah and Elizabeth you knew their story and how they had this child miraculously and then named him oddly and then Zechariah prophesies. This is the kind of stuff you’re gonna be talking about and you’re gonna wonder, “what’s gonna become of that kid? Like what's…what is all of this that's happening? What is his destiny? What is this future?” So, then when John does show up coming out of the desert at the Jordan River calling the people to repentance, he’s not just some crazy person who has just gone mad out in the desert. He has a reputation from birth that God has his hand upon this man. And, so, we can see in the gospel narratives that the people believe John to be a genuine prophet of the most-high God. Even when the religious leaders confront Jesus about his own authority Jesus confounds their questioning by saying, “where did John's authority come from, right?” Because all of the people believed he was a true prophet of the most-high God except for the religious people. And this is an miraculous thing. That's the thing of it. Like this is a miraculous thing for a prophet of the most-high God to show up because in their story a prophet of God hadn't been among them for 400 years from the end of what we would call the Old Testament, from the last book, the book of Malachi. 400 years go by before there is a legitimate prophet of the most-high God that the people actually recognize. So, that's where we are in the book of Luke with John beginning his ministry and his ministry, of course, as he declares is to prepare the way of the Lord. So, let's enter into this. As we…as we move through the gospel of Luke let's enter into the details of the story. Let's look at the context surrounding the story so that we might more accurately and truly embrace the story and make it a part of our story.

Prayer:

Father we thank You for Your word and we thank You for all of the people that we get to meet in Your word, all of the spiritual ancestry that has gone before. And we look at these people and there’s so many time we can see miraculous things happening but they’re normal people. There is nothing particularly different about them than us, and You have invited us to be a part of Your story upon this earth at this time. And, so, as we engage with and interact with the stories in the Scriptures, we find ourselves. So, Holy Spirit come. Continue to lead us into all truth. This is…this is all we want, is all truth, that we might walk the narrow path that leads to life. Come Holy Spirit we pray. In the name of Jesus, we ask. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is home base, it’s the website, it’s where you find out what’s going on around here and it's always good to stay tuned and stay connected. It's a year-long journey that where on, and, yeah, it can get long, and things can get heavy and it's nice to know that we’re not alone.

So, be aware of the Daily Audio Bible app. If you don't have it you…you should try it out. And all the things that…that I'm talking about in the web are in the app as well, like the Community section. This is where to get connected. This is where the Prayer Wall lives. Check out the Daily Audio Bible Shop. There are a number of different categories in there as well as a number of different resources that have been developed over the years for the journey that we’re on. So, check that out.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, you can do that at dailyaudiobible.com. There is a link on the homepage or if you’re using the app you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner. And I thank you, I thank you so much that the journey that has lasted all of these years now, is a journey that we've been on together all of this time. And its with great humility that…that I say these things. It's incredible that day by day step-by-step we keep taking the journey through the Scriptures. And if that has been life-giving to you than thank you for your partnership. So, there is a link on the homepage. If you’re using the app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, we’re a community and one of the beautiful things about us as a community is that accept each other and pray for each other and that is a beautiful thing. And, so, if you're carrying something, if you have a prayer request or encouragement then you can hit the hotline button in the app, which is the little red button up at the top and share from there or there are a number of phone numbers that you can use depending on where you are in the world. Of course, I guess it doesn't really matter. You can use any of these numbers wherever you are in the world, but in the Americas 877-942-4253 is the number. If you are in the UK or Europe 44-20-3608-8078 is the number to call. And if you are in Australia or that part of the world, the lands down under 61-3-8820-5459 is the number to call.

And that's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hey family this is Benjamin the Sower calling. I would just like some prayer today just for the people in my life, that God has placed in my path. Just that I've gotten the chance to reach out to and that He's….God has given me given me some friendship or connection or ability to…to witness to, my hairdresser Gage and neighbor Dale, my coworker Elise, just people who believe in…in God but that don't really know much more than that. I find just a lot of people out there are just kind of agnostic or call themselves atheist but that are like, “oh we can't know.” And just kind of hold that humility and, you know, they hold it up high but really it's…I think it might be fear of exploring. And yeah, just in those conversations it's been really cool but sometimes I've just felt tongue tide and, you know, hindsight afterwards, I'm sure we all have had that, looking back and thinking, “I wish that I had said, you know, said…said…said this or said more about you” or especially in times of covid just people looking for peace and hope. I just don't want to be ashamed of the gospel. I just…I've experienced the joy of it, and I want that for others. So, I would just love…love prayer over that for boldness, just for more opportunities. At my church we call it like taps on the shoulder from God, which is kind of…kind of cool. So, I just want the Holy Spirit to be tapping me more on the shoulder just to be able to…to see the needs around me and to see the chance of the gospel to come to life. Alright. Love you guys so much. Bye.

Hey everybody this is Carmen from Germany I thought it was time I call in again. I've been wanting to call, oh gosh, for weeks and you just kind of put it off. And I don't have any major requests for myself but I hear all of your requests and I pray along with you and keep thinking, “well I need to call in and…and let people know, you know, that I'm still here, that I'm praying for you.” But I just listened to March 12th and I heard the call from the anonymous woman who said she got herself into a pickle by doing…by taking her…her eyes off of God. And I thought, you know, you're speaking for so many of us. When I look back on my life and I think of all the times I've hurt people, I've got into bad…bad whatever, I mean, broken relationships, everything, it's always been because I took my eyes off of God and my own selfishness, thinking, you know, somehow, I could justify whatever I was doing either that or…or being so selfish that I didn't even think about it. But anyway, I want you to know that I'm going to be praying for you as well as so many people because I think you speak for so many of us and I think that so many of us can relate to what you're…you’re saying and probably even what you're going through without knowing the details because we’ve all got our own versions of pickles we go through. Anyway, I'm praying for you. I thank you also for letting us know as a reminder for us to keep our eyes on Jesus just as that song says, “look full into His wonderful face.” So, thank you very much. I'm praying for you. Brian happy belated birthday and Jill I just want to let you know you are wonderful. I just love everything that you're doing on the DABC. So, the both of you and Brian together, what a wonderful…

I’d just like to thank the Lord for taking away my wife's cancer. She was diagnosed two years ago with metastatic Melanoma and through fervent prayer from family members and church members it's gone. The treatment worked. Her spirits are good. Now we just need to go back in six months to continue to do cat scans and MRIs to make sure it doesn't come back. And we were told by the doctor that only 10% of the people who recovered the way she did can get it back, only 10%. So, I continue in prayer and all my good friends at the Daily Audio Bible which I've been doing now for eight years every day, for eight years. I hear the prayers. I hear the crying that happens, and it breaks my heart, but together we all must pray and keep each other strong and continue to pray for Brian and his family. Prayer does work for our Lord is on the throne, doesn't change. But prayer changes things. And may we all seek the wisdom of God, have a joyful heart, and faith back and move mountains. Come Holy Spirit I pray. I ask these things in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Hi DAB family this is Abiola from New York I'm calling in wanting to throw another log on our wonderfully warm fire. I love you guys so much. Thank you, guys for having me a part. Praise God. Thank Him so much for the Holy Spirit guiding us all to this platform to where we can encourage and love on one another and not skip that beat in recognizing who He is in our lives. He's so good to us and I just wanted you all to know that I pray with and for all of you guys. I'm asking for prayer to ask for prayer. I struggled with asking for help and asking people to pray for me and trusting people with things that's going on with me and how I feel. So, I know that I need to ask. So, pray for me to be able to ask for prayer. I also wanted to pray for Kelly from Boston. Sis, I am praying with you that you and your husband in the second half of your marriage comes out better than the first half. I'm praying for total reconciliation and love and forgiveness to resonate through your relationship. I'm also praying the same for anonymous. God bless you for being able to confess your sin. I pray that those people around you in your relationships have a softened heart towards you. I pray that you guys can all reconcile and love. The of Christ can be the epitome of all of our lives. God bless you all.

Hi, my name is Marybeth I'm calling from New Hampshire I'm a first-time caller asking for a prayer request. I'm going in for an endoscopy on March 22nd and I've been having a lot of symptoms and I'm really concerned and I'm…my imagination keeps going towards cancer and I just have to hold my thoughts captive and not go there and just trust in the Lord. I just ask for healing and I just pray that God's will be done. And I also ask if you will pray for my husband for his Salvation and I pray for my son. He is in the military in the Middle East, and I pray for his Salvation. And I thank you for everybody's prayers in advance. Thank you.

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himbowelsh · 5 years ago

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Jet lag & Webgott. I know the theme is PAIN but can I request something mildly to very funny??

a little fall of meme can hardly hurt me now ( accepting )

‘make it funny,’ you say, at which point i instantly forget the concept of humor

By this point, David has become fluent in Joe’s bitching, whichever language it’s voiced in.

It’s an acquired skill — frankly, one he could have lived his entire life without acquiring — but knowing where Joe stands makes navigating their relationship a lot easier. When it comes to the little things, Joe wears his heart on his sleeve. If he doesn’t like a particular TV show, he’ll say it… loudly. When it’s snowing, he’ll agonize about it until David’s tempted to shove him outside and lock the door; when it’s too hot, he’ll strip without shame, hissing like a disgruntled cat all the while. By now, they’ve been dating long enough that David knows Joe like a familiar book, leafed through a hundred times over. Sure, sometimes he could do without all that context, but a working knowledge of Joe’s quirks makes dealing with him that much easier.

Joe Fact #263: He can’t stand long flights.

It’s not like he’s a nervous flier. He’s just… a lot to handle. Part of it has to do with Joe’s inherent restlessness, a genetic predisposition to never hold still for more than a minute; part of it is just Joe’s talent for being annoying. And he can be… really, really annoying. Damned obnoxious. He doesn’t read, he’s hardly interested in the movies — he just spends the entire flight complaining. Why can’t he get WiFi? Why can’t he order another gin and tonic? Why are the seats so lumpy? Why do you want me to close the window, Web, look at this view, it’s priceless —

Having the window open makes him air sick. Joe knows this.

It’s not a massive problem, but during any long flight, it becomes an inevitable one. Queasiness is just another thing Joe gets to complain about on long flights. Part of David thinks it’s all a ploy; an excuse to get up and move around the cabin, even if it’s just to hide out in the bathroom and try to get WiFi signal.

To be fair — on their trip to the Amalfi coast, when Joe had to sprint to the bathroom mid-flight and stayed there for over an hour, he probably wasn’t faking it.

Flying with Joe is unbearable for everyone involved… so when Joe announces his new solution, David’s optimistic. They’re two days out from a trip to Hawaii when Joe reveals a bottle of air sickness pills — apparently “the best they sell on the whole Internet, Web, I checked.”

David’s skeptical. “Are you… sure you can’t just make it?”

Joe huffs, genuinely offended by the question. “Fine! This time I’ll just blow chunks all over you. In-flight entertainment’s gonna be The Exorcist. How about that, Web? Fuck.”

David rolls his eyes — but he doesn’t argue anymore. At the time, it seems like a testament to his self-control.

Oh, how naive he was.

The pills make it through customs in their carry-on bag — something Joe gloats about for the next half hour, like he’s just pulled one over on the government, even though David looked it up and medication is allowed on planes. While waiting for their flight, Joe insists on Cinnabon. Insists, like it’s the only thing he’s ever wanted. He pouts, he pleads, and finally he just tows David over to the stall without any forewarning and sits him down at one of the tables. (Joe Fact #312: Arguing with Joe while he’s got a pastry craving is like reasoning with a brick wall.)

The cinnamon bun in front of Joe is larger than your average infant. “You ever heard of ‘tempting fate’?” David can’t help but ask around his own mouthful of pastry.

Joe reaches over and smears frosting on his chin.

Without any delay, they make it on their flight in record time. Joe waits until they’re sitting, buckled in and watching the flight attendant go through safety procedures, to dig the pill bottle from his bag. A strange sense of unease churns David’s stomach, though he can’t for the life of him say why. Joe glances over, smirking; as David watches, he pops the two pills and swallows them dry.

“There. This flight’ll be smooth sailing.”

With four and a half hours of airtime ahead of them, David can only pray.

Joe’s not the researching sort — that goes without saying — but David has always been. He never takes a medication without looking up the full list of side effects in advance. When, twenty minutes into the in-flight movie, Joe’s head starts to loll against his shoulder, he’s not surprised.

“You alright?” he murmurs, turning just enough to speak the words softly into his boyfriend’s temple. Joe shifts, sighing heavily, and tries to straighten up again. It’s more effort than it’s worth.

“Might just end up sleeping through this thing,” he mutters. “Movie’s a snorefest anyway.”

It’s some movie about a dog. Neither of them have been really paying attention. “Okay,” David replies, keeping his tone casual. “That’s fine, just… get some rest.”

Joe shifts in his seat, making himself more comfortable. For about ten minutes, David stays very still. He doesn’t move; he doesn’t fidget; he doesn’t even breathe loudly.

When he looks over again, Joe’s dead to the world.

Oh, thank god.

David tilts his head back to grin at the ceiling, fist pumping the air without a sound — definitely earning a few sideways glances from other passengers, but he doesn’t care. Finally. After all this time, all this anticipation —

There’s no time to waste. He rummages through the carry-on at his feet, emerging with three large books, and headphones dangling from between his fingers. David drops his tray table, sets up his classical music Spotify playlist, cracks open the first book, and orders a Bloody Mary.

Peace at last.

The amount of long flights he’s endured through Joe’s whining… the amount of poking he’s had to deal with, the amount of dirty jokes whispered in his ear, all the times Joe’s stolen his books or drained his phone battery… he’s earned this, okay? As David leans back in his seat, it’s impossible to keep from grinning. Slumped against the window, Joe’s soft snores are easily drowned out by his headphones. They’ve got another five hours of flight ahead, and David plans to enjoy them.

Which he absolutely does, for the first hour. By the second, Joe’s got a specialty airline pillow under his head and a blanket tucked around him; David’s wallet is thirty dollars lighter, but it’s worth it. He runs his fingers through Joe’s hair absently, still engrossed in his book; after a while, he finishes it, and starts another one.

Somewhere around the third hour, Joe stirs, face smushing up against David’s shoulder. Gently, David repositions his head, only to find his boyfriend blinking drowsily at him.

“Hey, Web…” Joe’s voice is raspier than usual, thick with sleep. “How long’ve I been out?”

“A little while. We’re about halfway there.”

Joe hums, head flopping back against David’s shoulder. After a minute, he becomes aware of the blanket around him; a small huff escapes him, turning into a chuckle halfway through. “Aww, Web. Knew you cared.”

“As though I’d ever hear the end of it if you woke up with a sore neck.”

As though just to spite him, Joe cranes his neck at an unnatural angle to look up at him. “Wouldn’t be the first time we woke up sore together.” He pauses, thoughtful, then grins. “Wanna renew our mile high club membership?”

David shakes him off.

“Okay, okay, shit —“ Joe straightens up, disgruntled. Even sitting up in his seat, he sways a bit, as though rocking to turbulence no one else can feel. Davis observes as he gradually slumps against the window again, all the energy drained out of him. Mile high club — uh huh, very likely.

“These pills have any weird side effects?” Joe asks after a moment, brows furrowed. David rolls his eyes.

“How many times have I told you —“

“Read the fine print, yeah, damn it, Web. I get it.” Joe’s eyes scrunch shut. “They’re just not gonna — gimme an extra toe, or turn me green or anything, right?”

“No.” David diverts his attention, recommitting to his book with new stubbornness. “Orange, maybe.”

“That’s a color I can live with.” Without looking, Joe reaches over. Whatever he’s trying to grab, he ends up smacking David in the jaw. Hard, damn it. As David draws back with a muttered curse, Joe’s hand finds his chest; he gives it a few solid pats, maybe as an apology. “Mind if I sleep the rest of the way?”

“Please,” David rolls his eyes. “Be my guest.”

After a while, Joe’s snoring picks up again — and David is left to read in peace. He makes it through about a quarter of the next book before his eyes start hurting, and he finally has to set it aside. He orders a snack. He watches some late-night show. He doodles a bull shark on his napkin and daydreams about the white sands of Honolulu.

By the time the plane’s begun its final stretch, David is more than ready to start vacation. His pulse thrums with muted excitement, mind racing with all the things he wants to do as soon as they step off the plane. Every slight jolt of the plane as it descends kicks his anticipation a little higher.

By all rights, it should also jar Joe awake… but when David looks over, he’s surprised to find his boyfriend still sleeping.

“Hey,” he says, nudging Rip Van Winkle’s blanket-clad shoulder. “Nap time’s over. We’re almost there.”

Joe groans, shifting in his seat. When David tries again, he blindly smacks him.

“Jesus — will you —“ With a huff, David yanks the blanket away, leaving Joe bare. Suddenly exposed to the plane’s crisp air conditioning, Joe’s face scrunches up. He writhes in discomfort for a moment, fumbling around for the blanket, before at last cracking an eye open to look at Webster.

“You’re a sadist, Web.”

“I’m tired of watching you drool,” Webster retorts, busy packing up his carry-on. “Come on, rise and shine. We’ll be on the ground in a few minutes.”

Joe gives a drawn out sigh, as if it’s the greatest inconvenience in the world to ask him to be awake. Still, he props himself up. Over the next few minutes, as the airport tarmac slowly comes into view, he pulls himself from the syrupy haze of half-sleep, back into the land of the living. By the time they’re on the ground, he’s still blinking hard and rubbing his head, but awake.

“At least we’re had an easy flight,” David chirps as they make their way up the aisle.

“I dreamed I was on some tropical island, with a buncha pool floats, and the local girls were letting me eat fruit slices off their chests.”

“I already told you, we can’t do that in public — plus I have to wear sunscreen! I burn! Why do you want to eat fruit that tastes like sunscreen?”

“Just leave a spot bare —“

“I can’t stand tangerines,” Webster declares, cutting the argument off before it can take root. “Find a better fruit. If it’s pineapples, I’ll consider it.”

“That’s because you, like pineapples, are disgusting.”

Joe suddenly stumbles, bracing himself against the ramp. On reflex, David catches him by the arm — but Joe isn’t falling, apparently, just steadying himself. When David raises his eyebrows, his boyfriend rolls his eyes and brushes him off.

“I’m fine, quit lookin’ at me like that.” A second later, Joe is on the move again. “Just a little jet-lagged.”

To be fair… David did enough research on the motion sickness pills in advance to know they made you drowsy. He just… didn’t look up how long it would last.

By the time they’re collecting their luggage, Joe is lounging on a nearby-bench, half-asleep; David has to haul every suitcase off the conveyor belt on his own. He also has to hail a taxi by himself… and, when they pull up in front of the hotel, with Joe dead to the world against his shoulder, pay for it.

“Come on,” David mutters, dragging his boyfriend out of the car. “Home, sweet home.”

Joe wakes up just enough to blink at him in amazement. “Wow, that was some vacation, Web!”

The bellboy who comes out to greet them blinks at the sight of David, two suitcases braced against one arm, a comatose body against the other. With barely a word of apology, he deposits Joe on the luggage trolley. Joe, who seems delighted with this turn of events, just pulls his legs up.

Hopefully the hotel has a big bed, because it seems like they’ll be spending their first night in Hawaii getting to know it well.

#webgott #so this is 60% just an excuse to write sleepy joe being adorable #20% therapy for my vitrolic hatred of long flights #20% an Actual Thing that happened to me #i went to sleep on the plane that afternoon and woke up at 2am in a puerto rican hotel room #my writing #Anonymous

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