#irritable. very sad. burnt out. too many things last week and too big feelings

[ybcpatrick]

save me kevin

[kinglazrus]

i saw that post and thought of this yesterday but my brain was unreasonably shy but here it is now usdygbhjn: “It’s three in the morning.” danny @ dash

Milky Way

Sometimes Danny hates living in the city. Actually, most of the time he hates it. Not because of the noise, or all the people, or even the ghosts, but the stars. Or the lack of them, at least.

Danny was ten years old when he realized the sky he saw every night was a lie. He had seen plenty of pictures of the night sky taken from different parts of the world. At that age, he just assumed that’s how the sky worked. Some places had less stars than others, he was unfortunately born in a place with very few stars overhead.

Until his sister got him a big astronomy textbook for his tenth birthday and he learned the city was to blame. All the city lights polluted the sky and kept him from seeing the sky for what it truly was. For weeks, he tried to convince his parents to move, to pack up all their things in the RV and drive out far away into the middle of nowhere, where there was no people and no light pollution, and he could see the stars in all their glory every night.

He never got that wish, but nowadays Danny doesn’t mind it so much. Now, if he wants to see the night sky as it should be seen, all he has to do is fly up, up, up beyond the clouds, just past the edge of the mesosphere.

There, he floats along the Kármán line, the boundary between Earth’s atmosphere and space, and he can see everything. It’s beautiful. He can’t help but think of every childhood drawing he made of the stars and how wrong he was.

The sky isn’t an endless expanse of black peppered with bright white spots. It’s a gorgeous mix of blues and purples, and even some pink in the Milky Way itself. Every inch of the sky is covered in stars. There are so many he has trouble picking out the constellations he knows better than his hometown, but he manages.

The familiar cup of Ursa Minor, Draco’s lithe body winding past, Hercules’ crooked form by the dragon’s head.

Danny traces the familiar lines with his softly glowing eyes and feels as empty as the space between the stars. Even though that distance looks so small from here, he knows how vast it really is.

Tipping back his head, he stares back down toward Earth. Cities make their own constellations across the dark surface. The sixty-two miles between him and the ground right now is not enough. He wants to fly higher, way out into space, and get lost in its cold comfort. But he can’t, because he has a city to protect, friends who depend on him, and a family who loves him.

At least he thinks they love him.

Danny reaches for his phone and goes to check the time, but the screen doesn’t turn on. He frowns, tapping the screen, and even shakes the device a few times. And then he remembers how cold it’s supposed to be up here, something he can’t really feel anymore, and it probably killed the battery.

He’s just lucky it isn’t iced over. At this height, it should be, but he probably has the radiation from his ectoplasm to thank for that.

Grudgingly, Danny tells himself he should probably head home. He flips over, head to the ground, and starts flying.

He takes his time, it’s still barely more than hour before he’s back in Amity. Just before diving through Fenton Work’s roof, he looks back up at the sky. It’s empty and sad.

The first thing Danny does when he’s back in his room is plug in his phone. He considers transforming; it’s dangerous to stay in ghost form while his parents are home. But after staring at his blank phone for a few long seconds he decides against it. He doesn’t really want to be human right now.

Curled up on his bed, head against his pillow, knees pulled up to his chest, he waits for his phone to charge enough to turn on. Those five minutes feel infinitely longer than his flight back from space.

“Screw you, Clockwork,” Danny mutters. It’s not really Clockwork’s fault, but it feels good to have someone to blame, and the ghost of time is a ripe target.

The moment his screen lights up, Danny reaches out and snags it off his bedside table. He notes the time, quarter to three, then goes through his notifications. Some spam emails, a couple game notifications, but no texts or calls. Which makes sense, it’s the middle of the night, who the hell would be up right now besides him?

As soon as Danny thinks that, his phone buzzes and a message appears at the top of his screen.

From Dash: [image]

Another quickly follows.

From Dash: was that u?

Eyes heavy, Danny stares at the texts for a long moment before clicking them. The messaging app is bright and glaring compared to his dark home screen and he squints when it lights up his room. He clicks the image Dash send, feeling instant relief when his screen gets significantly darker.

It’s a shot of the sky from Dash’s bedroom window, the corner of the next building over cutting through the image. Just above that is a bright white speck. If Danny didn’t know better, he might have mistaken it for a star or a planet.

Closing out the image, Danny types back: yeah, it’s me.

He hits send, turns onto his back, and sets his phone down on his chest. He’s not expecting a reply, although he has no reason not to, so it startles him when his phone buzzes not even a second later.

From Dash: thought so. What were…

From Dash: Patrol?

Danny pulls himself up, opening his phone once again, and reads the full messages.

Dash: thought so. What were you doing so high up?

Dash: Patrol?

Hunched over his phone, Danny doesn’t so much stare at the screen as he does zone out in its general direction. He knows what he wants to type in response, but he can’t seem to get his fingers to move.

The phone sits cradled in his hand, his thumbs thick silhouettes against the white screen. The longer he looks, the more he thinks they aren’t his thumbs but just thumbs. Anyone’s thumbs. They didn’t belong to him. He was a hundred miles away, out in space.

Before he can decide if this is a good or bad idea, he hits the call button.

It gets through half a ring before Dash picks up.

“Hey, Danny.”

Dash’s is voice is rough and dry, but it isn’t thick with sleep, reassuring Danny he hasn’t dragged Dash out of partial slumber.

“Danny?”

The call time says it’s been going for over a minute.

Danny swallows. “Hey.”

“You okay?”

“Dash…” Danny trails off. He rolls his neck. It pops in a way that probably isn’t healthy, but is also so familiar he doesn’t think twice about it anymore. He licks his lips. “Why are we friends?”

That isn’t what he meant to say. He doesn’t know what he really wanted to say, but he knows that wasn’t it.

The call is at five minutes.

“Because Paulina and Sam are dating.” Dash chuckles.

Danny thinks he should be chuckling too, but the sound doesn’t come. It’s a joke they’ve made a hundred times, as familiar as the crick in Danny’s neck, but it’s not the answer he wants right now.

“I’m friends with Tucker because… because we’ve always been friends. I can’t imagine not being friends with him,” Danny says. He takes one the hands—his hands, he has to remind himself—away from the phone and turns it over. Is it really him doing that?

“Sam kind of made herself friends with us. But we always thought she was cool anyway, so, we wanted her.” Danny rubs his hand on his thigh, stopping to grip his knee. He can feel the pressure, but he can’t really feel it. “We hate each other.”

Ten minutes.

“We used to, I guess. I don’t know. I don’t think I ever really hated you. Just, stupid high school stuff.”

“Stupid high school stuff,” Danny repeats. He glances at the time at the top of his screen. “It’s three in the morning.”

“Yeah.”

“Why are you up at three in the morning?”

“Why are you?”

Danny sucks in a sharp breath. “Just. Couldn’t sleep. Yeah.”

“Yeah? Same.”

This time, Danny chuckles. He can’t figure out why it’s funny, but it is. Dash? Having trouble sleeping? People like him aren’t supposed to have Danny’s problems. They’re supposed to date the head cheerleader, and have tons of friends, and get some big football scholarship that carries them through college, and be famous. Or something.

But the head cheerleader is dating Sam. Dash only has a handful of people he talks to regularly. He told Danny last month that he doesn’t want to play football in college. He wants to be a social worker, like his mom, and not be famous.

Danny laughs again.

“What’s so funny?”

“S-Sam,” Danny says between giggles. “Sam stole your girlfriend.”

“She really didn’t.” Dash sounds amused, a humorous lilt in his voice.

Danny can’t figure out what he finds so funny. It’s Dash’s life that isn’t going how it’s supposed to. Sucks to be him, thrust into a set role the moment he became quarterback in freshman year, stuck with a path he doesn’t want, that he doesn’t quite seem to fit. What kind of high school king is he?

The next time Danny laughs, it sounds closer to a sob. He sniffs and rubs his nose on his sleeve, the thick, rubbery material of his jumpsuit irritating his nose. The suit smells vaguely of burnt flesh and sulfur. No matter what Danny does, he can’t seem to wash it out.

Twenty minutes.

“Danny, I think you should go to sleep now.”

“’M fine,” Danny insists.

“You’re really not.”

“That’s kind of rude.” Danny drags his hand through his hair. It never feels like normal hair in his ghost form. Too wispy and light, like a silk veil.

“I can call you in the morning if you want. Or I can get Paulina to text Sam, or Tucker. I think I still have Jazz’s number somewhere.”

“Don’t hang up,” Danny says softly. He fells forward, curling onto his side around the phone, sticking his feet under his pillow.

They’ve been on the phone for well over half an hour now. Danny’s pretty sure they haven’t talked enough to fill out all that time. He wonders how much of it Dash has spent just sitting there, waiting for Danny to answer. It makes him feel like a bit of a prick.

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

Danny can tell Dash doesn’t know what the apology’s for, but he appreciates the acceptance nonetheless.

“You won’t hang up?” Danny asks.

“I won’t hang up.”

Danny nods, even though Dash can’t see it. He wishes he could. He wants someone here right now, but not Sam, or Tucker, or his sister, or his parents who maybe hate him, but he can never be too sure because they don’t know they hate him and he’s too afraid to tell them. Without all those other options, he supposes Dash will do.

He falls asleep, eventually, and wakes up human and cold, his phone still on beside him.

[saiilorstars]

Next Stop, Everywhere

Chapter 23: Things Change 

Fandom: Doctor Who

Pairing: 10th Doctor x Female OC

(Minerva’s face claim: Victoria Camacho)

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Chapter summary: Minerva finally comes home to see someone very special to her and hopefully raise her spirits a bit.

// Story Masterlist //

The Doctor entered my room with another dessert in his hand, a hopeful look on his face as he approached my bed.

"Doctor, I said I wanted vanilla pudding," I informed, giggling when his hope turned into irritation. It was far too much fun irritating him like that. Since I'd been stuck in bed for a good while, I had to find a source of entertainment somewhere.

"Are you serious?" He frowned.

I nodded, "I said clearly that I wanted vanilla..." But my certainty faded when I started to think about it. This had been happening for a while too. "...or...maybe I did say chocolate...hm...no, wait, pistachio?"

The Doctor sighed and sat down on the chair beside my bed. He wasn't very surprised about my doubt, neither was I by this point. "Don't try to think too hard. It could hurt you."

"Sorry," I reached for the vanilla pudding, "But thank you for tolerating my indecision."

"It's alright, although I'm seriously not okay with you rejecting the banana pudding," he gave me a sharp look.

"I told you, I like banana in everything...except pudding form."

He shook his head, "Why would you say that?"

"I don't know," I shrugged, "It's just its yellow color sort of reminds me of like the goop of your brain or something...ew."

"Seriously?" he raised an eyebrow, "That's your excuse?"

"I'm sorry if I don't want to eat a pudding brain," I said as innocently as possible, "It's what it reminds me of."

"Your comparisons are wrong," he pointed.

"And so is this," I waved the vanilla pudding, "I think I did say chocolate."

"Minerva just eat the bloody pudding," he snapped, "Or I'll force it down your throat."

"Ouch, you're rude today," I said innocently as I took a spoonful of my pudding.

"Sorry," he immediately apologized, his genuine sorriness making me feel bad because this wasn't such a big deal. Like I said, I'd been bedridden for some time now and I needed to find fun somewhere.

"I was just joking around, Martian, don't overreact."

"Is there anything else you need?" He stood up and fluffed the pillow behind me, "Are you thirsty? Do you want a milkshake?"

"I'm still eating my pudding," I reminded, waving my spoon as he stepped back.

"Right, right," he nodded, "Are you sure you're okay? Nothing hurts?"

I smiled, shaking my head, "Nope, I feel fine. Just fine. Why do you keep asking that? Martha does the same thing. So I lost my memory, but I'm okay."

For some reason, my memories of the last couple months had been lost. I could barely see the faint images of the Family shooting the Doctor, Martha and I in the TARDIS. And a watch...and Kaeya's necklace. But that was it. After that, I couldn't remember a thing.

About a week ago, I woke up in my room in the TARDIS without a clue of how I'd gotten there. It was a bit scary at first, not knowing what happened to me but the Doctor and Martha had quickly established I was alright despite the small memory loss. They explained two months had passed since we were shot down in the TARDIS. We'd gone into hiding in the year 1913, the Doctor posing as John Smith who was a school teacher. Martha and I had been assigned as his 'inherited' maids. Figures we'd end up serving the Martian. But according to them, we had been discovered a month early and chaos had arose. In the end, the Doctor returned and helped save us again. It sounded right, but I couldn't remember.

All I had as a memory from that adventure was a big ole burnt spot on my neck, which Martha continuously said was the origin of my memory loss. But no matter how many times I asked why she thought that, or what caused the burned spot, she wouldn't answer. I would even ask the Doctor and he would just wave it off or avoid the answer altogether. I knew there was more than they weren't telling me, it was especially obvious in the Doctor.

He seemed guilty, he seemed thoughtful, distracted. There were times where we were talking and suddenly I'd find that he wasn't listening to me; his mind was somewhere else. I wondered what made him think so much. I asked Martha about it but she seemed mad so she tended to divert the answer. She just said that it was his fault and he should know by now. That only made me more confused. I had one distracted friend and another angry friend. I suspected something else had happened in 1913, but neither of them would say more about it and I just couldn't remember anything.

But one thing that I clearly saw was how guilty the Doctor looked. I didn't understand why but I assumed he felt the memory loss was his fault for bringing us to 1913. As much as I told him it wasn't his fault, he claimed he wasn't guilty and that he was alright.

What a liar.

And due to the Doctor's guilt, he had taken the job of aiding me this last week very seriously. While he couldn't cook anything, I was always brought a good meal three times a day, made by Martha. He never left my side unless there was something truly wrong in the TARDIS that needed his services. Every five minutes, he always asked if I was alright and if I needed something. At first, I did care for his extra attention, but when I noticed how unhappy he was, how distracted and absent he was at times, it made me realize how wrong something was. I wanted to know what it was to then know how to fix it and then do it so he could be happy again.

"I'm sorry, Minerva," the Doctor took my hand, snapping me out of my thoughts, "I'm really sorry."

"Sorry about what?" I frowned, liking our hands interlocking but the fact he looked sad took it away.

"You don't remember?"

"Nothing yet, sorry," I shrugged.

He sighed, nodding and patting my hand, "It's alright. You don't have to be sorry for that."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, why do you ask?"

"Because you've been a terrible liar this past week."

"Everything's fine," he pulled a small smile, easily fake.

"You're lying," I whispered, watching his eyes intently. He did the same thing no matter how casual he wanted to act. It was fairly easy to catch when he couldn't even meet my gaze for more than a few seconds. "You're broken inside."

"How do you know that?" he tried acting like what I was saying had no relevancy.

"Because just like you could read my eyes, I can read yours. And right now, they're telling me they've seen something that broke you. You're not okay and it actually hurts me that you don't have the sufficient trust to tell me."

"I trust you, I do."

"No you don't, because we tell each other everything and right now you're choosing to hide it. Why?"

"There's just some things I'm not ready to say."

"Is it about Kaeya?"

"What?" He sounded edgy about that so I knew it had something to do with her.

"Kaeya's alive and you've made no remarks about it. No smiles, no happy dances, no nothing. She's the love of your life and you're not even smiling that she's still breathing somewhere in the world."

That was what confused me the most! A week ago, I informed him the love his life was alive and was returning for him. That was actually the only memory I had from 1913; Kaeya's message. As soon as I woke up in my room, her words ran through my head: "I am alive". While it broke my heart that she was coming back, it did make me just the slightest happy that the Doctor hadn't lost his love in the war. I thought he'd be extremely happy, giddy, jumping off the walls out of excitement...

...but there was nothing.

I would've thought he would've started his own search for the princess just to meet even earlier. But instead, he had stayed with the boring ole human that was me. He took care of me, even more than Martha I dare say because she had to go and sleep...but not him. He stayed, literally 24/7 all last week, just because I lost some memories of two months, and the necklace I had worn left me a bit weak. Bad as it was, I liked he chose me this time, even if it was just for a small moment.

"She's not the love of my life.." the Doctor said, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"But you love her, don't you? You never stopped even if Rose was able to sneak her way into your hearts. You loved her too but it doesn't compare to Kaeya's love." I was a bit bitter but I think it's understandable.

He frowned, "I didn't love Rose."

"Yes you did. She loved you. I know it." It's not like her attitude or threats had anything to do with the fact she loved him...

"Well, perhaps she did but that doesn't mean��I loved her. I mean, okay, yes, I admit it...I did have some affection for her, I was attracted...but love? No. I didn't. I don't."

My eyes widened as I processed his words, "...you...you don't?"

"No," he was smiling about this for some reason, "I don't. I never did, Minerva. Why would you think that?"

"Well, Doctor, you didn't exactly portray just friendship with Rose. You held hands, you were always together...and when I was there...there were times where you two would just...forget that I was even in the same room with you and you'd give each other these little looks that...that just yelled 'love'."

"Minerva, I will never finish apologizing for that time that you felt ignored, really...I am so sorry," he reached for my hand and took it into his. "And yes, I do admit there were times where I did consider Rose being...more than a friend...but something didn't feel right about that."

"Cos she's human?" I asked quietly, looking down as I thought about myself. What if he didn't want me solely because of that trait, that thing that made any fantasy about us being together for a lifetime impossible?

"Cos there was no actual spark."

"But you were attracted to her!"

"There's a difference between attraction and actual love. Yeah, alright, I was attracted to her in the beginning. I won't deny it. But...I don't know, there was just something that made it not happen."

"So...you never loved her?"

"No, I never loved her."

"Oh..." And I was smiling stupidly. Even if Rose wasn't here, it did make me feel somewhat better to learn that she had never gained his love. It was stupid, but...it made my heart skip just a littler faster to know that she had been wrong. The Doctor never loved her.

Of course then I remembered about Kaeya...

"But you still love Kaeya," I whispered, snatching my hand away from his as discreetly as possible.

"I..." he shook his head, "...let's talk about something else, yeah?"

"Why aren't you happy that she's coming back? I mean, she loves you, you love her, why aren't you happy?"

"Cos...cos, um..." He opened his mouth yet closed it as soon as he opened it. Instead, he just...stared at me. Normally, I'd be all giddy and smiley but this was another look he'd been doing all this week. While it did make me blush, I knew there was something more behind it. Something he didn't want to tell me...

"Cos what?" I asked, hoping that this time would be the lucky one that would give me all the answers I wanted.

"Have you ever felt like your head is just so...jumbled up?" He said instead. It was rather confusing how our conversation steered towards the new topic but I followed.

"Um...I suppose, with my family?" I shrugged, noticing how grim he had turned. "Why do you ask?"

"Cos that's what I've felt lately. Like, I think I know what I want, but..."

"There's doubt?"

"Maybe, I don't know," he sighed.

"What are you so jumbled about, then? A suit to wear?" I teased, getting a small laugh back.

"Ha, ha," he rolled his eyes, "I am being serious here."

"That doesn't sound like you, Martian," I smiled, "It must be serious, huh?"

"Very," he stared again for another minute or two.

I coughed, looking away as I blushed for his lingering looks, "What's it about? Kaeya?"

"Um...half."

"Half? What does that even mean?"

He just smiled sadly, "I'm just confused, that's all. But, enough about me, I don't want burden you with more things."

"Oh c'mon, I've told you my whole life story and you think you're burdening me with a small problem?"

"It's not small, it's really important," he sighed, "Consider it as something between life and death."

At that, I grew silent. I looked down to my hands and fiddled with my fingers as a recurrent thought ran through my mind, "Doctor...um...there's something that's been, uh, in my head for a couple of days now..."

"Did you remember something!?" He sounded alarmed for some reason, nearly jumping out of his seat.

"No," I looked up, a bit concerned. What did he looked so...jumpy about that?

"Oh...okay," he seemed to breathe a sigh of relief as he slumped back on his chair, "What's going on?"

"You told me that I risked my life in 1913, and I can't even remember what I did..." I sighed, "...and it's made me think, cos...what if whatever I was trying to do succeeded and I died?"

"Don't think of that, please," he shook his head.

"It really terrifies me that I can't remember being close to death...I was gonna die..."

"N-n-n-no, don't cry," he reached with a hand to wipe the tears that I hadn't even realized were going down my face.

"I'm sorry," I sniffled, half-smiling.

He didn't even say a word before he got on my bed, moving right beside me to give me a hug, "Okay, I know this is gonna make me sound so bad as a friend but...your life has been threatened a lot of times since you've met me. What's the difference now?"

I chuckled a little through my sniffles, "Because this time I can't remember it. What if I had died? I would've died in 1913, my family never knowing what happened to me...my grandmother..."

"But it didn't happen, it never will because I won't allow it," he moved his hand down to my waist and brought me closer to him, "Human or alien, I shall not."

"Yeah, thanks for whatever you did back there," I patted his hand, "But it's made me think, it's really had an impact on me. I don't want to die and leave my grandmother without the knowledge of my death. She doesn't deserve that."

"So what do you want to do about it?"

Silence.

"Minerva?"

I bit my lip and looked up at him, "I...I want to visit her..." I whispered.

He stiffened, silence falling for a mere minute before he became ecstatic, "Really!? You want to see her!?"

I nodded, "I don't want to die without seeing her again. I miss her so much, Doctor...I need to see her. Do you think I can go?"

"This must be a trick question, of course you can go!"

"So I can get out of bed now?"

"Yes, but no excess of movement," he warned letting go of me and standing up.

"We can go right now?" I barely breathed at the idea of seeing my sweet old grandmother again, "Yes?"

"C'mon!" he pulled me to my feet.

"I have to get changed," I ran to my mirror to get a good look at myself, "I have to fix my hair," I grabbed a piece of my hair, "Brush it, no! I've got to shower! And then brush it! And then find something acceptable to wear. No excessive heels, she hates it! She doesn't like brown either, but it's okay because I hate brown dresses! They make me look ugly!"

The Doctor just laughed, "Brown would look lovely on you and I'm sure your grandmother would agree."

"You don't know what you're saying, brown on me does not look good. But anyways, something serious here," I turned to him, my excitement all gone and replaced with seriousness, "Do you think my grandmother forgave me?"

"What?" he frowned and walked up to me, "What happened to the big smile on your face? Bring it back," he poked my cheek, making me chuckle for a moment.

"I'm serious. When I left, she was destroyed. She lost Olivia, and it wasn't too long ago that she lost my grandfather. Then I filed against my parents, against her daughter. I filed, despite knowing what it would do to her and when I won, I left her. She told me I could stay with her if I really wanted to leave my parents...but I ignored her and I left. I did that to her...I can't imagine she forgave me."

He set his hands on my shoulders, looking me straight in the eye, "Minerva, you are her granddaughter. The only one she has now. She doesn't have anything to forgive because she's not angry with you. She just wants to see you."

"But you can't be sure of that..."

"You're forgetting I had grandchildren of my own. I could never hate any of them, despite what they could've done. I loved them, and I always will. That's exactly how your grandmother feels about you."

"But is she proud of me? Would you be proud of them if they did everything I did?"

"I would always be proud of them," he smiled softly, "Just like she would always be proud of you."

"Thanks," I whispered, letting him hug me, "What would I do without you?"

"...your life would be a lot easier."

I pulled away, "And miserable," I walked for my closet, the thought of him never being in my life was just so unimaginable. I would never want to live in a world where he never met me. I couldn't.

"I'll call for Martha, then," the Doctor cleared his throat, walking for the door, "She can help you get ready."

"Yes because your sense of style is..." I looked him over, while I wanted to say how handsome he looked, I couldn't very well say that. Apart from my blushing, I would never hear the end of it from is smug lips. "...not so good."

"Says the girl in her nightie," his eyes looked me over with smirk.

"Shush," I hugged myself, "And get out."

"Oh go on then, I'll go call Martha to help you with your clothes. Take it easy, yeah?" I nodded and he pressed a kiss to my forehead, getting a blush from me.

"Yeah," I whispered, both of us smiling at each other in silence for couple seconds before he walked out.

I took a long sigh, knowing it wouldn't ever happen but still...I liked our closeness. Suddenly the idea of leaving the box of wonders and the Martian didn't seem so easy to do...

~0~

"Voila!" Martha clapped, forcing a little twirl out of me, "You know, maybe apart from being a doctor, I could have my own makeover show on the side."

I chuckled, "I'd be your number one fan." We both chuckled until I looked myself over. "Do you think she'll like it?"

"Mhm," Martha nodded.

"Thank you Martha," I hugged her.

"No problem," she pulled away, "I think you're grandmother is going to love it..." she stepped beside me, the usual innocent face she had before she made certain remarks. "...just like the Doctor will."

Ah, those remarks.

But actually, thinking on those two...something had changed. Martha was always telling me that I should tell the Doctor how I felt, but she had ceased to do that since last week. Instead, she focused on just turning his head. I thought it was extremely strange that she would stop altogether like that. But I also believed it was for the best; there was just no point in making a fool out of myself especially now that Kaeya was on her way back.

Martha had gotten right on the job as soon as the Doctor had told her I finally decided to see my grandmother. She had picked out an emerald-green, long-sleeve blouse that was tucked under a black skirt. I wore tights underneath with ankle-length black boots, my hair let down with only a black headband keeping it from my face.

"I really want to make a good impression on her," I sighed as I went for the door.

"Minerva, you're her granddaughter, impression kind of made already," Martha laughed as she followed.

I rolled my eyes, "I'm serious. When I left, I was just fourteen. I haven't seen her in three years, nearly four! I've grown, and I've...neglected her. I ignored her calls and when I did take them I hung up. Martha, I'm very, very, very nervous."

"I noticed," she moved besides me, "The world's noticed."

I bit my lip, "I just really hope she's forgiven me."

"She will, she will," Martha swung her arms around my shoulders and we walked off.

~0~

I stood in front of my grandmother's door and I'm pretty sure I've been stuck like this for a good fifteen minutes. The door was right there but my entire body was frozen in place. There were too many things running through my head and none of them were making me feel better about this. "You know what, I changed my mind," I turned around and moved to walk away.

"I don't think so," the Doctor blocked the way in time, almost looking like he had expected me to do something like this. "Knock."

Martha crossed her arms and nodded, "We're not going anywhere."

I sighed and turned back to the door, "But...what if she doesn't wanna see me...I just got up and left...I can't do this," I shook my head and turned around, determinedly making my way down the front steps of the porch.

They both grabbed my arms, actually lifting me up from the ground and pulled me back to the door. Martha knocked on the door while the Doctor took a tight hold of my arm.

"Martha! Don't do that!" I exclaimed, completely horrified.

"Too late," she smirked.

"But she might not wanna see me-"

"Would you shush it up already?" the Doctor snapped, "She is your grandmother and she definitely wants to see you. That guilt you have is nonsense."

"But-"

The door opened up suddenly, leaving me completely silent.

"Hm, so that's how you keep her quiet, then," the Doctor blinked, looking like he had the answer to the world. "Good to know."

I elbowed him in the ribs.

My sweet, old grandmother looked from the Doctor, Martha and I. She kept her eyes trained on me and when I met her gaze, I couldn't believe she was actually standing there. "...Minerva?"

The Martian let go of me and stepped back, Martha following seconds later.

I bit my lip, the tears stinging in my eyes. She didn't look so angry with me so that was a good sign. "Grandma?"

She hadn't changed a bit! Her short, grayish hair was neatly tucked in her short curls. Her piercing jade-green eyes remained youthful and colorful despite her actual age. She was a bit taller than I, but only by a few inches. Her skin was a bit wrinkled, but not as bad she always used to claim.

"It's you!" She exclaimed, opening her arms and coming up quite fast for a woman her age. She encased me in a big hug with such a tight grip. "It's you! It's you! My Minerva! Oh, it's you!"

Even though I was partially frozen for a few seconds, the sniffling still found a way out. "It is..."

"My granddaughter, my sweet little Minerva. It's you..."

My arms finally found their way around her for an equally tight hug. "Hi grandma," I whispered, resting my head on her shoulder, her sweet familiar caramel scent filling my nose.

"I can't believe you're back! Oh!" She laughed and pulled away, her hands on my arms as she looked me over, "Oh my Lord, you're so big! A proper, young woman. And ever so beautiful!"

"You're not the only one who thinks that," Martha muttered, a small grunt coming out of her seconds later. The Doctor had elbowed her. It seemed my little habit was contagious because now all of us did it to each other.

"You're so beautiful, Minerva!" And I got another hug from my grandmother. I would definitely keep accepting them!

"So are you," I mumbled. I had missed three years of seeing her and it was just now catching up to me.

But she just laughed, "Oh please, I got old!" she started wiping my tears off my face, "Now don't cry. Don't you ever get tired of that?"

"I ask her that all the time," the Doctor said, "Ow!"

Martha elbowed him.

"Oi, I was just agreeing," the Doctor mumbled.

"Well don't!"

My grandmother stared at them with amusement, "Are these your friends?" I nodded silently. She took my hand and walking us further through the porch, "Are you responsible for returning my granddaughter to me?"

"He's the designated driver," Martha pointed at the Doctor, "But I helped too."

Grandma just laughed, "Well thank you both! You have no idea how happy I am to see her back." She looked at me with a soft smile on her face, "So, so happy."

"Told you she'd be," the Doctor smirked.

"Martha," was all I said for her to elbow him.

"I'm gonna be quiet now," he murmured afterwards.

"That would be a first," I smirked.

"Hello there," Martha stepped up, holding her hand out for my grandmother, "I'm Martha Jones, Minerva's current best friend."

"Isadora Lozano," she shook Martha's hand, "And what happened to the other boy? The nice one, Mickey?" She glanced at me.

"Um...he's left for a trip..." I answered, sighing. That would be as much as I would be able to say about Mickey, unfortunately. "..a very long trip."

"Oh, good for him, then," she smiled and looked at the Doctor, "Hello, Isadora Lozano."

"Nice to meet you, I'm-"

"The Doctor," she flashed a grin, turning into a smirk at the surprise we all shared. "Ah, might be old but the memory is still on check."

"Have we met before?" the Doctor raised an eyebrow, studying her.

"Once," she nodded, "Seems like it hasn't happen it yet, huh?"

"How do you mean?" the Doctor smiled, easily confused yet suspicious. By the way she spoke one would think she knew of time traveling...

"Minerva, how old are you?" she asked, still looking at the Doctor.

"Seventeen." There was something going on in my grandmother's head but I probably wouldn't be able to figure that out right now.

"So it hasn't happened yet!" she snapped her fingers, "Right then, come on inside."

"Why does it sound like she knows of time travel?" Martha whispered as we followed.

"Because I think she just might," the Doctor breathed in.

I would've been more concerned but I was in my house, my real house. It hadn't even changed a bit. The living room was up first, two couches set up in the middle and two couch chairs on opposite sides with a table in the center and a television set up on the wall I walked over to a corner, seeing old toys of mine still laying there. Then the pictures of our family were still where I remembered them. Despite nothing really changing, it felt like a lot had. My grandfather's loss was still as fresh as ever and with all the pictures around that consisted of him...it wasn't helping. There were even pictures of Olivia and I...

Oh, things had definitely changed.

"You remember Stacey had a little sister, Tamara," Grandma said, seeing me pick up an old doll of mine, "She loves Lucy."

"Who's Stacey?" Martha asked.

"And Tamara?" added the Doctor.

I stood up with my doll in hand, turning to them, "Stacey was a childhood friend I used to play with all the time. And Lucy was, well," I waved the doll, "She was my favorite doll as a kid."

"Stacey has a little sister, she's about five," Grandma cut in, "She comes around because she claims Minerva's toys are the best."

"Well I did have good taste," I tucked a strand of my doll's hair. It was brunette just like mine. "She really likes Lucy?"

"Oh yes."

I walked back to them, setting Lucy on the couch, "Then I'll bring it over later. Do they still live in the same house?"

"Yes, two houses down, across the street. You know, Stacey left for college a couple months ago. Have you picked one out, yet?"

I made a face. That was certainly a topic I wouldn't have chosen to talk about right now. "Right...about that, I haven't graduated yet," I rubbed my neck.

"Why not? It's nearly October, you should've been done three months ago."

"I've gotten a bit distracted but I promise I am working."

"Let's just say Minerva's focus has shifted a bit in the last couple of months," Martha smirked.

"Martha, come over a sec?"

She stepped back, covering her stomach, "No you're gonna elbow me."

I mock-glared at her for a minute before returning to my grandmother, "I promise I'm still working. It'll just take a bit longer."

"I trust you," she pointed a warning finger at me, "But let's not talk about school, I wanna know what you've been up to. What have you done lately? Are you okay? You're healthy right? You've been sleeping well? Where've you gone lately?"

I chuckled at her curiosity, it was as big as mine, "I'll tel you, don't worry."

"Uh, Minerva, if you want, we can leave for some time," Martha offered, the Doctor nodding in agreement, "We can take a look at the city, San Diego was always a place on my bucket list."

"I don't know..." I did want to speak to my grandmother alone but I felt guilty for leaving my two friends alone in a place they've never been to. Well, the Doctor could handle himself...actually scratch that, Martha could handle herself.

"Oh go on," the Doctor grinned, "I'm sure Martha and I have lots to see in this place. Never been around here, mind you..."

"Please don't go ruining things," I pleaded, half joking yet another half dead serious, "This place isn't like the city, city. It's a small suburb. There are children in the streets, playing...don't start a riot."

"Minerva, you say such things," my grandmother chuckled.

"Oh grandma..." I smiled at her, discreetly showing the Doctor I was dead serious of my warning.

"We'll be out then," Martha walked around the couch, hugging me as I stood up, "Good luck," she whispered with an encouraging nod.

The Doctor came over next, giving me a hug as well, "You deserve it, Clever Girl."

"I still feel guilty," I whispered as we parted.

"All nonsense," he pressed a kiss to my forehead then looked past me to my grandmother, "Mrs. Lozano, you have a very stubborn granddaughter."

I glanced back at her, not even gonna argue on that one just because it was her. If it had been the Doctor all on his own I would've elbowed him already. But not my grandmother, she was just...she was here...I was here. We were here together.

"Sophia's stubbornness," she added, "Lord knows that's how she and her brother got into arguments."

"That's how these two get into arguments," Martha informed of the Doctor and I.

"Oi," we shot her a look.

"And we're off," Martha raised her hands in surrender and walked for the door.

"Don't be a danger," I warned the Doctor, gripping his hands so he wouldn't run off and then claim I never said such thing, "I'm serious."

"I will behave," he pulled for his freedom.

"Yeah?"

He sighed and put on a grin, "Yeah."

"I'm holding you to that," I gave him a warning look, "I'm serious."

"Yeah, yeah, okay, we'll be back later," he chuckled.

I cracked a smile, his laugh just contagious to me, "Alright," and I let go.

I watched them go until the door was shut. I took a deep breath and turned to face my grandmother who wore a smile, which if really focused enough looked more like a smirk, "Grandma?"

"Anything you want to tell me?"

"Hm?"

She raised an eyebrow, it was the same look she gave me as a child when I wouldn't do my chores.

"It's nothing, grandma," I looked around with discomfort. I fixed my skirt in an attempt to distract myself.

"Minerva, you may be almost grown up but I can still tell when you're lying," she took my hand and sat us down, "C'mon dear, it's been nearly four years since we've talked and now that I finally have you in front of me, I see that you're smitten!"

"Oh no..." I looked away from her, this was definitely not what I wanted to talk about with her as our first topic.

"Don't be embarrassed dear, you're forgetting I was married once. I also loved someone."

"I don't lo..." I paused when I really focused on that subject. Last time I remembered, I knew for a fact that what I felt for the Doctor was not love. It was just the first stage, a simple crush. Simple affection. But now that I think of it, as of now, I can't really say that anymore. I felt like, somehow, I was getting closer to being in love. It was like my heart had taken in a fresh new layer of feelings, but why? Why would I suddenly feel like that?

"Hmm?" My grandmother's smirk had turned into a playful, teasing smile, "What better way to start catching up then by explaining to me what's going on in your heart?"

I bit my lip, debating whether this was really appropriate. I mean, this was my grandmother! I'm supposed to talk about cookies and teach her modern phrases...not...not talk about men.

"Minerva? I'm waiting," she gave me a sharp look, "I'll understand you sweetie, if that's what you're worried about. I may not be your mother but we understand each other perfectly, so speak."

"Grandma, I...I never felt like this before. He's just so..." I sighed, smiling softly, my grandmother chuckling, "...unbelievable, to put it at best. He's impossible. Unlike anything and anyone you've ever met."

"Oh and he's got you locked in, doesn't he?" her laughter continued.

"Yeah," I answered quietly, blushing as I pushed a strand of my hair behind my ear, "It's that obvious, huh?"

"Just a bit, dear," she patted my hand, "You're very smart, I know you are, but it is quite easy to see."

"Yeah, well, it's easy to see except for him. I'm just a friend," I shrugged.

"And that breaks your heart, doesn't it?" she rested a hand on my arm, sighing when I nodded, "You want to hear a story about your grandfather and I?"

"What's it about?"

"How we met!"

"How does it go?" I scooted closer, curiosity bursting out of me.

"Well, we were just friends. Your grandfather always said that what he liked about me was that I always pushed to learn and do things, not stick to the housewife stereotypes. Most women were preparing for marriage and I...I wouldn't have that," she chuckled lightly, "That's the reason he started talking to me, you know. He said I was like none other, completely different!"

I smiled, "That's what I'd like for the Doctor to see. I'm not like any other human. I'm not Rose, I'm not Martha, I'm me. I'm different."

What I really meant to say what that I was different from all human females. I wanted the Doctor to see that I could keep up with him most of the time whereas Martha or Rose usually couldn't. I wasn't trying to seem better than them because they were good in their own ways, but I just wanted him to see I was different. But nothing could compare to Rose or Kaeya...

"Rose, that was, um, your best friend's girlfriend, right? What was his name, Mickey!" she snapped her fingers, "Yeah! And it was Rose Tyler, daughter of Jackie Tyler."

"Yeah, that's them," I sighed.

"What's happened to them, dear? I usually tried Mickey's number but now it says it doesn't exist."

"They're gone, grandma. They're happy, but they're gone." Well, I mean, Rose wasn't happy...

"And back to the point, you are most definitely not any of them. You're Minerva Joycelin Souza Lozano, the most intelligent, not to mention gorgeous, granddaughter I have."

I smiled warmly, "Grandma, I'm your only grandchild...now..."

"And you expect me to believe you're the opposite? No!"

"It's just...it's hurtful. Cos, he gives me hope, you know, like there's a chance that he could like me back, like, today...he told me he didn't love Rose. I always thought he did love her...I was so sure he loved her and today he tells me he doesn't, that he never did cos something didn't seem right. It would give me hope that one day he could look at me and see someone he could like more than a friend...but then there's Kaeya...the woman he loves for sure. That hurt cos that princess, yes she's a princess," I explained when she gave me that look, "She's so amazing, she did things that I could never do. Even Rose was good. And me...well...let's be honest I won't ever measure up to either of them so I'll never be good enough to earn his feelings, and it breaks my heart, grandma. It just...shatters it to pieces..."

"Oh no, don't cry," she took me into her arms like she did when I was a kid, giving me a sweet hug, "I don't like seeing you cry. I spent years looking for you and all I wanna see is your big, happy smile."

"Did grandpa ever break your heart?" I looked up at her, "Before getting married?"

"No, I was lucky I suppose," she smiled softly, "I was always happy with him."

"It sounds nice," the absence of my grandfather began arising as well. How could it not? I was in his house, with his wife, on a couch we always sat on for games, television and eating.

"I don't like hearing you talk like that, though. You are amazing!"

"Everyone says that but I think it's more to keep me quiet."

"But you are," she pulled away, "And I know he sees that too."

"How? You just met him," I wiped my tears from my face.

She chuckled, "Just trust me. I know the looks and believe me, your grandfather used to give them to me," she sighed with content, "And the Doctor does seem to have the same looks for you."

"Really?" I asked, the little gleam of hope inside rising at her words.

"You just trust your grandmother, alright?" she kissed the top of my head, "I know what I've seen and I've seen a lot."

"Grandma, do you...do you know the Doctor?"

"Mmm?"

"Grandma," I gave her a sharp look, "When Martha's mother met him, she made a whole fuss about what his name was and what he was doing with us, but you...you haven't asked the usual questions."

"I can't tell you, not yet," she patted my head, "But anyways, why don't you tell me what you've done lately, huh? Tell me about you. What have you been doing?"

"Um...just, travelling,' I shrugged, "We went to New York..." In the past. "...to, um, a replication of a guinguette, uh, to China-"

"To China?" She blinked incredulously before laughing, "What were you doing in China?"

"Um...the Doctor surprised me with the festival of Lanterns..."

"Ooh, 'surprised' you?" she raised an eyebrow, a hint of smirk growing on her face.

I blushed and looked away, thinking of what exactly happened during the festival. Looking back at it, I had no idea where I garnered such courage...

"Minerva?" My grandmother nudged me.

"Huh?" I snapped my head back to her, blinking rapidly as I remembered where I was.

"Anything interesting happen there?"

"Um, we had a riddle contest," I shrugged, deciding to leave out who with, "And I won."

"Oh, good," she chuckled, "Smart one, you are. Where else did you go?"

"Just...to so many places, grandma," I sighed with content, "It's all amazing out there."

"You just love to travel don't you?"

I nodded, "One could say it's my life."

"That's what Aaron says," she shook her head, "Somehow I think you're more level-headed than he is."

"How is Uncle Aaron?"

The Doctor had promised to find my uncle for me, but for some reason it was being a bit more difficult. Apart from all the distractions our travels caused, it seemed like Uncle Aaron was a bit hidden. And it did disappoint me because apart from my grandmother, he was the only one I wanted to see again.

"Last time I heard he was in Brazil," my grandmother paused and got to thinking, "No, wait, that was two weeks ago. I think he's in Switzerland...no..."

I chuckled, "He's everywhere!"

"That he is," she looked at me, "You and him are so alike in personalities it's no wonder Sophia had arguments with you."

I looked down, fiddling with my fingers, "...yeah. It seemed like I always disappointed her."

She set a hand on my arm, offering a smile of comfort, "Not to me you weren't. And never to her."

I sighed, wishing that could be true. Deep down, all I wanted was for my mother to forgive me.

~0~

My grandmother and I sat at the kitchen table with a plate of sliced apples in front of us. I declined her lunch offers so many times that she gave up trying to cook something and settled for a simple snack.

"Minerva, why didn't you want to take my calls? Did I do something wrong?" She asked once we were sitting together at the table. I knew it was the burning question she'd been keeping hold of ever since she opened the door to find me on the other side. The way she looked made me feel so incredibly guilty. Here was this sweet, old woman who had done nothing but care for a child that wasn't even hers and how do I repay her? By making her feel like she did something wrong.

"Grandma, when I left home, things were ugly," I began, swallowing hard, not wanting any memories to resurface through my head but that was just impossible. "I just wanted to forget everything for a while. And Uncle Aaron helped me. But when we separated, I started getting phone calls from my mother, well more since uncle Aaron and I were together. The times I did pick up she did nothing but remind me of what I had done to Olivia and her...so when you called, I thought it'd be the same. Cos all mom wants me to do is come back home so she can keep an eye on me like I'm some child with disastrous tantrums that harm people."

"You know very well my opinions over Olivia's death. It was not your fault, sweetie. And truthfully, that is something I shall never forgive Sophia for. She forgot what being a mother was. But you sweetie, you," she put a hand under my chin, lifting my gaze to hers to see her warm smile, "You are innocent. And understand that I will never fault you for Olivia's death."

"I'm sorry," I said before I started sniffling, "I thought about you all the time though. The Christmas I spent with the Tylers, Jackie Tyler made this delicious Christmas dinner, though with turkey..." We both made a face at the food, which she broke with a laughter, causing me to do the same. "...still don't understand that British custom. But anyways, all I could think of were your snicker-doodles. Those sweet, warm cookies you used to make for me and grandpa every year. This past Christmas, actually," I chuckled at the memory, wiping my face of tears, "The Doctor went out and brought some snicker-doodle mix which we attempted to bake."

"And how'd it go?"

"Well, he's not...very good with baking," I remembered the kitchen being splattered with half the mix, shortening our cookie production in half but still actually filling, though I bet the TARDIS wasn't too happy to have her kitchen covered with cookie mix, "So we had about half the cookie mix as cookies. But even baked by my hands, they don't taste the same. Yours were just delicious...I bet they still are."

"Well if you stick around I'll bake some for you," she pointed, "In fact, stop by your birthday and I may have a batch for you done."

"My birthday?" I blinked, forgetting all about that day seeing as it was not important.

"Your 18th birthday! How can you forget?"

"Grandma, I'm already a legal adult. My birthdays have kind already lost significance to me," I shrugged.

It was true. Most teens looked forwards to the big 1-8, but me? I'm already an adult to the law so there was no specialty behind the date. It was just October 31st, another day.

"There is something you have to understand, Minerva. You are my granddaughter, you can be 50 and I'll still see you as the little girl who wanted to play dollies with her grandfather," I chuckled at all the times I had forced my poor grandfather to play with me and my massive mounts of dolls, my grandmother even joining in with a laugh, "I'll always see the little girl I tucked in nearly every night. And so, your birthdays are always going to be special."

"Oh grandma," I shook my head, I had the best grandmother!

"Don't 'oh grandma me', when you have your kids and grandchildren you'll see what I'm talking about."

"Oh dear Lord, let's not talk about that," I tool a slice of apple into my hand.

The thought of being a "mother" actually scared me. My mother wasn't the best and so for me to actually consider becoming a mother to a baby didn't seem like a very good idea. I didn't really have my mother growing up so I didn't know the do's and dont's of motherhood. I could get it all wrong like my mother did and I would never forgive myself for making my own child suffer. I never wanted to do that to anyone, much less someone that came out of me. The best way to prevent that would be not to be a mother.

"Speaking of mothers..." my grandmother slowly eyed me.

I sighed, placing down my piece of fruit, "Grandma, she doesn't want to see me."

"No, no, I've talked to Sophia, she says she does want you home."

"Yeah, to order me around like I'm still some five year old. Besides, she wants to keep me locked up because according to her I only hurt people and she will not allow it."

"She said that?" she frowned, the disappointment flourishing in her eyes.

My grandmother saw all the faults of my mother, and she sided with me in this whole Olivia fiasco, but the fact still remained...Sophia was her daughter. And despite saying she'd never forgive my mother, she would always try to make peace between my mother and I because this was her daughter we were talking about.

"Let's face it, my mother doesn't love me. And she'll never forgive me," I leaned back on my chair, "Ever."

"Sophia does love you," she tried to come with a good comeback but I stopped it with a scoff, "In her own way..."

"She had fourteen years to show it and she failed. I love her, I do. She's my mother, I can't possibly hate her...but I won't pretend. She's made me angry, sad, guilty, everything...she doesn't want me home and quite frankly I don't want to step foot on that house."

"And your father? You know, truthfully, Nick hasn't been the same since you left the house. He used to be energetic, focused, even jokeful...but he's different now. He barely talks to anyone anymore, barely makes a noise. I think he misses you a lot."

"But he's never called me...why?"

"Maybe he was afraid? I don't know, but maybe you should go visit him now that you're back. I bet that'll put a smile on him..." she got thinking, "...hm, haven't actually seen one in years."

I would like to visit my father, but I was afraid of what he'd say to me. Unlike my mother where she completely lost it and outlashed everything on me, he sort of just...shut down. Honestly, he wasn't the best father to me either but the day we lost Olivia was the day I completely lost him too. He stopped talking to me, nearly everyone, he just let my mom take over and speak for everything.

I wouldn't visit my mother because she would yell at me. I wouldn't visit my father because...I was simply afraid of what his words could be.

~0~

"Growing up here wasn't that bad," I remarked to the Doctor and Martha as we walked down the street, me holding my doll Lucy in my arm.

The pair had returned with a couple arguments, Martha claiming the Martian had nearly gotten them thrown out of three city shops for ridiculous reasons. She claimed it was the last time she went shopping with him. In an attempt to calm both parties down, I offered to show them around the neighborhood I had spent most of my life in and my grandmother promising to have some type of dinner started for us. She was so sweet!

So I brought the pair along with me to give my doll to Stacey's little sister. The neighborhood seemed to change in its different occupants and the size of the children. However, it still remained a quiet, calm, suburb neighborhood. Children were playing outside on the front yards, some parents outside watching them. I did recognize a few of the families from my childhood days and some of the children that were a bit older now. But everything was calm, everything was just...lovely. It made me realize how much I missed it all.

Back in my parent's house, which was right smack in the city, everything in the house was either too quiet or loud. On the quiet days, both my parents would be working, at times Liv would be free to play with me, but usually it was just me and my toys...alone. When it was loud, it was either because my mother was yelling at me for something or just yelling at the employees. With my grandparent's house, it was always wonderful! There were laughter, there was baking, there was children besides me. I always had one of my friends over, usually Stacey to play with. There was never anything wrong...

"The neighborhood was always fantastic," I sighed with content, "Still is apparently. All the apple trees are still in place, " I chuckled suddenly, remembering one dang tree that I had a grudge from a kid, "There's one apple tree in the backyard of my grandparent's that I could never reach as a child, even when I was fourteen. It has the biggest and most delicious apples and I couldn't reach them. But," I started smirking, "Now that I'm seventeen, I'll probably be able to get them with no problem."

"Something that's changed?" the Doctor raised an eyebrow.

'Oh yes! But a good thing," I nodded.

"I'd like to raise my kids in a spot like this," Martha remarked, arms crossed as she studied around, "Barely any cars pass by, which is odd because we're in San Diego!"

"My grandparents like the peace," I shrugged, "They said this way they get to stay near their daughter and granddaughters, yet still live in a comfortable place," I turned on Stacey's front yard, opening the small gate and walking in, the pair behind me, "Gosh, I haven't seen nor talked to Stacey in four years!"

"Now would be the time to make it up," the Doctor suggested.

"Maybe," I shrugged, knocking on the door.

A couple seconds later, a bright ginger opened the door: Stacey's mother, Eliza, "Minerva? Minerva Souza? Is that you?" Her blue eyes blinked in shock.

"Hi Mrs. Donovan," I waved shyly.

"When did you get back?" she stepped out into the porch and hugged me.

"About a couple hours ago."

"Well it's very nice to see you again! Oh I'm sure Stacey would love this!"

"I'd love to see Stacey when she makes a trip back," I admitted.

"I'll be sure to let her know!"

I smiled, "...but for today, actually, I came because I heard a certain little girl had some attachment to one of my dolls," I waved my doll at her.

"Oh, I see," Mrs. Donovan nodded, stepping back inside and calling out for the little girl, "Tamara!"

"Coming, Mom!" a soft little voice called, a five year old brunette running up to the doorway a second later, "Hey, it's Lucy!" she pointed at my doll.

"This is Minerva, dear, you don't remember her," Mrs. Donovan shook her head, "She was only one at the time. Tamara, this is the owner of Lucy, Minerva."

"Hi Tamara," I waved, "You like my doll?"

She nodded, her eyes wandering to Martha and the Doctor behind me, "Mom..." she sheepishly moved behind her mother's legs.

"Oh, sorry," I had forgot about those two for a moment, oops, "Mrs. Donovan, Tamara, these are my friends. Perfectly safe and perfectly kind," I looked at Tamara who was peeking around her mother.

"Hello," she said quietly.

"Hi!" the pair grinned, waving at her.

"Tamara, I heard you liked my doll," I stepped up, bending down to her level, "And I was thinking, since I'm nearly eighteen, I don't really need my dolls anymore."

"You don't?"

"Nah, I want clothes! Well..." I glanced back at Martha and the Doctor, "...I want to travel, actually."

"So...Lucy..." Tamara stepped around her mother, her hands behind her back, her eyes glued to my doll.

"...can be yours if you like?" I wiggled an eyebrow, making her laugh and nod, "Well then, here you go." I held my doll to her.

She took it and grinned, "Thank you!" she threw her arms around me, "I'll take good care of her, you'll see! I'll brush her hair, I'll give her food, I'll put pretty clothes on!"

"I know you'll take good care of her," I chuckled, pulling away and standing up, fixing my skirt, "Well, that's pretty much it. If Stacey happens to call..."

Mrs. Donovan nodded, "I'll tell her, don't worry."

"Thank you," I turned around, walking away with my two friends, "That felt nice."

"She was adorable," Martha remarked.

"She was just one when I left. She could barely walk...talk..." I sighed, "Makes me realize how long I've been away."

"But you'll be back from now on," the Doctor reminded, "Anytime you wanna visit, just tell us."

"I think I just might," I nodded, never wanting to let my grandmother's hugs slip away from me again. Never again.

~0~

"So how's that apple thing going?" the Doctor called while I desperately hopped to reach for an apple off my grandparent's apple tree in the backyard.

I stopped hopping for a second to glance over and see him leaning against the doorway of the kitchen's back door, "Do not laugh," I pointed before continuing to hop, "You know, I'm seventeen, nearly eighteen," hop, "So why can't," hop, "I get," hop, "A damn," hop, "APPLE!" I waved my hand frantically, one of my nails just barely grazing one apple, "It's been four years!" I rounded the stupid tree, "I'm suppose to grow."

"You did," he walked towards me.

"Clearly not enough," I huffed, crossing my arms and looking up at the apples above me, "My grandfather used to get them for me and I thought now that time has passed I should get them on my own..."

You could tell he was biting back a teasing laughter, "So..."

"Shut up," I let my arms drop to my sides, "I'm getting an apple if it's the last thing I do!" I turned around and began my jumping, "Just," hop, "One," hop, "Apple," hop, "Plea-AH!" I nearly yelled when the Doctor's arms went around my waist, lifting me up, "What the hell!?" I looked back at him.

"Just hurry up, will you?" he grunted, "Those brownies and pasta sure are making you he-"

"Finish that sentence and you die right now," I warned with a deadly look.

"They've sure made you lovely," he finished with a big grin.

"Nice save," I reached for an apple, finally getting one, "Hey! I did it!"

"Um, I'm the one that's technically reaching for it since I'm lifting you so really, I did it," I didn't even have to look down to see he was smirking.

So instead...

"Ow!"

I made an apple fall on his head.

"You did that on purpose!" he cried.

"Whatever do you mean, Martian?" I reached for more apples, having about six of them when the Doctor finally set me down. I bent down and picked up the apple that had mysteriously fallen on his head, "Thank you."

"You're welcome," he rubbed the top of his head, "Those apples are gigantic!"

"And delicious," I bit into one, turning to side so he could grab one from the pile I held.

"You know, Isadora says dinner will be ready soon. She says she's making your favorite by the way," he munched on his apple, "We should go inside."

I wagged a finger and moved around him, looking around for a place to set the rest of the apples, "I want to watch the sky for a moment."

"The sky? What for? There's barely any visible stars right now," he looked up to the dark sky, very correct with the amount of stars we could see.

It was night and while there were stars, they didn't compare to being in the TARDIS and actually see them in their true form. But I had a different reason for wanting to watch the sky tonight.

"I really want to stay here for a moment," I spun around, hoping to see something, even a bucket, for the apples, "It's really important, Martian."

He sighed and shook his coat off, placing it on the grass, gesturing for me to place the apples on it. I nodded my thanks and dropped to my knees, placing the apples in a neat pile.

"What's so important about these small number of stars, hm?" he took a seat on his coat, using his arms behind him to support him.

I sat beside him, my legs pulled to my chest, my arms draped over my knees, my head looking up with a sad smile, "My grandfather and I used to watch the sky at this hour, on this spot, with a pile of apples beside us...it's been a long time..."

"You okay?" he glanced at me.

"Yeah, I just figured if I visited my grandmother, I could do this for him. It sort of became a tradition, you know. My grandmother and I would bake minty-fresh brownies and snicker-doodles. My grandfather and I would gather apples and watch the stars, little as they were, but we were always here. It's funny how things change," I sighed, resting my chin on my arms, "Once upon a time a grandfather and his granddaughter watched the sky and now...now the granddaughter watches alone."

"And he watches you from above."

"You think so?" I blinked away some tears before I looked at him.

"Yeah," he nodded, "And, if you want, perhaps I could watch the stars with you?"

"I'd like that," I nodded, knowing it would never be the same with my grandfather and I, but perhaps this could be a new tradition, and it still made me feel all warm and happy.

"Every time we come back, we'll watch them whenever you want. How's that sound?"

"It sounds really nice," I mumbled.

He grinned and laid on his back, tilting his head as he studied the sky, "Well, if you focus really hard, you can see the constellation of Aquarius."

"Seriously?"

"Oh yeah, it's right there," he pointed up, like it would actually make a difference.

"Where? I can't see it!"

"C'mon," he moved a little to the side and patted the ground. Reluctantly, I laid down beside him, my heart beginning to pick up on its beats by our closeness, "It's right here," he pointed again.

"Doctor, I can't see anything," I frowned.

"Dear God you need glasses!"

"Says the man who only wears his to look cool."

"Which I do," he pointed, making me roll my eyes, "But it's right there," he picked up my hand and pointed it up to the damn constellation, "Look!" I would look, if I could stop focusing on his hand over mine, "Can you see it?"

"Sure..."

Not really.

"I suppose it's a bit hard to see with all these lights," he frowned, lowering our hands, yet still holding onto it.

"It doesn't compare to the desert," I sighed, remembering that fateful desert, "The one where I saw a man with your box of wonders."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, remember I told you about it?"

"In fairness, I was a bit distracted."

"Yeah, fixing a part of the console that wasn't broken, Honestly, I don't know why she hasn't locked you out already," I shook my head, "But anyways, it was the same box of wonders, at least that's what it looked like with all the smoke coming out of it. Then there was that man, which I'm pretty sure was you from the future. I'm just sad I couldn't get a real look, but Doctor: bow-ties. That's what I saw."

He made a face that showed his horror, his free hand going to his tie, "You liar."

I chuckled, "I swear I'm not. That's probably the only thing I saw with a good eye. I was more focused on your words...you were talking about me."

"I was?"

I nodded, "Mhm. You said you had to get back to Minerva. Doctor, we're still traveling together even after your regeneration."

"Well of course we are, were you planning on leaving me anytime soon?"

"...no."

I hadn't exactly mentioned to him nor Martha what my plans were for when Kaeya returned. And now that I thought about it, if the next Doctor and I traveled together, it meant things worked out...and if things worked out, then the whole Kaeya mess worked out and I wouldn't have to leave. Good...cos I really didn't. I really wished everything would work out in a way that I could perhaps...stick around?

"Good," I looked up at the sky with a big smile, for some reason feeling a big amount of hope, "One regeneration later and we're still together..." I blinked, realizing how that may have sounded and quickly spoke to fix it, "...no, wait! Not us as in together 'us' but as in...well..." I glanced at him, hoping I wasn't making this all too ridiculous, "...why are you looking at me like that?" he was just staring at me with a soft smile.

"What?"

"That look," I pointed, "You've been giving me that look for the last couple of days. It's like you're remembering something, or..." I shrugged, severely confused.

It was true. Since the fiasco with the Family, he and Martha had taken turns to take care of me and in all the times the Doctor was with me, he'd give me that same look. Sometimes I was just saying things and all of a sudden it was like I had said something grand or hypnotizing because I received that soft look with that soft smile that made my heart skip a beat or two and it was driving me mad because I didn't know why he was doing it!

"It's nothing..." he said quietly, his smile barely starting to fade.

"You're so weird," I rolled my eyes and looked up to the sky again, ignoring my blush with great struggle, "You're lucky I can tolerate it."

"Oh ha ha."

"No, I'm serious, what are you gonna do when Kaeya shows up and turns out she doesn't like your weirdness?"

Silence.

I glanced at him, concerned I had hit a topic that was off limits. I noticed there was a change when I spoke about Kaeya lately. Apart from barely showing actual happiness that the princess was alive, he almost seemed...angry. But what could he be angry for? That she survived? If not that, then...what could make him mad at a woman who supposedly was innocent and noble? Last time I remembered he couldn't stop rambling on about her and now he barely wanted to even touch the topic.

"If she doesn't then oh well," was all he had to say.

"Doctor, what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Because I'm gonna believe that?" I took my hand out of his and became firm, wanting to know what had changed in the past two months with the Family.

"Alright, you wanna know what happened?"

"Yeah!"

"I came to the conclusion that no matter how much you care for someone, they are not allowed to hurt any of their friends," he turned to the side, facing me completely, "She hurt someone and I'm sort of in the process of debating whether or not to forgive her."

"Who did she hurt?" My voice became a low whisper as I turned as well, leaving us face to face.

"Someone important. No matter my feelings for her, I don't allow that. Period."

"What's gonna happen when she returns?"

"I...don't know," he sighed, "I honestly don't know."

"Well, a word of advice, if you love her, if you really love her, then it should be easy to forgive her because essentially you'll just want to be with her and be happy."

"It should be easy..." he mumbled to himself, pondering for a moment.

"Oi! You two?" Martha called, "Quit your little moment and get inside! Dinner is done and I can smell mint browniiies!" She sung the last word and hurried on inside.

I sat up, heaving a heavy sigh. "Just a thought, Doctor," I stood up, and picked up the apples, "Love is supposed to make you happy, not all depressive and thinky and stuff, otherwise it's just not love." I shook my head, did I just say...thinky? Oh that Martian was really rubbing off me!

"I'll think about it," he assured, "Really..."

"Well in the meantime, thank you for watching the sky with me," I looked up, "I know he's up there, though watching us now. Things change..." I shook my head and headed for the house.

"But sometimes change is good, isn't it?" He followed behind.

"Sometimes," I whispered, thinking of how my feelings had changed for him. Though I couldn't tell if it had been a wonderful thing or a curse because my chances were so slim.

~0~

"Do you like it?" My grandmother continuously asked as I took a visit of my old, well not so old as it had been refurnished after my departure, room.

"Grandma, it's so pretty!" I gawked, spinning around.

"I had it done in case you came back...fit for a proper young woman," she turned to me.

"Oh grandma, thank you," I walked up and hugged her, hugged her really tight because she was just so grand, "Thank you so much for caring this much for a granddaughter who doesn't deserve it."

"Don't say that," she mumbled, resting her head over mine, "You are my granddaughter, I am your grandmother, I will always care for you."

"Thank you," I pulled away.

"Wooow," Martha's voice made me turn around, seeing her and the Doctor stepping inside the bedroom, "Mrs. Lozano, can I be your granddaughter?"

"Oi! She's mine!" I stepped in front of my grandmother, "Get your own!"

Martha raised her hands in surrender, "Noted."

"Minerva, don't be so rude," my grandmother scolded, "If you keep that attitude up, you won't get any brownies to take with you."

"I'm sorry," I quickly said, the brownies had to come with me.

She chuckled and headed for the doorway, "Speaking of, I better go check on them. Will you three be alright?"

"It's okay, Mrs. Lozano, I'll take care of the pair," Martha smirked at us.

Then the Doctor elbowed her.

My grandmother just laughed and went on her way.

"She is my grandmother and you will not make those types of comments around her," I pointed.

"Yeah, yeah, I really like your room," she walked further inside.

"Very...intellectual," the Doctor remarked.

"It used to be a room for a kid," I looked around, sighing, "It's changed alright."

Instead of my small, twin bed, there now stood a queen size bed, a blue cover with white roses sprawled around. There were two nightstands beside the bed, one of them with a lamp and the other a clock. Across from the bed there was a large, white chest of drawers with an oval shaped mirror in on top of it. To its right, at a corner was my closet. To the far left, there was a bathroom which had its door closed. Beside it was the chest drawers and a medium-sized vanity desk. And beside the bed, to its left, was a bookshelf, all its shelves filled with books.

"There used to be toys over there," I pointed at a random corner, "Oh! My dollhouse over there," I pointed to another corner, "And then my dolls over here," point again, "Then my costumes over here! Oh! And my bed always had stuffed animals."

"You were the complete five year old princess, weren't you?" Martha narrowed her eyes playfully.

"Maaaaybe..." I smiled innocently.

"That's why she's sassy," the Doctor mumbled to her, "She got everything she wanted..."

"Don't insult me, Martian," I warned, moving up to him, "I wasn't spoiled by my grandparents."

"Parents?"

"They were never there so the least they did was get me all the toys I wanted."

"Wasn't enough, was it?" Martha asked softly, understanding it wasn't so glorifying to have all the toys I wanted.

"Never," I sighed and walked away, stopping at my bookshelf, "Sometimes, when Olivia wasn't home or she just didn't want to be with me, I would play with this amazing doll house...and I'd be all happy, rambling on with my dolls...until I looked around and saw I was alone. Then I stopped playing, cos I thought, what's the point? What's the point of this amazing doll house if I have to play by myself?"

"But you know that's not gonna happen anymore, right?" the Doctor walked over, gently turning me around, "You've got us now."

"You won't forget about me even when Kaeya comes back?" I whispered, terrorized by the appearance of the princess that could literally happen at any moment. Even if I did decide to leave, I didn't want him to completely forget about me. I still would expect some kind of visit from him, even a call?

He looked at me for a good minute, making me nervous that he had to actually think about it, "Never," he whispered, "Absolutely never."

I smiled with relief and went to hug him, resting my head on his chest and feeling his arms wrap around me. A couple seconds later, Martha joined us and together we hugged.

Things could change alright, but I would always remember when it was just the Martian, my doctor best friend, and me.