#ironically most of the people on that list are or become close to Maroon

[altblock-tm]

OC Fact #46

Maroon spent a lot of time being closed-off in his early days. As a child he was quiet, shy, and anxious. When hatred completely overwhelmed him, he was cruel, destructive, and angry. Even in his recovery from that, he put up an edgy front and tried to push people away.

Maroon's forced out of that habit when his very soul is changed. A stability that'd been there for most of his life is suddenly made unstable, and his emotions come spilling out of him whether he wants them to or not. After months of trying to hide them and almost hurting himself and his loved ones because of that, he finally decides enough is enough.

He makes the active decision to try to be a good person. He's always been a good-natured person, gentle and kind at heart. Why hide that? His arc becomes one of self-acceptance and love as he grows and works and learns to become someone better.

However, he is also a major believer in the fact that if kindness doesn't work the first time, going absolutely apeshit and ripping someone to shreds is the solution.

[a-very-sparkly-nerd]

bday present: Don't Leave Me 'Til My Sorry Life Has Ceased

Happy birthday, @m4rs-ex3! Headcanons weren't headcanoning, so I'm dedicating a snippet of a Rayllum Daedalus AU wip to you! Enjoy the angst!

Callum stumbled forward, catching the cool iron bars in his palms before crashing into them, shoved forward by a member of the crew, a muscly Earthblood elf with maroon face markings and sad eyes. He stood guard by the door, watching as Callum slumped to the ground, Rayla's hand reaching through the bars to rest on his knee.

"Callum." She breathed his name like a prayer, stroking her thumb over the suddenly-stifling cloth.

"I'm okay," he told her, setting one hand on top of hers and reaching the other to cup her gaunt face. "How are you?"

"I'm fine. How-" She could only reach so far through the bars separating them, biting a quivering lip as she ran a hand through the shocks of white at the front of his hairline. "What is he making you do?"

"His dirty work." Callum attempted a broken, strangled laugh, and took that hand to press his lips to. To comfort her, even though his black heart was the worst thing to show love, his stained skin the worst to offer affection.

"I'll come up with something." Rayla shifted to sit on her knees, as close to him as she could get, hands taking his face and making him look at her. "We can get out of this."

“I know,” Callum said, none of his heart in it. Like she’d said; sometimes, a person had to lie to protect the people they loved. Even if it tore his own apart in the process. “I’ll- I’m thinking, too.”

Rayla shifted. “Are- have you been in contact with Ezran or anyone? Is anyone…” Is anyone coming for us?

No. Not to Callum’s knowledge, at least. No letters yet. And it was better that way. If Finnegrin got even the slightest inkling that he or Rayla were planning to revolt, he’d make sure she’d die a slow, agonizing death. And Callum would be forced to watch the entire thing– not that he’d be able to make himself look away.

“No,” he said truthfully, glad he could give her a truth that wouldn’t break her own heart worse than the cell was already doing to her body. “I’m- I’m sure something will happen, though.”

Rayla glanced around, biting her lip to prevent any more tears making their way down her cheeks. “Callum, I’m scared,” she breathed for only his ears.

Callum held her tighter. She scarcely ever let herself feel fear, much less admitted to it, so the fact that she was here and presenting that trembling part of her heart… He evidently hadn’t been doing a good job of keeping the true gravity of their situation under wraps.

“I know,” he said. “But I’ve- I’ve got it under control.” Another lie. ‘Under control’ was simply keeping her alive, as far as he was concerned, and the list of reasons why could wrap around the continent.

Ezran and Soren and the rest of Katolis, and whatever they were planning, had to stay far away from the Sea Legs. His brother and the Crownguard, plus Villads, had been unceremoniously shoved into a tiny rowboat and pushed far away the second Finnegrin realized he only needed one thing to have his very own personal Dark Mage to do his bidding: the elf sitting before Callum in a cage, thin, paler than usual, and scratched and bloody.

He stroked her chin, tilting it up to meet her eyes. “Hey. Are…” Dumb question. Of course she wasn’t okay. He rerouted. “Talk to me. Please?”

They dropped down, pools of violet becoming literal pools made of tears. "Full moon's in a week," she whispered shakily, as if he didn't already know. He'd begun to keep track of things like that a long time ago.

"Yeah," he said, gazing at her. That's when she'd be in the most danger, the crew likely afraid of her heightened abilities and suspecting she'd try something.

She always would. Rayla's spirit could never be broken.

Callum's had. He couldn't let her- she couldn't try anything. She'd die, and she wouldn't care.

It was selfish, but she had to stay here, hating him for it in her cell but at least alive (even if this was by no means living), because he couldn't live without her.

Gods only knew what he'd do if something happened to her.

“We’ll get out of this,” Callum repeated, a stone calling him a liar sinking into the pit of his stomach and dragging his heart down with it.

Rayla bit her lip as she nodded, clearly not believing him, and he leaned in to kiss her awkwardly through the bars.

“I’m going to keep you safe,” he swore, just as she had in the letter still sitting over his heart even now.

No matter what he had to do for it.

[purplesurveys]

1125

survey by nadine07

[..Introductions..]

First Name: Robyn.

Middle Name: I don’t think I’ve shared it on here and I doubt I will.

Last Name: Not providing it either but it starts with a C.

Birthdate: April 21st.

[..First Things First..]

What was the first thing you did after you got up? I rushed to the rooftop so that I could see the sunrise. I also got in the random mood to do a time-lapse of it, but the sun took forrrrrrrr-freaking-ever to come up entirely. I was holding up my phone for like 15 minutes and nothing was happening, so I quit halfway through lol.

What was the name of your first pet? Goldie, because it was a goldfish.

Who was your first big crush? Gabie, I would say.

Where was the first place you drove after you got your license? Chelsea’s 18th birthday dinner was scheduled right after I happened to get my license, and the event took place in a small, quaint little restaurant in Marikina. 

There’s a bit of a funny story here, too – Aaron needed a ride to get there and so I offered to drive him. I picked him up and we were having small talk in the car, and he asked me how long I’ve been driving. I told him that moment was my literal first time driving out and that I just got my license the day before, and he is my first-ever passenger (at that point I’ve never even tried driving solo yet). The horror and immediate distrust on his face was something I will never forget HAHAHA. We got to the place unharmed, but it’s still one of my favorite stories to tell.

Who was your very first friend? It was a kind girl named Kaye back in kindergarten. We were always next to each other in our class lists, so it was inevitable for us to befriend one another. She transferred schools in first grade and I have not seen nor heard from her since.

What was the first thing you ate today? I had another bag of salted egg chips. I’m extremely hooked, lmao.

What was your first job? I work as an associate at a PR agency.

[..Colors..]

Name something red in the room you are in: We have an unopened bottle of wine here on the dining table and there’s still a red ribbon wrapped around it.

Is orange one of your school's team colors? No, neither of my schools had orange as one of its colors.

How many yellow shirts do you own? I can think of 5 tops hanging out in my wardrobe at the moment. Two of them are class shirts from high school; the others were tops I bought when I started getting into mustard yellow.

Name someone you know who drives a green car: I believe Angel, a classmate from high school who also studies in UP, also drives a Mitsubishi Mirage, albeit a lime green one.

Is it a blue sky outside right now? Yes for the most part, but the sun is setting soon so the sky is bound to change into many pretty colors as it usually does at this time of the day.

What is the first thing that pops into your head when I say 'purple'? Barney the dinosaur, and ube.

Are the walls in the room you're in white? Yes, all our walls indoors are white.

Does black make you think of depressing things? Not always, but if used specifically in that context, it definitely helps boosts the mood.

Jewelry: gold or silver? Silverrr, always.

[..Phone Stuff..]

Who is your provider? Nothing you would be familiar with, but I use Globe.

How long have you had your current phone? It’ll be three years this year. It would be nice to upgrade, but I’m also still happy with my current phone so it doesn’t really matter to me.

What did your last text say? The last one that came through that didn’t come from my mobile services provider was from someone in the media. It was his birthday last Friday and I messaged him if he’d like to receive a gift from us, on behalf of one of our clients; he just replied with his confirmation and details.

If you woke up naked next to the last person to call, would it be awkward? Yep and I’d feel like throwing up almost immediately.

Was your last missed call male or female? It was from my mom.

Who is your 10th phone contact? It’s from Jum, who I realize is still listed as Ate Jum on my phone. That’s cute hahaha; I must have gotten her number when we weren’t super close yet. Anyway, she’s been super MIA for like the last two years...basically, ever since she graduated. I believe she has also since moved back to Bicol, so it’s become virtually impossible to see her again. Bums me out and I look forward to the day we somehow end up in the same room once again.

How did you meet them? I met her in my very first journalism major class. I had mixed feelings towards her at first since I found her to be super loud in class, and I initially thought she would only be a one-time classmate and nothing more; but I got to know her more and we even ended up as orgmates, and it turns out she is literally the most hilarious person I know.

Are you related to your 17th phone contact? I have absolutely no clue who it is. I no longer remember what led to it, but Gabie and I swapped the SIM cards in our phones at one point, and for some reason it made me have access to her contacts; the 17th contact on my phone is someone from her list. And since I never hang out in my Contacts app, I’ve never gotten around to deleting those extra numbers I received.

How long have you known your 1st phone contact? Around 6th or 7th grade. I can’t remember the exact grade level she transferred to my school as a new student.

When was the last time you saw them? It’s been at least a year. I remember seeing her on campus very briefly when I was on my way to a certain building for class, while she was walking out of it.

Who is your 4th phone contact? LMAO, again, it’s from her contact list. Said person is one of her older cousins, I believe.

Have you ever kissed that person? No, and that is very weird and uncomfortable to think about.

When was the last time someone drunk dialed/texted/left a voicemail? Andi drunk messaged me a few months ago. November, I think.

[..Friends..]

Who is your #1? No Myspace but I’d say my top best friend is Angela.

How long have you known them? It will be 16 years this year.

Have you ever kissed? Oh my gosh, hell no. It would be like kissing a sister haha. She’s super affectionate and will sometimes kiss my shoulder or cheek, though.

Are you dating this person? No, never did and never desired to.

Do you have nicknames for each other? Not really exclusive to each other, but I call her Anj (and only a few people call her so) and she will occasionally call me Reben or Rolayn, both from past inside jokes.

What is your #2's full name? I am not sharing that, but I refer to them as Andi (you may remember them as Andrew from the past times I’ve mentioned them).

Do they live within 20 minutes of you? If there is zero traffic, I can probably make it to their place within that timeframe, yeah. But realistically, no they don’t.

How did you meet? We initially met in an anti-Marcos protest/rally – I approached they first because they had a wrestling shirt on, heheh – and that’s when I learned we were from the same college. But they rubbed me off the wrong way from our first meeting as they were too extroverted for my liking, and I spent a good chunk of time ignoring him whenever we crossed paths, lmfao. Eventually we were put in the same class at some point, and they even joined my org, and an intensely close friendship started from there.

Could you live with this person? Sure. I think they would never be a boring roommate.

Who is your #3? I’m gonna go with Kate for this one.

Where are they right now? I have no idea. We don’t really catch up with each other’s lives on a regular basis; we have a very chill, low-maintenance friendship.

When is this person's birthday? January 1st.

Has this person ever seen you naked? I don’t think so.

What is your #4's full name? I don’t think I have a 4th-tier best friend haha, but I’m gonna pick Tina.

When did you last see them? Last year, on the last normal day I was able to be on campus. She was set to present one of her projects at a journalism conference that was taking place in campus that day, but I was able to hang out with her for a short time before the event.

Have they ever dated one of your other friends? No. I knew she had a crush on someone from the college, though.

Do you know their favorite movie? I’m not sure about her favorite movie but I do know she loves Adam Sandler. I was never able to figure out if her interest was ironic or genuine but yeah, she enjoys a good number of his works.

[..Randomosity..]

What time is it? 6:20 PM.

Are you supposed to be doing something other than this? I wouldn’t say so. I do have deliverables for work but since it’s the weekend, I’m not thinking about them nor do I have the desire to touch those tasks until Monday.

Do you live on your own or with your parents? I live with my family. Considering my monthly income, it’d be close to impossible to sustain myself in my own place this early in my adult life.

Are you more of a cat or a dog person? Dog, for sure.

Are you allergic to anything? I don’t believe so.

Does your shirt have anything written on it? Yeah, it says “UP Fighting Maroons” styled in a varsity font since that’s the term for our sports team.

Have you ever tie-dyed something? I have, but only back in like Grade 6 when we had to do it for a home ec class. I remember wanting to buy a tie-dye set recently so I could revisit the activity, but I never got around to it.

Who can you always count on to cheer you up? Angela for the most part; but I also don’t want to be too reliant on my friends in this way. Sometimes I simply allow myself to be sad or upset, and sometimes I count on myself to cheer up.

How many places have you been today? I have been nowhere but at home today lol. I’ll be going to BGC tomorrow to have lunch with my godfather and my cousins, though.

Are you a forgiving person? No.

When was the last time you felt let down? Last night when I read the news that the government will be making All Souls’ Day, Christmas Eve, and New Year’s Eve working days this year. I already know I’ll be half-assing my way through those days lmao because whyyyyyyy the fuck would you make people work on family-centric holidays such as those

What is the title of the nearest book to you? There are no books here at the rooftop.

Are you wearing anything that belongs to someone else? Nope.

Can you whistle? Only through my lips. I can’t do the kind of whistle where you put your fingers in your mouth as well.

Do you look more like your mother or your father? My mom.

Are you still in high school? I’m well past that chapter.

Are you the oldest, middle, youngest, or an only child? I’m the eldest.

Has anyone ever told you that you talk in your sleep? No, because I don’t.

How many people have you kissed this year? None.

Is there anyone of the opposite sex you trust fully? Hmm, no one comes to mind.

Are you a night owl or an early bird? More of a night owl.

If you could have an exotic pet, what would it be? No thanks. I’ve never had the desire to have one.

Would you rather go to Brazil for the weekend or Finland for a month? I’d have to go with Finland. I feel like the cultural differences would be a lot more marked, plus the vacation is longer so that is an instant win for me.

[..And Finally..]

Where did you go the last time you drove somewhere? I was driving to the local coffee shop to spend some time with myself, and do a liiiiiiiittle bit of work as well.

Where did you last go out to eat at? Ramen Nagi. I was initially hesitant to show up there and ask for a table for one on a Sunday evening...but it turned out to feel incredibly empowering and freeing. It was definitely awkward at first, but it got a lot easier once I realized literally no one gives a fuck. Or if they did, they didn’t do anything about it and let me mind my own business. That evening was a crucial step in reclaiming my happiness, so I’m glad I made the choice to suck it up and enter the restaurant.

When was the last time you let someone borrow something from you? Last week, when Angela needed our abaca mat as an aesthetic for her grad shoot.

Was your last breakup a bad one? Yes.

What was the last song you listened to? Just checked my Spotify and the current song I have on pause is Descansos by Hayley Williams. 

What was the last movie you watched? Midsommar.

Did your last kiss happen in a public place? Not technically, but it did take place outside of my house so we were outdoors for some neighbors to see.

How did you meet the last person to leave you a comment? It was Andi, and I already explained how we met earlier in this survey.

[orbviously]

Here comes a character headcanon post!

CUBOT HAS ADHD! More under the cut.

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS NOT MEANT TO REPRESENT ALL CASES OF ADHD, it is just most relevant to the brand of adhd that I have, and therefore, the similarities and stuff I see in Cubot. It also might be a kin post, but I’ve no idea since I dont really know about that.

BUT HERE WE GO

Cubot has Audio and Information Processing Difficulties. He doesn’t always register that someone is talking to him immediately, he “mishears” them a lot, and most of the time will have a delayed response or reaction a joke or something said to him because he isn’t processing at the same speed as say, Orbot. “Do I need to express that spying on Sonic gave me an idea to destroy him, or is that obvious?” “IS WHAT OBVIOUS?”

Cubot hyper focuses on various things, no matter how inane seeming, until they’re completed. He likes to touch everything and is very clumsy, so he often breaks things and gets scolded. He is very impulsive and that does not help his need to involve himself in everything! “AND IT MAKES A SWEET HAT (PUTS THE GRAVITY RAY ON HIS HEAD AND RUINS EVERYTHING)”

Cubot is VERY LOUD. He doesn’t realize how loud he is because all noise is really loud to him and he has a hard time filtering stuff out--or rather, it’s impossible for him. So in order to compensate for ALL THE NOISE, Cubot TALKS REALLY LOUDLY, and even louder when excited. "Ah! There’s the sweet sound my auditory processors know and love!”

Cubot cannot recognize rhetorical questions or tone. He struggles GREATLY to understand sarcasm, he thinks every question directed at him must be answered to some degree, and seems to feel quite awkward about it when scolded. “How is it that after all this time working for that mustachioed maroon, you still can’t recognize a rhetorical question?” “I DUNNO, I GUESS SOMETIMES I--” “That was ALSO rhetorical, you iron imbecile!!”

(This is a Hebby special) Cubot is a PAINFULLY POOR LIAR. He can’t lie at all. He tries, he really does, but it’s really obvious he’s lying and he tends to overshare details a lot. He’s painfully honest and the oversharing thing is compacted with that. He’ll also say immediately what you don’t want to hear. Not necessarily out of a desire to be sassy but just because.. he’s thinking it and has no filter. “HONESTLY I’M A LITTLE RUSTY, I HAVEN’T SPOKEN MORSE SINCE I DATED THAT TELEGRAPH MACHINE.” “Details, Cubot!” “WE DRIFTED APART, WANTED DIFFERENT THINGS.......... OHHH, YOU MEAN IN THE LAIR!!”

Cubot can become impatient with stuff, very quickly. He lost patience with Orbot for being too diplomatic, he’ll take out a gun and blast something to bits in order to get stuff over with. He doesn’t often think things through before doing them, and due to his impulsiveness, this can be a very bad thing! “THAT’S IT!!! WE TRIED DOING THINGS YOUR WAY, NOW WE’RE GONNA DO THINGS MY WAY!!!!!!!! (EXPLOSION)”

Cubot is ALWAYS SLEEPY. He takes naps in the games canon almost all the time. I used to take a lot of naps myself, and I learned that fatigue is also tied with ADHD, which explains a lot! Cubot loves to nap, and it is easily perceived as laziness, but he really is that sleeby. Orbot, who might actually be lazy, jumps on that opportunity to nap with his buddy immediately. “GREAT, ALL TAKEN CARE OF, NOW I’M GONNA GO TAKE A NAP, BOSS.”

(Another Hebby special) Cubot is often called stupid, hopeless, idiot, etc., but this is largely due to his impulsive behaviors and processing ability. THIS ONE HITS REALLY CLOSE TO HOME BECAUSE while people with ADHD are NOT STUPID, those without ADHD might call us that. I know I was seen as slow, as stupid as a child because no matter how many times I was taught a math equation, I couldn’t understand it, I couldn’t do it. The information was not parsing! It was not happening! But I could very easily do other things that were not math related. for Cubot, he is abysmal with detail oriented tasks, but as soon as it comes to mischief, or blowing shit up, he’s GREAT at it! Unfortunately, repeatedly being called stupid or an idiot can wear a person down, and Cubot is no exception. His default exhausted look? Likely because he’s always struggling to function at the same capacity as Orbot, but gets berated for it. 

this probably isn’t a full list!!!!!!!!!!! but it’s what I can think of right now. AGAIN, PLEASE DON’T YELL AT ME FOR NOT REPRESENTING YOU, MY INTENTION IS NOT TO DO THAT...............this is just why Cubot as a character really hits home with me!!!

[fraink5-writes]

Human Qualification- Chapter 22

April 29

It’s Chuuya’s birthday now! Will finally he get a break?

Of course, I’d like to thank my editors: @missmizpah @gracieuxetoile and @deathly-oreos​

Summary: To slowly lose all your functions until you are nothing but a trapped mind in a deteriorated shell, that’s what it means to be ‘No Longer Human.’

This chapter can also be found on Ao3 here. Without further ado, please enjoy!

The first to arrive at the apartment was Kouyou. She didn’t stay long; instead, she dragged Chuuya out of the apartment with her, bombarding him with a lot of questions. It was weird going out as normally she made herself comfortable in Chuuya’s apartment when she visited, but it was an appreciated change. The questioning, however, was not new. Somehow she always had a long list of questions for Chuuya, and, surprisingly, very little of them had to do with Dazai (just a nonchalant “Is Dazai still alive?” and “Is he treating you alright?”). Chuuya was certain there was more to say about Dazai than himself, which was hilariously pathetic because nothing was going on in Dazai’s life. Nevertheless, Kouyou always pried him with questions. “So, while we’re out, what would you like for your birthday?”

That’s right. It was his birthday. April 29th. A startled blush rose to his cheeks. He hadn’t realized. “Um, uh, nothing. I’m fine.”

“‘Fine?’” Kouyou gaped with astoundment. “Certainly not!” She eyed Chuuya head-to-toe with dismissive judgement.

“What is that supposed to mean?!” Chuuya reluctantly looked down to examine himself. He was wearing a white t-shirt and a pair of black pants. It wasn’t anything fancy, but it was passable. When he was getting dressed in the morning, he had also thrown his hair into a ponytail; it was too unruly otherwise. Finally, he noticed that although he was thinner than before, his skin also seemed a bit paler and flabbier—but it wasn’t noticeable, he hoped.

“How sad it is to see you this way!” Kouyou had a penchant for affected weeping.

“‘Sad?!’ It’s fine—I’m fine—really.”

Kouyou wouldn’t hear it. “I’m going to take you shopping, buy you some nice clothes, and a haircut too. You’ll feel much better then.”

“I don’t…” Chuuya’s voice faltered. There was no point in trying to explain to Kouyou his recent lack of interest in fashion.

“You need to take care of yourself too.” Kouyou scrutinized Chuuya silently, her sorrowful eyes exposing every hidden part of him. Before he could object, she spoke again. “I know what you’re thinking—you’re always thinking about Dazai, you lovesick fool.” She sighed, “I probably can’t change that, but at least for today, since it’s your birthday, let me take care of you.” Any request from Kouyou was always a demand, and yet Chuuya could sense underlying desperation.

“Alright. Thank you.”

“Let’s have fun then, shall we?” Kouyou laughed as though nothing had happened.

When they finished their outing, Chuuya felt ironically younger. Wearing a new, fitting shirt and leather jacket, Chuuya was back in his groove. His hair was straighter than it had been in a long time, falling evenly between his shoulders and chin). It reminded him of his teenage years. Along with a chunk of his hair, a great weight had seemingly been removed. Chuuya couldn’t remember the last time he walked with such light steps. He was ready to take on anything.

Even then he wasn’t prepared for his surprise.

The second person to arrive at the apartment was—well, Chuuya had no idea. They had arrived at some point he was out, and so had a whole swarm of people. When he had returned, he was greeted by an echoing chorus of “he’s here!” and scattered “Happy birthday!”. The whole place was practically erupting with balloons, streamers, and vitality which Chuuya hadn’t seen in months. Upon the sight of it, Chuuya’s heart nearly lurched from his chest. He immediately shot a glare at Kouyou, who smiled uneffected.

“Relax. Isn’t that the point of today?”

And so, Chuuya entered his own birthday party feeling quite sheepish.

The party was bustling with people, all wanting a chance to talk to Chuuya. A lot of them were subordinates with which he didn’t have a very close relation. Nevertheless, he was honored that they would show up for him and made sure to greet each one. To his surprise, one of those subordinates was Akutagawa. Chuuya didn’t think he and Akutagawa had established much of a bond before he went on leave nor did he think Akutagawa was the type for partying; regardless, Akutagawa was there. Chuuya was going to greet him like the others when he was paralyzed with fear. Did anyone tell Akutagawa about Dazai? Either way, Chuuya hadn’t told him anything. If he was certain of two things about Akutagawa, they were that he had been expecting Dazai’s return to the Mafia and that he wasn’t very forgiving. How would he react to Chuuya?

Hoping that Akutagawa’s appearance at the party was a peaceful gesture, Chuuya hesitantly approached him. “Hey, Akutagawa.”

“Chuuya-san.” Akutagawa stared at Chuuya blankly as though even he didn't know why he was there. “Oh, happy birthday.”

“Thank you.” Normally, Chuuya was more of a conversationalist, but he just wanted to slip away. Yet, despite the heavy silence, he was certain Akutagawa had more to say. He was trapped.

“I’ve become stronger than before. I’ve been training every day on my own. So I can beat you… and Dazai-san.” The last point sounded bitter.

“I look forward to it! I’m sorry that I couldn’t help you train.”

“It’s fine,” Akutagawa spoke curtly. “Even though I will beat you…” He scanned Chuuya up and down with his fault-finding eyes. Like black holes, they wouldn’t let anything escape their judgement. “I want a fair fight. I hope you will be in your best condition by then.”

Was that Akutagawa’s way of looking out for him? Chuuya laughed awkwardly under his breath. Either way, he wouldn’t back down to a challenge. “You think you can win? If you lose, you’ll have to train extra hard.” Akutagawa’s void eyes seemed to light at that prospect.

It wasn’t long after his conversation with Akutagawa when Chuuya was interrupted by one of his subordinates, who trembled lightly, “Umm… Nakahara-san.”

“What is it?”

The subordinate gulped once. “Dazai-san is—” and again—“he is crying.”

Crying? Chuuya rushed after his subordinate to where his partner was. Sure enough, Dazai’s cheeks were stained with tears, which continued to fall. Chuuya dismissed his subordinate with the wave of his hand before racing to Dazai. He examined his partner’s face: eye shaking, mouth ajar, lip whimpering. He gently cupped his face, wiping the tears which fell away with his gloved thumbs. “What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

“Don… wanna…” Did that mean Dazai didn’t want to cry because it was shameful? Or was it another involuntary reaction (which had grown increasingly frequent)? Even at his most vulnerable, Chuuya couldn’t conclusively know what was going through Dazai’s mind. And Dazai was no longer capable of explaining it if he wanted to. To Chuuya, even without a known cause, Dazai’s tears were absolutely hopeless. They stirred up an ache more painful than any reason could explain.

What could Chuuya say? ‘It will be okay?’ Would it be okay?

“Sor…ry…”

“‘Sorry?’”

“Yo paady…”

“My party is fantastic! Did you plan this?”

“I helped.” Kouyou stepped out of seemingly nowhere. “Oh, sorry.” She raised her long sleeve to cover her mouth. “Is this a bad time?”

Chuuya began, “May—”

“No. Now…” Dazai nodded at Kouyou.

“Chuuya, I have your gift from Dazai.” Kouyou handed Chuuya a bottle and an envelope.

First, Chuuya examined the bottle. It was a sleek, dark green bottle with a maroon neck. On its pale sleeve, there were bold, red letters: PETRUS. 1889. “Holy fuck.” Chuuya couldn’t wrap his mind around the means which Dazai had to use in order to obtain the bottle (which must have been more expensive than anything else in Chuuya’s apartment). He quickly set it down out of great fear of breaking it.

Then, there was the envelope. Chuuya fumbled over the seal with a different apprehension. Inside, there was only a letter.

Dear Chuuya,

This is from Dazai. I had Kouyou do the writing because I can’t anymore.

Chuuya looked up at Kouyou. “I made sure he didn’t say anything inappropriate either,” she responded then took it as her opportunity to leave.

This is probably the last time I can communicate clearly to you—Don’t worry, it’s not a will. Given that I can no longer write, and I’m sure that I won’t be able to speak by the time you receive this, I wanted to express myself here.

Frankly, this is difficult for me to write (or rather have someone else write). As you know better than anyone, I am the worst at expressing my thoughts. Even as I compose this, and especially as you read it, I can’t help but wonder if this is a mistake. But, you deserve better. You’ve always been kind of an open book, but even after all this time together, I haven’t revealed much about myself.

I’ve always wanted to die. Of course, we both already knew this. I wanted to die on my own terms, painfree. Unlike you, however, I always knew about my condition. I knew that if I didn’t kill myself first, it would kill me. Initially, I was okay with this. I thought it wouldn’t be too bad to die without any sensation; there wouldn’t be any pain. A few months in (when it was too late), I realized I was terribly wrong. It’s turned out to be slow, painful, and powerless. Nevertheless, dying is still dying, I told myself. Sooner or later, I would be free from this world. So, I decided to bear the pain until then. Somewhere there was hope in knowing that soon enough it will all end.

Until the waiting became unbearable. Before I realized, I was gripped by an irking fear—a fear of dying. I’m not sure when or why it happened, but the thought of actually dying has become dreadful. More than the pain or the lack of control, the uncertainty scares me. As you probably know, I always like to be in control, to know what’s going on at all times. But I don’t know what will happen when I die. I suspect nothing supernatural will happen to me, but I can’t know anything outside of that. Even more so, I’ve begun to dread the loneliness. I’ve always embraced loneliness, but recently, I have felt more alone than ever, isolated in my own body, and honestly, it’s been miserable. Even when you can no longer feel anything, something about death seems particularly lonely.

Another thing which has changed considerably was my relationship with you. A year ago, I would have never imagined being in this relationship—nor would I have wanted to. But regardless, this is where we ended up. About six months ago, when you kissed me, I was certain this would be a mistake. I thought that it would be cruel for you to fall in love with me only for me to die. But that thought was mistaken. If anything, I tricked myself. I don’t know if I regret it. I don’t regret the time we spent together, but maybe I regret the future. Was it all in vain? I’m sorry; I’m sure you don’t want to hear that.

I am very grateful for all that you’ve done for me. To be honest, for the longest time, I was uncertain why you stuck around, why you took care of me—because of love or pity? Even now, I can’t help but worry about it. Either way, I appreciate everything, but also, despite that fact, I want to remind you that when I become too much of a burden, you should abandon me. I know that you haven’t even considered that possibility, but I don’t want you to be dragged down by me. I can see your exhaustion; mentally, physically, you’re worn down. I know that you take pride in your strength, but don’t waste it on me. I’m going to die soon—that’s inevitable—in that way, taking care of me is ultimately futile. But you should take care of yourself; that won’t be in vain. So, when I become too great of a burden to bear (if I haven’t already), I urge you to leave me.

It’s your birthday—sorry for going on about such morbid topics. It’s also almost our six month anniversary. I won’t have a gift for that, so I hope this wine bottle will suffice for both. Save it for a good occasion, sometime after I’m gone. I don’t know that much about wine, but I’m sure you’ll enjoy it.

Happy birthday!

Dazai

“What the fuck are you talking about?” A mixture of emotions (sadness, anger, frustration) swelled in Chuuya’s throat, in his eyes, but he shoved it down. “‘Regret,’ ‘pity,’ ‘burdens’—did you even think about what you wrote?!”

Dazai only blinked in response, the buds of tears still in the corners of his eyes; they made Chuuya feel somewhat bad for his instinctively angry response.

But he stood with it. “I hope you don’t regret this because I sure as hell don’t—and I won’t. No matter what happens.” He wouldn’t regret it—no matter the pain, no matter the loneliness, no matter the futility… right? No, he couldn’t allow it.

“Also, do I look like the weak-hearted man who hangs around with burdens and lost-causes? No. And I haven’t given up on you yet, and I won’t.

“Finally, for all you know about me, you sure are dense as fuck! I thought it was obvious at this point how I feel. ‘Pity?’ Do really think I’d hang around out of pity for your miserable ass, my former rival?”

The look on Dazai’s face was of shocked confusion. “Tsuu…” The beginning of Chuuya’s name dropped pathetically off his lips.

“I’m sorry for getting angry. Try to have more faith in me, at least. I am your partner.”

A soft laugh mixed in with the stifled hiccups of Dazai’s crying. This too was ambiguous: was a genuine reaction or a product of his worsening condition? Chuuya wanted desperately to find in it relief, but there was only uncertainty. Even his own words, which he had lectured so matter-of-factly to Dazai, Chuuya wasn’t sure he could believe them. The only thing which remained certain was that one day it would all end.

← Previous All Next →

[nauseateddrive]

THE LITTLE HAT by Tim Frank

I went bald at nineteen. Completely hairless - an egg, a cue ball. Well, that’s what my fellow uni students called me on campus. In fact, I recall freshmen trying to skip pebbles off my head because they said it glistened like a body of water. My head, a lake? A beautiful image, I guess, yet far from funny. It was cruel and had no basis in fact, I can assure you. 

The girl I was seeing, India-Nora Alicia Nicole Elleese, known by everyone on campus as INANE (pronounced with an accent over the E), changed everything for me. She was a knockout, (so out of my league, with her ornate acrylic nails and poofy wall of hair) and she boosted my status among my peers quite considerably. We’d been dating a few months and things were going okay. True, we didn’t really share much in common - she liked everything to do with phones, I liked chasing obscure D-list celebrities for their autographs. But despite our differences we loved each other and that was enough. However, there was one significant problem, a major complication in our burgeoning relationship: sex. 

One chilly November evening I set up a date with her in an all-night shopping centre to talk through our issues. I waited in a local free trade coffee shop that was nestled between a Jehovah’s Witness cupcake stand and a highly politicised denim outlet. I got there early to give myself time to think things through. 

My first problem came when I tried to kiss INANÈ. We were at the funfair, our lips sticky from candy floss, and when I made my move she must have been nervous because she ducked and my bulbous head tripped over itself and my forehead careened into her left eye. There was nowhere to hide and so many people around - I wanted to climb the roller coaster and leap to my demise, landing with a splat on the haunted house below. 

I regrouped after a few days, but then following close behind was the next mishap which was even more embarrassing - but thankfully it played out in a deserted park, far from prying eyes. It was a balmy summer’s eve and we were having a romantic wrestle on a wrought iron bench. I was becoming somewhat fired up and overheated, sweating profusely into her cleavage and down her thighs. In a sudden fit of rage, she unravelled what must have been half a roll of toilet paper from her bra, and threw it at me so I could mop the sweat from my brow. Bits of damp, torn tissue ended up stuck to my head like I’d nicked myself shaving. After the blunder, she gave me the cold shoulder and focused exclusively on her phone for the rest of the night. No matter how much I apologised she continued to freeze me out. 

The most recent incident was only last week, when we were getting passionate in my car in the parking lot of the local drive-thru. Somehow, I had managed to manoeuvre my head below the equator (if you know what I mean.) She was wearing a dress that billowed in the wind blowing through the passenger window, and the angle I found myself in must have looked quite shocking because I heard a child passing by exclaim, “Mummy, that girl’s having a baby!” 

Moments later I got the tap on my shoulder ordering me to finish up, drink my milkshake and take her back to the student halls. INANÈ ignored me all the way home and just scrolled through her phone, looking strangely amused. 

She arrived at the coffee shop just as I had finished my second cappuccino and I was somewhat frazzled from the caffeine. She looked ripe and ready to be plucked from the tree. She wore maroon lipstick smeared sexily over the edges of her mouth and a crop top exposing her bellybutton ring. 

“You look like a rare flower,” I gushed. 

“I can’t keep doing this,” she said. “How many times do I have to tell you it’s over?” 

“I don’t understand, what have I done? I can make things better, I promise.” 

“You don’t use social media at all, do you? I mean, you really are utterly clueless.” 

“Tell me what I can do. Is it because I’m bald?” 

“Yes, but... Wait, where are you going?” 

“The loo, I’ll be right back.” 

After a few minutes I returned and I was transformed. My rebirth clearly made an instant impression on the love of my life. 

“What the hell are you doing?” she whispered conspiratorially. 

“What?” 

“Your little hat there.” 

I fingered the toupee covering my bald pate, and gazing into the reflection of a silver napkin dispenser I straightened the rug. 

“I know dating a bald man can be difficult,” I said, “It’s hard for me to accept myself, so I’m aware it must be debilitating for a girl who ranks so high on the babe-o meter. But now the problem is solved.” 

“Please, just look at this, you can’t be left in the dark any longer,” she said, sliding her phone across the table. I picked it up and cradled it in both hands. 

Endless reels played on her Instagram account and they were tagged, “The Bald and the Beautiful.” They documented countless sexual calamities that befell us - from our first kiss to me going down on her in the drive-thru. There were other images too, of kids chasing me down the road chanting “Slaphead!” and “Grandpa!” as I veered into oncoming traffic. One clip showed me in my room, picking flakes of skin from my scalp with tweezers while singing Whitney Houston in my bathrobe. 

“I don’t believe this,” I said, “and to think I believed you actually loved me. All those things we did, you’re just...just a slut.” 

“Hey!” she said, slapping me across the cheek, “I do what I please with my body, okay? If I want to fool around to create content, that’s my business. Look, I never meant for things to go so far, but you kept creating hilarious material and things just snowballed. I know I’ve hurt your feelings but breaking up with me is the best thing for you, I promise. At least it’ll help dampen the hype, because I have to be honest, we’re being filmed right now and that piece of fluff on your head really isn’t helping matters.” 

I looked around the shopping centre. I noticed youths arched over balconies, crouching behind potted plants and poking out of stairwells, all angling their phones in my direction. 

Then the truth hit home - INANÈ was never mine, my life was a joke and there was nowhere to hide. 

I dashed her phone to the floor. She shrieked and dropped to her knees to retrieve the broken fragments. I left her to it. I walked towards the frozen yoghurt stall at the heart of the shopping plaza, keenly aware I was being followed. Feeling the pressure to perform I tripped on my shoelace and just about salvaged my dignity by turning the fall into a funky little dance. 

Then it occurred to me; I was famous - trending in New York and Tokyo, getting thousands of hits across multiple platforms, having spawned dozens of fan-sites and subscription groups. I sensed countless opportunities on the horizon and a new fate mapped out for me. 

As the cameras focused in, I imagined modelling agencies recruiting me to feature on billboards selling Lycra spandex running shoes. I envisioned myself acting in soap operas and singing on chart topping pop records - alongside the minor celebrities I had followed so closely throughout my life. 

As phones captured me grooving and jiving, I gave a final cinematic flourish - hurling my toupee up into the air like a graduation hat. I broke into a broad smile as I proudly and gloriously exposed my bald head to the whole wide world.

Tim Frank has been published in over ninety journals but will never tell you which.

[snowmadien]

Gajevy Week Au Fire Fighter

So Fun fact about this story is that my brother gave me the idea indirectly when he was coming home for fire academy training. 

Gajevy Week 

Bonus Day AU Fire fighter

Rated T for language

Gajeel stared up at the plain white ceiling of the Dragon house 4 fire station, thinking about her. It was half past midnight yet his body couldn’t sleep rather he was awaking thinking of the one person who had made him the man he was today.

Never in his whole life could he imagine that he would ever be happy, that he would ever have peace with himself and the world. He was once a fierce and formidable member of the Phantom Lord, selling drugs, doing drugs and hooking up with just about anyone he wanted to, even getting what he wanted when he wanted.

Until he met her. She wasn’t afraid of him like most people. Rather, she offered up her small apartment to him one cold snowy night, after he had been shot in the shoulder. At time she was just a nurse in training now but soon became head of trauma department. What she didn’t know after that fateful night was how he began to watch over her from the shadows and slowly she began to break his iron cold heart. She was the reason why he had decided to leave the gang and become a different man. She made him do the one thing he had never done in his life and that was fight for something. When his past nearly took her from him he did everything in his power to get her back; from that day forward he knew that she was the one.

It wasn’t easy but no that the looked back upon it he wouldn’t have changed a single thing. Now he just wanted to go back home to her, after spending nearly a two weeks since he had last seen her, thanks to the recent firestorms plaguing Fiore. He still couldn’t get the sharp smell of the burning cinder and lingering smoke out of his hair or his skin. 

Closing his eyes he pictured her, her velvet lips, soft blue hair and her creamy skin. But her eyes were the ones he would love to see the most they were a beautiful amber and full of life. Slowly, he began to feel the pull of sleep when a sharp bell yanked him from his trance. 

Without even thinking he raced out of bed and to the truck. Sliding down the poll he quickly grabbed his gear and began to put to on. 

“Gajeel there is a house fire over in Magnolia!” Natsu yelled as he put on his helmet and jumped into the truck with him.

“Do you know where?” he yelled as Sting started the truck and began pull out into the sleeping city. Without out any of the normal daylight traffic it was easier for Sting to driver faster and go thru red lights with ease. Natsu paused at what he was about to say 

“ All I know is that it’s near Sycamore road.” 

Gajeel’s breathing hitched, they lived in that area and he prayed to whatever God there was that Levy was alright. He quickly began to mentally prepare himself as Chief Laxus began to issue out orders but, Gajeel wasn’t listening. 

His heart had stopped when he saw the truck turn onto his street and stop directly in front of his own house. A large victorian mansion that he had bought from the bank at a cheap price since it was a bit of a fixer upper. But it was a beautiful maroon red that hid behind the large oak and pine trees that surrounded it.Smoke was billowing out of every crack and crevice he noticed that orange flames were escaping out of the basement. 

Without warning he blotted out of the truck only to be grabbed by Rouge and Erik to keep him from blindly running towards the smoking building,

“Let me go!” He growled “WHERE IS SHE?!” He screamed he desperately looked for her but saw no sign of his beloved.

“Gajeel get your head in the game if you want to save Levy!” Laxus snapped, Rouge and Erik released Gajeel and quickly went to help out Sting and Natsu with the hoses.  “Listen you are going in with Natsu. Since you know the lay out better you stand the best chance of finding her. From what I’m told the fire is in the basement now get your ass masked up and in there!” Within seconds he and Natsu had their tanks on and broke down his door. Smoke poured out of it’s new exit and the two men made their way in. Gajeel knew for a fact that both his woman and his cat were upstairs sleeping in the master.

“Hey we need to get out of here stat! I don’t think the floor is going to hold much longer!” Natsu said while testing the flooring with his ax.“Listen Pyro you grab Lily and I’ll get Levy.” The two made their way up and found the master bedroom with the door open and lying on the ground was Levy passed out with Lily next to her. It was obvious that she had tried to escaped but the smoke had taken it’s toll on her and his pet.

“Shit this is bad she might have been asleep when it started!” Natsu quickly scooped up Lily while Gajeel picked up Levy bridal style. A groaning and a snap echoed behind them and they realized that the stairs had gone out.“Oh fuck this is bad. Gajeel is there another way-” Natsu didn’t finish what he was about to say as Gajeel yanked him into the room and out towards a large balcony. Ivy covered the side of the large house which grew on white colored steal that had been fastened into the side.

“Get down the side and I’ll hand you them!” He yelled. Without a word Natsu made a made climb down, the moment his feet hit the ground Gajeel had tossed him Lily. Another snapping sound rang out and he looked back and saw that the flames were spreading faster than he had thought.

“Gajeel, hurry this house is going to come down any second!” Natsu hollered. Gajeel adjusted Levy so that she hung from his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Giving one final look back he saw that everything he had and every memory that was created in the house going up in flames. He climbed down and both men bolted towards the front of the house. He quickly yanked off his masked and quickly put it on her face, he realized that Levy wasn’t breathing. 

“Damn it Levy, breathe!” he begged as he began to do CPR on her. He couldn’t dare lose her again. What felt like an eternity he heard a small gasp of air saw that her eyes were beginning to open.

“Levy!” He pulled her into a tight hug as tears rolled down his eyes.“Ga-Gajeel?” “I’m here Lev, I’m here.” He whispered, a soft hand was placed on his shoulder and he looked up to see the EMT’s had arrived. Giving them a short nod he allowed the men to do their work.

“I’m going with-” He began to say.“No you aren’t Redfox you’ve got a job to do!” Laxus barked out, fire pooled into his gut as he stormed over to the Chief.“Don’t give me lip Gajeel we are here to fight this fire not hitch a ride with the medics.” Resisting the urge to knock Laxus’s teeth out he gave a sigh and grabbed another house and started to kill the fire that was destroying his home.

Time skip five hours 

Sitting in Levy’s room Gajeel waited for her to come out of her slumber. The minute the fire had been put out the whole group had gone to the hospital to check on Levy. However, only Gajeel was permitted to see her at the current moment.Ash and soot covered her face as she lied peacefully on her bone white bed. A soft knock  stirred him from his vigilant watch.

“Porlyusica.” He greeted.

“Doctor Porlyusica.” She corrected “She’ll be able to go home be tomorrow. Only a few burns and her hands and legs along with a dangerous amount of smoke inhalation.” She read from the cart.“Also tell her that she will be granted paid leave by the hospital for the next week, along with a check up needed in three.” She stated.

“Wait why does she need a check up?” He asked.“Why don’t you see for yourself.” She handed him Levy’s medical chart and as he began to read down the list he stopped at a single word.

“No way..” he whispered, Levy was four weeks pregnant. A part of him was stunned and yet beyond joyful. He was going to be a father!

“Gajeel?” A breath voice whispered. He looked over to Levy and saw that she was waking.

“Hey short stack.” He stood up and hugged her tightly fearing that she would turn into smoke and leave him.

“I’m just thankful that you’re alive.” Tears began to roll down his face as he tightened his hold on her.“I thought I was going to lose you, like everyone else in my life.” The mere thought of losing her was unbearable.

“I’m not going anywhere I’m staying right here with you no matter what,” he pulled back and kissed her hard. Her lips tasted of smoke and tears he didn’t want to let go wanted to hold her forever.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” He demanded as soon as they broke apart. Levy paused to think for a second before realizing what Gajeel was asking.

“I wanted to be sure that I was. I had an appointment today with Doctor Porlyusica but guess that didn’t happen.” Gajeel softly kissed her as he smiled.

“I’m going to be a father!” He laughed as they kissed. 

A slight cough had broke them apart, standing in the doorway was the rest of his team and in Natsu's arm was an ash covered Lily.

“Lily!” They both happily yelled. The cat bolted out of Natsu's grasp and into the couple’s loving arms and began to purr contently.

“So Redfox when should I tell Mira that she’s knocked up?” Levy turned a bright red and Gajeel choked at Laxus’s comment.

“Just tell her to keep it small, I don’t want nothing out of control like the last birthday party she threw!” he snapped.

“Shit, where the hell are we now going to live?” he realized with their home gone they had no place to go.

 “Don’t worry I got your guys covered. Gramps is selling a private home on the edge of Magnolia. It’s got land and the house isn’t that big but for a family it’s perfect.”

“You don’t have-”

“Redfox shut up, you saved  my ass once and now I think it’s time to return the favor!” Laxus barked, soon everyone was either sitting on the chairs or on the floor to sleep. Porlyusica didn't bother kicking them out as they were all more than exhausted and deserving of the sleep. Gajeel had crawled into Levy’s bed and held her tightly. With Lily sleeping in the crook of Levy’s arm.

Hope you guys all enjoyed this story I sure as hell did when writing it!

Shout our to @mangaguitar96 for going over this