#ironically considering i write it all so well lol
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freebooter4ever · 1 year ago
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hi! i just wants to say that I absolutely love your artwork so much and I know it sounds selfish but I hope you don’t delete your account or artworks. i would hate to see you leave tumblr :( and not seeing you’re amazing artworks. but ofcourse do what will help you but i will miss your stuff :,(
Hello, and thank you! Also, I'm really sorry if I made anyone worry, but for the future - any of the art that's been rebogged will still exist as a reblogged thing. You don't have to worry about those disappearing off your blog!
Sadly i am consciously aware that the internet is getting smaller and smaller and i can hide here on tumblr and not worry about my blogging/art being seen by companies or some shit, but there's still a very real chance that things i say/do here could jeopardize my career, which is very weird to think about and me being me - very extroverted oversharing opinionated nonsense - i find it difficult to reign things in properly. :( its one of the reasons i have this blog - so my personal life doesnt clutter up my 'professional' instagr*m (even that is not very professional lollll)(im TERRIBLE at this).
But thank you! Thank you for caring enough to offer words of support, and for encouraging my art, it means the world to me everybody <3 i know that the kind people here on tumblr - even the lurkers ;) - far outweigh the one asshole who decides to be a jerk and make things awkward for everyone by using other people's work to get attention from the 'celebrities' on other sites.
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lowkeyerror · 5 days ago
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Always There
Agatha Harkness x Vampire!Reader x Rio Vidal
Word count: 4.9k
Notes: Non-major character death, depictions of violence, graphic violent content (blood, mob violence/torture, detailed wounds), angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, small mention of suicial tendencies, italics=past
Summary: Vampire reader has had a casual relationship with Agatha and Rio, but eventually too many years pass since their last encounter, the vampire starts to wonder if they still cared for her.
An: Posting this immediately after I finished writing it. Hope you enjoy. Likes, replies, reblogs, and all of that are appreciated đŸ™‚â€â†•ïžđŸ™‚â€â†•ïžđŸ™‚â€â†•ïž Edit: Not me saying itallics and forgetting to actually put them lol
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You’ve had a casual fling with Agatha and Rio for as long as you can recall. There’s a stereotype about witches coming and going as they please, and you find it to be frustratingly true.
It's easier to get ahold of Rio than Agatha, which is ironic considering that Rio is literally Death. With the title comes the job, so all you truly needed to get a glimpse of her was a body. Perhaps you could arrange the carcasses in a way that said ‘stay with me forever’.
As a vampire, you had time to wait. There was no rush, which is how you believe things got so casual. You could never forget how you met the pair.
At the time angry mobs were running rampant, looking for anyone to persecute. You were a known vampire living not to far from a village. They hunted you for sport. There were many of them that you killed, but eventually they were able to ambush you. When they did, they used wooden spikes to pin you to a large ‘X’ that they built. The scars from were they impaled your flesh still present today.
They tortured you; punching, spitting, stabbing, you had eventually lost track of time after a few hours. The need for blood weakening you enough to where breaking free was nearly impossible.
They’d come in shifts for the torture and leave only one person to watch you in the night. That was their only flaw. You didn’t expect anyone outside of the village to come across you, but someone did.
Your head was hung low, when you heard the unmistakable sound of a body hitting the ground. You raised it slightly, to see the guard that was supposed to be watching you, dead on the floor.
“You don’t look too well.”
It had been days since you had tried to speak, so your voice was hoarse, “I wouldn’t think so.”
“What are you? Only someone different, is worth all of this trouble,” a different voice spoke.
Your eyes look to where the voices are coming from, but you only see shadows. Your tongue is dry as it passes over your bloody chapped lips.
“Vampire,” you mumbled.
“Help me get her down.”
When they approached, you finally got a good look at them. You couldn’t help but stare at their features. Both youthful with rosy cheeks. Rio’s large brown eyes caught your attention immediately, warm yet hiding something. Agatha’s features were sharper, her cheekbones, her jawline, even her eyes.
“This will hurt,” Rio examined the wood embedded into your skin.
“I know,” you spoke weakly.
You expected them to pull the spikes out with their hands. Instead your eyebrows furrowed when purple and green tendrils of magic worked around the spikes. Instead of 4, painfully slow, agonizing moments, there was only one rough pull, before your body fell off of the ‘X’. Only your knees hit ground as Agatha and Rio held up the rest of your body.
Your full weight pushed against them as your head rested in between their shoulders, “Thank you.”
“Hungry?”
Your eyes glowed a dim red, “I could drain a village.”
“Bloodthirsty, even in this state?” Agatha teased.
“Especially in this state,” you corrected.
You could hardly move, but you attempted to stand on your unstable legs. You grunted in pain as you put one foot in front of the other. Your focus was on the dead guard. His heart was no longer beating, but blood still filled his veins. It was calling to you, it had been too long since you had fed.
Your fangs snack into the man’s neck viciously. You had no remorse for the corpse as his body began to lose color as you drank. He wasn’t a large man, which was unfortunate, but he sufficed for the moment.
Harsh breaths and clearing of your throat, were indicators of how much you needed that. You wiped the blood off of your mouth with the back of your hand.
Your wounds were slowly closing, but it was taking all of the energy you had just gained.
“I can heal you faster,” Rio said tentatively grabbing your forearm.
She extended it so that it’s flat, before quickly running her tongue over the spot. You looked at her as if she was crazy, but then back at your wrist. The hole from the stake was gone, in its place was only a scar.
If you had a pulse, you were sure that it would be beating wildly.
You glanced at Agatha, who watched on, “Do you do that too?”
She shook her head, “Earth witch specialty.”
“How long did they have you like that?” Rio’s eyes have examined your body, noticing the extensive damage. Her finger trailed one of the nastier slashes across your stomach.
“I don't recall,” you spoke honestly.
Rio was careful as she healed the larger wounds on your body, you told her not to worry about the less significant ones. Even when she was done you were still caked in dirt and mostly your own blood.
“Let me help you out doll,” Agatha waved her fingers swiftly, and soon you were clean as a whistle.
Your tattered clothes replaced as if they were new, dirt and blood alike removed from your body. Ugly scars, now covered except for the few that littered your face.
“Why help me? We are only strangers, I don’t even know your names.”
“Abominations to humanity must stick together lest we want them to wipe every one of us out . You can call me Rio.”
“Agatha Harkness, pleasure to save you beautiful.”
One of your eyebrows raised, “Witch killer, Agatha Harkness?”
The woman chuckled, “I see my reputation supersedes my community. Does my aura scare you
”
“Y/n, and it does not. There are no rules when it comes to preservation of self. I’ve killed my own kind for good reasons and some not so good reasons. Bodies just seem to pile up when I’m around.”
“That why they nail you up like that?” Rio questioned.
You shrugged, “I suppose, a mixture of that and fear.”
“People fear death,” she spoke.
You shook your head as you corrected her, “Mortals fear death. I know people who are thousands of years old, who run from ailments of morality. They are foolish, death cannot be outran. Though it may take longer for her to come, she will eventually get all of us.”
“You aren’t afraid to die?” Agatha questioned you.
“No, there’s no point. She’ll come for me when it’s my time, but until then what is there to fear besides a wasted life.”
Rio had a small smile on her face, “Quite the philosophy you’ve fostered. Just one question, if you feel that way, then why kill anyone in the first place?”
It was your turn to chuckle, “If someone was meant to live, they simply would. I’m not stealing life, simply gifting death to those who have decided that it is their time.”
“How do you know that they’ve decided?” Agatha counters.
“Well you see, many people are weary of vampires and they should be. They let their guard down, they get comfortable, they play with their food instead of finishing the job. Those actions have consequences and I like to deal with those consequences personally. So I suppose when they choose to wrong me, they’ve chosen to die.”
“And the villagers who did this to you?” Rio pondered aloud.
You eyed her cautiously, “Do you stand to stop me?”
Rio shook her head, “I keep a witch killer in my company, you think I’m above a rightfully earned massacre?”
“Well you spoke of solidarity amongst-”
“Think of it this way, we can do what we want amongst each other, as it is our business. The humans have no right, to do what we do.”
You nod, “I agree.”
“So, you’re going to destroy the village?” Agatha questioned.
“My goal is to drain every last one.”
After that first encounter you were drunk on the thought alone of Agatha and Rio. Finding out Rio's true identity only made you lust for her even more. You knew that both had bonded with each other in ways you hadn’t understood, but that didn't stop your feelings from developing.
It didn't take long for them to fold you into their relationship, at least partially. They weren’t always around, but when they were everything seemed to fall back into place.
However, you’d be lying if you said you hadn't been getting restless these last few years. It was feeling like you saw less of them, especially Agatha. It felt like a game of cat and mouse. Somehow you had ended up chasing after them.
Tonight you walk the streets bored, part of you looking for trouble. Rumblings of new age vampire hunters in the area had piqued your interest. So you’d have a chance to have some fun or at minimum find your next meal.
Your fingers play with the rings they had gifted you, centuries ago. In the past you could feel both of them signaling you through the jewelry. It was a faint buzz, something like a hum, through the ring. A feeling that you hadn’t felt in ages. You longed to feel it again, to feel them.
Alleyways didn’t scare you, hardly anything scared you these days. Yet as you take a step into this alley, you sense something immediately. You feel eyes on you, as you walk.
“Has anyone ever told you to be mindful of where you settle demon?”
You continue walking, the empty threat meant nothing to you.
“I know what you are, I can smell it on you,” the voice echoes against the walls.
Your ears twitch, and soon you’re holding a frail man against one of the concrete walls in the alley.
“If you know what I am, you should be more mindful of how you approach me,” your strength speaks for itself.
You don’t give him the pleasure of seeing your fangs or glowing red eyes.
“Ah, you’re one of the older ones. This will be quite fun,” he says gleefully.
“What are you-" the question dies on your lips as you feel a needle being jabbed into your neck.
Your hand instinctively shoots over the spot, and your growl in frustration. You drop the man against the wall, turning your attention to the person who stuck you from behind with the needle.
This man was much bigger than the other. He was about twice your size, but it did not matter. You bare your fangs, hissing at the muscular man.
“Why isn’t she dropping?” He yells, fear laced through his voice.
You take the moment to pounce on him. Your teeth wasting no time, sinking into his neck. The man convulses under you, but you’re stronger than him. Even when he grabs your neck you don’t relent.
“Impossible,” the frail man, whispers from his spot against the wall.
“Nice try, but-”
The sensation hits you like a truck. You feel your vision get blurry and your muscles weaken. You blink a few times trying to will yourself against the late acting sedative.
The frail man nods excessively as you begin to lose consciousness, “Slower than usual, but captured nonetheless.”
You’re jolted back into consciousness when you feel the stake being driven into your skin. You attempt to shoot out of whatever position you are in, but it only causes you a familiar pain. Unlike the first time you were nailed to something, this time it was straight up rather than ‘X’ formation. Your arms hung up straight above your head and your feet were slightly spread underneath.
One spike was used to pierce both of your hands in place while you had one for each foot. Your breathing only quickens even more upon noticing you are in a forest. This couldn’t be happening.
“Glad you could finally join us,” the frail man from earlier want alone this time. He had a group of people with him.
“Let me go, and I’ll consider sparing you one I'm free,” you say, yet no one moves.
“You hold no power here, demon,” the man walks around you. “I am doctor Helsing, you may be familiar with my ancestors.”
Your jaw twitches, “ Van Helsing.”
He chuckles, “What a smart creature you are?”
“What do you want from me?”
His chuckle turns into a boisterous laughter, “ You can't offer me anything that I don't have the ability to take.”
You glare at the people in front of you, eyes turning a vicious shade of red, “The last group of people that tried something like this, paid for their sins with their lives. I hope you’re prepared to do the same.”
“They did quite a number on you, I can tell by your markings. Their only mistake was letting such a beautiful thing like you go,” Helsing says, his hand sliding across the scar on your abdomen.
“They didn’t let me go. I got out.”
His eyes had a glint as he leaned in, “And then you killed them all, how sad.”
He stabs you in the scar. Carving harder and deeper than the previous person. You grunt, but try to steel yourself under the knife. Yet you squirm finding the sensation to be more unpleasant than you had recalled.
“Silver cuts a little different doesn’t it?” He says watching the cut pour blood.
“You’re going to regret this.”
He turns his attention to the people, “Empty threats mean nothing when a beast is tied up. Would anyone else like a turn?”
People in his crowd begin to circle around you. Some with weapons, others cracking their knuckles. You're being attacked from all sides. The pain makes you tear up, but you avoid crying.
Instead you left out a bitter laugh, “That’s all you’ve got. Come on if you're gong to torture me at least put some passion behind it.”
“Oh, we’re just getting started. I want to hear you beg for your life, I want to see you broken, beaten, defeated. I want you to ask for death and then I'll award it to you.”
You spit at Helsing, “I’m not scared of death.”
He wipes your spit off of his face, a scowl now present, “For centuries my family has been driving your species to extinction. The failures may eclipse the successes, but don't think that we were never successful. You will fall at the hands of Van Helsing, creature.”
He has a device in his hand, he shoves it into your mouth. It forces your mouth open and your fangs out. He stares at them in awe. You try to clamp your mouth shut or retract your fangs, but you are unable to. You start to panic.
“Just like a snake, de-fang the vampire and a lot of that fear is gone,” his smile is sadistic.
You feel your adrenaline sky rocket as you shake violently. Your eyes wide in terror. The wood stake ripping your skin, but the pain was nothing akin to the fright.
You don’t remember the last time you were truly this scared.
He laughs and some of the crowd laugh along with him, “Are you afraid now, demon?”
Tears fall from your eyes and he coos. You flinch at his hand touching your face. His fingers were rough and callused against the swollen skin. You move your head as if to attack him and he stumbles back.
He grabs your jaw roughly, “This is the power of man.”
“Looks like someone is having a party and forgot to invite us.”
You know that voice. It makes you close your eyes in relief. The panic you felt in the moment begins to dissipate.
Everyone looks to the sky following the sound of the voice. It’s there that they see Agatha and Rio floating in the sky. Most of the crowd has their mouths agape, not believing what they are seeing.
“Should we offer them mercy, Agatha? Maybe our invites got lost in the mail?”
“This matter does not concern you foul wenches, be gone,” Helsing says, his voice trembles a bit at the end.
It’s Agatha that cackles looking down at the man, “See that’s where your wrong because
”
Rio appears behind the man, her skeletal form on her face, “If it concerns her, then it concerns us.”
Her dagger lays on his neck and he looses his composure.
“Anyone want to be brave?” Agatha questions the crowd, who screams when she shoots her magic at a nearby tree exploding it.
“What happened? A second ago you were lining up to torture her, but now you’re scared,” Rio adds pressure to her dagger.
“Don’t get shy now, doctor. Nothing to say?” Agatha gets closer to him.
The group tries to scatter but she traps them in a circle full of fire. They’re forced to gather close to each other. Their screams make you smile.
Agatha pulls the device out of your mouth carefully. Her hand caresses your face gently. You lean into her touch.
“We have to stop meeting like this doll,” Agatha mumbles only for you to hear.
“We wouldn’t have to meet again if you stopped leaving,” you shoot back.
Agatha casts her gaze away from you and over to Helsing. She and Rio switch places. The Green Witch, uses her vines to pull the spikes out of your body. It’s a feeling that never gets easier to experience.
You land on your feet ignoring the burning sensation. With your back tall you walk over to Helsing. You crouch in front of him, despite your own agony.
You hold his eyes, “Funny, I recall you telling me I’d beg for death. Well now she’s here for me, just not in the way you expected is it?”
Rio wiggles her fingers at the doctor, “I loved dragging the souls of your family to eternal damnation, can’t wait to reunite you with them.”
“Humans are all the same, always playing with food that’s not yours,” you stand towering over the man.
“Hey I like to play with my food,” Agatha pouts.
You smile, “When you have power you can do what you want.”
You open your hand and Rio drops her dagger into your grasp. The crowd watches in panic behind the flames as you approach the man.
“However, I’ve never been one to play with my food,” in a swift motion you slit his throat.
The gasps and screams of his followers sounds like music to your ears. He gargles his own blood reaching for his neck.
“Your blood isn’t worth drinking,” you watch as he collapses. You turn to address the crowd, “None of you have worthy blood. Cowards, followers, miscreants, I hope it was worth it. The price is your life, now burn.”
Agatha waves her hand dismissively and the crowd of people are quickly evaporated. Ash and burnt grass the only remnants of the aggressors.
Upon their destruction you crumble to the floor. Your body screaming at you for the abuse you endured.
Rio starts with the wound on your stomach before healing the spiked points. Your body still aches when she’s finished, but it’s substantially less than before.
“DĂ©jĂ  vu isn’t it bunny?” Agatha opens the floor for conversation.
“Now isn’t the time Agatha,” Rio scolds the woman, who raises her hands in defense.
“I was just reminiscing, is that a crime?”
You stand, “Well, good seeing you. Same time
 in the next few centuries or
”
“You’re hurt,” Rio argues.
“You healed me enough,” you shrug.
Agatha rolls her eyes, “What’s with the attitude princess?”
You place a hand on your hip, “When was the last time we saw each other, Agatha? Rio, you only come when I leave bodies in my wake. So sorry if I’m not thrilled it takes me being captured and tortured to get some time together.”
“It’s always been this way,” Agatha argues back.
Your voice takes on an uncharacteristically soft tone, “I know and I’m tired. I don’t want whatever this is. I need something more, something tangible. It’s fine if you don't want to give that to me, but I can't keep waiting.”
You try to keep calm as you pull the rings off of your fingers, hand out stretched to give them back to their original owners.
“Y/n
”
“Take them
 please. Free me, from whatever this is. I’m grateful that you saved me on our first day and maybe the same thing happening again is fate telling me that this is our last day,” you get the courage to look at them with teary eyes.
“You don't even believe in fate,” Agatha tries to reason with you.
“How would you know, you haven't been around. Things change, people change,” you tell her.
Agatha looks to Rio for help, but The Green Witch, just keeps her eyes on you.
“That’s bullshit! If change is so real, how’d we end up right back where we started hmm? Poor little hung up bat, in need of saving and here we are like always,” Agatha’s theatrics peak through her words.
“Like always?” You repeat, in disbelief.
“Look sweetheart, I know that-"
You ball your fists at your side, “What could you possibly know Agatha? Tell me, I’m interested in hearing. Did you know I spend all my time waiting for either of you to tell me if you want me or not? I don’t sleep, I just think and think and think about finding a way to end it all without having to see either of you. Hard to kill yourself with Death keeping tabs on you, even without a heartbeat. I knew this guy was tracking me, I knew what he wanted to do, and I said fuck it. I don’t care, what’s there to live for anyway?”
“You can't be serious?” Rio doesn’t want to believe what you’re saying.
“Of course I’m serious, part of me thought that after all these years humans would be over torture, but that was foolish of me. Why would I think that you'd come to save me? I still don’t understand why you did.”
“Because we love you, you fucking idiot!” Agatha shouts at you.
You scoff, “Do you really? I couldn’t tell by the hundreds of years apart.”
“We were protecting you,” Agatha gets in your space.
“What could have possibly been protecting me? Oh no, a loving and caring environment? How ever could I have managed such domestic delights and pleasures,” your voice drips sarcasm.
“You do realize that Rio is Death, right? Her job is literally to reap souls, you aren’t the only one that doesn’t get to see her often. And me
 I’m all trouble, doll. There’s not a pleasant bone in my body.”
You roll your eyes and cross your arms over your chest, “Did you forget who I am? Have you had a head trauma recently, or maybe you need a refresher? I’m not the greatest either, cupcake. I just slit a man’s throat and had his followers executed.”
“By me,” Agatha points out.
“Ok and you want credit for the villages I killed too? The vampires I murdered? The people I lied to? The whores I fucked? I’m not some sweet innocent thing you picked up off of the side of the road. My ledger has had blood on it since before you killed your original coven.”
Your eyes are red as they stare into her blue ones.
“We were scared,” Rio interrupts the rising tensions between you and Agatha.
“Scared of what?” You glance at her.
“Of committing to you. Hell, Agatha and I can’t even fully commit to each other. This game of cat and mouse, it’s all we know. You’re right, you deserve more, so much more, but we don’t know how to give it. We don’t know what a domestic life looks like, we aren’t domestic people. I didn't think there would be any doubt in your head that we loved you, and maybe that just shows how fucked up we really are,” Rio monologues.
Her words hit you harshly. They make you want to start crying all over again. You cast your gaze to the floor.
“I guess that brings us back to the original point then, doesn’t it? Maybe it’s better if we just, end it here,” you can’t look at them.
“If that’s what you want?” Rio nods solemnly.
Agatha looks between the two of you, “Are you two stupid or something? You have to be if you think I’m just going to agree to this.”
“Agatha-”
“Don’t. I love you, both of you. I don’t want this to end and if that means changing the way things operate, then I guess things just have to change,” Agatha speaks seriously.
“What are yo-”
You startle when Agatha grabs your hands in both of hers. Her eyes locking fiercely onto yours. She doesn’t blink as she speaks, “Move in with me.”
“What?”
“You want time together, we can have time together. We’ve basically been together for centuries, come live with me.”
“Agatha, I think you've lost the plot,” Rio says, cautiously.
“You too Dr. Green Thumb. Let’s all move in together,” Agatha nods her head.
“That doesn’t fix everything,” you focus on her hands over yours.
She doesn’t hesitate to raise her hands to cup your face, “There’s obviously a lot to fix, but you can’t tell me this isn’t a step in the right direction. Y/n, I don’t want to- I can’t lose you. I’m not willing to let you go without a fight.”
Your face heats in her hands. Her eyes are ablaze with passion as they keep contact with yours.
You sigh and rest your forehead against hers, “I don’t know Agatha.”
Rio joins the moment, carefully wrapping her arms around your torso, “I don’t think any of us really know, but I think we’re supposed to find out together.”
“Please,” Agatha’s breath hits your lips. “Just a chance to make up for lost time. If it doesn’t work, then it doesn’t, but please don’t give up on us yet.”
Hearing Agatha beg like this tugs at your heart. You don’t want to give in this easily, but you’ve already wasted so much time.
“Ok.”
As the word falls from your lips, Agatha surges forward. You can recall the last time her lips were on yours. The warmth that they were able to send through your body. How firm she was in her kiss, not scared or uncertain as your lips moved together. She knew what she wanted and it was hard to picture a world in which she’d kiss someone she wasn’t interested in the way she was kissing you. You were the one she wanted.
Your legs grow weak, but Rio holds you steady. Her shifting grip, makes you turn to face her. Unlike Agatha she hesitates. She takes a moment to admire your features, she wasn’t in a rush. Neither were you. Rio’s kiss is softer than Agatha’s, her plush lips, move experimentally against yours. It’s not like she’s forgotten, more like she’s re-exploring. She's playful, as her teeth nibble on your bottom lip. You laugh at the sensation.
Rio rests her head on your shoulder. She extends her hands, motioning for the other witch to get closer. Agatha wraps her arms around the both of you. Her front to your back while her hands rest on Rio’s back. You’re encased by them, a feeling that is welcomed yet foreign to you.
“Promise that you'll keep me close” you say to both of them.
“Until the road ends, my love,” Agatha kisses the top of your head.
“I’ll hold you even after the road ends,” Rio kisses the base of your neck.
“Do you always have to one up me?” Agatha says to Rio.
Rio chuckles, “Sounds like a skill issue sweetheart.”
“Oh, we’ll see who has a skill issue later, when you’re begging me for help because my fingers are longer than yours,” Agatha says smugly.
Rio pulls back from you to glare at Agatha, “If you don’t want to ‘help’ me, I’ll just ask Y/n. Isn’t that right sweetheart?”
You blush at the innuendo.
“Nuh uh, bunny. I think I recall you liking my treats better, because someone has a skill issue,” Agatha sticks her tongue at Rio.
You turn an even deeper shade of red.
“You can never let an emotional moment be,” Rio says.
“Well you’re always trying to out ‘emotional’ me,” Agatha replies.
“It’s not my fault you’re not as smooth as me, mi vida,” Rio counters again.
Agatha throws her hands up, “I know Spanish and Latin too, you’re not special Vidal.”
Rio raises an eyebrow, “And who taught you?”
The back and forth makes you laugh, “Are you sure you don’t do domestic, because you bicker like an old married couple?”
They both huff at your statement.
“We’ll continue this at home,” Agatha points at Rio.
The brown eyed woman puts her hand over her heart in faux-fear, “Oooo, I’m terrified.”
Agatha opens a portal to her house and both women step through. Not stopping their bickering for a second. You smile as you watch them, feeling hopeful for the first time in a long time.
“The portal isn’t going to stay open forever, bunny, come on,” Agatha reaches her hand to pull you through.
You take it, stepping into your new beginning.
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coco-cinnamon · 1 month ago
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Better Than Me?
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ౚৎ Warnings: cursing, drinking, Y/N being a bit of a player (I've never wrote Y/N doing that so lmao), sexual themes, degrading, smut, Rafe being an ass but, when is he not lol 18+ MDNI.
ౚৎ Pairings: Rafe Cameron x Female Kook Reader.
ౚৎ Summary: When Y/N is at a party, she messes with Rafe, pretending like she's tired of him and going to go to Topper for her new sex buddy but, Rafe makes sure she learns her lesson.
ౚৎ Word Count: 900+ words.
ౚৎ Author's Note: this was originally supposed to be a re-write of one of my old Topper fics but, it turned into a Rafe fic lmao. I'll post the old Topper fic soon.
©coco-cinnamon 2024, please do not steal, copy, modify, repost, or translate my work.
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Sipping your beer from a red solo cup, you surveyed the lively party. The pulsing music reverberated in your chest, as Rafe Cameron's parties always went all out. When one of your friends caught your eye and waved you over to the dance floor, you smiled back, ready to join her. But before you could make your way through the crowd, a hand suddenly gripped your arm.
Attempting to pull your arm away, you snap, "What the fuck?!" But it's no use - their grip is like iron around your arm. You whip yourself around to see who had grabbed you. Looking up, you're met with ocean blue eyes staring down into yours, hazy with lust. "What the fuck do you want, Rafe?" you ask, finally managing to yank your arm out of his grip. He just smirks at you, his eyes a mix of amusement and lust. "That isn't any way to greet the host, is it?"
You crossed your arms, your gaze piercing up at him. "Again, what the hell do you want?" you asked.
He smirked. "Well, I figured since you came to my party, we could head up to my bedroom. I'm sure we could do way more interesting things up there than you would be able to do over there with your friends."
You cocked a brow, considering his words. He watched you, his impatience growing evident on his face. With a sarcastic smile, you said, "Thanks, but no thanks," and began to turn away. Before you could fully turn around and walk off, he yanked you back to face him again. Rolling your eyes, you groaned, "what now?"
"I thought we had something good going on here." he said, tilting his head quizzically. "We did, at first." you replied with a small shrug. His jaw clenched slightly as he growled, "What do you mean 'at first'?" Maintaining a calm demeanor and a small smirk, you replied, "Exactly what I said. At first, we had a pretty sweet thing, but then I got bored. Plain and simple." You crossed your arms as you continued, "You care more about your own pleasure than mine, so I'm no longer interested."
Rafe scoffed bitterly. "No longer interested? That's bullshit, Y/N, and you know it. You and I both know there's no one here who can make you feel as good as I do. No one knows your body like I do. Do you really think any of these idiots could make you cum the way I can?" He growled, tightening his grip on your shoulders.
You smirked up at him. "Maybe, maybe not. But it's worth a shot to see if anyone can do better. As of right now, I've got my eye on him." You gestured towards Topper Thornton, who was across the room drinking and chatting with Kelce. Rafe let out a mocking laugh, as if the very notion was absurd. "Really?! Topper Thornton is who you're interested in?" he scoffed. "That's got to be a joke, Y/N. You'd actually lower your standards that much?"
"I think I already lowered my standards when I started sleeping with you," you retorted with a smirk, knowing you were getting under his skin. You begin to speak once again, "I mean, Topper is very attractive. Or if you'd rather, I could go and sleep with Maybank. I know for a fact that he'd know how to—"
But you get cut off as Rafe's hand suddenly wraps around your throat. He yanks you forward, his nose only inches from yours. The height difference causes you to rise up on your tiptoes. "Cut it out Y/N or I swear to god I will take you up those fucking stairs right now and fuck your ass so hard that you won't be able to walk the next day." He said, his voice lethally soft. You look up at him, remaining defiant as a a smirk playing on your lips before you speak "I think I'd rather Topper over there to fuck me."
"You want Topper to fuck you?! Fine!" He snaps, his grip around your throat tightening slightly as he continues, "but just know that I will make you beg on your fucking hands and knees when you crawl back to me, begging me for my cock because Topper couldn't fuck you properly." With that, he roughly drops you. You glance over to where Topper stands with Kelce, then shift your gaze back to Rafe. He smirks down at you, tilting his head. "Well? What are you waiting for? I thought you wanted to whore yourself out to Topper." His grin widens as he sees your face twist with annoyance. "Or are you having second thoughts?"
You glared at him before turning around and starting to make your way towards Topper. But before you could reach him, Rafe came over and grabbed you, throwing you over his shoulder. He then smacked your ass roughly, eliciting a squeak from you.
"I- what the hell, Rafe?!" you yelled as he carried you towards the stairs. "Did you really think I was going to let you fuck him? You're mine, Y/N, and by the end of the night the only name that will be able to leave your lips is mine," he growled.
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ౚৎ Author's Note: tysm for reading, babes! part two coming soon!
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specshroom · 6 months ago
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hello hello, I stumbled across your writing and wanted to say how much I enjoyed “Blood In The Water” I was curious about how reader struck that deal with all the mer-creatures in the first place?! did they try to eat reader too? or did one/many have an attachment or attraction since reader grew up around that place? the whistling was soooo cool, like they were dogs trained to a command! does that mean they had struggles with communication at first? do the mer-peeps understand language or just body language? I’m full of questions đŸ˜‚â€ïž it was just so enthralling and love a good morally grey character! is reader struggling to make ends meet and thatïżœïżœïżœs why they do this? or is it more of ‘it’s either me or them’ type scenario? OR reader is just like this is the easiest way to get money?! 👀 oml lemme stop here this is getting quite long— LOVE UR STUFF 😚
I'M SO GLAD IT INTERESTED YOU SO MUCH (˶ᔔ ᔕ ᔔ˶)
I like to keep things up to interpretation cus I think it's more fun BUT I can answer a few of those.
- They definitely struggled at first lol. The merfolk can't speak human language and don't understand it. Humans can't speak mer-language either because it's mostly high pitched clicks and chitters. Reader figures out that the closest they can get to making sounds the merfolk understand is by whistling because it's loud and high pitched enough that they can hear it easily even through the water.
- They do share a lot of body language and mannerisms with humans (like kissing👀) so that made things easier.
- The merfolk do recognise Reader as a local and that made them more trustworthy. (Later on they marked the bottom of Readers boat so they know it's themđŸ„ș)
I wrote a little drabble to answer the "How did this happen?" question.
ê’·ê’Šê’·ê’Šê’·ê’Šê’·ê’Šê’·ê’Šê’·ê’Šê’·ê’Šê’·ê’Šê’·ê’Šê’·ê’Šê’·ê’Šê’·ê’Šê’·ê’Šê’·
You sigh as you row your way out of the canal and into the open waters.
Your new patron lounges in his seat on the opposite side of the gondola, staring up at the clear blue sky. You preferred doing business at night when it's quiet, few braved these waters at night. Alas dwindling funds force you to suffer the business of the day. There's just too much comotion in the daytime, too many tourists.
Its been like this since the first rich fool "discovered" that your relatively small and unimpressive lake town actually boasts some magnificent and horrific monsters in the depths of the decievingly calm waters surrounding it. Now flocks of fools come to "test their bravery" by crossing the dangerous waters.
Conservationists and locals convinced them that hunting down the monsters in the lake would lead to environmental catastrophe and the snobs decided that it would be a better investment as a tourist attraction.
"Don't you get bored of this?"
Your patron slices the silence in half. You blink out of your thoughts, releasing the iron grip you had on your oar.
"I could give you a different job."
The well dressed man's tone is almost convincingly sympathetic. You keep your gaze locked onto the familiar waters ahead of you...until you hear the distinct sound of coins being jostled against one another. That changes things.
You hesitantly turn to where the stranger sits comfortably, grinning with pride.
"I thought so, it's always the same with you locals."
The tourist opens his money bag and takes out one gold coin. At least enough for a small meal.
"What would you do for it?"
He plays with the coin in his fingers before tossing it out of the boat and into the water. The carelessness with which he tosses his gold makes your blood run hot. Through the thick permanent fog that hangs over the waters, you can just barely see the gold coin as it sinks into the abyss and your stomach growls pitifully.
He holds out the pouch over the side of the boat, dangling it over the water.
"Would you dive for it?"
The sick thing is that you actually consider it. You stare intensely at the stupid pouch that could keep you going for a good while.
The man suddenly drops the pouch and you jump forward to catch it but he yanks it back up by the drawstring before it can touch the surface of the water. He laughs at his cruel humour and your blood reaches it's boiling point.
You don't know why it was that patron in particular that made you snap or why that bad day in particular made you finally put the knife skills your father taught you to good use.
But before either of you know it his laughter turns to bloody choking. You scramble off of him, panic clear on your face. He reaches for the knife in his neck but it's useless. His body sags over the edge of the boat and his blood mixes with the water. You watch with wide eyes as he takes his last struggled breaths.
It's silent for a while before you take your eyes off of the man Infront of you to look down at your red stained hands. You look around as if anyone could've seen your crime through the fog anyway.
After a while of just staring blankly at the still body Infront of you, you try to compose yourself and lift him off the side of the gondola. You manage to tip him over and watch his body sink down.
You stare at the corpse fading deeper into the water. Just as you ready yourself to leave the scene something rocks the gondola slightly and you fall on your ass, gripping the side of the boat.
You feel a breath on the side of your cheek and jump when you look over and see two big pitch black eyes staring at you from over the side of the boat. Your skin turns to ice, unable to move.
You hear chittering from the other side and jump again as another one peers over the furnished wood of the boat. The first one takes your frozen hand in their cold clawed hand and inspects the drying blood covering it.
They stick their tongue out and slowly lick all the way up your shaking hand, licking away at the blood as if cleansing you of your sin. The other makes a clicking sound that sounds oddly like laughter.
Once all the blood on your hand has been licked off, the creature looks up at you for a moment before disappearing below the surface once more. The other one doesn't look like it wants to go but a few clicks from the water convince it to slowly lower back into the depths.
You lean over the side of the gondola trying to get a better look at the creature before it leaves. You deflate when you don't see so much as a ripple in the water.
Suddenly, just as you were sure they weren't coming back, the same one from moments ago bursts from the water. In a second it cups your cheek and kisses you. It's hard and deep, more passionate than you'd ever had before. The creature releases you and this time before it leaves it gives a little wave with its strange webbed hand. You wave back, a little dazed, as the monster dives back into the water.
You have to sit there for a good while staring at the pouch of coin the tourist left behind and then back to the murky waters, touching your lips while contemplating what the hell just happened.
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moondirti · 7 months ago
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HellloooođŸ–€ I’m the anon who asked about the Safehouse story!
My brain, unfortunately, is not nearly as wrinkly as yours so I cannot come up with creative ideas like you 😂 BUT! I have a few ideas? Maybe? If you can call them that lol.
Was the spanking the first physical interaction they had? What did the morning after that look like?
What happens if reader has a nasty mental health episode & tries to hide it from Ghost?
Does the pet thing progress? I think we all know that Ghost has a thing for the pet play. I don’t even care, that’s totally canon for me at this point.
Would you ever consider writing about the general dynamic they have? Like the “rules” Ghost might have for them?
Totally and completely a self indulgent ask from someone who just had to pull themselves out of a nasty mental health episode lmao I’m so sorry please ignore this if it’s annoying or dumb!
shh i love all of these. i have so many thoughts now / prev
cw: dubcon d/s lifestyle. petplay. controlling behaviour. possessiveness. panic attacks. toxicity. noncon collaring. financial manipulation. mention of self harm. brief fluff.
Your thing with Simon is hard to contextualise.
Or even understand, really.
Parts of it are welcome. He asserts himself in a way you haven't found in the nobodies you've hooked up with previous, happy to fuck you dumb if it means you'll surrender yourself completely. Which you do. You listen intently and follow every direction he gives in bed, and as a reward he wrings orgasm after orgasm from your squirming body. You cum more in one week than you have in the past month, never not naked and sore, wrists tender from where he anchors his hand to keep them pinned above your head. You hear puppy more than your own name, at this point. And it's a concerning because– Well...
You don't mind it.
But you still don't like him.
It isn't like you necessarily need to like your partners in order to have a good time, but it certainly helps if you can tolerate them beyond a dick-in-hole condition. Simon is an anomaly in that he is the worst person you know, whilst also serving as the best lay you've ever had.
That is to say, his habits haven't changed. He's a fucking terror to live with. Nightmare flatmate, the type you see strangers complain about on reddit forums or hear in a friends story from their sister's husband's cousin. Not something you would take seriously until you live the experience – now existing as a sore, precautionary tale you'll no doubt be pitching to anyone also considering subleasing their place as a safe house.
Perhaps it's made worse by the sexual element you share. Before, he had just been your average perverse man, stealing clothes and walking in on you in the bathroom. Now, it seems that sleeping with him has given him the go-ahead to push that behaviour to an extreme. He'll pat your ass while you go about your business, or tug your hair when you raise your voice. Treats you like a pet that has yet to be debarked; just a silly, sub-human way of entertainment.
You can't help but feel you enabled it. But no–
The pet play is cute when he's drilling your brains out – and perhaps only because you can't think straight enough to raise concern – but you're not a dog. Nor do you want to be treated like one throughout all hours of the day. The onus is on him for not catching the hint.
But of course, accountability isn't in his lexicon.
Things only get worse from there.
"An' where d'you think you're going?"
You're halfway out of the door when he catches you leaving.
If you had been more iron-willed, you would slip out and scurry away before he can continue whatever spiel he has stirring. Instead, it's instinct to shrivel in on yourself, clicking the door shut before turning to face the behemoth waiting in the foyer.
"Out." You huff, intent on cold-stoning him. But it's a fools game when your opponent in the broad-shouldered lieutenant – for he merely cocks his head, waiting your silence out with more silence, and it's all you can do to bite your tongue against the deluge of excuses that pile up. "My mates thought it would be a good idea to catch brunch. Y'know– to celebrate the start of summer break. It's a nice day out so..." You gesture to your attire, like you have any reason to justify a sundress to some man you are in no way committed to.
But you can read the possessive gleam of his eyes as they take stock of your appearance: from your expensive mules, up your moisturised legs, to the low cut of your décolletage. It's easy to connect it to that look he had when you came back home that fateful night, the look of warning before he'd taken you over his lap and slapped your ass raw.
And for some odd reason, you're compelled to dig yourself out of trouble.
"Hm. It is a nice day, innit?" You nod a bit too quick. He stalks closer. "Lots of people out." Your nod is a little less enthusiastic. He's centimetres away now. "Some bad, bad men too."
He lifts the ends of your dress, slowly. Your next words quiver on their way out your chest. It's alarming to find that they don't sound nearly as assertive as you intend for them to be, not like they do horny.
"Where are you going with this?"
Your skirt pools around your hips now, held up by one hand as the other smooths over with the gusset of your panties.
"You plan on lettin' them have at this puppycunt? Have I not been givin' it enough attention?" He mockingly coos, pressing harder against the mound between your legs. Your knees grow weak. Not of your own accord, but weak nonetheless, and you have to hold onto his wrist to keep yourself upright. "Is tha' it?"
"N-No–"
"No? But that's what they'll think seeing you walk around like this, silly thing. Poor, neglected mutt, they'll say. Don't have a firm hand to keep 'er in line." Simon tuts, releasing his grip on your dress to pull something out of his back pocket. With the way he crowds into you, you can't crane your head to see what it is. "Now we can't have tha'. I spoil my girl rotten, wouldn' you say?"
"Yes. Yes but–"
"No buts, pup. Have ta stake my claim on you somehow." Something clicks. All too suddenly, you're made aware of the new weight on your neck. It tightens against the column of your throat – not enough to constrict your airways, but enough so that it hinders the way you move. "There we go. So pretty like this."
Panic seizes you, the steel fist of paralysis capturing your muscles in a vice-like clutch. Even as Simon pulls away, you're almost scared to find yourself in the nearest mirror. Scared of what you'll find dangling between your collarbones. There's no mistaking the textured leather that presses against your skin, nor the soft clink of metal hanging from it. No fooling yourself that this is all some cruel joke, not with the sick leer of satisfaction that warps his face.
Stumbling, you navigate to the bathroom and blindly turn on a light.
That cruel fuck.
"Simon," Your voice is devoid of the anger you feel roaring through your veins, circuiting through the frenzied stutter of your heart to find new passion. Instead, you sound horrified. Near hysterical, choking on your own pleas as you run back to the foyer. Your hands tug at the collar clasped around your neck, desperately searching for a buckle that will aid you in ripping it off, despite seeing the lock latched right at the centre that tells of its permanence. What's more, he had it engraved with a crude variation of a dog collar tag. If lost, leave alone. Or else count your days. "S-Simon, Simon please. Fuck– take it off. Take it off, take it off! I don't want this, I don't want... This isn't funny. I'll change if that's what it takes. Please."
Snot bursts from your nose, cheeks wet with a hot mess of tears. You can't suppress the hiccups that interrupt your begging like pathetic shots to the chest, or the weak hits you beat across his pecs. If you could, then perhaps he would give your tantrum more weight.
As it stands, you're nothing but a feral creature resisting training.
"Shhh. Pets can' speak. Pets don't cry." His thumbs press to your under eyes, tamping the flow of brine that mark steady tracks from your lashes. "You'll ruin your makeup like this."
"Si–"
He stare hardens into something dangerous. Against your better judgment, you clamp your lips shut.
"That's it. You're s'good when you listen to me, pup." Once he's sure you've stopped crying, he removes his thumbs to instead push one into your mouth. You can taste the salty residue of your tears on his fingertips. "Now, this is the bes' of both worlds, see? You can go see your friends with this on. I know pets need their playtime, af'er all."
You arch your back in protest, but all that does is bring you closer to the lieutenant. He misinterprets that entirely, of course, and a small smile breaks his face like you've agreed to his terms. A heavy palm pats your ass.
"S'jus' so you don't forget who you belong to." He chuckles. "An' if your friends like the idea, then I have a few friends for them."
You make it one block before hightailing back home.
Nothing in you wanted to give that bastard the satisfaction, but he made it so that whatever you chose to do – stay home or leave wearing a symbol of his ownership – he'd end up triumphant. Naturally, then, you opted for the lesser of two evils: to leave his vicinity immediately. Besides, you'd promised your girls you'd see them after going AWOL the past fortnight, and you knew you'd get an earful if you decided to reschedule at the last moment.
You thought you would convince them it was a bet. That the collar is just some silly joke you have to bear for the day after a football match didn't go in your favour.
But you make it one block before a tradie on his lunch break catcalls you (you about that freaky ting, beautiful?) and decide to change course completely.
You arrive back at your flat without further incident. Ego stung from the various odd looks you received on your way, but nothing as egregious as being singled out as a freak in the midst of a crowd occurs again.
Still, your hands shake as you push your key into its slot.
Which progress to full body tremors as you turn it in place.
Thankfully, Simon isn't waiting on you on the other side of the door. He sits, manspreading on the couch instead, focus zeroed in on the telly that broadcasts Fulham v Man City. When he doesn't look away, you allow yourself to hope he hadn't heard you come in. But it's a naive pool to place your faith in. Nothing escapes the man, and soon enough, his tone of humoured indifference shatters the silence you've been precariously trying to keep.
"Miss me 'lready?"
A wretched sulk, pit of anger hollowing out anew. You swiftly snatch your laptop from the breakfast bar before storming to your room, making sure to lock the door firmly behind you.
The website is bookmarked. Taunting. Sublet your home as a safehouse for our armed forces. Serve your country and help soldiers find refuge. You would laugh if you weren't so single-minded, typing in your email and password upon being prompted to. You don't have to deal with this shit any longer, nor do you intend to. If you remember correctly, there had been a way to report any problems you face. If you phrase yours right, you might just get Simon pulled from your services.
Good dick be damned.
But when you hit enter to sign in, an error message blinks in red.
Account does not exist.
Which is fine. Shit like this happens all the time. There's no reason to work yourself into a panic, you probably just used the wrong email.
So you try your alternate. Account does not exist.
It feels unlikely, but maybe you'd created it under your school email to give yourself credibility. Only–
Account does not exist.
Your blood pressure is no doubt sky high by now. Other symptoms of stress already start to wrack through you – blurry vision, chest aches, difficulty breathing. Your hands sweat excessively as you dig for the customer care number you're sure exists somewhere, efforts impaired by the ever-present weight of the collar around your neck. You wonder if Simon can smell your anxiety like a predator does its prey. If he's in the other room, salivating, waiting for you to wobble out of your room to go for the kill. Some part of you – a needlessly paranoid part – rests on the conclusion that this is somehow his fault too.
Your phone already rings in an outgoing call once you blink back to the present. While you've been functioning on autopilot, you must have found a number to call that related close enough to your issue.
And your suspicion is confirmed when an automated voice picks up. You are currently... second... in line.
It takes five minutes. When a placating woman speaks up amidst the nauseating music they have queued, you can hardly contain yourself from word-vomiting onto her. Safehouse signup. Lost account. Need to report an issue. Please. It's urgent.
"Okay ma'am. If you could give me your name, I'll be happy to find the source of your problem today." You can't spell it out any faster. "Alright. One moment, please."
"O-okay." You sniffle miserably.
"I see. I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but it seems that you've been pulled from the program after a complaint was lodged against you. Unfortunately I can't provide more detail than that, but if you need anything else, I would be happy to assi–"
You hang up. The poor thing doesn't need to hear the incensed scream that tears from the deepest parts of you, or the following crack as you chuck your cell at the wall. She'd done what she could. It isn't her fault. It was that self-serving bastard that had you blacklisted from the only thing keeping you financially afloat. It is that that self-serving bastard that continues to occupy space inside your home, despite having no real right to it now.
The tantrum isn't near cathartic enough to unfetter you from your prison of aggravation, and you continue to take it out on everything in your near radius. Your duvet and pillows. The lotion you keep by your beside table. Your own skin, nails piercing into the soft flesh of your palms.
And especially the collar constricting your throat, like vines that tighten at the first sign of struggle.
You have to get this collar off. Even if you fail at everything else, you have to get this collar off.
Scrambling off your bed, you turn your room upside down looking for a bobby pin or a knife. One is unquestionably the safer bet, but you know you'll sit for hours trying to pick the lock that keeps you shackled – so when you find the boxcutter sitting at the bottom of your junk drawer, you immediately take it to your neck.
Just as Simon barges into your room.
You're so far gone, you don't even question how this must look to him. In fact, it doesn't occur to you that you locked your door, and that the only way he could've gotten in is by having a replica of your key. No. You merely twist away from the all-encompassing hold he wraps around your arms, determined to keep the boxcutter away from his confiscation until you can slice through the leather.
But you're crying. Visibly, alarmingly unstable. And Simon's breaths are a little faster than normal, faltering in a way they only do when he's close to climax. He must be worried, which is a funny thought, seeing as he's the reason you're in this mess.
"Alright thas– that's enough of that." He grunts after managing to pry the blade from your hand. You hardly mourn the loss, rather crumbling in on yourself as your sobbing escalates. No longer frustrated, nor determined. Just primed into a suffocating panic attack.
Somewhere in your auditory periphery, you hear the clinking of glass. It doesn't register until he holds a vial of lavender extract you keep under your nose, forcing you to inhale the medicinal aroma. Soon enough, your mouth opens to swallow gulps of unscented air alongside it, and the imposed breathing exercise calms you to a point of blubbering calm.
(For someone so apathetic, you admit he handled that expertly.)
That isn't the end of it, though. Moments later, you're lifted off your feet. He cradles you in both arms as he makes his way to your bed, sitting up against the headboard and placing you on his lap. Safe. Undisturbed.
You say nothing, pressing your wet face into his shirt. For comfort, first and foremost, but the makeup that'll undoubtedly stain the white fabric is an added bonus.
"Know this is hard for y'to understand, pup." Simon begins. "Hard for you ta wrap your head around ownership after bein' alone for s'long. I won't punish you for tha'."
"Y-You don't own me." You accuse.
He shakes his head in response, like your mind is truly as little as he claims. Like you're a dog, complete with two ears and a tail, and he plucked you off the street on the condition that you heel.
If anything, he's the stray.
"Oh, but I do." A large hand rubs circles on your back. Never have you been so conflicted, so torn between leaning in and biting back. "Just don't see it yet, pet. Bu' you will, in time. And in the meanwhile, we'll establish some ground rules to help you adjust."
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pparacxosm · 2 months ago
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uta hagen
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(divorced!art donaldson x reader; tw divorce obviously; tw sporadic mentions of violent or otherwise shitty partners; that sounds intense but this is actually a fun time i swear; cw a little smut; as a treat; tw ironic intimacy; kaz write a normal romance where one or both people aren't hypercritical of the other challenge ((impossible)); tw group therapy; tw condensing of tashi duncan's character for narrative reasons but i hope you know me well enough by now to know where my heart lies; whoever came up with the art donaldson calvin klein campaign headcanon i owe you a kidney; tw exploiting therapeutic exercises for sexual tension lol; tw hamfisted closure; raymond carver easter egg for all who have the eyes to see)
Before anything happens, Art Donaldson is just another guy in the “Learning to Let the Ex Go” group therapy session you signed up for.
It occurs to you, pretty quickly, that Art Donaldson has zero intention of letting his ex go. Dr Harper has this question he asks all the newcomers.
You’re having circle time with a bunch of adults on a Friday afternoon. So that look of longsuffering on the new guy's face isn’t particularly remarkable. You note a few furtive whispers and glances his way. But then this sad little workshop is mostly comprised of weepy middleaged women. They, too, kicked up a ruckus when that silver fox with the Harley—Rick—deigned to grace the room with his impossible biceps for a single, cigarettescented session two weeks ago.
What you’re saying is you know he’s handsome.
And, anyway, you’d never hold anything against your motley crew. Agnes invited you to her neighbourhood book club. Padma brings little clingwrapped trays of desserts every other week. These are your gal pals. Your bereaved bosom buddies. You wouldn’t begrudge them their eye candy.
Dr Harper says, “So,” and claps his hands the way he starts every session, narrowing his eyes with that scarily sentimental smile and sweeping his gaze around the circle. He makes a point to make eye contact with every single person for two whole seconds, as though he knows something you don’t. Then, “As you can see, we are not as few as we once were.”
He tends to speak in that meandering sort of way. He makes a flourishing gesture with his clipboard, as if setting a stage, and says,
“If you wouldn’t mind introducing yourself, and letting us know
” He pauses for effect. He tends to do that, too. “
 Why can’t you let your ex go?”
You do the guy the favour of not laving him in that expectant stare people seem to love doing here. You fiddle with your fingers and listen to the uneasy knell of his sneakers against the linoleum. The stilted whine of his little plastic foldout chair. You cast him a glance as stands. He’s sort of tall, but not imposing. His fingers fidget at his sides like he’s awaiting a time bomb.
When he speaks, he looks so upset you’d think he’s getting a root canal. “Uh, hi. I’m Art, uh
 just Art.”
And, at the time, you think this is kind of strange.
The next week, when Dr Harper brings a purple tennis racket with Just Art’s face on the front to get him to sign it for his daughter—which you already think is unprofessional and a bit presumptuous, considering how few people actually return for a second session, and how fascinatingly tortured he looked all throughout the first—you will think oh. And then his whole humble kicked puppy thing will feel a little annoying. But that’s besides the point.
On that first day, while he’s standing there awkwardly, and every shriek of his shoes against the ground is making him wince like he’s sporting stab wounds, and he keeps casting very conspicuous glances at the clock, Dr Harper asks why can’t you let your ex go?
And the thing about that question is it’s mostly rhetorical. Sure, it’s supposed to make you think. But the ultimate unearthing there is of the truth that there is no real reason. And such is the first step to selfactualising change and so on and so forth. You get it.
There’s a couple answers you come to expect. The notably lachrymose will get to weeping straight away. Because I’m pathetic! you remember someone wailing, which made you feel like a bit of a sadist, just sitting there and watching. You’re pretty sure you’d said a less than kind, I don’t fucking know, on your first day, but you’ve grown since then, and you appreciate Dr Harper’s abiding effusiveness despite that.
But Just Art releases a contrite sort of exhale and says, “Because I still love her.”
Which—okay—strikes you as a bit overkill.
A tissue discreetly finds his palm, but he only rumples it into a ball.
Dr Harper nods sagely, leaning back in his seat, steepling his fingers under his chin.
“Go on,” he prompts in that gentle, needling way he does.
You don’t Google him. You don’t really need to. Dr Harper keeps intentionally-unintentionally peppering sporadic little pearls of information about him into conversation like some sort of bizarre BINGO game.
Like—for example—when he’s passing out little notepads and outlining your task of writing unflinchingly honest farewell letters to your exes, he tacks on, “—it’ll be tough, but it’s no Wimbledon, am I right, Donaldson?”
And Just Art’s ears will turn a dazzling shade of crimson.
You file these little tidings away in some less important corner of your mind, passively constructing a criminal profile.
Padma brings her son to a session, which you’re pretty sure she’s not allowed to do. Luckily, the kid doesn’t internalise any of Padma’s scathing anecdotes about his father because he’s too busy marvelling at his own freshly signed Art Donaldson racket.
There seems to be a new racket to sign every week.
You doubt people actually give this much of a shit about tennis. But—anyway—you suppose if fucking Michael Cera rocked up and joined the circle, everyone would be hauling a Superbad poster out from some dusty corner, too. Such is the nature of celebrity.
Dr Harper, for one, appreciates the effervescence. He seems to think the mere presence of a famous athlete will motivate everyone in the room to face with renewed fervour their own pathetic little romantic quagmires.
Well, it’s that, or a strange personal infatuation he houses with the guy. Probably both.
You don’t Google him. You don’t Google him, nor his conceivably equally famous exwife. You don’t need to. Dr Harper seems to think it necessary to give you all regular progress reports on that whole imbroglio.
You know there’s news—perhaps unfortunate news—by the colour of Dr Harper’s voice when he says, haltingly, “And Art
 how have you been doing?”
By the severity with which Dr Harper nods as Art reads his letter. (“Tashi,” he begins, and one of those not so furtive whispers ricochets around the room, another tissue in his hand; you think it’s Agnes who’s slipping them).
By the abject enthusiasm with which Dr Harper declares what real progress Art is making. Like he’s one of those zoo animals being parallelreared with a human child, and he’s starting to glean the art of speech without being prompted.
This is all saying something, for whom you know to be an already colourful, severe, enthusiastic Dr Harper.
What you gather is a vague impression that Art’s exwife tortured him psychologically by wielding his body and tennis career as serrated edges by which to flay their marriage intricately, slowly. And then there’s something about her repeatedly sleeping with his exbestfriend? Which—big whoop. Eleanor’s boyfriend tried to kill her, which you feel is a marginally more exceptional love story.
A month in, you realise what’s really bothering you is the untruth.
Art Donaldson has zero intention of letting his ex go. He still loves her. He opened with that.
He reads his letter (that reads a lot more like a draft for vow renewals) aloud to the room. Everyone looks at him with these misty eyes like he’s just chainsawed his chest open and wrested his heart from his arteries while simultaneously reciting Sappho.
Which is to say—and you’re no doctor, but—what fucking progress?
You don’t think you’re the patron saint of therapy or anything. But you’ve paid decent money to be here, and you’ve spent more afternoons than you’d stomach admitting on guided meditation. You’re doing The Work, as they say.
You get it; you do. Losing a relationship can feel like a death. Losing yours certainly felt like the Sun had imploded. But Eleanor—you’ll mention again—could be dead. Your jaded inner voice struggles to identify with this probably deplorably wealthy Adonis who can't seem to cut the racket strings.
So you think it’s a little irresponsible to glorify the abject pining of this crestfallen man. All flaxenhaired and broadshouldered like Prince Charming lamenting bedside of Sleeping Beauty.
This is a class about severance.
Art Donaldson seems to weave himself inextricably around something. The love of his wife, sure, that’s obvious enough. But there’s something. Something. Something very sad, sure, but not sad in the way you’re all so sad around here. A different kind of sad.
You’re trying to figure it out.
So you spend some time doing that. Trying to figure him out. You expect to start to hate him the more you stare. The more you note the weird slope of his nose, his selfdeprecating laughter.
But you don’t.
In fact, you find it delightfully, uncomfortably strange. He carries himself like an interloper to despair. Not like he thinks he’s above it necessarily—you’d thought that (reproachfully) for a while—rather like sadness is one of many things stored at the other side of the city, and he keeps missing the train.
Like these brilliant sorrowers are deigning to include him in their orbit, even though he doesn’t belong. If he remains silent, maybe they won’t notice that he’s not one of them. Better yet, conceivably, he’ll actually belong one day.
That’s what it’s like. Like he’s striving for sorrow. Like he’s working with something worse than sorrow and is saying, you know what? I’d rather take the sorrow.
In the exercise you’re doing this week, you’re supposed to personage your ex and act out your final argument. Take your scene partner’s hands and look into their eyes and everything. Dr Harper makes a big deal about how he's not trying to trigger anyone's relationship trauma, but that feels like a lie. You can’t imagine a productive reason to make a bunch of lonely, divorced adults hold hands in a cruel parody of their last brush with fleshdeep connection.
And anyway, fuck this shit.
That doesn’t mean you won’t communicate circles around it. You’re doing The Work, after all.
But fuck it hard.
His hands sort of swallow yours. They are warm and calloused and a little sweaty.
You were, at first, excited by the idea of this proximity. Excited in the way a cultural anthropologist would be, at the prospect of conducting participant research. But now you’re here. Sitting at the edges of your little plastic foldout chairs. Your knees between his. And his fingers are curled pretty firmly around yours. He looks about as comfortable as a grade schooler called to the chalkboard. And you’re the one who’s been sitting around observing him from a distance and gleaning your data and passing your judgement all this time, but it is he who makes—and holds—eyecontact.
His eyes are dusky and intent—molten navy—like he’s seeing past your skin and bone. And you are less than pleased by this subversion.
So when he shifts and his knee brushes your outer thigh, a potent shock of heat resounding through the denim, and he clears his throat and mumbles, “Sorry,” you say,
“You could back up a bit.”
His expression falters. You must admit, there is something alluring in his being disappointed by your little rejection. Anyone looking at it from the outside would find the whole thing pretty ludicrous. That you could say no, that he would even ask.
Dr Harper comes up and puts his hands atop both your heads, which feels more than a little patronising. He squats to be eye level between the two of you and whispers, “Do you know why I paired you two together?”
For a moment, you almost roll your eyes. When all is said and done, and the skull speaks and the bell tolls, your primary takeaway from your time Learning to Let the Ex Go is that Dr Harper has a spectacular penchant for assigning meaning where there is absolutely none.
If he paired you with Art based on eyelash hue, would he come up with some reason for that? Probably, you think.
But what he says next manages to throw you.
“You two
” he begins, pausing for effect. Because, of course. And Art shifts his weight uncomfortably, quite literally wincing as he accidentally bumps your knee again. He glances fleetingly in your direction, ears gone florid, but you have little time to delight in this before Dr Harper stands up straight again and delivers his verdict, “
 have the same problem.”
You make a face like you have just seen a lizard eat a bird.
And fucking Art, of all people, has this look in his eyes, this look that’s almost hopeful. Like some explanation is finally to be offered for what the hell is wrong with you.
And you don’t care for that shit. At all.
You bark out a laugh. “I don’t think so.”
Which is, of course, when Dr Harper’s gaze sharpens like a scalpel and locks on you, like you’ve said exactly what he predicted you would say.
Which you care for even less.
He doesn’t look smug. Not exactly. He doesn’t even look vindicated. The only way to describe that look on his face is total delight. Cat with the canary in his maw.
Art seems very committed to staring at the ground, now. Trying, perhaps, to evade something of a brewing storm. You’re tempted to reach up and flick his head for his cowardice, but his hands are—very tightly, now, you’ll note—still holding yours.
“You two are both at mercy to judgement,” Dr Harper declares, and he’s still got your head in his palm like a basketball, and all that selfregulatory yoga feels fucking useless right about now.
You shift to look up at him better. “I’m not at mercy to judgement,” you inform him as calmly as you are able, and maybe you’re disproving his point in this moment by being so affected by this analysis, but you sincerely believe that you’re generally pretty hardwearing.
Dr Harper pauses for effect. “You are at mercy to your own judgement...” Another pause. And you’re about to tell him that—nice fucking try, but—you’re actually a remarkably selfassured person who rarely, if ever, gives yourself to negative selftalk. But then, “... Of others.”
And now it occurs to you that the fucking room has gone silent. And you feel like your eyes have all but crossed in simmering anger. Because—okay—everyone here is crazy, and miserable, and a little fucking pathetic, but you’ve prided yourself on being the least crazy one here.
And fuck.
Fuck if you’re not proving his point right now.
When you open your mouth to argue—because you are going to disagree, if only for the sake of disagreeing—Art Donaldson’s fingers screw up firmer around yours, like he’s some sort of sentient lie detector, and you’re about to ask him where the fuck he gets off, but Dr Harper isn’t done.
He turns, now, to Art.
“And you
” he says. You’re getting seasick with all the pausing. “Donaldson. You’re at mercy to others’ judgements of you, my man.”
So Art, you see out of the corner of your eye, looks like he’d rather debone himself than be sitting here.
And fine.
Okay.
Let’s all agree that that much is true. That Art Donaldson lives and dies by the judgement of others, and you live and die in the name of it. Fine.
Even so, you can’t help but think that these are directly antithetical problems to have.
And, in practice, if you’re a callous shrew, and he’s an open wound, you’ll probably kill him. Or something.
But now Dr Harper’s pushing your heads together like a ref before a rugby match. And he crouches down again. And Art’s nose brushes yours, and your lash swipes his cheek, and you can smell the coffee Dr Harper was just drinking.
And he says, “Let. First serve.”
Then he stands again and pats Art’s shoulder like they’re old friends, and gives a wink to the room at large.
He saunters away. Art looks like someone is pointing a gun to his head. But really it’s just your—heartlessly selfrighteous, apparently—forehead still against his. His skin is feverwarm.
You pull away.
Of course no one takes the exercise seriously.
In its defense, you think, there’s very little that goes down in this room that can be veritably labelled a ‘serious’ event. Most of it—the guided meditations, the writing exercises, Dr Harper’s entire vibe—feels like you happened to miss some crazy event that tore reality asunder and tipped you over into a sadistically tragicomedic alternate universe.
But if you all were to sincerely sit here, knees to knees with mourning strangers, and concretise this litany of other strangers who have wounded you all irrevocably in different ways—shit—Harper’d be sitting with a fetid heap of weeping corses.
So—well.
Eleanor’s chasing Ally around the hall with a her fingers hoisting an invisible shiv yelling, I love you, I love you, you bitch. Which is certainly one way to contend with a murderous exlover, you guess.
Padma and Colin are treating this as a gossip session. You can tell because you can hear that delighted peal of laughter she emits whenever someone interjects one of her—deeply engrossing, by the way—caustic vignettes about her exhusband with a little observational jab at the guy.
Most people are laughing. Or making fun. You catch fleeting dregs of remarkably hilarious conversation from all angles and are reminded why you keep coming back here.
The only person, however, who seems to have really taken Dr Harper’s thought experiment to the harp of his heart—much to your horror—is Art Donaldson.
He sets his elbows on his knees and leans forward. You get a waft of him. Something acerbic like citrus, and maybe pine. He blinks up at you with this almost regrettable intensity. Like he’s about to tell you that he has to pull your teeth. But he’s not thrilled about it. You’re still deciding if you’re flattered by the notion. He’s looking at you like he’s trying to glean the pattern of your sinew with his eyes alone.
“I’ll be you,” he says, his voice low and soft. And there’s a hoarse quality to it, like he’s just run up a staircase.
You’re suddenly very aware of all the noise around the two of you. The laughter, the bedlam. Something faintly percussive.
His thumbs swipe over your knuckles, which you’re hoping is an absent thing.
You blink. Your face is overcast with a less than kind, more than unimpressed glower.
“You’re serious?” you deadpan.
He looks serious as the end times. His fingers twitch around yours. You feel his knuckles like piano keys against your palm.
Dr Harper has essentially told this man that you have something he doesn’t. Something he needs. And now—with a tenacity you can only imagine churns through his bones by rote—he seems determined to find it.
He’s gripping your hands like you’re the fucking racket.
He leans down further, elbows pressing into his thighs, and his face gets alarmingly close to your fingers. A whisper of heat against your nailbeds.
When his tongue dips out to swipe the chapped coral edge of his upper lip, you nearly flinch, because you think that wet will touch you. But it doesn’t.
He peers up at you intently. You see the way his throat shifts under his wan skin as he swallows.
“I’m as serious as you want me to be,” he says. He is absurdly sincere, but also something else.
Your brows twitch, and you frown, because you are now realising that, even after several weeks of careful observation, you do not have even a remote understanding of this man to speak of. You feel like an academic whose thesis has just been rejected, and now they’re back to square one of some miserable odyssey. Moreover, this is all just unutterably ridiculous, so you sigh and roll your eyes and shift in your seat, your knee knocking against his inner thigh.
“Fine,” you say, “You be me.”
Art’s face is set in what you first think is determination, but are incredibly unnerved to discover is him getting into character. He’s trying to emulate that vaguely bitter perennial scowl of yours. He looks like a bitch—which means he’s pretty fucking dead on.
You’re almost impressed.
Of course, he still looks sad. There’s a vulnerability his mimicry cannot conceal. But you think he’s finding something cathartic in wearing the hue of your passive vitriol.
You tell him to express a perfectly reasonable grievance to you—and you yourself are now rolling your shoulders and slinking into the ethos of a gaslighting asshole—like how you never wash the dishes. Like, ever.
He clears his throat.
“You never do the dishes.”
You swallow.
“Right
” you murmur.
You’re still a little facetious about this whole thing, but there is that intensity in his gaze that wrests you into the moment like a fervid point of gravity.
“Well, now I—as my ex—would probably tell you—” You roll your eyes again, but now it is at the memory you’re unsheathing. “—oh, you’re being dramatic. I was just about to do them. Why are you always on my ass?”
And Art’s nose wrinkles, like the memory is offensive to him, too.
He looks you over like a sawbones trying to determine a patient’s symptoms. Mapping out the incision.
“Then I—you—would say
” He’s speaking really slowly, too. Like he’s giving you the chance to object where you see fit, on grounds of mischaracterisation. “I would say that you always say you’re going to do all kinds of things. But you never actually do them.”
“Exactly!” you blurt, kneejerk. But then you catch yourself. Flex your fingers a bit in his. Clear your throat and put on your best impression of a total dolt again. “Okay—oh, maybe you’re too busy focusing on the little stuff I don’t do to recognise the large sacrifices I make for our relationship.”
He scoffs.
It’s your scoff. A facsimile of that incredulous ire you seem to always be evincing. It’s deeply disturbing.
“What sacrifices?” You can’t tell who’s asking.
“W—” You falter. Swallow. It takes you a moment—like you’re emerging from deep water—to answer, as your ex, “Well, I moved here, didn’t I? Packed up all my shit and left my friends, my family, fucking everything. To be with you.”
“I didn’t ask you to move.”
“You didn’t,” you confirm quickly. And you can’t tell who’s saying that, either. But you put on the voice again, and say, “You didn’t. But I still did it for you. And I don’t think you’ve ever said thank you. Or sorry.”
A beat.
Your hands go slack in his. You sigh. “You never say sorry.”
Art’s eyes search you like a probe.
Your shoulders are stonerigid and the blood is rushing like torrent through your ears because—somehow—this feels uncomfortably like a fight. Like that fight. And your body seems keen on adjusting the scoreboard accordingly.
His thumbs rub your knuckles again, in a way that feels a lot less idle this time.
“I’m still not going to say sorry,” he guesses with a marginal tentativeness, but a general certainty in his assessment.
You swallow again. “Yeah,” you rasp, “You’re not.”
It occurs to you that this exercise is a little like immolation.
He’s supposed to be acting like you. But he’s acting like you at your worst, and doing so—to his credit—a little more accurately than you’d like to admit.
It strikes you as unfair. And excoriating. And you picture yourself tackling Dr Harper to the ground and choking him out.
And then Art says, “We’ve been having this fight for
?”
“Two months,” you mumble. You’re not even doing the voice anymore.
Art clicks his teeth, a sentimental crease at the corner of his eye. “I think we should break up.”
You sigh. “Yeah, probably.”
“It’ll be really hard for me.”
A guess again, but then you’re here. Doing The Work. Holding hands and roleplaying. It’s not inconceivable that you didn’t take the breakup exceptionally.
Your lip twitches. “You’ll survive.”
He pushes off his elbows and sits up straight, his knees sidling fully around your thighs, now unashamed. He gives you a look. A different one. His mouth purses to the side in some alloy of pensive amusement, a dimple delved into his cheek. His gaze coruscates with a deep cornflower intrigue.
“I think I will, actually,” he says finally.
And he has the nerve to smile. Revoltingly soft and sympathetic.
He gives your hands a parting squeeze before dropping them in your lap, his chair scraping loud the linoleum as he backs off.
You call your ex that night.
“Hey, listen,” you say, “Sorry.”
Dr Harper’s probably somewhere creaming his pants so fervently as to have rendered himself numb in a state of gleeful stupor.
“Hey,” husks your ex—who, for his flaws, has always been more magnanimous than you—before chuckling, “No worries.” You can hear that easy smile of a life unburdened by you in his voice.
Which is fine.
“How are you?” he asks then, “You good? You surviving?”
You smile wryly. You feel like you’ve been flogged by four consecutive eighteenwheelers. “I think I will, actually.”
You Google Art Donaldson.
You’re having a drink with Eleanor and Ally and Colin and a few others from the group, and you’re basically shitting all over the whole programme in a very hush-hush sort of way because you all know what an Opportunity For Growth this has been, when Art walks into the bar and spots your table and nods at the whole gang. The mood quickly shifts. Excitement, sure, but a collective wordless agreement that the lighthearted gossip between real friends ends here. You feel bad. It’s not his fault.
Art slides into your booth with beer floats and greets Colin, who’s looking at him with a senex’s disdain because he was just telling you all how he’s thinking of getting hair plugs. Again, not Art’s fault.
Art’s in camouflage, with his baseball hat and T-shirt, which you think is unnecessary because—again—you’re still quite certain no one gives enough of a shit about tennis as to recognise him in a bar.
When he slides into the booth—into the space between you and Colin—he’s careful to leave a distance between the two of you. Which you only really notice at all because you’re acutely aware of exactly how much space occupies the expanse between the two of you at any given instance.
A bunch of people at the table are already looking at him like he’s some sort of foreign dignitary.
You don’t think athletes are necessarily charming by nature, and you refuse to give Art Donaldson that kind of credit, but he doesn’t have to try very hard to make himself agreeable to everyone.
He buys a round for the whole group. He asks after jobs, and the state of marriage, and family, and life. He seems sincere enough.
You all start chatting about the various horrific relationships that lead you here, as though they were all particularly uninteresting ham and cheese sandwiches. Colin’s exfiancĂ©e diagnosed with early onset dementia. Ally’s exgirlfriend developing a heroin habit. You’ve all jabbed and scrutinised these woes to deflated nothingness, by now. None of it hurts anymore. Is that the whole point? You still don’t know.
No one knows by what fancy Dr Harper pushes you all about in his great cosmic dance of personal selfimprovement.
You do know that Art remains quiet. Generally inconspicuous, but then you’re you, so you’re paying attention. And you don’t think he should get to sit there like an archaeologist recording the fossils of your collective melancholy, as though his own warm and living bones are out of the question.
Maybe you all can pull up the People.com article, A Comprehensive Timeline of Art and Tashi Donaldson’s Perfect Relationship and Messy Divorce, and have it contribute to the conversation.
Eleanor’s telling a story about the time her ex wrested her from bed and lobbed her out of the house at 2 AM in midwinter.
“And we lived in Duluth,” Eleanor’s saying, and she’s laughing in that disconcertingly manic way she does when she shares these things. “And I sleep halfnaked, so I’m fighting frostbite, and I’m just totally mortified that one of my neighbours will see me.”
“There’s nothing embarrassing about being halfnaked,” Ally shrugs.
And then you say, “Ha, yeah, I mean Art would know.”
Art—who, until now, looked like he was studiously contemplating the meniscus of his beer, or the grain of the table—flicks his gaze up to you.
You snort. “What, I’m supposed to act like everyone here hasn’t seen you oiled up and smouldering to the camera for Calvin Klein?”
A brief hush descends upon the table like a falling guillotine.
Then, laughter.
Eleanor snorts her gin and soda with such force that she coughs for a solid minute afterwards. There’s tears in her eyes and Colin is laughing at her and Ally is laughing at them both. And Art looks as embarrassed as a woman strewn porchside in her panties in midwinter in Duluth.
And—okay.
You were trying to be tongueincheek about it. But his discomfort levels are seemingly off the charts. He doesn’t know how to react and it makes him unhappy. Clearly, ten and something years of public scrutiny—and, in your defense, actually doing that photoshoot—have not prepared him for this moment.
You lean forward and awkwardly bump his fist with yours. “Hey, I’m kidding.”
But you’re not, because it was technically true.
“I thought it was artistic,” says Ally.
Eleanor, still crying laughing, “What, the fullpage spread of him fully waxed and laid out on a clay court surrounded by Great Danes?”
“Someone paid attention,” Colin chuckles, and Eleanor erupts into vibrant giggles again. Colin gives Art a courtesy clap on the shoulder before saying to Ally, “Maybe I’m old fashioned, but a Billboard of a guy wearing whities so tightie you can see his dickprint isn’t exactly Starry Night. But maybe I don’t get it.”
“You don’t have to worry too much about that. The art has to get you,” Ally says, pointing at him with a fry. Ally studied theatre. “I mean, we are the most complicated machinery in our lives. You have to take yourself seriously to do something like that.”
Everyone’s looking at Art like he’s some kind of colourful textbook.
It’s not often people sit beside a guy of whom they can confidently guess the naked physique.
And maybe you’re thinking that, too; you brought it up, after all. His arms look strong in his T-shirt sleeves. Not, like, bodybuilder strong. But lean and cut. And there’s a sort of animal grace to his movements. Like a fox, or something. Even as his ears burn a practically neon shade of carmine in the dim lighting.
He clears his throat. “I doubt anyone took that seriously,” he says dryly, the corner of his mouth ruefully, if hardly, upturned.
Eleanor shoves Ally playfully, swiping her tears away in a blissful mascara smear. “My God Al, will you stop scaring him with your Uta Hagen spiel?”
The conversation meanders to other topics. Fringe stuff, briefly, like the societal implications of male sexuality and modern advertising. But then things branch off entirely—The Fast and the Furious franchise, artificial intelligence, Colin’s stepson’s career aspirations of becoming a TikTok street interviewer. Et cetera.
You hope Art isn’t looking at you when you chance a glance his way, but when have you ever been so lucky?
So he’s looking at you. He looks at you like he’s taking inventory of you at your expense. He gives a slow blink, an almost imperceptible smile, then he lifts his beer towards you and takes a swig.
At the end of the night, he asks for your number, which feels like a boot to the loins. Not because it’s profoundly unbelievable. Maybe a little surprising, but, if anything, it’s the conclusion you’ve halfanticipated all night. That’s the way he’s been looking at you, at least. It’s just the finality of it all.
But what are you gonna say? No?
You call him that night.
“Hey, listen,” you say, “Sorry.”
God, what have they done to you?
Art, on the other end of the line, presumably lounging in his stately mansion, remains cautiously silent. You sigh like you’re losing something here.
“I hope I didn’t upset you,” you say, but realise your tone is too grudging, so you adjust, “I got awkward, I was trying to be funny. Which we both know by now that I’m not. I’m just a bitch. So, I just wanted to say
 you obviously look fucking amazing. And your shoot was great. Everyone can see that.” 
You swallow the dryness in your throat.
Art makes his own pained noise across the receiver. “Everyone?” he groans, and you cannot tell if you’re imagining the fleeting hue of amusement you discern there. “Please no.”
“I don’t know what you want me to say here.”
“You called me,” he scoffs. It’s a good scoff, if such a thing can be said. But he still sounds pretty incredulous with you, and not in a way that says he thinks you a moral paragon. You think he thinks you’re a bit of a monster. Which doesn’t offend you, actually. “To apologise.”
“And I did!”
“Okay?”
A silence befalls you like a yawning maw, stretching out. He could hang up on you. He doesn’t.
“Look, you can internalise the things I say at your own risk,” you say.
“You’re telling me.”
“But it was a nice photoshoot. And, you know
 pretty hot and stuff, which I guess was the intended purpose.”
You feel like a corpse whose arteries are being drained of blood and filled with embalming fluid.
“Pretty hot and stuff?” he echoes. You roll your eyes.
If you’re lucky, he’s tipsy, because you guys didn’t only indulge in beer floats. So, maybe—by God’s impossible mercy—he’ll have forgotten this conversation in the morning.
“I—” you hesitate, adding a small laugh, kind of hoarse, kind of unconvincing. “I—honestly—I can’t stop watching it.”
It’s not a joke, you both realise.
His voice drops an octave. “Really?”
And—fuck. Fuck, right? But you’ve made it this far.
“Really.”
You feel his eyes on you, not Tashi. Harper has you all thronged around a burn barrel in the community centre parking lot at 8 PM on a Wednesday. Scintillating honeygold flames lick at the night and shadow his face at pretty angles. And he’s reading his letter—that letter—and looking at you.
That’s bad.
This is supposed to be a cathartic and utterly sexless exercise in closure.
But you feel like a filthy fraud.
You’re crossing your arms, and blinking off the flameheat, and pretending not to stare at the scarp of his Adam’s apple and his tendons working beneath the skin of his hands.
He clears his throat, and his lips are moving like he’s trying not to laugh.
“Tashi,” he starts.
Her name, when he says it, still sounds like a tender orison. But last time he’d been reciting this thing, his eyes had been all flushed, raw, and misty, his voice abraded at its edges. Now—well—Agnes hasn’t slipped him a tissue in weeks.
“I still love— do we have to do this again? Can’t I just throw it in?”
The group sputters into giggles. You don’t know who brought the sweet Moscato.
Dr Harper pinches his nosebridge like an enervated preschool teacher. You think he, of all people, ought to be pleased—and you suspect he furtively is, but doesn’t want to discourage your good spirits with his approval—because, as much as you’re loathed to acknowledge it, all his forcible, unwelcome attempts at conjuring vulnerability amongst the lot of you have actually kind of worked.
The fire warms your brows to dampness, the saccharine acidity of the spirit seeping through your flesh and sweltering the rest of you. You should’ve worn a thinner sweater.
“Art,” says Dr Harper, “Your feelings are valid. Even—” The group interjects with a smattering of jeers, a slurred, densetongued amalgam of fuck you! and get a life, Harper! and other stuff to that effect. “—even your reluctance.”
The flames thrash deep indigo and copper. No one can quit laughing.
Dr Harper continues, “But the whole point of the exercise is—”
“Come on, Doc, we’re still pretending these exercises have points?” someone heckles.
“We’re still calling these exercises?” says someone else.
“Hurry up and cry already, Donaldson, I got work tomorrow.”
“Alright, alright,” Art raises a hand and everyone wanes to a simmer of firewarm drunken murmurs as though he’s some sort of Biblical king.
You roll your eyes, but you keep thinking of Great Danes on tennis courts and tightiewhities.
Everyone cheers like this is fucking Madison Square Garden when Art holds his hand out for the bottle, teeth scintillating in the pyreglow with a wry slanting smile.
He takes a long, healthy swig. You think you hear someone whistle. His lips gleam with moisture when they pop off the glass bottlemouth.
“You wanna see me cry?” he grins, eminently rueful and amused and resigned, all at once.
And everyone hurrahs and hollers and maybe some people even bark. He’s being pushed around affectionately from all angles. His gaze is sharp and garlanded by flames and trained on you. You raise your brows at him wryly, perhaps a little dubious, before lifting your hands and joining in the applause.
He clears his throat and sweeps his tongue over his upper lip and flicks the paper out like a Shakespearean scroll.
“Tashi,” he starts again.
You watch the fire lave and singe and swallow all your bitter, pathetic epistles.
Tashi.
I still love you. I’m still sorry. For something, or everything. For anything, really. It’s mostly okay, but it’s worse at night. And on weekends, and with Lily, and when the microwave starts making that shitty sound that you hated.
I miss you deep in my bones. I—
The flames scorch his words to flickering cinders.
You look at him, and he looks at you, and his bottom lashes glisten with tears. But he’s grinning widely. He’s laughing. He’s laughing a lot. Padma sings ‘Auld Lang Syne’, for some reason.
The goodbyes are a little maudlin, but sincere.
It’s time for you to all go home and actually get over your exes, which feels a bit jilting.
Art walks you to your car, and you let him, and you even let him get in your car, which is probably not a good idea. But it’s the end of the stupid workshop and you want to spend more time together. There, you can admit it.
You even say it out loud.
“I’m gonna miss this corny bullshit.”
“Yeah, me too,” he says, a little more quiet.
When the middle backseat belt buckle is digging sharply into your hip, and he’s got you pinned beneath him, and his hands are everywhere—seriously, it seems he was just waiting for your permission, because he’s squeezing all the flesh he can reach, slipping his hands under your shirt, between your thighs, just absolutely no decorum on this guy—you think to yourself, this motherfucker.
A spherule of spearmint gum slips from his mouth and into yours.
You’d thought, too, that he’d be more deft with this. And he is, but he’s also very clunky. Maybe because your car’s quite small. He’s not huge, but he is still fairly tall and broad and trying to fit himself between your thighs while covering you with his body in this small space, so it’s a bit chaotic. You don’t really mind.
And—yes—you have thought about it.
There’s a shot of him, in the Calvin Klein campaign, sprawled across the court in greyscale, his hand resting on his middle, his other arm above his head.
You know they edit those photos. That there’s some kid, fresh out of graphic design school, rubbing one out while airbrushing these halfnaked men to oblivion. But you now see—feel, more than see, really; there’s a streetlight nearby, but it’s blown, so you’re all touch—that such satin cannot be contrived. He really is that smooth. There’s not a bit of fat on him, but he’s oddly liquidfeeling, skin sloughing off like cream.
He’s always looked almost uncomfortably boyish to you. But you’re realising now that there’s an abrasiveness to his haggard breathing, and that potent, vaguely olid, mannish fume to his skin.
It's really doing it for you.
In that shot, he was lying right beside the polyethylene net and the sun was beaming down, searing alabaster, through the lattice, at an angle that splayed shadows all across him. The lines warping over the slopes of his body.
You feel the phantom crisscross of those shadows between your thighs now.
His eyes are still a little wet. He tells you he’s wanted to do this since he saw you giving him the jettatura while he was signing that racket for Harper's daughter. He also tells you he bets you’ve wanted to do this since you saw him in tightiewhities lying under a tennis net.
Can he be your tennis net?
You don’t even know what that means.
You laugh a little, but then he slips a finger inside you and latches his mouth to your pulse, and it is hot as magma, and you forget all about Great Danes and apologies and fires.
You would think they do some computer magic to make the cocks look bigger in those things, too.
They don’t.
To be fair, he doesn’t have some kind of doubletake worthy, John Holmes ordeal or anything, in the pictures. But the slope beneath the cotton, the bend of his hips like the handle of a water pitcher, all that pearlescent skin—so what if your saliva gathered on your tongue as you leaned in (way too closely) toward your laptop screen?
You feel especially shameless now as he slides into you.
Sure, the buckle is a bitch and the seatleather’s sort of chafing your ass and your elbow’s in a cup holder. But you take furtive pleasure in thinking that some people’s fantasies about him probably go like this.
The softest thing is his hand cupping the back of your neck, dragging your head up. It’s a weird contrast to the way his dick is pumping erratically in and out of you. Like he’s trying to control himself, maybe add a little romance.
You keep your eyes open to watch the way his body moves. Fuck it, you wanna see what all the fuss is about.
The talented Mr Ripley whose volleys (and probably orgasms) are intensive, frenetic affairs of selfpersuasion. Unless, of course, he’s fucking the random, judgy woman he met in a group therapy session. In this particular case—though laboured all the same—he comes harder and slower and you hear his panting groans in your ear as you shudder through your own pleasure.
He pulls your hips closer and empties himself in you and you rub yourself against him and you try to keep your eyes open, but, ultimately, you concede that you can only experience this pleasure in the dark.
You keep feeling his muscles work beneath your hands, though.
Dr Harper strongly recommends that you two not start seeing each other. He does just about everything but get on his knees and beg. And even that he nearly does. He reminds you that, on your Vision Tree, you mapped yourself single for at least the next two years.
But Art says he’s had enough of other people saying what’s good for him.
And your Vision Tree also forecasted you taking up jogging, which—come on.
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niki-phoria · 2 months ago
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they say that love is forever / your forever is all that i need
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pairing: nanami kento x gn!reader (no pronouns used) genre: fluff word count: 503
notes: "nanami quits his corporate job and lives happily ever after in the japanese countryside" au, had this idea and immediately knew i had to write it for nanami lol, not proofread, pls forgive any mistakes !! title from sleeping with sirens - if i'm james dean, you're audrey hepburn
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dewy grass and the quiet chirping from songbirds welcome you when you step outside. the wooden flooring of your porch feels cool beneath your feet. you can still faintly smell the familiar scent of earth from the night’s rain; the railing is still damp to the touch. 
taking a seat on your lawn chair, you take the time to admire the trees ahead of you. the leaves are a mixture of dark green and light yellow - only just beginning to change as autumn approaches. vines cover the stone walls that separate your property from that of your neighbors’ until you it’s barely visible behind the foliage. NANAMI KENTO had insisted you move to the countryside since quitting his job as a salesman in favor of easier, albeit lower paying, work in a smaller office. 
the sliding glass door behind you opens with a quiet click, allowing nanami to slip outside. he uses his elbow to shut the door behind him before he quietly approaches. “morning kento.” you smile softly when nanami silently places one mug in front of you. the warm ceramic is a nice contrast to the cool morning air when you wrap your hand around the cup. 
“good morning,” nanami says quietly. his voice is quiet and gruff, filled with the lingering remnants of sleep. the t-shirt he fell asleep in hangs loosely off of his broad shoulders; the fabric is wrinkled in various places that will need to be ironed out later. he crosses his feet beneath your small table, still clad in a pair of slippers you had gifted him for his birthday. “did you sleep well?”
“yes.” the coffee tastes sweet when you take a sip; it’s just warm enough to combat against the cool morning air. you can vaguely taste the vanilla creamer he had stirred in. “did you?”
“i always sleep well when i’m beside you.” nanami says the words casually, though he doesn’t miss the way your smile brightens. 
nanami’s eyes look softer without his glasses. they shine the colour of honey in the sunlight. sleeping in on the weekends has never been enough to combat against his dark eyebags, but you don’t comment on them nonetheless. stray strands of unstyled dirty blonde hair frame his sharp features. his lips rest in a natural downturned curve as he raises a mug, taking a small sip from his coffee. 
“what are you so busy thinking about?” he asks. nanami’s fingers thumb against the handle of his mug as he unconsciously drums against the ceramic. he cocks his head to the side slightly. the movement is just enough to tilt his bangs to the side, making you chuckle softly. 
“nothing,” you murmur in response. your metal lawn chair scrapes against the wooden porch as you push it until it presses against nanami’s. he welcomes your presence by resting his arm across the metal, reaching over to take your hand into his own. you rest your head against his shoulder, relishing in the quiet morning atmosphere. “just you.” 
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taglist (open! send an ask/dm to be added): @sunoooism @vaxmpi @sad-darksoul @kamote-kuneho @dog55teeth
if you liked this fic, please consider leaving a like, comment, feedback, or rebloging !! and if you want to support me, check out my jjk masterlist <33
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justice-maul · 2 years ago
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Hi maul!! Would it be cool if I requested Tony Stark x Younger Poolboy reader smut headcanons? (DomTop reader ofc) I know from your post that college is kicking your ass rn so take as much time as you want with thisđŸ‘ŒđŸŸđŸ‘ŒđŸŸ
Tony Stark x Younger Poolboy Male Reader | Headcanons
Word count: 2,344
Summary: Pepper and Tony are not together and this is set before Iron Man 3 before his mansion was destroyed
Author Note: Keep in mind, English isn’t my first language, thank you anon your very sweet and I love writing about Tony Stark I’m obsessed with this man đŸ˜© I made it extra long as a peace offering lol 😭
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Warning(s)⚠: Sub Tony, age gap (not specific), porn with plot, reader is muscular and tall, manhandling kink, cum, degrading praise, humiliation, mentions of rough sex, and making out
Tony was a playboy so things like pool parties were a must and when it got too dirty (cause he never cleans it after) he told his assistant Pepper to get a poolboy so she hired one paying before hand and he almost forgot about it until you came over,
Pepper happened to be out that day so when there was a knock on the door he was forced with a groan to go and answer it only to be completely awestruck by the man he saw
He could tell that you were younger then him and you were very attractive to say the least, you were tall and well built so even while you were introducing yourself as his poolboy and trying to be professional he was barely paying attention
"Do you have any experience as a pool boy or
?" He asked staring at you thoughtfully and then added after a few seconds “Actually, I don't really care, I just want to look at you"
He said with a playful smile and considering that Tony’s playboy ways weren’t exactly hidden from the public you weren’t that surprised only raising an eyebrow at the comment
“Do you want me to get started Mr. Stark?” You said clearing your throat to which he immediately nodded his lips curving into a smirk
"Yes but I want you to call me Tony" his eyes continuing to rake over your body intently as he talks "Well? Are you ready to get started?" He steps to the side giving you room to come in
“Sure
 Tony.” You said with a small smile not being used to talking to a man as powerful as him so casually as you walked through his large mansion following behind him “So, Y/n, can you actually clean a pool or is that just an excuse to see me?” He says in a teasing voice
Trying to be a professional you ignored the flirtatious comment giving a small half chuckle “You don’t have to worry about that Tony, I know how to clean a pool,” You said with a reassuring smile as he lead you to your pool
“Well then, if you know how to clean the pool, I’ll let you get to work,” he said in a playful voice as he sat down in a chair by the pool, his arms crossed against his chest, watching you shamelessly with his sunglasses on and a wide grin on his lips as he watched you work for a while
“Your a really good at this Y/n, how about you come back and continue working as my pool boy?” He asks when he sees you done with the pool looking you up and down all over watching as your muscles flexed with your every move “Sure, I don’t mind doing that for you,”
"I'm going to give you my number so you can call me anytime handsome," he pulls out his wallet handing you a business card "You could go ahead and save that in your contacts,” he says with a wink before turning to leave going back to his work letting you see yourself out
And that’s how it all started, every week you’d come over and get work done for him and every time like there was nothing better to do, Tony would stand by and watch making the occasional flirty comments, and every time he planned some excuse for Pepper to leave for a long time so he could get some alone time with you
To say Tony had constant lust filled thoughts about his pool boy was an understatement, Tony was already usually dominant and always on top but every time he thought of Y/n he was on the bottom it was a completely new feeling to him one that he hasn’t experienced before but that only made him more excited and more
 impatient. Every night was a new fantasy of the pool boy with different scenarios of Y/n manhandling him but soon the imagination wasn’t enough he wanted more and his body was begging for attention
You’ve been working for Tony for a while now and he asked you to come over and help him with the pool and like usual you came over, Tony opened the door, greeting you with his red robe on and only boxers underneath as he invited you in, like usual he watched you work but for some reason today seemed different, you’ve never seen Tony only wearing that and you couldn’t say it wasn’t enticing to see
He walked over to you once you were done and put his hands around your shoulders drawing you closer to him “Tell me Y/n
 have you ever been with an older man?” he said looking up into your eyes, for once he was skipping past the teasing, like he was already somewhat begging as his eyes showed pure lust and desire behind them, he watched as you shook your head no and he chuckled softly smiling again
“Then I hope your ready to start with one
” he said in a flirtatious voice and moved one of his hands to slowly rub up and down your chest feeling the well decoupled muscles underneath his hand which caused you to suck in a breath as your eyes couldn’t help but scan over his exposed body and the look in your eyes almost him whimper as he continued to stroke your chest looking like he couldn’t wait to see your clothes off as well
"Well...are you sure you want to be a pool boy? I can think of a few other more... intimate things that you could be for me,” his voice dropped to a low and seductive tone voice as he moved his hands towards your muscular and well-developed biceps gently squeezing a little “I can still be your pool boy and do
 other things,” you moved your hands to grab his waist pulling him closer to you gently rubbing his side as you looked his body over
"So...you like what you see, huh?" He said teasingly as he smirked before you then moved your hand underneath his robe and gently gripped his ass causing his face to flush and for a small moan to escape his lips “I can’t say I was expecting that
” he said with a smile on his face his voice still as needy as ever “but I liked it a lot,” his smile turned into a grin as he gently squeezed your biceps a little more
You chuckled “I know you like the attention,” and then pulled him in closer so your lengths were pressed right up against each other and you were kneading his cheeks with your hands "Do you want to make me the happiest man in the whole universe?
 Because I think it might already be working. You just need to keep going." He said in a breathy voice biting his bottom lip in excitement before leaning in and whispering
“I like this attention
” he added giving a look of pure lust and want , “Well who said I was planning on stopping?” You said with a small smirk and gripped his cheeks a little harder he let out another moan of pleasure and his hands squeezed your biceps in an attempt to calm his heart that was practically beating out of his chest as he let out a small sigh “Oh this is exactly how I imagined it
” he said sucking a breath
“Well this isn’t the exact way I imagined it but it’s pretty close,” you whispered with a small chuckle as he stared at your face a small smile spreading on his lips “Well what did you imagine?
” he asked his voice was now more flirtatious and full of desire as his small smile turned into a large smirk as you leaned closer to him gently grabbing his neck, “That I had you bent over in your bedroom as you let me manhandle you the way I know you’d like.” You whispered lowly in his ear
Tony’s eyes widened as Y/n spoke in his ear in a way that made his whole body shake, and he began to breath more heavily, “Well what are you waiting for?
 do it already,” he said almost begging as he looked up at you with helpless eyes, which you only made you grin wider in amusement watching as he was practically itching to just get a taste of what that would all be like, his mind immediately imagining all of the things you’d do to him

And that’s how you ended up in Tony’s bedroom kissing him passionately still standing as your tongues glide against each other, his hands clawing at your back desperately trying to pull you close to him as you rubbed your cock against his hole through his boxers causing him to whine as he felt your hard on rub him in just the right way but he wanted more, he needed more
 he’s never had someone inside him before and the thought made his body tremble with both nervousness and excitement
You step back and remove your shirt and Tony watches, the feeling of losing complete control for the first time is making this so much intense for him as he looks up at you “Tell me
 how are you gonna use me?” He asks teasingly his voice dripping with desire as he looked your body over and you chuckled “I’d rather leave it a surprise.” you said not breaking eye contact with your piercing eyes which only made his heart beat faster in anticipation
"Now you made me curious...I can't wait to see what you're planning to do..." he whispers as he moves closer towards you, he still has his eyes locked on him, as he seems completely entranced by the man's powerful muscular body and presence. your eyes felt so...intimidating. Tony knows that whatever your planning, he is in for a good night “Come closer and I’ll show you,” is all you had to say before Tony took another step forward so your bodies were pressed up against each other again his heart practically pounding in his chest at thought of a younger man taking control of him
"Now we're very close, what are you waiting for?" He whispers as he stares into your eyes with lust, a smile on his face as he waits to see what your going to do to him “Don’t be impatient.” you say and cup Tony’s jaw and grabs his waist with a firm grip on both Tony's body seems to tremble a bit at your grip, their eyes are still locked, and Tony's breathing had gotten more heavy as he slowly nodded and your scent slowly started to fill his nose
Your hands begin to move around his body feeling him up as he practically melted at the whole thing his eyes half lidded still never left yours as you finally settled your hand right on his waist band which made his breath hitch in anticipation as you removed his clothes, and then removed yours

The first was absolutely incredible for the both of you, Tony had never taken it from behind but he was glad his first time was with you, seeing his mouth hung open as you stretched out his hole and his noises only getter louder and needier, the older man who was known to make anyone crumble beneath him was coming undone in mere seconds just by you, and god, you felt blessed to see the sight, his back arched with sweat glistening his body, his red cock standing as it dripped a puddle of precum onto his stomach from the lack attention and his body shivering with anticipation, his head crawling with both fear and excitement at the new experience,
And of course once he got a small taste, he was greedy for more. You found yourself at Tony’s house almost every week fixing a new problem that would soon end up with the two of you doing it practically anywhere and everywhere in his house. You’ve fucked him on the kitchen counter, he’s sucked you off in the living room, and even had him against the wall, slowly his body didn’t react to anyone else anymore and he found himself calling you often and not even hiding behind an excuse like usual just plain on begging you to fuck him,
To say the man wasn’t tempting would be a lie, he’d whisper constantly in your ear all things he imagined you doing to him, or wear practically nothing every time you came around. To say he was desperate for attention was an understatement, he always craved it from everyone but now he only wanted it from you, he was never loud with anyone else but every time with you he felt like screaming in absolute ecstasy.
The sex was messy all around and pretty rough most of the time, not that Tony would have it any other way, he loved it when you messed him up, cumming inside of him or outside, he loves it most in his ass and on his face, he loves the messy and wet kisses you’d give him as you practically devoured him, the way you would move his body in a way you preferred like he was some type of toy to you. everything you did made his body shiver and he loved it,
He knew you were younger then him and that its considered strange having someone like that top and dominate an older man but the whole thing turned him on so much he couldn’t care less that a younger guy was doing all this to him, if anything the humiliation that someone like that could ruin him and make him into a begging mess only fueled him further, the degrading praise you’d give him, it made him go insane with pleasure.
You were the same too, you loved making fun of him in bed for letting someone younger then him who even works for him make him like this, you were his employee, you weren’t rich, or famous, and yet he let the same man he wouldn’t usually bat an eye at, use his body in every way you wanted, having someone he would consider low and beneath him do all this to him made him twice as needy and having such a powerful man under your control never ceased to feel anything but good, especially with a man like Tony Stark.
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writer-by-the-sea · 2 years ago
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hello!! may i request something fluffy where a touch starved elliott is visited by a farmer who can’t sleep and wants to cuddle with him? they’re not yet dating, but there’s EXTREME romantic tension between them
Slightly BARELY NSFT, No beta, no spell check lol
The storm raged outside, the lighting illuminating my cabin, each flash of light shortly accompanied by thunder that roared so loudly it shook my bed. I sighed and stared up at the ceiling, the rain beating down on the roof and providing me with the white noise I would normally crave; but now I laid there disturbed by the storm and sleep continues to evade me.
I let my thoughts slip to the farmer
 Weeks ago they told me how they can’t have trouble sleeping through the night, that they were considering pills to help them through the night. I couldn’t help by wonder how they were fairing this night. Were they just as frustrated as I? Tossing and turning under the covers and considering giving up and waiting for the morning?
All I knew was that tomorrow would be a day with many cups of coffee, perhaps even an espresso or two.
I leaned over, reaching for my bedside lamp, flicking the switch with well rehearsed practice— only for the light to ignore me. I blinked at the light, tapping the switching again, and then once more..
“Lovely,” I mumbled and stood. The power was out.
Near my desk sat an oil lamp, one that I preferred to save for emergencies; I suppose this fell into that category. I considered what I would do with my time now, writing coming across my mind. Although, as of late, anything I’ve written has only been conveying my sappy and desperate need for the touch of another.
For far too long I’ve lived in this cabin alone. Something I thought I would enjoy, but I find myself feeling more and more lonely as each day passes. These days it’s gotten to the point where I find myself starved for attention. I wander around town more often than ever, finding excuses to see the others (mostly the farmer,) and I go on to bore them with tales of my unsuccessful writings.
With my lamp lit, I found my way back to my bed, my new plan for the night to reread over my pages and correct any mistakes I come across. Forever I will misspell at minimum ten words per page.
I may be a writer but I am no expert at spelling, ironic as it may be.
Just as I began to settle back in bed, there’s a knock at the door.
Unusual, but it wouldn’t be the first time Willy visited in the dead of the night. He might be in need of some snacks if he saw Sebastian earlier in the day, or asking for help to shovel rain water out of his shop again.
I groaned and slipped out of bed, now giving up on my plans and preparing myself for Willy’s visit. A night of fishermen’s stories and tellings of his childhood. Not that I minded it, but I would rather relax tonight..
The knocking came again, urging me to open it and let them in. Part of me was tempted to ignore it, to pretend to be sleeping and leave Willy on his own — as rude as it may be.
But then—
“Elliott?” A voice called from outside my door, helpless and scared.
I ran to the door, flinging it open to reveal the farmer standing there. Drenched from head to toe, but still smiling as I greeted them. “Oh my goodness!” I cried and stepped back, opening the door even further and ushered them inside. “You must be freezing! Please, come inside!”
The farmer quickly ducked in, wasting no time in kicking off their boots and closing the door behind them. “I’m sorry to drop by so late,” they began and removed their jacket. “I just—“
“Couldn’t sleep?” I asked and took their jacket. I hung it and then offered a towel.
They gave me a sheepish smile, nodding and accepting the towel. “Did I wake you?”
I waved them off. “No worries, I was awake. I couldn’t sleep either.”
“Is it okay if
 I stay here a while?”
I could tell they were embarrassed to ask, scared even as they avoided my gaze. If not for the cold weather outside, I would think they were hiding heated cheeked. But that may have just been wishful thinking. “Of course!” I replied. “Stay as long as you like—“ I paused, looking over their drenched clothes and uncertain on how to phrase my next words. “Do you
 perhaps need a change of clothes?”
The farmer looked down again, chewing their bottom lip and twisting their hands in front of themselves. “I don’t want to be a burden—“
“Nonsense!” I rushed to my dresser, plucking a few of my clothes out to present them. Mostly oversized clothing, things I haven’t worn in ages but I knew would be comfortable and warm. It would definitely be better than what they wore now, anyway. “Let me know if these are okay,” I said and handed the clothes over. “You can change in the bathroom if—“
“Thank you!” The farmer replied and took the offered clothing
.
And then began to strip before me.
I gasped and spun around, heat flooding my cheeks from what I’d saw so little of. Soft, supple skin
 A few minor scars across their body, no doubt from the farm and the mines
 How I wished to turn back around and take them into my arms, to kiss every scar, to lick every curve, to worship and adore their body just as they deserved.
I held myself back, taking a breath and moving to my bed to readjust the blankets and pillows. I wasn’t sure what tonight would bring, I wanted to keep my hopes low but—
“You can turn back around.”
They stood there, my sweater hanging off one shoulder and my old pajama pants hanging low on their waist. “Sorry about that,” the farmer mumbled. “I was actually really cold and started changing without thinking.”
“It’s no problem.” I chuckled and took their wet clothes from them, moving to hang them in my bathroom. “Make yourself comfortable. I’ll be right back.”
Once in the bathroom, I closed the door behind me. How could they look so adorable in my clothing
.
I slowly hung their clothing, willing down the urge to run back out and pull the farmer into my arms. To compliment them on how cute they looked, to kiss across their exposed skin and slip my hands under the sweater they wore. To lead them into my bed and remove their borrowed clothing piece by piece—
“Fuck,” I whispered and stared down at the shirt I held. I forced myself to hang it up with everything else.
Tonight, the farmer came to me for a place to relax. For a place to hide out the storm. For a place they knew they could trust without a starving writers wandering hands all over their body. Their perfect, gorgeous, sexy, strong body.
I shook my head and stepped out of the bathroom, ready to chat with the farmer about the weather, about the night sky, about everything but my cravings to just touch them. But all of the words fell out of my mouth.
They laid in my bed, under the covers and flipping through one of my books from the library. The light of my lantern dancing across them, their beauty freezing me in place. A fantasy I’ve dreamt of a million times, only now I could do nothing. My breathing unsteady, the palms now sweaty, my throat dry and all words failing me as I let my eyes trail over them.
The farmer noticed me and scooted to the side of my bed, pushing themselves into the wall before patting the empty side. “It’ll be warmer under the covers,” was all they said before they looked back down at the book. A book that only detailed the secret to ‘writing an award willing novel.’ Something I knew they wouldn’t actually be interested in but

I climbed into the bed and slid under the covers, biting my tongue when my leg brushed against their own. This couldn’t actually be happening, right? There was no storm outside and I was simply in a very deep sleep. If not for the warmth coming from the farmer, I may have actually believed I was dreaming

The farmer leaned towards me, their head coming to rest on my shoulder, their book now closed and forgotten in their lap. I kept my eyes forward, my hands turning to fists as I let the weight of their head settle upon me. “This is nice,” they whispered and snuggled in a little further, one of their hands going to lap on my arm. “Do you mind?”
“No,” I muttered back, gulping as they shifted even closer, their arm now laying across my chest as they got more comfortable. “I— I don’t mind.”
My body felt like it was being doused in flames, feeling more aware than ever of everything around me. The rain coming back to my mind, softer than before as it fell across the roof, the thunder still rumbling outside but now miles away, the farmers hair as it brushed against my cheek, their arm as it laid over my fast beating heart, their thumb as it caressed my arm.
“I really appreciate you letting me come in tonight
” I could feel their breath across my neck, my body shivering as I let the feeling wash over me.
I took a breath, attempting to form the words. Their legs were on my own now, the farmer pulling me further into the bed and encouraging me to relax and our combined warmth made my eyes grow heavy.
“I’ve dreamt of this so many times,” I said, my voice a whisper as I finally gave me.
The farmer giggled, their laugh light and adorable
 and bringing what I’d just said to light. “And? Is it everything you imagined?”
I sighed and wrapped one of my arms around them. “Even better.”
In the morning I would wake with the farmer still in my arms, their nose tucked into my neck and snoring softly. Our first night together that would become one of many.
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glass--beach · 2 months ago
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(Forever????????) has such a hold on me. How did it come to be?
started when i stumbled upon this video on youtube
youtube
it’s a very pretty song but the cloyingly sweet americana of it all made it ripe for ironic decontextualization. i took a little loop of the song and used it as an outro for bedroom community, overlaid with an audio recording of my therapist from college leading me through hypnosis to attempt to calm me while i was suffering a very intense manic episode. (this man might have been a bit of a quack but i have yet to meet a therapist who is not on SOME kind of bullshit). it’s meant as a tragic ending to bedroom community, the return to status quo, stepping over the bodybags and going back to regular american suburban life. it’s the moment of panic that god it really is gonna be like this forever and then it’s the repression. the moment of submission to the cissexist culture

now of course i didn’t even end up using that version, i was a little wary of both any copyright issues that might come from so prominently featuring a well known sample and also sharing what was meant to be a very private audio recording and so i ended up taking the chord progression & melody of the song and using it as a jumping off point for what was basically a new composition. (the old version is in the demos that we released though). the final one is just two guitars playing slightly different arpeggios of the song’s chords and some synths doing the melody. to me i think much of the intended meaning still comes through but being an instrumental with its reference points pretty obfuscated i think most just take it as a very pretty but melancholy song.
i’m fascinated by the near universal nostalgic feeling people seem to get from it. our youtube upload and many unofficial ones are loaded with comments of people mourning deceased loved ones or old relationships. i get it and find that all very sweet and beautiful but i can’t help but feel conflicted as someone who, despite often feeling obsessed with the past as much as anyone, would consider myself politically anti-nostalgia. bedroom community makes that a little more overt with its criticism of the anachronistic suburban “middle class” order being upheld through implicit (sometimes explicit) violence - the “son of a soldier
” verse especially. forever is in conversation with the same idea but has ironically been so decontextualized as to now seemingly take on the meaning of the original song i had sampled. i think its success on streaming through sleep/study playlists contributed to my complete rejection of “vibe” based playlists & passive music listening in general that led to the intentionally obtuse aesthetic & writing of plastic death.
umm anyway i’m glad you like the song!! i like it a lot too. it was one of those rare instances in music making where i truly felt i was channeling the divine. i didn’t struggle with it at all, it’s just, one day it wasn’t and the next day it was. i’ve not really talked about it at length much and last time i did i don’t think i could properly get across what it meant to me or why i did it the way i did. i understand my then 23 year old self more than ever now though lol
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daisynik7 · 1 year ago
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Iris
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And I don't want the world to see me, ‘cause I don't think that they'd understand. When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am.
Pairing: Eren Jaeger x f!reader
Rating: Mature – MINORS DO NOT INTERACT
Word Count: ~4.5k (I went way over than I was supposed to, lol)
cw: switching POVs (2nd person reader, 3rd person Eren), canon-universe, VERY canon-divergent, consider this a what-if scenario, major AOT spoilers up to season 4, angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, smut – PIV sex (cowgirl position), fingering 
Summary: At the Battle of Fort Slava, Eren Jaeger, hell-bent on launching his ultimate attack on Marley, injures himself to pose as a wounded soldier, granting him admittance to the hospital to finalize his plans. You, an Eldian volunteer working at the hospital, start treating this new patient, nervous about his mysterious demeanor. Eventually, you learn that you have much more in common with each other than you think. 
Author’s Note: Thank you @ichinosejager13 for your second request for the y2k karaoke party! I did something totally different this time; I wrote a fic set in the canon universe. I thought it fit well with this song, so I hope you like it! While it’s set in the canon universe, it is very obviously canon divergent, so please remember I took a lot of liberties with this. I am in no way suggesting that any of this is what I wish happened in canon. I just think it was an interesting idea to write. Also, I understand that this will seem very out-of-character for Eren, but let’s just roll with it because it's all in good fun, lol. 
Like, reblogs, and/or comments are ALWAYS appreciated! Thank you for reading! MDNI banner by @/cafekitsune.
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Fort Slava, huddled in the trenches. Blade through his leg, bullet in his eye. This is the last vivid memory Eren can recall as he stands in line outside the hospital, waiting to be admitted. Some asshole Marleyan imitates explosion sounds, causing all of those around him to fall to the ground, cowering in fear. They suffer trauma from the battlefield, and even Eren, with a clear conscious now, is affected by it. A kid, another Eldian dawning the same yellow armband as he is, steps towards them, kneeling down to help them up. He even assists Eren, correcting his armband to his left arm instead of the right. Luckily, it goes unnoticed by everyone else, which is exactly what he wants. 
It's all part of his plan; the attack on Marley. It’s been in the works for months now, starting with his infiltration of the army, fighting alongside Marleyans and Eldians alike. He thought he’d have better clarity of the situation, maybe get convinced to call the whole thing off after bonding with other solders through the tragedies of violence and war. Unfortunately, it’s only made him realize how much more he needs to follow through with it. Nothing will ever change in this cruel world unless he’s the one to do it. 
There are days when he gets cold feet. He’s tempted to re-evaluate, find a way back to his home of Paradis, reunite with his friends, devise a better plan and figure it out together. But in all the futures Eren can see, his current plan is the only one that will work. The only one that will grant him the freedom he’s been chasing his entire life.  
The process is slow to get a room in the hospital. Luck remains on Eren’s side when he’s assigned a private room. It’s barren; a single-bed, just long enough to accommodate his stature, withered sheets and rusted iron on the frame. There’s a small nightstand beside it with two drawers to hide his belongings, which is essentially nothing, and atop is a small lamp, illuminating the room in a dreary glow. It’s not luxurious, but it’s enough for the time-being. Because that’s all Eren needs right now: time. 
Eventually, Zeke will find him. They’ve been contacting each other for a while now, and Eren has a firm grasp on what his older brother is trying to convince him to do with the Founder’s power. While he doesn’t agree with his idea to euthanize the entire race of Eldians, Eren needs to entertain it long enough to manipulate Zeke into letting him use his royal blood. 
It's all convoluted and fucked up, he’s aware of that. Somedays, he wishes he could escape this curse without doing anything at all. That one day, he’d be gone from this world, liberated from his Titan power, saved from this burdened life. This isn’t what he imagined while reading all those books he and Armin would marvel at as kids. This isn’t the freedom he was hoping for. 
He rests in his pathetic, yet oddly comforting bed, staring up at the ceiling, unable to fall asleep. His leg and eye are still wrapped in bandages, so a nurse should be coming soon to check on him. There’s a faint commotion out in the hallway, but Eren is too lazy and too uninterested to investigate. Soon, it subsides, and the door swings open, revealing a women around his age, wearing a nurses uniform and the yellow Eldian patch on her left arm. He recognizes the attire from battle; the army had a few nurses stationed at the fort for casualties. 
“Mr. Kruger?” she asks. 
It takes him a second to remember the alias he decided to use. He confirms it, nodding his head silently. 
She gives him a warm smile, introducing herself. “I’ll be helping you from now on.”
~~~
You started working at the hospital a few months ago. For Eldians, it’s nearly impossible to be accepted into higher education, so nursing school was never an option. With opportunities so scarce, your best bet was to apply for a volunteer position at the hospital in hopes of using that as a steppingstone for an actual paying job. You don’t expect a promotion any time soon, not even in the near future, but at least you’re spending your time helping others.
While it’s rewarding, it isn’t glamorous or pretty in the slightest bit. Because you lack the proper education, your tasks mostly include bathing, feeding, cleaning up any accidents or messes. Occasionally, if your patient is open to it, you spend time with them chatting, doing activities with them, listening to their stories. This is rare, though. Most that are admitted are Marleyans who refuse to speak to you because of your status. Some are even reluctant to have you help them in the first place. The Eldians, sadly, are usually too traumatized to open up, so you do your best to make them comfortable however you can. 
When you meet your newest patient, Eren Kruger, you don’t expect him to be any different from the rest. You are, however, surprised at how young he is; he can’t be any older than you, judging by his appearance. His records show nothing except for his name and his status as an Eldian, which isn’t unusual, so you don’t think much of it. “Mr. Kruger, I know you must be hungry,” you start. “Lunch will be arriving soon. If you need assistance, I’ll be here to help you.”
He acknowledges you with another curt nod, remaining silent. You can’t help but notice how brilliantly green his eyes are. Have you ever seen irises like his before? You let the inappropriate thought vanish quickly before you ask, “Would you like me to bathe you now or after you eat?”
At this, his brows tighten. “Bathe?” 
“Yes, Mr. Kruger. We can bathe you before or after lunch, it’s up to you – ”
“I don’t want to bathe,” he says, avoiding your gaze. 
You blink at him, unsure how to respond. “Surely you must want to be clean – ”
He interrupts you again, muttering, “How can I, when I’m like this?”
You understand his hesitation now, not needing further explanation. Sometimes, patients with missing limbs have expressed concern submerging themselves in a tub full of water, not wanting to get their bandages wet. Quickly, you clarify, “It would be a sponge bath. We can do that while you’re lying in bed, actually. And your bandages will stay intact.”
This seems to be the answer he’s looking for. His expression relaxes when he says, “After. I want to do it after I eat.”
You smile softly at him, noting it on your checkboard. “Understand. I’ll go check on your meal now. Is there anything else you need from me?”
A beat passes before he replies, “Pen and paper. For letters.”
You write it, reminding yourself to bring it when you return with his meal. “Got it.”
A few minutes later, you return with a tray of food along with a wad of paper and two pens. You set it on his nightstand beside him, waiting for him to move it. When he doesn’t, staying still, staring blankly at the foot of the bed, you clear your throat. “Mr. Kruger?”
“I’m not hungry,” he murmurs. 
“But you haven’t eaten all day. You need nourishment if you’re going to get any better.”
“And who says I want to get better?” He glares at you, startled by the intensity in his gaze. 
You swallow hard, nervous, but still resilient. “You have to eat. You owe it to yourself after what you’ve been through.”
“And how would you know what I’ve been through?” His voice is steady, a hint of venom, barely enough to sting. But you’re determined. You sit at the edge of the bed, careful not to touch him. Reaching for the tray, you set it down on your lap, sighing. “I don’t know. I have no idea what war is like out there. All I know is that it’s not great for us here. At least out there, you’re fighting together as a unit. Marleyan, Eldian, it doesn’t matter. You’re working to defeat our enemy. And who knows? If we ever win the war, maybe life will be better for us here.” You shove the tray towards him, glaring back at him. “So the least you could do is try to see it through and survive, right?”
He studies you carefully, contemplating how to respond. Glancing at the tray in front of him, he smirks, scooping a spoonful of mashed potatoes into his mouth. You ease up, tension releasing from your shoulders. 
After a few more bites, he speaks. “Who do you think the enemy is?” 
Just when you thought you were in the clear, he asks you another question. “It was the Mid-East Allies. That’s who you fought at Fort Slava.” 
“But who do you think the real enemy is?” He’s finished with his potatoes, now moving on to his meatloaf. 
“Well, I suppose it’s whoever the government says it is.” You’re unsure what kind of answer he’s searching for.
“And if they say that we’re the enemy, then what?” He points between you, leaving you confused. 
“We
?”
“Eldians. Devils.”
“No, no. The Devils are on the island. We’re
we’re not like them.”
“Are you sure?” He stuffs the rest of the meat into his mouth, chewing and swallowing it all down. “What makes you think you’re any better here than you are there?”
Your face feels hot now, and you start to stammer. “Because
because that’s what we were told. We’re on the right side. They’re on the wrong.” 
His plate is nearly clean now. He slides his fingers on the remnants, licking it off before chugging half a glass of water. “What if I told you there’s a place for people like us? A place where you wouldn’t have to walk around with an armband. A place where you were treated fairly. Would you want to go to a place like that?” 
You feel yourself drawn in by his words. The idea of it sounds impossible. Ever since you were born, you were taught to know your place in this world. That place was here in Marley, destined to be a second-class citizen. You were told that the island across the sea was full of devils like you, but because you’re here, you’re better. You can’t deny that you’ve been curious what life is like out there. All this time, you thought it must be worst, secluded on an island, hated by the rest of the world. 
But is this life any better? Secluded in your own community and still hated by the rest of the world?
You pick the tray up from his lap, muttering, “I’ll go get your sponge bath ready.”
He doesn’t add anything else, watching you silently. You walk towards the door, ready to leave. Before you do, you say, “And to answer your question: I would.”
~~~
It was supposed to be innocent banter, that’s what Eren intended. He figured he could chalk it up to the trauma speaking for him, that she wouldn’t even be remotely interested in what he had to say. He thought she’d be like all the other naïve, brainwashed Eldians, ignorantly believing everything that was told to them. He realizes soon enough that he was wrong to underestimate her.
She comes to him every day, fulfilling her volunteer duties. Their daily routine begins with breakfast, then a morning stroll in his wheelchair out in the courtyard. Sometimes they’ll play chess at one of the tables, sometimes it’s checkers. Lunchtime comes, and then it’s time for a bath, one of Eren’s favorite parts of the day. Her hands are always gentle, gliding along his skin with a damp sponge. They’ll do another stroll outside, this time on his crutches, where he practices how to walk. Dinner arrives when it’s already dark out, and occasionally, he’ll ask her to read the latest news from the paper. 
While all this happens, they talk. They talk a lot. 
As expected, she figures out that Eren is from Paradis, though he bends the truth about his true intentions for being here. She doesn’t know about his Titan powers, thinking he’s a refugee seeking sanctuary here. Surprisingly, she isn’t offended about it; in fact, she’s curious. They spend most of their time together sharing stories of their childhood. Eren describes life in Paradis, she describes life in Marley. While there are stark differences between their upbringings, there are also blatant similarities. And together, they come to the gut-wrenching conclusion: Eldians are terrorized wherever they are, whether it’s here, or across the sea. 
Eren has only sent one letter in the past two weeks, and that was to his friends back home, informing them that he is in Marley, safe and sound. He doesn’t disclose his plan to them yet. In all honestly, he’s not sure what the plan is anymore. Zeke still hasn’t found him, nor has Eren gone out of his way to be found. What Eren does know is that he enjoys spending time with the woman who helps him. So much that he’s losing grip on what he’s supposed to be doing here. He has to do something soon.
It comes to a head one night, three weeks after he was admitted to the hospital. Eren requests for another sponge bath after dinner; it was a hot day and he worked up a sweat during their afternoon walk. She helps him strip his shirt off, starting with the wet, warm sponge at his chest, massaging small circles onto his sticky skin. He watches her carefully, noticing her eyes lingering on his body more so than usual. 
He speaks softly into her ear, leaning in close. “I have something to tell you.”
She continues above his waist, hands gently scrubbing, not bothering to look at him when she responds. “What is it, Eren?”
He’s thought about this all day. The plan. “Would you like to visit Paradis?”
This time, she does look at him, confused. “What?”
Louder now, and more confident, he says, “Come to Paradis with me. See what it’s like there.”
She scoffs. “I can’t just leave.”
“Why not?”
“Because this is my home.”
“They treat you like nothing here,” he argues. “At Paradis, you’re somebody. We can be safe at Paradis.”
She stops, tossing the sponge into the bucket of water beside her, frustrated. “Safe? After everything you’ve told me? You said it yourself; you’ve been terrorized by Titans since you were a kid. Every nation in the world wants Paradis gone. How can it be safe?”
He swallows thickly, gripping her hand delicately in his. “I can’t explain everything right now, but I have a plan. We have a plan.” He recalls one of the last memories he has of Armin, his brilliant friend, suggesting a small-scale Rumbling, enough to scare the rest of the world from attacking Paradis for centuries. He dismissed it quickly then, but now, he considers it. Could this be their best option? Instead of the billions of casualties Eren had originally devised? “You just have to trust me for now. Once we’re there, I can explain everything.”
She stares at him, clearly in shock from his suggestion. He doesn’t blame her. Eren is asking her to give up everything she knows. 
“Eren,” she starts, squeezing his hand tighter. “I don’t know if I can do that.” 
He smiles at her, brushing his thumb across her knuckles delicately. “I understand. I know it’s a big ask, and I shouldn’t have expected you to say yes. I just
I just think I know what I can do for Paradis to make it safe for people like us. Somewhere we can be ourselves, where people will know us for who we are, and not for what they see on our armbands.”
“It sounds like paradise,” she says quietly.
“It does. And I think I could make it that way. I know I can.”
She sighs, retrieving the sponge again. “I want to believe you, Eren. But I don’t think I can throw away my life for something I’m unsure of.” She starts to slide his pants off, ready to wash below his waist.
“Please, just consider it. I plan to leave soon, within the next few days. I just have to send out a letter tomorrow, and I should be ready to go.”
“You’re leaving? Already?”
“I know what I have to do now. I can’t waste any more time when we can end this war now.”
She peers at him, tears welling in her eyes. “I
” 
“What is it?” He sits up, leaning in close to cup her cheek, brushing away her falling tears. 
“Will we ever see each other again?” Her voice is trembling, lips quivering. His heart sinks into his stomach, seeing her like this.
He presses his forehead to hers. “I’ll find you when this is all over. I promise you. Whatever you do, don’t go anywhere near the shore, okay?” The small-scale Rumbling should only affect the fleets, which will be in the middle of the ocean, far from the shore. Still, he can’t risk anything happening to her. Not when he isn’t there to protect her.
She nods, not asking for any further explanation. He presses a small kiss to her forehead. “I’m going to do whatever it takes to bring us peace.” 
~~~
Eren asks you to drop off a letter in the mailbox, addressed to someone named Azumabito. Apparently, she is an ally to Eldians who is stationed here in Marley, so she can arrange a ship for him to head back home. 
There are still so many questions left unanswered, though you decide not to ask them. Maybe it’s foolish to trust someone you’ve only known for a month. But Eren has given you more truth about this harsh world that anyone else the entire time you’ve been here. And he’s the only one who’s ever promised you a better life. 
Two days after you mailed the letters, you receive a response. It’s addressed to you, though you’re sure it’s meant for Eren. There’s a fancy insignia stamped to one corner of the envelope: a circle with a triangle in the center, formed by samurai swords. You keep it safe in your pocket as you head for the kitchen, ready to deliver Eren’s dinner. 
He reads it when he’s finished with his meal. You watch as he scans the letter carefully, mouthing a few words under his breath. When he reaches the end, he looks up at you, a small grin on his face. “She’s arranged a ship for tomorrow morning, before sunrise.”
You gasp, surprised at how soon his departure is. “Tomorrow?”
He nods, folding the letter and tucking it beneath his pillow. 
You let out a deep breath, unsure what else to say. Noticing your quiet demeanor, he reaches for your hand to hold it. “I know this is happening so fast. But I’ve never been more certain about what I need to do until now.” He interlocks his fingers with yours, smiling. “And you helped me with that.”
“Me? How?”
“By being you. By giving me a chance to explain myself. Even when you found out I was from Paradis, you didn’t judge me. You got to know me. It showed me that there are people, good people, on this side. That even in a ruthless place like this, there is beauty to be saved.” 
You don’t say anything, throat too heavy with emotion to respond. Blinking away your tears, you take his tray from his lap, walking quickly to the door. Before you can leave, he asks, “Can you please come back to help me shave?”
Without turning to face him, you nod, exiting his room, stifling your sobs on your way down the hallway. Your heart yearns for more time with him. For the past few weeks, being here has been an escape from your painful reality. You’re not seen as an Eldian, you aren’t considered a second-class citizen. With him, you’re just you. 
You know that you can’t keep him caged here forever. Like a bird, he’s ready to spread his wings. He’s ready to be free. While you’re heartbroken to see him leave, you’re thrilled for him to fulfill his destiny. All you can hope is that one day, you’ll be reunited in a better place than here. 
You return to his room a couple of minutes later with everything you need to give him a close shave. His facial hair has grown out quite a bit since he arrived. You lather his face with a small amount of soap, scrubbing the suds off with a warm, wet towel. He closes his eyes, indulging in your relaxing touch. After mindful preparation, you begin to shave his goatee with a straight razor, pulling his skin taut, gliding the blade carefully across his chin, cleaning it after every stroke. When you’re done with his beard, you focus your attention on his mustache, delicately moving the razor until his skin is smooth and shaven. You smile as you wipe off any remaining residue with the towel. 
With everything discarded into the bucket of water set on the nightstand, you take this time to admire his face, memorizing every detail. The flutter of his lashes, the bridge of his nose, the sharpness of his jawline, the plush of his lips. It’s only now that you realize how close to him you are. You’re kneeling beside him on the bed, noses almost touching, your fingers grazing his smooth skin. He opens his eyes to look at you, and his breath hitches at the intimacy, glancing at your mouth. 
Before you can move, he closes the short distance, kissing you on the lips. As quickly as it happens, he pulls away, blushing. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I should have asked first. I’m sorry – ”
You cut him off with another kiss, hungry for more. It’s his last day; in mere hours from now, he’ll be gone, and you’re not sure when you’ll see him again, if ever. It’s crossed your mind many times by now, how it would feel to be with him like this. The feeling of his lips on yours, the slide of his tongue in your mouth, the taste of his spit. You’d be lying to yourself if you said you’ve never thought about it. In fact, it’s been on your mind every night as you fall asleep, wishing you were in his arms instead of alone in your bed. 
He doesn’t pull away this time, sinking in deeper, slipping inside your mouth to swirl his tongue with yours. He’s just as sweet as you fantasized he’d be, luscious and rich in your mouth. His skin is smooth against your fingertips, tracing his jawline. One hand slides around your waist, tugging you closer to him, the other wraps around the nape of your neck, holding your head steady. You swing one leg over him, straddling his lap, hoisting the hem of your dress past your hips, revealing your panties. He moans, shifting beneath you in the bed to slip his trousers down, displaying his erection bulging in his underwear.
“Is this okay?” he huffs, catching his breath. His voice wavers, his only visible eye half-lidded with arousal, unable to keep his cool.
“Yes,” you answer, grinding yourself on him, kissing him sloppily. His grip is on your hips, guiding you to rut against his cock faster. The friction between you is enough to make you wet, your slick soaking through the fabric. 
“You’re an angel,” he whispers, dragging your bottom lip between his teeth. “I want to make you feel good.” His thumb teases the elastic of your waistband, hand slipping inside to rub your clit against his fingers. 
“Eren,” you moan, his sensual touch sending waves of pleasure through your body. He slowly slides two digits inside you, massaging your bud with his palm while he pumps his fingers into your sopping cunt. His cock is stiff beneath you, watching you ride his hand, cursing under his breath until you reach your climax, coating him in your arousal. 
You’re breathing heavily, in a daze from your orgasm. He removes his hand from you, slipping it past his underwear to jerk his cock. You reach for him, tugging his bottoms down his legs, replacing his fist with yours, stroking him eagerly. He whispers your name, bucking his hips in tandem with your movements. You’re aching for more, desperate to feel him inside you, feel him deeper. You position yourself correctly, pulling the crotch of your panties to the side to  tease the head of his cock up and down your folds. He sits up on his elbows, watching you with a nervous expression on his face. “Are you sure?” he asks.
You nod, smiling at him. “I’m sure. I want to be close to you, Eren.”
He swears, letting his head fall back into the pillows, staring up at the ceiling. You sink down on him, his dick stretching you out smoothly, still sleek from your previous orgasm. He moans, craning his neck to take in the lewd sight before him. “Oh my god,” he groans, thrusting his hips into you. 
You ride him slowly, his entire length filling you up to the brim. He plants his feet into the mattress to fuck you deeper, the metal frame creaking with every thrust. It doesn’t take long until you’re both coming together. He shoots his load inside you while you gush all over him, creating a wet mess between you that you couldn’t care less about in the euphoric state you’re in. You lift off him, rolling to his side, relaxing into the pillow with him beside you, cradling you in his arms. He gives you a smooch on the cheek, nuzzling his nose with yours. “I meant what I said earlier.”
“What?”
“You really are an angel,” he says, smiling at you.
~~~
Eren wakes up alone, and he’s almost convinced that it was all a dream until he spots the small note scribbled on paper laying his nightstand. 
It’s too hard to say goodbye, so I won’t. I trust you to keep your promise. We’ll see each other again soon.
With daybreak approaching, Eren leaves for the docks quickly with only the clothes on his back and letters in his pocket, including hers. With sunrise teasing the horizon, he makes it to the meeting place just in time. He recognizes Azumabito and greets her, explaining the situation as they board the ship. She informs him that they are waiting for several other passengers, so he makes himself comfortable by a window.  
A few minutes pass and one of the crew approaches him. “Mr. Jaeger, there is a woman trying to board, claiming they are with you. Do you know anything about this?”
He glances out the window towards the docks and to his shock, he sees an angel with a suitcase in hand, talking to Azumabito. His heart races, overjoyed as he jumps out of his seat, sprinting out of the ship to meet her. 
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nights-at-crystarium · 3 months ago
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i just wanted to pop by and gush about how incredibly well written vivi is because GOD. his story unfolding has made me reconsider several story beats about my wol and thats an amazing thing
theres two things that i think uve done especially well with his storytelling, being that vivi feels like an almost complete enigma to the reader, despite how intimate this story is, and the fact that vivi feels incredibly human - almost TOO human to be comfortable with
so to elaborate on the first point - i think a lot of us (and certainly i can) echo thancreds sentiment that he doesn't know vivian rell, because as intimate as this story can get with his pov, in the end, much like someone you'd meet in real life, we don't know much about him before the point we meet him, and any glimpses we get just signal that theres so much more to him than we get to see. and as much as we DO know about him, i find that every time he does one of his blank, furrowed stares that signal he's thinking something, my brain practically lights on fire trying to figure out what he's considering. to that end i really like how enigmatic uve made him from a storytelling perspective, because it makes him feel so much more real!!! i honestly look forward a lot to learning more fragments (heh) of him and slowly piecing together a puzzle of him as the story goes on. i just want to rotate him in my head lol
but also, this does segue into my other point really well, which is the fact that vivis position as wol really seems to wear on him, and he seems for lack of a better word, completely exhausted! i know (myself included) write their wols with a trait of an almost unbreakable, iron will, which is very much still true in vivis case (again, anyone who gets to the point of shadowbringers without flat out giving up is incredibly strong by default) but showing him at his wits end, exhausted with the burdens of a hero, someone just so throughly *done* with what is, realistically, a pretty shit job is well... yeah! of course he is! he's only human, and he's what, saved the world 3 times now? seen countless die before him, powerless to save them, of course he's numb. the fact that the most defining experiences of the first for him are filled with mostly such... benign experiences, and that the major, climatic moments of shadowbringers get as much fanfare as a forlong gaze, or a like. him hanging out with his fairy bestie is such a cool storytelling decision. (also before i ramble about this the decision to not even show tesleen is such an excellent decision bc like. it makes sense for him for this to not be such a significant moment. shes just another death, another tally to the thousands hes already seen. or maybe im reading WAYYY too hard into a decision to not highjack this love story with plot) basically, what i've been gushing about is the fact that vivi feels very much like a whole person, and is probably one of the most well realised wols ive ever read about. and his relationships with the world leaders, and this impossible burden hes forced to shoulder has gotten me to reconsider how i write my wol, because yeah! any hero might be strong-willed and resilient, but theyre still human, and the burden of a warrior of light is maybe, a little too much for anyone to bear.
i hope u could at least make something out of my rambles, but honestly to sum it all up i am incredibly captivated by vivi. i originally read fragments because i like ANY wolgraha content but now, i come back almost exclusively to see how vivi's story unfolds, and how graha eventually comes into the fold too. hes such a fascinating character, and i think youve done an incredible job of creating a well rounded hero, full of humanity!!! (also, if you want, feel free to post this on ur blog!!)
I think I shat myself like 5 times while reading this (positive)
Vivi being an enigma wasn't really part of the plan. We have a pool that's his lore, things I wanna tell, and a bottleneck through which it has to go. The comic format forces me to consider what bits of info to deliver when, there's only so much I can tell at a time. One deliberate choice I made is completely burn the bridge between ARR and ShB, skip, leave it empty. That already sparks questions when we see a different Vivi at the beginning of ShB (and gives me leeway, time to write with more nuance, I didn't Think about HW-SB in such scrupulous detail as ShB).
I wanted to tell a primarily ShB story from the start, but had less ambition, and planned to condense the angsty bits that you're reading nowadays into an infodump told by Vivi to no one (to the reader). Changing the receiving party to a tangible character who's eager to learn (Exarch) made the info easier to digest and anchored it in the world. This change, fwiw, happened in like 2022 while I drew the ARR arc, saw the warm reception, and got more excited about my thing. I constantly learn and try to improve, writing's a new toy that brings me tons of fun.
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So, when I learned the new trick - telling things through other characters - I thought, why not make everyone slightly wrong, or rather, with a specific snapshot of Vivi in their head. Same happens irl, people only know the version of you that they're exposed to, the only person who knows the full and real you is you.
That brings me to the next point, why Vivi feels so human: I made him not as a wol/hero, but a guy I wanna ship with Exarch, his foil. Obligatory note it was dumb of me to ignore Emet's existence in that case, but that's already changed. Exarch denies himself the simple human joys, he plots his own fucking death, so I thought I'd give him a guy that teaches him how to enjoy being alive again. That was THE foundation of Vivi, his core. He's a manic pixie dream boy.
Then I started asking how and why: why he falls for Exarch specifically instead of ARRRaha? He's confident, selfish, casual (these traits are what Exarch lacks), emotionally intelligent, where did that come from? He must've had an utterly normal life and loving family before he became a hero. He grew up being appreciated and happy. OH, then his ass must LOATHE the current situation because he can't go back to that normal life! So on, so forth.
i find that every time he does one of his blank, furrowed stares that signal he's thinking something, my brain practically lights on fire trying to figure out what he's considering.
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This's me carefully dropping the breadcrumbs and hoping that you notice them, and you go HOLY SHIT BREADCRUMBS, this's so validating ;w; <3 This's overtly called a story hook, though I prefer "door". So far this story's only opened doors, as in hinted at more stuff without immediately showing it. I love it when questions get delayed answers, when you get time to stew on it and build up anticipation, then, when the door finally closes, it's much more satisfying. I keep in mind all the doors I've opened, if something provokes a question, it's by design.
(also before i ramble about this the decision to not even show tesleen is such an excellent decision bc like. it makes sense for him for this to not be such a significant moment. shes just another death, another tally to the thousands hes already seen. or maybe im reading WAYYY too hard into a decision to not highjack this love story with plot)
You're 100% correct!! I'm not retelling the canon ShB story from a default wol pov, this's a custom thing focused on ships, therefore anything that doesn't contribute to said ships gets cut. You may read what's NOT shown as what Vivi doesn't pay attention to.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me, this gave me so much motivation like you wouldn't know ;//////;
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ronearoundblindly · 4 months ago
Note
How does mermaid reader feel about Steve? Like what is her take on their relationship?
just fair warning if you keep writing I’m gonna keep asking questions lol.
I...don't know what happened with this, but it was kinda fun! (unedited, not long, no real warnings except, yeah, he's a human and you're a mermaid, semi-angsty fluff!!)
Steve Rogers x deep sea mermaid!Reader from Sun, Salt, and Shield
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Steve is a novelty.
Originally, you just considered him a split-tail with a crown of morning sunlight and high-ocean eyes. Later on, you learned it's called 'hair,' but a closer translation based on how mermaids see it is a 'mane.' Steve has a golden mane--something no one in your species has--hence, you think of it as a crown.
You were caged when you first saw him. That made you assume certain things when Steve walked up to the Raft's tank. Even in near darkness, his mane is bright. No other person you've encountered so far has that.
You're curious, frankly, but on-guard as always.
When humans are deprived of sleep, they can hallucinate, and mermaids are no different. You thought he was a complete figment of your imagination until Stark interacted with him, until Steve stepped into the water and put pressure across your heart and hips. The push of his hand, forcing your head against his chest, could have made you howl in relief.
All you wanted was to rest, but something in the back of your mind also told you not to scare him.
Stark, you don't mind scaring, Chuck is right where he belongs, excreted out into the industrial filters beyond the wall of your tank, but Steve? He must be protected.
He sees you. He listens to you.
You did not thing surfacers could do that. Not really. Not nicely. All humans want to do is control and take, use and abuse. However, you aren't afraid of them. You absolutely can kill any one of them that gets closer than you'd like. They're fragile.
But the way Steve grips you? Maybe he's not so fragile...
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English is freaking hard. You learn quite a bit from Tony and then practice with Steve. You can feel his patience but love earning his admiration more. You find yourself wanting him to be proud of you and your progress.
You love making Steve laugh. It takes so long to figure out how to amuse him.
Numbers are a pain in the ass to learn because they have a concept, a symbol, and a written word. That's the point Tony halts teaching you to read alongside the verbal language. You threw a fit. He threw a fit. He left in a huff to cool off. You shrieked for Steve to come back for hours.
Eventually, when Tony returns, you threaten to eat him, and he calls it quits for the day.
Tony knew you favored Steve Rogers from day one. He planned to use that knowledge--and to some lesser extent, he did--but soon Tony simply realizes making you happy makes Steve happy...plus you cooperate and become an ambassador of sorts in your home realm.
You keep learning for Steve, not for Stark.
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Mermen are, in your experience, domineering and uninspired. Their immense size differential to mermaids is useful to the brute-force model of society deep in the ocean, but they are boring. Your father is not stupid though. Almost none of them are stupid. Simple-minded remains the best translation you can manage.
Steve fascinates you. His attention to detail, his open nature, and his empathy are entirely new to you.
Mermen don't hide their baser instincts, so they freely ogle and flocked toward the most physiologically attractive mermaids. No interest in what's beneath the surface, ironically. Very shallow.
That's not to say bonds aren't possible. They absolutely are. Bonding with a partner is secondary at best, an afterthought most often, and unnecessary at worst.
Yet again, Steve wins you on every level--he has a sharp mind and acknowledges yours, he challenges your development without critique, and, lastly, he's quite attractive for how small and smooth he is.
"Should've seen me before," he once mumbled after you explained all that as well as your vocabulary would allow.
You don't know what he meant by that.
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Because a certain level of indifference is common in couplings of your species, you were quite alarmed, embarrassed, and uncomfortable with how deep your affection for Steve became. You know how other humans react to you, and it doesn't build much confidence that one of them could feel this way about you.
During these long, repeated hugs with Steve, you realize that it's not just curiosity, or the novelty of his existence, or interest in learning from him: you feel about Steve how others feel about their mates.
Not gonna lie: that's terrifying. You don't actually know if Steve reciprocates. Sure, he explains human couples in great detail, and he shows you some of what he means, but all that could be...part of teaching you.
Until Steve discusses kissing, you convinced yourself he could not possibly harbor romantic affection for you.
It's lips against something, he says, that's all. His lips can press anywhere and boom! you've been kissed. He illustrates by kissing the back of your hand, kissing your cheek, kissing your forehead.
By now, your face is cradled in his hands. You can hear his heart racing as he sits on the steps in your pool and leans toward your body. His high-ocean eyes are shadowed as he looks down your face, captivated by--
"--your beautiful lips," he says, gently pressing his atop yours.
It's difficult to describe why something so simple hits so dramatically in your mind. The golden-maned man, almost the strongest of his species, amongst the softest of yours, kisses you like he needs to learn you, like he needs your existence, like he's curious.
There's a phrase you hum at the back of your throat once he releases you and sits up, a dusty rose painting his neck and cheeks.
"Swim beside me."
The better translation to English would be "I love you," but you haven't learned that yet.
Thank you for asking!
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A/N: why am I crying?????
[Main Masterlist; Light Masterlist; Ko-Fi]
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urdrowning · 2 years ago
Note
Hi :)
If you are taking requests, could you please do a Leah oneshot?
Maybe one where reader is really famous (a singer/model/actress/or whatever) and her and Leah have been dating for a while in secret. And Leah’s teammates are suspicious of who’s she’s always spending time with or texting.
Also if you could, could you include Leah introducing reader to them?
Could be England or Arsenal teammates. Or both lol.
Thank you :))
AN - tysm for the request !! i kinda got lazy at the end cause i caught covid while writing LMAO. i don’t really like the ending. MAYBEEEE i have a part two in mind of a soft launch.. maybe i don’t..
superstar / l. williamson
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celebrity relationships are always awkward. when you’re under constant spotlight, it can be hard to settle down. finding someone who actually loves you for yourself, and not for your status isn’t easy. so that’s why you truly believe yourself to be the luckiest of the bunch.
leah williamson, your diamond in the rough.
you met leah at the BRIT awards in 2022. the minute you made eye contact with her brilliant blue eyes, electricity coursed its way through the both of you. the two of you spent the entire night together, getting to know each other. sat on tables next to each other, conversing through the speeches and nominations.
“if you win this award, i’ll take you on a date.”
she smirks at you and you’re taken aback. you’ve been so caught up in her presence that you didn’t realise that your section was up. you and your band have been nominated for the best upcoming artist award (tbh idk if this is a thing. if it’s not, pretend it is) before you even know it, the announcer has taken the stage and begins to announce the winner.
“and the winner of the best upcoming artist award is..”
you can barely even comprehend what they are saying, you’re rather distracted by leah’s hand, as she moves it to discreetly hold yours under the table. you’re in a blur as the announcer continues and you don’t even hear who wins. but, judging by how your band mates have all stood-up and look like they’ve won the lottery, you’ve got a pretty decent bet. you get hoisted up by your band mates as you walk on stage for the group’s acceptance speech. you let your band mates do the talking, as you’re too dazed to even think. (this very much goes viral in with your fans. your ‘fish out of water look’ is now a fan favourite meme)
despite suffering from equally massive hangovers, she’s true to her word, leah took you out on a date the following night. even though it was a small date at the arcade, you would probably still consider it one of your most fondest memories. on your third date, you kissed her. then, on the following night, she showed up on your doorstep, flowers in hand, asking you to be her girlfriend.
your one year anniversary together is approaching and the two of you are still as inseparable as you were when you first met. despite not being together for long, the both of you are unable to picture a future without the other in it.
leah is a private person, as are you. you both agreed to keep your relationship quiet and between yourselves. but, with your relationship approaching it’s first milestone, the both of you are getting restless. neither your family nor your friends are aware of your relationship.
how you’ve managed to keep it a secret from your band mates is a mystery of scooby doo fame. especially since you literally share an apartment with one of them. you consider your band mates your own found family, your forever bestfriends. each of you have been best friends since secondary school, and clearly, have been inseparable since. ironically, you’re all major football enthusiasts as well. you and your band mates are die hard lioness fans, even attending the euro’s competition in support (again, it’s a mystery how they didn’t find out. leah wouldn’t stop smiling at you in the crowd) leah struggled as well, her teammates are getting suspicious. the way she hides her phone from them as she giggles at it when you text.
“you’re seeing someone, aren’t you.”
leah’s head shoots up from her phone at the voice, only to be met with a suspicious looking keira walsh. looking at her with an accusatory stare.
“w.. what are you talking about?”
leah stutters out in an attempts to deny it all, but keira can see right through her, and is determined to get the truth out.
“don’t pretend leah, i know somethings up.”
leah sighs and looks down, avoiding kiera’s glare. she shrugs her shoulders lightly and appears similar to a child who’s got caught breaking the rules. she then reluctantly and awkwardly mutters
“yeah, i guess i’ve being seeing someone..”
keira’s stern gaze breaks as she excitedly sits down next to her friend and grabs her arms, flinging her about as she rapidly fires questions at her.
“who is it? what are they like? how long have you guys been together? are you being safe?”
leah looks mortified. she’s getting overwhelmed with the amount of questions that are being fired at her.
“keira, for gods sake, slow down! we’ve been together for almost a year now, and she treats me well.”
keira pauses her movements, looking at leah with her mouth agape.
“.. a YEAR?? who is she?”
——
“i’m so sorry, babe. i didn’t mean for this.”
leah feels incredibly guilty. she stares at you through the phone screen after relaying the earlier events to you. you’ve been quiet since she started telling you, appearing to be lost in thought. after leah’s fifth apology, it seems you snap out of your trance and smile at her.
“leah, honey, breathe. it’s okay, i’m not mad. it’s about time we started telling people.”
you truly mean it, you honestly feel quite relieved that she made the first move in telling her teammates, as you’ve been fairly close to cracking the news to your band mates yourself.
the thought of telling your band mates makes you nervous, you don’t know why. there’s nothing bad about your relationship. it’s not like you’re dating someone 29 years younger than you (looking at you, leo dicaprio) besides, they are lioness fans themselves and would most likely be elated at the news of you dating their team captain.
“i know, but i should’ve talked with you before-hand.”
leah secretly is filled with relief as well, she no longer has to hide her love from her friends. but it doesn’t make her feel any better about how she told them.
“you’re talking to me about it now, i think that’s enough.”
she shakes her head lightly, fighting off a smile. you always manage to cheer her up, no matter what. it’s as if you have super powers.
“i would’ve told you sooner, but keira’s loudmouth blabbed it to the rest of the team. i’ve been questioned all night.”
the minute she had free time, she’d facetimed you straight away. after she found out who leah was dating, keira’s shocked exclamation of your name definitely didn’t go unheard. her england teammates had hounded her with question after question about you and your relationship together.
you’re about to reply to her before she lets out a yawn. you check the time and realise it’s late into the night.
“go rest, sleepy. i’ll talk to rory and get her to speak to my other band mates for me. i’ll speak to you in the morning, okay? love you.”
she smiles at you sleepily as she mumbles
“love you too, goodnight..”
you end the call and take a deep breathe as you prepare to face your bandmate/roommate, rory. you and her have been inseparable for years. you always planned on telling her first out of your friends and family, you have the utmost trust for her and you’re hoping she’ll be understanding and not upset at you for hiding your relationship from her. you exhale slowly as you get up from your bed and knock on her door.
——
leah 💗:
‘my teammates want to meet you x’
the text almost instantaneously shoots anxiety through your veins. despite being a big fan of them, meeting leah’s teammates is an incredibly daunting thing. they intimidate the hell out of you.
y/n đŸ€:
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leah 💗:
‘baby it’s okay. if you’re not comfortable with it i’ll tell them no x’
yn đŸ€:
‘no no. ofc i want to meet them, they’re just intimidating is all’
leah 💗:
‘aw babe you’re cute đŸ„° they’re harmless. and i’ll stop them if they make u uncomfortable. promise x’
you both texted for a little while longer while agreeing that leah would come pick you up and take you to meet her teammates.
you told your band mates last night and it went down well. they were slightly hurt that you kept it from them but were mostly just excited for you and in shock that you managed to pull leah williamson herself. your train of thought is interrupted from the vibration of your phone, lighting up with a text from leah to let you know she’s outside.
she grins at you as you get into the passenger side of her car, leaning over to kiss you cheek.
“are you sure about this?”
she mumbles against your cheek, you can sense her nerves. she’s not nervous because she’s ashamed of you. she’s nervous because she can’t guarantee that her teammates will behave around you.
“i’m sure. i want to do this, it’s important to me.”
she smiles slightly at you, your words holding a great value to her. she then gives you one last kiss on the cheek before she starts the car and drives.
——
“girls, this is y/n. i’m sure you already know her, but please, be nice. she’s really important to me.”
leah’s grip on your hand tightens towards the end of her sentence as her sincerity shines through. it’s true, she cares about you enough to go to the ends of the earth for you.
“hi, it’s really good to meet you all. i’m a big fan.”
the rest of the girls sit there, disbelieving.
“YOU’RE a fan of US”
you chuckle sheepishly, using your freehand to play with the hem of your shirt nervously, one glance at the lionesses faces and you know you’re in for a tornado’s worth of questions. with a deep inhale, you smile and look at them.
“ask away.”
——
after being bombarded with question after question, the awkward and intense atmosphere has long left the room and you’re sat comfortable between leah and georgia. leah’s arm is wrapped comfortably and protectively around your shoulders, one glance at her face and you can see that she’s on cloud nine. all her favourite people are seamlessly bonding and she couldn’t be happier about it.
“let’s play a game!”
the loud voice of ella toone shouts, followed by the loud agreements of the lionesses. ella then excitedly follows up with a shout of ‘duck, duck goose’ but nobody else wants to play that. (ella hmu i wanna play duck duck goose with you so bad)
“y/n! if i win, i get to choose your next album cover!”
mary shouts, you smile at her and agree, feeling confident.
(you lost, now you have to explain to your band mates that mary earp’s is in charge of your next album cover.)
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gamequoteshowdown · 4 months ago
Text
WARNING THIS POLL CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE FOLLOWING GAMES: Inscryption, Ghost Trick
Quote 1: "But what did I expect? You're a stupid stupid idiot gamer like the rest. And I easily outwitted you! I outwitted them all!" - P03, Inscryption
Quote 2: "What’s it like to feel pain? Does it make you feel alive?" - Yomiel, Ghost Trick
Propaganda under cut
Quote 1: P03 has many good quotes but I consider this his best for many reasons. It displays his cockiness by having him gloat about his victory prematurely, it displays his ego by having him brag about "outwitting everyone" (he really didn't, he just got lucky in a lot of aspects; the only person he technically "outwitted" was the player), and most importantly he calls the main character a "stupid stupid idiot gamer".
Quote 2:
ITS SO COOL. OUR MAN IS TORMENTING A GUY HE WANTS REVENGE ON. THIS IS RIGHT AFTER HE FORCED THE GUY TO WALK UP THE STAIRS ON BROKEN LEGS. HES SO FULL OF HATRED. he gets shot, his body ragdolls back and then is dragged back up like a puppet. He slams his hand on a burning stovetop. He’s so mad. I’m saying things out of order I know but like chapter 15 is so so good I just play through it for fun sometimes. God. I had seen an out of context screenshot of this specific line and was looking forward to it the whole game. Imagine you’re a guy who hasn’t been able to feel anything for 10 years. You’re face to face with one of the people who’s actions led to your death, your fate of puppeting everything around you but never experiencing any of it in a tangible way. He’s collapsed in pain because of what you’ve done. You’re taunting him because you want him to suffer, but even in his suffering, he has something that he stole from you. You can’t help but let out a jeer. “What’s it like to feel pain? Does it make you feel alive~?” Sure, it probably makes him feel like he wishes he wasn’t alive. But that’s part of living too, isn’t it? And isn’t that ironic? That even as you’re clawing him apart as some desperate misplaced revenge, he gets what you’ll never have again? Mind you, Yomiel at this point is like. Really fucked up. I’m writing this assuming anyone reading this propaganda either doesn’t care about spoilers or already Knows, but the fandom has trained me well so I gotta give one last warning lol. This is Yomiel after his only friend, a cat who’s life he shared when he was a new ghost and hadn’t remembered himself yet, is dead. The one thing he cared about, and it was his fault. He missed the shot and killed his only friend. So like. He was always planning on taking revenge, but now he’s even more angry, and hurt, and he blames the people involved in the incident. I’m pretty sure he’s already figured out that Jowd had escaped but he had still killed Jowd’s wife and ruined his life. Cabanela is the other most responsible person for what happened in Yomiel’s mind, and oh is he going to make it slow, make it hurt. And that. That weight, behind the banger line, is what makes me feral.
Mod Note: I LOVE GT (thats it)
@sleepywabbit09 @stormcloudsandshadows @kirexa @ghost-trick-heritage-posts
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chairofchaos · 4 months ago
Text
You Deserve Better, and Other Points for Reflection
Hey friends, listen up. Real talk for a second, because nobody deserves this. And, in case anybody cares, I want you to know I come with 12 years of learning on this exact debate we have been having, because I had some very excellent fandom mentors in my communities and in the form of my uncles, who to this day support me writing and reading whatever hell I please, even in the face of protest from my immediate family. There was a lot of learning I had to do to be here with you now, and I am thankful for those people who were willing to tell me so.
If you want to post memes and think pieces and jokes and poems about a fandom debate, go ahead! You create the experience you want to see on your dash, and you will find your people.
If you want to discuss a fandom debate (a little or a lot), go ahead! I’m all for thinking through how we live and act and exist as a fan community.
If you feel that you need to take those things and turn them into vitriol to pour into the DMs and Anons of people who are running a fan week, that is not okay. Not in the slightest.
There is a big difference between debate, discussion, creative protest, and joking around, and intentionally using your words to create harm in someone’s life.
“But, Chaos, this [thing not directly sent to you/not specifically intended for you] hurt my feelings!”
Okay. Get burned once? Great! You learned something: don’t touch the hot iron again. (To translate: block the tag, block the person, whatever you need, and move on. If it isn’t for you that’s ok.) Hurt feelings are to tell you what you can and/or are willing to handle. If you don’t want to see it, block. (I love blocking tags it’s one of my little joys in life lol)
“Chaos, somebody said something really rude to me to my (virtual) face! What do I do?”
Well, you can either respond or you can block. Either way, it will probably help you to move on.
If you are responding, I beg you to keep one thing in mind. I want you to picture 7 year old you at the other end of that message. Or 13 year old you. What kind of words did they deserve to hear in a moment when maybe they weren’t getting something? Use those. Use them kindly, not in a condescending way, but in a “I want to explain this as gently as I would to my younger self” kind of way. If somebody keeps being mean, it isn’t worth it. Please use the block feature and move on. They are not worth your time.
Additionally, I would encourage you to do this: the “touch grass” mentality is something I only direct at myself. (I literally told myself to go touch grass yesterday, and there is at least one person who can corroborate that.) I stand by that decision every single day. It’s kept me out of a lot of trouble. Directing it at others does not end well, but directing it at yourself can be a good way to reflect and to consider sensible actions in the face of overwhelming situations or emotions (of which I experience many).
“Chaos, people are coming into anon and being hateful. Or just rude. Or they’re dumping triggering material into my anons.”
That is on them. That is not on you. They should not do that. And I am so sorry you are dealing with that. I’m going to be honest, I don’t know if you can block from anons (I’ve never even needed to look and so help you all if this is the post that makes me) but if you can, do. I will do what I can to help, if you need it. Regardless of where you stand on any of these issues, because I will not stand for hatred.
“I’m mad about [redacted] and I am going to be rude/mean/intentionally putting triggering material in people’s inboxes and activity feeds!”
You do that and you will be in a world of hurt, my friend. A world of hurt from yourself.
Because we create the experience we think we deserve. If you create an internet experience where it is acceptable to be hateful, vengeful, and downright cruel to other people, that is the experience you will receive in return. You deserve better than that. And if you believe that you deserve better than that but the people you’re directing cruelty towards don’t, then I want you to hear me: you will quickly find that you are not welcome anywhere. There will always be someone to disagree with. There will always be (at least) minute discrepancies in the way two or more people think, even people who are deeply similar.
Hurt the hand that reaches to help you- one day it will be raised against you in hurt as well.
As for me? Well, for that, I leave you with thoughts from George Washington’s Farewell address as paraphrased in Hamilton’s ‘One Last Time’:
“Though, in reviewing the incidents of my administration, I am unconscious of intentional error, I am nevertheless too sensible of my defects not to think it probable that I may have committed many errors.”
I am not a president (and thank god for that because who wants Chaos in charge of a country?). I am simply a fandom member. A writer. A little chaos gremlin lurking behind trees in the forest.
But like Mr. Washington, I am aware that I often fail to live up to my standards and principles. And I hope, truly, though it is wildly uncomfortable for me, that you would call me out for ways I have failed to uphold them, either in the past or in the future. (It would be super great if you like
 called me out in DMs and didn’t put me on blast but oh well.)
I am in at least four other major (international, GIANT) fandoms. I am not hopeful enough to think that the ACOTAR fandom will learn from the fandoms of yore. We will have to weather these storms on our own, even with the knowledge and experiences already there. I think that’s okay. Disappointing, perhaps, but okay.
Since this post was much longer than it was intended to be, I will summarize:
If you are intentionally putting hateful materials in the inboxes, DMs, and activity feeds of people you disagree with, you will hurt yourself.
You create the experience you think you deserve, and in doing so, create that experience for others. Good or bad.
Block tags, block blogs, block what you need to enjoy the space. You will find your people.
Being intentionally cruel to other human persons is how you end up finding that nobody is “your people” because you created an environment where no one wants to be. You will be lonely and sad. Don’t make yourself lonely and sad.
I am certain I fail to uphold these principles at times. Feel free to call me out if you see me failing at these. DM appreciated, but I’m the one who invited you to do so so I’m not going to say “don’t blast me on main.” My funeral, I know.
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