#irl i think i've had a squish like. twice?

[spacedykez]

jfc they weren't lying when they said that the sexuality crisis comes back as soon as u figure out your gender :SOB:

[ejunkiet]

Hi! First of all, I hope you'll have a lovely weekend :D If you feel like answering: 8, 25 and 32 from the writer's asks??

*squishes!!* bless you, wonderful friend - hope you also have a lovely weekend and end of the week!! 😚😚

8. If you had to write an entire story without either action or dialogue, which would you choose and how would it go?

Heheheh this is actually pretty easy; writing action is a pain in the ass. Dialogue, all the way! Actually, I found that script writing was a very easy transition for me, after the initial day it took me to get used to the format. (but then... I missed the parts of the scene that setting plays when I write, so I'm sticking with my short story format. <3)

25. What is a weird, hyper-specific detail you know about one of your characters that is completely irrelevant to the story?

I love this question. Okay. Have to say, I've already been slipping these details in. Angel is a comp sci major who dropped out of grad school after five years; Babe was in an accident in their teens that left them with scars (hence body image issues) and hearing damage; Olivia is of French-Peruvian descent, but her mother refused her request for language lessons, and so she is learning Spanish now; Lizzie is grey-ace / demisexual and still exploring that identity.

I think... I think that's it, for now.

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

There's a Mary Oliver quote... I'm paraphrasing, and it's out of context but it stuck with me: but most of all, I just want to be kind. it just. really reflects me and my philosophy on things.

online, with how I interact with other writers and the things I read - really, I have such a passion for these online writing communities and these stories, fanfic has helped me, so much, when I've been in bad places, and I try to give back for that, and to let people know the impact of their writing.

and IRL, where I try to be a mentor to people interested in the research path. I've taken on summer students, hosted science events, read over many personal statements and cvs. I had to figure it out by myself, and I want to try to make this path less opaque. my reach is limited, but I can help where I can.

(also, I know I can give too much, it's definitely a fatal flaw, but- I reblogged something about this earlier: I'd rather make that mistake once or twice, but in general, improve the environment around me? and my phd lab aside, it's worked out. I wouldn't be where I am now if I hadn't done a little extra when I could have walked away.)

[mcrmadness]

i hope this doesn‘t sound weird or anything but sometimes i wish i was aroace? because i have the tendency to develop intense crushes on celebs because they‘re my comfort persons *cough* fu *cough* and it‘s incredibly hard to live with the fact that i‘m in love with someone who i can‘t ever have

No it doesn't sound weird, I can totally understand what you mean. Or, maybe not totally cos I'm still aroace (and on top of that all also a loveless aro) but still to some extent :D

I have actually often thought about how it must be painful for allos to develop a crush or just feel either romantic and/or sexual attraction towards someone they know they can never have, even if I don't understand how allos can look at someone who they don't even know more than from the surface level and still can have those feelings. It's so weird to me, and something I have never experienced.

Like, you used FU here as an example and I get the comfort person aspect, but at the same time it's just the image I have of him (and those people) in my head. I don't know them IRL. Who knows how different they are from the images we create of them in our heads. So even if having a chance to interact with them (like I've already had a chance to get email from Farin twice), it still is a fan-idol interaction. I don't know those people, and they don't know me. I know things about them that they probably don't know that I know, AND I can't know how much of all I know is even true. If that makes any sense. I actually find it weird if THEY even try to be more friendly than I'd expect because: they still don't know me??? I'm just a rando, why are you trying to be so friendly to me? Polite is good, but we're still not _friends.

I'm sidetracking here now. Anyway, I can imagine what you're going through because I think I experience something similar when I have platonic crushes aka squishes, if that's what they are. Just looking at someone and thinking "damn I wish I could be their friend!", but when it's a celebrity who doesn't even know I exist... it feels sad because what if we got along and could be really good friends but now can never find that out cos they're a celebrity and it's probably difficult to trust people as so many would like to befriend them just because they're a celebrity. And yet I am extremely cautious even if I get to interact with a celebrity - just like I said there, we're not friends. Maybe with some there could even be a possibility for a friendship, but it'd take more than a random email once every 7 years to build something like that. I don't think being a fan is necessarily a good start, altho that doesn't say it couldn't work because sometime celebrities' spouses even have been their fans originally.

---

During my fictional crushes phase I sometimes do remember thinking how I hated the fact someone is only fictional. With some characters I still have that tbh, sometimes I even imagine they would magically appear in my living room cos sometimes they feel so relatable and so much like my kind of people that it almost hurts to know that the only person who probably would understand me better than anyone else, is purely fictional. Sometimes I would even dream about them and waking up was so annoying cos they, still, are not real.

And the teenage crushes also often were the "why can't this person just be mine :(" types, or sometimes I even wished to have a clone of a celebrity/character (these were extremely rare tho, there's probably been only one ever and it was a short phase when I was ~19 or so) to myself, but when I think back to that and what that "mine" would have meant? I don't know. I don't think it meant anything in the end. I was about 18-19 when I first started having the feels that a romantic relationship would feel like being in a cage, and I always started to feel panicky when thinking about that and felt like I need to get away even tho nothing had even happened yet. So maybe it was aesthetic that I just didn't understand yet because I literally learnt about aesthetic attraction only a couple of years ago. And then I had the antidepressants which already made me weird and made me say things that I don't recognize as being typical for me cos I literally had no inhibitions, not even the GOOD ones so I just said out loud random things that no way were like me.

Okay maybe this is enough for now :D The point was that I understand what you mean, in a way. I'm not sure if it would help with it to think that e.g. FU is like, probably is not the full reality. Other tips I don't really have to you, you can always try to just. Get over it but it's easier said than done. My school time "crushes" most of the time happened on their own, a few times I created them myself or someone else started them for me, and then they would just. Fade. Just like that. Today I often maintain my people hyperfixations by just limiting my time with the person I feel I'm starting to hyperfixate on, because that usually helps already in a few days. But obviously I don't know if that works with attraction? I only know how aesthetic (and platonic) attraction work and they usually don't change much unless my own preferences change as I get older.