#iris is of course Tiny Tim who did NOT die

[alterigo06]

A Christmas Carol, featuring Lord Barok van Zieks and his migrane.

Silly sketches below the cut

[punksarahreese]

Rupture | Marjan Marwani

Part 2 to Don’t want to (die)

CW: medical gore, surgery talk, mentions of dying

Word count: 1973

***

“Michelle?” Nancy had returned from her walk to get coffee for them, though Tim was nowhere in sight. Instead, Nancy was flanked by Owen and TK, who both looked quite worried. Of course they were, everyone was. She knew there was no sense telling them to go back and wait at the station, just as much as she knew the rest of the crew would arrive soon. Owen would hover, like he always does, and try to make sure everyone was remaining positive. Grace would arrive eventually, to check on Judd and everyone else. They would all remain in the waiting room at least until they had an update, just like they did when TK got shot.

“She’s in surgery,” she told Owen slowly, standing on shaky legs. Nancy was quick to help her, a gentle hand wrapping around her arm for added stability. Her blood pressure was probably low, paired with her rapid heart rate from the stress of the situation. No one commented on it and Michelle just shot Nancy a thankful look, accepting the disposable coffee cup she was handed. She stopped to take a sip of the caffeinated beverage, wincing at the acrid, lukewarm excuse for coffee.

“And her injuries?”

“Pretty major,” she admitted, “I was right about the ribs, 8th and 9th left ribs fractured severely.”

“Ouch,” TK mumbled, “Anything else?”

“The surgeon hasn’t come to update us yet but she had fluid in her abdomen and the likelihood of a splenic or renal rupture is really high...”

That had Owen sighing, his hand landing on TK’s good shoulder and giving it a squeeze. He was having trouble separating this from the times his son was in a similar situation, that was obvious. Even if it was different, Marjan was basically family and this was enough to scare the Hell out of all of them. Everything was so uncertain and it felt too surreal, fear palpable between them.

“Cap?” Mateo’s voice had them turning, drawing Owen’s attention away to the rest of the crew. Michelle took that as a moment to drop her brave face, with everyone else preoccupied as TK and his dad informed them of the situation. Nancy noticed her attitude change, she always did, and her arm was around her waist in seconds.

“You okay, Chelle?”

She shrugged, letting her lead her back to the chairs they had been occupying. She and Marjan had begun hanging out outside work recently and Michelle wouldn’t hesitate to call her a good friend. Everything about this was horrible, none of the crew should get hurt, but the fact that it was Marjan was somehow worse. She was so selfless and so fearless, ready to jump into danger both to help people and for the sheer excitement. She wanted to help, she always helped, and this wasn’t fair. Besides that, Michelle was just tired. She knew she would be preoccupied with answering everyone’s questions and checking on them all evening. She didn’t mind, of course, but it was overwhelming. Nancy knew that, she knew exactly how situations like this went and how much her captain internalized it.

“She’s strong,” Nancy reminded her gently as she nudged Michelle into her chair, “Just breathe.”

“I’m scared, Nanc,” her admission was barely audible but she still heard it, immediately taking Michelle’s shaking hand in hers. There was no need for a reply, nothing could be said to make this better. Nancy knew better than to waste her energy making up promises neither of them could be sure of, nor would she even think of doing that to Michelle. She didn’t need coddling or uncertain promises, she just needed an anchor in that moment. So they sat in silence instead, hands clasped together tightly, and it wasn’t perfect but it did help.

***

Two hours passed before any update was heard. Grace showed up eventually, immediately beelining for her husband like she always did. Still, Michelle watched as she stopped in front of Mateo, who looked to be on the edge of a nervous breakdown. Grace tapped on his arm gently and opened her arms without a word, drawing the young firefighter into a gentle embrace. Grace’s hugs were always so warm and maternal and Michelle was glad she was there. These firefighters never liked to show weakness or be vulnerable, so it was times like these where an outside support was needed. It was clear in the way Mateo thanked her quietly and smiled a little, albeit it didn’t really reach his eyes.

“You hang in there, sweetheart,” she replied and let him sit back down, finally going over to Judd. It was moments like this where Michelle realized just how much of a family the 126 had become and it made her so grateful. After the accident with the original crew she wasn’t sure Judd would be the same again, nor did she think the new crew would be able to get their feet on the ground in the beginning. Yet despite all the stress and change, they managed to find real trust and love in each other. As terrifying as this all was, they were lucky to have each other through it all.

It was still weird, though, because something felt wrong. It was worse than it was with TK, somehow, because they all felt Marjan’s absence so blatantly. Her love language was tiny acts of service, it was how she coped, and in a moment like this they noticed the difference. Marjan was usually wandering between everyone, handing out coffees and offering a reassuring touch or a smile. Without her familiar support and comfort, the waiting room felt even more cold and uncertain. It was never comfortable to be down a team member, especially in such a situation, but missing Marjan in particular was exceptionally hard.

The doors to the OR hall opened and the woman Michelle recognized as one of the trauma surgeons stepped out. She looked around the crowded waiting room for a moment before looking at Michelle, simply because she knew her from previous calls they had brought patients here from.

“You’re with Ms. Marwani?”

“Y-yes,” Michelle glanced back at everyone, “We all are.”

“She’s out of surgery. The rib fractures were severe, we needed to realign them with titanium plates to ensure proper healing. The shards from the break also ruptured her spleen and the damage was extensive, I’m afraid we had to remove it completely.”

“Will she be okay?” Mateo’s question was one they all silently echoed.

“She will be in the ICU until she wakes up, from there we will monitor her for as long as we see necessary. Her recovery will be extensive, I’m afraid, but she got out of surgery with minor complications.”

***

Michelle was allowed to see her after about another hour, though she was told visiting hours would be over quite soon. She didn’t mind, though, she just needed to see Marjan for herself. After she had passed out mid-sentence in the ambulance, Michelle had been absolutely terrified. She was shaking like a leaf when she had to intubate her, knowing in that moment exactly why doctors weren’t allowed to work on friends or family. It was hard to depersonalize, especially when Marjan’s life hung in the balance, and Nancy had had to take over the ambu bag when Michelle was shaking too hard.

From a medical standpoint it didn’t look good at all, especially not when Marjan’s stats dropped and her heart rate was uncontrollable. The portable ultrasound had confirmed fluid in the upper left quadrant, which was indicative of a major internal bleed. They got her to the hospital in time but seeing her unconscious and almost coding on that gurney had Michelle more terrified for a crew member than she had ever been.

The ICU was an uncomfortable place for Michelle. It reminded her too much of her dad’s last moments, the way she had held Iris and promised they would be okay. It was all too reminiscent of the times she spent waiting in those uncomfortable leather chairs for good news that would never come. She could almost hear her mother’s sobs from across the ICU, even years later. Still, she let the nurse lead her down the hall to a corner room, thanking her when she opened the sliding door for her and waved her in.

Marjan was unconscious as expected, no longer intubated but hooked up to essentially every other life-sustaining machine in the room. A quick glance at her heart monitor told her she was stable, but Michelle’s stomach still dropped at the sight. She looked impossibly pale, all the usually spunk and confidence sapped from her body. She didn’t stir when Michelle approached, the only signs of life being the telltale beeping of her heart monitor and the slight rise and fall of her chest.

“Marj,” she sighed as she pulled the visitor’s chair closer to the head of the bed, “What did you get yourself into?”

She didn’t sit down right away, though, because something was bothering her. Her eyes scanned the room before landing on what she was looking for. A plastic bag full of Marjan’s clothes that survived the accident and her other belongings. Michelle went over to the counter to grab them, rummaging through the thing in vague annoyance until she found what she was looking for.

“I know it was a sterility issue but really?” she grumbled as she walked back over to Marjan, “I’m sorry, I’ll make sure they leave it be, okay?”

She busied herself with carefully draping Marjan’s scarf back over her head, careful not to jostle her or obstruct any wires. She figured the other woman would appreciate that, especially since she was already in a vulnerable situation. Limited in knowledge and mobility in that moment, Michelle just settled for tucking it around her as best she could, hoping it would at least make her feel more secure if she woke up with any staff or the crew around.

“There,” she sat down when she was content, studying her friend’s unmoving face for a moment. It still felt so surreal, the whole thing, but this helped a little. She was unconscious and her recovery would be extensive, it would be months before she could even step foot in a firetruck again, but she was alive. In that moment, that’s what made Michelle feel a bit more grounded. She tried to ignore the fact that there was a large plastic tube sticking out from her abdomen to drain excess fluid from her splenectomy, not to mention the fact that Marjan would be way more susceptible to infection until her other organs could take over her spleen’s job. They would cross that bridge when they got there, she figured, but Marjan being alive was the most important thing.

Michelle shifted a little in the stiff chair, uncomfortable with the way her uniform had begun to chafe her skin. Carlos had offered her a ride home when he was leaving with TK but she had declined, citing the fact that she wanted to stay with Marjan a bit more. He had looked at her with a sad expression, yet simply offered his best friend another reassuring hug before taking TK’s hand to leave. Everyone else had gone home because visiting hours would end soon anyway, planning to come back the next day to check on Marjan. Michelle couldn’t bring herself to leave, though, as much as she wanted to change out of her uniform and sleep away the stress of the day.

Marjan needed someone, especially right then, and the least she could do was be there for her. Maybe that’s what prompted Michelle to take her cold hand in her own, holding it close in an attempt to warm up her poorly oxygenated skin. She held onto her tightly, something in her brain screaming that she needed to. It was as if Michelle thought Marjan would disappear if she let go of her after that, which only prompted her to keep a careful hold on her limp hand.

“I’ve got you, Marj,” she murmured, though maybe it was for herself when she added, “You’re not going anywhere, okay?”