#irdk i'm just thinking abt it

[dastardlydandelion]

people saying nope (2022) was keke palmer's 'breakout role' befuddles the heck out of me. your guys' schools didn't make you watch akeelah and the bee?

man, my school made us watch that at least twice. i remember enjoying it and for one girl in our class like, it was her favorite movie. she could quote it.

[bloodsadx]

Hey will there be any musubi fantasy shirts available at the Chicago popup? I'm a huge musubi fan and I love your musubi fantasy stuff

i think i have exactly 1 black one left over one but i dont know if somebody ordered it and i accidentally left it out of their order or not but the amount of times ive posted "email me if you haven't got your order" has been several so i might bring it? idk. i was thinking abt reprinting a couple but idk if i have the time. i will probably do something with that drawing again though because like ive said before on here its one of my favorite things ive ever drawn so if it doesnt work out don't worry too much or anything.

the main stuff i am planning to bring:

the cavity/dennis shirt (tentatively called ketchup and mustard: from the fridge)

gmod toenail shirts

i love pimple and toenail shirts/sweaters/tanktops

a couple of HSM hoodies (if time permits)

exactly 1 jalapeno shirt (my embroidery machine is broken or else there would be a couple more im sorry ;_;)

i think i have 2 cool ranch shirts

the minimum price of a shirt there is probably going to be 60 dollars!! im not set on the price of the dennis/cavity shirt yet but probably at least 100 dollars (its 15 screens, which is, a lot of work. for reference the HSM stuff was all like, 8-10 screens, and in the same place every shirt. they are also printed on shaka wear blanks which are expensive and very high quality, very heavy. and they use a Lot of ink). im doing the pop up partially to fund my travel expenses to just otherwise visit the city and hang out with my friends im not gonna lie so like i need da money.

and then i have a couple ideas for other stuff if i have time but irdk im working my butt off im recording vlogs and shit while i do everything so like whatever happens happens and itll be documented but idk if you come out im gonna give u a sticker or a pin or something at least probably. ill doodle u a toenail idk.

excited to see anybody that comes!! please don't be weird to me or flirt with me but otherwise i will be nice to you ok!!

[reidslibrarybook]

So I am not the best with emotions and feelings. I don't like to get emotional or vulnerable. I am a really private and guarded person and I'm not sure why, but maybe that is the reason I've been unlucky when it comes to friendships. I've never really had a friend. Someone that I could just randomly message about whatever. I never saw it coming, never thought it was feasible for me because maybe there was something wrong with me for why I never had a friend. I don't like getting emotional or vulnerable or spilling my feelings out there so it's hard for me to word this, but thank you for being my friend. I'm not sure if you know who I am by now, but still thank you for being my first friend.

I am just going to hit send now before I chicken out yet again....

STOP. IT. I. LOVE. YOU.

i struggled like getting a handle on tumblr when i first started and honestly being your friend helped me so so much. like adjusting to posting and being friendly with ppl was something i didn't know how to do cuz i was like ~brand new~ to tumblr. honestly, i don't think i could function without our random convos abt spencer's hands or like jello and whipped cream lmaooo. irdk how our friendship kinda turned into so much more but i won't complain at all cuz talking abt fics and spencer and our interests are so fucking fun. you genuinely make my day so much better and you're so great, ily. you were my first friend to and i'm TAKING YOU TO THE GRAVE WITH ME NO EXCUSES IT'S HAPPENING I WILL NEVER EVER LET GO I SWEAR.

[earthangel]

lately i've been thinking abt how i might not actually be cis... & now elliot page just came out & he's always been a rly big inspiration to me & idk... i've got a bf, i've got my bsfs, & i just don't want anything to change. but i also feel like i'm lying, idk. idek if i'm a man, i don't think i am, i don't rly want to anyway. idk, irdk.

[bbysamu]

Oh no. HELLNO!! Not me waking up and seeing another of this h8 anon?!? Babe, if it actually makes you comfortable/ safer, you can turn off anon for awhile I guess (??) Irdk how yall writers deal w ppl like em bht bby we readers dont mind if yall take breaks, we always can wait <33 Just make sure ure fine, mkay?? 🥺 *hugth u and kith

And no worries abt the late replies it's no biggie!! I've also been so dang busy for univ work UGH And it's good to hear that you've been pretty productive yourself bby!! I'm just about to start my day in a bit, uni is crazy right now I CANT :<

I'm only on the 3rd episode of KNB bec of school work 😅 But so far it's been pretty entertaining!! Although I feel like HQ is still top tier 🤭 our boys are the best 😌 And my love, thank u for backing me up w more ushi content!?? U have no idea that makes me so happy 😭 I for real think he deserves more credit than what he's getting now. And in general, there is just a lack of content about him in terms of wrtings and even art, if you compare the contents with the other HQ boys (if only i can write and draw too :// but i cant owell 🤷🏻‍♀️)

DONT LET EM BOTHER U CECI QUEEN!! ILYSM HAVE AN AMAZING DAY THO!

-🍙

*Lotso style hugs you back (lotso as in the bear from toy story 3. He’s not supposed to be evil and I heard he gives the best hugs) LOL* 

Thank you my dear. Yeah it’s been a little draining tbh, this is my most intense hate anon and if it weren’t for my moot, I’d have no idea what was going on. I turned off anon for tonight, but I'll be turning it back on tomorrow. I can handle anon hate and I don’t want to miss out on your messages. Every time I see the 🍙 emoji im just like “wheeee!” 

okay let me catch up to you on KNB and we can discuss! you gave me the perfect opportunity to watch hehe HQ is seriously top tier in sports anime. I tried the swimming one and the boys are drawn so beautifully but Haikyuu.... LOL And I absolutely agree Ushiwaka needs more contents. I used to be afraid to write for him bc I didn’t like him that much compared to others, but the more I write for him the more I fall in love. And hey if you really wanted to, im sure you can become a great writer and artist. I BELIEVE IN YOU!! 

Is this us right here? 

ILYSM too! 

Can’t wait to talk to u soon! 

[sunshine-on-marz]

Ok so it starts with me saying music buddy didn't end up as my 1st kiss but I'm okay with that.... they were slightly late so me, 2nd irl and her gf had time to talk b4 hand and they were asking me my plan but I didn't have too much of one lol.... eventually when irl realises not much is happening she suggests we play spin the bottle... it lands on me and her and she is nicely checking I'm okay with her being my 1st and all that (honestly I am bc she's a great friend and a nice human so no regrets there)... I end up kissing her gf (it was all consentual and stuff bc we were drunk and spin the bottle doesn't mean much so she was okay with it) and eventually it ends up on me and music buddy which was a quick, slightly awkward but not too bad peck on the lips... the night progresses on and they get more drunk than me simply bc I just didn't feel the need for loads more alc, a good song comes on I think it was by deftones so irl and gf get up to slowly dance leaving me to grab music buddy in a hug so we can sway... tall heavy drunk man is leaning on me as we sway and telling me how short I am and how small I am (idk why but jokingly mentioned they could crush my ribs lol we giggled at that) I was in a poorly fitting crop top that kinda rode up so I had much torso on show leading music buddy to guide their big warm hands up my back *swoon*.... we've been outside a few times at this point and eventually irl and gf leave my room to go talk abt smth (its all good dw) so it's just us 2 sat on the floor listening to our music and I've got my head on his shoulder so that's cute... later irl and gf head home so it's just us 2 on the floor idrk how it happens but they ask me if I wanna kiss so ofc I say yes... I was like sure man but irdk how and they were so nice and cute they were all like "Don't worry abt it just do what feels right like it will be okay" and we would kinda stop and giggle and then go back for a lil bit it was cute (I had mentioned it may be awkward as they were quite more drunk so they were like "dw abt i consent and all that") They had their hands kinda in my hair I think but idk... mine were looped round their neck ig.... there's more if u want it but its not as important..... loved it sm bc they were so damn nice and it was just uggh lovely

🎸anon

BRO U ARE Y/N WTF

[amandabe11man]

2, 4, 5, 7, 11

2. What was the film that scared you the most? There are a few, actually, but I think 28 Weeks Later takes the cake, considering how much it affected me irl. I mean, I never even watched it (still haven't), but the clips I've seen + the plot description was enough to make me: a) be afraid of the English countryside and its small villages. Like. the way they look? this was because of that one scene where main guy runs away from the horde of zombies (I mean "infected"). and since they get to London later in the movie, my view of London ALSO got tainted... which is saying something, since I was a bit of an anglophile back then. Just. the entirety of Great Britain was something I didn't even wanna THINK about for a couple years at least. all because 28 Weeks Later takes place there. I've gotten over it NOW, but I'm not exaggerating about the sheer amount of time that took me, lmao b) be afraid of disturbed's song "down with the sickness". why? because I watched a fanvideo someone had made about the movie with that song playing over the clips. this sucks because I loved that song back then too, but for a while I just couldn't listen to it, cause it'd make me all anxious, lol. (good song choice tho because the tension and rage in that song fits so well, it seems to be almost made for this movie) Here's some honorable mentions of movies that scared me a lot, also on a more.... profound level: The Mist, Dawn of the Dead (1978), Evil Dead (the original, obviously)

4. What film is TERRIBLE but you love it?: BIRDEEEEMIC, DON'T YOU FUCKIN' FORGEEEEET IT!!!! I would say The Room too, but in its defense, The Room at least had some production value, whereas Birdemic..... uh. you know.

5. What is the film you once loved but watching it now you realize it’s terrible? Hmm, tough one. Overall, I don't really subscribe to that whole argument that some movies don't "age well". I'm like who cares? Everything made this year is also gonna look laughable in the future, so please Sit Down, lol. I think the only movie I can think of that comes close in this case though, is the Dungeons and Dragons-movie from 2000. I remember thinking it was so cool back when we first watched it, but years later when I saw a review of it, I realized how dorky it was. I used to be scared of Jeremy irons' character when I was a kid (kind of in a "Noooo why is he so weird?? I don't like it :(" way), until I saw the review later in life and realized he wasn't scary at all, just funny

7. What is the sexiest film? The Hitcher (1986) of course!! (irdk)

11. What’s the worst film you’ve ever seen? It would be low-hanging fruit to pick a movie that was meant to be bad, so I won't choose Sand Sharks for this one. No, I feel like trashing Sweden's equivalent to Lars von Trier in terms of ego and pretentiousness; Ruben Östlundh... You see, his movie The Square wasn't very good. Sure, it LOOKED good, but other than that, it was just a big old nothing of a movie. Just like Michael Bay's Transformers-movies, the pretty visuals serve to distract the viewer from the fact that beneath it, the movie has no substance; no message. The lights are on but no one's home. The Square had nothing but unlikeable characters who's motivations were unclear and who's relationships never felt believable. There were so many red herrings put in place that made you think they had significance, but ended up amounting to nothing. Like-- imagine a movie built up of moments like that? That's The Square. Pretty much nothing gets resolved, and when something happens that makes you think that "OMG that's messed up! this has gotta be the turning point that delivers the movie's message!", then I'm sorry to say this but nope. Not even big, supposedly significant scenes wind up leading anywhere. Main guy accidentally pushes a kid down a staircase bc the kid was annoying him? Whooaaa what's gonna happen? Will the kid die? Will main guy apologize?? Answer: after fighting with himself abt it for a while, main guy decides to go to the kid's place and apologize (kid survived), but oops the kid and his parents have moved away now. That's literally where that plot point ends. Not even the movie's Big Moment selling point; the ape-man scene, truly leads anywhere, which is too bad because that scene was easily the most interesting one. But nah, the guy just acts like an ape, making everyone laugh at first until he starts to push the limits and the audience gets more uncomfortable. Were lessons learned? Was there a point? DOESN'T MATTER LOL OH RUBEN ÖSTLUNDH U SO QUIRKY 🥴 So yeah. I was NOT impressed, lol

[dastardlydandelion]

Fanfic Writer asks 10 and 15?

anonymoose friend! i answered these under the cut bc i ended up rambling a whole lot. i'm sorry. i start typing and i get distracted on my way to the point, and then the context needs context, so i often wind up a lil long-winded. 😅

10) top 5 fics by kudos or reads?

top five by kudos:

1) flos primula: ahh, yes. my entry into st. the fic i had no idea so many ppl were going to enjoy. the fic that scared me when i realized how many ppl had looked at it, how many eyes had seen it. but i am so happy they did! @foxgirlontherun told me the series it became (hadn't planned to write beyond one fic) was one of their favorites. that was one of the most genuinely moving comments i've ever gotten on a fic. if ur reading this, pal, tysm!! i'm so glad u enjoyed it, and whenever i feel like i want to scrap the elusive fifth part that drivers me bonkers in my wip folder, i remember ur comment and refrain from opening the scrap folder. <3

2) supplicium: the gift fic i did for @keziahrain. my version of a fandom trope. took inspo from irl incident where mom-sister duo eliminated a threat. i always feel obliged to link that or anything else i take direct inspo from, lest i be accused of plagiarism...tho...is it plagiarism if it's not fiction?? also, does that look bad, does that look like i'm piggybacking off of real people's real trauma for my creative purposes?? jfc, i hope not. that's never my intent. but maybe i shouldn't...fuck, fuck, now i'm derailing from the ask and i'm not even talking abt the fic anymore. i'm sorry!! it just occurred to me as i was typing that it might look like it comes from a place of ill-intent when i draw from *real* events and upon that realization, i'm going to reflect more abt how i incorporate news going forward. err, back to the fic for a min, okay! yes! it is my second most popular fic by kudos and that's cool that a bunch of ppl enjoyed it, super flattering, but the most important thing is that my bud was happy. <3

3) periculum in mora: this is my third most popular fic by kudos, i just realized when i got this ask. wow! oh boy, this gives me mixed feelings. it was a double gift fic for @keziahrain and @lucdarling and they both left positive feedback, and i am happy they enjoyed, but in hindsight...i might've rushed it a bit? dialogue has never been my strong suit, but some of the dialogue in this is extra...bad. and some of my humor is a tad too misplaced this time, i think. the stabbing is also too similar to the previous fanfic. idk abt the pacing, either...

mm. yeah, it's. i'm not going to call it a bad fanfic bc there are things i appreciate abt it, and i think to call it "bad" would be rude to the readers who enjoyed it, and especially my buds whom it was gifted to. BUT knowing that it's my third most kudos-ed fic?!? rly changes my perspective of it and makes its flaws stand out that much more. 😬

i wish i could go back and rewrite this one. spend more time on it. talk to a rubber ducky. i should've polished it up better. balanced the various elements better. reworked the stabbing scene (this was partly too much directed by the scrapped lamina's skeleton).

my one comfort abt its flaws, however, is that another user (someone called LaceDegenerate, so!! ck reference, yes, i'm with u, friend, i'm also in karate soap hell) expressed interest in a sequel. and i said i would deliver. so hopefully in the sequel i can avoid the mistakes i made in this one, and i can write it strong/solid enough to make up for the previous missteps.

4) valeo: so, this was a prompt. it's. it's...it sure is a fanfic. i'd had a crossover in mind for a sequel but tbvh the wip isn't going great. and then i told LilChicken i would do a third part with a sibling reunion, but. on reread, i just...irdk why this fic is my fourth most kudos-ed fic. i reread it and wtf is this dialogue?? i also think it might be a bit too much on the soft/squishy side?? is it saccharine??? i don't want to be negative, but i'm personally just. NOT satisfied with my work in this one. well, there is one positive, i enjoyed writing max & susan moving out, moving on. it's not my personal pick of my fics at all, but i'm glad that there are others who found joy in it.

5) flos fulmināre: ooh, this one! the fourth part of primis tenebris flos. cool, one that i like too. 😊

yes, okay, now i can stop sounding like a drabby crabby bc i have positive thoughts on this one and i understand how it's my fifth most kudos-ed fic. susan & billy & a lil max too! soft family bonding as billy quietly (crankily) battles sepsis. micro-dose of neil being neil. references to the meat spider that completely fly over susan's head. a touch of humor that isn't too misplaced, i don't think?? idk. i like this one. it feels warm to me without being like, saccharine. this is theoretically the one the series ends on and it would've worked just fine, but i have a monster wip of a fifth part, but anyway. yay! i'm happy this fic found its audience.

15) words, phrases, mannerisms or scenes i tend to use a lot? oh. yeah. *deep sigh*

this is one of my biggest flaws as a writer. i'm formulaic to start, i think in part bc i've drawn so much influence from slashers, but it isn't even just writing, uh, murder a lot, it's more, it's. mm. rly found myself in a repetitive rut and i think a few different factors contribute to this.

first, it's my tenancy to retreat into my comfort zone. i know i can write gore, so if i'm stuck on smth hard, or i'm having trouble with certain parts of a longer story, instead of doing my best to tackle the challenges, i retreat to the comfort zone to do what i'm familiar with: the gore. i know i can't mess up gore the way i could mess up two 14 yr olds on the run in the 80s. bc i have extensive experience writing gore. i do not have extensive experience writing 14 yr olds on the run in the 80s. so the next thing u know, i have 10 different gore fics that only differentiate so much from each other (like slasher movies), and the longer and/or more distinct, more challenging stories gather dust. bc i took the easy way out and spent time on smth i know how to write, taking time away from doing the hard work and honing my focus on smth i need to learn how to write.

secondly-- and this is a bit of a new flaw for me --desire to crowd please. i've noticed myself default to familiar settings and rely on injury related plot/device, and well. i think it's bc that's what got me in the door in my current fandom (that rly isn't mine), and smth that i've received as prompts, so. yk, it's like, i feel that's what what little audience i've garnered wants/enjoys from me. it worked, it was the basis of my presence here, so it's like i'm constantly trying to recreate what worked...but now it's more like a pattern i struggle to break out of, smth i leaned too far into upon a perception of what readers want from me. i've fallen into yet another kind of redundancy in the process, prioritizing guaranteed hits over developing literary flexibility. this isn't to say i'm against giving the ppl what they want-- it's just, i shouldn't do that to the point of risking redundancy and stagnancy.

thirdly, i noticed there is one running theme in all my stabbing scenes, and. i. have more or less written the same stabbing scene in THREE DIFFERENT FICS. and this is an especially glaring redundancy that drives me fucking bananas bc like. at least in the previous two noted redundancies of mine (while certainly obstacles i need to overcome to improve in any kind of meaningful way) the similarities are on the general side. the gore in famelicus is not the same gore in vanidicus; the first is pure gore porn thruout, the second presents itself in a simultaneous act of survival and betrayal. flos primula and decretum are both conversations in hospital rooms, but they serve different purposes; the former is abt susan attempting to foster some kind of closeness with her stepson, the latter prompted by max fearing the loss of closeness with her brother.

but. i have used the same stabbing scenario (with very little differentiation) in supplicium, si vis amari, ama, and periculum in mora!! HOW DID I DO THIS??

why didn't i notice how similar they were?? i feel like kicking myself in the ass.

this is prolly not a mistake i would've made if my old lil writing group wasn't on the rocks, but that's neither here nor there. i mean, i even cut susan's palm up all three times and like. that's not out of the norm in stabbings, but! for fuck's sake, i could've made it her finger one time instead!! or had the blade break off during one of the stabbings for more differentiation, bc that's another thing that isn't out of the norm to occur (esp if we're using kitchen knives). those scenes are just too similar. it's embarrassing. it's almost recycling the same story with only slight differences, as if i sought to plagiarize myself. 😳

whew. okay, this is supposed to be like, a fun fanfic ask game, so i don't want to get too negative. also, negative self-talk isn't rly productive?? but like, neither is pretending nothing's wrong??? ugh. it's such a double-bind. too much negativity brings u down and impedes production bc u feel crappy, but pretending nothing's wrong isn't helpful either, bc then that's just denial!!

i'm just. frustrated with my writing lately. especially with my redundancies. it feels like i'm in a rut. i compare some of my wip and more recent stories to some of my older ones and they just look hollow, like i'm intentionally parodying myself and reducing the quality of everything from the characters to the atmosphere in the process. 😞