#invest five seconds into your characters and movies challenge and not just rely on

[robertsbarbie]

someone in the comments of that tweet being like “it always seems to be projects with minorities and female leads that have horrible outcomes” like HUH i wonder why that is

[jjwritten]

Yum.

Can’t believe that BTS brought me a) back into fandoms shenanigans, b) back into writing. Almost 10 years without writing a full thing, 10 years without publishing. 

For Yum, I went with the flow of how I imagine Yoongi's “best” romantic relationship. I have a few more drabbles for this specific dynamic :) To anyone who might find this and reads, I hope you have a decent time.

tags: bts!Yoongi, fem!reader, fluffy fluff, a short smut, gender neutral additionnal characters, overworking, did I say fluff because fluff, domestic au, slice of life

warnings: penetrative sex, unprotected sex, health (nutrition and physical activity), overworking, a tiny bit of cockwarming, fingering, 

7,902 words

Remind me what you said you were going to do to me, please.

You waited a few seconds. Yoongi was looking at his screen, you knew it because he just had answered you at lightspeed. Yet the 3 dots wouldn't stop dancing. When they did, no answer appeared. Cool. Left on read, nice. You laughed it off, your boyfriend of three years being prone to this type of behavior. You also predicted to receive an elaborate answer in a couple hours, once the moment was gone. In the meantime, you should get back to work.

It had been about a month of overworking yourself for this massive new project. You were working on it with your best friend, in the interest of a big client. The stakes were big. Within this single project, you would provide a job to about 1000 artists, show engineers, students who wanted to debut in the business, and another thousand jobs in merch production. The reflexion upon finances was mind wracking, but was also the most rewarding. Everyone should be paid as much as possible. The show should be of the utmost quality which would require hours and hours of paid rehearsals. You and your best friend had to figure out the whole plan, the whole system, in order for the buyer to have no reason to refuse. They had called your duo, especially, to invest in a larger-than-life show, given that your ideas would blow their minds. People with big money who were dangling a whole pack of carrots in front of two ambitious passionate creators. Your motivation was simple : gathering all kinds of story tellers. With the experience you and your friend had, the show would border perfection in execution, with people from all over the globe, hired for their talents and work ethic.  A month of intense focus would hopefully transform the dream into reality.

Your success depended on your and your bf’s efforts. It also relied on the people around you. Min Yoongi loved you for your creativity, your humanity, the way your ears were shaped, the way you stopped seeing your surroundings to immerse yourself in the picture you were trying to paint when telling a story. The observant Jimin never missed to point it out: Yoongi became silent everytime, all heart eyes. "It's just my favorite thing ever," the rapper shrugged. To you, it was incredibly comforting. Being loved by him and loving him provided enough security for you to challenge yourself to be better. Never before in a relationship could you have become a zombie in your personal life to favor a work project. But Yoongi got it. Silently, he took care of your personal life’s reality: the construction work in the bathroom, the packages, the finances, the groceries, and making sure you ate nutritious foods and slept a healing sleep. He was a soft presence, making sure you had everything you needed to hustle. Everytime you would try paying attention to him in the midst of an overwhelmed brain and painful exhaustion, he'd reassure you. "We have time, baby. Sleep, eat, work. Don't worry about me. I'm proud of you." I love you, you whisper out loud, smiling. You let yourself indulge a little more in the recent memories.

"Y/n, come back hug me in the kitchen. It's almost ready." Yoongi whined, his head peaking at the door of your bedroom. "I think you need a little break. That frown has been on your face since Monday." You nodded. "I'll be right there." He doubted it, but turned back humming. You closed your computer and put it on the floor on your side of the bed. Yoongi had moved the bed on the right side of the room when you moved. Before, when you walked in, the right side of the bed was right next to the door. You wanted the left side because it was closest to the window, which, capital-D Dramatic Yoongi-ssi could not comprehend how you could POSSIBLY imagine he would sleep on the right side of a bed..  "I need the window!!! I always sleep on the window side!! - Since when??! - Since the day I was born, and most likely in my past lived too, you said through your teeth. - You slept on the right side of the bed all right in New York, huh? - BECAUSE IT WAS NEXT TO THE WINDOW!!! I can’t sleep next to the door, what if robbers come in?? I need the right side! - What do you mean, if robbers come in?? You plan on leaving me for dead?! - You bet. It's each human for their lives, oppa." Despite your sarcastic tone at the word, Yoongi still smirked. Run BTS editors' would have put a blushing filter on his cheeks. "You're mean", he whined. You smiled at his flushing face, and wrapped your hands around his waist. His hands landed automatically on your shoulders. His instincts said to push you away, but his body maintained you in place. Back then, you thought Yoongi would never admit how much he loved how tactile you were. Skip forward a year and a half, and he demands his cuddles, like a big boy. "Let's just put the bed on the other side of the room, mh?" The softness of his tone made your heart flutter. You kissed his cheek. "You are such a great problem-solver, oppa. I love your mind. - ‘ehh"

You stretched in the bed, and rolled on your stomach, taking a deep breath in of yours and Yoongi's smells in the sheets. His lazy footsteps in the corridor were the last thing you heard before drifting off.

"My love..." Yoongi's hand was stroking your hair, his mouth landing little pecks on the side of your face. "Come eat, babe." His voice was so soft. "I'm sorry, honey boy. I'm just too tired. - It's been four weeks, y/n. You need a break now. Come eat, and take the morning off tomorrow. I'll take care of you." You sat up at the temptation. Bed hair and pouty lips did not take away the worried look on his face. "Two more days. Just two more days, and I'll be back. - I can do 24 hours at best. It's getting too much, you don't even sleep well anymore. I have received my fair share of slaps in the face in the middle of night." You laugh. "24 hours is not possible. I'm leaving at 6am tomorrow for Tokyo. bf and I have meetings all day. Then again on Friday. I should be back home Saturday morning. I'll wake you up in your favorite way. - With coffee? - And with coffee, sure. - Don't tease me. By Saturday, you will be close to decomposing from how dead you look right now. - Oh, thanks." He laughs. "Fine. Except you don't take care of me, I take care of you. Massages, cuddles, movies, bulgogi and fruity dairy free ice-cream... - Ooooh, dairy free ice cream? Sounds like you'll be taking care of yourself too. - Yeah, I deserve it. Plus, taking care of you is taking care of me. I need it, you need it. - Fair enough. Is there still room for sex? - Haha. Is there room for sex, haha. Hahaha. He shakes his shoulders as he pretends to laugh. - Does that mean a lot? your eyebrows question too. - I can't say for now. It depends on whether I'm dealing with a decomposing girlfriend, or if she's feeling herself. - Double standards. I see. - You better sleep well in the plane."

Five minutes of daydreaming have passed, and that's all the time you have. Back to work.

2 billion dollars. Two. Billion. Dollars. USD $2,000,000,000. 2,198,960,000,000 KRW. You and your best friend have been sitting in the airport lounge, processing. You thought you were developing a project for Japan. Turned out, the investors had planned to make it international all along. Tokyo, Buenos Aires, Los Angeles, Paris, El Jadida. The project will be ten times as big as you initially thought it would be, and extend over the course of three years. The team would be huge to help. Your dream had become reality five years ago when you both launched the company. You don't even know how to react to it being stretched like that.

The key-card to your door weighs a ton in your hand. You clumsily make your way inside, pushing your carrier in front of you. Shoes off, you drag your heavy body to the bedroom and let it crash into the bed. Naturally, Yoongi’s body is where it’s supposed to be, his knees in an L shape. Your face is planted in the blanket. Deep sigh. End of the road. Disconnect system. It’s break time. Long fingers find their way to your hair. “You good, baby? - Dude. Get up. Have so much to tell you.” You hear muffling. He's not moving. “Dude. Bf and I got a two BILLION check, get up. - Two billion?!” Yoongi is up. You proceed to tell him everything. Finally, you can explain to him what this project was about. He listens carefully, cheerfully, sometimes reacts excessively. You don’t care, you do the same because it feels like a reunion and you’re both overly excited to meet again. The both of you on the bed feels like being on your own island. Your tummy tickles with joy for the present, the moments you are going to spend with Yoongi and for the bigger picture with the unfolding of your project. Within a few hours of talking, the month of intense focus and routine is released. You fall asleep in the middle of a sentence, utterly relaxed. Yoongi presses a kiss between your nose and lips, first spot that came, before falling asleep too.

12PM. Eternal question: is it good morning or good afternoon? Knowing your boyfriend, you better think of it before you open your mouth. “Hi.” You say smiling. That will do. “Hi, love.” He breathes you in loudly. You wriggle your nose in his neck. His arms are wrapped around you, yours around him. Couldn’t think of a better place to be in. You both scratch yourselves on each other, rubbing your forehead on his cheek, him massaging your hands, kissing your hair, ears, kissing his nose, lips. For some reason, his bottom lip looks especially plumped to your half-open eyes. You spend more time nibbling on it, kissing it on its own without him giving the kiss back. Delicious. Hands rubbing all over, your brain starts working properly. Wait a minute? Yoongi’s usually soft tummy feels particularly toned. You lift the covers. “Mh, did I miss something? - Whatever, you hear him smirk though. - Come on, show me. - Aw, leave me alone, it’s cold.” He lies on his stomach, a big smile on his face making his cheeks look all soft and bite worthy. You allow yourself the indulgence. You are all excited now! You jump out of bed. "Okay, so coffee and then abs, okay?" With smily mhmhs, your adorable boyfriend rubs his face in the pillow. He's shy, you know. His body image is important to him. You feel bad for not having noticed. Knowing the man, he probably flaunted his buff bod as if it were nothing on week 1. Damn! Then on week 2, he most likely tried to have you feel them, "naturally". You're a little sad to have missed those cues, and some of them resurface in your foggy memory. Your routine was so strict during the past month: wake up, meditate, work out, to make sure your brain worked optimally during the day. Work outs were intense because serotonin helps a ton. Food was rich and nutritious, cooked with the most important ingredient in this household, the love of Min Yoongi. Not noticing the changes in your own body was a thing, but to miss out on your buff boyfriend? A no go. You grabbed everything to make him his iced coffee in the largest cup you could find, knowing he would l-o-v-e the look of quasi-eternal quantity. You were light on your feet, smiling at the peeled pineapple and singing to the pack of nuts. Yoongi’s face was slightly round a month ago, and he looked a little buff already. The first week, the fat must have melted a little bit to turn into juicy muscles. Then, with him making sure your brain was working full power, he fed himself the same foods. Your focus spur basically fed your boyfriend buff food. What did you do to yourself and above all, HOW DID YOU NOT NOTICE IT?! As you put the spoons in the greek yogurts, you think of his little face smushed in the pillow as he pretended not to be excited by you finally noticing. You know that he's proud of himself and happy that you finally got all of your senses back. What a fun day ahead. With a smile up to your ears and a plate of things that should power up the man, you mini-skip back to your room.

Being with Yoongi meant you had about 10 boyfriends behind the same deep brown eyes. He could be a giggly chubby boy with his little bucket hats that he loved, making him look like an elf. He could be a meaty dude with an attitude and deep stare. He could be a skinny tech-boy with quick witts and always a book in his hands, and he could be business-Yoongi, dressed in all black and loving the sound of his big rings clinging together. What was even more beautiful was that all of these traits were interchangeable. Skinny Yoongi could have an attitude and a bucket hat. Buff Yoongi could be giggly and nerdy. He could do it all at anytime. Beneath it all, the constant of his intellect and emotionality made Min Yoongi appear as if he adorned a bow and ribbon at all times, ready to be gifted and unwrapped and enjoyed. Yum, you think.

"Coffee!"

Yoongi is on his phone in the bed. The AC is blasting hot air in a soothing sound. You can't help but laugh when you notice the naked skin of his chest peaking over the sheets, and his pyjamas thrown on the floor.

"Why-why-why? Why are you laughing? - Min Yoongi, I love it when you're feeling yourself. Please, drink this and put on a show for me. - Aren't you being a little dramatic? he hisses and bubbles his saliva. It's just abs and pecs, he says as he drinks, eye brows raising up his forehead. Five and six are barely defined.” He’s referring to his six-pack. You squint. “You..." He cocks his head as to say "I know, I'm hot" and your body is warming up.

Breakfast is made more delicious by Yoongi's feet rubbing against yours under the blanket. You're sitting cross-legged in front of each other, on the little island that is your bed. TV's turned on for some light background sound but you only hear Yoongi's giggles in between his smart clapbacks and mouthfuls of yoghurt. Eventually, the plate is moved to the side so your legs can extend on his lap and you feed him pieces of pineapple. Your fingers go a little too far into his mouth, and he relishes in your squirming when his lips brush them softly. Soon enough, his tongue is licking the tip and there's no pineapple left. Meaning, no reason to take your fingers away. Your leg on his hip tells your brain that in classic Yoongi fashion, he's not wearing any underwear. It's getting really hot between the sexual tension and the heater being turned all the way on. It is one of your favorite thing to do on days off: the heat allows you both to stay naked without worry. Positions can change as much as you like. Sweat drops make the whole thing more slippery and sexy. It's messy and delicious. You can't wait to be in the middle of the action, but remember to enjoy the foreplay. Yoongi's tongue acts as a wet bed on your ring finger. You relish in the look of his hollowed cheeks and suck on your skin. Your free hand has a great idea, on its own: exploring that built up chest. It's firm and the skin is soft and milky. It still holds a little bit of fat that makes his pectorals bouncy. He's going to fuck you, and they're going to move. Ugh. You swallow your saliva. Yoongi's eyes are getting rounder with arrousal. His traits go slightly down, showing he is getting hot and needy. You can feel pins and needles tickling your labia. Your boyfriend treats all of your fingers with the same lubbed up care. He opens his mouth to lick them from the stems to the tips. "I'm taking care of you today, remember? You relax and enjoy, understood?" You gulp and nod. Your first feeling is disappointment: when Yoongi says "I'll take care of you" it mostly means he won't put his cock in your mouth. That's okay. It will be for the next round. You're salivating. Meanwhile, Yoongi's mouth is going up your arm, on the sensitive thin skin inside your elbow and upper-arm. His tongue glides along. He creates the pattern: plumped bottom lip first, lubbed tongue, top lip. The three tightened together and make a wet sound when he moves onto another spot. Your legs feel numb. You're amused by Yoongi's needy look, but worried about your own. You feel so empty and deprived. Your head is already reversed back. Yoongi's special care is getting your muscles to relax one by one, better than any guided meditation ever. He stops for a second to take off your -his- t-shirt. He guides you to sit against the head board and his mouth latches on your right nipple instantly. The position is making you anticipate what you know he's leading to, but the nipple in his mouth is bringing you back to the present. The tongue is playful. Saliva dripping. Wet. It's the word that comes to your mind and you feel your pussy overflowing. Soft moans escape you. Your eyes are closed. You notice how relaxed your body is. Your arms are splayed on your sides and your back is one with the headboard. You're getting too relaxed. Yoongi makes his way to the other nipple and your body tenses up suddenly. Hands to his hair, ruffling. You realize his hands are on both sides of your stomach, keeping you still. You can't help to wonder for how long they've been there. "Yoongi..." It's not a prompt. You don't want him to go faster. Saying his name feels right. Yet, the air shifts. "y/n, mh" his raspy voice sends chills down your back. He kisses your mouth passionately and everything quickens. Shorter breaths, instant sweat. His hands cup your face to bring you to sit up. They slide down to your waist and you get up on your knees to let him grab your ass cheeks. He spreads them, making you moan as you feel your pussy more exposed. Your hands now cup his cheeks to get him closer, before sliding in the back of his head to plunge your fingers in his silky hair. Yoongi's hard bare cock is pressing against your cotton underwear.  Both your hands go down to his shoulders in a light touch. In the midst of anticipation, you both are melting under each other's touch. His fingers dig into the skin of your hips, yours in his shoulders. "You're leaking" you say, looking down at the wet tip of his cock and the wetness sticking to your lower stomach. "No kidding." You smile into another kiss. He dips in your neck to leave wet kisses. As your head angles to give him more space, you catch a glimpse of your reflexion in the mirror. His perky toned ass is jerking up and down as he slowly ruts against you. Your hands powerlessly fall on his ass, and the image brings you back to the urgency. You squeeze and get his mouth back on your own. He spreads your legs bringing his hands in between your thighs. He is so needy. Yoongi slides his member up and down your slit and starts slowly penetrating you. Your pussy fills up slowly. He pushes himself as deeply in as he can, stays still for a couple seconds and slides back out, his tip still lightly touching your entrance. You open your eyes to look at him in the mirror, slim legs steady on the bed. Your hands still on his ass cheeks, he pushes himself back in. It's slow, controlled, powerful. He goes in the same way for a third time: "Fuck, I love you." You smile. He's not talking to you, but to your pussy. You kiss him and press on his hips to have him go faster. "I turn around? - Yes." His arms wrap around your waist softly as you press your back against his front. One hand holding onto the wall, the other on the back of his neck. You arch your back to give him better access. His cock fills you up again, this time offering your G-spot some electrifying friction. His rythm accelerates, senses slowly getting lost. He starts groaning, you start moaning. Somehow, your brain manages to list very quickly everything you'll do to him, and everything you'll have him do to you. It turns you on even more, fantasizing about Yoongi and you having more sex while having sex. His long middle finger comes pressing your clit, going up and down to your entrance, where he invites the tip of it to join his dick. You always thought of his fingers as fingering fingers. They’re the perfect shape. Your pussy is pliant and delirious. She's directing your body and your mind. None of what she says makes logical sense but, fuck, she happy. The chills in your spine, your erected nipples, Yoongi tightly pressed against you. His head often reverses back, chasing his own pleasure, hipsRemind me what you said you were going to do to me, please.You waited a few seconds. Yoongi was looking at his screen, you knew it because he just had answered you at lightspeed. Yet the 3 dots wouldn't stop dancing. When they did, no answer appeared. Cool. Left on read, nice. You laughed it off, your boyfriend of three years being prone to this type of behavior. You also predicted to receive an elaborate answer in a couple hours, once the moment was gone. In the meantime, you should get back to work.It had been about a month of overworking yourself for this massive new project. You were working on it with your best friend, in the interest of a big client. The stakes were big. Within this single project, you would provide a job to about 1000 artists, show engineers, students who wanted to debut in the business, and another thousand jobs in merch production. The reflexion upon finances was mind wracking, but was also the most rewarding. Everyone should be paid as much as possible. The show should be of the utmost quality which would require hours and hours of paid rehearsals. You and your best friend had to figure out the whole plan, the whole system, in order for the buyer to have no reason to refuse. They had called your duo, especially, to invest in a larger-than-life show, given that your ideas would blow their minds. People with big money who were dangling a whole pack of carrots in front of two ambitious passionate creators. Your motivation was simple : gathering all kinds of story tellers. With the experience you and your friend had, the show would border perfection in execution, with people from all over the globe, hired for their talents and work ethic. A month of intense focus would hopefully transform the dream into reality.Your success depended on your and your bf’s efforts. It also relied on the people around you. Min Yoongi loved you for your creativity, your humanity, the way your ears were shaped, the way you stopped seeing your surroundings to immerse yourself in the picture you were trying to paint when telling a story. The observant Jimin never missed to point it out: Yoongi became silent everytime, all heart eyes. "It's just my favorite thing ever," the rapper shrugged. To you, it was incredibly comforting. Being loved by him and loving him provided enough security for you to challenge yourself to be better. Never before in a relationship could you have become a zombie in your personal life to favor a work project. But Yoongi got it. Silently, he took care of your personal life’s reality: the construction work in the bathroom, the packages, the finances, the groceries, and making sure you ate nutritious foods and slept a healing sleep. He was a soft presence, making sure you had everything you needed to hustle. Everytime you would try paying attention to him in the midst of an overwhelmed brain and painful exhaustion, he'd reassure you. "We have time, baby. Sleep, eat, work. Don't worry about me. I'm proud of you." I love you, you whisper out loud, smiling. You let yourself indulge a little more in the recent memories."Y/n, come back hug me in the kitchen. It's almost ready." Yoongi whined, his head peaking at the door of your bedroom. "I think you need a little break. That frown has been on your face since Monday." You nodded. "I'll be right there." He doubted it, but turned back humming. You closed your computer and put it on the floor on your side of the bed. Yoongi had moved the bed on the right side of the room when you moved. Before, when you walked in, the right side of the bed was right next to the door. You wanted the left side because it was closest to the window, which, capital-D Dramatic Yoongi-ssi could not comprehend how you could POSSIBLY imagine he would sleep on the right side of a bed.. "I need the window!!! I always sleep on the window side!! - Since when??! - Since the day I was born, and most likely in my past lived too, you said through your teeth. - You slept on the right side of the bed all right in New York, huh? - BECAUSE IT WAS NEXT TO THE WINDOW!!! I can’t sleep next to the door, what if robbers come in?? I need the right side! - What do you mean, if robbers come in?? You plan on leaving me for dead?! - You bet. It's each human for their lives, oppa." Despite your sarcastic tone at the word, Yoongi still smirked. Run BTS editors' would have put a blushing filter on his cheeks. "You're mean", he whined. You smiled at his flushing face, and wrapped your hands around his waist. His hands landed automatically on your shoulders. His instincts said to push you away, but his body maintained you in place. Back then, you thought Yoongi would never admit how much he loved how tactile you were. Skip forward a year and a half, and he demands his cuddles, like a big boy. "Let's just put the bed on the other side of the room, mh?" The softness of his tone made your heart flutter. You kissed his cheek. "You are such a great problem-solver, oppa. I love your mind. - ‘ehh"You stretched in the bed, and rolled on your stomach, taking a deep breath in of yours and Yoongi's smells in the sheets. His lazy footsteps in the corridor were the last thing you heard before drifting off."My love..." Yoongi's hand was stroking your hair, his mouth landing little pecks on the side of your face. "Come eat, babe." His voice was so soft. "I'm sorry, honey boy. I'm just too tired. - It's been four weeks, y/n. You need a break now. Come eat, and take the morning off tomorrow. I'll take care of you." You sat up at the temptation. Bed hair and pouty lips did not take away the worried look on his face. "Two more days. Just two more days, and I'll be back. - I can do 24 hours at best. It's getting too much, you don't even sleep well anymore. I have received my fair share of slaps in the face in the middle of night." You laugh. "24 hours is not possible. I'm leaving at 6am tomorrow for Tokyo. bf and I have meetings all day. Then again on Friday. I should be back home Saturday morning. I'll wake you up in your favorite way. - With coffee? - And with coffee, sure. - Don't tease me. By Saturday, you will be close to decomposing from how dead you look right now. - Oh, thanks." He laughs. "Fine. Except you don't take care of me, I take care of you. Massages, cuddles, movies, bulgogi and fruity dairy free ice-cream... - Ooooh, dairy free ice cream? Sounds like you'll be taking care of yourself too. - Yeah, I deserve it. Plus, taking care of you is taking care of me. I need it, you need it. - Fair enough. Is there still room for sex? - Haha. Is there room for sex, haha. Hahaha. He shakes his shoulders as he pretends to laugh. - Does that mean a lot? your eyebrows question too. - I can't say for now. It depends on whether I'm dealing with a decomposing girlfriend, or if she's feeling herself. - Double standards. I see. - You better sleep well in the plane."Five minutes of daydreaming have passed, and that's all the time you have. Back to work.2 billion dollars. Two. Billion. Dollars. USD $2,000,000,000. 2,198,960,000,000 KRW. You and your best friend have been sitting in the airport lounge, processing. You thought you were developing a project for Japan. Turned out, the investors had planned to make it international all along. Tokyo, Buenos Aires, Los Angeles, Paris, El Jadida. The project will be ten times as big as you initially thought it would be, and extend over the course of three years. The team would be huge to help. Your dream had become reality five years ago when you both launched the company. You don't even know how to react to it being stretched like that.The key-card to your door weighs a ton in your hand. You clumsily make your way inside, pushing your carrier in front of you. Shoes off, you drag your heavy body to the bedroom and let it crash into the bed. Naturally, Yoongi’s body is where it’s supposed to be, his knees in an L shape. Your face is planted in the blanket. Deep sigh. End of the road. Disconnect system. It’s break time. Long fingers find their way to your hair. “You good, baby? - Dude. Get up. Have so much to tell you.” You hear muffling. He's not moving. “Dude. Bf and I got a two BILLION check, get up. - Two billion?!” Yoongi is up. You proceed to tell him everything. Finally, you can explain to him what this project was about. He listens carefully, cheerfully, sometimes reacts excessively. You don’t care, you do the same because it feels like a reunion and you’re both overly excited to meet again. The both of you on the bed feels like being on your own island. Your tummy tickles with joy for the present, the moments you are going to spend with Yoongi and for the bigger picture with the unfolding of your project. Within a few hours of talking, the month of intense focus and routine is released. You fall asleep in the middle of a sentence, utterly relaxed. Yoongi presses a kiss between your nose and lips, first spot that came, before falling asleep too.12PM. Eternal question: is it good morning or good afternoon? Knowing your boyfriend, you better think of it before you open your mouth. “Hi.” You say smiling. That will do. “Hi, love.” He breathes you in loudly. You wriggle your nose in his neck. His arms are wrapped around you, yours around him. Couldn’t think of a better place to be in. You both scratch yourselves on each other, rubbing your forehead on his cheek, him massaging your hands, kissing your hair, ears, kissing his nose, lips. For some reason, his bottom lip looks especially plumped to your half-open eyes. You spend more time nibbling on it, kissing it on its own without him giving the kiss back. Delicious. Hands rubbing all over, your brain starts working properly. Wait a minute? Yoongi’s usually soft tummy feels particularly toned. You lift the covers. “Mh, did I miss something? - Whatever, you hear him smirk though. - Come on, show me. - Aw, leave me alone, it’s cold.” He lies on his stomach, a big smile on his face making his cheeks look all soft and bite worthy. You allow yourself the indulgence. You are all excited now! You jump out of bed. "Okay, so coffee and then abs, okay?" With smily mhmhs, your adorable boyfriend rubs his face in the pillow. He's shy, you know. His body image is important to him. You feel bad for not having noticed. Knowing the man, he probably flaunted his buff bod as if it were nothing on week 1. Damn! Then on week 2, he most likely tried to have you feel them, "naturally". You're a little sad to have missed those cues, and some of them resurface in your foggy memory. Your routine was so strict during the past month: wake up, meditate, work out, to make sure your brain worked optimally during the day. Work outs were intense because serotonin helps a ton. Food was rich and nutritious, cooked with the most important ingredient in this household, the love of Min Yoongi. Not noticing the changes in your own body was a thing, but to miss out on your buff boyfriend? A no go. You grabbed everything to make him his iced coffee in the largest cup you could find, knowing he would l-o-v-e the look of quasi-eternal quantity. You were light on your feet, smiling at the peeled pineapple and singing to the pack of nuts. Yoongi’s face was slightly round a month ago, and he looked a little buff already. The first week, the fat must have melted a little bit to turn into juicy muscles. Then, with him making sure your brain was working full power, he fed himself the same foods. Your focus spur basically fed your boyfriend buff food. What did you do to yourself and above all, HOW DID YOU NOT NOTICE IT?! As you put the spoons in the greek yogurts, you think of his little face smushed in the pillow as he pretended not to be excited by you finally noticing. You know that he's proud of himself and happy that you finally got all of your senses back. What a fun day ahead. With a smile up to your ears and a plate of things that should power up the man, you mini-skip back to your room.Being with Yoongi meant you had about 10 boyfriends behind the same deep brown eyes. He could be a giggly chubby boy with his little bucket hats that he loved, making him look like an elf. He could be a meaty dude with an attitude and deep stare. He could be a skinny tech-boy with quick witts and always a book in his hands, and he could be business-Yoongi, dressed in all black and loving the sound of his big rings clinging together. What was even more beautiful was that all of these traits were interchangeable. Skinny Yoongi could have an attitude and a bucket hat. Buff Yoongi could be giggly and nerdy. He could do it all at anytime. Beneath it all, the constant of his intellect and emotionality made Min Yoongi appear as if he adorned a bow and ribbon at all times, ready to be gifted and unwrapped and enjoyed. Yum, you think."Coffee!"Yoongi is on his phone in the bed. The AC is blasting hot air in a soothing sound. You can't help but laugh when you notice the naked skin of his chest peaking over the sheets, and his pyjamas thrown on the floor."Why-why-why? Why are you laughing? - Min Yoongi, I love it when you're feeling yourself. Please, drink this and put on a show for me. - Aren't you being a little dramatic? he hisses and bubbles his saliva. It's just abs and pecs, he says as he drinks, eye brows raising up his forehead. Five and six are barely defined.” He’s referring to his six-pack. You squint. “You..." He cocks his head as to say "I know, I'm hot" and your body is warming up.Breakfast is made more delicious by Yoongi's feet rubbing against yours under the blanket. You're sitting cross-legged in front of each other, on the little island that is your bed. TV's turned on for some light background sound but you only hear Yoongi's giggles in between his smart clapbacks and mouthfuls of yoghurt. Eventually, the plate is moved to the side so your legs can extend on his lap and you feed him pieces of pineapple. Your fingers go a little too far into his mouth, and he relishes in your squirming when his lips brush them softly. Soon enough, his tongue is licking the tip and there's no pineapple left. Meaning, no reason to take your fingers away. Your leg on his hip tells your brain that in classic Yoongi fashion, he's not wearing any underwear. It's getting really hot between the sexual tension and the heater being turned all the way on. It is one of your favorite thing to do on days off: the heat allows you both to stay naked without worry. Positions can change as much as you like. Sweat drops make the whole thing more slippery and sexy. It's messy and delicious. You can't wait to be in the middle of the action, but remember to enjoy the foreplay. Yoongi's tongue acts as a wet bed on your ring finger. You relish in the look of his hollowed cheeks and suck on your skin. Your free hand has a great idea, on its own: exploring that built up chest. It's firm and the skin is soft and milky. It still holds a little bit of fat that makes his pectorals bouncy. He's going to fuck you, and they're going to move. Ugh. You swallow your saliva. Yoongi's eyes are getting rounder with arrousal. His traits go slightly down, showing he is getting hot and needy. You can feel pins and needles tickling your labia. Your boyfriend treats all of your fingers with the same lubbed up care. He opens his mouth to lick them from the stems to the tips. "I'm taking care of you today, remember? You relax and enjoy, understood?" You gulp and nod. Your first feeling is disappointment: when Yoongi says "I'll take care of you" it mostly means he won't put his cock in your mouth. That's okay. It will be for the next round. You're salivating. Meanwhile, Yoongi's mouth is going up your arm, on the sensitive thin skin inside your elbow and upper-arm. His tongue glides along. He creates the pattern: plumped bottom lip first, lubbed tongue, top lip. The three tightened together and make a wet sound when he moves onto another spot. Your legs feel numb. You're amused by Yoongi's needy look, but worried about your own. You feel so empty and deprived. Your head is already reversed back. Yoongi's special care is getting your muscles to relax one by one, better than any guided meditation ever. He stops for a second to take off your -his- t-shirt. He guides you to sit against the head board and his mouth latches on your right nipple instantly. The position is making you anticipate what you know he's leading to, but the nipple in his mouth is bringing you back to the present. The tongue is playful. Saliva dripping. Wet. It's the word that comes to your mind and you feel your pussy overflowing. Soft moans escape you. Your eyes are closed. You notice how relaxed your body is. Your arms are splayed on your sides and your back is one with the headboard. You're getting too relaxed. Yoongi makes his way to the other nipple and your body tenses up suddenly. Hands to his hair, ruffling. You realize his hands are on both sides of your stomach, keeping you still. You can't help to wonder for how long they've been there. "Yoongi..." It's not a prompt. You don't want him to go faster. Saying his name feels right. Yet, the air shifts. "y/n, mh" his raspy voice sends chills down your back. He kisses your mouth passionately and everything quickens. Shorter breaths, instant sweat. His hands cup your face to bring you to sit up. They slide down to your waist and you get up on your knees to let him grab your ass cheeks. He spreads them, making you moan as you feel your pussy more exposed. Your hands now cup his cheeks to get him closer, before sliding in the back of his head to plunge your fingers in his silky hair. Yoongi's hard bare cock is pressing against your cotton underwear.  Both your hands go down to his shoulders in a light touch. In the midst of anticipation, you both are melting under each other's touch. His fingers dig into the skin of your hips, yours in his shoulders. "You're leaking" you say, looking down at the wet tip of his cock and the wetness sticking to your lower stomach. "No kidding." You smile into another kiss. He dips in your neck to leave wet kisses. As your head angles to give him more space, you catch a glimpse of your reflexion in the mirror. His perky toned ass is jerking up and down as he slowly ruts against you. Your hands powerlessly fall on his ass, and the image brings you back to the urgency. You squeeze and get his mouth back on your own. He spreads your legs bringing his hands in between your thighs. He is so needy. Yoongi slides his member up and down your slit and starts slowly penetrating you. Your pussy fills up slowly. He pushes himself as deeply in as he can, stays still for a couple seconds and slides back out, his tip still lightly touching your entrance. You open your eyes to look at him in the mirror, slim legs steady on the bed. Your hands still on his ass cheeks, he pushes himself back in. It's slow, controlled, powerful. He goes in the same way for a third time: "Fuck, I love you." You smile. He's not talking to you, but to your pussy. You kiss him and press on his hips to have him go faster. "I turn around? - Yes." His arms wrap around your waist softly as you press your back against his front. One hand holding onto the wall, the other on the back of his neck. You arch your back to give him better access. His cock fills you up again, this time offering your G-spot some electrifying friction. His rythm accelerates, senses slowly getting lost. He starts groaning, you start moaning. Somehow, your brain manages to list very quickly everything you'll do to him, and everything you'll have him do to you. It turns you on even more, fantasizing about Yoongi and you having more sex while having sex. His long middle finger comes pressing your clit, going up and down to your entrance, where he invites the tip of it to join his dick. You always thought of his fingers as fingering fingers. They’re the perfect shape. Your pussy is pliant and delirious. She's directing your body and your mind. None of what she says makes logical sense but, fuck, she happy. The chills in your spine, your erected nipples, Yoongi tightly pressed against you. His head often reverses back, chasing his own pleasure, hips jerking quickly. Your hand keeps ruffling his hair. It’s rough and soft all at the same time. The movement of his hips become uncontrolled and erratic. Mh. The climax has him groan louder while you let out a deep audible sigh. He stays in, enjoying your warmth, catching his breath, humming softly, almost whining but in a low register. You come down from your high and kiss his cheek. He kisses yours, your neck, your shoulder before pulling out, your juices dripping down his veiny pale shaft and your legs. His hands settle on your sides, encouraging you to turn around. You embrace each other, tightly, both your hearts pounding. "I missed you. - I missed you too." Kiss. His tongue intertwines with yours and you're reminded of the dripping mess he made in your pussy. You put both your hands on each side of his precious head: "Clean me up, will you? - Mhmh" Yoongi pushes you back, spreads your legs, and laps away. Slowly and langidly. Cherry on the cake.Yoongi showers first to leave for his one meeting today. You'll have about two hours to yourself. Enough time for you to clean up the house, unpack your carrier, and take care of any little mundane task you overlooked this month. You both agreed on a 2000 pieces puzzle to order for when he comes back. What you don't think about is that sometimes, when you make plans, your cunt sneakily laughs. A puzzle? Not today.g quickly. Your hand keeps ruffling his hair. It’s rough and soft all at the same time. The movement of his hips become uncontrolled and erratic. Mh. The climax has him groan louder while you let out a deep audible sigh. He stays in, enjoying your warmth, catching his breath, humming softly, almost whining but in a low register. You come down from your high and kiss his cheek. He kisses yours, your neck, your shoulder before pulling out, your juices dripping down his veiny pale shaft and your legs. His hands settle on your sides, encouraging you to turn around. You embrace each other, tightly, both your hearts pounding. "I missed you. - I missed you too." Kiss. His tongue intertwines with yours and you're reminded of the dripping mess he made in your pussy. You put both your hands on each side of his precious head: "Clean me up, will you? - Mhmh" Yoongi pushes you back, spreads your legs, and laps away. Slowly and langidly. Cherry on the cake.

Yoongi showers first to leave for his one meeting today. You'll have about two hours to yourself. Enough time for you to clean up the house, unpack your carrier, and take care of any little mundane task you overlooked this month. You both agreed on a 2000 pieces puzzle to order for when he comes back. What you don't think about is that sometimes, when you make plans, your cunt sneakily laughs. A puzzle? Not today.

[podcake]

Podcast Teatime: The Case of the Questioning Cheesecake

Hello and a happy August day to everyone. Welcome to a new Q&A to cap off the summer, starring the masterminds behind the adventures we’ve grown to love in The Penumbra Podcast.

As a loyal patron of the arts, I took it upon myself to do some of my own detective work for a change and see what’s going on in the heads of creators Kevin Vibert and Sophie Kaner .

(The following is a direct copy-and-paste from the email)

Question One: Let’s get the most pressing question out of the way first, at least for me: Is there any reason why you chose a hotel as a framing device for your stories? Was it always something you had planned?

Kevin: To start, Sophie and I were thinking that the Penumbra would be an anthology show, along the lines of The Twilight Zone or old radio drama anthologies like Suspense. The idea that the narrator would be a spooky, semi-omnipotent character voiced by the lead writer (hi) was Sophie’s, and is a very, very direct reference to Rod Serling’s narrator on The Twilight Zone. (“Shaken,” which is the one episode that remains mostly intact from this first view of the show, is full of Twilight Zone references — Louise’s surname “Serling” is not a nod to Rod Serling so much as a head-shake-so-hard-you-can-hear-our-necks-crack.)

As for the hotel itself: I have a real love of weird horror and descriptions of impossible places. House of Leaves, which is about ten billion things but one of them is a house that’s slightly bigger on the inside than the outside, was definitely bouncing around in my head as we were pitching ideas for the frame. So was The Shining, which is one of my favorite horror novels of all time, as well as Invisible Cities, which is a really bizarre collection of stories in which Marco Polo describes a bunch of cities that couldn’t possibly exist to Kublai Khan, saying they all lie somewhere in his empire. The description of the infinite hotel is definitely connected to that the most.

For season two we changed the game a bit, but I think even that has connections to this weird thing about places that are horrifying and impossible and kind of mundane — hotels and trolleys and things you see every day. I don’t know why I like making normal places scary. It is either a little bit of cruelty or a complete terror of everything around me, or both. Yeah, both.

Question Two: You have quite the talented cast to work with for your show. Did you have to look far and wide or was it a simple casting call? Or are these just close friends who happen to know how to act?

Sophie: Aren’t they great? It’s important to remember that the Penumbra Podcast was never intended to be a podcast in the first place; it was just going to be one radio play written for fun, except that one turned into two and then three and then we really let the whole thing get out of control. In any case, the first few people we brought on board (notably, the three actors at the core of the Juniverse: Joshua, Noah, and Kate) are old friends of mine from college, though I know them from a theater group, so it’s most accurate to say that I know them because they know how to act. We are always adding new actors, though! 

I perform a lot myself, so I ask a lot of the talented people I’ve worked with in the past to join the show, and I’ve also solicited auditions from friends of friends. (I don’t hold open auditions: we are still too small a production for me to feel safe doing that.) One exception: last year I went to see a play with a friend, and the lead actor was so incredible that I said “THAT. That’s who I need on my show.” So I found him on Facebook and asked him if he would be interested in joining the production, and luckily he had not only heard of the show but was totally on board! (If you’re wondering, the actor was Matthew Zahnzinger, who now plays Ramses O'Flaherty in the Juniverse and Sir Damien in Second Citadel.)

Question Three: What is it that inspired Juno Steel’s adventures? Do you ever see yourself paying homage to Sherlock Holmes and the like or are you more interested in other media to act as a muse?

Kevin: This answer will be relevant in, like, two seconds. I promise.

Sophie has a theory regarding directing actors towards new voices that I really love: she likes to get people to do impressions of people they sound nothing like and then shape the voice from there. Leslie Drescher, who plays Sir Caroline, Valles Vicky, Cassandra, and Cecil, has thus far gotten the brunt of this: for Vicky Sophie sent her videos of Robert DeNiro and Jabba the Hutt, and they shaped a character from there. Cassandra was Joan Jett, Cecil was a French aristocrat and Scott Disick, and so on.

Anyway: the reason this works for voice acting is that you’re relying on the natural chemistry of getting someone to do something they can’t actually do perfectly. When Leslie imitates Robert DeNiro, she does not sound like Robert DeNiro. But she can use that approximation as a starting place to figure out how to sound like a tough, brusque crime lord, and that’s what we needed Vicky to be. And better yet: the voice she does it not one Robert DeNiro could do, and it’s probably not one any of us would have thought she should do until we asked her to do something way outside what she was used to.

We treat inspiration and genre in our stories similarly. In the Juno stories, noir and scifi are always what we go back to… but usually we start by looking at another genre or story that doesn’t quite fit, but that we really love. Juno Steel and the Train From Nowhere happened because we really wanted to write a Bond movie, and then we decided it would be interesting and new if Juno was the “Bond girl” instead. The framing device in Angel of Brahma exists entirely the way it does because I’m obsessed with the first section of the novel Dracula, in which Jonathan Harker is simultaneously a guest and a hostage in Dracula’s house.

It’s worth noting that neither of these episodes are very much like the source material, and that’s where the shaky line between “homage” and “inspiration” comes in. Very often we start with a story convention we love because we love it, and then over the course of outlining and drafting and editing naturally branch off in a new direction.

When I was younger I would get really self-conscious about having “original ideas,” and of course I still do — but it’s really important to remember that “original” is not the same as “immaculate conception.” Just because you can trace where an idea came from doesn’t mean you stole it. If I rewrote It or The Shining and changed the title to Juno Steel and the Day That Wouldn’t Die and tweaked a few names, that’d be plagiarism. 

But if we read It and go, “Damn, I really wish I wrote this,” and then we examine what it is we like about the story, what we wish we wrote about it, what parts we don’t like and we’d take out, and what other influences we want to incorporate… suddenly we’ve made something brand new, even if the first thought was, “I really wish I wrote this story that already exists.”

Question Four: The Penumbra spans genres from mystery to fantasy and science fiction. Does it ever become a struggle to juggle so many different themes?

Kevin: For genre and theme, not really. The more difficult thing is bouncing between all these different characters.

Sophie and I talk incessantly about stories, and our interests dovetail really nicely for writing genre stories. I really like pulling apart plot structure and she’s obsessed with tropes; I like figuring out how a joke works and she likes figuring out how to make people cry. 

So entering a new genre is never terribly difficult for us because chances are we’ve already had forty conversations about that genre anyway: that’s why when we wrote The Coyote of the Painted Plains, but we knew we didn’t actually like Westerns very much, we gave it all the structure and tropes of a swashbuckler instead, like Ivanhoe or The Three Musketeersand so on. 

By the same token when I need to explain the Second Citadel stories to people, my shorthand is usually, “So there’s this fantasy world with knights and stuff, only the knights are kind of like superhero beat cops and the Queen is their chief, so it’s kind of a police procedural with a monster-of-the-week spin, and…”

So genre doesn’t tend to be an issue for us. But making new characters? That’s really, really hard.

Part of the reason we honed down to two main series in season two was because making new characters and getting an audience invested in them in half an hour was a good challenge, but completely exhausting.

 I can’t tell you how many half-finished outlines we have for season one one-shots, just because we realized we’d never be able to get people invested in these characters quickly enough and also have time to complete an actual plot. We also just really fell in love with the process of diving deep into a few characters over a long period of time, honing in on the ones with conflicts unresolved and seeing where they go next.

Question Five: Would The Penumbra still be The Penumbra if it wasn’t audio? If it could be recreated in any other format, which would you pick and would it still feel the same? (By the way, I would totally read a novelization of Juno Steel mysteries.)

Sophie: Oh god, if we could make the Penumbra in another format, it would be a TV show–well, two TV shows, probably, one for Juno Steel and one for Second Citadel. And if we had the resources, we’d create an animated series with Penumbra artist Mikaela Buckley! But that being said, the Penumbra would definitely lose something in the transition from audio to visual. Many of the plot points were written explicitly with an audio format in mind (the abilities Juno gains from the Martian Pill, the Ruby 7 car chase, the action scenes in the Head of the Janus Beast), and other setpiece moments were designed in post-production without even being a part of the original script (Annie Wire’s death, the music at Ingrid Lake’s party, Sir Damien’s storytelling). Which is all to say that the Penumbra would be an extremely different show if it hadn’t been created as a podcast.

Question Six: How long does it usually take to make an episode? Including voice acting, sound editing, and of course writing, is it especially time consuming or is it something that can be knocked out in a day?

Sophie: This is a tough question to answer because the first part of the process–the dreaming up of the stories–is the part that can vary the most. Sometimes Kevin and I agonize over characters and plot points for months, but on some very special occasions, when we’ve been in a really great groove, we’ve been able to outline an entire episode in one day. 

Once we have an outline, Kevin writes a draft, which can take anywhere from three days to three months (though both ends of the spectrum are very unusual). After that, we spend two to three weeks editing on our own and then with a few other people, and once the script is complete we can move onto rehearsal and recording.

This part is a ton of fun! Scheduling (handled by Noah Simes, our production manager) is a bit of a nightmare because the actors are all extremely busy, but we always do our best to have at least one rehearsal for everybody, and then 1-3 recording sessions. Those are usually long days, but we all love each other a lot, so it’s worth it. The final piece of the process is the sound design, which I usually spend about two full weeks on. I almost never think I’m going to get the whole thing done in time for episode release day, but so far I’ve always managed it!

BONUS: What are some future plans you have in mind? Without going into spoilers, can we can anticipate some new characters, exciting cases, and big reveals to come up?

Kevin: It is very much the Penumbra Brand to make sure all new information only raises forty new questions and makes everyone terribly upset, and so in that time-honored tradition I bring you this fun exclusive:

The structure of this Juno season — number of cases, number of episodes, plot structure, etc. — is so different from season one that we can’t even post a release calendar or tell you how many more you have left to expect, because it would spoil some major reveals coming up in… a few weeks? A few months? I don’t know. You’ll have to wait and see.

Thank you to Sophie and Kevin to taking time to answer my questions. If you haven’t already, check out The Penumbra Podcast yourself to get the scoop on Juno Steel and The Second Citadel as well as enjoying all the beautiful art provided by the talented @disasterscenario.

Another tea pot emptied and another case solved.

[inkuisitivskins]

How about a 35 with LivMiles? Please?

Fanfic prompts

35. “If a zombie bit you, I’d be heartbroken, but I’d also shoot you twice in the head.”

Hehehe… Since I wasn’t really getting a canon-verse vibe from this, I decided to do another AU. And what better verse to do with Livmiles with a goofy prompt like this than the return of our classic High School AU :3c I’m so glad you all enjoyed that one so much, and Illy, I still love the one you did based off of it, so I thought it would be fun to revisit it

Hope you all enjoy!

Bitten on Ao3

Miles always abhorred horror movies; ever since he was young, they terrified him. When Halloween arrived every year, while his sisters would dress up as the scariest characters possible, he would always be the one to have a completely normal, tame costume. One year, one of his sisters was a grim reaper with a bloodied scythe, the other choosing to be a gory zombie with a missing eye– yet he had been completely happy and content as a big bunch of grapes. 

That never changed as he aged. As his friends would invite him to haunted houses and movie-watching parties, he would always politely decline, preferring to hand out candy at his house. It was quiet, and he enjoyed seeing the children trick-or-treating and having fun. 

However, he finally caved the year him and Olivier started dating. 

She told him that, every year, her family went all-out. They decorated their entire manor in Halloween decor, the entire property transformed into what looked like an actual haunted, abandoned mansion. They had realistic spiderwebs strung all across the multiple stories-tall roof, skeletons and ghost statues and silhouettes dotting the gardens outside. Candles lit every darkened faux boarded-up window, with gravestones lining the pathway to the large, ornate doors, along with pumpkins and fog machines. Naturally, such a display of decor warranted showing-off, so on every Halloween night, they would hold a huge, private party between family and friends. She told him that once the sun would set, her parents would give out elaborate gift bags when children came to their door, and once the trick-or-treating waned, the party-goers would arrive. 

She also mentioned to him that her siblings would often get invited to their friends’ parties, though not her. She didn’t care for parties in the slightest; she did not even participate in the ones her own family would host. Her few friends always had better things to do, and everyone else who would be hosting parties was afraid of her for some reason, she would tell him. She intimidated people, even though she never picked any fights without good reason.

It was, to that, Miles invited her over to his house. He convinced her after telling her that it would be quiet, and calm, since his own family would be out doing their own respective things. They would have the house to themselves, and, if she didn’t want to give out candy, they could just hang out. 

She excitedly suggested watching scary movies, and though he hesitated, he wanted her to have a good time. So, he agreed.

He didn’t expect her to arrive to his house once the sun had set, a wide smile on her face, weighed down by a large bag. She had brought tons of snacks, and tons of movies, to his uncertainty. She seemed so excited, though, so he couldn’t change their plans now. 

He made popcorn for them as she excitedly chose a movie, eventually deciding on a violent, zombie-filled B movie. She saw how his white eyebrows knit together nervously upon reading the cover as he sat down beside her, so she assured him that it would mostly be a joke movie; more of a dumb comedy than an actual horror. 

Then, they pressed play. 

While it was rather laughable, the fake blood that spurt with every wound inflicted on a survivor or a zombie startled Miles. One man’s head had already been severed, the bright-red blood a cartoony fountain coming from his spine. 

“So, uh… These zombies are from space?” He questioned her, glancing down at the girl at his side. Her eyes were trained on the television, obviously deeply invested in it. 

A man on screen lost a hand in a very comical way, screaming with his very shoddy acting, causing her to chuckle, “Stupid, right? We haven’t even gotten to the part where the main characters go to the beach. Just as the one chick starts to strip, they fight a megalodon.”

“The giant shark?”

“Yep.”

“Who thought this movie was a good idea?” He turned his attention back to it. 

“I ask myself that every time I watch,” Olivier smiled amusedly to herself as a zombie was shot and killed. “If a zombie apocalypse actually happened, Miles, what would you do?”

“I’ve never thought about it,” he winced as a truck cut a man in half, somehow. “I guess I’d try to get a small group of people I knew, and I’d hide out somewhere.”

“You’d have to travel at some point,” the blonde replied. “You’ll run out of resources otherwise.”

“I could start a farm for food.”

“I mean, it also depends on the circumstances. Are these zombies fast zombies where one bite turns you, or are they the slow ones that moan about wanting to eat brains? And how did it start, was it biological warfare? If so, water and soil may be contaminated, and you’d have to rely on canned goods until the bacteria died off,” she turned to him, eyes wide, her voice feigning dead-seriousness, “If it ever did.”

Miles chuckled softly, earning a pleased smile from his girlfriend, “I… see that you’ve though a lot about it.That makes sense, though. What would you do if I got bitten?”

“If a zombie bit you, I’d be heartbroken, but I’d also shoot you twice in the head.”

“Kinda harsh, don’t you think?”

“The second bullet would be to make sure I finished the job and you didn’t suffer.”

“Savage,” Miles laughed. 

“What?” Olivier chuckled, cuddling closer to him, bringing a blush to Miles’s dark features. “I’d want you to do the same for me. I’m faster than you, so you wouldn’t be able to outrun me if I turned.”

“That’s not true!” Miles challenged. “I beat you home that one time.”

“We had just come from lunch, Miles, I was full of food.”

“Still, my reflexes are quicker than yours,” he said, turning back to the movie, hoping to end the conversation with him on top.

“Then think fast.”

In a second, she had taken his face in her hands, turning him to face her before pressing her lips against his. His red eyes widened so quickly, he thought they were going to pop out of his head in addition to the flinch that wracked his body at the sudden contact.

Despite having been dating for five months, they had never kissed before. 

She pulled back after a moment to look at him, seeing the stunned look on his face paired with a deep flush on his cheeks. Even with the absence of lights in the room, the only illumination being from the television, she could definitely see it. 

“Are you okay?” She asked, tilting her head slightly. “I’m sorry, I thought it would be funny–”

“Can we do that again?” He asked quickly, his soft voice not matching the obvious enthusiasm. 

Allowing a beat to pass before she smiled calmly, she leaned forward, kissing him again as zombies sloppily ate people’s organs on screen. Miles was much more relaxed this time, the kiss slightly awkward, yet full of affection. 

They stopped after a second, looking into one another’s eyes.

“Okay, yeah. You win,” Miles spoke lightheartedly.

Olivier simply laughed, leaning against him lovingly as they continued watching their movie. 

I love this AU so much :’) I hope you enjoyed!

[rob-blog1234]

WEEKEND TV HOT FILM PICKS!

Check out my guide to the top films on TV this weekend, the best of the rest and what to avoid at all costs. Enjoy!

LATE FRIDAY 23rd FEBRUARY

HOT PICK!

Syfy @ 2310     Twelve Monkeys (1995) *****

I present to you Terry Gilliam’s greatest achievement with this extremely detailed, rich and complex story introducing some of the most memorable characters in film. Twelve Monkeys is an extremely accomplished Time Travel Sci-Fi adventure dealing with multiple themes and concepts through some amazing storytelling. Even with its multiple time lines, flashbacks and crazy plot Gilliam feeds the story to us with amazing skill also treating us to some amazing cinematography and backdrops of a dark and bleak future world.

Gilliam is notorious for his almost stubborn attention to tiny details. Each scene is busy with cogs and mechanisms and such richness it’s sometimes hard to take it all in, but this all adds to the overall effect and feel of the film.

A huge amount of this film’s success lies in the amazing performances from all the cast. Particular praise goes to Bruce Willis and Brad Pitt who bring to the screen quite possibly their greatest performances to date.

The film is set in the future where a virus has wiped out the majority of human life and the survivors live underground where they are safe. Attempting to find a cure the head scientists send James Cole (Willis) back to the year 1996 to gather information. When he is sent to 1990 by mistake and after a fight he finds himself in a mental institution where he meets the wild eyed and crazed Jeffrey Goines (Pitt). It really is a roller coaster of events from here.

The joy of this film is that it never ages, it always seems a fresh, new and clever concept that always rewards. Definitely up in my Top 5 Time Travel films. Twelve Monkeys is a masterpiece. I have high hopes for the new TV series based on this film. I hope it becomes a good companion piece and not a scar on the memory of this original success. Watch this!

Best of the rest:

TCM @ 1655      The Wrong Man (1956) ****

E4 @ 2100          X-Men: First Class (2011) ****

Film4 @ 2100     Alien (1979) *****

Sony @ 2100     The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo (2011) ****

Dave @ 2200     Kill Bill Vol 2 (2004) ****

Horror @ 2255  The Devil's Rejects (2005) ***

CBS @ 2300      Raw Deal (1986) ***

Film4 @ 2320    Danger: Diabolik (1968) ***

ITV3 @ 0005      Elizabeth: The Golden Age (2007) ****

Film4 @ 0125    The Duke of Burgundy (2014) ****

AVOID AT ALL COSTS!

5* @ 2305    Need for Speed (2014) * AVOID!

Officially my 96th favourite film released in 2014.

NOTE: I have seen 96 films released in 2014.

Car action trash - looking out of the window at the road for an hour will probably inspire more interest and fun... or sitting on a spike.

SATURDAY 24th FEBRUARY

HOT PICKS!

More4 @ 2100     The King's Speech (2010) *****

The King’s Speech is very deserving of its critical acclaim. Tom Hooper did a fantastic job directing but the main success of this film is down to Colin Firth and Geoffrey Rush’s powerhouse performances. It has a wonderful vein of humour running throughout. Subtle humour with a lot of heart. This film is inspirational and also interesting to delve into Britain’s history as well as the challenges faced by those with a crippling speech impediment. If you need one feel good factor this weekend, stick this to the top of your list.

Film4 @ 2100      Aliens (1986) *****

This time it’s War! Aliens is one of the most successful sequels of all time.  It not only continued an amazing story with one of the most impressive extra-terrestrial beings ever seen on film but also completely changed the style. Ridley Scott’s original is an amazing accomplishment and stands tall as a fantastic Horror / Sci-Fi, with this sequel James Cameron injected a dangerous dose of action and adrenalin turning it into a high powered action adventure Sci-Fi that makes this film my personal favourite of the series of films. This is mainly down to the rich characters and great performances by everyone involved. The casting and character development creates high emotional attachment which adds to great effect as they one by one encounter the almost indestructible Xenomorphs with sometimes fatal consequences. Aliens is set 57 years after the original and Ripley has been in hyper sleep all this time. We follow a crack team of Marines with Ripley in tow as adviser as they go back to LV-426 after contact is lost by the Terra-forming colony there.  It has amazing special effects for its time and had to rely on physical effects as opposed to today’s CGI saturated Sci-Fi films. This is an amazing action spectacular that simply must be seen. It’s also well worth investing in the Alien Anthology on Blu ray, it’s great value for money, both the image and sound is crisp and clear and worthy of being in everyone’s collection.

C4 @ 2250     Dredd (2012) ****

In a dark and dysfunctional future crime is at an all-time high and policed by Judges - these are judge, jury and executioner - dealing out swift and brutal justice to those flouting the law. Karl Urban plays our downturned mouthed hero - Judge Dredd - a seemingly heartless, brutal and ruthless Judge but one of the very best in the business. This is a great adaption of the comic series and with a great sense of pace, amazing visuals - namely the slow motion ultra-violent sprays of blood - and booming soundtrack this is an action movie to remember. Need a dose of Action in your weekend? Make way for Judge Dredd.

Sony @ 2320     Sleepers (1996) ****

Robert De Niro, Dustin Hoffman, Kevin Bacon, Brad Pitt… Need I go on? Sleepers is an excellent crime drama following the story of four men who were friends as children when an unfortunate prank accidentally killed someone. They were sent to reform school where they were beaten and raped by the guards. Their paths cross once again as adults and they take the opportunity for revenge on the guards that brutalised them as children. This film is extremely well put together, very engaging with a great cast and a heart breaking story. I’ve always thought this film deserved more credit. Give it a try, you won’t be disappointed.

Best of the rest:

5* @ 1110           James and the Giant Peach (1996) ***

TCM @ 1125      The Wrong Man (1956) ****

True @ 1100      The Hound of the Baskervilles (1959) ****

Film4 @ 1100     Napoleon Dynamite (2004) ****

5Spike @ 1330  Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969) ****

TCM @ 1825     The Manchurian Candidate (1962) ****

Horror @ 1840 The War of the Worlds (1953) ****

ITV2 @ 1905     The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies (2014) ***

5* @ 2100         21 Jump Street (2012) ****

Comedy @ 2200 So I Married an Axe Murderer (1993) ***

5* @ 0135         The Town (2010) ****

AVOID AT ALL COSTS!

Sony @ 1630     After Earth (2013) * AVOID!

No. Just no. I'm not going to waste words on this garbage. Take heed from the films tag line... Danger is Real. Fear is a choice. AVOID!

SUNDAY 25th FEBRUARY

HOT PICKS!

Horror @ 2255     They Live (1988) ****

I love a bit of John Carpenter in my film diet. Especially 1988 cult classic They Live. Rowdy Roddy Piper is Nada - an out of work construction worker who hits the city in search of work. He comes across a pair of sunglasses which reveal the world as it REALLY is - the people controlled by the rich, a mass media saturated world where people are driven into consumerism fuelled pacification. Government messages are revealed in stark, bold black and white text on billboards, TV and newspapers - showing the messages of “OBEY” and “CONFORM”. Even more sinister is the revelation that the upper echelons of society are populated by an evil exploitative alien race. The constant Carpenter score is our companion throughout almost all of the film which works wonderfully. Funny in parts, action and fights galore - this is a great Cult Classic Carpenter.

C4 @ 2305     Shutter Island (2012) ****

Shutter Island is a creepy, visually rich psychological thriller with a dark and morbid feel throughout. We follow DiCaprio as troubled U.S. Marshal Teddy Daniels - investigating the disappearance of a patient from the islands asylum for the criminally insane. DiCaprio is superb and I can see why Scorsese persists on casting him. Ben Kingsley also stands out as the head of the asylum - the dialogue between the two characters is excellent. We are taken through the almost gothic maze of the island and asylum - its darkness is overwhelming and penetrating, this - combined with the beauty of Scorsese’s direction we are treated to a darkly beautiful ride. There are, as you would expect, a number of twists along the way some more obvious than others but to me that isn’t really the point - It’s the journey through the film and the troubling images that plague our lead that make Shutter Island a must watch film. It inspires a second viewing. The score magnifies the darkness and is superbly put together to make even the seemingly normal of scenes far more tense and suspicious. Shutter Island was eagerly awaited for in 2010 and I was very glad when it finally arrived.

Best of the rest:

C5 @ 1705         Where Eagles Dare (1968) ****

E4 @ 1900         Men in Black 3 (2012) ***

Syfy @ 2100      Pitch Black (2000) ****

Film4 @ 2100    Alien3 (1992) ***

BBC1 @ 2315    Point Break (1991) ****

TCM @ 2340     The Deer Hunter (1978) *****

Sony @ 0110    The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2011) ****

AVOID AT ALL COSTS!

Film4 @ 2315     Salt (2010) * AVOID!

If Angelina puts a different colour wig on - she still looks like Angelina Jolie. In fact when she put on a disguise I didn’t even notice it happen, but everyone else seemed to think she was bloody invisible. The most unconvincing CIA agent I’ve seen. Who is Salt? Who cares.. Oh hold on.. It’s Angelina Jolie… in a wig. Jolie off. AVOID!