#introspeciton

[dwuerch-blog]

Being a Self Leader

Being a Self Leader

Remember the Golden Rule? “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” (Matthew 7:12) We ARE our greatest cheerleader or at least we should be. Self-leadership causes us to first strive for being a good leader to ourselves. It means introspection and awareness of how we think and how we react. It is having a sense of being a stellar influencer of ourselves and then to others. Here’s an…

[cicadaland]

Have u ever been so down bad for a straight guy youd be willing to transgend to just have a chance..............................................

[axolotlsauce]

more like water cringe introspeciton

[justbeingjordan]

“I’m ok” “I’ve been ok”

I’ve been saying this so muich lately because how else are you allowed to respond? Is it ok for me to bring up that “No, I’m not ok I’m extremely stressed out.” or “No I have so much anxiety, i’m really depressed” or even “I think I was suicidal for a week but I got over it” I am not ok.  I’m far from it. I’m coping. I’m functioning. I get my shit together so I can continue. I don’t get to fall apart when I feel sad because I have to keep it together for other people. I overcome all my own shit because I need to keep moving forward, I need to go to work for income, I need to be strong for my family that’s slowing falling apart, I need to pretend that the way I’m treated by some guys doesn’t bother me because that means it matter that much more to me than it did them.  

It’s gotten to the point where I solve all my own problems without relying on others because I feel they can’t help. I don’t like explaining things over and over and I don’t want to hear my feelings are valid.  Say that all you want it doesn’t change the fact that i feel shitty.  I know it’s ok to feel shitty I just move past it because i feel like i have to.  I can’t even cry anymore. I feel like I have to a lot but nothing comes out.  I’ve conditioned myself so much to keep things together I just skip the crying and get to the doing.  Make things work. Acknowledge the problem and deal with it or just accept you can’t do it and move on.  But just because I mentally know these things doesn’t mean my feelings keep up.  I’m just so tired... So very tired. I hate seeing people having such stereotypical signs of depression and everyone just accepting their behaviors.  Like hey it’s ok he’s depressed I don’t wanna make him more sad etc. But what about me? I’m in a constant state of depression except I’m highly functional because I have to be.  Might be soley providing for my family soon, I can’t just stop working because it’s convinient for my feelings.  I can be depressed too. People assume everything in my life is so amazing and I shouldn’t be stressed or sad, but you know hey I must be pretty damn functional if I can make this mess of feelings seem invisible to others.  I don’t even know why I’m writing this.  I’m not asking for help or outreach.  I’m not even looking for a solution to all my problems. There are just so many feelings that I think I repress and don’t get expressed in any way shape or form.  I’m very aware of my feelings, why I feel them and where they stem from. Even though I know these things I just can’t overcome them I just cope with it.  It makes me miss times where my life was stable and easy, too easy to the point i wasn’t satisfied and wanted more. I threw it all away for a chance to do more be more but I guess i couldn’t keep up with my own ambition. 

And now I’m at this point where I have to vent on tumblr where people will either pass this post because it’s too long or I’ll have people become concerned and try and help.  I don’t need any of that. Not that it’s unappreciated but because I truly believe just talking about issues isn’t enough. It takes a lot of introspeciton and accpetance to get through it too.  I have the introspection but not the acceptance. idk what else to say right now but I’m ok.. Meaning i’m dealing with my problems the best i can so I can appear to be a normal person. But really though I’m ok enough to not do anything stupid