#intro DIY Fuckery Choices TheseHoes ThisHoe playingWithMyLife

[beautiulemeraldcreature]

Emeralds and Pearls

 Scene 1: The Theory Of a Bad Girl

This Blog is about how I finally decided to write that book everyone was talking about whether it was a Holy Party or Hellish one someone would always get me going with a story and yes I embellished my true stories to either make them seem more sad so I could gain empathy points whenever I was feeling Lonely I tried to create a life that people wanted to be apart of. Now in reality a lot of movie like things happened to me and was interestingly crazy, selfish, foolish and irresistibly passionate and only plain dumb.

               While I was growing up, I was always bullied, and I was too scared to tell a adult. I was bullied at school and with my family… Bullied by my cousins. I was afraid of being branded a snitch because I was a tiny girl/with a tantrum. My cousins picked on me the hardest and for some reason I still wanted to be accepted and hang out with people who hurt me. The point is fast forward 6 years later I’m nearly 16 and still haven’t gotten over the trauma I went through as a little kid and I’m still being bullied but this time the reasons are clearer while I’m building new trauma. Does anybody notice Trauma rhymes with Drama?

I never understood what it was about me that made people envy me and try to take away what was so pure. I loved to goof around and sing, and laugh I was genuinely happy but it came across fake and though I had decent parents who was filling in for my biological parents no one was teaching me how to really deal with the emotional part of the Drama, I mean Trauma. I have to admit spilling my truth like red cool aid all over a white carpet sounds horrifying because what if I don’t have club soda or I go buy some and forget what its for.

This metaphor is pretty much summing up my late teens and early to mid 20’s. Ya girl is all over the place! But promise if you stick with me you will be entertained sometimes you may laugh and at some point, you will love and hate me, I mean I Have to give you the tea or else the story isn’t juicy enough to publish and trust me there will be talk of drugs, alcohol and sex! Oh my God Sex! I’ll explain later. Who doesn’t love a good story that involves self-destruction? I’m going to tell you all my dirty little big secrets. I have Survived another incredible decade. It was my first decade as an adult and boy did I fuck up. Now don’t get me wrong I do hold myself accountable for the mischief I intended and didn’t intend to cause. I’m not making excuses about the how’s and whys. I do not condone The past behavior but I guess I had my reasons In Theory. 

Anyways I used to love to talk about myself and the confidence I had could turn heads in an empty room I mean my light shine so bright people from all walks of life gravitated towards me and I experienced so much love and respect in my early 20s. I had been kidnapped by a crazy ex, Hit by a car by a much crazier ex, been married and divorced, sold drugs, became a prostitute, quit that to become a stripper and porn star full time all by the time I was 24 and not necessarily all in that order. At 24 I had worked 4 regular jobs that I quit if I got bored or too much work for too little pay. I’ve did everything from door-to-door sales and corporate. What can I say I hustled as hard as I slacked off. Its amazing that I’ve lived this long. What I mean by that is, at that time I constantly lived my life on the edge of mount Everest! Go big or go home right? I always loved to smell and look beautiful, hang out with beautiful girls who lived like me and not all of it was just for the love of money. A lot of things I did was for the experience. They say you should try out things in your 20’s so it can prepare you for your 30s but I’m 5 days away from 29 and the only thing I’m certain of is that I love my daughter! There is nothing wrong with a little blog about sex, drugs, lies, R&B, Rock and Roll, and strippers! what could go wrong Except for everything in theory.