#intoxicating (tox aesthetic)

[missingmorethanmyskull-arch-blog]

Tox’s (and part of Arum’s) Life Story, and music

This gon’ be long so I’ll put it under a readmore

(a bit of comparison to Red and Boss too so I think I’ll reblob this to them)

This is me rambling to my dear @r0astet0aste but I took out everything that’s not actual rambling to shorten it if only a little

I've got to get up an info page for Tox

-slams hands down-

LISTEN I'M GONNA DUMP ALL HIS SONGS ON YOU

OK SO

ARUM NEVER PAID ATTENTION TO HIM. EVER. EVER EVER. NOT UNTIL THE WAR

HE WAS FAR TOO FOCUSED ON BEING GASTER'S ASSISTANT, AND THEN TRYING TO GET HIM BACK

THE SCIENCE DAD AND SON IGNORED THEIR 'UNINTELLIGENT' SON/BRO

TOX GREW UP FEELING INFERIOR AND NEGLECTED AND STUPID

SO HE THREW EVERYTHING HE HAD INTO PHYSICAL ABILITY IN THE HOPES IT WOULD GARNER HIS BROTHER'S ATTENTION

AND EVENTUALLY STARTED TAKING OUT HIS FRUSTRATION BY ABUSING ARUM

BUT ARUM DIDN'T GIVE A FUCK

HE TOOK THE PUNCHES AND KICKS LIKE "are you done throwing a tantrum, bitch? yes? good bye i'm going back downstairs"

Basically he was enamored with his dear old daddy and considered Tox a waste of space

So getting beaten up had the same effect as Tox wailing annoyingly as a small child. That "ugh stop" effect

Meanwhile poor Tox just

Wanted attention

Yes he beat up his big bro but all he wanted was attention

So there's this song for his feelings on Arum pre-war

Diary of Jane - Breaking Benjamin

Keep in mind he doesn't remember G

So all he knows is Arum ignored him for science for no reason

And so he was desperate for attention

He got it in the royal guard

He was good. He was powerful. He was Undyne's favorite

He fell for her of course

So they got together

(Arum has been with his Grillz, his Alphys, and the shopkeep bun in terms of real relationships I just need to figure out the order. Alphys first I'm p sure)

Then

The human fell

Arum fell for her gradually, put his trust in her, believed she'd break them free, etc

That didn't happen

King died. Six souls were destroyed

Toriel returned to the throne

Undyne didn't like that

Because Toriel instilled a mercy policy to fallen humans

But Frisk had told Arum that the human population had grown immensely in the last several centuries

Breaking free and initiating war - Undyne's plan, just like Asgore's - would result in monsters being eradicated

Arum was always on Toriel's side

When Undyne challenged her, the civil war broke out

Tox felt loyalty to his lover, ofc, but he also realized Arum and Toriel were right. War was a bad idea

Besides, the last thing they needed was their ruler to be another Asgore

Who was ruthless and made the underground hell

So he was torn

He eventually settled on a side - Toriel's

There's this song for when he had to fight Undyne

Headstrong - Trapt

Then

then

well, keep in mind

none of this was actually Frisk's fault

Everyone thinks it was but

In reality, she was trapped in the void by Flowey during his omega battle

Flowey felt horribly guilty for fucking it all up

He started rewinding time, again and again

Arum was the only one aware of this

He experienced the resets and reloads

So the Civil War, which stretched for idk a few decades probably

was actually much longer

Tox died

When he was killed the first time

Arum had a meltdown

He realized then that

despite everything

Tox was the only family he'd had left

And none of their fighting mattered, did it?

He'd wasted his brotherhood. He'd ignored the only person he had that was family

First mental break

This song

Not Gonna Die - Skillet

ISN'T IT GREAT?

the last thing i heard was you whispering goodbye... and then i heard you flatline

Arum was an absolute mess

Then time rewound again

He tried to warn Tox not to fight in that battle

Tox didn't listen to him ofc

so he died several times in the war

So I've got a few songs about that

Soldier Side - System of a Down

Battle Cry - Skillet

Not Afraid to Die - Written By Wolves

And my favorite for the Civil War time (aside from Not Gonna Die)

IS THIS ONE

Rise - Skillet

(by the way, yes, in every Skillet song on his playlist, Arum is the girl singing)

I mean

technically Undyne is the one revolting from Toriel's rule but

Toriel's rule is basically a revolution from Asgore's reign of terror

They're fighting on Toriel's side for a semi-peaceful life

They can't wage war on the humans

They obviously won't be breaking the barrier any time soon, back at 0 souls

All Toriel and her followers want is for the death to stop

So the last 40 seconds of this song?

With the phone call and the news reports and all that

They're all things that would've happened in Asgore's reign

Monsters breaking into each others's houses and dusting them for EXP

People being left on the streets to die

etc

AND THAT LAST MALE VOICE?

"You're such a failure!"

"What is wrong with you?"

"You're worthless!"

"You can't do anything right!"

"I wish you had never been born!"

All things Arum has snapped at him throughout his life

So he's got shit like that playing in his head

But he's still fighting to protect

and by this point

Arum has lost him so many times

He just

He wants to take it all back

He synthesizes a carefully measured solution of determination

Aware of his and Alphys's failures with the amalgamates, he realizes pure determination would only make Tox melt

(Alphys has committed suicide by now btw)

So he works desperately to find a working determination amount, mixed with other chemicals, so he can stop Tox from dying without making him melt

Not much time to test it but he does his best

Keep in mind Tox can't remember any of his deaths

All he knows is his brother has flipped his fucking lid ever since the human left

And keeps talking about time shit that he doesn't understand

Arum forces the determination mixture into him

It works

Tox survives the battle he kept dying in

Drawback: Tox's body distorted

It didn't melt but

It had to shift and change to account for the DT

this is why he's nine feet tall

The civil war continues

Inevitably, Toriel loses and steps down

She returns to the ruins

Undyne takes the throne

Tox is one of the only survivors on Toriel's side

The brothers return to Snowdin and Arum attempts to explain the whole time shit

(He pointedly does not attempt to explain Gaster or what he was always working on)

But he apologizes for everything

So ok Tox doesn't really get it all

He's still just... not very bright

But he realizes that Arum has lost everything and is trying to change

So things for sure aren't perfect, but they at least stop hitting each other and attempt to communicate more

Arum's first mental break and the endless resets within the war has left him not enitrely stable

Arum was a mess

He put his faith and trust in Frisk and look where it got him

Look where it got the whole underground

He returned to working desperately to try and get his dad back

He somehow convinced himself if Gaster was back, everything would be okay again

Honestly he put G on such a high pedestal, it's crazy

He consistently believes he could never measure up to him in terms of scientific ability, though he's been monitoring and repairing the core personally ever since G was cast into the void

He's probably surpassed G by this point but he can't believe it

he's got Red's failure complex honestly

He just shows it far less

Oh I should mention his HP was never 1

He always had over 200

Physically, he was always stronger than Red

He just didn't use it

Bigger, stronger, he didn't have the defects that Red was created with basically

anyway after that, whenever a human fell, they'd kill the human and purposefully crush their soul into little bits

so Undyne couldn't take the soul for herself

a few slipped through the cracks, tho

current time, Undyne has 3

Flowey kept occasionally fucking with time

The magic in the underground soured

Crops began to fail

Soon, food became very scarce

the monster population had basically halved due to the war but still

Hunger began to take control over everything

Tox came up with the clever idea (for once) of slowly conditioning himself and Arum to be resistant to most poisons

They started to poison their own food stores to deter people from stealing their food

But the fact is they started to starve slowly

Another human fell

In a fit of hunger, having lost himself, Arum killed and ate the human

well he set half aside for Tox but

yeah he tasted meat for the first time that day

Cue another mental break afterwards, when he realized the brutal, horrifying act he'd just committed

He'd killed only a few times in his life, and only in self-defense

Tox had dusted many in the war, but that was war

This was him murdering and eating someone in cold blood

and he really loved the taste, too

He was sickened by himself

Tox, too

But they didn't really have a choice anymore

Tox had long since accepted that the world was fucked up

Arum was new to the idea, having locked himself away in labs for most of his life, he was far more sensitive to this shit

This was around the time that Arum first became suicidal

So here's another Tox song as he started to realize Arum was in even worse mental shape than he thought

Never Too Late - Three Days Grace

Arum is growing ever more desperate about getting his father back

On a very bad day, he attempted to use the machine he was building, before he had finished it and properly tested it

Oh boy did that backfire

He reached into the void with a flawed machine and the void yanked payment

You've seen Fullmetal Alchemist, right?

Them boys reached into the void asking for the impossible

Arum reached into the void asking for something very possible, but he did it in a flawed way

He didn't have enough power or control in the machine

So first of all it exploded and took a chunk out of his skull manually

Now that could be healed with green magic provided you have all of the bone material with you

But what the void took wasn't all physical

It took chunks of his mind

Not only that, it soured and rotted his soul

His soul reached 0/0 HP but he did not die

His soul was permanently rotted and changed. He's already at 0, but still there, so he can't die

His magic soured too

You recall his dark, dark red magic color? Almost brownish black?

Wasn't originally that color

The hole in his skull destroyed one eye but the other began to glow permanently

He can't teleport, he can't die, he can't conceive a child, he can't even soulbond

He's essentially a zombie

And he looked the part for a while, too

Tox heard the explosion and rushed down there to find Arum unconscious with a chunk missing, tendrils of voidy shit being battered back by vines

Flowey probably saved them all from more damage

Tox attempted to heal the wound in Arum's skull but it didn't work

His body no longer accepted green magic

The basis of green magic is healing HP and at 0/0, there is nothing to be healed

Green magic hurts Arum about as much as being attacked does

Both make his soul glitch the fuck out like an amalgamate's

Anyway, Arum was unconscious for a damn long time

Days

But finally, he woke up... And he couldn't remember anything. He couldn't focus his gaze on anything. He couldn't speak and could hardly move

He was completely catatonic and only vaguely conscious

Tox had to take care of him the same way you might take care of a baby or doll, minus the crying

He fed Arum by hand, carried him around the house, manually moved his joints so Arum's body didn't entropy

Attempted to communicate in any way

Eventually Arum started to be able to recognize sign language again, and at least nod or shake his head in response to simple questions

He slowly regained control of his body, then speech, and at last, his memories began to come back hazily

He's still missing chunks of his life but he made a pretty miraculous recovery over a period of several years

He remembers, vaguely, the feeling of time resetting

But he can no longer experience resets properly

He doesn't remember them and they give him intense migraines

He never remembered the events of the day the machine exploded, and seeing as Tox has no clue what happened, he still doesn't know

He's just sort of... Assumed the machine is fine

And hes always like "oh yeah i should get back to building it some day" but hasn't gone to the basement since and he doesn't know why

Flowey ain't around

I mean they were never friends

Arum and Flowey fought over resets before, though Arum's mostly forgotten it

And they've talked about Alphys or about science briefly but

Theyre acquaintances at best

But Flowey, guilt ridden yet again, hasn't been around and won't tell him what happened

Anyway

The period of several years where Arum was 100% dependent on Tox stuck with them

Their shaky bond has evolved into a full on dependency on each other

Arum needs Tox desperately because he's a fucking mess mentally, and often he'll have bad days where he can't remember anything and goes semi-catatonic again

During which days Tox babies him and ensures his safety and comfort

Tox needs Arum because now he has a purpose

He's not only wanted but needed

It's like they never fought

They're as close as brothers can get

(Without being incestuous lmao)

They rely on each other 100%

Arum is there for Tox when he has war-induced PTSD flashbacks and needs comfort. Arum feeds them both with humans and other food he can steal.

Tox mans puzzles, patrols, keeps them safe from Undyne and is there for when Arum's mental health deteriorates

They split food evenly down the middle

Arum would give Tox more of his share since he can't starve to death, but Tox refuses

Arum is still often suicidal

He's honestly tried every method in the book to die

Overdose on poison he's trained himself to survive. Bullet to the head (ow). Trying to crush his own soul. Starving on purpose. Drowning. Freezing. Setting himself on fire. Hell. There's a Reapertale Sans rp blog ( @jokingdeath ) that Arum went up to and was like "touch my hand and kill me"

He literally shook hands with death and it didn't kill him

And nights when he's attempted or wants to attempt, and knows it's all useless, and is just a sobbing mess

Tox is there for him 

Here's the last two songs lol

Also both Skillet

Fire and Fury - Skillet (I realize this is a love song but platonically okay)

The Last Night - Skillet (not all of the lyrics fit but you get the gist of it)

Oh i fORGOT MY OTHER FAVE!

why isn't it on the youtube playlist how dare

wait there it is lol

Ok so this one, The Last Night, Rise, and Not Gonna Die are my top 4 for Tox

honestly I can't rank them they're just my top four

Fix You - The Offspring

She sees a million stars like holes in the sky

Arum has a far more bitter take on the surface world than Red does

all God's tears for her they cry, and I am in her rain

Arum is just

you think Red is in bad shape depression wise?

hAH

The difference is Arum puts up a far better "i don't give a fuck" front than Red

Arum laughs at his own pain far more. He makes death jokes and dead baby jokes

(His laugh is not sane anyway)

He kills mercilessly, without hesitation

With a smile on his face

(His smile is not sane either)

Gore makes Red vomit

it makes Arum grin

Red has at least a modicum of faith that they'll get out some day

Arum knows damn well he's never going to be free

Honestly they're both Underfell!Sans but they are vastly different

They were vastly different long before Frisk fell

And they had vastly different lives from the beginning

Arum's Gaster was a good man

Yes, he neglected Tox terribly, they both did

But Dros created them to be his children

As the last skeleton alive, and not interested in a romantic relationship, he created Arum and Tox in a similar fashion as how Erebus created Red and Boss, bot for the opposite reason

He also didn't fuck up with Arum

Red's physical body came out wrong

He formed too small, too frail

He always had 1 HP

Yes, it was in part due to his pessimism, but physically, his body can't hold much HP in the first place

If Red's HP were to rise (and it will) I think I'd cap him at 50

My 5 foot smol was born with the short end of the stick

slaps knee

short end

Boss was born with the long end slaps knee again

Boss's body was always too big

He couldn't control his magic properly and his body was pushed too far

which made him a very sickly child

but as an adult he evened it out with endless training

They're both on one end of an extreme

Whereas Arum and Tox were both quite average. They were evenly leveled, physically

Arum is 5'6", he's completely normal

He just happened to have inherited Dros's extreme intelligence

a fairly common thing in humans, genius can be hereditary

Meanwhile Tox... didn't

Boss was born with strength that he had to hone. Tox was born average and created his own extreme strength through willpower and desperation

Red was born with a too-strong mind that was further distended with experimentation, and had to hone and focus his intelligence once they escaped. It left him with so many emotional issues

Arum's inherited intelligence was carefully guided by his father and he was an average genius, also made extreme through willpower

All of his emotional issues are because of his fucked-up timeline 8,D

Ahhh I love designing characters

Red and Arum as as different from each other as they're both different from Chaos

who is also an Underfell!Sans

Who just happens to be female

and just happened to go insane and kill her entire timeline due to a certain brat :3c

BUT THAT'S RAMBLING FOR ANOTHER DAY

[missingmorethanmyskull-arch-blog]

Muse Aesthetics: Lyric Edition

Bold what applies to your muse, repost, don’t reblog!

- -

to die by your side is such a heavenly way to die. | under a bus, with my fingers crossed. | it feels like nothing matters in our private universe. | take me, i’m yours. | i’ll be a rock and rollin’ bitch for you. | you want the real story? you shouldn’t ask me. | i’m so drunk, i don’t mind if you kill me. | i don’t pretend to know what you want, but i offer love. | you’re so mean, baby! | she will have her way. | i’m bored; come on, let’s get high! | why don’t you walk away? | where i go, there’ll be no kind welcome. | into temptation, right where you belong. | we’re still outsiders. | i never feel pain, won’t you hit me again? | oh, i just don’t know where to begin. | practically all is nearly forgiven. | black words slipping off my tongue. | couldn’t it be easy to believe? | you are afraid of me; that’s why you’re so unkind. | sinner; i have never learned. | desolate in anger and safe in isolation. | do you feel the pressure? | i wanna be forgiven. | spare us the theatrics and the verbal gymnastics. | how i needed you when i needed you. | history has been cruel. | do you see what i see? | is there anybody in there? | i’d beg for some forgiveness, but begging’s not my business. | we may never meet again, so shed your skin and let’s get started. | every day i love you less and less. | there’s nothing that you love that i’ll ever miss.

TOX VERSION:

to die by your side is such a heavenly way to die. | under a bus, with my fingers crossed. | it feels like nothing matters in our private universe. | take me, i’m yours. | i’ll be a rock and rollin’ bitch for you. | you want the real story? you shouldn’t ask me. | i’m so drunk, i don’t mind if you kill me. | i don’t pretend to know what you want, but i offer love. | you’re so mean, baby! | she will have her way. | i’m bored; come on, let’s get high! | why don’t you walk away? | where i go, there’ll be no kind welcome. | into temptation, right where you belong. | we’re still outsiders. | i never feel pain, won’t you hit me again? | oh, i just don’t know where to begin. | practically all is nearly forgiven. | black words slipping off my tongue. | couldn’t it be easy to believe? | you are afraid of me; that’s why you’re so unkind. | sinner; i have never learned. | desolate in anger and safe in isolation. | do you feel the pressure? | i wanna be forgiven. | spare us the theatrics and the verbal gymnastics. | how i needed you when i needed you. | history has been cruel. | do you see what i see? | is there anybody in there? | i’d beg for some forgiveness, but begging’s not my business. | we may never meet again, so shed your skin and let’s get started. | every day i love you less and less. | there’s nothing that you love that i’ll ever miss.

[missingmorethanmyskull-arch-blog]

muse aesthetics: horror edition.

you know how it goes, fam! repost, don’t reblog / bold whatever applies / tag however many people you want / feel free to add stuff in any category, too!

Tagged by: @pyrocicle

Tagging: I already tagged people lol

Arum

GOTHIC HORROR :: gaslights. corsets. ballrooms. candlelight. mist.starless nights. full moons. cobbled streets. horse-drawn carriages. mysterious strangers. bogs. moors. forests. mountains. castles. velvet. silver. brass. gold. jewels. domino masks. the opera. dangerous romances. tragic romances. violins. roses. lilies. empty graves. crosses. cemeteries. snow. ice. the gallows. crows. milk-white skin. ambiguous illness. fangs. pointed nails. something howling in the night. capes. gloves. top hats. straight razors. lightning. pipe organs. underground caverns. bats. mice. rats. ravens. cats. pearls. attics. talismans. axes. wood. isolation in a room full of people. vampires.werewolves. ghosts. coffins. western europe. eastern europe. bones. churches. catacombs. mausoleums. books.

CLASSIC HORROR :: black and white. powder puffs. red lipstick. winged eyeliner. white kitten heels. black lace lingerie. icy blue eyes. rain. abandoned cars. skeletons. acid. poison. voyeurism. switchblades. strangling. overcoats. looking over your shoulder. trans-atlantic accents. private detectives. dinner parties. haunted mansions. alcohol in glass decanters. cobwebs. perfect blonde curls. kitchen knives. shock. cellars. dust. ghosts. dark alleys. empty streets. driving at night. horn-rimmed glasses. radiation. zombies. serial murder. suspicion. paranoia. the city. witches. the devil. cannibalism. conspiracies. amulets. abject terror. the american south. the american northeast. england. analog cameras.

SLASHERS :: bloodbaths. massacres. wanton nudity. newspapers. leather jackets. letterman jackets. converse sneakers. obscured faces. social unrest. bonfires. lakes. babysitters. suburbia. high school. lockers. dead leaves in the fall. jack-o’-lanterns. outdated television sets. nightmares. psychiatrists. hospitals. unstoppable forces. gunfire. police. landline telephones. household objects turned into improvised weapons. halloween. secrets. revelations. character masks. scrunchies. queerness. wild curls. jeering children. parties. fire. swearing. revulsion. california. the american midwest. ambulances.

PARANORMAL HORROR :: malevolent spirits. seances. spells. missing bodies. hidden graves. white noise. static. flickering lights. rings of salt.demons. poltergeists. dark histories. old buildings. cold air. mausoleums. wells. urban exploration. a dog barking at something you can’t see. black ooze. old photographs. faces you can swear you’ve seen before but can’t for the life of you figure out where. dark bodies of water. crucifixes. priests. possession. exorcisms. dolls.

CRYPTID & URBAN LEGEND HORROR :: aliens. blinding light. dark woods. driving at night. claw-marks. bite-marks. men in black. memory loss. dismembered bodies. sewers. flashlights. cell phones. video cameras. cars with tinted windows. unlabeled cassette tapes. bugs. big cities. urban crimes. clowns. something rustling outside your window. glowing light. unsolved mysteries. suburbia. mirrors. the american pacific northwest. the american midwest. hiking / backpacking.

THRILLERS :: daylight. fluorescent lighting. morgues. asylums. unwavering eye contact. tension. lit rooms with no one inside them. a dog digging in the newly-planted flower bed. steely gazes. paperwork. anagrams. codes. convicted killers. missing persons. law enforcement. federal agents. small towns. suspicion. paranoia. subdued terror.dimly-lit parking lots.

Tox

GOTHIC HORROR :: gaslights. corsets. ballrooms. candlelight. mist.starless nights. full moons. cobbled streets. horse-drawn carriages. mysterious strangers. bogs. moors. forests. mountains. castles. velvet. silver. brass. gold. jewels. domino masks. the opera. dangerous romances. tragic romances. violins. roses. lilies. empty graves. crosses. cemeteries. snow. ice. the gallows. crows. milk-white skin. ambiguous illness. fangs. pointed nails. something howling in the night. capes. gloves. top hats. straight razors. lightning. pipe organs. underground caverns. bats. mice. rats. ravens. cats. pearls. attics. talismans. axes. wood. isolation in a room full of people. vampires.werewolves. ghosts. coffins. western europe. eastern europe. bones. churches. catacombs. mausoleums. books.

CLASSIC HORROR :: black and white. powder puffs. red lipstick. winged eyeliner. white kitten heels. black lace lingerie. icy blue eyes. rain. abandoned cars. skeletons. acid. poison. voyeurism. switchblades. strangling. overcoats. looking over your shoulder. trans-atlantic accents. private detectives. dinner parties. haunted mansions. alcohol in glass decanters. cobwebs. perfect blonde curls. kitchen knives. shock. cellars. dust. ghosts. dark alleys. empty streets. driving at night. horn-rimmed glasses. radiation. zombies. serial murder. suspicion. paranoia. the city. witches. the devil. cannibalism. conspiracies. amulets. abject terror. the american south. the american northeast. england. analog cameras.

SLASHERS :: bloodbaths. massacres. wanton nudity. newspapers. leather jackets. letterman jackets. converse sneakers. obscured faces. social unrest. bonfires. lakes. babysitters. suburbia. high school. lockers. dead leaves in the fall. jack-o’-lanterns. outdated television sets. nightmares. psychiatrists. hospitals. unstoppable forces. gunfire. police. landline telephones. household objects turned into improvised weapons. halloween. secrets. revelations. character masks. scrunchies. queerness. wild curls. jeering children. parties. fire. swearing. revulsion. california. the american midwest. ambulances.

PARANORMAL HORROR :: malevolent spirits. seances. spells. missing bodies. hidden graves. white noise. static. flickering lights. rings of salt.demons. poltergeists. dark histories. old buildings. cold air. mausoleums. wells. urban exploration. a dog barking at something you can’t see. black ooze. old photographs. faces you can swear you’ve seen before but can’t for the life of you figure out where. dark bodies of water. crucifixes. priests. possession. exorcisms. dolls.

CRYPTID & URBAN LEGEND HORROR :: aliens. blinding light. dark woods. driving at night. claw-marks. bite-marks. men in black. memory loss. dismembered bodies. sewers. flashlights. cell phones. video cameras. cars with tinted windows. unlabeled cassette tapes. bugs. big cities. urban crimes. clowns. something rustling outside your window. glowing light. unsolved mysteries. suburbia. mirrors. the american pacific northwest. the american midwest. hiking / backpacking.

THRILLERS :: daylight. fluorescent lighting. morgues. asylums. unwavering eye contact. tension. lit rooms with no one inside them. a dog digging in the newly-planted flower bed. steely gazes. paperwork. anagrams. codes. convicted killers. missing persons. law enforcement. federal agents. small towns. suspicion. paranoia. subdued terror.dimly-lit parking lots.