#into an idealised one-dimensional caricature just to please the other person who is now also an inseparable part of you
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The new chapters were engineered specifically to hurt me
#ow ow ow ow ow ow ow#like yes all of them are about the lack of autonomy and having things forced upon you#but each in a slightly different way#it's like Oooooh here comes Happily Ever After with the steel chair (chronic people pleasing to the point of remaking yourself#into an idealised one-dimensional caricature just to please the other person who is now also an inseparable part of you#and has ceased to be their own person as well. dependent on you and your happiness. you have to do this. you have to do this#forever. you're supposed to do this forever. you have to. you're supposed to. it's selfish to do anything else. it's unthinkable#to do anything else. you just need to get it right you just have to get it right you just need to walk on eggshells forever. who are you?)#Oh! But that's not all! Welcome The Cage with another steel chair (utter lack of bodily autonomy to the point of seeing yourself#as someone to whom things are done. someone who cannot make sense of the violence inflicted upon them over and over and over no matter what#they do. the repetition never ceases. there is no change and no progress. there is only a cycle and it is being done to you.#it will always be done to you. your body is something that doesn't belong to you. your body is something that belongs to others.#even after it ceases you will continue to be bound to the cycle. youll expect it every waking moment. youll expect violence#to be enacted upon your body without reason or second thought; your body who is not you but something entirely separate.#something that used to be you but now feels like a sweater people borrow and never give back. will binding other people#to the cycle and locking yourself in a cage make you safe? are you impossible to love?)#AND HERE COMES FUCKING THE PRINCESS AND THE DRAGON WITH THE STEEL CHAIR SET ON FIRE#I'm crying again girl this fucking hurts
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