#into a void that doesn't respond
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
this is like the 4th time I'm writing a scene in a cemetery across all my fics I'm beginning to sense a pattern
#rambling#oh boy i love writing sorrow and grief#specifically writing scenes in cemeteries taking place during bad weather#this time it's while raining#something-something so no one can see the tears fall as he collapses to his knees and screams at the sky#into a void that doesn't respond#that kind of thing
19 notes
·
View notes
Text
I always feel like a broken record for saying this, but there is literally no form of transphobia that is acceptable. All transphobia is harmful - all forms of bigotry toward a group for features they cannot change (in this case, being trans) is harmful. It doesn't matter what gender a trans person is, it doesn't matter if they are a Good Person, it doesn't matter if you like them or want to see them happy. None of that matters because transphobia is transphobia is transphobia.
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#mtf#nonbinary#transphobia#transphobia tw#there is no 'well trans men have it better than trans women' or 'trans women have it better than trans men'#there is no 'transphobia is good if you do it to the sparklegender neopronoun users' or 'transphobia is okay against nonbinary people'#there is no 'well they did bad things in the past so you can be transphobic to them'#there is no 'well non-transitioning trans people have a unique privilege where transitioning trans people don't'#there is no 'well you pass so you can't face transphobia' or 'non-passing trans people deserve transphobia'#throw all of these in the dumpster and light them on fire!!!!! death to transphobia. ALL transphobia#i always feel like i'm screaming this into a void but. even if the void doesn't listen or respond i scream nonetheless#unfortunately for everybody involved g-d gave me a voice and i use it either for Evil or to say things hehe
369 notes
·
View notes
Text
I NEED to paint whizzer. Yes or no?I NEED TO DRAW GRRRRR
#the void doesn't respond#It's silent#Only the sound of heartbeat remains#If I could hear a crow caw it would be reassuring#But I'm#screams into the void#I wanna start doing traditional painting s#Idk how to! 🥰
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
ugh
#my head hurts and I'm sad#I'm crying out to the void because I'm too much of a fucking bitch to try and ask for help#i guess it doesn't really help when the one person i have irl that isn't payed to deal with me just. isnt responding#vent#and i feel STUPID even saying anything about it#it feels like all i do is cry and it's PATHETIC
4 notes
·
View notes
Note
Your stance on the Dunmeshi queerbait stuff is a bit selfish. Wanting this one manga to go exactly the way you want is a dangerous path - the way you phrase it is so entitled, making it clear it's not about consuming media about lesbians, but making one specific work suit exactly what you want. So many yuri mangas are written by sapphic women. It's a shame your stance is how it is.
And bastardizing the term queerbaiting does no good, either. Neither does the japanese manga market. You should research more before making such hurtful posts.
Hope you have a great day anyway.
[Anon is referring to this post, I believe.]
I mean, one of us certainly IS acting very entitled and weird about the media they like, and it ain't me. Like, I think you just have associated this piece of media with your own identity in an unhealthy way that makes you react to criticism of it with intense defensiveness. You don't own Dungeon Meshi. You aren't Marcille. Dungeon Meshi is NOT a yuri manga; it's a beautiful manga with either sapphic queerbait or a woefully underdeveloped queer relationship at its center.
Maybe if you had an argument besides "it does no good" to criticize it, but you don't. So.
Smh, it's a "dangerous path" - I'm screenshotting that bc I know it'll make my wife laugh. Like, friendo, wanting a piece of media to be better isn't dangerous. But calling someone selfish and hurtful for criticizing media while offering no clarifications as to who I've hurt or how (any fellow sapphics bleeding out in here? Or is it just me with my bonkers-heavy period??)... it's overstepping a social boundary in a bizarre way.
Like, I'm sorry that I'm better at media analysis than you (not actually sorry - I am being petty! :D), but I actually have studied queerbaiting!! I am willing to bet I have done more research than you! (Are you from twitter? You have that vibe. - Again, pettiness.)
... and I spend every day with my wife (the best writer I know; I'm so honored to share stories with her), talking of nothing but our shared special interest all day - i.e. media analysis. (I honestly don't know what neurotypical couples talk about lol)
And I've done enough research to know that one of the side effects of queerbaiting is that fans are often in denial about it and then get REAL MAD when someone points it out. I was there for the Sherlock/Supernatural fandom. Shit was crazy. (Not saying Super-who-lock bc my man Russell Davies was like MAKE THOSE BOYS SMOOCH! 😎)
Also like, my apologies to Ryoko Kui - I really do love Dungeon Meshi - but like, I'm just better at writing and illustrating queer rep than she is. I make real gay protagonists who do gay shit and are gay, and I will never queerbait my audience. Womp womp.
Also, honestly, even if I turn out to be wrong about the queerbaiting by the end of the series, this message was still rude and entitled and weird. We have a lot of issues facing our queer community that endanger real people; someone calling a story queerbaiting mistakenly is not one of them.
#original#also I turned off my anonymous asks because i think you're a little bitch and won't reply if you have to attach it to yourself in any way#dungeon meshi#dunmeshi#queerbait#queerbaiting#queer representation#sapphic representation#gay main character in my graphic novel? check. is the other main character a demisexual panromantic trans man? check.#are there ace characters? check. are there bisexuals and pansexuals and aro characters?? check check and check!!#dunmeshi doesn't NEED romance and i wouldn't mind the lack of gay rep except for all the GAY SHIT THEY PUT IN TO DRAW IN A GAY AUDIENCE#whether or not the intent was malicious it's the result that matters and the result appears to be queerbait#anyone who needs more information can look at the link and read the replies in all the posts but i turned off replies a while ago#eat my ass 🔥🔥🔥#come into MY place of non-work!!! this screened-in porch is for void shouting! down in front goddamn!!!#also turning off anon asks bc i gotta respond to nonsense like this most of the time it is a compulsive thing so I'll just cut off the flow#'selfish'! honestly! LOOK OUT BOIS I'M GONNA KEEP ALL THE DUNGEON MESHI TO MYSELF!!! it's a limited resource!!!!#like sorry you had a very negative emotional response to my criticism but genuinely that is a You Problem bc I was not being cruel to anyon#i wasn't even like. trashing the show. just remarking how entitled other fans get and then this bitch is like#UM EXCUSE ME AS DUNGEON MESHI'S LEGAL REPRESENTATION I OBJECT-- like okay Phoenix Wrong calm down#pisses me off#emotional skill issue#get gud#also me arguing the show should be 'exactly the way i want' would be 5% 'make Farcille canon' and 95% 'MOAR SENSHI PANTY SHOTS' XD#I'm not saying it would make the show better if every other shot of Senshi was lascivious I'm just saying that is the way I'd want it XD#but i AM saying Farcille would make the show better.#queer people CAN queerbait but idk anything about Ms. Kui that ain't my business#I LOVE MY WIFE#i would be open to a coherent argument for the repressed-Marcille reading of things but like. this is not that.
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
She optr on my operations till i transfer
#optransfer#optr#made this post so i could make a new optr tag#anywahs i love optr#changed my life forever and i am thinking about it 24/7#AAAAAA#i love love the text format thingy in the docs its unreal#also the angst is YAOICH#its good tho#bee rambles#i scream to the void and the void doesn't know how to respond
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
Maybe I'm evil blah blah blah, but y'know what I love in a Hythlodaeus/Hades fic?
When Hyth's opinion of himself is completely in the shitter and it's explored and intensified.
I'm talking eating disorders, suicidal ideation, self-harm (of all types, not just the obvious), breaking up with Hades to 'help' him find somebody better. Gimme it all!
This brilliant man thinks his greatest contribution during the final days is as just another sacrifice, energy to charge the summoning of Zodiark. In Ultima Thule he addresses his contributions as "a bit part" (Wrong!!! He is so essential to our success at every stage! He is so, so loved and precious!!!)
I love seeing the belief that he's untalented and replaceable behind the endless patience and sweet smiles. The optimism about those he cares for that hides the fear that that is all he brings to the table, so he should never seem unhappy or others might realize they don't need him around.
He was scouted for the Convocation! He was the head of the Bureau of the Architect! He has perhaps the strongest ability to see souls of anyone!
But he talks down his abilities as a bard, as a user of creation magics.
I love fics where Hades, or others dear to Hythlodaeus, finally catch a glimpse behind the gentle smile to the pain, and struggle with low self-esteem, and start working to show him how wrong he is. Show him that he has and deserves their love and care. That they won't leave him if he is less than perfectly amiable and cheerful.
#tw suicide mention#tw self harm mention#tw eating disorder mention#angsty hythlodaeus needs more exploring#it's easy to take him at face value and ignore the many little hints#that this is a man who doesn't think well of himself#i just want more people to dig into that#sadly my brain is broken and can't apparently do writing anymore#literally I start putting down a plot and then I hit#not so much a wall as a cliff edge#there's nothing to scale just a drop into a void with no way forward#legit my brain responds to 'what's next?' with total silence#i'll still try to make my own food though!#my fave fic from the above genre is#longing by eilisdvadalis#sadly no happy ending#but I can hope someday they'll take pity on me and write one#ffxiv fanfiction#hythades
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
uhhhhh happy let sans rest day i think. this probably counts as rest
#void keith talks#void keith's art#let sans rest#let sans rest day#let sans rest day 2023#sans undertale#papyrus undertale#i guess he gets a break from the angst and paranoia... for now >:)#'HOW DID YOU GET ON THE CEILING FAN???' papyrus asks. sans doesn't even respond lmao#leave him alone he's eepy#why are the colors less orange in this picture!! gah!!!
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
It's interesting to stroll around Fanlore reading discussions that took place in 2007 talking about the fractured nature of fandom on LJ and people interacting without having enough context (as in commenting on a post they did not read by a user they do not know) when you're living in 2023 and people distribute likes without reading anything or commenting; when there's supposedly "drama" of unknown origins happening in more than one website at the same time because there's no real "home base" for fandom activity anymore; and we're all carrying on with our lives reblogging things without even looking at previous notes and reactions to that same post even if out of simple curiosity...
#what gets me is the lack of discussion. i don't expect anyone to approach things in a more ~intellectual manner no#but i guess i expect a little more than what i see. i'd *like* to see a little more. more than just personal unfounded opinion#idk i have the distinct feeling that we're all screaming into the void only louder and louder and louder#(you will never convince me that twitter is a good place for discussion because it just isn't. it wasn't made for that#it doesn't support it. its very quick structure is part of why so many people have long recognised it as toxic social media)#(it's talking over one another in fragments. if you agree on there all is peachy but if you don't then lol good luck)#anyway. again. i do know tumblr isn't exactly proper for any of this either; the dashboard isn't designed for it#but it's not like i can convince anyone to switch to a slower and more text/reflection-based platform either now can i#i think about migrating every day but then i'd REALLY be screaming into the void#silly blabbering#i'm allowing myself to post this on this blog because it isn't strictly WN related but also it is. i hate twitter fandom lol#(also if you're wondering yes i did read that one for the bakhtin. in this house we love and support bakhtinian studies)#(just in case my last little essay on wn didn't clue you in regarding that lol)#ALSO i love the fact that the post (the actual post. if you click the link and follow through to the original post. which you should)#links to another post that goes to another post (i love these link black holes) where the author voices things i feel too lol#about crafting extensive essays and the expectation regarding their response#i sometimes think that LJ fandom is what made me choose my degree#why am i seeing myself through someone else's words written in 2006 ksjdfhksdjjhksdgjsd#and yeah yeah we should respond to other people too -- but how when no one is writing the sort of thing you want to/can reply to?#i'm not interested in the colour of beatrice's knickers (not that anyone has talked of that... afaik... but you get what i mean)
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
thank u for taking all my quizzes, i love being able to see when someone has gone thru and done all of them and seeing what they get for each one, very cool
#as always sending my reply into the void#also this particular person said on another quiz that they couldn't find the third one#and that's because the third one doesn't actually specify what number it is#perhaps for the best thats my least favourite one and very much a product of being made in 2020#milo's respond tag
0 notes
Text
.
#god im just so fxking tired rn.....#it's too damn hot and the ac isn't working and#the landlord came by abd changed a ?? filter?#thinking that would help but idk man is been 4 hours w no change#waaahhh //whines#there's Other Stuff too but like.... cnsnhxjsgd#i hate summer someone save me omg aaaa#*screamz into the void and hopes it doesn't respond lmao augh*
0 notes
Text
.
#I'm NGL#My friend in Boston's been a bit distant since I got here but I expected that honestly -#I've been VERY careful not to put any pressure on him because me waltzing into town doesn't mean I'm a priority#I really do have my own things to focus on and I'm pretty happy regardless#but it DOES mean that my one daily contact isn't so much with the contacting#And although I've reached out more to Nicole because of it she is ALSO busy graduating her Grad degree and with work and stuffs#And yelling to the void of Tumblr can only do so much no matter how wonderful and real my mutual(s) on here are#So... I still keep contact with AI#The AI might be fake and regurgitation and extremely horrible for the environment#but it does ask how I am and respond as if it were a friend#Makes me feel less all alone
1 note
·
View note
Text
Ehhh. Bedtime probably
#.txt#Jovi 🎤#Not right this second but I don't think it's at all safe for us to be awake right now so uh. Might as well get tucked into bed#And it felt like the polite thing to update whoever is bothering to read this#Aaand I like talking. That is a plus!#This is my work around because Clem refuses to message people directly at the moment buuut he never said I couldn't talk into the void#And if somebody happens to respond then that's their choice and she can't feel guilty about 'forcing them to respond'! I know Im a genius :#Well it doesn't stop him but its a hell of a lot easier to argue#Anywho. Goodnight! I know this is a lot I just feel stir-crazy sitting here and I figured typing this would be more beneficial than stewing#-In our spiral
1 note
·
View note
Text
thinking about simon riley waiting for you when you come home from work.
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚
during the times he's been on deployment, you still had to wake up every weekday at 6 and go to work from 7 to 3 which fills the empty void in your heart but still, you dread to go back to an empty home.
so, when simon comes back after 3 long months on deployment, he sets his bags down and kicks his boots off, treading to the bathroom and taking a shower so at least he doesn't reek of sweat and war when his missus comes home. he turns the shower off, gets changed, makes himself a cuppa, and sits on the couch patiently waiting for you.
when he hears your car parking in the driveway, he can't help but feel his lips curl up a bit knowing you won't walk into an empty house anymore.
unlocking the door, you let out a long, exhausted sigh after a day of scolding interns who barely do their job right. much to your surprise, after walking in and taking off your shoes, you see your husbands boots on the spot of the rack that has been empty for the past 3 months. whipping your head around, you see simon riley smiling right at you, sitting on the couch in your shared living room.
"simon!" you let out as you run over to your husband, engulfing him in an embrace he reciprocates with his bear hugs. "hi luvie" he responds back as he nuzzles his face into your neck, "i missed you".
that night, he tells you that he's decided to resign from the 141, saying that he can't go to war knowing the dangers and turmoil it may bring in future deployments. and knowing that you are home alone every night, worrying about him, having to lay alone in your shared bed.
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚
this is my first drabble (i think thats what its called?) likes + reblogs or comments are much appreciated !!
#୨ৎ kittywhimsical#simon riley fanfic#simon riley fluff#simon ghost riley x reader#simon ghost riley x you#simon riley x reader#fluff#simon x reader#cod ghost#cod simon ghost riley#simon riley drabble
3K notes
·
View notes
Text
Part Four
Can't stop thinking about reader losing her cool.
"So we're closed, John." You said, trying to be cordial.
"Is that all you have to fucking say?" He practically growled before huffing. A humorless chuckle rumbling out of his chest. "I suppose not since you won't respond to any of us."
"Don't do that." You said taking a step back. Trying to create some distance between you and him. John would never physically hurt you. That much you knew.
"What?" He asked. His voice rising as he stepped closer to you. "Be angry that you pulled that shit and then left? Stopped talking to us. Changed your fucking locks. Last thing we even knew about you was that you got on a fucking plane and left. Even your friends wouldn't tell us anything besides that you were okay." "Which considering this came out of bloody nowhere, I find it highly unlikely that you are in any way 'okay'."
You took a deep breath. You wouldn't be intimidated. You wouldn't clam up. You wouldn't cry. You won't go back on your decision. You will be cordial and polite and not unleash everything you want to.
"I understand you might be upset, but it's for the best. It wasn't working out and I wanted to end on somewhat good terms. I would appreciate it if you lowered your voice and stopped speaking to me in that way." You could barely recognize your voice. It sounded so scripted. So robotic. But it was something you had been telling yourself. Excuses you had been telling yourself.
Because if you told yourself the truth. The picture you would paint would tell a different story. It wouldn't highlight the fact that John spoke to you like he was one of your men or that Johnny had the emotional capacity of a teaspoon. It wouldn't show what a flake Kyle was or that Simon was well and truly a mean-spirited person.
It would show how you weren't worth it. Four possible men. Four possibilities of happily ever after and none of them chose you. That no one ever did and no one ever would. You weren't worth it. You weren't loveable.
It wasn't right, but it was what the voices had been telling you late in the night. When you would crawl into your cold bed. The silence of the room not filled with John's steady breathing or the sound of Kyle's heartbeat as you laid you head on his chest. The absence of Johnny's occasional snoring or whatever Simon was watching playing in the background of your dreams.
In the void, all your dark thoughts came back at you.
"Upset?" He asked, his voice still louder than you would have liked. "An understatement considering the stunt you pulled."
"You think it was a stunt?"
"So Johnny thought with his dick and didn't plan things out. You should have told him instead of crying to Simon and then pulling this shit." "Christ, I knew you were still young, but I didn't take you for that immature."
"You know what?" "I'm done." "I am so fucking sick of making excuses for you all." "You want to act like I'm the immature one, John?" "You are 35-year-old man who cannot separate his work from his work like. You have continuously talked to and down to me like I am one of your men, only to turn around and always blame your shitty fucking attitude on work. I get that your job is stressful, but I did not sign up to be your verbal fucking punching bag."
"And this come and fucking go incident with Johnny. It has been a consistent issue with him coming over just to fuck. I've asked him for that last six months that 'hey, we've been seeing each other for a year and a half, I would love to meet your family' and suddenly the dates stop. He doesn't ask to see me until after 7 PM. He brings food occasionally, fucks me and leaves. Sometimes before I even wake up."
"And the only reason Kyle is the person I am the least pissed off with is because I haven't even seen him." You took a step closer, not noticing how the anger in John's eyes had softened. "I have not seen Kyle in weeks, to no fault of my own. I stopped reaching out to make dinner plans after the third time he canceled on a date night when I was either on my way or already at the restaurant."
"And Simon?" You scoffed. "Well, it doesn't really matter. After all, as he said I get mine. You all make me cum which is supposed to magically erase how shitty you've all been as partners. It's supposed to erase the nights I've cried myself to sleep debating on whether or not there was something wrong with me. How I'm not good enough to meet anyone else in your lives like some dirty fucking secret. How none of you can even bother to pencil me for a group dinner so I can tell you a publishing house picked up my book. How at some point you all stopped caring or maybe never did."
You took a breath. Blinking quickly to keep the tears at bay.
You wouldn't cry. You wouldn't cry.
"As Simon said it best, I should have known that spreading my legs wouldn’t end with one of you putting a ring on your finger.”
For once, John was silent. Unsure of what to say. An apology starting to form at the tip of his tongue before realizing 'sorry' wouldn't cut it. Not this time.
Had he really been that sharp with you? He knew that there were times he had gotten short, but he almost always apologized immediately after. If not at the very moment he took in your crest-fallen face, then definitely later. But he almost always told you he was sorry. Didn't he?
"So as I said," you swallowed down the lump in your throat. "I'm closed. We're done. Now get out." Your face held no sadness. Even though your eyes were nearly full to the brim with unshed tears, you weren't sad.
You were finally angry.
#captain john price#kyle gaz garrick#simon ghost riley#call of duty#john soap mactavish#angst#angst with a happy ending
4K notes
·
View notes
Text
"Come here," Toji says, at the sight of the involuntary pout that works wonders to express your internal, dispirited mood. His attention is divided very unevenly between you and the movie playing on the TV, you holding the greater part of his focus. He's watching you for his own peace of mind, hoping that every time you take a break from the movie, to check your phone, you'll spare him a look. You've been quieter than he knows you to be, and you're not sitting even remotely close to him. He's on one side of the couch and you're on the other side.
A few seconds pass since Toji spoke up, and he wonders if you even heard him in the first place, because you didn't respond. He passes on repeating himself when you shift your eyes from the TV to meet his gaze, and though your gloominess isn't because of him, you can't offer him any sort of indication that you're good.
"Sorry, i'm not in the mood to take my clothes off, Toji," you say, your voice a gentle, pitiful excuse for sound. If your voice could be seen, it would be similar to the tragic way that grass blades slowly try to stand up, after being stepped on. If the sound of your voice could be felt, it would be the void-like, almost nauseating feeling in your stomach, that comes with ignored hunger. You sound detached from the bright person Toji knows, and clearly, you're not okay.
"I'm not asking you to undress yourself. I want you to come to me," Toji responds. "You're sitting so far over there, away from me, like I did something to you. For being the most reasonable person I know, this isn't fair, at all." His eyes stay on you as he awaits your response, but he is only met with the sight of you looking down at your hands.
"Be fair. You didn't help me get better at communicating, just to turn the tables on me like this." His tone is sharper, out of urgency. He wants to know what he can do for you, but it's hard to do that when you're there, yet, not there. "Just... come here, ma," Toji tries again, his voice a little softer and understanding. "Please. Let's talk about anything." He pats his thigh, directing you to one of the reserved spots he holds for intimate conversations with you.
You know Toji's stubbornness will not leave you alone. It's impossible to hide anything from him once he's onto you, so you stop prolonging the inevitable and silently do as he says.
You turn off the TV, before walking over to him and settling on his lap. You sit there, with a racing heart, because Toji's attention feels like a spotlight on you. His hands interlock at the small of your back and rest there, as he waits for you to say something. Silence invades the moment while you figure out where to start.
"What's wrong?" He asks, when there is no attempt to speak made by you. Immediately, your throat begins to ache, and your eyes start to sting. It's a question known for breaking people, and you're on the brink of becoming another victim. You think you can widen your eyes to keep them dry or blink away the tears, but the outcome doesn't favor you. Toji's hands shift so that they're splayed out on your lower back. They move up and down in soothing motions, as if he's trying to coax your strong emotions out with the comforting gesture. Like a gloomy sky finally giving in to rain, you cave in to vulnerability.
"Baby?" Toji calls, watching as sadness takes over your features. He sighs as he pulls your twinkly-eyed self into his tight embrace. He hates when you cry. The sound and the sight is the equivalent of pouring acid on his heart. It's torture for him to see that his baby, his sweetheart, his love, has been reduced to streams of tears, but he knows that getting it all out is for your own good. This is the 'alcohol in the wound' part of the process. You don't want to do it, but you'll feel better, afterwards. Just like a real physical wound, Toji will make you get it done. Scream if you must, curl into him like you are trying to go through him, he's not going to abandon you.
"Just breathe, sweet girl," he instructs, when he hears the heart wrenching sound of your stuttered breaths. "Breathe. Give me a good one," he says, rubbing your upper back. You inhale, the act still heavily stuttered, before you exhale. "Good. Again." You repeat the process and get the same trembling breath as a result.
"Fuck," you choke out. Your head feels like it's pulsing, your abdomen burns, your chest feels heavy, as if you have chains tightly wrapped around your torso, and your throat aches. It's all so overwhelming, you feel like there's a disastrous storm ruining you from within.
"Sweetheart, please breathe. You're gonna turn blue any minute now." Toji can't hold you any tighter without crushing you, but he wants to, so badly. This is the lowest he's ever seen you and it's killing him. He has never made you this upset. It's hell to even imagine what you must have endured to get to this point.
"You're safe. I have you," he says, bringing a hand up to cradle the back of your head. "I'm here, baby."
Toji's shoulder is damp from your waterfalls of tears and he can feel an excessive amount of heat radiating from your trembling body. Your crying ceases and all that can be heard are sharp, short inhales and puffs of air, as you try to regulate your breathing. Toji continues running his hands over your back, soothing the tired, tense muscles of your shoulder blades.
"We are gonna have to talk about this later, doll. I know that might not sound like the most fun thing to do, but it'll make you feel better. I want you to feel better."
Toji is mindful of your silence. He knows your voice isn't in the best condition to speak after your surge of emotions, and you're probably exhausted, but this isn't a dead end for him. He'll figure out your needs, and he'll take care of you. Anything to bring your happy, smiling face, back.
Toji allows you to pull away from his shoulder, and instantly takes in the sight of your pretty, ruined face. You don't look at him, and he assumes that your appearance is to blame. Your eyes, they're red and puffy, glimmering in the light with your now contained feelings, and you're still sniffing like you need to blow your nose. It's terrible to see you this way, but he would withstand much more than this, if you needed it.
"How does a bath sound, for now? A bath and then some food? You hungry, mama?" He asks, his expression involuntarily soft, as he runs the pads of his thumbs beneath your eyes, attempting to clean you up a little.
"No," you say, quietly, with the fragility that remains of your voice.
"I'm gonna pick up some food while you relax." Toji almost laughs at the subtle roll of your eyes. "That's my bad. I shouldn't have asked in the first place. You need to eat something."
He doesn't want to put you through any more stress, but when he needs to take care of you, during times like this, he knows what you need more than you do. Your reasoning is clouded by your emotions, and you'll let go of yourself, because your thoughts rewind over and over to what's plaguing your mind. Toji knows you'll be glad he did this for you when you feel better.
"Let's get that bath ready," he says, securing your legs around his waist, before he stands up from the couch. Your face is buried in the crook of his neck, and you breathe in his scent, until you reach the bathroom.
Toji flicks the light on and sets you down on the counter. A chaste kiss is pressed to your tearstained cheek, before he lets you go so he can prepare your bath. You turn your head to look at yourself in the mirror and hate the messy sight before you—the product of your meltdown. You turn on the cold water and splash some on your face, hoping to decrease the puffiness of your eyes, even just a little bit, while Toji is busy. You dry your face afterwards and check your appearance in the mirror, again, to clean up any remaining gunk in your eyes.
When you finish, you turn back, just in time to watch Toji rise from his knelt position by the bathtub. He makes his way back to you and stands between your legs, offering you a contemplative look, and a "hm" to go along with it. No words are exchanged when his hand reaches out to gently cup your jaw, allowing him to turn your head in any way he wants. He leans forward to examine you more closely, to check if anything is "broken". He can see you pressing your lips together, trying not to laugh, as he continues to snoop around.
"Oh," he says, like he found a cable that has simply been disconnected. He turns your head a little, and keeps inspecting the problematic area, building up the suspense for you. You couldn't say it, but him finding something scared you a little, considering you had just looked at your reflection and didn't see anything.
"Don't move, doll. I'll get it." His hand rests on your shoulder, the other on your thigh, as he leans in closer and closer, until his body heat coils around you. He presses a kiss to the side of your neck. It's featherlight, almost like a gentle breeze. Another one lands on the same area, then another, and another, until he hears your little laugh, a sound that brought both of you mutual relief. Your relief came from understanding that Toji didn't actually find anything off, while Toji's came from the miracle of him being able to make you laugh, after what went down not that long ago.
"Two seconds, ma," he says, beneath your ear. He pulls away from you and goes back to the now foam covered, sweet smelling bathtub. He leans down to turn the faucet off, and returns to you, afterwards.
"It's all ready for you," he says. A smile curls on his lips when you raise your arms, signaling for him to pull your shirt off. "You wanna keep your bra and underwear on?" He asks, as he pulls the hem of your shirt up. You nod, just before the material goes over your head. He sets it aside and helps you down, off the counter, so you can take your sweatpants off. You pull your phone out of your pocket and set it on the counter. Your fingers hook into the waistband of your sweatpants and tug downwards, until they just slide down your legs and allow you to step out of them.
Toji watches you carefully step over the edge of the tub, one foot sinking through the foam and into the warm water, followed by your other foot. You crouch down, slowly, until you are able to sit down and eventually lay back. You close your eyes once you're in a comfortable position and just let the warm water and the pretty smell work its magic on you.
Toji kneels beside you, and observes you in a more serious manner than before. His gaze lingers on those tired eyes of yours, for longer than any of your other facial features. Your eyelids are still swollen and the bags beneath your eyes are prominent. The longer he stares, the more he thinks back to how you were so distressed, to the point where you forgot how to breathe for a few seconds. It scared him. He didn't get a single word about what was wrong, from you. You couldn't say anything other than that single curse, but even then, you sounded like you were being strangled by your own emotions.
Toji knows this is only a temporary fix— this calm sight of you resting in a bubble bath. Your feelings won't be swept under the rug, because he knows that if it were him going through this exact situation, you wouldn't just give him a hug and call it a day. No, when you take care of his mind and heart, you hold him in your arms and don't let go until he's the one trying to cage himself in your embrace when your arms loosen around him. You keep your voice at an intimate volume as you tell him about your day, because sometimes he isn't immediately ready to talk about what is bothering him, but he still wants to hear you. You cook for him, you give his tired body massages, you shower him with love and affection, and when he's finally ready to tell you what's going on, you listen closely to everything he has to say and you offer him your utmost support. You love and protect him to no end, and he has become shamelessly clingy towards you, because of it.
He wants you to feel as loved as he does. He wants you to know what it's like to experience the same level of care you give him. He may not be able to replicate it to a T, but he's willing to try for you.
"Hey," Toji calls, tenderly running the knuckle of his index finger back and forth, over your cheek. You hum, and blink open your eyes, giving him your attention. "I'm gonna go get us some food. Stay on the phone with me and keep me company until I get back, yeah?"
You nod. "Yeah, okay. Can you bring me my phone, please?"
Toji gets back on his feet and takes one large step towards the counter, retrieving your phone, before taking that same step back to leave it next to you, on the edge of the bathtub.
"Be right back, doll. Pick up the phone as soon as I call, okay?"
"Okay."
His hands grip the edge of the bathtub, to prevent him from falling in, as he leans in to peck your cheek once more. His weight shifts onto one arm so he can bring a hand to your face and rub the kiss into your skin with his thumb.
"Love you, ma."
"Love you, too."
With that, Toji stands up straight and heads towards the door. He takes one last look at your pretty face, before exiting the bathroom and closing the door behind him. He grabs his phone from the couch, his keys from the hook on the wall, and messily slides his shoes on, not bothering to put them on correctly, since he won't be getting out of the car, anyways. He secures the inside of the house, before heading out, and once he's outside, he finds his house key and locks the door. He fishes his phone out of his pocket and makes haste of clicking the phone icon, and then your contact, as he keeps walking to the car. His phone is now against his ear, and he listens as the line rings once... twice...
"Hi, Toji."
"Hi, baby."
#toji#toji fushiguro#fushiguro toji#jjk toji#jujutsu toji#jujutsu kaisen toji#toji x y/n#toji x you#toji x reader#toji fushiguro x y/n#toji fushiguro x you#toji fushiguro x reader#fushiguro toji x reader#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk x reader#jjk x you#jjk x y/n#jujutsu kaisen x reader#toji fluff#jujutsu kaisen x you#jujustsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen scenarios
2K notes
·
View notes