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addytheheartbreaker · 6 years ago

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"Meet Taquilla the Alien"

Name: Taquilla Chaska Gasparotto

Age: 28

Height: 5'5 ft

Weight: 46 kg

Mask singer belong to: La Toya Jackson

Friends with: all the female masked singers, Monster, Peacock, Rabbit, Pineapple, Dog and the Dog brothers, Doll, Vulture, Purple Peacock and Candle.

Appearance: light green hair with purple hidden highlights, square shape head, purple sharp eyes (with no pupils), eye bags (concealed with make up),long eyelashes, wrinkles, purple eye-shadow, purple lipstick, light tanned skin, long finger nails, slim yet petite body.

Clothing style: space suits or sci fi themed clothing, tight leather clothing and seductive clothing style, red colored clothing (main style), 60's or 70's fashion and formal dresses.

Fun facts about Taquilla:

•she has 7 sisters and 5 brothers. Taquilla is the middle of the family (fourth sister, 8th daughter of the family).

•Alien lived from a planet in a another dimension (beside Linette's dimension) that the planet is similar to Earth except the water is green, the sky is fuchsia, the animals and creatures are somewhat similar to pokemon and dinasours are living there but actually friendly.

•Taquilla's alien name is CT-469

•a singer, a model, actress, female police officer. A quadruple threat.

•Her favorite sibling is her second older sister and third little brother Mick (Peacock's best friend).

•Taquilla's family came to Earth for alliance of fame. The first famous family to be an ally is the Osborn family (Ronnie's family).

•childhood friends and allies with the Peacock.

•she loves the color red and has several red leather clothing in her closet.

•Alien's room is basically a sci fi themed with several 60's or 70's themed ornaments in her room.

•she has the power of levitation, laser beams, telekinesis and temperature sensitivity.

•Since she is a police officer, she was confused into why the Rabbit kept switching into avoiding her to hanging out with her. She isn't aware that Joen doesn't want to get in trouble to prevent of Taquilla arresting him.

•she has bodyguards with her when every she go outside or going at work of training with La Toya.

•While she can go shopping with the female masked singers. They are thankful for bring her bodyguards to carrying all of their purchased.

•Tequilla is the most sexiest female of the masked singer group alongside Lea. She even has been in a playboy magazine years ago (on her dark years)

•she likes wearing seductive, curved like and feminine clothing. Its because of the space suit aesthetic she's been felt on related to space and living in the galaxies. Also, it makes her feel easy to protect herself and warmed her.

•Alien is a very shy and clumsy alien girl (both her home planet and Earth) but when performing she is very confident to herself.

•A sweet and soft spoken voice, inherited by her ancestors along with her siblings.

•She is yearn to have a normal, peaceful and simple life because in her story and her famous known family has a disturbing and difficult life that she suffers along with her siblings.

•her unconditional love for her little brother Robot, Alien accused for his crimes because she doesn't want another criminal to kept silent.

•Been controlled, abused, sexually abused, tortured that didn't want to described, isolated, ruined and almost got insane a lot.

•She and Peacock has ups and downs on the aftermath of Robot. After the Masked singer ended, they hang out and start over.

•Taquilla has been around with Bebe and Linette because they are the ones who can heal her wounds from her trauma.

•She lives in Las Vegas as she and her family is a neighbor to Ronnie's family.

•Taquilla is aware that Joen's cousin is at the same police department that she has been working.

•dreamed of becoming a police or ace attorney.

•her hobbies is walking in the park, baking, writing poetry, doing chores at the garden, babysitting Ronnie's children or her siblings dozen children and going out with friends (especially the female masked singers)

•At her interview at River's (Raven) talk show, Ronnie (Peacock) and Taquilla once had a argument about Mick's (Robot) crimes that gave Ronnie a long deniel and trying to helping his best friend.

•Alien and Peacock both missed the Robot (Mick), even avoiding remembering the time he had commit illegal crimes.

•She wrote 4 albums since her teenage years then 8 albums in her early adulthood.

•Her favorite places to go on vacation is New York, Hawaii and Canada.

•Taquilla had suffered PTSD according to Linette (Unicorn).

•She met Lea (Lion) since High School. Both of them have well known families and one of the allies beside Ronnie (Peacock), Bebe (Bee) and formally Joen's (Rabbit) aunt.

•She has been in contact with La Toya before the events of the Masked Singer.

•Alien is deeply fond of children which is why she loves to babysit them, she is mostly babysits Ronnie's children.

•Taquilla likes Addy (Doll) for having the same body type and been to the Philippines before. When asked about her little brother Mick, Doll responds that she didn't knew about his crimes but knew his death.

•her little brother Mick the Robot had died the same year where his mentor Michael Jackson's after death.

#the masked singer human au #the mask au #masked au #the masked au #the masked singer #taquilla the alien

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velvet-apricots · 7 years ago

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harutemu replied to your chat: Me, lying seductively on the floor of SCP-049′s...

SCP-AFN

Item number: SCP - 4932 - J

Object Class: Keter

Special containment Procedure: SCP-4932 is to be kept in a 6 m x 3 m level 5 secure humanoid cell. Cell is to contain one bed, several shelves for figure collection, one gaming laptop with no internet access, one handheld gaming device, a tv with blue-ray player, comfortable chair, a desk, dresser for clothing, and vanity for make-up. SCP-4932 should also be provided with art supplies to keep it entertained and prevent breakouts. Games bought, and possible subsequent “mods” added must be approved by Dr.██████. SCP-4932 should be provided with an appropriate diet and made to exercise for 30 minutes once every other day to combat obesity. Ignore complaints. Once a week it may eat what ever it likes for a whole day, within reason. Subject is allergic to Penicillin and all penicillin related products.

After incident on ██/██/██ SCP-4932 has been grounded and is not allowed to play video games for 3 months.

Description: SCP-4932 is a 28 year old caucasian human female of 150 pounds and stands at 1.5 m. She has light brown hair. Despite insistance on being called ████, SCP-4932 shall be referred to as number only. She is friendly and talkative, tending to over explain and ramble about things. She also makes jokes, and enjoys puns. Her humor is generally crude or fatalistic. Despite her friendliness, the nature of her abilities means she is to be kept at Object Class Keter.

SCP-4932 has the ability to break out of, and into, SCP cells of any level of containment with out jeopardizing the containment procedures of the other SCP. She appears to only target other SCPs she deems attractive and will attempt to flirt with them. SCP-4932 does not care about the danger involved, citing that “Either they [REDACTED] me or I die. Either way I win.” It is to be noted that SCP-4932 is not suicidal and simply uses fatalistic humor common with those in her age group.

SCP-4932 seems to have the ability to sense a SCP that fits her aethstetics and is drawn to them, and has knowledge of them. She is avoidant on the subject of just how she gets to them.

SCP-4932 seems to be uncharacteristically lucky with her meeting of the SCPs she finds attractive, as instances have yet to react negatively to her presence despite multiple break ins to meet them. Even those which have in all instances of previous contact seemed single minded in their destructive goals (See Incident Report). Testing is required.

Addendum 4932.1: Discovery

SCP-4932 was discovered in SCP-049′s cell on [REDACTED] laying on the floor and insisting she was ‘infected by the pestilence’ and needed to be treated with a ‘special injection’. Her tone indicated she actually meant she desired to [REDACTED] and [REDACTED]. SCP-4932 was fortunate to not be deemed infected by SCP-049, who in turn seemed oblivious to her seduction attempts, politely telling her she was mistaken. it is unknown how SCP-4932 knew of the ‘pestilence’.

SCP-4932 was contained as a D-Class personel, but broke out and infiltrated the cell of SCP-2662, again attempting to flirt. SCP-2662 was relieved that for once it was not being harassed by would be worshipers, and seemed mildly surprised a human would desire to [REDACTED]. (Please imagine this part is in pictographs, i dont feel like drawing them myself right now) SCP-4932 was elevated to SCP status when she intentionally summoned SCP-2521 by describing it verbally, and then saying flirtacious things to it once it appeared. SCP-2521 seemed to recipocate, however, it did not abduct her like it had the previous D-Class personel ordered to describe it. It is unknown how she knew what SCP-2521 looked like, or why she was not taken. (thats all fot the pictographs)

Addendum 4932.2: Interview

Interviewer: Dr. ██████

Interviewee: SCP - 4932

Dr. ██████: So, SCP-4932-

SCP-4932: My name is ████.

Dr. ██████: its simply procedure to refer to you as such.

SCP-4932: Uh... Okay. Listen. I get the vibes I’m going to be staying here a while so, think you can go to my house and get my things? I live in ███████, California. I can give you my address if you want. I really want my Transformer figures and my-

Dr. ██████: Your level of amenities depend on how cooperative you are, I’m afraid. Now tell me, why are you here?

SCP-4932: Oh well, I heard that you guys keep things here. Like, monsters and stuff. Robots too, maybe?

Dr. ██████: I’m not at liberty to disclose what-

SCP-4932: I will take that as a yes. Any way, I just want to date a monster... You know? Something not human. Ive always been drawn to that, ever since i played ████ ██████.

Dr. ██████: What is that?

SCP-4932: Its a video game. I just love ██████. He is my favorite. I’m like, head over heals. I know its dumb cause he is not real but I can’t help it.

SCP-4932 suddenly gets a bit emotional, sniffing a few times and wiping her eyes

SCP-4932: Sorry I just remembered the game. Always makes me emotional. I like it so much, you know?

Dr. ██████: Why were you interested in SCP-049? Where did you learn about it?

SCP-4932: I like plague doctors. I think the whole get up is pretty attractive. As for where I learned about him, I’m not really sure? I just know. Like i just knew about this place. And how I know about uh.... SCP-4932 attemtps to pantomime but soon gives up and looks embarassed.

[END]

Interviewer’s note: SCP-4932 devolved into awkward rambling and would not answer anymore questions after this, preferring to ask for advice and talking about ██████. After interview was ended, SCP-4932 apologized saying she tends to hyper-focus on things she is interested in and hoped the next interview would be more productive

Addendum 4932.3: Incident on ██/██/██

A lighting Storm on ██/██/██ resulted in an instance of SCP-060-Alpha. SCP-4932 inexplicably appeared in the area despite the large distance between Site ██ and the grove, and tried to flirt with Instance SCP-060-Alpha. She had acquired a high grade flame retardant suit from an unknown location. SCP-060-Apha quickly seemed to grow aware of her intentions and seemed incredibly confused to the point its rampage stopped. The confusion allowed for personel to nullify the entity. SCP-4932 seemed to find the confusion cute stating that “i don’t think anyone has ever reacted in a way other then terror. How sweet.”

It is not know how she broke out of Site ██. Containment procedures are the be elevated and SCP-4932 is to be reprimanded and have her laptop taken away to discourage further breakouts.

#harutemu #scp foundation #joke scp #idk what this is but i made it #shit posting

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briangroth27 · 8 years ago

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Kingsman The Golden Circle Review

I finally got to see this two weeks ago and really enjoyed it! I’m glad I caught it in theaters; despite some missed opportunities, it was a good, solid sequel that naturally grew out of the original while telling its own story. I was surprised it was as closely tied to the original as it was and that so many relationships were informed by the first movie. At the same time, it didn’t feel derivative or repetitive. I love the original and while I think it’s better and has more to say, The Golden Circle is definitely worth seeing!

Full Spoilers…

I really enjoyed Eggsy’s (Taron Egerton) evolution. I’m glad that even though he’d become a master Gentleman Spy, they still paid attention to Eggsy’s home life and kept the connections to that side of his character (though not nearly to the extent the first film did). The balance he found between his job as a Kingsman agent and his grounded life with his friends (Tobias Bakare, Theo Barklem-Biggs, Thomas Turgoose, and Calvin Demba) was great, and it was refreshing that Tilde (Hannah Alstrom) seamlessly fit in with them without becoming a caricature of a princess who disapproved of his lower class friends. Though we don’t see him with them very much, I absolutely bought into Eggsy’s circle of friends and was sorry when he lost some of them. They also managed to recapture the class divide even with Eggsy being one of the posh Kingsman agents by playing him against Tilde’s literal royal family, which was a nice payoff of the gentlemanly lessons Harry (Colin Firth) taught him. I’m interested to see how Eggsy continues to navigate the upper class in the proposed third film now that he’s married to a princess and how he handles being a married man and a spy. It was cool that they had Eggsy remain true to Tilde rather than allowing him to become a ladies man who didn’t care about anyone and got a new love interest in each film, subverting that portion of the Gentleman Spy trope. Making him actually worry about what Tilde would think about the seduction portion of his job was a great surprise. I also liked that they wrote against the stereotypes of Eggsy’s lower class lifestyle by not making him an expert on drugs or dosages (despite Harry referencing his use of them before the first film started); that drug users in the film came from all walks of life and professions rather than just being criminals and minorities was another cool bit of subversion. I was taken aback by just how much personal loss Eggsy suffers in this film; Egerton absolutely sold his sorrow over losing so many close connections and the agency that had become such a big part of his identity. Both in terms of the character and Egerton’s performance, it was impressive that even though Eggsy was clearly shattered by the losses he suffered, he didn’t lose his charm or engaging charisma, nor did his quest to stop Poppy (Julianne Moore) become a depressing revenge mission.

I thought Eggsy and Tilde had a well-written and believable romance, for the most part. I was surprised to see her back at all; I’d totally expected Eggsy to follow the Bond tradition of leaving his love interests between movies, so him actually striving to build a life with her was great. One of my few criticisms of the original movie was that Tilde was reduced to a sexual reward for Eggsy saving the world at the end, so giving her a much-expanded role here was awesome. That said, I didn’t quite believe her being OK with Eggsy sleeping with a target as long as they were going to be married. I wish we’d seen the two of them discuss that aspect of spycraft more, because it would have a serious impact on their relationship and the trust between them would have to be immense (particularly as it’s not a mutual arrangement, like on The Americans). Since they brought it up I wish they’d explored it more, but I give the film credit for having Eggsy tell her about it immediately and refuse to go further with Clara (Poppy Delevingne) than he had to (planting the tracker on her was an uncomfortable scene in its own right that I don’t think the film needed). However, I still think we needed more reconciliation between Eggsy and Tilde than what was essentially “Eggsy saved the world (and her life), so he gets forgiven for everything.” Even if she really was OK with the seduction part of his job because she had the security of their impending marriage (perhaps I simply haven’t seen enough of her character to say whether her choice was in-character or not), I still think that’s a big enough relationship roadblock that it deserved more attention than Tilde responding “what was I, target practice?”, ignoring his phone calls, and getting high. In addition to digging deeper into relationship issues like that, I’d definitely like to see Tilde’s role expand even further in a potential third film. Since she has real power, I’d love to see Tilde’s attempts to save the world in her own way rather than just staying at home, and how her style contrasts with Eggsy’s efforts within the Kingsman organization. That could so easily intertwine with whatever caper Eggsy is on, it’d be foolish not to incorporate her ability to influence the world for good. If they envision this as a trilogy, perhaps Eggsy leaving Kingsman to be head of her personal security as she tries to save the world through political means could be an exit strategy for him.

Before I saw the film, I didn’t think Harry needed to come back and after seeing it, I still kinda don’t. I like Harry a lot and Golden Circle established how much he meant to Eggsy perfectly—he could barely talk about Harry without tearing up—but I’m not sure he brought as much to the film as his return could’ve (or should’ve). I felt like his purpose had been served magnificently in The Secret Service, so I was worried reviving him would be a step backward into safe territory instead of forging ahead. I liked the role reversal of Eggsy and Merlin (Mark Strong) trying to bring back Harry’s memories, even if I was also wondering if it’d be happier for him to not remember his life and get a second chance to live out his pre-Kingsman dream of becoming a lepidopterist (a fun character aspect). I’m glad they didn’t let Eggsy settle back into his old role as Harry’s mentee, but I also don’t think they did enough with Harry’s head wound-inflicted dementia (even if Firth played what he did get well). They gave Harry a cool, believably high-tech resurrection, but his mental haziness gave them the perfect opportunity to play him as getting too old for the job and they didn’t take it. He came back a little too perfect when it really mattered, so all his craziest actions—even shooting Whiskey (Pablo Pascal) in the head—were the totally correct things to do despite how addled his brain was supposed to be. Instead, they could’ve made Eggsy confront and deal with the idea that his father figure wasn’t the same man he’d remembered (another personal loss for him, even after recovering Harry), forcing Eggsy to be the “mentor” to Harry for one last mission, which would’ve been a stronger arc and a better parallel to growing up (as well as a continuation of their role reversal). They could’ve even wrapped the lepidopterist aspect back in as part of Harry’s retirement, with Eggsy having to let him go once again because he’s unable to continue as an agent. As it is, Harry suffered no real consequences or changes from his near-death experience except his lost eye, some temporary mental fogginess, and the need to regain Eggsy’s trust (which was really Eggsy needing to trust him all over again).

Merlin had a good showing in the field this time out and it was nice to see him and Eggsy on equal footing instead of trainer/trainee (or even boss/agent, like in the climax of the first movie). In behind-the-scenes interviews from the first film, Strong mentioned that he and director Matthew Vaughn took care to craft Merlin as not just a tough drill sergeant, but as someone who truly cared about the recruits. I think that shows here and playing him fully as Eggsy’s equal instead of a judgmental former instructor worked very well. The two of them having a drink (or several) for their fallen comrades was a great moment, as were Eggsy and Merlin’s reactions to the Statesman way of doing things. Merlin’s sendoff was very well done, referencing Eggsy’s father’s (Jonno Davies) death perfectly. I’m glad he also got to take out several of Poppy’s (Julianne Moore) guards in the process instead of just saving Eggsy’s life.

Poppy was a fun villain and I liked her 1950s-styled sensibility a lot! Moore played Poppy with a genial and friendly demeanor that was authentic and unsettling without ever undermining the believability of how deadly she was. It was also cool that Poppy was far more bloodthirsty and self-centered than Valentine (Samuel L. Jackson); most films would probably invert those traits in their male and female villains. Valentine was probably the better-conceived villain, but Poppy’s argument about the unfair drug laws and her desire to have her business acumen acknowledged by ending the US’ War on Drugs gave her a solid drive too. Despite Poppy’s goal of legitimizing her own drug trade, I love that these films give their villains social commentary that—if they weren’t murdering people—might make sense. Poppy’s loyalty-proving cannibalism was too much for me, but I liked the other aspects of her organization, such as the solid gold tattoos and her robot dogs. Her jungle-based lair was a cool, classic Bond villain locale (as was her mountaintop virus cure facility), while her 50s theming gave “Poppy Land” a definite Kingsman twist. I would’ve liked them to do a little more with that theme than just her demeanor and the architecture of her base, though.

My biggest disappointment was the total waste of Roxy (Sophie Cookson). I appreciated her being Eggsy’s best friend and that they continued to avoid the clichéd trap of making her his love interest; it would’ve been simple to use her and Eggsy’s common spy experiences to bond them as lovers who “only understood each other,” creating a love triangle between the two of them and Tilde (even her codename Lancelot implies a love triangle, now that I think about it). While I’m glad there was no animosity or jealousy between Roxy and Tilde—and Roxy coaching Eggsy through his dinner with Tilde’s royal parents was a fun moment—I wish we’d seen more of her and Eggsy’s friendship. I liked her a lot in the first film and was hoping she’d have an expanded role here, so I was very disappointed she died after just two scenes; her death hit me the hardest (though I was most shocked they killed JB!). There was a major missed opportunity to comment on sexism in the spy world (and spy movies) through Roxy, just like the first film spent a lot of time exploring classism. They could’ve had Eggsy championing Lancelot’s equal standing against the American machismo of the Statesmen just like Harry fought for him despite his lower class background. I will give both Kingsman films credit for always treating Roxy as Eggsy’s complete equal (and arguably, superior, given she did shoot her dog in the final test; a willingness to do whatever it takes that was never capitalized or even commented on, beyond being used as a jab to emasculate Eggsy), even if she wasn’t given much to do. Poppy’s love of retro culture—particularly that of the 1950s—could’ve absolutely provided the perfect basis for commentary on sexism too, given the gender expectations of that era in America. Furthermore, Poppy’s desire to have her business skills acknowledged could’ve paralleled Roxy’s desire to be seen as an equal among the Statesmen perfectly, which would’ve recreated the hero/villain parallel from the first film wherein Valentine also wanted to save the world. Aside from Poppy and Tilde, Golden Circle’s female characters in general lacked agency, as they’re killed, used as oblivious trackers and then killed, and stuck behind computer screens due to the whims of men; that seems to be the one area where the Kingsman films follow tropes in the classic Bond films too closely without subverting them. It would’ve been awesome for Roxy to fight Poppy alongside Eggsy, Harry, and Merlin and to go on to rebuild the agency with them; with his lower class origins and her being a woman, it would’ve represented an entirely new and modern iteration of the agency. Perhaps Eggsy can train a female replacement candidate for Roxy in the potential third film, but I wish they’d done more with the character they already had.

Charlie (Edward Holcroft) was a great surprise return from the original film! Surviving Merlin detonating Valentine’s implants due to Eggsy electrocuting him was a twist I never would’ve thought of. It set the stage for his evolution perfectly; I loved his robotic arm! Poppy calling it “ARMageddon” made me laugh (hey, I love a good pun!). Charlie’s personal vendetta against Eggsy and the Kingsman organization was played excellently. If he’d taken over his family’s resources, he could’ve worked as a main villain to reinforce the class struggle theme between him and Eggsy (as well as the fact that he would be going up against his old trainer and the man who killed his parents, Merlin). As it was, his history and connection to the heroes made him a great secondary villain and henchman for Poppy.

The Statesman agents were fine, but I wasn’t enamored with them. Tequila’s (Channing Tatum) demeanor was wildly different from Eggsy and Merlin’s, which made for good conflict between them, but he didn’t get much to do and his character was taken out of action for most of the film. Since he’s joined Kingsman by the end of the film, his recruitment may be setting up a new culture clash between his American style and the British standard, which could be fun. I liked that Whiskey (Pedro Pascal) had an agenda of his own that aligned with Poppy’s plan and the President’s (Bruce Greenwood) goals while also selfishly serving the Statesmen, but I wasn’t invested in him and didn’t feel betrayed when his true motives were revealed. Champagne/Champ (Jeff Bridges) felt like the trustworthy American version of Michael Caine’s Arthur, but they didn’t subvert that to make him stand out. Similarly, Ginger Ale (Halle Berry) was fine as a tech agent whose career was sidetracked by Whiskey, but it didn’t feel like she had much to do. That said, I’m glad she finally got promoted to be an agent in the end and I wouldn’t mind her returning. I think my biggest problem with the Statesman was that they just seemed like the American version of the Kingsman agency and nothing more. While that produced some funny comments like Eggsy’s “skipping rope” line, it felt like the impact of losing the entire Kingsman organization had been lost. If Merlin and Eggsy can relatively easily enlist the help of a nearly identical spy organization right after losing their own, what’s the point of destroying Kingsman? Sending Eggsy, Merlin, Harry, (and if I were writing it, Roxy) off against Poppy on their own without support would’ve increased the stakes dramatically. Perhaps not introducing the Statesmen until the end of the film—only having the surviving Kingsman agents encountering Whiskey as a tertiary antagonist with mysterious backers in the field—would’ve worked better. Or, maybe Eggsy and Co. could’ve been dismissed by the Statesmen, only to have Whiskey go rogue to “help” them. That way, the agents we’re invested in would’ve had to really scramble against the odds to stop Poppy while preserving the means to rebuild their agency through the now-helpful Statesmen at the end.

The President of the United States wanting to let all the drug “addicts” in the nation die while pretending to care was great. That was clever social commentary on the ethics of drug use and how society judges those who use drugs regardless of their reasons for doing so. I don’t think people would stand for the literal cages he put people in—there’s no way someone didn’t sneak a camera past the military helicopters somehow and film the interior of those stadiums—but otherwise I liked how hypocritical he was. Elton John had a highly entertaining extended cameo that I didn’t see coming at all, but fit in perfectly. I also liked the connection to the first movie, wherein Poppy kidnapped him when Valentine was rounding up celebrities, so no one suspected her. I didn’t get a grasp of Michael Gambon’s Arthur from his brief scenes, so I don’t know how he was different from how Caine’s acted; did he also disrespect Eggsy’s background, or was he more enlightened?

The retro spy tone paired with modern sensibilities from the first movie seamlessly fit into this sequel; it felt unmistakably “Kingsman.” I love that the movie never took itself too seriously, like most modern spy films have tended to do (as the first Kingsman pointed out), instead continuing—and even heightening—the already-heightened reality of the series. The use of classic and iconic spy gadgets continued here as well and I absolutely loved the over-the-top technology in the film! Moving into cybernetic limbs and robots felt like a natural evolution from the weaponry in the first film, especially Gazelle’s (Sofia Boutella) prosthetic sword legs. If they make a third film, I’m all for the technology continuing to escalate; these movies fearlessly digging into comic book science fiction is awesome! Aside from some noticeable CGI in the opening car chase (which even then wasn’t too distracting), all the effects were great. Charlie’s retractable robot arm looked totally real, which can’t have been easy or cheap to do. The fights were very well choreographed and varied, and I liked that the redone “Manners Maketh Man” scene echoed the original while highlighting Harry’s impairment. The pop soundtrack was just as fun as in the first film while Henry Jackman & Matthew Margeson’s score again invoked classic Bond films while remaining its own animal. I also loved the ads for the film, which took credit for the solar eclipse and launched a fake, 90s-styled Kingsman board game! What an A+ promotional department!

While The Golden Circle certainly misses opportunities to dig deeper into the themes and characters it introduces, it’s still a fun roller coaster and a solid action film. I definitely think it’s worth seeing and I really hope we get a third Kingsman!

#kingsman #the golden circle

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mrmichaelchadler · 6 years ago

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Blade Runner 2049 and the Disposability of Virtual Females

This review was originally published on January 18, 2018 and is being republished for Women Writers Week.

During Phillip K. Dick’s research on Nazi Germany for The Man in the High Castle, he came across a cache of Gestapo documents stashed in the closed stacks at UC Berkeley’s library, including the diary of an SS officer stationed in Warsaw, near the Jewish ghetto. One entry was the man griping that his sleep was being interrupted by the cries of starving children. Shaken, Dick later reflected in an interview “It is not human to complain in your diary that starving children are keeping you awake ... There is among us something that is a bipedal humanoid, morphologically identical to the human being but that is not human.”

That compassion is what’s supposed to separate us from androids, and the collective human failure to always pass a Voight-Kampff test is the knife’s edge (blade’s edge?) paradox that’s part of what makes the original "Blade Runner" such an intriguing cult puzzle. Conversely, "Blade Runner 2049’s" philosophical themes are more elusive, if not downright murky (like its cinematography) and let’s let Ridley Scott say it: “[That movie] was fucking way too long.” The only recurring theme that’s crystal-clear is the expendability of women. "Blade Runner 2049" is extraordinarily brutal to female bodies. (Maybe that’s why it bombed at the box office, with only 29% of ticket sales going to women.) What begins as a egalitarian attitude to nudity (there are flaccid penises on some inert replicant bodies on display in a lab morgue) quickly turns into the same-old acreage of female flesh, usually as a prelude to maiming, objectifying, or taking a bullet to the head.

That’s the hardest and ugliest scene in "Blade Runner 2049": Rachel, digitally recreated as a young Sean Young, marching on screen, tilting her head a little bit, mouthing a few lines of dialogue and then getting shot in the head, execution style. OK, it’s not Rachel. It’s another clone in the Rachel model made by the Tyrell Corporation. But it’s still hard to take. And it’s the most shocking example of an ominous trend of the new technology of virtual actors treating actresses more callously than actors, both on and off-screen.

To be fair, isn’t every actor eventually a virtual actor? Just a couple bouncing photons, first off their god-given cheekbones onto raw negative or digital plate, and then from the reflective surface of the screen into our dark-dilated eyes. There’s a scene in "Blade Runner 2049" that acknowledges that truth, when the holographic girlfriend Joi consummates her relationship with K by projecting her image overtop the prostitute Mariette’s fleshy replicant body. We cheer for Joi and K. One might be a robot and the other an AI, but the movie takes great pains to emphasize how their love is real. The biggest irony is that a movie explicitly musing about how synthetic humans deserve empathy and inclusion is blind to the antithetical practice of using virtual actresses to speed up the expiration date on their already perishable careers.

For the sake of narrowing this article’s scope, let’s clarify that a motion-capture actor like Andy Serkis is not a virtual actor. Serkis is paid as an actor is paid, he wears a costume as an actor does (in this case, a digital costume) and Gollum’s presence on screen still contains Serkis’s performance. (The chrome form of the T-1000 in "Terminator 2: Judgment Day," recreated in a computer from reference footage of Robert Patrick, can also be considered this way for our purposes.) We’re only going to discuss the descendants of "Rendez-vous à Montréal" (1987), the computer animated short starring 3D approximations of Marilyn Monroe and Humphrey Bogart. This definition of a virtual actor can range from compositing a face or head onto a stand-in’s body (Brad Pitt in "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button," Brandon Lee in "The Crow," Oliver Reed in "Gladiator," Jeff Bridges in "Tron: Legacy") to using age smoothing software (also Pitt in "Benjamin Button," Robert Downey Jr. in "Captain America: Civil War," Kurt Russell in "Guardians of the Galaxy") to creating an entire virtual body (Ryan Reynolds in "Deadpool").

Every example cited above is of a man, and every one of those actors got to appear in other scenes in those movies as their usual, sometimes wrinkly, unaugmented selves as well. (Wrinkly and unaugmented is how Peter Cushing’s avatar appeared in "Rogue One: A Star Wars Story," too.) Actresses barely get to appear wrinkly in movies anyway, and now with the advent of virtual possibilities Hollywood has jumped on the chance to find another way to exclude them based on age. I’m not the first critic to notice this— Nate Jones pointed it out in an article in Vulture in October of last year, touching on the other egregious example of a young virtual Carrie Fisher in "Rogue One".) When it came to creating the virtual Rachel, Young did have some involvement (presumably with her consent, and was presumably financially compensated. As much as Robert Downey, Jr. was for "Captain America: Civil War"? Probably not.).

The Rachel that appears on-screen was recreated by British effects house MPC from archival photographs and footage, with Young coming in to have her present-day face scanned digitally and give body stand-in Loren Peta some movement consultation. But that’s not her body on screen, it’s not her voice, and that’s not her face. And if it’s not her real self in other scenes of the movie, like it was for Downey, Jr. or most of the other actors on the list above, it’s not her payday. To paraphrase Rachel in the original "Blade Runner," ever since she got old and “difficult,” that death-knell slur for actresses, Sean Young’s no longer in the business ... she is the business. And the sadism with which Rachel is treated in her 180-some seconds of screen time is utterly cold-blooded and unnecessary, almost as jarringly cruel as the way the bitchy assistant Zara in "Jurassic World" was subjected to a virtual mauling and death totally out of proportion to her "crimes."

Let’s play Tyrell’s advocate for a moment here: is Villeneuve merely accurately ... well, replicating the disposability and callousness of the original "Blade Runner" towards its replicants, especially Pris and Zhora? Is the point that all replicants are disposable, and do we merely notice the way the equally callous way female replicants are dispatched because it twinges at our chivalry? (It has crossed his mind. As he put it in an interview with Gizmodo: “Cinema is a mirror on society. Blade Runner is not about tomorrow; it’s about today. And I’m sorry, but the world is not kind to women.”) But this argument isn’t about one female character in one dark and dystopian movie. It’s about Young, Hollywood exile, and all the other young actresses who are at the brunt of a new way to make them disposable. Rachel in "Blade Runner 2049" is a stand-in for all of them, given the merest morsel of time in the sun before she’s shot in the head.

Rachel has always been special, and not just because she’s the most advanced replicant ever made. In the seduction scene (or rape scene, as can be equally argued) in the original movie, she is reluctant to the point of tears to go to bed with Deckard because she doesn’t trust whether her feelings of love are real. In the moment she quavers “Put your hands on me,” she is taking an unprecedented leap across the uncanny valley, trusting that this new feeling that has germinated inside her—something not included in Tyrell’s niece’s childish memories, that rogue wild thing called love that a lab cannot yet make—is true, the first real feeling she’s ever had. To have her dispatched so brutally sends shockwaves that resonate beyond the narrative into the strange and merciless new world actresses must now negotiate thanks to its thoughtlessness. Hey, "Blade Runner 2049": You know that Voight-Kampff test of yours? Did you ever take that test yourself?

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