#intersectionality between being aspec and having a PD

[flip-flopping-frede]

Very cool to come across an aroace with BPD, NPD, and who is also part of a DID/OSDD1-B system! I’m actually a little bit satisfied that this original post has gotten over 100 notes! I was surprised to see how many people supported what I said, and it has also been really cool to come across real people who have PDs and are also aspec 💅/gen (genuine)

I want to see more arospec people with personality disorders

I want to see more arospec people who fit into the stereotypes. The negative stereotypes. The villian stereotypes. I want to see more arospecs disgusted by the obsession with love and instead value other things. Like integrity. Honestly. Loyalty. Being reliable, someone you can depend on—trustworthy. Sticking to a goal and not letting anyone else get in the way. Doing stupid things, but not in the name of love or romantic attraction, but rather because of boredom and self-serving purposes. Enjoying spending time with someone and understanding that your connection is “special,” but in an fp way.

Love is not enough. Romantic attraction is not everything.

I want to see more aplatonic spectrum people. I want to see aplspec people who don’t make friendships or their relationships everything. I want to see aplspec people who would not die for their friends and other people who are possibly significant to them. I want to see aplspec people focusing on themselves and working towards their own healing, to live a life worth living that is not dependent on, nor defined by other people.

Where are the aspec people with personality disorders.

All the time I see the acommunity go “you are not alone”. Well, I mean it really feels like I am. I know no aspecs in real life, I haven’t really been able to keep any aspec friends that I have met online, and it really just seems like I am genuinely alone. The acommunity is struggling with so much internalized aphobia and a devasting lack of support from non-existent allies. It feels scary and I feel very much alone attempting to openly discuss my intersectionality between my personality disorder and my aspec identity. I feel like I want to be less alone in the acommunity as an aspec with a personality disorder, but I can’t do that by myself. I need the acommunity to make room for the voices of people with intersectionality between multiple marginalized identities, and I need the acommunity to also amplify the voices of people with personality disorders to let us know we are valued here.

Some aspecs are cold. Some aspecs struggle to care about other people. Some aspecs are cold hearted. Some aspecs became aspec due to trauma. Some aspecs may have turned out differently if they grew up in a different environment. And you know what, we are still valid. Being traumatized or having a personality disorder *does not* make our aspec identity any less valid. It sucks that more aspecs (who are already significantly marginalized, forgotten, and invalidated) struggle to accept that.

[flip-flopping-frede]

Something that I see continuously left out of aspec discussions regarding ways aspecs may or may not connect with fellow humans, is the fp bond.

The acommunity is open and accepting about other forms of attraction that are not romantic and sexual, and even has a Split Attraction Model, and at the same time there are aspecs with personality disorders that exist. We experience something that aspecs that don’t have personality disorders fail to address, and that is the fp bond.

In my experience, the fp bond feels like an attachment more than an attraction; I don’t necessarily feel a “pull” since I am already pulled in/already connected/already attached. The fp experience is different for everyone tho. For some pw PDs, I think it can manifest as the symptoms of the PD lessening around the fp, or the symptoms of the PD worsening around the fp. The fp of someone with a PD may feel like someone who the pw the PD can tolerate “the most” out of anyone else/feel comfortable unmasking around, or the fp could be someone who the pw the PD feels their world revolves around.

Either way, the fp bond is something that is typically significant for pwPDs. It can be a game changer in terms of human connection, especially for aroaces and aspecs who are also aspec in ways besides romantic and sexual attraction, such as aplatonic, asensual, anaesthetic/non-aesthetic, etc.

Awareness and acceptance for people with personality disorders is essential. Our experiences (including the bond with the fps) are important valuable parts that make up the acommunity. I just think it would be so interesting and validating if, when aspecs are discussing ways aspecs experience human connections, or why they may choose to do things that society does not understand, the fp bond was included.

Some aroace people may do something as casual as becoming roommates with their fp (I have personality disorders where the people experience extreme fear or high anxiety in mind, to make things like grocery shopping easier)

Some aroace people may do something as serious as getting married to their fp, because they feel like they genuinely could not live without their fp and want the commitment, tax benefits, and other perks of getting married (like making a big deal about the wedding instuff)

Both of these are valid and deserving of acceptance. Aspecs may be a marginalized group, but that doesn’t change the fact that pwPDs are also just as marginalized (if not more, since society stigmatizes pwPDs). This is why Awareness, discussions, and acceptance of intersectionality between being aspec and having a PD is essential for aspec pwPDs.