#interactions ── jasper finch & ruairi macarthy .

[silkear3d]

if they had ever thought that a little bit of blue eyeshadow and a cute outfit would have amounted to that moment, jasper might have prepared themself a little more. it had been the last thing they had thought would happen — before, his and ruairi’s connection was slight beyond a few surprise hot chocolates, red-cheeked glances, fleeting sweet smiles. for a moment, jasper was happy with just that — at least until he mustered enough courage to make a move. the need to make that first step had been removed and now, effortlessly, they had fallen into bed beside one another, hearts hammering and breathing shallow in their throats. the hand around their neck brought a squeak earthside, but not for a moment were they uncomfortable. there was a safety in ruairi’s arms, a promise that nothing bad was going to happen so long as that smooth, irish voice warmed the air around him. jasper swallowed, his throat bobbing in the other’s grasp. “i like … i like that a lot.” it may have been spoken in a stammer — their words often were — but it was sincere, it was assertive, set with another moment of eye contact that was quick to disappear. “i like it when you take control. when you take what you want from me.” one hand fell and gently squeezed at ruairi’s bicep, his breaths shallow and thready. “i can tell you if you need to calm it down.” he hoped it didn’t come off as strange, as reserved, as reluctant — jasper was anything but. yet, they had been scared back into a box long ago, and that was where they stayed. quiet and safely within themself, making themself small, never articulating what they wanted for the benefit of others. jasper swallowed hard, a chorus of strangled mewls falling from his open mouth like a choir. his legs parted, wanting to feel ruairi — and the hardness that he was more than a little proud of causing — everywhere. his breath hitched as their bodies rolled together, colliding, grinding ; his body arched to meet ruairi’s with every firm roll of his partner’s hips. by the time he was pulled up onto ruairi’s lap, jasper was more than breathless. they giggled, pressing their foreheads together, a pearly sheen of sweat keeping coils of brown hair close against their skin. “you know what i’d like?” it was said with a teasing flick of their tongue, paired with an innocent glance to the sky with those wide, round, eyes of pure hazel. “i’d like you to put that mouth to good use somewhere else.” his thumb ran against ruairi’s lower lip, prising open his mouth for another slow, desperate kiss. jasper caught ruairi’s lip between his teeth and pulled. “work me open with your mouth?” “and then … ” jasper’s entire face was a deep shade of pink. a part of him wished that he could be sexy in the same way that ruairi was sexy, finding a grit in their voice they didn’t know they had or putting on a hard-brow stare. instead, their words were high and a little shaky in their mouth, scared that one misstep would have his partner’s clothes pulled back on, an invention of an excuse, a quick exit. his slight hand fell between them, down past their parted legs, dipping behind the open button of ruairi’s trousers, smoothly slipping between cotton and skin. “and then i could show you what my mouth can do.” it was half in a giggle, half in a purr, vibrating below ruairi’s ear. with a new level of confidence, he pulled away and met their eyes. that time, jasper didn’t look away. “and then i want you to pound me into that mattress until i leave an outline in it. please.”

Ruairi was certainly no stranger to sex— he’d craved connection with people so desperately for so much of his life that it had seemed a logical step to turn to sex to connect on a deeper level with the people he already knew loved him in some way. More often than not that had meant that he often joined his friends in their beds but that had never bothered him— had only made him love them that much more but this was different— Jasper was different. In the best possible way, of course; in a way Ruairi hadn’t been expecting but wouldn’t dream of changing. He wanted Jasper in his life as long as they wanted the same and he grew more and more comfortable with that fact with every passing day. Hearing them moan beneath him made Ruairi’s stomach tighten pleasantly and he pressed a groan of his own against Jasper’s skin as he pressed several languid kisses to their neck, dragging his tongue along their skin until he settled on a spot along their throat and bit down— not hard enough to break skin by any means but certainly hard enough to leave a mark— something Ruairi was determined to do as he proceeded to leave several marks along Jasper’s throat, their collarbones, their neck until he pulled away and grinned, so obviously pleased with himself it might’ve been funny if he hadn’t been so lost in the moment. 

The marks seemed to bloom easily against Jasper’s pale skin and there was a ferocious sort of pride settling in Ruairi’s chest as he studied them, reaching up to hold his thumb against one of the darker marks along Jasper’s throat and press gently— wondering if the throb of it was as pleasant for them as the leaving had been. He smiled broadly in return at the sound of Jasper’s laughter and ducked his head to kiss them slowly, half drunk on the feeling of their lips against his, on just how right it felt to be with them like this— as if things had always been leading to the moment they were sharing. He rarely believed in things like that but being with Jasper certainly made the believing easier in a way Ruairi was more than willing to take advantage of. He made a low noise in the back of his throat— something between a whine and an outright moan and nodded, kissing Jasper again, much harder now, “You’re perfect right where you are,” he rumbled, finding it difficult to speak when his thoughts were careening towards every idea he had to methodically drive Jasper over the edge, as many times as they could handle it. When their legs wrapped around his waist, Ruairi moaned outright— his hips jerking as he all but rutted against them. 

His head swam in time with the rolling of his hips until he tightened his grip on the blankets beneath his fingers and seemed to gather himself all at once, finally registering Jasper’s question as he fumbled with the button on his jeans and reached for Jasper’s trousers to do the same. “You can do anything you want, baby— I’m yours.” And god, wasn’t that true? Wasn’t he convinced of that already? He hardly questioned it now— not when he had them beneath him and was dying to make something of it, not when he was ready to commit the sound of their pleasure to memory and keep it forever. He reached out and leaned into Jasper until he could hold one arm solidly against their back, using whatever leverage he had to shift the pair of them until Ruairi was sat back on his heels in a kneeling position and Jasper was settled firmly in his lap. “You wanna tell me what you’d like right now? I can start, if you’d like— if you wanna hear how bad I’d like to suck you off, anyway. Or how much I want you to do the same to me,” he said, his voice rough and all but dripping with desire.

[silkear3d]

it was a sensation that was completely unfamiliar, a warmth in their chest at the knowledge that they were needed — that they were wanted. jasper’s cheeks maintained their pinkness, warm to the touch, and he easily leaned into ruairi as they started to walk. everything felt easy, the way that their footsteps fell into rhythm, the way that jasper’s head came to the perfect height that ruairi could kiss without effort.  their bodies were made for one another. they had discovered that much after the pride celebrations, when they had fallen into bed and not looked back since. “now that you mention it, that sounds like a perfect afternoon too,” jasper giggled softly. maybe it could be added to a list of proposed dates, one that would no doubt become reams long, things that the two boys could do together. as a couple. “i could read to you one time, maybe. there are so many books that i would love you to read. i don’t know whether you’ll ever get through my list of recommendations.” it was the way jasper got on best, showing his love through sharing the inanimate things he adored. hot chocolate, book recommendations, good television shows or little crystals — like a penguin might exchange a shiny rock with their lover, the librarian did the same.  buying a clothbound special edition book was easier than the three short words that were already threatening to bubble to the surface.  he idly played with his fingers as they walked through the backstreets and into the town, hoping that passersby would pause and notice just how handsome his new boyfriend really was. “that’s okay. i like it, actually. my hands get all clammy somet—” they swallowed, cutting off the spiraling overshare that seemed to flood out of them without warning, “—it’s perfect. i like this. i like you holding my hand. i don’t mind you touching me.” to others, it might have been small. to jasper, ruairi’s ability to hold him without panic meant the world.

Optimism had always come easily for him― in spite of his own lingering anxieties, in spite of his own talent for overthinking just about everything that had ever happened to him or everything he'd ever done― he'd always had a talent for looking on the bright side of things. He'd tried to keep his expectations realistic as he'd come to terms with the fact that he very much wanted to pursue something quite a bit more intense than a casual friendship with Jasper but now― now it seemed the easiest thing in the world to embrace how deeply he'd wanted them to agree and how pleased he was that they had. He'd have taken it on the chin if they'd turned him down but now, with warmth flaring in his chest, and his fingertips tingling with adrenaline and joy in equal measure― he was certain he'd never been quite so excited about something in quite some time. "You could've asked me to sit with you on the stoop while you... read a book or something and I'd've been delighted," he informed his boyfriend with a crooked, slightly dopey smile.

"I remember, love. I thought you were adorable when I gave it to you― I still think that, obviously, but I can remember thinkin' it loads at the time," Ruairi said with a low laugh. He wrapped an arm around Jasper's shoulders for a moment― loosely enough that they would be able to wriggle free if they had half a mind to do so but close enough that he could feel their warmth where they leaned against him and kiss the top of their head without much effort. "Hot chocolate with you sounds perfect to me," he said softly, pressing another kiss to their head before he pulled away― leaving his arm around their shoulders as they stepped to one side of the librarian. "Is this alright? Or is holdin' your hand a bit easier?"

[silkear3d]

they hadn’t always been brave. it was a new thing, something that jasper had needed to decide for themself, but since he had started making decisions with his own desires in mind his life had opened up like a blooming flower. of course, he was still terrified — they weren’t sure a reality existed where they weren’t scared — but they had the choice to ignore it, to stop and take stock and decide whether or not the fear was warranted, or if their brain was attempting to sabotage good things. in that moment, those quick decisions that exploded like fireworks, jasper knew they were safe. he felt the fear and pushed through it anyway. jasper giggled that telltale giggle and shook their head playfully, leaning into the second chaste kiss, forcing themself away to fiddle with the keys in his hands. he unlocked the door and nudged it open with his shoulder, their hands remaining interlocked. they very almost dragged ruairi up the staircase and to the front door of their apartment, which they hastily unlocked too, poking their head around the door to check if ruby was home. silence. perfect. “have you really wanted to do that for a long time?” jasper gestured for ruairi to move inside the apartment — book towers standing like cairns against the wall, broadway posters littering the brickwork, patterned blankets and rugs bringing color to the weaver ridge home that had once looked so dreary. they took a moment to take off their shoes, meticulously unlacing and setting them neatly beside the door. it allowed jasper a moment to suck a deep breath inward, to calm themself, to steady their stuttering heartbeats . . . before practically launching themself at ruairi, up on tiptoes, hands pressed to their cheeks, lips squished together. were they moving too quickly? was everything happening too soon? jasper was never the best person to ask — and he wasn’t entirely sure that he cared. whatever was happening, whatever they were, felt right. wasn’t that what was most important? “this is . . . ” he kissed him, “ . . . my apartment . . . ” he kissed him again. they were two magnets, opposing poles, stuck together and impossible to pull away.  

Ruairi imagined he looked... ridiculous, as Jasper pulled away. The smile on his face made his cheeks twinge― the sheer delight that had risen in his chest the moment he'd kissed them made him feel at least moderately unhinged in a way that was blessedly more pleasant than anything else. It wasn't as if he lacked experience where kissing was concerned― hell, he spent more than his fair share of intimate time with his friends these days but he'd never intended to or even wanted to pursue relationships with them.

He wanted that with Jasper― had known that even before he'd finally mustered the courage to kiss them― felt it that much more strongly now as he watched the flush spread through their cheeks, the way they couldn't quite seem to believe it was happening either. Ruairi resolved to have a proper conversation about where they were going to go from here― not right that second, mind― not when Jasper was inviting them inside and the tell-tale, out of time thump Ruairi's heart gave in response was a perfectly clear sign that he wanted to agree almost the moment the question left the librarian's mouth.

"Yes," he agreed, emphatic and perhaps too quickly― perhaps too eagerly. He couldn't bring himself to care much about that― thought Jasper might've understood that feeling easily enough if Ruairi had half a mind to mention it for even a moment. He couldn't resist the urge to steal another kiss from them, smiling against their mouth and nuzzling their nose with his own as he pulled away. "God, I could do that all day," he breathed, not quite having intended to share the thought aloud but not remotely embarrassed that he had. If Jasper was being brave― and they clearly were, as far as he was concerned― then he was going to do the same. "I've wanted to do it for ages."

[silkear3d]

it wasn’t always easy to navigate. jasper was marooned in his own mind, unable to make sense of his own brain most of the time, so how was he ever meant to articulate to another exactly what they were feeling, what they needed? it wasn’t unknown for the librarian to feel stressed or upset when others tried to relate — how could anyone else possibly know how it felt to have a brain actively fighting against them? — but there was some sort of innate understanding, a silent knowledge that ruairi was trying. wasn’t that all that jasper needed, somebody that would take a step back and lend a listening ear, someone patient in the face of frustration. those silent assurances, the offer to walk him home with no second-thought or hesitation. he was sure that friends were meant to do that, too, but was that all it was? and, if so, what was that feeling deep in his chest? jasper continued to bumble through their sentence, idly playing with the ridges on their door key until they were interrupted. “you want to?” jasper hesitated for a moment, unsure whether they had imagined ruairi's words completely, some sort of auditory hallucination to break the silence.  they had waited so long for it, rehearsed the moment in front of a bathroom mirror so many times, that they felt as though the question had been asked to somebody else entirely — the librarian had half a mind to glance over one shoulder and check he wasn't mistaken. but it was real, it was true, and once the disbelief had dissolved they nodded excitedly and responded, “yes.” jasper giggled lightly, a noise like a bird, and leaned in just as eagerly as ruairi had ducked their head down. a smooth warmth spread across his lips, and he strained up on tiptoes to rest each hand on either one of the other man’s shoulders. it prevented an unbalanced end, their forms close and united in the waning light, his key bundled into one palm. they pulled away for a moment. one hand gingerly moved to rest against their own lips, as if they could press the kiss like a flower and keep it forever. “would you . . . um,” that telltale blush was back again. it was red like cardinals, pale skin giving way to the brightness. “would you like to come upstairs?”

"Oh, well, I reckon I can understand that― I used to have meltdowns in the supermarket if I got too anxious doing the shopping with my mam―" Whatever he'd intended to continue saying, something he'd hoped might comfort Jasper the more they could see that Ruairi understood them. That they would never have to feel unseen or unheard or anything of the sort if the Irishman had anything to say about it but each and every one of those assurances died a quick, painless death the moment Jasper reacted to being called cute and Ruairi felt as if a supernova had exploded unexpectedly in his chest. A silly, childish thought prickled at the back of his mind― he wondered if the feeling he was experiencing was anything like flying after being sprinkled with pixie dust― if the tingling in his fingertips, in his toes, had anything to do with the joy that had come so quickly and left nothing but tremulous excitement in its wake.

God, they were too adorable. How was he meant to go even a moment without kissing them? How was he meant to choke back his affection or pretend it wasn't so close to the surface he could feel it when he breathed? He watched them― blue eyes curious― tracing invisible lines across their face as they flickered from one point to another; to their mouth and back again, to the way they couldn't quite seem to form words. He felt the urge coming again― the nervous, tingling excitement settling firmly into place as he took a half step towards them and swallowed so hard he could hear it plain as day.

"I want to kiss you," Ruairi blurted, finally giving voice to the thought that had plagued him for weeks. He wasn't going to give himself more time to fret over it― wasn't going to keep himself from asking for even one moment longer― he wanted to know what it felt like to kiss Jasper Finch and he wasn't scared of trying; not anymore, not when he felt it could really be something. That they could really be something. "Can I?" He added a moment later, watching them for any sign that they weren't consenting. The enthusiastic nod Jasper offered in turn was more than enough for him to move again― more than enough for Ruairi to untangle their fingers so he could reach up and hold Jasper's face gently― loosely so he wouldn't make them feel boxed in― and tilt his head down to finally, finally kiss them properly.

[silkear3d]

“well, maybe not literally — i should have clarified,” their cheeks burned pink, as they so often did when jasper misspoke or overstepped or generally made a mistake they were embarrassed about. “otherwise we’d have to take our trousers off right now. i meant, i don’t want us to just … pretend that didn’t happen … ” their fingers touched and remained together, and the librarian studied how perfectly his smaller hands fit into the larger pair. it was almost as though they had been made for one another, two puzzle pieces — but was he being overly-romantic at the sentiment? there had been many times where jasper had misread lust for love, where the lines had been blurred. emotions were a whole lot bigger inside his heart than the heart of another. they tried to play it off with a shake of their head and a scrunch of their nose. “that’s not to say we can’t do that later.” and they were so easily caught up in their own rambling that jasper almost missed ruairi’s interjection entirely. when it finally registered, he stared wide-eyed up at the man that had quickly become his everything. for a moment, he was quiet. what could ruairi possibly mean? they were already out — outside, going out for the day, seeing each other — but when the other clarified, he could have practically melted. their lips parted, and as if to cradle those nervous words both their hands raised to rest on either of ruairi’s cheeks. “you can call me your partner or your boyfriend. i don’t really mind,” a premature clarification. jasper rewound, took a sharp breath inwards, and nodded excitedly. “i would really, really like to date you.”

Ruairi made a soft noise in the back of his throat at the sound Jasper made as they kissed― something heady making his mind fuzzy for a fraction of a second before he smiled softly against Jasper's mouth and nuzzled their nose with his own as he pulled away. "Where we left off?" He parroted quietly, mentally adding that if they did that in a more exacting sense then they'd be celebrating Jasper's birthday quite a bit differently than he'd thought. Not, of course, that he minded that idea in the slightest. He exhaled slowly― used the breath to try and center himself in a way that only worked about half the time; he could still feel his nerves lingering just under the surface of whatever confidence he'd been trying to build upon since the thought that he'd quite like to ask Jasper out properly had settled in his mind all those weeks ago.

"Had something in mind, did you?" Ruairi continued, a lopsided smile tugging at his mouth before he rested his forehead against theirs for a brief moment and decided, all at once, that he might as well ask― he'd only be more and more nervous waiting, after all, and his impulse to simply try was almost overwhelming. "Would you like to go out?" He blurted, much less smoothly than he'd intended. His face flushed and he took another slow breath, "I mean, like, would you like to date? Me, that is. Obviously. Be my partner an' all... in case that wasn't... clear." He fought a wince and looked at Jasper, something close to a pleading expression on his face. "You can think on it but I... needed to ask. Wanted to ask."