#int: mila holliday

[sarahfabray]

@milaholliday

Im just preparing things here at the retreat for our christmas giveaway and inspiration came to me. We would love to give back to the community. Is there anything we can do to support ShelterBuild this season?

[addycorcoran]

Wow, you're really into my mom, huh? I'll be sure to relay that to her. Who knows, maybe you could really hit it off and become my new step-dad?

Addy with all due respect… your mom is a milf. Like, on top of being extremely talented. If I got to work with her I’d probably end up in a panic on my first day. The last time we went to her concert my mom talked to her backstage and I was just a shaking mess. I don’t know if I could handle that kind of pressure

[pennysylvester]

— private.

There's nothing wrong with doing it just for fun. It would definitely take away some of the pressure, right?

Oh, wow, okay. That's probably a little out of my realm of expertise anyway, but I'm really glad you were able to talk to your mom. What did you end on? Do you think you'd like to go out with the person you asked out, or was it a rebound situation like you were worried about?

PRIVATE

Nah I know I'd only be okay with performing in a more low pressure setting like a pub you know? but I study and work so I don't have the time for it right now. Maybe in the future, It'd be just for fun anyway

Thanks, Penny. I’m actually home for Thanksgiving, so I talked to my mom yesterday and it really helped. I met someone during lockdown and I’d been thinking about her, so I asked her out. But honestly, a month ago, I was still struggling with my feelings for my ex and I just didn’t think I’d be ready for anything new. I’ve been in therapy long enough to know that our actions often have deeper motives we’re not immediately aware of so I started questioning if this was really a crush or if I made that up to get over my ex. That’s a horrible way of treating someone and I’d never want to do that. But my mom said some things that made sense and I think I feel better about it now

[alex-washington-rackets]

PRIVATE

Aw your such a sweet talker.

Ok things have gotten serious. Well we did have a nice heart to heart in lockdown but im glad your feeling like your ready to move on.

Im gonna put my big brother hat on a second and give you a stern look over. You better look after my sister!

Phew now thats over. We both know i cant be that serious for too long. Look after her she need good people around her and im glad she has you.

PRIVATE

I'm just glad I could be there when you needed me xD and the cookies sound amazing, but honestly your smile is more than enough to keep me going which means we need to see each other more often

But uh Alex actually I need to talk to you about something

so I asked Liv out and I know it feels like you just saw me crying over my ex but I've really moved on. I promise I'm not playing with your sister or anything. I really enjoy talking to her and I just hope you can trust that I’m doing this with the best intentions

[addycorcoran]

Right, and you can start over if you screw up because nobody's actually watching you do it. The pressures of live performance are insane. Yeah, my mom's pretty dope. Maybe you and her should work with one another, a dragon and a lamb could probably make something pretty interesting together.

Yeah, just creating without all those eyes on you sounds much better. Your mom has such a presence on stage, though. The times I've watched her perform I never felt like she couldn't take the world if she put her mind to it. People might look at me on stage and be like aww lamb. But Shelby Corcoran? DRAGON

[addycorcoran]

I mean, I'm not exactly swamped with people taking me up on it, but there are a few, sure. I totally get that, though, I used to be the same, but then I would watch my mom performing on stage in full of a packed audience and feel physically sick for her. Behind the scenes works way better for me. Yeah, I'd say it's more chill, a little less competitive.

Yeah, absolutely zero.

Have a lot of people taken you up on your offer? I bet PSU has some hidden gems. When I was a kid I wanted to be a singer, but now I know stage fright would totally ruin that for me. Plus, the industry can be a real mess. I’m guessing the indie scene is a bit nicer tho?

But there’s 0% chance it’s you I see at the library quite often, right?

[pennysylvester]

That's fair. As a midwife, I deal with some patients wanting all of the meds they can get, then others wanting to go it completely alone, so I'm not in the business of pushing one way or the other. Not a midwife pun. That sounds like a horrible experience, but it also sounds like it was a long time ago. Have you tried getting on stage again since then? Mm, sure, I have some relationship experience. Do you have any questions or need any advice?

Yeah, I’ve heard medication can help, but I’ve always been a bit hesitant, especially with the whole public figure thing. So we can say a lot of factors weighed into my decision. Oh, like that time during a school play when I totally froze in the middle of my lines. I just blanked out. It was so embarrassing! But I laughed it off… eventually. Yeah, but being married means you've probably got some relationship experience, right?

[pennysylvester]

I can imagine. I'm pretty sure they can prescribe temporary medication to help with things like stage fright if you need it every now and then, you know? What bad experiences are we talking about? Mm, I don't know if being married really qualifies me as any kind of relationship expert, but in this instance, yes, you probably should.

The stage is def a little easier after a drink or two. Good thing I’ve decided to never perform in public after a couple of bad experiences or else my liver would have some serious complaints hahaha and yeah I guess I got a bit in my head. You're married right? I feel like I really should listen to your advices

[pennysylvester]

Oh, got it. Stage fright without a little liquid courage?

I mean, that was a lot of things that made it sound like you're not totally okay, but more power to you and your freedom. Just be careful, okay? And maybe talk to your ex...

oh no I recorded it yesterday and sent it to my brother. he told me I should post it, but I feel kinda weird doing it so I never do. then today, I started drinking and it felt like a great idea

another great idea I had is that I don’t care anymore. about anything. ever. so yeah I’m so okay in fact, I had many great ideas today because I just decided I’m going to start dating the first person who shows me the minimum affection possible and who’s nothing like me. I’ll date this person even though I go around crying to strangers about my ex, because that makes a lot of sense

[pennysylvester]

The fact that you sound like this after half a bottle of vodka is insane. I'd love to hear how you sound with full control, because I'm blown away already, girl! Everything okay, though?

it's been a hot minute since I posted one of my covers. my brother said I should do this and after half a bottle of vodka... you know what? I agree. anyway, drowning in feels is not that bad when you've got alcohol