#int: avery dunn

[sarahfabray]

I think about things like that quite often. Mother earth holds a lot in its energy. The energy and vibrations from generations before and the environment that has lasted years in the land holding the those stories. It is a gift to be able to draw from that energy and receive those stories. Cherish that gift.

You soak stone with blood enough, it will tell you its stories whether you want it to or not. Though I wouldn't be surprised.

[pollylynn]

Title: Ataraxy WC: 900 Episode: Boom! (2 x 18)

She is not, she has decided, jealous of Jordan Shaw. This is an internal memo, for her eyes only. No one can know that she has decided this. No one can know that she has even entertained the possibility. But she files it away nonetheless. She stamps it confidential and places it under fireproof lock and key: Detective Kate Beckett, NYPD, is not jealous of Special Agent Jordan Shaw, FBI.

It’s a well-informed decision. At some point that might have been the day before yesterday—or int may have been seven hundred billion hours ago—she had demanded that he tell her everything he knew about Jordan Shaw, and out of the gate, it had looked as though the top secret memo might have gone the other way. Her resume is impressive. The pace at which she made her mark on high-profile cases is nothing short of astonishing.

And there’s a child she shares with an apparently devoted husband and father. If she were one to image stalk on the web, Kate has no doubt that the daughter’s adorability quotient and the husband’s dashing good looks would provide plenty of tasty snacks for the green-eyed monster. And she can’t say that the green-eyed monster went hungry through some portion of the case. But, at the end of the day—at the end of what might be a stretch of seven hundred billion hours—she is not jealous of Jordan Shaw for her accomplishments, for her home life, for much of anything.

She was telling the truth when she told the woman that she’d learned a lot from her, though it’s the kind of truth passed down through her matriline, from her grandmother to her mother to here. It’s the slightly biting kind of truth that’s meant to throw some amount of shade. She has learned a lot from Jordan Shaw and some—not all of it, but some—is what not to do, how not to be.

The turning point, she thinks—the ah ha! moment—had been the call from Avery. There she had been, safely if somewhat awkwardly ensconced in the home of a man who’d first rushed into a burning building to save her life, then taken her in without hesitation or question. There she had been, awkward, yes, but comfortable enough to bang around in his kitchen cabinets—to root around in fridge and pantry before either he or his family were up yet. And there was Jordan, missing for going on twelve hours at that point, and yet . . . not quite missed.

It might be wrong-headed. It’s blaming the victim, after all, to cluck her tongue and shake her head about the time the woman must spend off-grid and unreachable if that much time could easily elapse without anyone sounding the alarm. It’s tearing down a fellow woman in one of the toughest jobs in the world, but that’s not what Kate is doing. In the clear-eyed, honest assessment of herself that she’s done when it comes to Jordan Shaw, she thinks she can honestly say it’s more complicated than that.

It’s Avery, really. Avery is the real turning point for her. That’s my partner up there, the man had snapped in the back of the surveillance van outside of Dunn’s hide, and the word had honestly landed like a kick to the shins. She would never have, until that moment, thought of the working relationship between the two of them in that way. She would never have, until that moment, used the word relationship with their two names anywhere near it.

She’s since sifted through what she can recall of Jordan Shaw’s not-so-quotable quotes. She hears the woman’s voice saying people—my people, in fact—over and over again. She hears specific unit callouts—evidence, strike, canvas and so on. She’s a take no shit leader, and in her case, that calls for a certain amount of distance between her and the undifferentiated mass of her people. She—Kate—is not sure she knows the name of a single agent other than Avery, and she’d be hard-pressed to come up with the man’s first name.

It’s not the be all, end all, how anyone relates to anyone else or doesn’t. Jordan Shaw has bigger problems than Kate Beckett does. The two of them have different problems when it comes to the job. But she thinks of Ryan and Esposito showing up to functionally irritate her out of her fear after Dunn left a body literally on her doorstep. She thinks of the Captain and Castle ganging up on her to force the issue of rest, of security, of taking the damned threat seriously.

She sees her tight-knit, oddball team through the lens of Jordan Shaw’s war room, her people, her various well-equipped, highly skilled teams. She sees Castle through that lens, and most important, she sees their partnership—the real deal—through the eyes of Jordan Shaw, who even in the end, can only purse her lips and call what they have unorthodox as she tries to parse and profile what they are, what they will be.

She sees all of that with new clarity and a wide-open mind and heart. She has a new bar to gauge her own life by, and she’s not the least bit jealous of Jordan Shaw.

A/N: Jordan Shaw—Lacking in Total Life Morphousness.

images via kissthemgoodbye.net

[alex-washington-rackets]

Oh wow. Your family are really lucky to have someone who wants to take over the family business and wants to train to get good skills to do it too. They are really lucky to have you.

I suppose you're right about that. It's what I imagined I'd always end up doin' if I'm bein' honest. I'm kinda the only grandkid with any interest in takin' it over and then, mama's boytoy isn't gonna pass it on to one of his niblings when I'm willin' so one of these days I'm bound to end up with both and that's the sorta thing I could use extra knowledge to deal with.

[sarahfabray]

Thats amazing. Sounds like you have a gift. Not many people experience things like that.

I've walked a lot of battlefields. Heard the gunshots, smelled the gunpowder, the blood, I've seen a few apparitions. Stuff I know can't be explained away.

[alex-washington-rackets]

Its good to have a focus. No matter how big or small as long as it works for you. Thats really cool that you want to look after your family business and your making sure you get the skills to do that.

That's really cool. I ain't got any grand plans like that, just gonna take over the family farms, make em one big one.

[alex-washington-rackets]

To be honest i like the idea of having my own brand and building up multiple streams of income. A bit like Ryan Rhynolds. From Tennis i can build my own brand. Invest in real estate, clothing and some over avenues as well as promoting my own tennis programme for less afluent communities. Tennis can be limited to places with more money and should be more accessible.

What about you?

I am, yeah! Business major with an ag minor. Makes sense, for sure. Do you have any ideas about the kind of business you'd want to go into or just seeing where life takes you?

[alex-washington-rackets]

Wait are you starting business this year? Im majoring in business too! Figured it would be the best thing to learn for after tennis and start building up other income streams in the mean time.

That definitely makes sense. There was some travel for rodeo but not as much.

Siblings or not, I don't think I'd survive out here without my Jeanie. I'm lucky that growing up how I did gave me most of the skills needed to do what I want with the rest of my life, but a business degree is kind of that last bit of knowledge I could really benefit from.

[sarahfabray]

No weird you things at all. We all exist in our own speare of understanding. For some it's more about feelings and others its more logical and facts. But thats the beauty of it all. Everyone is different and we all learn differently. It also means theres no one size fits all for finding direction or peace.

I like my facts. I ain't against all the universe and balance stuff, it just don't make sense to me. But then, I don't get religion either. So, maybe that's all just one of those weird me things.

[alex-washington-rackets]

It's part of the job and i suppose pursuing tennis from a young age i guess just got used to the traveling as part of what you have to do to stay in the game and get the right people to train you.

Oh thats great. It's great to hear you can keep her close. I worry about that too with tennis. this injury has been a reminder that I dont have long left in my career and need to build other skills.

Oh wow. I can't imagine that. Like, I went on tour with my mama a few times, but I didn't much have a choice in it, so to choose to leave home like so often is wild to me.

It ain't ever gonna be somethin that someone else pushes you into that you love with everything you are. Rodeo is more than most people think. She's close, brought her out this way, my mama knew someone with a stable outside the city and we struck a deal. I think I am, but I know I'm comin' up on the end of my rodeo days realistically. There aren't, but it ain't too hard to set up a course for myself and I mean, I got the contact info of a woman with a rodeo trained bull, so that will be fun.

[sarahfabray]

That is absolutely fine. It's important to understand our own limitations. It's only then that we can see the areas we feel need the most growth. Be open to new things and the universe will reveal them to you.

You say words and yet I do not tend to understand them, no matter how much you try and explain them to me.

[alex-washington-rackets]

Man i cant remember the last time i properly spent any time at home. the tennis tours are pretty demanding and once a season starts your pretty much on the road most of the time. Its nice that you have such an attachment to home.

its amazing that its something youve had and loved from an early age. I feel like my mum tried to do that with me and swimming but it was tennis tat stole my heart. Mate i had no idea about rodeo. It's fascinating. It must be hard to be so far away from your horse now. Are you gonna have much opportunity to keep the skill up here? I cant imagine theres much rodeo in California.

It's home, and that's what matters. My mama took me tourin' with her when she could, but it was never my thing. This is the longest I'll have been away from home, on my own, ever. Ain't too sure how ready for it I am.

I was born and raised on a farm in Louisiana, between Shreveport and the Texas line. Rodeo came through all the time and my granddaddy took me and at some point you realize it's better to let the small bundle rage you call your granddaughter, just do the thing. So, they strapped me to a sheep and I was hooked from there on. Now, personally, I mostly work with my horse, most women's rodeo is horses. Not to say I haven't ridden a bull, mind you, cos I have, but it's not the primary base of the sport for me. My horse is basically my best friend and I helped train her since she was young, makes it easier. The horse I had before her was trained by my uncle and mama for me.

[alex-washington-rackets]

I bet it was nice in the country. Being on the Tennis tour from a young age you get used to people always being part of your team and guiding you through all your travels. So its refreshing to be out completely on my own for once.

Wow thats totally different but i like it. If your a pro, your a pro. It doesnt matter if its a more alternative sport. How on earth does someone get into that? I struggle enough to work with a partner in a doubles tournament. i cant imagine what its like working with an animal and one like a bull. You have way more guts than me!

I agree, much more used to open fields and roads that lead to somewhere, they just take a while.

That's really cool! Do you consider rodeo a sport? If not, no. If yes... I've been pro since I was 18, but competing since I was 3.

[sarahfabray]

It's amazing how the eye is only one sence that tells us things exist. Our experiences help to shape your understanding of the world. I know some of this holistic helath works for me but only because I have seen and felt it myself. Whereas I have no understanding of the world beyond. What was your experience like?

No weird you things at all. We all exist in our own speare of understanding. For some it's more about feelings and others its more logical and facts. But thats the beauty of it all. Everyone is different and we all learn differently. It also means theres no one size fits all for finding direction or peace.

[alex-washington-rackets]

This place i feel like is a total maze.

Tennis is my thing. Worked through the ranks and now been on the pro circuit for a good few years. Only taking a break due to injury and figured college was a good backup plan. I enjoy other sports and im not bad a golf but i do get way too competative. you play anything?

College enrolment: Check. Apartment move in: Check.

I've just moved to the area for college while also recovering from injury and i feel like i don't know where anything is. I swear i got lost for an hour between the campus and the grocery store this morning. So any suggestions of places to see things to do and the best food joints in town would be appreciated.

While i'm not on a training diet i am going to make the most of all my food options. Just don't tell my coach that.