#instead it;s 4.21pm on a saturday after what felt like the longerst 24h in my life | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lunnule · 2 years ago

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i was trying to figure out why i can't properly tell you about the course. i think it might be that there is too much of you in your responses. i can guess at some of your experiences, and i want to know more but i also want to know less. it's intimidating to talk about learning to be a counsellor with your own counsellor.

i asked myself i would like to know more about you if i could? and the answer is both. i dont want to know. the more i know the more i'm going to not take space. i'm also curious - but i dont want to ask. rather i would like to know what you would want to tell me. if this wasn't the set up, what would you like to tell me about you? what would you like me to know?

is what i'm wishing for is for the client/counsellor boundaries to not be there? a part of me just wants to know what the relationship would be like if i wasn't taking up all the space in it. but you are starting to take up space in that particular bit and it's throwing me off completely.

#sometimes you write a blog post instead of talking to your counsellor #because you don't know how to say these things and really you're not sure what's going on #also it's not 3.45pm on a thursday #instead it;s 4.21pm on a saturday after what felt like the longerst 24h in my life #and i am crying over everything #also possibly the fact that i thought i was over mt feeling for my counsellor but i think they've been in the ground this whole time #and this there thought? the one about the ground?#this is why i got my little gremlin hands on a keyboard bc i'm alone and i need to tell someone #bc you see #this is such a good metaphor #she's a gestalt therapist and in estalt there's this idea of figure/ground #which is just a set of fancy terms for foreground and background #basically everything that makes up your context it part of you #but some thing will become figure at different points #and some things will be ground #so that phrase 'it's been in the ground'#is like such a specific reference #there's something pathetically romantic about the fact that i thought of it in the context of my therapist and immediately wanted to tell #her about it #while NEVER wanting her to know that #don;t know if any of that made sense #but if you know about gestalt and got that metaphor drop me a 🌱emoji #lol #i'm going to eat some chocolate and take a bath #got nobody to take care of me so i'll bloody do it myself

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