#inspired by a s u p e r old and hilarious pic of jomo that popped up on twitter awhile back that I cannot find now

[lalainajanes]

96 & 81. I’m a new fan of your writing! Ugh I love klaroline so much

96 Scars + 81 The Missus and The Ex

She’s known Klaus forabout a year, has recently been out on three excellent dates with him, when shefinds out his deep dark secret.

She'd have beenpissed it but it’s too freaking hilarious for her to work up any righteousindignation.

One quick Google andCaroline gets why he’d kept his mouth shut. She’d made some questionablechoices at nineteen, ones she’s really glad aren’t immortalized on the internetforever.

Klaus Mikaelson, ubersnob about popular culture, prickly unless sufficiently motivated, and scornfulof vast swathes of humanity, had once starred on a reality TV show.

And not just anyreality TV show. He’d been on what had essentially been a Jersey Shore rip-off.Just set in a swanky London apartment and with fancy accents. It had onlylasted one season.

The partying anddrunken fights and hookups appear to be pretty much the same.

Klaus had sportedhighlights and worn baggy t-shirts and baseball caps and belted his pants toshow off his boxers. Teen!Caroline probably would have thought he was hot butpresent day Caroline has a plan to slip some cheap ribbed tanks and self-tannerinto Klaus’ birthday gifts.

His exasperated faceis super cute.

She’d taken thebombshell pretty well and Klaus had endured her giggling over old pictures (toa point but Caroline wasn’t going to complain about him kissing her as adistraction).

When she’d gottenhome it had been impossible to resist pulling out her laptop and looking forclips.

And when it turnedout the series was all online? Well, she’d ordered takeout and settled in for amarathon.

Six episodes in andshe’s kind of obsessed. The version of Klaus on her screen is fascinating. Shesees tiny glimmers of the man she knows but he also seems to be a bit of ajerk. He sneakily leaves little sketches of his roommates on their beds. Thenot so flattering ones cause some drama and the good ones end up pinned in thecommunal kitchen. He oozes cockiness and has a tendency to flex when he’sshirtless, sometimes walks in a way that could only be called a swagger.

He flirts shamelesslybut his interest in one of his housemates seems genuine. Unfortunately, she’salready in a relationship.

Caroline has amillion questions, starting with why in the world had he ever even auditioned,and she’s considering making a list.

Caroline (9:14 PM): I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you were involved in AN ACTUAL LOVETRIANGLE!

Caroline (9:14 PM): I’m kinda jealous.

Caroline (9:15 PM): I’m think I’m rooting for Lucien though. Sorry. He’s just so freakinginto her.

Caroline (9:15 PM): Making out with Aurora’s visiting BFF was a dick move, btw.

Klaus (9:17 PM): Sadly, that was far from the worst of my poor decisions.

Caroline (9:18 PM): Oooh, ominous.

Caroline (9:18 PM): I’m excited.

Klaus (9:19 PM): I don’t suppose I could convince you to stop watching?

Caroline (9:20 PM): Are offering me sexual favours? ;)

Klaus (9:20 PM): Obviously.

Caroline (9:21 PM): Sorry, I’ve gotta pass. Something tells me you’re going to be pretty easy.

Caroline (9:22 PM): But don’t worry. I promise not to hold anything you did 9 years agoagainst you.

Klaus (9:23 PM): I appreciate that.

She starts up episodeseven. It opens the morning after Klaus’ attempt to make Aurora jealous, thecamera lingering on him in bed, very naked under a single crumpledsheet.

Is it pervy thatshe’s ogling him? Probably, since he’d been practically a baby.

Klaus is awakenedrudely by Aurora upending a large-ish bucket of water on him, he leaps from thebed, shouting slurred profanities.

Screw it, Carolinethinks, as she turns up the brightness on her screen and leans in, eyeing theareas where the wet sheet now clings. No one has to know about the ogling.

Aurora and BabyKlausengage in a fight that is loud and rambling and Caroline thanks whateverproduction grunt had been tasked with painstakingly subtitling it. Aurora triesto cite friend code, Klaus counters that she has a boyfriend so it really isn’ther business what (or whom) he does. He scoffs at her assertion that he’d beentrying to hurt her, smiling cruelly and informing Aurora that she’s just notthat important.

Caroline winces whenAurora bursts into tears. Klaus’ regret is plain but he storms away withoutapologizing.

She fast forwardsthrough some plot involving other housemates, pauses when she sees Klaus again.He’s at the club they seem to hang out at most, the kind with pumping music andflashing lights. Caroline assumes the venue had some kind of deal with theproducers. He’s slamming back shots, his mood less than festive, and Carolineassumes he’s about to do something dumb.

Approximately thirtyseconds later the camera captures him punching Lucien.

Angry drunk boys, sopredictable.

It’s chaos on herscreen, other people seem to pile on and the cameras are constantly jostled.Caroline can barely make out who is who. Aurora’s red hair is distinct, andshe’s in the corner of the frame, yelling, having climbed on the bar.

When things calm downKlaus is bleeding. His hand clutches his opposite arm and the sleeve of hisshirt saturated and dark red.

Caroline (9:45 PM): No fair. You totally have a way cooler how I got this scar story thanme.

Klaus (9:46 PM): So you’ve never needed a dozen stitches after a bar fight?

Caroline (9:47 PM): Nope. But I guess I’ve still got time.

Klaus (9:48 PM): It’s good to have goals.

She feels a littleanxious watching Klaus get loaded into an ambulance, seeing him in pain andstruggling to answer the EMTs questions. Silly, since he’s perfectly fine andjoking with her via text, only a few blocks away.

The episode ends withthe ambulance door closing, his roommates huddled together for warmth on thesidewalk watching it drive away.

Caroline checks thetime, debates moving on to another episode. She doesn’t actually have to go tobed for another hour so she could watch some more. She knows Klaus andAurora must hook up at some point - Caroline’s watched plenty of reality TV andKlaus’ show was less subtle than most.

She hasn’t feltjealous yet, doubts she will. She’d lose her shit if Klaus were to up and getweird about her high school boyfriends. They weren’t any of his business andCaroline’s not going to make a fuss just because she can see one of Klaus’ pastrelationships with her own two eyes thanks to the magic of technology.

Veering in a more romanticdirection with Klaus has been really good, and he’d made it clear it wassomething he’d wanted for a while. His past has no bearing on their present.

Besides, Carolinekind of likes Aurora, or at least the version the cameras capture. She’s a littledramatic, sucks at any and all forms of housework, but is at least willing tolaugh at herself. Plus, the poor girl’s family seems nuts - a phoneconversation with her parents had been icy and her brother had appearedonscreen only to lecture her about how unbecoming it was to associate withpeople beneath her and how Aurora was shaming the family.

Caroline doesn’t havesiblings but her knee jerk reaction had been a big fat yikes.

Plus, it’s not hardto see the behind the scenes manipulations. Aurora’s confessionals often havingher comparing and contrasting Klaus and Lucien, waffling about her feelings,and Caroline can easily envision the leading questions that she’d had to dealwith.

The results ofshoving young, attractive people together, forcing them to interact, andsupplying copious amounts of booze, are pretty predictable.

See: the bajillionvarieties of Real Housewives.

There’s no wayCaroline’s curiosity will survive not knowing how things end but she can wait abit. She shuts her laptop and stretches out the kinks in her back, grabbing herphone once more.

Caroline (9:56 PM): Do you want to get lunch tomorrow?

Klaus (9:57 PM): So you can interrogate me, I presume?

Caroline (9:58 PM): Yep. You don’t have to answer anything if you don’t want to though. I’mjust super fascinated by how that guy became, well, you.

Klaus (9:59 PM): Not sure how to take that, love.

Caroline (9:59 PM): I meant it in a good way. I like you. The you I know.

Caroline (10:00 PM): Past you seems kind of exhausting and I want to reach into my laptopand shake him sometimes.

Caroline (10:01 PM): Mostly because his commitment to hats is out of control.

Caroline (10:01 PM): Please tell me you got rid of those.

“Oh my god, I need tostop,” Caroline mutters. She closes her eyes, huffs out a laugh. Maybe sheshould have just gone to bed. She resists the urge to apologize for rambling.No need to call attention to it.

Klaus (10:02 PM): The only hats I own are functional, designed for warmth

Klaus (10:02 PM): I like the you that you are now too.

Klaus (10:03 PM): I can meet you at 1. Does that work for you?

She smiles down ather phone, taps out a quick affirmative. Retro trashy reality TV can wait,she’s got a fourth date outfit to put together.