#insomnia club rise up

[ramblingoak]

Shout out to the people that are tired because I am also tired.

[amoscontorta]

Hi, I write fanfiction about Love and Deepspace. Currently Sylus-specific, although I love and appreciate most of the LIs. Full summaries and tags are in each link.

Part 1 Alike and cornered beast, Sylus's POV | ao3

I was desperate for Sylus's point of view during the first time that MC meets him in the Alike and Cornered Beast chapters of Long-Awaited Revelry. I wanted to know why he touches MC so reverently but also quite brutally, so I spent a lot of time thinking about possibilities and this is the result.

Part 2 Roleplay, undercurrents, and rising curtain, Sylus's POV | ao3

It really bothers me in the game that the clearly traumatic experiences MC undergoes in the canon storyline don't seem to have any consequences for MC's character development. Yes, yes, this is a self-insert gacha mobile game, blah blah. MC has PTSD from chapter 4 (you know the one), and no one can convince me otherwise, so I re-wrote the auction bits from Sylus's POV to fix this grievous oversight, because I am also firmly convinced he is a champ at handling MC's trauma.

Part 3 No way out, revised | ao3

I thought that MC was too mean to Sylus in his 4 star No Way Out card, and I didn't like it, so I fixed it. I mean, I rewrote how it went like a proper rabid fan. Sylus shows up injured near MC's place, MC tends to his injuries, and he takes advantage of the situation like a vampire and secures himself an open invitation into MC's home whenever he 'needs' it.

Part 4 Datura tea, or how all you want is to get some sleep | ao3

You're suffering from insomnia due to untreated PTSD (probably, I don't know, I'm not a doctor or a therapist) from your family getting, well, exploded, and the longer this goes on, the sloppier you become in combat and just existing, and a bad idea is born (let's go to the club alone, drink enough to finally get drowsy and then go home and finaaaaally sleep it off). Zayne treats some of your injuries, Mephisto does Sylus's stalker bidding, and guess who appears at the club right before you're about to probably violate the Hunter's Association code of conduct on an idiot who has a hard time taking no for an answer? Spoiler alert: he can't sing but he can dance, even if he chooses to dance to the music he'd rather be hearing than the music actually being played. Full of clichés but hopefully with refreshing twists.

Part 5 Sylus gets a headache | ao3

Sylus has secured the promise from you that he can use your place as a safe house if he's in the area and needs it. Sylus's definition of "need", it turns out, might be different than your own, as illustrated by the first time he shows up unannounced at your door.

Part 6 Wine time with Sylus | ao3

Sylus invites himself over, helps himself to your first aid kit and your kitchen, manipulates you into tasting wine with him, discusses his latest business venture, and gifts you more than one present before he's good and ready to finally leave.

Part 7 Sylus's guide to hiring, or Wine time with Sylus: his POV | ao3

Sylus mulls over all the data he has managed to collect regarding his sweet little hunter so far, and spends some time considering mistakes he's made and his plans for the future. He also hires a new employee and is required to teach the twins to mind their manners in front of guests he's trying to intimidate.

[ohmytomorrowisthursday]

AOT characters in university

Hiii this is my first post like this. It is literally so unserious and silly please don’t take it personally if I roast ur fave. Some of these are soooo dumb but I hope u enjoy! 

cw: drugs, weed, drinking

Floch: this dude is 100% in a frat. The guy who stands at the door decides who gets in. For the boys in absolutely every possible way. Has punched multiple holes through walls. Doesn’t talk in class, if he does his whole personality is based on being a frat boy for life. Finance major. Always wants to be ‘devil’s advocate’ in class debates. Says edgy shit just to get a rise out of people. Scared of Erwin. Posts thirst traps on instagram. Is part of the boxing club. Has never read a single page of any text book ever, just watches YouTube videos to learn. 

Connie: You meet him during freshman orientation and he is now your ride or die. He’s outgoing and makes friends easily, but would 100% rather spend Friday nights playing video games and smoking weed with his friends instead of going to a party. Calls his mom often. Studying accounting because he wants to have a stable job. Makes lo-fi tracks and posts them on YouTube. Skips his morning classes because he refuses to get up for his 8am’s. He won’t plan anything but is always a good time when he comes out. Loves going for Korean barbecue. Loves watching reality tv and talking about it in the group chat.

Jean: Certified stressed and depressed. Definitely studying comp-sci even though he’d rather be in the arts. Is in your English class and even tho he complains about the work he still would rather write essays than look at his coding. Talks so much shit about the frats, still tried to join and never stops talking about them. Will  get into a fight with Eren during frosh week.  His mom also calls him all the time but he gets super embarrassed when she does. Brings all of his laundry home over break so that she can do it. Jean is always looking for a good time, he’s definitely planning nights out and trying to get the full college experience. Something embarrassing always happens when he goes out on the weekend and Connie and Sasha always make sure to remind him of it. The person you’d call for advice when you’re having a bad day.

Levi: Sick of it and annoyed. Philosophy major. Always debates in class and wins. You met him through Hange. You see him at the gym super late at night, between 11pm-1am when no one else is around. Hates big parties- especially frat parties- but always will text u asking how it is and if you want to leave. He likes to cook and invites you to come over to eat. Likes dressing nice for class. Uses black mechanical pencils and exclusively takes notes in black muji notebooks. Likes dark humour and will only talk in the group chat to add some sarcastic remark. Always drinking tea (duh) out of the same reusable mug. Likes going to low-key gatherings with his friends and playing card games and chess. Volunteers for the student food bank. Makes Spotify playlists. Has insomnia and will answer every and all texts you send, no matter what time it is.  LOVES to talk shit and roast people who he thinks are elitist, mean and hypocritical, especially Zeke. Works as a TA and is always busy and grumpy, but his friends keep him sane.

Historia: Wants to be a veterinarian. Quiet but kind. Has a really aesthetic instagram and is always posting cute coffee shops and pictures of her pets. Her girlfriend Ymir is literally the opposite of her and they both make u laugh. You sit beside her in class because she has a gentle chill vibe and always has extra pencils to give you. Offers you gum. Would give you a tampon if u needed it. Not really in any clubs but you see her studying at cafe’s and she always says hi. 10/10 sweetie. Knits in class.

Eren: President of the frat. He doesn’t even know how he ended up here but now he’s the guy. Kind of nice when he’s alone or in class but an absolute dick when he hangs out with the boys. Gets everyone at the party fired up. His girlfriend and his best friend are so nice. Wants to be a CEO, has no idea what his business will be. Wakes up early to go to the gym and never stops talking about it. Undefeated in Catan and Risk. Secretly a reddit lurker. You helped him study for biology once and he was actually very nice to you. Invites you to the frat parties on the weekend, but doesn’t really talk to you when you go. Loves karaoke and will always find a mic to sing into wherever he is and always picks Britney Spears songs lol. 

Hange: SCIENCE MAJOR. Literally the most outgoing person you’ve ever met. Befriends you in biology and helps you study. Has so many niche interest and friends from each of their hobbies. Brings all of their friends together to hang out and its the most random group of people you’ve ever seen, but everyone still gets along. Encourages you to go to the gym, and is always hitting legs. Definitely signed up for some sports leagues; is in co-ed soccer, basketball and softball. Athletic and smart. Wants to be a marine biologist to understand life under the sea and could talk about it for hours. The person who would drag you from your depression hole after finals season. In 4th year but knows people of all ages. So nice; you miss them when they graduate. 

Sasha: Environmental science major. Loves nature and is part of a hiking club. Smokes weed and makes the most delicious sandwiches ever. Always hanging out with Jean and Connie, loves playing smash bros. Gets along with absolutely everyone and is invited to everything because she’s the most fun. Is so good at beer pong and always wins tournaments. She has the craziest stories. Gives u a sweater for no reason, she’s just the type to do it. Goes on runs every day and has a dog at home that she misses soooo much. Comes back from winter break and gives everyone cookies. Not really the type to date but everyone has a crush on her. Sends the funniest memes to the group chat. FaceTimes you with a wild story while she’s walking across campus. Always has snacks in her dorm room. 

Erwin: Law student that has a degree in political science. Active member of the student society and always trying to get better food in the dining hall. Is your tutor and is sooooo nice. Gives u advice on how to make it through university. You could ask him any question and he would be able to help you. Likes to read. Him and Armin are your late night library friends. Loves to talk about deep random scenarios with you. Drinks black coffee and he’s muscular but you’ve never seen him eat. Is too busy trying to network in the legal field to go out to parties, but when he does he’s always the most popular person there. Used to be an athlete but doesn't really talk about it. Would walk you home from a bar to make sure you get home safe. Has no tolerance for bullshit and is ruthless to mean people; you’re happy that he is your friend. Would send you book recommendations to read over the summer. Plays chess with Levi. 

Mikasa: Her major is undecided. You meet her at the gym. She always works out late and is seemingly only ever studying or doing her daily circuit. Isn’t outgoing but is nice when approached. Not really into parties or big events but will come out for dinner or go on a walk with you after class. Her boyfriend is the president of the frat and they couldn’t be more different but she still loves him and says that he is a sweetie with her. Loves it when pet-a-dog day comes around. Enjoys spending time in the women’s centre on campus. She tells every girl that she meets that if they ever need help they can call her and she means it. The frat guys are terrified of her. Has an instagram with two pictures and they’re both of flowers. Likes collecting tiny figurines. Plans self-defence classes for the girls. 

Reiner: Bruh Reiner is 100% that transfer kid who still wears his old universities hoodie EVERY DAY. History major and way too into WWII. Likes to read for fun. Loves bears and will send you the cutest tiktoks. Look like he could kill you - is a cinnamon roll. Sad boy energy and loves to watch rom-coms. Listens to emo music and Kpop while he's working out. He knows where the best lookouts are. Likes older women lol. He loves going for all you can eat wings. Will have the highest grades in the class but never seem to actually study. Wants to be a teacher. Likes painting nice little pictures. Does yoga. 

Armin: Another day-one friend. You meet him in your math class and the two of you get through it together. He is kind and always remembers stories that you tell him. Loves going to arcade bars and doing anything that involves a challenge. Engineering student. Loves to solve riddles and play Zelda. Watches the planet earth series and sends you facts that he learns about animals. Knows when the next meteor shower is happening and will drive the friend group out to go stargazing. Is doing a study abroad in a different country so that he can learn a new language and see things from a different perspective. Despite being more shy and reserved, he is an absolute riot when drunk and makes everyone dance with him. He always brings the best snacks to late night study sessions.

Zeke: Philosophy major and literally will take whatever side of the argument Levi is against. Fighting with strangers on twitter and believes his opinion is always right. Will give you his opinion about your life even if you don’t ask for it. TA’s a class and is ridiculously hard on everyone when he’s grading papers. Hot and popular but emotionally unavailable because of his daddy issues. Wants his PHD mostly just to flex lol. Is on the baseball team and is always fidgeting with his hands. Has expensive taste in food and likes craft beer and nice wine. Has broad knowledge but its not deep. Wears boujie clothes and has a nice backpack. Prefers backpacking over staying in hotels because he thinks it is more ‘authentic’. Can speak multiple languages. Loves writing silly notes on your papers. Says that he is too good for the frats but still is there with Eren and Floch every Friday night lol. 

[risingsuntarot]

1--2

3

What are you currently not seeing ?

My lord I'm so sorry I've been gone for so long I kinda jus felt so unmotivated and kinda went hermit mode for quite a while so I apologize for my absence!! Anyways I wanted to make a come back with a reading regarding being trapped, blinded or stuck on something that is unfortunately, hindering your process ;+(

Also * will indicate a reversal from here on out also only three piles because I wanted to get this out ASAP !!

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Pile 1

---Cards pulled---

5 of Coins/4 of Wands*/The magician

3 of coins*/The Moon

---Clarification---

9 of coins/9 of Swords/The hierophant

Ace of wands/3 of wands

There is most likely a financial or material issue happening, I heard "just enough to get by"

It looks like you lack in what you currently need as well? But despite this you are content or try to come off that way

Maybe you just moved into your own apartment recently? Or now have to pay rent or something along those lines

A new responsibility within your family/home life too

There's a lack of confidence here especially within self and home life

Something or someone in your home isn't making you feel quite safe? Or you get nightmares about them (if this is the case please seek help!!) that might be a very specific message BUT Could also be ready as you may be dealing with flashbacks at this time due to financial or material loss !! Maybe you grew up in poverty or an unstable home? Or your parents/caregivers weren't able to provide necessities?

It looks like with the magician and the hierophant there is a gift on the horizon or a very promising belief or like system? Maybe a change in routine or spending habits and thinking will help tremendously

I see that on your end for some your guides are frustrated with your lack of effort and motivation to make your thousands of ideas a reality

They absolutely love your creativity tho don't get me wrong

Maybe you have a hard time focusing right now and have many great ideas to put into place but lack motivation or resources as well so this leads to lack of movement or commitment

Sadness, restless emotions and late sleepless nights are prominent here, someone may deal with insomnia here but y'all sleep schedule is wack (same tho)

Feeling blocked and frustrated >:+(

---ORACLE/ADVICE---

Summer - "Bask in Joy and Light"

"Rise up, open your wings and shine. Bring your projects and plans into into the light, into manifestation" as soon as I opened the guidebook lil

DEADASS do that's just that, start off easy with a lobes hobby, draw something new or listen to a new genre, learn that new music sheet that has been challenging you or even get into a new type of skill to re motivate you !!

This also indicates summer may be your time of change!! New opportunities, new memories maybe even knew people

I feel like this is the perfect time to go outside, bask in sunlight and enjoy a nearby park or go on a nature hike, try meeting new people at libraries, bars or events even book clubs?

I'm getting a message to connect more with water so swimming or maybe even kayaking?

The big message here is try something n e w but I'm also being told to "loosen up" I'm tensing up a lot with this reading

Bumble bees maybe significant to someone :+) or honeycombs cereal? Lmao honey and bee related things here

---Channeled Songs---

Ego brain - SOAD

"You see my pain is real

Watch my world dissolve

And pretend that none of us see the fall

As I turned to sand

You took me by the hand

And declared, that love prevails over all"

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Pile 2

---Cards pulled---

Temperance/9 of Wands/Ace of cups*

Knight of Coins/6 of Wands

---Clarification---

5 of Coins/The Lovers*/8 of Coins

The Moon/Queen of Wands

Okay so there's a sense for reluctance from this pile tbh like to fully acknowledge the truth

I keep wanting to say what happened so you may be being asked this question a lot

For one there is guilt over either healing and moving on or from not healing and moving on from a difficult situation but for most it's a romantic connection

I feel like voices were silenced, and you were constantly fighting for you right to be heard, seen or acknowledged fairly

It was a toxic dynamic that you still look back on to this day but almost feel indifferent but it seems it's just suppressed emotions and memories that you have yet to actually acknowledge

You seem to be a BIT too logical with what happened, like everything was supposed to be this way even this you didn't at all anticipate it if that makes sense

Like you knew what it was exactly, no bs and people tried convincing you otherwise

It looks like someone may come to you to talk about what happened although you may be reluctant to actually open up and speak on your side or even acknowledge that it hurts

It's like you go on about your day with a heavy rain cloud over your head and this person can see :+(

it maybe a friend to help you through this for some possibly offering you a type of hype sesh or even help you glow up a bit even if it's confidence lol

---ORACLE/ADVICE---

Wolf- "Take care of your needs"

I feel like you definitely need rest here, this card says "Do everything you need to do to be at your best, Then move beyond your fears and limitations"

it feels like a state of I can FINALLY get some rest from running and running and running

You've been in survival mode for so long or you just genuinely feel exhausted from the expectations around you or the trauma in your past

Know that's it's okay to just chill out and it's okay to be on your own for a while it's all part of the process, in fact I believe your guides are asking you to spend time with yourself more

Self care and YouTube days are recommend :+))

---Channeled Songs---

Around the fur - Deftones

"Please don't fuck around and die like this

'Cause I love her"

Brand new numb - Motionless in white

"All of my flaws, I wear 'em with honor

A purple heartbreak for all we've suffered"

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Pile 3

---Cards pulled---

The Hierophant*/King of cups/4 of Swords

Wheel of fortune/5 of wands*

---Clarification---

Ace of Swords*/5 of Swords/Queen of Coins

The Hermit*/Queen of Cups

This may be a more masculine in terms of energy for this pile but I'll still read the same

So it seems there was a hypocrisy or an act that went against your morals and you were quick to act and deliver your opinion... "sharply"

You stood your ground and what you believed in in your heart despite the haters lol, and despite the arguments or how many people you had to leave behind something about conflict here

Although the way you did this was quite nonchalantly and someone was not a fan I'm picking up on black hair and green for the description for some reason

This person tends to be the center of attention? Or is very attractive, or maybe even a bit out of place almost ? But you not caring is pissing them off

I see there's gonna be change to the situation but someone may have to trail off onto their own path :+( a bit shunned almost but it's a high probability it's this other person

It's possible someone with the same morals and values as you is helping the conflict "die out" but not caring or almost standing in solidarity

---ORACLE/ADVICE---

High Priest - "Intend and Create"

"Recognize you have the power to change you life. Face your fear and align with the light"

Kind of a plain message but with this card I am getting that you can literally move anyway you want with this and just move on

It seems your intentions were nothing but pure in the end so no Karma was ever delivered to you

How unfortunate for the other person :+pp

It also seems some may follow in your path a bit here but spirits asking you to reach out to someone like a teacher for further guidance if you feel stuck

---Channeled Songs---

Riptide - Grandson

"I've tried getting better, did all of the twelve steps

Whoever would'a thought? Whoever could've guessed?"

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[fullstcp]

Bandstand: The Musical Sentence Starters

JUST LIKE IT WAS BEFORE

"Where does it arrive?"

"I need that cover."

"Grenade on my go."

"Mom has baked her special apple pie."

"Before you know it, it'll be just like it was before."

"The band is tuning up to play your favorite song."

"There are endless carefree days in store."

"It's like they popped a cork, the clubs are full again."

"Grab your sweetheart tight and take the floor."

"How long you been back?"

"Something'll turn up."

"The cream always rises to the top, kid."

"It's been far too long."

"It's good to have you back."

"Wanna cut a rug with me?"

"The life we left has been here waiting."

"Isn't that worth celebrating?"

"Shit, that must've been holy hell."

"I need a shot of whiskey. All's I got's an empty flask."

"We're on a winning streak and it will stay that way."

"Any bad news you can just ignore."

"Whole town's giving me the same run around."

"That's what they tell me."

"Why not believe it?"

"They want illusion and they achieve it."

"We all relive the past and never wanna leave it."

"The world is ending and we're pretending it'll be just like it was before."

DONNY NOVITSKI

"Come and get your prize."

"The trick is the delivery."

"The difference that I have is, I was there."

"All of that promise and none of the payoff."

"They say cream rises, but what if nobody tastes it?"

"I'm finally looking at one little crack in the door."

"This is a lifeline. A once a millennium shot."

"I need something to block out the memories and break this insomnia spell."

"Make it all worth it and give it a meaning."

"We're gonna win first prize."

I KNOW A GUY

"It's radio, what does it matter?"

"If we win, we get to be in the movies."

"I'll take my chances."

"Meet me at the Rio Lounge tomorrow night."

"We're ready to open."

"What wind blew you hither?"

"I'll tickle your catastrophe."

"I hope that means you're in."

"Is it happening?"

"I think it's really happening."

AIN'T WE PROUD

"Never guessed you'd be a hero."

"You'll forgive me for bragging a bit out loud."

WHO I WAS

"I just want to know what happened."

"What do you think that will get you?"

"You know what I want even more is to be just who I was before."

"It's a distinction that's redefining my whole life. Well, it feels like it does."

"I feel guilty because there are days where I just want to be who I was."

"I'm not saying I'd trade the life that I had with you for a minute."

"That was once in a lifetime love and I know I was lucky to win it."

"There is nothing remotely heroic about it."

"All the details of who I am, made irrelevant with one single telegram."

"That's what widowhood does."

"There are days where I just want to be momentarily free and happily who I was."

JUST LIKE IT WAS BEFORE (REPRISE)

"I think your dress looks great, as I am sure he'll/she'll/they'll say."

"I know it's not a date, so don't you look at me that way."

"You just deserve a break from staying home with me all day."

FIRST STEPS FIRST

"Dancing's more customary for a soiree."

"Isn't the band sublime?"

"As it happens I'm just in the mood to do a two-step."

"Do step out on the floor with me."

"I'm new here too, you see."

"Might you be charmingly coerced?"

"No need to be so shy."

"Why be all alone when music calls?"

"I have nothing more or less to prove."

"Unless we want a party full of flowers on the walls, someone has to make the very first move."

"Starting is daunting, true."

BREATHE

"Breathe through the end of the phrase."

"Putting up with you is an endurance test."

YOU DESERVE IT

"Go out and have a ball."

"I don't need a reason."

"Have a heck of a time."

"Act like tomorrow ain't gonna come."

"How 'bout a big parade?"

"You paid your dues and we owe it to ya."

"Now you got it made."

"I'm feeling the rush. I'm feeling the high."

"I'm feeling the rules don't apply."

LOVE WILL COME AND FIND ME AGAIN

"Once I thought forever was real."

"I thought my life was ideal."

"I thought that nothing could steal it, you see."

"I learned how wrong I had been, that sometimes dreams can cave in."

"I gave up ever wondering when love will come and find me again."

"It's almost like time has stood still. Like a lifetime iced under a frost."

"I know how much I've lost."

"The more you deny, the more you don't even try. The more the world passes by in a haze."

"Soon, you find you don't even know how many years you let go."

"The chance is wasted in so many ways."

"Lately, I've been thinking it's time to take a look at what I'm doing then."

"Maybe I should be planning for when love will come and find me again."

"Letting go of what might have been and letting something else in. Only then, love will come and find me again."

RIGHT THIS WAY

"We reserved this just for you."

"You've been waiting for this day. It's the least that we can do."

"Let me take your bags my friend."

"You've been carrying those far too long."

"Troubled times are at an end."

"You've arrived at last my friend."

"You've been fighting for far too long."

"I think that we are entitled to travel first class."

"This challenge will be met."

"We'll fight for ourselves now."

"All of the wrongs will be made right this way."

"We've been waiting for this day."

"It's the least that they can do."

"We've arrived at last my friend."

"We've been fighting for far too long."

NOBODY

"Get out of my way."

"Go find yourself someone else to smother."

"Find somebody else who gives a fig what you say."

"Last time I checked you were not my mother."

"You don't have what it takes and you will never reach the top."

THE BOYS ARE BACK

"They're going to New York!"

I GOT A THEORY

"You're better than the average Joe."

"It's time to let the whole world know."

"It's time to tell the world we count."

"Are we onto something here?"

"Nothing's gonna keep us down."

EVERYTHING HAPPENS

"I want to believe everything happens for a reason."

"Any reason as to why is a reason you supply."

"It just happens. Everything happens."

"It's not fate. No great plan. It's not destiny."

"Putting faith in that cliche gives your own free will away."

"You can waste your whole damn life assigning bits of philosophic meaning to the failures and misfortunes intervening."

"I'll tell you what you get. Just a lifetime of regret."

"The only sane response is to adjust. Not to wish it hadn't happened when it must."

"What matters when things happen is what happens after."

WELCOME HOME

"There's so much I didn't see, and I'm so sorry."

"Welcome home, my love."

A BAND IN NEW YORK CITY

"Take the moment in."

"It's the mythic location where they go to make their millions."

"We've got swell accommodations."

"It's the fantasy and we're living it in style."

"I owe you one. No, I owe you two or three."

"That's a hell of a view."

"I won't sleep with all those lights."

"This hotel's got the biggest beds I've ever seen in my life!"

"Just remember, tomorrow's a big day."

"Don't do anything stupid."

"There is only one first time."

THIS IS LIFE

"If we were in an MGM film, we would kiss and walk through that door there."

"If we were in a radio play, we'd admit we're friends but there's more there."

"This is life with the heartache it brings and we know that these things take time."

"I would ask if you'd care to stay."

"I'm wondering if we should play it a different way."

"We could write our on take on it. Or leave well enough alone."

"Shake on it."

"No one planned for a moment like this."

"At least for today, we should probably say goodnight."

THIS IS LIFE (REPRISE)

"We could be blacklisted, or worse."

"We've all been through worse."

"It's a gutsy risk we'll be taking."

"Times like this you hold onto what's real. That's the honest statement we're making."

"I'll march back into battle once more if I'm fighting it for what's true."

"What I feel for you is true."

"No matter how tough it is, no matter how much time it takes, I need to be with you."

"This is life with the craziness of, the reality of, the necessity of being madly in love with you."

WELCOME HOME (FINALE)

"I stand here trying with my private burden of grief to carry."

"You do your best, trying to pretend that what you don't talk about won't matter in the end."

"You don't sleep because the nightmares come."

"You want an answer, you look for absolution. And I'd give up anything if I could give you some."

"I stand here helpless, with my arms extended, knowing full well, darling, your war's not ended."

[thenarddogmeister]

Fight Club. Dir David Fincher. (1999)

I re-watched this film a couple of days ago and I want it to be my first review of 2024.

Firstly, I love the aesthetics and the ideologies in this film, I think they both support each other to make a very interesting film, that has a lot to say. I love how generically ordered the Narrator's apartment is to showcase his obsessive and meaningless consumerism and the juxtaposition presented to us when we see Tyler's place - a dilapidated ruin of a house. This house is dirty and disrepaired and contains no furniture, a complete reversal of the Narrator's apartment. These battling aesthetics show us the polarising lifestyles regarding consumerism - complicitly giving in to it or radically opposing it. I think Fincher wants us to see that both lifestyles have their flaws. Many people confuse Tyler to be the aspirational man but the dirty aesthetic and his destructive acts negate this idea.

I love the metaphor used through the Narrator having insomnia. "Woke" has become a popular term to refer to progressive qualities and being socially or politically aware so I think the Narrator's insomnia is a signifier for him being painfully (he is miserable due to his lack of sleep) aware. Moreover, he says a line about insomnia stating that when you're affected by it "everything is a copy of a copy." This almost resembles Baudrillard's theory, which implies we live in a post-modern world where everything (down to the products we consume) are just copies of earlier things. The Narrator's awareness of this makes him utterly miserable, which can be relatable even more so in 2024 due to the rise of social media, which thrives in incessant advertising and inevitable regurgitation.

Brad Pitt's character is a symbol for chaos and pure destruction - what would happen if we opposed the system too radically. We see this pure destruction in his action but also in the way he breaks normal rules surrounding films. He breaks the 4th wall by appearing in ironic flashes during frames (a reference to what he does working as a projectionist), he also breaks the 4th wall in lines of dialogue such as "flashback humour" which makes us aware that, yes, the joke is funny because it uses a flashback. This destruction of traditional film immersion also alludes to his over-awareness and "wokeness" as even as a character in the film, he is extra aware of what is happening. After all, he's the one that confirms the Narrator was Tyler all along. Brad Pitt's character represents the opposite side of the capitalistic spectrum and whilst he is used as a useful mouth piece to share valid criticisms of capitalism and consumerism, his level of demolition is obviously not aspiration as it's depicted as grimy, upsetting (Bob's unnecessary death) and chaotic.

And obviously, I absolutely love that last shot where the Pixies begin to play and the bombs (the most iconic symbol of destruction there is) begin to blow. The window separates him from Martha and he is trapped and alone - perhaps ultimate destruction is just as imprisoning as capitalism. He's just one man, who has caused all this wreckage, and was it worth it? I don't think so but I guess it's up to the audience.

[mjm5655]

@crackshotsnapshot liked for a starter ( semi-plotted )

majima was leant against the back wall of one of his many clubs in insomnia, enjoying a smoke, whilst kind of enjoying the show in front of him ; yuki was making a lot of effort tonight, majima could tell she's been practicing, probably attended some of the pole dancing classes he advised she did. club rise was a really popular pole dancing club, so many came to see his girls pole dance, they remained clothed, but it was quite the appealing experience for anyone who came to watch, strictly eighteen & over of course.

yuki was one of his newer girls, but she'll definitely be getting a nice bonus tonight, she had improved quite a bit since she started. there was one small problem however, majima could have sworn he saw small flashes, he could even see yuki blinking a couple of times from them. this club was strictly no cameras allowed, media included, it allowed the girl their privacy to make some extra money where it was needed without fearing their little side gig being discovered.

he looked around to see where the sources of the flashes was coming from, & saw someone who was sat around the front with a coat over their head, obviously trying to hide the fact he had a camera & was taking pictures of yuki. majima drew out his portable ashtray, putting his cigarette out as he walked over to the culprit.

as swiftly as possible, majima grabbed the coat to reveal a blonde man underneath, grabbing onto his arm, majima managed to pull him up, & started dragging him out. he had to be thankful that yuki was putting on such a good show that no one hardly noticed, & yuki knew to keep the show going.

he finally got the young man out into the entrance hall, & stared down hard at him, debating whether he should snatch that camera right out of his hands, & smash it, but he tried his best to keep his anger at bay. he'll talk this out. he signalled to his men to surround the young man so that he won't take a dash for it.

❝ not able to read the signs ? no cameras are allowed in this club ! ❞

pointing to one of the signs that were on the doors to the room they just exited, they weren't only there, but there was various, there was even one on their outside door ! whether this kid was doing this as part of a dare or he just didn't care about the signs, & thought he could get away with it.

❝ i'll give ya a warnin', delete the pictures that ya took of yuki, or that camera will get smashed on this damn floor right now ! ❞

he made sure to yell the last words out, he wanted, & needed to sound as intimidating as possible, it had to have worked as even some of his own men flinched.

[srvrishabh]

How Mental health has deteriorated in the current financial situation

“I am bent, but not broken. I am scarred, but not disfigured. I am sad, but not hopeless. I am tired, but not powerless. I am angry, but not bitter. I am depressed, but not giving up.” — Unknown

The cost-of-living crisis is wreaking havoc on individuals’ finances, causing mental health to deteriorate as people are concerned with how they will make ends meet and have no choice but to cut back on activities that positively impact them their mental health and therapy sessions. According to a BACP article, a survey carried out on 2,983 of their members revealed that 66% of therapists state that the cost of living significantly impacts mental health.

The findings of the survey also revealed that six in 10 (61%) therapists reported that their clients are concerned about whether they will be able to cover the costs of bills. The research also outlines some of the mental health problems which have been aggravated by the increased cost of living calamity, such as insomnia, in which 52% of therapists stated that clients were having sleepless nights because of financial woes.

The study also uncovered that 49% of clients say they are making cutbacks on activities that increase their mental well-being such as gym and sports club memberships. In addition, 60% of therapists have noted that clients are also cutting back costs on therapy sessions because of money concerns and 47% of therapists have revealed that clients are cutting back by cancelling or pausing sessions because of a continuous strain on their finances.

The money and mental health policy institute also surveyed nearly 300 members within the Research Community. In January 2022, the effect of increasing energy expenses was explored through a thorough assessment. Most partakers in the survey said that they made amendments to their daily living arrangements because of the rising energy expenses, and 81% said they trimmed down their energy usage.

A further survey was conducted in May with inflation continuing to rise and energy costs continuing to mount, the impact on people’s finances was further tightened and found that 46% of respondents had deducted the number of meals they ate a day. And 20% had failed to maintain payments for a bill.

Research has also shown that among those struggling the most the households with the lowest salaries are struggling to keep afloat the most because of the cost-of-living crisis, as 7.2 million are unable to afford even essentials and 4.7 million are unable to keep up with bills. Because of this 2.9 million households have found themselves at their wit’s end and turned to high-cost credit loans, including loan sharks, payday lenders, doorstep lenders, or pawn shops, half of which are in arrears.

In addition, 75% of households earning less than £26,570 are going without crucial necessities such as food and toiletries. Figures also showed that more than seven million households are going hungry by reducing meal sizes, skipping meals altogether, or not showering and using inadequate clothing.

Around 4.7 million are in arrears with a minimum of 1 household expense, which is a staggering increase compared to before the pandemic, which is almost three times higher now, plus the typical level of debt continues to be more than £1,600.

On the other hand, research conducted by the Office for National Statistics (ONS) explored the impact Covid-19 had on mental health, finances and everyday life, and found that people were still being negatively impacted by the COVID-19 pandemic in the run-up to April 2021, for instance, those who were self-employed were three times more likely to state that they had seen a deduction in salary and were also twice as more likely to rely on savings to pay for essentials compared to employees.

ONS also found that individuals within the lowest salary bracket, which is up to £10,000 per year, were more likely to state the challenging impacts this had on personal well-being compared to those in higher pay brackets, such as the pandemic amplifying their mental health (18%) and 32% reporting feelings of stress and anxiety.

In addition, individuals in the highest income brackets paid up to a maximum of £40,000 or more, were still more likely to report that the coronavirus pandemic had a damaging effect on their work, this group was also 6 times more likely to state that the pandemic had caused a deterioration in their professional relationships with colleagues, and those employed were two times more likely to find working remotely a challenge than individuals in the lower salary pay bracket.

The findings also unveiled that parents who were employed were less likely to be laid off since the start of 2021, which was not the case during the first phase of the lockdown, however, employed parents were more likely to reveal a reduced salary than those who were not parents, however despite the financial constraints parents sustained a verdict of feeling less lonely and reported better scores of feeling that they were conducting a worthwhile life.

Moreover, a consistent pattern emerged among those aged under 30 revealing that their wages had decreased in payment (15%) and those aged over 60 years (5%); nevertheless, there was a higher percentage of those under 30 years who stated they could save for the year ahead (50%) compared to older age groups (39%).

The perspectives on salaries and saving also seemed to vary; for instance, individuals with the youngest age group were not as financially robust as older groups, as 47% of those under 30 revealed they could pay for unforeseen expenses compared to 71% of those aged 60 and over, although more of the under 30s reported being able to save for the upcoming year.

The research conducted by ONS and other organisations such as BACP all found a significant link between mental health and financial constraints; people have been greatly impacted on an economic and emotional level. The fact that people must go without food, essentials and other activities that benefit their mental health because of financial limitations is deeply concerning as all these factors put a bigger strain on people’s well-being.

Although the government has introduced schemes such as an Energy support scheme for most households to help with rising energy costs, this is a temporary solution expected to be in effect until March 2023. The government also introduced the energy price guarantee which limits the amount suppliers can charge their suppliers until March 2023. However, despite the support available, many households still struggle to make ends meet.

The money and policy institute proposed that the government introduce measures such as making Universal Credit and other support schemes easier to access. And permitting recipients of benefits to seeking support from friends or family to manage their benefits.

They also propose that firms are more considerate when sending letters, emails and phone calls to those in debt by being more supportive. They also believe that regulators should be held responsible when taking the steps mentioned and impose severe penalties on companies that disregard vulnerable customers.

[thedjmusic]

Beatport New Tracks 2022-10-16

DOWNLOAD: https://thedjmusic.com/music/beatport_new_tracks_2022_10_160

DATA: 2022-10-17 TOTAL: 220 GENRE: Big Room / Future Rave, Dance / Electro Pop, Electro House, Future House, Progressive House, Melodic House & Techno, House, Funky House, Bass House, Dubstep, Drum & Bass, Trap / Wave Future Bass, Electronica

ALOTT - Insomnia (Extended Mix)

ARTBAT, David Guetta, Idris Elba - It's Ours (Original Mix)

AZEL, MUERTE - Keres (Original Mix)

Aazar, Badjokes - Freak (Original Mix)

Aexcit, Infinity - Don't Even Think About It (Original Mix)

Afrojack Presents NLW, Dr Phunk - Party Girl (Extended Mix)

Alesso, SICK INDIVIDUALS - We Go Out (Extended Mix)

Aliii, Doppelgangerz - Stronger (Extended Mix)

Armin Van Buuren, Simon Ward - Hey (I Miss You) (Extended Mix)

Asteroid Afterparty - Blue Sun (Original Mix)

Avany - No Games (Original Mix)

Azzip - Good To Me (Extended Mix)

BCMP - Sleep Walking (Original Mix)

BISHU - MISS U (Original Mix)

Badflite - Blue (Original Mix)

Berox, R3burned - Backlash (So What) (Extended Mix)

Bingo Players - Supersized (Extended Mix)

Blasterjaxx - He's A Pirate (Extended Mix)

Blastoyz, Aquatica - Colosseum (Extended Mix)

Block & Crown - Cold As Ice (Original Mix)

Block & Crown, Maickel Telussa - Flash Dancer (Original Mix)

Block & Crown, Maickel Telussa, Lissat - Reflex (Original Mix)

Bolier - Never Wanna Let Go (Extended)

Brett Allen - Greatest Track Ever Made (Extended Mix)

Brod-Sky - Sweet Escape (Extended Mix)

CORTR - Ascent (Original Mix)

Calippo - Speed Of Light (Extended Mix)

Cammora, Gregorio, Lazarusman - Peace (Extended Mix)

Catz 'n Dogz, Myst Milano - Feed My Hunger (No Shade) (Club Mix)

Chapter & Verse - So Right (Extended Mix)

Chasner - Bounce Rave (Extended Mix)

Chris Lorenzo, COBRAH - MAMI (AC Slater Remix)

Chris Lorenzo, COBRAH - MAMI (Lucati Remix)

Chris Rockford, Phil Dinner - Let The Music Play (Original Mix)

Colin Crooks, Sledge, Scarlett - Never Good Enough (Extended Mix)

Crazibiza - Sunshine Day (House Of Prayers Remix)

Croatia Squad - Majestic (Ride Or Die) (Extended Mix)

DDD - Clockwork Reason (Original Mix)

DJ Hanzel, Dillon Francis - Talkin (Original Mix)

DLR - Like This (Original Mix)

DLR - Roll With It (Original Mix)

DV!DE, Verox - More Than Life (Original Mix)

Dabow - NU $HIT (Original Mix)

Darius & Finlay, Highup, Maikki - Face Melt (Extended Mix)

Darkzy - Go (Original Mix)

Decimate - Numb Nut (Original Mix)

Decimate - Purple Saloon (Original Mix)

Decimate - Wind Storm (Original Mix)

Decimate, Blankface - Calypso (Original Mix)

Deerock, Taye - I Remember (Extended Mix)

Demmo - Rising (Extended Mix)

Dennmak, DICLA - Smooth Operator (Original Mix)

Dimitri Vegas & Like Mike, Age Of Love, Vini Vici - Age Of Love (2022 Extended Remix)

Dirty Brothers, Broken Bass - Summer Day (Original Mix)

Drak - The Feeling (Original Mix)

DubVision, Robbie Rosen - Stitch You Up (Original Mix)

EDX - Conundrum (Extended Mix)

Ekko City, Movada, Mokita - Move On (Extended Mix)

Enei - The Hammer (Original Mix)

Exile, DJ Hybrid - Be Mine (Original Mix)

Eyezic, PLEEG - Good For Nothing (Original Mix)

FOVOS - Feel The Rhythm (Extended Mix)

FOVOS - My Real Desire (Extended Mix)

Federico Scavo, Moya - Set Me On Fire (Extended Mix)

Forty Cats, Arentis - The Lost Ancient Charm (Club Mix)

Forty Cats, Arentis - Zen (Extended Mix)

G Jones - Operator (Original Mix)

G Jones, Eprom - R.A.V.E. (Original Mix)

GLAAS - Love Me (Original Mix)

GLAAS - Trippin On Acid (Original Mix)

Gabry Ponte, Sash! - Never Be Alone (Extended Mix)

Ghostbusterz - Sara (Original Mix)

Ghostbusterz, Jesus Davila - Baila (Original Mix)

Going Quantum, Hayve - Double Tap (Original Mix)

Gorbunoff - Red Light (Extended Mix)

Graphyt - Basics (Original Mix)

Graphyt - Blast (Original Mix)

Graphyt - Day Dream (Original Mix)

Graphyt - Ravolution (Original Mix)

H3NRY - Lullaby (Original Mix)

HALIENE - Reach Across The Sky (DVRKCLOUD Remix)

Honey & Badger - Phone Call (Original Mix)

Honey & Badger - Way Back (Original Mix)

Hugel, Jude & Frank, Paolo Pelligrino, Martina Camargo - Rio Rio (Extended Mix)

Hugo Cantarra, Ben Malone, Jodie Knight - Out Of Time (Extended Mix)

Hurricane Season - End Of The Night (Original Mix)

Ilan Bluestone, BT, Caitlin Charters - Run (Extended Mix)

James Carter, Punctual, RBZ - Body Language (Original Mix)

James Hutchinson - Your Movements (Original Mix)

James Hype, Tita Lau - B2B (Extended Mix)

Jasted - Nightmares (Extended Mix)

Jimi Jules - My City's On Fire (Tiësto Extended Remix)

Joel Macintosh - All Evil (Extended Mix)

Joris Voorn, Underworld - Too Little Too Late (Little Late Mix)

Justin Prime, Voster & Gallardo, Joe Mann - Lost & Found (Original Mix)

K Theory - Boundaries (Original Mix)

K Theory - Boundaries (Trap VIP Mix)

KYANU, Marc Korn, NOISETIME - High On Life (Marc Blou Remix)

KYANU, Marc Korn, NOISETIME - High On Life (Original Mix)

Kaskade, deadmau5, Kx5, The Moth & The Flame - Alive (Extended Mix Beatport Exclusive)

Kery - MYSTERIA (Extended Mix)

Kodat - I Think I Love You (Extended Mix)

Kroshwell, Jall Korveng - Dystopia 2099 (Extended Mix)

Kryder, Tom Staar - Pineapples (Extended Mix)

Leah Culver - October (Original Mix)

Luca Debonaire, Maickel Telussa, Christopher Nox, Soulsistah - Why Tell Me Why (Extended Mix)

Lucas & Steve - Rage (Extended Mix)

Lupa - Feel You (Beside Me) (Original Mix)

Maddix - Heute Nacht (Extended Mix)

Maickel Telussa - Back To Me (Original Mix)

MAKJ, Carta - One Night (Extended Mix)

MOTi, Romer T. - Bitch Don't Call Me Up (Original Mix)

MOTi, Romer T. - Not Your Enemy (Original Mix)

MOTi, Romer T. - Play (Original Mix)

MOTi, Romer T. - Play (Romer T. Remix)

MUST DIE! - KEEP U SAFE (Original Mix)

Maksjaxx - Eclipse (Original Mix)

Mango - Skyline (Extended Mix)

Manse, Elitegence, Sarah De Warren - Run (Original Mix)

Mari Sugaware - Your Soul (Extended Mix)

Martin Sæthren - Love Me Too (Extended Mix)

Maryn - Epos (Extended Mix)

Max Styler, Notelle - Move My Feet (Extended Mix)

Mike Williams, Robbie Mendez - Ambush (Extended Mix)

Modestep, Automhate - Ride Or Die (Original Mix)

Modestep, Dr. Ushūu - Diamonds (Original Mix)

Modestep, Jiqui - Space Invader (Original Mix)

Modestep, Nosphere - WTFU (Original Mix)

Modestep, Oddprophet - Far From Blind (Original Mix)

NGHTMRE, IDK - Trials (NGHTMRE & SPACE LACES CLUB MIX)

NGHTMRE, IDK - Trials (Original Mix)

NIIKO X SWAE, Allie Crystal - Nothing On Earth (Extended Mix)

Nari, Sandro Puddu - I Got My Money (Original Mix)

Nari, Steve Tosi - Make The World Go Round (Original Mix)

Neptunica, Martin Trevy, Paul Schulze, Katy Alex - Under The Night (Original Mix)

Nicky Romero - Myriad (Extended Mix)

Nicky Romero - Techtronic (Extended Mix)

Notixx - Floored (Original Mix)

Notixx - Golden (Original Mix)

Notixx - Need Your Love (Original Mix)

Notixx - On The Horizon (Original Mix)

Notixx - Satellite (Original Mix)

Notixx - Style (Original Mix)

OBS, Isi Glück, Madmess - Bock (Original Mix)

Öwnboss, FAST BOY - Left & Right (Extended Mix)

Phocust, Ipsiom - Vessel (ESAI Remix)

Plastic Robots - Must To Be Like This (Extended Mix)

Plastic Robots - System Check (Extended Mix)

Plastic Robots - The Secret (Extended Mix)

Qlank - Outta Nothing (Original Mix)

Qlank - Submarine (Original Mix)

Qlank - The Count (Original Mix)

Quix, Savage - CREW (Original Mix)

RETNA (UK) - Can You Move To The Beat (Extended Mix)

Reality Test, Gproject - The Hook (Original Mix)

Reblok - Fuego (Original Mix)

RemK - 2 Of Us! (Original Mix)

RemK - Daydreaming! (Original Mix)

RemK - Intro4ever (Original Mix)

RemK - Take Your Time (Original Mix)

RemK - Together4ever (Original Mix)

RemK - Want To (Original Mix)

RemK - Your Vibe (Original Mix)

Renato S, Naems, Roy Orion, Richie Loop - Welcome 2 The Jungle (Extended Mix)

Riot Ten, Kuhlosul - Check This (Original Mix)

Rogers & Dean, Amvis - Bloodpressure (Original Mix)

Roxe - Cubano (Extended Mix)

RubySnake - The Night Rave (Original Mix)

Rush & Hydro, Zheno - Finally (Extended Mix)

SWAYLÓ - Lions Den (Original Mix)

SaberZ - No Angels (Extended Mix)

Sabre - Space Invaders (Original Mix)

Sergey Lagutin - Jasper (Extended Mix)

Serum - Chop House (VIP)

Showtek, Lockdown - In My Soul (Extended Mix)

Sick Boys - COMEBACK (Original Mix)

Sick Boys - ON YOUR OWN (Original Mix)

Sick Boys - TEMPLE OF SINS (Original Mix)

Sick Boys - TIME'S RUNNIN (Original Mix)

Smacker - Ritmo (Original Mix)

Something Good - Rhythm (Of The Night) (Extended Mix)

Somnium Sound - forgotten (Original Mix)

Sonick - TEST (Original Mix)

Sora - The Pit (Original Mix)

Spag Heddy, Viperactive - Invane (Original Mix)

Spence, Daisy Upstell - Open Up (Original Mix)

Star Seed, Luma - How To Let Go (Original Mix)

Steff Da Campo, SLVR - PAPASITO (Extended Mix)

Stereo Express - Monfrague (Extended Version)

Stev Dive - Like Nobody (Original Mix)

Stoned Level, Izzy Vadim - Shinobi (Original Mix)

Synergy - Aurora (Original Mix)

Synergy, Lauren L'aimant - Where You Belong (Original Mix)

Syperx - My Heart (Extended Mix)

TROYMER - Pretty (Original Mix)

Terry Lex, Sean Finn, Tony T. - Zookey (Laurent Simeca Extended Remix)

Timmy Trumpet, Arrow, Rave Republic - Ole Ole (Extended Mix)

Timofey, Gregor Potter, Nomeli - Sweet Dreams (Extended Mix)

Timothy Allen - Hold Me (Extended Mix)

Tisoki - No Rules (Original Mix)

Tom & Collins, Cumbiafrica - Se Va (Original Mix)

Total Science - It's Not Over (Zero T Remix)

Tough Love - Jacking (Extended Mix)

Trex, Philth - Cloud Riddim (Original Mix)

Trex, Philth - Shadow Dwellers (Original Mix)

Tritonal, Eric Lumiere - Live In The Sky (Original Mix)

Tritonal, Eric Lumiere - Live In The Sky (Steve Brian Extended Remix)

Tuff London, Lisa Rudy - Hold On (Extended Mix)

Valmonte - Shake That Ass (Extended Mix)

Vivid - Hypnotized (Extended Mix)

Waxel, Fedo, Max Landry - Dreaming (Extended Mix)

WhoMadeWho, Rampa - Everyday (Jennifer Cardini Remix)

Will Sparks, Shortround - Pills (Deborah De Luca Remix)

XYLØ - unamerican beauty (HXVRMXN Remix)

XYLØ - unamerican beauty (Original Mix)

Yan Solo, Apple Gule - Eyes (Extended Mix)

Yula - Collide (Original Mix)

ZEVY, kill k3nny - Hometown (Original Mix)

Zack Martino, Jordan Grace - Fade Away (Extended Mix)

Ørjan Nilsen, Tasadi, Maria Mathea - Hung Up (Extended Night Version)

[j0514x]

kpop song prompts pt.1

A + B prompts based on random songs from my sptfy; feel free to reblog & use!

Clockwork - Taemin: every night A is plagued with the memory of B, their deceased lover.

Trigger_ - ONEWE: A is tired of hiding part of themselves for B, and decides to stop.

Accident - WOODZ: A causes an accident that hurts B so severely they leave; B tries to process their feelings for A in the aftermath.

designer - OnlyOneOf: B is interested in A but keeps pulling away when A pursues them. After bumping into each other unintentionally, A takes the opportunity to finally win B over.

FLOW - Monsta X: A is speeding towards a breakdown, frantically trying to keep their life afloat. B comforts them by trying to convince A it's okay to slow down and let life happen.

Cassette - DEMIAN: A reflects on their memories of B, post-break up. A thinks about how quickly they became strangers to each other.

Strangers - The Rose: A held B hostage, but something other than fear keeps B from leaving...

You Make Me Back - Woosung: Following a break-up with B, A finds themselves wandering the streets, unable to get B's voice out of their head.

Lucifer - NOIR: A knows that being with B will lead them down a path that could ruin their life, but A still finds themselves willing to do anything for B.

HANN - (g)I-DLE: When A and B break up, A promises B that there will be nothing for them to return to. Weeks pass and B does return, stunned to see A true to their word, no remnants of feelings left for B.

Insomnia - The Rose: A's partner, B, dies unexpectedly. A's life is torn apart as they blame themselves for not saving B, and for not being able to move on.

Whispers in the Dark - Monsta X: A discovers B has been cheating on them, sleeping with a slew of people for personal gain. A realises that the signs had always been there, even the nights they spent wrapped in each other.

Error - VIXX: When A leaves B, they take everything but B's sorrow. B's world in ruins, unable to let go, all they wish is that A never forgets them.

NSFW UNDER CUT

This is all MX / WH; blame them not me lol

난기류 (Turbulence) - Monsta x: A thinks themselves dominant, especially with B's lips around their cock/clit/etc. B, tired of A's ego, ruins A's display of dominance by reducing them to a babbling mess.

WITH YOU - WONHO: A seduces B at a bar/club, dancing until they're desperate for a room alone. The sun rises before A and B finish fucking each other into oblivion.

U R - Monsta X: A knows B is struggling with things they won't speak about. In attempts to get B to relax, to have a moment just to enjoy something, B wakes with A between their legs.

Monsta Truck - Monsta X: Amidst a car journey, B gets increasingly handsy with A while they drive. A suddenly pulls over, windows fogged, and fucks B senseless in the backseat.

Devil - WONHO: A had presumed B a dom; yet as B pleas to spend the night cockwarming for A, they realise all B wants to do is submit.

[pinkandblueblurbs]

EMILY PRENTISS‼️‼️‼️‼️🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 oh man i’m so bad at requests i just like fluff :p 🙏 IDK MAYBE LIKE nighttime fluff? LIKE dancing under the stars after a long case or something like that 🏃 BYE i literally just love her 🧍‍♂️

this is so cute bby! i hope u enjoy. sorry it’s gonna probably be short af lmao. ily boo 😚😚

Emily Prentiss x GN!reader. Dancing, romance, light insomnia/trouble sleeping, fluff, kissing

word count: 749

You stir slightly from a deep slumber, arm extending to your side in search of the warm form that you’d fallen asleep beside. You’re met with nothing but cool sheets, leading you to raise your head in confusion, eyes flitting around the dark room. It’s lit only by moonlight, and the door to the master bathroom is open, the void interior confusing you further.

You step out of bed, bare feet meeting the cold floor as you make your way out into the hall. You spot faint, warm light bleeding up the stairs, confirming your suspicions as to Emily’s whereabouts. You pad quietly down to the lower floor, following the illumination until you come to the kitchen doorway.

Emily’s form is visible under the hanging light fixture, its glow soft thanks to the dimmer switch, and she’s sitting in a raised stool at the counter as she nurses a cup of tea.

“Couldn’t sleep?” You murmur softly, feeling a pang of guilt when your voice startles her from her thoughts. Upon seeing you her features relax, and a small smile paints her lips as she shakes her head.

“Nah. Too tired to sleep, I guess.” She quips, and you form a smile of your own as you walk over to her. She’s taller than you on the high seat, the perfect height for you to lean your head on her shoulder, which is exactly what you do.

Her body radiates warmth, and her familiar, cozy, subtly floral scent soothes your senses. You turn, pressing a soft, sweet kiss to the side of her face. She smiles a bit wider, but it’s not quite good enough for you. You can still feel how tense she is against your side.

“Em…” you murmur, reaching out to curl your fingers around her hand where it rests on the counter. “C’mere” you pull away from her a bit, gently coaxing her to her feet with a soft tug on her hand

“What?” She eyes you confusedly as she rises, deep brown irises searching yours. You struggle for a moment to not be distracted, taken captive by her beauty.

“Remember our first date? Or first real one.” You murmur, smiling up at her. Amusement flashes in her eyes.

“How could I forget? That guy threw up liquor all over the dance floor, we had to leave the club-“ you roll your eyes, batting softly at her arm as you let out a breathy laugh.

“Do you remember dancing?” You prompt, once again guiding her by her hand towards the sliding glass door leading onto your brick-laid patio. She turns to look at you, the smile that she wears finally nearing its usual width as you open the door.

“Of course I do. How you managed to find a club that played slow music is beyond me-“

“Will you stop” you laugh, stepping out into the brisk night air and pulling her out after you “It was couple’s night, or something- that’s not the point, I’m trying to be sentimental!”

“Right, right, sorry” there’s that grin you love- it’s slightly teasing, now, but it’s broad and genuine, and manifests real joy. You put your arms on her shoulders, and her hands fall naturally to your waist.

“Let’s Fall in Love for the Night started playing,” she nods as you speak, starting to hum the familiar melody, and as her voice meets your ears your heart swells. “and you pulled me in just like this, and we started to sway.”

Your feet move synchronously to the tune Emily hums, bodies swaying together to the soft sound as you both relive the memory. You’re pleased to see she’s still smiling, all teasing undertones gone.

“We both leaned forward, until our foreheads met,” you do so now, her skin warm in contrast to the cool air, “and we just looked at one another.” Her eyes seem to sparkle with the reflection of the stars above, her breath fans over your lips as she continues to hum.

“And then you kissed me.” You tilt your head up, eyes falling shut, and Emily falls silent as your lips connect to hers. She tastes sweet, and a bit floral thanks to the tea, and the movement of her lips and tongue is soft and effortless against your own. You drink one another in, the kiss deep and lingering, and you can feel the very last of her worries melt away into it. Finally she pulls away, pillowy lips glistening and eyes tender. When she speaks her voice is a whisper.

“Thank you.”

[ddarker-dreams]

Exodus. Yan Chrollo x Reader

Warnings: Alcohol mention, implied trauma, and panic attacks.  Word count: 1.6k.

Tonight commemorates an important milestone. 

You don’t know if you’d call this outing a “celebration”, the somberness of your mood presenting a stark contrast to the festive label. Reclaiming authority over your own life shouldn’t have been a necessity in the first place. To take pleasure in having autonomy again feels surreal, invoking a bitterness within you that can never be sated. Nothing serves as a permanent solution in making you feel better. Distractions, all of them, fleeting as the wind that carries you from one city to the next. 

The glass in front of you is empty, your throat burning from finishing it off. It’s late -- around midnight, last time you checked -- you should be heading out by now. Staying in one location longer than necessary is unwise. This prepaid card should have just enough to cover your tab for the night, if you’ve been keeping track properly. The man who’s been chatting you up for the past thirty minutes pauses when he sees you reaching for your wallet. 

“Oh, don’t worry about that,” he chuckles, cheeks flushed from the alcohol. “My treat?” 

It’s a welcome enough invitation. “Ah... if it’s not too much a bother.” 

He shakes his head, and waves the bartender over. “It’s the least I could do. You make for a good conversation partner.” 

Good conversation partner, you think, repeating his words in your mind. Well, it beats some lecherous guy trying to feel me up. I’ll take it. 

“Though, I’ve got to say, are you feeling alright? You look like you’ve been spaced out for a bit. Did you drink too much?” He asks with a frown. It’s true that your head feels hazy, but it’s not debilitating. 

“I’ll be fine,” you respond, stretching your sore muscles. “Thank you for caring.” 

As more people from nearby clubs pour in for a drink, the bar feels more claustrophobic. Various people walk by you at every moment. You and your friendly companion have to move out of the way to make room for the influx of people, even though you’re sitting on barstools. Can’t people bother giving a bit more space? Geez... 

“Alright, just making sure,” he’s been feeling around his pocket for a few seconds now, eyebrows furrowing. “Huh, that’s strange, I could’ve sworn I left my wallet right here...” 

You look at the pocket he’s referring to, recalling how he put his wallet in there after ordering drinks for himself earlier. Before you get the opportunity to offer to help him search, there’s an additional voice behind you. One that instantly submerges your body into a state of unrivaled panic.

“I’ll pay for them.” 

There’s a hand placed on your shoulder. For such a light touch, it carries a heavy weight, your body all but crumbling underneath of it. Your breath catches in the back of your tightening throat. This... this can’t be happening. It’s been months. How is this possible, I took every precaution-- 

“Isn’t that right, [First]?” Chrollo comes into your view, a content smile on his face. The same smile that tells you he knows he’s won. The same smile that seals your fate, closing every door to the future you fought tooth and nail to open up. You don’t trust your voice, not in this petrified state, opting to nod your head once. Wrapping up some unsuspecting stranger in this is the last thing you want to do. Especially as courteous as this person has been to you.  

“Ah, thanks man, I must’ve dropped it somewhere,” he lets out an awkward laugh. From how Chrollo is referring to you with familiarity, he assume he’s your boyfriend. “I’ll head out for now then. It was nice meeting you.” 

“Y-yeah. Nice meeting you too.” You swallow bile that rises in your throat, every muscle in your body going taut. Chrollo takes the seat the stranger had once occupied and eyes you with acute interest. He’s wearing far more casual clothes than usual, bandages covering the peculiar mark on his head. Neither of you make a move. Had it been anyone else, any other person threatening you without so much as uttering a word, you’d be making a scene. 

It isn’t anyone else. You know Chrollo, you know the lengths he’d go to. One wrong move and everyone in here would be reduced to nothing less than a bloodstain on the floor. Playing your cards right is the only option, stalling until a better solution comes into your paralyzed mind. His dark grey eyes are unreadable, piercing straight through you, bringing a sense of dread like no other.

Your hands tighten on your lap, fingernails digging into the skin of your thighs. “How... how long...?” 

Chrollo raises an eyebrow at your quivering voice. “How long what? How long ago I knew the body wasn’t yours, that you’ve been using various forms of false identification, or since I entered this bar?” 

He returns your poorly executed question with a barrage of his own, delivered in an even timbre. Chrollo takes a sip from his own glass at your silence. What is there to say? What is there to do? You’ve been caught, trapped in the spider’s web, any forms of struggle fastening you further into his clutches. Squirming underneath his unrelenting stare feels even worse, but you can’t will yourself to remain calm. You know this is what he wants. To make you feel powerless, taking some form of twisted pleasure in your misery. There’d be a tiniest touch of satisfaction in denying him that, yet you can’t even manage that much. 

“I wanted to observe what you’d do, what lengths you’d go to,” Chrollo explains as he taps the rim of his glass, “Now that you’ve had your fun, I believe it’s time to come home.” 

Fun...? Is that what he’d call it? Having to look over your shoulder whenever you went out for basic supplies, the insomnia that haunted you as you feared you might wake to the sight of him watching over you, cutting off contact with everyone you cared for as you feared the repercussions if he found out? There was no fun in the last few miserable months of your life, only anxiety and lament. It took everything you had to escape from Chrollo once. Seeing the light of that victory extinguished is agonizing. 

Chrollo places a smothering hand atop your shaking one. “Though, I do have to admit that I’m quite... disappointed, with you. There’ll be time to discuss that elsewhere.” 

“What makes you think I’ll come with you?” you snap before you can stop yourself, pulling your hand to your chest in disgust. Chrollo doesn’t bother moving his hand. You both know your lack of power in this situation, how every act like that is nothing but an attempt to make you appear stronger than you are. Never before has his surname felt more fitting than now. 

“The same reason why you haven’t tried doing anything since I showed up,” Chrollo closes his eyes, reflecting. His voice drops to a sinister whisper. “You know what’d happen if you did.” 

There are no hidden strategies up your sleeve. No escape route, counter argument, or clever tricks. Your eyes dart around. There are people from every walk of life gathered here, none the wiser to the threat that looms over like a shadow in the night. College students, long time friends reconnecting, workers relaxing after a long week at the job. To Chrollo, they aren’t meaningful people with lives and ambitions, they’re puppets. His Nen is capable of horrors that you wish you could unsee. 

“In that case... what do I do?” Your body is heavy with the burden of defeat. Shoulders slumping, eyelids drooping, and eyes threatening to overflow with tears. 

Chrollo places some bills onto the countertop, money no doubt gained through the pain of others. “I’m glad you asked. There’s a car outside waiting for us.” 

Of course. This wasn’t a chance encounter, or fate spitting at you in disgust. It was meticulously planned and executed by a man who specializes in the art of thievery. You’d expect no less. Sighing, you reach for Chrollo’s drink, that he had sit down in favor of inspecting you. He watches wordlessly as you take it for yourself, chugging the remnants in its entirety. The flush on your face worsens at your actions, but you can’t bother yourself to care. 

It’s only when you place it down with a clink that he comments. “I leave you to your own devices for this short a time and you end up like this? Surely, being with me was better than jumping motel to motel for months on end. You’ve proven you’re incapable of taking care of yourself without my intervention.” 

“It’s because of you that I’m like this,” you wipe at your mouth with the back of your hand, venom dripping from your every word. “Don’t get the wrong idea.” 

Chrollo simply smiles, standing and motioning for you to join him by his side. For something that’s posed as a choice, it’s lacking the options to truly be one, a single path set ahead of you. Chrollo helps you to your feet, your legs too unstable to function properly. In the moment, you can’t settle on how you feel. Angry with yourself? The rest of the world for not being able to see what’s happening? Exhausted from months of being on the run? You don’t know. You don’t know anything anymore for certain, the room around you steadily becoming a blur. All you know is that it’s all his fault. 

“Whatever helps you feel better about yourself, [First].” 

[jincherie]

four’s company | rapline [m]

✘ — pairing: boxer!rapline x male!reader ✘ — genre: smut!, boxer au, poly au ✘ — wc: 6.4k ✘ — rating: 18+ ✘ — warnings: minor injuries (occupational hazard kind), smut: mxm, light (accidental) voyeurism, light hand kink, baby boy reader, sub/bottom reader, dom/top members, foursome, anal sex, protected sex (don’t forget to wrap ‘em, lads and ladies!), fellatio ✘ — notes: part of a fic exchange within the ghostie network, i’m sorry it’s late!!!!! please accept my humblest apologies!!! @bangtanloverboys​ here you go!! i hope it’s not too shitty!!!

If accidentally walking in on your three crushes in a heated moment, not once, not twice, but thrice isn’t enough to capture their attention, then you don’t know what is. You’re about to find out that you’ve had their attention for a while, though.

— posted; 02.01.2021 || masterlist

For what is far from the first time tonight, you feel the weight of a certain gaze.

Well, to be more specific, it hasn’t just been one gaze you’ve felt on you tonight. More like… three. 

You know who they belong to, unfortunately. It’s the same three people that you found in an… interesting situation earlier. On that was, no doubt, not meant for outside eyes. 

Well, you say that, but you feel like that’s just because you, yourself, are mortified. To be honest, the three boxers you found locking lips and making out in the locker room didn’t seem to be all that ashamed about it.

In fact, when they caught you in the motion of fleeing, they’d had the audacity to grin about it! 

Utterly humiliating. You haven’t been able to bring your gaze anywhere near them all day. To make matters worse, you couldn’t even flee to the safety of your home or anywhere similar, because there is a match tonight and you’re needed as a qualified first aid officer. 

Which brings you to the current predicament; sitting ringside and attempting to avoid the gazes of the three boxers seated on the side adjacent. Try as you might, it’s actually a struggle to keep your eyes on the current match. It’s a rookie night, and you feel extra bad since one of the people in the ring is actually a close friend. 

Though, perhaps you should demote Jungkook from ‘close friend’ status considering he is the reason you started working here and subsequently, had the opportunity to stumble upon a certain scenario this morning. Were it not for him and his stupid, pleading puppy eyes, you wouldn’t have a particular embarrassing image burned into the back of your eyelids.

You know that despite his rookie status, Jungkook is quite a naturally talented boxer. Perhaps that is part of the reason that your brain thinks it’s okay to let your eyes stray from the match instead of watching attentively as you’re expected to. The subconscious certainty that Jungkook can handle himself seems to be your undoing, because in a moment of inattentiveness your eyes manage to reach the area you’d been trying so hard for them to avoid. 

As you’d both feared and expected, they are in fact already looking at you. Well, one of the three. It is the piercing gaze of the club's current lightweight champion, Min Yoongi, that bores a hole into you right now. The two accomplices to his side aren't joining him in drilling their eyes into you across the room for now, instead leaning into each other as though they're whispering amongst themselves. 

There's something about Yoongi's eyes, dark and piercing, that seem to always root you in place no matter where you are. His expression, as it usually tends to be, is unreadable. It's a certain kind of neutrality that graces his features, thin enough that you can tell there is something behind it but too opaque for you to be able to discern exactly what. 

You don't even realise you're trapped in his gaze until the sounding of the bell snaps you out of the spell that seemed to be cast over you. Your head whips back around and you see the referee signalling the end of the bout, and just beyond him Jungkook is standing slightly bent over as he offers a hand to his opponent on the canvas. To your alarm, it is only now that you notice the blood dribbling down the man’s face. The reasonable crowd that has gathered is still cheering (Jungkook was quick to rise as one of the fan favourites) and it’s a wonder you can hear the referee’s call above the ruckus.

“Medic!”

That’s your cue. 

x – x – x 

 “You look kind of on edge, man. Are you alright?”

You’re almost too busy staring into your coffee in a borderline dissociative state to hear Jungkook as he calls for your attention. It has to be about the thirteenth time in the past half hour, but you can’t find the energy to be ashamed about it. Mostly because all of your shame and embarrassment are focused on other areas right now.

It had happened again. 

Is it just your luck? You don’t know whether to dub it as rotten luck, because you feel it would be a bit of an insult to the boxers you’d once more found in a suggestive situation.  But considering it good luck feels kind of sleazy, because although you’re embarrassed as hell, all things considered what you walked in on wasn’t a bad view—

No, that thought is stopping there. Any further and you’ll only incriminate yourself and you’ll have to dose yourself with another fresh shot of shame. 

Realising that you still haven’t answered the concerned-looking boy sprawled in the chair to your side, you offer him a non-committal grunt. It’s the best you can do while you take another moment to form actual coherent thought. 

“I’ve never been better,” you say, and immediately Jungkook lets loose an abrupt snort.

“You look like shit, so don’t bother trying to lie. Are you having trouble sleeping again or something?”

You survey him for a moment, touched that he remembers the insomnia that had ailed you for a few months a while back. “Actually, I’ve been sleeping pretty good the past few months.”

Jungkook rolls his eyes, making you squint at him in question. “Oh, I’ll bet you have, considering the things you were saying in your sleep last time I stayed over.”

You simply look at him, wondering whether he’s going to be an ass and continue.  You don’t have to wait long for an answer.

“You were all like, ‘nngh, Namjoon,’ and ‘oh, Yoongi’, and then you said something about Hoseok too but I can’t quite remember, probably because it was so x-rated that my poor baby brain banished it from my memory—”

“Jungkook,” you cut him off, gripping the plastic spoon that came with your drink painfully tight. “Shut up.”

This is most definitely not the conversation to be having in the café barely a block away from the boxing gym where the two of you frequent, but Jungkook doesn’t seem to get the hint. Actually, you’re pretty sure he got the hint and he just doesn’t care enough to heed it.

“You really ought to do something about that crush of yours, bro. There’s three of them, so there’s three times the misery if you sit on your ass instead of—”

“Jungkook,” you attempt to warn him again, glaring slightly this time. You’ve scooped some of the whipped cream off of his plate of pancakes and hold the tip of the spoon back, threatening to fling it at him should he keep talking. 

“—doing something, you know? I’ve seen them practically undress you with their eyes enough times by now that I could fill out a diary with all the incidents I’ve witnessed. Plus, don’t tell me you haven’t noticed how often they ‘hurt’ themselves as an excuse to see you? I really don’t think you have much to lose, especially with an ass like yours—well, it’s nothing like the cake I’m serving, but still, it deserves some praise—ACK!”

Ah, so he has chosen death.

You discard the now-empty spoon onto a napkin, taking a long sip of your drink. It seems Jungkook has engaged his ape brain more today than usual as instead of wiping the cream off his face like any normal human would, he’s attempting to reach it with his tongue. His chances aren’t good, to be honest; though you reckon your mutual friend Jimin would be able to get it from that distance. Dude has a tongue like a lizard. 

“You have Seven Days,” you tell him, struggling not to let a smile through as the amateur boxer whines, unable to reach the cream.

“You have seven days,” he grumbles sulkily, reaching with a begrudging hand for a napkin. “Do something or I’ll expose your ass.”

You roll your eyes, ninety-nine percent sure that he’s kidding.

… 

That other one percent worries you a bit though.

x – x – x 

You take back what you decided earlier— something is definitely wrong with your luck.

“And how did you hurt your knee again?”

“I tripped on the stairs.”

Jung Hoseok, the club’s current star welterweight boxer, sits before you in your little medical office. There aren’t any matches on today, but you’re on shift because the club members are doing some of the more rigorous training; there is an important few matches coming up for a few members, and they all want to be as prepared as possible. As tends to be the occupational hazard, training can often lead to injuries that need to be immediately attended to. 

You can’t say, though, that this is the type you were expecting when you rocked up today.

Hoseok is beaming at you, all sincerity and sparkles. There’s a slight bit of dark regrowth in his hair that catches your eye as you survey him, the crimson ends sticking to his forehead lightly from sweat. He looks every bit earnest and honest as he sits in front of you, but you can’t help but suspect him just slightly.

Because you’re not sure any of the club members have ever made their way to your office for a graze that wouldn’t even phase a kindergartener.

“Well,” you say, trying to ignore what Jungkook had said barely a day or two ago that floats back into your head now. “The good news is, it’s not fatal.”

Hoseok lets out a great, dramatic huff in relief. “Oh, thank god. I was so scared this might have been the end.”

‘Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed how often they ‘hurt’ themselves as an excuse to see you?’

Is that what this is? An excuse to see you? A look spared for the man before you leads you to conclude: probably not. He’s a little too radiant to be seeking out lil’ ol’ you.

“Not this time,” you say, rummaging through your small box of mismatched bandages. Finding what you’re looking for, you turn back around and begin preparing it to place it on Hoseok’s knee. “You live to see another day.”

Hoseok shifts like he’s about to say something in response, but cuts himself off with a surprised laugh when he sees the band-aid you put on him. “Wh—you have Minions band-aids?!”

“I reserve them for special patients,” you say before you can stop yourself, promptly clamping your mouth shut a little too late. Your cheeks… you just hope the heat gathering there isn’t obvious.

Something shifts in Hoseok’s gaze as he surveys you for a moment, before hopping from the bed, testing his knee out like he’d sprained it instead of scratching it. The look is gone before you can fully decipher it and he’s back to grinning brightly once more. 

“Well, if that’s the case, I’ll have to come back often. Wouldn’t want them to go to waste.” Hoseok’s smile adopts a slightly cheeky edge as he makes his way to the door, lifting two fingers to his temple in a lazy salute. “See you later, doc!”

Then he’s gone before you can return the farewell, door closing definitively behind him and leaving the room in silence. 

Are you going crazy, or did Hoseok— one of the three boxers you’ve happened to walk in on twice now—just return your light flirting?

… God, you hope it wasn’t because of the minion band-aid.

x – x – x 

You wish that visit had been an isolated incident, but you had a repeat of it at least twice a week. Each time Hoseok would rock up grinning at your door with some other minor injury, all but demanding a minion band-aid for his troubles. You gave it to him, of course, but you still hope he doesn’t remember you as the minion band-aids guy. 

Surprisingly enough, it isn’t only Hoseok that has been cropping up more often in your day-to-day. You’ve had a few surprise encounters with Yoongi, who lately has taken to giving you a sly, unreadable look before turning away, leaving you in your own confusion. Sometimes you’ll get carried away watching him or one of the other boxers practice, and before you know it he has caught you staring red-handed and you’re forced to flee the room to escape the smug, intrigued look that slips into his eyes. 

It’s after such an occasion that you find yourself in the main locker room, attempting to multitask by looking for a box of first aid supplies hidden in the top shelves and giving your face a chance to cool down. It’s taken you so long to even find the damn box that your embarrassment has all but evaporated by now. By the time your eyes lock onto the scuffed white box peeking over the edge of the highest shelf in the corner of the room, you’re more than ready to snatch it down and escape back to the comfort of your dingy little office. 

Of course, it couldn’t ever be so easy for you. Not given your recent string of poor luck. 

You don’t consider your height to be remarkably anything, and normally you don’t have that much trouble reaching the cookie jar on the top shelf in your apartment but for some reason the shelves in this building are built to cater to giants, and try as you might you simply cannot reach. You’re literally about to abandon the last of your dignity and attempt jumping for it, when there is a light scuff on the floor from behind you and then a firm warmth pressing into your back. 

In all honesty, your brain short-circuits. For a second you think you might have even blacked out, because it takes at least three seconds for you to realise what is happening, and by that time the figure has already retreated back from your form. 

Somewhat dazed, you turn around to see one Kim Namjoon, the clubs leading middleweight champion and the third and final member of those racy scenarios you happened to walk in on oh-so long ago. In his hands is the box you’d been struggling so much to reach, and on his face is a look that somehow blends sheepishness and amusement into one attractive cocktail on his features. 

“Here you go,” he says, and for a shamefully long moment all you can do is stand and soak in the lovely timbre of his voice. By the time you snap out of it, a small smile has begun to curl on his lips. You pointedly avoid looking at the dimples that are beginning to show as a result. 

“Oh, uh, thanks,” you say, trying to make it as natural as possible as you reach and take the box from his hold. “Whoever put it up there seems to have a vendetta against me.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t say that,” he says, and there’s suddenly something a little secretive about the way he’s smiling. It makes you suspicious, and once more the words Jungkook prattled into your ear a week or so ago come rattling back into your brain. 

Is this something similar to what Hoseok had done? Did Namjoon put the box on a higher shelf?

“Are you calling me short?” For some reason, that’s what comes out of your mouth. There is a slight disconnect from what you said and what Namjoon had said previously, but he seems to make the connection. He tilts his head back and a rich laugh tumbles forth. It sounds nicer than you wish to admit to yourself. 

“Never,” he finally answers, grinning. “Though, feel free to come get me next time you lose against a shelf.”

Your mouth drops open in affront, but he makes a departure too quick for you to respond. His laughter echoes down the halls and you’re left reeling in your spot.

This isn’t what you expected to happen after walking in on a few intimate situations. In fact, this is quite the opposite.

What is happening?

x – x – x 

As the weeks go by, there are several big nights and several big matches. Hoseok and Yoongi, among a few others from the gym, emerge victorious. At this point you’re not too ashamed to say that you spent the entirety of their matches watching the way their muscles rippled as they dodged, swung and wove around the ring. If the last shred of dignity still clinging to you had disappeared, then you probably would have drooled like a dog. 

 The nights tend to go by weight classes, and the next upcoming night is to showcase the middleweight boxers. While Jungkook classifies for the class, as one of the newer recruits he isn’t the first choice for the match—much to his dismay.

It is approximately a week before this big match, in which Namjoon, one of the three men who live in your head rent-free these days, is participating, that you’re woken from your sleep and called into the gym.

It’s your night off, actually, so for you to be called in there must have been a pretty serious injury. You’re proven right when you enter the building and walk into the main room.

Before you can even assess the scene, Yoongi spots you and darts on over. He has a look on his face that you don’t think he’s ever sported before, and it fills you with a feeling of dread. It seems an appropriate feeling, considering what you see when you advance further into the room, towed by the frantic blonde who’d fetched you.

“Holy shit, what the hell happened?!” You dart forward, Yoongi’s grip slipping from your wrist as you move out of his reach. 

Namjoon is seated on the floor in a squat, cradling his left hand to his chest. A grimace twists his features, eyes glistening but face clear of tears. 

To your complete and utter surprise, the familiar tenor of Jungkook’s voice reaches your ears. You didn’t know he had stayed behind to practice tonight.

“We were leaving after practicing a bit later than normal, and some assholes drove past and picked a fight. I think—I think they were members from one of the rival clubs on the other side of the city but it was kind of dark and I didn’t get a good look.”

Your brows shoot up—that’s risky behaviour on their part, if it was actually members of a rival club that did this. Judges of this particular tournament don’t look kindly on foul play.

It would make sense if it’s true, though; a lot of local clubs tend to have boxers in the middleweight range, and Namjoon has emerged from enough matches victorious that he’s actually quite a threat. 

“Let me see,” you say, holding your hands out to Namjoon for him to rest his injured one in your hold. “Jungkook, go get the big tin box with the red cross from my office. Make sure it’s the one with antiseptic and bandages.”

You don’t even need to check he’s listened, because you can hear the frantic, obedient pattering of his feet fading away in the distance as you unwrap the blood-drenched towel from the hand in your hold. Namjoon’s busted up limb takes all of your attention the second you lay eyes on it properly, your stomach filling with an unpleasant, nameless cocktail of sensations. 

“Holy shit,” you say, unable to contain your wince.  “Tell me you didn’t get this from fighting them bare-knuckle.”

Namjoon has enough capacity for humour right now that he lets out a little huff. Yoongi fills you in before Namjoon has a chance. 

“No, though I almost did.” His expression is dark, the heat of his anger reaching you even when it’s not directed your way. “They were probably drinking before coming here, since they had a few bottles they threw into the mix.”

That explains the gashes you’re seeing on Namjoon’s palm— it seems he caught one of the bottles, though you’re not sure whether it was already broken or whether it broke on impact. Thankfully, from what you can see, the gashes and lacerations aren’t too deep and shouldn’t cause lasting damage, but they’ll definitely take a while to heal, and one or two of them look like they will need stitches. 

“Alright,” you begin, sighing softly. “I’ll do what I can to fix this up for now, but you’re going to have to go to the ER, because some of these will need stitches…”

You look up, reading the expressions of everyone in attendance and knowing that they have all reached the same conclusion regarding Namjoon’s immediate fate as a boxer.

“Sorry, Namjoon,” you start, watching his features crumble ever so slightly into a look of resignation. “This isn’t going to heal in time for next week, and you definitely won’t be able to train for a while.”

It’s just as you announce that, that Jungkook returns with your box of first-aid goodies. Hoseok, who has remained surprisingly silent the whole time this conversation has gone on, takes the box from his hold and delivers it next to you. Surprising all of you, Namjoon is quick to look up and pin Jungkook with a grin.

“Well, since I can’t participate—how do you feel about making your Big Boy Boxing Debut, Jungkookie?”

Your friend is rooted to the spot in shock for a solid few moments, before he snaps out of it and an excited if slightly nervous expression filters onto his face. 

“I will defend your honour, Namjoon!” he declares, saluting stupidly. “Count on me!”

Cheesy of him, but you can’t help the smile that tugs your lips. You just hope it’s not too late-notice for him, and that Namjoon’s injuries really aren’t that serious, as you surmise.

x – x – x 

 The week passes quicker than you anticipate, and before you know it, it’s the night of the big match—Jungkook’s first big match, that is. Namjoon had done his best over the days to coach Jungkook on the particular fighting styles of the opponents he normally faces, and to everyone’s pleasant surprise, Jungkook has picked it all up with ease. 

You’re more surprised to say that you’re not even that nervous, as you sit waiting for the match to begin. Jungkook stands in one corner, his opponent from one of the more renowned rival gyms in the other. You prepare to be on standby in case either boxer is injured enough to need aid, but cross your fingers that if anything at least Jungkook will be alright. 

In the blink of an eye, the match begins and the first bout kicks off. Jungkook’s opponent is slightly stockier, likely pushing the upper limits of the weight class, and is the first to make an offensive move. The familiar sound of cushioned gloves making impact rings in the air and you find yourself tensing in your seat as you watch the two interchange blows. 

It’s pretty much neck-and-neck for a majority of the bouts. Some of them go quick, and others seem to consist of the longest three minutes of your life. Still, the match goes on, and the night is filled with the siren song of the crowd and the ring of the bell.

After a night of close-call bouts and baited breath, Jungkook finally emerges victorious. 

Ever the fan favourite, the crowd that has amassed erupt into cheers as the referee declares the end of the final bout and Jungkook is held up as the victor. With the match decided, the club members that had been watching ringside burst up and swarm around the young boxer who brought pride to the gym on his very first big match. The three boxers that usually occupy your thoughts wriggle their way up there too, and it’s Hoseok’s bright tone that pierces the ruckus of the crowd.

“Drinks at ours to celebrate our victor, Jungkookie!” he caws, rubbing Jungkook on the back in something akin to pride. “Members of King Hit Gym, we better see you all there!”

You mightn’t be a technical member, but the way you suddenly feel three sets of eyes on you tells you that you’re still more than invited. 

x – x – x

It’s three hours since the end of the match, and you’re more than a little tipsy.

You can safely say that you haven’t ever been to the house where Namjoon, Hoseok and Yoongi live, but you’re nothing short of impressed. It’s a three-storey townhouse, with three rooms— presumably one for each of them, though from what you’d glimpsed on the way to the bathroom earlier only one of them appears regularly lived in.

It didn’t take you long to ponder exactly why, considering the things you’ve accidentally witnessed in the past month.

Most of your time tonight was spent celebrating with Jungkook as he made the rounds and received congratulations from the rest of the club members. Music thrums through the building, bass vibrating pleasantly through your chest every time you pass the expensive speakers in the living room.

You’ve paced yourself well, all things considered. All you had to do to avoid an early night ending in blackout drunkenness was steer clear of Jungkook whenever he made his way by the kitchen to refill— he’d learnt his mixing skills from Jimin, a verified alcoholic back in the day who spent his time in university trying to throw together his own signature cocktail with the same alcohol percentage as absinthe.

So you’re relatively proud of yourself to only be a little over tipsy at this point in the night. You can’t really say the same for the rest of the club members, though— even Jungkook has reached a point where he is stumbling and giggling. Which, of course, led to the event that splattered drink all over your shirt. 

You’re wandering up the stairs now, mind occupied with everything but what you’re doing as you absentmindedly seek the bathroom to clean your shirt. You haven’t seen any of the homeowners in a while, actually, which is kind of disappointing because you’re really longing for some eye candy right about now. They disappeared about ten minutes ago, and you figured it was just to socialise or maybe grab more snacks but you haven’t paid it much thought since then, and now you’re realising they hadn’t returned to the party yet. 

Reaching the top of the stairs, you pause for a moment to try and recall which room is the bathroom. There’s two of them, you remember being told, one ensuite and a main bathroom. There was also a third one on the first floor, but that was too far for you to attempt reaching it. Unable to remember which door is which, you simply decide to wing it and march on forward towards the first door to enter your line of sight. You’re pretty stable, but your head is kind of fuzzy, so your hand hovers by the wall as you walk just in case you stumble. 

Upon reaching the door in question, it takes you about a second and a half to realise the room you have reached is not the one you want, and another second for the shock to reach you.

Because, for the third time in a month, you have walked in on something you shouldn’t have. 

Except this time, you can’t seem to pull yourself away as fast as you should. 

It’s Hoseok and Namjoon tangled before you this time, in a position much more intimate than the last you’d seen. Their lips are locked, Hoseok straddling one of Namjoon’s thighs with one hand tangled in inky locks and the other rubbing over his crotch, where a prominent bulge makes itself known even to your eyes. Just when you remember that you should really be on your way, their lips break apart and Namjoon’s head tilts back, a sinful, velvet moan climbing from his throat as Hoseok leans to pepper it with kisses. It’s mesmerising, and you forget you’re even there as you watch the red-haired man’s hand climb up Namjoon’s stomach and then slip beneath the waistband of his jeans. 

You come back to yourself when you feel a familiar tightness in your own pants and a throb between your legs— of course, you’re hard. You’re too hazy-brained to even be ashamed of it right now. It does pierce through the fog, though, that you’re intruding on something you’re not meant to see. Like you’re trying to move limbs filled with lead, you start to drag your feet and turn around. 

You barely get a step in before you’re face to face with someone strikingly familiar, and your heart drops in your chest before kicking back into motion at double speed. 

“You always seem to enjoy watching, don’t you?” Yoongi’s question catches you off guard and puts you on the spot— before you can panic, though, his lips curl in a kittenish smile. “It’s alright, we already know you do, baby boy.”

Your heart stutters in your chest, stomach flipping giddily. Your eyes track it with surprising clarity as Yoongi’s hand— strong and sculpted and deliciously vascular, as you’d admired many times before— rises to caress your cheek, and he leans forward until his lips brush the sensitive skin of your earlobe.

“Why don’t you join us, this time?”

You find yourself nodding before you even realise it, but it’s definitely a decision you would make again any other day. 

You feel Yoongi smile against your ear, and then he is pressing a soft kiss to your cheek and pulling back. That same strong hand winds around your wrist and you’re tugged into the room, the door shutting behind you. The two on the bed barely bat an eye at the arrival of their third lover and an extra figure, merely smiling dazedly at the two of you. 

“Baby boy is finally gonna join us?” Hoseok asks, eyes lidded and dark to match the tousled look of his hair and clothes. His words are slightly slurred but the keenness to his gaze tells you he is still very much aware of everything he does. 

Yoongi hums in confirmation, coming up behind you to wind his arms lazily around your waist and rest his chin on your shoulder. “Mhmm. Don’t stop on our account— why don’t you give him a bit of a show to start, hm?”

Hoseok needs no further prompting, a grin all you glimpse before he is diving back to crash his lips into Namjoon’s, hand moving inside his pants and eliciting a deep, throaty groan. It makes your own cock throb in need, and almost as though he reads your mind, Yoongi's voice sounds in your ear once more. 

“You already hard, baby boy? Like what you see?”

Something about the husky quality of the boxer’s voice makes a shudder roll down your spine, a light whine slipping from your throat. Yoongi presses soft kisses to the skin of your neck as you watch the two on the bed undress each other between heated kisses. 

“Want me to touch you, baby boy?”

As though possessed, your head begins nodding before you even think to act on the urge. Yoongi requires no further prompting; he begins to kiss and suckle along the column of your neck while his hands move— one creeps up beneath your shirt to flick a thumb over your nipple, and the other slips down, down, down beneath the waistband of your pants and boxers, until that hand you admire so much is slipping around your cock and squeezing just enough to make you gasp out a moan. 

Pleasure and desire wind together to mix with the tipsy haze in your mind, and you’re more than happy to surrender yourself to the current situation. Slowly, you’re urged over to the bed, eyes still locked on the pair occupied there as Yoongi’s hand works magic on your length. You don’t even bother attempting to stem the gasps and moans tumbling forth because you know at this point it would probably be futile. 

Hoseok has now stripped Namjoon entirely and is making his way down his body with his mouth, pressing a kiss against every inch of golden skin he can reach. Namjoon is quite generously endowed, and you can’t tear your eyes away as Hoseok finally reaches the apex of his thighs and begins to lavish attention to Namjoon’s flushed cock. 

You can feel Yoongi grinding lightly against you as he strokes your own aching member, the two of you observing the show before you with rapt attention. At some point you’re rid of your shirt and the air feels cool against your flushed skin, your upper body leaning back against Yoongi contentedly. The noises spilling from Namjoon’s throat are downright sinful as Hoseok’s mouth sinks down on him with practiced ease.

It’s almost too much for you, really. Almost sensory overload. You’re urged ever so slowly to the bed, and as you sit on the plush mattress you happily oblige as Yoongi begins to undo and remove the jeans that are now uncomfortably tight. Your boxers follow soon after and then you’re joining the other two in their nudity. As though sensing the change in plans, Hoseok pulls off of Namjoon’s cock with a ‘pop’, licking his lips and ignoring the whine in protest that Namjoon lets out. “In a minute, bubs.”

Yoongi leans over to the bedside table to retrieve lube and something else you soon realise to be condoms as he tosses them on the bed between him and Hoseok. 

“Are you alright with this?”

You turn at the sound of Yoongi’s voice, eyes meeting his own— though heady and full of desire, they’re also determined. You don’t doubt that if you say no, he will stop things here.

“Yes,” you confirm, and you watch as a smile pulls over Yoongi’s face.

“Excellent. Now, lean forward, baby boy. This might be a little cold.”

Without question, you allow him to shift and bend your body as needed, knees digging into the plush bedding. Tilting your head up, you manage to meet the eyes of Namjoon, who is in a similar position to yourself, just in time for you to gasp at the sudden cold sensation at your ass. 

You’d think by now you would be used to the feeling of lube— you’re immediately distracted from that though at the sensation of Yoongi’s finger beginning to toy around your asshole. You allow yourself to relax as much as possible, turning your attention to Namjoon and Hoseok and simply enjoying the sensations Yoongi is eliciting. 

Namjoon’s hand raises, cupping your cheek and dragging down ever so gently. Hoseok catches the movement and lets out a coo, eyes boring into your own. 

“Wanna kiss him, baby boy? Go ahead, he’s good at it.”

You don’t need to be told twice, and neither does Namjoon. You find Hoseok definitely isn’t wrong as Namjoon’s lips meet your own, the kiss quickly turning heated as his mouth moves against your own. He swallows down your moans as Yoongi’s fingers begin to stretch you slowly, one by one.

You lose so much time in the hypnotic motion of bodies against your own that before you know it there is a gentle yet firm hand against your shoulder pulling you back from the man before you. 

“Ready, baby?”

You nod, and soon after hear the familiar tear of foil before the head of Yoongi’s cock is pressing against your hole. You take a deep breath in, allowing your eyes to flutter closed as he begins to press himself in and stretch you open bit by bit. The burn isn’t particularly painful tonight, and to be honest sometimes you’re partial to the sensation. 

By the time Yoongi is fully seated within you, you’re almost panting, soft moans escaping unwittingly. Through the fog of pleasure currently addling your brain, you hear similar noises in front of you and realise Namjoon must be in a similar state. Unconsciously, your hand stretches out, seeking contact, and manages to entwine with the large, warm one you identify as Namjoon’s good hand. 

As soon as Yoongi receives the green light from you, he begins to move. The sensations of him dragging against your walls are enough to almost drive you mad, especially at the slow pace he’s set. It isn’t long before he picks up though, and soon rough the slap of his hips against your ass is one of the many sinful noises echoing in the room, muffled by the loud music still booming beyond the bedroom walls. 

“O-oh, fuck,” you moan, barely coherent enough to respond to Namjoon’s seeking lips. Absently, you hear Yoongi’s soft groans and low murmured praises, and it makes your heart skip a beat. 

“Good boy,” he all but purrs, hand caressing down your spine before finding purchase at your hips. 

Time blurs and you’re wound so tight that it isn’t long before you feel yourself approaching that edge, your hand lowering to begin stroking your own cock again in an effort to reach your high faster. It’s one deep stroke that hits you in all the right places that is your undoing, and with a cry you’re cumming hard, spots appearing behind your eyes. 

The sudden tightness around his cock has Yoongi stilling, a low, drawn out groan sounding from his throat as he joins you in your high, throbbing inside you. Your arms are a little too weak to continue holding you, but he seems to be in tune enough that he notices and his own slip around you, easing you into his embrace as he adjusts on the mattress and hums into your skin. 

Namjoon and Hoseok aren’t far behind you, the two of them reaching their own end not long after. Namjoon flops against the bed, spent and Hoseok hops up to retrieve a bin and some wipes to clean up a bit before he too flops across the mattress, smacking Namjoon’s ass as he does and eliciting a brief whine in protest. 

“Well fuck,” you hum, staring absently at the ceiling. Yoongi snorts, pulling you closer, and like they all share a hive mind you’re very suddenly in the middle of a cuddle pile as the other two join in. 

“Beats just watching, doesn’t it?” One of them queries, probably Hoseok— you’re too tired to really discern it. 

“Mhm,” you respond, basking in content. “Four’s company, I suppose.”

There are a few hums of agreement, and then comfortable silence falls over the room. You find yourself smiling as you sink into the most content sleep you’ve had in a while, in the arms of the three boxers who have nestled their way into your heart one by one 

[quentinbecks]

Thank you to @henbased for tagging me in this! Have some Amanda facts.

Name: Amanda. Or Manda if you want.

Age: 31

Height: 5’2 🥴

Zodiac Sign: Aries (and Libra moon/Virgo rising since that seems to matter)

Where do you call home: Upper Midwest in the U.S.

Any tattoos or piercings: I have my industrial and my tragus pierced. I also have my monroe as well, but I’ve had it for years and I pretty much forget it’s there. I’ve had my lip,nose, eyebrow, and double belly button pierced in the past. I have three tattoos as well, one really embarrassing.

Last song you listened to: “Delicate Weapon” - Grimes

Last movie you watched: Panic Room

Last book or fanfic you read: Not reading much lately, but I just started The Southern Book Club’s Guide to Slaying Vampires by Grady Hendrix and The Midnight Hours IF

Do you collect anything: I used to collect vinyls, but I don’t collect much anymore.

Morning person or night owl: Night owl, but only because I have insomnia. I actually love sleep.

Are you an optimist, a pessimist, or a realist: I’m too much of a realist, annoyingly so.

A quote you live by: Not really a quote, but memento mori and memento vivere.

Are you an introvert, an extrovert, or an ambivert: An ambivert who leans more towards being an introvert.

Do you believe in an afterlife or not: I try not to think about it tbh. It’s a nice thought, though.

A weird or fun fact about yourself: I once literally ran into Michael Shannon at a film festival. Then a couple hours later I ended up being the only other person on the same street as him. I was convinced he thought I was stalking him.

If you could have coffee with anyone, dead or alive, who would it be: To keep up with appearances/my online persona, I’m going to say Jake Gyllenhaal.

Tagging: @johnnycranes @honeysides @adelaidedrubman @gamer-purgatory @hoesephseed @florbelles @shallow-gravy @i-am-the-balancing-point @jamesbvchanans @aceghosts @blissfulalchemist @jackiesarch @shellibisshe @chazz-anova @josephslittledeputy @chyrstis and anyone else can feel free to tag me too 💕

[feralkokopuff]

˗ˏˋ DILF Cinematic Universe: part 3 ˎˊ˗

Men my age? 😒 Men 30+? Now THAT is where it's at. You know what time it is my fellow members of Team Geriatric. Beware, once you have entered DILFville, there is no turning back- it's time to pay these absolute MEN some homage and appreciation, so not in any particular order, give it up for the DILF Cinematic Universe + every movie/show I've seen them in. Do feel free to suggest more movies with them, I'm always game for content to hyperfixate on. Remember, these are based on my type- you don't have to agree with them ^^ See part 4 below:

│││││

│││✧

│││

││✎. °

│✧

°

21. Sebastian Stan

The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, Captian America (all), The Devil All the Time, The Martian, Avengers (all), Black Swan, Ant-Man, Black Panther

22. Ethan Hawke

Sinister, Training Day, The Guilty, The Purge, Predestination, The Magnificent Seven, Daybreakers, Regression, First Reformed, 24 Hours to Live, In a Valley of Violence, Assault on Precinct 13, The Kid, Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets, Adopt a Highway, Brooklyn's Finest, Good Kill, Before the Devil Knows You're Dead, Dead Poets Society

23. Benicio Del Toro

Sicario (all), The Wolfman, No Sudden Move, Guardians of the Galaxy (all), Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Sin City, Avengers (all), A Perfect Day, Thor: The Dark World

24. James McAvoy

Split, Glass, X-Men (all), IT Chapter Two, The Chronicles of Narnia (all), Atomic Blonde, Deadpool 2, Unbreakable

25. Stellan Skarsgård

Chernobyl, Dune, Good Will Hunting, Insomnia, Nymphomaniac, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, Thor (all), Angels & Demons, The Glass House, In Order of Disappearance, Our Kind of Traitor, Ronin, The Railway Man, The Avengers

26. Brad Pitt

Fury, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, Fight Club, Seven, Interview With The Vampire, Inglourious Basterds, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, World War Z, Legends of the Fall, Ocean's Eleven, As Astra, A River Runs Through It, Allied, Sleepers, The Big Short, Twelve Years A Slave, Burn After Reading, Killing Them Softly, The Departed, Babel, The Assassination of Jesse James and by the Coward Robert Ford

27. Karl Urban

The Boys, Priest, Thor: Ragnarok, Riddick (all), RED, Hangman, Lord of the Rings (all), Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

28. Billy Burke

Revolution, Twilight (all), Zoo, Along Came a Spider, Komodo

29. Pedro Alonso

Money Heist, The Silence of the Marsh

30. Thomas Gibson

Criminal Minds

[spectrumed]

5. sleep

It hardly gets dark in the Swedish summers. Between dusk to dawn, you’ve got about an hour to fall asleep before the sun rises again. If you struggle to fall asleep that fast, you can invest in some good window blinds. Or you can do as I do and place one big pillow over your face. Then the birds start singing around three o’clock in the morning. You can practically hear the sounds of Edvard Grieg’s Morning Mood playing at around four o’clock in the morning. Around five o’clock in the morning, it is as bright as midday. Did you have a good time sleeping? Or did you pace around in a circle having one hell of a panic attack? I thought you took some of those sleeping pills you got prescribed, they should have helped you fall asleep… wait, you did take them? They didn’t work? Oh, they did work, you just felt your body falling asleep while your mind stayed awake? That sounds terrible, real terrible. Very well. It’s morning now. Want some coffee?

You could form a religion out of sleeping. Let’s have sermons where we fill a whole auditorium full of beds and have our congregates take a big collective nap. Sleep for the sleep god! Pillows for the pillow throne! Sleep is a billion-dollar industry, there’s a plethora of handy products you can buy that promise to send you on a luxury liner to dreamland. Pills, mattresses, dreamcatchers, whatever your snoozy heart desires. You can go to a proper doctor and they might help you, or you can settle for the placebo effect and go to some fraudulent quack, instead. He might make you swallow some pills that contain arsenic, but hey, arsenic is a naturally occurring element. It can’t be all that bad for you if it is natural. And you do want to sleep, don’t you? If you take this pill in your mouth and swallow it with a glass of water, I promise you, you will sleep for a very long time.

The esteemed former president of the United States of America, Donald Trump, claims that he only needs four to five hours of sleep every night. While Mr. Trump is well-known to be a paragon of honesty, I do doubt he’s telling the truth. No, I actually do believe him when says that he only gets about four or five hours of sleep each night, I just don’t believe him when he says that is all he needs. He doesn’t look very well-rested, does he? And Margaret Thatcher, the similarly adored former prime minister of the United Kingdom, claimed that she also only needed about four hours of sleep every night. Yes, while researching the sleeping habits of famous monsters, I’ve come to the conclusion that amongst powerful individuals, not getting enough sleep has become a proper badge of honour. The belief is that if you don’t get enough sleep, that must be because you are living such a vibrantly successful life, and are so career-driven, that you simply haven’t got enough time to sleep for the full eight hours. People who sleep for more than four hours are lazy liberals. Go-getters like Trump has got to be out there, working, making decisions, raping women, and showing daddy what a good boy he is. Sleep is for the weak. But maybe I am weak. I sure like sleeping.

It’s the cultural hangover our society has had since the 80’s. Back when the yuppies wearing jackets with obscenely padded shoulders would happily chuck down eight to ten espressos in one go while A Flock of Seagulls was playing on the radio encouraging everyone to go running. And to be fair to them, with the constant fear of the doomsday clock hitting midnight, they really had no reason to think that they’d survive the decade. The new millennia, it seemed, would have no cities, no nature, no humans, only radiated mutants scouring the rubble that remains of civilization for cans of preserved something edible. Self-destructive behaviour was in. It was fashionable. Doubt people got enough sleep back then, between snorting coke and wondering if the next pandemic that hits the night clubs would start killing as many straight folks as gay folks. Well, here we are in the new 20’s, and we’ve got a pandemic that does appear to kill people regardless of sexual orientation. Sure, the looming threat of nuclear obliteration has been lessened dramatically, but we’ve largely come to exchange that anxiety for the fear of total environmental collapse, instead. No wonder 80’s nostalgia is a big thing right now. History doesn't repeat itself, but It often rhymes, said Mark Twain (supposedly.) I wonder how much coke Mark Twain would snort if he lived in the 80’s.

I notice a palpable difference in my mood and mental state when I’ve been getting good amounts of sleep. Lack of sleep results in lack of clear thinking. Caffeine, though it is something I am chronically addicted to, does not help fix a sleep-deprived mind. There are no tricks of revolutionary “life hacks��� one can employ to get out of sleeping. To recover from depression, one has to sleep. Sleep often and sleep well. I cannot understate the importance of being well-rested. You cannot process information if you are tired. I am reminded of my teenage years seeing friends of mine who’d stay up all night, then come into school shuffling like agonised zombies. They got so frustrated when the teachers reprimanded them for snoozing in class. Well, dummies, it is your fault for drinking several dozen cans of Red Bull every day! I know that sleep does not always come easy. I know the terror of insomnia. But, c’mon! At some point, you’ve got to realise that sleep is essential. Maybe most of your problems stem from the fact that you refuse to get enough of it? Here’s where the tough love comes in. If you wanna get better, kiddo, then listen to me. It’s bedtime. Yes, I know you’d rather stay up late playing monopoly with your friends, but I’m confiscating your dice and I’ll only give it back to you when you’ve gotten some good sleep. Okay? You hear me, missy? You listen to your daddy now, and go to bed. No ifs or buts about it, princess, I’ve made myself clear. I know what is best for you, and you know that I am right. I’m your daddy.

But what if I can’t seem to fall asleep? Normally, it takes a long time for me to fall asleep. It is not uncommon for me to stay awake for two hours, maybe more, before I finally begin to sleep. Fearing that I won’t fall asleep gives me anxiety. That anxiety keeps me awake. I turn my body. I try lying on my side. First my left side, then my right side. I then try to lie on my back. I’ve got a song stuck playing in my head. Not even the whole song, just a ten-second segment of it. It’s playing over and over. I’m worried about the future, will I ever find security, will I ever find a wife, will I get to grow old? I worry about death. I keep hearing the music playing, it’s grating. I rearrange the pillows, in hopes that will make me feel more comfortable. But no, I keep tossing and turning like a fish caught on land. I’m getting frustrated. If only I could shut off my brain. I’m constantly thinking. I turn to my side again, but now I notice I’ve moved arounds so much that now the bed has shifted away from its position next to the wall. There’s now a gap between the bed and the wall. I almost fall down that gap. I get up and I push the bed back against the wall. I lay down in bed. The song is still playing.

How am I ever going to become a successful businessman if I am wasting so many hours just trying to get to sleep? This is the time I should be spending on the phone, yelling at people and making inappropriate sexual comments to my female employees. That is what good executives do. I need to get my life in order. I need to exercise more. I should practice mindfulness. I should get a life coach, a personal trainer, a stylist, an accountant, an assistant, a trophy wife, and a mistress. I need people in my life to take care of me. It’s funny how rich people create the sort of environment around them where people will take care of all their needs, effectively infantilising them. These people don’t even get to decide how to dress themselves. They’ve got fancy apartments, but they don’t choose any of the furniture. They’ve got art on the walls that they don’t like, but the art looks expensive, and that is all that matters. They’ve got kids, but they don’t raise them. Their spouses are cheating on them, but in fairness, they are cheating on their spouses. They don’t really even know what their jobs entails, as they’ve gotten promoted so many times that they’ve ended up in a position that is totally outside their realm of expertise. But they’re so powerful that no-one is able to fire them over their pretty blatant incompetence. They’re successful. They’ve made it. But they still can’t sleep at night. They only manage to successfully fall asleep at night after swallowing a fistful of pills along with a swig of vodka.

It must be easy being a self-help guru. Well, what I mean to say is that all you really need is charisma, which is something you need to be born with. But you don’t need to do any actual studying, any real research, or any kind of soul-searching or deliberation. All you need is to state what is obvious. You go on stage in front of an anxious audience, mostly composed of middle-class salesmen and miscellaneous white collar ghosts. You smile, show off your eerily bright teeth, and they clap. You tell them to go take care of themselves, to eat more healthily, to take walks, or go swimming, and love their partners. You tell them to drink less, or maybe, if they feel like it, they could drink more. I am sure you could spin alcohol as a positive or a negative, depending on what crowd you’re talking to. Tell them to appreciate family. Tell them to appreciate others. Live, laugh, but most of all, love. Tell them to go clean their rooms. Tell them to remember that if they’re on an airplane that is about to crash land, they need to put their own oxygen mask on before they can help others put theirs on. If you don’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else? Now, go to bed!

You know all this stuff. Me telling you that you should sleep more doesn’t really help you. You know that you should sleep more. It’s not like as if you’re too dumb to realise that. And it’s not like as if you’re too dumb to realise that it is better to drink in moderation, and that you should smoke less weed. There are many small little things you can do to improve your life, to stop being a terminally unemployed slacker. It’s like your grandpa who tells you stories about life after the war when you could walk into the biggest building in town, slam your fist against the table and demand to be given a job and a house and a wife and a couple of kids, and that was all you needed to do. He can’t comprehend the fact that society doesn’t work like that, any more. Most people my generation have given up hope of ever owning a home, at least if they happen to live in the vicinity of a larger city. It seems that, no matter where you live, the cost of homes has risen to an impenetrable degree. It seems just as likely that you will be able to afford your very own genetically-engineered pet dragon before you will get to be a house-owner. It’s the fault of those damn boomers, why bother changing your ways, when the boomers are still in charge? Others may accuse you of wallowing in your own depression, but you are perfectly aware that this is exactly what you are doing. You are self-aware. But self-awareness on its own is not enough to motivate anyone. You still can’t see the point in doing anything constructive with your life. Life just feels so aimless. It’s easier to sit, smoke weed, and watch cartoons.

Pop psychology is problematic. To say the least. Take all those self-help gurus suffering from their messiah complexes and put them through the shredder. Don’t buy books thinking that they’ll offer you the kind of treatment you would get from an actual psychiatrist. I know that, depending on where you are in the world, treatment can get very expensive, but you’re not going to get better reading the book of some self-aggrandising narcissist’s collection of wishy-washy platitudes. Dr. Phil has done great evil pretending to be a therapist on the TV, and Jordan Peterson (despite having once been an esteemed scholar) has turned a generation of young internet-savvy zoomers into proto-fascists obsessed with the monogamy of lobsters. Pop psychology has become a guise for cult leaders to reap new followers. Getting treatment should not feel like joining a new religious movement. Maybe I’m just one of those annoying atheists, but I dare say, psychiatry works at its best when it's secular. You should not look at your psychiatrist as a prophet speaking to God. They’re just a doctor, and you need treatment.

I do not aspire to create a self-help blog. I do not promise that reading this blog will help you in any way. I would be overjoyed if someone came up to me and told me that I had inspired them to seek help. You may tell me that reading my words have made you feel less alone, knowing that others have gone through all these things that you are going through. When I felt at my worst, I remember reading the memoirs of people I admired who had similarly struggled in their lives, and I felt less alone. But none of those books pretended to exist principally to help others. Those books did help me, through the candid descriptions of struggles that I thought I was alone in experiencing. Knowing that some people had pulled through, managed to find a light at the end of the tunnel, it made me think I could one day be like them. The books didn’t seek to fix me, but they offered me a perspective that came to be very valuable later on, when I started going to therapy, and when I later started taking medication. Sometimes that is all you need. Not someone standing over you and telling you to go to bed, or to clean your room, or to stop drinking. You know all that, already. What you really need is the reassurance that things can indeed get better. Sleep will come.