#insolent whippersnapper

[itswilliamleonard]

hard to be a dad

[angelofthequeers]

Ladybug and Reine Nuit: Chapter 16

Riposte

Disclaimer: I don’t own ML.

Literally the only good thing about the chaotic lack of a proper timeline in this show is that I can have most episodes in whatever the hell order I want and there’s not a thing anyone can do about it.

@miraculousl4dybug @livinthebilife tagged as requested :)

Check out my new Ko-fi for writing commissions!

Chapter 15 | Chapter 17

“Are you sure you really want to do this?” Tikki says. “You’re already running late for everything, so adding fencing is only going to make you even more stressed.”

“That’s if I make the team.” Marinette pulls a fencing helmet on and yelps when it slips and smothers her. She huffs, takes it off and says, “And I couldn’t say no when Adrien asked if I wanted to try out. It might be nice to do something with a friend. Plus, it’ll help me a lot as Ladybug, won’t it?”

“There’s that,” Tikki agrees. “Well, if you’re sure you want to do it, I’ll support you a hundred percent.” With a grin, she adds, “The fencing gear really suits you, Marinette. Maybe you should change your Ladybug costume.”

“Maybe you should zip it,” Marinette says, poking Tikki on the forehead. Tikki just giggles and swoops into Marinette’s pocket, and Marinette lets out a long groan when she slams the oversized helmet back onto the table and upsets every other helmet. “Oh, come on!”

Once she’s ready and in the courtyard, she joins the line of other beginners and stands up straight. One of the fencers in Mr D’Argencourt’s line of current students waves at her and she waves back, figuring that it must be Adrien, not that she can tell when everyone’s wearing these ridiculous helmets. Honestly, if it wasn’t for the fact that Adrien is one of her friends, she wouldn’t even be doing this.

She snaps back to attention when Mr D’Argencourt starts to pace between the two lines of people.

“I am the fencing master, Mr D’Argencourt,” he announces. “As I’m sure you’re aware, we have only one open spot on the team this year. So, in order to select the best possible candidate, I will observe the beginners performing a number of attacks on the experienced students. Positions!”

Adrien immediately approaches Marinette and lifts his helmet to reveal a wide smile. It’s so infectious that Marinette can’t help but lift her own helmet and smile brightly back.

“Thanks for doing this, Marinette,” he says. “I know it’s not a guarantee, but if you did make the team then it’d be nice to spend time with – uh, I mean – have a friend to share it with – I mean –”

Marinette giggles, wondering why his cheeks are so red. “I guess you’ll have to come over and bake one day, huh? Or we could play some Ultimate Mecha Strike III. You did so well in the tournament!”

Adrien nods, his cheeks growing even darker. “I – uh – we should –”

“Oh, yeah!” Marinette hefts her sabre in front of her. “Am I doing this right?”

“Your stance is off. Bend your knees, then stretch your left foot back, turned outwards. Perfect!” he says when Marinette adjusts herself, before approaching her. “Uh, do you mind?”

Marinette shakes her head, so he reaches around her to guide her to lean forward while using his other hand to slightly adjust how she’s holding her sabre. His breath on her neck is slightly faster than usual, and she can’t help but wonder just how exerting fencing is to make him breathe this fast before he’s even started. Maybe the experienced students had been practicing while the beginners were getting ready.

“Greet each other!” Mr D’Argencourt orders. Marinette and Adrien slide their helmets back over their faces and turn to each other, then copy Mr D’Argencourt and cross their sabres over their chests and whip them out to their sides. “En garde! Prêt…allez!”

Figuring that her only chance of defeating a skilled fencer like Adrien is by surprise, Marinette darts forward and jabs. To her surprise, Adrien hasn’t even started to attack, so he’s caught off-balance when the point of Marinette’s sabre touches his chest.

“Attaque!” Mr D’Argencourt announces, then gestures to Marinette. “Touche! Point! Continue!”

“Amazing reflexes!” Adrien says. “I wasn’t even ready!”

Marinette’s about to ask why an experienced fencer like Adrien hadn’t been ready for what’s probably such a predictable beginner move, but she’s forced to defend herself when he lunges at her before she can talk. To her surprise, even though he hits her first this time, she’s granted the point when she blocks his move and hits him in the chest again.

“Attack, parry, riposte, counterattack,” Adrien says and pushes his helmet up. Marinette follows suit.

“That makes no sense,” she says. “I just defended myself. You’re the one who attacked and hit me first.”

“With sabre fencing, the attack doesn’t necessarily win the point even though he touches his opponent first,” Adrien explains. “You took the initiative, so we say that you had priority. I can only parry or riposte, so I lose.”

“How do you know?” Marinette says. “Everything happens so fast!” At least when she’s Ladybug, she doesn’t need to worry about keeping track of points.

“We don’t always know for sure. That’s why you can also abstain. Shall we continue?”

Marinette nods and they lower their helmets again. Before they can begin, however, they’re interrupted by a shout from the entrance of the courtyard.

“Hey, you!” A figure in red is standing on the scoring box with a red sabre in hand. “Are you Mr D’Argencourt, the fencing master? I want to join your team.”

Mr D’Argencourt sniffs. “Only the best are admitted here, you knave.”

“I was the best everywhere I went.”

“The whippersnapper has nerve! Alright, I may consider your admission despite your insolence if you defeat one of my students.”

The red figure strides over to the pairs of students, who are all dead silent as they stare. “Which one of you is the best combatant?” the figure demands. Everyone looks around at each other and shuffles their feet before sliding away from Adrien, who lifts his helmet.

“Adrien, please give this young lady a lesson in manners,” Mr D’Argencourt says. Adrien smirks and pulls his helmet back down.

“I shall, Master.”

What follows is a match of legends. The first point is a tie and the second is an abstinence, so Adrien and the red fencer detach themselves from the scoring machine. This just makes the match even wilder, as Adrien and the fencer end up jumping all around the courtyard, then upstairs, then into the library. By the time there’s finally a hit, Marinette is the only witness and so she’s thrust into the role of unofficial referee when the figure turns to her and demands, “Who got the first hit? Who?”

Marinette freezes. “Uh – I –”

“Who touched first?” Mr D’Argencourt says as he finally crawls into the library, having been trampled by Adrien and the fencer whenever he got near. “Tell us now!”

“I don’t know!” Marinette looks between Adrien and the fencer wildly, wishing that the ground would open and swallow her whole right about now. She crumbles under the pressure and makes her decision. “It…was…Adrien?”

“Aha!” Mr D’Argencourt jumps up. “Wonderful! This victory is an honour to D’Argencourt Academy!”

The red figure nods and approaches Adrien to shake his hand, then walks out of the room, remarkably calm for someone who had just lost their chance to join the team after making such an entrance.

“Are you sure, Marinette?” Adrien says when he takes his helmet off.

“I don’t know!” Marinette bites her lip. “It all went so fast. I should have just abstained but I…panicked.”

“Well, I think she touched me first,” Adrien says.

“The referee has the last word,” Mr D’Argencourt says with an air of finality.

“I want a rematch,” Adrien says. “She was the most skilled fencer out of everyone else here. Even if I did win, she deserves to be on the team.”

“I agree,” Marinette says. “There’s no way I could be anywhere near that good!”

“Oh.” Adrien looks down with pink cheeks. “I didn’t mean – I know I asked you to join –”

“There’s no way I’m going to be able to challenge you, Adrien,” Marinette says, nudging him. “Not like her. Go after her before she’s gone!”

Adrien nods and sprints out of the library. Marinette follows at a more sedate pace, leaving the school just in time to see the red fencer, who’s next to a similarly red car, take her helmet off to reveal that she’s a pretty East Asian girl, with short, jet-black hair in a bob and light brown eyes.

Just as Adrien jumps in his car and it pulls away after the girl’s car, Marinette catches sight of a small, dark butterfly flapping in the same direction, no doubt after either Adrien or the girl. Either way, her friend’s about to be in danger!

“An akuma!” she gasps. She gives chase but, recognising that she’ll never catch up as herself, stumbles down the steps into the metro station and quickly checks that no one’s around to see. “We need to get it before it turns someone into a villain!”

“At your service, Marinette!” Tikki zooms out.

“Tikki, spots on!”

Once she’s transformed, Ladybug leaps out of the metro and swings after Adrien’s car. And not a moment too soon; when she reaches Adrien’s car, it’s been split clean in half and Adrien has been cornered by a glimmering silver figure with a long, deadly-looking blade. Ladybug’s vision narrows to Friend! Danger! and she lands on top of a poster display and tosses her yo-yo to wrap around the blade.

“How’d you like to start a duel with me?” she says. She yanks on her yo-yo, but it just slips off the blade. She blinks and gasps, “It’s merged with their hand!” and then she and Adrien dart out of the way as the akuma slashes, slicing the display clean in half.

“Give me a moment, Adrien,” the akuma snarls. If it’s not Adrien that’s been akumatised then this figure must be the girl that he’d fenced with. “I must finish her off first! But don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten about you. I won’t be long.”

Ladybug is utterly outmatched, and she’s not afraid to admit it. She’s only able to defend herself with her yo-yo, unable to launch a proper attack even when Adrien tosses her the girl’s red sabre, and she’s forced to make a strategic retreat when Adrien injures his ankle diving in to roll her out of danger.

“What kind of fencing was that?” Ladybug says when she’s carried Adrien to safety behind a chimney stack. He winces and holds his hurt ankle.

“Nothing like I’ve ever seen,” he replies.

“Well, it’s going to be hard for me to fight and protect you at the same time.” Ladybug opens her yo-yo and calls Reine Nuit.

“I know, I know, akuma,” Reine Nuit says. “I’m coming. I just had to…uh, take care of civilian stuff first. Responsibilities and all that.”

Ladybug’s response dies in her throat when the chimney is sliced into rubble and the silver figure towers over them with a snarl.

“Allow me to explain the rules to you,” she hisses. “You’re not allowed to call it quits at any time! Adrien is mine! I will defeat you. Both of you! I am Riposte and I am the best fencer!”

“Hurry up and get here!” Ladybug hisses into her yo-yo before hanging up.

“That’s why I wanted you to come back!” Adrien says. “My friend Marinette even agreed that you deserve the open spot on the team! I wanted a rematch because you’re so skilled.”

“And Marinette’s not an experienced fencer,” Ladybug says. “She had the decision shoved on her – uh, from what she told me!” she hastens to add when Adrien shoots her a weird look. “Maybe she missed something. Maybe she made a mistake. You don’t have to get so bent out of shape about it.”

Riposte growls. “Well, this time I will be the referee!”

The only thing on Ladybug’s mind is getting her friend to safety. Once she’s managed to pull another chimney down on Riposte, she finds Adrien behind a third chimney and scoops him up to swing him to safety. They end up at the Louvre, where Ladybug calls for an evacuation and then searches for a safe place to hide Adrien.

“There!” She spots the Egyptian exhibit and guides Adrien over to a sarcophagus, then helps him inside.

“I’m sorry, but at least you’ll be safe in here,” she says. Adrien grabs the lid to stop her from closing it.

“Wait –”

“Adrien, I have to go!”

“Are you sure I can’t come and watch?”

“No,” Ladybug says sternly. “You’re hurt. And even if you weren’t, I still wouldn’t feel comfortable with you being exposed. Especially not with an akuma who’s targeting you.”

“I guess…well, please be careful, Ladybug!” Adrien says. Ladybug smiles.

“I’ll be fine. Thank you. Just stay out of harm’s way, okay?” She closes the lid and, with one last smile at Adrien, sets off to find Riposte. She doesn’t have far to go; outside the Louvre, Reine Nuit has intercepted Riposte and is trying to fend her off with twin batons, but it’s clear that the cat hero is very much outmatched.

“Where is Adrien?” Riposte snarls. “I want my rematch!”

“If you weren’t Edward Swordhand then I’m pretty sure Adrien would’ve agreed,” Reine Nuit says, then jumps away from Riposte’s sword.

“And if you need akuma powers then that doesn’t speak very highly about your skills!” Ladybug adds. Riposte shrieks and attacks Ladybug with a series of jabs and cuts, forcing Ladybug on the defensive to deflect every blow of Riposte’s with both the girl’s sabre and her yo-yo; that is, until a particularly nasty slash rips the sabre out of Ladybug’s hand. Reine Nuit joins the fray, and it’s two against one, Riposte gaining the upper hand, until –

“Ladybug?” says Adrien’s voice from nearby. Ladybug’s heart screeches to a halt in her chest. What’s Adrien doing outside the sarcophagus? “Ladybug!”

“Agreste!” Riposte’s eyes light up, and she leaps away in the direction of the voice. Before Ladybug and Reine Nuit can follow, however, their eyes are drawn to a blond figure waving from the entrance to the Louvre. Wait, what?

“Adrien!” Ladybug hisses when the heroes jump to his side. “What are you doing?”

“How ‘bout we take this inside?” Adrien says, wincing when he leans on his injured ankle. “She won’t be fooled for long.”

Once they’re back in the Egyptian exhibit and Adrien can sit down, Ladybug confronts him with her hands on her hips.

“What part of stay in the sarcophagus to be safe did you not understand?” she demands. Adrien wilts.

“Sorry, Ladybug,” he says. “I just…I’m claustrophobic, alright? It made me…you know…panic in there.”

“Oh.” Ladybug’s anger melts in an instant. “Oh! I’m so sorry! You should’ve told me!”

“Classic voice recording from the phone hidden nearby?” Reine Nuit says, jabbing her thumb at the stairs.

“Yeah,” Adrien says. “I figured you two could use a break.”

Reine Nuit’s cat ears twitch. “Uh, I think she’s coming.” But before they can hide Adrien away, Riposte’s landing in the exhibit from the top of the stairs and regarding Adrien with gleaming eyes.

“Adrien Agreste,” she growls. “Finally. En garde!”

“But he’s hurt!” Ladybug protests. Riposte smirks and raises her sabre arm. If the akuma’s not in there, Ladybug will personally hand her earrings to Hawkmoth.

“I don’t care. If he’s really the better fencer, then he’ll beat me with or without an injury.”

Reine Nuit springs into action to block Riposte’s sabre, knocking over display after display as she fights for her life. Shielding Adrien behind her, Ladybug makes a split-second decision.

“Lucky Charm!” A camera falls into her hands. “What am I supposed to do with this?”

“Better think fast, angel bug!” Reine Nuit says before promptly being kicked in the stomach and sent flying across the room. As Riposte approaches her and Adrien, Ladybug manages to cobble together a plan with the camera, Riposte, Adrien, and Reine Nuit.

“Cataclysm her sword when I say so!” she calls to Reine Nuit, who groans in response. She hands the camera to Adrien. “Looks like it’s your turn to be on the other end of the camera, model boy.”

As Riposte lunges, Adrien raises the camera and snaps picture after picture. With every snap, the camera flash reflects off Riposte’s shiny silver body, disorienting her enough for Ladybug to get a good grip on Riposte’s sword arm and pin the akumatised girl to the floor.

“Now!”

“Cataclysm!” Reine Nuit grabs the sabre in her hand and crumbles it to release the akuma. Ladybug easily captures the nasty black butterfly and purifies it, then takes the camera from Adrien.

“Miraculous Ladybug!” The ladybugs fix all the broken displays in the exhibit, then swarm up the stairs to repair the damage that Riposte had done elsewhere as Adrien gingerly tests his ankle and sighs in relief. Riposte’s silvery skin dissolves to reveal the girl in red, who stares around the room dazedly.

“What am I doing here?” she says.

“Thanks for your help, Adrien,” Ladybug says with a smile. She holds out her fist to Adrien, who looks at it like it’s the next coming of Christ.

“Pound it!” he choruses gleefully with Ladybug and Reine Nuit.

“Uh, I really gotta go,” Reine Nuit says. “See, I’m babysitting some kids, and…well, my replacement won’t be too happy that I’ve been gone this long…”

“It’s okay, pretty kitty,” Ladybug says. “I’ll take care of her.”

With a grateful nod, Reine Nuit bounds away. Ladybug approaches the girl and kneels to place a hand on her shoulder.

“Everything’s okay. How are you doing?”

“I…I don’t remember a thing after I got into my car,” the girl says.

“That’s normal. You were akumatised – turned into a supervillain by a man named Hawkmoth. He preys on negative emotions.”

“So, I let my emotions get the better of me.”

“There’s no need to beat yourself up.” Ladybug smiles at the girl. “Hawkmoth’s the one at fault here, not you. There’s no shame in being taken advantage of by a monster like him. And there’s no shame in feeling negative emotions.”

The girl’s lips barely twitch, but it’s something at least. “Thank you.”

Ladybug’s earrings beep, and her hand jerks up to cover one of them. “Oh no! I’m about to transform back!”

“I’ll escort her out,” Adrien says. Ladybug smiles.

“Thanks. Bug out!”

Once outside, she lets her transformation fall and peers out from behind a street display about the Egyptian exhibit, watching Adrien and the girl leave the Louvre. They pause in front of her red sabre, discarded from her akumatised fight with Ladybug, and Adrien bends down to pick it up and offer it back to her.

“Perhaps you’ll agree to take this back now?” he says. She reaches out to take it but then pulls her hand back.

“No. I lost. You keep it.”

“I personally think the point was yours,” Adrien argues.

“That’s not what your friend saw.”

Before Marinette knows what she’s doing, she’s running out from behind the display and up to Adrien and the girl. Adrien’s face lights up as she approaches, while the girl surveys her coolly but not with any antagonism.

“Adrien!” Marinette pulls Adrien in for a quick hug. “I was so worried! I saw the akuma – then you got attacked and Ladybug saved you – I was terrified you’d get hurt!”

“You didn’t have to follow me all the way here,” Adrien says as his cheeks grow dark pink. “Ladybug saved the day like she always does.”

Marinette smiles at him, then turns to the girl and sticks out her hand. “I wanted to apologise for earlier. I panicked and made a rushed decision, especially when I hardly know anything about fencing, so I hope we can start over. I’m Marinette.”

The girl stares at her hand for a moment before nodding and shaking it. “I’d like that. I’d also like to apologise for suspecting you of cheating and showing your friend favouritism. My name is Kagami.”

“And I’m Adrien,” Adrien says, holding out his hand for her to shake. He then offers her sabre to her again, and this time she takes it. She and Adrien then bow to each other.

“Get ready for that rematch!” she says when the red car from earlier pulls up.

“I can’t wait, Kagami,” Adrien says. Kagami nods and gets into her car, leaving Adrien and Marinette standing alone together.

“I’m sorry you won’t get to join the fencing team, Marinette,” Adrien says. “I was really looking forward to fencing some more with you. You show a lot of promise!”

“Well, I can always come along and watch sometimes,” Marinette says with a smile. “And I don’t really think that fencing is my thing. I’m glad that someone like Kagami got that spot.”

Adrien just stares at her, eyes wide as though he’s entranced. Marinette shifts and rubs the back of her neck, and the spell is only broken when Adrien’s car comes to a stop in front of them.

“Uh…do you want a ride home?” he says, shaking his head. “It’s kind of my fault you’re here, since – you know – you came to see if I was okay and all.”

“Are you sure?” Marinette says. “You must be running late for something or other. Busy schedule and all!”

“Forget the schedule,” Adrien says. “You’re my friend. You’re more important.”

Marinette smiles and approaches the car with him. He holds the back door open to let her climb in, and she waves at his thickset bodyguard as Adrien gets in beside her and shuts the door. The bodyguard doesn’t say anything, but that’s probably a good thing, since that means he doesn’t seem to have any objections about going out of his way to take her home. Once they pull up outside the bakery, Marinette opens the door and slips out.

“Thanks, Adrien,” she says when he rolls down the window. Adrien smiles back at her, and his smile warms her to her very core.

“No problem. And…thanks for being my friend, Marinette, and tagging along today even if it’s not your thing. You’re really awesome.”

Marinette gets one last glimpse of Adrien’s pink face before the window rolls up. She remains rooted to the spot with tingling at the base of her spine, blinking after the car as it drives off.

“Are you okay, Marinette?” Tikki says from inside her purse. “You look rather out of it.”

“Huh? Yeah!” Marinette shakes her head. “I’m fine!” She gets a strange look from a passer-by, forcing her to smile sheepishly and wave. The man walks off with a shake of his head, no doubt thinking that she’s totally lost it. “I’m just…wondering things.”

“Well, you might wanna wonder them inside,” the little kwami says. “People will think you’re bonkers, talking to yourself!”

“Oh, ha, ha,” Marinette says, rolling her eyes with a smile. She heads inside, surreptitiously sticking her finger in her purse to poke Tikki, then heads upstairs to call Alya and have a very long chat about the mess that is her life.

[anthonybialy]

Skipping Learning

Joe Biden should declare cheesecake burns calories.  Why not try to trick anatomies?  He already thinks tearing up bills makes them vanish.  A presidency dedicated to dividing by zero comes as close to literally buying votes as possible by announcing schools were just kidding about charging for professors and utilities.  Technical adults will soon find they can’t afford items that are missing from shelves, anyway.  Deadbeats with diplomas have absconded with useless funds.

It’s little wonder grifters don’t respect commerce.  Universities run Ponzi schemes aided and abetted by an executive chancellor whose instinct is always to bill the collective.  Discovering he can’t bribe the market will shock the incumbent despite countless examples of his previous woeful attempts at evasion.  Retaking a failed class doesn’t help for enrollees who refuse to take notes.  Biden tries to act like Santa while trying to convince permanent children he’s real.

Many undergrads major in holdups.  The chance for career growth is tremendous.  There are no other jobs for some unknowable reason.  Sophisticated contemporary bandits don’t use a gun, which liberals think means it’s not a crime.  The pilfered take of $10,000 won’t even buy the extension cord for a getaway car.

 A half-assed measure using a full ass to think ticked off both sides.  Everyone’s pleased otherwise.  Why stop at five figures?  Biden should’ve committed to the bit and said nobody has to pay for anything.  Think of the savings.  Raising the minimum wage ever higher to make everyone rich only fails because politicians don’t have the courage to order businesses to pay register operators one hundred dollars per hour.

If you’re dedicated enough to trying to get away with ripping off creditors, you could graduate and go on to be president, as well.  The proclaimer doesn’t have the authority, but at least he doesn’t have the ability to make debt disappear, either.  Someone else has to pay.  Defying the Constitution is only the start.

The Supreme Court possessing enough sense to shut down a scheme too harebrained for high school would be the luckiest thing that could happen for a president who doesn’t deserve it.  A tax hike paired with a wealth transfer to subsidize collegiate brats who learned not to settle their tabs should really put the recession in its place. The capricious order for charges to disappear will be disregarded by the economy.  I hope he’s sued by someone who paid debts and knows how both government and math work.

The impossibility of getting something for nothing is the first message that should be taught in kindergarten.  Sadly, growing up is discouraged as executive policy.  Today’s insolent youths are instructed that they’re owed advanced education through retirement age.  Qualification accumulators conclude they’re entitled to free stuff because their political science classes are that important to a functioning society.  And you say they’re unprepared for reality.

Perverse incentivizes lead to demanding others fund services used.  Organic negotiations lead to the best quality at reasonable prices.  By contrast, the president deciding who gets to dash from payment creates the opposite of free exchange.

Bizarro economics make not paying for your things a virtue.  Next, you’ll tell me letting shoplifters get away with their crimes and the elimination of cash bail turn cities into the early parts of Batman movies.  We could’ve done without a practical example of theoretical damage.

Junior high whippersnappers should be capable of noticing simple patterns.  Some of the allegedly educated lose information every academic year.  Take paying for the very schooling they consume.  A feral teen raised by wolves could grasp that college costs skyrocketed when Washington started throwing money at colleges.  In lieu of deducing how cause and effect works, the smartest amongst us sober up with grain alcohol.  It sounded smart on homecoming weekend.

The solution to tuition inflation is apparently to declare it was Monopoly money all along.  Making currency worthless helps the problem like setting a car on fire saves money on oil changes.

Victims can’t report crimes when government authorizes them.  Those issuing loans are screwed over like those who paid them off.  There are healthier ways of finding common ground.  Knowing thorough delinquents will have to suffer in the same crummy financial environment still can’t eliminate the sense that freeloading scholars are getting away with violating the honor code.

The urge to not pay for the dubious privilege of learning precisely how things don’t work makes sense in a sick way.  But smug alumni think they know everything.  Daft theories in classroom bubbles end up getting reinforced instead of punctured.

Graduates don’t gain knowledge about our world, which one might think is the point of al those credits.  Those who spend six or seven years getting a credential sheet naturally don’t think they got a good value.  The honest way to skip payment is to check the sheepskin’s back for a return policy.

The best case for going to work right after high school is the president looking the other way as educational shoplifters take classes in multiple senses.  Otherwise, you might end up as a dissolute president who still hasn’t ascertained after nearly eight decades that one should pay for what one uses.

Biden spent a lot of time in school to obtain precisely zero insight.  It’s almost like multiple useless degrees lead the recipient to never interact with the world off campus.  The permanent remedial student celebrated by moving on to the only career where actuality is denied more fervently.  Some centenarian professor should be mortified for not dissuading then-student Biden from concluding even more federal profligacy will spur prosperity.

Rewarding irresponsibility is some life lesson.  But that’s the sort of abject claptrap that Professor Biden teaches.  He’s from a very learned family, as his wife’s a doctor.  A wholly underwhelming academic carer most notorious for serving as the start of his plagiarism precedent shows that numerous semesters pretending to study don’t necessarily lead to wisdom.  Free school isn’t worth the cost.

[therealeagal]

Oh, so now being anti-social is a good thing.

“Spending all day in front of a computer/television is bad for you.” is what I oft heard when I was a whippersnapper, incredible by the standards of children but still an insolent little shit compared to the me of today, as can only be expected of young people.

And now “social distancing” - which is the most bullshit new-age bullshitery for “avoiding fuckwads” I’ve ever heard - is all the rage.

I’ve been distancing myself from society for literally decades and haven’t heard a peep about how incredible I am for my foresight.

All I hear all day, every day is how intelligent, handsome and witty I am. What an amazing writer, poet, painter, musician, actor and film director I am.

But never anything about what incredible foresight I possess.

Of course I would never mention it, since I’m such a humble person, but don’t I deserve a little respect for all of the things I have accomplished instead of just most of the things I have accomplished? Truly, mine is a life of suffering and misfortune.

I shall continue to soak up those sweet sweet mind control rays our computers pump out which the government doesn’t tell us about, virus or no virus.

Fie on you bandwagon jumpers! Fie, I say!